this Sacred Veil and wear it till you come before the Tribunal of the Eternal Iudge to whom all Knees both in Heaven and Earth and Hell are bent remember you have for ever taken leave of the World and given and united your self wholy to Iesus Christ as to your beloved Spouse may he defend and protect you from all Evils and receive you at length into Eternal Life Amen Then the Bride with a loud Voice recited the words of St. Agnes He has put a Mark and Veil ever my Face that I may admit no other Lover but himself Then the Abbess put on the Brides head a Crown saying Take my dear Sister this Temporal Crown as a certain pledge of that Eternal one which your Divine Spouse has prepar'd for you if you be faithful to him After this the Abbess also put a Ring on her Finger saying at the same time My beloved Daughter take this Ring as a Mark of that love and fidelity which you ought inviolably to keep to your faithful Spouse Iesus Christ as long as you love To which the Bride Answer'd with a high Voice My Lord Iesus Christ has engag'd me to him with his Ring and adorn'd me as his Spouse with a Crown Then the Abbess put into her hand a Crucifix and said Receive here and embrace your Spouse may he receive bless and preserve both you and us for ever Amen After she had receiv'd the Crucifix the Father recited the following Prayers LOrd Iesus Christ who by the immense goodness of thy Purity hast vouchsafed to Espouse our Souls with an indissoluble band of Love grant we beseech thee that this thy Servant being firmly engag'd by thy Ring of Faith may become so constant faithful and devout a Spouse in thy service as that she may firmly persever in it to the end who livest and reignest c. O God who by thy love hast inflam'd this thy Servant and drawn her from the Vanity of the World to the reward of so high a Calling vouchsafe so to purifie her heart with thy presence and the infusion of thy Divine Grace that she may persever in it that being strengthen'd by thy assistance she may be able to perform what by thy Divine inspirations she has promis'd and by the execution hereof happily partake of the Eternal reward thou hast promis'd those that persever in thy service through Christ our Lord Amen These Prayers being ended the Quire began to Sing the following Responsal The Kingdom of this VVorld and all it's Ornaments I have contemn'd for the Love of my Lord Iesus Christ Which having ended they began the Hymn Te Deum Laudamus and whilst they were Singing it the Bride went round the Quire and receiv'd the Embraces and Congratulations of all the Religious then returning to her place she and the rest of the Religious kneeling in their order the Father recited that Verse of the 67 Psalm Confirm O God what thou hast wrought in us and then made a very moving Sermon upon the following Text out of the 9th Psalm Sperent in te Domine qui noverunt nomen tuum Let them hope in thee O Lord who know thy Name In this Exhortation he First lay'd open the nature of this Action or Ceremony they had perform'd by evidencing that a greater Act of hope could not be express'd then by a Voluntary Contempt of the present but transitory Comforts of this World in expectation of those solid and inexplicable joys whose durance was to be Eternal in the next Believe me said he the vain hopes of the Earth are too poor and inconsiderable for so generous hearts as yours are the Kingdom of Heaven as you have made out to Day is only worthy of them Secondly He shew'd there could be no way more Compendious to Honor and Celebrate this great Feast of All-Saints then by striving to make themselves conformable to those Great Originals which in this present conjuncture they had done by so generously undervaluing all the transitory goods of this Life and so might justly hope to arrive at that pitch of Sanctity this Contempt of the World had rais'd the Saints unto and also to share with them the Crown of Glory in the World to come Thirdly Addressing himself to the Bride he assur'd her she had strictly follow'd the direction of St. Austin in Solemnising this Feast by so closely following the Example of Saints nay even the hardest example which is that of Martyrs Whereby she had made a better and a more moving Exhortation by her Example then he was able to make by his words she having verified those of this great Doctor Ser. 47. de Sactis Ab ipsis Martyrum Festivitatum gaudia celebrantur qui ipsorum Martyrum exempla sequuntur Solemnitates enim Martyrum Exhortationes sunt Martyriorum ut imitari non pigeat quod celebrare delectat The joys of the Festivals of Saints are best Celebrated by those who follow their Examples for the Solemnities of Martyrs are so many Exhortatations to Martyrdome that it may not be tedious to Practice what is delightful to Celebrate Proving that the Bride had couragiously enter'd upon the hardest of Martyrdoms by taking upon her so long and terrifying a one as was that dying Life or living Death she had so joyfully embrac'd for the love of God CHAP. II. What Effects this Ceremony wrought upon her self and those that were present at it The great Victory she had obtain'd over her passions manifested by her unconcernedness in this and two other very moving occasions Having ended the Ceremony of her Profession I hope the taking notice of some moving Circumstances in it and of the effects it wrought both upon the Bride and those that were present will prove as grateful to the Reader as I believe the foregoing Relation has been The Ceremony was so moving as that there was scarce a Religious or Secular Person present who were as many as the Doxal could hold that was able to refrain from Tears Nay the Governor himself the Marquiss of Flavecoeur a Person not at all subject to this passion declar'd that he could not refrain from weeping at the sight of it no more then the rest and that he had never felt such a tenderness of heart in all his Life She her self who was the Actor was the only person that seem'd unmov'd in this action appearing all the while with a chearful yet so recollected a Countenance as if she had been totally absorpt in God whose Sacrifice she fell that Day Her little ones stood by her all the time she perform'd the Ceremony which was enough to have mov'd any heart but hers For they being of an Age not sensible of their loss seem'd as little concern'd as their Mother and were very much pleas'd at what they understood not being very busie in assisting at the Ceremony The one put on her Veil the other her Crown at which Sister Clare smiling told her in a low Voice she wore that for her
never recover from that sickness The only concern she had now left was for her Fathers Conversion and what would become of the Children after her Death which the thoughts of Brother Clares Death had for some time hinder'd her from thinking upon CHAP. XIII Her concern for her Father and Children She seeks her greater Mortification even to the last The Declaration of her satisfaction in her State of Life a little before her Death THe concern Sister Clare had been in for the suspected Death of Brother Clare and fright of her own being deluded had for some time made her forget her concern for her Father but no sooner were those apprehensions taken away but this return'd together with the apprehension least after her Death her Father should endeavour to prosecute his design of geting the Children into England and there perverting them from the Catholic Faith bring their Souls into as dangerous a condition as his own was in But now not being able to Write her self she desir'd one of the Religious to Write what she would dictate to her which she did in the following words SIR BEing at present unable to Write my self I am forced to make use of anothers hand to beg with my last breath a continuation of your kindness to me after my Death by giving your consent that my Children may be brought up in the place where they now live and that you would also please to reflect how unsafe the Religion you are of is to dye in and think before it be too late cf your Salvation This I crave of you for the bloody Passions sake of our dear Savior Your poor Child TREVOR HANMER At the beginning of her Letter she seem'd pleasant and chearful but before she came to the end of it the sadness of the subject had made her Heart also sad this Letter thô short is very expressive of her constant affection to her Father and concern for her Children wherein she to move him the more to grant what she asked made use of the most powerful Motives of our Saviors Passion and his own Affection which she endeavour'd to stir up by subscribing it with her Maiden Name Being in this weak condition we have mention'd notwithstanding the interior and exterior afflictions she suffer'd she had not forgot or lest off to Mortifie her self for she still practis'd it upon her dying Body out of too unreasonable a persuit I know not how to term it of self denyal and suffering refusing to ask that assistance which her condition requir'd but would sometimes lye three or four hours and very often for an hour with that stilness and quiet that one could not discern whether she were living or dead unless by her breath And all judged it to be no little pain for one in a Feaver to live so long without any manner of refreshment or change of posture which the Religious were still ready to give her but she never askt nay would scarce accept of when offer'd unless by Obedience This render'd the Religious rather sharers in her sufferings than inabl'd them to give her any comfort or solace in them And from this all that attended her were assur'd that she treated her Body in her sickness with no less rigor than she did in her health and that to her last breath she kept inviolably that purpose I find amongst others in her own hand For the love of God I will ever deny my self whatever is pleasing to me thô lawful for we and endeavour as much as Holy Obedience will permit to do all such things for his sake as shall be most contrary to my nature Let all Creatures love praise and honor Jesus Maria Joseph but let me be confounded A brave and Heroical resolution in which she exprest the constancy of her Love to God and contempt of her self A few days before her happy Death some of the Religious in the presence of the Doctor compassionated her present weakness for her Spirits were almost exhausted and her strength quite spent but the Doctor Answer'd That 't was no wonder to see her in that condition by reason of the many Austerities and Mortifications she had undergone and chiefly the violent combat she had often had with Nature of which he found evident Symptoms in her Body Sister Clare hearing this and thinking that some might infer from hence that all her Life in Religion had been troublesome and uneasie to remove this suspition and to undeceive those that were present especially the Doctor call'd God to Witness these following words I have so much content and satisfaction at present and always had in this State of Life that I voluntarily took upon my self as that were I again as free to choose as ever I would embrace This very condition and State of Life and no other Thô this was the last yet 't was not the only time she had signified her satisfaction in Religion and then also exprest a dislike to her former condition for being asked what mov'd her so to Mortifie her self She Answer'd That the Love she ow'd to God made her esteem all she did and suffer'd as nothing and render'd all the hardships of her present Rules most easie and pleasant adding That what is suffer'd even in the strictest Orders is nothing to what many VVorldlings often suffer even when in outward appearance they seem most happy A few hours before she dyed she desir'd that several Candles might be lighted and put within her Curtains which all wonder'd at because she had before expressed a difficulty and unwillingness to see any light But it seems that Almighty God mov'd her to desire this faint Representation of that Eternal Light she was going to possess For she immediately after with a smiling Countenance declining her Head in Mother Abbesses Breast without the least groan or sigh gave up her pure Soul into the hands of her Creator about Seven a Clock at Night upon the 26th of Ianuary and as she had liv'd in a constant practice so Providence would have her dye in the bosome of Obedience wherefore we may truly say her Death Answer'd her Life she lived a Saint and so she dy'd The End of the Third Book THE LIFE OF THE LADY WARNER In RELIGION Sister CLARE of IESVS THE FOVRTH BOOK CHAP. I. Marks whereby God gave evidence of her Vertuous Life after her Death THE bounty and liberality of God to his Servants is such that as they give signs of their Love towards him in their Life as well in Body as Soul so he often expresses marks of his after their Death not only to their Souls in Heaven making them partakers of his Beatifical Vision but also extends such marks of his Love to their Bodies still in this World as may signifie to us the happiness of their Souls in in the other This he expressed to Sister Clare Whose Countenance after her Death retain'd so Angelical and Ravishing a sweetness as made all the Community which came with sad
themselves as to a secure Harbor which happiness his own Religion wanted The Gentleman as at first he had been backward in engaging in any Discourse concerning Religion now seem'd very active in discouraging Sir Iohn from such an undertaking telling him That this was not necâ—ssary to Salvation as the becoming a Roman Catholic was and that Marriage was a State both pleasing to and ordain'd by Almighty God and that he could not enter upon such a course of Life unless his Lady did so too and therefore he ought to lay aside those Thoughts and set up n what was of greater moment Viz. The disposing himself to become Member of the Roman Caholic Church out of which there was no Salvation And laying aside all Interest or Prejudice which his Education and long Practice of the Religion he profess'd had given him he should earnestly beg of God to shew him the secure way to Salvation with a confidence that God would hear his Prayers if slighting the principles of Interest and the force of Education he sincerely gave Ear to Reason and such Divine Truths as God interiourly should inspire Sir ohn told him he would follow his advice but it being a business of so great weight he would first consult others of his own Religion who probably might be able to return some saâ—isfactory Answer to the doubt he had rais'd of the Truch of the Protest nt Religion althô himself could not and for this end he beg'd of him to give him briefly in VVriting the Points of Religion in which the Catholics differ'd from that he profess'd and the principal Arguments upon which they grounded this difference That which Sir Iohn acknowledg'd himself most surpriz'd at was that he found the chief things objected against Roman Catholics and which he thought impossible for the other to Answer were either false or falsly represented As that of Idolatry of Merit of forgiving Sins before hand or giving leave to Sin and several such like Tenets laid to their charge The Gentleman promis'd in a short time to bring him what he desir'd and the very Day he went from Parham Sir Iohn resolv'd to set upon what he had advis'd him Viz. by entring into a serious Recollection ponder and thereby discover of how great Importance it was to be in the right way to Salvation and how little it signified to enjoy never so great happiness in this short Life if after it one lost an Eternal felicity in the next He therefore most earnestly beg'd of Almighty God to direct him into that secure way that leads to Bliss and which himself came into this World to Chalk out that by the knowledge of it in this Life he might obtain the Fruits of his inestimable Redemption in the Life to come Whilst he proceeded in these Pious Exercises it pleas'd God Almighty to bring into his Mind some good thoughts he had entertain'd not long before in a very dangerous Sickness Viz. of the uncertainty he was then in of his future happiness and what horror he selt from thence what desires and resolutions he then conceiv'd in his Soul of living a more Virtuous Life if God should vouchsafe to prolong it A Dream also which carried his consideration still further came fresh into his Memory which he had had not long before of his being ready to receive the Sentence of Eternal Damnation before the Grand Tribunal and how much he then wisht that he might return again to the World to make satisfaction by a new Life for his past Offences Also how insignificant all the pleasures and satisfactions of this World then appear'd and how willingly he would have Sacrific'd them all to have freed himself from the Eternal Misery in which he even seem'd already to be involv'd These thoughts were so lively represented unto him and were so urgent and weighty that they mov'd him no less now than they had done before gave him a quicker and sharper sense of the danger of his present condition and caus'd him to make an intire Oblation of himself to Almighty God begging of him by his Sacred Passion to Pardon his past Sins and to teach him hereafter how to Love and Please him Another thing also came under his deliberation which had been to him a frequent occasion of great trouble Viz. The fear and apprehension lest his Lady should die before him Which he could never think of without a more than an ordinary sorrow judging it would be impossible for him to survive so great and sensible a loss In this perplexity the same thought which represented it self whilst Father Travers explicated the Doctrin of Purgatory return'd with so much violence yet was accompanied with so comfortable a sweetness that it seem'd to dissipate all his former doubts and troubles A Religious Life offering it self to his serious considerations as a means to make Death and Judgment the most terrible of all things comfortable and pleasant and that nothing could so much dispose him for such a necessary separation as Death would one Day make between him and his Lady as a Voluntary separating before hand for the Love of God Sir Iohn was carried away so violently with these thoughts that they gave him no liberty at all to reflect upon the change of his Religion thô so necessary a Qualification for that State of Life he was so forceably mov'd to embrace nor could he be satisfied till he had discover d them to his Lady whom if he found not to have the like inclinations now which he knew she had before her Marriage 't would be in vain for him any longer to entertain any such thoughts Therefore he opens his Mind to her in order to a Religious State who receiv'd this intimation with a Flood of Tears seeing her thus mov'd at this proposal He beg'd of her for the Love of God not to trouble her self farther about what he had propos'd for unless she were of the same Mind he neither could nor would harbor these thoughts any longer She on the other side assur'd him That her Tears were not Tears of sorrow as he apprehended them but of joy and that the same value she had before Marriage for a Religious State was not at all lessen'd by it and that she still esteem'd a Monastical Life the happiest in this VVorld but endeavor'd to put such thoughts as much out of her Mind as she was able because she had settled her self in a Condition so opposite to that most happy Calling And that she durst never signifie her Mind to him in this matter fearing he might take it as unkindly as she imagin'd he thought she had taken his proposal She added That she thought no Course of Life could be truly happy in which the Dispensations of Gods Providence were not equally acceptable She told him also That as she was confident she should not so she fear'd he would not enjoy a long Life and that this was not her Opinion alone but also her Fathers who for that
liberty my Body and Soul all that I am have or can hope for I give you my dearest Husband Children and whatever is dearest to me and make this Oblation purely for love of you alone For whose sake I renounce and abandon all Right to them and all other Friends Kindred Riches Honors Esteem Health and whatever Prosperity and Comfort this World can afford me I bequeath all to your free disposal for I am intirely yours This is my final Resolution this my last Will and Testament Come therefore O beautiful beloved of my Soul nothing but your dear self shall hereafter have place in my heart come therefore and inrich it with your gracious presence enter into my Soul cleanse it throughly from all Terene Affections mould it a new make it wholy addicted to your holy Service that it may never cease to praise and love you Amen Thus this Holy Novice intirely gave her self and all she had to God a most happy fruit of her Eight Days retirement When she had finish'd this Exercise she beg'd the Voices of the Community and of each one of the Religious apart that she might be admitted to her Vows to which she added another very earnest and unusual Petition Viz. that she might be so admitted to them as neither to have Active or Passive Voice in Chapter Every one granted her first request but of the second she could not obtain a grant from any one which was a very considerable allay to that joy she receiv'd by their kind condescention to her first Petition Brother Clare who now with his Habit takes again that welcome Name which he was forced for some time to lay aside thought it convenient to desire leave to speak with her alone before they made their Profession that he might be assur'd whether she were intirely satisfied in the State to which she was about to tye her self by a perpetual obligation Wherefore he consulted Father VVorsley and Reverend Mother Abbess who both thought his proposition not only reasonable but necessary Wherefore the Night before their Profession they met at the Grate in the Quire which was left open on purpose that they might be assur'd that there were no Witnesses of what passed but God and themselves and therefore take the greater liberty of freely declaring their Minds to one another He asked her VVhether her Resolutions which she had acquaint'd him with in her last Letters still continu'd VVhether she was satisfi'd with that course of Life she had undertaken and with the place she was in VVhether she still enjoy'd in every thing that true and solid peace of mind that she express'd in her last Letters And assur'd her that if she had any dislike to the Poor Clare's he would still as willingly stay another Year as he had done the last Moreover told her That if she repented her undertaking of this State of Life she was now in that it was still in her Power to reassume her former condition and that he was no less ready to return with her to the VVorld if she desir'd it than he was to come out of it knowing that neither of them could enter into a Religious State without the full and free consent of the other She was not long in making a generous return to these kind proposals and first thanking him most kindly for the offers he made told him She thought none liv'd more happily or contentedly in the VVorld than he and she had done or could Love each other better yet said she what affliction must the reflection upon this happiness occasion when we consider how contrary a Life and how full of sorrow and affliction that was which our dearest Savior led here upon Earth for our sakes and can we Love him and not endeavour to express our Loves by being like him in suffering for his sake as he did for ours Alas were we again in the VVorld how long could we promise our selves the enjoyment of it How soon might Death seperate us and how miserable would the Surviver be No Dear Brother Clare let us never think more of the VVorld let not one thought of those false and painted delights it yeilds ever enter into our hearts or cause the least regret of that happy promise which both of us to Morrow by God's assistance design to make to his Infinite Goodness I must confess I have hinder'd you several times from making these comfortable Vows but I am resolv'd now to secure you from any future suspence of this happiness the joyful hour of our Profession is all I long for 't is that alone which is able to make you satisfaction for all the trouble I have given you by being the occasion you have so long defer'd it This is what I desire above all things and is that alone which is able to give us true peace and happiness whilst we are here upon Earth by placeing us in so pleasant and secure a way to Heaven Brother Clare was extreamly Edified as well as overjoy'd at the hearing these her ferverous Resolutions and took notice that all the while they were together she never so much as cast up her Eyes to look upon him Nor did he take any notice of it to her but afterwards understood the reason why she did not look up was because that Mother Abbess when she order'd her to go to the Grate said Go to Brother Clare and not go see Brother Clare which her Superior never reflected upon as judging that addition unnecessary since the giving her leave to speak at the open Grate included also a leave of seeing him she spoke to but so great was her love to Obedience that she was not content unless it accompanied the very least of her actions nor would she so much as even cast an Eye whatever natural inclinations she found in her self to do it without this secure and unerring Guide which she knew could not deceive her Finding each other so well satisfied in the State of Life they had undertaken they wisht one another all comfort in their next Days Sacrifice and took their last leaves in this World with hopes of a most joyful meeting in the next in the enjoyment of so constant a happiness as could not be allay'd by parting or any other accident Where a continual joy an everlasting and un-interrupted peace should Crown that Voluntary Sacrifice they made of that satisfaction they might have promis'd themselves in this World which thô it should have lasted far longer than they could reasonably have hop't for would not have appear'd a moment in respect of Eternity which would put them in full Possession of such a happiness as so far exceeded what they had left or were able to comprehend as the Power of God exceeds that of Creatures who was able to do more nay and will do more for those that love and serve him than human imagination is able to reach or the thought of Man is able to conceive as St. Paul well expresses when
Lord Amen Father Pray for us O Blessed Mother St. Clare Quire That we may be made worthy of the pomises of Christ O Lord we beseech thee to make us who Honor the Memory of the Holy Virgin St. Clare by her Intercession partakers of Celestial joys and Co-heirs of thy only begotten Son who lives and Reigns with thee World without end Amen Then the Father Blessed the Veil as follows Father May our help be in the Name of our Lord. Quire VVho made Heaven and Earth Father O Lord hear my Prayer Quire And let my cry come unto thee Father The Lord be with you Quire And with your Spirit Let us Pray O Lord we humbly beseech thee that thy powerful blessing may descend upon this Veil wherewith the head of thy Handmaid is to be cover'd that it may become blessed and holy to her through Christ our Lord. Amen O Mnipotent and Everlasting God we humbly beseech thy Sacred Majesty to Sanctifie with thy right hand this Veil which thy Servant is about to put on her head that thy Mercy assisting her she may keep with an undefiled Body and Mind that Vow of Chastity Mistically represented by this Veil by which out of Love to thee and thy Sacred Virgin Mother she dedicates her self to thy Holy Service that prepar'd hereby she may joyn her self to thy Train of Virgins and deserve to be led by thee to the Everlasting Nuptials of the Lamb who livest and Reignest World without end Amen Then he blessed the Ring as follows LOrd Iesus Christ the lover of true Chastity and perpetual Fidelity we humbly beseech thy Immense Clemency that thou wouldst bless this Ring thy Servant is about to put on and grant that she being Espous'd by this pledge may persever thy Loyal Spouse by so unspotted a Chastity that she may deserve to be adorn'd with the gift of this Vertue and enrich'd with it's Hundred-fold fruit who livest and reignest c. These Prayers being ended the Quire recited the Litanies of the Saints Petitioning each of them to Pray for the Bride and having ended the last Kirie Eleison or Lord have Mercy upon us The Father began the two first words of the Pater Noster saying the rest to himself till he came to the following words And lead us not into Temptation which he said aloud and the Quire Answer'd but deliver us from Evil Amen Then the Father said Lord save thy Servant Quire VVho my God places her trust in thee Father Send her help from thy Sanctuary Quire And from Sion defend her Father Be to her a Tower of strength Quire To defend her from the face of her Enemies Father Let not the Enemy prevail against her Quire Nor the Son of Iniquity be able to hurt her Father Lord hear my Prayer Quire And let my cry come unto thee Father The Lord be with you Quire And with your Spirit Then the Father said the following Prayers LEt our humble Petitions O Lord appear in thy presence and vouchsafe to bless thy Servant to whom in thy Holy Name we give the Veil of Religion and by the Intercession of the most blessed and most glorious Virgin Mary of the Blessed Apostles St. Peter and St. Paul St. Francis St. Clare and all the other Saints grant her a perfect Conversion from the World and so ferverous an observance of what she has undertaken that in all her Tribulations Streights and Temptations being encourag'd by thy Divine Consolation and by true Humility and Obedience being founded in fraternal Charity she may justly piously and Chastly perform what by thy assistance she does this Day promise and thereby deserve to enjoy with thee Everlasting Life Who with the Father and Holy Ghost livest and reignest God World without end Amen O Lord Iesus Christ who art the way out of which none can come to the Father we beseech thy most benign Clemency that thou wouldst lead this thy Servant whom thou hast drawn from Terrene and carnal desires into the secure way of regular Discipline and since thou vouchsafest to call Sinners to thee saying Come unto me all ye that labor and I will refresh you grant that the Voice of this your Invitation may have so much Power over her as that laying down the burden of her Sins she may deserve to taste how great and good you are and by this your Divine refection be inabl'd to sustain your Chastisements for them And as thou hast vouchsaft to attest saying I know my Sheep and my Sheep know me acknowledge her for thine and grant that she may so know thee and follow thee and only thee that she may never give Ear to or obey anothers Voice who hast promis'd that whosoever obeys and serves thee here shall follow thee hereafter who livest and reignest c. Then the Father bid the Bride repeate thrice the following words out of the 118 Psalm Receive me according to thy promises and I shall live and do not disappoint me of my expectation which she having done with a loud and distinct Voice and the Abbess having as often Answer'd My dearest Daughter let it be done unto you according to your words the Quire Answer'd Amen Then the Bride kneel'd down before the Abbess and joyning her hands together plac't them betwixt the Abbesses and both their hands thus joyn'd were tyed together with such a Stole as the Priest wears about his Neck at Mass and is a Representation of those Cords wherewith our Savior out of Love to us permitted himself to be bound in his Passion and therefore the Bride mov'd with a Memory of this his Love permits her hands to be thus bound to represent those Interior bands by which she ties her self whilst she makes her Sacred Vows and her hands are also bound to Mother Abbesses as a mark of that tye of Obedience to her Will which she undertook and then with a loud and distinct Voice she made her Profession as follows In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost Amen I Sister Clare of Iesus do Vow unto Almighty God the most Glorious Virgin Mary Our Holy Father St. Francis Our Holy Mother St. Clare unto all the Holy Saints and to you Reverend Mother Abbess and all your Successors that shall hold your Place to observe all the Day 's of my Life the Rule and Form of living of the Poor Sisters of St. Clare giv'n her by St. Francis and Confirm'd by Our Holy Father Pope Innocent the IV. I Vow to live in OBEDIENCE without PROPRIETY in any thing in CHASTITY also and not to go out of INCLOSURE during my whole Life according to the Constitutions of the same Rule Then the Abbess said And I on the part of God according to his Inviolable Decree do promise you Eternal Life if you observe what you have Vow'd To which the Quire Answer'd Amen Then the Abbess saluted the Bride and taking off her White Veil put on a Black one saying Take Daughter
her Friends especially two such choice Friends as these whose great Vertue mov'd her to a high esteem of them their Station to a confidence in them and their extraordinary Zeal for her Perfection to a grateful affection for them cannot but wonder to see her in so short a time to have gain'd so strange a command over her passions as not to shed a Tear at their Death which is the more to be admir'd in her tender Sex especially since as her Answer to the Governors Lady declares she so sensibly felt this Tryal But God by her faithful co-operation with his Grace had so strengthen'd her to overcome these feelings of Nature as not to give the least sign or expression of sorrow whereby she manifested that thô she lov'd them well yet she lov'd God better whom also she lov'd in such a manner as to desire rather that he should please himself than her nay that even he should please himself in her affliction Which shew'd not only her sincere love to God but also her dis-interessed love to her friends prefering their happiness before her own and therefore since their Death was a gain to them she could not regret her own loss by it nor permit her sorrow to overcome the joy she ought to have in thinking they were happy The will of God was what she endeavor'd most industriously to find out and joyfully embrac'd in whatsoever terrifying manner it appear'd to her as her words to that Pious Religious who was lamenting the Abbesses Death declares And therefore what tryal soever of her Love God thought fit to send her by depriving her of those friends she lov'd best she was resolv'd this tryal should not deprive her of the chief object of her Love himself who was the best of friends And therefore was resolv'd to express her love in the best manner she was able by preferring his Will and Pleasure before her own in all things Whereby she so surmounted all these sensible tryals as to seem even insensible of them And also dispos'd her self for the making her Profession and for the loss of two such friends with such a constancy and unconcernedness as I have declar'd And was also inabl'd quite to overcome the tenderness of an affectionate Mother towards her Children as in the following Chapter I shall relate CHAP. III. Her exact compliance with Mother Abbesses Orders in taking care of her Children in which she exprest more of a careful Mistress than a tender Mother and hereby manifested that Pure Obedience the inclination of Grace and not affection to her Children the inclination of Nature mov'd her to accept this employment AFter she had made her Profession as above declar'd the first thing she set upon was strictly to perform what she had so lately promis'd Obedience was her chief care and thô nothing was more contrary to her inclination than to look after her Children yet seeing this charge was impos'd upon her by her Superior she chearfully undertook it She knew by experience what advantages order and method always brought with it and therefore was sollicitous that every moment should be rightly spent by her Children For this end she made them an exact Distribution or Journal for every hour of the Day accommodated to their Age and Years She spar'd no labor to Cultivate these tender Plants and even from their Infancy to prepare them for the Garden of Religion if God should make them so happy as to call them to that blessed State To set down the whole Distribution of time she had made for them would I fear seem too tedious yet I cannot but let the Reader see some part of it and thereby give him a knowledge of her own Devotions she without doubt practising her self what she endeavor'd to instil into them She order'd them that the first thing they did as soon as they awak'd should be to make the Sign of the Cross adding the following words Blessed be the Holy and undivided Trinity now and for ever Amen And having done this she bids them tell sweet Jesus that they would suffer the Mortification of rising in the cold and of leaving the comfort of their warm bed for his sake who left Heaven for theirs Then as soon as they were up she Counsels them to kiss the ground in Memory of that dust out of which they came and to which they were to return and to make an Act of Adoration and Thanksgiving to the Divine Majesty for having Created them of nothing capable of loving serving and enjoying him for all Eternity and also for having preserv'd them the Night past from all dangers Then that they should make an Oblation of themselves to his Infinite goodness Afterwards to say an Ave Mary to beg our Ladies blessing upon them for that Day whom they were to love and confide in as in a Mother having recourse to her in all their necessities as such and dayly beg her Intercession by saying their Beads together at the time she had appointed Then she order'd them to say a Gloria Patri c. in thanksgiving to God for the glory given to their good Angels and for the honor given to themselves by bestowing upon them such Beautiful and Powerful Protectors whose Protection that Day they were humbly to beg and then to recommend themselves to their particular Patrons and Saints of their Name and Pray for their friends especially for their Grand-fathers and Uncles Conversion This done she order'd them before they came to School to her to go to their Closset and there offer up that and all the other actions of that Day with a pure intention for want of which many even of our best actions were frequently lost and the Merit also of our other actions which are indifferent and of no Merit without such an intention that as soon as they came thither they should strive which of them should first kiss sweet Jesus's Feet in their Crucifix and remember they had chosen St. Mary Magdalen for one of their Patronesses whose place was at the foot of the Cross when Christ dy'd upon it and wish to Love him as she did saying a Pater and Ave and telling our dear Savior they were going to School to please him and that all their actions that Day shall be for no other end When they came to School to confirm them in the practice of that profitable Devotion to their good Angel she had recommended to them she gave them an example of it her self and took out of her breast a little Paper Picture of her good Angel she always carry'd about her and placeing it before her and them to put them in mind of their good Angels who were present thô invisible she recommended her self and Children to them To these she added also other profitable Documents and necessary Instructions as of submission of obedience but most particularly of that of Humility a Virtue very necessary to be acquir'd in young Years where Nature still leads to the
and Immortality and in a perfect Vnion with God but from the moment he endeavour'd to raise himself to the light of knowledge he lost himself in it's darkness and became Criminal because he desir'd a greater knowledge than God had bestowed upon him So commonly the greatest Schollars and most piercing Wits do not make the humblest and greatest Saints Learning is a Tyrant that never failes to persecute them that possess it It perverts their Wills casts them into Pride and presumption and now and then into the Abyss of Heresie and Apostacy Hence it is that God has founded the Maxims of Faith upon his word whose chief Mysteries and most necessary to Salvation are incomprehensible that he might make the way to Heaven equally easie to the Learned and ignorant to great and small and so hold our Iudgments in a perfect Vnion with all he should propose by his Church Moreover in this blind Obedience one may testifie a greater fidelity and practice more Vertue there being less of self love and satisfaction and more courage and generosity in an humble acknowledgment of our ignorance such as St. Paul made when he said He knew nothing but Christ Crucified and that he had no other knowledge than what he had learnt at the foot of the Cross than by being Master of a greater knowledge than the greatest Doctors of the Church were inspir'd with Wherefore Dear Sister study fidelity more than knowledge value Faith more than Life and Love more than curiosity which Love operates in you the Vnion you desire and has made you like Abraham leave your House your Country and even those tender and Sacred Friendships which were permitted you to enjoy in the World To the end that this Vnion might be so much the stronger and more pure and that God might have an intire possession of your heart which he before possessed but by halves Dear Sister this absolute leaving all you possest by your Profession in the face of the Church this generous submitting your self for time and Eternity to the disposal of the Divine Providence this blind Obedience to the Voice of your Spouse whom you have follow'd does not only unite you to him but dispose you to a perfect annihilation of your self by which one comes to a kind of Deiformity which is the Kingdom of God in a Soul when abandoning her own knowledge lights desires and will she plunges her self with all the effects both of her natural and supernatural Being into him that henceforth she may say with St. Paul Vivo ego jam non ego vivit verò in me Christus I live now 't is not I that live but Christ that lives in me all her works being in a manner Gods operations 'T is then when a Soul is arriv'd to this place that God is her Life her Being her Light and her Love 't is then that he works in her all things she neither knowing the end nor cause of them And this shews the possibility of not loosing God a moment without a continual remembrance of him or an apprehension of his presence he who has his heart and eyes continually upon you as if you were the Object of his happiness cannot loose you for an instant you have therefore nothing to loose because he is your All and you cannot loose any thing because you possess him who is all things and because you have left off what you were in appearance and in your own judgment that he alone might raign and triumph in you and be All in All to you Besides a Soul in Grace can neither forget nor loose God for one single moment as well according to nature her Memory and Will being an indivisible part of her self and without parts as according to God who is her Treasure the Memory of her Memory and the Will of her Will which Powers being united to and lost in God have no more any Being or Action of their own all their operations Exterior and Interior being from God and in God so that loss or gain forgetting or remembring must be the same to you for if the actual and perceptible remembring which passes by the sense and imagination were profitable for you he loves you too well to substract it from you for a moment It is not therefore this exterior Image represented to sense that you ought to stop at but rather at that Interior and Eternal Memory which resides in the bottom of your Soul and is continually in Action because the Principle of Life is in it and that is even the Life which makes it live for in the State of it's Vnion with the Body if cannot raise it self above what it sees and knows without the help of some Figure or Corporal Character or at least some shadow of matter which vanishes away by Faith as all other material transitory or corruptible things do Your Perfection therefore dear Sister consists in being what you are and doing what you do and in nothing else if God looked for more be would more hearken after your desires than his own Holy indifferency in a State of Life or Vocation is that which makes up every ones Perfection and Sanctification for to desire to be more than he has a mind we should be to gape after more than he has a mind to give not to be content with ones Portion to be unwilling to loose him a moment when he retires and hides himself from us on purpose to dis-unite us from all things whatever except from his Holy Will is an effect of self-love which instead of uniting us more and more to him doth rather separate and divide us from him It is a lamentable blindness of the greatest part of Spiritual Persons and rather hinders than augmâ—nts their Perfection when they let themselves be carried on with too great a heat and zeal to obtain it whereas they rather ought with patience and sweetness to expect it from the pure goodness and Grace of God How many Prayers Works of Charity Communions Watchings Labors Mortifications and Fasts will one Day crave Iustice against us For having done them by the Spirit of nature and to please our selves and rather follow'd our own fancy and opinion than the Will of God Which by the Prophet Isaiah 58.3 he complaines of He only requires from us proportionably to what he gives us and is satisfied with our doing his Will with a Purity of Intention rather than our own who Sanctifies even our defects in that single Relation they bear to his Orders and Eternal designs it is this which made St. Paul as well as St. Augustin say He did the evil he would not and did not the good he would at which he was not at all troubled knowing well that God does not impute to sin the failings of nature which are not free since love excuses them covers them blots them out and even turns them to our good and glory So that if you desire to profit by your own losses to buy Heaven
Temporal Blessings Another very remarkable thing of this Gentleman is that the day before his Death Brother Clare going to Montague took his way by Herke to have the satisfaction of giving Mr. Ruisson a Visit who had been so kind as to give him many at Liege upon the account of that Spiritual Friendship which he had contracted with Sister Clare coming thither he found him very sick yet perfectly in his Senses and as chearful as ever he had seen him but was concern'd to see him lay'd after so poor a manner upon the ground and asking the reason of it his Servants signified that it was in Obedience to his own Orders they had made his Bed in that manner and that he would scarse thô in so weak a condition admit of any help from them and had also desir'd his Wife for his as well as for her own greater comfort being he saw she suffer'd very much to see him in that condition that she would not come to him but leave him to make the best use he could of those few moments he had left Brother Clare thô pleas'd to see him as Mr. Ruisson also seem'd to be with his Visit yet was troubl'd to see him so ill accomadated and therefore beg'd of him to accept at least of such helps and conveniences as that dangerous condition he was in requir'd that might conduce both to his ease in his sickness and contribute also to his recovery for the manner he had order'd himself to be treated could not but much augment his distemper which of it self was already too great To all which he reply'd That could he be without those conveniencies he still had he should be very glad and if he did but know what comfort he receiv'd by the want of those he had depriv'd himself of he would rather press him to quit those he had left than desire him to admit of others and then asked Brother Clare VVhether he thought the Inconveniencies he suffer'd were comparable to those which our Saviour had suffer'd for his sake And farther aver'd That the only trouble he now felt was that he could not suffer more at his Death to express his Love to him that dyed with so much pain for him upon the Cross He expressed this with such a chearful and unconcern'd Countenance as made Brother Clare not think him to be in that danger that others thought he was in otherwise he would have given himself the comfort and advantage of being present at his Death Which happen'd the same Night he left him He giving no less evidence of his Vertue at his Death than he had done in his Life not only by a perfect Resignation to Gods Will in suffering it but by earnestly desiring as St. Paul did To be dissolv'd and to be with Christ Perhaps the occasion of this great Friendship he exprest both to Brother and Sister Clare proceeded from those Inclinations he found in himself to do what they had done and in this without doubt Almighty God made him a kind of living Martyr even by the too great Affection of the Person he loved most in the World I mean his Wife who out of the tender Affection she had for him never would give her consent for their retirement into Religion thô he had frequently desir'd it with very great instance And this kind cruelty of hers was doubtless so great a cross as nothing but his Love to Gods Will could sweeten and render supportable The truth of which he one Day confidently discover'd to Brother Clare for discoursing with him about the happiness of a Religious Vocation he told him in Confidence That it was a double favor that God had bestow'd upon him in giving him such a Vocation in the State he was in and at the same time affording him the means of putting it in execution by giving his Lady the same inclination God indeed says he has been so good as to grant me the first by letting me see the happiness of a Religious State and giving me very earnest desires of entering into Religion but as yet he has vouchsafed to give me little hopes of putting these in execution not perceiving he gives the same to my VVife and added that he found it very hard to receive such a Mortification as a refusal was to so advantagious a request from a person he so intirely lov'd and who also refus'd it out of a Motive of love to him wherefore he thought this so great an affliction as 't was impossible for any one to conceive the greatness of it that did not actually feel it CHAP. IX A remarkable passage of her burning her Picture a little before her Death 'T IS a common Axiom in Philosophy that motion for example in a Stone cast down from a high place the nearer it comes to the end or Center to which it tends the more swift it is Sister Clares example seems to prove that the same Axiom holds no less in Moral than in Natural Philosophy for thô from her first Conversion to the Catholic Faith and her entrance into Religion which immediately follow'd the other she never stopt but still made a constant and continual progress in Perfection managing each pretious moment of time to the best advantage to prepare her self for a happy Eternity still advanceing towards her end and Center of her affections God himself Yet there is one instance of her Zeal that happen'd a little before her Death which manifestly proves that the nearer she approacht her end the swifter progress she made and thô perhaps what I am about to relate may at the first fight appear to some less considerable yet whosoever shall rightly weigh it cannot but be of my opinion that it far exceeded the other actions of her Life expressing a strange fund of Humility Contempt of her self and solid Piety which also evidences that the lower she hereby debast her self in her own thoughts the higher she was rais'd in Gods esteem and in a very short time mounted to such a hight of Perfection as deserv'd immediately to be Crown'd Brother Clare long before he or she had any thoughts of Religion had procur'd her Picture to be drawn in Miniature by that famous and renown'd Artist Mr. Cooper which being extreamly well done and very like her he caused to be set in Gold with a Cristal before it This Picture he sent to her with other things to Graveling supposing she would bestow them upon the Children As soon as they came she beg'd leave to dispofe of the Picture Mother Abbess thinking she desir'd this leave that she might give it to one of her Children told her she might dispose of it as she pleas'd she had no sooner obtain'd Mother Abbesses consent but she presently endeavour'd to get the Picture out of the Case and what a Workman could scarce have done with Tools in a Quarter of an hours time Providence helpt her with a Pin only to take out in a moment even to her own
JESUS Not long after she had Writ this Letter a good occasion offering it self by a Gentlemans passing through Graveling who going for England undertook to deliver a Letter to her Father with his own hand she took the pains to Write again being mov'd to it by the thoughts of her own approaching Death as well as by the news of the Death of several of her Fathers Neighbours and Relations which put her in mind of what might happen to him and how unprepared he was for it SIR WHilst I was making a strict iniquiry how I might speedily and securely send you another Letter in hopes that before I die your goodness would move you to vouchsafe me the comfort of such an Answer as my heart most passionately longs for Providence was pleas'd to bring a Gentleman this way who has kindly offer'd me the safe conveyance of this Letter into your hands wherefore thô I very lately troubl'd you with one and thô Writing in the weak condition I am in gives me a great deal of pain yet that of the Body is nothing in respect of the pain my Soul suffers as often as I reflest upon the danger yours is in and that the Eternal happiness of that depends upon the uncertain moments of this transitory Life Wherefore Dear Sir once more upon my Knees I humbly beg your Blessing which perhaps will be the last time I shall ask it and also beg the comfort of hearing of your health which I hope is good thô I thank God mine is at present in a very low condition his Divine Will be done in me who does all things for the best Alas Sir when I consider that we are all Mortal and that there is an Eternity of Happiness or Misery that attends us how can I refrain from being thus troublesome Since I know not how soon that change may come to you which I have reason to expect will soon happen to my self and which I lately heard has arriv'd to several of your Neighbors who thô young and as I fear far from the thoughts of it are now but Dust. How then can the pain that my Heart feels be conceal'd Or indeed how can I express what I feel till you are out of danger and in such a condition as Death may be welcome to you whenever it comes For God's sake Sir think of it surely such a number of Martyrs and Learned Confessors have not dispised the World and suffer'd for nothing Oh no God speaks to us in every thing and all the Benefits that we receive every moment proclaim his goodness who requires nothing but that we Believe be Sorry and be Saved And when we do believe in and love Iesus Crucified that we hate our selves for having offended so much love Having done this what he requires for our Repentance instead of seeming hard will prove sweet and easie And so I doubt not but it will to you Dear Sir if at my humble request you will do this and that you will find such a joy and comfort in the doing it as all your past Life could never afford you Behold me now therefore prostrate if I could below the Feet of all Creatures and even the Earth it self to beg of you for Christs sake not to deny my request of retiring your self two or three Days to consider the Truth of things and to take to heart your Eternal concern If I were dying you would not deny me this and I know not how far I am from it at present being very ill of a languishing distemper which I fear will end in Death And therefore I beg it of you as my last request with all the tenderness and earnestness my Soul can express assuring you that your grant of it will be as dear to me as the Life you gave me Pardon my too great boldness I beseech you for thô I would not for the World willingly offend you yet I cannot avoid making this presumptuous request as I fear you will think it Dear Sir my heart is too full of Affection Respect and Concern for you to be silent where your Eternal happiness is in so eminent a danger I humbly beg my Ladies and your own Blessing for Your Poor Sick Child CLARE of JESUS CHAP. XI Her interior sufferings in time of her sickness and the effects of her Childrens Visit ONE would have thought that the infinite goodness of God which permits him not to be behind hand with his Creatures seeing her in the interior affliction she suffer'd upon account of her Father as the foresaid Letters sufficiently express as well as the exterior she felt from her Sickness and a want of those helps to bear it which the Austerity of her Order permitted not the use of and which her love for him had therefore made her choose loving suffering above all things in this World because it was the best expression she could make of her love to him I say one would have thought that the goodness of God would have mov'd him to temper and sweeten these great afflictions with some interior Comforts but it happen'd that his Providence dealt quite otherwise with her not out of a want of Love but out of an abundance of it who seeing the fidelity and courage with which she serv'd him and her constant Conformity to his Divine Will even in the hardest things and knowing also what an Eternal weight of Glory these momentary sufferings gain'd for her and that the more pure her sufferings were the greater also was her gain seem'd to withdraw himself together with all interior comforts that accompany a sensible feeling of his presence so intirely from her that she thought he had totally abandon'd and forsaken her thô still he resided in the secret of her heart and invisibly assisted her to bear this most sensible affliction Declaring one Day these her sufferings to a Sister that came to Visit her who was a great confident of hers she desir'd her to Pray for her that she might intirely abandon her self to Gods Will and signified to her how great an addition it was to the Mortification her sickness brought with it that it depriv'd her of Religious observance especially that of the Divine Office Another time she exprest her self to those that Visited her in the following manner Happy are you dear Sisters that can assist in the Quire amongst those Seraphims for so she call'd the Religious in praising and loving God and can still be punctual in the performance of all other things that Religious Observance requires alas we never know a Benefit till we are depriv'd of it How happy was I when I had strength and abilities to perform what our Rules require but not justly acquÄtting my self in the performance of them God has justly placed me here and taken that happiness from me to whom I humbly submit for I know his Infinite VVisdom thinks it best to have it so his Holy VVill be done Adding moreover That it seem'd to her since she
had left these exercises as if God also had abandon'd her and that she had nothing now to comfort her self withal but the thoughts that he treated her no worse then his own Son whom also he had abandon'd for her sake all therefore she was able now to do was to unite these her interior sufferings and derelictions to those he suffer'd upon the Cross when he complain'd of his Eternal Fathers forsaking him and beg'd of them to assist her with their Prayers that she might bear this tryal as she ought testifying that the pain it occasion'd was so great as that it had made her almost insensible of her exterior sufferings neither feeling the pain of her distemper nor tasting what was given her to Eat One of the good Sisters thinking to give her ease in these her sufferings at least for some little time desir'd she would admit of a Visit from her Children but she knowing how much her indisposition had chang'd her from what she had been formerly was unwilling for fear she should not have strength enough to maintain that equality of mind which she had till then exprest in such like occasions yet after much intreaty she gave her consent that they should be brought to her no sooner were they come to the Bed-side but she fell a weeping This unexpected accident made them presently be taken away from her and after they were gone the Sister asked her the cause of her Tears she answer'd 't was my tenderness that made me VVeep being well I had often much a do to forbear the expressing the sentiments of a Mother but now being overcome by sickness I cannot overcome my self Then the Sister asked her How she had attain'd to that great Mortification and conquest over Nature She reply'd That from the moment she left Brother Clare all things but God were displeasing to her and that the Children putting her in mind of that other Sacrifice which she had made to God caus'd her a new to settle her Affections upon her Creator which by the assistance of his Divine Grace could not be alter'd by any Creature Perhaps the thoughts that this was the last time she should ever see them in this World and that they were to be left to the care of strangers or else expos'd to a dangerous Education by their Protestant Relations might occasion her tenderness in this Visit which she overcame in the next in which the Children were also taken from her upon account of their own arid not of their Mothers Tears As soon as they were out of the Room Mother Abbess asked her If she were not troubled for them No said she I bless God not in the least for I have long since given them into his hands and powerful protection who I am sure can and will take care of them Without doubt as the Religious took notice of before she had as great a Tenderness for her Children as a Mother could have and yet she was so much Mistress over this passion as she seem'd to have none at all for them which made one of the Religious once tell her in Recreation That she would be much above her in Heaven by reason of the great Oblation she had made To whom Sister Clare Answer'd It is you dear Sister that will meet with the highest place there for having given your self to him when you were Young making him your only Spouse upon which the Sister reply'd And do you count it a small thing to leave Brother Clare and your two Angelical Children Here her Humility would not let her own the greatness of the gift yet her love to God forced her to make this acknowledgment In leaving Brother Clare and my Children I cannot say that I have left nothing and then smiling said God deserves greater Sacrifices Dear Sister than we can make him CHAP. XII Another tryal God gave her to compleat her Crown 'T IS a strange and wonderful Paradox that affliction should be a mark of Love yet the Divine Wisdom Truth it self has declar'd That God Chastises those he Loves If this therefore be true as certainly 't is his Love to Sister Clare was very extraordinary who gave her so many marks of it by sending her so many afflictions But one comfort she exprest to have still left was that she should die before Brother Clare but God would not permit her long to enjoy this neither and would also give her this tryal even when she was in so very weak a condition as made her less able to bear it Viz. the suspition of Brother Clares Death which happen'd from his unwonted silence to several Letters she had Writ to him and in some of them about the Children's concerns which she knew he would not fail to Answer by the first opportunity and because she was disappointed in this she imagin'd that he was dead and under that conviction suffer'd as much as if he had been truly so yet she silently underwent this hidden affliction for a long time with that courage as not to discover any outward sign of grief at all till at last her want of strength forc't her at least to a change of Countenance caus'd by this following accident She giving some Letters which she had Writ to Brother Clare to send by a Father that was going to Liege the Sister that was to carry them to the Father finding them open desir'd her to Seal them upon which proposal they discern'd a more then ordinary change in her Countenance which proceeded as afterwards she own'd from the Confirmation this action of the Sister gave to the suspition she before had of his Death she believing that to hide it such care was taken that she should Seal her Letters This certainly was one of the greatest tryals that could befal her or that could call her constancy in the love of God to a more than ordinary Test If you desire to know the conflict she felt and how she behaved her self in it take it in her own words as I find amongst her Papers she gave account of it to her Ghostly Father The Combat I had and how I wholy offer'd up Brother Clare to Almighty God which I beseech him our Blessed Lady and all my Patrons and Patronesses to assit me to keep I by Almighty Gods Grace resolv'd to make this Sacrifice to his greater Honor and Glory and when I heard the Mass Bell Ring my heart trembl'd and I was all in a Commotion the first thing as I remember I did was to fancy him dead and so I presented him at our Blessed Ladies Feet and beseecht her to offer him up for me I beg'd also the ayd of St. Bruno and St. Teresa and then I resolv'd never to desire to see him and if he should come never to look on him to put him clearly out of my heart to be no more concern'd in him than a stranger then it came into my mind to behold him dead and to say to Almighty God I was glad