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A19260 Greenes Tu quoque, or, The cittie gallant As it hath beene diuers times acted by the Queenes Maiesties seruants, written by Io. Cooke Gent. Cooke, Jo., fl. 1614.; Heywood, Thomas, d. 1641.; Greene, Thomas, d. 1612. 1614 (1614) STC 5673; ESTC S105001 50,912 88

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God saue you Bub. Tu quoque sir Spend. God saue you Maister Bubble Bub. Tu quoque Sta. Saue you sir Bub. Et tu quoque Long. Good maister Bubleb Bub. Et tu quoque Scatt. Is your name Master Bubble Bub. Maister Bubble is my name sir Scat. God saue you sir Bub. Et tu quoque Scat. I would be better acquainted with you Bub. And I with you Scat. Pray let vs salute againe Bub. With all my heart sir Lon. Behold yonder the oke and the Iuy how they imbrace Rash Excellent acquaintance they shall be the Gemini Bub. Shall I desire your name sir Scat. Maister Scattergood Bub. Of the Scattergoods of London Scat. No indeed sir of the Scattergoods of Hampshire Bub. Good Maister Scattergood Sta. Come Gentlemen heere 's dice Scat. Please you aduance to the Table Bub. No indeede sir Scatt. Pray will you goe Bub. I will goe sir ouer the whole world for your sake But in curtesie I will not budge a foote Enter Ninnihammer Nin. Heere is the Cash you sent me for and master Rash Heere is a Letter from one of your sisters Spend. I haue the dice set Gentlemen Long. From which sister Rash From the mad-cap I know by the hand Spend. For me six Omnes And six that Sta. Nine 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 and 8 eighteene shillings Spend. What 's yours sir Scat. Mine's a Bakers dozen master Bubble tel your mony Bub. In good faith I am but a simple Gamster and doe not know what to doe Scat. Why you must tell your money and hee 'le pay you Bub. My mony I do know how much my mony is but he shall not pay me I haue a better conscience then so what for throwing the dice twice yfaith he should haue but a hard bargaine of it Rash Witty rascall I must needes away Long. Why what 's the matter Rash Why the louers can not agree thou shalt along with me and know all Long. But first let mee instruct thee in the condition of this Gentleman whom dost thou take him to be Rash Nay hee 's a stranger I know him not Long. By this light but you doe if his beard were off 't is Staines Rash The diuell it is as soone and what 's his purpose in this disguise Long. Why cheating doe you not see how he playes vpon his worshipfull Maister and the rest Rash By my faith he drawes apace Spend. A pox vpon these dice giue 's a fresh bale Bubb. Ha ha the dice are not to be blamed a man may perceiue this is no Gentlemanly gamster by his chasing do you heare my friend fill me a glasse of beere and ther 's a shilling for your paines Dra. Your worship shall sir Rash Why how now Franke what hast lost Spend. Fifteene pounds and vpwards is there neuer an honest fellow Amb. What doe you lacke money sir Spend. Yes canst furnish me Amb. Vpon a sufficient pawne sir Spend. You know my shop bid my man deliuer you a piece of three pile veluet and let me haue as much money as you dare aduenture vpon 't Amb. You shall sir Spend. A pox of this lucke it will not last euer Play sir I 'le set you Rash Franke better fortune befa'l thee and Gentlemen I must take my leaue for I must leaue you Scat. Must you needes be gone Rash Indeede I must Bub. Et tu quoque Long. Yes truely Scat. At your discretions Gentlemen Rash Farewell Exeunt Rash Long Sta. Cry you mercy sir I am chanc'd with you all Gentlemen heere I haue 7 heere 7 and heere 10. Spend. T' is right sir and ten that Bub. And nine that Sta. Two fiues at all Drawes all Bub. One and fiue that Spend. Vmh and can a suite of Sattin cheate so grossely By this light there 's nought on one die but fiues and sixes I must not be thus gull'd Bub. Come Maister Spendall set Spend. No sir I haue done Scatt. Why then let vs all leaue for I thinke dinner 's neare ready Dra. Your meat 's vpon the Table Scat. On the Table come Gentlemen we do our stomackes wrong M. Bubble what haue you lost Bub. That 's no matter what I haue lost I haue lost nor can I chuse but smile at the foolishnes of the dice Sta. I am but your steward Gentlemen for after dinner I may restore it againe Bub. M. Scatter-good will you walke in Scat. I 'le wait vpon you sir come Gentlemen will you follow Exit manent Spendall Staines Sta. Yes sir I 'le follow you Spen. Heare you sir a word Sta. Ten if you please Spend. I haue lost fifteene pounds Sta And I haue found it Spend. You say right found it you haue indeed But neuer wonne it doe you know this die Sta. Not I sir Spend. You seeme a Gentleman and you may perceiue I haue some respect vnto your credite To take you thus aside will you restore What you ha drawne from me vnlawfully Sta. Sirra by your out-side you seeme a cittizen Whose Cockes-comb I were apt enough to breake But for the Lawe goe y' are a prating Iacke Nor i st your hopes of crying out for clubbes Can saue you from my chasticement if once You shall but dare to vtter this againe Spend. You lie you dare pot Sta. Lie nay villaine now thou tempest me to thy death Spend. So 't you must buy it dearer The best bloud flowes within you is the price Sta. Darst thou resist thou art no Cittizen Spend. I am a Cittizen Sta. Say thou arte a Gentleman and I am satisfied For then I know thou 'lt answer me in field Spend. I le say directly what I am a Citizen And I will meete thee in the field as fairely As the best Gentleman that weares a sword Sta. I accept it the meeting place Spend. Beyond the Maze in Tuttle Sta. What weapon Spend. Single rapier Sta. The time Spend. To morrow Sta. The houre Spend. Twixt nine and ten Sta. T is good I shall expect you farewell Ex. omnes Spend. Farewell sir Enter Will Rash Long-field and Ioyce Rash Why I commend thee Gerle thou speak'st as thou thinkst thy tongue and thy heart are Relatiues and thou wert not my sister I should at this time fall in love with thee Ioyce You should not need for and you were not my brother I should fall in loue with you for I loue a proper man with my heart and so does all the Sex of vs let my sister dissemble neuer so much I am out of charity with these nice and squemish tricks we were borne for men and men for vs and wee must together Rash This same plaine dealing is a Iewell in thee Ioyce And let mee enioy that Iewell for I loue plaine dealing with my heart Rash Tha' rt a good wench yfaith I should neuer be ashamed to call thee sister though thou shouldst marry a Broomeman but your louer me thinkes is ouer tedious Enter Geraldine Ioyce No looke ye sir could you wish a
I bid Ex. Ger. Long Spend. Why then say you might haue had a good bargaine Where 's this boy to make vp the wares heere 's some tenne peeces opened and all to no purpose Enter Boy Boy O Franke shut vp shop shut vp shop Spend. Shut vp shop boy why Boy My Master is come from the Court knighted and bid vs for he sayes he will haue the first yeare of the reigne of his Knighthood kept holiday here he comes Enter sir Lionell Spend. God giue your worship ioy sir Sir Lion O Francke I haue the worship now in the right kinde the sword of Knighthood sticks stil vpon my shoulders and I feele the blow in my purse it has cut two leather bagges asunder but all 's one honour must be purchac'd I will giue ouer my Citty coate and betake my selfe to the Court iacket as for trade I will deale in 't no longer I will seate thee in my shop and it shall be thy care to aske men what they lacke my stocke shall be summed vp and I will call thee to an account for it Spend. My seruice sir neuer deseru'd so much Nor could I euer hope so large a bounty Could spring out of your loue Sir Lion That 's all one I do loue to do things beyond mens hopes To morrow I remooue into the Strand There for this quarter dwell the next at Fulham He that hath choice may shift the whilst shalt thou Be maister of this house and rent it free Spend. I thanke you sir Sir Lion To day I le go dine with my Lord Maior to morrow with the Sherifes and next day with the Aldermen I will spread the Ensigne of my knighthood ouer the face of the Citty which shall strike as great a terrour to my enemies as euer Tamberlaine to the Turkes Come Franke come in with me and see the meate Vpon the which my knighthood first shall eate Ex omnes Enter Staines Staines There is a diuell has haunted me these three yeares in likenesse of an Vsurer a fellow that in all his life neuer eat three groat loaues out of his owne purse nor neuer warmed him but at other mens fires neuer saw a ioynt of mutton in his owne house these foure and twenty yeares but alwayes cosoned the poore prisoners for he alwayes bought his victualls out of the almes-basket and yet this rogue now feedes vpon capons which my tenants sent him out of the Countrey he is Landlord forsooth ouer all my possessions well I am spent and this rogue has consumed me I dare not walke abroade to see my friends for feare the Serieants should take acquaintance of me my refuge is Ireland or Virginia necessitie cries out and I will presently to Westchester Enter Bubble How now Bubble hast thou pack'd vp all thy things our parting time is come nay pre thee doe not weepe Bub. Affection sir will burst out Staines Thou hast beene a faithfull seruant to me go to thy vncle hee 'l giue thee entertainement tell him vpon the stonie rocke of his mercilesse hart my fortunes suffer shipwracke Bub. I will tell him he is an vsuring rascall and one that would do the Common-wealth good if he were hanged Staines Which thou hast cause to wish for thou arte his heire my affectionate Bubble Bub. But Master wherefore should we be parted Staines Because my fortunes are desperate thine are hopefull Bub. Why but whither doe you meane to goe Maister Staines Why to Sea Bub. To sea Lord blesse vs me thinks I heare of a tempest already but what will you doe at Sea Staines Why as other Gallants doe that are spent turne pyrate Bub. O Maister haue the grace of Wapping before your eyes remember a high tide giue not your friends cause to wet their handkerchers nay Maister I le tell you a better course then so you and I will goe and robbe mine vncle if we scape wee 'le dominiere together if we be taken wee 'le be hanged together at Tyburne that 's the warmer gallowes of the two Enter a Messenger Mes. By your leaue sir whereabouts dwels one M. Bubble Bub. Doe you heare my friend doe you know M. Bubble if you doe see him Mes. No in truth doe I not Bub. What is your businesse with Maister Bubble Mes. Marry sir I come with welcome newes to him Bub. Tell it my friend I am the man Mes. May I be assured sir that your name is master Bubble Bub. I tell thee honest friend my name is master Bubble Master Bartholomew Bubble Mes. Why then sir you are heire to a million for your vncle the rich vsurer is dead Bub. Pray thee honest friend goe to the next Haberdashers and bid him send me a new melancholy hat and take thou that for thy labour Mes. I will sir Exit Enter another Messenger hastily and knockes Bub. Vmh vmh vmh Sta. I would the newes were true see how my little Bubble is blowne vp with 't Bub. Doe you heare my friend for what doe you knocke there 2. Mes. Marry sir I would speake with the worshipfull Master Bubble Bub. The worshipfull and what would you doe with the worshipfull Master Bubble I am the man 2. Mes. I cry your worship mercy then Master Thong the Belt-maker sent me to your worship to giue you notice that your vncle is dead and that you are his onely heire Exit Bub. Thy newes is good and I haue look'd for 't long Thankes vnto thee my friend and goodman Thong Enter Maister Blancke Staines Certainely this newes is true for see another by this light his Scriuener now M. Blancke whither away so fast Bla. Maister Staines God saue you where is your man Staines Why looke you sir do you not see him Bla. God saue the right worshipfull master Bubble I bring you heauy newes with a light heart Bub. What are you Bla. I am your worships poore Scriuener Bub. He is an honest man it seems for he has both his eares Bla. I am one that your worships vncle committed some trust in for the putting out of his mony and I hope I shall haue the putting out of yours Bub. The putting out of mine would you haue the putting out of money Bla. Yea sir Bub. No sir I am olde enough to put out my owne mony Bla. I haue writings of your worships Sta. As thou lou'st thy profite hold thy tongue thou and I will conferre Bub. Do you heare my friend can you tell me when and how my vncle died Bla. Yes sir he died this morning and hee was kill'd by a Butcher Bub. How by a Butcher Bla. Yes indeed sir for going this morning into the Market to cheapen meate hee fell downe starke dead because a Butcher ask'd him foure shillings for a shoulder of Mutton Bu. How stark dead could not aqua vitae fetch him again Bla. No sir nor Rosa solis neither and yet there was triall made of both Bu. I shall loue aqua vitae rosa solis the better while I
I hold thee thus The worst is but repulse if I attempt it I am resolud my Geneus whispers to mee Goe on and win her thou art young and actiue Which she is apt to catch at for there 's nought That 's more vnsteadfast then a womans thought Enter Sir Lyo Will Rash Scatter-good Bubble Widdow Gartred Ioyce Phillis and Seruant Lyo. Heere 's ill lodging Widdow but you must know If wee had better wee could affoord it you Wid. The lodging Sir might serue better Guestes Lyo. Not better Widdow nor yet welcommer But wee will leaue you to it and the rest Phillis pray let your Mistris want not any thing Once more Good night I le leaue a kisse with you As earnest of a better Guift to morrow Sirrah a Light Wid. Good rest to all Bub. Et tu quoque forsooth Scat. God giue you good-night forsooth And send you an early resurrection Wid. God-might to both Lyo. Come come away each Bird vnto his nest To morrow night 's a time of little rest Exit Manet Widdow and Phillis Wid. Heere vntie soft let it alone I haue no diposition to sleepe yet Giue mee a Booke and leaue mee for a while Some halfe houre hence looke into mee Phil. I shall forsooth Exit Phillis Enter Spendall Wid. How now what makes this bold intrusion Spend. Pardon mee Lady I haue busines to you Wid. Busines from whom is it of such importance That it craues present hearing Spend. It does Wid. Then speake it and be briefe Spend. Nay gentle Widdow be more plyant to mee My suite is soft and courtious full of loue Wid. Of loue Spend. Of loue Wid. Why sure the man is madde bethinke thy selfe Thou hast forgot thy errand Spend. I haue indeed faire Lady for my errand Should first haue been deliuered on your lippes Wid. Why thou impudent fellow vnthrift of shame As well as of thy purse What has mooud thee To prosecute thy ruine hath my bountie For which thy Maister was an orator Importune thee to pay mee with abuse Sirra retire or I will to your shame With clamors rayse the house and make your Maister For this attempt returne you to the Dungion From whence you came Spend. Nay then I must be desperate Widdow hold your Clapdish fasten your Tongue Vnto your Roofe and do not dare to call But giue mee audience with feare and silence Come kisse mee No This Dagger has a poynt doe you see it And be vnto my suite obedient Or you shall feele it too For I will rather totter hang in cleane Linnen Then liue to scrub it out in lowsie Lynings Goe too kisse You will why so Againe the third time Good t is a sufficient Charme Now heare mee You are rich in Mony Lands and Lordships Mannors and fayre Possessions and I haue not so much As one poore Coppy-hold to thrust my head in Why should you not then haue compassion vpon a reasonable handsome fellow That has both youth and liuelihood vpon him And can at midnight quicken and refresh Pleasures decayed in you You want Children And I am strong lusty and haue a backe Like Hercules able to get them Without the helpe of Muscadine and Eggs And will you then that haue inough Take to your Bed a bundle of diseases Wrapt vp in threescore yeares to lie a hawking Spitting and coffing backwards and forwards That you shall not sleepe but thrusting forth Your face out of the Bed be glad to draw The Curtaines such a steame shall reeke Out of this dunghill Now what say you Shall we without further wrangling clap it vp And goe to Bed togeather Wid. Will you heare mee Knocke within Spend. Yes with all my heart So the first word may bee Vntrusse your Poynts Zounds one knocks do not stirre I charge you Nor speake but what I bid you For by these Lippes which now in loue I kisse If you but struggle or but rayse your voyce My arme shall rise with it and strike you dead Go too come on with mee and aske who 's there Wid. It is my Mayde Spend. No matter doe as I bid you say Who 's there Wid. Who 's there Within Phillis T is I forsooth Spend. If it be you forsooth then pray stay Till I shall call vpon you Wid. If it be you forsooth then pray you stay Till shall call vpon you Spend. Very well why now I see Thou 'lt prooue an obedient wise come let 's vndresse Wid. Will you put vp your naked weapon sir Spend. You shall pardon mee Widdow I must haue you grant first Wid. You will not put it vp Spend. Not till I haue some token of your loue Wid. If this may be a testimonie take it Kisse him By all my hopes I loue thee thou are worthy Of the best widdow liuing thou tak'st the course And those that will win widdowes must doe thus Spen. Nay I knew what I did when I came with my naked weapon in my hand but come vnlace Wid. Nay my deare loue know that I will not yeeld My body vnto lust vntill the Priest Shall ioyne us in Hymens sacred nuptiall rites Spend. Then set your hand to this nay 't is a contract Strong and sufficient and will holde in Lawe Heere heere 's pen and incke you see I come prouided Wid. Giue me the penne Spend. Why here 's some comfort Yet write your name faire I pray And at large why now 't is very well Now widdow you may admit your Maid For i' th next roome I 'le goe fetch a nappe Wid. Thou shalt not leaue me so come pre thee sit Wee 'l talke a while for thou hast made my heart Dance in my bosome I receiue such ioy Spend. Thou art a good wench yfaith come kisse vpon 't Wid. But will you be a louing husband to me Auoyde all naughty company and be true To me and to my bedde Spend. As true to thee as Steele to Adamant Binde him to the poas Wid. I 'le binde you to your word see that you be Or I 'le conceale my bagges I haue kins folkes To whom I 'le mak 't ouer you shall not haue a penny Spend. Push pre thee doe not doubt me How now what meanes this Wid. It means my vengeance nay sir you are fast Nor doe not dare to struggle I haue libertie Both of my tongue and feet I 'le call my maid Phillis come in and helpe to triumph Enter Phillis Ouer this bolde Intruder wonder not wench But goe vnto him and ransacke all his pockets And take from thence a Contract which he forc'd From my vnwilling fingers Spend. Is this according to your oath Phillis Come sir I must search you Spend. I pre thee do And when thou tak'st that from me take my life too Wid. Hast thou it gerle Phill. I haue a paper heere Wid. It is the same giue it me looke you sir Thus your new fancied hopes I teare asunder Poore wretched man t' hast had a golden dreame Which guilded o're thy calamitie