sted-mother that is one father and one mother dyeth and another succeedeth and commeth in their stead and roome Therefore to the end that both their loues may be seiled towards the children of the one and the other they must remember that they are stead-father and stead-mother that is in stead of their owne father and mother and therefore they ought to loue them to tender them and to cherish them as their owne father or mother did You must not looke vpon them like Rehoboam who told his people that he would be worse vnto them then his predecessor for then the children will dislike of you and turne from you as his subiects did from him but ye must come to them as Dauid came to the people after Saules death who said Though your Maister Saul be dead yet I will reigne ouer you So ye must say to them though your father be dead or though your mother be dead yet I will be a father or I will be a mother vnto you so the children will loue you as much as they did their dead father or dead mother For that man that is led with discretion reason and consideration will reckon himselfe and his wife all one And likewise she will account her selfe and her husband as one And therefore they ought to account both the children of the one and of the other as common to them both For if friendship make all things common among friends insomuch that they haue loued fauoured their friends children as their owne how much more effectually and perfectly ought marriage to cause the same which is the highest degree not onely of friendship but also of all bloud and kindred But step-mothers do more often offend and faile in this dutie then men by reason that their affections be stronger then mens and many times ouer-rule them and therefore they are earnestly to be admonished and warned that they shew to those motherlesse children no step-mothers friendship but a right motherly kindnesse Let the step-mother aduisedly consider that God hath ordained and appointed her in steast of their owne mother to be to them a right true mother and not onely to regard them as children but as orphane children and that he requireth her to loue them and to do them good as to her owne What a griefe wold it be to her heart if she should know now that her owne children whom she hath borne in her owne body should after her death haue a step-mother that would be rigorous churlish and vnkinde vnto them Doubtlesse those childrens mother that dead is had vpon her death-bed no lesse care for her children Let her therefore alwayes haue in minde this saying of our Sauiour Christ As you measure vnto others so it shall be measured to you againe that is as the step-mother doth intreate the children of her predecessor so another wife may come after her and intreate her children For he that tooke away the first mother and sent her can take away the second mother and send a third which will not be like a stead-mother to hers vnlesse she be like a stead-mother to these Verily a good woman will be vnto her husbands children that which she may heare them call her so often that is Mother For what Christian woman is so farre from all humanitie and naturall affection that will not be moued and mitigated with this word Mother of whom soeuer it be spoken and chiefly of children which cannot flatter but speake euen so from their heart as they would to their owne mother of whom they were borne How sweete is the name of friendship how many iniuries hatreds and displeasures doth it hide and put away Then how much more effectuall ought the sweete name of Mother to be which is full of incredible loue Therefore euery religious and louing wife will be mollified and moued in her heart and mind when she shall heare her selfe named Mother by any of her husbands children Otherwise she shall shew her selfe to be more vnnaturall and vnkind then the wilde sauage beast for there is no beast so outragious and cruell but if any other yong beast of her owne kind fawne vpon her she will by and by shew kindnesse and mildnesse vnto it And shall not her husbands children make her kind louing vnto them when they call and speake vnto her by the louing and sweete name of Mother 3. The third and last point that appertaineth to the duty of wiues is that they do not weare gorgeous and sumptuous apparell or broidered haire trimmed with gold but that after the example of holy women which trusted in God they be sober in outward apparell garnished and decked inwardly with vertues of their minds as with gentlenesse meeknesse quietnesse and chastitie which indeed are most precious things in the sight of God This point is plainly spoken of by the Apostle to Timothie Chap. 2. vers 10 in which place he so flatly condemneth both the excesse and pride of apparell as also the pompe curiositie and wantonnesse which women vse in trimming their heads by plaiting criping broyding curling and curiously laying out that no man can say more against it in few words then he hath spoken to the vtter dislike thereof For if a man should occupie himselfe and giue liberty to his pen to write of the horrible abuse and excessiue pride that many women are guilty of in this behalfe he should rather want time to write then matter to deliuer Therefore such women as will not reforme themselues we leaue them to the Lord who no doubt will in his appointed time not onely seuerely punish them but also their husbands for suffering this great wickednesse and dissolutenesse in their wiues as he did the Iewes for the same sinne as plainly may be teene in Esay 3. 16. c. For so it falleth out according to the common Prouerbe that pride goeth before and shame and destruction commeth after And on the contrary part we hope that such women as be true professors of Christ and his religion will both attire and dresse their heads so decently and also content themselues with such comely apparell as best beseemeth their calling and degree So as by their good example they may draw on other women to reforme themselues in this behalfe and so rather come short of that which their abilitie and place would serue to maintaine then any way to exceed therein to the slander of their profession And let them not so much regard what thing they would faine haue but rather what they cannot well be without so that whatsoeuer they haue no need of is too deare of a farthing The dutie of Parents towards their children THis dutie consisteth in foure points First that fathers and mothers do instruct and bring vp their children euen frō the cradle in the feare nurture of the Lord. Secondly that they bring them vp in shame fastnesse hatred of vice and loue of all vertue
his fathers shame But so odious was this impietie in the sight of God that Noah by the conduct and direction of the holy Ghost cursed both him and all his 〈◊〉 And therefore we well and truly may say that those children who in stead of defending the honor of their parents do lay them open to shame and reproofe do come of the cursed seed of Ham. This dutie of honouring parents is performed and payed when they do worshipfully and reuerently esteeme of them as to thinke that they are giuen to them of God to the end that they should reuerence loue and alwayes haue a care of them if for nothing else yet for the Lords sake who is and doth thinke himselfe despised so long as the children condemne their parents and little regard them So the children honour their parents when with their helpe and counsell they aide them in their old age and vnweildy crookednesse when they ease and helpe them in the time of their need or succour them otherwise in any case else and do wholly bestow themselues and all that they haue to do them good withall yea they ought not to giue them a rough or stubburne answer or once so much as to mumble of 〈◊〉 an answer against their parents neither to smite or curse or speake euill of their father and mother vnlesse they will procure the vengeance of God to light vpon them for the same Children ought alwayes to remember that whatsoeuer they do to their fathers and mothers be it good or euill they do it to God when they please them they please God and when they disobey them they disobey God when their parents are iustly angrie with them God is angrie with them neither can it be that they may come to haue the fauour of God againe no although all the Saints in heauen should intreate for them vntill they haue submitted themselues to their father and mother If children and seruants would alwaies keepe in minde this saying so to do and behaue themselues to their parents Maisters and Dames as they would haue their children and seruants to do and behaue themselues to them when God shall vouchsafe to make them parents maisters or dames then no doubt they would obey and reuerence their parents and maisters and dames more dutifully and faithfully then now they do For let them assure themselues that such measure as they 〈◊〉 mete to their parents maisters and dames such will be measured to them againe by their children and seruants Also the children must be carefull to follow the good examples of their fathers and mothers and to suffer themselues to be gouerned by them and to be mindfull to bestow all paine and diligence to discharge their dutie towards them And herewithali they must know that they are not at their owne libertie to do as they list so long as they haue a father and mother to rule them and that they must not fall out among themselues but naturally loue and helpe one another And children haue alwayes to remember that they may not in anie case obey their parents when they shall command them to do or say any thing that is contrarie to the word of God and yet they are to be thought well of For example Ionathan obeyed not his father Sauls commandement who charged him to persecute Dauid and therefore he is worthilie commended in the holy Scriptures For the duties of the first Table are alwaies to be preferred before the duties of the second Table This subiection therefore that children owe vnto their fathers ought in very deed to be vnto them as a ladder or staire to leade them to the reuerence and obedience of God who is our chiefe Father As children receiue of their parents three things to wit life maintenance and instruction so for these three they owe other three namely for life they owe loue for maintenance they owe obedience for instruction they owe reuerence For their life they must feruently loue their parents for their maintenance they must dutifully obey their parents as maisters and for their instruction they must cheerfully reuerence their parents as their tutors And further children must remember that the Lord hath giuen to them their parents to take of them their beginning of life and that they might nourish and bring them vp and that of rude and almost brutish things they might make them able to helpe and liue of themseluer yea and such mothers as are godly and vertuous do suffer and endure more paine and griefe in the bearing bringing vp and nourishing of their children then the fathers do So that greater are the pleasures and good turnes that Christian parents do for their children greater is the cost and labour that they bestow on them and greater is the care griefe and trouble which they take for them then any man how learned soeuer he be is able to expresse And therefore if there were no other reasons or causes to moue children greatly to loue to esteeme well to obey to be kind faithfull and dutifull and to reuerence their parents and that with such a reuerence as commeth from the heart yet these were sufficient Maides and young women are to be put in minde and alwayes to remember that the best portion the greatest inheritance and the most precious iewell that they can bring with them on the marriage day is shamefastnesse the want whereof is most hurtfull in all women And therefore they must carefully shun and auoide all idle and wanton talke nice lookes dalliance and light countenance when they walke abroad or be in company A man needeth many things as wisedome eloquence knowledge of things remembrance skill in some trade or craft to liue by iustice courage and other things and qualities moe which were too long to rehearse and though some of these be lacking yet is he not to be misliked so that he haue many of them But in a maid no man will looke for eloquence great wit ordering of the Commonwealth prudence c. Finally no man will looke for any other thing of a woman but her honestie the which onely if it be lacking she is like a man that wanteth all that he should haue For in a maid her honestie and chastitie is in stead of all She verily may truly be said to be an euill keeper that cannot keepe one thing well committed to her keeping and put in trust to her with much commendation of words and especially which no man will take from her against her will nor touch it except she be willing her selfe The which thing onely if a woman remember it will cause her to take great heed vnto and to be a more warie and carefull keeper of her honestie which alone being lost though all other things be neuer so well and safe yet they perish together therewith because she that hath once lost her honestie should thinke there is nothing left Take from a maid or
vnnecescary blazing of other mens 〈◊〉 by lying slandering 〈◊〉 taunting if any shew himselfe care lesse to 〈◊〉 the motions and enticements vnto sinne and the lust of the same and he wil vse the meanes following to redresse them The manner of correcting must like wise be looked vnto for to faile in that maketh correction hurtfull oftentimes but alwayes 〈◊〉 For this point then we must know that correction must be Ministred in Wisedome and Patience Wisedome is that by which we obserue comelinesse in euery action that is to say by which we obserue what we do how in what place at what time before whom that all things may be done in a conuenient place time and manner Wisedome will 1. Find out the right party that cōmitted the fault that he that is innocent be not vniustly burthened 2. Consider of what sort and nature the fault is 3. Weigh circumstances of ages discretion occasions that moued the party and whether it be customary or a slip by ouersight 4. Looke to the mind of the doer whether negligence frowardnesse or simplicity want of wisdom brought him to it And according to these things wisdome will teach a man to measure out correction or to be sparing in it Besides wisedome will not correct before the fault be euident or before she be able to winde the offender out of all shifting holes For when the offender is not throughly conuinced he shifteth off the shame of the fault and of the correction which is a part of the purgation to cure his disease and besides he will be bold to open his mouth against his ruler and seeke to bring him into hatred or contēpt with the rest of the inferiours for correcting vniustly Wisedome therefore will winke at a fault a while and make as though she saw it not that she may haue a fitter opportunitie to correct yea towards some of a good nature wisedome will shew that she seeth a fault but yet for loue of the partie and desire to haue him amend of his owne accord she will passe ouer the euill Moreouer wisedome will neuer reproch the offender by reuiling or taunting him with the fault but minister correction in loue and desire to haue his sore cured and his credit salued For the casting of faults in their teeth and disgracing them especially before others which is common in the world maketh them lay off shame of offending by little and little whereas if they saw thee carefull of their credite they would haue much more regard to it themselues Lastly wisedome will auoid partialitie and deale with all in the same case after the same manner Patience is also needfull that through anger or hastines a man do not fight nor chide before he hath made the fault manifest to the offender that if it may be his conscience may be touched for it Againe by patience one must heare what the offender can say in his defence and not disdaine to heare him modestly alledging for himselfe and when his defence is made by equitie to allow or disallow the same So did Iob Iob. 31. 13. And Balaam had no reason to disdaine the defence of his beast Num. 20. 30. c. This patience will also keepe a man from bitternesse which might sooner make the party angrie then draw him to amendment which thing the Apostle would haue auoided in superiours towards those that be vnder them For want of this many are but a word and a blow many first correct and then tell the fault many lay on loade or raile and reuile brawle and scold without measure Lastly this patience will keepe thee from immoderate anger a thing dangerous in a corrector For he that cometh to reforme with too much anger shall hardly keepe a measure in rebuking or chastising Now for the seuerall kinds of correction the first is rebuking which is a sharpe reproofe for a fault committed measured according to the nature of the fault Example whereof we haue in Iacob Gen. 30. 2. Ioh. 2. 10. Our Sauiour Christ to Peter Mat. 16. 23. and to Iames and Iohn Luk. 9. 55. So Eli 1. Sam. 2. 23. c. rebuked his sonnes but not according to the quality of their fault which turned to his and their ruine This reproofe may haue some threatning of chastisement ioyned with it if need be to the end to make it sinke the deeper Prou. 19. 19. Be thou verie angrie when thou pardonest a fault saying that thou for sparing him now wilt punish him the soarer if he transgresse againe But threatenings must not be vaine words without effect but alwayes if amendment follow not thou must performe what was threatned lest thou become light and vaine in the offenders eyes Chastisement is when with a sharpe rebuke punishment is also laid vpon the offender according to discretion If any man thinke fighting vnmeete for Christians or be loth to foile their hands lest they should get themselues an ill name let them know that Gods ordinance is not a matter of an ill report but onely among fooles that know not what is good and meete Now that houshold-chastisement is agreeable to Gods will is euident out of the Prouerbs where the wisedome of God doth very often commend it to vs as Chap. 13. 24. He that spareth the rod hateth his sonne but he that loueth him chasteneth him betimes Where he requireth that it be not deferred till it be too late that is till the offender be hardened in ill but giuen in time before he be past recouery Secondly he saith that it is a fruit of true and pure loue to correct in due time and very loue in parents and care of their children must draw them to it Thirdly he saith that such parents know not what true loue of children meaneth but embrace fondnesse and foolish pittie in stead of it who do spare to correct when correction is deserued Fourthly that this fondnesse and foolish affection is indeed hatred and not loue The reason why it is to be counted hatred is set downe Prou. 19. 18. Chastise thy sonne while there is hope and let not thy soule spare him to his destruction Where he plainely saith that fond pittying and sparing of children is to worke the destruction of them And is it not a token of great hatred to be a meanes of anothers destruction Elsewhere he sheweth the necessitie of correction and the good which it doth Prou. 22. 25. Foolishnesse is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall remoue it farre from him As if he should say much folly and 〈◊〉 is couched in a childs heart which if it be not purged will burst forth into foule enormities and therefore a purgation is but needfull and what may that be but the rod of correction The same is commanded Prou. 29. 17. Correct thy sonne where also he sheweth what benefit commeth thereby to the parents He shall giue thee rest yea he will giue pleasures to thy soule
losse of their goods is more then the losse of their health But this thing doth not arise nor happen of the goods or money it selfe but because some man doth perswade himselfe that to lose his goods is a thing intolletable And yet for all that goods are not of more estimation then is life or health but it is a mans affection that doth rule in this thing and therfore it seemeth lesse to some to be driuen out of a kingdome then to other some to lose a small portion of their possessions Some will reuenge a word most cruelly and some other well beaten and buffeted will not reuenge it at all All these things do proceed and come of the soule which is most in wardly ioyned and knit vnto a man and hath more power in him then the body If it be then of so great importance what 〈◊〉 of friend thou haue to liue commodiously or incommodiously withall which shall none otherwise dwell or be in the selfe-same chamber bed or house with thee but that thou mayest shake him off at thy pleasure how much more oughtest thou to take heed when thou chusest thee a wife which must be continually conuersant with thee at thy table in thy chamber in bed in thy secrets and finally in thy heart and breast If thou go from home thou doest commit thy house thy familie thy goods and thy children of all other things the most pleasant vnto her she is the last that leaueth thee at thy departing and the first that receiueth thee at thy returning thou departest from her with sweete embracements and kisses and with sweete kisses and embracements she receiueth thee at thy returne home vnto her thou disclosest thy ioy and heauinesse So that it is an heauenly life to be conuersant and in company with those that a man delighteth in and loueth But it is a calamity infernall to be bound and forced to see those things that a man doth greatly hate and abhorre or to be in company with those that a man would not be withall and yet cannot be separated nor depart from them Hereof commeth as we do see in some marriages so great ruines so wicked and vile deeds as maimes and murthers committed by such desperate persons as are loath to keepe and yet cannot lawfully refuse nor leaue them Therefore yong folkes ought not to be too rash and hastie in their choise but to haue the good aduice and direction of their parents and trustie friendes in this behalfe who haue better iudgement and are more free from the motions of all affections then they are And they must take heed lest following the light and corrupt iudgement of their owne affections and minds they change not a short delectation and pleasure into a continuall sorrow 〈◊〉 repentance For we learne by great and continuall vse and experience of things that the secret contracts made betweene those that be yong do seldome prosper whereas contrariwise those marriages that are made and established by the aduice of wise and religious parents do prosper well But especially and before all things such as purpose to marrie must faithfully with feruentnesse and stedfast beleefe without ceassing make their intetcession and prayer vnto God to whom all hearts are open and knowne that he would not suffer them to go amisse but as a tender father helpe and direct them to make a right choise so as they may liue honestly and prosperously as good Christians ought to his glorie and their owne comfort For this purpose there is a notable example of Eleazar Abrahams seruant who being sent to get and make choise of a wife for Isaacke his maisters sonne beginneth his matter with prayer Gen. 24. 12. c. So did Isaacke also as it appeareth in the same Chapter verse 60. When any haue determined with themselues to marrie and haue vsed all diligence thereto required they must desire of God by humble and earnest prayer good and prosperous successe in whose hand and power it is to giue it so doubtlesse he will effect it if they aboue all other things shall haue an vndoubted hope and confidence in him For if they after they haue setled themselues and haue satisfied their appetites shall then resort vnto God by prayer desiring him that they may obtaine the thing that they most desire it appeareth that they would make him the minister of their voluptuous desires and pleasures and so doing their vowes and prayers become most manifest blasphemie And therefore a man should not come vnto marriage as vnto a prophane thing with a loose and vnprepared heart but with a quiet and well purged minde as to a thing most sacred and holy For Matrimonie doth not consist onely in the coniunction of the body neither yet in dauncing nor banketting proceeding and brought vnto vs with many other things from the Gentiles but it should rather beseeme Christians most studiously to pray vnto God that so waightie a thing as Matrimonie is might haue good and prosperous successe For Matrimonie is a thing sanctified of God the which willeth the matrimoniall imbracements to be chast the bed to be vndefiled and their progeny vnspotted and it is after the mind of S. Paul a signe of the great mystery wherewith Christ doth in dissolubly vnite himselfe vnto his Church Therefore thou oughtest so much as shall lie in thee to lift vp thy mind and to remember how great and worthy an image thou doest represent and that thy wife shall be vnto thee as the Church and thou vnto her as Christ therefore thou shouldest shew thy selfe vnto her as Christ shewed himselfe vnto his Church The loue of Christ vnto his Church is incredible and thy loue also to thy wife ought to be most effectuall Society and to liue together is the most surest and strongest knot to knit and ioyne amity and loue among men and beasts themselues There can be no greater societie or companie then is betweene a man and his wife whose house whose goods whose chamber c. is common their children are common and they themselues partakers of all good and euill successe of prosperitie and aduersitie the which society and fellowship were sufficient to stirre and prouoke him that loueth not his wife to loue and beneuolence And what company or loue shall a man looke to haue of him that loueth not his wife There are that in loue and amity looke for gaine as the vile Epicures do vnworthy to be beloued men which loue themselues and not their friends And if we haue regard vnto commoditie and profit there is nothing that giueth so much as doth a good wife no not horses oxen seruants or farmes for a mans wife is the fellow and comforter of all care and thoughts and doth more faithfull and true seruice vnto him then either maid-seruant or man-seruant which do serue men for feare or else for wages but thy wife will be led onely by loue and therefore she doth euery thing better then
he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought to loue his Wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly their cousin doth aide and helpe them and that she in like manner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her friends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsemen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any And thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties which are to be performed of the husband and the wife are either pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues 1. The first common dutie is prayer that they pray together by themselues For as they are to pray with others in their families for things which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posterity and that in the birth the childrn be comely and not monstrous in comming forth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well-carriage and good behauiour as likewise for their houshold and diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike familie As Isaack and Rebecca besides the prayers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams family did also pray together priuatly as Gen. 25. 21. it is said Isaack prayed before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another As the husband is to admonish the wife and also to teach her so the wife is to admonish the husband in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5. 13. 14. heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Iordan according to the saying of the Prophet so in like manner the husbands duty is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet so as when he faileth in duty he is to heare her good counsell and admonition either concerning heauenly matters or earthly affaires she notwithstanding considering her estate and condition vnder him and in humility confessing her selfe to be the weaker vessell 1. Pet. 3. 7. Their mutuall and seuerall duties pertaining to themselues are First the holy familiarity which ought to be betwixt man and wife wherby they haue a more familiar vsage one of another and do more familiarly behaue themselues in a comely sort one to another then any other parties whatsoeuer in regard whereof Abimelech king of Gerar after that Isaack had said of Rebecca his wife She is my sister seeing Isaack playing and sporting with her familiarly knowing that familiarity which ought to be betweene the husband and the wife and knowing that Isaack was a godly religious man and therefore would not vse that kind of behauiour to any other woman saue to his wife discerned thereby and concluded certainely that she was his wife howsoeuer he had denied it before Noting that a woman is not to be familiar after that sort with any other man saue her husband and contrary that the husband ought not to vse this familiaritie with any other woman which he doth with his wife And therefore Pro. 5. 19. we see that the wife should be to him as the louing Hinde namely delightfull one in whom he may delight that as the Hart delighteth in the Hinde so the wife should be a delight vnto her husband and so in like manner she ought to take delight in him 2. Againe there is another mutuall dutie pertaining to themselues to wit that neare coniunction euen in regard of their bodies for an holy procreation of children in respect whereof the Apostle saith The husband hath not power ouer his owne body but the wife c. Onely when it is with the wife as is common to women Ezech. 18. 6. or that she be sicke of her disease he is not then to haue the vse of her body c. Such as do aspire and purpose to enter into the holy estate of matrimony are to beginne in prayer and holinesse to God And hauing attained to that estate ought to vse the benefit of marriage as an holy ordinance of God in all godlinesse and puritie for a remedie against the weakenesse of the flesh and not for the prouocation and lust to intemperancie True it is that honesty of marriage grounded vpon Gods ordinance doth couer the shame of incontinencie yet not so as that married folkes should defile and pollute that holy estate by admitting all things but that they should so vse it as there might be no excesse in dissolutenesse neither any intemperancie contrarie to the holinesse thereof So that to abuse it in lasciuious excesse is fornication When God created the woman he said It is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helpe meete for him but whatsoeuer is said of the woman that she should be an helpe to the man must also be put in practise and exercised by the husband to wards his wife according to the doctrine of the Apostle Saint Paul 1. Cor. 7. whether in auoiding fornication whether in procuring generation and the education and bringing vp of children whether in maintaining a family or for the seruice of God and saluation of soules Hereby it euidently appeareth that the dutie common both to the husband and wife importeth that the one should aide and helpe the other First that they may leade their lines in chastitie and holinesse Next to auoide fornication So that the dutie of the husband and the wife consisteth in this that they liue together in all chastitie and purenesse and that they take great heed and beware of breaking the bond and infringing and violating the saith of marriage by fornication or adulterie which is a detestable sinne in the sight both of God and man If such as wanting the remedy of marriage by committing fornication do incurre an offence worthy euerlasting damnation what may those deserue who hauing
without comparison more straite and bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction whereby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alteration and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to be among the causes of the floud The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is money that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our dayes Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beauty riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile grounds is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintained with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish continue the loue that there of proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy as contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradise of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the houshold They that wil auoide such strife must therefore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For as a vessell made of two peeces and glewed together may at the first be easily broken but in time groweth hard so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned together by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and duty each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another friendly and each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ. Let the husband think that he hath married a daughter of Adam and all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not married an Angell but a child of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soon amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion and loue betweene the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedes of the vnion and coniunction of mariage If the husband be giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loud sound and therefore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answer So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproach to the husband and wise so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that go about to do me euill talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and in whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife And also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like duty toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parents but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parents And indeed the true loue of the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commodity The wise it more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their Parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parents to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachel being sisters and the wiues of lacob For lacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with lacob and consented together to leaue their father and to follow their husband lacob Herein likewise consisteth another dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their houshold affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shall complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents and the husband to the wiues parents So would all cause of iealousie ceasse and the complaint procure most assured remedy This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neither once thinke of diuorce And to that end let them remember what is written That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but adultery may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as a ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note where he obiecteth to the harlot that she hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainely and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as
and hath taken the peace of thee the first day of her marriage to hold thy hands till she release thee againe Adam saith of his spouse This is flesh of my flesh But no man saith Paul euer hated his owne flesh So then if a man aske whether he might strike his wife God saith nay thou mayest not hate thy wife For no man hateth his owne flesh shewing that he should not come neare blowes but thinke his wrath too much Some husbands are wont to say that they will rule their wiues whatsoeuer they be or howsoeuer they came by them and that it is in the hand and power of the husband what and of what qualities and conditions she shall be True it is that a great part of this doth rest and lie in the husband so that he vnderstand as he ought to do that marriage is the supreme and most excellent part of all amitie and friendship and that it farre differeth from tyranny the which doth compell men to obey Truly it may force the bodie but not the will in the which all loue and amitie doth consist and stand the which if it be drawne and forced doth resist and bow like a Palme tree to the contrary part And the husband may assure himselfe that there cannot be any quiet marriage or vnitie where he and his wife do not agree in will and minde the which two are the beginning and seate of all amitie and friendship And such husbands as do bragge and thinke themselues able to rule and ouer rule their wiues by that time they haue proceeded and gone a little further they shall well feele and perceiue themselues to be beguiled and finde that thing to be most hard and intricate the which to be done they esteemed most light and easie Some husbands there be that through euill and rough handling and in threatning of their wiues haue and vse them not as wiues but as their seruants And yet surely they are but very fooles that iudge and thinke matrimony to be a dominion For such as would be feared do afterwards pitiously lament and complaine that they can find no loue in their wiues whose loue and amity through their owne crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they gloried and cracked thus cruelly that they were their wiues maisters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come all loue and pleasure being now cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holy Scriptures do witnesse be the head ouer his wife and God their Father there ought to be betweene them such society and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and the sonne and not such as is betweene the maister and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may be vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and Christianly this is not the least namely that neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together then the partie that ouer-liueth and purposeth to marrie againe hauing bene churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed and match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceablie and dutifully in their first marriage What the dutie of a wife is toward her husband THis duty is comprehended in these points First that she reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit herselfe and be obedient vnto him And lastly that she do not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but that her attire be comely and sober according to her calling The first point is proued by the Apostles Peter and Paul who set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to be obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious yea that they ought to do it so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might winne them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more should they shew themselues thankfull to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in marriage with godly wise discreet learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thrifty husbands And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them 〈◊〉 rather to be carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she haue pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shall chance to blame her without a cause and for that which she could not helpe or remedy which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkind word for it but euermore looke vpon him with a louing and cheerefull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her then seeme to be difpleased Let her be alwaies merry and cheerfull in his company but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it be in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not be sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but must alwayes be carefull that nothing be spilt or go to wast through her negligence In any wise she must be quicke and cleanly about her husbands meare and drinke preparing him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deed wise humble curteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it be for her husbands sake and the Lords Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that she ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe for this is the greatest vertue of a married woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commandeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and
of the owner to be vsed euen so children well-taught are at the commandement of godly parents 5. Lastly Iet parents remember how many sinnes they commit and heape one vpon another which do not their dutie in bringing vp their children as they ought to do First they transgresse the law of nature which telleth all men that their dutie is to bring vp their children godlily and honestly Secondly they sinne against God for they despise the commandement and authoritie of God for he commandeth that children should be brought vp religiously and honestly but he is a despiser of God that refuseth to do as he is commanded Thirdly they offend against their owne credite and estimation For Gods will is that parents should after a sort be in his stead so farre foorth as pertaineth to outward discipline But such make small account of this dignity who neglect their dutie in this behalfe Parents are further to vnderstand that it is their dutie to haue diligent care to haue their children taught to pray to God and to rehearse the Apostles Creede and the ten Commendements For as by this exercise their hearts and mindes shall the rather be inclined to godlinesse and reuerence towards God so as they increase in age they shall euery day better then other comprehend that which they learne to their owne comfort instruction and saluation Also the tongue is called the glorie of man because that besides all other reasons by his speech he is discerned from the bruit beastes so it is meete that so soone as the child can begin to speake his tongue should be employed to glorifie God by calling vpon him and by learning some short Catechisme containing the principles and grounds of Christian religion as also in repeating the will of God in such sort as he will that we should serue and honour him If parents do note and perceiue any vice in their little ones as swearing lying choller enuie filching couetousnes contempt of parents readinesse to strike and other like corruptions it is their duty diligently and in time to reproue and correct them as men vse to pluck vp weeds while they be yet yong lest growing vp among the good seedes they should hinder their growth and choke them vp By experience we can see that mothers in swadling their little ones do lay their limmes right each in his place likewise if a child be giuen to be left handed they chide him yea sometimes they bind it vp or otherwise restraine the vse of it that he may be accustomed to vse his right hand Also if the child haue some string vnder his tongue they cut it lest it should hinder his speech much more then ought they to beware that through their negligence the vices of the soule do not increase For it is the dutie of the parents euen in the infancie to begin to shape and frame the foule vnto vertue It is also the dutie of parents to prouide that their children may learne at the least to write and rcade for it may be vnto them a great helpe in the course of this life and a treasure of much greater account then mony And therefore the negligence ofmany is sharpely to be reproued besides that the performance of this dutie doth greatly binde their children vnto them Neuerthelesse the principall end thereof should not haue respect to such commoditie as the children may reape thereby towards the vse of this present-life but rather that they may reade the word of God to their comfort and instruction to saluation Also it 〈◊〉 their parts to vse them daily to reade some Chapters of the holy Scriptures thereby to incline and winne their affections to the word of God to inure and acquaint them in the phrase of the holy Ghost by little and little to learne the heauenly doctrine to note the examples of Gods vengeance powred vpon the wicked and disobedient and of his blessings vnto those that walke in his feare Therefore if parents do looke that their children should obey them then let them ioyne and accustome them to Gods word which will redound much to their parents profit If they cause their children to heare and read the holy Scriptures therein they may learne Honour thy father and thy mother but if parents do otherwise then they traine them vp in the Scriptures of diuels whereout their children will learne most wicked things but it is not so when they are instructed in the holy Scriptures Parents therefore are diligently to apply themselues to this which God commandeth and so often and earnestly commendeth vnto them namely to instruct their children in the knowledge and feare ofGod and in the faith of Iesus Christ Deut. 6. 6. 7. and 32. 46. Ephes. 6. 4. So also to teach them those things which they are to vse in their age It is then great folly to linger children in the learning of vaine 〈◊〉 and vnprofitable things which as they grow in years they will contemne and forget Parents can be carefull enough to bring vp their children in some course trade or other estate wherein to get their liuings when they come to be men and verily such fathers as do neglect that are vnworthy to haue children But as the soule is more precious then the body so is the dutie of parents in youth to traine vp their children in the practise of those things wherewith in age euen in this life they may glorifie God and be heires of the Lord. If parents want knowledge or bevnwilling to take leisure to teach them yet let them do as much for their childrens soules and the life to come as for their bodies and this present life Parents that either cannot write and reade or will not or haue no time to teach their children will yet send them to schoole and such as would haue them learne some art or occupation or traffique if themselues professe not the same wherein they like to employ their children they will yet put them to dwell with those that do professe the same to the end they may learne How therefore can parents excuse themselues when their children remaine vntaught in those things that concerne the glory of God and life euerlasting But howsoeuer it be if they be neither able of thēselues nor do prouide to haue them taught by others they shall be inexcusable in the sight of God the ignorance of the children ingendring contempt of God loue of the world and neglect of heauenly felicitie will crie out for euerlasting vengeance against their parents so that if they account not their children as beastes without soule or if they loue them with the due loue belonging to parents let them declare their loue especially to the soule the Christian instruction whereof surmounteth all worldly treasure Some say it would be a great comfort for them in heauen to know their neare kindred and consequently their children and this commeth of naturall affection But might it not be a greater discomfort for them
tender yet when they be come to some years of discretion as to fifteene or sixteene which time is most fit for reprehension because then by all reason it should soonest enter and which time againe is most dangerous be cause then our affections are most strong in vs oh then they be growne to mens and womens eftate they may not be reprehended they may not be disgraced But know thou oh wise parent that so long as thou hast a child so long thou art a parent and so long as thou art a father so long thou must carry a fatherly authoritie and power ouer him 5. The fift helpe is chastisement and it may well be called a helpe because where reprehension will not serue that must helpe and this must be vsed in order and method as the skilfull Physition will not giue his strong and bitter pill before his preparatiue lest the working of it should be hindred by the stubburne and indurate obstructions so the wise parent in curing his sonnes vices must not strike before he hath reprehended or preadmonished lest either he be too much caft downe and discouraged or waxe obstinate This kind of physicke as it is more strong then the former so it hath a more forcible and excellent working For great is the godlinesse in that seueritie by which the power of sinning is taken away And againe Salomon in the 22. of the Prouerbes verse 15. saith more worthily Foolishnesse is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall driue it away And againe in the 13. Chapter verse 24. He which spareth the rod hateth his sonne that is he is an enemie vnto him Wherefore know thou this ô thou father that when thou feest thy sonne dangerously sicke with the disease of sinne and doest not vse this helpe or remedie which God in his holy word hath prescribed vnto thee thou art accessarie to thy childs death as an enemie and his bloud shall be required at thy hands because where thou mightest haue saued him thou hast wilfully cast him away For Gods loue good parents looke to your children Oh that parents had lesse carnall affection and more wisedome for euery parent is blind in his owne children Oh is it not a pitifull thing that parents should themselues make graues for their owne children and burie them quicke without all compassion and thinke they do well in it And is it not a follie aboue all follies that while the parent layeth his hand vpon his childs mouth to keepe away the cold winde he presseth it downe so hard that he strangleth him there-with Thus many a father and mother in the world haue killed their deare ones by their inordinate loue and cockering of them and thus many poore infant must still be murthered because parents will not be warned Parents are bound by the law of nature to loue their children for what a crueltie were it not to loue them that they haue begotten and borne But yet wisedome requireth that they some what dissemble and hide their loue specially to those children that be of some reasonable discretion lest they should take boldnesse thereupon to do what they list For if we well consider of mans nature that it is euill euen from his birth we shall then find the young child which ly eth in the cradle to be both way-ward and full of affections and though his bodie be but small yet he hath a great heart and is altogether inclined to euill and the more he waxeth in reason by yeares the more he groweth proud froward wilfull vnrulie and disobedient If this sparkle be suffered to increase it will rage ouer and burne downe the whole house For we are changed and become good not by birth but by education For like as planting and carefulnesse hath great power in all growing things euen so hath education greater vertue and strength yea and better fruit in the diligent bringing vp of their children Therefore parents must be warie and circumspect that they neuer smile or laugh at any words or deeds of their children done lewdly vnhonestly naughtily wantonly or shamefully not to kisse and commend them for so doing For children will commonly accustome themselues vnto such things as they shall see and perceiue to be pleasing and delightfull to their father and mother Therefore they must correct and sharpely reproue their children for saying or doing ill and make it knowne vnto them that they be neither well pleased nor contented with their so doing but that it greatly disliketh them And againe on the other side let them kisse and make much of them whensoeuer they shall see or heare them do any thing that is a signe of goodnesse But such is the fond and too much cockering affection of some parents towards their children that there is more need in these dayes to teach and admonish them not to loue them too much then to perswade them to loue them For Dauids darling was Dauids traytor And this is the manner of God and his iust iudgement that when any father or mother begins as it were to set their child or any thing else in the roome of God and so loue the same aboue him which gaue it either to take away the childe or the thing or else to take away the parents before they prouoke him too much For as the Ape doth with too much embracing well-neare kill her young whelpes so likewise some vndiscreet parents through immoderate loue and ouer-much pampering and cherishing do vtterly spoile and marre their children Therefore if parents would haue their children liue they must take heed that they loue them not too much for the giuer is displeased when the gift is more esteemed then he We may see by experience how that many children of good wit 〈◊〉 towardnesse are marred and spoyled for want of good education and so get those vices from their tender yeares which all their life after do for the most part accompany them For when parents do either too much cocker their children or by their leud example allure to naughtinesse or neglect due instruction what other thing I pray you can come to passe then which we see in trees which from the beginning being neglected become crooked vnfruitful Contrariwise they that are pruned erected ordered and watered with the hand and cunning of the husbandman are made straight fertile and fruitfull So the manner of life education and custome are of great importance to moue to vertue What a great folly is it in parents to toyle themselues and be occupied in getting riches and to be nothing carefull for their children for whose sake riches are gotten Assuredly there can none more precious and better heritage be left vnto children then if they be well and vertuously brought vp from their tender age and be rightly instructed vnto vertue from their infancie This patrimony remaineth with them continually nothing at all subiect to the stormes and troubles of fortune But we
see two speciall causes why some parents do more negligently prouide that their children be instructed to wit too much cockering and niggardship In cockering mothers do more often offend and specially those that haue but few children These do like as if some husband-man should refuse to till his field because he hath but one onely Who could suffer this mans follie and peruersenesse of iudgement Is it not much more to be tilled because it is onely one Yes verily that so the profit and increase of one may recompence the want of many Euen so after the same sort we may iudge it to be the dutie of mothers so much more diligently to bring vp their children by how much they are fewer But we see what doth let mothers that they loue their children more dearely then that they can suffer them to be an houre out of their sight but this is cruell loue so to loue their children that they should be as it were giuen ouer of their mothers vnto all naughtinesse of which peruerse and cruell loue not a few shall suffer the iust punishment which with great griefe of mind and with teares shall be compelled to see the vnbrideled wantonnesse and vngraciousnesse of their children vnto which they do now all too late go about to prouide a remedie On the other side niggardship is oftentimes greater then that parents will 〈◊〉 the cost Whatsoeuer is spent vpon horse-keepers or horse-breakers fooles minstrels dogs hawkes c that some thinke well bestowed but if they see any thing to be spent about instructing their children they thinke all ill bestowed and are much more carefull that an horse be well framed to vauting leaping then that their child be well instructed to vertue This inconuenience cometh to the minds of children if they be not well brought vp that they become seruile and lie open to all sin and naughtinesse For if a man leaue his field vntilled he shall find it to haue brought forth fearne and thystles and such vnprofitable weeds after the same sort if he shall leaue the wits of his children vnlooked vnto and vnexercised he shall be sure to reape most abundant fruite of wantonnesse and vngraciousnesse The holy Ghost speaking in the Scriptures of foolish sonnes as that he that begetteth such a one getteth himselfe sorrow and that the father of a foole hath no ioy Prou. 17. 21. he meaneth it not so much of naturall fooles or idiots and such as are destitute of common reason although it is true that is a lamentable iudgement of God and a heauinesse to the parents of such a child as of wicked children such as either are ignorant in the word or not knowing how to order one right step to the kingdome of God or else hauing some knowledge abuse it to maintaine their carnall lusts and appetite For in this case as it would grieue parents to haue naturall fooles to their children or such as either in some imperfection of nature are dismembred or deformed and misfigured in the parts of their bodie euen so much more should it grieue them to haue such children as either for want of knowledge and heauenly wisedome cannot walke in the feare of God or abusing the knowledge giuen them prostitute and giue themselues to all sinne and wickednesse It is maruellous how greatly parents can bewaile the want of one naturall gift proceeding of some imperfection and how easily they can passe ouer without any griefe the want of all spiriruall graces springing from corrupt education In like manner it is strange that men can take the matter so heauily when their children breake into such offences as either haue open shame or ciuill punishments following them and yet can make no bones but passe ouer such sinnes as are against the maiestie of God accompanied with euerlasting confusion vnspeakable torments Wherein what doth the most part of men bewray but their great hypocrisie in that neither their ioy nor their griefe is sound to their children and that they loue themselues more in their children then either their saluation or the glorie of God the tender loue and care whereof no doubt did increase the sorrow of Dauid for the death of his sonne Absolon who was not so much grieued for the losse of a sonne as for that vntimely end of his sonne to whom the time of repentance for his saluation and the glorie of God was denyed which haply if he had liued his father Dauid might haue reioyced in Let parents therefore learne to correct their affections to their children and be grieued for ignorance impietie and sinnes whereof either their carnall copulation the not lamenting of their naturall corruption the want of prayer and holy seede or prophane education armed with the wrath of God may be a most iust occasion Can parents hope for a holy posteritie or do they maruell if the Lord crosie them in the children of their bodies when they make as bold and brutish an entrance into that holy ordinance of the Lord as is the meeting of the neighing horse with his mate when being ioyued in that honourable estate of matrimonie either as meete naturall men without all knowledge of God they beget their children or as too carnall men without the feare reuerence of the Lord neither bewailing their corruptions which they receiued of their ancestry nor praying against their infirmities which may descend to their posteritie they abuse the marriage bed Lastly when hauing receiued the fruite of the wombe they haue no care by good and vertuous bringing vp to offer it to the Lord that their child by carnall generation may be the child of God by spirituall regeneration Surely no and yet men looking vp to God his prouidence and secret counsell without all bethinking themselues of their corrupt generation from which their children are descended without all looking back into their wicked and godlesse bringing of them vp will fret against their sinnes fume against their children yea often they will correct them and that to serue their owne corruptions not so much grieued for that they haue sinned against God as that they haue offended them Christians therefore must know that when men and women raging with boyling lust meete together as bruite beasts hauing no other respect then to satisfie their owne carnall concupiscence when they make no conscience to sanctifie the marriage bed with prayer when they haue no care to increase the Church of Christ and the number of the elect it is the iust iudgement of God to send them either monsters or naturall fooles or else such as hauing good gifts of the mind and well proportioned bodies are most wicked gracelesse and prophane persons Againe on the contrary we shall find in the word of God that noble and notable men commended vnto vs for rare examples of vertue and godlinesse were children asked and obtained of God by prayer Our first parents Adam and Eue being humbled after the birth of their
keepe them vnder a seruile or slauish awe subiection by too much feare but rather be a child-like and reuerend feare which both the subiects owe vnto their Princes and children vnto their parents and which both the one and the other easily obtaine at the hands of such as are vnder their gouernment by their equall vpright and modetate behauiour towards them It doth therefore stand parents greatly in hand that in making choise for their children they be free from all sinister and corrupt affection and that for luker and couetousnesse they seeke not to thrust such matches vpon their children as they cannot brooke nor like well of Yea and in this most graue and weightie cause it is a thing earnestly to be wished that all Christian parents would not take this matter and businesse lightly in hand as it were but a toy or a ieast but that they begin it with prayer that in the whole action they may in such sort be directed that they do nothing against the word of God or vnbeseeming the same authoritie the which God himselfe in this cause hath imposed or laid vpon them And thus doing God no doubt will adde a blessing vnto their godly endeuour and holy care and worke obedience in the hearts of their children as he framed the heart of Isaack with entire affection to embrace Rebecca whom his father Abraham had by his steward prouided for him Gen. 27. 7. c. The third point that appertaineth to parents is to be themselues examples of all godlinesse and vertuousneste to their children So that they must remember that they themselues do not say or do any thing that is euill or offensiue in the presence of their children For it is certaine that children follow and learne nothing so much and so soone as that which they see their father and mother do or say For the vertue thriuing and prosperitie of children is for the most part wrought by the fathers and mothers good examples and instructions and contrariwise for that which is done by examples the inferiours will thinke they may lawfully do the like As good examples do edifie and vphold so ill examples do destroy and confound For humanity is taught by the law of nature If therefore parents by their example should teach the contrarie what do they else but indeuour to transforme men into beasts beginning first to performe it in their owne children They must be circumspect that their children do not fight and iniurie one another and if they sweare curse lye or speake any bawdie or ribaldous words or sing any 〈◊〉 rimes or vnchristian songs then to reprooue them sharply for it And let all parents alwayes labour that their children may rather feare them for loue and reuerence then for fearé of punishment For children that obey their parents for feare of correction commonly feare them no longer then the stripes endure Before all things it is needfull that parents should shew themselues vnto their children as a manifest patterne or example not onely by not sinning and offending God any wayes but also by liuing godly and by doing all things honestly that so their children may look into their liues and peruse themselues as in a glasse And therefore if parents do giue good examples they shall reape the fruite thereof in the life behauiour manners and prosperitie of their children For children loue and delight to do as their parents did before them All Christian fathers ought to be most carefull in nourishing and maintaining naturall loue and concord amongst the children and family and in no wise to suffer any sparke of hatred to enter into their hearts lest it kindle a fire in their breasts much lesse ought they themselues to cast in coales of discord among them by vnkind or iniurious examples of dealing For the state of a family if it be in due order is like to a frame of ioyning worke or building whereof if some one peece be out of his place it tendeth to the disordering of all the rest and one disorder following another all becommeth out of ioynt and falleth into confusion very dispraiseable So that parents therefore ought to be carefull to maintaine their children in peace concord and amitie for if discord and contention be dangerous and pernicious among all men how much more betweene brethren and sisters Likewise if it be hard quenching of stomacke and debate betweene those that are not enioyned in kindred it is farre more difficult to revnite brethren because enmitie amongst them is mightie and strong like iron-barres to keepe them asunder Neither is there any thing more slipperie or of greater efficacie to subuert a family then dissention among brethren It is an old saying by concord small things do grow but by discord great things come to nought Againe how dangerous it is for parents to shew more loue and affection to one child then to another except vpon iust and great cause the example of lacobs children doth testifie For what was the originall of their enuie and crueltie executed against their brother Ioseph Geneses 37. 3. Moses there saith that Iacob louing Ioseph better then his brethren made him a partie-coloured-coate and thereof they tooke occasion to hate him and to speake roughly vnto him Parents therefore to the end to preuent the like inconueniences are to vse equalitie among their children so neare as may be whether in their ordinary vsage or in the diuision of their goods For as all men naturally are inclined but too much to the loue of earthly goods so the vnequall sharing and diuiding of the same doth oftentimes breede great brawles and pernicious debate betweene brethren and sisters Therefore all fathers and mothers are with great diligence to take heede what they say or do in their houses and that they do not commit any leude or wicked deed whereby their children may be moued to imitate and follow the same neither that they vtter or speake any bawdy or ribaldous words or vse to sweare or lie in their presence for euill speakings or communication saith the Apostle corrupteth good manners Seruants also are to be looked vnto and sharply rebuked if they do commit or shew any leud trickes or vnhonest behauiour in the presence of children either in word deede or gesture For if they be iustly called murtherers that kill the children being new-borne and kill but the bodie how great wickednesse is it then to kill the mindes of children through euill example Deserue not such seruants seuerely to be punished by law thinke you that bewitch young children and hurt their weake bodies with poysons What then do they deserue which corrupt the chiefe parts of Infants with most vngracious venime we meane by filthy talke and leude conuersation of life Yet it is a lighter matter to kill the bodie then the mind and soule Further parents ought to be circumspect and warie that their children do not haunt or vse euill companie nor vse
dutie of Children towards their Parents THis dutie of children as it may be gathered out of the holy Scriptures consisteth in fiue points 1. First that they obey their parents and do serue them and also do feare loue honour and reuerence them not onely in word and deed but in their hearts and minds also 2. Secondly that they follow their good precepts and examples of life 3. Thirdly that they patiently take correction at their hands 4. Fourthly that they make continuall and hearty prayers to God for them 5. And lastly that they do relieue maintaine and nourish their parents in case they shall fall into pouertie or decay The summe and effect of all which is as followeth AS the Lord our God hath made and created children through their parents so hath he cast and made them subiect vnder the power and authority of their parents to obey and ferue them in his stead saying Honour thy father and thy mother which honour consisteth not in bowing the knee or putting off the cap or giuing to their parents the vpper-hand onely but in this that they loue them with all their hearts that they feare and dread them that they cheerfully do their commandements will and pleasure that they seeke their worship credite profit and preferment in all things lawfull and if need require that they giue their liues for them remembring that they are their parents goods and possessions and that they owe to them euen their owne selues and all that they are able to do yea and more then they are able By this word Honour is also signified the loue reuerence dutie obedience subiection entertainment and necessarie assistance that children owe to their parents As concerning the loue the summarie of the second Table comprehended in these words Theu shalt loue thy neighbour as thy selfe doth manifestly confirme it For who can be a nearer neighbour for the children to loue then their parents Besides that they are not to be loued onely as neighbours proceeding of Adam and Eue but also as fathers and mothers And therefore what ingratitude is it not to loue those of whom next after God they haue their life and being together with so many great and continuall benefits Also the loue that parents do beare to their children besides so many their labours sorrowes troubles and vexations should bind them reciprocally to loue them The Sunne shining a while vpon the cold stones doth so heate them that they yeeld some warmth so albeit that children be as hard and cold as stones yet the experience and daily feeling of the loue of their parents towards them ought mightily to inflame their hearts to loue them againe Take away the beame from the Sunne and it will not shine the springs from the riuer and it will drie vp the bough from the tree and it will wither the member from the body and it will rot and so take from children their duty to their parents and they are no longer children but brethren and companions with those vnto whom Christ Iesus said Ye are children of the diuell Ioh. 8. 44. This band of the loue of children towards their parents should take such place not onely towards such parents as are louing and gentle but also as Saint Peter saith of the duties of seruants to their maisters euen towards such as be rigorous For if we ought to loue all the children of Adam euen those whom we know not yea out enemies and persecutors how much rather our parents although they should intreat vs roughly and with rigour either in word or deed And verily the principall cause still abideth namely that they be our father and mother This ought children well to note to the end that patiently bearing their reprehensions reproofs and in generall whatsoeuer their troublesome and sharpe affections they may still continue and declare their child-like affection and loue And to that purpose children must remember the labour griefe anguisn weeping sorrow and other troublesome cares that their parents do abide and endure for them This loue must be accompanied with reuerence and respect and to say the truth albeit the name of Father belongeth properly vnto God as Iesus Christ saith You haue but one Father euen he which is in heauen yet doth he so impart it to those that haue begotten vs that they being called fathers do beare the title and Image of God And this is it that bindeth children to respect and honour them and to testifie the same by their outward reuerence Of this reuerence we haue a notable example in Salomon he vnderstanding that his mother Bethshebah was comming to speake with him arole from his seate came to meete her bowed before her and seated her vpon his right hand Neither could his greatnesse neither his Royall-estate priuiledge him from this respect and honor due to his mother When the sonne doth execute magistracie or publicke office he is greater then his father and must beare himselfe as a magistrate not as a sonne but when he is out of place or execution of office he must how highly soeuer he be aduanced haue a respect and yeeld reuerence to his parents But many times it falleth out otherwise for many children when they come to honor or wealth do so despise their parents if they be of meaner calling then themselues that hardly they will acknowledge or call them father as if they were ashamed of them So that that man putteth off the affection of a child to his father who by the eminencie of an office ouer him quencheth the name of a sonne But Salomon forgat not himselfe in this kind of dutie for he did not onely bow before his mother but said Mother aske and I will not denie thee And this do we the rather note also vpon an other consideration namely that his example condemneth the custome of these dayes wherein this name of father and mother is accounted so base and contemptible that the children of Kings Princes yea euen of meane Gentlemen speaking to their parents must not say father mother but Syr my Lord my Ladie Madame c. But the due honour to parents that we here speake of implyeth not onely this outward reuerence but also that we should so esteeme of them as that neither we our selues should despise them nor suffer others-to haue them in contempt And this are we to vnderstand in the saying of Iesus Christ I honour my Father but ye dishonour me He therefore defendeth the honour of his Father against the false opinions and slaunders of the Iewes But some there are so vnnaturall and peruerse that forgetting all due reuerence and respect to their parents they will not onely despise them in their owne hearts and suffer others to speake hardly of them but also will themselues so farre exceed as euen to lay them open to the scorne of others Ham the sonne of Noah seeing his father lye vncouered called his brethren to shew them
they command them and to refraine from those things which they forbid them Thankfulnesse besides that there are many other branches is alwayes mindfull of benefits receiued and therefore carryeth continually a vigilant and watchfull eye towards the partie by whom it hath bene pleasured that no discourtesie in any case be offered or any occasion be ministred whereby he may conceiue vnkindnesse And by this familiar description of these three heads wherein standeth chiefely the honour due vnto parents we may clearely see that those children which in wedding tarrie not for the consent of their fathers and mothers do neither stand in awfull feare of them as whom they would be loath to offend or displease nor yet giue ouer themselues in all things to be gouerned and aduised by them nor haue any regard that they be not causers to make their friends and parents conceiue hardly and vnkindly of them when as it is more then manifest that in matters concerning their dutie towards their parents no griefe cutteth nearer vnto the heart then this when their children entangle themselues contrary to their mind and liking And therefore such children as match in this sort as it were in spite of the teeth of their fathers and mothers are neither reuerent obedient nor thankfull vnto them and so consequently they do not honour them whereby they incurre and runne into the curse of God which without true and vnfained repentance must needs pull downe vpon the heads of themselues and their families the fearefull plagues of God his most heauie and hote indignation against them to their vtter subuersion decay and ruine Let all dutifull and good nurtured children therefore in the reuerence and feare of God consider what honour and obedience they owe vnto their parents and what power and authoritie he hath in his word sanctified vnto them ouer their children in the Lord and in regard hereof let them yeeld vnto them in this dutie that their fathers hauing prouided for them such as are not of a wicked life nor deformed nor euill-fauoured nor of a contrary religion they 〈◊〉 submit themselues vnto their choyce which if for the present or vpon the sodaine they cannot yeeld vnto let them by earnest calling vpon the name of God not onely desire him to direct their parents in a godly and fit choyce but also to subdue in them this corrupt affection and to frame their wills to be plyable vnto their fathers in such lawsull cases For the Lord our God in his iustice doth iustly punish disobedient children as may appeare by the example of Ham the younger sonne of Noah who derided his father and was iustly punished for it Likewise Absolon vsing wicked practises to get the kingdome from Dauid his father for rebellion and disobedience came to a most miserable end Yea and he hath in his law set downe a most seuere and sharpe punishment against disobedient children If any man haue a sonne that is stubburne and disobedient which will not hear 〈◊〉 vnto the voyce of his father and the voyce of his mother and they haue chastened him and he would not obey them then shall his father and his mother take him and bring him out vnto the Elders of the Citie and vnto the gates of the place where he dwelleth and shall say vnto the Elders of his Citie This our sonne is stubburne and disobedient and he will not obey our admonition he is a riotour and a drunkard Then all the men of the Citie shall stone him with stones vnto death So thou shalt take away euill from among you that all Israel may heare it and feare For euen as a long and a prosperous life is promised vnto obedient children so on the other side all disobedient vnthankfull and obstinate children are assured of the punishment of infamie ioyned with diuers and great calamities and torments 1. Sam. 2. 22. 1. King 1. 25. c. Deut. 21. 18. c. Prou. 20. 20. 30. 17. And although that the temporall officers be negligent in punishing this disobedience yet shall they not escape vnpunished for the vengeance of God shall accompanie them vntill they be vtterly destroyed For there is nothing more vnnaturall then to see children dishonour and disobey their parents and inferiours their superiours Such may aptly be compared to the Viper that gnaweth out the bellie of her dam and seeketh her owne life with her dams death So contrariwise the word of God doth highly commend Ioseph for his great loue beneficence and obedience extended towards 〈◊〉 father Iacob and his brethren in that he both helped and liberally nourished them and prayed for them Our Sauiour Christ was also obedient to his parents euen vntill death So that the Lord no doubt will blesse obedient children with many happy dayes and yeares to his glory and their soules comfort And to the end to inuite and stirre vp children to honour their parents as before is shewed the Lord addeth this promise That thy dayes may be long in the land which the Lord thy God giueth thee And S. Paul doth note that it is the first Commandement with promise For albeit there be a promise added to the second and others of the first Table yet this fift Commandemēnt is the first of righteousnesse and none in the second Table besides it hath any promise annexed thereunto For herein hath God declared how highly he commendeth the obedience and honour that children yeeld to their parents But the Lord spake to the Israelites properly of the land that he had promised them for an inheritance which should be vnto them as a testimonie and seale of his goodnesse and loue towards them It is therefore as if he should haue said To the end that liuing vpon the earth thou mayest long enioy the earnest pennie of my goodnesse and grace towards thee But now seeing the whole earth is blessed to the faithfull the promise of long life vpon the earth is vnto vs a blessing of God First because we cannot liue long without participating of many great benefits of God euen in respect of the preseruation of this present life Secondly because the faithfull may the longer employ themselues to serue glorifie God In confideration whereof we see what the Church in old time said The dead praise not the Lord neither any that go downe into the place of silence but we will praise the Lord from henceforth and for euer The same doth Hezekiah King of Iudah also note in his Canticle The liuing the liuing he shall confesse thee as I do this day the fathers to the children shall declare thy truth In as much therefore as long life is promised as a blessing God doth continue it to obedient children so long as it is a blessing vnto them And hereupon doth S. Paul ioyne together these two sentences That it may go well with thee and that thou mayest liue long vpon the earth As also when
to consider Gods ordinance his promise and their owne necessity c. by commanding them to lay aside all such cares thoughts and affections as might hinder them from a diligent hearing To the Sacraments they must prepare them by willing them to consider of Gods institution the ministerie of his Sacraments his mercie in Iesus Christ their faith their repentance and their wants that so seeking assurance of grace of reconciliation and comfort they may come preparedly to the Lords table Againe to further their profit they must diligently examine them what they haue learned what vse they can make of such doctrine also helpe and direct them wherein they faile Thus did our Sauiour Christ his Disciples Besides they must call vpon them for the practise of that which they learne out of the word that the word grow not to a common matter of no further vse but to talke of vpon the Sabbath day The fourth speciall dutie that belongeth to instruction is the vse of Gods workes either past or present as of examples of his mercie and goodnes to be encouraged by them to trust in him by workes of his iustice to be moued to feare him and so to sow the seed of conscience and religion in them Thus did Abraham Gen. 18. 19. which care of his moued the Lord to reueale to him his purpose of destroying the Sodomites The duties which they are to require of them concerning godlines be to vse the publike ministery carefully to be diligent and reuerent in the priuate worship of God to submit themselues to priuate instruction of all sorts and to make their vse of it to the building vp of themselues in faith And 〈◊〉 to practise all holy and Christian duties which being comprised briefly in the Commandements are more largely layed open by the publike ministery of the word and by priuate Catechizing But after what maner must they require these duties We answer not onely by telling of them what they must do and calling vpon them for the doing of it and by gentle admonition when they be backward but also by correcting them if they shall be negligent and contemptuous in the practice thereof This correcting is either by Rebuking or Chastising them according to the quality of the fault the condition of the partie that is so to be dealt with A rebuke is a pronouncing of some misbehauiour or knowne wickednesse of any with condemning of the same by the word of God whereby they may haue shame that others might feare Correction is a sharpe thing and therefore not easily borne of our nature which is full of selfe-loue and through the corruption of nature it is turned into an occasion of great frowardnesse sturdinesse and naughtinesse where it is not wisely dealt in Now the better to minister correction with more hope of doing good by it we must consider First the end of correcting Secondly the matters for which correction must be giuen Thirdly the manner of correcting 1. The end in correcting must not be to wreck and reuenge thine anger or malice or to reuenge thy selfe for any iniury done nor yet alonely the preuenting of the like hurt by the like fault afterward but in zeale of Gods glory who is dishonored by the lewdnesse of the offender and in loue to the party thou must seeke by wise correction to reclaime him from such euill as bringeth danger to him to make him more carefull of his duty afterwards Herein they faile who in correcting haue no respect but to their owne commodity 2. For the matters that deserue correction this is a rule that there must be no rebuking much lesse chastising but where there is a fault For where any is vniustly corrected besides the iniury it hurteth him by hardning him against iust correction For he will thinke that it is the rash hastinesse of his gouernor that putteth him to smart and not his owne desert By fault I meane not onely the committing of that which was forbidden but also the omitting of that good which was commanded But euery such fault is not to be censured with correction sometime ignorance mistaking ouersight and a desire to please in one thing maketh inferiors to offend in others Except there be contempt or willing negligence or retchlesse ouersight a gentle admonition may serue And indeed superiours must take heed of comming to the greatest remedies of correction too soone for so they may soone marre the partie by ouer-sharpe dealing which by a wise proceeding by degrees might haue bene gained Furthermore Gouernors must know yet more expresly for what to correct Some neuer correct but for their owne matters neuer regarding the faults committed against God But the godly gouernour that aimeth at Gods glory and seeketh the Lord and not himselfe is most grieued for those disorders in his family that tend to Gods dishonour and such he correcteth most carefully And as for the defaults of his family that are against himselfe he looketh more to Gods dishonour by them then to his owne hurt or losse in zeale of God is drawne to correct and not of self-selfe-loue He therefore counteth these things worthie of correction if any delight in the ignorance of God or be carelesse to approue himselfe as one that wholly dependeth on him loueth him feareth him reuerenceth him laboureth to approue all his wayes before him if any be giuen to idolatrie and superstitiō careth not in euery part of the worship of God to follow his reuealed will or if in the parts commanded he appeare negligent cold or put them to any other vse then is commanded or be giuen to images or superstitious monuments customes occasions or such like if any dishonour the name of God either in the vnreuerent vsing or abusing or 〈◊〉 and not vsing it with that preparatiō before feeling at the present time and fruit after which is prescribed his titles word Sacraments or works if any prophane his Sabbath by vaine pastimes and gaming as cards dice dancing c. going to playes or giue not himselfe to the exercises appointed for that day out of the Word if any neglect speciall duties towards their equals superiours or inferiours in yeares gifts authority as Magistrates Ministers Maisters parents seruants children or people if any declare not a conscience to fly euill anger malice contention quarelling fighting or any hurting of the person of man either in soule or 〈◊〉 being carefull to succour the same according to his calling if any be found vnchast in bodie words countenance or gesture vntemperate in diet in apparell dissolute not caring to maintaine the contrary holinesse in himselfe and others if any be not carefull to preserue the goods of another man or shall by falshood flattery and oppression diminish the same if he be negligent in increasing of his owne by honest and lawfull meanes or mis-spend them in cards dice gaming c if any care not to maintaine the good names of others but be giuen to
to the maintenance of the house or giue her husband more wisedome and care or else giue her a contented mind with a low estate which is great riches One point of subiection is to be content with such apparell and outward port as her husbands estate can allow her They faile in this who by importunitie and disquietnesse wring from their husbands more then he can well cut out from his reuenues or gettings It is a part of vnthankfulnesse secretly to purloyne and powle from him for to prancke vp her children or her selfe her house and chambers in brauerie and besides it is a close vndermining of her house Loue and peaceablenesse in the wife towards her husband is auaileable for the weale of the family For where they agree louingly there they counting the good of the one the benefite of the other do ioyntly watch against all such things in their family as might endammage it There the seruants know that in pleasing one they shall please both and contrariwise be carefull in all things to deale well whereas diuision in the gouernours maketh partaking in the seruants and when they care not for pleasing but onely that side which they affect all such kind of seruice is but smally beneficiall to thriuing It can hardly be auoyded but there will be some squaring and diuersity betweene the man and his wife but they must labour to compose such matters priuately and quickly that they grow not to breaches for they be dangerous to thrist Let there be therefore reasonings secretly betweene themselues of such matters as might breede a scarre and let them be soone ended after the occasion is offered before the mindes be much exaspetated Let there be no hard words of either side not opening of old matters Let it be done priuately betweene themselues and not before children or seruants for they will not sticke to carrie tales to please the humour of the partie to whom they are most affected Besides they will spie your infirmities and grow to a lesse regard of you and they will blaze abroad such matters to your discredit Now for her behauiour towards her seruants and children if it be prudent and with wisedome it doth much good in a house but it containeth many points That which her care for the most part rendeth vnto is sauing She that will be a good sauer must not be a slender huswife but skilfull in all points whereof she shall haue vse in her familie She must not let her maides haue their owne wayes for want of skill but she must be able to direct and prescribe what and how in euery businesse Where she hath little skill by reason of her education she must be carefull by conferring and marking to learne skill against she is to deale in such things that she may be able to direct her seruants and to finde them out when they haue done amisse She must haue a good fore-cast to contriue and dispatch things in due time and good order that necessaries be not wanting when they should be vsed confusion do not make more labour then is needfull She must be wise to marke the nature of her seruants and children to deale with them as their natures require for the training of them to her hand All must not be dealt with one way and yet many haue no way but one to deale withall and that is chiding and brawling which they fall to vpon euery occasion and that wearieth seruants and maketh often changes discourageth children and maketh both carelesse whether they do their duties or no yea it breedeth stubburnnesse frowardnesse and contempt in their mindes She must be wise to marke and see what needlesse burthens vnnecessarie expences and losses there do vpon occasions fall out within doores and preuent such occasions afterwards She must know the best wayes of doings things to greatest vse with least charges Briefly she must know which way to saue a penny and lay about her to saue it for many a little maketh a great deale She must know what is meete for seruants what for workemen and what not what is meete for ordinarie and what is meete for strangers Aboue all she must know how to keepe within her compasse and yet to auoid the reproch of a pincher She must know what seruants may do within the compasse of so much time and what is aboue their strength She must haue a diligent eye to the behauiour of her seruants what meetings and greetings what tickings and toyings and what words and countenances there be betweene men and maides lest such matters being neglected there follow wantonnesse yea folly within their houses which is a great blemish to the gouernours In her businesse she must be diligent and painfull Hither to belongeth that Prou. 31. 15. She riseth before day and verse 18. Her candle is not put out by night She borroweth of the morning and the euening for to dispatch her businesse When she is vp doth she sit downe and cap a stoole No she looketh that her seruants haue their necessaries that they may go soone to their worke she setteth her maides to worke and tasketh them to keepe them occupied yea she suffers none to be idle in her house but either doing somewhat that is profitable or else learning somewhat that is meet for them She must not thinke to sit and command but she must be a stirrer in euery place to ouersee whether duty be done of all hands and that in good sort yea and to quicken the diligence of her family and that things may be well done she must be at an end of euery good worke sometimes setting to her hands to encourage the doer sometimes gently teaching sometimes commending sometimes speaking faire but neuer brawling sometimes shewing what is amisse in gentle language letting them see what losse commeth by ill doing of a thing sometimes friendly putting them in minde how by sloth forgetfulnesse or sluttishnesse they shall get an ill name for their seruice and so become turneawayes from euery good house She must lay a diligent eye to her household-stuffe in euery roome that nothing be embezelled away nothing spoiled or lost for want of looking to nothing marde by ill vsage nothing worne out by more vsing then is needfull nothing out of place For things cast aside are deemed to be stolen and then there followeth vncharitable suspitions which breed much disquietnesse And though nice Dames thinke it an vnseemely thing for them to soyle their hands about any houshold matters and therefore if they do any thing it is but pricking of a clout yet the vertuous woman as Prouer. 31. 17. girdeth her loynes with strength and strengtheneth her armes that is she setteth her selfe painefully about some worke that is profitable For she selleth it afterwards verse 24. Yea the particular worke is described She seeketh wooll and flaxe c. She putteth her band to the wheele and her hands handle the spindle She maketh carpets
all other And this doth God declare saying Let vs make Adam as helper like vnto himselfe By the helper is signified the vtilitie and profit of the seruice and by the similitude and likenesse are signified loue and helpefulnesse For a seruant and he that is hired are insufficient to supply that place there can neither be so much loue and ability to minister helpe and comfort to a man as will be found in a faithfull wife The child is part of the father and through a naturall pitie they loue each other but yet the wife is more annexed and ioyned to her husband The father doth labour and taketh paine for his children but the children seldome labor or take paines for their fathers and oftentimes are sent to inhabite and dwell in other mens houses whereby in a manner it appeareth that their streight and fast societie doth dissolue and breake but the wife cleane contrarie doth continually take paines for her husband who may as long as she liueth neither change house nor bed If commoditie and prosit be looked for no commoditie excelleth this if thou shalt loue thy wife thou shalt liue most pleasantly if not thy life will be most miserable and wretched For there is nothing so sharpe nor so bitter as to hate the thing that doth fauour and loue thee nor any thing more happy then to loue him that loueth thee Therefore loue that thou mayest be loued Now we will in few words shew the occasions of Wedlocke why and wherefore it was ordained and for what purpose it should be contracted that euery man and woman may the better vnderstand to what thing they consent when either of them granteth to marry the other Doubtlesse it cannot otherwise be but that marriage which was ordained of such an excellent author as of God himselfe and in such a worthy place as Paradise and of such an ancient time as in state of Adam and Eues innocencie and after such a notable order must likewise haue speciall causes for the ordinance of it Therefore the holy Scripture doth declare chiefly three causes thereof The first is the procreation begetting and bringing vp of children Gen. 1. 27. 28. 9. 1. For in the children do parents liue after a sort euen after death And if they be well and vertuously brought vp God is greatly honoured by them the commonwealth is aduanced yea their parents and all other fare the better for them For they are their parents comfort next vnto God their ioy staffe and vpholding of their age and therefore parents ought to begin betimes to plant vertue in their childrens breasts for late sowing bringeth sometimes a late but neuer an apt haruest yong branches will bow as a man will haue them but old trees will sooner breake then bow c. But more of this shall be said after in the dutie of Parents Although marriage be an holy and sanctified ordinance yet none may vse the benefit of it without some acknowledgement of originall sin in that vncleannesse may be practised therein which should cause Gods children to vse this meanes with as much chastitie as may be and husband and wise to keepe themselues together in the feare of God and in all modestie and sobrietie If then in marriage it selfe there be such mischiefes what hellish mischiefe is there in those lustes which are not expressed with these considerations So that marriage is not a mad and dissolute estate to giue libertie to their wiues in vncleannesse nor wiues to consent with their husbands in impuritie by immoderate intemperate or excessiue lust Many thinke they cannot sinne in this behalfe if they passe not their owne wiues but they may make their marriage polluted and defiled if they vse it without prayer and sobernesse c. 1. Tim 4. 4. 5. Therefore the husband is to forbeare the company of his wife when it is with her as it is common to women c. Ezechiel 18. 6. Leuiticus 18. 19. 24. 22 and 19. 18. This was one of the sinnes for which the Lord rooted out the Canaanites out of their land The second occasion why marriage was ordained was that the wife might be a lawfull remedy to auoide whoredome fornication and all filthy vncleane lusts 1. Cor. 7. 2. 3. c. Touching this point I will say no more for it is handled at large by others already and I haue elsewhere sufficiently discoursed of it The third and last cause was for mans commoditie to the end to auoid the inconuenience of solitarinesse that the one may helpe comfort the other in sicknesse in affiction and in all houshold cares and trouble as education of children and keeping the family in order For this cause old men and old women may lawfully marrie So that a wife is called by God himfelfe an helper and not an impediment or a necessarie euill as some vnaduisedly do say and as other some say It is better to burie a wife then to marrie one againe if we could be without women we should be without great troubles These and such like sayings tending to the dispraise of women some maliciously and vndiseretly do vomit out contrarie to the minde of the holy Ghost who saith that she was ordained as a helper and not a hinderer And if they be otherwise it is for the most part through the fault and want of discrerion and lacke of good gouernment in the husband For married folkes for two eyes haue foure and for two hands as many moe which being ioyned together they may the more easily dispatch their handy businesse and houshold affaires For like as a man hauing one hand or one foote if by any meanes he get himselfe an other may thereby the more easily lay hold on what he listeth or go whither he will euen so he that hath married a wife shall more easily enioy the healthfull pleasures and profitable commodities of this present life For in trouble the one is a comfort to the other in aduersity the one a refreshing vnto the other yea and in all their life the one is a helpe and succour to the other Most true it is that women are as men are reasonable creatures and haue flexible wits both to good and euill the which with vse discretion and good counsell may be altered and turned And although there be some euill and leude women yet that doth no more proue the malice of their nature then of men And therefore the more ridiculous and foolish are they that haue inueighed against the whole sexe for a few euill and haue not with like fury vituperated and dispraised all mankind because part of them are theeues murtherers and such like wicked liuers But the marriage and companie of the husband and wife is made amiable sweet and comfortable by these fiue meanes by godlinesse vertue 〈◊〉 forbearing mutuall loue and by dut 〈◊〉 performed busily and godlily on both sides 1. Godlinesse of right holdeth the chiefe place for there
The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the
house The duty of the husband is to get money and prouision and of the wiues not vainely to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wife to talke with few The duty of the husband is to be intermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The duty of the man is to be skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The duty of the husband is to be a giuer and of the wife to be a sauer The duty of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be Lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without dore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnesse The house wherein these are neglected we may terme it a hell It is to be noted and noted againe that as the prouision of houshold dependeth onely on the husband euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman The glorie of the man But heere it must be noted and remembred that we do not intitle honourable to such as be onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely to her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last point is that the husband loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it And this point is plainely proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whoores yea among bruite beasts But a Christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the 〈◊〉 of the sound and Christian religion 〈◊〉 so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnesse temperance secrecie obedience and such like Christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauoured of poore parentage But as we would that the man when he loueth should remember his superioritie so we would that when he ruleth he neither forget to loue nor to temper his loue with grauitie And when he doth think himselfe to be the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the body he ought in like manner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children be common betweene them bone of the bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall be in wedlocke a certaine sweet and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no marriage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the mind So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly do the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth vse to ride and pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenesse that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paines A sharpe and shrewd wife must be pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with authority and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt find her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to be honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and ofhis wife and that he is set as it were in a station to watch and diligently to take heed what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in And although the husband by Gods ordinance be the head ouer his wife yet he may not abuse or despise her but most louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne body For like as the head 〈◊〉 and heareth for the whole body ruleth and guideth the body and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband be head vnto his wife in like manner to shew her like kindnesse and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her with discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreat her but to be her defender instructer teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth truely and heartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Phylosophers He ought therefore to endeauour and more force himselfe that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him he may nor hate her or quarrell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her For no man euer hated saith the Apostle his owne body but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies he saith Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much
more are they bound to loue their wiues as themselues which are their next neighbours As Elkanah did not loue his wife lesse for her barrennesse but said Am not I better vnto thee then tenne sonnes as though he fauoured her more for that which she thought her selfe despised so a good husband will not take occasion to loue his wife lesse for her infirmities but comfort her more for them as this man did that she may beare with his infirmities too And so the one helping to beare the others burthen they shall the better fulfill the law of Christ. For as in a Citie there is nothing more vnequall then that euery man should be like equall so it is not conuenient that in one house euery man should be like and equall together There is no equalitie in that citie where the priuate man is equal with the Magistrate the people with the Senate or the seruant with the maister but rather a confusion of all offices and authoritie The husband and the wife are Lords of the house for vnto them the Lord said Be ye Lords ouer the fish of the sea and ouer the fowle of the heauen aud ouer euery beast that moueth vpon the earth And the selfesame Creator said that the woman should be an helper vnto the man Therefore the husband without any exception is maister ouer all the house and hath more to do in his house with his owne domesticall affaires then the magistrate The wife is ruler ouer all other things but yet vnder her husband There are certaine things in the house that onely do appertaine to the authoritie of the husband wherewith it were a reproch for the wife without the consent of her husband to meddle as to receiue strangers or to marrie her daughter But there are other things in the which the husband giueth ouer his right vnto his wife as to rule and gouerne her maidens to see to those things that belong vnto the kitchin and to huswiferie and to their houshold stuffe Other meane things as to buy and sell certaine necessarie things may be ordered after the wit wisedome and fidelity of the woman It cannot well be rehearsed how many vertues profits the mutuall concord and loue of man and wife doth bring to great things both at home and abroad nor how many losses and incommodities do grow of the dissention and discord betweene them For the houshold when their maister and their mistresse or dame are at debate can no otherwise be in quiet and at rest then a Citie whose rulers agree not but when it seeth them in concord and quietnesse then it reioyceth trusting that they will be euen so vnto them as it perceiueth them to be among themselues Wherein surely they are not deceiued for if the man and his wife do louingly and gently support and intreate one another they learne not to disdaine or for euery light fault to be angry with their seruants or yet for any household words to be vexed or angrie one with the other but they set aside all hastie and cruell words and correction with all other things that issue and proceed of a disdainefull and a furious mind And the seruants are not onely merrie therefore but also they do their seruice the more obediently and cheerefully shewing reuerence vnto the authority that proceedeth and increaseth of quietnesse and concord For the husband doth defend his wiues estimation with loue and beneuolence and the wife her husband with honour and obedience So that vnitie and concord causeth them to be accounted wise honest and vertuous and they must needs be good seeing they haue loued so long together But there can be no long amitie or friendship but betweene those that are good who do suffer and deuoure vp those things for the which other men leaue and forsake amitie and breake off charitie Neither doth there grow of any other thing so great reuerence and honour as of the opinion and estimation of another mans goodnesse and wisedome the which reuerence is not onely honoured within the doores but also shineth and extendeth it selfe into the Citie so that he is taken for an honest man and accounted to be louing and gentle seeing that he loueth his wife so constantly and also he is reputed for a wise man considering that he can so moderately 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 difficult and hard matters and he is reckned worthy to rule a common-wealth that with such wisedome discretion and iudgement doth rule and gouerne his owne house and that he may easily conserue and keepe his Citizens in peace and concord that hath so well established the same in his owne house and family And on the other side none will thinke or beleeue that he is able to be a ruler or to keepe peace quietnesse in the towne or Citie who cannot liue peaceably in his owne house where he is not onely a ruler but as it were a little King and Lord of all And in matrimoniall debate and discord the man is more to be blamed then is the woman because that he being the chiefe ruler and head doth not purge and remedie her of that vice the which ingendred that discord or else patiently beare and suffer the same For the blame of all discord is commonly laid on him that is chiefe because he would not moderate nor stay the thing to come to such a strife and discord or else because he was not able to do it In the first there appeareth manifest malice in the second impatience and weakenesse the which ought to be farre from him that is esteemed to be most worthy and appointed to rule and gouerne others And thus he commeth into hatred for as much as he hath left off to do his dutie and office when necessitie required it That husband that loueth not his wife after that he hath enioyed her for a season but doth waxe feeble and cold which is a thing most vsuall and ordinarie with such as are kindled with bodily lust and lecherie is a very beast and no man hauing no reason but is drawne to those deeds through the motion of his senses which after the heate is a little past will cleane change their opinion Also there are other occasions that should moue the husband to extend this loue to his wife in case he be not duller then a stone As for that his wife hath suffered so great trauel labour that she hath borne and brought him forth children the heires of his name and substance and the vpholders of his family and that she hath forsaken her fathers goods and riches to follow him and to suffer with him both good and euill and that she setting her whole mind now vpon him knoweth no other father nor yet any of her kin What one thing shall suffice if these and others cannot do it Who so will then obey nature humanitie and wisedome shall euery day loue his wife more and more and the better he knoweth her the more
a remedy for their infirmity do neuerthelesse ouerflow in adulterie Yet it is not enough onely to abstaine from this abhomination vnlesse we also forbeare from euery thing that may seeme to tend thereunto or to continue any beginning apparence allurement or occasion of euill First because that by the Law all this is forbidden euen in these expresse words Thou shalt not commit adultery For the word adulterie comprehendeth all prouocations gestures specches yea euen vnchast lookes And therefore saith Iesus Christ He that looketh vpon another mans wife to lust after her bath alreadie committed adulterie with her in his heart Next that we preuent all occasions of iealousie a most dangerous disease and of great difficultie to cure For where either the husband or the wife is tainted with iealousie they belecue euery word that they heare spoken touching their passion albeit it beare no apparence of truth And therefore Christian husbands and wiues must so beare themselues that they incurre no suspition of enill but rather they ought to practise this as wel to auoide occasion of offence as for feare lest iealousie should conuert marriage into a most miserable and wretched estate The care and burthen to maintaine their family is common to them both yet so as properly the husband is to get it and to bring it in and the wife to order and dispose it Howbeit the dutie of the wife or of the husband doth not so exempt either of them but that she also according to her ability and power must helpe her husband to get it and he likewise in his discretion direct her in the dispensation thereof He that doth not orderly gouerne his house shall inherite the winde saith Salomon And order consisteth in this that the husband follow his businesse traffique or calling without any molestation of the wife who ought not to meddle or controle him therein but with great discretion and gentlenesse as also the husband is not to deale but soberly and in great discretion with affaires that are proper to the wife The man is iealous of his authority and reputation and the woman inclined to respect her selfe to be despised Wherefore as the husband cannot well abide that his wife should shew her selfe more skilfull and wise in his businesse then himselfe so cannot the wife suffer that her husband should despise and account her a foole by medling with her small houshold affaires As the dutie therefore of the husband and wife consisteth in looking to that which is aforesaid to the end their marriage may be quiet themselues liue together in loue euen so an idle and vnthrifty husband and a prodigall and slothfull wife are two ready wayes to destruction The husband that hath such a wife casteth his labours into a bottomles sacke and the wife that is matched with such a husband draweth a cart heauy loden through a sandy way without a horse Such a husband especially if idlenesse draw him to loue and haunt ale-houses and tauernes is cruell to his wife and children and such a wife confounds her husband and bringeth reproach and pouertie to her whole family The remedy for the husband that hath such a wife is patience with discret admonition and prayer to God as also the helpe for the wife that hath such a husband is tolleration gentle exhortation and cheerefull and louing entertainment of her husband whereby to enduce him willingly to keepe home They are also to be mutuall helpers each to other in matters concerning their owne saluation and the seruice of God First if one of them as saith the Apostle be an vnbeleeuer the other must labour to draw his partie to the knowledge of the truth Saint Paul exhorting the husband and wife of contrary religions not to part but to dwell together addeth a notable reason saying What knowest thou ó man whether thou shalt saue thy selfe or thou ô woman whether thou shalt saue thy husband therein declaring that the faithfull person in duty is to labour and endeuour to winne his party to the knowledge of truth and so to saue her Saint ' Peter exhorteth wiues to be subiect to their husbands albeit vnbeleeuers and such as ' obey not the word that so without speech by their holy and vertuous conuersation they may 〈◊〉 them Secondly if both be beleeuers their duty is to confirme and strengthen each other in the time of persecution that they constantly follow Iesus Christ. They are also each to helpe and comfort other if either of them happen to fall into any fault or sinne They ought also each to perswade other to charitie to releeue the poore diligently to frequent Sermons to vse prayers and supplications and praise and thanksgiuing to the Lord to comfort each other in the time of affictions to be short either to exhort other to walke in the feare of God and in all duties and exercises beseeming the children of God In this manner did that holy woman Elizeus hostesse exhort her husband to prepare a chamber for the Prophet to lodge in Saint Paul also saith that women desirous to learne should question with their husbands at home Wherby he sheweth that the husband ought to be so instructed as that he may be ready to instruct his wife at home And therefore the husband after the example of the Bee should euery where gather euery good instruction that he might be able to impart it to his wife and by hauing a communication acquaint her therewith There are other duties which be common both to the husband and the wife as among the rest such as proceed of the vnion coniunction of marriage whereof it is said They are one slesh Gen. 2. 24. Matth. 19. 5. And of this vnion proceedeth the mutuall loue betwixt them For no man saith the Apostle hateth his owne flesh but loueth and cherisheth it But for as much as the foundation of this mutuall loue is the vnitie of marriage whereby the husband and the wife are made one flesh the husband as the head the wife as the bodie it followeth that this loue must be stedfast not variable and that the vnion of marriage continue notwithstanding whatsoeuer befall either the husband or the wife Notwithstanding whatsoeuer complexions we say natures and infirmities may appeare whatsoeuer sicknesse losse of goods iniuries griefes or other inconueniences that may arise yet so long as the foundation of loue that is the vnion of marriage doth continue so long must loue and affection remaine God commandeth vs to loue our neighbours as our selues because they be of our flesh Albeit therefore that he contemne hate offend or wrong vs albeit he be our enemie and in respect of himselfe deserueth not that we should loue him yet because he is of our flesh the foundation of loue remaining we must loue him How much rather ought they to put this in practise who by the bond of marriage are made one flesh the rather because the vnion betweene man and wife is
the bodie is commonly well affected euen so where the head or chiefe of any familie or houshold is religious and sound in the faith and feareth God it commonly goeth well with all the houshold What shall it auaile for parents to teach their children honestie and modestie when they themselues in their workes and behauiours do inuite them to wantonnesse and lewdnesse Verball instruction without example of good deedes is a dead doctrine and contrariwise good examples are the life of instruction to make it profitable and effectuall If the example of parents be contrarie to their instructions if they teach their children sobrietie modestie and chastitie and yet themselues will follow drunkennesse fowle lasciuious speeches gestures and actions it is as if with their tongues they should say be vertuous and by the hands leade them with them to all vice and corruption So that wicked parents are wicked counsellors to their children If we would take him to be a monster in nature and vnworthie to liue in a Common-wealth that should counsell his child to drunkennesse and fornication what shall we thinke of those who committing such iniquitie do by their example much more mightily put forwards their children to such abhomination then by word they are able What account can those parents giue vnto God who by their euill example haue drawne into hell their children whom he deliuered to their charge to be giuen into heauen Albeit such parents pittie not themselues yet at least let them take pitie of their children and not carrie them with them into euerlasting destruction Such parents then deserue grieuously to be reprooued as shall vse any leude speeches or shamelesse behauiour in briefe any worldly or carnall actions in the presence of their children to whom their examples may be as a dispensation to giue themselues to the like As also how can they forbid that in their children which they themselues do commit How can they correct them for the faults which they themselues vse Albeit children in respect and reuerence to their parents dare not reply and say themselues do those things for the which they reproue them yet will the neighbours or others obiect it to their shame Besides their authority shall be so much the lesse in that they declare in their workes and actions that they allow that which they forbid in words If parents therefore desire that their instruction may be effected and yeeld fruite let them declare the same in holy life and vertuous conuersation let them so order and gouerne themselues that their children seeing the same as it were in a glasse may be restrained from dishonest speech and wicked deeds let them do as guides that shew the right way ouer foords and riuers by going before those whom they leade that their children following the steps and examples of their parents may conforme themselues to their vertues and so with them and by them be led to saluation and life cuerlasting For this cause Moses gaue commandement vnto the Iewes that the Law might be kept in their families that they might prosper in all that they went about When Obed-Edom had receiued the Arke of God into his house which signified true religion the Lord blessed him and all his houshold Whē the widdow of Zarephtah in the dayes of Eliah and the other widdow of Israel in the dayes of Elisha had receiued the Prophets of God into their houses who is ignorant how mightily and mercifully the Lord prouided for them When our Sauiour Christ had restored the Rulers sonne to his health the Ruler beleeued and all his family After Zachaus had receiued Christ into his house and was conuerted saluation came to the same houshold To be short when Cornelius the Centurion embraced the Gospell his familie also beleeued were baptized and the holy Ghost fell vpon them all which heard the preaching And how well that house was ordered where Timothie was brought vp his knowledge in the Scriptures from a child can witnesse And this is also a point worthy to be remembred that the Lord by his Prophet Ezechiel calleth the children of the Israelites which they had begotten his children because they were partakers of the Promises and signed with the seale of the Couenant and the Prophet calleth them The inheritance of the Lord. Such parents therefore as be Christians must know that their children are also the children of God and partakers of those blessings that are promised to them in Christ Iesus their Sauiour and therefore they shall do great iniurie to God himselfe whose children they are if they shall not see them carefully brought vp in his feare and much more if they as before time many haue done bequeath them in a manner consecrate sacrifice them to the seruice of men by thrusting thē into Abbeyes Munkeries Fryeries Nunneries and Seminaries there to be brought vp and remaine in perpetuall bondage of ignorance in 〈◊〉 and idolatrie The second point is that fathers and mothers do nourish and traine vp their children in shamefastnesse hatred of vice and loue of all vertue They be charged by the fift Commandement to feede to nourish and to bring vp their children to teach them the principles and seede of Christian religion to see they learne the Catechisme to teach them to praise God before and after meales as also to teach them by little and little and by often repetitions to vnderstand wherefore the Sacraments were instituted to teach them manners how to behaue themselues decently in their going in their speaking and gesture of their bodies how to order themselues reuerently in the Church how abroad in all places and towards all men in all honest companies and so to begin some conscience in them For it were better for children to be vnborne then vntaught Now contrary to this is when parents suffer their children to haue their will from the beginning when they discourage and daunt them by seueritie by being too hasty with them when they let the cōmon ignorance of the word to be rooted in them and haue no care to frame them to learne truth and godlinesse and so to prepare them to be apt to receiue profit from the publicke ministerie It is therefore meete for all fathers and mothers if they will haue ioy of their children that then they correct them when they do amisse keepe them in shamefastnesse hatred of vice loue of all vertue according as the Wiseman in sundry places For as the common Prouerbe is birch breaketh no bones neither doth moderate correction bring danger of death but oftentimes it bridleth keepeth backe the child that otherwise would run headlong into hell and so is a meane to saue his soule For the fountaine of all vertue and chiefe of all mans felicitie is good instruction and right bringing it And contrariwise children euill brought vp bring shame and great heart-break to their parents As old
prouision according to their degrees for the reliefe and maintenance of their children and familie And therefore such fathers and mothers as consume and wast away their money and substance vnthriftily by dycing carding gaming or by any other indirect and vnlawfull meanes whereby their children and familie should be maintained do very vnnaturally sin and breake Gods Commandements The Wiseman sheweth parents when is the best time to sow the seed of vertue in their children that it may bring forth the fruite of life and make them alwayes readie to die saying Eccles. 12. 1. Remember now saith he thy Creator in the dayes of thy youth As if he should say Be mindfull and thinke on God in thy youth and do not prolong or deferre it vntill age And so all their life shall runne in a line the middle like the beginning and the end like the middle as the Sunne setteth against the place where it arose One of the principallest duties that belong to parents towards their children is that they be very wary and carefull that their sonnes and daughters do not match in marriage with such as are vngodly wicked and voyde of true religion Which if they do they endanger the faith of their children and so commit a grieuous sinne For proofe whereof let vs consider first what marriage is and how nigh a coniunction the Lord hath made it He made the woman of the mans nature flesh of his flesh and bone of his bones So that we may not imagine that that God which required so neare a coniunction in the outward and inferiour part will suffer the minde and spirit of the husband and wife betweene faith and superstition to be rent asunder Therefore when God said They shall be two in one flesh we may not thinke but that he spake it of the whole and perfect creature made of bodie and soule that they should be of two one or that God did by so holy a Law set free the holiest part requiring onely such agreement in the flesh and bodie and leaue the soule and spirit in dissention For as God gaue vnto both one name as touching their earthly nature signifying their vnitie and called them Adam Genesis 5. 2. so he gaue vnto them a likenesse in name as they were ioyned in marriage to signifie their agreement in minde and spirit and called the one man and the other woman Genesis 2. 22. 23. Yea he gaue vnto marriage this especiall priuiledge For this cause shall a man leaue his father and his mother and shall cleaue to his wife and they shall be one flesh but it could neuer be that any vniting onely of flesh and bloud should haue found a dispensation from the Law that bindeth minde and conscience Honour thy father and thy mother Exod. 20. 12. The holy and faithfull bond of marriage betweene man and wife is commended to vs by that most holy coniunction of Christ with his Church Ephes. 5. 2. Seeing that this is a coniunction both of bodie and soule then such as are Christian parents ought to be carefull that their children may reioyce in it howsoeuer it liketh others to marrie their children yet they ought to see that their children do settle themselues that they may knit their minds in religion where they make their bodies one that so their marriage may be to them as a looking-glasse to view and behold the loue of Christ. S. Paul giueth this generall rule to all that wil marrie that they marrie onely in the Lord and to marrie only in the Lord is not to be led by flesh and bloud with fauour credite honour friendship riches or beautie but rather it is to marrie religiously in the feare of God in the fellowship of the Church of Christ where true Christians liue by one faith professe one religion and serue one God Now let vs a little call to our remembrance what fruit such vnequal mariages haue brought forth from the beginning The sonnes of God saw the daughters of men that they were faire and they tooke them wiues of all that they liked This aduenturous marriage in a strange religion did so infect the world that all flesh had corrupted his wayes For this cause God gaue this plaine and expresse Law vnto the people of Israel as touching all the inhabitants of the land of Canaan Thou shalt not giue thy daughters vnto his sonnes Deut. 7. 2. 3. 4. Exod. 34. 16. Surely they will turne away thy heart 1. Kings 11. 2. Ezra 9. 1. 2. c. and 10. 18. 19. Reade the places We may not here thinke that this inhibition serueth not now 〈◊〉 ys as touching Pagans Turks or Infidels but rather we must assure our seiues in the truth and know that no people in the world are more within the compasse of this law then the Papists and superstitious idolaters The holy Ghost forbiddeth vs to keepe company with Idolaters and such as are of a strange religion and how can he then permit that we should marrie with them He commandeth streightly that we should not draw in one yoke with the vnbeleeuing 2. Cor. 6. 14. which to do is as vnseemely as an Oxe and an Asse to be yoked together to plough Deut. 22. 10. And how can we possibly deuise to violate and breake this commandement more contumeliously then to yoke our selues in marriage with the vnfaithfull We are charged To offer vp our bodies a liuely a holy and a reasonable sacrifice vnto God Rom. 12. 1. But if we shall giue our bodies to Papists we then shall make them one flesh with the Papists and then we may be sure that no corrupt sacrifice can be a sweete smelling sacrifice vnto the Lord our God Here godly parents ought then aduisedly to consider that the strengthening and constant standing in religion of their children is onely of God and from God and not of themselues and therefore although they haue brought vp their children religiously and vertuously and thinke they are so well grounded and setled therein that they cannot be remoued drawne from their sound profession yet they must beware that they do not tempt God and venture their children to walke in that way which so many haue fallen in How can they assure themselues that their children shall abide constant and stand vpright if they shall consent that they may couple themselues in marriage with Papists Sampson was borne by Gods promise consecrated to the Lord from the day of his birth to the day of his death made a Iudge of Israel a deliuerer of Gods Church and a reuenger of his enemies very great and especiall tokens of the grace of God in him that it should be continued yet when he would attempt to marry one of a strange religion he lost his honour and became a laughing-stocke vnto the enemies of God Iudges the fourteenth Chapter and first verse c. and 16. 4. 17. 18. c. Salomon was a
housholders when they go about to hire any seruants would be no lesse carefull and inquisitiue of their honestie godly conuersation and how they haue profited in the knowledge of God his religion then they be to enquire and know what they can do and what skill and cunning they haue in that Art or Science which they prosesse or else what qualities they haue and so doing no doubt they being carefull to hire religious and godly seruants to do their worke and businesses that which such seruants shall take in hand the Lord will much better prosper giue good successe vnto then otherwise if they shall hire and entertaine irreligious and prophaue seruants as may plainly appeare by the examples of Iacob and Ioseph two religious and faithfull seruants whose maisters and their substance were blessed increased and multiplied for their sakes As house-holders ought to haue care ouer the bodies of their seruants so much more ouer their soules One compareth the maister of the house to the Seraphin which came and kindled the Prophets zeale so he should go from wife to seruants and from seruants to children kindle them in zeale of God longing to teach and vtter knowledge as a nurse to empty her breasts It is lamentable to thinke how carelesse all maisters for the most part are on this behalfe not onely such as are prophane and ignorant themselues but also some that would be counted great professors and would seeme to haue great knowledge yea and with griefe may it be spoken some Preachers also who hauing had seruants dwelling with them 3. or 4. yeares or more as they were ignorant in the grounds and principles of Christian religion whē they came first into their seruice so they went from them as ignorant therein as they came and all for want of catechising being a principall duty which not onely Ministers but also all Christian maisters in conscience are bound to performe to their families But of this matter I haue sufficiently intreated in my last Edition of the vse and necessitie of catechising and therefore I will of purpose here omit to speake of it Another saith that a maister in his familie hath all the offices of Christ for he must rule and teach and pray rule like a king and teach like a Prophet and pray like a Priest To shew how a godly man should behaue himselfe in his houshold when the holy Ghost speaketh of the conuersion of any house-keeper commonly he saith That the man beleeued and all his houshold As Peter being conuerted must conuert his brethren so the maister being a protestant and a good Christian must endeuour by all good meanes that his seruants may be such For therefore God said that he would not hide his counsell from Abraham because he would teach his familie And surely all duty of seruants which is not done of conscience is but eye seruice and faileth at most need as Ziba betraied his maister when he should haue defended him Therefore before Onesimus was conuerted Paul said he was an vnprofitable seruant but when he was conuerted he called him more then a seruant because such a seruant is better then many seruants Though Laban was wicked himselfe yet he reioyced that Iacob his seruant was godly because God blessed him the better for him Ioshuah saith I and my houshold will serue the Lord Shewing that maisters should receiue none into their houses but whom they can gouerne as Ioshua did and if any such haue crept into their doores they must put him forth againe for Dauid saith I will not suffer a lyer to stay within my house He saith not a swearer nor a theefe but a lyer as if he should say I will rid him out of doores before he be a swearer and a theefe for a lyer will grow to a swearer and a theefe as a dicer groweth to a begger in a night Therefore it is noted of Cornelius that he himselfe feared God with all his houshold These examples be written for house-holders as others are for Magistrates and Ministers and souldiers that no calling might seeke further then the Scriptures for instruction Wherefore as you are maisters now and they your seruants instruct them and teach them as if you would shew what maisters your seruants should be hereafter Next vnto seruants labours and instruction must be considered their corrections As Paul saith Fathers prouoke not your children to wrath so we may say Maisters and mistresses prouoke not your seruants to wrath that is vse such reproofes and such corrections that you do not prouoke them but moue them that you do not exasperate them but win them for reuiling and reprochfull words and immoderate fiercenesse doth much more hurt then good And therefore the Law of God did charge the Magistrate that he should not cause aboue forty stripes to be inflicted vpon any offender lest he should seeme despised in his eyes much lesse then may a maister exceed that number to his seruant For while a child or scholler or seruant doth thinke that he is reproued for loue or beaten with reason it makes him thinke of his fault and is ashamed but when he seeth that he is rebuked with curses and beaten with staues as though he were hated like a dogge his heart is hardned against the man that correcteth him and the fault for the which he is corrected and after he becommeth desperate like an horse which turneth vpon the striker and therefore let maisters know that God euen then chides them whensoeuer they fight or chide in such rage For though there be a fault yet something must be dissembled and winked at and some things must be forgiuen and some punished with a looke for he which takes the forfeit of euery offence shall neuer be in any rest but vexe himselfe more them his seruant But aboue all we thinke that the charitie and tender affection of maisters and loue of seruants to their fellowes in their sicknesse is especially to be vsed and shewed at which time the sicke are to be seuerally lodged from the whole and to be cherished and nourished with more choise and daintie meate For the performance and care of this dutie the Centurion is commended in the Gospell which dutie very vnchristianly is neglected of many maisters The maister of the house should not disdaine or shew himselfe so scornfull or vnkind as not to visite his sicke seruants For if bruite beasts reioyce to see their maisters cherish and feede them as we may daily see in dogges c. how much more may we beleeue that men and reasonable creatures are much delighted and comforted therewith Whereupon it comes to passe that good and faithful seruants liking and affecting their maisters vnderstand them at a becke and obey them at a winke of the eye or bent of the brow not as a water-spaniel but as the hand is stirred to obey the mind so prompt and readie is
We see by experience that euery beast and euery fowle is nourished and bred of the same that did beare it onely some women loue to be mothers but not nurses As therefore euery tree doth cherish and nourish that which it bringeth forth euen so also it becometh naturall mothers to nourish their children with their owne milke Secondly the examples of the Scriptures are many that proue this As Sarah who nursed Isaack though she were a Princesse and therefore able enough to haue had others to haue taken that paines Though she was a beautifull woman and of great yeares yet she her selfe nursed and gaue sucke to her sonne Also Anna vnto whom the holy Ghost hath left it recorded as a commendation that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel So when God chose a nurse for Moses he led the hand-maide of Pharaos daughter to his mother as though God would haue none to nurse him but his mother Like wise when the Sonne of God was borne his Father thought none fit to be his nurse but the blessed virgin his mother It is a commendation of a good woman and set downe in the first place as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of if she haue nursed her children And therfore such as refuse thus to do may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers yea in so doing they make themselues but halfe mothers and so breake the holy bond of nature in locking vp their breasts from their children and deliuering them forth like the Cuckoo to be hatched in the sparrowes nest Thirdly the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milke is which they receiue Now if the nurse be of an euill complexion as she is affected in her body or in her mind or hath some hidden disease the child sucking of her breast must needs take part with her And if that be true which the learned do say that the temperature of the mind followes the constitution of the body needs must it be that if the nurse be of a naughty nature the child must take thereafter Yet if it be so that the nurse be of a good complexion and of an honest behauiour whereas contrariwise maidens that haue made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses yet can it not be but that the mothers milke should be much more naturall for the child then the milke of a stranger As by experience let a man be long accustomed to one kind of drinke if the same man change his ayre and his drinke he is like to mislike it as the egges of a henne are altered vnder a hawke Neuerthelesse such women as be oppressed with infirmities diseases want of milke or other iust and lawfull causes are to be dispensed withall But whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the gowt no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the ninth of Hosea verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse What a lamentable hap haue Gentle-women to light vpon this curse more then others Sure if their breasts be drie as they say they are they should fast and pray together that this curse might be remoued from them And lastly that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues both Physitians can tell and some women full oft haue felt when they haue bene troubled with sore breasts besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke The wise is further to remember that God hath giuen her two breasts not that she should employ and vse them for a shew or of ostentation but in the seruice of God and to be a helpe to her husband in suckling the child common to them both Experience teacheth that God conuerteth the mothers bloud into the milke wherewith the child is nursed in her wombe He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples conuenient to minister the warme milke vnto the child whom he endueth with industrie to draw out the milke for his owne sustenance The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not but resuseth this office and duty of a mother declareth her selfe to be very vnthankfull to God and as it were forsaketh and contemneth the fruite of her wombe And therefore the bruite beasts lying vpon the ground and granting not one nipple or two but sixe or seauen to their young ones shall rise in iudgment against these dainty half-mothers who for feare of wrinckling of their faces or to auoyd some small labour do refuse this so necessary a duty of a mother due to her children The properties due to a married wife are that she haue grauitie when she walketh abroad wisedome to gouerne her house patience to suffer her husband loue to breed and bring vp her children courtesie towards her neighbours diligence to lay vp and to saue such goods as are within her charge that she be a friend of honest company and a greater enemie of want on and light toyed So then the principall dutie of the wife is first to be subiect to her husband Ephes. 5. 22. Colloss 3. 18. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. To be chast and shamefast modest and silent godly and discreet 3. To keepe her selfe at home for the good gouernment of her family and not to stray abroad without iust cause Here it is not to be pretermitted but we must say somewhat touching men and women that betwise married and so become step-fathers and step-mothers Such husbands and wiues as marrie againe after the death of their first wiues or first husbands are carefully to remember that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now haue by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband For the course and condition of the world is such that husbands and wiues do account and reckon things past better then things that be present And the reason is because no commoditie or felicitie is so great but it hath some griefe and displeasure and also some bitternesse mingled with it which so long as it is present grieueth vs sore but when it is once gone it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behind it and for that cause we seeme to be lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past then with those that are present Also age stealeth and commeth on apace which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and endure troubles and griefes then before Therefore such men and women as be twise married and be wise and religious ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead better then her or him which they enioy now aliue remembering the common prouerbe That we must liue by the quicke and not by the dead and that we must make much of that we now haue Let the name of step-father and step-mother admonish and put them in mind of their duty towards the children of the one and the other For step-father and step-mother doth signifie a sted-father and a