Gamester Wel. Tyranizing Widdow I hope thou 'lt lose all back again and ten times as much more mai'st thou never draw for a black Dice but it may prove redder then a Country wenches cheeks maist thou never take up a Card but Traies and Sixes maist thou pay as often as I did t'other night which was ten times together L. Weal I see you love me Sir by wishing me equal to your self Wel. Love thee I wish thy body may be a widdow these fourscore years that thou maist curse the cause that made thee lose thy Maiden-â—… I hope the King will have a mark set upon the name of all widdows for men to avoid them La. Weal Be not so passionate dear servant fâ—…aith me thinks thou art a 〈◊〉 fellow at this distance I 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 good looks so well 〈…〉 Wel. And is the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as come this year 〈◊〉 tongu'd female hold thy peace and let me in else will I 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Murder to be hang'd to make thee cry for me L. Weal I like thy way of being reveng'd therefore prethee about it 〈◊〉 Wel. Well take your pleasure farewell and be hang'd as you said you would Exeunt ACT the IV. SCENE I. Enter Comely in a Riding Garb with his servant Comely LEt my Horses be brought ready to the door for â—…'le go out of Town this Evening Exit servant Enter Welbred Well Why how now Comely booted and spur'd Comely Marry am I Wel. For how long Comely Why for this seven years for ought I know I am weary of this Town and all that 's m't as for women I am in love with none nor never shal I find I have a pretty strong defence about my heart against that folly O here comes the Ladies very opportunely for me Enter Lady VVealthy and two other Ladies To take my leave of e'm L. Weal Mr. Comely your Servant what in a Riding Garb Comely A dress fitting for a Country Journey Madam L. Weal Why can you ever leave this Town Comely That I can truely Madam within this hour L. Weal I can't believe it Comely Were 't not uncivil to get up a Horse-back before you I would convince you strait â—…ay I did think I should be wonder'd at by you all as much as an Owl is amongst Birds Very like now if I were in love with any one of you three though I were on Horse-back a kind look might dismount me again but I thank fate I ne're had that perpetration of the heart yeâ—…â—… Disease as malignant and as catching as the Plague and Reigâ—…s as the Plague does altogether in London So that for my future health I 'le retire into the Countrey for Air and there Hunt and Hawk Eat and sleep so sound that I will never dream of a woman or any part about her This resolution of mine has made me turn Poet therefore before I go you shall hear a Song called my farewell to London and women boy sing the Song The SONG 1. LAdies farewell I must retire Though I your faces all admire And think you Heavens in your kinds Some for Beauties some for Minds If I stay and fall in Love One of these Heavens Hell would prove 2. Could I know one and she not know it Perhaps I then might undergo it But if the least she guess my mind Straight in a Circle I 'me confin'd By this I see who once doth Dote Must ware a woman's Livery Coat 3. Therefore this danger to prevent And still to keep my hearts content Into the Country I 'le with speed With Hounds and Hawks my fancy feed Both safer pleasures to pursue Then staying to converse with you L. Weal Now Mr. Comely would I give the world 〈◊〉 see yoâ—… foundly in Love after this Farewell Song of yours to all Womâ—… I have heard the healthiest persons when once they fall into a â—…ver are most distemper'd Comely Lady faith you 'l never see mee so perhaps you may hear when I am in the Country that I am in love with my Hounds if they run well but as for falling in love with Woman when â—…ver I do â—…'le sell all my Estate and purchase Bedlam to have it to my self for 't will be a house fiâ—… for no other kind of Madmen 1 Lady Come Madam since the Gentleman 's in such hast let 's leave him he 'l think we are fâ—…nd of his Company and would stay him in Town L. Weal Mr. Comely I wish you a good Journey They take leave Com. Ladies your most humble Servant Exeunt Ladies Wel. You will go then it seems Com. Yes indeed will I and dear Welbred fare thee well and since thou' rt in Love I wish thee good luck with thy Widdow Wel. I find then you han't heard of my last visit to her Com. Why what 's the matter Wel. I 'le tell thee when I came to the door I was examined by her Gentlewoman who told me her Lady had given her ordeâ—… not to let me in unless I could shew an hundred pounds in Gold I could sooner have rais'd the Devil for he was in my Pocket so that I was forc'd to retreat and as I was marching off she calls to me out of the window and Jears me Comely Welbred She shews thee this trick only because ' â—…is thy humour never to make her a Visit when thou hast any mony All the Town know she loves thee therefore prethee apply thy self close and get her for thy Wife she 's a great Fortune â—…or a younger Brother One thing more I have to say to thee before I go concerning the two Sisters whom we design'd to get married â—…o Mr. Frenchlove and Mr. Vaine Make Vaine believe the cause of my leaving London is his enjoying the affection of my Mrs. and use all means for the marrying the two young women and adâ—…u and when thou art weary of the Town come live with me in the Country Exit Welbred he 's going off in haâ—… and meâ—…ts Wil a Clown and Elsbeth Pritty 〈◊〉 Welbred Farewell dear Friend Comely Now I 'le away a country life Shall be my Mistriss and my Wife William Pray Gentleman is not this the place where the King and the Queen do walk Thou art the first man Elsbeth and I have met with since we came to this huge Town that wear Boots like our Gentlemen in Wiltshire Comely And did you two come to Town only to see the King and Queen Will. No no we come about this Maiden's Vather's Will Comely And what 's this maids name Will. Wouse man one wou'd a thought thou hadst been a better Schollard then to have askt her name before mine Comely Cry mercy friend what 's thy name Will. Friend do'st call me how can'st tell I 'me thy friend before thou knowst my name I am called 〈◊〉 by all the folk that know me in Wiltshire Comely Honest William then what 's this Damsels name Will. Why her Cursen name is Elsba her next name to that I wous is Pritty
willingly injure no body Comely Nature thy Mother pritty one thy partial mother that to thy Face has given thee all her stock of Beauty Elsba Indeed she 's none of my Mother I left her in the Country My love is heathen Greek to this fair Innocent aside Comely Well Mistriss Pritty when William comes will you give us both a hearing let him speak his love and I 'le speak mine and then see which you like best Elsba With all my heart Sir but William will be too hard for you he 's a Parsons man at that wous this heart can tell O here he comes Enter VVilliam O William where have you been all this while Wil. Been Elsba where I wisht thee twenty times such a sight I think was never seen by any body but me and such as have seen 't before O Elsba I saw two huge rough haiâ—…'d things led by the Nose with two strings and a huge Bull like ours in the Countrey with a brave Garland about his Head and an Horse and the least Gentleman upon him that ever I saw in my life and brave Bagpipes play before u'm I warrant thee I followed them close every street till thick little Gentleman a Horse-back rode into his own House then I was fain to leave e'm Comely 'T is Bear-baiting day and he has met with the Bull and the Bears and the Jack an Apes a Horse-back 't is a very hard case this Clown must be my Rival Elsba William Mr. Comely desires that he may speak his love to me and you speak yours to see which I like best I think William if you could remember those things you said to me at first before you knew I lov'd you VVil. A wous I h'a e'm all down in a Book I warrant thee Pulls out 's Book Comely VVilliam do you begin VVill. Agreed Elsba I do love thee I find by the Comfashiousness of my heart I could suck thy Eyes out of thy head I could eat thy lips though I were not an huâ—…gard I could lick thee all over as our Cow does her Calf O Elsba my heart do Thunderclap my breast when I think o' thee a wou's methinks sometimes though I never am anger'd with thee I could tear the cloaths off thy back Smock and all my heart does leap and â—…aper when I do see this leg and thy Coats â—…uck't up as thou com'st home from Milking Vathers Kine Elsba I think Mr. Comely this very speech of Williams has spoil'd you Comely Come fair Soul Wil. Nay if thou hast a mind to speak speak of her body Comely If nothing I can say can warm thy cold heart with pitty I am most miserable that I do love thee my Eyes do speak Wil. He 's out at first dash Elsba that cannot be there 's no Tongue in the eyes Comely Oh if that beauteous frame of thine were in my Custody I 'de guard it safe as Angels do the Holy nothing should e're approach it but my love and that so gently too as when I toucht thee it should be as Nurses handle Limbs of Infants I 'de never Kiss thee but with Lips perâ—…um'd with purer love and gaze on thee with maiden eyes that n're knâ—…w love before no sigh from me should e're come near thy heart but it shall be as chast a present as if an Infants breaâ—…h had sent it I 'de sit and wish away the night because her darkness would conceal thy beauty and thank the day for bringing light again for me to gaze on thee with wishing eyes thou shouldst be my Saint and I would pray to thee Wil. Hark Elsba the man 's a Papist Elsba Sir you had best spare your pains I told you William would give you the go by if he had us'd no other talk to me then these he 'd gone without me Wil. Come Elsba leâ—…'s go home good den to ye Sir Exeunt Clown and Elsba Comely What is my fault that Heaven thus has punish'd me to make me love a Creature wholly ignorant of a noble passion I might as well have told my talk to a Marble Statue and have found relief as soon Enter VVelbred Wel. Why how now Friend why so melancholy what fâ—…r being iâ—… love with a wench you may have when you will Comely Thou art mistaken there 's as much impossibility in that as in Nature her heart 's so wholly in the Clown's possession 't is past the Art of any sweeter â—…ound of Love to draw it thence Wel. Prithee in what kind art thou in Love with 〈◊〉 for a bit and away or how Comely Now if there be any purer Love on earth then ever was I have it here for her Wel. Nay then Lord have mercy upon thee but hark ye now hear a little of my misery my widdow has quite disâ—…arded me â—…me never to see her more Comely Why how so Wel. She had given Order to her Gentlewoman every time I came not to let me in unless I could shew a hundred pounds in Gold wherefore when I had lost all my money I was 〈◊〉 to hire a Scrivener to let me have a hundred pieces to shew at her door who went along with me and before I entred I was fain to slip the money into his hands again for he would not trust me farther which her peeping Gentlewoman espyed and told her Lady Comely Well I 'me sorry for thy ill luck buâ—… I have so much to do to pity my self that I cannot think of thee I 'le go walk in some melancholy place for when I can't see her I would see nothing else farewell Exit Comely Wel. And I 'le to my widdow once more Enter Lady VVealthy spies VVelbred runs over the Stage from him S'life here she is L. Weal The Devil how came I to meet thee avoid Satan avoid VVel Stay thou cruel â—…eet widdow or I 'le send a Bullet after you shall spoil your Race Pulls out a Pistol L Weal Murder murder murder VVel Stand still then and I won't kill you L. VVeal Well what have you to say VVel Do you believe I Love you L. VVeal No indeed don 't â—… VVel As you hope to be saâ—…ed L. Weal Hark ye if I were given to swear as thou aâ—… when thou hast lost all thy money I would now make use of all those Oaths to swear thou dost not care a pin for me nor I for thee Why my poor losing Gamester how couldst thou have the Confidence ever to look me in the face again after your last Visit Wel. Well to shew you I love you of all things in the world I 'le Pistol my self strait if you will not maâ—…y me L. Weal Pish I 'le be hang'd then Wel. Do you dare bid me kill my self three times together L. Weal Yes do I. Well Come begin and try L. Weal Stay is the Pistol charg'd â—…nd primd now VVâ—…lbred if you love me kill yourself Wel. Well there 's once L. VVeal Because I 'de have you make haste Welbred if
yet that in tâ—…is vast Beef-eating Ciâ—…y a French house may be found to eat at for the most of the streets I have rode through from the Bridge to Covent Garden are Butcher rows where I saw the butchers strewing the fleâ—…h of their distressed Beefs with Rosemary as the English do a Corps at a Funeral The Deviâ—… in t that this England should be my Country I cannot think my self the least a kin to it since I have been in France 't would vex me plaguly were I not a Frenchman in my second nature that is in my fashion discourse and cloathes I cannot devise it this whole City of London how to find out any one Divertisement Let me see first I must go ask blessing of my Father and Mother Diabol what a damn'd English fashion is that then they cry O welcome Son you must stay and dine with us we have a good rump of Beef in the pot for dinner A rump of the Devil that I should have an English father and mother and they a French son Enter Lacquie Lacquie Monsieur your French supper shall be ready presently French Et bein methinks there 's a gust in that word French supper but the very sound of an English supper takes away the stomach of a person that 's well bred Enter Mr. Welbred Wel. Mr. Frenchlove you are welcome into England and to Spring Garden I suppose this to be the best Diversion we can enter 〈◊〉 you with since 't is a place will afford the sight of all our English Beauties French Sir I thank you but you must pardon me if the memory of French Ladies be so fresh in me that I doubt I shall hardly esteem the English women equal to them Enter Lady Wealthy and two other Ladies Wel. Sir we will not tell the Ladies your mind for fear they should despair yonder are some of them if you please let 's walk up towards them and discourse Lady We. O Madam yonder 's Mr. Welbred and the new arriv'd Mr. Frenchlove 1 Lady By what I have heard he is a sight worth seeing Lady We. Look how he throws his legs as if he would fain be rid of them what distance there is between 'em I believe there are not a pair of legs in the whole Town so great strangers one to another as his French Oh fie I surfeit of those Ladies already Wel. What before you see their faces French They are so narrow with their feet that they but in France they will not give a Souse for a Horse that does so Wel. No more will they in England Frenchlov ' makes two or three ridiculous legs Madam Mr. French love newly come out of France I need not tell you how accomplisht a person Since his Boon mean will answer for him Lady Weal You 'r welcome into England Sir you are come to run the hazard of English women falling in love with you and that we are apt to do with persons so much Frenchified as your self French Madam I confess though an English Nurse taught me to go a French Dancing-master taught me to walk L. Wealth Sir I guest that seeing you come towards us It sets us women already a longing to see you dance I hope you 'l grant us that savour upon better acquaintance French Madam I am sorry I cannot promise it for I doubt my ear will not endure the scraping of English Fidlers since I have been us'd to the sound of the French Violins L. Weal Sir I fear all our diversions in England will be but Disâ—…ses to your nature French Truly Madam unless they were French I shall not affect them at any rate I 'me very sorry I can continue no longer in the honour of your Ladiships company for I am going to imploy my Eyes in the view of some French Clothes and Garnitures that are newly brought me out of France which is a business of grand concern to a person that has seen the world L. Weal Sir we will not detain you from so great an affair What ever our inclinations are to your company French Madam I hope you will be pleas'd to suffer a personal visit from me Well What a Devil does he mean by a personal visit he makes ridiculous legs and goes off Sure he does not mean to send his Lacquie as an Envoy L. Weal Mr. Welbred I confess you are not worse Then your word in shewing us this Monsieur Well Madam the reason why London is more pleasant to live in Then the Countrey is because all sorts of fools come to it L. Weal Indeed I think this fellow not inferior to any kind of Ass that ever yet I saw pray let 's make good use of him Well Madam my life on 't we 'l handle him to the best advantage but hark ye one word in private as to the old business when will ye marry me L. Weal Old business d e call it sure 't is new to you for you han't me yet Well Pish pray tell me when ye will marry me L. Well When will I marry you when will I love ye you should ask me first Well Why don't ye L. Weal Why do I did you ever hear me say I did Well I never heard you say you did not L. Weal I 'le say so now then if you long Well By no means say not a thing in hast you may Repent at leisure L. Weal Come leave your fooling or I 'le swear it Well Don't widdow for then you 'l lie too L. Weal Indeed it seems 't is for my money then you would have me Well For that and something else you have L. Weal Well I 'le lay a wager thou hast lost all thy money at Play for then you 'r alwaies in a marrying humor But d' e hear Gentleman d' e think to gain me with this careless way or that I will marry one I don't think is in love with me Well Why I am L. Weal Then you would not be so merry people in Love are sad and many times weep Well That will I never do for thee widdow L. Weal And why Well 'T would argue me a child and I am confident if thou didst not verily beleive I were a man I should ne're be thy Husband weep for thee ha ha ha if e're I do L. Weal Go hang your self Well Thank you for your advice L. W. Well then shall I see you again VVell When I have a mind to 't Come I 'le lead you to your Coach for once L. VV. And I 'le let you for once Exeunt Enter Taylor and Milliner Mill. 'T were brave if we could get his custome Taylor I doubt it not I 've workt for his Family above this twenty years I warrant thee if he accept of me for his Taylor I 'le prefer you for his Milliner Mill. This is his Lodging let 's knock They knock Enter Enter French Lacquie Lacquie Qui est la Mill. What do he say kill Taylor Sir we would wait upon the Right Honorable Mr.
Frencklove Lacquie That be my Matre me tell him Exit Lacquie Taylor I don 't like these French faces about him they will persuade him from buying of us Enter Frenchlove God bless your Honor you 'r welcome into England again I have made many a white coat for your Worship when you were a child I workt for your Father these twenty years and hope to have your Honors custome I have brought Suites ready made up for your Honor to see French And who is that other man Taylor A Milliner that has the best choice in the Exchange French Why these are all English things you shew me they open their ware Taylor Yes Sir we knew what would please your worship French Ye are two mistaken Cockines In the mean time enter a French Taylor and a French Merchant Mill. What means he by Cockines Taylor 'T is Rogues in English I heard two Frenchmen call one another so in the street and a man that stood by interpreted the words to me Mill. We are like to sell much ware then Enter second Lacquie Lacquie Mounsieur the Merchant of France and the Mounsieur Taylor of France are come French Bring 'em in E. Taylor Plague of his French throat I had rather he 'd brought news of two Devil's we shall be finely serv'd now Enter two Frenchmen F. Taylor Mounsieur we have brought you the new fashions of France for Cloaths and Gairntures Mounsieur Le Merchant and my self sold the same to the King of France for the last grand ball French See the difference of the French fashions and the damn'd English F. Taylor You have the English Taylor and the Pedlar in your Chamber begar they look like sheep E. Taylor Say you so Frenchmen you shall find us wolves aside French D' yee hear me Gentlemen if you stay I 'le give you forty Candies of Battons for your ware E. Taylor An 't please your Worship how much is that in English mony for we shall take any reasonable price to gain your Custom French Why that summe in English comes to forty swinging blows with an extream tough cudgel Mill. O Sir we can'â—… take that our ware stood us in more F. Taylor O Mr. Englishman you understand some French E. Taylor May I never eat slice of liquid beef again had I that French Rogues Tongue in my mouth if I would not bite it off as close to the root as ever Barber shaâ—…'d beard Mill. We will watch their coming out and beat 'em E. Taylor Agreed Exe. E. Taylor and Milliner French Well what is your lowest price of these things F. Taylor Ma foi a hundred Pistol French Lacquie bid my Vale de Chambre pay a hundred Pistol adieu F. Taylor Mounsieur votre serviteur tres humble Exe. French Taylor Merchant they meet with the E. Taylor and Milliner who wait for ' em We did much disgrace the English Man's Merchant Begar me laugh to think how they sneakt away E. Taylor And d' ee know the faces of those Englishmen again if ye see them Merchant Methinks they be very much like you in visage Mill. You are in the right we are the men you call'd sheeps in Mounsieurs Chamber F. Taylor Begar me no like that they have the English anger in their face now would me could take five strides for one to be rid of 'em E. Taylor My fine Mounsieur we staid here to have the honour of being better known to you and do intend to do your ears the favour in making them acquainted with our fists Therefore thus with our fists we salute your ears They throw ' in down and beat them hugely F. Merchant Is this the English fashion to take acquaintance begar the English butcher takes acquaintance with his Calf so that he bills him F. Taylor The French Gentleman does no fight with his hands but with his Rapier therefore we challenge you to meet us to morrow in the field to give Mounsieur la Merchant and my self satisfaction Mill. Well we 'l meet you to morrow in Southampton fields there we shall be private Exeunt Finis Actus primi ACT the II. SCENE the I. Enter Mrs. Crafty alone Mrs. Crafty THis life of mine can last no longer than my Beauty and though 't is pleasant now I want nothing whilst I am Mr. Welbred's Mistriss yet if his mind should change I might e'ne sell Oranges for my Living and he not buy one of me to relieve me It came into my head last night that this ridiculous fellow Mr. Frenchlove I might get for my Husband by the help of fortune and a little Parson that useth to marry privately If I could but light handsomely into his Company I am confident I know a rare way to tickle this Trout They say he affecteth all things that are French and despiseth English therefore will I affect the garb of a French woman and jear at all English women and their fashions This is the French shop where he uses to buy Essences and Gloves thither will I go And if I can meet him luckily I shall feel his pulse to know what Physick is fit for my Mounsieur's Diseases yonder comes the Mounsieur my wish't for object Enter French love Fortune begins as if she would be my friend Have you any thing that is newly come out of France Shop-keeper Ouy Madam me have all the rarest things of Paris the smell of the Orange Jessemy Violet and Rose all grow in my Gloves and Essences as natural as upon the trees Crafty Come shew me some French Pendants and Gloves ofâ—… the pretty French fancie Shoop keeper Madam I shall shew you the Rarity of France Crafty I must make use of some Discourse to please this aside French love's ears I came from the Exchange where I saw a flock of English Ladies buying taudry trim'd Gloves of the dull English fancy Pink Scarlet and Yellow together one chose another Black Red and Blew and Pendants like Hawks Bells and these Ladies were making themselves fine for a Ball in the City where they enamour the hearts of every foreman of the shop and they to express their passions instead of languishing eye-casts and sighs do stare and groan as if they were giving up the Ghost for those Ladies French This must be some person of Quallity that has been in France I know by her despising the English women aside Crafty Such Ladies as these are fit for our dull English Gentry give me a young Gallant that after his being in France returns so well bred that he laughs at his own Country the fool looks pleas'd at my discourse he shall have more on 't French I must speak to her she has charm'd my eyes and ears aside Madam let me not appear a rude English man by this presumption of speaking to you if it be a crime you ought to pardon it for I have seen no woman since my coming out of France that would cause my admiration but your self besides your Celestial beauty
let me serve you with my Sword I 'le secure you Vaines an errant Coward French Sir I shall be the â—…orrier for 't if he fights with me but I would not for a 1000 Pistols he were otherwise aside Well Come Mr. Vaine will you go Vaine I 'me ready sir. Comely Mr. Welbred you are Mr. Vaines friend and I am Mr. Frenchloves then lead us the way and we 'l follow Exeunt Enter two Sisters walking as in Lincoln's-Inn Walk 1 Crafty I wonder I have not seen my ala-mode Servant to day 2 Crafty Nor I my new sprung Mushroom sweet-heart 1 Crafty Sister if ever we get them for our Husbands we 'l change every half hour for diversion 2 Crafty Well they have both very good Estates and therefore very fine Gentlemen take heed we don't reckon our chiken before they are hatcht 1 Crafty No no we 're reckoning our Calves when we talk of them 2 Crafty Thou art a mad wench 1 Crafty Faith not so mad as they will be if they marry us Come let 's sit under thâ—…se trees and talk of them and think of others They sit down Enter the four as to the Duel SCENE IV. French Now sir which is the house Vaine 'T is that 〈◊〉 against us French The very house my Saint inhabits Mr. Welbred not that I care to know but are you sure Vaine is not stout Well I am upon my word French Sir your owning the house makes my bloud boil within me therefore without farther examination pull off your Doublet passion and love unbuttons mine and throws it off Vaine Mr. Comely not that I 'de give two pence to know but are you sure Frenchlove is not stout Comely 'T is true believe me Vaine The same causes that pulls off your Doublet as quick shall pull off mine French Gentlemen what mean you by this delay in such a business if you 're at your prayers they are too long for this occasion Comely and Well whisper Well O Comely we are ruin'd French Why what 's the matter will ye not fight Comely Yes but this Devil must be turn'd another way Vaine As how Well We two must fight against you Gentlemen we can clear your mistakes by our own misfortunes They are two beautiful sisters lives in that house we have long been hopeless Servants too now our despairs are more increas'd by being Rival'd by you two Mr. Frenchlove you being the man that enjoy the affection of my Mistriss the eldest Comely And you Mr. Vaine the man that hath the heart of my Mistriss the youngest Indeed a friend of ours told us these sad truths this morning so Mr. Vaine go you to Mr. Frenchlove's side and then we are ready for you French By your pardon Gentlemen no man shall be my second that commends an English Cook or that ever thought â—…eef good meat 1. Crafty Sure yoâ—…der are four men with their Doubleâ—… off as if they were going to fight women spies â—…em they come up close to them 2 Crafty 'T is so let 's hasten to prevent them Gentlemen hold your hands 1 Crafty Mr. Frenchlove Heaven defend are my eyes falle or is it you 2 Crafty Bless me and Mr Vain what means this dismal sight French Madam there 's no hurt done but truely I think here had if Mr. Vaine had lov'd the French way of eating 1 Crafty How so I pray sir French Why then he 'd been my second for I have resolv'd no man ever shou'd that eats after the English way 1 Crafty A happy deliverance but what 's the quarrel French Concerning your two fair selves with these two Gentlemen 1 Crafty Who Mr. Welbred and Mr. Comely I wonder they can be so impudent to fight for us since we have always slighted them Well Will you still continue your Cruelties Ladies 1 Crafty Will we live you shou'd ask us Well O what a sad day is this 2 Crafty Sure Mr. Comely you have known few better as to us Well Come let 's be gone we shall but hear our miseries repeated we slighted Lovers are only fit companions for our selves Exeunt Com. and 〈◊〉 French To tell you truth Madam the occasion that brought us hither into the field was a mistake betwixt this noble Gentleman and my self for he was talking of going to a Lady whom he was a Servant to living in I demanded of him to shew the house which proving to be yours and not knowing you had a sister Jealousie then enâ—…am'd my love immediately we drew and to 't had gone but that the other two Gentlemen clear'd the mistake Vaine Yes indeed we were just running a tilâ—… one at another 1 Crafty No 't was running tilt one from another aside Thanks be to Heaven that you are both safe now pray Gentlemen hereafter avoid having any disputes with one another â—…wil make my sister and I unhappy since we have both concerns And truly Mr. Vaine a 〈◊〉 Meaâ—…s Cloaths Powders Essences and those kind of things cast your cap at 'em and never argue iâ—… with Mr. Frenchlove for he 's an absolute Demonstrator in such cases Vaine Madam I am perfectly Mr. Frenchlove's humble servant but I must confess I don't love to hear boil'd or rost Beef spoke against 2 Crafty I sir but extream wel-bred persons value it but as the flesh of a Beast 1 Crafty Sister we must stickle between these two Coxcombs for they 'l be falling out every day Gentlemen be pleas'd to walk in and share with us in an ill Dinner aside Exeunt SCENE V. Enter VVelbred as going to my Lady VVealthies House Well Well I find when ever my Pockets are emptiest of money I am fullest of love therefore will I go make t'other visit to my widdow and see if this windy woman sit's in so cold a corner as she did when I left her knocks at the door Porter appears Wel. Is your Lady within Porter I am not sure sir but I 'le inform you strait your patience a little sir. Wel. This fellow knows not my humour I am alwaies very patient when I have no money Enter La. Gentlewoman Well Is your Lady within Mistriss Gent. Yes sir. Wel. I am glad on 't be offers to go in Wel. Gent. Nay sir whither so faâ—… Wel. What a question that is why to your Lady Gent. Why Sir you must not see her unless you can shew 〈◊〉 a hundred pieces in Gold Wel. How 's that Gent. Nay 't is true Sir she has given me such order Wel. Pish pish Gent. Nay never pish I am not in â—…est Wel. I but your Lady is I hope Gent. No but she is not Wel. Why then the Devil take her in earnest and keep her till she 's out of this humour and so farewell to ye both 〈◊〉 he is going away L. Wea. calls him out of the window L. Weal Mr. Welbred I hope you 'l pardon me I am at Le umbre and am a great winner and then I never receive any visit from a losing
the hundred Pieces Gripe Yes Sir Wel. Give u'm me Gripe You 'l restore u'm unto my hand before you enter Wel. Yes yes as I did before he knocks Enter Gentlewoman Is your Lady within Gent. Yes Sir Wel. Look ye i 'me come again to see her with a 100 pieces in my pocket Gripe Now Sir my money Well Well well here ' t is Gent. Ha! what have I spied he gives the Gold to that fellow am confident 't is some Scrivener he has hired to send him a 100 pieces only to shew and the fellow will not trust him out of his sight but comes alway with him have I found you aside Sir I don't know certainly if my Lady be within but I 'le go see and bring you word immediately Porter Madam 't is so â—…'le assure you she goes in and brings out her Lady presently L. Weal Let me alone I warrant you I 'le fit him O Mr. Welbred now I begin to think you love me indeed since you continue visiting me with your pockets full Wel. Alas Madam 't was ever a great mistake in you to believe winning or losing could either decrease or increase my love to you L. Weal But I used never to see you when you had a winning hand Wel. You may believe now that was never the reason younger Brothers have oftentimes troublesome business and that might be the cause L. Weal Well I 'le believe you go call my Couzen hither and bring some Cards Mr. Welbred we 'l go to two piece Le umbre for an hour or two i 'me sure I please you in that motion aside Wel. Madam you shall ever please me but at this time I had rather she had askt me to have gone to the Devil for I have not one farthing of money to sit down with how to come off now I know not I phansie I look like an a Table and Cards are brought Ass already Enter Couzen. L. Weal Come come Couzen you 'l make one at Le umbre 1 Lady With all my heart Madam Well O I cannot fetch by breath for fear of my approaching shame head help me out now or else would thou wer't off L. Weal Come Mr. Welbred take your seat Wel. Faith Madam I have a foolish phansie now i 'me sure you 'l laugh at it L. Weal Why what i' st VVel I 'me resolv'd not to play unless you 'l lend me forty pieces of your Gold L. Weal Fie what a sensless conceit is this when you have a hundred in your pockets Wel. Nay I won't touch a Card unless you do L. Weal Nay prithee leave fooling here the first Spade deals Wel. Nay nay no no not I S'life I had almost forgot I must run away a Gentleman stays at the Fleece Tavern to pay me a hundred pounds I won of him last night L. Weal Hold hold you shan't go I 'le tell you a thing will stay you to shew you how well I love you I have a Chaplain of my own in the house I will marry you strait before my Couzen Wel. Troth this is nobly done what does this woman mean aside I begin to think she suspects I have no money but how she should come to know it I can't imagine dear widdow I 'le step to my Lodging and make my self a little finer for i 'me resolv'd I won't be married in these Cloaths L. Weal Nay you fhan't go for that 't is all one as long as I like you in u'm Wel. O my heart akes damnably I find by her willingness to marry she has discover'd me O that I were out of the room L. Weal Come Mr. Welbred don't you be so liberal now and give my Chaplain fifty pieces of Gold for marrying of us but as I told you before ten pieces you must give him Enter Parson Come Sir you must joyn our hands I am resolv'd to take this Gentleman for better for worse Wel. Now had I as lieve see the Devil as that black Parson 〈◊〉 aside L. Weal Mr. Welbred you shall give him your ten pieces before hand Wel. Faith I 'le go put on other Cloaths first L. Weal No no I 'le take you in these come why don't you produce your money Wel. I must go home and smug my self up a little and then i 'me for you widdow Heart Body and Soul L. Weal Gentleman I have found you out though you thought to hove couzen'd me you have not two pence in your pocket and come to see me a Scrivener has lent you a hundred pieces to shew at the door but would not trust you to come into the house with u'm shall I fetch you a Glass to see how like an Ass you look no no Sir the way lies there you may go now as soon as you please and put on other Cloaths though not to marry me in Well Provoking widdow hold that biting â—…ongue and Parson get you up to your Closet and pray heartily for your Lady she 'l be damn'd else for promising a man marriage and never intend it L. Weal Something 't was indeed you would not play at Le umbre unless you had forty pieces of my money O my dear cunning Servant Wel. I 'le be gone for should I stay that very Clock of thine would make me set fire on thy house about thy ears L. Weal O! Gentleman you had brains enough but you wanted wit to make this cunning Exeunt Welbred at one door and women at another design of yours take ACT the V. SCENE the I. Enter Comely Comely SUre this pritty Creature cannot love her Clown so well as me if once I can but find a time to talk with her I 'le to her Lodging yonder she is I think without her sweet heart too fair one where wander ye Enter Elsba crying What makes you weep Elsba A lack a day Sir I have lost William I have not seen him this four hours and he told me when he went out he would go but just to the May-pole in the Strand to see if it were as tall as ours upon our Green in the Countrey many a dance has William led me about our Maypole therefore I 'de be loth to lose him now Comely But what think you of losing William and finding me your sweet heart instead of him Elsba No a vous Sir my heart has gone pit a pat for William and no man else this many a day Comely Are you sure you can never love me Elsba Not as long as my sweet William lives and if he were dead I think I shou'd never sing Song again Milking my Vathers Cows Pray Sir was never any body lost in London Comely Yes marry some are drown'd Elsba My William said he 'd never come upon the huge Sea that runs by the Kings Majesties window Comely How equally her Innocence and Beauty charms me aside Fairest Creature Elsba I diâ—…own the name Sir Comely Then you wrong Nature that has made you so Elsba Nature whose that I pray for I would