monster of impudence Tric. Oh my dear love Surd. Oh my love I am undone I am fallen in love just like a wasp into a pot of Honey Anto. I gave you my faith Rosabella and striking thus your hand I now again confirm it Surd. How inhumanely he struck that young Lady were I a man I would fly in the very eyes of him But in true Love there is no Danger we are more happy we Tric. She sighes just like a Sow that hath lost her first litter of Pigs Oh my dear heart Surd. My sweet Love Anto. Pardon me my life My Father commandeth me to be gone neither prayers nor tears can prevail upon him I take Faith her self to witnesse I go unwilling from you Rosa. Unwilling Love cannot be compelled but by degrees it may languish into nothing You do not love me Anto. If I love you not most Rosa. No more I do believe you Surd. Woe is me Love like a hot pot doth boil and bubble in my Brest Tric. She is mine Surd. He noddeth and winketh How prettily he noddeth and winketh I will nod and wink on him also Rosa. But why do you not take me from this impure place Fie upon 't Surd. Spit on him Rosa. I live here under the Command of a wicked Uncle who hath lost his honesty with his estate O beast why shall I call him a man who hath nothing of Humanity in him O my Fathers Manes to whom did you intrust me but though you would be gone Antonio I will tread in your steps and follow after you If I may not live chastly I will die chastly Anto. O virtuous manners and resolutions my heart with grief doth cleave asunder Surd. She hath touched him home he beats his brest and tears his hair O shamelesse Man Tric. O the Fire and smart of Love Surd. Do not sigh so Dear sweet heart Just like an Italian Lover in glancing eyes he showes his wounded heart It showes handsome in him I will return the like unto him Rosa. Had you but satisfied my Fathers avarice with six hundred Crownâ— I had not now been miserable Anto. I protest most solemnly unto you I could no where provide it my Friends would not trust me my Father was inexorable what should I doe Rosa. I know not but this I am certain of that my Uncle by writings hath contracted with Ignoramus for me who hath promised this day either to bring the Mony himself or to send it by his servant with a secret token which they have agreed upon betwixt themselves Tric. What is this I hear Do you know what the token is Rosa. That is concealed from me but here are his dainty Verses Tric. I shall peradventure extract something out of them Surd. She hath rejected his Letters That is well His eyes are red with choler he stamps on the ground he is mad I think O my dear Love Trico I mark you for all that Ant. Who can see this who is able to endure it Tric. Be of good Courage I will so far prevail that you shall not go to sea to day nor lose your Love Rosabella Ant. O that it so may come to passe Tric. Trust to this head this day it will doe wonders Surd. Strike not your head so hard I do love you indeed I love you I was afraid lest he would have gone neer to have swound away again Tri. My little tender piece of old and tough mortality I am not able to forbear laughing at you outright He Laugheth Surd. Ha ha he And I cannot chuse but laugh too Tric. She neigheth I think But you it is now high Time Be gone both of you This Creature is my own Anto. You say well Let us go Rosa. But she will cry out Tric. Fool not your selves but put that to the triall Sur. What do you give me a Ring too marry I thank you for it Now I am yours do you wear this handkercher for me Tri. What do you mean that you are not gone will you marry me presently Surda Give me your right hand and good luck with it Tri. To be well ridd of you Sur. Let us seal it with a kisse Tri. O sweet kisse it makes my mouth to water Sur. Eh Eh I have got a sluttish Cough of late Eh Eh. O Rottennesse why do you stay there still be gone I pray you will loose the opportunity Anto. Come let us go O joy incomparable Trico Snailes as you are you have your selves undone The seventh SCENE of the first ACT. The Argument Torcal intervening disturbeth all things Surda is beaten and Rosabella carryed away Torcol Antonio Trico Rosabella Surda Tor. RUn after them come back you Fugitive baggage come back Help me Rosab. I am undone Surda Why do you beat me so Tor. Keep off Antonio Oh excellent Guardian he beats her Surda who shall keep the Keeper O thou Witch thou Sur. Beat not me so I am not to be beaten by you I am to be Married anon Tor. In the mean time you shall be married to this Cudgel Sur. What do you mean to use me so I tell you again I am to be married this day whither you will or not upon my troth I am Nay I am even as good as married already look on this Ring else Tor. A Ring Oh the tricks of Trico but I shall Sur. St Husband help me do you hear Tor Get you in yee paire of strumpets do you bind them fast in bondâ— and keep them safe till I reâ—urn Rosab. Kill me rather Surd. St St Trico Do you so forsake your wife woe is me Ant. With what confidence dare you vile Torcol Tor. Circle me round you Serjeants Exeunt Rosabella Surda and one of the Serjeants And guard me safe from dangers Ant. Drag hence my dearest love I looking on Torc. Pray Sir Depart And mind your own businesse as I will mine I have nothing to say unto you Tric. Hang-man Torc. O you are to marry my deaf Dwarfe I shall beware of your tricks Tricol Tric. I may peradventure be too hard for you anon for all this Torc. He who threatneth his Enemy doth give him a sword to out his own throat Tric. Come hither Torc. Stand further off and speak there if you have any thing to say Tric. No I will speake it softly in your Ear Torcol you are a vile pan-dare Torc. A stranger must gently alwayes put up all injuries Seignior Antonio I would not hold any difference with you I have many other delicate beauties under my tuition you may make choice of which you will of them to be your wife Ant. I am much beholding to you Torc. Seignior A la buena ventura Ant. Forbear your Portugall-Flateries Torc. Servidor signior queda con Dios. Exeunt Torcol and Serjâ—ants Anto. Go and be hang'd Tric. This day I have very warily observed him Anto. O Trico Tric. Have you but a good courage and leave the Event to Fortune and my Brain Ant. I
only frangebam jooum did but break a jest which with us in both is instead ought to be done although on a mans life and you take it in bono serio in good earnest Come be merry And tell me how doth my Rosabella Torc. Oh she Seignior because she is no Maid is to marry another Ignor. But are you in sobria tristitia speak you this in sober sadnesse Ignor. Diable what Fraud what Covine what Deceit is this was there not an Indenture made betwixt you and me that if I gave you six hundred Crowns I should marry your Ward Rosabella and was not this dies appunctatus the appointed Day for the payment of it Is not this true Torc. It is Ignor. Well do what you will I have your Indenture and Obligation safe and sound signed and dated and delivered with your own hand And if you deliver me not Rosabella you will forfeit the Obligation which is no lesse then a thousand Crowns What say you now there is but one Law and but one King you will find no mediety of language to defend you What say you He thinks all things are transacted here as in the Courts of England but if you bring me this day the six hundred Crowns I will not alter my resolution Ignor. You do well it is agreed already and condiscended to therefore if possibly I can I will come my self in my own person this day with the mony if I cannot I will send one of my Clerks unto you with it Torc. But I know none of your Clerks Ignor. And none of my Clerks know you Sed est totum unum pro eo It is all one for that He shall bring you the six hundred Crowns and the Instruments And I will tell him that the better to know you you have a crooked neck Do you fear any thing Torc. Yes I fear Antonio and the most cunning Trico who everywhere lie in wait to take Rosabella from me I cannot take heed enough and be so wary of them as I should be when I am most heedful It is safest therefore to agree upon some private token for to add a Caution unto a Caution is to be doubly cautious Ignor. Although it be needlesse yet if my Clerk Dullman shall come unto you from me he shall give you this private token He shall take you thus by the Nose Torc. Content Be it so with all my heart And take heed that you tell no man of it Ignor. What Do you take me to be an Ideot Torc. You shall therefore this day have her she is my Cousin and by all that 's chast a Virgin Igno. Ovy dea Ovy dea Too morrow I will return to London with her but I pray you call her hither a little that I may have a sight of her for hoc est longum breve It is the long and the short of it I do lovâ— her Do you enjoin her therefore that she return unto me the love of avoir dupois weight for weight Do you understand me Torc. I le bring her to you presently Exit Torcol Igno. I was never so enamoured before in all my life I am now bestialiter inamoratus most beastly inamoured But Torcol presently will bring unto me Corpus cum Cauda cum Causa I would say Oh that I had one Habeas Corpus now Ha he Whiles I do think on 't I do tread on thorns The Fifth SCENE of the First ACT. The Argument Rosabella is brought in weeping her Vncle inforceth her to love Ignoramus who courts her what he can with Verses and fair Words and relates unto her what a Jointure he will give her Rosabella is committed to the Charge of a Female Dwarf called Surda who being extremely deaf understands all things by nature Ignoramus goes for the six hundred Crowns Surda continueth with Rosabella Enter Torcol Rosabella Ignoramus Surda TOrc Why do you weep so you stubborn Minion Have I brought you up so virtuously so carefully that you should be so disobedient to me and stand in your own light as much as in mine Either be well content to marry him or per aquesta cruz de Dios I will carry you back to Fâ—ss where I will either sell you or prostitute you I wish you well what will you have him Speak Rosab. Uncle you are wise what seemeth good unto you shall be as agreeable unto me Torc. Why now you speak well and as it becometh you Rosab. I must dissemble my love I see for fear it be worse with me my dear Antony shall I never Torc. I have placed this little Dwarf Surda to be as a Spy over her who although she hath been deaf these three Months yet she is faithful and understands by signes very exactly He makes signes to her Surda I understand you well that I should have a diligent eye over her and suffer her not to go far abroad Torc. 'T is right Surda And that I permit not any young man to speak unto her Torc. Very well Surd. Assoon as Ignoramus hath done speaking with her that she presently goe in again Torc. I with all speed otherwise I will whip thee unto Death Surd. What you command shall be performed Enter Ignoramus Torc. Seignior my Cosin here doth love you above all creatures in the world make trial of her I have some businesse that calls me hence but remember the sign and the mony Ignor. There shall be no default Torc. Surda be careful of what I told you Surd. I will not fail in it Ignor. He ha he my Rosabella hem hem hem Madam and you my Masters of the Jury This is an Action on the Case Fy Fy my tongue repeats my old accustomed words I think I am pleading with her now Surd. As far as I can see he 's but a Fool. Ignor. Madame pardon me I was never in love before But to come to the point shall we joyn issue Madame will you marry me Rosab. I am not worthy of that honour Ignor. Truly I do love you better Rosabella then I love Rosa solis I will tell you what your love hath made me a legitimate Poet will you accept of some Verses I have made Igno. Hem hem legal Verses on Rosabella hem hem Si possem vellem pour te Rosa ponere pâ—llem Quicquid tu vis crava habebis singula brava Et dabo Fee simple si monstres Loves prety dimple Farthingalos Biggos stomacheros periwiggâ—s Pantaflos Cussos Garteros Spanica Ruffos Buskos Soccos Tifâ—nas Cambrica Smockos Pimpillos Pursos ad ludos ibis Vrsos Anglicè Beargarden Are not these good in law Ros. Excellent Igno. Thou shalt go to Playes to the Bulls and to the Bears Thou shalt doe what thou wilt my Girl only keep thy Court shut unto others Here take these Verses est Billa vera Rosa. I will keep them in my Brest Igno. Dost thou love me Rosa. Who can choose but love you Igno. Sayst thou so I
will make thee a good Jointure faciam ut ames me plus plus I will make thee love me more and more Hear what a Jointure I will make thee and for the better credit of it it shall run in Latine my Girl Mark it Ego Ambidexter Ignoramus infeosso te uxorâ—m meam Rosabellam in Taile speciall de situ Manerii de Tongwell cum capitali Messuagio Et dâ— tibi omnia singula messuagia Toftos Croftos Cottagia Columbaria Molendia Fulloniâ—a Aquatica Venatica Gardinâ—s Tenementa Boschos Suboschos Jumpnos Brueros Moros moriscos salsos moriscos frescos Juncaria Turbaria Alneta Moscheta communiam pasture liberam warrenam piscariam faldam Decâ—mas herbarum bladorum granorum agnellorum faeni lini Canaâ—is Tellonium Stallagium pontagium picagium escâ—eta Catalla Felonum aviata extra Haraâ— wreck maris Anglicè Sea-wracks Ros. O 't is too much Igno. Stay dum capio anhelitum till I take breath and I will give thee ten times as much Ros. He makes me smile although my heart doth weep Surd. Is the man in his right wits he is more pratling then a Chandlers Mag-pie or a Parrot Igno. Give me your love now Quid pro quo is fair play Rosa. You demand what is but right Igno. Give me a kisse then prethee doe Rosa. What shall I do O my fine sweet-heart and my Uncles foul Avarice Igno. I read fair lines in your face He offers to kisse her Surd. Away away Igno. I have a quare impodit for you Surda I will seal and deliver a kisse unto you Rosabella Surd. Skat ah Igno. Adieu my dear Rosabella till by and by Hoc osculum mihi facit bonum apud cor This kisse doth me good to the heart I could fly on the wings of the wind But I will be crafty enough for Torcol for when I come into England I will marry a rich wife and then I will keep this only in commendo for a Transi-tempus Surd. I perceive you love him Rosa. I love Death better Exit Ignor. Surd. You do well to love him he will give you Rosa. The POX Surd. And do you love that Man Antonio Rosa. As I love my own life Surd. You seem to hate him you doe well in 't Beshrew my Masters jealousies who so unjustly doth suspect you Rosa. How much am I tormented that Antonio doth not love me that he makes not so much as any show of love unto me although it were but meer Dissimulation But I for my part must play the counterfeit that so being free from all eyes of suspition I may then more opportunely fly unto him â—hen I am to be led a wretched Bride to Ignoramus Bed I heard that Antonio was on this day to set sayls for London How perfidious would he prove if he should forsake me now He hath given me his Troth if he leaves me now I am undone Surd. If you marry Ignoramus you shall flow in wealth The sixth SCENE of the first ACT. The Argument Trico the crafty servant of Antonio doth instruct him by what Arts he may deceive Surda and have a Conference at the same time with Rosabella by speaking what they pleased but in such angry and discontented Gestures that Surda observing it should not suspect any thing of love betwixt them In the mean time Trico himself doth pretend love to Surda and showing her a Ring doth grow upon her credulity that he courteth her in way of Marriage Antonio Trico Rosabella Surda TRic Sir I le warrant you Take care for something else I will not fail in this service to you Anto. My Hope is all in thee Trico Tri. This day with deceits I will overcome Deceit it self But whom see I yonder Master wipe your eyes Enter Rosabella Anto. My dear Rosabella How happy a man am I And how opportunely now I encounter you if that old bitch would give me leave but to speak unto you Tric. Fear not Master she hath no teeth she may bark but cannot bite Anto. But she may give her Master notice of us by her barking Tric. I will give her a Sop for that by pretending love unto her she is always puppying In the mean time you may hold conference with Rosabella but let your gestures expresse much discontent and choler that so she believing you to be at great variance may permit you to talk more freely Anto. You say well Tri. Save you Lady Surd. Touch me not what do you mean Forbear your sawcy hands Tri. So angry Lady Surd. You hurt my hand Be gone and be hanged Tri. Rosabella threatneth Antonio I like it well Surd. this Fool loves me He shewes me a Ring too I will not marry no not I. She folds her Arms. Tri. O the sad Fate of Lovers Surd. He sighes poor Fool I appear beautiful and that 's the reason I am beloved I am not so old as some do take me for Tri. O the Fate of Lovers Surd. How thick he draws his breath poor man I pity him Tri. O lips of milk nose of purple eyes of a sheep thigh of an Emmet feet of a Calf Hands of a Mole Brest of a Grashopper pap of all paps oh neighing Mare O gruntling sow Harrow the Flames that me consume Surd. He is now praising my Beauty I apprehend him I am handsome enough I thank my stars for it Tri. Oh most diminitive of all perfections deaf and thick and hopper-ars'd old and hairy drunken and apish Oh my heart my heart Surd. He is struck into admiration with my Beauties Oh that I were not deaf that I might hear my own prayses I hope they will call me Dwarf no more Tri. O the pangs of Love Sur. Alas Alas he weeps I am compassionate He is ready to swoon away Revive thy self my servant I do love thee I doe Ant. Pretend to be passionately angry with me Sur. I tell thee I do love thee take heart of grace Oh my dear friend and servant I will not sufâ—er any to die for love of me Charity forbids it Tri. You are mine then for ever I hardly am able to forbear from laughter Ha ha he O my heart my heart Surd. Fear not I do love thee wo is me I must be gone yonder 's Antonio high in discourse of whom my Master charged me to beware well done Rosabella you seem to be angry and incensed against him Chide him Chide him doe Rosab. But in earnest I now must chide you Antonio Have you no remorse to leave me here in all my sorrows and by going to London to destroy me Do you now retract from all you have done and spoken and leave your protestations to the winds and clouds to be dispersed in the Air and lost Are you so forgetful of them But Heaven and Faith will remember them wo is me what trust is there in Men that are composed only of Cruelty and perfidiousnesse Oh. Surd. See how he beats his brest I cannot blame him
immediately away the whole plot is spoyled Woe is me Ignoramus is come already The Seventh SCENE of the Second ACT. The ARGUMENT Ignoramus brings the six hundred Crowns which he bargained for Rosabella Trico the more to delay the time untill they can be dressed in their disguises propoundeth a ridiculous case in Law to be pleaded by Ignoramus which when he insists upon longer then ordinary Trico to requite his patrons courtesie acquaints him what Antonio hath contrived against him and that he had sworn to geld his Rival Ignoramus wheresoever he could find him Ignoramus with his Money Trico Igno. HEre is the legem pone Here are the six hundred Crowns which just now I intended with Torcol for my Sweet-heart Rosabella Tri. He hath brought the Money I am undone Ign. If I live Rosabella my stella dâ—nsabâ— veteres mensuras I will Dance my old measures with thee Tri. They have watched him well Ign. This is the Indenture and the Obligation of Roderigo Torcol I will go to him in propria persona Tri. Out upon 't what makes them stay so long I must detayn him with some discourse or other Save you Sir Ign. Sirrah who are you Hah Tri. A poor man Sir that hath spent all his Estate in Law Ign. Oh oh In forma pauperis Abi via Abi via Away Away Tri. Sir I crave your Counsel Ign. My Counsel Knave Legem pone Legem pone Tri. We must give a Sop to Cerberus what shall I do I have some brasse money about me I will sling it away on him Sir I am a very poor man Ign. A poor man That signifies nothing Tri. But because Sir you are well vers'd in Causes I must beseech you to hear my Cause And what Money I have left is here at your service Igno. Oh well well Have you joyned Issue Tri. Issue What shall I say now yes Sir Issue Issue Igno. Declare Tri. My Grandfather Grunnio the son of Bore had an Uncle called Hog Ign. Quondam Uncle Tri. You say right Sir Quondam Uncle but the Quondam Uncle of the Sister of my Quondam Grandmother who was Cousin German to the Grandmother of my Quondam Father Ign. Well said Quondam Alloâ—â—s Tri. Did bequeath unto me a black Horse the truth is he had but a short come off why shall I dissemble he had no Tayl but what then should any man put a Nettle under it Ign. In Tayl speciall In good Earnest by Right he could not do it Tri. He did neverthelesse but he did VVince and Kick and fling his leggs aloft Ign. Take heed of that Tri. And he kill'd the Deer and Phesants Ign. O Dammage Faisant Here must be a demur Tri. And certainly the Kalendar lyed abominably for I well remember it did Hayle Ign. A good circumstance and which maketh for you Tri. Slow man of Burdeaux what not yet Sir And he not only put a Nettle under his Tayl but he repleated all his mouth with pepper Ign. Repleated a replevit will not serve in this case Tri. So I thought but he having before his eyes the Figure or copy of a white Horse Ign. O What Copses too it is in tertio Richardi primi potest Copitias Toppare Loppare abscoriare He may Top them and Lop them and do what he will with them Tri. He did not though I lost him that year who can help it what do you think of it Sir Snayles we are undone Ign. What do I think of it was not that black Cheâ—all your Chattle personal Tri. Chattle yes Chattle indeed but I am affraid of the pepper Sir Igno. You say well and there is the point indeed for this is your case If John an Oakes inâ—eoffat John a Stiles de Black Acre and John a Stiles capit Black Acre VVhite Acre in this case Tout is void All All. Tri. I think they are asleep But the pepper being snuffed into his Nose did make him stand an end on his Leggs before and break wind backwards Ign. Snuffing and Leaping and petting is a good Tenor doubt it not Tri. But I am still affraid of the pepper Ign. What need you fear But take out a subpena for him and if he doth not return black Cheval and white Chevil cum costis ad pinguebus dammagis with costs and â—at dammages say that Ignoramus non habet Lex Tri. I thank you Sir Ign. Farewel For I have some businesse must be dispatched Tri. But Sir For the good Counsel you gave to me I have some good Counsel to requite your love for your self And what much concerns you If you are Ignoramus make all the hast you can away Fly and be gone Ign. Hah Fly wherefore Tri. You love Rosabella that liveth here hard by Ign. VVhat then Tri. Antonio also is deeply in love with her and in my hearing did swear most seriously that He would dismember Ignoramus wheresoever He could light upon him Ign. It was but in Jest. Tri. But do you get you gone in Earnest and have a care of your self for that most dissolute Cutter hath gelded very many that I know of Ign. You have put me in a bodily fear and because I am in a strange place I am in a greater doubt look yonder Fabula est in lupus Tri. He comes at last The Eigth SCENE of the Second ACT. The ARGUMENT Antonio Enters full of threatning Cupes within sounds a Horn as if he were a Sowgelder Ignoramus hides himself but being discouered he had much to do to escape the â—ffront of being gelded but having sworn that he would never come to Rosabella again he was permitted to depart Antonio goeth to a Painter to paint him a little Mole on his Cheek which his Father observing may conceive thereby that he is not Antonio but Antonine newly come from London unto Burdeaux Antonio Cupes Ignoramus Trico Anto. WHere is that old Whoremaster Ignoramus who would defraud me of my Love If I serve him not as I would a Hee-goat Tric. Do you hear now Igno. Doth he use to be as good as his word Tric. He never breaks it Igno. He is not Compos mentis I will have a Breve for him Anto. I have brought the Sowgelder along with me he will be here presently Igno. Client Trico I am in a great fear Client Cup. Trin Tran Cupes within sounds his Horn like a Sowgelder Tri. I hear him now Cup. Trin Tran. Igno. Client Trico Tremblo tremblo I tremble all over what shall I doe Anto. I hear him Cup. Trin Tran. Tri. Hide your self here behind me lest they discover you quickly quickly and as covertly as you can quickly I say Cup. What do we stay for I have all things here in a readinesse Look you here else Anto. Friend do you hear Did you not see a Lawyer hereabout Igno. Say I am gone to London Tric. He is gone to London Anto. I heard he was here but just now Igno. Say I am gone home then Tric. He is gone home
you whose name is Pecus Igno. Yes where is he Tor. Pardon me I have sent him to prison because I conceived him to be Tricoes Sycophant Igno. Hay day what he in the Jayle too Actio pro falso imprisonamento nisi firko tuâ—m curvum collum pro hoc if I Firk not your crooked Neck for 't Tor. If you please let us both go to Antoniâ— who loveth Rosabella most intirely we will try first if we can get any thing from them by fayre means if not we will follow them close at law at law Seignior Igno. At law do not you talk so much of the law I will have you both in law you shall have law enough I l'e warrant you Tor. But first of all I will release Pecus do you hear within there Here take this Ring and command that Pecus be brought to my house Igno. I will have your self in this place ere it be long Dullman do you go with him and see him at large but first câ—pe advisamentum Dullman take my advisement with you The Ninth SCENE of the Fourth ACT. The ARGUMENT Rosabella sitting at Theodorus door doth see her Vncle and Ignoramus who both of them do challenge her for Rosabella but she in the English Tongue doth affirm herself to be Katharine they contradict her and begin to grow very hot upon it until Antonio coming in doth acquaint Theodorus that they are the two persons possessed with the Divell of whom there is such a Rumour over all the City Theodorus Rosabella Ignoramus Torcoll Antonio Dullman Theo. DAughter after you have a little refresh'd yourself it will not be unpleasant to you to sit here in the open Ayre and do so I pray you Rosa. I thank you Sir Ignoramus whispers to Dullman Igno. Do as I bid you and think on nothing else Exit Dullman Tor. Here is the house Seignior I will knock at the door Tuk Tock Theo. Who knocks at the Door Rosa. Here is Ignoramus and my Uncle I am undone for eveâ— Theo. What would you have Igno. I know not what would you have Theo. Who are you Igno. Ask him there if you will Tor. It is the English Lawyer Signior my most excellent Signior Signior de titulo Signior de Theo. Are you not made moyst with Wine Igno. Mad-moyst mad bear witnesse an Action of Defamation Theo. What a blattering do you keep Igno. A blattering Tor. Pray hold your peace Theo. They say this English man is possessed with a Divel I do now believe it my self Tor. Seignior I understand that this day Antonio hath brought my Cousin Rosabella into your house Theo. It is no such thing Rosa. Oh that I now were Dead Igno. Nay and if you make any concealment I will Tor. Nay gently and clemently I pray Igno. Clemently what have I to do with the Clementines Tor. Is not your Son Antonio within Signior Theo. No he is gone to London but his brother Anthonine his Twin-brother is this day come to me with his wife Katharine Tor. I now smell out the deceit I pray Sir make us so happy as to see that Lady Katharine Rosa. I am undone I am undone Theo. You are a couple of merry men why would you see her Igno. Cause her to come at her and your peril Theo. Do you know these men daughter Katharine Rosa. Who I Indeed Sir I know them not Torc. Por mi sancti This is my Cousin Rosabella Ign. Benedicite This is my Coveâ—t Baron my own Rosabella Theo. What Impostures are these Rosa. Being now come from London Sir How should I know them Torc. She speaks English now I know a little of it having bin sometimes heretofore at London in the way of merchandise Are not you my Kinswoman Rosabella Rosa. Do I look like one of your kindred Igno. Nay I can speak English too what my own Countrey-woman little pigs ny my little Doves egge thou knowest me I am sure Theo. This is a mystery I would fain understand the meaning of it Anthonine Tor. Why do you not know your Uncle Torcol Rosabella Ros. The man in the Moon as well Igno. I will give thee a good fair Joyncture isaith Ros. I pray Sir be wise if you can Igno. Wise O me I am wise for you and foolish for you dear Rosabella pity pity some pity to a bursting spirit be not so fair and cruel Theo. Anthonine come forth I would fain know the reason of this disturbance Igno. I see yet I am blind I freeze and yet I burn in love I live not but I die I live to love to love to live and live not but in loving nay I can sing and speak songs and sonnets with the best of them Anto. Sir This is the possessed man you heard of Theo. Whatsoever it is ther 's something in it All this cannot be for nothing Torc. Let me not live if he hath not stollen my Rosabella from me Anto. O perjured Theo. What Deceit can be in this There is certainly something in it extraordinary Igno. Shine on me bright Sun The Sun is no sun Rosabella you are the Sun and the Moon and the Stars And sweeter far then is a Civet-cat Theo. I would speak a few words in private with you by my self Igno. Bound I am in Frank A pledge a morgage to thee Rosabella and yet I am in free soccage ye goodly tressed Nymphs and simpering Syrens O the crimson and the white you Roses Lillies and double Violets spring of inameld flowers and diaper'd meadows green shady groves and chirping birds the warbling streams and whistling winds and dainty Rosabella Dixi Ha sweet Rose One habeas Corpus Anto. Hold off Coxcomb or I shall set you further off Igno. What are you there too sum appunctus pro te jam I am now well appointed for you Hic me volvit geldare hodie Too day you would have gelded me Rosa. What will become of me Anto. If the Conjurers stay any longer we shall be all undone The Tenth SCENE of the Fourth ACT. The ARGUMENT Cupes and Cola having put on the Monks hoods Polla declares unto them that Torcol and Ignoramus are possessed with two Divels Theodorus believes it and departeth with Antonio and Rosabella to his own house Trico shunneth Pyropus They lay hands on Ignoramus as if they were Exorcists Torcol runs away Theodore Antonio Torcol Ignoramus Trico Cupes Cola Polla Rosabella Col. BRother Cupes How well that Hood becomes thee Ha ha he Tric. Make hast if you love me Col. After the Exorcisme is over we will have a brave Supper Tric. Pox on you both Are you talking of a Supper when mischief and Vengeance are on foot and threaten suddenly to overtake us Cup. Let us go Tric. In the mean time I will bear a watchful eye and observe what Pyropus is doing Torc. I tell you the Truth indeed Seignior Theo. Although it is hardly credible yet I will consider of it Poll. Come hither Holy men Here is that poor wretch
Crowns such as yours are you hooded Monsters you brothers of the Divel Poll. Now he invokes his Brothers the Divels Cola. Come forth you evil spirits whether you be in his Doublet or his Breeches or his Coat or his Cloak or in his Drawers or in his Pen or his Wax or in his Seal or in his Ink-horn Igno. He was in the Horn too day indeed Cup I conjure thee thou most wicked spirit to come out of the Horn. Igno. Pox take you and all the Hornes in the world but the Horn only that sounds to dinner Cola. Come forth all of you you wicked spirits and be totally explanted whether you be in his Indentures or his Parchments or in his Papers ingrossed or Papers not ingrossed in words of sense or words without sense Igno. Whether in Grayfriars or in Blackfriars or in Crutchedfriars Col. I conjure you all Be gone and fly you evil spirits Gray-friars Black-friars and Crutched-friars Fly and be gone whether you be in his long Slops or round Slops or in his greater Guts or the lesse Guts or in his â—odpiece Polla There is the Divel I le warrant you I see him there Igno. I see him there in you nisi facio te sursum tenere manum ad Barram If I make you not hold up your hand at the Bar for it O you Felons who hath his hand now in my pocket you are Backharend and Handabend Cup Be gone Backharend and Handabend Igno. If they go it is Felony directly Cup. Whether you are in his purse or his pocket or his Foâ— whether in Gold or in silver whether well got or evil got Igno. I that 's the Divel you desire I do know it Estis robatores you are very Robbers all of you Col. I adjure you most wicked spirits whether you are in the thighes â—r between the thighes come out all together out of all the members of this Creature Igno. Hoc est â—ene si vult ire sic Nay this is well If it will go so Col. And come all into the Toe of his left foot Poll. There they be I see them there I will beat them and keep them down that they never rise again Igno. O you She Divel O my Corns my Corns what do you doe The great Capias of the great Divel take you all and every one of you both great and small Cup. Now he is mad Brother give me some exorcised salt and hall owed fire that I may exorcise and fumigate him Igno. The fire consume you all Si dagarias capio rumpam calveo coronas vestras If I take my Daggers once I will break both your bald crowns in an instant Col. Dagarias I conjure you to come forth Dagarias Igno. I would they could se defendendo Col. Let us try now If he be obedient Repeat now what I whisper to you in your ear Buz buz buz Cup. I adjure you to answer to what I demand of you Mum mum mum Igno. I understand nothing Cup. Mum mum Igno. Why do you keep such a mumming and mopping and such a moing like two Jack an Apes about me Col. Do you not perceive the Divels are gone from you Igno. I perceive that here are three Divels still at the least Polla Three yet Igno. Yes three I believe I am this day tormented with three Divels in good earnest If I am you Polla the Sorceresse are the first Divel and you two are the two other Divels that do assist her Col. Brother I perceive that very much remaineth yet to be done unto him If you think well of it let him be conveâ—ed to our Btethren the Friars in the Monastery Cup. It shall be done Some of you take him hence and carry him thither Igno. In the Divels Name whither do you carry me you foul porridge-bellyed Friars Harroll Harroll I know the great Custome of Normandy Harroll The Divel take you all Coll. Assoon as ever I have left him at the Monastery I will immediately return to you In the mean time do you take care that our Supper be in a readiness Exit Cola. Cup. It shall be done Poll. Ha ha he Excellent sport brother Col. It is so Sister Let us now to the Tavern That is my Monastery Poll. For this conceit Brother Cupes I will go henceforth with you where you please to command me Cup. You know my Polla that I do love you prethee let us love one another I have given you some money to day already If you will be quiet and loving I will always be giving to you and Nothing shall bewanting Polla For the time to come I will love you and go whithersoever you will have me The Twelfth SCENE of the Fourth ACT. The ARGUMENT Pyropus comes with Sergeants to arrest Antonio and Trico Trico is taken by them whom Antonio doth not acknowledge he is therefore to be hurried away to Jayl Not long after Antonio himself is arrested And Trico to return like for like will take no notice of him Antonio by his Sword doth redeem himself from the hands of the Sergeants Antonio Trico Pyropus Sergeants Anto. OH Trico but just now I saw Ignoramus carryed away to Saint Severiâ—s Monastery What makes you so Melancholy Tri. There is another Tempest hanging over our heads master Anto. I am sorry for it what may it be Tri. I observed Pyropus to go unto the Judge who hath assigned him some Hounds to Hunt us Anto. Hounds what Hounds Tric. The Sheriffs Hounds who doth Hunt after you to take you and to throw you into prison and then all things will be known to your Father Anto. Let us contrive some way to preserve our selves Py. You see friends what you have to do these are they who detain my Cloaths from me you may spare the young Gentleman for the present but be sure you take his servant into your custodâ— Tri. I am undone What would you have with me Pyro Either go to prison or restore my Goods unto me you are now under custody Tri. There is my master himself demand them of him I am but a servant Anto. What shall I do I must dissemble Pyro Will yov return my Cloaths back unto me or will you see your servant dragged to the Jayle for them Anto. Let him go whither he will for me what have I to doe with him are you not ashamed to speak with so little respect to a Gentleman of my fashion and a stranger Tri. Forbear your English at this present I pray you master and give back the Cloth unto the Broaker Anto. What are you I know you not Trico Excuse me I must now counterfeit as if I knew thee not Tri. What will you pretend not to know me Anto. Hold your peace I pray and play the Counterfeit a little Tri. Hold your peace and play the counterfeit you have got what you will of me and now you will not know me Pyro Do you not know him Anto. I know him no not I and give
good earnest Master this was a most terrible Day Igno. Dies Festum omnium sanctorum praeteriit puto hodie esse festum omnium Diabolorum A day say you The Feast of All Saints is passed I think this day was the Feast of All Devils Dull Tu convenies cum illis uno die Sir you may chance to meet with them one day or another Igno. I will have them all in a Premunire Dull Doe And beg the Friary of the King Igno. But that some English men amongst whom I had made an agreement came at that instant by chance into the Monastery who all of them knew me and certified that I was not possessed with a Divel per meam fidem puto murder assent me Upon my faith I think they would have murdered me Dull Quomodo dicis per iâ—lud nunc How say you by that now Igno. Ita super eorum verba sinebant me ire ad largum And so upon their words they gave me leave to go at large Pec. Hic est Casus meus Haec est villamissima villa It is directly my Case This is a most vile villanous City master Igno. Burdeaux Burdeaux In nomine Diaboli ego abibo cras si gigno Burdeaux semel super dorsum meum si iterum returnâ— ad Burdeaux dabo illis veniam geldare me Ibo nunc ad Torcol nebulonem nisi ille mibi det coronas meas bonam satisfactionem capiam illum in manum alio modo Burdeaux Burdeaux In the Divels Name I will be gone too morrow and if I get Burdeaux once upon my back if ever I return again to Burdeaux I will give them leave to geld me I will now go to the knave Torcol and unlesse he gives me my crowns and good satisfaction I shall take him in hand another way Pec. Habes illum super clunem nunc pro falso Imprisonamento You have him now upon the buttock for false Imprisonment Igno. Come come let us go all three of us now sommes trois we three are three Dull Fear not Master we will advance with one spirit of Revenge But first Hist steal softly off I see one of them already The Fourth SCENE of the Fifth ACT. The ARGUMENT Trico hearing Dorothea speaking with Theodorus conceives himself undone beyond all hope of Recovery and that the whole carriage of the Plot all the Deceits there would now undoubtedly be discovered Dorothea relates to Theodorus that the true Anthonine and the true Katharine were lodged for the present in an Inne hard by the Haven Theodorus calleth forth the counterfeit Katharine Trico hides himself Trico Theodorus Dorothea Tri. JUst now almost I encountred with my Master Anthonio who gave me such soft and fair language that I could not chuse but forgive him But what rare sight is this my Master Theodore imbracing of a woman Ha ha he an old man in love upon my faith I am glad on 't Theo. I can hardly at the last give any intermission to my kisses and imbraces I am transported with so great a joy Dor. The joy is no lesse mine then it is yours my Theodore Tri. My Theodore my deer sweet-sweet-love Ha ha he Theo. At your comming my Dorothy I doe revive and grow young again Tri. And at your coming Mistresse Dorothy I do perish Dor. To make your joy yet greater and more absolute send your Coach I pray you to the Havens side to bring hither your Daughter in law Katharine and your son Anthonine Theo. Anthonine is just now gone into the City but Katharine is within Dor. I left them both now at an Inne by the Havens side and came first of all my self unto you Tri. Now Trico go and hang thy self Theo. I will call her forth that you shall see her Doro. It cannot be Tric. I would she had broke her Neck in her journey or drowned her self with mischief to her Doro. Let me not live if she be not so sea-sick that she can hardly put one foot before another Theo. Ho la within there bid Katharine come hither Tri. These be your Intrigues Trico Are you that cunning that subtle crafty Trico what will you do now What if you go this way it will not do What if that way it will be to no purpose neither There is not the least hope left Theo. Ho la Bid Katharine come hither quickly Tric. Wo is me What is to come is to come and it cannot be avoyded Theo. Bid Trico come hither also if he be within Tri. What Trico too Trico is not within to my knowledge I will here hide my self and be as neer them as I can The Fifth SCENE of the Fifth ACT. The ARGUMENT Rosabella comes forth and professeth her selfe to be Katharine but Dorothea denying it she at the last confesseth the whole truth Theodorus threatneth her Rosabella Theodorus Dorothea Rosa. WHat 's your pleasure Sir Theo. Look you Dorothy this is Katharine Dor Where 's Katharine Theo. Do you ask and see her stand before you Dor. You are deceived this is not Katharine Rosa. Wo is me wretch as I am what shall become of me whither shall I turn my self Theo. What do you say whither shall you turn your self Are not you my Daughter in law Dor. Good Lord who are you trow Theo. Look well upon her I pray you Dor. Why would you have me look upon her I know her not neither did I ever see her Rosa. Oh that I were dead now happy is she that dyeth before she desireth and invoketh death Dor. Believe me it is not Katharine Theo. Who are you why do you not speak Rosa. If she will not be my Mother in law alas Sir can I help it Dor. Thou art a good one I 'le warrant thee Theo. Who are you it is impossible for you now to part undiscovered why do you not answer me Rosa. Good Sir I know not what to answer Theo. Do you still hold your peace do you think me good for nothing else but to be abused and affronted by you impudent prostitute Rosa. Whatsoever I am Sir I am not dishonest the respect I bear unto you makes me forbear to answer these false and foule Tearms Dor. I pray do not dissemble and I will speak for you Theo. Shall my house be polluted with your filthinesse shall I be made the subject of infamy and disgrace for your incontinence you shall not go unpunished Rosa. O me I was born in an unfortunate hour Dor. Confesse then I pray you doe Theo. When no excuse can be found any longer you presently have recourse unto Tears but those counterfeit Tears shall doe you no good Why draw I not my sword and expiate this Villany will you not confesse will you not tell me who you are you strumpet you Rosa. Pardon me Sir I pray you and I will confesse every thing I am the unhappy but not the unchast Rosabella Theo. O! now you are my own Country woman Now you appear in your own