that are the cause of this sad hower Gin. He stands as if his Legs had taken root A very Mandrake Eld: Pall. How comes it Lady all these Beauties that But yesterday did seeme to teach The Spring to flourish and rejoyce so soone Are wither'd from our sight Amp. It is in vaine t' inquire the reason of That griefe whose remedy is past had you But felt so much remorse or softnesse in Your heart as would have made you nobly just And pittifull the Mourners of this day Had wanted then their Dead to weepe upon Eld. Pall. Am I the cause forbid it gentle heaven The Virgins of our Land when this is told Will raze the Monumentall building where My buried flesh shall dwell and throw my dust Before the sportive windes till I am blowne About in parcels lesse then Eie-sight can Discerne Luce. Shee listens to you sir Eld. Pal. If I am guilty of neglect Give me a taste of dutie name how farre I shall submit to love the mind hath no Disease above recovery if wee Have courage to remove dispaire Ample O sir the pride and scornes with which you first Did entertaine my passions and regard Have worne my easie heart away my breast Is emptier than mine Eies that have distill'd Their Balls to Funerall Dew It is too late Luce. Ginet my feares have in them too much Prophecie I told thee shee would nere recover Ginet For my poore part I wish no easier Bed At night then the cold grave where she must lie Amp. Luce Luce intreat the Gentleman to sit Luce. Sit neere her sir You heare her voyce growes weake Ample That you may see your scornes could not perswade My love to thoughts of danger or revenge The faint remainder of my breath I le waste In Legacies and Sir to you you shall Have all the Lawes will suffer me to give Eld. Pall. Who I sweet Saint take heed of your last deeds Your bounty carries cunning Murder in 't I shall be kill'd with kindnesse and depart Weeping like a fond Infant whom the Nurse Would sooth too early to his bed Luce. Nay Sir no remedy you must have all Though you procur'd her death the world shall not Report she dy'd beholding to you Ginet Goe to her Sir she 'ld speake with you agen Ample Sir if mine Eies in all their health and glory Had not the power to warme you into Love Where are my hopes now they are dimme and have Almost forgot the benefit of light Eld. Pal. Not love Lady Queene of my heart what oathes Or execrations can perswade your faith From such a cruell jealousie Ampl. I 'd have some testimony Sir if but T' assure the world my love and bounty at My death were both conferr'd on one that shew'd So much requitall as declares he was Of Gentle humane race Eld. Pall. What shall I doe Prescribe mee dangers now horrid as those Which Mid-night fires beget in Citties overgrowne Or Winter stormes produce at Sea and try How far my love will make mee venture to Augment th' esteeme of yours Ampl. That triall of your love which I request Implies no danger Sir 't is not in mee T' urge any thing but what your owne desires Would chuse Eld: Pall. Name it like eager Mastiffs chain'd From the encounter of their game my hot Fierce appetite diminisheth my strength Ampl. 'T is onely this for feare some other should Enjoy you when I 'm cold in my last sleepe I would intreat you to sit heare grow sick Languish and dye with mee Eld: Pall. How dye with you Takes Luce aside 'T were fit you hastned her to write downe all Shee can bestow and in some forme of Law I feare shee 's mad her sences are so lost Shee 'l never find them to her use agen Luce. I pray Sir why Eld. Pall. Did you not heare what a fantastick sute Shee makes that I would sit and dye with her Luce. Does this request seeme strange you will doe little For a Lady that deny to bring her Onward her last journey or is 't your thrift Alas you know soules travell without charge Eld: Pall. Her little skull is tainted too Ampl. Is hee not willing Luce Eld. Pall. My best deare Lady I am willing to Resigne my selfe to any thing but death Doe not suspect my kindnesse now In troth I 've businesse upon Earth will hold me here At least a score or two of yeares but when That 's done I am content to follow you Amp. If this perswasion cannot reach at your Consent yet let mee witnesse so much love In you as may enforce you languish and Decay for my departure from your sight Luce. Can you doe lesse than languish for her death Sit downe here and begin true sorrow Sir If you have any in your brest will quickly Bring you low enough Eld. Pall. Alas good Ladies do you think my languishment And griefe is to begin upon mee now Heaven knowes how I have pin'd and groan'd since first Your letter gave mee knowledge of the cause Luce. It is not seene Sir in your face Eld. Pall. My face I grant you I bate inwardly I 'm scorch'd and dry'd with sighing to a Mummie My Heart and Liver are not big enough To choke a Daw A Lamb layd on the Altar for A sacrifice hath much more entrailes in 't Luce. Yet still your sorrow alters not your face Eld. Pall. Why no I say No man that ever was Of Natures making hath a face moulded With lesse helpe for hypocrisie than mine Ginet Great pitty Sir Eld. Pall. Though I endur'd the Diet and the Flux Lay seven dayes buried up to 'th Lips like a Deceas'd sad Indian in warme sand whilst his Afflicted Female wipes his salt foame off With her owne haire feeds him with Buds of Guacum For his salad and Pulpe of Salsa for His Bread I say all this endur'd would not Concerne my face Nothing can decline that Amp. Yet you are us'd Sir to bate inwardly Eld. Pall. More than heires unlanded or unjoynter'd Wives Enter Engine Engin. What shall wee doe Sir Tirant Thrift's come home Eld. Pall. Sir Tirant Thrift Luce. My Ladies Guardian Sir Amp. He meets th' expected hower just to my wish Luce. What hath hee brought a husband for my Lady Engin. There is a certaine one legg'd Gentleman Whose better halfe of limbs is wood for whom Kind Nature did provide no hands to prevent Stealing and to augment his gracefulnesse Hee 's crooked as a Witches Bin Luce. Is he so much wood Engin. So much that if my Lady were in health And married to him as her Guardian did Propose wee should have an excellent generation Of bedstaff Luce. When does hee come Engin. To night if his slow Litter will consent For they convay him tenderly lest his Sharpe bones should grate together Sir Pallatine I wish you could escape my Masters sight Eld. Pall. Is hee comming hither Engin. Hee 's at the doore My Ladies sicknesse was No sooner told him
mull for a Parsons cold Pert. This needs must terrifie Thw. That our Theaters are raz'd downe and where They stood hoarse Midnight Lectures preach'd by Wives Of Comb-makers and Mid-wives of Tower-Wharfe Pert. 'T will take impregnablie Thw. And that a new Plantation Sir marke me Is made i' th Coven Garden from the Sutlerie O' th German Campes and the Suburbs of Paris Where such a salt disease regnes as will make Sassafras dearer than Vnicornes Horne Pert. This cannot chuse but fright the Gentry hence And more impoverish the Towne than a Subversion of their Faire of Bartholmew The absence of the Termes and Court Thw. You shall if my projections thrive in lesse Sir than a yeare stable your horses in The New Exchange and graze them in the Old Enter Yo: Pallatine Meager Queasie Snore Mist Snore Pert. Iog off there 's Pall treating for your liberty Yo: Pall. The Canopy the Hangings and the Bed Are worth more than your Rent come y' are overpaid Besides the Gentleman 's betray'd hee is no Bawd Snor. Truely a very civill Gentleman 'Las hee hath onely roar'd and sworne and curs'd Since hee was t'ane no bawdry I le assure yee Mist Snor. Gossip Queasie what a good'yer would ye have Quea. I am content if you and I were friends Yo: Pall. Come come agree 't is I that ever bleed And suffer in your wars Mist. Snor. Sweet Master Pallatine here me but speake Have I not often said Why neighbour Queasie Come to my house besides your Daughter Mall You know last Pompeon time din'd with me thrice When my childs best yellow stockings were missing And a new Pewter Porenger mark'd with P. L. Snor. I for Elizabeth Snore Mist Snor. The Pewterer that mark'd it was my Uncle Quea. Why did my Daughter steale your goods Mist. Snor. You heare me say nothing but there is As bad as this I warrant yee learn't at The Back-house I le have an Oven o' mine owne shortly Yo: Pall. Come no more words there 's to reconcile you In Burnt wine and Cake Goe get you all in I 'm full of businesse and strange Mistery Exeunt Snore Mist Snore Queasie Meag. A hundred Pall 't was all his store it lies Here my brave Boy warme and secure in Pouch Pert. Wee 'l share 't anon What need your blush Sir Morglay Like a Mayd newly undone in a darke Entrie There are disasters sure as bad As yours Recorded in the Citie Annals Thw. Your Brother is a Gentleman of a Most even and blessed composition Sir His very blood is made of Holy-Water Lesse salt than Almond-milke Yo: Pall. My silly reprehension's were dispis'd Y 'would be his Disciple and follow him In a new Path unknowne to his owne feet Yet I 've walk't in it since and prosper'd as You see without or Land or Tenement Thw. T is possible to live b'our Wits that is As evident as light no humane learning Shall advise me from that Faith Yo: Pall. Sir Knight what will you give worthy my braine And mee if after a concealement of Your present shame I can advise you how T' achieve such store of wealth and treasure as Shall keepe you here th' exemplar glory of The Towne a long whole yeare without reliefe Or charge from your owne Rents This I take it Was the whole Pride at which some few dayes since Your fancie aym'd Thw. This was Sir in the howres Of haughtinesse and hope but now Yo: Pal. I le do 't whilst my poore Brother too low and Declin'd shall see and envie it Thwack Live in full port observ'd and wondred at Wine ever flowing in large Saxon Romekins About my board with your soft sarsnet smock At night and forreigne Musick to entranse Yo: Pall. All this and more than thy invention can Invite thee too Thw. I le make thee heire of my Estate take my right hand and your two friends For witnesses Yo: Pall. Enough heare mee with haste The Lady Ample 's dead Nay there are things Have chanc'd since your concealment far more fit For wonder Sir than this Out of a silly piety T' avoyd a thirst of Gold and gawdy Pride I' th world sh'ath buried with her in a Chest Her Iewels and her Clothes besides as I 'm Enform'd by Luce my wise Intelligence Five thousand pounds in Gold a Legacie Left by her Aunt more than her Guardian knew Thwac. Well what of this Yo: Pall. Your selfe and I joyn'd Sir in a most firme And loyall League may rob this Chest Thwack Marrie and will Yo: Pall. Then when your promise is but ratify'd Take all the treasure for your owne expence Thw. Come let us goe My fingers burne till they Are telling it The night will grow upon 's Onely you and I I 'le not trust new Faces Dismisse these Gentlemen Yo: Pall. At the next street Sir Thw. This is at least a girne of Fortune if Not a faire smile I 'm still for my old Problem Since the living rob mee I le rob the dead Yo: Pall. On my delicious Pert Now is the time To make our Purses swell and Spirits climbe Exeunt omnes ACT. 5. SCEN. 1. Enter Yo: Pallatine Ample Luce Engine with a Torch Yo. Pall. Engine draw out the Chest and ope the Wicket Let us not hinder him the ayre since t is Become his food Eld, Pall. Who 's there what are you speak Amp. A brace of mourning Virgins Sir that had You dy'd in Love and in your Wits would now Have brought Roses and Lillies Buds of the Brier And Summer Pinks to strew upon your Herse Eld. Pall. Then you resolve mee dead Luce. 'T were good that you would so resolve your selfe Yo: Pall. She counsells you to wise and severe thoughts Why you are no more mortify'd then Men That are about to dance the Morrice Eld. Pall. Ladies and Brother too whom I beginne To worship now for tendernesse of heart Can you believe I am so leaden stupid And so very a Fish to thinke you dare Thus murther me in bravery of Mirth You haue gone farre part of my suff'rance I Confesse a justice to me Amp. O doe you so Hath your heart and braine mett upon that point And render'd you silly to your owne thoughts Eld. Pall. Somewhat mistaken i' th projection of My journey hither Three houres in a Chest Among the dead will profit more than three Yeares in a Study 'Mongst Fathers Schoolemen And Phylosophers Yo. Pal. And y' are perswaded now that there is relatiue To 'th maintaining of a poore younger Brother Something beside his Witts Eld: Pall. 'T is so conceiv'd Ample And that we Ladies of the Towne or Court Have not such waxen hearts that ev'ry beame From a hott Lovers Eie can melt them through Our Breasts Eld. Pall. Faith 't is imagin'd too Luce. That though th' unruly Apetites of some Perverted few of our fraile Sex have made Them yield their honors to unlawfull love Yet there is no such want of you Male-sinners As should
till You each dislike the game Thwack T is the cause I Come for a wither'd Mid-wife or a Nurse Who drawes her lips together like an eye That gives the cautionary winke are those I would find here so they be rich and fat Enter Ginet Ginet My Lady understands your haste and she Her selfe consults now in affaires of haste But yet will hastely approach to see You Gentlemen and then in haste returne exit Eld Pall. What 's this the Superscription of a Packet Thwack Now does my blood wamble you Sucket eater offers to follow her Pallatine staies him Eld. Pall. These Covenants Knight will never be observ'd I l'e sue the forfeiture leave you so poore Till for preferment you become an Eunuch And sing a Trebble in a Chauntry Knight Enter Ample Lucy Ginet Elder Pallatine and Thwak addresse to kisse them and are thrust backe Ample Stay Gentlemen good soules they have seene Lucy The Country Turtles bill and thinke our lipps I' th Towne and Court are worne for the same use Lucy Pray how doe the Ladies there poore Villagers They churne still keepe their Dayrles and lay up For Imbroidered Mantles against the Heires birth Ample Who is begot i' th Christmas Holydaies Eld. Pall. Yes surely when the Spirit of Mince-Pie Raignes in the blood Ampl What penny Gleek I hope 's In fashion yet and the trecherous foot Not wanting on the Table frame to jogge The Husband lest he lose the Noble that Should pay the Grocers Man for Spice and Fruit Lucy The good old Buttler shares too with his Lady In the Box bating for Candles that were burnt After the Clocke struck Ten Thwack He doth indeed Poore Country Madams th' are in Subjection still The beasts their husbands make 'em sit on three Legg'd stooles like homely Daughters of an Hospitall To knit sockes for their cloven feet Eld. Pallat. And when these Tirant Husbands too grow old As they have still th' impudence to live long Good Ladies they are faine to waste the sweet And pleasant seasons of the day in boyling Jellies for them and rowling little Pills Of Cambrick Lint to stuffe their hollow teeth Lucy And then the Evenings warrant yee they spend With mother Spectacle the Curats wife Who does inveigh 'gainst curling and dyde Cheekes Heaves her devout impatient nose at oyle Of Iessamin and thinkes powder of Paris more Prophane then th' ashes of a Romish Martyr Ample And in the dayes of joy and triumph Sir Which come as Seldome to them as new gownes Then humble wretches they doe friske and dance In narrow Parlers to a single Fidle That squekes foorth tunes like a departing Pigge Lucy Whilst the mad Hinds shake from their feet more dirt Then did the Cedar-Rootes that danc'd to Orpheus Ample Doe they not powre their wine too from an Ewre Or small guilt Cruce like Orange-water kept To sprinkle hollyday Beards Lucy And when a Stranger comes send seven miles post By Moone-shine for another pint Eld. Pallat. All these indeed are heauy truthes but what Doe you th' exemplar Madams of the Towne Play away your youth as our hasty Gamesters Their light Gold not with desire to lose it But in a fond mistake that it will fit No other use Thwack And then reserve your age As superstitious Sinners ill got wealth Perhaps for 'th Church perhaps for Hospitals Eld. Pallat. If rich you come to Court there learne to be At charge to teach your Paraqueeto's French And then allow them their Interpreters Least the Sage Fowle should lose their wisdome on Such Pages of the presence and the Guard As have not past the Seas Thwack But if y' are poore Like wanton Monkies chain'd from Fruit You feede upon the itch of your owne Tailes Lucy Rose-Vineger to wash that Ruffians mouth Ampl. They come to live here by their Wits let them use 'em Lucy They have so few and those they spend so fast They will leave none remaining to maintaine them Eld. Pallat. You shall maintaine us a communitie The subtle have decreed of late You shall Endow us with your Bodies and your Goods Yet use no manacles cald dull Matrimony To obliege affection against wise Nature Where it is lost perhaps through a disparity Of yeares or justly through distaste of crimes Ampl. Most excellent Resolves Eld. Pallat. But if you 'l needs marry Expect not a single Pursse for a Ioynture Not so much Land as will allow a Grasshopper A Salad Thwac. I would no more doubt t' enjoy You two in all variety of wishes Wer 't not for certaine Covenants that I lately Sign'd to in my drinke then I would feare Vsurie In a small Poet or a cast Corporall Ampl. You would not Thwack But looke to your old Widowes There my title 's good see they be rich too Lest I shall leave their Twins upon the Parish To whom the Deputy o' th Ward will deny Blew Coates at Easter Loaves at Funerals Cause they were Sons of an old Countrey Wit Ampl. Why all for Widowes Sir can nothing that Is young affect your mouldy apetite Thw. No in sooth Damsels at your yeares are wont To talke too much over their Marmaled They cann't fare well but all the Towne must hear 't Their love 's so full of prayses and so loud A man may with lesse noyse lye with a Drum Ampl. Thinke you so Sir Thw. Give me an old widow that commits Sin With the gravity of a corrupt Iudge Accepts of Benefits i' th darke and can Conceale them from the light Ample takes Elder Pall apart Ampl. Pray Sir allow mee but your eare aside Though this rude Clime i' th Clough presume In his desires more than his strength can justifie You should have nobler kindnesse than to thinke All Ladies rellish of an apetite Bad as the worst your evill chance hath found Eld. Pallat. All are alike to mee at least I 'le make Them so with thin perswasions and a short Expence of time Ample Then I have cast away My sight my eyes have look'd themselves into A strong disease but they shall bleed for it Eld. Pall. Troth Lady mine I find small remedy Ample Why came you hither Sir she that shall sigh Her easie spirits into wind for you Must not have hope the kindnesse of your breath Will ere recover her Lucy What doe I heare Hymen defend But three good corners to your little heart And two already broyling on Loves Altar Does this become her Ginet speake Ginet As age and halfe a smock would become me Thwack Th' ast caught her Pallatine insinuate Rogue Lucy Love him you must recant or the small God And I shall quarrell when wee meet i' th Clouds Thwack S'light see how she stands speake to her Eld. Pall. Peace Knight it is apt cunning that we goe Disdaine is like to water pour'd on Ice Quenches the flame a while to raise it higher Lucy Engine shew them their way Enter Engine Engine It lies here Gentlemen Eld. Pal. There needs small sūmons
anon Ex. Eng. Per. Meag. Enter Eld Pallatine Yo: Pallatine Ample Luce Yo: Pall. Sir Tirant Thrift here is your Ward come from The dead t' indite you for a Robbery Upon her Ghost Thrift Hah Is shee alive too Luce. Yes and her Wardship out before y'have profer'd her A Husband Sir so the best benefit Of all your Guardianship is lost Ampl. In seven long yeares you could not Sir provide A man deform'd enough to offer mee For your owne ends Thrift Couzen'd of wealth of fame Dog Engine Ex. Thrift Thw. Wee must have you enclos'd agen y' are very Forward with the Lady Eld: Pall. I will be Sir Vntill shee groane this Priest stayes some what long Thw. How 's this troth I shall forgive thee then heartily Amp. I 've t'ane him i' th behalfe of health to chide And jeere for recreation sake 't will keepe Mee Sir in breath now I am past growing Eld: Pall. Hearke Knight here 's rellish for your eares I chose None of your dull Country Madams that spend Their time in studying Receipts to make March-Pane and preserve Plums that talke Of painfull Child-births Servants wages and Their husbands good Complexion and his Leg Thw. New wonders yet El: Pall. What was that Mistris which I seal'd to hood-wink'd A simple triall of my confidence and love Amp. Your Brother has it t is a gift to him Of one faire Mannor 'mongst those many that you Have in Possession Sir and in this Bond Y' are witnesse to three thousand pounds I give to Luce Luce. Yes Sir for Pall and I must marry too Yo: Pall. I were an Ev'nuch else and th' world should know 't Eld: Pall. Thou couldst not have betrayd mee to a bounty I more love Brother Give thee joy Thw. takes Yo: Pall aside Thw. You are the cause of all these Miracles Therefore I desire you to be my heire By this good day you must for I 've t'ane order Though I love your Wit you shall not live by it Yo: Pall. My kind thanks Sir the poore Mans gratitude Mist Snor. Give you joy sweet Master Pallatine and Your Brother too Quea. And send you more such wives Ev'ry yeare as many as shall please heaven Snor. T is day I le not to bed Sir now my watch Shall be drunke at your worships wedding Yo: Pall. They shall and there is Gold enough to keepe Them so untill thy reigne be out Enter Pert Meager Engine with Money Bags Pert. Loaden with composition Pall Meag. T is for your sake wee grone under these burdens Yo: Pall. The Offall of Sir Tirants Trunks Brother Pray know these Gentlemen they owe you more Money than they meane to pay now Eld: Pal. I remember 'um But no words my Cavalliers And you are safe Where shall we dine to day Yo: Pal. At Lucy's Aunts wee 'l make her costive Beldamship Come off when shee beholds a goodly joynture And our faire hopes Eld: Pall. First to the Church Lady I le make your skittish person sure Some of Your pleasant Arts upon mee may become A wise Example and a Morall too Such as their haughty fancie well befits That undertake to live here by their Wits Exeunt omnes FINIS EPILOGVE THe office of an Epilogue is now To smooth stroke the wrinckles frō each brow To guide severer judgements if wee could Be wise enough untill they thought all good Which they perhaps dislike And sure this were An over-boldnesse rais'd from too much Feare You have a Freedome which wee hope you 'l use T' advance our youthfull Poet and his Muse With a kind Doome And hee 'l tread boldly then In 's best new Comick Socks this Stage agen