Selected quad for the lemma: love_n
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A01647
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A relation of the fearefull estate of Francis Spira in the yeare, 1548.
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Bacon, Nathaniel, 1593-1660.
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1638
(1638)
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STC 1178.5; ESTC S118976
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22,974
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142
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Lord to love thy commandements hypocrites say that they love God with all their heart but they lye for my part I will not lye but tell you plainely such is my case that though you should never so much much importune mee to hope or beleeve though I desire it yet I cannot for God as a punishment of my wickednesse hath taken away from me all his saving graces faith hope and all I am not the man therefore that you take mee for belike you thinke I delight in this estate if I could conceive but the least sparke of hope of a better estate hereafter I would not refuse to endure the most heavie weight of the wrath of that great God yea for twenty thousand years so that I might at length attaine to the end of that misery which I now know will bee eternall but I tell you my will is wounded who longs more to beleeve then I doe but all the ground-worke of my hope is quite gone for if the testimonies of holy Scripture bee true as they are most certainly true is not this as true whosoever denies mee before men him saith Christ will I denie before my Father which is in heaven is not this properly my case as if it had purposely beene intended against this very person of mine I pray you what shall become of such as Christ denieth seeing there is no other Name under heaven whereby you looke to bee saved what saith Saint Paul to the Hebrewes It is impossible for those who were once enlightned and have tasted of the heavenly gift were made partakers of the Holie Ghost if they fall away to be renued to repentance what can be more plaine against me Is not that Scripture also if wee sinne wilfully after wee have received the Knowledge of the truth there remaineth no more sacrifice for sinne but a certaine looking for of judgement the Scripture speakes of mee Saint Paul means me S. Peter tels me it had been better I had not knowne the way of Righteousnesse then after I have knowne to turne from the holy commandement if it had beene better I had not known and yet then my condemnation had beene most certaine doe you not see evidently that I have wilfully denied the known truth may justly expect not onely damnation but worse if worse may be imagined God will have mee undergoe the just punishment of my sinne and make mee an example of his wrath for your sakes The company present admired his discourse so grievously accusing himselfe of his fore-past life so gravely and wisely dilating concerning the judgements of God that they then were convinced that it was not frenzie or madnesse that had possessed him and being as it were in admiration of his estate Spira proceeded againe in this manner Take heed to your selves it is no light or easie matter to bee a Christian it is not baptisme or reading of the Scriptures or boasting of faith in Christ though even these are good that can proove one to be an absolute Christian you know what I said before there must be a conformity in life a Christian must bee strong unconquerable not carrying an obscure profession but resolute expressing the image of Christ and holding out against all opposition to the last breath hee must give all diligence by righteousnesse and holinesse to make his calling and election sure many there are that snatch at the promises in the Gospel as if they undoubtedly did belong to them and yet they remaine sluggish and carelesse and beeing flattered by the things of this present world they passe in their course in quietnesse and securitie as if they were the onely happie men whom neverthelesse the Lord in his providence hath ordained to eternall wrath as you may see in S. Lukes rich man thus it was with mee therefore take heed Then came one of his Nephews and offered him some sustenance which he disdainfully refusing so moved the youngmans choler that hee charged him with hypocrisie and dissimulation or frenzie to whom Spira gravely answering said You may interpret the matter as you will but I am sure I am not only the Actor but the argument and matter of the Tragedy I would it were frenzie either fained or true for if it were fained I could put it off at pleasure if it were a reall frenzy yet there were some hope left of Gods mercie whereas now there is none for I know that God hath pronounced mee an enemie and guiltie of high Treason against his Majestie I am a cast-away a vassaile of wrath yet dare you call it dissembling and frenzie and can mocke at the formidable example of the heavie wrath of God that should teach you feare and terrour but it is naturall to the flesh either out of malice or ignorance to speake perversly of the workes of God the naturall man discerneth not of the things that are of God because they are spiritually discerned How can this be said Gribauldus that you can thus excellently discourse of the judgements of God and of the graces of his holie Spirit that you finde the want of them and earnestly desire them and yet you thinke you are utterly deprived of them Take this for certaine said hee I want the maine grace of all and that which is absolutely necessarie and God doth many times extort most true and strange testimonies of his Majesties justice and mercie yea out of the mouthes of verie reprobates for even Iudas after hee had betrayed his Master was constrained to confesse his sinne and to justifie the innocencie of Christ and therefore if I doe the like it is no new or strange matter God hath taken faith from mee and left mee other common gifts for my deeper condemnation by how much the more I remember what I had and heare others discourse of what they have by so much the more is my torment in that I know what I want and how there is no way to bee relieved Thus spake hee the teares all the while trickling downe professing that his pangs were such as that the damned wights in hell endure not the like miserie that his estate was worse then that of Cain or Iudas and therefore hee desired to die yet behold saith hee the Scriptures are accomplished in mee they shall desire to die and death shall flie from them and verily hee seemed exceedingly to feare lest his life should bee drawne out to a longer thread and finding no ease or rest ever and anone cried out O miserable wretch O miserable wretch then turning to the Company hee besought them in this manner O Brethren take a diligent heed to your life make more account of the gifts of Gods spirit then I have done learne to beware my misery thinke not you are assured Christians because you understand something of the Gospel take heed you grow not secure on that ground be constant and immoveable in the maintaining of your profession confesse even untill death if
gift of God O that hee would give it mee but it is as impossible as to drinke up the Sea at a draught as for that of Solomon if hee had ever tried that which I feele by woefull experience hee would never have spoken as he did but the truth is never had mortall man such an evident experience of Gods anger and hatred against him as I have you that are in a good estate thinke repentance and faith to be workes of great facilitie and therefore you thinke it an easie matter to perswade a man to beleeve the whole need not the Physician and hee that is well can soone give counsell to such as are ill but this is the hell to mee my heart is hardned I cannot beleeve many are called but few are chosen Vpon what grounds said they doe you conceive so ill an opinion of your selfe I once did know God to bee my Father not onely by creation but by regeneration I knew him by his beloved Sonne the authour and finisher of our Salvation I could pray to him and hope for pardon of sinnes from him I had a taste of his sweetnesse peace and comfort now contrarily I know God not as a Father but as an enemy what more my heart hates God and seekes to get above him I have nothing else to flie to but terrour despaire Belike you thinke then said they that those who have the earnest and first fruits of Gods Spirit may notwithstanding fall away The judgements of God are a deepe abisse said he wee are soone drowned if we enter into them he that thinks he standeth let him take heed lest hee fall as for my selfe I know I am falne backe and that I once did know the truth though it may be not so throughly I know not what else to say but that I am one of that number which God hath threatned to teare in pieces Say not so answered they for God may come though at the last houre keepe hold therefore at the least by hope This quoth he is my case I tell you I cannot God hath deprived mee of hope this brings terror to my minde and pines this hodie which now is so weake as it cannot performe the severall offices thereof for as the Elect have the Spirit testifying that they are the sonnes of God so the Reprobates even while they live do often feele a worme in their conscience whereby they are condemned already and therefore as soone as I perceived this wound inflicted on my minde and will I I knew that I wanted the gifts of saving grace and that I was utterly undone God chasteneth his children with temporarie afflictions that they may come as gold out of the fire but pupunisheth the wicked with blindnesse in their understandings hardnesse of heart and woe be to such from whom God takes his holie Spirit Here one rebuked him and told him he gave too much credit to sence that hee was not to beleeve himselfe but rather him that was in a good estate and I testifie to you said he that God will be mercifull to you Nay answered he for because I am in this ill estate therfore can I beleeve nothing but what is contrarie to my salvation and comfort but you that are so confident of your good state looke that it bee true for it is no such small matter to be assured of sinceritie a man had need bee exceeding stronglie grounded in the Truth before hee can bee able to affirme such a matter as you now doe it is not the performance of a few outward duties but a mightie constant labour with all intention of heart and affection with full desire and endeavour continually to set forth Gods glorie there must bee neither feare of Legates Inquisitors Prisons nor anie death whatsoever manie thinke themselves happie that are not it is not every one that saith Lord Lord that shall goe to heaven They came another day and found him with his eyes shut as if hee had beene drowzie and verie loath to discourse at which time there came in also a grave man from Cittadella who demanded of Spira if hee knew him or not he lifting up his eye-lids and not suddenly remembring him the man said to him I am Presbiter Antonie Fontanina I was with you at Venice some 8. weeks since O cursed day sayd Spira O cursed day O that I had never gone thither would God I had then died Afterwards came in a Priest called Bernardinus Sardoneus bringing with him a booke of Exorcismes to conjure this divell whom when Spira saw shaking his head he said I am verily perswaded indeed that God hath left mee to the power of the divells but such they are as are not to be found in your Letanie neither will they be cast out by spels The Priest proceeding in his intended purpose with a strange uncouth gesture and a loud voice adjured the Spirit to come into Spira's tongue and to answer Spira deriding his fruitlesse labour with a sigh turned from him A Bishop being there present said to Spira brother God hath put vertue into the Word and Sacraments and wee have used the one means and find not that effect which we desire shall we trie the efficacie of the Sacraments surely if you take it as a true Christian ought to receive the body and bloud of Christ it will proove a soveraigne medicine for your sicke soule This I cannot do answered hee for they that have no right to the promises have no right to the seales the Eucharist was appointed onely for beleevers if wee have not faith we eate and drinke judgement to our selves I received it about a moneth since but I did not well in so doing for I tooke it by constraint and so I tooke it to my deeper condemnation Here Vergerius began to importune him earnestly to beware that he did not wilfully resist grace put himself out of haven charging him vehemently by all the love that was betweene them by the love which hee bare to his children yea to his owne soule that he would set himselfe seriously to returne to that faith and hope which once hee had in the death of Christ with many such like words Spira having heard much of the like matter formerlie being somewhat moved said You do but repeat Vergerius what should I hope why should I beleeve God hath taken faith from mee shew mee then whither I shall goe shew mee a haven whereto I shall retire you tell mee of Gods mercy when as God hath cast mee off you tell mee of Christs intercession I have denied him you command mee to beleeve I say I cannot you bring mee no comfort your command is as impossible for me to obey as to keep the Morall Law if you should perswade one to love God with all his heart soule and strength and God gives him not the power can he performe your desire doth not the church teach us to sing direct us O