welcome and I 'll tell 'em so my self To Scandal What do you look strange upon me Then I must be plain Coming up to them I am Truth and hate an Old Acquaintance with a new Face Scandal goes aside with Jeremy Tatt. Do you know me Valentine Val. You Who are you No I hope not Tatt. I am Iack Tattle your Friend Val. My Friend what to do I am no Married Man and thou can'st not lie with my Wife I am very poor and thou can'st not borrow Money of me Then what Employment have I for a Friend Tatt. Hah A good open Speaker and not to be trusted with a Secret Ang. Do you know me Valentine Val. Oh very well Ang. Who am I Val. You 're a Woman One to whom Heav'n gave Beauty when it grafted Roses on a Briar You are the reflection of Heav'n in a Pond and he that leaps at you is sunk You are all white a sheet of lovely spotless Paper when you first are Born but you are to be scrawl'd and blotted by every Goose's Quill I know you for I lov'd a Woman and lov'd her so long that I found out a strange thing I found out what a Woman was good for Tatt. Aye prithee what 's that Val. Why to keep a Secret Tatt. O Lord Val. O exceeding good to keep a Secret For tho' she should tell yet she is not to be believ'd Tatt. Hah good again faith Val. I would have Musick Sing me the Song that I like SONG Set by Mr. Finger I Tell thee Charmion could I Time retrieve And could again begin to Love and Live To you I should my earliest Off'ring give I know my Eyes would lead my Heart to you And I should all my Vows and Oaths renew But to be plain I never would be true 2. For by our weak and weary Truth I find Love hates to center in a Point assign'd But runs with Ioy the Circle of the Mind Then never let us chain what should be free But for relief of either Sex agree Since Women love to change and so do we No more for I am melancholly Walks musing Iere. I 'll do 't Sir To Scandal Scan. Mr. Foresight we had best leave him He may grow outragious and do mischief Fore I will be directed by you Iere. to Frail. You 'll meet Madam I 'll take care every thing shall be ready Frail. Thou shalt do what thou wilt have what thou wilt in short I will deny thee nothing Tatt. Madam shall I wait upon you To Angelica Ang. No I 'll stay with him Mr. Scandal will protect me Aunt Mr. Tattle desires you would give him leave to wait on you Tatt. Pox on 't there 's no coming off now she has said that Madam will you do me the Honour Mrs. Fore Mr. Tattle might have us'd less Ceremony Exeunt Fore Mrs. Fore Scan. Ieremy follow Tattle Tatt. Frail. Jere. Ang. Mr. Scandal I only stay till my Maid comes and because I had a Mind to be rid of Mr. Tattle Scan. Madam I am very glad that I overheard a better Reason which you gave to Mr. Tattle for his impertinence forc'd you to acknowledge a Kindness for Valentine which you deny'd to all his Sufferings and my Sollicitations So I 'll leave him to make use of the Discovery and your Ladyship to the free Confession of your Inclinations Ang. Oli Heavens You wont leave me alone with a Mad-man Scan. No Madam I only leave a Madman to his Remedy Exit Scan. Val. Madam you need not be very much afraid for I fancy I begin to come to my self Ang. Aye but if I don't fit you I 'll be hang'd Aside Val. You see what disguises Love makes us put on Gods have been in counterfeited Shapes for the same Reason and the Divine Part of me my Mind has worn this Masque of Madness and this motly Livery only as the Slave of Love and Menial Creature of your Beauty Ang. Mercy on me how he talks poor Valentine Val. Nay faith now let us understand one another Hypocrisie apart The Comedy draws toward an end and let us think of leaving acting and be our selves and since you have lov'd me you must own I have at length deserv'd you shou'd confess it Ang. Sighs I would I had lov'd you for Heaven knows I pitie you and could I have foreseen the sad Effects I wou'd have striven but that 's too late Sighs Val. What sad Effects What 's too late my seeming Madness has deceiv'd my Father and procur'd me time to think of means to reconcile me to him and preserve the right of my Inheritance to his Estate which otherwise by Articles I must this Morning have resign'd And this I had inform'd you of to Day but you were gone before I knew you had been here Ang. How I thought your love of me had caus'd this Transport in your Soul which it seems you only counterfeited for by mercinary Ends and sordid Interest Val. Nay now you do me Wrong for if any Interest was considered it was yours since I thought I wanted more than Love to make me worthy of you Ang. Then you thought me mercenary But how am I deluded by this Interval of Sense to reason with a Madman Val. Oh 't is barbarous to misunderstand me longer Enter Jeremy Ang. Oh here 's a reasonable Creature sure he will not have the Impudence to persevere Come Ieremy acknowledge your Trick and confess your Master's Madness counterfeit Iere. Counterfeit Madam I 'll maintain him to be as absolutely and substantially Mad as any Freeholder in Bethlehem Nay he 's as Mad as any Projector Fanatick Chymist Lover or Poet in Europe Val. Sirrah you lie I am not Mad. Ang. Ha ha ha you see he denies it Iere. O Lord Madam did you ever know any Madman Mad enough to own it Val. Sot can't you apprehend Ang. Why he talk'd very sensibly just now Iere. Yes Madam He has Intervals But you see he begins to look wild again now Val. Why you Thick-Skull'd Rascal I tell you the Farce is done and I will be Mad no longer Beats him Ang. Ha ha ha is he mad or no Ieremy Iere. Partly I think for he does not know his Mind Two Hours I 'm sure I left him just now in a Humour to be mad And I think I have not found him very quiet at this present Who 's there One Knocks Val. Go see you Sot I 'm very glad that I can move your Mirth tho'not your Compassion Exit Jeremy Ang. I did not think you had Apprehension enough to be exceptious But Madmen shew themselves most by over pretending to a sound Understanding as Drunken men do by over acting Sobriety I was half inclining to believe you till I accidentally touch'd upon your tender Part But now you have restor'd me to my former Opinion and Compassion Enter Jeremy Iere. Sir your Father has sent to know if you are any better yet Will you please to be Mad Sir or how Val.
the Seaman now my Father says so Why won't you be my Husband You say you love me and you won't be my Husband And I know you may be my Husband now if you please Tatt. O fie Miss Who told you so Child Miss Why my Father I told him that you lov'd me Tatt. O fie Miss why did you do so and who told you so Child Miss Who Why you did did not you Tatt. O Pox that was Yesterday Miss that was a great while ago Child I have been a sleep since slept a whole Night and did not so much as dream of the matter Miss Pshaw O but I dream't that it was so tho Tatt. Ay but your Father will tell you that Dreams come by Contraries Child O fie what we must not love one another now Pshaw that would be a foolish thing indeed Fie fie you 're a Woman now and must think of a new Man every Morning and forget him every Night No no to marry is to be a Child again and play with the same Rattle always O fie marrying is a paw thing Miss Well but don't you love me as well as you did last Night then Tatt. No no Child you would not have me Miss No Yes but I would tho Tatt. Pshaw but I tell you you would not You forget you 're a Woman and don 't know your own mind Miss But here 's my Father and he knows my Mind Enter Foresight Fore O Mr. Tattle your Servant you are a close Man but methinks your Love to my Daughter was a Secret I might have been trusted with Or had you a mind to try if I could discover it by my Art hum ha I think there is something in your Physiognomy that has a resemblance of her and the Girl is like me Tat. And so you wou'd infer that you and I are alike what do's the Old Prig mean I 'll banter him and laugh at him and leave him Aside I fancy you have a wrong Notion of Faces Fore How What A wrong Notion How so Tat. In the way of Art I have some taking Features not obvious to Vulgar Eyes that are Indications of a sudden turn of good Fortune in the Lottery of Wives and promise a great Beauty and great Fortune reserved alone for me by a private Intriegue of Destiny kept secret from the piercing Eye of Perspicuity from all Astologers and the Stars themselves Fore How I will make it appear that what you say is impossible Tatt. Sir I beg your Pardon I 'm in haste Fore For what Tatt. To be married Sir married Fore Aye but pray take me along with you Sir Tatt. No Sir 't is to be done Privately I never make Confidents Fore Well but my Consent I mean You won't marry my Daughter without my Consent Tatt. Who I Sir I 'm an absolute Stranger to you and your Daughter Sir Fore Hey day What time of the Moon is this Tatt. Very true Sir and desire to continue so I have no more love for your Daughter than I have likeness of you and I have a Secret in my Heart which you wou'd be glad to know and shan't know and yet you shall know it too and be sorry for 't afterwards I 'd have you to know Sir that I am as knowing as the Stars and as secret as the Night And I'm going to be Married just now yet did not know of it half an Hour ago and the Lady stays for me and does not know of it yet There 's a Mystery for you I know you love to untie Difficulties Or if you can't solve this stay here a Quarter of an Hour and I 'll come and explain it to you Exit Miss O Father why will you let him go Won't you make him be my Husband Fore Mercy on us what do these Lunacies portend Alas he 's Mad Child stark Wild. Miss What and must not I have e're a Husband then What must I go to Bed to Nurse again and be a Child as long as she 's an Old Woman Indeed but I won't For now my Mind is set upon a Man I will have a Man some way or other Oh! methinks I 'm sick when I think of a Man and if I can't have one I wou'd go to sleep all my Life For when I 'm awake it makes me wish and long and I don't know for what And I 'd rather be always a sleeping than sick with thinking Fore O fearful I think the Girl 's influenc'd too Hussy you shall have a Rod. Miss A Fiddle of a Rod I 'll have a Husband and if you won't get me one I 'll get one for my self I 'll marry our Robbin the Butler he says he loves me and he 's a Handsome Man and shall be my Husband I warrant he 'll be my Husband and thank me too for he told me so Enter Scandal Mrs. Foresight and Nurse Fore Did he so I 'll dispatch him for 't presently Rogue Oh Nurse come hither Nurse What is your Worship's Pleasure Fore Here take your young Mistress and lock her up presently till farther Orders from me not a Word Hussy Do what I bid you no Reply away And bid Robin make ready to give an Account of his Plate and Linnen d' ee hear be gone when I bid you Ex. Nurse and Miss Mrs. Fore What 's the Matter Husband Fore 'T is not convenient to tell you now Mr. Scandal Heav'n keep us all in our Senses I fear there is a contagious Frenzy abroad How does Valentine Scan. O I hope he will do well again I have a Message from him to your Niece Angelica Fore I think she has not return'd since she went abroad with Sir Sampson Enter Ben. Mrs. Fore Here 's Mr. Benjamin he can tell us if his Father become Home Ben. Who Father ay he 's come home with a Vengeance Mrs. Fore Why What 's the Matter Ben. Matter Why he 's Mad. Fore Mercy on us I was afraid of this Ben. And there 's the handsome young Woman she as they say Brother Val. went mad for she 's mad too I think Fore O my poor Niece my poor Niece is she gone too Well I shall run mad next Mrs. Fore Well but how mad how d' ee mean Ben. Nay I 'll give you leave to guess I 'll undertake to make a Voyage to Antegoa No hold I mayn't say so neither But I 'll sail as far as Ligorn and back again before you shall guess at the matter and do nothing else Mess you may take in all the Points of the Compass and not hit Right Mrs. Fore Your Experiment will take up a little too much time Ben. Why then I 'll tell you There 's a new wedding upon the Stocks and they two are a going to be married to rights Scan. Who Ben. Why Father and the Young Woman I can't hit of her Name Scan. Angelica Ben. Aye the same Mrs. Fore Sir Sampson and Angelica impossible Ben. That may be but I 'm sure it
in our larger Family we grieve One falling Adam and one tempted Eve We who remain would gratefully repay What our Endeavours can and bring this day The First-fruit Offering of a Virgin Play We hope there 's something that may please each Taste And tho' of Homely Fare we make the Feast Yet you will find variety at least There 's Humour which for chearful Friends we got And for the thinking Party there 's a Plot. We 've something too to gratifie ill Nature If there be any here and that is Satire Tho Satire scarce dares grin 't is grown so mild Or only shews its Teeth as if it smil'd As Asses Thistles Poets mumble Wit And dare not bite for fear of being bit They hold their Pens as Swords are held by Fools And are afraid to use their own Edge-Tools Since the Plain-Dealers Scenes of Manly Rage Not one has dar'd to lash this Crying Age. This time the Poet owns the bold Essay Yet hopes there 's no ill-manners in his Play And he declares by me he has design'd Affront to none but frankly speaks his mind And shou'd the ensuing Scenes not chance to hit He offers but this one Excuse 't was writ Before your late Encouragement of Wit EPILOGUE Spoken at the opening of the New House By Mrs. Bracegirdle SURE Providence at first design'd this Place To be the Player 's Refuge in distress For still in every Storm they all run hither As to a Shed that shields 'em from the Weather But thinking of this change which last befel us It 's like what I have heard our Poets tell us For when behind our Scenes their Suits are pleading To help their Love sometimes they show their Reading And wanting ready Cash to pay for Hearts They top their Learning on us and their Parts Once of Philosophers they told us Stories Whom as I think they call'd Py Pythagories I 'm sure 't is some such Latin Name they give 'em And we who know no better must believe ' em Now to these Men say they such Souls were given That after Death ne're went to Hell nor Heaven But liv'd I know not how in Beasts and then When many Years were past in Men again Methinks we Players resemble such a Soul That does from Bodies we from Houses strole Thus Aristotle's Soul of old that was May now be damn'd to animate an Ass Or in this very House for ought we know Is doing painful Penance in some Beau And this our Audience which did once resort To shining Theatres to see our Sport Now find us toss'd into a Tennis-Court These Walls but t other Day were fill'd with Noise Of Roaring Gamesters and your Damme Boys Then bounding Balls and Rackets they encompass'd And now they 're fill'd with Iests and Flights and Bombast I vow I don't much like this Transmigration Stroling from Place to Place by Circulation Grant Heaven we don't return to our first Station I know not what these think but for my Part I can't reflect without an aking Heart How we shou'd end in our Original a Cart. But we can't fear since you 're so good to save us That you have only set us up to leave us Thus from the past we hope for future Grace I beg it And some here know I have a begging Face Then pray continue this your kind behaviour For a clear Stage won't do without your Favour Personae Dramatis MEN. Â By Sir Sampson Legend Father to Valentine and Ben. Mr. Underhill Valentine Fallen under his Father's Displeasure by his expensive way of living in love with Angelica Mr. Betterton Scandal His Friend a Free Speaker Mr. Smith Tattle A half-witted Beau vain of his Amours yet valuing himself for Secresie Mr. Boman Ben. Sir Sampson's Younger Son half home-bred and half-Sea-bred design'd to marry Miss Prue Mr. Dogget Foresight An illiterate Old Fellow peevish and positive superstitious and pretending to understand Astrology Palmistry Phisiognomy Omens Dreams c. Uncle to Angelica Mr. Sanford Ieremy Servant to Valentine Mr. Bowen Trapland A Scrivener Mr. Triffusis Buckram A Lawyer Mr. Freeman WOMEN Â By Angelica Niece to Foresight of a considerable Fortune in her own Hands Mrs. Bracegirdle Mrs. Foresight Second Wife to Foresight Mrs. Bowman Mrs. Frail. Sister to Mrs. Foresight a Woman of the Town Mrs. Barry Miss Prue Daughter to Foresight by a former Wife a silly awkard Country Girl Mrs. Ayliff Nurse to Miss Mrs. Leigh Ienny Maid to Angelica Mrs. Lawson A Steward Officers Sailers and several Servants The SCENE in LONDON LOVE for LOVE ACT I. SCENE I. Valentine in his Chamber Reading Jeremy waiting Several Books upon the Table Val. JEremy Iere. Sir Val. Here take away I 'll walk a turn and digest what I have read Iere. You 'll grow Devilish fat upon this Paper-Diet Aside and taking away the Books Val. And d' ye hear go you to Breakfast There 's a Page doubled down in Epictetus that is a Feast for an Emperour Iere. Was Epictetus a real Cook or did he only write Receipts Val. Read read Sirrah and refine your Appetite learn to live upon Instruction feast your Mind and mortifie your Flesh Read and take your Nourishment in at your Eyes shut up your Mouth and chew the Cud of Understanding So Epictetus advises Iere. O Lord I have heard much of him when I waited upon a Gentleman at Cambridge Pray what was that Epictetus Val. A very rich Man Not worth a Groat Iere. Humph and so he has made a very fine Feast where there is nothing to be eaten Val. Yes Iere. Sir you 're a Gentleman and probably understand this fine Feeding But if you please I had rather be at Board-Wages Does your Epictetus or your Seneca here or any of these poor rich Rogues teach you how to pay your Debts without Money Will they shut up the Mouths of your Creditors Will Plato be Bail for you Or Diogenes because he understands Confinement and liv'd in a Tub go to Prison for you ' Slife Sir what do you mean to mew your self up here with Three or Four musty Books in commendation of Starving and Poverty Val. Why Sirrah I have no Money you know it and therefore resolve to rail at all that have And in that I but follow the Examples of the wisest and wittiest Men in all Ages these Poets and Philosophers whom you naturally hate for just such another Reason because they abound in Sense and you are a Fool. Iere. Aye Sir I am a Fool I know it And yet Heav'n help me I 'm poor enough to be a Wit But I was always a Fool when I told you what your Expences would bring you to your Coaches and your Liveries your Treats and your Balls your being in Love with a Lady that did not care a Farthing for you in your Prosperity and keeping Company with Wits that car'd for nothing but your Prosperity and now when you are poor hate you as much as they do one another Val. Well and now
one of his mad fits he will bring you to him in her stead and get you married together and put to Bed together and after Consummation Girl there 's no revoking And if he should recover his Senses he 'll be glad at least to make you a good Settlement Here they come stand aside a little and tell me how you like the design Enter Valentine Scandal Foresight and Jeremy Scan. And have you given your Master a hint of their Plot upon him To Jere. Iere. Yes Sir he says he 'll favour it and mistake her for Angelica Scan. It may make sport Fore Mercy on us Val. Husht Interrupt me not I 'll whisper Prediction to thee and thou shalt Prophesie I am Truth and can teach thy Tongue a new Trick I have told thee what 's past Now I tell what 's to come Dost thou know what will happen to morrow Answer me not for I will tell thee To morrow Knaves will thrive thro' craft and Fools thro' Fortune and Honesty will go as it did Frost-nip't in a Summer suit Ask me Questions concerning to morrow Scan. Ask him Mr. Foresight Fore Pray what will be done at Court Val. Scandal will tell you I am Truth I never come there Fore In the City Val. Oh Prayers will be said in empty Churches at the usual Hours Yet you will see such Zealous Faces behind Counters as if Religion were to be sold in every Shop Oh things will go methodically in the City the Clocks will strike Twelve at Noon and the Horn'd Herd Buz in the Exchange at Two Wives and Husbands will drive distinct Trades and Care and Pleasure separately Occupy the Family Coffee-Houses will be full of Smoak and Stratagem And the cropt Prentice that sweeps his Master's Shop in the morning may ten to one dirty his Sheets before Night But there are two things that you will see very strange which are Wanton Wives with their Legs at liberty and Tame Cuckolds with Chains about their Necks But hold I must examine you before I go further You look suspiciously Are you a Husband Fore I am Married Val. Poor Creature Is your Wife of Covent-Garden Parish Fore No St. Martins in the Fields Val. Alas poor Man his Eyes are sunk and his Hands shrivell'd his Legs dwindl'd and his back bow'd Pray pray for a Metamorphosis Change thy Shape and shake off Age get thee Medea's Kettle and be boil'd a-new come forth with lab'ring Callous Hands a Chine of Steel and Atlas Shoulders Let Taliacotius trim the Calves of Twenty Chairmen and make thee Pedestals to stand erect upon and look Matrimony in the face Ha ha ha That a Man shou'd have a Stomach to a Wedding Supper when the Pidgeons ought rather to be laid to his feet ha ha ha Fore His Frenzy is very high now Mr. Scandal Scan. I believe it is a Spring Tide Fore Very likely truly You understand these Matters Mr. Scandal I shall be very glad to confer with you about these things which he has utter'd His Sayings are very Mysterious and Hieroglyphical Val. Oh why would Angelica be absent from my Eyes so long Iere. She 's here Sir Mrs. Fore Now Sister Frail. O Lord what must I say Scan. Humour him Madam by all means Val. Where is she Oh I see her she comes like Riches Health and Liberty at once to a despairing starving and abandon'd Wretch Oh welcome welcome Frail. How de' e you Sir Can I serve you Val. Heark'ee I have a Secret to tell you Endymion and the Moon shall meet us upon Mount Latmos and we 'll be Marry'd in the dead of Night But say not a word Hymen shall put his Torch into a dark Lanthorn that it may be secret and Iuno shall give her Peacock Poppy-water that he may fold his Ogling Tail and Argos's hundred Eyes be shut ha No body shall know but Ieremy Frail. No no we 'll keep it secret it shall be done presently Val. The sooner the better Ieremy come hither closer that none may over-hear us Ieremy I can tell you News Angelica is turn'd Nun and I am turning Fryar and yet we 'll Marry one another in spite of the Pope Get me a Coul and Beads that I may play my part For she 'll meet me Two Hours hence in black and white and a long Veil to cover the Project and we won't see one anothers Faces till we have done something to be asham'd of and then we 'll blush once for all Enter Tattle and Angelica Iere. I 'll take care and Val. Whisper Ang. Nay Mr. Tattle If you make Love to me you spoil my design for I intended to make you my Confident Tatt. But Madam to throw away your Person such a Person and such a Fortune on a Madman Ang. I never lov'd him till he was Mad but don 't tell any body so Scan. How 's this Tattle making Love to Angelica Tatt. Tell Madam alas you don't know me I have much ado to tell your Ladyship how long I have been in Love with you but encourag'd by the impossibility of Valentine's making any more Addresses to you I have ventur'd to declare the very inmost Passion of my Heart Oh Madam look upon us both There you see the ruins of a poor decay'd Creature Here a compleat and lively Figure with Youth and Health and all his five Senses in perfection Madam and to all this the most passionate Lover Ang. O fie for shame hold your Tongue A passionate Lover and five Senses in perfection when you are as Mad as Valentine I 'll believe you love me and the maddest shall take me Val. It is enough Ha! Who 's here Frail. O Lord her coming will spoil all To Jeremy Iere. No no Madam he won't know her if he shou'd I can perswade him Val. Scandal who are all these Foreigners If they are I 'll tell you what I think get away all the Company but Angelica that I may discover my design to her Whisper Scan. I will I have discover'd something of Tattle that is of a piece with Mrs. Frail. He Courts Angelica if we cou'd contrive to couple 'em together Heark'ee Whisper Mrs. Fore He won't know you Cousin he knows no body Fore But he knows more than any body Oh Neice he knows things past and to come and all the profound Secrets of Time Tatt. Look you Mr. Foresight It is not my way to make many words of Matters and so I shan't say much But in short de' e see I will hold you a Hundred Pound now that I know more Secrets than he Fore How I cannot Read that knowledge in your Face Mr. Tattle Pray what do you know Tat. Why de' e think I 'll tell you Sir Read it in my Face No Sir 't is written in my Heart And safer there Sir than Letters writ in Juice of Lemon for no Fire can fetch it out I am no blab Sir Val. Acquaint Ieremy with it he may easily bring it about They are
the Council and Generals of an Army lead just such a life as I do have just such Crowds of Visitants in a morning all soliciting of past promises which are but a civiller sort of Duns that lay claim to voluntary Debts Scan. And you like a true great Man having engaged their Attendance and promis'd more than ever you intend to perform are more perplex'd to find Evasions than you would be to invent the honest means of keeping your word and gratifying your Creditors Val. Scandal learn to spare your Friends and do not provoke your Enemies this liberty of your Tongue will one day bring a Confinement on your Body my Friend Re-enter Jeremy Iere. O Sir there 's Trapland the Scrivener with two suspicious Fellows like lawful Pads that wou'd knock a Man down with Pocket-Tipstaves And there 's your Father's Steward and the Nurse with one of your Children from Twitnam Val. Pox on her cou'd she find no other time to fling my Sins in my Face Here give her this Gives Money and bid her trouble me no more a thoughtless two handed Whore she knows my Condition well enough and might have overlaid the Child a Fortnight ago if she had had any forecast in her Scan. What is it Bouncing Margery and my Godson Iere. Yes Sir Scan. My Blessing to the Boy with this Token Gives Money of my Love And d' ee hear bid Margery put more Flocks in her Bed shift twice a Week and not work so hard that she may not smell so vigorously I shall take the Air shortly Val. Scandal don't spoil my Boy 's Milk Bid Trapland come in If I can give that Cerberus a Sop I shall be at rest for one day Exit Jeremy Enter Trapland and Jeremy O Mr. Trapland my old Friend Welcome Ieremy a Chair quickly A Bottle of Sack and a Toast a Chair first Trap. A good Morning to you Mr. Valentine and to you Mr. Scandal Scan. The Morning 's a very good Morning if you don't spoil it Val. Come sit you down you know his way Trap. Sits There is a Debt Mr. Valentine of 1500 l. of pretty long standing Val. I cannot talk about Business with a Thirsty Palate Sirrah the Sack Trap. And I desire to know what Course you have taken for the Payment Val. Faith and Troth I am heartily glad to see you my Service to you fill fill to honest Mr. Trapland fuller Trap. Hold Sweet-heart This is not to our Business my Service to you Mr. Scandal Drinks I have forborn as long Val. T'other Glass and then we 'll talk Fill Ieremy Trap. No more in truth I have forborn I say Val. Sirrah fill when I bid you And how do's your handsome Daughter Come a good Husband to her Drinks Trap. Thank you I have been out of this Money Val. Drink first Scandal why do you not Drink They Drink Trap. And in short I can be put off no longer Val. I was much oblig'd to you for your Supply It did me Signal Service in my necessity But you delight in doing good Scandal Drink to me my Friend Trapland's Health An honester Man lives not nor one more ready to serve his Friend in Distress tho' I say it to his face Come fill each Man his Glass Scan. What I know Trapland has been a Whoremaster and loves a Wench still You never knew a Whoremaster that was not an honest Fellow Trap. Fie Mr. Scandal you never knew Scan. What don't I know I know the Buxom black Widdow in the Poultry 800 l. a Year Joynture and 20000 l. in Money A hah Old Trap. Val. Say you so I'faith Come we 'll remember the Widow I know where abouts you are Come to the Widow Trap. No more indeed Val. What the Widows Health give it him off with it They Drink A Lovely Girl I'faith black sparkling Eyes soft pouting Ruby-Lips better sealing there than a Bond for a Million hah Trap. No no there 's no such thing we 'd better mind our business You 're a Wag. Val. No faith we 'll mind the Widow's business fill again Pretty round heaving Breasts a Barbary shape and a Jut with her Bum would stir an Anchoret And the prettiest Foot Oh if a Man could but fasten his Eyes to her Feet as they steal in and out and play at Bo-peep under her Petticoats ah Mr. Trapland Trap. Verily give me a Glass you 're a Wag and here 's to the Widow Drinks Scan. He begins to Chuckle ply him close or he 'l relapse into a Dun. Enter Officer Off. By your leave Gentlemen Mr. Trapland if we must do our Office tell us We have half a dozen Gentlemen to Arrest in Pall-Mall and Covent-Garden and if we don't make haste the Chairmen will be abroad and block up the Chocolate-Houses and then our labour 's lost Trap. ' Udso that 's true Mr. Valentine I love Mirth but business must be done are you ready to Iere. Sir your Father's Steward says he comes to make Proposals concerning your Debts Val. Bid him come in Mr. Trapland send away your Officer You shall have an answer presently Trap. Mr. Snap stay within Call Exit Officer Enter Steward and Whispers Valentine Scan. Here 's a Dog now a Traytor in his Wine Sirrah refund the Sack Ieremy fetch him some warm water or I 'll rip up his Stomach and go the shortest way to his Conscience Trap. Mr. Scandal you are Uncivil I did not value your Sack but you cannot expect it again when I have drank it Scan. And how do you expect to have your Money again when a Gentleman has spent it Val. You need say no more I understand the Conditions they are very hard but my Necessity is very pressing I agree to 'em take Mr. Trapland with you and let him draw the Writing Mr. Trapland you know this Man he shall satisfie you Trap. Sincerely I am loth to be thus pressing but my necessity Val. No Apology good Mr. Scrivener you shall be paid Trap. I hope you forgive me my business requires Exeunt Steward Trap. and Jere. Scan. He begs Pardon like a Hangman at an Execution Val. But I have got a Reprieve Scan. I am surpriz'd what do's your Father relent Val. No He has sent me the hardest Conditions in the World You have heard of a Booby-Brother of mine that was sent to Sea three Years ago This Brother my Father hears is Landed whereupon he very affectionately sends me word If I will make a Deed of Conveyance of my Right to his Estate after his Death to my younger Brother he will immediately furnish me with Four thousand Pound to pay my Debts and make my Fortune This was once propos'd before and I refus'd it but the present impatience of my Creditors for their Money and my own impatience of Confinement and absence from Angelica force me to consent Scan. A very desperate Demonstration of your love to Angelica And I think she has never given you any assurance of hers Val. You know her
I have a Poet weighing Words and selling Praise for Praise and a Critick picking his Pocket I have another large Piece too representing a School where there are huge Proportion'd Criticks with long Wigs Lac'd Coats Steinkirk Cravats and terrible Faces with Cat-calls in their Hands and Horn-books about their Necks I have many more of this kind very well Painted as you shall see Frail. Well I 'll come if it be only to disprove you Enter Jeremy Iere. Sir here 's the Steward again from your Father Val. I 'll come to him will you give me leave I 'll wait on you again presently Frail. No I 'll be gone Come who Squires me to the Exchange I must call my Sister Foresight there Scan. I will I have a mind to your Sister Frail. Civil Tatt. I will because I have a tender for your Ladiship Frail. That 's somewhat the better reason to my Opinion Scan. VVell if Tattle entertains you I have the better opportunity to engage your Sister Val. Tell Angelica I am about making hard Conditions to come abroad and be at liberty to see her Scan. I 'll give an account of you and your Proceedings If Indiscretion be a sign of Love you are the most a Lover of any Body that I know You fancy that parting with your Estate will help you to your Mistress In my mind he is a thoughtless Adventurer VVho hopes to purchase VVealth by selling Land Or win a Mistress with a losing hand Exeunt ACT II. SCENE I. A Room in Foresight's House Foresight and Servant Fore HEy day VVhat are all the VVomen of my Family abroad Is not my Wife come home Nor my Sister nor my Daughter Serv. No Sir Fore Mercy on us what can be the meaning of it Sure the Moon is in all her Fortitudes Is my Neice Angelica at home Serv. Yes Sir Fore I believe you lie Sir Serv. Sâ—r Fore I say you lie Sir It is impossible that any thing should be as I wou'd have it for I was born Sir when the Crab was ascending and all my Affairs go backward Serv. I can't tell indeed Sir Fore No I know you can't Sir But I can tell Sir and foretell Sir Enter Nurse Nurse Where 's your young Mistress Nurse Wee'st heart I know not they 're none of 'em come home yet Poor Child I warrant she 's fond o'seeing the Town Marry pray Heav'n they ha' given her any Dinner good lack-a-day ha ha ha O strange I 'll vow and swear now ha ha ha Marry and did you ever see the like Fore Why how now what 's the matter Nurse Pray Heav'n send your Worship good Luck Marry and Amen with all my heart for you have put on one Stocking with the wrong side outward Fore Ha How Faith and troth I 'm glad of it and so I have that may be good Luck in troth in troth it may very good Luck Nay I have had some Omens I got out of Bed backwards too this morning without Premeditation pretty good that too but then I stumbl'd coming down Stairs and met a Weasel bad Omens those some bad some good our lives are checquer'd Mirth and Sorrow Want and Plenty Night and Day make up our time But in troth I am pleas'd at my Stocking Very well pleas'd at my Stocking Oh here 's my Neice Enter Angelica Sirrah go tell Sir Sampson Legend I 'll wait on him if he 's at leisure 't is now Three a Clock a very good hour for Business Mercury Governs this hour Exit Servant Ang. Is not it a good hour for Pleasure too Uncle pray lend me your Coach mine 's out of Order Fore What wou'd you be gadding too Sure all Females are mad to day It is of evil portent and bodes Mischief to the Master of a Family I remember an old Prophesie written by Messehalah the Arabian and thus translated by a Reverend Buckinghamshire Bard. When Housewifes all the House forsake And leave good Man to Brew and Bake Withouten Guile then be it said That House doth stond upon its Head And when the Head is set in Grond Ne marl if it be fruitful fond Fruitful the Head fruitful that bodes Horns the Fruit of the Head is Horns Dear Neice stay at home For by the Head of the House is meant the Husband the Prophecy needs no Explanation Ang. Well but I can neither make you a Cuckold Uncle by going abroad nor secure you from being one by staying at home Fore Yes yes while there 's one Woman left the Prophesie is not in full Force Ang. But my Inclinations are in force I have a mind to go abroad and if you won't lend me your Coach I 'll take a Hackney or a Chair and leave you to erect a Scheme and find who 's in Conjunction with your Wife Why don't you keep her at Home if you 're Jealous when she 's abroad You know my Aunt is a little Retrograde as you call it in her Nature Uncle I 'm afraid you are not Lord of the Ascendant ha ha ha Fore Well Jill-flirt you are very pert and always ridiculing that Celestial Science Ang. Nay Uncle don't be angry If you are I 'll reap up all your false Prophecies ridiculous Dreams and idle Divinations I 'll swear you are a Nusance to the Neighbourhood What a Bustle did you keep against the last Invisible Eclipse laying in Provision as 't were for a Siege What a World of Fire and Candle Matches and Tinderboxes did you purchase One would have thought we were ever after to live under Ground or at least making a Voyage to Greenland to inhabit there all the dark Season Fore Why you malapert Slut Ang. Will you lend me your Coach or I 'll go on Nay I 'll declare how you prophecy'd Popery was coming only because the Butler had mislaid some of the Apostle's Spoons and thought they were lost Away went Religion and Spoon-meat together Indeed Uncle I 'll indite you for a Wizard Fore How Hussie was there ever such a provoking Minx Nurse O merciful Father how she talks Ang. Yes I can make Oath of your unlawful Midnight Practices you and the old Nurse there Nurse Marry Heav'n defend I at Midnight Practices O Lord what 's here to do I in unlawful Doings with my Masters Worship Why did you ever hear the like now Sir did ever I do any thing of your Midnight Concerns but warm your Bed and tuck you up and set the Candle and your Tobacco-Box and your Urinal by you and now and then rub the Soles of your Feet O Lord I Ang. Yes I saw you together through the Key-hole of the Closet one Night like Saul and the Witch of Endor turning the Sieve and Sheers and pricking your Thumbs to write poor innocent Servants Names in Blood about a little Nutmeg-Grater which she had forgot in the Caudle-Cup Nay I know something worse if I would speak of it Fore I defie you Hussie but I 'll remember this I
peeps What 's here to do O the Father a Man with her Why Miss I say God 's my Life here 's fine doings towards O Lord We 're all undone O you young Harlotry knocks Ods my Life won't you open the Door I 'll come in the back way Exit Tattle and Miss at the Door Miss O Lord she 's coming and she 'll tell my Father what shall I do now Tatt. Pox take her if she had staid two Minutes longer I shou'd have wish'd for her coming Miss O Dear what shall I say Tell me Mr. Tattle tell me a Lie Tatt. There 's no occasion for a Lie I cou'd never tell a Lie to no purpose But since we have done nothing we must say nothing I think I hear her I 'll leave you together and come off as you can Thrusts her in and shuts the Door Enter Valentine Scandal and Angelica Ang. You can't accuse me of Inconstancy I never told you that I lov'd you Val. But I can accuse you of Uncertainty for not telling me whether you did or no. Ang. You mistake Indifference for Uncertainty I never had Concern enough to ask my self the Question Scan. Nor good Nature enough to answer him that did ask you I 'll say that for you Madam Ang. What are you setting up for good Nature Scan. Only for the affectation of it as the Women do for ill Nature Ang. Perswade your Friend that it is all Affectation Val. I shall receive no Benefit from the Opinion For I know no effectual Difference between continued Affectation and Reality Tatt. coming up Scandal are you in private Discourse any thing of Secresie Aside to Scandal Scan. Yes but I dare trust you We were talking of Angelica's Love for Valentine you won't speak of it Tatt. No no not a Syllable I know that 's a Secret for it 's whisper'd every where Scan. Ha ha ha Ang. What is Mr. Tattle I heard you say something was whisper'd every where Scan. Your Love of Valentine Ang. How Tatt. No Madam his Love for your Ladyship Gad take me I beg your Pardon for I never heard a Word of your Ladyships Passion till this instant Ang. My Passion And who told you of my Passion pray Sir Scan. Why is the Devil in you Did not I tell it you for a Secret Tatt. Gadso but I thought she might have been trusted with her own Affairs Scan. Is that your Discretion trust a Woman with her self Tatt. You say true I beg your Pardon I 'll bring all off It was impossible Madam for me to imagine that a Person of your Ladyship's Wit and Gallantry could have so long receiv'd the passionate Adddresses of the accomplisht Valentine and yet remain insensible therefore you will pardon me if from a just weight of his Merit with your Ladyshpis good Judgment I form'd the Ballance of a reciprocal Affection Val. O the Devil what damn'd Costive Poet has given thee this Lesson of Fustian to get by Rote Ang. I dare swear you wrong him it is his own And Mr. Tattle only judges of the Success of others from the Effects of his own Merit For certainly Mr. Tattle was never deny'd any thing in his Life Tatt. O Lord yes indeed Madam several times Ang. I swear I don't think 't is possible Tatt. Yes I vow and swear I have Lord Madam I 'm the most unfortunate Man in the World and the most cruelly us'd by the Ladies Ang. Nay now you 're ungrateful Tatt. No I hope not 't is as much Ingratitude to own some Favours as to conceal others Val. There now it 's out Ang. I don't understand you now I thought you had never ask'd any thing but what a Lady might modestly grant and you confess Scan. So faith your Business is done here now you may go brag somewhere else Tatt. Brag O Heav'ns Why did I name any body Ang. No I suppose that is not in your Power but you wou'd if you cou'd no doubt on 't Tatt. Not in my Power Madam What does your Ladyship mean that I have no Womans Reputation in my Power Scan. Ouns why you won't own it will you Aside Tatt. Faith Madam you 're in the right no more I have as I hope to be sav'd I never had it in my Power to say any thing to a Lady's Prejudice in my Life For as I was telling you Madam I have been the most unsuccessful Creature living in things of that nature and never had the good Fortune to be trusted once with a Lady's Secret not once Ang. No. Val. Not once I dare answer for him Scan. And I 'll answer for him for I 'm sure if he had he wou'd have told me I find Madam you don't know Mr. Tattle Tatt. No indeed Madam you don't know me at all I find For sure my intimate Friends wou'd have known Ang. Then it seems you would have told if you had been trusted Tatt. O pox Scandal that was too far put Never have told Particulars Madam Perhaps I might have talk'd as of a Third Person or have introduc'd an Amour of my own in Conversation by way of Novel but never have explain'd Particulars Ang. But whence comes the Reputation of Mr. Tattle's Secresie if he was never trusted Scan. Why thence it arises The thing is proverbially spoken but may be apply'd to him As if we shou'd say in general Terms He only is Secret who never was trusted a Satyrical Proverb upon our Sex There 's another upon yours As she is chaste who was never ask'd the Question That 's all Val. A couple of very civil Proverbs truly 'T is hard to tell whether the Lady or Mr. Tattle be the more obliged to you For you found her Vertue upon the Backwardness of the Men and his Secresie upon the mistrust of the Women Tatt. Gad it 's very true Madam I think we are oblig'd to acquit our selves And for my part But your Ladyship is to speak first Ang. Am I Well I freely confess I have resisted a great deal of Temptation Tatt. And I Gad I have given some Temptation that has not been resisted Val. Good Ang. I cite Valentine here to declare to the Court how fruitless he has found his Endeavours and to confess all his Sollicitations and my Denials Val. I am ready to plead Not guilty for you and Guilty for my self Scan. So why this is fair here 's Demonstration with a Witness Tatt. Well my Witnesses are not present But I confess I have had Favours from Persons But as the Favours are numberless so the Persons are nameless Scan. Pooh pox this proves nothing Tatt. No I can shew Letters Locketts Pictures and Rings and if there be occasion for Witnesses I can summon the Maids at the Chocolate-Houses all the Porters of Pall-Mall and Covent-Garden the Door-keepers at the Play-House the Drawers at Locket's Pontack's the Rummer Spring-Garden my own Landlady and Valet de Chambre all who shall make Oath that I receive more Letters than the Secretary's
I don't perceive it Scan. That may be but your Beard is longer than it was two Hours ago Fore Indeed bless me Enter Mrs. Foresight Mrs. Fore Husband will you go to Bed It 's Ten a Clock Mr. Scandal your Servant Scan. Pox on her she has interrupted my Design But I must work her into the Project You keep early Hours Madam Mrs. Fore Mr. Foresight is punctual we sit up after him Fore My Dear pray lend me your Glass your little Looking-glass Scan. Pray lend it him Madam I 'll tell you the reason She gives him the Glass Scandal and she whisper My Passion for you is grown so violent that I am no longer Master of my self I was interrupted in the morning when you had Charity enough to give me your Attention and I had Hopes of finding another opportunity of explaining my self to you but was disappointed all this day and the Uneasiness that has attended me ever since brings me now hither at this unseasonable hour Mrs. Fore Was there ever such Impudence to make Love to me before my Husband's Face I 'll Swear I 'll tell him Scan. Do I 'll dye a Martyr rather than disclaim my Passion But come a little farther this way and I 'll tell you what Project I had to get him out of the way that I might have an opportunity of waiting upon you Whisper Foresight looking in the Glass Fore I do not see any Revolution here Methinks I look with a serene and benign aspect pale a little pale but the Roses of these Cheeks have been gather'd many Years ha I do not like that suddain flushing gone already hem hem hem faintish My Heart is pretty good yet it beats and my Pulses ha I have none Mercy on me hum Yes here they are Gallop gallop gallop gallop gallop gallop hey Whither will they hurry me Now they 're gone again And now I 'm faint again and pale again and hem and my hem breath hem grows short hem hem he he hem Scan. It takes pursue it in the name of Love and Pleasure Mrs. Fore How do you do Mr. Foresight Fore Hum not so well as I thought I was Lend me your Hand Scan. Look you there now Your Lady says your Sleep has been unquiet of late Fore Very likely Mrs. Fore O' mighty restless but I was afraid to tell him so He has been subject to Talking and Starting Scan. And did not use to be so Mrs. Fore Never never till within these three Nights I cannot say that he has once broken my Rest since we have been Marry'd Fore I will go to Bed Scan. Do so Mr. Foresight and say your Pray'rs He looks better than he did Mrs. Fore Nurse Nurse Calls Fore Do you think so Mr. Scandal Scan. Yes yes I hope this will be gone by Morning taking it in time Fore I hope so Enter Nurse Mrs. Fore Nurse your Master is not well put him to Bed Scan. I hope you will be able to see Valentine in the Morning you had best take a little Diacodion and Cowslip water and lye upon your back may be you may dream Fore I thank you Mr. Scandal I will Nurse let me have a Watch-light and lay the Crums of Comfort by me Nurse Yes Sir Fore And hem hem I am very faint Scan. No no you look much better Fore Do I And d' ye hear bring me let me see within a quarter of Twelve hem he hem just upon the turning of the Tide bring me the Urinal And I hope neither the Lord of my Ascendant nor the Moon will be combust and then I may do well Scan. I hope so Leave that to me I will erect a Scheme and I hope I shall find both Sol and Venus in the sixth House Fore I thank you Mr. Scandal indeed that wou'd be a great Comfort to me Hem hem good Night Exit Scan. Good Night good Mr. Foresight and I hope Mars and Venus will be in Conjunction while your Wife and I are together Mrs. Fore Well and what use do you hope to make of this Project You don't think that you are ever-like to succeed in your design upon me Scan. Yes Faith I do I have a better Opinion both of you and my self than to despair Mrs. Fore Did you ever hear such a Toad heark'ee Devil do you think any Woman Honest Scan. Yes several very honest they 'll cheat a little at Cards sometimes but that 's nothing Mrs. Fore Pshaw but Vertuous I mean Scan. Yes Faith I believe some Women are Vertuous too but 't is as I believe some Men are Valiant thro' fear For why shou'd a Man court Danger or a Woman shun Pleasure Mrs. Fore O Monstrous What are Conscience and Honour Scan. Why Honour is a publick Enemy and Conscience a Domestick Thief and he that wou'd secure his Pleasure must pay a Tribute to one and go halves with the t'other As for Honour that you have secur'd for you have purchas'd a perpetual opportunity for Pleasure Mrs. Fore An Opportunity for Pleasure Scan. Aye your Husband a Husband is an opportunity for Pleasure so you have taken care of Honour and 't is the least I can do to take care of Conscience Mrs. Fore And so you think we are free for one another Scan. Yes Faith I think so I love to speak my mind Mrs. Fore Why then I 'll speak my mind Now as to this Affair between you and me Here you make love to me why I 'll confess it does not displease me Your Person is well enough and your Understanding is not a-miss Scan. I have no great Opinion of my self yet I think I 'm neither Deform'd nor a Fool. Mrs. Fore But you have a Villanous Character you are a Libertine in Speech as well as Practice Scan. Come I know what you wou'd say you think it more dangerous to be seen in Conversation with me than to allow some other Men the last Favour you mistake the liberty I take in Talking is purely affected for the Service of your Sex He that first cries out stop Thief is often he that has stolen the Treasure I am a Jugler that act by Confederacy and if you please we 'll put a Trick upon the world Mrs. Fore Aye but you are such an universal Jugler that I 'm afraid you have a great many Confederates Scan. Faith I 'm sound Mrs. Fore O fie I 'll Swear you 're Impudent Scan. I 'll Swear your Handsome Mrs. Fore Pish you 'd tell me so tho' you did not think so Scan. And you 'd think so tho' I should not tell you so And now I think we know one another pretty well Mrs. Fore O Lord who 's here Enter Mrs. Frail and Ben. Ben. Mess I love to speak my mind Father has nothing to do with me Nay I can't say that neither he has something to do with me But what do's that signifie If so be that I ben't minded to be steer'd by him 't is as tho'f he
should strive against Wind and Tyde Mrs. Frail. Aye but my Dear we must keep it secret till the Estate be setled for you know Marrying without an Estate is like Sailing in a Ship without Ballast Ben. He he he why that 's true just so for all the World it is indeed as like as two Cable Ropes Mrs. Frail. And tho' I have a good Portion you know one wou'd not venture all in one bottom Ben. Why that 's true again for may-hap one bottom may spring a Leak You have hit it indeed Mess you 've nick'd the Channel Mrs. Frail. Well but if you shou'd forsake me after all you 'd break my Heart Ben. Break your Heart I 'de rather the Mary-gold shou'd break her Cable in a storm as well as I love her Flesh you don't think I 'm false-hearted like a Land-man A Sailer will be honest tho'f may-hap he has never a Penny of Mony in his Pocket May-hap I may not have so fair a Face as a Citizen or a Courtier but for all that I 've as good Blood in my Veins and a Heart as sound as a Bisket Mrs. Frail. And will you love me always Ben. Nay an I love once I 'll stick like pitch I 'll tell you that Come I 'll sing you a Song of a Sailor Mrs. Frail. Hold there 's my Sister I 'll call her to hear it Mrs. Fore Well I won't go to Bed to my Husband to Night because I 'll retire to my own Chamber and think of what you have said Scan. Well You 'll give me leave to wait upon you to your Chamber-door and leave you my last Instructions Mrs. Fore Hold here 's my Sister coming toward us Mrs. Frail. If it won't interrupt you I 'll entertain you with a Song Ben. The Song was made upon one of our Ships-Crew's Wife our Boat-swain made the Song may-hap you may know her Sir Before she was Marry'd she was call'd buxom Ioan of Deptford Scan. I have heard of her Ben. Sings BALLAD Set by Mr. Iohn Eccles. A Souldier and a Sailor A Tinker and a Tailor Had once a doubtful strife Sir To make a Maid a Wife Sir Whose Name was Buxom Joan. For now the time was ended When she no more intended To lick her Lips at Men Sir And gnaw the Sheets in vain Sir And lie o' Nights alone 2. The Souldier Swore like Thunder He lov'd her more than Plunder And shew'd her many a Scar Sir That he had brought from far Sir With Fighting for her sake The Tailor thought to please her With off'ring her his Measure The Tinker too with Mettle Said he could mend her Kettle And stop up ev'ry leak 3. But while these three were prating The Sailor slily waiting Thought if it came about Sir That they should all fall out Sir He then might play his part And just e'en as he meant Sir To Loggerheads they went Sir And then he let fly at her A shot 'twixt wind and water That won this Fair Maids Heart Ben. If some of our Crew that came to see me are not gone you shall see that we Sailors can Dance sometimes as well as other Folks Whistles I warrant that brings 'em an' they be within hearing Enter Seamen Oh here they be And Fiddles along with 'em come my Lads let 's have a round and I 'll make one Dance Ben. We 're merry Folk we Sailors we han't much to care for Thus we live at Sea eat Bisket and drink Flip put on a clean Shirt once a Quarter Come home and lie with our Landladies once a Year get rid of a little Mony and then put off with the next fair wind How de' e like us Mrs. Frail. O' you are the happiest merriest Men alive Mrs. Fore We 're beholding to Mr. Benjamin for this Entertainment I believe it 's late Ben. Why forsooth an you think so you had best go to Bed For my part I mean to toss a Can and remember my Sweet-Heart a-fore I turn in may-hap I may dream of her Mrs. Fore Mr. Scandal you had best go to Bed and Dream too Scan. Why Faith I have a good lively Imagination and can Dream as much to the purpose as another if I set about it But Dreaming is the poor retreat of a lazy hopeless and imperfect Lover 't is the last glimpse of Love to worn-out Sinners and the faint dawning of a Bliss to wishing Girls and growing Boys There 's nought but willing waking Love that can Make Blest the Ripen'd Maid and Finish'd Man Exeunt The End of the Third Act. ACT. IV. SCENE I. Valentine's Lodging Enter Scandal and Jeremy Scan. WELL Is your Master ready do's he look madly and talk madly Ier. Yes Sir you need make no great doubt of that he that was so near turning Poet yesterday morning can't be much to seek in playing the Madman to day Scan. Would he have Angelica acquainted with the Reason of his design Ier. No Sir not yet He has a mind to try whether his playing the Madman won't make her play the Fool and fall in Love with him or at least own that she has lov'd him all this while and conceal'd it Scan. I saw her take Coach just now with her Maid and think I heard her bid the Coach-man drive hither Iere. Like enough Sir for I told her Maid this morning my Master was run stark mad only for Love of her Mistress I hear a Coach stop if it should be she Sir I believe he would not see her till he hears how she takes it Scan. Well I 'll try her 't is she here she comes Enter Angelica with Jenny Ang. Mr. Scandal I suppose you don't think it a Novelty to see a Woman visit a Man at his own Lodgings in a morning Scan. Not upon a kind occasion Madam But when a Lady comes Tyrannically to insult a ruin'd Lover and make manifest the cruel Triumphs of her Beauty the barbarity of it something surprizes me Ang. I don 't like Raillery from a serious Face pray tell me what is the matter Iere. No strange matter Madam my Master 's mad that 's all I suppose your Ladyship has thought him so a great while Ang. How d' ye mean mad Iere. Why faith Madam he 's mad for want of his Wits just as he was for want of Money his Head is e'en as light as his Pockets and any body that has a mind to a bad Bargain can't do better than to beg him for his Estate Ang. If you speak Truth your endeavouring at Wit is very unseasonable Scan. She 's concern'd and loves him Aside Ang. Mr. Scandal you can't think me guilty of so much Inhumanity as not to be concern'd for a Man I must own my self oblig'd to pray tell me truth Scan. Faith Madam I wish telling a Lie would mend the matter But this is no new effect of an unsuccessful Passion Ang. aside I know not what to think Yet I shou'd be vext to have a trick put upon