scould not say God was mine or had discovered him self to me in pardoning my sins yet this I had often thoughts of that I would throw my self upon Christ and if I perished I perished and since I bless God I have found some satisfaction in several places of Scripture As First In Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest And feeling such a burthen then upon my Soul I relyed upon that true rest Another is in 1 John 2.2 And he is the reconciliation for our sins and not for ours only but for the sins of the whole World I being one in the World I applyed this to my self and in 1 John 114. The Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the World Another place of Scripture is John 3.17 For God sent not his Son into the World to condemn the World but that the World through him might be saved And in verse 35. He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life Upon this account I said I believe Lord help my unbelief And in the sixth Chapter of John and 67 and 68 verses Jesus said unto his Disciples Will ye go from me also Peter said unto him Lord whither shall we go for thou hast the words of eternal life So that I will now wait upon the Lord for a further manifestation of himself unto my Soul in the use of his Ordinances although I have not in times past been fed with the Childrens bread yet now I do believe I shall not be denyed those crums of Spiritual comforts to nourish and refresh my wearyed Spirit for God saith Isa 55.1 Ho! every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters and he that hath no money come ye buy and eat yea come buy Wine and Milk without money and without price And I praise God I have found of late a very great manifestation of Gods working a change upon my heart and drawing me by true faith to himself 1. About a quarter of a year since I heard Mr. B. on the luke-warmness of the Church of Laodicea shewing that the Lord would refuse none that come to him in humbleness of Spirit and sincerity of heart then I thought surely I might make use of these full promises made to those that come to him and it put me to search the Scriptures which I did and found a greater influence upon my spirit in the understanding of the Word than before 2. I am in all things that I do fearfull of offending God and my desire is to do all things to his glory 3. My love to God is so hearty that I delight to be meditating of God and to have communion with him and could wish that I might be wholly if it were possible with God and my heart is never so at rest as when I am reading of his Truths and hearing others speak of them 4. I am so little affected to the World that I account it nothing I can willingly leave all for God and I hope suffer any thing for God if he should please to call me to it so far as I can judge of my own heart but herein trusting in the power of Christ 5. Sin is loathsom to me so that the affections that I did bear to some evils are gone and I now loath them more than before I loved them 6. I have many consticts between the flesh and the spirit but I find in those strivings my heart most cleaving to follow the mind of God knowing that if I give way to sin Satan enters and with all my Soul I desire and delight to follow the leadings of Gods Spirit 7. In all things the resolutions of my heart are for doing those things that may please God and that without delay being fearful to offend God which through infirmity I do I have great trouble in spirit for it and my resolutions are always against every thing that may hinder my peace with God 8. I find in my heart so great a peace between God and my Conscience that should God now call me I shall be very well contented to go to my Saviour 9. I do not doubt of Gods love to me because he hath drawn forth my heart sincerely to love him 10. My love hath been always from a Child to the people of God and my heart hath been ever troubled when I have heard them evil spoken of 11. My affections are great to the Ordinances and my heart longeth after them and when at any time I come with a cold heart to Duties yet my heart is frequently warmed and inlarged in those duties E. C. XVIII Experiences of D. M. SOme years since through many crosses increasing upon me like an armed man I slew unto God to seek his mind by prayer and he discovered to me that it was for my sins which were then set before me which caused in to feel the hand of God by afflictions upon me that sin was the cause of my sufferings which lay very heavy upon me and terrified me so that I thought I had been in the way to damnation And that if it had been in the way to Salvation every affliction would not come so upon me greater than I thought I could be able to bear In particular the Lord discovered to me that I had too much loved my Husband in making an Idol of him and therefore he justly became a great terror to my spirit for he grew an enemy to goodness and so an hindrance to me in coming to Christ And while I thus doted on him he went away from me I feared through the sense of that and other sins together with the aggravations of my afflictions that God did not love me Yet it struck into my heart that God did not strike willingly and therefore I endeavoured to see what was the mind of God in it who had taken away my Husband Goods and all from me namely that he had done it that I should not hang upon husks but should love him And I found that I had loved the world too much and set my heart too much upon these Creature-comforts and therefore the Lord took them away from me This wrought upon me great troubles and despair so that I cryed till I was almost blind And I had great feâ—… and trembling upon me that I could not pray not hear with profit but thought it was in vain for me to pray whom God loved not and whom I had so offended About a quarter of a year after I had a temptation by Satan to drown my self in a Pond near Leeds in York-shire weither the Devil led me telling me that I might do it there it being a private place where no body could see me and I came to the Pond side but by the providence of God having a great love to a young Infant I had I took that Child in my Arms and when I came to the place I looked upon the Child and considered with my self what shall
it was Jesus Christ that had appeared in the shape of a Child and that he had overcome Death and Hell for me then I cryed out and said blessed be Jesus Christ for evermore and did intreat those people that were there with my Father that they would go to prayers for me that those comfortable revelations which I had seen and my Faith in Christ might never depart from me â—yet for three years after I had many ebbings and flowings and much fear possessed me so that Satan would tell me I was more afraid of Hell than of offending God but I boldly sat up in my bed and told Satan He was a Lyer and that I would rather be damned than deny Jesus Christ and so Christ did appear very comfortably to me and hath and doth deliver me out of many troubles very often and how to speak of them I know no end yet Satan like a cunning Sophister hath been tampering with me to despair of Christ but it pleased the Lord to bring many promises into my mind and the example also of Mary Magdalen and of the woman of Canaan believing that as Jesus Christ was gracious to them so he would also be to me and Christ hath often times revealed unto me that his grace was sufficient for me as he said unto Paul I can speak but little of Jesus Christ but yet I am fully perswaded in my Soul that I should think my self very happy even to give my life for the glory and honour of his name if the Lord would count me but worthy of such a favour and I would not for all the Kingdoms in the world and the pomp thereof be in such a condition again and now my soul doth desire to give up it self unto God and to walk in the strictest course that his Word doth preâ—…e E. R. XII Experiences of T. M. ABout the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Aprentice but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God his ways were contrary to the ways of God which was a great trouble to my Spirit and the more because some rude people Drink Swear and be very deboyst with him Three or four years after there grew great disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy Presbytery Independency and the like which made me question with my own thoughts which was the true way to worship God I applyed my self to Mr. T. the Minister and others yet was not satisfied but after great perplexity of spirit I meditated with my self and wondred what would be the end of my troubles for they had been many especially temptations to despair of salvation But afterwards being returned back from my Master to my Fathers house lying down once upon a bench I fell asleep and dreamed that I was in a green Meddow where I saw various forms of Creatures some furious others very pleasing yet all of them seemed monstruous and changed their shapes often And beholding my self alone in the middest of them I was grievously troubled and then there seemed to appear a great red Dragon before it came at me I thought a little Child was put in my arms which was so beautiful and comely that I admired it and was so taken with beholding it that it put the fear of the Dragon for the present out of mind But the Dragon afterwards drew near and sorely affrighted me but both my self and the child were taken away and carried up an hill and the Dragon pursued us and being often ready to fall in running up the hill I feared that the Dragon would catch me but my strength being come to me I got up to the top of the hill and the Dragon made up after me When I was got up to the top there appeared a brightness from Heaven which gushed forth like a stash of Lightning and split the Dragon in pieces at which I rejoyced exceedingly Then the Child was put into my Arms again and I asked it what was its name it said Emanuel I asked who was its Father it said I am I asked who was its Mother it said Eternity I asked from whence he came he said from my Father out of Heaven I asked to whom he came and what was his errand here he said to save that which was lost and return again I asked him if he would dwell with me whâ—…e he stayed he said he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in but after death he would dwell with me in another frame the thought of death grieved me but the child bid me not to weep at it for in this World that which is beauty must be destroyed and that which is contemptible must be exalted I then saw my self very contemptible and poor and troubled and in these thoughts the child was taken away from me Then my Father coming into the room made a noise whereat I awaked much distracted and troubled in my thoughts and so perplexed that I knew not what to do and the more by seeking to understand what I had seen because I knew not how to be satisfied in some doubts that lay very sad and heavy â—…on my Soul But I have since found much comfort out of Gods word where Christ saith Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest And the Lord saith I have called thee by name And again he saith in another place I will bear in thee a poor and afflicted people and they shall serve me And in Esay he saith I will gather my Lambs with my Arms and gently lead those that are with young and then he hath promised That he will never lay more upon his people then he will enable them to bear And I have these effects of my faith 1. My heart is led out to love God who is eternal and invisible and incomprehensible I love him in all his dispensations towards me and in the meanest Creature though never so despised I desire to own God where ever I see him 2. I find my heart very full in duty yet I have been sometimes troubled by some cholerick distempers that have transported me in some disputes which I am very sorry for and resolve to leave 3. I love the Lord who hath heard my Prayer and now at last satisfied me in every scruple of my conscience 4. My desire is to walk according to the rules of the Gospel all the days of my life T. M. XIII Experiences of J. H. MAny years ago I had some yernings after the truths of Jesus Christ and being in the Country and hearing Mr. Young a Minister in Leicestershire preach twice a day the Word wrought so on my heart that I took great delight to hear him but being jeered by the people for a Peritan I did leave off hearing for a time And being in the Town near Mr. Young sometimes as I went abroad I met him and Mr. Young would ask me whether I did know Jesus Christ or
Joshua that I and my house wold serve the Lord. And although it was a bitter pill to me to bear the cross before yet now my God hath made it easie and I praise the Lord thâ—ough his grace I can go under it with a great deal of comfort and he hath now discovered to me the way of his working in those things which before were wonderful strange to me Many special promises I found great comfort in some that I remember are these that follow viz. 1 Pet. 5.6,7 Humble your selves therefore under the mighty hand of God that he may exalt you in due time Casting all your care on him for he careth for you This promise I have found of a truth made good to me in some measure I have applyed it often and have found the comfort of it 2 Con. 1.29 My grace is sufficient for thee From this place I found much comfort knowing the fulness of so glorious a portion Jam. 1.2,3,4 Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations knowing this that the tryal of your faith worketh patience But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect and intire wanting nothing This administred great joy to me against all temptations Isa 55.1 Ho! every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters of life and he that hath no mony come ye tâ—…uy and eat This gave great comfort to my Soul at several times though it was so much cast down And that which gives me great content and comfort is the seal of God Spirit in my heart giving evidence of peace in the blood of Christ between God and my Soul by these testimonies 1. My love to God is so that I am confident if the Lord keep me with his Spirit which at this time he hath bestowed upon me I could be content to part with any thing or lay down my lise for his glory if he would call me to it 2. The Lord hath been pleased so toâ—inrich my Soul with his Spirit that I loath the things of the World when they would draw me in any thing from submitting to the motions of Gods Spirit in my heart I once thought nothing could have drawn me from the love of the vain things of the world but now I do as much disdain them for God and more than then I loved them 3. I desire to follow Gods Ordinances and find great enlargments of my heart to God both to and in the Ordinances And particularly from Mr. S. Mr. W. and others from whom many things have fallen that have much refreshed my Soul and I find my heart in duties to God more refreshed than in any thing 4. I find much peace in my conscience because of a free submission which his Spirit hath wrought in my Soul to all the commands of Jesus Christ and I find comfort in that true circumcision which is in my heart wrought by his Spirit 5. I find every every day so great a peace in my Soul and such comfort in God that I could be willing and I bless God find in my self a readiness to dye every moment XXII Experiences of A. A. ABout two years since my Husband was sore wounded which I took as a great tryal not having above a month to go with Child and I was troubled at it And about a quarter of a year after I was up all my Children were sick together of the small Pox. Yet all this did not work upon me inwardly so sensibly as about a month afterwards that one of my Children dyed suddenly when I thought he had been near well then I said the wages of sin is death thinking that the Lord had warned me by Fatherly threatnings before but I did not hearken to him and therefore I thought he smote me now by the death of my Child But yet I could not enter into any particular sins that God should strike at only in general I sought the Lord to lay open my sins to me I was very much troubled that the Lord took my child so suddenly from me but was comforted by Mr. Strong in some Sermons preached from the words the Church to Paul going to suffer at Jerusalem Acts 21.14 When he would not be perswaded we ceased saying The will of the Lord be done So I was setled pretty well in my thoughts till suddenly the Lord struck the elder of my two Children then living which was a Boy my other which is a Girl I did not so much value but now I do and know Gods mercy in sparing her but my Child that then dyed was the chief comfort that my heart was fixed upon in this world which was so great a grief to me that I have slept few nights quiet I desired to know the mind of God what he would do with me Sometimes I should have difpaired through great busfetings inwardly but that the Lord sustained me Sometimes I thought that the wrath of God was hindled against me thinking never to have comfort in this world again But blessed be the Lord for it he hath often comforted me in this that I have thought he did it in love to me yet sometimes I have feared that I should despair and that the hand of God was against me in it having been troubled with thoughts that I was the death of my children Thus I have been between hope and dispair and could not find what the Will of God was in it towards me And I had fears that the hand of God was still against me for further punishment because I have had many temptations upon me in low thoughts of God But I have gone to prayer and desired the Lord to deliver me and discover his mind to me in every thing that I do and have found a willingness to part with any thing even to cut off a limb or any thing if I could find out what it was And I bless God I have found a good spirit resisting the bad Yet I have been under much fear that I was not a child of God But it hath pleased God to comfort me in this that Pauls life was subject to temptations therefore I had hope and cast my self upon the mereies of God resolving that if I perish I perish never daring to offend willingly in any thing that I know to be a sin yet I know I am a wretched sinner but I humbly desire to do the will of God so far as I am able And in that I can say with David Psal 42.1 As the heart panteth after the water-brooks so panteth my soul after thee O God I find comfort with him to say Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance verse 5. And I will look unto the Lord with the Prophet Micha I will wait for the God of my Salvation my God will hear me Mich. 7.7 And I have found much comfort in applying several promises to my
midst of my dishress to bring to my mind these words The Spirit saith come and the Bride saith come and every one that will come drink of the water of life freely I said of my self I cannot come But I prayed Lord draw me and I shall run after thee And this word was cast into my Soul by the Lord My grace is sufficient for thee only do thou believe And God hath now wrought faith in me and by the testimony of his Spirit hath sealed his love in Christ to me working in my heart so to love him that I have cast my self wholly upon him H. C. XXXI Experiences of T. R. Mariner AT the Age of two and twenty being in the Streights I was taken by the merciless Turks but the power of the Lord delivered me out of captivity by a miraculous way unexpected The Lord giving me grace to call on him gave me a gracious answer That he would never leave me nor forsake me In the War with France on the Coast of Guinea I was taken by a French Man of War and was greatly afflicted for want of food and raiment and other hardships which they laid on me to have turned to their Catholick Religion yet the Lord still promised me that he would give me a deliverance out of their merciless hands who made good his promise to me in a short time blessed be his holy name After this I went a Voyage to Brasile and our Ship being laden we did intend for Portugal but they detained us a whole year so that our Ship was all eaten with worms and we were fain to keep pumping for nine months but the longer the worse for in our passage homeward we could not tell which death to chuse either to starve or to be drowned for our Victuals was so small that for one year and more we had no bread in our Ship but eat the roots of Trees made into a substance like Oatmeal and for Beef one ounce for a man a day which stunk so that none could have eat it but men in our case for Drink we were glad of a pint of water a day during the time of our passage which was seventeen weeks but in this passage we saw the wonderful works of God for he sent us for three weeks in seasonable times fish called Dolphins sometimes two or three in a day And as we grew within three hundred Leagues of the Coast of Portugal and our Provision near spent only three or four days left and all our men sick and weak and almost starved it pleased God of his great mercy to send us a Ship of Flushing a Man of War who proved to us as Joseph to the children of Israel for they brought us Victuals which saved our lives and after they had taken our Ship they were fain to put on board forty men to keep her from sinking for it pleased God that the next day after we had a violent Storm and a great Sea broke upon her so that we thought she would never have recovered her self again for our goods did shut all to one side and so she was sain to go untill she came to Flushing but we poor creatures were in great peril and danger of our Lives and yet the Lord comforted me by his Promise That he would bring me to shore and would deliver my life from death and my eyes from tears and he hath done graciously with me above my deserts and inabled me above my strength and delivered me above my hope therefore will I praise him without measure and magnifie his name without end Three years after this being on the Coast of Ireland it pleased the Lord to raise a violent Storm and in the morning by the dawning of the day we were so near the Shore that to mans judgment there was nothing but death approaching for we knew no place of that Land by reason of the Fogg and Rain that we had all the day and knew not where to go but as the Lord who is the Pilot of Pilots did carry us untill four a clock at Night which in December is dark and then we came to a great high head-land and a little without that lay a great sand so that we could not go any other way but betwixt them being then past all hopes of life we forced her through the Sea so that it brake over our heads insomuch that we could not tell whether we were in the Sea or the Bark but by our feet and hands for we could not see for the violence of the water only he that was at the Helm And yet in the space of a quarter of an hour we were in a safe place newly taken out of the jaws of death So that I of all men have great cause to be always rendring thanks to my God for his continual and most sweet favours unto me sinful wretched and empty man void of all spiritual goodness Furthermore I being after this in a Ship of 300 Tuns lying on the Coast of Virginia wind-bound the space of seven weeks it pleased God to visit our people with the Pestilential Feaver and the Callenture which is a violent Feaver or Madness at first and we had in our Ship two hundred thirty sive Souls at that time and it was the will and pleasure of God that we had a hundred of them sink at one time so that we had but few to look to the sick and were in great want of Provisions yet we knew not whether to go but it pleased God to raise a great Storm so that a great Sea brake into our main Sail and we had two foot water between Decks and our poor sick people cryed out they were drowned but within an hour after by the mercy of God we had fair weather and fair wind and within three or four days God set us safe on Land to our great joy and comfort that before were almost past hopes so that he caused us to say with the Prophet David It was good for me that I was afflicted And yet have another choice mercy to make known of what God hath done for me for he hath now called me out of the world but not out of the Land of the living he hath also opened my eyes and made clear my understanding with Mary to chuse the better part and whatsoever the World or Satan can cast upon me it shall all turn to my good for I know that my Redeemer liveth and him my Soul desires to bless and praise which I trust I shall do till my change cometh as God shall inable me and the Lord strengthen my faith XXXII Experiences of T. G. IT hath pleased the Lord God of his own free mercy and love in Jesus Christ to prevent and keep me ever since I was born from many thousand dangers and yet I like an unruly Creature have kicked at his Fatherly protection and run into many gross and vile sins The first gross one was many kinds of unlawful gaming
me but I regarded it not which was afterward a veay great grief to me for I could not endure to be curbed nor kept in but at length to avoid the continual Reproofs which he justly gave me for my ill courses and company I resolved not to stay at home any longer but to go into Flanders accordingly I put out to Sea but by Storms and contrary Winds was driven back again yet I could not see the Hand of God in this but still held on my purpose and took the first opportunity to get away out of Ireland into England where my Friends used many Arguments to perswade me to return home again Whilst I continued in England I began to be convinced by hearing several good Men of the heinousness of my sins and wicked disobedience and was thereupon sadly afflicted and disconsolate so that I could have no quiet nor rest In this time my Father hearing where I was not knowing before what was become of me doubting I might be dead or drowned writ a Letter to me wherein I was admonished to beware of such as run headlong to Perdition with many other good advices he seeming like old Jacob to rejoyce that his Son was yet alive c. All these things struck me heavily to the Heart so that I lay long under the fearful Sentence of my Iniquities and Disobedience and could receive no comfort nor satisfaction I concealed this my inward Grief and Torment till my Heart was ready to burst but at length acquainted my Friends therewith who endeavoured to comfort me and I had some quiet for a short space but this lasted not so that I soon fell again into my old malady and trouble as before being so exceedingly disturbed that I could by no means obtain any peace till that Scripture came into my mind Isa 50.10 He that sitteth in Darkness and seeth no light should trust in the Name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God this did much support and incourage me to depend upon God whereby I had abundance of consolation Yet I was seldom free from many Temptations Fears and Doubts and such sometimes as did much disquiet me untill once that I had a Divine Dream which hath been very sweet to my Soul even since for in my Dream I thought I was told that God's love was free in Jesus Christ and bestowed upon poor sinners through his Merits and that he put none by neither turned any away that came to him in and through his Dear Son and that I need not fear but I was one of them that should be accepted and received to Mercy This brought much Joy to my Heart and the sense of it remains to this very day Afterward I went to New-England and had much comfort from them and from their Ministers and since my return I have had great peace of Mind and desire to live in Union with Christ and Communion with his Servants as long as I am upon Earth and I have grounded hopes of living with him when I dye and with all his Saints to enjoy his Blissfull presence to Eternal Ages R. W. III. Experiences of Maj. A. M. I was well Educated by my Parents who were accounted Puritans till about sixteen years of Age after which I was put an Apprentice to London but ill company drew me away and I took ill courses till I was about 24 years Old then I came into Ireland in the beginning of the Rebellion 1641. and Travelling toward the North passed through great Dangers and many Deaths as I may say for there my Father was killed my Wife wounded and I my self with much difficulty escaped from the bloody Rebels after this I was in the Fight at Drogheda oâ— Tredah when it was taken and being laid in the Field of Battel among the Slain I was given over for one of the Dead but it pleased God that I recovered and then went into England I had not been there long but I began to look about me and to have some convictions of mind and thereupon I was diligent to follow the means and hear the VVord of God Preached by good Men being sensible of my sins and former forgetfulness of God or any thing that was good I heard one Mr. Owen with whom I was much affected and convinced of my misery in the want of Christ and afterwards received great comfort and assured hopes of Salvation from Mr. R. and now I do verily believe I have Fellowship with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ and find a wonderful change in my Soul abhorring all ill company and courses and desiring to walk in all well pleasing toward God and tho' I meet with many Temptations yet I bless the Lord he carries me on in his good ways so that I can now pray to him by the assistance of his Spirit and have an earnest love to his Word and Ordinances Blessed be God for his free grace in Christ Jesus who before I had any knowledge of him spoke to my Heart by the means of an honest Man about thirteen years ago After which I followed all the means I could meet with and was wont to hear Mr. Cradock and Mr. Symson in London the first of whom in a Sermon upon Isaiah Wee is me I am an unclean Creature c. spoke so home to my condition that I imagined his Discourse was directed to me particularly This so wrought upon my Conscience that I was extreamly afflicted for a time and gave my self much to Prayer and at length I became in love with Truth and true Christians and have found and do yet find those things true in me which were spoken by Mr. N. of that oneness of Love and unity of the Spirit which ought to be among all Gods People I have seen my sad condition by Nature and am sensible of the happy change that the grace of God hath made in me and now Oh! how do I love the ways of God and Holiness and Duties and means of Grace and the things of God which before I slighted disregarded and loathed and lastly I now desire and long after Jesus Christ and care not how soon I be taken out of this sinful World that I may live with him in Eternal Glory A. M. IV. Experiences of F. B. MY Experiences of the Mercy and Love of God are more than I can express the first main work upon my Spirit was on a sudden upon an Alarm given to our Troop while I was a Souldier which had such a convincing effect upon me that I lay long under the Apprehension of Gods Wrath and was much disquieted so that though I Prayed and Prayed yet I could take no comfort and had no confidence in the Mercy of God but Confusion was before my Face Afterward I came to Dublin where I was impeached for breaking an Article of War and was condemned to lose my Life for the same whilst I was in Prison I had dreadful apprehensions of Hell in my Soul and could
rest till I had declared it and now I find my Heart ever since taken off from Sin and the Lusts of the World and have experienced so great a change in being called home to God as I am not able to express it in words and am now desirous to please God and to walk in his ways having been long before wrought upon by the Word Preached and by Prayer and now have given my self up to God in whose Mercy alone through the Merits of Jesus Christ I expect Joy and Peace here and Eternal Happiness hereafter J. C. IX Experiences of Mr. J. B. Preacher of the Gospel AS to my Life and Experiences I must declare That when I was but a little one God began to work upon me for going to School I once happened to Swear an Oath as I was playing with my Companions which I had no sooner uttered but I was instantly struck with horror for it and the sence thereof was so terrible that I doubted I should be presently thrown into Hell for it In which Fear and great trouble I left my School Fellows playing the Sorrow and Misery I thought I was in would not permit me to stay any longer Away I went into the Church Porch not far off and sitting down alone for some time wept bitterly to my self But at length I know not how I began to have some hopes of Pardon and thereupon grew chearful and fearless till a which after I went to see some Malefactors Executed For after I came home the sight of their Deaths ran so much in my Mind and appeared so continually before my Eyes that my sias and the horrors of Hell came fresh upon me again so that I was exceedingly cast down and cryod out Oh! What shall I do How shall I be Saved Which I had often in my mouth and in the hearing of my Friends In this condition I could take no comfort from them till the Lord himself brought me out of it and inclined me to give up my self to Jesus Christ by the Life of Faith which I now live Notwithstanding which I was under several Temptations and oftentimes they came very thick upon me but even then I resolved that if I were thrown into Hell yet I would still lay hold upon my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and would never let him go and upon his Merits and Satisfaction I have been Established through his Grace ever since So that I take Christ for my King Priest and Prophet and do believe him to be a Propitiation for my sins and my Portion and Inheritance both here and for ever J. B. Experiences of VV. VV. I have much reason to acknowledge a great work of God upon my Heart in delivering me wonderfully from several destroying sins which once I thought slight but were really so great that I can scarce express them I was very Extravagant and brought very low both in Body and Mind and extreamly sensible of Disobeying my Parents from what the Scripture says of Men in the latter times that they shall be Lovers of themselves Heady Disobedient to their Parents c. The Serious consideration hereof cast me down afflicted my Conscience and so troubled me that I was altogether comfortless Thus I continued a long time till it pleased God that once in a Sermon I heard Jesâ—… Christ freely offered even to the worst of sinners and then I began to look up a little with hopes of comfort and applied these offers to my own Soul being sensible that I had real need of them and so at length I began to be satisfied with peace and rest and followed the hearing of the Word and rejoyced in it and loved the company of good People And yet for all this I was under much temptation and too much inclined to drinking till my Brother Strong reproved me saying Brother I hear strange things of you that you are given to drinking This so smote me together with the abuses I received from the prophane sort who cryed out after me O this is one of Powler 's followers that I was wounded in my spirit a long time to think that I should bring such a scandal upon the Gospel For two months I was wofully tormented in my mind till the Lord recovered me and gave me resolution and power against this and all other sins which hath continued with me ever since and for which I acknowledge his great love and merey to me and do live upon Christ the true Messiah whom I believe to have died for my sins and that he will save my Soul W. W. X. Experiences of M. K. WHen I take a view of my Life upon the Stage of this World I may very well compare it to a Trage-Comedy a Labyrinth from one sin to another from one affliction to another I was indeed the Daughter of very good and honest Parents who diligently brought up their Children in the fear of God My Mother who in her days was noted for a godly virtuous and religious Gentlewoman she I say from amongst twelve Children chose me to set her love and affection upon the told me it was because she saw something a more tractableness and and diligence to please her than in the rest which when I perceived as then not being seven years old I laid my self forth the more to give her content who took great delight to instruct me to hear me read and ask her questions She allotted me a portion of Scripture every day as likewise a part of Erâ—…mus Rotterdamus upon the four Evangelists wherein we both took great delight About that time I had serious thoughts concerning God the Father Son and Holy Ghost who putting this part of Scripture into my mind He that is ashamed of me before men of him will I be ashamed before my Father which is in Heaven and whoso denieth me before men him will I deny before the Angels which are in Heaven I then began to exâ—mine my self on this manner What wouldst thou do if thou wert tempted amongst diversities of Opinions to be ashamed of this Profession wherein thy Parents nurtured thee What wouldst thou do if thou shouldst be tempted to deny Christ and be called to suffer for his sake as some of thy kindred were in Queen Maries time wouldst thou not deny thy Master wouldst thou not run away from thy colours I resolved that I would not And if the Lord would be pleased to try me he should see how valiantly I would sight under his Banner and what a faithful Souldier I would be to this I did implore his help continually whatsoever I was about still my heart was praying and I desired that God would be pleased to awake me in the might that I might rise out of my Bed to prayer which many times I did After this manner I spent my days until I was twelve years old at which time it pleased God to take my Mother from me which was some sorrow to me but being suddenly made my
not and what I did think him to be I told him that I had read in the Scriptures and they held him out to be the Son of God and that he came to seek and to save that which was lost Then said Mr. Young unto me why do you draw back in not coming to hear the Word I told him it was because of the deridings of the people I but said Mr. Young you must persevere and hold on in a continuance opening some Scriptures as that of the Hebrews that being once enlightened and having tasted the good word and of the powers of the world to come if that Soul should fall away then there would be nothing but a fearful looking for the fiery indignation of God This did much trouble me so that I was very fearful to be damned Then Mr. Young did open that Scripture in 1 Thess 1.4,5 You say that you know Jesus Christ to be your Saviour therefore take heed for Jesus shall appear in flaming fire against all those that know him not nor obey not his Gospel This put me in great fear and horror worse than before Then I did intreat Mr. Young to tell me what the Gospel was and he bid me read in the first of Matth. and there it was this that The Gospel was the glad tidings to the shepherds that it was the good will of God to send Jesus Christ to save sinners whereof I did confess with the Apostle Paul that I was chief Mr. Young at parting gave me these Instructions That I should be very careful what company I did go into and that I should always remember my Creator in the days of my youth and this was very fresh in my memory and did strengthen me very much against the temptations of Satan and kept me from frequenting those Companions that I did formerly use and if at any time I met them and heard their idle words then this Scripture did often come into my mind Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth and did very much chear my spirits and carry me along for many years untill it pleased God to bring me to London and coming to Black Fryers under the Ministry of Dr. Gouge I was very much edified for two years together but coming to live at VVestminster I did profit but little again untill it pleased God to send Mr. Marshal and hearing of him speaking out of Jeremiah 14. of the famine being in the outward man but there was the famine of the Word of God at Westminster it made me very attentive to his Doctrine he complaining what a barbarous place Westminster had been but now he did hope that the Word of God would take effect in the hearts of some of his Hearers and truly so it did on my heart for I was a constant hearer of him and then going to a friends family I heard them repeat the Notes that they had taken from Master Marshal and since I continued with that Company of Godly people and now it is the desire of my Soul to have fellowship with the Father and the Son that my Soul may thrive in grace and in the knowledge and great love of that God that so loved the World that he gave his Son to dye to save such as I am and that whosoever comes to him should not perish but have eternal life with whom I beseech the Lord I may walk in a more close way to the end of my life than ever I have yet done J. H. XIV Experiences of T. P. I Have had thoughts concerning my Spiritual condition and made search into my Soul touching my estate in relation to GOD and what testimony I can find of my interest in and conversion to God And I have found this to be the way of Gods working to bring me to himself through his great mercy in the Lord Jesus It hath pleased God ever since I was born to place me under the means of the Gospel the neglect whereof hath been a great trouble and grief unto my Soul this with many sins more lay heavy upon my Conscience especially some offence and wrong offered against the People of God insomuch that the terrors of Hell laid hold upon me and I began with Cain to cry out that my burthen was more than I was able to bear I was a damned creature I was ouâ— of the presence and favour of God and never like to see his face with comfort ready with Judas to destroy my self I continued in thiis condition many years But God of his exceeding mercy kept me from that great sin and at last I received some comfort in that the Lord proclaimeth himself to be the Lord God gracious merciful long-suffering in forgiving sins and that he desired not the death of a sinner but rather that he should live And again he saith If our sins were as Scarlet he will make them as white as Snow or VVooll Again I am the Lord and change not therefore ye Sons of Jacob are not consumed These with many other promises of Free Grace and Mercy yielded some comfort to my Soul yet for a long time I was troubled if I prayed I feared my prayers were an abomination unto the Lord at last knowing the Lord heard the Ninivites that were Heathens I thought he was as able to save my Soul And it hath been my care to wait upon God in the means knowing that Faith cometh by hearing the word and upon all occasions to search my own heart what part of the word belonged unto me and what did not I received some comfort from these promises I will not break the bruised reed nor quench the smoaking flax Come unto me all ye that and weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest and He that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast off These gracious promises cause me to desire to draw near to God in union and in communion with whom I hope for fellowship to all eternity T. P. XV. Experiences of M. W. VVHen I lived in Ireland and was in fulness of outward enjoyments I had my thoughts much taken up about the things of the World but little seriously touching the Salvation of my Soul but some years since being at Liverpoole in Lancashire I heard a Sermon preached by Mr. Tompson his Text was redeem the time because the days are evil Many things he spake so home to my Soul that I was very much troubled I had spent so many days in evil That I had been covetous and proud and impatient in the former days of my life Yet it pleased the Lord I had an Husband that was an honest Man and one that feared God who had often given me good counsel and perswaded me to make some promises of amendment But I had Children and Servants and Cattel and lived plentifully in Ireland from whence I had lately come with my Husband and Family and indeed there had been no real conversion though I had often thoughts towards God and
those many actual sins which I have personally committed but I am justified by Christ 14. I desire to shew my dutiful love in obedience to my Fathers commands and my affections according to the rule of the Gospel to Christ my Husband with whom I am spiritually marryed 15. The Lord saith Come out from amongst them all ye my people and be ye separated and touch no unclean thing and I will be your God and ye shall be my people And if I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear my prayers I take God to witness who knows the secrets of all hearts that I desire to joyn in duties not to the end that others should have a good opinion of me I know I must leave all worldly relations how soon I know not but herein I shall have peace that I do as my Father hath commanded me and I rejoyce in Christ Jesus putting no confidence in the flesh but only in the merits of my Saviour M. M. XXVI Experiences of H. W. WHen my God appeared through his grace to shine by his sacred Spirit into my dark Soul my thoughts were much taken up in consideration of my sad and deplorable condition under the curse by nature yet so that I did withal see enough in Christ to deliver me from all if I did attain to a true belief But my perplexed Soul drank deep of the bitter dreggs of a sorrowful cup before I could tast of the sweet cordials my blessed Saviour had prepared for me wherewith I have since been often refreshed My conscience told me that if I ever expected deliverance from sin death and hell and to have favour with God I must devote my heart to him alone But yet I found the love of some worldly vanities rooted so fast in my affections that I did often put God off and had an eye to some worldly contents which deprived me for that time of enjoying peace in his presence I often said Lord such a day I will leave all and never seek my self but thy glory in all things and then again Lord after such a merry meeting then I will shake hands with all temporal delights and again now Lord once more I will have but one day of pleasure and then I will part with all that offends thee and not seek after any thing out of thee more But for a time all this proved but unfaithfulness to my Saviour and wounds to my own Spirit the sense whereof did sadly terrifie my conscience My Soul was much cast down and I sat up a great part of many nights when all the Family where I then lived was in bed and with an heavy heart and floods of tears gushing from my sorrowful eyes I was exceedingly disquieted pouring forth mine heart to my God and begging mercy at the footstool of the Throne of grace And that which was the greatest horror upon my Spirit was that I could not manifest my believing by a pious spiritual conversation in a faithful obedience according to the sacred rule of the Gospel When I have had resolutions for worldly pleasures to satisfie the desires of nature it hath taken away the comfort of my heart from spiritual duties in the interim But I found in my Soul a great conffict in wrastling against those sad temptations my conscience convincing me how great an enemy I was to my Soul therein and testifying that it would be infinitely better to leave all the vain things of the world than to live without the love of my Saviour But when my God was pleased to bring my heart to a frame to resolve seriously never to delay with God a moment more my heart was so fixed on my Saviour that I saw a sufficiency in him under any dispensation I tasted a greater sweetness in the graces of his Spirit than in any temporal pleasure And I found much of the love grace spirit and power of my dear Saviour appearing to refresh my troubled Soul And I have found much comfort from divers promises of the Lord and particularly Isa 49.8,8 I will preserve thee and give thee for a Covenant of the people to establish the earth and to cause to inherit the desolate heritages That thou mayest say to the Prisoners go forth to them that are in darkness shew your selves Though I was before a Prisoner to worldly vanities and shut up in darkness yet Christ being sent to declare the Covenant to such I found good warrant to apply it to my self Ezek. 34.22 Therefore will I save my flock and they shall be no more a prey Tâ—… Salvation I applyed as promised to me considering that though I was a sinful man yet it was my comfort that the Lord was my God vers 31. And ye my flock the flock of my pasture are men and I am your God Mat. 5.6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled God having given me an heart to hunger and thirst after my Saviour and my God above all things I believe this promise was made to me with many more which gave much sweet comfort and consolation to my Soul And being justified by faith I have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ the testimony of which faith is sealed to my Soul by his blessed Spirit in these Demonstrations 1. I find many evident testimonies of the love of God to me which hath drawn forth my Soul to an high esteem of him and to love him above all things 2. I see nothing but sin in my self and my trust is in my Saviours merits for justification 3. I feel glorious refreshments from the heavenly gales of Gods blessed Spirit breathing his grace into my Soul which is the highest bliss I can desire on this side Heaven 4. I find much comfort from the Word and Ordinances 5. My chief desire in all things is to glorifie God 6. I find a very great affection in my heart to the people of God or any that I judge so to be 7. I desire to be at peace with and do all the good I can to all especially those of the houshold of Faith 8. I can heartily beg of the Lord to give me deliverance from and strength against every sin though never so pleasing to my nature or which I am most prone to 9. I find no such full joy in any thing as I do in communion with my God 10. I see a purity and glory in the ways of God and Gospel-duties above all things 11. I desire no longer to live than to glorifie God 12. All the days of my appointed time I wait till my change shall come H. W. XXVII Experiences of D. R. IT hath pleased the Lord ever since I knew a difference between good and evil to give me a heart to seek after those things which savoured most of God And it was my delight always to frequent the society of those whom I thought were truly godly And upon this account I thought
are the Lords saying with Mary in Luke 1. My Soul doth magnifie the Lord and my Spirit doth rejoyce in God my Saviour who hath regarded the low estate of his handmaid 8. Though formerly my foundation was built upon the sands and therefore easily overthrown Yet now I trust in the Lord I am established by Faith built upon that Rock which is the love of God my Saviour Christ being the corner stone Isa 28.16 Behold I lay in Zion a stone a tryed stone he that believeth shall not make hast 9. I wait upon the Will of my Heavenly Father in all his dispensations for a more full injoyment of Jesus Christ in my Soul which I do hunger and thirst after and I have the promise of my God that I shall be filled and having tasted I have found the Lord is gracious and more to be desired than thousands of Worlds 10. I believe not upon others words but as in John 4.42 as some said to the Woman of Samaria Now we believe not because of thy saying for we have heard him our selves and know that this is indeed the Christ the Saviour of the World 11. As David saith I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord and I believe therefore have I spoken for I was greatly afflicted As the Apostle saith ye are compleat in Christ therefore I reckon my self in him 12. The Lord having cleared it to me that I am a believer I am confident that Christ Jesus did pray to his Father for me in the 17. of John saying I pray not for these only but for them that shall believe through their word that they may be one even as we are one therefore thou art my God and I will praise thee for thou hast heard me and art become my salvation Thus in some measure I have weakly hinted out a reason of the hope that is in me trusting in my God that as he hath taken away the guilt of sin out of my conscience so in his due time he will take away all sin from my conversation as he hath given me a pardon for sin so he will over-power all my corruptions that I may live more to the praise of the glory of his grace wherein he hath made me accepted in the Beloved and that I shall become over sin Satan self and all things opposite to grace more than a Conqueror through him that hath loved me and washed me from my sins in his blood for to him are all things possible and he is the wise Master-Builder who will not only begin but will go on to accomplish his own work D. R. XXVIII Experiences of A. O. I Have undergone sad troubles of spirit for my sins which I have had a great sight and sense of and shed many tears for and desire to be truly sorry for them and hate them and to have no more communion with them About two years I lay under very great temptations and was ready to despair and for several nights could not take any rest in my bed but was very weak with weeping and much grieved for my evil thoughts yet the Lord drew forth my heart to call upon him and hope in him for mercy But I had many sore conflicts insomuch that I could not lye in the chamber alone I made what use I could of opportunities to desire comfort from such godly Christians as I could meet withal to counsel me in the ways of God and I laboured to hearken to them but found my heart very dull and heavy for a time untill about three years since I began to find comfort from some Sermons that I heard and books that I read and some thoughts that the Lord settled upon my heart by his spirit hoping that there was mercy for me And I did believe that I had all the prayers of all the Saints in the world put up to the Throne of grace for me and that my Saviour had satisfied for my sins and through him God was reconciled to me and in particular I found comfort from these and some other promises John 16.35 Jesus said unto them I am the bread of life he that cometh to me shall never hunger and he that believeth on me shall never thirst Verse 37. All that the Father giveth me shall come to me and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out John 14.1 Let not your hearts be troubled ye believe in God believe also in me Jerem. 31.23 But this shall he the Covenant that I will make with the house of Israel After those days saith the Lord I will put my Law in their inward parts and write it in their Hearts and I will be their God and they shall be my people And I do find in my heart a testimony of my believing that I do love God wrought in me by his blessed Spirit by these particulars 1. I love God not through slavish fear but for his name and glory so that I can leave all for him and nothing is so dear and precious unto me as the love of God and nothing so great a joy to me as that Christ who dyed for me hath not left me 2. I find such comfort from the Lord that he by his Spirit revives my drooping heart and fills my empty Soul and when my poor spirit is even fainting away I find comfort from his glorious power and presence 3. When I cannot come to Ordinances it is a grief to me and when I am in duty it is a grief to me that I am so dull and find no more inlargement yet my affections are groaning after the Lord Jesus Christ in Duties and I have a great longing to receive more of Christ And I find more comfort when my heart is inlarged in duty than in any other thing in the World and I know that all my comfort is from Jesus Christ 4. What I desire to injoy I seek to injoy it in God through peace of conscience that it may be to the comfort of my faith for God is pure and it is a great grief to me that I can serve my God no better 5. I do not fear death for my faith is so setled in God that I long to be with my Saviour when he shall be pleased to call me to him Christ hath dyed for me to take away the fear of the second death A. O. XXIX Experiences of M. W. I Have from my child-hood desired to serve the Lord and to make his Commandments my rule to walk by and I thought once that I could have said with the young man in the Gospel All these have I kept from my youth But it pleased the Lord to visit me with a grievous sickness even unto death and then my heart told me that I was a great sinner and my conscience accused me that I had loved the world more than I had loved Jesus Christ Then I was afflicted in my spirit with fear because I could not believe
heartily concerned for the pious education of his Children wishing that his son might never be a wit that is said he that he might never be one of those wretched Creatures who pride themselves in abusing God and Religion denying his being or his providence but that he might become an honest and a religious man which could only be the support and blessing of his family complaining what a vicious and naughty world his children were brought into and that no fortunes or honours were comparable to the love and favour of God to them in whose name he blessed them prayed for them and committed them to his Protection He had one son and three daughters and once calling them all before him he said to a Gentleman then present that he might there observe how good the Almighty had been to him in bestowing so many blessings upon him but that he had carried himself to God like an ungratious and unthankful Dog He gave strict charge to those Persons in whose custody his papers were to burn all his prophaneand leud writings as being only fit to promate vice and immorality by which he had so highly offended God and shamed and blasphemed that holy Religion into which he had been baptized and all hisobscene and filthy pictures which were so notoriously scandalous He shewed much readiness to make restitution to the utmost of his power to all persons whom he had injured and for those whom he could not make compensation to he prayed for God's and there pardons And he was remarkably just in taking all posible care for the payment of his debts which before he confessed he had not so fairly and effectualy done He was exceeding ready to forgive all injuries done against him some of which he particularly mentioned which were great and provoking yet he was willing not only to pardon them but likewise to give them assurance of his future friendship and hoping that he should be as freely forgiven at the hand of God He was very tender and concerned for his servants who were about him in his extremities to whom he was very kind by his last Will pitying there troubles in watching with him and attending him treating them with candor and gentleness as if they had been his Equals He heartily endeavoured to be serviceble to those about him exhorting them to the fear and love of Goâ— and to make good use of his for bearance and long suffering to sinners which should lead thom to repentance And particularly a Person of Quality coming to visit him on his death bed he addressed him with this most pious and most passionate exclumation O Remember that you contemn God no more He is an avenging God and will visit you for your sins and will in mercy I hope touch your conscience sooner or later as he hath done mine you and I have been friends and sinners together a great while therefore I am the more free with you we have been all mistaken in our conceits and opinions our persuasions have been false and groundless therefore God grant you repentance and seeing the same Gentleman the next day again he said to him perhaps you were disobliged by my plainess to you yesterday I spake the words of truth and soberness to you and striking his hand upon his breast he added I hope God will turn your heart And he commanded his Chaplain to preach abroad and to let all men know if they knew it not already how severely God had disciplin'd him for his sins by his afflicting hand that his sufferings were most just tho he had laid ten thousand times more upon him How he had laid one stripe upon another because of his grevious provocations till he had brought him home to himself That his former visitations had not that blessed effect which he was now sensible of He had formerly some loose thoughts and slight resolutions of reforming and designed-to be better because even the present consequen ces of sin were still pestering him and were so troublesome and inconvenient to him but that he hadnow other sentiments of things and acted upon other principles He gave it another learned Divine in charge not to spare him if he should dye in publishing any thing which might be of use to the Living being willing that the worst as well as the best part of his life should be exposed so sincere was he in his repentance as to be willing to take shame to himself by suffering his faults to be exposed for the benefit of others Praying God that as his life had done much hurt so his death might do some good Lastly He discovered a great willingness to dye if it pleased God resigning himself always to the Divine disposal but if God should spare him yet a longer time here he hoped to bring glory to the Name of God in the whole course of his life and particularly by his endeavours to convince others and to assure them of the danger of their condition if they continued impenitent and how graciously God had dealt with him being desirous to live upon no other account but that by the change of his manners and his former company and course of life he might in some measure take off the high scandal that his former behaviour had given He had a great sense of his Obligations to those worthy Divines who charitably and frequently visited him and prayed with him and were thereby all very serviceable to his Repentance I shall conclude these Remarks with his Dying Remonstrance signed by his own hand as his truest sense which is as follows For the benefit of all those whom I have drawn into sin by my Example and Encouragement I leave to the World this my last Declaration which I deliver in the presence of the Great God who knows the secrets of all hearts and before whom I am now appearing to be judged That from the bottom of my Soul I detest and abhor the whole course of my former wicked life that I think I can never sufficiently admire the goodness of God who has given me a true sense of my pernicious Opinions and vile Practices by which I have hitherto lived without hope and without God in the World have been an open Enemy to Jesus Christ doing the utmost despite to the Holy Spirit of Grace And that the greatest Testimony of my Charity to such is to warn them in the name of God and as they regard the welfare of their immortal souls no more to deny his Being or his providence or despise his goodness no more to make a mock of sin or contemn the pure and excellent Religion of my ever blessed Redeemer through whose merits alone I one of the greatest of sinners do yet hope for mercy and forgiveness Amen J. Rochester Declared and signed June 19. 1680. in the presence of Ann Rochester Robert Parsons He enjoyed a steddy temper of mind through the whole course of his sickness and repentance which must needs proceed not from a