and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o well_o it_o may_v be_v so_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o day_n have_v be_v very_o great_a my_o heart_n have_v not_o answer_v the_o expression_n of_o thanks_o which_o have_v be_v utter_v by_o the_o mouth_n of_o those_o that_o speak_v they_o to_o god_n no_o no_o my_o heart_n have_v not_o stir_v and_o be_v draw_v out_o towards_o my_o god_n the_o thought_n of_o his_o love_n have_v not_o ravish_v my_o soul_n alas_o i_o scarce_o feel_v any_o holy_a spark_n to_o warm_v my_o soul_n this_o day_n this_o day_n which_o be_v a_o day_n of_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o any_o in_o all_o my_o life_n the_o day_n in_o which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o opportunity_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o all_o the_o mercy_n of_o my_o life_n and_o thanks_o itself_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n than_o the_o rest_n all_o other_o mercy_n be_v to_o prepare_v for_o this_o this_o be_v the_o work_n of_o a_o glorify_a saint_n even_o a_o saint_n in_o heaven_n before_o the_o bless_a face_n of_o god_n it_o be_v his_o everlasting_a business_n to_o sing_v the_o song_n of_o thanksgiving_n and_o praise_n to_o the_o most_o high_a but_o my_o thought_n have_v not_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o sweet_a foreta_v of_o this_o bless_a work_n which_o i_o may_v have_v have_v this_o day_n o_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v my_o sin_n and_o lay_v not_o my_o deadness_n to_o my_o charge_n but_o overlook_v all_o my_o transgression_n and_o look_v on_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n i_o be_o thou_o lord_n and_o not_o my_o own_o this_o day_n i_o have_v under_o my_o hand_n and_o seal_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n nay_o in_o thy_o own_o presence_n who_o art_n witness_v sufficient_a be_v there_o no_o eye_n to_o see_v i_o or_o ear_n to_o hear_v i_o thou_o lord_n that_o know_v all_o thing_n know_v that_o i_o have_v devote_v my_o all_o to_o thou_o take_v it_o and_o accept_v my_o sacrifice_n help_v i_o to_o pay_v my_o vow_n will_v thou_o not_o accept_v i_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o more_o sincere_o and_o believe_o o_o lord_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o aright_o o_o will_v thou_o strengthen_v my_o weak_a desire_n i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n thou_o that_o can_v make_v i_o what_o i_o be_o not_o o_o make_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v have_v i_o be_v in_o thou_o there_o be_v all_o fullness_n and_o to_o thou_o i_o desire_v to_o come_v by_o christ._n will_v thou_o now_o cast_v i_o off_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o unreserved_o lord_n i_o confess_v the_o devil_n tempt_v and_o the_o flesh_n say_v spare_v something_o what_o let_v all_o go_v and_o i_o find_v in_o i_o a_o carnal_a selfish_a principle_n ready_a to_o close_v with_o the_o temptation_n but_o thou_o can_v prevent_v and_o conquer_v all_o and_o speak_v death_n to_o these_o corruption_n and_o bid_v the_o tempter_n be_v go_v it_o be_v thy_o pleasure_n here_o to_o suffer_v thy_o dear_a child_n to_o be_v tempt_v but_o fuffer_v not_o temptation_n to_o prevail_v against_o thy_o spirit_n and_o grace_n if_o temptation_n be_v like_o a_o torrent_n of_o water_n to_o smother_v quench_v or_o hide_v the_o flame_n yet_o will_v thou_o never_o let_v all_o the_o spark_n of_o thy_o grace_n be_v put_v out_o in_o the_o soul_n where_o once_o thou_o have_v true_o kindle_v it_o but_o lord_n suffer_v not_o such_o flood_n to_o fall_v on_o my_o soul_n where_o the_o spark_n be_v so_o small_a already_o that_o it_o be_v even_o scarce_o discernible_a o_o quicken_v it_o and_o blow_v it_o up_o to_o a_o holy_a flame_n most_o gracious_a god_n o_o do_v it_o here_o who_o have_v do_v it_o for_o many_o a_o soul_n o_o what_o have_v i_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o spark_n of_o grace_n why_o the_o least_o spark_n be_v worth_a ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o thanks_o than_o i_o can_v ever_o express_v and_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a and_o unthankful_a as_o be_v before_o confess_v and_o be_v that_o a_o sign_n of_o grace_n unthankful_a dead_a and_o dull_a i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o but_o yet_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v from_o god_n gift_n in_o i_o that_o i_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o and_o that_o this_o day_n i_o have_v desire_v to_o devote_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o will_v be_v more_o holy_a and_o more_o heavenly_a even_o as_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o be_v nay_o i_o do_v know_v the_o time_n when_o i_o have_v none_o of_o these_o desire_n and_o have_v no_o mind_n to_o god_n and_o the_o way_n of_o godliness_n and_o do_v i_o not_o know_v that_o there_o be_v many_o in_o this_o condition_n who_o have_v no_o desire_n after_o christ_n and_o holiness_n here_o then_o be_v matter_n of_o comfort_n give_v i_o from_o he_o that_o do_v accept_v the_o desire_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n even_o the_o lord_n christ_n who_o will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n i_o see_v then_o that_o i_o have_v yet_o matter_n of_o rejoice_v and_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o remain_a sin_n as_o may_v tend_v to_o my_o future_a joy_n in_o believe_v but_o not_o so_o as_o to_o be_v discourage_v and_o frighten_v from_o god_n who_o be_v long-suffering_n and_o abundant_a in_o mercy_n rouse_v up_o thyself_o then_o to_o god_n my_o soul_n humble_o but_o believe_o repent_v that_o thou_o have_v be_v so_o unthankful_a and_o insensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n this_o day_n receive_v up_o up_o and_o lie_v not_o down_o so_o heavy_o god_n have_v hear_v prayer_n for_o thou_o and_o give_v thou_o life_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v he_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o all_o the_o outward_a mercy_n thy_o heart_n can_v desire_v he_o have_v give_v thou_o dear_a godly_a able_a friend_n such_o as_o can_v help_v thou_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n yea_o he_o have_v set_v they_o to_o beg_v spiritual_a mercy_n for_o thou_o who_o prevail_v for_o temporal_a for_o thou_o and_o oft_o for_o many_o other_o why_o then_o shall_v thou_o not_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o wait_v in_o hope_n that_o he_o have_v hear_v their_o prayer_n this_o day_n for_o thy_o soul_n as_o former_o for_o thy_o body_n they_o be_v thing_n command_v of_o god_n to_o be_v ask_v and_o we_o have_v his_o promise_n that_o seek_v we_o shall_v find_v it_o may_v be_v this_o night_n many_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n will_v yet_o pray_v for_o my_o soul_n i_o doubt_v not_o some_o will_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v glad_a of_o such_o advantage_n i_o hear_v this_o day_n that_o i_o must_v not_o forbear_v thanks_o because_o the_o mercy_n be_v yet_o imperfect_a else_o we_o shall_v never_o give_v thanks_o on_o earth_n though_o therefore_o my_o grace_n be_v yet_o but_o a_o spark_n and_o weak_a my_o body_n weak_a my_o heart_n sad_a all_o these_o administer_v matter_n of_o thanks_o and_o praise_n as_o well_o as_o of_o supplication_n let_v i_o therefore_o keep_v close_o to_o both_o they_o be_v the_o life_n of_o my_o life_n while_o i_o live_v here_o and_o have_v daily_a need_n of_o supply_n from_o god_n let_v i_o daily_o be_v with_o he_o and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n let_v he_o be_v the_o chief_a in_o all_o my_o thought_n my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o let_v i_o remember_v to_o be_v earnest_a for_o my_o poor_a relation_n and_o dear_a friend_n and_o the_o church_n and_o people_n of_o god_n in_o general_n and_o let_v i_o strive_v to_o keep_v such_o a_o moderate_a sense_n of_o sorrow_n on_o my_o soul_n as_o occasion_n require_v i_o have_v now_o cause_n of_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o my_o dear_a friend_n my_o father_n my_o pastor_n he_o be_v by_o providence_n call_v away_o and_o go_v a_o long_a journey_n what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o he_o i_o can_v foresee_v it_o may_v be_v he_o be_v prepare_v some_o great_a mercy_n for_o we_o and_o for_o his_o praise_n i_o know_v not_o but_o such_o a_o day_n as_o this_o may_v be_v keep_v here_o on_o his_o account_n the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v for_o he_o be_v wise_a and_o good_a we_o be_v his_o own_o let_v he_o do_v with_o we_o what_o he_o please_v all_o shall_v be_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unprofitable_a under_o mercy_n and_o mean_n it_o may_v grieve_v i_o now_o he_o be_v go_v that_o there_o be_v so_o little_a that_o come_v from_o he_o leave_v upon_o my_o soul._n o_o let_v this_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o be_v more_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o remain_a help_n and_o mean_n and_o if_o ever_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v this_o mercy_n again_o o_o let_v i_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o this_o night_n
do_v it_o resolute_o and_o cheerful_o and_o scorn_v to_o run_v away_o and_o turn_v your_o back_n that_o you_o may_v do_v it_o without_o censure_n where_o you_o be_v unknown_a use_v well_o the_o mean_v god_n here_o vouchsafe_v you_o and_o do_v your_o duty_n with_o a_o quiet_a mind_n and_o follow_v god_n in_o your_o remove_n §_o 8._o much_o more_o of_o such_o counsel_n she_o transcribe_v but_o i_o forbear_v recite_v more_a she_o end_v those_o paper_n with_o these_o word_n the_o best_a creature-affection_n have_v a_o mixture_n of_o creature-imperfection_n and_o therefore_o need_v some_o gall_n to_o wean_v we_o from_o the_o faulty_a part_n god_n must_v be_v know_v to_o be_v god_n our_o rest_n and_o therefore_o the_o best_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o a_o creature_n o_o miserable_a world_n how_o long_o must_v i_o continue_v in_o it_o and_o why_o be_v this_o wretched_a heart_n so_o loath_a to_o leave_v it_o where_o we_o can_v have_v no_o fire_n without_o smoke_n and_o our_o dear_a friend_n must_v be_v our_o great_a grief_n and_o when_o we_o begin_v in_o hope_n and_o love_n and_o joy_n before_o we_o be_v aware_a we_o fall_v into_o a_o answerable_a measure_n of_o distress_n learn_v by_o experience_n when_o any_o condition_n be_v inordinate_o or_o excessive_o sweet_a to_o thou_o to_o say_v from_o hence_o must_v be_v my_o sorrow_n o_o how_o true_a chap._n v._o her_o temper_n occasion_v these_o trouble_n of_o mind_n §_o 1._o the_o soul_n while_o in_o the_o body_n work_v much_o according_a to_o the_o body_n disposition_n 1._o she_o be_v of_o a_o extraordinary_a sharp_a and_o pierce_a wit._n 2._o she_o have_v a_o natural_a reservedness_n and_o secrecy_n increase_v by_o think_v it_o necessary_a prudence_n not_o to_o be_v open_a by_o which_o mean_n she_o be_v oft_o misunderstand_a by_o her_o near_a friend_n and_o consequent_o often_o cross_v and_o disappoint_v by_o those_o that_o will_v have_v please_v she_o and_o as_o she_o can_v understand_v man_n much_o by_o their_o look_n and_o hint_n so_o she_o expect_v all_o shall_v know_v her_o mind_n without_o she_o express_v it_o which_o breed_v her_o frustration_n and_o discontent_n 3._o and_o she_o have_v a_o natural_a tenderness_n and_o troubledness_n of_o mind_n upon_o the_o cross_n of_o her_o just_a desire_n too_o quick_a and_o ungovernable_a a_o sense_n of_o displease_a word_n or_o deed_n 4._o she_o have_v a_o disease_a unresistible_a fearfulness_n her_o quick_a and_o too_o sensible_a nature_n be_v over-timerous_a and_o to_o increase_v it_o she_o say_v she_o be_v four_o time_n before_o i_o know_v she_o in_o danger_n of_o death_n of_o which_o one_o be_v by_o the_o smallpox_n and_o more_o to_o increase_v it_o her_o mother_n house_n apply-castle_n near_o wellington_n be_v a_o garrison_n it_o be_v storm_v while_o she_o be_v in_o it_o and_o part_n of_o the_o house_n about_o it_o burn_v and_o man_n lay_v kill_v before_o her_o face_n and_o all_o of_o they_o threaten_v and_o strip_v of_o their_o clothing_n so_o that_o they_o be_v fain_o to_o borrow_v clothes_n 5._o and_o the_o great_a work_n upon_o her_o soul_n in_o her_o coversion_n move_v all_o her_o passion_n 6._o and_o then_o her_o dangerous_a sickness_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n to_o so_o young_a a_o convert_n must_v needs_o be_v a_o very_a awake_n thing_n and_o come_v on_o she_o before_o she_o have_v any_o assurance_n of_o her_o justification_n do_v increase_v her_o fear_n 7._o and_o in_o this_o case_n she_o live_v in_o the_o churchyard_n side_n where_o she_o see_v all_o the_o burial_n of_o the_o dead_a and_o keep_v a_o death_n head_n a_o skull_n in_o her_o closet_n still_o before_o she_o and_o other_o such_o mortify_a spectacle_n increase_v her_o sad_a disposition_n §_o 2._o and_o the_o excessive_a love_n which_o she_o have_v to_o her_o mother_n do_v much_o increase_v her_o grief_n when_o she_o expect_v death_n §_o 3._o though_o she_o call_v it_o melancholy_n that_o by_o all_o this_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o yet_o it_o rather_o seem_v a_o partly_o natural_a and_o partly_o a_o adventitious_a disease_a fearfulness_n in_o a_o tender_a over-passionate_a nature_n that_o have_v no_o power_n to_o quiet_v she_o own_o fear_n without_o any_o other_o cloud_n on_o her_o understanding_n §_o 4._o and_o all_o be_v much_o increase_v by_o her_o wisdom_n so_o stifle_v all_o the_o appearance_n of_o it_o that_o it_o all_o inward_o wrought_v and_o have_v no_o ease_n by_o vent_n §_o 5._o and_o have_v keen_a spirit_n and_o thin_a sharp_a blood_n she_o have_v a_o strong_a hemicrania_n or_o headache_a once_o a_o month_n and_o oft_o once_o a_o fortnight_n or_o more_o from_o the_o age_n of_o fifteen_o or_o sixteen_o year_n all_o these_o together_o much_o tend_v to_o hinder_v she_o from_o a_o quiet_a and_o comfortable_a temper_n §_o 6._o and_o in_o a_o word_n all_o the_o operation_n of_o her_o soul_n be_v very_o intense_a and_o strong_a strong_a wit_n and_o strong_a love_n and_o strong_a displeasure_n and_o when_o god_n show_v she_o what_o holiness_n be_v she_o think_v she_o must_v present_o have_v it_o in_o so_o great_a a_o degree_n as_o the_o ripe_a saint_n do_v here_o attain_v and_o that_o because_o she_o have_v not_o as_o much_o heavenly_a life_n and_o sense_n and_o delight_n in_o god_n as_o she_o know_v she_o shall_v have_v and_o desire_v she_o conclude_v of_o it_o that_o she_o have_v none_o that_o be_v sincere_a §_o 7._o one_o of_o the_o first_o thing_n by_o which_o her_o change_n be_v discover_v to_o her_o mother_n and_o friend_n be_v her_o fervent_a secret_a prayer_n for_o live_v in_o a_o great_a house_n of_o which_o the_o middle_a part_n be_v ruin_v in_o the_o war_n she_o choose_v a_o closet_n in_o the_o further_a end_n where_o she_o think_v none_o hear_v she_o but_o some_o that_o overhear_v she_o say_v they_o never_o hear_v so_o fervent_a prayer_n from_o any_o person_n §_o 8._o yet_o she_o desire_v i_o to_o draw_v up_o a_o form_n suit_v to_o her_o own_o condition_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v it_o now_o reserve_v among_o her_o paper_n but_o i_o can_v tell_v whether_o she_o ever_o use_v it_o have_v affection_n and_o freedom_n of_o expression_n without_o it_o i_o have_v think_v to_o have_v annex_v it_o for_o the_o use_n of_o afflict_a penitent_n but_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o digression_n in_o this_o narrative_a chap._n vi_o of_o our_o marriage_n and_o our_o habitation_n §_o 1._o the_o unsuitableness_n of_o our_o age_n and_o my_o former_a know_a purpose_n against_o marriage_n and_o against_o the_o conveniency_n of_o minister_n marriage_n who_o have_v not_o sort_n of_o necessity_n make_v our_o marriage_n the_o matter_n of_o much_o public_a talk_n and_o wonder_n and_o the_o true_a open_n of_o her_o case_n and_o i_o and_o the_o many_o strange_a occurrence_n which_o bring_v it_o to_o pass_v will_v take_v away_o the_o wonder_n of_o her_o friend_n and_o i_o that_o know_v we_o and_o the_o notice_n of_o it_o will_v much_o conduce_v to_o the_o understanding_n of_o some_o other_o passage_n of_o our_o life_n yet_o wise_a friend_n by_o who_o i_o be_o advise_v think_v it_o better_a to_o omit_v such_o personal_a particularity_n at_o least_o at_o this_o time_n both_o in_o her_o case_n and_o i_o there_o be_v much_o extraordinary_a which_o it_o do_v not_o much_o concern_v the_o world_n to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o from_o the_o first_o thought_n of_o it_o many_o change_n and_o stoppage_n intervene_v and_o long_a delay_n till_o i_o be_v silence_v and_o eject_v with_o many_o hundred_o more_o and_o so_o be_v separate_v from_o my_o old_a pastoral_n charge_n which_o be_v enough_o to_o take_v up_o all_o my_o time_n and_o labour_n some_o of_o my_o dissuade_v reason_n be_v then_o over_o and_o at_o last_o on_o septemb_n 10._o 1662._o we_o be_v marry_v in_o bennet-fink_n church_n by_o mr._n samuel_n clerk_n yet_o live_a have_v be_v before_o contract_v by_o mr._n simeon_n ash_n both_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o mr._n henry_n ashurst_n and_o mrs._n ash._n §_o 2._o she_o consent_v to_o these_o condition_n of_o our_o marriage_n 1._o that_o i_o will_v have_v nothing_o that_o before_o our_o marriage_n be_v she_o that_o i_o who_o want_v no_o outward_a supply_n may_v not_o seem_v to_o marry_v she_o for_o covetousness_n 2._o that_o she_o will_v so_o alter_v her_o affair_n that_o i_o may_v be_v entangle_v in_o no_o lawsuit_n 3._o that_o she_o will_v expect_v none_o of_o my_o time_n which_o my_o ministerial_a work_n shall_v require_v §_o 3._o when_o we_o be_v marry_v her_o sadness_n and_o melancholy_n vanish_v counsel_n do_v something_o to_o it_o and_o contentment_n something_o and_o be_v take_v up_o with_o our_o household_n affair_n do_v somewhat_o and_o we_o live_v in_o inviolated_a love_n and_o mutual_a complacency_n sensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n of_o mutual_a help_n these_o
i_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o neglect_n of_o it_o and_o now_o here_o be_v comfort_n that_o i_o have_v to_o deal_v with_o a_o god_n of_o mercy_n that_o will_v hear_v a_o poor_a repent_a sinner_n a_o god_n that_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o but_o love_v who_o he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n this_o be_v the_o god_n who_o i_o have_v choose_v and_o take_v for_o my_o portion_n the_o same_o god_n be_v his_o god_n his_o guide_n and_o comforter_n the_o whole_a world_n be_v but_o a_o house_n where_o god_n child_n dwell_v a_o little_a while_n till_o he_o have_v fit_v they_o for_o the_o heavenly_a mansion_n and_o if_o he_o send_v they_o out_o of_o one_o room_n into_o another_o to_o do_v his_o work_n and_o try_v their_o obedience_n and_o if_o he_o put_v some_o in_o the_o dark_a corner_n of_o his_o house_n to_o keep_v they_o humble_a though_o he_o separate_v those_o that_o be_v most_o belove_v of_o each_o other_o it_o be_v but_o that_o they_o may_v not_o love_v so_o much_o as_o to_o be_v loath_a to_o part_v and_o come_v to_o he_o who_o shall_v have_v all_o their_o love_n however_o it_o fare_v with_o his_o child_n in_o this_o house_n or_o howl_v wilderness_n the_o time_n will_v come_v and_o be_v at_o hand_n when_o all_o the_o child_n shall_v be_v separate_a from_o the_o rebel_n and_o be_v call_v home_o to_o dwell_v with_o their_o father_n their_o head_n and_o husband_n and_o the_o elect_n shall_v all_o be_v gather_v into_o one_o then_o farewell_n sorrow_n farewell_n hard_a heart_n farewell_n tear_n and_o sad_a repentance_n and_o then_o bless_a saint_n that_o have_v believe_v and_o obey_v never_o so_o unworthy_a crown_v thou_o must_v be_v this_o be_v the_o project_n of_o redeeming-love_n when_o the_o lord_n shall_v take_v our_o carcase_n from_o the_o grave_n and_o make_v we_o shine_v as_o the_o sun_n in_o glory_n then_o then_o shall_v friend_n meet_v and_o never_o part_n and_o remember_v their_o sad_a and_o weary_a night_n and_o day_n no_o 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remain_v for_o the_o people_n of_o god_n rest_v o_o sweet_a word_n the_o weary_a shall_v haver_n est_fw-la they_o shall_v rest_v in_o the_o lord_n april_n 10._o on_o thursday_n night_n at_o twelve_o of_o the_o clock_n a_o day_n and_o night_n never_o to_o be_v forget_v by_o the_o least_o of_o all_o god_n mercy_n yea_o less_o than_o the_o least_o thy_o unworthy_a unthankful_a hard-hearted_a creature_n m._n charlton_n §_o 5._o be_v not_o here_o in_o all_o these_o paper_n which_o i_o see_v not_o till_o she_o be_v dead_a a_o great_a deal_n of_o work_n for_o one_o day_n beside_o all_o the_o public_a work_n of_o a_o thanksgiving_n day_n if_o i_o shall_v give_v you_o a_o account_n of_o all_o her_o follow_v twenty_o one_o year_n what_o a_o volume_n will_v it_o amount_v to_o if_o you_o ask_v why_o i_o recite_v all_o this_o which_o be_v but_o matter_n well_o know_v to_o ordinary_a christian_n i_o answer_v 1._o it_o be_v not_o as_o matter_n of_o knowledge_n but_o of_o soul_n working_n towards_o god_n 2._o be_v not_o this_o extraordinary_a in_o a_o convert_n of_o a_o year_n or_o few_o month_n stand_v 3._o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o she_o make_v i_o think_v it_o worth_a the_o publish_n they_o that_o think_v otherwise_o may_v pass_v it_o by_o but_o there_o be_v soul_n to_o who_o it_o will_v be_v savoury_a and_o profitable_a §_o 6._o yet_o she_o continue_v under_o great_a fear_n that_o she_o have_v not_o save_v grace_n because_o she_o have_v not_o that_o degree_n of_o holy_a affection_n which_o she_o desire_v and_o before_o in_o her_o sickness_n her_o fear_n increase_v her_o disease_n and_o danger_n i_o will_v here_o for_o the_o use_n of_o other_o in_o the_o like_a case_n recite_v some_o scrap_n of_o a_o letter_n of_o counsel_n as_o i_o find_v they_o transcribe_v by_o herself_o i_o advise_v you_o to_o set_v more_o effectual_o to_o the_o mean_n of_o your_o necessary_a consolation_n your_o strange_a silent_a keep_v your_o case_n to_o yourself_o from_o your_o mother_n and_o all_o your_o friend_n be_v a_o exceed_a injury_n to_o your_o peace_n be_v it_o god_n or_o satan_n that_o hinder_v you_o from_o open_v your_o sore_n and_o make_v you_o think_v that_o concealment_n be_v your_o wisdom_n if_o it_o be_v pride_n that_o forbid_v it_o how_o dare_v you_o obey_v such_o a_o commander_n many_o of_o our_o sore_n be_v half_o heal_v when_o well_o open_v if_o prudence_n foresee_v some_o forbid_a inconvenience_n you_o have_v prudent_a friend_n and_o two_o prudent_a person_n may_v see_v more_o than_o one_o but_o because_o you_o will_v not_o tell_v we_o i_o will_v disjunctive_o tell_v it_o you_o 1._o your_o trouble_n of_o soul_n be_v either_o some_o affliction_n 2._o or_o some_o sin_n 3._o or_o the_o doubt_n of_o your_o sincerity_n and_o true_a grace_n i._o if_o it_o be_v affliction_n dare_v you_o so_o indulge_v impatience_n as_o to_o conclude_v against_o your_o future_a comfort_n while_o you_o have_v god_n love_n and_o title_n to_o salvation_n dare_v you_o say_v that_o these_o be_v of_o so_o small_a weight_n that_o a_o cross_n like_o you_o will_v weigh_v they_o down_o and_o that_o you_o will_v not_o rejoice_v in_o all_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n eternal_a till_o your_o cross_n be_v remove_v ii_o if_o it_o be_v sin_n it_o be_v either_o past_a or_o present_a if_o past_a why_o do_v you_o not_o repent_v and_o thankful_o accept_v your_o pardon_n if_o present_a it_o be_v inward_a corruption_n or_o outward_a transgression_n which_o ever_o it_o be_v if_o you_o love_v it_o why_o do_v you_o grieve_v for_o it_o and_o groan_v under_o it_o if_o you_o grieve_v for_o it_o why_o be_v you_o not_o willing_a to_o leave_v it_o and_o be_v holy_a if_o you_o be_v willing_a to_o leave_v it_o and_o will_v fain_o have_v god_n grace_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o mean_n to_o make_v you_o holy_a this_o be_v the_o true_a nature_n of_o repentance_n and_o why_o then_o be_v you_o not_o thankful_a for_o grace_v receive_v for_o pardon_n adoption_n and_o your_o part_n in_o christ_n 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will_v do_v more_o against_o it_o than_o many_o year_n secret_a trouble_n and_o dejection_n alone_o will_v do_v 3._o if_o it_o be_v doubt_n of_o your_o sincerity_n and_o grace_n why_o do_v you_o refuse_v to_o reason_v the_o case_n and_o say_v what_o it_o be_v that_o persuade_v you_o that_o you_o be_v graceless_a that_o we_o may_v try_v it_o by_o the_o word_n of_o god_n what_o evidence_n be_v it_o that_o you_o want_v you_o have_v confess_v that_o sometime_o you_o be_v convince_v of_o sincerity_n and_o can_v you_o so_o easy_o deny_v what_o you_o have_v find_v as_o to_o conclude_v yourself_o so_o miserable_a as_o you_o do_v shall_v all_o do_v
just_a advice_n and_o that_o i_o will_v speak_v my_o reason_n and_o heart-rising_n against_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v propound_v to_o i_o which_o i_o judge_v unmeet_a and_o i_o resolve_v when_o i_o see_v my_o duty_n cheerful_o to_o do_v it_o and_o keep_v a_o sense_n of_o the_o sweetness_n and_o obligation_n of_o god_n love_n and_o mercy_n iii_o i_o resolve_v to_o pray_v and_o labour_n for_o a_o true_a sense_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o nation_n in_o general_a and_o in_o particular_a of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o relation_n and_o of_o my_o own_o and_o that_o till_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o cause_n of_o rejoice_v on_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o relation_n and_o of_o my_o own_o soul_n recovery_n and_o spiritual_a welfare_n i_o will_v continue_v with_o humiliation_n to_o supplicate_v the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o shut_v out_o a_o great_a duty_n by_o a_o lesser_a yet_o i_o will_v avoid_v all_o manner_n of_o feast_n as_o much_o as_o i_o well_o can_v and_o all_o noxious_a sensual_a delight_n and_o when_o i_o must_v be_v present_a i_o will_v use_v some_o mortify_a restraint_n and_o this_o i_o will_v do_v in_o my_o habit_n and_o all_o other_o thing_n but_o that_o i_o will_v lay_v no_o snare_n on_o myself_o by_o renounce_v what_o occasion_n may_v oblige_v i_o to_o but_o by_o all_o mean_v i_o will_v strive_v to_o keep_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o sense_n of_o my_o friend_n danger_n and_o my_o own_o iv_o i_o resolve_v if_o providence_n concur_v to_o go_v to_o london_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o can_v after_o the_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n for_o the_o reason_n mention_v in_o another_o place_n §_o 9_o what_o these_o reason_n be_v i_o find_v not_o this_o follow_a fragment_n of_o she_o hint_n something_a of_o it_o i_o begin_v already_o to_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o misuse_v the_o help_n which_o god_n have_v give_v i_o i_o know_v now_o how_o i_o shall_v love_v ordinance_n and_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o to_o what_o end_n not_o to_o break_v my_o heart_n when_o 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can_v sweeten_v with_o his_o presence_n if_o not_o why_o do_v i_o not_o content_o thank_v god_n for_o what_o i_o have_v already_o have_v i_o can_v say_v it_o be_v better_a that_o i_o have_v never_o have_v it_o than_o now_o to_o leave_v it_o no_o i_o must_v be_v willing_a to_o submit_v to_o god_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o abuse_n of_o mercy_n so_o far_o as_o it_o may_v quicken_v i_o to_o diligence_n for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o if_o ever_o god_n more_o trust_v i_o with_o such_o treasure_n as_o once_o i_o have_v i_o will_v strive_v to_o show_v that_o i_o better_o know_v the_o worth_n of_o it_o than_o i_o do_v before_o my_o thought_n often_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v but_o in_o a_o condition_n in_o which_o i_o have_v opportunity_n to_o serve_v god_n with_o more_o cost_n to_o the_o flesh_n than_o i_o here_o do_v it_o will_v either_o show_v my_o hypocrisy_n or_o give_v i_o more_o assure_v evidence_n that_o i_o be_o indeed_o sincere_a §_o 10._o and_o it_o 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then_o he_o will_v not_o depart_v from_o i_o §_o 11._o i_o will_v conclude_v this_o chapter_n with_o a_o country_n poem_n of_o her_o honest_a kinsman_n mr._n eleazar_n careswell_n of_o sheffnall_a in_o shropshire_n who_o i_o never_o know_v to_o poetrize_v but_o now_o that_o tender_a love_n and_o passion_n teach_v he_o it_o signify_v these_o though_o it_o want_v the_o flowery_a part_n her_o danger_n of_o death_n so_o near_o to_o her_o conversion_n be_v very_o grievous_a to_o he_o margaret_z charlton_n anagram_n arm_v to_o late_a change_n the_o prudent_a soul_n refine_v from_o earth_n do_v ever_o arm_n to_o her_o late_a change_n and_o fear_v it_o never_o those_o glitter_a monarch_n who_o seem_v to_o command_v this_o ball_n shall_v be_v by_o death_n impartial_a hand_n put_v out_o and_o doom_v to_o a_o eternal_a state_n no_o mortal_a sinner_n can_v decline_v this_o fate_n death_n conquer_v scepter-swaying_a king_n but_o i_o shall_v conquer_v death_n be_v now_o arm_v to_o die_v arm_v soul_n for_o this_o one_o change_n and_o wed_v thy_o heart_n to_o christ_n and_o then_o no_o death_n shall_v ever_o part_v your_o join_a soul_n and_o thou_o because_o that_o he_o have_v life_n of_o life_n shall_v still_o possess_v be_v death_n will_v but_o this_o snarl_a knot_n of_o life_n untie_v to_o unite_v soul_n in_o a_o more_o bless_a tie_n when_o faith_n renew_v grace_n repent_v tear_n have_v clear_v the_o soul_n from_o filth_n and_o she_o appear_v unspotted_a holy_a pure_a invest_v in_o christ_n milkwhite_a snowy_a robe_n quite_o free_v from_o sin_n whole_o deliver_v from_o this_o fleshly_a thrall_n and_o hell_n black_a monarch_n and_o adorn_v with_o all_o god_n perfect_a grace_n triumphant_o these_o sing_v death_n and_o hell_n conquer_v be_v by_o christ_n our_o king_n faith_n hope_n and_o love_n such_o soul_n now_o fortify_v and_o arm_v thus_o why_o shall_v we_o fear_v to_o die_v though_o death_n divorce_v those_o long_o acquaint_v friend_n and_o lodge_v earth_n in_o the_o earth_n the_o soul_n ascend_v to_o those_o high_a glorious_a region_n where_o she_o with_o christ_n and_o bless_a soul_n shall_v ever_o be_v soul_n trouble_v sin_n shall_v then_o molest_v no_o more_o which_o clog_v which_o wound_v she_o so_o long_o before_o poor_a soul_n go_v fetter_v here_o with_o flesh_n and_o sin_n death_n do_v her_o great_a deliverance_n begin_v thy_o soul_n renew_v by_o grace_n shall_v quick_o see_v how_o blessed_v a_o change_n that_o day_n will_v bring_v to_o thou_o death_n shall_v those_o weep_a eye_n dry_v up_o and_o close_o and_o pain_v weary_a flesh_n to_o rest_v repose_n the_o grave_n will_v be_v a_o safe_a and_o quiet_a bed_n to_o that_o frail_a body_n when_o the_o soul_n be_v flee_v this_o ache_a head_n shall_v there_o be_v lay_v to_o rest_v whilst_o thy_o glad_a soul_n of_o glory_n be_v possess_v as_o banish_v grief_n end_v in_o that_o quiet_a sleep_n thy_o dust_n be_v holy_a it_o thy_o lord_n will_v keep_v till_o the_o last_o trumpet_n sound_n and_o he_o shall_v raise_v the_o just_a and_o unjust_a at_o the_o last_o of_o day_n then_o the_o refine_a body_n shall_v again_o it_o be_v late_o dislodge_a soul_n re-entertain_a and_o reunite_v chant_v well-tuned_a lay_n unto_o the_o lamb_n who_o soul-enamouring_a ray_n shall_v ravish_v saint_n with_o bless_a perfect_a joy_n free_v from_o whatever_o will_v their_o rest_n annoy_n where_o they_o with_o flame_a love_n and_o pleasure_n sing_v holy_a melodious_a praise_n to_o god_n their_o king_n rise_v then_o my_o soul_n thy_o thought_n from_o earth_n estrange_v the_o first_o be_v wrought_v arm_v to_o thy_o late_a change_n thus_o the_o good_a
expectation_n and_o preparation_n for_o death_n as_o make_v the_o case_n of_o her_o soul_n less_o grievous_a to_o i_o as_o no_o way_n doubt_v of_o her_o salvation_n and_o know_v that_o a_o distract_n fever_n or_o a_o frenzy_n or_o a_o inflammation_n or_o disturbance_n of_o the_o animal_n spirit_n or_o brain_n or_o a_o impostume_n may_v befall_v the_o best_a as_o soon_o as_o the_o worst_a i_o thank_v god_n that_o she_o be_v never_o under_o any_o melancholy_n which_o tempt_v she_o to_o any_o of_o those_o doleful_a evil_n which_o many_o score_n i_o think_v that_o have_v be_v with_o i_o of_o several_a way_n of_o education_n have_v be_v sad_o tempt_v to_o she_o near_o 19_o year_n live_v with_o i_o cheerful_a wise_a and_o a_o very_a useful_a life_n in_o constant_a love_n and_o peace_n and_o concord_n except_o our_o differ_a opinion_n about_o triâ—â—al_a occurrence_n or_o our_o dispute_v or_o differ_v mode_n of_o talk_n §_o 10._o she_o be_v bury_v on_o june_n 17._o in_o christs-church_n in_o the_o ruin_n in_o her_o own_o mother_n grave_a the_o grave_n be_v the_o high_a next_o the_o old_a altar_n or_o table_n in_o the_o chancel_n on_o which_o this_o her_o daughter_n have_v cause_v a_o very_a fair_a rich_a large_a marble-stone_n to_o be_v lay_v anno_fw-la 1661._o about_o 20._o year_n ago_o on_o which_o i_o cause_v to_o be_v write_v her_o title_n and_o some_o latin_a verse_n and_o these_o english_a once_o thus_o must_v thy_o flesh_n to_o silent_a dust_n descend_v thy_o mirth_n and_o worldly_a pleasure_n thus_o will_v end_v then_o happy_a holy_a soul_n but_o woe_n to_o those_o who_o heaven_n forget_v and_o earthly_a pleasure_n choose_v hear_v now_o this_o preach_a grave_n without_o delay_n believe_v repent_v and_o work_v while_o it_o be_v day_n but_o christs-church_n on_o earth_n be_v liable_a to_o those_o change_n of_o which_o the_o jerusalem_n above_o be_v in_o no_o danger_n in_o the_o doleful-flame_n of_o london_n 1666._o the_o fall_n of_o the_o church_n break_v this_o great_a marble_n all_o to_o piece_n and_o it_o prove_v no_o last_a monument_n and_o i_o hope_v this_o paper-monument_n erect_v by_o one_o that_o be_v follow_v even_o at_o the_o door_n in_o some_o passion_n indeed_o of_o love_n and_o grief_n but_o in_o sincerity_n of_o truth_n will_v be_v more_o public_o useful_a and_o durable_a than_o that_o marble-stone_n be_v chap._n x._o some_o use_v propose_v to_o the_o reader_n from_o this_o history_n as_o the_o reason_n why_o i_o write_v it_o if_o this_o narrative_n be_v useless_a to_o the_o reader_n it_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o sin_n of_o the_o publisher_n for_o idle_a writing_n be_v worse_a than_o idle_a word_n but_o i_o think_v it_o useful_a with_o that_o which_o follow_v to_o all_o these_o end_n to_o consider_v man_n §_o 1._o it_o may_v help_v to_o convince_v those_o that_o be_v incline_v to_o sadducism_n or_o infidelity_n and_o believe_v not_o the_o testimony_n of_o the_o sanctify_a spirit_n to_o the_o truth_n of_o the_o word_n of_o god_n but_o take_v holiness_n as_o it_o differ_v from_o heathen-morality_n to_o be_v but_o fancy_n hypocrisy_n custom_n or_o self-conceit_n a_o man_n that_o never_o feel_v the_o work_n of_o god_n special_a grace_n on_o his_o own_o heart_n be_v hardly_o bring_v to_o believe_v that_o other_o have_v that_o which_o he_o never_o have_v himself_o and_o this_o turn_v usual_o to_o diabolical_a malignity_n incline_v they_o to_o hate_v those_o and_o revile_v or_o despise_v they_o as_o delude_v proud_a fanatic_a hypocrite_n who_o pretend_v to_o be_v any_o better_a than_o they_o be_v or_o to_o have_v that_o which_o they_o take_v to_o be_v but_o a_o conceit_n all_o their_o religious_a thought_n they_o take_v for_o the_o dream_n of_o craze_a or_o proud_a person_n and_o their_o holy_a discourse_n and_o prayer_n but_o for_o cant_v or_o vain_a babble_n but_o acquaintance_n if_o intimate_v with_o gracious_a person_n may_v convince_v they_o of_o their_o mortal_a error_n and_o true_a history_n methinks_v may_v do_v much_o towards_o it_o §_o 2._o i_o confess_v with_o thanks_o to_o god_n that_o have_v these_o forty_o year_n find_v that_o all_o our_o holiness_n and_o comfort_n depend_v upon_o our_o certain_a persuasion_n of_o the_o life_n of_o retribution_n follow_v and_o that_o our_o certainty_n of_o this_o depend_v upon_o our_o certain_a belief_n of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n and_o we_o be_v here_o in_o the_o dark_a and_o too_o apt_a to_o doubt_v of_o all_o that_o we_o see_v not_o there_o be_v several_a sensible_a or_o experience_a present_a certainty_n which_o have_v be_v a_o great_a succour_n to_o my_o faith_n to_o save_v i_o from_o temptation_n to_o unbelief_n and_o doubt_v and_o confirm_v my_o assurance_n that_o the_o scripture_n be_v god_n word_n i._o in_o that_o i_o undoubted_o by_o see_v and_o hear_v that_o through_o all_o the_o world_n there_o be_v just_a such_o a_o pravity_n in_o humane_a nature_n as_o the_o scripture_n describe_v for_o original_a sin_n which_o can_v be_v the_o state_n of_o man_n integrity_n when_o his_o reason_n be_v much_o convince_v of_o much_o of_o the_o duty_n to_o god_n man_n and_o himself_o which_o he_o will_v not_o do_v and_o of_o most_o of_o the_o great_a sin_n which_o he_o will_v not_o forsake_v ii_o i_o see_v the_o scripture_n clear_o verify_v in_o mention_v the_o common_a enmity_n and_o war_n between_o the_o serpent_n and_o the_o holy_a seed_n it_o be_v notorious_a through_o the_o world_n in_o all_o age_n and_o country_n a_o enmity_n which_o no_o relation_n or_o interest_n reconcile_v iii_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n verify_v which_o describe_v all_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o secret_a war_n within_o we_o between_o the_o spirit_n and_o the_o flesh_n iu._n and_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n fulfil_v which_o promise_v a_o blessing_n on_o god_n word_n and_o his_o ordinance_n v._o and_o i_o feel_v and_o see_v the_o scripture_n fulfil_v which_o describe_v the_o renew_n work_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o the_o spiritual_a difference_n of_o the_o sanctify_a from_o all_o other_o this_o be_v not_o only_o in_o myself_o but_o in_o other_o o_o how_o many_o hundred_o holy_a person_n have_v i_o know_v the_o witness_n of_o christ_n truth_n and_o power_n and_o as_o ioshua_n and_o caleb_n bunch_n of_o grape_n to_o assure_v i_o of_o the_o land_n of_o promise_n and_o god_n truth_n which_o i_o see_v fulfil_v in_o they_o can_v i_o doubt_v of_o holiness_n when_o i_o feel_v it_o and_o see_v it_o in_o the_o effect_n vi_o even_o as_o it_o persuade_v i_o the_o easy_o to_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v devil_n when_o i_o see_v their_o very_a nature_n and_o work_n in_o devil_n incarnate_a and_o see_v what_o a_o kingdom_n he_o plain_o rule_v in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v a_o hell_n when_o i_o see_v so_o much_o of_o hell_n on_o earth_n §_o 3._o it_o may_v teach_v we_o that_o the_o state_n of_o godliness_n be_v not_o to_o be_v judge_v of_o by_o the_o fear_n and_o sorrow_n in_o which_o it_o usual_o begin_v a_o man_n life_n be_v not_o like_o his_o infancy_n at_o his_o birth_n the_o fear_n and_o penitent_a sorrow_n which_o foolish_a fleshly_a sinner_n fly_v from_o do_v tend_v to_o everlasting_a peace_n and_o joy_n and_o perfect_a love_n will_v cast_v out_o all_o torment_a fear_n unless_o it_o be_v those_o of_o a_o timorous_a disease_a temper_n which_o have_v more_o of_o sickness_n than_o of_o sin_n and_o will_v be_v lay_v aside_o with_o the_o body_n which_o be_v their_o cause_n a_o life_n of_o peace_n and_o joy_n on_o earth_n may_v succeed_v the_o tremble_n of_o the_o newborn_a convert_n but_o a_o life_n of_o full_a everlasting_a joy_n will_v certain_o succeed_v the_o perseverance_n and_o victory_n of_o every_o believe_a holy_a soul._n §_o 4._o it_o may_v warn_v all_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o expect_v too_o much_o from_o so_o frail_a and_o bad_a a_o thing_n as_o man_n my_o dear_a wife_n do_v look_v for_o more_o good_a in_o i_o and_o more_o help_n from_o i_o than_o she_o find_v especial_o late_o in_o my_o weakness_n and_o decay_n we_o be_v all_o like_a picture_n that_o must_v not_o be_v look_v on_o too_o near_o they_o that_o come_v near_o we_o find_v more_o fault_n and_o badness_n in_o we_o than_o other_o at_o a_o distance_n know_v §_o 5._o it_o shall_v great_o warn_v we_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o small_a beginning_n even_o a_o spark_n of_o affection_n honest_a in_o the_o kind_n may_v kindle_v a_o flame_n not_o easy_o quench_v how_o great_a a_o matter_n may_v a_o little_a fire_n kindle_v almost_o all_o sin_n begin_v in_o a_o seed_n or_o spark_n which_o be_v very_o hardly_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n or_o danger_n §_o 6._o yea_o it_o shall_v warn_v all_o to_o keep_v all_o the_o thought_n affection_n