a Superiority intirely grounded on Love since on the Womans part it is nothing else but Respect Submission and a compliance full of Love and with all true Love has neither will nor desire but what proceeds from the Person loved and since on the other hand Jealousie is that continual Anguish which is nourished with Suspitions Distrust Rage and Vexations and which declares it self in heats of Passion Obstinacy Controlings and capricious Humours as it speaks for it self where then I pray shall we place it And how can it consist with true Love in the Marriage of Persons in their right Wits It must then certainly arise from some other Original Now there are two sorts of Love the Reasonable and Brutal and since this inward Chafeing cannot in any Case proceed from the Reasonable as we have shewed it must of necessity arise from the other sort or that we call Brutal Love There are says Plato two sorts of Love one Heavenly the other altogether Earthly Earthly or Sensual Love is a blind low dishonest Love which fixes only on things contemptible and shameful and never looks up to things more elevated Divine Love on the contrary is more clear sighted and looks upon nothing but Vertue and things that excel in real Beauty and have therein a resemblance of things Coelestial Or to express it in the words of the Philosopher of this Age true or reasonable Love is like that of a Father towards his Children who desires to receive nothing from them or to possess them otherwise than he does or to be more nearly conjoyned with them than he is but considering them as his other selves he seeks after their good as his own or rather with greater care because representing to himself that he and they together make up but one entire and of which he cannot be the better Part he prefers their Interest to his own and fears not to cast himself away to save them on the contrary Brutal Love regards nothing but the possession of the Object of this Passion and not the Object it self that is a Man loves the thing for his own Interest and not for the sake of the thing it self From this Love Earthy and Carnal it is that Jealousie proceeds by this Love it is we pretend to Love others when indeed we Love only our selves by this we have a false Joy for the good of our Friends and a false Sorrow for their Evils for they proceed only from the peculiar Interest we have in the one or in the other by this we have a compliance and yeild obedience to their Wills indeed but they are only feign'd and dissembled to the end we may draw them to ours by this Love we fear the loss of the thing loved but it is because of the good we hope for from it The thing being so then it must be certainly true that if a Man Love not his Wife or is not Jealous of her upon any other grounds then this of self Love as he cannot be Jealous of her on any other his Jealousie does only signalize his Brutality instead of demonstrating his Love It must be true that if a Woman in like manner Love not her Husband or is not Jealous of him but by this Principle of Love of her self if she Love him for no other end than to satisfie her Passion she does thereby only render her Sensuality publick and manifest so far is this Jealousie from gaining Esteem as some pretend So that to speak after the fashion of the World we grant that Jealousie is a mark of extraordinary Love yet it is an extraordinary Love of ones self that it is an excess of Love yet it is an excess of Concupiscence That it is the supream Degree of Sensuality and therefore there can be nothing that dishonours a Man more than Jealousie that would have himself believed to be guided by the use of right Reason nor can a Woman that would be accounted Modest or Prudent render her self more ridiculous or procure a greater contempt of her self by any thing than by being Jealous CAAP. IV. Of the Marriage of Christians according to the primary Institution thereof by God himself and its re-establishment by Christ IF Jealousie be in no Case suitable to Married Persons according to the Order of Nature it must be infinitely less becoming these Persons that profess the Name of Christianity for Jealousie breaks the Bands of Society that God himself established in the Creation of Men and Women and destroys the very Essence of Marriage by which he would unite them that thereby they might have the oppertunity to perform all the Duties that true Love requires of them in all their occasions and that the more for that we ought not only to consider the Inclination that Nature has Imprinted in every Animal to produce its like but the Intention and Will of the Author of Nature all whose precepts we are obliged to perform for by these very precepts at the end of time we shall be Judged either to Life or to Death And we must know that God established Marriage to be a Society of Man and Woman wherein they are united by an Indissoluble tye and that this Tie is no other than a Band of Love which God employs as an Instrument to preserve Nature and to make Charity Spring here below amongst Men until he shall be pleased one day to perfect it in Heaven by the fulness of his Love In short could the Love which ought to be the Band of Marriage be better expressed or more efficaciously enjoyn'd than when God says the Man shall leave his Father and Mother to cleave to his Wife and to be one Flesh with her and that this is a Conjunction made by the hand of God which no Man ought to break Likewise a famous Divine explaining this Passage saith that the Union of the Husband ought to be nearer and more inseperable with his Wife than with his Parents for as much as the Wife of the first Man was Formed of part of his Body when as a Man is not Formed of part of his Parents Body God willing thereby give us to know that Married Persons ought to be firmly United one to the other as though they were no more than one single Person and that Marriage was instituted to make them one Flesh by means of the Nuptial Bed This is indeed the Natural consequence of these Words he shall eleave to his Wife and they two shall be one Flesh The Man shall cleave saith God that is by Love in loving her as his own proper Body and by the Nuptial Bed whose Bands are not to be unloosed What is it in effect to quit ones Father and Mother and cleave to his Wife but to Love her with that affection that surpasses all other Even that that Naturally Unites the Hearts of Children to their Parents which is the strongest and tenderest of all other affections besides
it gets the upper hand it remains Victorious if not the Spirits presently resume their first course because of the disposition that has proceeded in the Nerves in the Heart and in the Blood and then the Soul ceasing its Endeavours finds it self prest to Desire and not to Desire one and the same thing Lo here the Warfare between the Spirit and the Flesh which is so Violent that no Humane Prudence is capable to resist it It is therefore certain that the Soul cannot in an instant overcome the Passions For they are accompanied with such Commotions excited in the Heart and by consequence in the whole Mass of Blood and Spirits that the Passion remains always present with our Thoughts till this Commotion have ceased in the same manner as Sensible Objects are always present during the time they Act on the Organs of Sense But I mean here the stronger Passions which do indeed constrain us to confess That we are not at all Masters of our primary Motions The Soul has then a necessity of Powerful Helps for the obtaining the Victory which is no other than Prudence that Seconds it in this Combat For this Prudence is no more than Reason it self illuminated with the Lights of Morality and Experience whose principal use is to prescribe Rules for the Regulating of Passions making known to the Soul the quality and real usage of them She undeceives it in the Errours of Sense and Imagination She gives it to know what is really Good or really Evil in one word She teacheth the Soul to put a right esteem upon things and what is convenient or inconvenient to Humane Nature And indeed the greatest Outrages of Passions cannot avail against us without the Inward Commotions of the Soul It is upon this that our Good or our Evil depend For the Commotions of the Soul have much more Power over us than the Passions themselves From whence it is that seeing the Soul may have always within whereon to relie and satisfie it self all the Troubles that can acrew thereto from any other thing have no power to hurt it which does evidently demonstrate its Perfection But now it must be by means of Vertue it can have this Content Constancy and Immoveableness we speak of that is to say by the Testimony a Man can bear for himself That he has always prosecuted the things he Judged to be best So when a Passion Attacks the Soul it opposes thereto as Armed Soldiers Judgments firm Convincing and undoubtedly decided by Penetrating and Unraveling the Nature of the Object that causes this Passion Which a Christian Philosopher not Ignorant of these Principles understood when he said That Vertue cousists not in Regulating the Passions but their Objects because saith he One may commit very great Crimes when the Motions of the Passions are but weak and on the other side The Motions of a Passion may be very Violent without a Crime The Soul weakning the Motion of the Organ of the Imagination by strong Arguments may at last stay it altogether Or if it find its Arms to be too weak it joins Policy and strives to divert the Current which it cannot stop and to that end Excites an other Passion by moving this Organ some another way with the Representation of some Object able to instigate a Ballancing Passion As for Example If the Soul would remove the Passion of Fear She endeavours her self to Impress an other Motion or Passion on the Organ by alledging the Reasons or representing the Objects or Examples fit to create an Inclination to Generosity But in the last place If the Passion agitating the Soul do make so violent an Assault upon it that it gives no time to deliberate the Soul then makes a Couter Assault upon Nature and stays at least the greatest part of the Motions to which that Passion or the Organ disposed the Body as for Example That of the Hand which Anger had caused to be lifted up to strike withal There is then so strait an Unity between the Soul the Organ of the Imagination and the Body that the Soul moves at its pleasure this Organ by the means of this Prudence and this Organ reciprocally Imprints in the Soul all the Impressions it receives by the various Motions it undergoes and the Body lastly only from hence that this Organ being diversely moved either by the Soul or by any other cause whatsoever and pushing the Spirits that surround it into the Nerves and Muscles it moves it self and produces the Action to which it was determined The different Volitions of the Soul then give different Motions to the Body but it is to be understood that these Volitions are of Two sorts The one which Terminates in the Soul it self as to Will the Love of God or to apply it self to the Gonsideration of some immaterial thing The other which Terminates in the Body and makes it to Act Now if these last sort of Actions or the Impressions which the Soul makes upon the Body do happen to move the Spirits with such an Impetuous Motion that extraordinary Effects may be observed in the Body these Motions are called Passions of the Soul For Example If the Body be observed to suffer that is to say to be alter'd in any thing from what it usually appear'd before and especially in the Eyes or the Face as if it change Colour Tremble grow Faint or fall in a Swound if it Laugh Weep Groan or Sigh we may conclude that the Mind suffers and these Motions are called the Passions of the Soul notwithstanding its Nature is not capable of Passion So that these Passions Are the Perceptions or Sensations or Motions of the Soul which are particularly refered to it yet which are Caused Maintained and Augmented by the Motion of the Spirits And because the Soul not only can excite Passions it self but also perceives these that are rais'd by the temper of the Body or from the impression of Objects or the Natural Appetites as we have remarked before the number of Passions is almost infinite seeing one Passion may be generated from another and all these may be mixt and compounded one with another Yet notwithstanding Authors are wont to Constitute some as General or Primitive Passions from which the other are derived as Species that so they may be reduced to some Method These are Admiration Love Desire Joy Sadness Hatred and if you will Fear For if we be taken with any new and surprizing Object we Admire it If we find it to be good and agreeable to our Nature we Love it If this good be absent we Desire it And after having desired it if we obtain the possession thereof we Rejoice As on the contrary if after having possessed it we lose it this loss makes us Sad. On the other hand if the Object present be a thing bad in it self and hurtful we Hate it And if this Object be absent but represented to us as bad and
natural Right the Empire into the hands of the Man because of the Nobility of his Sex and imposing upon the Woman because of the Weakness of hers an indespensable necessity to respect and obey her Husband And this is a Prerogative given by the Sex not onely to Man but also to all sorts of Animals that the Female should be subject and under the Power of the Male as we may see by experience in every particular Species where we may observe that the Male is larglier endowed with what respects the province of Commanding than the Female and particularly in Man who has in speaking generally a more large and penetrating Wit more Prudence a greater Grandure and Elevation of the Mind more courage and more strength than Women so the Family of a Man is compared to a Monarchy where there is but one alone that commands The Subordination therefore is so Essential to Marriage that all Nations of the World yea these that have had no other Light than that of Nature have at all times agreed to make the Man Master yea and Sovereign Judg of the Woman These People being perswaded that the Men ought to be Govern'd by the Publick Laws but the Women by the Laws of their Husbands insomuch that the Woman could not be equally priviledged with her Husband in the use of any of the advantages of this Society but only by this due Submission Aristotle saith that a respect or proportion ought to be observed in Friendships where the one is more Excellent than the other For since there is no real or equal Friendship but between Persons that are equal it is requisite then that a Person Inferiour prosecute his Amity with Respect to the end that this Respect join'd with his Amity may correspond to the Superiority of the Amity of the other and so make up that Equality which is the Property of Friendship The Wife that with Submission to her Husband Bows Thereby's his Equal SEXTUS Lawrels Crown her Brows Saith Martial The Husband then must be the sole Master of the Family and all his Commands without Appeal Yea his Power over his Family is in some respects greater than the Power of a King over his Estates and though the Woman Govern the House yet it is under the Authority of her Husband Neither does this Subordination tend to the Discouragement or Shame of the Woman from which it is so far that on the contrary nothing Contributes so much to her Honour as this due Respect Compliance and Obedience For it is the only Vertue and Character of an Honest Wife whereby she gains more Praises than by all other Advantages she can have other ways when she acquits her self duly of this Duty without any Repugnancy Wives saith Plutarch deserve Praises when they Submit to their Husbands but on the contrary When they Act the Mistress they wound Decency and so much the more that their Hnsbands suffer them to Command So if any Demand what ought Naturally to be the true Rule of Conduct to Married Persons between themselves as well as of all other sorts of Friendship it is no other thing than to Observe the Right that each one has in this Society to the End that retaining themselves within the Bounds that are thereby prescribed to them they may preserve between themselves that Harmony and Agreement which causes the Union of divers Persons to subsist and which is the ground of Amity in Marriage In sum Love or Amity is the Bond of this Society for it could be no more a Society without Union and there can be no Union without Love For which Reason the Submission of the Wife as well as the Command of the Husband must be unmoveably grounded upon Love that Pleasure Advantage and Peace may Reign which Nature looks upon as the Chief End of this to be admired Conjunction The Husband must be Master of his Wife not as a Man is Master of a Thing in which he has a Property and may dispose of at his Pleasure but as the Soul is Master of the Body whose Sensations are all common to it and to whom it is joined in a strait Unity so that the Soul has a care of the Body without nevertheless condescending to all its Enormities or Disorder of Passions Even so the Government of the Husband ought to be a Government of Joy Consolation and Amity a The Ancients were wont to place Mercury near to Venus to shew that the pleasure of Marriage consists particularly in the Consolation of Convers whereof Mercury is a Symbole They gave her likewise for Companions the Goddess of Perswasion and the Graces intimating thereby that Husbands should Command with Perswasions and not with Threats Now Love is an Act of the Soul in prosecution of a Judgment already made whereby it Wills to be joined with the thing it esteems Good that is to say to pass of it self into the Object Beloved and by this Conjunction of the Will to make up no more than one entire of which as we may apprehend the Lover Constitutes one part and the thing Loved another My Soul 's Transplanted to another Place I 'm not at all where I do seem to be Where none ere did or ere shall see my Face My Love there fixes both my Soul and me Saith Plautus So Love causes us as it were to put on or assume intirely the Person Loved that if it may be so said we have no more Soul to Animate us withal of our own but use that of the Person we Love instead of our own that is to say we Relinquish all the Thoughts Desires and Actions of our own Soul to conform them to these of the Person Loved so that all the Actions and Thoughts of his Soul are ours or the same that our Soul Acts or Thinks we Desire what he shall Inspire us to Desire we Hate whatsoever we see him Hate we Fear what he Fears In short we Dispute nothing but with his Thoughts and upon his Principles nor do we Will any thing but by his Will that is we Desire nothing but what he Wills and to abridg the Description in one word with Aristotle The Person whom we Love is our other self It is this Love that is altogether Divine since it has no other Motive but Vertue It is this Love that is so much Affected and Transported with that which it finds Laudable in the thing Loved that it makes it its whole Delight And it is this generous Love that has made so many Lovers Renown'd Now you see in short what Love is We have also shewed what Marriage is And as we have supposed before that there is no Jealousie without Love yea such Love as can mutually Unite the Hearts of Man and Woman It is now time to see where this Jealousie we speak of ought to be placed since then Marriage on the Mans part is nothing else but
Thou shalt to her a Father be And as a Brother lovingly Shalt Cherish her a Mothers Love From thee in her shall Reverence move So the Husband ought to supply to his Wife the place of Father Mother Brother and all other Relations Yea much more two Persons must make up but one Behold then the highest pitch that Love is capable of reaching too Behold the height of the most ardent Amity that can be conceiv'd to be so conjoyn'd with the thing loved as to become one and the same thing with it This Love is a Symbole of that Caelestial Love that shall be perfected in the Elect when having put off this sinful Flesh and are renewed by Christ they shall be made one with him Can that Union then between the very Soul and Body be more perfect than is that of Persons joyned in Marriage Can there be any thing more admirable since to comprehend it we must conceive a kind of Miracle imagining two Persons are not two but simply one That is to say the one ought to be so nearly United to the other by Love that whatever touches the one be it Good or be it Evil it also affects the other so lively that there is no difference in their resentments It is this miraculous Love that makes the Union of Marriage which Union is undissolvâ—ble according to our Divine Law-giver so long as this Love subsists and is not banished by infidelity to that Bed which God has made Sacred to Marriage If then it be this Love that according to the intention of the words of our Saviour is the Sacred Tye of the Marriage of Christians there can be nothing more opposite to it than Jealousie since being the pernicious Bud of Luxury the most unbridled of all our Passions it is impossible that it can consist with the tenderness and holy peace of that Love that conjoyns Man and Wife Now this Love being a Command of God which we violate by these Motions of Self-Love it necessarily follows that we commit a manifest Sin every time we give way to this Passion of Jealousie And therefore to say that a Man or Womans Love is commendable for their being Jealous is the same thing as to say it is commendable to offend God But that we may be yet further convinced St. Paul does not only give us the Commands of God on this Subject but on his own part he gives us the condition of Marriage between Man and Wife in as much as on the one side he recommends to Christian Husbands to Love their Wives and on the other he recommends to the Wives to be submissive to their Husbands in loving them Husbands Love your Wives saith he even as Christ loved his Church and gave himself to Dye for it so let Husbands Love their Wives even as their own Bodies Indeed saith a Learned Doctour in explaining this Passage as Jesus Christ is over and Rules his Church and which he Governs and Protects for its own Good even so a Husband ought to Command and Govern his Wife both for her own and whole Families good But we must here observe that since St. Paul has ordered Husbands to Love their Wives he thereby teaches them not to Command or Govern them Imperiously but with Mildness and in Love that thereby the Yoak of the Power of the Husband may be rendered lighter and more easie So the Husband saith another Learned Man must know that Marriage is the highest degree of all Amities whatever and that Amity is vastly different from Tyranny since Tyrants are not obeyed but by force This for the Part of the Husband As to what respects the Part of the Wife he ceases not to preach submission to them Let Wives saith he submit to their Husbands as to the Lord because the Man is the head of the Woman even as Christ is the Head of the Church which is his Body and whereof also he is the Saviour as therefore the Church is obedient to Christ so let Women also be obedient to their Husbands in all things Let Women then consider the Person of our Lord and Saviour who is the Head and Espouse of the Church in the Person of their Husbands Neither does this submission at all exclude the Love of the Wife towards the Husband but on the contrary ought to be accompanied with Love as though St. Paul should say I charge the Wife that she not only love her Husband but also that she fear him and bear to him a respect as to her Master and Head to whom she ones submission for which reason she ought to take all care not to give him offence and thus much for Women In which we cannot but admire the Justice and at the same time the importance of the words of this great Apostle He saith to Husbands Love your Wives knowing well that if they loved them they would not hearken to any Infidelity that could loosen their conjugal Unity for Love is the very Tye and Cement of this Union he knew well that to Love them is to Love their own selves since they are one Flesh with them and to oblige them to a reciprocal Love and lastly he saith to them Love your Wives Thereby giveing them to understand that the Superiority of the Husband ought to be altogether in Love Then he saith to the Women Love your Husbands but he adds be ye subject to your Husbands Let them that are grown up in years saith he instruct the young Married Women with Prudence teaching them to Love their Husbands and Children to be Orderly Chast Diligent in Ruling their House Good submitting to their Husbands He adds it to let them know that a Woman should so Love her Husband that she bear him Respect and so to Respect him that she Love him also for from these two Sentences conjoyned arises the Duty of a Wife towards her Husband A Woman must be not only Good and Compliant but also submitting and Obedient to her Husband because he is her Head The Apostle commands Obedience in the Woman because he knew from the Nature of Humane Genius that this Submission would Infallibly maintain Love in the heart of the Husband nothing in the World tending so much to win the heart and create Love as Submission so that Submission in the Woman nourishes Love in her Husband and the Love of the Husband reproducing or multiplying it self in the Woman from thence Springs that marvellous Unity which God design'd in distinguishing the Sexes and instituting Marriage in which Holy Contract it is the Mans part to Furnish Love and the Womans Obedience and Respect So St. Paul does not describe this Love of a Husband as a common Love but proposes for example the inviolable Love of Christ Jesus for his Church as far as Man is capable of imitating this great example thereby giving it the Character of the sincerest of all Loves nor can
there be a greater Love than to dye for one as by this example Husbands are obliged to dye for their Wives if necessity requires it In short It is this that Sanctifies Marriage for it is a Sacrament because the agreement of their Wills and the Union of their Bodies signifie on the one hand the Charity which is according to the Spirit between God and Righteous Souls or the Church and on the other the Sacred Marriage that Jesus Christ has contracted with the same Church by the Mistery of his Holy Incarnation This Sacred Marriage ought therefore to serve for an Example to Man in Marriage Husbands ought to Love their Wives as Christ loved his Church not that St. Paul exacts of Man an equal affection but only that they imitate his Example For Husbands ought to look upon Christ who is the Espouse of the Church as a Model for all the Circumstances of their Love wherewith they ought to Love their Wives On the other hand he is not to be understood on the part of the Woman as if he spoke of some slight kind of Submission but a Submission perfectly entire in all things whatsoever especially respecting the conduct of the Family of the Husband whereof she is a Member In such sort that in this Society there must be no more than one sole Will and which is that of the Husband two differing Wills not being capable of Union So that to say it once over again the Husband commanding or imposing nothing on the Wife but what is reasonable and consonant to the Power that God has given her and to the perfect Love he has commanded him to have for her And she for her part being Obedient and Submitting to him in the Lord in every thing without any exception they together effect that which is altogether admirable that of two Persons they make but simply one in Marriage Upon these immoveable Principles not only the Ecclesiastical Laws who contain the Precepts of the Gospel and the Interpretation of the Fathers but also the Civil Laws are founded to establish the Discipline we ought to observe in a State of Marriage All which do so unanimously ordain a mutual Love between the Persons Married the Superiority of the Husband and the Submission and Obedience of the Wife to the forming of Marriage that if any one of these be a wanting they acknowledge there no more Society although the Bands are not broke before the Death of one of the two Married Persons It is not the Bed says the Lawyer but the agreement of their minds that makes a Marriage and where ever this mutual agreement is not there can be no Marriage Now to all this No place is wanting of Authorities for recommending to the Woman Submission Subjection and Obedience for though she may sometimes be called a Mistress of the Family or Companion by her Husband yet this does not give her any Command nor any Share in the Authority of the Family When she is Marrying they Cover her with a Vail thereby shewing her that she ought to be Humble and Submissive to her Husband As soon saith St. Ambrose as Rebecca perceived Isaac coming asking who he was and being enformed that it was he that should Espouse her she Bared her Feet and began to Cover her self with a Vail thereby Teaching us that a Submissive Shame-facedness should even preceed their Marriage Nor can any Wife be permitted to perform it if she have Vowed a Vow of Continence without the permission of the Husband and that because she must be Submitting to her Husband in all things It is agreeable to the Order of Nature that Women Submit to their Husbands as well as Children to their Parents since it would be injust that the Greater should be Subject to the Less The true Mark â—hat Man is the Image of God is that he is as Lord and Exercises an Empire which only appertains to God for every King or he that Exercises Command carrys thereby the Image of God and from hence in part it may be said that God made Man after his own Image for which reason the Apostle saith That Man ought not to Cover his Face because he is the Image and Glory of God whereas the Woman ought â—o Cover hers because she cannot be said to be either the Image or the Glory of God A Woman that refuseth to Obey her Husband who is the Head of the Woman as Christ is the Head of the Husband does not Offend less therein than the Husband should if he denied to Obey Christ The Woman Scandalizes the Word of God when she Contemns that Sentence that was by him pronounced to her Thou shalt be under the Power of thy Husband Dishonouring thereby the Holy Gospel in as much as against the Law and the Intention of Nature she that professeth Christianity and by the Order of God ought to be Subject to her Husband yet notwithstanding would Command him yea although the very Pagaâ— Women Obey and Submit to their Husbands following only the Law of Nature Lastly Since Adam was Deceived by Eve and not Eve by Adam it is but Just that she should take him for Master whom by making him accessary she made Guilty of the Punishment for the Fault that was hers and the rather that being under his Conduct she may not fall again by the Weakness of her Sex Now all this we are Taught by the Holy Scriptures the Fathers of the Church and the Canonical Law Let us now ask the Question of the People of this World Whether or no according to these Rules which ought to be Inviolable and Sacred to us since our Destruction and Salvation depend thereon a Man that makes profession of Christianity imitates as he is obliged to do the Union and Love of Christ for his Church when he has a Sensual Jealousie of his Wife I would Ask Whether or no a Christian Woman gains to her self a good Report by being Jealous And how that Modesty which ought to accompany Marriage together with this Command of God Wives be Subject to your Husbands Can consist or agree with the many Contradictions she Daily weaâ—ies her Husband withal How with her Haughtiness Outrages Reproaches Invectives Disobedience and Fretings which her Jealousie continually â—ut her upon Can this be to be Subâ—ect to her Husband to Elevate her self above him in pretending to Instruct him and to Censure and Examine all his Actions thereby Raising Contests Bitterness and Contempt So far are these Extravagancies from being the Attendants of the Holiness of a Sacrament Instituted by God â—hat they are directly a Reversing of both Divine and Humane Laws they are the Violation of Marriage and the breaking off of Union For if by this Holy and Inviolable Contract and as God has Commanded by St. Paul the Husband is Obliged to Love his Wife with the most Pure and Perfect Love of all other and the Woman is Obliged to Humble
Obey and Submit her self to her Husband it necessarily follows that if the Husband only Love his Wife with a Sensual Love which give way for him to commit a Thousand Outrages against her and the Woman not Humbling her self and Submitting to her Husband they destroy the Commands of God the one for being a Tyrant instead of a Father and the other for not only Transgressing the Rules of Obedience which is her Lot but also Extinguishing the Love God has Commanded her Husband to have for her by her Vexatious Humour And indeed if he Love her afterwards as he is Obliged to do by the Rules of Charity he can have no other Love for her than such a one as a Man has for an open Enemy not a Tender and Holy Love Which being so there remains no more Conjugal Love no more Union nor no more Society for which God Instituted Marriage CHAP. V. Of the Jealousie of Husbands and the Remedies thereof IF you will descend now from these general Truths to particular Actions you will then see the Effects of what we have advanced But who can be capable to play the Painter hereof aright Who can be able to give a right Idea in Words of the Unhappiness of Marriage when for Example the Power of a Husband falls into the Hands of a Man Distracted with this Brutal Jealousie with that Jealousie so Blind and Enraged that even the Vertue it self of the Person Beloved Irritates and Excites it Every Day gives the experience of this Surprising Truth For as there can be nothing that Attracts the Heart so much as Vertue by how much the Woman indued therewith possesseth a larger share and by consequence becoming so much the more Aimable by so much their Passion makes them more afraid of the loss and burns with more vehemency So that to undertake the decipherin the inhuman ties of this Brutallity when it is arrived to the excess of Blindneâ—s and Fury as it often falls out were to undertake the Description of the Cruelties of a Savage mad Beast that nothing can Reduce or Tame But what is yet more deplorable in these Persons then in the very Beasts these that are most in lightned with Natural understanding do suffer themselves to be transported with this Passion more than any other if they be sensual For as their Wit is quick and piercing so it is Suspitious their Distrust arising from that very extent of their Apprehension whereby they understand or at least believe they understand the most abstruce and hidden things So we see that the best Genius's are the most Subject to these kind of Transports when their Natural Inclination possesses the Authority that is due to Reason If you desire Examples we may take that which History first supplies us withal of Mithridates K. of Pontus whose Vertuous Qualities and Great Power made him thought worthy by the Romans to Employ their Armes upon This Prince beset with the Passion of this kind of Love we speak of for Monime his Queen who was endued with an excellent Beauty and had yet a greater share of Vertue as the Author of the History has it kept her all her life as in a Prison with Eunuchs and Barbarians and at last being Defeated by the Romans he sent a Slave to cut her Throat fearing least She might fall in the hands of his Vanquishers as even after Death he would be jealous of her Herod the Great who surpassed all the Princes of his time in political prudence would imitate him in that for he had given orders twice to put his Wife to Death if Antonius and afterwards Augustus to whom he was obliged to come and Justify himself in some Affairs of Government should have taken away his own Life and moreover at last through Jealousie upon false Reports he condemned her to die although as as the Historian saith She was a Princess extreemly Chast and Vertuous We should never have done if we should expatiate upon this Subject but we shall not exaggerate the pernicious effects of this Passion it being our Duty and Task to suppress them and is much more Incumbent upon us to heal the Sore if possible than to reveal its detestible Consequences But what mean can be used to give Light to one that naturally blind or how can Counsel be Administred to one that stops his Earâ— to all Reason Yet since as I hope it is true there is no Christian will suffer himself to be hurried to these extreems of Infidels and Men below the range of Savage Beasts We shall leave them to themselves as God has already done and direct our Discourse to such as have their groundwork yet sound and whose Minds are onely like the Sun covered and darkned with Clouds which once scattered he resumes his former Lustre Jealous Persons may be divided into two Claâ—â—es the first is of these whose Jealousie is rather a weakness of the Mind than an inward resentment of the Passion the other is of those whose Jealousie is a formal Blindness that quite overthrows Reason A Husband that is Jealous and in the first Rank which we may call reasonably Jealous because Reason is not altogether blinded with Passion in them ought always to regard two things in â—he Jealousie he has of his Wife The first is if the Fear he has be grounded upon any likelyhood or appearance of â—ruth and the second whether it be â—or grounded onely on bare suspicions â—nd indeed since this tends to the taking away of the Honour of the Wife which is in some cases equal to life it self and since the Husband is the onely â—udge therein it behoovs him to have â—he same Circumspection and precaution as if he should go upon her life otherwise he commits Injustice Now if any appearance of Truth or some Dissolute Carriages give occasion to the Husband to fear a real Evil he â—ought in this Case to call to mind the Principles that we have Established and to consider with himself that not only Jealousie it self but also even his Duty obliges him on all occasions to watch and observe the Conduct of his wife and to wean and reform her Inclination from what is not good by seasonable and apt Counsels and to let her see the ill Consequences which perhaps she is not capable to discern her self of many of her Actions which yet may some of them be indifferent all which and other Instructions necessary he ought especially and with more reason endeavour to apply if he be perswaded thaâ— his Wife has not a due attention or regard over her Actions He must there let her understand with Mildness and Speeches full of Charity the Care she ought to take to shun not only the evil but much more if we may so say the appearance of evil for Reputation is unhappy in this that the bare appearance stains it equally with the Fact it self He must also shew her Examples of Vertuous Women for
her Husband being Surpriz'd with this new change had some Doubts whether oâ— no it might come from his own Wife she confessing it this Tenderness oâ— hers touch'd his Heart so Lively that he broke off his Execrable Engagements to Observe his Natural Obligations to so Honest a Wife Another in like manner a little grown in Years Observing that a Young Woman drew her Husband every Day to her Lodgings provided a Lodging for her in her own House entertaining her with the greatest welcomness imaginable to the end she might keep her Husband at home and if at any time he might Sup abroad with this Young Woman she would be sure to send them her best Mess and wish them to make Merry which Submission at last had the same Effect on this Husband that we related of the other Now to repeat in Two words all that we have said the Wife ought not in the least to complain that her Husband does not Love her but ought on such occasion to discharge her Duty with a redoubled Diligence and so â—ender her self Ameable to the end he may Love her And as it is neither Riches nor Beauty nor a Formal or â—tudied kind of Bravery which most Women are affected withal that can â—eget true Love it must follow then that there is nothing besides Vertue that renders a Woman Lovely And by this Vertue attended with Meekness and Condescention the Wife shall assuredly Reduce and Reform an Enormous Husband either sooner or later I mean if it be not a Feigned â—or Dissembled Vertue which she may make use of for a time in a Sleight but a true and sincere Vertue which intimately Teaches her Heart and of which all her Actions by an Uremitting Uniformity bear a certain and perpetual Testimony And indeed it is most certainly true that a Woman beset with Jealousie yet practising Vertue and keeping her Passion in Subjection to Reason and to the Precepts which Nature Justice and God himself have Prescribed to her by injoyning her as we have said to have a Submission Respect and Obedience to her Husband will much sooner obtain her honest design of Conquering and Reforming her lewd Husband and with less trouble to her self than she possibly can do with her cross Humours her Jarrings her Quarrellings her Obstinacies her Melancholy or with her Despairing Madness Fury or Envy so that it is likewise this Vertue that diverts a curse from the Family and instead thereof procures the Blessing of Peace It is this that gives a Woman the height of Renown in the World And it is by this that she truly Merits the qualification of an honest Wife And lastly it is in this most humble and most prudent manner only that a Woman must be Jealous to gain Reputation and not in following the Dictates of corrupted Nature as too-too many People of the World do CHAP. VII That it is True and Reasonable Love that produceth Peace in Marriage ACcording to the Principles which we have proposed it is easie to perceive that the Love which begets Sensual Jealousie is not at all that that produces Reciprocal Love and by consequence Peace in Marriage since instead of inclining them to do these things that procure Love on the contrary it inclines them to do every thing that 's capable to procure them Hatred We have I suppose sufficiently shown that these Distrusts these secret Contrivances these Rebukes and these Heats of Passion which Jealousie suggest are so far from being capable to prevent or cure the Evil that 's fear'd that on the contrary they only stir it up and bring a scandal upon it over and above So that we may Establish for an unquestionable Maxim that Jealousie returns back upon themselves that are Jealous and that it serves them to no other use but to fret their Minds and to disturb them Day and Night with Fears and Suspitions which yet most times are no more than Dreams and Chimaeras and Lastly to make them undergo the most unparalel'd Torments in the World It serves I say to no other end but to Toil themselves and vainly to weary all that Converse with them much like to Mastiâ—f-Dogs that watch about a House that Rave whilst Sleeping Disturb and Torment themselves and by their Barking and Howling give the Alarm and put all that are in the House into a Fright and Trouble And in short it only serves to Disgrace themselves by discovering those Sordid Passions that Agitate their Souls For as every one Contemns a Man saith our Philosopher that is Jealous of his Riches because it proceeds from his Avarice so in like manner they disesteem him that 's Jealous of his Wife because that proceeds from his Sensuality And indeed it is an evident Testimony that he does not Love his Wife as he ought to do and that he has an ill opinion either of her or of himself For if he had a real Love for her he would have no Inclination to Distrust her But it is not her directly that he Loves it is only the Possession of her and he fears the less thereof because either he knows himself to be unworthy of it or that she is Unfaithful To all this we may add That Jealousie is a means by so much the less capable to produce the effect desired in that it is a Contagious Evil which Communicates it self and Infects with the same Distemper the other Party which before was altogether free from it so that thereby instead of One there are Two found Diseased and instead of some small hopes of Peace which was before there arises a continual and irreconcileable Warfare the mildest Remedy whereof must be a Separation We may be fully and thorowly convinced of this Truth if we look upon the infinite number of separations of Marriages which the Magistrates are obliged to make every Year for the preventing of disasters not to be conceiv'd without Horrour which would otherwise ensue If we examine thâ— causes of these separations to the bottom and not rest upon these that appear or are pretended we shall find under thâ—se pretexts that are always specious and plausible that the Truth is that Jealousie introducing and nourishing between the Married couple ill Humours capricious Actions Suspitions Scrutinies Reproaches and transports of Passion continually and without end they have made themselves so insupportable the one to the other that the Law was necessitated to interpose between them like a Grate between Savage Beasts The reason of this reciprocal Jealousie is easily to be found for the Party that is not Jealous seeing the other to be so and knowing that he must be so because he Judges him criminal and withal knowing that those that think themselves Armed with Justice for Revenge will do any thing that may contribute to it he conceives a Suspition himself that the other may Revenge himself by the Infidelity which this other Judges him guilty of which Ripening by
degrees breaks forth like Lightning at last and blows the Fire of Domestick Sedition up to a destructive Flame It cannot be therefore this sensual Love that maintains Peace in Marriage â—t is reasonable and real Love it is this Love that we have represented full of Meekness which affects the Mind of the Husband with a real Tenderness which enclines him to Reign over the Heart of his Wife by engaging Actions and not by the Rigid Exercise of the right he has to Rule which excuses smaller Faults and covers greater Misdemeanours with Charity and Compassion when they cannot be retreived which takes a greater share of all the Evils that befal her than she does her self which makes him ready to die for her sake as Christ who is his Example died for his Church It is this Love that removes all danger of these sad disasters we have touch't upon without the mediation of the Magistrate whose Authority is so universal because it is founded upon natural Justice That those that are the least enlightned with reason are under its Power and not only so but are also animated and encouraged thereby against all dangers whatever that may any way invade thâ— beloved Object We have an Example of an Arabian which may be a lesson for us of thâ— real Love and Tenderness his Name was Raha and commanded in Affrica in Quality of a General One day Party belonging to the Neighbouring People having surprized his Quarters in his abscence took away great Spoyâ— and withal took his Wife Prisoner And as they were going off with their Booties the General was at the same time Returning with about Seventy Horse who meeting them loaded with Pillage and not knowing any thing of the Disaster of his Wife he Charges them on the Reer thinking to Scatter them but seeing his Assaults to be in vain and that he was too weak for them he commands the Retreat and just as they were wheeling about he heard aâ— confused Voyce in the middle of the Enemies Party which cryed Raha he stops a little and understands it to be the voyce of his Wife he goes directly back again by himself and got leave to speak to her from the Commander of the Party to take his last farewel of her She at the first sight begins to reprove him of his Remisness that he would suffer her to be taken away on such a manner which words with the seeing her in such a Condition did so Enflame his Love and Provoke his Jealousie that he run to his Soldiers and spoke to them saying If ever you have been sensible of Love take Pity of my Dear Wife and me help us I Conjure you by all that is Sacred to Mortals by the Glory of our Nation by my own Life which cannot Subsist long if they Ravish my Wife from me Go to my Dear Friends Fortune helps the Generous and Lovers They went on indeed Set upon the Body of the Party Raha Kill'd the Commander with his own Hands and put the Rest to Flight he Delivered his Wife and brought her back in Tryumph with all the Spoil Now such are the Effects of a Generous and Lawful Jealousie Animated only by the Motions of Nature We may easily presume from hence that Peace does Gloriously Reign in such a Marriage But to raise our Jealousie to a degree of Perfection and to guide it according to the Light of Christianity We need only to Imitate that Excellent Pattern of Marriage in the Persons oâ— the Mother of our Blessed Saviour and of Joseph The Meekness and Moderation of this Just Husband are Admirable He did not Scandalize his Be trothed Virgin although he knew he to be with Child and not yet Instructed that it was the working of the Holy Spirit He did not Persecute he with Complaints with Roughness with Suspitions with Passions or with Violences but he resolved to put her away quietly and privately because â—aith the Holy Evangelist he was a Just Man and Fearing God So that it is Evident that he Loved her with a Real and Reasonable Love for her selâ— only and not for his own Ends according to the Holy Rules of Amity and not according to the Unregulated Instinct of Passion which Besieges and Agitates the Minds of Sensual Persons Now it would be unnecessary to Exemplifie further the Peace that Blessed this Holy Marriage since it is so easie to infer from this Peaceable Love already rehearsed that nothing could intervene between these Divine Lovers but Calmness and Admirable Meekness It is likewise unnecessary to Insist any longer upon Instructing Jealous Women in the Means to preserve Peace since we have already Established by Proofs I suppose Invincible that it depends only upon things that are opposed to the Enormities of this Sensual Jealousie that is to say on Meekness and Submission of the Mind Neither shall they pretend to say That we have made it our Pleasure to make their Condition worse then that of Men For we have only followed Nature herein whose Laws are a Law to all the Rest Now as a Man would be Rediculous that would not Eat nor Drink because he was not Born a Prince so likewise that Woman must be of a Capricious Humour that will not do what she ought to do because the Law of Nature has Subjected her to her Husband It is not of this then that Women must Complain But rather let them Complain of these Two things which indeed are the true Causes of the Evils they Suffer themselves and with which they Infect others First Let them Complain that the greatest part of Parents give their Children a Bad Education and bring them up in a Love of themselves by their too much Indulgency which is the Original of Sensuality Secondly Let them Complain of the little Care they take or the wrong Ends they propose in their Marriages where they will give Ear to nothing but what may Answer their Pride or Temporal Interest Indeed it is a great Abuse in the World to permit a kind of People to make a Publick Trade of Marrying others and an Indignity insufferable and Criminal that these Creatures should Sell the Children of a Family Publickly These are People that keep Account-Books and State Methodically in a Twofold Range all Persons that are to be Married of either Sex and particularly of a great Number that come out of Remote Countreys many whereof come almost of no other Account but to Trie their Fortunes herein and indeed their Counts are always pretty full of these and they make the best Returns by them for having nothing to lose for the most part if they Hound them fairly and they Kill they are willing to divide the Prey with them Now these Men-Marchants are wont to Insinuate themselves directly if they can into any House where they are in hopes to find any Game or if they cannot do it directly they either Corrupt the Servants they can come