thee Friend how camest thou hither not having on thy Wedding-garment He sees thy heart and sees thou hast it on Oh he comes and it is but to whisper thee a welcome in thine ear it is but to fall about thy neck and kiss thy be-tear'd cheeks and bid thee a kind welcome to thy bleeding Lord. Soul Oh did I think to be thus much made of I thought he would not have minded me but I did no sooner appear and set my feet within the doors but he ran to meet me he took me in his arms he brought me hither and set me here Is this a house or is it a Palace Is this a Court for Princes or for Angels Never did place more ravish me into amazement than this place Beautiful are thy gates O Zion O how pleasant is the habitation of the most high Is it the place or the company that strikes me into astonishment Now I can say most feelingly say with David My delights are with the Saints of the most high and the most excellent of the earth Their poverty their disgrace their contempt amongst whom they live do not puzzle my quick-ey'd Faith these are the Kings Daughters that are all glorious within their garments are of needle-work imbroidered over with pure gold fine-spun gold These O these hovv poor and mean soever they are or may seem to be these shall sit vvith Christ to judg the World Oh! hovv my foul is ravished vvith delight to see and look on those with whom I shall live for ever If they are so lovely now what will they be hereafter when our God shall take them and scowr off their rust and wash their Garments bright in the Sun-shine of his countenance and change those mortal and corruptible bodies into immortal and glorious ones and set them upon Thrones about himself and lade their heads with Crowns of massy gold and when I shall hear them warbling out the everlasting Praises of the Lamb whose Body and Blood we all sit down to feed on Communion-Plate Never was Gold or Silver graced thus before To bring this Body and this Blood to us is more than to Crown Kings or be made Rings For Star-like Diamonds to glitter in The Bread Welcome Fairest take and eat 't is the sweetest dainties dearst morsel Heaven can afford thee Welcome my Dear to the Table of thy Lord. Welcome a thousand times I bid thee yea welcomer than thine own heart can wish Take eat this morsel it cost my life it 's a portion thy Father sent unto thee by me and bid me remember thee of his love to thee He bids thee remember a Fathers love I a Saviours He hath a heart to give thee and so have I. Take this in earnest of them both in one Take freely if thou wert not welcome I would have told thee I would have asked thee for thy Wedding-garment knew I not thy heart or if I were uncertain of thy love I would have scorn'd thee as unworthy of my presence did I know thou lovest any thing above me I would have hid my face and never have spoke thee a welcome so feelingly and kindly to thy soul Tell me O tell me dost thou not love me I know thou dost and above Father or Mother Wife or Child Lands or Living or Credit I know thou dost And wilt thou not take the Cross and follow me I know thou wilt I see and know the labour of thy love I remember the pains and travel of thy soul I saw thee follow me on thy knees in tears and begged my life rather than thy life I know thy heart I saw it bleeding before my Throne I took it in my arms and bound it up and in that breast I remember I put it up again I saw thee when no eye saw thee I heard thee and had compassion on thy groanings whilst thou wert complaining that I had shut out thy prayers I well remember since thy heart did first fall sick with love since the time thy flesh began to die and since thou laidst thy self in the grave down by me and wert willing to die to all this vain empty glory of the world because I died and left it I know thee well enough Thou art mine and I am thine Take it I charge thee eat it as thou lovest me and whilst thou feedest remember the love of thy dearest Redeemer Soul Oh 't is the sweetest meat that ever tongue did tast it sends a rellish to my very heart I find it digests as it deseends I feel my nerves and sinews strengthen I never knew that bread was the staff of life till now Oh how fit is my soul now for Christ How easie do I now find his yoke how light his burden Methinks I could watch or pray or read more earnestly resolvedly believingly than ever Oh! methinks I can take his Cross and bear it strongly and take the shame and despise it fully Oh 't is a feast of fat things The richest banquet of love that ever I was at it was but a little that I took and it fills me full my hungry stomack now crys 't is enough I find it now verified to my soul and spirit that he that eats of this bread shall never hunger more Well I need not starve when there is such bread in my Fathers house I need not I will not I cannot feed any longer on husks with the swine of the world I fed on air and smoak before I never tasted substantial bread till I tasted of this This is the staff of my life and upon this will I support my self to my very grave The Wine Christ Come my Dearest I have drunk and thou shalt pledg me I have broached my side and drew it on purpose for thee This is a Wine of mine own making when I trod the Winepress of my Fathers wrath It is my blood but take and drink it it was the cause of my wounding but to thy soul it shall prove healing I died and bled it was but to make this Banquet for thee I have brought thee into my Wine-cellar and my Banner over thee shall be love Fear not take and drink thou hast an ulcer in thy heart and this shall cure it spots and stains of guilt on thy soul and this shall purge them away thy spirits are faint this shall revive thee thou art afraid to see thy Fathers face this shall make thee to draw near the Throne of Grace with boldness Drink I charge thee drink on thy love and loyalty to me I command thee as thou wilt have thy heart to mend thy wounds to cure thy spirits to revive thy fears to scatter thy soul to love and obey me take O take this cup into thy hand taste it and praise my love Soul Lord I have taken I have drunk as thou hast bid me I neither could or dare deny thee Can I refuse thy blood when I have accepted thy self Or can I accept my pardon at thy hands and
daily conversant in Philosophical Exercises but did frequently meet to promote the great business of real godliness and growth in grace and to make experiments on their own hearts of that Religion they should be called to impart to others And it seems he began betimes to impart what he had received of the grace of God for not long after he had been of the Colledg he observ'd a young Scholar of good parts and a good humour but having nothing of real godliness whom he would often seek and single out and talk with to draw him off from vanity and to engage him to mind the concerns of his precious soul and as it pleased God in some short time that same Scholar fell sick unto death and upon his Death-bed sent for this young Mr. Wadsworth as his spiritual Father to whom he declar'd he was much affected with what he had formerly spoken to him in his health giving him hearty thanks for the love he had shew'd to his soul and bewailing his own folly in his formerly declining such an ones company and importuning his earnest prayers to God with him and for him Whereupon this early spiritual Father dealt freely and most compassionately with him in farther instructing and then comforting of that spiritual penitent who gave good evidence that he had a true work of grace wrought upon his heart was a new creature and died very comfortably to the great rejoicing of the instrument V. Whom we find in a piece of his own Journal or Note-book Aug. 8. 1650. on a day of Thanksgiving to God for his mercies in exalting the Throne of Christ in the Land the Vniversity and Colledg to which he did then relate recording the frame of his heart That it was pretty spiritual in the former and later part of the day but in communion of some choice Servants of Christ whom he and his Associates had invited to Supper he was exceedingly rais'd in joy so full that his mouth could not express his heart and so was another of his friends then but he observ'd that the Devil did suggest to him there was much carnalness in his joy which made him afraid though still he was persuaded there was much spiritual joy mixt with it for he adds Oh! how sweet was the Communion of Saints to me Truly it was so pleasant that I remember I wisht I could have always liv'd in that state and was loth to leave this company The next day reviewing the temper of his spirit he notes he was very freely carried out for the good of Saints Whereupon he resolv'd first to mortifie carnal joy in which he had been before immers'd in that he found it very destructive to his spiritual comfort and secondly to be more active for God in the company to select some out and discourse with them to inflame their souls in love to God in Christ and to the Children of God praying for strength thereunto from Heaven VI. The next Lords-day after he records to the exaltation of the riches of Gods grace That he appeared very clearly to him as a Father in Christ I may truly say I never found such a discovery of the mortification of carnal joy and carnal love as then when I was exceeding melted with a sense of love and with the remembrance of Gods dealings with me Further VII If any would have me distinguish 'twixt carnal love and spiritual let them first consider that spiritual love is carried out only to a Saint as the image of God appears in him now carnal love to a Saint appears when it is upon account of a sweet disposition humility meekness and loveliness of body usually accompanied with a propensity to laughter and lightness of spirit but spiritual love is accompanied with abundance of seriousness of spirit and composedness of mind as I found at that time Carnal love and carnal joy in Saints is a great rock against which they are very apt to run You shall have Saints sometimes so extasied with joy that they know not why nor for what and it is commonly in meltings of soul 'T is true there may be the spirit there working as he is often and likewise there is the flesh mixed with it therefore 't is good to consider that rapture of St. Paul carried into the third Heavens where were things unutterable There was joy with an high discovery of God but thou wast joyful and may be sawest nothing Whence may be this Inference VIII That the more discovery of God and thine own nothingness take them together the joy comming in upon such discovery is the more spiritual but the less the discovery of those things the more carnality in that joy 'T is true it is the common complaining of Saints Oh I want comforts joys discoveries of love and these they daily pray for but because they have them not so given in as they us'd to be they wonder Alas they little conceive that there is some lust some corruptions that they cherish in their bosom which supplies the room of grace and comfort and therefore note God doth or would do thee a greater kindness to subdue thy corruption than in giving thee in the comfort thou prayest for IX As to carnal love mark whether thy love to other Saints comes from discovery of grace in them or from the sweetness of their dispositions for the carriage and sweetness of their natural temper is excellent and be sure the more love doth arise from the sweetness of their natural dispositions the more that love is carnal because such is common to any carnal man And as to the effect that love which ariseth from their carriage doth decay and flag upon more familiarity with them but spiritual love decays not yea it increaseth by more acquaintance And again spiritual love to Saints is accompanied with a composedness and serenity of soul and doth not so much express it self in other outward joy as in merriness of the countenance The same may be said of that spiritual love in soul to God it is not so much carried out in joy which is external but in the inward man and the more thy love is spiritual and thy joy spiritual as to God the more it is accompanied with a discovery of self-emptiness and self-vileness and this kind of love is masculine and far more durable than that love which ariseth from the apprehensions of Gods love and a less of self-vileness These are Truths much discovered to me Aug. 12. 1650. X. On the 14th saith he I cannot but remember that being drawn out then as two or three days before for a discovery of the Majesty of God to keep me from sin I had such a strong persuasion set home upon my soul that if God should have answer'd my prayers in such a measure as I beg'd I should not have endur'd his presence for that glimpse I had then though it was but confus'd and vail'd it put me into a kind of fear And I could then say If
you in this case and mark his dealings with you herein that you may admire him When a man begins first to set his sace Zion-ward yea and afterwards when he hath made some progress in those ways the Devil doth exceedingly labour with such a soul to afflight â—im from the ways of holiness in suggesting that his former company will despise him and in these new ways there must be more strictness of life more tentations and trouble of spirit which kind of arguments will be apt to stagger such a soul very much because as yet they are but weak and have not such powerful principles infus'd into them as may make them strong enough to find the yoke of Christ easie Therefore it will be the best way for such a soul to resolve still to go on and assure himself that there are more joys to be found in God than in all his former courses and withall pray earnestly for the strengthening of inward principles in his soul and more spiritually in his heart to carry him through the strait gate with ease XXXIII This may be the temper of some souls that have had some assurance of their good estate that if afterwards some sin is set home upon their souls they are exceeding loth to dive into their own hearts which is accompanied with this slavish fear lest they should find all their former hopes to be meer flashes and that they have been in a carnally secure state even until now some have div'd into their hearts at such a time and God hath shown them some hypocrisie or selfishness in their former walkings whence they have concluded that if God had let them die in such a condition they had been damn'd and so after this discovery if they have had a clearer discovery of the baseness of their heart they have concluded the like of that estate By this kind of reasonings there are these disadvantages happen to such a soul First He can by no means make Gods former dealings with him subordinate to the innervating of his present condition and without a special work of the divine Spirit a man shall not gather any ground for his present condition Secondly By this he loseth a praising Spirit and he also deals disingenuously with God in not owning all his gracious dispensations to the soul The direction that I would give such an one should be this Let him know that the least grace is true grace Grace in the seed is as true grace as grace in the bud and grace in the bud as true as grace in the blossom Shall the blossom contemn the bud because it is not so fragrant and so flourishing or the bud the seed Oh! take heed of a non entertainment of divine Love I have had such quick checks of conscience that they have forc'd me to Duty to Prayer to Church to Chappel private Conferences and now I am afraid lest all these actions come meerly from checks and not from inward principles Of this thing if thou wouldst satisfie thy soul ask it whether thou hast not a Will contrary to this fleshly temper and it carries thee out to pray earnestly against that I mean not to the stilling of conscience but that God would discover to you that your duties came from more filial principles of love Bless then God for the quickness of conscience and press for strength to obey whatever conscience dictates to be according to right reason and the mind of God but on the other hand take heed of daubing it with any light gloss from Scripture as some species of good if thou do'st thou sinnest XXXIV Seeing that all the mercies of Saints have divine Love mingled among them Now I enjoy worldly blessings I know not whether they are given to me out of love to me says some poor Saint I Answer There be these three marks whereby a soul may see whether his earthly blessings are mingled with spiritual love First Mark whether they were given to you upon the account of prayer Did you beg them of the Lord upon your knees So that you may say all your mercies are the children of your prayers the births of your entreaties your health your meat and drink were wrestled for at a Throne of Grace After this manner did Hannah procure her son Samuel as we may read 1 Sam. Chap. 1. reflect now upon your self and see whether your outward mercies come this way if they do O how sweet and comfortable will they be to you you shall never look considerately upon them but your heart shall be warmed with the love of God Here you may say is a mercy and there is a blessing which I pull'd out of the bosome of divine Love as it were with mine own hand this child and that child this crumb of bread and that drop of drink are all pledges of Gods love to me these are divine influences and sparks of the flames of Gods loving-kindnesses What Adamantine heart would not such discoveries melt into love towards God what soul would not such chains of gold enravish which were both made and put about its neck with the lovely fingers of Christs hands What soul would not such a Cordial comfort which is compounded of love and goodness Mine heart is enravish'd within me whiles I think of this love and every thought that I have of it bespeaks admiration this is that which Angels admire and in which glorified Saints are immers'd these are the Chrystal streams which run before the throne of the Lamb every drop of which presents a jewel of inestimable price It is a thing rather to be admir'd than talk'd of here I could be content to dwell to eternity but I am call'd off to the second mark to discover this love in outward mercies and that is this Ask your soul this Question Whether it hath been drawn out in praises for that which you have received of God Can you say that you love God the more for them and do they engage you to serve God more if they do you may assure your self that Gods love is in every mercy you receive Thirdly Can you see them given to you upon the account of Christ Can you say that God loves you in Christ therefore God gives you this and that mercy this is one of the highest attainments of a Saint on this side glory This speaks fulness of comfort O! how sweet is it to see a reconciled Father hold forth his hand full of mercies to hear him come and say Child take this mercy and that mercy and when ever thou lookest upon them remember that I love thee O how pleasant is such a voice This cannot but work up the soul to love God and to breathe after God more than ever It is hard to distinguish betwixt an holy waiting upon God for the answer of our prayers and a kind of security which is apt to seize upon mens souls after prayer Now for answer consider this That waiting doth not impair breathings of
for thee and wilt thou love thy friend the worse because he shares in sorrow with thee for thou canst not but know that he came from Heaven to take to himself a Spouse on Earth and if I was one that he loved and grieved for to see my stubborn heart so hard to yield was this the cause he wanted beauty Oh such a want as this is lovely and methinks my heart could have cleaved the closer to him There was no beauty or comeliness in him and what of that my ugly and deformed soul deserves more loathing my righteousness the comeliest part about me is but rags or a menstruous cloth if there were no more desirableness in him than in me Oh had I loved him then and left all for him it were no wonder but that he should love me I rather stand amazed There was no beauty in him it may be so but could it be otherwise expected from him who came to work in fire and smoke who came to quench the flames of Hell and to satisfie Gods wrath and justice to pull out filthy souls from the jaws of lustful sensual flesh and blood it was not beauty but strength that was here needful A glance of an amorous eye would not have wounded Satan and made him fall from Heaven like a flash of Lightning A comely countenance could not have inchanted and unbar'd Hell-gates and made them fall and break before him into shatters What need a fair hand to touch our filthy rotten souls and take them up in menstruous blood and wash them clean or what need such clean hands to clasp about the rusty iron gates wherein I and all the world lay bound in chains and to pull them down to take our cankered bolts and knock them off to take us by the hand to help us up and lead us out Alas there needs no such eye face or hand for such a work It is powerful all-conquering strength that is here required It was a powerful victorious arm that here was needed and such a one he had But what should he do with a beauteous body that must be so abased and abused as his was an uncomely face will serve where it must be spit on What must he do with a fair soft delicate tender hand which must be pierced another kind of hand is good enough to knock a nail into And what needs his body be of a clear white thin transparent skin will not any serve that body that must be bruised and wounded as his was nay as it was necessary his should be But why thus necessary either he must be thus dealt with or else my sin cannot be pardoned Either he must be despised of men or I must be of God Oh he must drink up this bitter cup with all its dregs or else I must have drunk it up my self It was I that sinned and I must have suffered this cursed proud and earthly heart of mine rebelled and broke the Laws and should have suffered and born the punishment had not he stept in and born the stroke off from me I had been now burning in everlasting flames and have been lingering out this time in torment which I am now spending in the sweet thoughts of my escape And is not this all true speak out my soul hath not the Prophet said as much Surely saith he he hath born our griefs and carried our sorrows he was wounded for our transgressions he was bruised for our iniquities the chastisement of our peace lay upon him and by his stripes we are healed All we like sheep are gone astray we are every one turned to his own way and the Lord hath laid upon him the iniquities of us all He was oppressed he was afflicted yet he opened not his mouth he was brought as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before the shearers was dumb so he opened not his mouth He was taken from prison and judgment and who shall declare his generation for he was cut off from the land of the living And for the transgression of my people was he smitten Thou seest thy debt and thy Saviours payment of it these are no fictions thou hast just now read a sure word of Prophecy that hath confirmed it Those wounds those stripes those bruises which thou readest of he bore for thee and which were due to thee It was thou that shouldst have been led from prison to judgment from prison to the Judgment-seat of the great God who should have sat as Judg he should have arraigned thee sentenced thee and have sent thee to the slaughter-house of Hell where thou shouldst have been weeping and wailing and gnashing of thy teeth But Oh amazing love and grace the Son of God that loved me better than his life stept off his Throne and took my nature on him and became a man like to me only sin excepted he came and bid me comfort my trembling heart he would put himself in my condition and become the prisoner and if my sin would cost his life he would freely part with it Methinks I feel my bowels turn my spirits melt within me was ever love like to his love he was a stranger to me why did he not let me die It was his Father I did wrong why did he not let me suffer What if my punishment was as great as Hell surely I did deserve it What if my pains and screeches were eternal Ah! I was a creature a worm a fly a nothing to him and what need he have cared but he loved me and could he love a prisoner at the Bar I was a sinner a vile polluted one methinks he should have loathed me but he did wash thee and make thee clean again I but I was his Fathers enemy and so no friend to him or would he love an enemy or did he not know so much but how could that be when he saw my heart and the enmity that was in it yes he did and yet he loved thee even while we were enemies he died for us But why did he love an enemy or how could he do it I know not why it is past my reason to imagine it Oh inexpressible love Oh love past thought I cannot fathom thee with my reason thy ways are unaccountable he loves because he will love And though his love displeaseth us yet it pleaseth him to love us What ails my heart I cannot find it stir What dead under the reviving thoughts of thy dearest Redeemer I just now said he loved thee though an enemy and when thou lovedst not him I see the enmity is not quite remov'd thou canst not love him yet Arise shake up thy self and look about thee thou dost not sure see thy mercy surely thou understandest not what thou oughtest to understand Come away Oh come away lift up thy drowsie head I will make thee look and love while I set thee all on burning and make thee ere I leave thee confess thou lovest him Think think Oh my soul
you come to ground Ye glorious Angels and ye blessed spirits of just men made perfect that live above you that have been wading downward these five thousands of years do ye feel a bottom or are ye near one Away away my foolish heart if this be all thou hast to plead he may redeem thee and take thee for his Spouse and betroth thee to himself notwithstanding all this Object But Oh this filthy loath some fleshly self this base unthankeful earthly heart that can prefer a dunghill dross and dirt before him that can freely lay out his love to a creature like my self But Oh how hard and stiff and unrelenting am I to my God But Oh he will slight me because I have often put him off and slighted him he cannot love and die for such a one as I am Answ Cease fool thy reasonings he cannot love an enemy because thou canst not he cannot die because thy cowardly heart will not suffer thee Why should he fear the grave that had power over it And what though thou art unworthy of his love if he will have thee and make thee worthy Thy heart is base and what of that if he will mend it thy filthy rotten and polluted soul he intends to wash and cleanse it till it is without spot and wrinkle or any such thing Thy stubborn proud earthly and lustful heart he can make humble tender soft and yielding And when he hath made thee as he would why may not he take thee to himself and lay thee next his heart and delight over thee everlastingly Object But will his Father yield to this I am too poor a match for the Son and heir of all things But will he can he suffer his Son to die to buy such a beggarly thing to himself as I am Answ Away these silly simple childish thoughts how like an inhabitant of this earthly sensual world dost thou reason thou wilt not under-match and therefore will not God his Son Thou fool thou wilt not because thou canst find another equal But dost thou not know that God can find none equal to his Son he must stoop or else go without It 's true he might have gone without but what if he would not why should not Heaven have its will as well as thou Thou hast no dowry and he doth need none and yet thou arguest as if Heaven would make traffick with his Son and his love as we filly worms do here but we are beggars and so are Angels and all the glorious Hosts above they are his Creatures hang and depend upon him and cannot subsist one moment happy without supplies and helps of his Grace and why may he not bring a beggarly man as near to himself as a beggarly Angel if so it pleaseth him Object But doth it so please him Answ How often have I told thee it doth please him and hast thou not believed Come if thy hearing will not satisfie let thy seeing do it Look if thou hast eyes Come tell me doth not Heaven look as though it was pleased with the offer of his Son What cloud or darkness dost thou see about the Throne what sign or token of displeasure canst thou at all discover Open thine eyes view the God of Glory Do his looks bespeak him to be thy Father or thy Judg And canst thou not read both Husband Father and Lord and all in his countenance What not see it surely thou art blind If he had not told as much from his own mouth his eyes and looks bespeak his love and favour loud and clear enough to thee But doth he not tell thee to put thee out of all doubt this is my well beloved Son hear him hear him what 's that believe him whatsoever he says why what saith he O dull and stupid heart hast thou forgot already He said he will pay his life for thine and doth not his Father bid thee hear him He said he would reconcile thee love thee and make thee friends again And is it not comfort when the Father bids thee believe him he said he will pardon wash and cleanse thee and take thee to himself and betroth thee to him for ever and after all will give thee to see his Glory even the same Glory which he had before the world And the Father is willing to all this for he tells thee his Son is his well-beloved Son and bids thee believe him and misdoubt not one syllable And canst thou after all this doubt that the Father is not willing But do not his Angels likewise who are ministring spirits with voice and looks proclaim as much that Heaven is well pleased with the Son and with his Death and Passion and so with thee in him Do not the Angels admire the mystery of Redeeming Grace that makes them so desirous to peep into it Why did they proclaim his coming into the world and sing for joy that there was good-will in Heaven to men on earth or why do they so diligently attend thee by night and by day Thou seest them not keep guard about thy Chamber-door and round about the curtains of thy bed Why do they attend thee from room to room and follow thee down stairs and out of doors if it were not but that thou art some great Princess nearly allied to their Lord and Master Thou dost not see this blame then thine eyes and the infidelity of thy heart shall it be less true because thy base infidelity cannot digest it Thou might doubt God Heaven and every thing else on that score but hast thou not it from his own mouth that the Angels are ministring spirits for the heirs of glory Come tell me I say tell me quickly I must have an answer Can this and all this be true and Heaven yet not be pleased If God with his Son and Angels be all content that thou shouldst be restored and so exalted to such dignities as to be heir unto the Crown of Heaven if these be pleased who is there in Heaven that can else be displeased What saith my heart what not yet one word Oh how long shall I be troubled and pestered with thy unbelief Oh my God strike chide and break this flint reprove this stubborn and unbelieving heart I cannot perswade it that thou lovest me or art willing to love me I urge thy word and my best reason to prove it but I cannot make it yield Oh break I pray thee this Flint or Adamant upon thy downy breast of love strike and one blow of thine will make it fall in pieces and confess at length that thou art well pleased with thy Son and fully satisfied that he should bleed and die for me But let me try thee once again if thou hast lost thine ears and eyes I 'le see if thou hast lost thy feeling too Thou sayest thou canst not believe that God is willing to accept the Son for thee or that thou so vile a wretch canst be accepted of by the Father
WADSWORTH's Remains BEING A COLLECTION Of some few MEDITATIONS With respect to the LORDS SUPPER Three Pious LETTERS when a young Student at Cambridg Two Practical SERMONS much desired by the Hearers Several Sacred Poems and private Ejaculations By that late Eminent Minister of the Gospel Mr. THOMAS WADSWORTH With a PREFACE containing several Remarkables of his Holy LIFE and DEATH from his own Note-book and those that knew him best Heb. 13.7 Remember them which have the rule over you or are the guides to you who have spoken unto you the word of God whose faith follow considering the end of their conversation Aliud est locis communibus laudare defunctum aliud desuncti proprias narrare virtutes Hieronimâ—s in vitâ Hilarionis LONDON Printed for Tho. Parkhurst at the Bible and Three Crowns in Cheapside near Mercers-Chappel 1680. THE CONTENTS OF THE PREFACE THE Introduction Sect. 1. His Birth and Youth Sect. 2 3. His Life at the Vniversity Sect. 4. His thankefulness to God and resolution from experience Sect. 5 His experimentally differencing 'twixt carnal and spiritual love and joy Sect. 6 7 8 9. His experience upon the discovery of the Divine Majesty Sect. 10. His check to the lightness of his spirit Sect. 11. Observation about doubting and examining Christians Sect. 12 13. About a multitude of sins Sect. 14. About Security Sect. 15. Mortification Sect. 16 17. Rising of pride in the heart Sect. 18. Living above Duties Sect. 19. About a dull and dead state Sect. 20. And enjoyments Sect. 21. Concerning self-abasement and the exercise of humility in speaking Sect. 22. And the shunning of pride Sect. 23. The frame of his spirit in prayer with some special cases about prayer Sect. 24 25 26 27 28 29. About raisedness and dejection removing Objections Sect. 30 31. About carnal reasonings and Satans suggestions Sect. 32. 33. Of Gods love in outward mercies and waiting Sect. 34. Of not meeting God in Ordinances Sect. 35. Of mourning for others sins and praying for mortification of a particular corruption Sect. 36. Of his Call to Newington Sect. 37 38. His observing the fruit of his Ministry Sect. 39. His recommending Catechising Sect. 40. His unwearied and seasonable industry at and removal from Newington Sect. 41. His Lecturing and Preaching in London and ejection at Laurence Poultney Sect. 42. His holy prudent and cheerful conversation with a Case or two about merriness and tentations therein Sect. 43 44 45 46 47. Of raising Christian affections Sect. 48. And outward mercies Sect. 49. Of his Sabbath Sanctification Sect. 50. Of his affections to and prayers for his Relatives with thankefulness Sect. 51. Of his respect to his people and charity Sect. 52. Of his Marriages and Children Sect. 53. Of his Sicknesses Sect. 54. Of his last Sickness Sect 55 56 57 58 59. His Death Sect. 60. His Works formerly published Sect. 61. And his Remains with the Conclusion Sect. 62. SECTION I. TO the Publication of these Remains of that Man of God Mr. Thomas Wadsworth a large Preface of his holy Life and Death would have been acceptable but a Melchior Adam well instructed with materials cannot readily be found who might in a proper stile give him his due Yet as an Addition to what hath been already written by Mr. Bragge in a Sermon and an Epistle to it upon his Funerals by Mr. Baxter and Mr. Parsons Prefactory to the two last Sermons he himself Preached to his people it may not be amiss to acquaint the world II. That he was born of honest Parents Decemb 15. 1630 in the Parish of Saviours or Mary Overees Southwark But it seems whiles an Infant he had such a dangerous Thrush in his Throat that the Milk taken into his mouth not having a right passage came out at his Nose and he was grown so weak within the mouth that they even gave him over for dead Yea the nurse having him on her knee thought to have laid him out as a dead corpse only staid till after Dinner in which space she thinking he had expir'd with a groan he gave a Keck whereupon she presently put her finger into his throat and pull'd out a core which being remov'd open'd a free passage for the breast-milk in this weakness his Parents seeking God earnestly â—or his life did dedicate him to the Ministry if capable as Hannah did her Samuel to the Lord. When his Mother to whom he did evermore shew himself very obedient and of whose tenderness he would speak with thankfulness to the last someâ—imes towards her latter end would say He had â—ost her more pains in bearing and nursing than any â—f her other Children He would say pleasantly â—et far from any conceitedness but with an hearty â—cknowledgment of her motherly love and kindâ—ess Ah Mother when you brought forth me you â—â—ought a great Soul into the world They that knew him best had abundant proof that he really was such an one He did timely shew himself to be an ingenious and apt Scholar in the Free-school of that place of his Nativity where the strict and skilful Master encourag'd by his Fathers liberality found him every way ready to receive instruction till about the 10th year of his age he was fitted for Academical Studies When upon his Fathers frequent converse with the Reverend and Pious Dr. Samuel Bolton then the famous Lecturer of the Parish and the worthy Master of Christ-Colledg in Cambridg who had often examin'd him at his Fathers house and found him not only very Religiously dispos'd but well accomplisht with School-learning He was then remov'd to that Colledg under the Tutoridg of him who was afterwards Dr. Outram who had a great value for him as long as he liv'd III. Before he went to the Vniversity he shew'd himself to be one of a tender conscience for when a Boy having took a fair Tulip out of anothers Garden and given it to his Father who sometime after askt him where he had it upon his Father's admonition and his own acknowledgment of his youthful folly as Augustine did his 't was often after a great trouble to his spirit and did keep him humble and watchful So early did he begin to startle at the committing of the least sin For on a Lords-day going into the Work-house in his Fathers yard and there a little loitering he heedlesly clapt his hand on a Tenter-hook and tore his hand much Whereupon he resolv'd no more to mis-spend his time on the Lords-day but to addict himself wholly to the Religious Observance of it which resolution he was known to keep strictly ever after both at home and abroad IV. When at the Vniversity he made good Proficiency in that learning which might make him mostly instrumental for the winning of Souls to Christ that being mainly design'd by him in the service of his generation In order to which we find this young Student early associating with an honest Club of Scholars of his own and other Colledges as were not only
God had not mixed a discovery of Love with Majesty I could not have been able to endure the sight of his glory Therefore it is the best way for a soul in this case to beg earnestly for a discovery of Love and Majesty leaving it to the wise God who knows how to compound these together for the comfort and establishment of his Saints to measure out the degrees of them Oh! I cannot I cannot but admire the greatness and goodness of God and the poorness and meanness of the creature and I can set my seal to that truth That They know not what to ask aright XI That Afternoon going to a friend with whom we met some others who discours'd of the aspersions which carnal men cast upon our meetings calling us Blockheads Sots despisers of learning mine heart did fly out into vanity in laughing at such things which should rather have drawn out my soul to mourning and sighing to consider how my God whom I professed so much love to should be dishonoured by wicked men After which being come home I was dead in prayer which I lookt upon as a check to the lightness of my spirit Yet before I went to bed God did as eminently raise me and draw me out in meltings for that forementioned vanity that I could not but say the Spirit of God helped me with sighs and groans unutterable for mine heart was so full that I could not utter it in words I was very much humbled and truly I may say to his honour God did lift up my soul in a great measure above mine humiliation so that I lookt upon it as nothing but as given in upon the account of Christ Oh my soul Praise the Lord XII It is very natural for young Converts to think they are never better than when doubting and calling their state in question Ah! poor souls let me ask you what do you get by these vexatious Questions If they come with power they terrifie and then those that have them desire heartily they might be off again instance O. Again what assurance of Gods love and comforts to your souls do you get by them If thou say'st thereby thou shakest off security Let me tell thee that in shunning that rock thou fallest upon one as bad For in cherishing of such doubts thou cherishest unbelief And I dare say there is no sin doth more vail that mystery of Justification of God in Christ reconciling the world unto himself than unbelief We are to live upon Christ above all fears and are not to cherish a doubt any more than a temptation XIII Object But you 'l say What use should we then make of the examination of our hearts Answ This should be the Vse By it learn thine own misery that by the sight of it thou maist the more exalt Free-grace For this is the great mystery of the Gospel to exalt the love and free grace of God In order to which mans self must be abased Now by this abasement is not meant a sorrowful troubled and vexatious temper but such an one as is joined with humility and for tears sobs and sighs they are but accidental or rather a consequent of this Humiliation and self-abasement and not essential Wherefore you shall observe that your highest Christians they can live cheerily and yet enjoy abundantly more of God than a doubting Christian Be careful therefore of being too solicitous for troubles of spirit XIV There is another miscarriage in Saints which keeps them from a full closing with Christ and that is the multitude of their sins If think they my sins bad been but petty sins I could have gone to Christ but they are aggravated sins against love I have had hard thoughts of God blasphemous risings of heart against God such had O. who after this manner reasoned I answer That thou lookest upon Gods pardoning of sins with too carnal an eye and thinkest that in this he is like to man that because it is hard to man who is unwilling to put up the third offence as he hath done the first and second therefore it is so to God Alas this is a most gross mistake wherefore know as there be no degrees of hatred in God who is infinite so God is as fully angry at one sin as at ten thousand and may as soon punish a man for one as for a million because he who is absolutely perfect admits no degrees of love or hatred Therefore when thou lookest upon thy self as offending love as sinning against mercy eye God as making the Covenant of Grace in Christ immediately and to thee in Christ and from that aspect thou maist draw this Inference That though I change yet God cannot change For the Covenant of Grace stands firm still for he with whom God made it taking in that which some call the Covenant of Redemption stands as firmly as himself and so unmovable Whereupon my state is firm by virtue of that Covenant Now this consideration is very rational for if God made his Covenant immediately with us every time we should sin God must renew his Covenant for we should lack still a New Mediator but saith God I have made an everlasting Covenant with you which is upon the consideration of an ever-standing Christ XV. If you would know whether there be security mixed with your Faith and your dependance upon God as for the welfare of your soul 'T will be a good way to put this Question to the soul Whether it could trust God with its body in case of exigency Suppose thou didst want outward sustinence suppose God should call thee out to lay thy body at the stake for him For this is very common to Saints they can find in themselves that they do fully resign up their souls to God yet in the proposals of such cases they will find their faith begin to stagger Wherefore if thou findest thy self in this case to doubt trust God And assure thy self that he who hath drawn out thy soul in dependance as for the one will also do it for the other See as to this case Psal 78. and compare the condition of the Israelites to thine and see whether thou couldest have believed God in those things which they did not XVI Sometimes Saints are still and quiet as to the risings of corruptions as passions viz. anger c. and think it is mortified because it 's still upon applying of the soul to the blood of Christ yet if so be that particular corruption do afterwards rise again they are apt to conclude that sin was not mortified Answ Yet first we may conclude That mortification and the rising of corruption are not wholly inconsistent but may be in the same subject in different degrees For this is certain that corruptions cannot be totally subdued in this life If thou saist Why may they not be totally mortified as to the risings of them as well as for a time For I remember they were still as to the risings of them
for a time Answ Thou hadst better conclude that thou wast blind rather as to the discovery of them than that they did not at all rise at that time But for more narrow search into this case consider whether thy corruptions now rising are resisted by thee more than they were before if so conclude then the mortification of them Secondly It is not best in this case to ask the question too deeply whether they were mortified before because the Devil hereby will take advantage of the soul to vex it but rather apply thy self to Christ by new acts of faith as to the mortificationof them XVII Often times souls are puzled in their enquiries into the mortification of corruptions and know not what to conclude of them For if they look upon their hearts they find corruptions either bubling and rising up and impetuous or else they are still If rising that makes against the mortification of them if they rise not they are apt to conclude they are rather still than mortified To resolve such a soul I think it is best for it to look upon that in the soul which is opposite to sin and to examine whether there is greater love to God in him whether he loves Saints more and is more desirous that his sins should be mortified than formerly If he find these things in him he may conclude that his sins are in a greater measure mortified For sins and grace or love to God are like two scales and if you can but discover that grace is higher or your love and breathings are greater you may conclude that sin is lower and mortified XVIII On Saturday August 17 1650. He records I was exceedingly troubled with risings of a proud heart and on Sabath-day in the morning I found the like accompanied with envying against the raisements of other Saints as if I would have none higher than my self Yea and in the afternoon was exceeding troubled with lightness of spirit so that I could scarce forbear laughing at Church and after when I came home for one of Trinity being with me I was fain to leave him in the Chamber and enter my Study lest I should betray the nakedness of mine heart Oh cursed heart But for this spiritual distemper mine heart was suddenly troubled and I had just such a sorrow as if I had lost some outward friend and I did exceedingly take on in mourning for my folly XIX On the 22d following I had an ingenuous melting possest my soul on a sudden reflecting upon my want of discovery of the love of God these three or four days and the day following I was in a pretty good frame of spirit Whereupon I came to consider if a man would know whether he lives above all his duties let him see whether or no in a search after Sanctification he doth not lay more stress upon one duty than another For this Souls are very apt to do especially on those duties which are extraordinary As for instance if thou keepest a private fast with some other Christians or else prayest at some part in the day different from the seâ—-times or prayest more times a day than ordinary either by thy self or with other Christians or such times as those above praying at the Chappel if thou dost it is a sign that there is a tincture of self-dependence Therefore it is the best way to make an equal conscience of them all as for performance of them and look on them all with the same eye and say that thou art unprofitable in them all And that thou maist attain to this temper after every duty examine what vanity of thoughts what formality in spirit thou hadst in the doing of them that thou maist see they are all nothing without Christ XX. What should I do in a dull and dead state Answ 1 Double the watch over thine own heart aâ—d affections it is common to see a soul dead and careless 2 Labour to strengthen faith in the Promises of Gods love and willingness to receive souls The Parable of the Prodigal and that if a child aâ—k his father bread will he give him a stone c. should be consider'd 3 Make this improvement of thy present deadness to humble thy soul and see thine own vileness that thou shouldst abuse such riches of grace as it may be thou hast done and by that sin shouldst cause that deadness Take heed of slighting the deadness of your heart if you do you grow careless of Gods anger for deadness is a sign that God is angry XXI What should a man do in enjoyments Answ It is common for such souls presently to grow so confident of themselves as to let go their watch and so oftentimes are betray'd by their enemies 1 Be then as earnest for the enjoying of more of God when thou art raised as thou wast to enjoy any thing of God when thou wast not Let not a discovery of love stop thy breathing Saints often sit down here and so fall back again 2 Seek to redouble thy faith to make it stronger than ever for time will be that thou maist have use of it 3 Labour to humble thy self under thine enjoyments Let not the thoughts of Sonship dry up thine eyes but be sure the more of self-abhorrency the more evidence of thy Sonship XXII On Saturday the 5th and Sabbath-day the 6th of Octob. 1650 He records The Lord humbled me much in the sight of unworthy dealings with God and I may say God was in me of a truth this grace was then so lively in me that I prest it much to the company But yet Oh wretched heart before I came out of the company that night I was taken with a violent passion of pride and anger Yet by this fall I may bless my God God humbled me more than I was before yea and it caused me to have more contemptible thoughts of my self than ever Whereupon we find this sell-abasing Christian student to set down how he may get the victory over head-strong Passions when he adds Humility of spirit is attainable by getting quick and sprightful apprehensions of self weakness to grace and discovering the evil of a carnal heart which may be discern'd in spiritual duties by its sallying often into the world and much suspected when it is readier to close with a promise of God that speaks comfort than with a command of God which speaks obedience Oh! pray against such a distemper as savours of self seeking and labour to get holy Principles such as love to God to be the spring of all thy words actions and walkings and then thou maist take comfort in them for if any other humility which is carnal be found prevailing in thee it will argue hypocrisie There is so much pride in men naturally that when God begins to work upon the soul he finds no greater an enemy to it than pride and of nothing more do Saints complain than it which makes them unfit for any company any discourse and therefore
in the blood of Jesus for the pardoning of that sin and strength against it If not we may very well suspect that we did not resolve in the strength of Christ XXVII Says a poor Saint I have gone to prayer many a time and have been exceeding low and have pray'd with much carelesness just as if I were talking or telling a tale What shall I do in such a case Answ First That neither raisedness nor flatness in prayer is the reason why God heareth thee And therefore consider That in prayer thou art to approach a God-mediating a God-man and not a meer creature but thus thou dost if thou thinkest God will not hear thee except God raiseth thee thou makest raisedness the ground of thine acceptance which is but a meer created being as all other graces are Oh! Take heed then of depending upon Ashur say Ashur shall not help me but on the Lord will I depend Secondly Consider this for thy corafort that though thine heart is straitned here on earth towards God and in mourning as to thine own vileness yet Christs bowels are not in heaven straitned towards thee He is not so capable of mutability as thy condition Though thou losest thy first love yet he is the same yesterday to day and for ever Thirdly Consider that 't is Christs Intercession and pleading with his Father for thy prayer and not thy raisedness that is the ground of the return of thy prayer The consideration of Gods former dealings and dispensations of love is a good argument to move God in prayer when a soul is at a loss for love now or for strength or when God seems to hide himself as to the answering of thy request to say Lord why art thou so strange to me now Time was that thou borest me as a lamb in thy bosom and carriedst me into thy banqueting house and feedest me with love Time was that thou enravished'st my soul with a glance of thine eye what is become of thy former love hast thou shut up thy tender mercies in wrath see the Psalmist thus pleading in Psal 77. XXVIII I have been in such a temper that I have found mine heart in prayer even contradicting my tongue If for mortifying of pride in parts in learning mine heart hath been ready to say to its self that there could be no joy except in exaltation of self as good to have no learning as not to delight in it and applaud self by it truly this hath been the language of mine heart But I bless my God that he hath given me a joy and that above all that joy which creatures can possibly afford It was my non-experience of Gods love to me it was for want of spiritual enravishments that mine heart became so vain in its imaginations Oh that I could magnifie my God for this his love and goodness Again I have been sometime so carnal that I have even thought that there could be no Feaven more sweet pleasant and desirable than that which might be made up of created beings as to enjoy pleasures and never to be tired with them to please my taste in feeding and never be weary of feeding to hear the most sweet and melodious musick and never weary of hearing to delight mine eye in seeing and never be weary of seeing Thus have I delighted my soul with foolish imaginations as they soon appeared to be when God pluckt off these earthly and sensual scales from mine eyes He shew'd me more true joy in a smile of his reconciled countenance than in a Paradise made up of all the sweetest flowers which may grow in Natures garden can possibly afford me Magnifie the Lord Oh my soul and all that is within me praise his holy name For he hath been better to me than ten thousand worlds I will rejoice in thee so long as I have a being Oh my soul praise the Lord XXIX At sometimes it is hard for a man after the committing of some sin to believe that sin is pardoned and withall to mourn for it And it 's grounded on this thinks the soul what should I mourn for that which is not Answ Fear and sorrowing for sin may well be consistent with closing with a promise by faith for the taking away of guilt Observe therefore that the freeness of grace and the fulness of a promise ought no way to take off a Saints watchfulness over sin and the mourning for sin Further consider although God pardons the sin yet he ceaseth not to hate sin therefore mourn for sin because it offends him Again it is difficult for a man to think that he hath acted faith upon God for pardon of a sin when he hath not in prayer against that sin felt himself raised or his heart melted As for example after thou hast sinned whether in letting thine heart rove upon worldly businesses when thou hast been in duty at Church c. and apprehending it to arise from a carnal soul coming home thou goest to God by prayer to beg a pardon of that sin and for spiritual strength to subdue it and observing in that prayer that thine heart is not raised either in love to God or breathings after the discovery of love or else that thine heart is not melted for that sin in such a case it is hard for thee to conclude with thy self that thou hast acted faith upon Jesus Christ for the pardon of that sin For Answer I confess it is a difficult case but yet the soul may be exceedingly deceived in it Therefore it is good for such a soul to mark this that notwithstanding his present indisposition or blindness as to the discovery of pardon yet in a secret manner he may have pardon given in and hereby you shall know it That if God do afterwards a week or a month or more deaden and crucifie that corruption for thee thou maist conclude thou didst act faith in that application of thy soul to God The reason is clear because actings of faith do always accompany true Faith The instance of this is plain in Hannah she went to God to beg a Son 1 Sam. 1.7 10. And when she had done she knew not whether or no God would answer as appears from vers 11 12. but in the latter end of ver 9. we read that the Lord remembred Hannah And another example of this we have in Cornelius Act. 10.2 'T is said He was a devout man and one that feared God and pray'd to God alway And yet we read not that Cornelius knew that his prayers were accepted until the Angel came and said to him vers 4. Thy prayers and thine alms are come up for a memorial before God Hence the Inference is clear That God may hear a soul and see him acting faith for a mercy when as perhaps the soul that prays could never judg of it himself But it may be objected 'T is true God may hear a soul and the soul not discover it but as for acting of
of his Father but March 25. 1672 he follow'd his Mother Upon the loss of him then his only child whom he greatly affected his mournful but religious Father set a fair copy to others of much Christian patience and submission to thei will of God He had staid three years a Widower from the death of his second and then Decemb 14. 1670 took to his third Wife with the good liking of her Parents Anna sole Daughter to Colonel Henry Markham one of an ancient Family and a Gentleman of his Majesties Privy Chamber By whom he had first Anna then Hester afterwards Thomas and lastly Nathaniel all these four he left alive but this last Son when he was about a year and an half old departed this life to go and rest with his Father gone about a twelve-month before LIV. It seems this famous servant of Christ was in Decemb. 1672 well nigh four years before his death by some illness at Theobalds admonisht of his frailty and being come to London as to preach his usual course so also to advise with a Physician for his health upon those symptoms were then upon him during which time in his house at Pickle-Herring he was suddenly surpriz'd with a kind of fainting fit that occasion'd some failure of spirits and sweatings which did a little startle him Hereupon by and by he call'd for a Candle went up stairs and retir'd himself into a private room not permitting either his Wife or Sister then to accompany him but addrest himself to God alone as one summon'd by him it might be shortly to appear before him Then after a while return'd to his dear Wife c. upon his coming down they observ'd an admirable raisedness of spirit in him who then greatly blessed God for a cold sweat and a trembling pulse which had occasion'd him to look more narrowly within where finding all well to his great comfort he behav'd himself as one that was not afraid then of an arrest to Judgment We find him indeed in his Memorials upon a former sickness from March 6th till the 16th recording I was cast into a fit of sickness God brought me into a wilderness but spake kindly to me He afflicted me but for a moment About a week after he adds I was exceeding well much melted having an eye open'd to see God in prayer by faith as if I spoke to any of my familiars This humble confidence of going to God as his Father was rais'd as he elsewhere where notes from discoveries of mortification and purity in heart And besides this he lays it down afterwards That Nothing speaks Adoption fuller than the discoveries of Gods love either to the answering thy prayers with reference to mortification and strength in grace or comfort Joh. 15.15 And adds The readiest way to come to spiritual disveries of the Mystery of the Gospel-promise is to do the commands of God Joh. 7.17 He was a sincere doer of Gods will and such God heareth LV. When in perfect health he would be thoughtful of changes and therefore would often pray that God would prepare him and his for sickness death and parting About half a year before his last sickness when he had exceeding sharp pain he said He would not have been without it to have been without those joys he felt by it Being resolv'd to leave his more expensive habitation at Theobalds to live in Southwark nearer to his old charge It seems the Family and Friends talking somewhat cheerfully of their removal his Eldest Daughter Anna then a Child betwixt four and five years old said unexpectedly What if my Father should go to London and die He was so apprehensive of a dying hour that he said after His Girl whom he had a great love for was a true Prophetess 'T was about three weeks and odd days before he died that he came to his house at Pickle Herring Stairs having preacht the first of those two last Sermons published on the eighth of October and the last on the 15th 1676. The next day following he was chearful in the morning but then afterwards that day his pains came upon him he possessed his own soul in more than ordinary patience And was not willing to confult a Doctor till the 24th after a week of extream pain night and day then with great importunity he was prevail'd with to send for one in great reputation for skill and practise Who conceiv'd at the first visit that it was the Stone not questioning at all but that he would do well notwithstanding This was on the Tuesday Octob. 24th That night after he slept well whereupon with a thankful heart to God he told some of his friends how he had been carried through Saying I am like a man who had gone over a precipice and looking back trembled to see the danger he had past through For saith he when I was in pain God supported me and now I stand amaz'd how I got through it He indeed did use often to say when he had seen others in great pain he was afraid of dying i. e. of the antecedent pains he might pass through but he was not afraid of being dead He knew full well that Death which was the dissolution of his soul and body would only open the passage to his soul to be for ever with the Lord. LVI On Wednesday 25th he rose pretty cheerful and spent some time in reading but after dinner his pains return'd again when he began to complain of sin saying Ah! vile sinner God is carrying me back again into the Wilderness to afflict me expressing some sorrow of heart but without any murmurring Then he bid his Wife to read the 88 Psalm by that time she had done Justice Reading and some other friends came to visit and condole with him Afterwards about seven of the Clock that night came in his second Wifes Brother Mr. W. Gibb's going for Bristol the next morning and his dear Wife Mrs. Sarah Gibbs who greatly respected and dearly loved this choice Servant of the Lord she indeed was a gracious Woman of a most sweet temper a choice one of his dear flock who since went to rest with him her faithful Pastor in glory Jan. 27. 1679 These were discoursing about his taking a Countrey-house nearer to London than Theobalds To which he replyed with much composure of spirit Yea God will provide me a Countrey meaning an Heavenly one Then his former Wifes Son Thomas Sharp 〈◊〉 about to go to Sea and come into the room He told him It was not likely they two should meet again here Whereupon he gave him with tears a most Pathetical Exhortation to mind his souls spiritual and eternal welfare and to serve God holily righteously and soberly in this present world which shew'd his great and conscientious solicitude for the real happiness of this young man committed to his charge The night after his great pains did again return with much acuteness And LVII On Thursday morning 26th he had sharp pains
although Men's wanton fancies would not have it so But by God's Post attempt to set their own As if that were too weak to stand alone 'T was not Event but Duty which his Eye Fixt as the measure to be guided by His Courage in this warfare was so great Nothing could ever force him to retreat But still he kept his ground as who should say If I lose that I also lose the day Therefore let Enemies do what they can My fear of God hath drown'd the fear of Man Thus did he sow in tears till now at last To him this low'ring stormy season 's past And his full sheaves of Glory make amends For light afflictions with what far transcends He liv'd belov'd and dy'd bewail'd and such Wh ' enjoy'd him most enjoy'd him not too much His Body's Earthen-vessel henceforth must Be laid up silent in its native dust Until that matter when the Trump shall sound Start with another form out of the ground He walks in his uprightness but the sense Of this his sleep should make our Diligence That when with Christ the Judg among the train Of Saints and Angels he shall come again Then in that General Assembly we May sing these Sion-songs eternally S. O. Not worthy to unloose The Latchet of his Shooes To the Reader on the Picture and Book HERE you may see some Lines of Wadsworth's face More of his thinking pow'r sublim'd by Grace His Sacramental thoughts in Prose are sweet His Sermons lively Fancies walk on feet His Letters great affections shew'd when young Yet all fall short of Wadsworth's Pulpit-Tongue A Pathetical Meditation on the Passion of Christ to be read by Communicants before their reception of the Sacrament of the Lords-Supper Quest WHat is the Sacrament of the Lords-Supper Ans It consists of two visible signs Bread and Wine which by the Lords appointment was to represent to the receiver his bloody death that so his Disciples may keep it fresh in their memories Q. But is it only to remember that there was a Christ and that he was crucified and no more Ans Experience tells us that such a bare remembrance as that doth little move upon the heart and upon the affections and so will do little or no good It is not the remembrance of any mans death that doth of it self affect me but as I consider him as a father or as a husband or as a friend with many other expressions of his love to me when living this will exceedingly work upon the heart so as to cause sorrow and grief and the like Quest What is it then that I must call to mind when I think upon a bleeding and dying Christ so as to affect my heart Answ The cruel and bloody nature of his Death here you may consider the whole story of his Arraignment his being betrayed by his own Apostle his being spit upon and crowned with thorns his being mocked and jeered by putting a reed into his hand instead of a scepter afterwards his bearing of a Cross and his being nailed to it in his hands and feet after that his being pierced through with a spear this Mat. 27. will fully acquaint you with Secondly the causes of his Death it was no natural disease neither was it for any evil done of his own but for us He bore our iniquities upon the cross Thirdly the effects of his death which was to obtain power of his Father to conquer the Devil and pull us out of his hands to break our hearts and to conquer us to himself to pardon our sins and to give unto us eternal life with himself in glory and this upon our faith and sincere repentance Now from all these things are your Meditations to be raised before you come to the Sacrament and when you are receiving of it An Example of Meditation I have here set you down as followeth Away these wanton wandering worldly thoughts you are clogs to my soul Away all trifling worldly business I cannot now attend your call my heart hath now something else to do Adieu my Friends farewell my Husband Wife and Child I must go see my bleeding Lord that 's dearer to me than you all Come now my soul thou art alone thou knowest the way make hast and speed look yonder see how the people flock cross but this vale and climb but up this Mount thou wilt soon arrive at bloody Golgotha where thou shalt see thy bleeding and dying Saviour to sigh and linger out a dying life on the Cross in love for thee This this might Oh my soul have been thy day and thou might'st have been the prisoner this I say might have been the day in which thou might'st have drunk the bitter cup of the fierce anger of God But look yonder there he goes that must drink up the dregs and all for thee Look again there he goes that must lay down his life that thou maist be reprieved But come my soul draw up a little nearer thou canst not see him well at so great a distance stand here and thou wilt see him passing look there he goes with a train of Virgins following But see how cruelly these barbarous Jews do use him they make him bear his Cross himself and press his wearied fainting limbs above his strength see how they laugh and scoff and wag their heads as if he were their May-game Methinks my heart boils up with rage to see these cruelties revenged Oh! how could the blessed God forbear to see his blessed Son thus wronged Why did he not send twelve Legions of Angels for his rescue Why doth he not send down fire from Heaven upon the heads of these his Sons enemies and so consume them But stay my foelish heart thou knowest not what spirit thou art of this debt was owing and it must be paid God requires so much and it must be given or thou canst not be saved Thy Lord did know this well enough for this he came from Heaven and committed himself to the rage of men he knew he must endure all these revilings and doth it grieve thy soul to see him thus abased Stay but a while and thou shalt see him more look up my soul come tell me what thou seest Oh I cannot sorrow tyes my tougue I cannot speak I see and hear those things that I want a power to utter I see a troop of Virgins following him their weeping eyes their blubbering lips their sighs and throbbings speak them mourners I see my Lord looks towards them and kindly chides their loving sorrow Why weep ye Oh ye Daughters of Jerusalem weep not for me My Lord what need was there for that question Should not they weep when thou must bleed Would not their eyes have been flints if that then they should not drop tears for thee when as thou wert about to pour out thy life and blood for them Ah! could they chuse or do less then weep to see thine innocent self among a herd of Tygers what should
a Lamb do there they saw thee in their ravenous jaws about to tear thy heart to suck out all thy blood and leave thee dead Have I not sat and read and read and wept in viewing over the story and could they forbear that with their watry eyes saw this scene then acted But whither O whither O ye blinded Jews are ye dragging this my Lord My spirit begins to faint I now can look no longer my heart now begins to swell with grief it must now break or I must vent it at mine eyes in streams Look see the Hammer and Nails the Hammer lift up to strike Bloody man thou durst not sure surely thou dost not know whose hands and feet thou art now piercing it is the Prince and Saviour of the world Foolish heart see how thou art mistaken look see it 's done the nails are driven to the head see how the crimson tears run trickling down his hands and feet and see how hardened hearts be laughing at it Oh silly foolish blinded men what laugh you at This very Christ whom now you mock shall be your Judg this very man Jesus whom you have thus abused shall come attended with thousands of Angels with the sound of Trumpets and shall sit upon your life and death Him whom you now have nailed to a Cross hath God exalted to be a Prince and a Saviour What then will you do when that great and terrible day of the Lord shall come How will you look him in the face whom you have spit on How will you dare to speak a word for your selves to him whom you have nailed to a tree and crucified His wounds in hands side and feet shall all bear witness against you and his innocent blood that you have spilt shall cry aloud about the throne for vengeance against you your flouts shall then be turned into tears and your taunts into lamentations And how will you then look and cry when God passeth sentence on you and thrust you down to Hell to bear the punishment of your sins this is the Lord that came to spare your lives yet your wickedness spared not his and how at length can you think to escape with yours But once again look up my soul and see what is become of thy nailed and crucified Lord Ah me he is not quite dead look how he gasps and pants for life Oh how his looks are changed How pale and wan do I see his cheeks the blood and all the spirits are quite drawn from them Methinks he should be dead for see how weak his neck is grown that it is not able to support his head that lyes a dying on his bleeding breast What yet not dead see how he shakes and stirs his dying limbs what gasps and groans do I hear him fetch as if his soul were strugling to get out Hark hark he speaks Oh let me catch the last breath of my dying Saviour What saith my Lord Hark what dost thou not hear what My God my God why hast thou forsaken me I am amazed to hear these words How couldst thou suspect thy Fathers love How could he be far from thee who was one with thy self But Oh! this is but the voice of his Manhood and not of his Godhead It was the voice of the dying and bleeding Man Jesus not the voice of the God Jesus But Oh my Lord what are those pains and gripes thou feelest that brings forth these complainings But why do I ask this question hath he not been all this while a drinking up the cup his Father gave him the bitter and sowr and poysonous cup of his Fathers wrath which I and all the world had else drunk of he just now swallowed down the last mouth full of the dregs whose bitter noisome taste hath sent forth these doleful lamentations for mark he had no sooner spoke these words but he gasped his last The causes of his Death And must the Son of God be humbled thus must he that was from everlasting raised and advanced above every name in heaven and earth he that lay in the arms and breast of God loved by the Father and his only Son honoured adored admired and beloved of ten thousand times ten thousands of Angels But must this God leave all this glory and change that sweet Heavenly and delightsome Palace for so mean so low so dirty a cottage as to be born a man And must his entertainment at first be no better than a stable or a manger could give him No sooner must he begin to live but must an enemy assault his life Must he travel up and down this earth and spend his time and strength in preaching glad tidings to miserable undone men and fill the world with signs and wonders and not deserve so much of men as a house to dwell in or a hole to put his head in and after all this humble holy long-suffering life must he be thought of by this unthankful and unbelieving world as one not worthy to live and not have a breathing in that air which he both made and gave them to breathe in but must he at length be laid hold of by a traiterous Judas that he had once taken for one of his own Apostles and must he suffer all this But ah alas what is this must he be also crowned with thorns and must he sweat and bleed Oh far more than tongue can utter Oh astonishing condescension thus did the Son become a servant and learn'd obedience by his sufferings and served a three and thirty years apprenticeship in the pain and travel of his soul here on earth a longer time than Jacob served for his beloved Rachel and that because he loved us better and therefore gave a better dowry for us But had I lived to have seen this Prince of Glory thus disguis'd this Eastern Sun thus benighted in a cloud this glorious God thus wrapped up in rags of flesh should I have known him or not my sensual heart I doubt thee much wouldst thou have cleaved to him loved him better than thy life and have said Though all leave thee I will not and with Paul I am willing and ready not only to be bound but to die for thee What thinkst thou Oh my soul couldst thou have left Husband Wife Father and Mother and all the rest of thy friends and have sold all that thou hast and followed him what him whom the Prophet foretold Isa 53.23 He hath no form or comeliness in him that you should desire him he is despised and rejected of men a man of sorrows and acquainted with griefs Tell me tell me couldst thou have divorced thy self from all and have taken this seemingly uncomely person for thy Lord and only Husband Ah me I do not know my heart but surely had I known him as I do now know him I should not have stuck at any thing for him For what if his Face did want comeliness seeing it came so with tears and grief
same and before this age did not our Fathers and Grandfathers and great Grandfathers and so continued a testimony of ages from the time that they were done to this day witness to the truth of them and that so unanimously and resolutely that ten thousands have rather chosen to lose their lives than the truth of them Now put all these together and tell me canst thou doubt Away I see thou dost but trifle confess the truth or I am resolved to heed thee no longer Come take and embrace that crucified Jesus account all things else but as loss and dross and dung in comparison with him stick not at his outward meanness scruple not at his ignominious dying it is the very Christ the Saviour of the world Oh why shouldest-thou thus torment me Dost thou not see all thy fellow-Christians to glory in that Cross and in that Christ that died on it Do they not bear it as a badg of honour and shall it be to thee as shame Do not all the Christian World eat and drink as often as they can the Symbols of this their dying Lord And do they not all sing and joy and triumph in it and wilt thou the while lye vexing thy self over a company of needless fears and scruples Farewell all needless doubts and tormenting questions I see my faith is built on a Rock blow winds beat waves you cannot now remove me Blessed God! I thank thee for thy Son thou hast given his life for the spoiler thou hast bowed his back to the enemies long furrows have they plowed upon it and the day of his calamity they laughed at Lord thou hast wounded him for my sins and bruised him for my iniquities These speak the depth of thy counsels and the ways of thy mercy past finding out and the tenderness of thy Bowels Thou hast made him my Rock and my shield and my strong tower and in the day of my sorrow through him thou wilt hear me To thee O God will I make my vows and to thee will I pay them I will humble my self before thee I will always lye at the feet of my Redeemer Lord his Cross and his shame shall be no more a stumbling-block to me I will take it up and follow him it shall be my Crown my Song and the glory of my rejoicing I will enter into thy Courts with joy and in the Congregations of thy Saints shall be my delight I will remember thy loving-kindnesses of old and the days in which thou didst afflict thy only Son for the sins of my Soul I will call to mind the Covenant of thy Grace and my heart shall praise thee when I see it founded on blood Then will I betroth my self to thy Son join thou Lord both our hands and hearts and we will strike up a match for ever Praise thou the Lord Oh my soul and all you that love and fear him praise his holy name The SACRAMENT The Dress Lord where am I What! all the Children of the Bride-chamber up and drest and I slumbering in my bed Tell me ye fairest what make you up so early Alas our Lord was up before us all He called us up by break of the day and wondered that we were not triming our lamps knowing with whom we were to feast this day Oh! well then I will rise up too Oh what a shew do these bright and glittering Saints make in mine eyes What a brightness do these pearls and diamonds cast in mine eyes they do strike me into amazement Oh what a lovely humble look doth crown their brow and what a comely countenance hath joy and Heavenly delight cast on their cheeks surely they did not thus dress themselves it was my Father that made them thus prepar'd to entertain his Son But where are my Clothes Now for the fairest sweetest robe of thoughts and wishes that can be found or that the wardrobe of my Father can afford me Oh how naked am I But where are my silken golden twists of Faith to hang the jewels of joy and love and humility upon I am never drest till they be on Oh where where are they I saw them by me but just now I laid them by my heart before I went to bed Oh what was I so long a reasoning about Oh what long and many threds did my reason spin even now but to make these twines to tye up my joy and to raise up my love and to hang my Heavenly delight upon But ah I fear this envious world hath with her vanities stollen them away or hid them from me or the envious Devil or unbelief have been ravelling or snarling of them that now I am as far to seek as ever Whither O whither shall I go to find them out Now will the Bridegroom come and I am not ready I cannot dare not go to day Now will my Lord be angry and ask me why I came not and I have no answer to make him And if I go undrest he will ask me where is my Wedding-garment and then I shall be speechless Ah foolish simple heart that thou wouldst take no more care but to let these thoughts of earth so intangle themselves with thy so pure and Heavenly contemplations Now how to get them loose again thou knowest not this thou mightst by heed and care have prevented but now what help Lord I have sinned O holy Father pardon this time and I will take more heed Oh come and unty my thoughts from this earth and come and dress me up as best pleaseth thee Come be not discouraged Oh my soul Let but thy attire of Grace be whole that is sincere thy God and so thy Saviour will accept thee Though thy garments are not so much perfumed with heaven as thy brethrens are but yet if they are but white and free from the spots of flesh and spirit thou wilt be looked on and liked of well enough Thy Lord doth know that all have not talents alike and where he gives but a little he expects but little A Faith that is richly embroidered over with love and delight is not given to all and is not expected from any but from those to whom it is given Thou hast an honest willing serious heart that thinks it doth despise and trample under feet the nearest dearest pleasures profits and glories in the world in compare with him that gave himself to death for thee and hadst rather anger flesh and blood the dearest friends and all the world than him by sinning against him in the least If this be true fear not thou hast thy Wedding-garment on thou art well clad as mean soever as it is it is such a one as Heaven gave thee and such a one as thy dear Redeemer can and will embrace thee in The Presence-Chamber Fear not O my soul I charge thee do not faint Let not thy weakness and the poverty of thy grace discourage thee see how thy Lord draws nigh Fear not I say he will not ask
him thither as a mourner Shall it be said of the Prince of glory that he died and had the burial of an ass because there was none to sorrow forth those words of Ah my Lord What! shall it be granted to a Wife to mourn for the death of a beloved Husband and to a Child at the burial of a beloved Father Shall not such be blamed but rather pitied And shall their friends come in and confess the loss and the ground of their sorrow just and rather sit them down and bear them company in their grief And must I of all be thus censur'd Away with an Husband Wife or Child to me Is he not more to me than ten Husbands Might I not have had an hundred that would have never done half so much for me as he hath done That first left his glory for my sake and then laid down his life and took the stroke upon himself that I my self deserved and all because he lov'd me Was ever friend like this friend and ever love like this love Many waters cannot quench love but neither waters blood death nor many deaths could quench his love to me But shall he love and die in love and thus be forc'd to leave me because he lov'd me and I not mourn the absence of my best Beloved How unreasonably may any this deny me But ah what a bitter-worded check did I even now receive as if my sorrow would arise from the envying of his now glorious state and not from any love I bear him Oh! what needle-pointed words are those methinks they have pierc'd mine heart in every part and from each prick hath started forth a drop that hath set it o're with a bloody dew But how can it once be thought that envy should get a room in an heart that 's full of love with which it swells it bubbles up and runs all over it cannot be Bear witness heavens I do not grieve that you contain him but that I on earth have lost him Oh my God! I am not sorry that thy Son hath past his sufferings and is arriv'd to rest and got again into thy bosom his ancient nest of love and pleasure Oh you blessed Orders of Seraphims and Cherubims and you innumerable company of the spirits of the just men made perfect I do not envy that you have my Lord with you that you see his face and live and walk and joy in the light of his countenance Alas we your poor Brethren could not make him so welcome here on earth as you can there we lov'd him as sincerely as you and believ'd in him and took delight too in him but yet nothing near so much as you You know him better than we do for you know him as you are known and therefore know better how to prize him We know him but in part and the value price and love could but be in the like proportion He is therefore far much better there than here and how shall I then either envy him or you And what my soul should I wish him back again what if I thought I could prize and love him more and could promise the like for all his beloved disciples I could not alike engage for the wicked envious malicious unbelieving world I could not promise he should meet with no other Herod to seek his life or that the hard-hearted Jews would give him better entertainment whom they dare yet curse with the name of Conjurer though Moses and their Prophets bore witness to him and though they received a seal from Heaven in voices thunders signs and an innumerable company of real Miracles Oh no! my Lord though I could wish to fee thy face again on earth yet not in such a state of misery in the midst of a den of Bears and Lions as not long since thou wast Ah! thou knowest I took no delight to hear that traiterous news of thine own Apostle that had betray'd thee and that it fill'd mine heart with anguish to hear how shamefully and scornfully thou wast abused Thou sawest me blush when I heard thy face was spit on my head did ake when thine was crowned with thorns Anguish and indignation did loose my nerves and with a palsie shook mine hands when thine had a mock-Scepter put into them a reed and a scoff Hail Jesus King of the Jews And did not mine heart break and bleed to hear that thine was pierced Ah my Lord and shall I yet find an heart to wish thee here again No no I am glad thou hast escap'd their bloody hands and now got quite without their reach I am glad thou hast got to perfect ease and rest and know'st no pains nor griefs nor sorrows Oh! take a full possession of thy Fathers breast and sit thee down upon his Throne Thou art a King for ever And take delight in these thy soul-did travel die and bleed for on earth I will repine at nothing that shall advance thy glory But Oh! thou cruel bloody unbelieving world you wicked murtherous bloody Jews though I rejoice my Lord is safe arrived home and quietly landed within his haven yet from you I cannot hold mine anger that made his Sea a Sea of blood and drain'd his heart to make it deep and fill'd his sails with sighs and groans that caus'd his voyage to be so doleful What good got you to stand and laugh to see him sorrowful to scoff and jeer to hear his lamentations what cursed rage was that to make such hast to fetch him vinegar and gall to prolong his life to lengthen out his dolors How could you find such barbarous hearts to triumph over a bleeding dying lamb that was so innocent How could you taunt at him when you heard him praying for you Father forgive them and so tenderly excusing you for they know not what they do Methinks that kindly harmless carriage should have pierced your hearts those melting words should have dissolv'd them and instead of piercing him I should have thought you pierced And ah but that I know an unbelieving heart my self and understand what hardness means I should stand and wonder Oh! it 's too hard an Adamant for downy words and doleful sounds and tender carriages to break and shatter How often have I outstood all those my self And when I served my flesh how little did I mind them And when they have been presented to me in the Gospel or in a Sermon told that all these tortures he endur'd for me and I in part believed it too yet was I not as a man bereft of my senses and I was no more mov'd in mine heart as if I had not heard or understood and were quite bereav'd of sense and reason But had I thus continued in my senseless unbelieving state and as I liv'd so died yet how deservedly should I have born the wrath of God and have been sent to Hell as a recompence of mine unbelief And yet you careless secure Jews can you think to escape when
good night What must be suffer'd why is' t fear'd I can't my life defend Fear or not fear it 's all a case My life must have an end Death comes why let it why should I Plead priviledg from what My God hath pointed out for all It must be then my lot He lent me to my self a while My lent-out life recalls What is his own he may demand He wrongs me not at all Why should I tremble at the grave Alas it is not Hell Why should not I thank God and die That it 's not worse it 's well Art thou new-born then thou hast felt The pains of death to lust They 'r greater than those thou wilt feel Which brings thee to the dust To leave a sin to wicked men Doth far more torment bring Than shame than beggery or death Or any other thing Think how the wicked go to hell How careless do they die Shalt thou less fear it than they do Though thou must fore on high Think that thy grave were but thy bed That God thee there did keep That when that dying thou wert but A falling fast asleep Think what a quiet undisturb'd Repose thou there shalt take That God when thou hast slept enough Himself will thee awake Think that thy Lord and Saviour In this cold bed did lie Wilt thou not with him lay thy self What love him and deny Think that a thousand thousand Saints Have hither crept for rest Have long'd and hop'd to be dissolv'd All counting it the best Think what 's this world that thou must leave It is not Paradise A hell of torment sin shame grief A cinque of filthy vice Where lust and pride do sit and reign Grace goodness subjects are If thou art good thou maist go pack That 's all the world doth care How often their ungodly lives Have vext thy soul but think Their selling Heaven for a lust For dross a cup of drink It 's true thou maist them contradict But what get'st thou by that They curse thee wish thee in some pit Where thou maist lye and rot Thou say'st there 's good as well as bad That thou must leave behind If good men make thee will to stay Above thou'lt better find The best on earth are bitter-sweet Weaknesses have their stings They can thee hurt and will sometimes Till God to Heaven them brings Thou say'st if God the shepherd smite The sheep will scatter'd be If they were safe it matters not What did become of thee Thou fool God will them bless or curse If curse thou must not live But if for them he blessings hath Better than thee he 'l give I come then Oh ye Heavenly host Of Angels take me up I 've broke my fast with grace on earth With you above I 'le sup I come my Father and my God! Now to thy self me take Through my Lords wounds I hope for love Oh love me for his sake HYMN XI Comfortable at the death of a dear friend DRY up thy eyes and let thy looks Again seem fair and clear Let not those briny staining streams Thy blubber'd cheeks besmear Who knows not man was made to die Can tears blur the decree Or spunge it out those Heavenly rowls What God wills that must be Was he not made of dust that 's dead Can dust for ever last What wonder is it then to see That dust on dust is cast Hath not the wisest God all things Made subject unto change Why should he thee or thine except Is not thy folly strange Why his departure thus bemoan'd He paid but nature's score He me not leaves I follow him He 's only rid before It 's God commanded him away 'T was he that gave him thee Is it not reason more than thou the Giver pleased be Thou say'st no sorrows like to mine None e're lost such a friend How many thousands say the like Complaints will ne'r have end Nay think how far others in grief Have cause thee to exceed Thou ' st lost a friend but they a child Thou weep'st but they do bleed Is thine a child their is a wife Or else some dead husband But if this last be thine own case Think his is worse that 's damn'd Look round and view that num'rous heap Of houses that do stand Tell me the house that hath not mourn'd By strokes giv'n by deaths hand Go round about the Royal Tombs Number the Queens and Kings How oft have Palaces worn Black By wounds made by Deaths stings Or think how many mourners thou hast cheered up before Let the same reasons on thee move That thy heart grieve no more Or think of him as ne'r been born Or born not known to thee He might have di'd a thousand times 'T would ne'r have troubled thee But did thy life and livelihood On him alone depend For shame do not forget thy God Who meat to Ravens sends But ah alas he lov'd me more Than all the world beside Ah! take thou care in saying so Thy God he be'nt be-li'd But Oh the friend of my bosom He cannot be forgot But fool didst think he could not die What did thy mind besot Play not the child my grown-up soul Many spectators gaze At thy-high spirit under grief Soul-weakness will amaze Think thy employment calls aloud To lay aside complaints Think that thy Friends thy Country Church Cry to thee as in wants Or else look up unto thy God In whom contentment lyes His heating brightness will dry up All tears from out thine eyes If all the reasons I have us'd Will nothing move thy heart Then take thy course I only wish Thy cure be wrought by smart HYMN XII Of Thanksgiving for the restoration of Health ' THE God of Heav'n is but one To him alone I pray To him in straits I made my vows Which now in health I 'le pay My God is light life help hearts ease Physician Nurse and Friend Himself was the best Physick I Could take to make me mend For sin me weakness did confine Within my Chamber-walls In prison as with Iron-bolts My limbs were sore with gauls My bones were all as out of joint My sinews lax and loose Each member was so feebly hung As if 't had lost its use All elements did seem to strive To raise my misery They would have surely me orewhelm'd But that my God was by My trembling skin my chattering teeth The shiverings of my bones My shoulders shrugging up with cold Thus sadly made their moans As if all hail and snow and rain Their coldnesses had lent To some night-stormy blustring winds My body to torment I was like weary pilgrim that All night in forest lies While rain and snow and chilling winds Do pinch him till he dies But my good God! those nipping blasts Screen'd off me with his palm He sweetly rockt me fast asleep So they did me no harm The freezing air now thaw'd I thought Me safe but was deceiv'd For straight a watry vapour rose As much my body griev'd Each
fire I soon with beams it crown'd So now my flame grew higher O what a warmth I felt Each pow'r about did glow My soul began to melt And round my body flow Lord cri'd I what a bliss What lavish glory 's this We feel when thou dost shake And dost our hearts to fitters break A Divine SONG I. COME O ye winged Angels from above Can you not tell me news of him I love Where he ascended When the Clouds him took And wafted him Beyond what we could look Did he not pass the Sun and pierce the sky Tell me Tell me For it 's the same that here did die II. What did he when within your gates he came Did he strip off his rags or wear the same Yea but much mended Each jag glory wore They are the same But brighter than before That very torn flesh now wears Majesty And shall And shall When time yields to eternity III. Go search the Thrones and tell me where 's his place You may him know by th' shinings of his face Is'nt he set higher Then all your degrees Of Seraphims Or Cherubs if you please Doth not his brightness Put your glory out And you And you Fall down to worship round about IV. Can you inform me what 's his business there Whether of us he taketh any care Doth there burn incense Are perfumes there sweet Are there the prayers Which we lay at his feet Doth he accept them and his Father too Tell me Tell me But nought but what you know is true V. You flaming fires that attend his will Can you inform how long 't will be until The winged winds shall Bring their Royal load Or how long he Will make with you his ' bode Are you preparing clouds whereon to ride Oh when Oh when Will you come flaming by his side VI. If you him see pray tell his longing bride Begs that he comes the world his stay deride We groan for freedom Their sins vengeance cries Since we are fit O will the Lord arise Will he come crown us and the wicked burn Or stay Or stay Till more stray-souls unto him turn VII If that's his meaning tell him then that we Wait still believing and will patient be We know he will not Quite forget us here We are belov'd Which will at length appear Let him but purge us scowr off our rust And then And then Let him but haste us to the dust A wounded Conscience I. CHide chide no longer I do smart Thy words my Soveraign they are keen They plow deep surrows in my heart And scatter seeds of wrath between Oh! what an harvest is here like to be Thou maist reap glory but I misery II. My sin is poyson rank enough Do not with it thine anger blend If thou wilt force me drink it up It will it self work out my end If thou would'st have me die thou need'st not go But to my Conscience whence doth venom flow III. If thou intendest to torment Thou need'st not send me down to hell Keep thou but up an angry look It 's pain enough where e're I dwell Where thy beams shine not but keen angers flame Must make hell-torment or a pain wants name IV. Guns fire nor sword doth Soldier fright The Mariner laughs in a storm The Shepherd fearless is by night The Martyr counts his fire but warm If thou but cast'st a frown my spirits fail My heart it panteth and my looks wax pale V. Though my Spirit doth rocky seem If thou in anger dost it smite It gusheth forth in briny stream That even suffocates my light Thy frowns may well cause dews in flinty mind When at thy blows hard marble tears can find A Petition for a prospect of Immortalities HUmbly my God! I beg of thee I might Discharg'd a while from prison take my flight Into those regions where I may converse With naked Spirits let my conceptions dress Sit close and comely to each thing that I With a clean mind shall venture to descry While Earths dull off spring children of the night To coop their thoughts in shades of sense delight While Owls and Bats are flut'ring with their wings About this gross dark world for earthly things Oh! let me snatch a glimpse of that above And steal a glance of thee thou God of love Why is my half a spirit if that I May not converse with Spirits till I die May I converse with thee thou dazling Sun Father of Spirits why not when I 've done May not I look upon the Stars and take A view of their less brightness while I ' wake Why should my Taper sweal away for nought But me to gaze on things scarce worth a thought Scarce worth a thought if but compar'd to thee And that retinue that in Heaven be O charge me not of niceness that I fain Of other worlds would some small knowledg gain Pass me not home if thou a Pilgrim find Me in my travels alas my wearied mind Is tir'd with this world this muddy smoke From Earth doth ev'n my languid spirits choak Let me but take a little air that I May be refresht then home again I 'le hie I do conceive a vast extended Sphere Farther above the Stars than we are here Repleat with matter some thick some thin and light In which are bodies some opake and bright Tumbling about so doth our earth where we As on a float swim round the world we see In th' center of which orb as in a Throne Sits the adored Triad all alone Shooting their Omnipresent beams about Filling the Sphere within and space without Without I dare not say they idle are For God is pleas'd not only here but there Yet we are sure throughout this golden ring His beams have been faecund in ev'ry thing And do continue chearing as a Hen Her Chicks does nourish in her father'd den But their productions vary some opake That eyes may see nose smell and hands may take Others so fine so rare that no sense can Grope out a touch such is the sp'rit in man Such are the Angels spirits more refin'd From earthly tincture than the humane mind Such that no razor knife or sword can wound Where was the carcass of an Angel found As glassie Scissers would clip off a ray Just so keen steel may cut a spirit in tway Spirits through steel can freelier pass than light Can through that Scisser that it takes its flight In fire they burn not having no flesh to fry Where did you see an Angel Martyr die They sport about the belly of the deep And yet their sides no briny-tears do weep Just as I 've seen the Sun pass through her beams And pierce the bosom of clear crystal streams Yet have they liv'd unquench'd nor have they been Moistned with th' cold dampy parts within Cast them in pits ram them up fast with earth From these dark wombs they 'l find a pass for birth Clap them in dungeons lock them up in chest Stop up
sentence thou canst not send me into worser than flames or punish me longer than everlastingly Christ answers Oh how my bowels turn this sinner knows not what is in my heart he thinks I am his enemy Sinner shake off thy fears and wipe thine eyes thou shalt not die The Sinner speaks again Oh thou glorious God or Angel or I know not what to call thee do not delude or deride a poor Caitiff wretch in the midst of misery Why wilt thou raise me to such a pinacle of hope to cast me down and make my fall the greater My Judg hath passed the sentence I must die and who can reverse the doom Ah! I must go see my prison-door wide open the smoke and flashes come to meet my despairing soul half way Christ speaks And now my heart begins to break my love can keep no longer in how causelesly doth this wretch torment his heart he knows not who I am I must reveal my self Sinner I love thee I say thou shalt not die Come feel my heart and pulses how they beat and tell how strong my love within doth act them Dost thou not see I have left my Throne and am come down to the Bar where thou standest condemned But why dost thou weep Come let me wipe thine eyes and bind up thy bleeding and despairing heart I tell thee thou shalt not die If Heaven will have blood it shall have mine so it will but spare thine Sinner if thou knewest who I am thou wouldst not doubt one tittle I tell thee I am his Son his only Son that but now condemned thee I know he is just and justice must be fatisfied But do not thou fear if one of us must die it shall be I I will pour out my blood a sacrifice for sin and appease his wrath and make you friends again Ye innumerable company of Angels yet servants at my Fathers will why do ye rejoice to see my prisoner sent to Hell this cursed soul over whom in glory you do now triumph I do resolve to die for and to buy her to my self a Spouse and to make her blessed with your selves and give her a Princess's place on a Throne that is by my self Sinner speaks Is this a dream or am I waking the goodness greatness glory of this sudden unexpected blessed change tempts me to doubt whether it be true or whether it be some unruly fancy that doth delude this wretched heart of mine What! for the Son of God to debase himself so low as to take my nature and so my cause and become the prisoner What! and though he knows he shall be cast Will he hear the sentence and quietly bear bolts and shackles and chains which should have fettered me Yet more than this Doth he know it is impossible to get a reprieve from his Father and Judg and that he must most assuredly drink the bitterest dregs of Death more bitter than Devils or damned souls in Hell as yet ever tasted of For it is impossible the Cup should pass And can he will he dare he venture But stay I must be a Spouse to be exalted from this Dunghil to be a Princess to the Son and Heir of Glory Hold hold here 's enough it is a Dream an idle fancy of a distempered brain I shall never find a heart to believe one syllable But yet methinks if it be a dream 't is a Golden one Is it possible that such a damned wretch as I could harbour such silken gilded thoughts of such love grace mercy and tenderness of the Son of God Oh my heart if they were not true how came they into my mind or how came they to stay or could they if but meer fictions make such a change in my heart Could they so victoriously conquer all my fear silence all my doubts allay the heats of a scorched and be helled Conscience But why a dream poor wretched heart Didst thou not see him step off his Throne Was it a time to dream or sleep in when thou wert before the Judgment-seat while God was frowning and the Devils dragging thee to and fro to get thee away to Hell Oh then just then he stept down drew near and took thee by the hand and spoke these reviving words to thee Doubt this and doubt thy judgment But why a dream I am not now in Hells torments whither I was just now sentenced My heart is now at ease and quiet surely something must be the reason why the Devil that but now had hold of me hath left me Where is the Conscience that but now was burning in me But Oh cannot the presence of the Lord put me out of doubt Do not his words that were so kind his tender dealing with me doth not his stooping to me taking me by the arm and the gentle lifts that he gives to my drooping soul speak him present Oh! do not my head eyes arms heart breast and the ease of every joint and limb about me witness the same A way my unbelieving heart what a stir is here to make thee believe a thing so evident Doubt my mind and freely doubt I'â—e give thee leave when thou hast any occasion or reason for it But why should I doubt that which is past all doubt May I not believe my senses I both saw and heard him speak the words or shall I misdoubt his faithfulness I know he is the Son of God he cannot lye But is it true yet my God I pray thee be not angry with my scrupulous heart thou seest in tears I make the doubt let it be an argument to me of sincerity I do not ask that question as one that would be fain perswaded it's true Canst thou think my Lord that I would not be reconciled and cheerfully accept of Grace when thou so freely offerest it Oh but Lord speak these words to my heart which thou hast already spoke to my ear and thou wilt melt it into love and thankfulness and I shall never doubt it more Object But yet but what can Heaven love so much Answ Thou silly worm how idly dost thou question must Heaven and so its love be bound up to so narrow and contracted thoughts as thine are What can God love no more than thou canst Love is a perfection and God is infinitely perfect so must be infinitely and incomprehensively loving Thou fool go found the Sea and tell me its greatest depths give me the height of yonder Stars this possibly thou maist do for the Seas are not so deep but they have a bottom nor the Stars so high but they may by art be known But Oh the heights and depths and breadths and lengths of the love of our Redeemer He is God and his breasts are so full of love that they flow and overflow with love they have no bottom Do but try my soul cast thy self into this bottomless lovely Ocean into this endless Bosom and when thou hast been sinking millions of millions of years tell me whither
God comes to make inquisition for blood How will you do if this sin shall find you out If God requires blood for blood what will become of yours If he had been no more than a common man the Law would then have required your lives for payment But how if in the end he prove a Prophet nay more than that the Son of the most high God the Prince and Saviour whom God had promised to raise the Messiah whom Moses and the Prophets bare witness to and him that you so long long'd and wisht to see How will you look what will you say what answer will you make when all these truths are cleared where will you hide your selves for shame and what will you do when confusion shall thus take hold upon you What! will you then confess the fact or will you deny it with what face can you do the first And if you do the latter the curse you and your Fathers drew upon your selves Let his blood be upon us and our children stands still on record against you and will cry you guilty Will you excuse it with your unbelieving ignorance But how will you be able to rub your brows into so much confidence How dare you say you were ignorant of him when you say you knew both Moses and the Prophets and they bare witness of him You askt a sign and did he not give you both signs and wonders How often did he cure your Lame How wonderfully did he heal your Lepers and those sick of the Palsie yea of all manner of diseases How did he open the eyes of the blind and give light to him that was born blind yea restore the withered hand and make the crooked straight and open the ears of the deaf and cast out Devils and raise the dead Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God hath made that Son Jesus whom ye have crucified both Lord and Christ Upon which Text Act. 2.36 the Author Mr. Tho. Wadsworth preach'd at Gregories Church by Pauls March 29 1656. evidencing clearly from those words 1 That the poor life and ignominious death of him that was crucified at Jerusalem was no good argument why the Jews should reject him from being the promised Messiah 2 That that very God-man named Jesus Christ that was crucified at Hierusalem was the true Messiah whom God made and appointed to be Saviour to the World If his Notes were sufficiently legible in the proving and improving of these two Propositions so that they might have been publisht as they cannot unless any took them in short-hand for his own use there would have been found in that Discourse a notable antidote against the poysons of Judaism and the Atheism of this present age Three Letters of Mr. Tho. Wadsworth to his Sister Elizabeth Wadsworth in Southwark when he was a young Student in Christs-Colledg in Cambridge wherein we may see the early breathings of his pious Soul Dear Sister YOU may remember very well that I sent a Letter to you all in general to wit my Brother and other Sisters but it is my wonder and grief that I should receive an answer from none of you I thought that your loves to me were not so contracted but that I might have procured such a favour at your hands as three or four lines in a Letter but however your not regarding of me hath not begotten in my soul such regardlesness towards you and therefore from among the rest I have chosen you out in particular to see whether you in particular will give me an answer to my other Letter I remember that the last time I was with you upon Conference that I had with you I found a good and pliable nature in you some softness of heart appear'd by that crystal dew which trickled down your cheeks I would have wisht in some respects that it had continued until this time For truly nothing speaks fairer weather in Heaven than moistned cheeks below on earth you must not think to come to Mount Zion the Heavenly Jerusalem before you have past thorow a vail of tears Heaven is not a bauble and it can't be attain'd by mirth and jollity you must not think to live merrily in Earth and in Heaven too I know you are naturally merry and jocond but you must labour to mortifie that merry nature you have you are naturally full of talk but if you love your soul you must labour to bridle the tongue Perhaps you would say O Brother this I would willingly do but I cannot tell how I will give you this answer First Labour to live more seriously to talk less let your thoughts be on God and think that he hears every word you speak and as our Saviour says You must give an account for every idle word You must not think you shall ever be swallowed up in love that you shall ever bathe your self in Divine ravishments to all eternity with God in glory and walk so lightly and vainly here on earth O that I could but perswade your soul of this If I could I know that you would desire no other glory than to swim all your life-time in a river of tears I shall not here speak of the glory which your soul should enjoy in Heaven lest my soul in writing should be swallow'd up with confusion for if I knew where to begin yet I should never know where to make an end Angels themselves have been wading these five thousand years in this Ocean and cannot come to the depth of it yea and shall be wading to all eternity with the glorified Saints and yet shall never fathom it And now if thou art willing that thy soul should accompany my soul unto this Ocean of Love take notice then of these paths which I shall here set down which will lead thee unto this desir'd happiness And truly I beg of thee and likewise charge thee in the presence of the Almighty God as thou shalt one day answer it at the Judgment-seat when God shall judg the quick and the dead that you do not when you have read this Letter cast it away and look on it no more Therefore I beseech of thee as thou art dear to me as a Sister that thou wouldst put into practise every word that I shall say First then Be constant in prayer by thy self both evening and morning and if you find any good motion in the day-time go then again to prayer And if you ask me How you should pray I answer thee pray against every sin thou find'st thy heart prone to commit Pray against thy carnal joy and beg that thou maist be most serious in thy conversation Dost thou find in thy soul that thou canst not mourn for sin Pray that God would soften thy hard heart that he would make thee to mourn to weep and lament thy sins because they are against such a tender and loving Father as God Dost thou find that thou art given to anger pettishness and frowardness pray
earnestly beg of God on thy knees as if thou wert pleading for thy life that God would humble thee and give thee more love to himself and to the rest of thy brethren and take heed likewise of angering them O that thou wouldst but practise this truly truly I should rejoice Angels in Heaven would rejoice as it is written The Angels rejoise at the conversion of a sinner Secondly Look that thou readest the Scriptures diligently every day and let this be thy first work in the morning and the last at night And if thou canst not understand go to God and beg that he would give thee more light and if thou dost this likewise happy shalt thou be And seeing it is late before you go to supper and bed therefore thou maist set apart some time for this duty in the afternoon And this you must do and then wait upon God for a blessing And truly do but reflect on your self and tell me what 's the cause of all that gross ignorance which is in you Truly 't is because you read little in the Scripture and other good Books And if perhaps you read a Chapter now and then it is either because you are forc'd to it or because you would read some story in the Old Testament only to recreate your carnal mind Let me but ask you this one question Do you when you take the Bible in your hand consider it is the book of God and if you do not practise what you read it will turn to your condemnation Do but consider this thing seriously and the God of Heaven bless it to your soul Now I pray and entreat you not to slight this which I have said but turn it into practise And it will be my desire thâ—t you will write this out fair that thou maist read it sometimes and maist know that thy brother loves thy soul as dearly as his own What I have now writ unto thee in particular thou wilt do well if thou communicatest it to all thy brethren that they may not be wanting in these things which I have here desired of thee in particular for I could desire that thou mightest begin to lead the way to Heaven in that family but especially let this be known to my Sister Anne I pray her not to think much that I direct this to you and not to her for I thought you would write to me and I questioned whether she hath not forgot but if she doth write I assure her if my soul and body can do her service it shall I shall not mention my Sister Mary because I have hinted her case in my Fathers Letter The God of Heaven be with you So I pray who am Your tender and most affectionate Brother Tho. Wadsworth Dear and Loving Sister IT hath been such a great interval of time since we last exchang'd Letters with one another that I know not whether to charge you or my self with negligence but I hope neither of us are guilty of forgetfulness God is my witness that I daily make mention of you in my prayers and I assure you it will exceedingly raise my heart in praises if God will but answer them upon your soul And truly my expectations are very great towards you and the rest of my friends I know not who they shall be either in that family or some where else but rather there for God of late hath shewn me much of his goodness as to the answering of my prayers as to particular persons And I am assured that he hath several times drawn out my heart as much if not more for that family So that I live in continual expectations of hearing of the Sun of Righteousness to rise among you and the day star of holiness and purity to break out of some of your souls And to this purpose I have sent you this Letter that you among the rest might be one that may fulfil my joy in the Lord. I am sorry that all this while I have not heard from my Brother John I hope that the Lord will stir up his heart likewise Heaven-ward Tell him that I would have writ to him but that I had so much to write to others so that I was fain to steal a little time to write these few lines As for your self for the present I shall only desire you to read Scripture much and pray constantly if possibly you can twice or three times a day For directions herein I desire you to peruse seriously my Sister Anne's Letter which I have here sent her Lastly Take a special care of my Sister Mary labour to get her to pray though she can but chatter God can hear He hears the young Ravens when they cry and feeds them and will he not much more hear a young child To whom I pray you commend my love very kindly I have no more at this present but that I am Your ever Loving Brother Tho. Wadsworth Loving Sister AS the Letter was with great affection desired so was it as gratefully received by me Neither was it so much because that you did write but because you writ so well and heartily And I shall here assure you that you cannot rejoice me more than in letting me see such sentences dropping from your pen as did in the last Letter And I am likewise as certain that your discovery of them proceeding from your heart carries in it a far more exceeding weight of joy to your own soul I shall have but one or two things to you at this time and I shall conclude First Be constant in Prayer morning and evening and labour not only to speak words but let your words express your heart Secondly Before and after Prayer join reading of the Scriptures Thirdly Take heed of vain and foolish discourse be as little in talk as may be without it is in good discourse I shall now only desire you to write to me every week or fortnight and I doubt not but you will find your parts encrease and abour but to put Letters in practice and you shall find likewise your graces encrease And with this I conclude only desiring you to remember me to your Brother and Sisters and I shall be as I ever was Your Loving Brother T. W. A SERMON PREACHED BY Mr. THO. WADSWORTH Taken in Short-hand REV. XII 1. And there appeared a great wonder in Heaven a Woman clothed with the Sun and the Moon under her feet and upon her head a Crown of twelve Stars IN these words you have a description of the Church of Jesus Christ on earth the Church of Christ is of all Societies of the world the most glorious it is a Society founded by the Counsel of the great God a Society that is purchased and bought by the blood of the Son of God 't is a Society called out of this wicked world to worship God in spirit and in truth 't is a Society that is to God himself as the apple of his eye 't is a Society