LAVVTRICKES OR WHO VVOVLD HAVE THOVGHT IT As it hath bene diuers times Acted by the Children of the Reuels Written by Iohn Day LONDON Printed for Richard More and are to be solde at his Shop in S. Dunstanes Church-yard in Fleetestrette 1608 The Booke to the Reader HOnest Reader by thy patience this is the first time of our meeting it may be the last that 's as we shal agree at parting woot buy me the stationer thankes thee woot reade mee doe but picke no more out of me then he that writ put into me nor knowe me not better then he that made me such Mechanicke gods this hil of Pernassus harbors we haue a strange secte of vpstart Phisiognomers growne vp amongst vs of late that will assume out of the depth of their knowings to calculate a mans intent by the colour of his complexion nay which is miraculous by the character of his reporte and t is wonderfull to consider cannot an honest man speake to a knaue but his language must needes be scand a gallant to a Countrieman must his intent be to rob must a Cucckolde of consequent necessitie dwell at the Harts-horne and a Musitian at the Cat the fidle strange interpretations I say no more but if the Cobler wold look no further then the shoe-latchet we should not haue so many corrupt translations for mine owne part I reuerence all modest aduertisements and submit my selfe to any iudicious censurer protesting I neuer held my irregular course but my Inke hath been alwaies simple without the iuice of worm-wood and my pen smooth without teeth and so it shall continue Farwell Thine or any mans for a testar Who would haue thought it The Names of the Actors Ferneze Duke of Genoa Polymetes His Sonne Lurdo An olde Count Horatio A yong Count Horaetioe's Page Iulio A noble youthfull Gallant Angels A Noble Counsellor Adam Seruant to Polymetes Ioculo Page to Emilia Emilia Daughter to the Duke Countesse Lurdos wife Win Seruant to Count Lurdo 1 Gentlewoman 2 Gentlewoman 3 Gentlewoman Law-tricks OR Who would haue thought it ACTƲS PRIMƲS Enter Count Horatio solus Hor. DIuine inuention O how I could hug And like an amorous Louer court thy beauty That crownst me King of pleasures were my braine Fordg'd out of vulgar metall without fier And sprightly motion my big-swolne hopes Had bene still-borne but when deiected minds Out slept the golden pleasure of the night My serious meditations haue out-watch'd The glorious tapers that attend the Moone I turnd my thoughts into a thousand shapes Moulded the fashion of ten thousand plots Lik'd and dislik'd so many that my brayne The mother of Inuention grew barrayne Almost past bearing still my laboring thoughts Conceiu'd a yet more strange and quaint Idea Gaue it proportion and I brought it forth And that blest infant of Inuention Beyond all hope hath my contentment woon And that 's Loues heauen I loue a face more faire Then Cintheas as hue that seems aboue compare But hell her husband with a iealous eye Vshers her steps oh wedded slauery This tender rose whom artles marriage Hath grafted on a nettle testy age Haue I vngrafted made himselfe vntie The knot of wedlock thanks sweete industrie Enter Count Lurdo meditating And here a comes that which most heaps my fame His wit 's well spoken of Lu. This wit 's a sprightly thing Ho. For such as haue 't Lu. It not alone doth bring Publique applause but knowledge i' the law Teacheth to speake in distance Ho. How the daw Scoures ore his rustie phrases honord Count How growes your plot Lu. My thriuing fortunes mount Aboue suppose euen to my harts content Wee are diuorc'd Ho. My hopes are preualent Lu. You know the cause on 't two sufficient men Swore her a harlot and the partiall Bench Inspirde by my good Angels Angels wings Sweepe a cleare passage to the seat of Kings Seald our diuorce Ho. But doth her brother swallow This grosse abuse Lu. Abuse away away They know me rich Horatio chinke chinke Whilst this holds out my cause shal neuer sincke Enter Duke Ferneze and Angele Ho. See where a comes his sad complexion weares Griefs mourning liuery he is clothde in teares Ang. Whence springs this sorrow Fer. For my sisters shame My sister oh my sister whose repute Hung like a Jewell on her sexes forehead Ang. And what of her Fer. Shee is o no she was Pure as the Diamond cleere as christall glasse But now O hell her credit is more foule Then speckled scandall or black murders soule Ang. I cannot thinke it Lu. But I know 't too true She was my wife and by her meanes my head Was fayrely tupt and you will buy a Lanthorne Bespeake my sconce t is ready hornd and all Ho. Not yet but I le take order that it shall Fer. And are yee parted Lu. What a question 's that Shall I weare crackt rings Diamonds with a flaw I le carry coles and you wil no hornes I know the law An. Is this your griefe Fer. This is inough to make Patience turne she that was the paterne To whose proportion all our courtly dames Cut out their actions she to fall a signe Lu. More will fall shortly Fer. Her shame Lu. Growes here who euer broacht the wyne The butt stands here my forehead bears the signe Ho. It merrits none the shame 's nor yours nor his That foot 's euen made that neuer treads a misse Beauty came first from Heauen Prometheus Stole it to make proud women bewteous Now stolne goods thriue not women steale from men Then blame not them to seeke their owne agen Kings haue for this bene felons and t is prou'd He neuer was diuine that neuer lou'd Lu. I finde no law for this Ho. Custome you proue And what 's more Auncient then to pilfer louet Lu. A quillet well applide Ho. Then bury griefe Yf this be fellonie my self 's a theife Lu. A nimble witte iust of the length of mine But come my leidge forget it so will I Our infant griefs must be old men and die Fer. Not whilst hir fault suruiues What newes with thee Enter Heratio's Page Pa. I bring your honor comfortable newes Your sonne 's return'd from Pisa Fer. A comes ill And yet I hope his blest arriue will kill This monster griefe Ho. He is a toward Prince Fe. Toward inough and yet most strangely wean'd And wedded from this worlds societie Lu. A parlous youth sharpe and sattyricall Would a but spend some study in the law A would proue a passing subtle Barrister Hor. Ha's a quick wit Lur. And a speakes Latin too Truely and so few Lawyers vse to doe Enter Prince Polymetes with a Booke Poly. Health to this honour'd presence passing good Aug. Welcome sweet Prince Poly. Thanks superpassing good But honord father see how he proceedes Learning was first made pilot to the world And in the chaire of contemplation Many degrees aboue the turning cloudes Held in his hand the nine-leaf'd marble
pounds Prouided this that as our Booke-men write I haue securitie Em. A Lawyer right Pol. Securitie Leases and old rents Castle and Towne-ships able men good securitie Townes are no Starters thei le hold out winde and weather Lu. I craue no more let me haue pawnes and vse Em. How Lords turne Vsurers those that should punnish broke age deale vppon pawnes If it were once his owne Hee 'de lend him mony on his Duke-domes crowne Po. But faith Vncle tell me what think you of this Lady would she not make a prettie peart Dutches Lur. Shee 's faire nor do I discommend your choise I wish her your's a priuate friend or so I know mad Ierks and know that Lawe allowes Princes their priuate pleasures and my selfe Will doe my best to gaine your honours loue I will not absolutely say there are But there may be if so your honour please Sellers and Vaults which from your priuate Garden May vnder ground lead to your bed-chamber Whither I will not name my selfe but some close friend May vnsuspected bring your beautious Lady Em. Lord what a broaking Aduocate is this He was some Squiers Scriuenor and hath scrapt Gentilitie out of Atturneys fees His bastard actions proue him such a one For true worth scornes to turne Camelion Pol. Madam my Vncle out of tender-loue Better to shun all scandalous suspect That might attend on our vnsuiting Iodes Will lodge you at his house whither at times Em. Your Grace may haue accesse Lur. T is so indeede Em. Is there a backe way Lur. And a priuate doore A secret vault and twentie odde tricks more Em. A Stoue Lur. And Arbors with sweete violet Beds That haue bin prest to death with maiden-heads Where you may sport and breath and take a rouse Em. Pe this Lawyer keepes a bawdie house I shall be ready to deceiue you all My Lord your Law-plot 's most iudiciall Enter the Countesse Bnt who comes heere some one of your cast clyents Iul. Gods me the Countesse Lur. Mum I cannot stay There 's a clowd rising driues my Sun away Em. Is this your wife Lur. Madam t is she that was Em. That was and is not how comes that to passe Count I cannot tell God his conscience knowes Lur. And the world sees Colossus on my browes Hercules Pillers here 's non vltra writ Iul. Not in brasse Characters Pol. No hornes more fit Lur. Hath not the Lawe diuorc'd and made a bar twixt our affections wert not thou content to take a pention Coun. Which you still detaine Lur. Good wit Law-trickes and firme you may complaine Cou. Complaine I doe I kneele before the throane and sue for Iustice but yet can purchase none Complaine I doe Cousen Pol. Away Con. O as you are a Prince and you a virgin Em. I was one long since This is no place for passion drie your eyes Cou. Greife nailes me to the ground I cannot rise I le grow immodest iustice is exild And so shall duetie patience turne wilde Po. Come leaue the Bedlam Enter Horatio a side Lu. Doe for wit and Law knowe shee 's a foole Em. A couple quoth Iack-daw Exount Hor. Madam Co. Who calles Hor. Madam Co. Horatio Hor. In passion Lady Co. Discontent or so Hor. Be not be counsaild do not let dispaire Like the ranke cancker bred by sultrie aire Eate this young Rose of beautie in the bud But in the Aprill Sunne of youthfull blood Let the sweet blossome ripen thriue and grow To those full ioyes which none but Louers know Co. The man talkes idely tell me I am faire Louely and young Hor. You are by loue you are Not faire you are Leanders paramour Compar'd with you was a swarth Blackamour Your haire is softer then the Colchean Fleece Your well lim'd features natures maister peece Your eyes too Dyamonds set in purer molde Then rocks of currall or the Indian gold In thy smooth chin there is an Iuorie pit Where blushing Venus and young Cupid sit Feathering of golden shafts the wounding heads Made of thy amber tresses finest threds Co. You will not buy me sure you praise me so Hor. Yet faire I le bid faire for you ere I goe Co. He that bids faire for me deceiues his eye Hor. By heauen a doth not Enter Horatios Page Co. Wilfull periurie what meanes all this Hor. This my discourse intends Were husbands Saints some wiues would haue close friends Co. Some bad perhaps but Hor. Husbands but for 't true woot prethee woot thou Co. What Ho. Vd's Hartlings doe Co. Doe what Hor. Loue-tricks quickly woo't thou prethee Cou. No I prize my credit Hor. Credit life a man What talks of credit art not knowne a strumpet Cou. You doe me wrong Hor. Damnation what a glosse This gilded copper Diamond of glasse What strang shew it makes I le giue you a color Your face was nere worse painted then I le paint Your Wain-scot credit you are a priuate bit Kept for some great made Diues Red hot scandall Suck the natiue coulour of your soules As it hath scorch'd thy credit shriueld Baw'd Spunge Lemon-pill and more irrelishable Then ore-dride Stock-fish fie Co. Vpon thy shame Ho. Thy husband O thy husbands bow-leg'd fame Death I shall hate thee Co. O for honour doe Hor. Sweare thou art my strumpet Co. I le indure that to Ho. Shalt not deny 't hart canst not Cou. Yes I can Ho. Doo 't for thy life thy soule basse curtezan Exit Co. Farwell if friendship be at such a rate Before I le purchast I le liue still in hate Pa. Hart a new fashion A Lady poore beautifull and chast cleane From the bias of Custome to be poore painted And proud is as cōmon in Genoa as felt and feather In the fortunate Iland but chast and poore As singuler and rare as Conscience with the Anabaptist Cou. Come hether Boy didst neuer owe me seruice Pag. Yes Madam more then euer I paid you honestly and were a not my Maister Cou. Thy Maister who Pa. Horatio he that puts chastetie to the quick honor to the stab but I le shew him the nature of a right French-man deny him homage for sweare allegiance and come behinde hand in cash keeping with his owne pursse maintaine you against him Cou. Thy purpose brieflie Pa. In balde sentences your noted wrongs are pittied Cou. Pittyed by whome Pa. By me lodgings prepar'd and dyet which I humbly tender your honor as first paiment of the ancient debt my seruice owes you Cou. But is the lodging priuate Pa. At mine owne mothers and though I say 't she keepes an honest house though my father bee a Cittizen Cou. Of what profession Pa. Neither foole nor Phisitian but an ingenious Pothecarie Cou. And what resort Pag. Verie ciuil and moste quiet resort patients the house is set round with patients twice or thrice a day and because thei le be sure not to want drinke euerie one brings his owne water in an Vrinall with him Cou. Doth a
vse phisicke too that 's beyond his warrant Pa. O Lord Madam better men then hee straine curtesie with their warrants in this age besides you being musicall shall meet much content for my mother lodges three or foure Knights Ladies Daughters that practise musicke and needle-work and wil no doubt be exceeding proud of your company wilt please you walke Co. Thou art the Star by whome my fate is led My shame 's so publique I de faine hide my head Exeunt Actus Tertius Enter Count Lurdo and Winifride Lur. CVrrant in Law how encountred you Wiu. I le tell you my good Lord I thank my bringing vp I can talke I vse not to haue my tongue to seeke when it should pleasure anye man especially my good Lord I tolde her what a credit it was to haue a man of great credit that which is more a skilfull Lawyer that can stand out in her case at a dead life and one that if need were could make a crazy action sound I put her in minde what it was to haue such a one to her sweet heart Lu. Thou speakst but right for so I am indeede Wi. You are I vrg'd it and she confest to me that the verie first night shee saw you she dream't on you and wisht you in her bed and her bed in the midst of the Riuer Lu. How i th the Riuer Win. Yes for sooth Lu. In the middle of the tide Win. Yes in her dreame Lur. Good But she doth loue me Win. Beleeue it my Lord she doth marrie you must thinke I drew her and drew her and wrought her and wrought her till I made her as plyant and tractable table as wax marrie with all she is as constant as Lucretia and will not for a thousand pounds till shee hath the law of her side Lur. I sound her meaning first I le gull my Nephew Win. Her intent right she intends to make a Gull of the Prince and an absolute Goose of you Lur. Still good in Law I le fetch him ore of all Get all pursse all and be possest of all And then conclude the match marrie at least When can you tell I le vse her as a hand To picke the Princes coffers and for reward To prison marrie her for tricks can doo 't actions The worlds squint-eyd and dares not prie into our Here lyes her walke my Lute Win she shall see Youthe's leaden footed in respect of me Play and daunce Enter Emilia Em. Win prethee giue the Fidler a testar and fend him packing what a scraping the tongue keepes doe's a thinke the Count keeps a Tauerne or a Bawdie-house my good Lord beseech your honour pardon me Lu. No harme sweet Loue how dost thou like this Caper Em. Passing wel my Lord wil you neuer leaue these coltish tricks but to the matter I sent you my resolution by your Maid haue you receiu'd it Lur. I haue and it holds currant Then tender me possession Em. Of what Lur. Of thy chast loue Em. Not too much hast for that you haue a wife Lur. I had one Em. And still haue Lur. Thy loue shall quickly wed her to her graue I nere did loue her Em. When she was a maide You swore you did how soon poore youth's betraid To helplesse ruine doe you loue me Lur. I faith Em. For how long Lur. Till death Em. O deadly lye I le tell you iust how long loue 's bred i' th blood Prospers as long as beauties in the bud When beautie withers lustfull loue growes colde And ere it be halfe ripe t is rotten old If you haue me you must not put on yellowes I le haue my selfe my servant and my fellowes My loue my liking and a second me I loue to rellish sweet varietie Your old wife mou'd you I shall vex you more Take Coach with Gallants euen a sore your dore Take Rings giue bracelets wouen of my haire Which to spight you my Seruants arme shall weare I le in your presence sit vppon his knee Exchanging kisses if you speake to me I le pont in scorne crie mew and looke aside At which if you but frowne I le roundly chide I am not as I seeme dissembling wit Is my best meanes Lur. Square to my humour fit Em. I was a Beggar borne Lur. And so was I Em Traded in lust and gainefull brothelrie Lur. The fitter for my turne I was a man Borne to no hopes but a few shreds of witt A Grammer Scholler then a Scriuenor Dealing for priuate vse twixt man and man and by close broake age set them at debate Incenst them vnto Law which to maintaine I lent them money vpon Lands and Plate After the rate of seauen-score in the hundred Then did I learne to countefeit mens hands Noble-mens armes interline Euidences Make false conueyances yet with a trick Close and cock-sure I cony-catch'd the world Hauing scrap'd prettie wealth I fell in League With my first wife and though I say 't my selfe She had good dooings her backe commings in And priuate goings out rais'd me aloft I followed cases of the law abroad and she was merrie with her friends at home Em. Did you nere take her kissing Lur. Twentie times Em. Were you not Iealious Lur Neuer nothing lesse Em. Yet saw her kisse with Strangers Lu. Kisse and play Em. And were you a Cuckold Lu. Cuckold by this light Em. What a wittall Lur. And a Wittall too Em. And knew 't Lur. And knew 't Em. And sufferd it Lur. I did Lur. It went attirde in golde a golden Crest Is a braue fashion and accounted best Enter Wenefride Wen. Madam my Lord Lur. What newes Win. The Prince Lu. The Prince Win. And Iulio Lur. Which way Em. Where Lu. From thence Win. That way the vault from thence the priuate dore as I stood Centinell at the further end of the Vault they being vnacquainted with the turnings came groping and feeling as commonly men wil do especially in a strange place and as I am true sinner had I not spyed the Diamōd on his finger twinne to this a my conscience they had beene vpon me in the darke ere I had bene aware of them Lu. The Prince Win. And Iulio Em. Quick away Lu. What plot Em. Behinde the Arras scapt behinde the Arras Lu. Behinde the Arras Em. Close cocke sure be wise They onely thriue that best can temporize Enter Polymetes and Iulio Pol. A rare vault by this light and neuer deuis'd without the aduice of a grand Iurie of Bawdes a word with your lips Tris Win. As god mend me Prince you smell bawdie Pol. Since I came into thy company Win And how i st Tris fore-God a prettie lodging Inl. And verie faire hangings Pol. Passing good workman-ship what storie is this Tris Em. Why my Lord the Poeticall fiction of Venus kissing Adonis in the violet bed Iul. Fore-god t is true and marke where the Cuckoldly knaue Vulcan stands sneaking behinde the brake bush to watch a'm Pol. A
had these tryals of me abroade neuer mistrust my secrecie at home Em. I wil credit thee and now receiue this embrion of knauerie brieflie as I deliuer it I vnderstand since our priuate arriuall heere at Genoa that the Duke my father hearing of my surprisal from Monta sancta attended with a hundred Knights is gone to seeke a needle in a bottle of Hay Io. Or rather to catch a quicke Eele by the Em. Teeth as I haue done you sir Io. Nay and you breake iestes a my teeth once I haue done with you Em. If the breaking of the iest kept your teeth whole t was well broken but to the purpose as well to trie what mettle our Genowaies wits are made of as also to put my Brothers humor to the test I intend to dance a prettie change with my name for by nothing else I am sure they can knowe me being in my infancie carried to my Aunts at Pisa then insteed of Emilia call me Tristella Io. Agreed but what man i' th mist is this Em. I know not yet le ts walke and take occasion to confer with them Enter Polymetes reading end Inlis taking Tobacco Ioc. Yet keep without eye-shot so long as you can Poly. O moste Diuine Iul. Tobacco the best in Europe 't cost mee ten Crownes an ounce by this vapor Pol. Art not asham'd Iul. Of your foppish humor yes by this Element villanously asham'd pox on 't leaue it you are a scholler goe but to antiquitie reade the Chronicles you may finde some of your Ancestors chronicled for winning a Wenches fauour for loosing their armour but few for wit and Schollership Souldiers Scollers could neuer set their horses together especially in this kicking age but who comes heere one she-Satyre or other to pitch vp her Tent cast downe her gauntlet and proclaime thee coward for not stabbing her when shee gaue thee the moste plaine apparant and open lye Em. Ioculo we are fallen into their eyes Ioc. Thei le hardly see their way then for we are shrew'd moats but al 's one I le giue occasion of quarreil answert you as you can iustle Iulio Iul. Your reason Sir Ioc. To make thee recoile or with the Souldier to fall off i' st your countrie manner to corriue a leader being vpon or before present seruice as I am Iul. Pardon me sir I did not see your charge Would I had neuer seene her for her eye Hath set my thoughts in a strange mutenie Pol. What in loue Iulio Iul. No Prince loue 's in me I like a slaue indure loues tyrannie Ioc. Madam your Brother Pol. Slaue to all slaues be he that snares his eye In a weake Syrens Cob-web flatterie Iul. God saue faire sweete Em. Amen from such as you Iul. You had said for such had your tongue gone true Em. Why then belike I lye Iul. I would you did within my Curtens Em. Marry loue forbid Iul. Nay loue is willing for he cries le ts goe Em. Then loue hath two tunges for he tels me no so pray let 's part Iul. What and our lips not meete Em. Now fie vpon 't like Broom-men in the street Y' are a young wooer or else much to rude To shew this kindnesse fore a multitude But by the blush that colours ore your face You would scarce doo 't in a more priuate place Po. This same strāge thing i' th likenes of a womā Tastes of much wit though I not loue her sex I le arme my thoughts to cracke a iest with her What graueld lulio Em. No but run a Land Is your wits shipping any better mand Pol. Yes will you board it Em. No I dare not venter Pol. Make but a shot in iest and you may enter Em. You are a Scholler Pol. I haue seene some Schooles Em. You came not ore i' the last fleet of Fooles Pol. You tooke my roome vp Em. I pray tak 't agen Wee le haue no women fooles saile amongst men Pol. Your wit 's much currish Em. Why 't bites not you It feedes on fooles flesh so wisemen adieu Iul. Please you accept the curtsie of the towne Em. I need not I haue curtsies of mine ownes ther 's one for you Pol. How chance your wit 's so free Em. Onely to out-goe Iadish company Iul. Here are none such Ioc. Take heede for if you tire Shee le keepe her pace and leaue you in the mire Pol. A womans feature but a Schollers tongue In quick discourse Philosophers nere wondred More at the strange conception of the windes Then I admire how she attain'd this wit Did not true learning make the soule diuine She hath spoke enough to make me conuertine Iul. My loues are sound wait but your reply A short lin'd accent either no or I Em. I am not too seueare nor yet so kinde To fall for euerie idle puff of winde But farwell I le take counsell of my pillow Pittie fresh youth should wither in greene willowe Iul. Appoint the place sweete I le not misse mine houte Em. At the three fooles Iul. I le meete Em. And make vp foure Pol. Sweet wordes kinde lookes what and a parting kisse Words lookes and lips crie all the wenche is his I am possest deuill loue perswades my minde That if to him to me shee 'le proue more kinde What 's Iulio made of hadst thou soule or sence Thou wouldst not prentise thy affections Nor tie thy fortunes to a strangers loue Iul. A little liking my Lord a ierk a trick or so but no pure loue I protest but be impartiall cast of the furd-gowne of hate and speake out of the naked Doublet and hose of iudgement is she not worthy to be beloued nay might not she and I liue passing well together Pol. Yes if to liue in bondage be no hell I thinke you two might doe exceeding well Iul. Well my Lord because I le bee no example of selfe-will I le breake off our meeting at the three Fooles and send for her to Court where I le put al my loue into one quart of Maligo your melancholly humor into another and he that hath done last shall for penance giue her a kicke a the lips and a pipe of Tobacco be my witnesse that 's all the loue I beare her Pol. Well Iulio How ere you iuggle if you doe agree You must be pleas'd to weare the keepers fee Exennt Actus Secundus Enter Count Lurdo and Adam Adam Sir I doe not loue to double with a womā if my friend much lesse with you my most vpright straight Count my yong Lord as I told you is turnd absolute prodigall Lur. How prodigall Adam Marry thus prodigall to frequent ordinaries is his ordinarie practise rubs out whole weekes together in bowling Allyes bandies away his pocket full of French-Crownes in a morning and counts it a prettie sport to procure heate Lur. Thou telst me wonders he that but last day Was neuer seene to walke without a booke Writ against pleasure and make bitter
how soeuer our practise passe currant with your father for the present our villanyes must needs break forth they are so notorious and publique Po. No matter let 'am haue not we brayns brayns and they be well mincde are sauce for any meate let mine vncle turne Turxe and break forth let the whole towne turne cuckold and blow their hornes in our disgrace I haue brains let the Sunne and the seauen Stars be oppos'd I haue brayns for that too my present wit shall giue 'am all the lye in their throates and may ntayne it at pocket dagger and pistoll when I haue done Enter Horatios page Iu. A mourner boy what solemne funerall Hath hung that sable liuery on thy back Pa. Her death my Lord that hath cut out the like For both your honors the Countesse is deceast Pol. Then will my vncle be a hauy mourner But how the manner of her death Pa. I le tell your honor that hereafter and giue you the ground of an admirable ieast Pol. And we play not true moals and worke it out of the ground let me dye of the greene-sicknsses Iu. The ground then comes Pa. No I le tell you that in priuate the life of a iest thriues in the first reuealing it concernes the manner of your avnts death and a law-trick of your vncle Pol. Come to the solempe rites and weepe at least those being ended we le receiue y our iest Exeunt Solemnpe Musique to a funerall song the Herse borne ouer the stage Duke Lurdo Polymetes Angelo Iulio Horatio and mouners c. Exeunt Manet Horatio Ho. What is a man hart a the Deuill meere fools His rich inuention Machiuilian plots Idle illusiue antick phantasies Apelles grapes I had as full a brayne Fertile inuention and as forward hopes As man could father or his wit bring forth Yet in a minute in bubles age The venomd fury of a bitter spleene Confounded all forgetfull that I was Women are moulded out of bashfulnesse And must be drawne to kindnesse by degrees All this I knew Enter Count Lurdo Lur. Neither the Law nor I Know any reason why Horatio But mum Law-tricks as closely as I can Mine eare shall drinke his meditation Hor. Had she suruiu'd Time Lur. Might haue found vs out Good firme in Law I am a foole to doubt His constant secrecie Hor. But now shee 's dead Lur. The deepest wit could not haue bettered Our smooth conueyance but vpright and streight Vnknowne vnseene I le worke vpon conceit Exit Hor. Had she bene liuing golden promises The smoothe Atturneys to a Louers tongue Might haue in time solicited my suite Guiftes might haue pleaded mournefull Elegies Told her my passions had she bene composde Of steele or flint nay made of womens hearts The most obdurate mettle Time and Art But she is dead oh hell and in her tombe My hopes are buried Enter count Lurdo againe Lur. My conceited braine Hath an odde crotchet call'd me backe againe Hor. To all these bad mis-fortunes should the Corne vse any trickes Lur. Ha a talkes of trickes Of count and tricks for trickes and count are twinns Hor. Yet I regard not Lur. I am right and streight Hor. Say a complaine Lur. Suppose he tell the Duke he gaue the poison Hor. He contriu'd her death and cannot wrong me Lur. Fie I feare him not He doth but father what my braine begot Exit Ho. This comfort yet which many want I haue To follow my faire fortunes to the graue Exit ACTƲS QƲINTƲS Enter Horatios Page With a Theeues Lauthorne Page OH shall I venter ha shall I enter Shield me Appollo the groūd is so hollow That euerie step I treade vpon it Methinkes it sings a dead mans Sonnet Fates oh Fates be honest Drabs Feare giues me ten thousand stabs I dare not further t is wilfull murther Thus late to treade the cloyster vaults For though i 'me small I haue great mens faults Then gentle Fates take some remorse I watch an honest kinde quick course Graunt that no Hobgoblins fright me No hungrie deuils rise vp and bite me No Vrchin Elues or drunkards Ghoasts Shoue me against walles or postes O graunt I may no black thing touch Though many men loue to meete such But heere 's the tombe my hopes suffizing I watch a daintie Duckes vprising Her cheekes now are chilly as is the pale lilly Roses But when her eye vncloses thei le looke like two faire Enter Horatio with a light A light my maister or some spright Yet What neede Deuils haue candle-light T is he all hid I le not be seene For once this tombe shall be my screene He hides himselfe Hor. I cannot rest my guilt keepes ope mine eyes My passion rips my bosome and my blood Is turn'd to poysoned water and so swels That my vext soule endures a thousand hels If I chance slumber then I dreame of Serpents Toades altogether and such venomous euils As hale me from my sleepe like forked Deuils Midnight thou Aethiope Empresse of black soules Thou general Bawde to the whole word I salute thee Wishing thy poison dropt vpon my braine For my so rude so rash so heedeles murther In the ambition the height of lust Not giuing my blood libertie to coole To poison such a beautie O black Fate Thus many killd too soone repent too late Soft stay this same 's the chilly monument That huggs her bodie in his marble armes Thou gentle soule of my deceased loue O wert but possible to inioy thy voice Thy sweet Harmonious voice I should be blest But Eene to dally with thy silables O tombe Pa. No tombe but Cesterne fild with teares Ho. O heart Pa. No heart but sinke of greefe and feares Hor. Countesse soule shaddow shadow speak again Pa. Speake agen Ho. What should I speake my hate or thy huge wrongs Pa. Hudge wrongs Hor. Hudge wrongs indeede but charitable soule What ransome shall I pay thee for thy life Pa. Thy life Ho. My life Pa. I I life Ho. Discourteous ayre My blood is frozen with dispaire Pag. Dispaire Hor. Pardon forgiue me shall I goe Pa I goe Hor. But shall your hate pursue me I or no Pa. No Hor. Adieu my greefe and I le go sleepe Pa. Pray God my tongue can my hearts coūsel keep Pa. Ha are you vanisht let me see a may be fallen a sleepe against some pillar for I le be sworn a talk'd verie idely Abut decessit euasit erupit I would fain know that Wag that can put me down for a womans Ghoast extempore especially if it were to be performde vnder a tombe cloath but heere lay the desperate venter had she chaunc'd to haue risen and spoke before hir qu as about this time she must tise or my sleepie drinke plaies the drowsie companion with her Enter Horatio againe Hart a me my maister againe what crosse points are these I see I must betake me to my late refuge Hor. It was no Ghoast subtile opinion Working in mans decayed faculties Cuts out and