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A14992 A care-cloth: or a treatise of the cumbers and troubles of marriage intended to aduise them that may, to shun them; that may not, well and patiently to beare them. By William Whately, preacher of the word of God in Banbury, in Oxfordshire. Whately, William, 1583-1639. 1624 (1624) STC 25299; ESTC S107622 140,887 282

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Saints ought to abound in fernent loue to the diuine Maiestie in regard both of those infinite excellencies which are in his holy nature and the innumerable demonstrations thereof as also of those great and many benefits which they themselues doe receiue from him This loue cannot be separated from an earnest desire that he may be honored serued obeyed and in word and deed acknowledged and respected according to his owne worth and greatnesse and the multitude and greatnesse of his mercies Now there is such a naturall sympathy betwixt the affections of mans heart and they are so mutually subordinated each to other in their workings as it is not possible but that loue to any person and desire that he should be well dealt withall must needs rayse vp griefe and sorrow vpon the beholding of the quite contrarie For loue must needs beget hatred and abhorring of those things that tend to thy hurt and dishonour of the partie loued because he that loueth cannot choose but esteeme and account them euill yea and very euill and if that thing bee present with any man which he hateth and reputeth euill it must of necessitie stirre vp in him a measure of sorrow proportionable to his hatred Wherefore this griefe must beare witnesse to the truth of that loue which we say wee beare vnto the liuing God and must iustifie all those protestations which wee are ready to make of hauing abundant good will vnto him For it is in vaine to say we loue if we bring not forth the effects of loue It is but painted and imaginarie fire which yeeldeth forth neither heate nor light so it is but tongue-tongue-loue and lip-affection which is good for nothing but to beguile our selues and make vs better conceited of our selues then there is cause that produceth not the true and proper fruites of loue Furthermore wee doe know and confesse Loue to men that our loue to God must alwayes bee ioyned with the loue of our brethren euen of all that are made of the same flesh with our selues I meane our hearts must bee settled in a liking of them and desire of their welfare as of Gods creatures to whom he hath pleased to vnite vs in many bonds For though the Lord doe allow yea and command vs to hate the workers of iniquitie as they well deserue because they commit hate-worthy actions yet this hatred must not be any habituall inclination or motion of the will to their hurt but alone a stirring vp of the affection of dislike against them or not brooking them in regard of the euill which they commit which may well stand and must euer be ioyned with the vertue of Christian charitie whereby out of a liking of them as Gods creatures we are alwayes prompt and ready to wish and seeke their good Now if we do thus loue them must it not needs grieue vs to see that which we know to be harmefull and mischieuous to them Loue cannot choose but breed a fellow-feeling compassion a sympathizing commiseration and sensiblenesse of the losse euill damage miserie of the partie loued Wherefore sinne being as in the next reason we are to shew a most dangerous and hurtful thing to the soules of them that commit it it cannot but call for our sorrow yea much sorrow and many teares whensoeuer we behold it Againe Loathing of sin euery Christian man should haue his heart possessed with a loathing detestation and hatred of sinne that being indeed the first and principal and most immediate obiect of hatred we may call it the chiefe odious thing in regard of which alone it is lawful to hate other things neither is any thing further hatefull then as it doth some way or other participate of sinne misery being alone hatefull so farre as it is an effect and concomitant of sinne from which if it be separated as in the case of suffering for wel-doing it is euen louely and desireable but whatsoeuer doth sauour of sinne in as much as it is sinfull is hatefull also and therefore the Word of God commands vs to be haters of euill And if a man doe neuer so much forbeare sinne out of other considerations of the inconueniences that insue it not out of a loathing of it in as much as it is a contrariety to the will and glory of God the chiefe good for indeed sinne alone is properly contrarie to God as hauing no manner of dependance vpon him nor similitude of him nor any other relation to him but alone as contraries be relatiues and as crimes haue reference to the Iudge that is to punish them I say if in this respect of loathing sinne as sinne wee forbeare it not our forbearance of it is not a thing formally good it is not truly nor sincerely good but alone good inshew a practice of hypocrisie a carcasse or painting of goodnesse It being then a thing so absolutely needfull to hate sinne as that wee cannot say we haue Gods Image vnlesse we resemble him in this for hee hateth sinne with a perfect hatred it is therfore also necessarie that we grieue for sinne for the presence of a thing lothsome and detested cannot be separated from griefe griefe being nothing else but a contraction and paining of the heart at an euill thing present and that must needs bee confessed euill which is accounted hatefull So then we shall falsely affirme that we hate euill if we sorrow not to see it committed There are some things which in nature a man abhorreth and cannot away withall as some cannot endure a Cat some a Mouse some a Frog or the like now when such a loathed thing doth of force and whether he will or no draw neere to any person experience will tell vs how grieuous it is vnto him hee cryes and shreekes and starts and shewes an extremitie of the passion of sorrow and if he cannot flie from it his whole body will weepe as it were in a kind of cold sweat as if the weeping of the eye were too little So if sinne be amongst the number of things that we cannot away withall that we do loath detest and haue in abomination we shall surely testifie our abhorring it by a sadnes heauines deiectednesse contraction contrition troublednesse falling melting and mourning of our spirits when wee cannot choose but see it committed for betwixt grace and sinne there is as true an antypathy as betwixt a mans nature and a toade And therefore so much grace I meane sanctifying Grace as we haue in vs so much sorrow must we needs haue for sinne So haue you the first reason of the point consider the second which wee fetch from the nature of sinne CHAP. III. Containing another reason of the doctrine gathered from the nature of sinne Reas 2 SInne is of all things in the World the most and greatest euill From the nature of sinne which separating the person in whom it ruleth from the Sea and Fountaine of goodnesse We may call it after a sort the
like the fruitfull Vine comfortable aswell as fruitfull His children like the Oliue plants profitable and beneficiall as well as many Godlinesse is good for all things it hath the promises of this life and of that which shall bee and these promises must needs bee fulfilled An holy conuersation of life a well ordred and religious carriage in the whole frame of life this makes life sweet all the comforts of life cōfortable If thou walke in Gods wayes he hath vndertaken to make all you do prosperous Lo a sure way of attaining as much happinesse as this lower world can yeeld For why doth God send troubles but to correct sin and to redresse disorders and to draw men to godlines If they follow godlines of their owne accord by hearkning to the coūsel of his Word fewer afflictions will be needfull and fewer shal be sent for he corrects not willingly but as Parents giue bitter draughts to their children euen for the health profit of their children But secondly the man wife that would liue cheerefully must loue each other tenderly and plentifully Much heartie and holy loue to one another will sweeten all crosses and keepe out the worst and greatest crosses Let the husband loue his wife as Paul enioyneth and let wiues be louers of their husbands as the same Apostle prescribeth charity wil couer al things and hope al things beleeue all things and suffer all things and so wil mend very many things y● else would surely go amisse Wherefore striue more to store thine heart with loue to thine yoke-fellow then to fill thy coffers with gold and siluer for grace is more auaileable to felicity then wealth and charitie is the King of graces And that you may loue each other in large quantity and after a spirituall manner pray often each with other and each for other that will breed much loue Do much good to the soules of each other and you shall not chuse but be kindly affectioned one to another Thirdly instruct your children and seruants in the feare and knowledge of God labouring to make them Gods children and seruants and then they will proue to you good children and seruants or if they proue otherwise the testimony of your consciences that your diligence hath not been wanting to make them such will comfort you much in their badnesse Dutifulnes and obedience to God wil come attended with dutifulnes and obediēce to you care of pleasing God will breed care of pleasing you a good cōscience towards their chief Gouernor wil beget a good carriage to you their inferior gouernors If pietie dwell in your hearts and houses it will chase the greatest troubles out of dores keep the rest from breeding much vexation And if you seek to plant and water it in your families it will likely grow there or if it should not yet the doing of dutie wil comfort the hart though successe be wanting to endeauour Lastly for your estates let your harts be moderate your hands diligent Labour about the things of the world else an idle person must walke vpon an hedge of thornes Loue not the things of the world else a person greedy of gaine shall trouble his owne house The diligent hand will bring sufficiencie and the moderate heart will bring contentment and then the troubles of a mans estate must needs be made few and easie He that for Gods sake applieth his calling and not for wealths sake shall haue Gods fauour in his calling and either shall not be crossed or shall not be vexed by crosses So haue we shewed you as good directions as we could to keepe afflictious out of doores But no care will altogether shame them You must therefore set your selues in the second place to beare them patiently and not to faint vnder them nor to be distempered by them Neuer vnwish marriage for the cumbers of marriage Had-I-wist is seemely in no mans mouth O that I had neuer married is a most vndecent thought in an husbands hart a fond word in his lips Why should our wils oppose Gods will when he hath made it knowne vnto vs Paul saith before Art thou joyned to a wife seeke not to be loosed A valiant souldier doth neuer repent of the battaile because he meetes with strong enemies he resolues to be conquerour and then the more and stronger his foes the greater his honour So must the husband and wife resolue to conquer the troubles of marriage and vse the buckler of patience against the blowes of aduersitie that they may conquer But here also you will aske how and I must tell you how The meanes to get patience in the cumbers of the wedded estate are chiefely these first to resolue you must and will bee patient secondly to pray that you may bee patient thirdly to consider your comforts as well as your crosses and fourthly to looke vp to God as the Author and Heauen as the end of your troubles A firme purpose of will to doe or suffer any thing doth greatly fortifie the soule Hee that often thinkes I am bound to beare my part of trouble quietly seeing euery man aliue hath his portion in troubles and seeing we haue brought troubles vpon our selues and seeing these troubles are but short and light in comparison of those we haue deserued and therefore I wil euen buckle my shoulders to the burden and not giue way to shrinking this man shall find that an hard loade will lye lighter vpon a resolute heart then an easier burden vpon an irresolute spirit Whatsoeuer a Christian man doth constantly tell himselfe that hee hath great reason to doe shall haue much good by doing and must needs doe or doe worse and therfore inacts this statute in his mind By Gods helpe I will doe it that shall he be able to doe in good measure and God will passe by his failings Doe thus much for the matter of patience inure your minds to thinke much of the reasons that should induce you to it and vpon those reasons to conclude that through the gracious assistance of God you will be patient and you shall be so But resolutions without prayer are presumptuous and God doth vse to chastice presumption by making it find its owne weakenesse Wherefore you must pray much and often as well as resolue Strong resolutions ioyned with strong supplications cannot bee in vaine Lord must thou say by nature I am impatient apt to fume and fret or else to faint and quaile but O let me be strengthened with all might according to thy glorious power vnto all long-suffering and patience with ioyfulnesse Lord strengthen me against all infirme and impotent fallings of heart against all furious and violent risings of spirit and seeing thou hast brought me into marriage inable mee to beare the burdens of marriage The frequent renewing of such acknowledgements of our owne feeblenesse and petitions to be fortified by the might of Gods Spirit will cause that wee shall find the grace of God
ioy and thankesgiuing doe runne before the Lord and giue away all the praise from our selues to him There is nothing can more reioyce the spirit of a Christian then this heauenly ioy will doe The ioy of the Lord is our strength Sorrow Nehem. 8.10 when we haue been foyled is no more auaileable to confirme vs against sinne then holy reioycin when we haue stood fast and resisted It is a more signe of self-selfe-loue to grieue for that we are weake but a greater signe of true loue to God to reioyce in him when hee makes vs strong Wherefore as a godly man if hee finde himselfe any day to haue yeelded to sinfull desires in any sensible degree must humble himselfe and confesse and cry out against himselfe so if he finde that any day he hath not been foyled but hath been able to represse and destroy euill motions especially if hauing occasion or tentation he haue beene strengthened to resist he must then leade his captiuity captiue and at night sing a new song of praise vnto the Lord and euen ride in triumph ouer his corruptions boasting himselfe in God and setting vp his banner in the name of the most High and with as cheerefull a soule as he can offer vp humble and hearty thankes to his heauenly Father that hath made him to doe valiantly The prayers of Gods seruants thus consessing their sinnes crauing power against them blessing God for the beginnings of helpe are weapons so mighty through God that they will wound the strongest corruption and pierce the soule of any lust and whosoeuer will begin and continue thus to resist and pursue his sinnes shall finde them as the Philistims before Samson to fly and fall downe dead before him 5. Holy meditations to mortisie sinne After Prayer or with it holy Meditations must come in both to quicken as also to backe it and amongst all matter of mditation against particular sinnes we must accustome our selues specially to foure generall meditations that are indifferently and equally forcible against euery sinne Of Gods holy nature First of the most holy and pure nature of God how great wise iust true mercifull he is that hee hath an all-seeing eye and an all-hearing eare in euery place beholding the euill and the good and pondering all the pathes of the sonnes of men that hee hateth sinne with a perfect hatred as being contrary to his most holy will and Commandements that he will punish it with most seuere punishment as being the righteous Iudge of all the world who cannot indure iniquity nor will hold the wicked innocent that he is most gracious and louing to the penitent sinner and will spare him as a father doth his child that hee will keepe all his promises and make good all his threatnings with all faithfulnesse and not suffer one tittle of his Word to fall to the ground In a word that he is euery way most holy and most excellent and will reward all that seeke to him and obey him and auenge himselfe vpon all that stubburnely rebell against him and forsake the wayes of his Commandements to walke after their owne crooked deuices and inuentions 2. Secondly Of Gods terrible threats we must often call to mind the most terrible threatnings of God against sinne in generall and specially against that speciall sin which most molesteth vs. Ho much euill God hath denounced against the committers of it and how much woe and miserie it hath brought vpon others and will bring vpon our selues if we take licence to liue in it Wee must consider sinne in the euill effects of it and so conuince our selues of its vilenesse and mischieuousnesse for God hath from Heauen manifested so much wrath against the workers of iniquitie in general and against each particular lust and sinne that men liue in that if we could presse these things vpon our owne soules and cause our hearts stedfastly to beleeue the same wee could not but hate wickednesse and tremble before the Lord and so abate the power of corruption and euen driue our selues out of the euill courses of sinne Wrath and anger tribulation and anguish Rom. 2.8 9. shall be vpon euery soule of man that worketh wickednesse vpon the Iew first and also vpon the Gentiles For these things sake Ephes 5.6 the wrath of God commeth vpon the children of disobedience vpon the wicked God will raine snares and tempest fire and brimstone and storme Psal 11.6 that shall be the portion of their cup. Marke 9.46 Their worme neuer dyeth and their fire neuer goeth out their smoke shall ascend for euermore Deut. 27.26 And cursed is euery man that continueth not in the whole Law to fulfill it So horrible so grieuous so intolerable are those things that God hath menaced in his Word against all the sonnes of Belial and all the workers of vnrighteousnesse that whosoeuer will euen bind these things to the tables of his heart and apply them to himselfe by faith shall stand in awe and not sinne and shal find the Iudgements of God so terrible vnto him as that they will beate downe his corruptions and make him to feare and depart from wickednesse for the end of these things is death 3. Of Gods gracious promises Thirdly we must oftē cal to mind the gracious promises that God hath made to those that leaue sin and the admirable comforts that both here and hereafter the God of truth hath vndertaken to reward them withall that for his sake denie themselues and crucifie their sinfull lusts Then shall wee see how vaine and friuolous the pleasures and profits of sinne are and by tasting the fruit of holinesse should bee well inabled to despise the offers of sin What comparison betwixt the good we get by doing euill and the vnspeakeable Ioy of the holy Ghost and the immortal Ioyes of Heauen What made Moses to set light by the honours and delights of Pharaohs Court but that he considered the rebuke of Christ to be greater riches What made Paul to count al dung that he might win Christ but because hee looked to the farre most excellent waight of glorie Wee must not suffer our selues to be forgetfull of the wonderfull benefits which the Lord will bestow vpon vs if in obedience and loue to him wee can be content to cast away our sinfull lusts He that forsaketh any profit or credit or comfort for Christs sake shall bee rewarded an hundred fold The man that refuseth to walk in the paths of the vngodly shall bee blessed vpon earth his soule shall dwell at ease the Lord will deliuer him out of the hands of his enemies God will be a Sun and shield vnto him and no good thing wil he withhold from them that walke vprightly His heart shall delight it selfe in God and he shall see the shining of the louing countenance of his Father His soule shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatnesse and he shall become like a watered garden