the Banes Ply her with Love-Letters and Billets And Bait'em well for Quirks and Quillets With Trains t' inveigle and surprise Her Heedless Answers and Reply's And if she miss the Moustrap-Lines They 'll serve for other By-Designs And make an Artist understand To Copy out her Seal or Hand Or find void Places in the Paper To steal in something to Intrap her 'Till with her worldly Goods and Body Spight of her heart she has indow'd ye Retain all sorts of Witnesses That ply i th' Temples under Trees Or walk the Round with Knights ot'h Posts About the Cross-leg'd Knights their hosts Or wait for Customers between The Piller-Rows in Lincolns-Inn Where Vouchers Forgers Common-bayl And Affidavit-men ne'r fail T' expose to Sale all sorts of Oaths According to their Ears and Cloaths Their only Necessary Tools Besides the Gospel and their Souls And when y' are furnish'd with all Purveys I shall be ready at your service I would not give quoth Hudibras A straw to understand a Case Without the admirabler skill To Wind and Manage it at Will To Vere and Tack and steer a Cause Against the Weather-gage of Laws And Ring the Changes upon Cases As plain as Noses upon Faces As you have well instructed me For which you have earn'd here 't is your Fee I long to practice your advice And try the subtle Artifice To bait a Letter as you bid As not long after thus he did For having pump'd up all his Wit And humm'd upon it thus he writ An Heroical Epistle of Hudibras to his Lady I Who was once as great as Caesar Am now reduc'd to Nebuchadnezer And from as fam'd a Conqueror As ever took degree in War Or did his Exercise in Battel By you turn'd out to Grass with Cattel For since I am deny'd access To all my Earthly Happiness Am fallen from the Paradise Of your good Graces and fair Eyes Lost to the World and you I 'm sent To Everlasting Banishment Where all the Hopes I had t' have won Your heart being dash'd will break my own Yet if you were not so severe To pass your doom before you hear You 'll find upon my just defence How much y' have wrong'd my Innocence That once I made a Vow to you Which yet is unperform'd 't is true But not because it is unpaid 'T is Violated though delay'd Or if it were it is no fault So heinous as you 'ld have it thought To undergo the loss of Ears Like vulgar Hackney Perjurers For there 's a difference in the case Between the Noble and the Base Who always are observ'd t' have don 't Upon as different an account The one for great and weighty Cause To salve in Honour ugly Flaws For none are like to do it sooner Than those who are nicest of their Honour The other for base Gain and Pay Forswear and Perjure by the Day And make th' exposing and retailing Their Souls and Consciences a Calling It is no Scandal nor Aspersion Upon a Great and noble Person To say he Nat'rally abhorr'd Th' old fashion'd trick to keep his Word Though 't is persidiousness and shame In meaner Men to do the same For to be able to Forget Is found more useful to the Great Then Gout or Deafness or bad Eyes To make 'em pass for wondrous wise But though the Law on Perjurers Inflicts the Forfeiture of Ears It is not just that does exempt The Guilty and punish the innocent To make the Ears repair the wrong Committed by th' ungovern'd Tongue And when one Member is forsworn Another to be cropt or torn And if you should as you design By course of Law recover mine You 're like if you consider right To gain but little Honour by 't For he that for his Ladies sake Lays down his Life or Limbs at Stake Does not so much deserve her Favour As he that pawns his Soul to have her This y' have acknowledg'd I have done Although you now disdain to own But sentence what you rather ought T' esteem good Service than a Fault Besides Oaths are not bound to bear That Literal Sense the words infer But by the practice of the Age Are to be judg'd how far th' ingage And where the Sense by Custom 's checkt Are found void and of none effect For no Man takes or keeps a Vow But just as he sees others do Nor are th' oblig'd to be so brittle As not to yield and bow a little For as best temper'd Blades are found Before they break to bend quite round So truest Oaths are still most tough And though they bow are breaking-proof Then wherefore shall they not b' allow'd In love a greater-Latitude For as the Law of Arms approves All wayâ— to Conquests so should Loves And not be ty'd to true or false But make that justest that prevails For how can that which is above All Empire High and Mighty Love Submit it 's great Prerogative To any other power alive Shall Love that to no Crown gives place Become the subject of a Case The Fundamental Law of Nature Be over-rul'd by those made after Commit the censure of its Cause To any but it 's own Great Laws Love that 's the Worlds preservative That keeps all Souls of things alive Controuls the Mighty pow'r of Fate And gives Mankind a longer date The Life of Nature that restores As fast as Time and Death devours To whose free gift the World does ow Not only Earth but Heav'n too For Love's the only Trade that 's driven The Interest of State in Heaven Which nothing but the Soul of Man Is capable to entertain For what can Earth produce but Love To represent the Joys above Or who but Lovers can converse Like Angels by the Eye Discourse Address and complement by Vision Make Love and Court by intuition And burn in amorous Flames as fierce As those Celestial Ministers Then how can any thing offend In order to so great an end Or Heav'n it self a Sin resent That for its own supply was ment That merits in a kind mistake A Pardoâ— for the offences sake Or if it did not but the Cause Were left to th' injury of Laws What tyranny can disapprove There should be Equity in Love For Laws that are Inanimate And feel no sense of Love or Hate That have no Passion of their own Not pity to be wrought upon Are only proper to inflict Revenge or Criminals as strict But to have Power to forgive Is Empire and Prerogative And 't is in Crowns a nobler Jem To grant a Pardon then condemn Then since so few do what they ought 'T is great t' indulge a well-meant fault For why should he who made address All humble ways without success And met with nothing in return But Insolence Affronts and Scorn Not strive by Wit to countermine And bravely carry his Design He who was us'd so unlike a Soldier Blown up with Philters of Love-Powder And after letting Blood and Purging Condemn'd to voluntary Scourging Alarm'd with
many a horrid Fright And claw'd by Goblins in the Night Insulted on Revil'd and Jeer'd With rude Invasion of his Beard And when your Sex was foully scandal'd As foully by the Rabble handled Attack'd by despicable Foes And drub'd with mean and vulgar blows And after all to be debarr'd So much as standing on his Gaurd When Horses being spurr'd and prick'd Have leave to kick for being kick'd Or why should you whose Mother Wits Are furnish'd with all Perquisits That with your Breeding Teeth begin And Nursing Babies that Lie in B' allow'd to put all tricks upon Our Cully-Sex and we use none We who have nothing but frail Vows Against your Statagems t' oppose Or Oaths more feeble than your own By which we are no less put down You wound like Parthians while you fly And kill with a Retreating Eye Retire the more the more we press To draw us into Ambushes As Pyrates all false Colours wear T' intrap th' unwary Mariner So Women to surprize us spread Their borrowed Flags of White and Red. Display 'em thicker on their Cheeks Than their old Grand-mothers the Picts And raise more Devils with their Looks Than Conjurers less subtil Books Lay Trains of Amorous Intrigues In Towrs and Curls and Perriwigs With greater Art and cunning rear'd Than Philip Ny's Thanks-giving-beard Prepost'rously t' intice and Gain Those to adore 'em they disdain And onely draw 'em in to clog With idle Names a Catalogue A Lover is the more he 's brave T' his Mistress but the more a Slave And whatsoever she commands Becomes a Favour from her hands Which he 's oblig'd t' obey and must Whether it be unjust or just Then when he is compell'd by her T' Adventures he would else forbear Who with his Honour can withstand Since Force is greater than Command And when Necessity 's obey'd Nothing can be unjust or bad And therefore when the mighty Pow'rs Of Love your great Ally and yours Joyn'd Forces not to be withstood By frail enamoured Flesh and Blood All I have done unjust or ill Was in obedience to your Will And all the blame that can be due Falls to your Cruelty and you Nor are those Scandals I confest Against my Will and Interest More than is daily done of course By all men when th' are under force Whence some upon the Rack confess What th' Hang-man and their Prompters please But are no sooner out of pain Then they deny it all again But when the Devil turns Confessor Truth is a Crime he takes no pleasure To hear or pardon like the Founder Of Lyars whom they all claim under And therefore when I told him none I think it was the wiser done Nor am I without Precedent The first that on th' Adventure went All Mankind ever did of course And daily does the same or worse For what Romance can shew a Lover That had a Lady to recover And did not steer a nearer Course To fall aboard in his Amours And whaâ— at first was held a Crime Has turn'â— to Honourable in time To what a height did Infant Rome By Ravishing of Women come When Men upon their Spouses seiz'd And freely Marry'd where they pleas'd They ne'r Forswore themselves nor Ly'd Nor in the Minds they were in Dy'd Nor took the pains t' address and sue Nor plaid the Masquerade to wooe Disdain'd to stay for Friends Consents Nor juggled about Settlements Did need no License nor no Priest Nor Friends nor Kindred to assist Nor Lawyers to joyn Land and Money In th' Holy State of Matrimony Before they setled Hands and Hearts Till Alimony or Death departs Nor would endure to stay until Th' had got the very Bride's Good Will But took a wise and shorter Course To win the Lady's Down-right Force And justly made 'em Prisoners then As they have often since us Men With Acting Plays and Dancing Jiggs The luckiest of all Love's Intrigues And when they had them at their pleasure Then talkt of Love and Flames at leisure For after Matrimony's over He that holds out but Half a Lover Deserves for ev'ry Minute more Than half a Year of Love before For which the Dames in Contemplation Of that best way of Application Prov'd Nobler Wives than e'er were known By Suit or Treaty to be won And such as all Posterity Could never equal nor come nigh For Women first were made for Men Not Men for them It follows then That Men have Right to every one And they no Fâ—eedom of their own And therefore Men have pow'r to chuse But they no Charter to refuse Hence 't is apparent that what Course So e'er we take to your Amours Though by the indirectest way 'T is no Injustice nor Foul Play And that you ought to take that Course As we take you for Bett'r or Worse And gratefully submit to those Who you before another chose For why should every savage Beast Exceed his Great Lord's Interest Have freer Pow'r than he in Grace And Nature o'er the Creature has Because the Laws he since has made Have cut off all the Pow'r he had Retrench'd the absolute Dominion That Nature gave him over Women When all his Pow'r will not extend One Law of Nature to suspend And but to offer to repeal The smallest Clause is to rebell This if Men rightly understood Their Privilege they would make good And not like Sots permit their Wives T' encroach on their Prerogatives For which Sin they deserve to be Kept as they are in Slavery And this some precious Gifted Teachers Unrev'rently reputed Leachers And disobey'd in making Love Have vow'd to all the World to prove And make yâ—â—â—ffer as ye ought For that uncharitable Fault But I forget my self and rove Beyond th' Instructions of my Love Forgive me Fair and only blame Th' Extravagancy of my Flame Since 't is too much at once to shew Excess of Love and Temper too All I have said that 's bad and true Was never meant to aim at you Who have so Sov'rain a Controul O'er that poor Slave of yours my Soul That rather than to forfeit you Has ventur'd loss of Heaven too Both with an equal Pow'r possest To render all that serve you Blest But none like him who 's destin'd either To have or lose you both together And if you 'l but this fault release For so it must be since you please I 'll pay down all that Vow and more Which you commanded and I swore And expiate upon my Skin The Arrears in full of all my Sin For 't is but just that I should pay Th' accruing Penance for Delay Which shall be done until it move Your equal pity and your Love The Knight perusing this Epistle Believ'd h 'had brought her to his Whistle And read it like a jocund Lover With great applause t' himself twice over Subscrib'd his Name but at a Fit And humble distance to his wit And dated it with wondrous Art Giv'n from the bottom of his heart Then seal'd it with his Coat
what design what interest Can Beast have to encounter Beast They fight for no espoused Cause Frail Priviledge Fundemental Laws Nor for a thorough Reformation Nor Covenant nor Protestation Nor Liberty of Consciences Nor Lords and Commons Ordinances Nor for the Church nor for Church-Lands To get them in their own no Hands Nor evil Counsellors to bring To Justice that seduce the King Nor for the worship of us men Though we have done as much for them Th' Egyptians worshiped Dogs and for Their faith made fierce and zealous War Others ador'd a Rat and some For that Church suffer'd martyrdome The Indians fought for the truth Of th' Elephent and Monkey's Tooth And many to defend that faith Fought it out mordicus to death But no Beasts ever was so slight For Man as for his God to fight They have more wit alas and know Themselves and us better than so But we we only do infuse The Rage in them like Boute-feus 'T is our example that instills In them th' infection of our ills For as some late Philosphers Have well observ'd Beasts that converse With Man take after him as Hogs Get Pigs all th' year and Bitches Dogs Just so by our example Cattle Learn to give one another Battel We read in Nero's time the Heathen When they destroy'd the Christian Brethren They sow'd them in the skins of Bears And then set Dogs about their Ears From whence no doubt th' invention came Of this lewd Antichristian Game To this quoth Ralpho Verily The Point seems very plain to be It is an Antichristian Game Unlawful both in thing and name First for the name The word Bear-baiting Is carnal and of man's creating For certainly there 's no such word In all the Scripture on record Therefore unlawful and a sin And so is secondly the thing A vile Assembly 't is that can No more be prov'd by Scripture than Provincial Classick National Mere humane Creature-Cobwebs all Thirdly it is Idolatrous For when men run a-whoring thus With their Inventions whatsoe'r The thing be whether Dog or Bear 〈◊〉 Idolatrous and Pagan No less than worshiping of Dagon Quoth Hudibras I smell a Rat Ralpho thou dost prevaricate For though the Thesis which thou lay'st Be true ad amussim as thou say'st For that Bear-baiting should appear Jure Divino lawfuller Than Synods are thou dost deny Totidem verbis so do I Yet there 's a fallacy in this For if by fly Homoeosis Thou wouldst Sophistically imply Both are unlawful I deny And I quoth Ralpho do not doubt But Bear-baiting may be made out In Gospel-times as lawful as is Provincial or Parochial Classis And that both are so near of kin And like in all as well as sin That put them in a bag and shake 'em Your self o' th' sudden would mistake 'em And not know which is which unless You measure by their Wickedness For 't is not hard t' imagine whether O' th' two is worst though I name neither Quoth Hudibras Thou offer'st much But art not able to keep touch Mira de lente as 't is i' th' Adage Id est to make a Leek a Cabbage Thou canst at best but overstrain A Paradox and th' own hot brain For what can Synods have at all With Bears that 's analogical Or what relation has debating Of Church-Affairs with Bear-baiting A just comparison still is Of things ejusdem generis And then what Genus rightly doth Include and comprehend them both If Animal both of us may As justly pass for Bears as they For we are Animals no less Although of different Specieses But Ralpho this is no fit place Nor time to argue out the Case For now the Field is not far off Where we must give the world a proof Of Deeds not Words and such as suit Another manner of Dispute A Controversy that affords Actions for Arguments â—ot Words Which we must manage at a rate Of Prowess and Conduct adaequate To what our place and fame doth promise And all the godly expect from us Nor shall they be deceiv'd unless W' are slurr'd and outed by success Success the mark no mortal wit Or surest hand can always hit For whatsoe're we perpetrate We do but row w' are steer'd by Fate Which in sâ—ccess oft disinherits For spurious causes noblest merits Great Actions are not always true Sons Of great and mighty Resolutions Nor do the bold'st attempts bring forth Events still equal to their worth But sometimes fail and in their stead Fortune and Cowardise succeed Yet we have no great cause to doubt Our actions still have born us out Which though th' are known to be so ample We need no copy from example We ' are not the only person durst Attempt this Province nor the first In Northern Clime a valorous Knight Did whilom kill his Bear in fight And wound a Fidler we have both Of these the objects of our wroth And equal Fame and Glory from Th' Attempt or Victory to come 'T is sung There is a valiant Mamaluke In forreign Land yclep'd To whom we have been oft compar'd For Person Parts Address and Beard Both equally reputed stout And in the same Cause both have fought He oft in such Attempts as these Came off with glory and success Nor will we fail in th' execution For want of equal Resolution Honor is like a Widow won With brisk Attempt and putting on With entring manfully and urging Not slow approaches like a Virgin This said as once the Phrygian Knight So ours with rusty steel did smite His Trojan Horse and just as much He mended pace upon the touch But from his empty stomach groan'd Just as that hollow Beast did sound And angry answer'd from behind With brandish'd Tail and blast of Wind. So have I seen with armed heel A Wight bestride a Common-weal While still the more he kick'd and spurr'd The less the sullen Jade has stirr'd The ARGUMENT of The SECOND CANTO The Catalogue and Character Of th' Enemies best Men of War Whom in a bold Harangue the Knight Defy's and challenges to fight H' incounters Talgol routs the Bear And takes the Fidler Prisoner Conveys him to enchanted Castle There shuts him fast in Wooden Bastile CANTO II. THere was an ancient sage Philosopher That had read Alexander Ross over And swore the World as he could prove Was made of Fighting and of Love Just so Romances are for what else Is in them all but Love and Battles O' th' first of these w' have no great matter To treat of but a World o' th' latter In which to do the injur'd Right We mean in what concerns just fight Certes our Authors are to blame For to make some well sounding name A Pattern fit for modern Knights To copy out in Frays and Fights Like those that a whole streat do raze To build a Palace in the place They never care how many others They kill without regard of Mothers Or Wives or Children so they can Make up some fierce dead-doing
to prick up Or when I 'm in a fit to kick up Command me to piss out the Moon And 't will as easily be done Loves powr's too great to be withstood By feeble humane flesh and blood 'T was he that brought upon his knees The Hect'ring Kill-Cow Hercules Reduc'd his Leager-lions skin T' a Pettecoat and made him spin Seiz'd on his Club and made it dwindle T' a feeble Distaff and a Spindle 'T was he made Emperors Gallants To their own Sisters and their Aunts Set Popes and Cardinals agog To play with Pages at Leap frog 'T was he that gave our Senate purges And fluxt the House of many a Burgess Made those that represent the Nation Submit and suffer amputation And all the Grandees o' th' the Cabal Adjourn to Tubs at spring and fall He mounted Synod-men and rode 'em To Durty-lane and little Sodom Made 'em Corvett like Spanish Jenets And take the Ring at Madam 'T was he that made Saint Francis do More than the Devil could tempt him too In cold and frosty weather grow Enamor'd of a Wife of Snow And though she were of rigid temper With melting flames accost and tempt her Which after in enjoyment quenching He hung a Garland on his Engine Quoth she if Love have these effects Why is it not forbid our Sex Why is 't not damn'd and interdicted For Diabolical and wicked And song as out of tune against As Turk and Pope are by the Saints I find I 've greater reason for it Than I believ'd before t' abhor it Quoth Hudibras These sad effects Spring from your Heathenish neglects Of Loves great pow'r which he returns Upon your selves with equal scorns And those who worthy Lover's slight Plague's with prepost'rous appetite This made the beautious Queen of Crete To take a Town-Bull for her Sweet And from her greatness stoop so low To be the Rival of a Cow Others to prostitute their great Hearts To be Baboons and Monkeys Sweet-hearts Some with the Dev'l himself in League grow By 's Representative a Negro 'T was this made Vestal-Maids love-sick And venture to be bury'd Quick Some by their Fathers and their Brothers To be made Mistresses and Mothers 'T is this that Proudest Dames enamors On Lacquies and Varlets des-Chambres Their haughty Stomachs overcomes And makes 'em stoop to Dirty Grooms To slight the VVorld and to disparage Claps Issue Infamy and Marriage Quoth she these Judgments are severe Yet such as I should rather bear Than trust men with their Oaths or prove Their faith and secresie in love Says he their is a weighty reason For secresie in Love as Treason Love is a Burglarer a Felon That at the VVindore-eie does steal in To rob the the Heart and with his prey Steals out again a closer way Which whosoever can discover He 's sure as he deserves to suffer Love is a fire that burns and sparkles In Men as nat'rally as in Char-coals Which sooty Chymists stop in holes When out of Wood they extract Coles So Lovers should their Passions choak That though they burn they may not smoak 'T is like that sturdy Thief that stole And drag'd Beasts backwards into 's hole So Love does Lovers and us Men Draws by the Tails into his Den That no impression may discover And trace t' his Cave the wary Lover But if you doubt I should reveal What you entrust me under Seal I 'll prove my self as close and virtuous As your own Secretary Albertus Quoth she I grant you may be close In hiding what your aims propose Love-Passions are like Parables By which men still mean something else Though Love be all the worlds pretence Mony 's the My thologic fence The real substance of the shadow Which all Address and Courtship 's made to Thought he I understand your Play And how to quit you your own way He that will win his Dame must do As Love do's when he bends his Bow With the one hand thrust the Lady from And with the other pull her home I grant quoth he VVealth is a great Provocative to am'rous heat It is all Philters and high diet That makes Love Rampant and to fly out 'T is Beauty always in the Flower That buds and blossoms at fourscore 'T is that by which the Sun and Moon At their own weapons are out-done That make Knights Errant fall in trances And lay about 'em in Romances T is Virtue VVit and VVorth and all That Men Divine and Sacred call For what is VVorth in any thing But so much Money as 't will bring Or what but Riches is there known Which man can solely call his own In which no Creatures goes his half Unless it be to squint and laugh I do confess with Goods and Land I 'd have a Wife at second hand And such you are Nor is 't your person My stomach 's set so sharp and sierce on But 't is your better part your Riches That my enamor'd heart bewitches Let me your fortune but possess And settle your person how you please Or make it o'r in trust to the Devil You 'l find me reasonable and Civil Quoth she I like this plainess better Than false Mock-Passion Speech or Letter Or any feat of qualm or sowning But hanging of your self or drowning Your onely way with me to break Your mind is breaking of your Neck For as when Merchants break o'rthrown Like Nine-pins they strike others down So that would break my heart which done My tempting fortune is your own These are but trifles ev'ry Lover Will damn himself over and over And greater matters undertake For a less worthy Mistress sake Yet th' are the onely ways to prove The unfeigned realties of Love For he that hangs or beats out 's brains The Devils in him if he feigns Quoth Hudibras this way 's too rough For mere experiment and proof It is no jesting trivial matter To swing in th' Air or plunge in Water And like a Water-witch try love That 's to destroy and not to prove As if a man should be dissected To find what part is disaffected Your better way is to make over In Trust your fortune to your Lover Trust is a Tryal if it break T is not so desp'rate as a Neck Beside th' experiment's more certain Men venture Necks to gain a Fortune The Soldier does it ev'ry day Eight to the week for sixpence pay Your Pettifoggers damn their Souls To share with Knaves in Cheating Fools And Merchants vent'ring through the Main Slight Pirats Rocks and Horns for gain This is the way I advise you to Trust me and see what I will do Quoth she I should be loath to run My self all th' hazard and you none Which must be done unless some deed Of yours aforesaid do precede Give but your self one gentle swing For tryal and I 'll cut the string Or give that Reverend Head a maul Or two or three against a Wall To shew you are a man of Mettle And I 'll engage my self to
settle Quoth he my Head 's not made of brass As Frier Bacon's noddle was Nor like the Indian's scull so tough That Authors say 't was Musket-proof As it had need to be to enter As yet on any new Adventure You see what bangs it has endur'd That would before new feats be cur'd But if that 's all you stand upon Here strike me luck it shall be done Quoth she the matter 's not so far gone As you suppose Two words t' a Bargain That may be done and time enough When you have given down right proof And yet 't is no Fantastick pike I have to love nor coy dislike 'T is no implicite nice Aversion T' your Conversation Meen or Person But a just fear lest you should prove False and perfidious in Love For if I thought you could be true I could love twice as much as you Quoth he My faith as Adamantine As Chains of Destiny I 'll maintain True as Apollo ever spoke Or Oracle from heart of Oak And if you 'll give my flame but vent Now in close hugger-mugger pent And shine upon me but benignly With that one and that other Pigsny The Sun and Day shall sooner part Than Love or you shake off my heart The Sun that shall no more dispence His own but your bright influence I 'll carve your name on Barks of Trees With True-loves knots and Flourishes That shall infuse eternal spring And everlasting flourishing Drink every Letter on 't in Stum And make it brisk Champaign become Where e'er you tread your foot shall set The Primrose and the Violet All Spices Perfumes and sweet Powders Shall borrow from your breath their Odors Nature her Charter shall renew And take all lives of things from you The World depend upon your Eye And when you frown upon it die Only our loves shall still survive New Worlds and Natures to out-live And like Heralds Moons remain All Crescents without change or wane Hold hold quoth she no more of this Sir Knight you take your aim amiss For you will find it a hard Chapter To catch me with Poetique Rapture In which your Mastery of Art Doth shew it self and not your Heart Nor will you raise in mine Combustion By dint of high Heroick fustion She that with Poetry is won Is but a Desk to write upon And what men say of her they mean No more than that on which they lean Some with Arabian Spices strive To embalm her cruelly alive Or season her as French Cooks use Their Haut-gusts Buollies or Ragusts Use her so barbarously ill To grind her Lips upon a Mill Until the Facet Doublet doth Fit their Rhimes rather than her mouth Her mouth compar'd t' an Oyster's with A row of Pearl in 't stead of Teeth Others make Posies of her Cheeks Where red and whitest colors mix In which the Lilly and the Rose For Indian Lake and Ceruse goes The Sun and Moon by her bright eyes Eclisp'd and darkn'd in the skies Are but Black-patches that she wears Cut into Suns and Moons and Stars By which Astrologers as well As those in Heav'n above can tell What strange Events they do foreshow Unto her Under-world below Her Voice the Musick of the Spheres So loud it deafens mortal ears As wise Philosophers have thought And that 's the cause we hear it not This has been done by some who those Th' ador'd in Rhime would kick in Prose And in those Ribbins would have hung Of which melodiously they sung That have the hard fate to write best Of those still that deserve it least It matters not how false or forc't So the best things be said o' th' worst It goes for nothing when 't is sed Onely the Arrow 's drawn to th' head Whether it be Swan or Goose They level at So Shepherds use To set the same mark on the hip Both of their sound and rotten Sheep For Wits that carry low or wide Must be aim'd higher or beside The mark which else they ne'er come nigh But when they take their aim awry But I do wonder you should chuse This way t' attaque me with your Muse As one cut out to pass your tricks on With Fulhams of Poetic fiction I rather hop'd I should no more Hear from you o' th' Gallanting score For hard dry-bastings use to prove The readiest Remedies of Love Next a dry-diet But if those fail Yet this uneasie Loop-hold Jail In which y' are hamper'd by the fet-lock Cannot but put y' in mind of Wedlock VVedlock that 's worse than any hole here If that may serve you for a Cooler T' allay your Mettle all agog Upon a VVife the heavi'r clog Nor rather thank your gentle Fate That for a bruis'd or broken Pate Has freed you from those knobs that grow Much harder on the Marry'd Brow But if no dread can cool your Courage From vent'ring on that Dragon Marriage Yet give me Quarter and advance To nobler aims your Puissance Level at Beauty and at VVit The fairest mark is easiest hit Quoth Hudibras I 'm before hand In that already with your command For where does Beauty and high VVit But in your Constellation meet Quoth she What does a match imply But likeness and equality I know you cannot think me fit To be th' Yoke-fellow of your VVit Nor take one of so mean Deserts To be the Partner of your Parts A Grace which if I could believe I 've not the conscience to receive That Conscience Quoth Hudibras Is mis-inform'd I 'll state the Case A man may be a Legal Donor Of any thing whereof he 's Owner And may confer it where he lists I' th' Judgment of all Casuists Then VVit and Parts and Valor may Be ali'nated and made away By those that are Proprietors As I may give or sell my Horse Quoth she I grant the Case is true And proper 'twixt your Horse and you But whether I may take as well As you may give away or sell Buyers you know are bid beware And worse than thieves Receivers are How shall I answer Hue and Cry For a Roan-Gelding twelve hands high All spur'd and switch'd a Lock on 's hoof A sorrel-mane can I bring proof Where when by whom and what y' are sold for And in the open Market toll'd for Or should I take you for a stray You must be kept a year and day Ere I can own you here i' th' pound Where if y' are sought you may be found And in the mean time I must pay For all your Provender and Hay Quoth he It stands me much upon T' enervate this Objection And prove my self by Topic clear No Gelding as you would infer Loss of Virilities averr'd To be the cause of loss of Beard That does like Embryo in the womb Abortive on the Chin become This first a VVoman did invent In envy of Mans ornament Semiramis of Babylon Who first of all cut men o' th' stone To mar their Beards and laid foundation Of Sow-geldering operation Look on this
or Drink Do rather wheedle with than think Man was not Man in Paradise Vntill he was Created twice And had his better half His Bride Carv'd from th' Original his side T' amend his Natural defects And perfect his recruited Sex Inlarge his Breed at once and lessen The Pains and Labour of increasing By changing them for other cares As by his dry'd up-Paps appears His Body that stupendious Frame Of all the World the Anagram Is of two equal parts compact In Shape and Symmetry exact Of which the Left and Female side Is to the Manly Right a Bride Both joyn'd together with such Art That nothing else but Death can part Those Heav'nly attracts of yours your Eyes And Face that all the World surprize That dazle all that look upon ye And scorch all other Ladies Tawny Those ravishing and charming Graces Are all made up of two Half Faces That in a Mathematick Line Like those in other Heavens join Of which if either grew alone 'T would fright as much to look upon And so would that sweet Bud your Lip Without the other's fellowship Our Noblest Senses act by Pairs Two Eyes to see to hear two Ears Th' Intelligencers of the Mind To wait upon the Soul design'd But those that serve the Body alone Are single and confin'd to one The World is but two Parts that meet And close at th' Aequinoctial fit And so are all the Works of Nature Stamp'd with her signature on Matter Which all her Creatures to a Leaf Or smallest Blade of Grass receive All which sufficiently declare How intirely Marriage is her care The onely method that she uses In all the wonders she produces And those that take their rules from her Can never be deceiv'd nor err For what secures the Civil Life But pawns of Children and a Wife That lie like Hostages at stake To pay for all Men undertake To whom it is as Necessary As to be born and breath to marry So Vniversal all Mankind In nothing else is of one mind For in what stupid Age or Nation Was Marriage ever out of Fashion Vnless among the Amazons Or Vestal Friars and Cloister'd Nuns Or Stoicks who to bar the Freaks And loose Excesses of the Sex Preposterously would have all Women Turn'd up to all the World in common Though Men would find such mortal Fewds In sharing of their publick Goods 'T would put them to more charge of Lives Than th' are supply'd with now by Wives Vntil they Graze and wear their Cloaths As Beasts do of their Native Growths For simple wearing of their Horns Will not suffice to serve their turns For what can we pretend t' inherit Vnless the Marriage-deed will bear it Could claim no Right to Lands or Rents But for our Parents settlements Had been but younger Sons o' th' Earth Debarr'd it all but for our Birth What Honours or Estates of Peers Could be preserv'd but by their Heirs And what security maintains Their Right and Title but the Banes What Crowns could be Hereditary If greatest Monarchs did not marry And with their Consorts consummate Their weightiest Interest of State For all th' Amours of Princes are But Guarranties of Peace or War Or what but Marriage has a Charm The Rage of Empires to disarm Make Bloud and Desolation cease And Fire and Sword unite in Peace When all their fierce contests for Forrage Conclude in Articles of Marriage Nor does the Genial Bed provide Less for the Interests of the Bride Who else had not the least Pretence T' as much as Due Benevolence Could no more Title take upon her To Vertue Quality and Honour Than Ladies Errant unconfin'd And Feme-Coverts to all Mankind All Women would be of one piece The vertuous Matron and the Miss The Nymphs of chast Diana's Train The same with those in Lewkner's-lane But for the difference Marriage makes 'Twixt Wives and Ladies of the Lakes Besides the joys of Place and Birth The Sexes Paradise on Earth A privilege so sacred held That none will to their Mothers yield But rather than not go before Abandon Heaven at the Door And if th' indulgent Law allows A greater freedom to the Spouse The reason is because the Wife Runs greater hazards of her Life Is trusted with the Form and Matter Of all Mankind by careful Nature Where Man brings nothing but the Stuff She frames the wondrous Fabrick of Who therefore in a streight may freely Demand the Clergy of her Belly And make it save her the same way It seldom misses to betray Vnless both Parties wisely enter Into the Liturgy-Indenture And though some fits of small contest Sometimes fall out among the Best That is no more than every Lover Does from his Hackney-Lady suffer That makes no Breach of Faith and Love But rather sometime serves t' improve For as in Running ev'ry Pace Is but between two Legs a Race In which both do their uttermost To get before and win the Post Yet when th' are at their race's ends Th' are still as kind and constant friends And to relieve their weariness By turns give one another ease So all those false Alarms of strife Between the Husband and the Wife And little Quarrels often prove To be but new recruits of Love When those wh ' are always kind or coy In time must either Tire or Cloy Nor are their loudest Clamours more Than as th' are relish'd Sweet or Sour Like Musick that proves bad or good According as 't is understood In all Amours a Lover burns With Frowns as well as Smiles by turns And Hearts have been as oft with sullen As charming looks surpriz'd and stollen Then why should more bewitching Clamour Some Lovers not as much enamour For Discords make the sweetest Airs And Curses are a kind of Prayers Too slight Alloys for all those grand Felicities by Marriage gain'd For nothing else has pow'r to settle Th' interests of Love perpetual An Act and Deed that makes one Heart Become another's Counter-part And passes Fines on Faith and Love Inroll'd and Registred above To seal the slippery knot of Vows Which nothing else but Death can loose And what Security's too strong To guard that gentle Heart from wrong That to its Friend is glad to pass It self away and all it has And like an Anchorite gives over This World for th' Heaven of a Lover I grant quoth she there are some few Who take that course and find it true But Millions whom the same does sentence To Heaven b' another way Repentance Love's Arrows are but shot at Rovers Though all they hit they turn to Lovers And all the weighty consequents Depend upon more blind events Than Gamesters when they play a Set With greatest cunning at Piquet Put out with caution but take in They know not what unsight-unseen For what doe Lovers when th' are fast In one another's Arms embrac't But strive to plunder and convey Each other like a Prize away To change the property of selves As sucking Children are by Elves And