this World Have compassion on my indigence and inconstancy which divert me from any thing that is good and maugre the light of Faith render tll my good Works abortive O God who lovest us more than we can love our selves and who out of thy infinite goodness hast rescued me from a false hope by which I should have been flattered into final impenitence and thus hast sav'd me contrary to my own inclination Give me a solid hope in thy Divine Merits let me consider them as the only Object of my Trust and principally when the Devil tempts me to dispair and employs all his artifices by the interposition of my sins and frailties to eclipse the contemplation of thy Merits In this day of my affliction and distress O my God fix my eyes upon my blessed Saviour dying on the Cross for my sins and miserably torn by those furrows which the Scourges made upon his back Let me consider that thou didst endure all this to obtain pardon for my sins and to encourage me to the taking up of thy Cross upon which depends all my hopes of Salvation Let me contemplate in thy Sacred Wounds the right I a notorious sinner have to hope in thy Mercies Let the hope of a blessed Eternity and the immutability of thy Promises take off my Meditations from the vain and fleeting Enjoyments of this World which hinder my Soul from aspiring to Eternal Felicity For thou knowest O Lord how little stability there is in my best Desires and how speedily the impressions of thy Grace on my heart are defac'd by the vain Idea's of worldly pleasure How the hopes of some trifle some vain lust puffs up my Soul how the Honours and Applause of this World makes me giddy and drunk with the fumes of Vain-glory In fine Lord thou knowest much better than I my self how pliable I am to receive any impression of evil how averse to any â—hing which is good and how unstable in the ways of thy Commandments This is the reason O Lord â—hat I put no confidence in my self that my heart converts it self to thee in all its wants and â—n the day of adversity To thee O Lord who enlightenest the darkest recesses of my mind who possessest me with patience under the severest afflictions and art the Anchor of my Soul Here is Lord my Merit my Riches and my Refuge when the consideration of my wicked life terrifies me Here is Lord my comfort in this vale of Tears and Spiritual Warfare wherein my Soul is made the Scene of all sorts of passions In fine This makes me hope more than fear and rely on thy Mercies rather than dread of thy Justice Ah Lord since I know by experience that thou art a sure Help to those that trust in thee Teach me to relie upon thee in my greatest Extremities to rejoyce in thy Chastisements and to look upon them as marks of thy favour Assist me patiently to undergo them and assure me that thou wilt lay upon me no more than I am able to bear but wilt take thy Rod from me when it shall be conveucent for the health of my Soul Let me be fully assur'd that thy Grace will in thy good time remove all Obstacles which obstruct my Salvation that my Sufferings and the malice of my Enemies will have an end but that thy Mercies endure for ever that after I have fought the good fight here on Earth I shall receive a Crown of â—lory in Heaven for thou maâ—est the Rays of thy Grace to â—hine upon the just and the unâ—ust which at the same time â—elt down the humbe Soul into 〈◊〉 sincere repentance and harden â—he habitual and obdurate sinâ—er to the end that the one â—hould not be tempted to Presume or the other to Dispair â—ut all remain in a continual dependence upon thy Grace Let me not then O my God be in the number of those who will be astonished and confounded at the Great Day because they have rejected thy Grace for I cast my self wholly upon thy Mercy which is infinite and knows no bounds without any reserve or confidence in my own merits But O Lord because Faith and Hope and all other Vertues will avail me nothing without Charity because tho' I could remove Mountains and work all sorts of Miracles yet my works would be dead and sinful unless season'd by thy Love Give me therefore in the third place that Charity which is the Crown of all other Vertues and the Soul of our Good Works I would say Lord Give me a fervent and a faithful Love to thee whereby I shall easily overcome all seeming impossibilities and satisfie the thirst of my panting Soul after a sincere Conversion unto thee REFLECT XI She Prays to God for a New Heart inflam'd with his Love FOr a Foundation of that Miraculous Work which one very truly calls the chiefest Work of thy Grace Create in me O my God a New Heart a humble yet an resolute steady and couragious heart estranged from the World and its Vanities and in short a true Christian heart which may possess me with the love of thee enable me to expose my Life and Fortunes for the Confession of thy Name and render me Obedient to the Foolishness of the Cross in the midst of a crooked and perverse Generation amongst whom it is esteem'd a scandal to be Religious A heart which will love thee in the midst of the severest Tryals resisting the Concupiscence of the Flesh mortifying its corrupt Appetites and irregular Desires A heart which will love thee when I am call'd upon to evidence that love by loving my Enemies and returning them Good for Evil. A heart which for the love of thee will deny it self when there is any competition between the Creature and the Creatour which will silence all the importunities of Nature that it may become more obedient to the voice of thy Grace A heart which will love thee when it must suffer for it and will be content I should sacrifice my reputation and honour to thy Glory in imitation of thy humble Life and opprobrious Death upon the Cross A heart which for the love of thee will relinquish the favour of the Court prefer thy Service before the Splendour of my Family or whatsoever is most dear to me demonstrating hereby that my love to thee surpasses that of the World Lastly Grant O my God that 〈◊〉 may love thee not only for thy benefits when thou blessest me with prosperity and the abundance of good things in this World but also when I am in disgrace poverty or any other Affliction Learn me then to submit to the dispensations of thy Providence and become more conformable to thy Divine Will For O Lord what testimonies can I give thee of my love which will in the least answer thy love to me nay which are not infinitely surpass'd by those favours thou hast been pleased to confer upon me REFLECT XII If the Soul finds any thing in thâ—
my own Diversion For thou knowest Lord how insensibly those things which I frequently behold make impressions upon my mind how conformable I am to the company with which I converse and how wonderfully good or bad Examples influence my Life and Conversation Grant therefore O my Lord and my God that I may take delight in the Company of Vertuous and Religious Men that instead of talking about the World and it vanities my discourse may be concerning Eternity thy Grace thy Greatness and those infinite Mercies which thou hast been pleased to bestow upon my Soul and if those impressions which sin has left upon my mind should for the present render me averse to these innocent pleasures if the taint of my corrupt Nature should disrelish these Diversions which yield more solid satisfaction than the most sensual enjoyments of this World then I beseech thee to enlighten my Understanding with thy Grace and strengthen my Faith to withhold me from gratifying my inordinate Appetites to work in me a repentance for those sins which render me incapable of the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit For O Lord if thou dost not expect that I should exercise much Rigour on my Body 't is because I should be more fervent in Spirit and mortifie my corrupt Appetites the more for a deep sense of thy Death and Sufferings is absolutely necessary to restore the health of my Soul Now seeing the best way to rectifie my warp'd desires is to bend them towards the contrary extream Grant that the by as of my corrupt Nature may never pâ—evail on me to bestow so much as one favourable look on my divorced Lusts for 't is but reasonable that I should punish my self for my too earnest pursuits of sensual pleasure by mortifying those Irregular Appetites and denying my self even Lawful Diversions it is but just that I who have trifled away so much time on the Stage of the World should retire my self from those pleasures which are the fewel oâ— my inordinate lusts and denâ— my self the World and all its pleasures that I may be truly the Disciple of the Lord Jesus Let the certain assurance of a future Life O my God demonstrate to me the Frailty and Vanity of those things which we call State Wealth Fortune and Grandeur Let me not with the greatest part of the World engage all the force of my Affections in the pursuit of them as if there were no future Life Happiness or Eternity Let me esteem them according to their true value but let me place my Affections only upon that solid good where true Joys are to be found For how can any real Contentment proceed from such empty Trifles How can any lasting satisfaction be built upon such fading Enjoyments which make themselves wings and fly away when we think we have the surest possession of them Lastly Let me contemplate thy Works in the Government of the World in which as in the Scene of a Comedy Providence orders the Persons disposes the Riches and Honours and lulls asleep the generality of Mankind who being rouz'd up at the end of the Act stand amaz'd that they have been all the while in a Dream that the gaudy Apparitions are vanish'd and nothing left but dust and smoak Yea Lord I confess that after I have throughly ransack'd all the stores of sensual Enjoyments I cannot find any real satisfaction or lasting pleasure but only in thy Love and thy Service REFLECT XVII That Charity towards our Neighbour obliges us carefully to avoid not only every Action which may be injurious to his Life Goods and Reputation but also detracting Speeches and foolish jesting O That my Soul might be inspir'd with thy Love O my God that it might be my only Treasure my Glory and my Delight that those chaste and Divine Pleasures which flow from it might enlighten my Understanding and allure my Will â—o cleave unto thee that it might work in me a hearty sorrow for my past Offences and a holy fear of thy Divine Majesty that it might take possession of my Soul and not endure the most darling lust to lurk therein O that my love to my Neighhour might in some measure answer thy love to me that I might love his Soul above my own Life and never be prevaild upon for the gain of the whole World to wound my Conscience by injuring him either in estate or good name But since generally nothing is esteem'd a breach of Charity towards our Neighbour but such open Violence or abusive Language as a sober Heathen would blush at since few persons make a conscience of those Jears which touch a man to the quick those Genteel ways of less'ning his Reputation by insinuating his Frailties and ridiculing his Humour because 't is done in sport and for diversion of the Company Therefore I beseech thee O Lord open my eyes and convince me that these sins which I am apt to call pardonable Infirmities displease thee the more in that they are agreeable to our corrupt Natures and the genuine off spring of self-love Let me heartily detest this mischievous diversion to which I have been too much given up let my sorrow for this sin in some measure equal the pleasure I took in it and let that which was the great Incentive of my Guilt produce a Fountain of Tears to blot it out For is it not highly reasonable O Lord that I should bewail that Mirth whereby I have injur'd my Neighbour and undone my self and that Laughter which has cost me my Soul and the Favour of my God Is it not just that seeing I cannot make any extraordinary demonstrations of my Repentance and Love to thee I should testifie the sincerity of my Intentions by abstaining from every thing which gratifies my Natural Corruption that by a discreet reservedness in my discourse for the future I should endeavour to make amends for the former lavishness of my Tongue and by casting out all those sins which have offended thee invite thy return into the Temple of my Soul Whensoever therefore O my God I have any desires to conform my self to the World to gratisie my depraved Appetites or to shew the gayety of my Humour whensoever these sinful delights come into my mind and begin to blow up the sparks of my corruption whensoever I perceive these motions of complacency towards my self and envy against my Neighbour these ferments of my passions and melancholy distemper of my mind which if in the least encouraged will easily get the better of me Then let me consider O Lord that if I do not carefully suppress these first motions to sin I resign up my Soul to its most inveterate Enemies and on the contrary if I nip them in the bud if I sacrifice my passions and my pleasures unto thee I shall encline thee to have Mercy upon me and to blot out my Offences I shall give thee the Homage of a contrite and penitent Heart In which thou art well pleased Shew me therefore
World to settle its Affectionâ— upon How much the more earnestly ought it to fix them upâ—â— God after its Conversion LEt me â—ot O my God haâ—â—less Zeal Gratitude aâ—â— Fidelity towards thee than 〈◊〉 should have towards a Friendâ— who had offer'd to lay down hâ—â— life for the preservation of mine and to this superlative testimonâ— of his love did continually addâ— thousand other benefits Since thou hast been pleas'd 〈◊〉 humble thy self O my God 〈◊〉 making me offers of thy Graâ—â— and Favour and loading 〈◊〉 with thy Benefits let me not forget thee doubt of thy Mercy or wilfully shut my eyes and neglect to pay thee those acknowledgments of thy love and bounty which in strict Justice is but my reasonable service For is it just that I who pretend to act upon Principles of Generosity who boast of my good Nature Affection Integrity and Gratitude towards my Friends should be defective only in my Duty towards God living without Faith without Love or so much as the Acknowledgment of his Benefits Is it just that I a poor miserable creature who owe all that I have unto my glorious Creatour should offer up to him only faint acknowlegdments fickle desires and in truth the least part of my self Is it just that I who have been so industrious to gratifie my Idol-passions who never forgot any thing which might conduce to their satisfaction should complain of the difficulty and impossibility of placing them upon their due object and devoting my heart to the love of thee Lastly Is it possible that the soul which thou didst create to be the Temple of thy Divine Love should not be perswaded to return unto thee the center of its happiness after it has wandred a thousand and a thousand times from the way of thy Commandments unless thou art pleas'd to prepare its paths and draw it to thy self with the cords of thy Grace No Lord this is not reasonable and therefore maugre all the opposition I find in my corrupt nature in submitting my self to the easie yoak of thy Commandments thy love which predominates in my Soul above the love of the world the creature or my self shall unite me inseparably unto thee by the inexhaustible love of â—esus Christ By that love which has taught me by experience that there is nothing in this World worthy my friendship nothing but continual troubles and base ingratitude which has discover'd to me by these gentle Corrections that thou art a jealous God and requirest the sacrifice of my whole heart unto thee in acknowledgment of thy infinite Mercies my Infidelity and the sacrilegious misplacing of my Affections Ah Lord since thou requirest nothing to prepare me for the pardon of my sins but the cultivating of my love and the conversion of my heart unto thee Behold here is a heart ready to receive thy Commands ready to obey thee which is truly to love thee ready to undergo any thing which conduces to the advancement of thy Glory or the salvation of my Soul REFLECT XIII That a Penitent Soul should not examine what Sins are Damnable and what not but avoid all appearance of Evil every thing which may displease God lest indulging it self in lesser crimes it relapse at last into Habitual Debauchery IF it is thy pleasure to make my Repentance in some measure answer my Crimes to prolong my life ond punish me in the same place where my Offences were commited If it is thy pleasure to make my Sins my punishment and those Lusts which I have hitherto idoliz'd the Executioners of thy Justice my heart is fixed O God my heart is fixed Nevertheless Grant that I may be preserv'd in my Integrity thereby that my present Aversion to sinful Pleasures may be an Antidote sufficient to defend me from the infected breath of popular Applause that my Repentaance may be more pleasing to thee and profitable to my self But O Lord let me not only be preserved from those Notorious Crimes which this day render me the Object of thy Mercy but grant also that I may hate Sin more for the Malignity of its Nature than from the Dread of thy Vengeance let my Aversion to it proceed rather from thy love than any respect to my self that is let me abhor it more for displeasing thee than because it would be my ruin Let me not with the greatest part of the World nicely weigh how much Carnal Liberty I may take and yet continue in a state of salvation but let me avoid every thing which displeases thee as well as those grosser acts of sin which will certainly damn my soul For what is more impious O my God than to say I know that this Action will displease thee that this Temptation is alluring that these Pleasures obstruct the Emanations of thy Grace and in short that the Vanities of this World are at enmity to the life of Godliness and yet I am resolv'd to venter on them to disregard the all-seeing Eye of a jealous God the Remorse of my own Conscience and all this because I am assured that God is a merciful God that he loves me and is willing to pass by my Offences For is not this Way of Reasoning us'd by the greatest part of those servile Souls whose Religious Actions proceed more from fear of the Devil than out of love to God May not this Neglect of thy Grace which these Men esteem so small an Offence grieve thy Holy Spirit and become the Occasion of their Eternal Reprobation For the Devil by tempting us at first to smaller Crimes insinuates himself into our Affections and by degrees renders the most detestable sins familiar this he knows is the surest way to destroy us for by little and little it weakens the love and fear of God in our Souls it gives him possession of our hearts and at last delivers them up unto him for a prey For who knows but this variety of company this vain and frothy conversation which fills my heart with frivolous Desires and weakens the Influences of thy Grace may in the end seduce me from the simplicity of thy Word and the observation of thy Holy Law Who knows but thou mayest leave me to my self when thou perceivest that my Disobedience and Ingratitude towards thee proceeds from the abuse of thy Grace In fine Who knows but the Splendour of Worldly Pomp which is continually before my eyes which I behold with so much complacency and those Maxims of Carnal policy which are perpetually sounding in my ears may at last render me forgetful of those Solemn Protestations which but a few days ago I made unto thee when with Tears and Sighs I so earnestly besought thee to have Mercy on me and to deliver me from the jaws of Death REFLECT XIV She prays unto God instantly that he would be pleas'd to knock off those Chains which unite her Affections to the Creature to grant her fresh Recruits of his Mercy and Grace to make the right use of them AH Lord