an Allusion or Embleme that women can hardly keepe Counsell and that they have a desire to doe that which they are forbidden Xantippe was a most famous delicate dainty devillish Shrew or Scold she was the wife to the wisest of the Philosophers Socrates shee hated nothing more than peace quietnesse On a time she hunted her Husband to and fro scolding from one roome to another that hee to bee rid of her went and sate in the street at his doore which shee perceiving went up into a Chamber above him and threw the pisse-pot on his head whereat when Socrates perceived people to laugh hee patiently said that he expected som raine would fall after so many claps of Thunder Saphira was an hypocriticall woman and the Wife to the dissembling Ananias Rhodope was a beautifull Strumpet of the Country of Thrace She was once fellow servant with Aesop the Phrygian Fabulist she was so notable in her Art as Cornelius Agrippa saith in his vanity of Sciences that shee got so much wealth that therewith shee paid for the building of a Piramis or Piramides which was a worke esteemed one of the Wonders of the World Deianiera was Wife to Hercules whose causelesse jealousie was the death of Hercules before which time hee so much doated on the beauty of Iole the daughter of Errytus King of the Aetolians that for her sake hee laid by his Armes and Monster-killing Clubbe and like a servile Handmaid in womans apparrell practis'd to spinne with a Distaffe to please his faire Mistris Love overcomes all things Briseis was a faire Lady given to Achylles at the siege of Troy shee was taken againe by Agamemnon for the which there was great strife betweene those two great Princes but at the last shee was restored againe to Achylles Arlotta or Harlot was a Skinners daughter of Cane in Normandy whom Robert the sixth Duke of that Province was so bold as to beget on her Willians the Conquerour King of England since which time most of such used women as are called She-friends are in memory of Arlot or Harlot called Harlots Faire Rosamond Clifford was the unfortunate Paramour to Henry the second King of England she was poysoned by the jealous Queene at the Mannour of Woodstocke in Oxfordshiere Jane Shore was the wife of Matthew Shore a Gold-smith of London shee was taken from the City to the Court by K. Edward the fourth with whom shee lived merily and dyed miserably in the reigne of K. Richard the 3. And thus a world of Histories are fraught With all degrees of women worse than naught But for the good ones to gaine their good will To them I humbly now direct my quill Lucretia was the wife of Tarquinnius Collatinus a Noble man of Rome which Noble and chaste Dame the proud and lustfull King Sextus Tarquinius Ravish'd violently for the which indignity she slew her selfe Portia was the Daughter of Cate and wife to Junius Brutus her father slew himselfe to save his honour her husband kild himselfe to escape the hands of Octavius Caesar and shee being taken prisoner being debar'd of weapons Knives Garters and all other things whereby shee might misdoe her selfe neverthelesse though shee were carefully and diligently watch'd shee suddenly went toward the fire and catch'd up hot burning Coales and swallowing them dyed to preserve her honour Dido some called her Elisa was the famous foundresse of the mighty City of Carthage in Affrica she was the Daughter to Bellus shee was married to Sichaeus who was Priest to Hercules A man of such mighty wealth that Pigmalian Dido's brother slew him so by that meanes Dido being a Widdow one Hiarbus King of Getulia or the Getes which some hold to bee Norway or Gothland made Suite to her for marriage which she refusing hee made Warre against her and she finding her selfe too weake to withstand his forces and withall not being minded ever to Marry the love of her first Husband had taken such deepe root in her heart shee kild her selfe Virgil doth frame in his Aeneades that she slew her selfe for the love of Aeneas which cannot possibly be so for Aeneas came from Troy 350. yeares at the least before Dido was borne or Rome or Carthage built Artemisia was a Queen replenished by beauty and chastity she was the Wife to Mausolaus or Mausolus King of Caria she loved her Husband so entirely that when hee was dead she caused him to be embalm'd and his heart to be taken out and dryed to powder which every day shee dranke a part of till all of it was dranke shee said that whilst he lived they both had but one heart and that she held no Sepulehre so worthy for the interring of his heart as was the living Sepulchre of her body Also shee caused a Monumentall Tombe to be built wherein shee laid the Corpes of her beloved Lord and Husband The Tombe was of that magnificent and stately structure that it was accounted one of the Wonders of the World the stone of the said Tombe was of an excellent and rare kinde of Marble it was in compasse 411. foot in height 37. foote and it was circled about with 36 Marble Pillars most curiously carved with Corinthian worke Pheadra was too loying to cast her selfe away for the love of Hippolitus Phillis did as much for Demophoon and Thisbe for the love of Piramus kild her selfe with a sword These three or foure last nam'd were overaboundant too to loving Creatures St. Vrsula was the daughter of a Brittish Prince named Dionetta shee with 〈◊〉 Virgins more who were under her command were assailed by the Barbarous Gâ—â—â—es and Vandals and because they would not yeeld their bodies to prostitution and their soules to Heathenish Idolatry they were all put to deathby their inhumane enemies There is a Monument in the City of Colleine of St. Vrsula and the said eleven thousand Virgin Martyrs Leodice the Wife to Ariathres King of Capadocia did unnaturally murther five of her sixe sonnes for the which the people violently fell upon her and kild her which being done they crowned the surviving sonne that was left Dominico Silvio Duke of Venice being deposed from his Dukedome because his Army was discomfited by Robert Duke of Puglya and Calabria his wife in her greatnesse was so daintily proud that the Dew was often gather'd from Roses and flowers to make Baths to bathe her in with costly perfumes and other devices yet before shee dyed her flesh did rot stinke in such a noysome manner that none could abide to come neare her in that miserable fashion she dyed When the Emperour of Germany Conradus the third had overcome the Faction of the Guelphes and taken their chiefe City called Monake in the Canton of Berne in Switzerland the Emperour commanded his souldiers to cut all the men in the City in pieces but hee granted the women so much mercy and favour as not only their lives and freedome but also to carry away as much as they
answer I doe verily thinke when you are a bed you doe wish that worke were never done These Lines were presented to a young and rich Widdow by an ancient Gentleman hoping to obtaine her love Eye-dazling beauties best accomplishment Whose forme al frames of nature doth out-strip For Nature 's strucke into astonishment In viewing her o're-beautied workmanship Her haire like to a curled Golden flame Dishevel'd spreading o're her comely shoulders Her Brow Loves bed her Eyes the Graces claime Her Lipps Loves Altars charming the beholders Upon which Altars Cupid made his heart A easelesse never ceasing sacrifice And vow'd from them he never would depart Untill shee grant no more to tyrannize To gaine her Love tenne thousand lovers sweares To offer Hecatombes of sighes and teares And to this purpose hee enlarges himselfe thinking to gaine her love and favour After shee had read them she charmes him for his insolency in this manner 3. Her Answer both in Prose and Verse to the old man that gave her the verses AGed man with what face dare you aske a young Gentlewoman the question me thinkes you are burdened with such yeares that you should now be past dreaming on a Wife Old age to match with Youth 't is monstrous fie fie 't is Lust in doating age what makes within your thoughts such wanton fire you are void of all good action but in your owne opinion Goe home go home and rest your aged head doe you thinke that I can give consent where I doubt so much before hand or doe you suppose that I wil wedde a Statue or lye in a Bed of Snow or play with old Antiquity When I should take my rest then you will be a coughing and spitting groaning and sighing able to turne a young womans stomack from lying with you Doe you thinke that I shall love a man that shall lye calving a bed and have his breakfast brought to him to cherish his appetite to performe his office and due No I will have a Husband that shall be alwayes provided like a Souldier never not with standing but in a Centinell posture with his Match lighted and cocked bolt upright and ready to doe execution not like a Dormouse alwayes sleeping or like a Droane in the Hyve live idlely but I will have a man active and nimble and lively like the Spring that can come off and on bravely without the word of command and not be forced by Art to doe that which Nature hath taught him like a Beare pulled to the stake by the Ring in his Nose whether hee will or no Goe to your Orizons and tel your Beads when I have a minde to wed old age I wil send for you a Candle is more fitting for you than a Wife and a Faggot with a Chafing-dish of coales than a young bed-fellow Goe thinke on your place of Buriall and set your minde on other things than on yong women I will bee no old mans Darling Thus she sent him away and gave him this Coppy of Verses and bid him read and peruse them well Like cheerefull May and frozen January A faire young Maidan aged man did marry And though shee was his wife and lay together Yet he had very little to doe with her At boord and bed he lov'd her in such sort As his good will could reach to although short Of what he would doe and in loving parling He calls her Duck deare sweet heart and Darling On her his lands and state he doth conferre Thinks all he hath too small to pleasure her And shee unkindly with a kind of loathing Esteemes all as too little or worth nothing 4. Another Lecture of an old rich widdow to a young Gallant who came a wooing to her that had little or no meanes BAse fellow that dares bee so bold to aske a Gentlewoman to thy bed I scorne thee I like my selfe the worse that thou shouldst hope the gaining of my affection darest thou aspire to such a height to thinke that I would wedde so poore a Groome as thee who weares all his wealth on his backe I scorne my Chamber-maide should honour thee so much you may prevaile I make no doubt in the Kitchin for I thinke by thy thinne cheekes thou wantst a meales meate sure thou art some Cubberd-wooer and so farewell but when I want a Groome I shall remember your name in my Catalogue and if my Letter or word may serve you in any stead I may perchance spare so much time as the running of an Houre-glasse for your better Preferment I doe marvaile who durst be so bold as once mention me in that way in your company or who incouraged you to be so impudent to make such a salley on such a rich widow as my selfe if it were any neighbour I knew hee should not hereafter set a foote within my doores or if it were any of my houshold they should not lodge within my roofe but instantly would I thrust them out of my service and send them to looke new Mistresses I wish you forbeare and let me have your absence you have your answer bee gone An advice for some A Widow that is rich and wondrous old Wooe her and stew her tender in her gold If she be cold a yong mans flame will toast her Or else his fire of youth will rotten roast her But let him day and night himselfe apply To please her still and shee 'le the sooner dye On a womans tongue THings that be bitter bitterer than gall Physitians say are alwayes physicall Then womens tongues if into powder beaten And in a Potion or a Pill be eaten Nothing more bitter is I therefore muse That womens tongues in Physicke they neare use There 's many men who live unquiet lives Would spare that bitter member of their wives Then prove them Doctor use them in a pill Things oft help sick men that doth sound men kil 5. A Lecture of a Countrey Farmers wife being a shrew to her husband for being late abroad at night and thus she begins VVHat good man Clowne doe you thinke to make me still your drudge to sit up late and rise thus early every day to worke like a horse and you to ride a hunting gentleman-like every morning and none but I left at home to look after your horses in the stable your kine in the field your swine in the yard your poultry about the house your cramming of your Capons your brewing and your baking you a Husband you a Coxecombe a meere Lubby a Moone-Calfe one that hath more haire than wit I am sure you were never brought up to take your pleasure in this manner I know that you were brought up at the plough and the Cart and to cry Hy Gee Ho out you browne bread crust you know not how to use a woman as you ought you know better how to Cart a woman than to Court a woman Goe to thou thou art an Asse I am ashamed of thee when wee are abroad together in any
know me from another mans wife but woe bee to thee for an ill-bred fellow that ever I saw thy face but you must bee wandring Change of pasture makes fat Calves but it is certaine that change of wenches make leane knaves and all Cats be grey in the darke and Joane is as good as myLady Hus. I pray thee good Duck doe not play the divell with me for I protest this jealousie of thine is without cause and sure some malicious tatling Gossip or other hath been prating to thee and put these foolish lyes and toyes into thy head Here the Lecture beginnes Wife DVcke thou art a dissembling Viper to call me Ducke Call me Whoore and Queane as you doe at home and give that name of Ducke to your Gilflirts that you consume your estate on and sent you home the other day drunke in a Porters Basket and another time reeling up and downe the streete and making Indentures as if you had served seven yeares an Apprentice to a Scrivener but such as you that are given to be drunk and to play the whoremasters hold an opinion that store is no sore but thou wicked Caitiffe thou wilt know one day that store of Poxe and other diseases will be sore but I was bewitcht I might have look'd before I had leap't there is no Mungrill Curre will keepe a woman so unfashionable as thou dost mee but as the Proverbe saies true In love is no lacke so I should not lacke what I would have if thou didst love me Besides I would have thee know that I will not live by love doe but take example of my neighbour Master Gregory Animall how hee maintaines his wife who as the talke goes is no better than she should be a suspicious loose Gossip and Master Innocent Gandergoose likewise is a patterne for all kind husbands to imitate for though his wife be a very divell to him and a perpetuall vexation yet good man hee takes all patiently like a Coxecomb swallowes all like a Gudgeon and like a Woodcocke loves her the better But I poore unfortunare wretch am out of sight out of minde What hard hap had I to be match'd to a Dogbolt Caterpiller Curmudgeon that cares not for me but if I were wise I would make thee drinke such as thou brewest as the good man of such a parish honest Mistresse Hold-up doth shee makes her husband a very Asse an Abram and a Ninni-hammer she will raile and scold at him that all the house shall ring againe and though shee be counted a Whoore or a light woman yet by making a noyse and clamour the silly Owlyglasse her husdand doth not onely suffer himselfe to bee a Cuckold but is contented to be a foolish Wittall so that now hee cares not who lights his Candle at his Lanthorne Also there 's Mistresse Minks that 's an inch broad in the heele a proud Trull abhominable high in the instep she hath the world at will for her loving Iohn a Nods lets her say and doe what she list she will call him all the base names that can be reckon'd as Clown Buboone Nonsence Widgeon 〈◊〉 Slabberchaps and then to stoppe his mouth he gives her any New-fangle or fashion in the world that his purse can reach to But I am married to a grumbling Maultead a Boore a Dunghill a Cullion a common Towne-Bull oâ—â— upon thee Varlet I defie thee I spit at thee and I may curse the time that ever I saw thee thou keep'st mee like a drudge there 's not a Bawd Quean Punke Tib Trash Trull or Trully-bub Oyster-wife or Kitchen-stuffe Slut but lives a merrier life than I doe I am scorn'd and slighted by every Durty Drabbe I protest rather than I will live this life with a mizerly Hoyden I will take a Knife and drowne my selfe or a Halter and out my throat I would thou hadst such a wife as Mistris All-the-world and then thou mightst make Hay with thy head as well as with a Pitchforke And there 's Mistris Brawler an understanding Woman she makes a meere Noddy of her husband shee rules him as if he were a young Puppy and dost thou thinke that I to the ill example of all women will bee an underling to such a Blockeheaded foole as thou art nay I will make thee know that I am no Goose to be Crow-trodden by such a Buzzardly Gull as thou art Sirrah if you be the head I le bee the Cap if you will bee the Cap I will bee the Button I will bee master and rule you seeing you cannot rule your selfe nor know what is fitting for a woman without so much asking for it Tut I was not hatcht under a Henne nor will I bee Mealy-mouth'd though thou bee flap-mouth'd thou Dunce thou Dolt thou Sotte I will have my will or I will vexe every veine of thy heart thou Logger-headed â—â—â—by As I am a sinner I am asham'd to walke abroad with such a Lubberly Lout Thou dost know thou miâ—erly base Patch that almost every Cobler maintaines his wife in her Blacke Bagge and I did but aske thee to give mee one as fits my calling and thou like a greedy Growtheaded Looby denyedst me but hereafter take it as thou wilt and mend thy selfe as thou canst I will be my owne Carver and not stand to the allowance of such a Beetleheaded Cuckoe And now thou knowest my resolution I wish thee no more to trouble thy foolish Jolthead with studying to curbe or bridle me for I scorne to be commanded by any dogged-divelish Crabbed Knave or confin'd in any compasse of Reason by such a Hungarian Twyerpipe and if any way these Words of mine have troubled your minde or doe sticke in your stinking stomacke you may goe and make your moane to any of your Companions and Consorts Drunkards Bawds Whoores Fanders Pimps Rogues Rascalls Vagabonds Runagates Slaves Villaines and Varlets your old Comrades and Company-keepers and so woe be to thee and let sorrow be thy sops The Husbands speech to one of his Nighbours out of his wives hearing MY Wife sure good neighbour was born at Billingsgate and was certainly nursed up there shee hath such a vilde tongue and therefore I have made these Lines to that effect It is a schoole where shamefac'd women may Heare impudence anatomiâ—'d so right That she who scarce i' th morn knowes what to say May learne the Art of scolding all by night They jeere they fight they swear curse like Roisters I 'de ne're abide the place were 't not for Oysters Within a yeare or two after his wife dyed and hee gets a Poet to make this Epitaph of her MY Dame and I full twenty yeare 's Livd man wife together I could no longer keepe her here She 's gone the Lord knowes whither Of tongue she was exceeding free I purpose not to flatter Of all the wives that e're I see I vow I 'le ne're come at her Her body is disposed well A comely Grave doth hide her And