of the Lords Supper I found God gracious to me in preparation In the morning when I awaked God brought to my remembrance Jer. 2. 32. Can a maid forget her Ornaments or a Bride her attire I considered I was to meet and Sup with my Bridegroom the Lord Jesus and then considered what Ornaments and attire would best please him that I might put them on and these were presented to my thoughts some as I lay in bed and some afterwards as lovely and desirable in the sight of Christ which I determined to put on 1 st A meek and quiet Spirit 1 Pet. 3. 4. 2 ly Faith Cant. 4. 9. Thou hash ravished my heart my Sister my spouse with one of thine Eyes Faith hath the office of an Eye in the Soul Joh. 6. 40. Every one that seeth and believeth Looking unto Jesus Heb 12. 2. 3 ly Love Cant. 4. 10. How fair is thy Love my Sister c. 4 ly Humility Math. 11. 29. Learn of me for I am lowly in heart 5 ly Self-denial and forsaking of every thing that cometh in Competition with Christ Ps 45 10 11. Hearken O Daughter and consider forget thine own people and thy Fathers House So shall the King greatly desire thy beauty 6 ly An obediential frame of heart Math. 10. 20 21. All these have I observed from my youth Jesus beholding him Loved him 7 ly An heart resolved to hold and maintain frequent converse and communion with him Cant. 2. 14 Let me see thy countenance let me hear thy voice for sweet is thy voice and thy Countenance is Comely 8 ly Uprightness Prov. 11. 20. 9 ly An holy fear of God and hope in his mercy Ps 147. 11. 10 ly fruitfulness Cant. 4. 16 5. 1. But though God graciously assisted me in preparation yet in the time of receiving my heart was flat and dead As soon as the Sacrament was ended I retired to my Chamber to to pray and as I was praying that Scripture was brought to my remembrance Rom. 3. 3 4. shall their unbelief make the Faith of God of none effect God forbid I argued thence that the sins of my holy things my deadness and want of holy and due affections in time of receiving should not make void what God had promised in and by this ordinance but that the Cup was to me the Communion of the blood of Christ and the New Testament in his blood and the Bred the Communion of the body of Christ This did strengthen my faith to depend upon God for the benefits signified and sealed by that Ordinance notwithstanding the indisposition of my heart in the time of receiving Sept. 29. As I was musing on that rich promise made to Abraham Gen. 15. 1. Fear not Abraham I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward Which is sufficient to bear up the Soul under the fear and danger of any Evil and against the loss and want of any good things I considered what warrant I had to apply that promise and presently that Scripture was hinted to me Gal. 3. 9. They which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham I was strengthened and Comforted by it Twice in this weak I observed that Setting upon worldly business which called hastily upon me before I had been at closet prayer and performed my usual meditations on the Covenant and promises of God my heart grew out of frame and unsavory and I was Successless on both days Oct. 1. Sabbath day At my Entrance on my morning meditation on Gods Covenant I had a great combate in my Spirit about my laying claim to God as my God having been lately foiled by my sins but God helped me and shewed me out of his word that I might and ought to keep my hold of God as my God Notwithstanding my often backslidings from him Jer. 3. 1 5 7 8. yet v. 19. saith God Thou shalt call me my Father Hos 2. 5. with 16. The same evening considering how often and greatly I had sinned and yet had been forgiven I pondered on that Scripture Luke 7 47. and saw that I had cause to love the Lord much because I had much forgiven and Considering how I should shew my Love to God and that much these Scriptures were hinted to me Ps 40. 16. Let such as love thy name say Continually let the Lord be Magnified Ps 97. 10. Ye that Love the Lord hate evil Joh. 14. 10. If ye Love me keep my Commandments Joh. 21. 15. Simon lovest thou me feed my sheep feed my Lambs Lord help me thus to shew much love to thee Oct. 8. Having been overtaken with the sin which easily besets me and hath often foiled me My Spirit fell and my faith flagg'd and I could not look upon God with any boldness was indisposed to prayer Yet in time of prayer God magnified his free grace to me and revived my Souls with that word 1 Joh. 2. 1 2. If any man sin we have an Advocate c. After I had ended my Supplications I pondered on that Scripture and was comforted against the sense of my sin by the Advocateship of Jesus Christ who pleadeth his propitiatory Sacrifice as a Satisfaction to his Fathers justice for the sins of believers as oft as they fall into them and querying with my self whether he would be an Advocate to me to plead for me I was satisfied from that word Joh. 6. 37. him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out I was also further encouraged from Heb. 7. 25. I considered that the Intercession of Christ answered all charges and accusations that could be brought against those for whom he interceded Rom. 8. 33. 34. and that the Intercession of Christ kept us â—o firmly in the love of God that nothing could be able to separate us from it Rom. 8. 34. 35 38 39. I considered further that the persons for whom he interceded were such as came to God by him and that he interceded for them at all times when they are fallen as well as when they stand when they are dead as well as when in a lively frame for He ever liveth to make intercession After these meditations my Spirit revived and notwithstanding I was before bowed down under the sense of guilt I went with boldness to God leaning upon the merits and Intercession of Jesus Christ Oct. 13. My Spirit being bowed down with the sense of guilt because I was foiled by a Sin against which I had prayed many years I was revived in reading in my course 2 Cor. 12. 7 8 9. Whence I observed 1 st God seeth it needful for some of his Servants to meet with buffeting 2 ly When God le ts loose any corruption a thorn in the flesh or a temptation a messenger of Satan to buffet us It is to keep us humble and from being exalted 3 ly God suffers his faithful Servants sometimes to pray long against corruption or temptation and yet cannot get it removed 4 ly Though my strength was not
herein should be that he watereth me so much but that I should water others 2. I have found God owning me when I closed with the like motions at other times particularly in the Afternoon Exercise I have found God wonderfully gracious beyond expression and I heartily bless God that put it into my heart to undertake that work and seeing when I followed God formerly he was with me why should I not be obedient to his call in this also 3. It is the work I have been set apart to and solemnly given up my self to in the face of the Congregation at Black-Friers and therefore now there is a necessity lying upon me to preach the Gospel yea a woe if I preach not 1 Cor. 9. 16. 4. God hath made my service here accepted of the Saints and therefore it is likely my Ministry may be more effectual It may be elsewhere my Ministry may be as much despised as here t is embraced and therefore it is good to take the present season and to strike where and when the Iron is hot 5. The time is short that I have to live how soon God many take me hence I know not And there being no working in the grave I am commanded to do what my hand findeth to do with my might Eccl. 9. 10. the night cometh when no man can work and therefore as Christ said Joh. 9. 4. I must work the works of him that sent me while it is day So must I do learn this wisdom of him to do my work as fast as I can seeing I know not how short my day may be 6. The times are evil and I know not how soon we may be cut short of these opportunities and it 's an express Command that we should be wise and redeem time Eph. 5. 15. 16. And God commands as we have opportunity to do good to all Gal. 6. 10. preaching of the Gospel is doing good and here is an opportunity I must not let it slip 7. If I should preach once a fortnight on the week-day it will but be equivalent to preaching twice every Lords day Seeing now I preach but once every other Sabbath which must be my work when I come into the Country and yet my work here is far lighter than it will be there for here I am free from worldly cares family distractions and a pastoral charge 8. One Soul is more worth than the whole world and the preaching of the Gospel is the power of God to Salvation therefore we should not think any pains too great to preach the word seeing we may through God be a mean to convert and save souls thereby 9. Christ chargeth Peter as he loveth him to feed his sheep and lambs Joh. 21. 15 16 17. His repeating this 3 times argues 1. that he would have him very diligent in doing it 2. that he takes it as a real demonstration of love to him to feed his sheep Now I have wonderful cause to love Christ and good reason to demonstrate it that way which he would have me 10. If I enter upon preaching on week-day too I see it will make for the Glory of God Joh. 15. 8. God is glorified when we bear much fruit and for the good and edification of others for the body of Christ is Edified by the Ministry of the Word Eph. 4. 11 12. and why should I stand disputing that which may make for the glory of God and the good of those among whom I live 11. God would have every man observe his proper gifts and improve them and attend his proper work that he is called to with diligence Rom. 12. 6 7 8 11. 12. I have Naturally a slothful Spirit and one good way to Master it is to take up much imployment 13. God would have us alway to abound in his Work and be stedfast and he tells us our labour shall not be in vain 1 Cor. 15. ult 14. No excuse must hinder us now from doing good but what will serve turn at the day of judgment I consider further that the Word of God is to be the Rule by which we must walk Psal 119. 105. that is the light of our paths What the Word requires of us God requires of us What work the Word calls us to that God calls us to Now considering with my self the aforesaid particulars according to the Word of God I gather it is the mind of God I should close with this motion and that he calleth me to further work and so accordingly I am to obey his voice Now in regard that it is Gods presence with me his owning accepting and assisting me that must bear me up against all difficulties that I shall meet with I consulted further with the Word to see what grounds I had to expect that God would be with me in my undertaking and I saw great encouragement from these Scriptures Mat. 28. 19 20. Go teach lo I am with you alway Christ will not withdraw his presence at any time when we go about to teach in obedience to his Command but will be always with us 1 Chron. 28. 10 20. compared Whence I observe when God calls a man out to any work he would have him be strong and do it and not to fear or be dismayed for God will be with him and not fail him or forsake him till he hath finished it Josh 1. 9. Have not I Commanded thee The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest The same presence and assistance may we expect from God when ever he calls us out to any Service which I gather from the Apostles applying to all Christians what God spake in particularto Josh Heb. 13. 5. Isa 42. 6. I the Lord have called thee I will hold thy hand It is spoken to Christ and shall be made good to all Christians when called by God to any work he will uphold them in it and he whom God upholds shall not fail or be discouraged till his work be done v. 1. 4 Judg. 6. 12. 14. The Lord is with thee thou mighty man Go in this thy might thou shalt save Israel Have not I sent thee In this thy might i. e. either in the strength of the promise The Lord is with thee or in the strength of thy Commission I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether I will be with thee seeing I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether thou shalt save Israel seeing I have sent thee I see hence the Call of God to any Service is a great encouragement to set upon it and to expect success in it ' Discouragements removed 1. Reproach of men What will men say or think that I am so forward They will impute it to Pride it c. and say I am imprudent and will may be laugh and jear at me Reply 1. I am not to be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ Rom. 1. 16. No not in an Adulterous generation Mar. 8. 38. If I cannot suffer shame for Christ how shall I
what great need I have and that it is of singular use to watch over my Soul in all its ways both in reference to sin that I fall not into it and when fallen what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at such a time Whether I flee for relief to God in Christ or to my own works And in reference to my duties to take heed lest those means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himself his Son and Spirit and all Spiritual blessings should prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God by my formal use of them and resting in them For as Satan keeps some alienated from God by the gross pollutions of the world So others from Christ by their Establishing a Righteousness of their own O Lord break thou this snare for me and let my Soul escape as a bird from the Net that I may flee to thee and be at rest I have observed in my self that when God at any time is pleased to work any thing in my Soul I soon lose it if he quicken me I soon grow dead hearted again if he enliven my affections they soon grow cold and flat and my old hardness returns upon me Hence I come to see that it is infinite Wisdom and Goodness in God that he hath not put the stock of grace into our own hands but hath treasured it up in Christ that our life is now hid with Christ in God for so it becomes sure Rom. 4. 16. hereby also I come to see that I have need of continual recourse to Jesus Christ for new supplies of grace and strength The Lord God in his wisdom was pleased when he delivered his people out of Egypt before he brought them to Canaan to lead them 40 years in the wilderness when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan Exod. 13. 17. He chose rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderness Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions and drought where there was no water where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint and fed them with Manna for this end that he might humble them prove them and do them good in the latter end Deut. 8. 15 16. Doest thou find it so O my Soul in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan Doest thou walk through much Spiritual drought a land of deserts and of the shadow of death Dost meet with a flinty heart and fiery temptations Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee which through his grace thou hast sometimes found and to prove thee i. e to discover thee to thy self for he himself knows thy thoughts afar off and this way of God through grace hath been a means of discovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee and that he may doe thee good in the latter end Therefore take heed O my Soul of Israel's sins of murmuring against God under thy wants of unbeleif and tempting God c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Psalm May 6. being Sabbath day The Lord was pleased in the hearing of his word to convince me of my sin and lost condition But Lord How unfaithful was I then and have I been since to the Convictions of thy Spirit How soon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word How soon hath an hard heart a secure careless Spirit taken possession of me Lord If ever thy word be effectual in me thou must not only speak it to my heart but write and engraff it there also Henceforth I desire to wait on thee as for the teachings of thy Spirit so for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit I found a lothness in my Spirit to go to here this Sermon whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me Be encouraged hence O my Soul to break through all difficulties thou meetest with in doing thy duty When thou findest any secret unwillingness to ordinances or duties then stir up thy self to wait upon God expecting that he hath some special mercy for thee which Satan would hinder thee off Jun. 1. This day the Lord did in the hearing of his word revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit though in a very languid manner I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief and that I was a lost creature because thereof from the words of our Saviour Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism formality and resting in duties from hypocrisie and deadness from unclean affections and inordinate Love of the world from a vain mind and a light Spirit that faith which should purifie my heart from these and the like evils Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality and more precious to me than any thing in the world 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God and joy in the Holy Ghost unspeakable and full of Glory Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith Jam. 2. 17 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Nature my Resting in duties and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see hath been the deceit of my heart Lord lay this conviction upon my Conscience for I find my heart would put it off yea it hath already desperately hardned it self against thee I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word as at other times I feel a careless Spirit that would make light of Eternity and of Jesus Christ Lord break my heart under thy word for my unbelief and neglect of Christ Let me not heal my self but wait till thou shalt heal me Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas Oh that thou wouldest help mine also The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience For I feel my self alienated from the life of God cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus separate from God and his blessed Spirit My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction and hath caused me sometimes to mistake a life of morality for Spiritual life and at other times a life of formality But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works and calls for repentance from them Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I understand not only the gross pollutions of the World but all works whatever that are done by a man void of the quickning Spirit of God Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body and the State of death is nothing but the
unto punishment He is overcome whose armour is taken from him wherein he trusted Luk. 11. 22. Thus it is with Death Where Sin hath no dominion Death hath none for Death reigneth by Sin Now as for the sins of believers God to whom belongeth the forgiveness of sins saith Isa 44. 22. I have blotted out as a thick cloud thy transgresons and as a cloud thy sins Jer. 31. 34. I will forgive their iniquity and I will remember their sin no more Numb 23. 21. He hath not beheld iniquity in Jacob neither hath he seen perversness in Israel Mic. 7. 18 19. Who is a God like unto thee that pardoneth iniquity and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage Thou wilt Cast all their sins into the depths of the Sea Act. 10. 43. whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of Sins What God said to repenting and believing David that he saieth to all believers 2 Sam. 12. 13. The Lord hath put away your sin ye shall not die Ye shall not die by the venemous sting of Death This indeed is in effect the whole victory over death This is the fatal mortal wound given to Death and will in time be the very Death of Death and therefore the Apostle triumpheth over it on that account vers 55. O Death where is thy sting What Luther sometimes said to God that may every Believer say to Death Feri Domine said he Strike Lord. Feri mors feri may they say Nam a peccatis absolutus sum Strike Death strike for my sins are pardoned Thou mayest kill me but thou canst not hurt me 2. Death is overcome to Believers in that it cannot amaze them with despairing terrors However it be to others it is not to them the King of Terrors Believers are freed from the bondage of the tormenting fear of Death Heb. â— 15. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death saith David Psal 23. 4. I will fear no evil Elijah makes request for himself that he might die 1 King 19. 4. The three Children valiantly yielded their bodies to the fiery fornace Dan. 3. 16. 28. Lord now lettest thou thy Servant depart in peace saith good old Simeon Luk. 2. 29. Paul and Barnabas willingly hazarded their lives Act. 15. 16. Paul had a desire to be dissolved Phil. 1. 23. Those worthies Heb. 11. 35. would not accept deliverance The Primitive Martyrs would hasten to the stake Such Victory had they gotten of the fear of Death The grant of their Pardon and their discharge from Condemnation which God hath Sealed to them The peace of a good Conscience which they carry about with them Their apprehensions that their bodies are the Temples of the Holy Ghost which he will never desert or neglect Their assurance of the faithfulness and power of God into whose hands they commend their Spirit The fore-tasts of the sweetness of Communion with God and Jesus Christ to be fully enjoyed in the other world Their faith and hope of a blessed Resurrection to Immortality Their Evidences for Heaven These are powerful Arguments which they improve against the fear of Death and by the strength whereof they Triumph over it Object But for all this Are not Believers afraid to die Was not Abraham afraid when he thought he should be slain Gen. 20. 11. Did not David complain The terrors of death are fallen from me Ps 55. 4. Did not Hezekiah weep sore when it was said to him Thou shalt die Isa 38. 1. And who almost is not afraid Answ 1. There is a Natural fear of death as it is the dissolution of the Compositum a separation of Soul and Body which are so intimately united which is not sinful Believers are not free from this Grace doth not destroy Nature Nature will be Nature and act its part even in the best of Saints They who have the surest hope of Eternal life and clearest Evidences of their Salvation yea and have an unfained longing and desire after the Heavenly state have yet a natural aversness unto Death and do rather endure than desire it St. Paul saith for himself and other Believers that though they knew that if their Earthly house of this Tabernacle were dissolved they had a building of God an house not made with hands eternal in the Heavens and groaned earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with their house which is from Heaven yet they had a natural Love of life and abhorrence of death and their groaning was not that they would be unclothed 2 Cor. 5. 1 2 4. yea our Lord Jesus Christ himself in whom was no sin being found in fashion as a man when he humbled himself and became obedient unto death experienced this fear as the proper expression of his humane Nature When his hour was come Mar. 14. 33 34. He taketh with him Peter and James and John and began to be sore amazed and to be very heavy and saith my Soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death 2. There is a slavish inordinate sinful fear of death which Believers overcome and from which they are freed It was one end of Christs death that he might deliver his redeemed from fear of death to which they were holden in bondage Heb. 2. 15. To which yet some Believers are subject yea it may be All at sometimes more or less This ariseth from weakness of Faith from want of assurance from Conscience of lapses and contracted guilt from neglecting to search their own hearts from misapprehending and mis-judging their Spiritual state from inordinate love to this life and world c. for which they must blame themselves Believers as such so far as they are Believers are victorious Did they walk close with God improve grace received examine their own state wisely and judge thereof rightly Did they take hold of the Covenant of God live by Faith meditate on the Promises and apply them as their Portion which becometh Believers they might and would get above the slavish fears of Death In this method they might be ready to die and fear no evil When the Christian can say with David Psal 23. The Lord is my Shepherd he maketh me to lie down in green pastures he leadeth me besides the still waters he restoreth my Soul he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness He will then add also Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil 3. There is a despairing fear The presumptions of Hell the pre-occupation of Torment the fore-tasts of the wrath of the Almighty the scorchings of the Lake that burneth with fire and Brimstone that driveth the sinner past all hope and overwhelms the Soul in hideous darkness and horrible Confusions Have there not been instances of some wretched guilty Souls going out of the body as the Devil out of the Demoniack Mar. 9. renting and taring and wallowing and foming and raging and roaring again And were it not for the Atheism ignorance infidelity blindness hardness searedness flattery