he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought to loue his Wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly their cousin doth aide and helpe them and that she in like manner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her friends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsemen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any And thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties which are to be performed of the husband and the wife are either pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues 1. The first common dutie is prayer that they pray together by themselues For as they are to pray with others in their families for things which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posterity and that in the birth the childrn be comely and not monstrous in comming forth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well-carriage and good behauiour as likewise for their houshold and diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike familie As Isaack and Rebecca besides the prayers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams family did also pray together priuatly as Gen. 25. 21. it is said Isaack prayed before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another As the husband is to admonish the wife and also to teach her so the wife is to admonish the husband in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5. 13. 14. heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Iordan according to the saying of the Prophet so in like manner the husbands duty is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet so as when he faileth in duty he is to heare her good counsell and admonition either concerning heauenly matters or earthly affaires she notwithstanding considering her estate and condition vnder him and in humility confessing her selfe to be the weaker vessell 1. Pet. 3. 7. Their mutuall and seuerall duties pertaining to themselues are First the holy familiarity which ought to be betwixt man and wife wherby they haue a more familiar vsage one of another and do more familiarly behaue themselues in a comely sort one to another then any other parties whatsoeuer in regard whereof Abimelech king of Gerar after that Isaack had said of Rebecca his wife She is my sister seeing Isaack playing and sporting with her familiarly knowing that familiarity which ought to be betweene the husband and the wife and knowing that Isaack was a godly religious man and therefore would not vse that kind of behauiour to any other woman saue to his wife discerned thereby and concluded certainely that she was his wife howsoeuer he had denied it before Noting that a woman is not to be familiar after that sort with any other man saue her husband and contrary that the husband ought not to vse this familiaritie with any other woman which he doth with his wife And therefore Pro. 5. 19. we see that the wife should be to him as the louing Hinde namely delightfull one in whom he may delight that as the Hart delighteth in the Hinde so the wife should be a delight vnto her husband and so in like manner she ought to take delight in him 2. Againe there is another mutuall dutie pertaining to themselues to wit that neare coniunction euen in regard of their bodies for an holy procreation of children in respect whereof the Apostle saith The husband hath not power ouer his owne body but the wife c. Onely when it is with the wife as is common to women Ezech. 18. 6. or that she be sicke of her disease he is not then to haue the vse of her body c. Such as do aspire and purpose to enter into the holy estate of matrimony are to beginne in prayer and holinesse to God And hauing attained to that estate ought to vse the benefit of marriage as an holy ordinance of God in all godlinesse and puritie for a remedie against the weakenesse of the flesh and not for the prouocation and lust to intemperancie True it is that honesty of marriage grounded vpon Gods ordinance doth couer the shame of incontinencie yet not so as that married folkes should defile and pollute that holy estate by admitting all things but that they should so vse it as there might be no excesse in dissolutenesse neither any intemperancie contrarie to the holinesse thereof So that to abuse it in lasciuious excesse is fornication When God created the woman he said It is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helpe meete for him but whatsoeuer is said of the woman that she should be an helpe to the man must also be put in practise and exercised by the husband to wards his wife according to the doctrine of the Apostle Saint Paul 1. Cor. 7. whether in auoiding fornication whether in procuring generation and the education and bringing vp of children whether in maintaining a family or for the seruice of God and saluation of soules Hereby it euidently appeareth that the dutie common both to the husband and wife importeth that the one should aide and helpe the other First that they may leade their lines in chastitie and holinesse Next to auoide fornication So that the dutie of the husband and the wife consisteth in this that they liue together in all chastitie and purenesse and that they take great heed and beware of breaking the bond and infringing and violating the saith of marriage by fornication or adulterie which is a detestable sinne in the sight both of God and man If such as wanting the remedy of marriage by committing fornication do incurre an offence worthy euerlasting damnation what may those deserue who hauing
without comparison more straite and bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction whereby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alteration and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to be among the causes of the floud The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is money that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our dayes Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beauty riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile grounds is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintained with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish continue the loue that there of proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy as contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradise of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the houshold They that wil auoide such strife must therefore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For as a vessell made of two peeces and glewed together may at the first be easily broken but in time groweth hard so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned together by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and duty each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another friendly and each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ. Let the husband think that he hath married a daughter of Adam and all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not married an Angell but a child of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soon amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion and loue betweene the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedes of the vnion and coniunction of mariage If the husband be giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loud sound and therefore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answer So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproach to the husband and wise so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that go about to do me euill talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and in whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife And also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like duty toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parents but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parents And indeed the true loue of the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commodity The wise it more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their Parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parents to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachel being sisters and the wiues of lacob For lacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with lacob and consented together to leaue their father and to follow their husband lacob Herein likewise consisteth another dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their houshold affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shall complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents and the husband to the wiues parents So would all cause of iealousie ceasse and the complaint procure most assured remedy This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neither once thinke of diuorce And to that end let them remember what is written That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but adultery may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as a ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note where he obiecteth to the harlot that she hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainely and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as
but coldly and for custome sake at the Church and God accepteth no more of their worship they do there then they loue and like of his gouernment in their houses The Gouernours of families if as it is in mariage there be more then one vpon whom the charge of gouernment lieth though vnequally are first the chiefe gouernour which is the Husband secondly a fellow-helper which is the Wife These both do owe duties to their familie and dutie one to another The duties they ow to their familie both concerning godlinesse and the things of this life belong either to the Husband especially or to the Wife especially The duties that belong to the Husband touching holinesse are such as either He must 1. Performe to them of his familie 2. Or require of them The duties which he must performe to them are first touching the publike ministery of the Word to prouide that they may liue vnder an ordinary ministery of the word or else to take order that alwayes vpon the Sabbath and at other times when it may be they resort to such places where they may haue the word ministred vnto them for else how shall they be brought into the Sheepfold of God from which naturally they go 〈◊〉 but by hearing the voyce of the chiefe Sheep-heard speaking vnto them by those whom he sendeth How shall they belieue and so be begotten againe by the seede of the word except they heare such as God sendeth for the begetting of men vnto him How shall they be reconciled vnto God but by hearing his messengers into whose mouthes he hath put the word of reconciliation How shall they grow in faith and increase in grace but by receiuing with meeknesse the ingrafted word which is able to saue their soules Seeing then the word preached is the meanes to beget men to a new life and to nourish them in it a great dutie lyeth vpon the Gouernours of Familyes to prouide by some meanes that they may haue it For where the word is not preached there the Lords Sabbath cannot be hallowed as it ought Now the Lord would not onely haue Maisters of Families to keepe holy the Sabbath themselues in all the parts of his worship publike and priuate but also that euery one should in his seueral place and roome carefully to take order that so many as be committed to his charge should sanctifie the Lords day as well as himselfe Which though it be true in all other commandements namely that whatsoeuer we are bound to do our selues we must be meanes to further others in doing the same because the loue of God and of our Neighbour spreadeth it selfe ouer all the Commandements and therfore though it be not expressed it is necessarily vnderstood yet in the fourth commandemēt it is so much the more required because besides the analogie and proportion betweene it and the other Commandements which do enforce it the very words themselues do binde vs thereunto For when it is said Thou and thy Sonne and thy Daughter thy Man-sernant and thy Mayde though it speaketh by name onely of resting vpon the Sabbath yet because the end of that is that the day might be sanctisied looke how many reasons there be to binde the inferiours to rest and the superiours to prouide that they do so indeed so many are there to compell them to sanctifie the day in their owne persons and in so many as belong vnto them Therefore when first of all it is generally said in this fourth Commandement Remember the Sabbath-day that thou keepe it holy And afterwards The seuenth day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God that is which must be dedicated vnto his seruice in the end you must therfore rest that you might serue him in it as he requireth and then nameth the seueral parties that should rest His meaning is to declare the right end of their resting and so speaking by name to the Gouernours saith Thou and thy sonne and thy daughter thy man-seruant and thy maid the stranger that is within thy gates to shew vnto them that it is not sufficient for them to looke that they vnder their gouernmēt should rest vnlesse they sanctifie the day of rest also which they must be so much carefull of by how much the sanctification of the day is greater then the ceassing to worke vpon it as the end whereunto this is but referred and therefore if it be a sinne in them at any time not to haue a sufficient regard vnto them that they do not worke then it must needes be a great sinne if that through their negligence they do not sanctifie and keepe holy the day of rest So that here the Lord God requireth that in all places there should be such good lawes publickly in the Common wealth and priuately in mens houses established and diligently executed as thereby not onely the rulers but also all in subiection should be compelled to sanctifie the Lords day and that they should be sure they do it indeed And as he must not leaue it indifferent to them to choose whether they will work or rest and so thinke it sufficient that they do not lay any worke vpon them So is it not enough that they hinder them not from seruing God vpon that day vnlesse they procure all the meanes vnto them whereby God might be worshipped of them and see that they worship God in them as well as themselues Therefore the maisters of families must prouide as much as lyeth in them that the word be publikely preached where they dwell not for themselues alone but for their children and seruants take that they might keepe holy the day together with them and they must not onely come themselues to the place of common-prayer and diuine seruice but bring these also with them and spend the rest of the day in all priuate godly exercises themselues and cause others to do so also And here lest this might seeme too heauie vnto vs and that it might not be grieuous to take so great a charge vpon vs we must remember that as we haue great helpe by our inferiours in many things so the Lord woud haue vs to helpe them in the chiefe and princîpall and as he hath made them our seruants so we should make them his seruants and when they haue serued vs sixe dayes we might cause them to serue him vpon the seuenth And as the Lord hath preferred vs aboue them with their seruice so he would humble vs with this charge and care ouer them or rather exalt vs in that he would haue vs to be as it were the ouerseers of his worke and not onely serue him our selues but also see his seruice done by others committed to our charge which if ye do not wherein shall the Christian Gouernours of Householdes differ from the Infidels and Heathen and what greater thing shall we do for our Seruants then they Nay what shall we do more for them then
vnnecescary blazing of other mens 〈◊〉 by lying slandering 〈◊〉 taunting if any shew himselfe care lesse to 〈◊〉 the motions and enticements vnto sinne and the lust of the same and he wil vse the meanes following to redresse them The manner of correcting must like wise be looked vnto for to faile in that maketh correction hurtfull oftentimes but alwayes 〈◊〉 For this point then we must know that correction must be Ministred in Wisedome and Patience Wisedome is that by which we obserue comelinesse in euery action that is to say by which we obserue what we do how in what place at what time before whom that all things may be done in a conuenient place time and manner Wisedome will 1. Find out the right party that cōmitted the fault that he that is innocent be not vniustly burthened 2. Consider of what sort and nature the fault is 3. Weigh circumstances of ages discretion occasions that moued the party and whether it be customary or a slip by ouersight 4. Looke to the mind of the doer whether negligence frowardnesse or simplicity want of wisdom brought him to it And according to these things wisdome will teach a man to measure out correction or to be sparing in it Besides wisedome will not correct before the fault be euident or before she be able to winde the offender out of all shifting holes For when the offender is not throughly conuinced he shifteth off the shame of the fault and of the correction which is a part of the purgation to cure his disease and besides he will be bold to open his mouth against his ruler and seeke to bring him into hatred or contēpt with the rest of the inferiours for correcting vniustly Wisedome therefore will winke at a fault a while and make as though she saw it not that she may haue a fitter opportunitie to correct yea towards some of a good nature wisedome will shew that she seeth a fault but yet for loue of the partie and desire to haue him amend of his owne accord she will passe ouer the euill Moreouer wisedome will neuer reproch the offender by reuiling or taunting him with the fault but minister correction in loue and desire to haue his sore cured and his credit salued For the casting of faults in their teeth and disgracing them especially before others which is common in the world maketh them lay off shame of offending by little and little whereas if they saw thee carefull of their credite they would haue much more regard to it themselues Lastly wisedome will auoid partialitie and deale with all in the same case after the same manner Patience is also needfull that through anger or hastines a man do not fight nor chide before he hath made the fault manifest to the offender that if it may be his conscience may be touched for it Againe by patience one must heare what the offender can say in his defence and not disdaine to heare him modestly alledging for himselfe and when his defence is made by equitie to allow or disallow the same So did Iob Iob. 31. 13. And Balaam had no reason to disdaine the defence of his beast Num. 20. 30. c. This patience will also keepe a man from bitternesse which might sooner make the party angrie then draw him to amendment which thing the Apostle would haue auoided in superiours towards those that be vnder them For want of this many are but a word and a blow many first correct and then tell the fault many lay on loade or raile and reuile brawle and scold without measure Lastly this patience will keepe thee from immoderate anger a thing dangerous in a corrector For he that cometh to reforme with too much anger shall hardly keepe a measure in rebuking or chastising Now for the seuerall kinds of correction the first is rebuking which is a sharpe reproofe for a fault committed measured according to the nature of the fault Example whereof we haue in Iacob Gen. 30. 2. Ioh. 2. 10. Our Sauiour Christ to Peter Mat. 16. 23. and to Iames and Iohn Luk. 9. 55. So Eli 1. Sam. 2. 23. c. rebuked his sonnes but not according to the quality of their fault which turned to his and their ruine This reproofe may haue some threatning of chastisement ioyned with it if need be to the end to make it sinke the deeper Prou. 19. 19. Be thou verie angrie when thou pardonest a fault saying that thou for sparing him now wilt punish him the soarer if he transgresse againe But threatenings must not be vaine words without effect but alwayes if amendment follow not thou must performe what was threatned lest thou become light and vaine in the offenders eyes Chastisement is when with a sharpe rebuke punishment is also laid vpon the offender according to discretion If any man thinke fighting vnmeete for Christians or be loth to foile their hands lest they should get themselues an ill name let them know that Gods ordinance is not a matter of an ill report but onely among fooles that know not what is good and meete Now that houshold-chastisement is agreeable to Gods will is euident out of the Prouerbs where the wisedome of God doth very often commend it to vs as Chap. 13. 24. He that spareth the rod hateth his sonne but he that loueth him chasteneth him betimes Where he requireth that it be not deferred till it be too late that is till the offender be hardened in ill but giuen in time before he be past recouery Secondly he saith that it is a fruit of true and pure loue to correct in due time and very loue in parents and care of their children must draw them to it Thirdly he saith that such parents know not what true loue of children meaneth but embrace fondnesse and foolish pittie in stead of it who do spare to correct when correction is deserued Fourthly that this fondnesse and foolish affection is indeed hatred and not loue The reason why it is to be counted hatred is set downe Prou. 19. 18. Chastise thy sonne while there is hope and let not thy soule spare him to his destruction Where he plainely saith that fond pittying and sparing of children is to worke the destruction of them And is it not a token of great hatred to be a meanes of anothers destruction Elsewhere he sheweth the necessitie of correction and the good which it doth Prou. 22. 25. Foolishnesse is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall remoue it farre from him As if he should say much folly and 〈◊〉 is couched in a childs heart which if it be not purged will burst forth into foule enormities and therefore a purgation is but needfull and what may that be but the rod of correction The same is commanded Prou. 29. 17. Correct thy sonne where also he sheweth what benefit commeth thereby to the parents He shall giue thee rest yea he will giue pleasures to thy soule
yet if the parents afterwards shall certainely know this and that there was no will nor vnfained meaning at all in the party neither yet is but rather a loathing and abhorring of his Spouse betrothed though he be not able to render iust and sufficient cause thereof they may vpon this occasion either deferre the day of marriage the louger to see if God will happily change the mind of the partie or vtterly breake and frustrate the promise if all good meanes and occasions hauing bene vsed none will preuaile but that the party rather groweth worse and worse For a Contract being a willing and a voluntary consent there is no cause why the parents and such as haue authority and power in sueh cases when they shall vndoubttedly know that the promise was altogether vnwilling and therefore made in meere hypocrisie and dissimulation neither can be by tract of time or any other good meanes vsed be bettered but rather waxeth worse and worse may not breake and frustrate the same For why did Rebeccaes parents deny her to Isaack neither would send her with Abrahams seruant to be married before such time as they had asked her consent yea when as they said We will call the maide and aske her consent do they not plainly shew that both the law of Nature and the Law of God taught them that this consent was of great moment absolute necessity And when the Apostle doth command men and women to marrie in the Lord how can the marriage be in the Lord when one party doth not onely not loue but hate the other And how can such two become one flesh lawfully when as there wants the vnion and coniunction of the heart the true naturall mother of all marriage duties Wherefore this promise must be in this respect at least willing and voluntary For albeit it is not necessary neither yet possible that there should be such great measure of true holy and sanctified loue at that time as afterward for that groweth by little and little according to the blessing of God and the faithfull performance of other duties afterward euen to their liues end yet if it be voluntarie and vnfained it is enough and sufficient to make a true contract in the Lord. So as no man ought to separate those whom God hath thus ioyned Secondly we call it voluntary in respect of constraint and compulsion contrary to a free cōsent For if either party be vrged constrained or compelled by great feare of their parents or others by threatning of losse of preferment of health of limbe of life or of any such other like or by any other violent manner of dealing whatsoeuer to yeeld their promise cleane contrary to the motion or good liking of their hearts this kind of promise as it doth not binde the partie to keepe it so it ought to be frustrated broken by the parents themselues or by such maisters as may and ought to command and rule them in such cases If this were not so how could the parties keepe the commandements of God giuing them direction whom to marrie First that they should marrie onely in the Lord. Againe that they should not be vnequally yoked with infidels neither of which they can keepe if their parents might compell them to Contract and marrie It becometh the parents to perswade their children by all good meanes to yeeld their consent rather then to draw them by wicked sleights and cunning drunkennesse or any other wicked and violent meanes For as that is not to marrie in the Lord so all such forced Contracts may be broken and frustrated by the Magistrate who is Gods Lieutenant to redresse such intollerable enormities among the societies of men For if parents may deny marriage to such as haue onely by force and violence obtained the word and body of their child much more may the magistrate deny marriage where onely a verball promise nath bene gotten by violent compulsion and for these causes and in this sense and meaning alone we conclude that Contracts must be voluntary Fourthly it must be a mutuall promise that is either party must make it to other not the man onely nor the woman onely but both the man and the woman though decency and order require the man to do it first and then the woman because he is her head and she his glory and ought to leade and guide her in all things wherein the Lord hath put a pre heminence For if this promise be not mutually made of them both but of one alone it is no true and perfect Contract and therefore may be broken by parents and such as haue authority herein because the party vnpromising is not bound by word or deed but is free in so much that such a Contract is rather so termed then that it is any true Contract indeed But if it be mutuall then it doth mutually and muiolably bind both so that in this regard neither parent magistrate nor any other can or ought to breake it for this being fully performed and accomplished is one principall cause of making two one flesh in such sort as it is written Therefore a man shall leaue his father and mother and shall be ioyned to his wife and they two shall be one flesh c. Genes 2. 24. Also that the man hath not power ouer his owne body nor the woman ouer hers and so to be short hence ariseth all mutuall beneuolence betweene them And therefore a point of great weight and necessitie in no wise to be omitted in a Contract Fiftly we say it must be betweene one man and one woman where first it is to be noted that it may not nor ought not to be betweene any other creatures but man-kind nay neither among brute beasts nor Angels For God hath not ordained or instituted marriage for them neither can it be betweene man and man or woman and woman If any such Contract be either voluntary or by fraud and deceipt by ignorance or errour it is no Contract at all but a meere wicked profanation of Gods ordinance who gaue onely woman to man not woman to woman nor man to man Likewise it cannot be betweene Angels good or bad and woman because God hath set no such ordinance in the nature of these creatures If therefore there hath bene any such matter or shall be attempted by Sathan with any woman as some stories report it is nothing 〈◊〉 but a meere illusion and diuellish practise to deceiue and draw superstitious into the kingdome of darknesse and to intrap them in the chaines of condemnation against which and all other diabolicall illusions we ought to watch and pray continually Secondly it is to be obserued that betweene one man and one woman and not two men and one woman or two women not betweene two women and one man or moe By which is condemned as meere nullities and prophanations all Contracts whatsoeuer made betweene moe then two For it is written And they twaine shall be
is no stable and stedfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterwards become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3 Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions and faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happens many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe-sighted in spying into one anothers fauits but that many things either they mark not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For loue couereth a multitude of sinnes 1. Peter 4. 8. Prou. 10. 12. 5. Dutie performed godlily caresully and cheerefully on both sides maketh the marriage-yoke light and sweet For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxomnesse in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnesse that the one may requite the otheralike Where these fiue duties be not the companie of their life is both loath some and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must do their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now we will through Gods assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1 The first whereof is that the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainely proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith a Ye husbands dwell with your wiues as men of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby he teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath endued him with the more wisely and circumspectly he ought to behaue himselfe in the bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weaknesse oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made for very profitable vse whereupon it followeth that she is not therefore to be neglected because she is weake but on the contrarie part she ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to be fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Peter 3. 7. And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say in that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them though otherwise I confesse vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home the wife is not be despised although she be weake And besides all brawlings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder prayers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for the more confirmation of this point the Apostle Paul likewise saith Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power ouer her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne body but the wife Defraud not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie Which is as if the Apostle should say the parties married must with singular affection entirely loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherin not withstanding they must consider what is expedient lest by this long breaking off as it were from marriage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point is that the husband should not be bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is approued by the said Apostle saying Husbands loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must be circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternesse betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnesse betwixt them as it is impossible alwayes to be free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenesse and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure Ephesians 4. 26. And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharpely and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of others but let him keepe his words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meekenesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischaunce shall happen vnto them let him take it patiently and beare it cheerefully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yea rather let it be a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause to sorrow for that which is past and cannot be holpen Euery wise-man by his owne experience knoweth that he is in his life subiect to many inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle and especially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that he ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it That he might sanctifie it clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holie and without blame so ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth it and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said
The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the
with benigne sweete and gentle conuersation vntill it be so increased and fastened that no great storme be able to dissolue and breake it And all suspition must be at all times but especially at the beginning of matrimony eschewed and shunned lest they should first begin to hate or euer they begin to loue yea and they must beware they do not faine any suspition nor conceiue it of any light occasions and coniectures for vnto such they in no wise must giue eare although there were some shew and great apparence of likelyhood And this will be a good meanes to effect and worke this namely if they 〈◊〉 themselues to speake kindly and cheerefully one to the other For as the ancient Counsellors of King Salomon gaue wise aduise and counsell vnto Rehoboam King ofIsraell to the end that he might winne the loue and good liking of the people Speake kindly vnto them said they and they will serue thee for euer after which counsell not being followed great inconuenience and mischiefe after befell vnto him Euen so likewise if the husband be 〈◊〉 to procure the loue ofhis wife and to winne her to God or if the wife be desirous and would also procure the loue of her husband and winne him to God then they must draw on one another with sweet and gentle words ofloue speaking kindly one to another because gentle words do pacifie anger as water quencheth fire But if they shall vse taunts or words of reproach and despite one against another much hurt then may ensue thereof For a little leauen sowreth the whole lumpe And therefore let them vse to giue one to the other their dutifull names and titles and to eschue and shunne the contrary For example like as the spitefull Iewes which hated the Lord Iesus would not vouchsafe to giue him his name when they talked of him or with him but to shew their vtter dislike of him they vsed to say Is this he or Art thou he that will do such a thing Is not this he c. Againe Whither will he go that we shall not finde him they would not say Is not this Iesus Christ or the Sonne of God but they vsed a most despitefull kind of speaking which did bewray abundance of malice that was hidden in their hearts euen so it sometimes falleth out betwixt the husband and the wife betwixt the father and the sonne betwixt the maister and the seruant c. that they could speake dutifully one to another but contempt and disdaine anger and malice will not suffer the one to affoord vnto the other their due names and titles lest they should be put in minde of those duties which those names require Whereout Sathan sucketh no small aduantage whereas many times the very name of husband or wife father or sonne maister or seruant c. doth greatly helpe to perswade the minde and to winne the affection yea the very mentioning of these names doth oftentimes leaue a print of duty behind in the conscience Husbands must not forget this point namely that it is not sufficient for them to declare and outwardly make a shew of a good life in words and precepts onely but also in life and deed So that two things are very necessary for them to rule withall to wit wisedome and example and that they themselues fulfill the thing that they command to be done The life and outward conuersation of a man whether it be good or euill doth not onely perswade but also constraine and enforce We do see how mighty and auaileable this or the like exhortation of a Captaine is in the time of warre and battell Oh my souldiers do that ye shall see me do the which contempt of death in the Captaine doth so creepe through the whole host that there is not one be he neuer so feeble and weake-hearted that doth esteeme his life for the which he perceiueth that his Captaine careth so little Thus did Christ with his Apostles and Martyrs draw the world vnto the Christian faith Leuit. 11. 44. and 19. 2. and 20. 7. and 21. 8. Ioh. 13. 15. Phil. 3. 17. 1. Tim. 1. 16. 2. Thessal 3. 9. For as they liued so they spake and as they spake so they liued Therefore if the husband would haue his wife to be temperate quiet chast painfull in her calling religious c. then he must be carefull that he be not distemperate vnquiet no whoremonger nor carelesse in his calling nor irreligious c. So that if he command any thing to be done he must looke that he deny not to do the same himselfe and so shall his wife and family obey the same and be the more readie and willing to do it being both honest and lawfull to be done The very name of a wife is like the Angell which stayed Abrahams hand when the stroke was comming If Dauid because he could not expresse the commoditie and comfort of vnitie and brotherly loue was faine to say Oh how good and ioyfull a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in vnitie Then let husbands weigh and consider how harsh and bitter a thing it is for them and their wiues to dwell together in enmitie and strife For the first yeare after marriage God would not haue the husband go to warre with his enemies to the end that he and his wife might learne to know one anothers conditions and qualities and so afterwards liue in godly peace not warre one with another and therefore God gaue a law and appointed that the new married husband that yeare should stay at home and settle his loue that he might not warre and iarre after for the God of peace dwelleth not in the house of warre As a kingdome cannot stand if it be diuided so an house cannot stand if it be diuided for strife is like a fire which leaues nothing but dust smoke and ashes behind it We reade in the Scriptures of maisters that strooke their seruants but neuer of any that strooke his wife but rebuked her Lot was drunk when he lay with his daughters in stead of a wife and so is he which striketh his wife in stead of his seruants The law sheweth how a bondman should be corrected the wife is like a Iudge which is ioyned in commission with her husband to correct other Wilt thou strike one in his owne house no more shouldst thou strike thy wife in her house She is come to thee as to a Sanctuary to defend her from hurt and canst thou hurt her thy selfe Therefore Abraham said to Lot Are we not brethren that is May brethren iarre But they may say are we not one can one chide with himselfe can one fight with himselfe He is a bad host that welcomes his guest with stripes Doth a King trample on his crowne Salomon calleth the wife The crowne of her husband Therefore he which woundeth her woundeth his owne honour She is a free Citizen in thine house
and hath taken the peace of thee the first day of her marriage to hold thy hands till she release thee againe Adam saith of his spouse This is flesh of my flesh But no man saith Paul euer hated his owne flesh So then if a man aske whether he might strike his wife God saith nay thou mayest not hate thy wife For no man hateth his owne flesh shewing that he should not come neare blowes but thinke his wrath too much Some husbands are wont to say that they will rule their wiues whatsoeuer they be or howsoeuer they came by them and that it is in the hand and power of the husband what and of what qualities and conditions she shall be True it is that a great part of this doth rest and lie in the husband so that he vnderstand as he ought to do that marriage is the supreme and most excellent part of all amitie and friendship and that it farre differeth from tyranny the which doth compell men to obey Truly it may force the bodie but not the will in the which all loue and amitie doth consist and stand the which if it be drawne and forced doth resist and bow like a Palme tree to the contrary part And the husband may assure himselfe that there cannot be any quiet marriage or vnitie where he and his wife do not agree in will and minde the which two are the beginning and seate of all amitie and friendship And such husbands as do bragge and thinke themselues able to rule and ouer rule their wiues by that time they haue proceeded and gone a little further they shall well feele and perceiue themselues to be beguiled and finde that thing to be most hard and intricate the which to be done they esteemed most light and easie Some husbands there be that through euill and rough handling and in threatning of their wiues haue and vse them not as wiues but as their seruants And yet surely they are but very fooles that iudge and thinke matrimony to be a dominion For such as would be feared do afterwards pitiously lament and complaine that they can find no loue in their wiues whose loue and amity through their owne crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they gloried and cracked thus cruelly that they were their wiues maisters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come all loue and pleasure being now cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holy Scriptures do witnesse be the head ouer his wife and God their Father there ought to be betweene them such society and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and the sonne and not such as is betweene the maister and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may be vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and Christianly this is not the least namely that neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together then the partie that ouer-liueth and purposeth to marrie againe hauing bene churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed and match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceablie and dutifully in their first marriage What the dutie of a wife is toward her husband THis duty is comprehended in these points First that she reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit herselfe and be obedient vnto him And lastly that she do not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but that her attire be comely and sober according to her calling The first point is proued by the Apostles Peter and Paul who set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to be obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious yea that they ought to do it so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might winne them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more should they shew themselues thankfull to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in marriage with godly wise discreet learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thrifty husbands And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them 〈◊〉 rather to be carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she haue pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shall chance to blame her without a cause and for that which she could not helpe or remedy which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkind word for it but euermore looke vpon him with a louing and cheerefull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her then seeme to be difpleased Let her be alwaies merry and cheerfull in his company but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it be in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not be sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but must alwayes be carefull that nothing be spilt or go to wast through her negligence In any wise she must be quicke and cleanly about her husbands meare and drinke preparing him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deed wise humble curteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it be for her husbands sake and the Lords Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that she ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe for this is the greatest vertue of a married woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commandeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and
see two speciall causes why some parents do more negligently prouide that their children be instructed to wit too much cockering and niggardship In cockering mothers do more often offend and specially those that haue but few children These do like as if some husband-man should refuse to till his field because he hath but one onely Who could suffer this mans follie and peruersenesse of iudgement Is it not much more to be tilled because it is onely one Yes verily that so the profit and increase of one may recompence the want of many Euen so after the same sort we may iudge it to be the dutie of mothers so much more diligently to bring vp their children by how much they are fewer But we see what doth let mothers that they loue their children more dearely then that they can suffer them to be an houre out of their sight but this is cruell loue so to loue their children that they should be as it were giuen ouer of their mothers vnto all naughtinesse of which peruerse and cruell loue not a few shall suffer the iust punishment which with great griefe of mind and with teares shall be compelled to see the vnbrideled wantonnesse and vngraciousnesse of their children vnto which they do now all too late go about to prouide a remedie On the other side niggardship is oftentimes greater then that parents will 〈◊〉 the cost Whatsoeuer is spent vpon horse-keepers or horse-breakers fooles minstrels dogs hawkes c that some thinke well bestowed but if they see any thing to be spent about instructing their children they thinke all ill bestowed and are much more carefull that an horse be well framed to vauting leaping then that their child be well instructed to vertue This inconuenience cometh to the minds of children if they be not well brought vp that they become seruile and lie open to all sin and naughtinesse For if a man leaue his field vntilled he shall find it to haue brought forth fearne and thystles and such vnprofitable weeds after the same sort if he shall leaue the wits of his children vnlooked vnto and vnexercised he shall be sure to reape most abundant fruite of wantonnesse and vngraciousnesse The holy Ghost speaking in the Scriptures of foolish sonnes as that he that begetteth such a one getteth himselfe sorrow and that the father of a foole hath no ioy Prou. 17. 21. he meaneth it not so much of naturall fooles or idiots and such as are destitute of common reason although it is true that is a lamentable iudgement of God and a heauinesse to the parents of such a child as of wicked children such as either are ignorant in the word or not knowing how to order one right step to the kingdome of God or else hauing some knowledge abuse it to maintaine their carnall lusts and appetite For in this case as it would grieue parents to haue naturall fooles to their children or such as either in some imperfection of nature are dismembred or deformed and misfigured in the parts of their bodie euen so much more should it grieue them to haue such children as either for want of knowledge and heauenly wisedome cannot walke in the feare of God or abusing the knowledge giuen them prostitute and giue themselues to all sinne and wickednesse It is maruellous how greatly parents can bewaile the want of one naturall gift proceeding of some imperfection and how easily they can passe ouer without any griefe the want of all spiriruall graces springing from corrupt education In like manner it is strange that men can take the matter so heauily when their children breake into such offences as either haue open shame or ciuill punishments following them and yet can make no bones but passe ouer such sinnes as are against the maiestie of God accompanied with euerlasting confusion vnspeakable torments Wherein what doth the most part of men bewray but their great hypocrisie in that neither their ioy nor their griefe is sound to their children and that they loue themselues more in their children then either their saluation or the glorie of God the tender loue and care whereof no doubt did increase the sorrow of Dauid for the death of his sonne Absolon who was not so much grieued for the losse of a sonne as for that vntimely end of his sonne to whom the time of repentance for his saluation and the glorie of God was denyed which haply if he had liued his father Dauid might haue reioyced in Let parents therefore learne to correct their affections to their children and be grieued for ignorance impietie and sinnes whereof either their carnall copulation the not lamenting of their naturall corruption the want of prayer and holy seede or prophane education armed with the wrath of God may be a most iust occasion Can parents hope for a holy posteritie or do they maruell if the Lord crosie them in the children of their bodies when they make as bold and brutish an entrance into that holy ordinance of the Lord as is the meeting of the neighing horse with his mate when being ioyued in that honourable estate of matrimonie either as meete naturall men without all knowledge of God they beget their children or as too carnall men without the feare reuerence of the Lord neither bewailing their corruptions which they receiued of their ancestry nor praying against their infirmities which may descend to their posteritie they abuse the marriage bed Lastly when hauing receiued the fruite of the wombe they haue no care by good and vertuous bringing vp to offer it to the Lord that their child by carnall generation may be the child of God by spirituall regeneration Surely no and yet men looking vp to God his prouidence and secret counsell without all bethinking themselues of their corrupt generation from which their children are descended without all looking back into their wicked and godlesse bringing of them vp will fret against their sinnes fume against their children yea often they will correct them and that to serue their owne corruptions not so much grieued for that they haue sinned against God as that they haue offended them Christians therefore must know that when men and women raging with boyling lust meete together as bruite beasts hauing no other respect then to satisfie their owne carnall concupiscence when they make no conscience to sanctifie the marriage bed with prayer when they haue no care to increase the Church of Christ and the number of the elect it is the iust iudgement of God to send them either monsters or naturall fooles or else such as hauing good gifts of the mind and well proportioned bodies are most wicked gracelesse and prophane persons Againe on the contrary we shall find in the word of God that noble and notable men commended vnto vs for rare examples of vertue and godlinesse were children asked and obtained of God by prayer Our first parents Adam and Eue being humbled after the birth of their
housholders when they go about to hire any seruants would be no lesse carefull and inquisitiue of their honestie godly conuersation and how they haue profited in the knowledge of God his religion then they be to enquire and know what they can do and what skill and cunning they haue in that Art or Science which they prosesse or else what qualities they haue and so doing no doubt they being carefull to hire religious and godly seruants to do their worke and businesses that which such seruants shall take in hand the Lord will much better prosper giue good successe vnto then otherwise if they shall hire and entertaine irreligious and prophaue seruants as may plainly appeare by the examples of Iacob and Ioseph two religious and faithfull seruants whose maisters and their substance were blessed increased and multiplied for their sakes As house-holders ought to haue care ouer the bodies of their seruants so much more ouer their soules One compareth the maister of the house to the Seraphin which came and kindled the Prophets zeale so he should go from wife to seruants and from seruants to children kindle them in zeale of God longing to teach and vtter knowledge as a nurse to empty her breasts It is lamentable to thinke how carelesse all maisters for the most part are on this behalfe not onely such as are prophane and ignorant themselues but also some that would be counted great professors and would seeme to haue great knowledge yea and with griefe may it be spoken some Preachers also who hauing had seruants dwelling with them 3. or 4. yeares or more as they were ignorant in the grounds and principles of Christian religion whē they came first into their seruice so they went from them as ignorant therein as they came and all for want of catechising being a principall duty which not onely Ministers but also all Christian maisters in conscience are bound to performe to their families But of this matter I haue sufficiently intreated in my last Edition of the vse and necessitie of catechising and therefore I will of purpose here omit to speake of it Another saith that a maister in his familie hath all the offices of Christ for he must rule and teach and pray rule like a king and teach like a Prophet and pray like a Priest To shew how a godly man should behaue himselfe in his houshold when the holy Ghost speaketh of the conuersion of any house-keeper commonly he saith That the man beleeued and all his houshold As Peter being conuerted must conuert his brethren so the maister being a protestant and a good Christian must endeuour by all good meanes that his seruants may be such For therefore God said that he would not hide his counsell from Abraham because he would teach his familie And surely all duty of seruants which is not done of conscience is but eye seruice and faileth at most need as Ziba betraied his maister when he should haue defended him Therefore before Onesimus was conuerted Paul said he was an vnprofitable seruant but when he was conuerted he called him more then a seruant because such a seruant is better then many seruants Though Laban was wicked himselfe yet he reioyced that Iacob his seruant was godly because God blessed him the better for him Ioshuah saith I and my houshold will serue the Lord Shewing that maisters should receiue none into their houses but whom they can gouerne as Ioshua did and if any such haue crept into their doores they must put him forth againe for Dauid saith I will not suffer a lyer to stay within my house He saith not a swearer nor a theefe but a lyer as if he should say I will rid him out of doores before he be a swearer and a theefe for a lyer will grow to a swearer and a theefe as a dicer groweth to a begger in a night Therefore it is noted of Cornelius that he himselfe feared God with all his houshold These examples be written for house-holders as others are for Magistrates and Ministers and souldiers that no calling might seeke further then the Scriptures for instruction Wherefore as you are maisters now and they your seruants instruct them and teach them as if you would shew what maisters your seruants should be hereafter Next vnto seruants labours and instruction must be considered their corrections As Paul saith Fathers prouoke not your children to wrath so we may say Maisters and mistresses prouoke not your seruants to wrath that is vse such reproofes and such corrections that you do not prouoke them but moue them that you do not exasperate them but win them for reuiling and reprochfull words and immoderate fiercenesse doth much more hurt then good And therefore the Law of God did charge the Magistrate that he should not cause aboue forty stripes to be inflicted vpon any offender lest he should seeme despised in his eyes much lesse then may a maister exceed that number to his seruant For while a child or scholler or seruant doth thinke that he is reproued for loue or beaten with reason it makes him thinke of his fault and is ashamed but when he seeth that he is rebuked with curses and beaten with staues as though he were hated like a dogge his heart is hardned against the man that correcteth him and the fault for the which he is corrected and after he becommeth desperate like an horse which turneth vpon the striker and therefore let maisters know that God euen then chides them whensoeuer they fight or chide in such rage For though there be a fault yet something must be dissembled and winked at and some things must be forgiuen and some punished with a looke for he which takes the forfeit of euery offence shall neuer be in any rest but vexe himselfe more them his seruant But aboue all we thinke that the charitie and tender affection of maisters and loue of seruants to their fellowes in their sicknesse is especially to be vsed and shewed at which time the sicke are to be seuerally lodged from the whole and to be cherished and nourished with more choise and daintie meate For the performance and care of this dutie the Centurion is commended in the Gospell which dutie very vnchristianly is neglected of many maisters The maister of the house should not disdaine or shew himselfe so scornfull or vnkind as not to visite his sicke seruants For if bruite beasts reioyce to see their maisters cherish and feede them as we may daily see in dogges c. how much more may we beleeue that men and reasonable creatures are much delighted and comforted therewith Whereupon it comes to passe that good and faithful seruants liking and affecting their maisters vnderstand them at a becke and obey them at a winke of the eye or bent of the brow not as a water-spaniel but as the hand is stirred to obey the mind so prompt and readie is
more are they bound to loue their wiues as themselues which are their next neighbours As Elkanah did not loue his wife lesse for her barrennesse but said Am not I better vnto thee then tenne sonnes as though he fauoured her more for that which she thought her selfe despised so a good husband will not take occasion to loue his wife lesse for her infirmities but comfort her more for them as this man did that she may beare with his infirmities too And so the one helping to beare the others burthen they shall the better fulfill the law of Christ. For as in a Citie there is nothing more vnequall then that euery man should be like equall so it is not conuenient that in one house euery man should be like and equall together There is no equalitie in that citie where the priuate man is equal with the Magistrate the people with the Senate or the seruant with the maister but rather a confusion of all offices and authoritie The husband and the wife are Lords of the house for vnto them the Lord said Be ye Lords ouer the fish of the sea and ouer the fowle of the heauen aud ouer euery beast that moueth vpon the earth And the selfesame Creator said that the woman should be an helper vnto the man Therefore the husband without any exception is maister ouer all the house and hath more to do in his house with his owne domesticall affaires then the magistrate The wife is ruler ouer all other things but yet vnder her husband There are certaine things in the house that onely do appertaine to the authoritie of the husband wherewith it were a reproch for the wife without the consent of her husband to meddle as to receiue strangers or to marrie her daughter But there are other things in the which the husband giueth ouer his right vnto his wife as to rule and gouerne her maidens to see to those things that belong vnto the kitchin and to huswiferie and to their houshold stuffe Other meane things as to buy and sell certaine necessarie things may be ordered after the wit wisedome and fidelity of the woman It cannot well be rehearsed how many vertues profits the mutuall concord and loue of man and wife doth bring to great things both at home and abroad nor how many losses and incommodities do grow of the dissention and discord betweene them For the houshold when their maister and their mistresse or dame are at debate can no otherwise be in quiet and at rest then a Citie whose rulers agree not but when it seeth them in concord and quietnesse then it reioyceth trusting that they will be euen so vnto them as it perceiueth them to be among themselues Wherein surely they are not deceiued for if the man and his wife do louingly and gently support and intreate one another they learne not to disdaine or for euery light fault to be angry with their seruants or yet for any household words to be vexed or angrie one with the other but they set aside all hastie and cruell words and correction with all other things that issue and proceed of a disdainefull and a furious mind And the seruants are not onely merrie therefore but also they do their seruice the more obediently and cheerefully shewing reuerence vnto the authority that proceedeth and increaseth of quietnesse and concord For the husband doth defend his wiues estimation with loue and beneuolence and the wife her husband with honour and obedience So that vnitie and concord causeth them to be accounted wise honest and vertuous and they must needs be good seeing they haue loued so long together But there can be no long amitie or friendship but betweene those that are good who do suffer and deuoure vp those things for the which other men leaue and forsake amitie and breake off charitie Neither doth there grow of any other thing so great reuerence and honour as of the opinion and estimation of another mans goodnesse and wisedome the which reuerence is not onely honoured within the doores but also shineth and extendeth it selfe into the Citie so that he is taken for an honest man and accounted to be louing and gentle seeing that he loueth his wife so constantly and also he is reputed for a wise man considering that he can so moderately 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 difficult and hard matters and he is reckned worthy to rule a common-wealth that with such wisedome discretion and iudgement doth rule and gouerne his owne house and that he may easily conserue and keepe his Citizens in peace and concord that hath so well established the same in his owne house and family And on the other side none will thinke or beleeue that he is able to be a ruler or to keepe peace quietnesse in the towne or Citie who cannot liue peaceably in his owne house where he is not onely a ruler but as it were a little King and Lord of all And in matrimoniall debate and discord the man is more to be blamed then is the woman because that he being the chiefe ruler and head doth not purge and remedie her of that vice the which ingendred that discord or else patiently beare and suffer the same For the blame of all discord is commonly laid on him that is chiefe because he would not moderate nor stay the thing to come to such a strife and discord or else because he was not able to do it In the first there appeareth manifest malice in the second impatience and weakenesse the which ought to be farre from him that is esteemed to be most worthy and appointed to rule and gouerne others And thus he commeth into hatred for as much as he hath left off to do his dutie and office when necessitie required it That husband that loueth not his wife after that he hath enioyed her for a season but doth waxe feeble and cold which is a thing most vsuall and ordinarie with such as are kindled with bodily lust and lecherie is a very beast and no man hauing no reason but is drawne to those deeds through the motion of his senses which after the heate is a little past will cleane change their opinion Also there are other occasions that should moue the husband to extend this loue to his wife in case he be not duller then a stone As for that his wife hath suffered so great trauel labour that she hath borne and brought him forth children the heires of his name and substance and the vpholders of his family and that she hath forsaken her fathers goods and riches to follow him and to suffer with him both good and euill and that she setting her whole mind now vpon him knoweth no other father nor yet any of her kin What one thing shall suffice if these and others cannot do it Who so will then obey nature humanitie and wisedome shall euery day loue his wife more and more and the better he knoweth her the more
when the winde is downe and the weather calme he letteth it hang easily so when husbands will as it were perforce wrest away their wiues infirmities many of them will obstinately resist yet contrariwise by sweete wordes and louing exhortations they might be wonne voluntarily to forsake them Thirdly the husband must seeke diligently to remoue the occasion and stone whereat his wife stumbleth and taketh occasion of griefe So when Sarah was moued against Abraham because of Agar and obiected vnto him albeit wrongfully that he was the eause that she contemned her bearing with his wife 〈◊〉 remoued the cause of the contentation in suffering her to turne Agar out of doores He must also take heed that he himselfe be not tainted with the same vice which he reproueth in his wife lest she stop his mouth with a reproach of the same fault but rather by giuing her example by the contrarie vertue let her be induced and led to follow him In reprouing the wife the husband must alwayes vse such discretion that she be not brought into contempt and therefore it should neuer be done in the presence of moe then themselues For as it is meere follie for an husband to praise and commend his wife in company so is it as dangerous to checke and reproue her before witnesse For indeed thereof it commeth that women not being able to beare that disgrace will reply and so ptouoke strife and dissention in open presence which will redound to great reproach and offence And therefore as the husband must not flatter his wife so he must not reproue her before strangers A wise husband and one that seeketh to liue in quiet with his wife must obserue these three rules Often to admonish seldome to reproue and neuer to smite her Let the husband also remember that the infirmities of his wife must be either taken away or borne witball So that he that can take them quite away maketh his wife farre more commodious and fit for his purpose and he that can beare with them maketh himselfe better and more vertuous The husband is also to vnderstand that as God created the woman not the head and so equall in authoritie with her husband so also he created her not of Adams foote that she should be troden downe and despised but he tooke her out of the rib that she might walke ioyntly with him vnder the conduct and gouernment of her head And in that respect the husband is not to command his wife in such manner as the maister his seruant but as the soule doth the body as being conioyned in like affection and good wil. For as the soule in gouerning the body tendeth to the benefit and commoditie of the same so ought the dominion and commandement of the husband ouer his wife to tend to reioyce and content her To conclude as God hath testified his singular goodnesse vnto man in creating him an helper to assist him so let him consider in how many sorts she is to him an helper to passe ouer this life in blessednesse And let this daily seeking of such a benefit receiued at the hands of God induce and stirre him vp to render thanks and to dispose himselfe to vse it well to his owne comfort and saluation and not to abuse it to the destruction both of himselfe and his wife But if he chance as many do vpon troubles and afflictions in marriage let him remember that the same doth proceed not properly from marriage but from the corruption of the parties married and for his part let him studie to amend his infirmities and faults by amendment of life and withall pray to God to grant the like grace vnto his wife to the end that the more they recouer the Image of God the more feeling they may haue of the felicitie of marriage which Adam and Eue had enioyed had they continued as they were created in the Image of God And the particular duties of the wife to the husband are principally these First that she be a helper vnto him Secondly that she be obedient vnto him c. These speciall duties are partly touched before and partly afterwards As loue matrimoniall is greatly allowed of God and much commended of all good men as an ordinate holy and godly loue so contrariwise hatred dissention strife debate vnquietnesse and frowardnesse in marriage highly displeaseth God and much grieueth all good and godly men And therefore the diuell the enemie of all vnitie concord and agreement laboureth by all meanes he can specially at the first comming of the married folkes to dwell together to sow dissention and discord and to cause them not to agree but to dislike one of the other against whom they must diligently watch by seruent and earnest prayer to God that the diuel preuaile not against them by such too early disagreement For as two boords if at the first they be not well coupled and ioyned together are neuer fastened right afterwards but if the first coupling and ioyning together be good then can there afterward no violence driue the boordes asunder yea the whole boord doth sooner breake then the glewing of them together euen so the husband and wife must be very carefull and diligent that their first cohabitation and dwelling together be louing delectable and friendly and not separated through any spitefull contention or discord so shall the whole estate of their marriage be more comfortable and prosper the better so long as they shall liue And though there happen to arise any sparke of discord betwixt them yet let them beware that at the last there be not too much displeasure disdaine and inconuenience kindled thereby For if at the first dwelling together there shall fall out such vnto wardnesse and vncomely discord then will it now and then be breaking out Euen as it fareth with great wounds and broken legges or armes which seldome are so throughly healed but sometimes they haue paine at the change of the weather so likewise if married folkes behaue themselues thus vntowardly and vnhonestly the one towards the other at the first and if larres and discord be once begun betweene them the old canker of hatred will breede againe though it be scaled afterward Let the one therefore learne betime to be acquainted with the nature and condition of the other and to apply themselues according to the same in as much as they must needs dwell together one to enioy another and the one to liue and die with the other and so stedfastly and vnfainedly to loue one the other that neither of them haue any thing so deare which they cannot be content to giue and bestow one vpon the other yea euen their owne life if need require And therefore husbands and wiues must euen at the beginning of their marriage giue their diligence that all iniuries offences may be auoided for tender and lost loue is soone dissolued and broken So that this new loue and coniunction of the mind must be nourished