THE FAMELIE OF LOVE Acted by the Children of his Maiesties Reuells Lectori Sydera iungamus facito mihi Iuppiter adsit Et tibi Mercurius noster dabit omnia saxo At London Printed for Iohn Helmes and are to be sold in Saint Dunstans Churchyard in Fleetstreet 1608 To the Reader TOo soone and too late this work is published Too soone in that it was in the Presse before J had notice of it by which meanes some faults may escape in the Printing Too late for that it was not published when the general voice of the people had seald it for good and the newnesse of it made it much more desired then at this time For Plaies in this Citie are like wenches new falne to the trade onelie desired of your neatest gallants whiles the' are fresh when they grow stale they must be vented by Termers and Cuntrie chapmen I know not how this labor will please Sure J am it past the censure of the Stage with a generall applause now whether vox populi be vox dei or no that I leaue to be tried by the accute iudgement of the famous six wits of the Citie Farewell Actorum Nomina Glister A Doctor of Physicke Purge A Iealous Pothecarie Dryfat A Marchant a brother of the Family Gerardine A Louer Lypsalue Two Gallants that only pursue Citty Lechery Guggin Two Gallants that only pursue Citty Lechery Club A Prentice Viall Seruant to Glister Smelt and Periwincle Pages to the Gallants Weomen Mystrisse Glister Mistrisse Purge An Elder in the Family Maria Neece to Glister PROLOGVS IF for opinion hath not blazd his fame Nor expectation filld the generall round You deeme his labors slight you both confound Your grauer iudgement and his merits Impartiall hearing fits iudicious spirits Nor let the fruit of many an hower fall By enuies tooth or base detractions gall Both which are tokens of such abiect spirits Which wanting worth themselues hate other merits Or els of such which once made greate by fame Repine at those which seeke t' attaine the same From both we know all truer iudgements free To them our muse with blushing modestie Patiently to her intreats their fauour Which done with iudgement praise or els dislike the labour ACTVS PRIMVS Actus Primus scena prima Enter Doctor Glister his wife and Maria Glister TRickes and showes protestations with men are like teares with weomen forgot ere the cheeke be drie Gerardine is a gentleman his Lands be in Statutes A is not for thee nor thou for him a is a Gallant and yong thoughts be most vnconstant Ma. Yet yong vines yeeld most wine Mist. Glist. But old veynes the best beleeue not these great breecht gallants they loue for profit not for affection if a brings thee to a fooles paradice a will forsake thee Glist. VVhich fortune God send my enemy Loue is a colde heate a bitter sweete a pleasure full of paine a huge losse and no gaine why shouldst thou loue him onely Ma. VVords cannot force what destiny hath seald VVho can resist the influence of his stars Or giue a reason why a loues or hates Since our affections are not ruld by will But will by our affections T is blasphemy Gainst Loues most sacred deity to axe VVhy we do loue since t is his onely power That swayes all our affections all things which be Beasts Birds Men Gods pay him their fealty Glister Tut Loue is an idle phantasie bred by desire nurst by delight An humour that begins his dominion in Leo the Lyon the signe of the hart and ends in Aries the Ram the signe of the head His power is to stir the bloud prickes vp the flesh fills all the body with a libidinous humour and is indeed the ouerture of all Ladies which to preuent J haue banisht Gerardine your dearly beloued my house and as for you since I Lyp. In her smile deceitfull Gug. Jn her hate reuengeable Lip And in nothing but her death acceptable I le tell thee ther 's no creature more desirous of an honest name and worse keepes it then a woman Dost heere follow this song if euer thou forsake thy Country for a wagtayle let me be whipt to death with ladies hearelaces Gera. Let ts heere that worthy song Gentill master Lipsalue Lips Obserue Now if I list will I loue no more Nor longer waite vpon a gill Since euery place now yeeldes a wench If one will not another will And if what I haue heard be true Then young and old and all will doe How dost thou like this man Gerar. No more no more This is the chamber which Confines my loue This is the Abstract of the spacious world VVithin it holds a Iemm so ritch so rare That Arte or nature neuer yet could set A valued prise to her in valued worth Lip Vnvalued worth ha ha ha VVhy shee s but a woman And they are windy turning veins loue light as chaffe which when Our nourishing graynes are winnow'd from them Vnconstantly they flye at the least wind of passion A womans eye can turne it selfe with quick dexterity And in each wanton glasse can comprehend Theyr sundry fancy suted to each fend tut their loues are all compact of leuitie euen like themselues Nil muliere lenius Gug. Tut man euery one knowes their woorth when they are at a rack rent In the tearm time they beare as great a prise as wheat when transportations are Gera. Peace le ts draw nere the window and listen if we may heare her Enter Maria at the window Ma. Debard of liberty Oh that this flesh could like swift mouing thoughts transfer it selfe From place to place vnseen and vndisolued Then should no yron ribbes or Churlish flinte diuide my loue and mee Deer Gerardin despight of Chaunce or Gardians Tyranny Jde mooue within thy orbe and thou in myne Lip She 'd mooue within thy orbe and thou in hers blud she talk bawdy to her selfe Guggin stand close Ma. But in vaine do I proclaime my greefe when ayre and walls can yeeld me no reliefe Gug. The walls are the more stony harted then Lip Peace good Gudgin gape not so loude Ma. Come thou my best companion thou art sensible and canst my wrongs reitterate Thou and I will make some myrth in spight of Tyranny The black brow'd night drawn in her pithie wayne In starry spangled pride rides now ore heaune Now is the time when stealing minutes tell The stole delight ioyd by all faythfull louers Now louing souls contriue both place meanes for wished pastimes onely I am pent within the closure of this fatall wall depriued of all my ioyes Ger. My deare Maria be Comforted in this the frame of heauen shall sooner sease to moue bright Phaebus Steeds leaue their diurnall race and all that is forsake their naturall beeing Ere I forget thy loue Ma. Who 'es that protestes so fast Ger. Thy euer vowed seruant Gerardine Ma. O By your vows it seemes you 'd faine get vp Lip I and ryde
Gentry Do. Glist. Then sir know I le effect it but vnderstand withal the apparition will be most horrid if it appeare in his proper forme and will so amaze and dull your sences that your appetite will be lost and weake though mistrisse Purge should attend it naked Now sir could you name a friend with whome you are most conuersant in his likenesse should the spirit appeare Gud. Of all men liuing my conuersation is most frequent with Lipsalue the Courtier Doct. Gli. T is ynough I le to my Spirit are these whips come there Enter one with whips Man Ready here sir Doct. Glist. So lie thou there my noble gallants I le so firke you Sir my Spirit agrees in Lipsalues shape to morrow twixt the howres of foure and fiue shall mistrisse Purge be rapt with a whirlwind into Lypsalues chamber that 's the fittest place for by the breake of day Lipsalue shall be mounted and forsake the City for three dayes so my Spirit resolues me Now sir by my Art at that very houre shall his chamber doore fly open into which boldly enter in this sort accoutered put me on a pure cleane shirt leaue off your doublet for Spirits indure nothing polluted take me this whip in your hand and being entred you shall see the Spirit in Lipsalues shape in the selfe same forme that you appeare speake these words here ready written take three bold steps forward then whippe him soundly who straight vanisheth and leaues mistris Purge to your will Gud. I but shall your Spirit come arm'd with a whippe too Do. Glist. He shall but haue no power to strike Gud. Is this infallible haue you seen the proofe Do. Glist. Probatum vpon my word I haue seene the experience if it fayle say I am a foole and no Magician Gud. Master Doctor I would you had some suite at Court by the faith of a Courtier J would beg it for you Fare you well Sir I shall reporte of you as I find your charme Exit Doct. Glist. And no otherwise sir let me vnderstand how you thriue ha ha ha now to my friend Lipsalue I must possesse him with the same circumstance wherein J am assured to get perpetuall laughter in their follies and my reuenge Exit Enter Maria ouer the Trunke Ma. O which way shall J turne or shift or goe To loose one thought of care no soothing hope Giues entermission or beguiles one howre Of tedious Time which neuer will haue end Whilst loue pursues in vayne my absent friend Thou continent of wealth whose want of stoare For that it could not peiz th vnequall Scale Of Auarice giu'st matter to my moane O drosse the leauell of insatiate Eyes The Diuells Engine and the soules corrupter Thou plaist th' Atturney gainst the lawfull force Of true affection dost enterpose a Barr twixt Harts conioyn'd Curst be thy seede of strife VVhose progresse choakes the naturall course of life Gerardine rising out of the Trunke she seemes fearefull and flyes Ma. O helpe helpe helpe Ger. Stay sweet Maria I bring thee ample ioy To check that sudden feare let thy sweet heart That constant seate of thy affection Repay that bloud exhausted from thy vaines Feare not sweet wench I am no apparition But the firme substance of thy truest friend Knowst thou me now Ma. Gerardine my loue What vnheard of accident presents Thy vnexpected selfe and giues my heart Matter of ioy mixt with astonishment I thought thou hadst bin cabyn'd in thy ship Not Trunkt within my cruell gardyans house Ger. That cruelty giues fuell to desire For loue supprest fares like a raging fire which burnes all obstacles that stop his course And mounts aloft the Ocean in his source May easier hide himselfe and be confynd Then Loue can be obscurd For in the mind She holds her seate and through that heau'nly essence Is neare when farre remote her virtuall presence Fills like the Ayr all places giues delight Hope in despaire and hart gainst fell despite That worst of men thy cruell gardyan may Keepe downe a while but cannot dissipate what heau'n hath ioynd for fate and prouidence Gaue me this Stratagem to let him know That Loue will creepe where t is restraynd to go Ma. I apprehend the rest O rare conceit I see thy trauell happily was faynd To win accesse which with small ease thou hast gaynd This Trunk which he so greedily supposes Contaynes thy substance as it doth indeed Vpon thy fayre pretence in liew of loue Bequeath'd to me if death should stop the course This Trunk J say he hugs sink thou or swim So he may feed his wolfe that roote of Sin His Auarice but heauen that mocks mans might Giues this close meanes t' incist vpon our right Ger. Ingenious Spirit true Oracle of loue Thou hast preuented me this was my plot Whose end and scope I long to imitate With accents free and vncontrolld with feare Do's oportunity stand fayre Ma. Not now Daunger stands centinell Ger. Then I le retyre We must be cautilous Ma. So so and Tyme Shall not oft turne his howr glasse ere I le find Peace and occasion fitting to thy mind Exeunt Finis Actus Secundi ACTVS TERTIVS Actus Tertius scena prima Enter Gerardine and Maria Ger. THe coast is cleare and Argus wakefull eies Securely sleep time turnes to vs his front Come sweet Maria of th' auspicious howres Le ts take aduantage Ma. With all my hart J do imbrace the motion with thy selfe Welcome sweet friend to liberty of Ayer Which now me thinks doth promp our breaths to moue Sweet accents of delight the ioyes of loue How dost thou brooke thy little ease thy Trunk Ger. That Trunke confines this Chest this Chest contaynes Th' vnbounded speculacion of our loue Incomprehensible Griefe ioy hope and feares Thaffections of my mind are like the spheares VVhich in their iarring motions do agree Through th' influence of loues sweet harmony Ma. Are not inferiour bodies here on earth Produc'd and gouern'd by those heauenly ones Ger. They are Ma. They iar you say yet in that strife maintaine Perpetuall league why should their influence In rationall soules be checkt by erring sence Or why should mutuall loue confirmd by heau'n B' infringd by men me thinks t is most vneuen Ger. Thou argu'st well Maria and this withall That Bruites nor Animalls do proue a thrall To such seruility soules that are wards To gold opinion or th' undue regards Of broking men wolues that in sheep-skin bands Pray on the harts to ioyne th' vnwilling hands Ruine fayre Stocks when generous houses die Or propagate their name with Bastardy Ma. Sterility and barennes ensue Such forced loue nor shall erronious men Peruert my setled thoughts or turne mine eye From thy fayre obiect which I will pursue Rich in thy loue prowde of this interuiew Ger. I le suck these accents let our breaths ingender A generation of such pleasing sounds To enterchange delights O my bloud 's on fire Sweet let me giue more scope
Alehouse J vse n'other phisick for it Mi. Gli. Did euer such a peasant defile my floare or breathe so near me yfayth sirra you would be bumd for your Roguery if you were well seru'd Ger. I am burn'd well ynough allready Mistresse look here else surreuerence in your worship maister Doctors lips are not made of better stuffe Mi. Gli. What an impudent Rogue is this sirra be gone I say I would be rid o' you Ger. Be rid o' me I shal gallop then you mistake me forsooth I am a footpost I do not vse to ride Mi. Gl. I think the Rascal be humorus or drunk wel I wil read the letter and send him packing or else hee will spew or do worse before me fy on him I think hee will infect me with some filthy disease Ger. Or else I loose mine ayme Mi. Gli. VVhat 's heere Your poore nurse Thomasine Sweedlesse for my life now shall I find out my husbands knauery I haue so long suspected Ger. She begins to nibble t will take yfaith mistresse I see some discontentment in your looks Care ill befittes so delicate a spirit Be frolick wench for hee that is so neere thee has been much neerer Mar. That Accent sounds sweet musick t is my loue That tong breaths life into my liueles spirits Gerardine ô rapture why thus disguiz'd Ger. No more be mute thus must I vary formes To bring our Cares to end her Iealousy Ensues this Dryft which if it take true scope Loues ioy comes next be fearelesse in that hope Mi. Gli. T is so Ratsbane I hate it rack's on it torments me heere t is Woe worth the time that euer I gaue sucke to a Child that came in at the window god knows how villanous Leacher Yet if you did but see how like the little red headed knaue is to his Father damnable Doctor A Bastard in the Countrey and an other towardes here J am out of doubt this is his worke You are an Arrant Strumpet Incest fornication abomination in my owne house intollerable O for long nailes to scratch out his Eyes Ger, Or the breeches to fight with him Mi. Gli. Out of my sight queane thou shalt to Bridewell O I shall be mad with rage Ger. Then you shall goe to Bedlam Mi. Gli. Hence you Slaue Ger. I must haue a penny you must pay me for my paines Mi. Gli. The Diuell pay thee Ger. O that 's the Doctor but he wants his hornes Mi. Gli. But I le furnish him ere long if I liue Ger. It works as I would wish farewell Maria This storme once past faire weather euer after Exeunt Mi. Gli. VVas euer woman so mou'd but you shall be talkt withall and for mine oulde fornicator he shall ha 't as hot as coales yfaith heer 's stuffe indeed Come mynkes come ther 's Law for you both haue I found your knauery if I winke at this let me be stone blind or ston'd to death beare this and beare all Exeunt Enter Lypsalue and Gudgin Lip Our hopes are crost sure ther 's some prouidence VVhich countermaunds libidinous appetites For what we most intend is countercheckt By strange and vnexpected accidents For by disguise procuring full accesse Nay ready to haue feard th expected prize The candle out steps twixt my hopes and me Some pleasant Groine possest and full inioyd That sweet for which our vigilāt eies haue watcht And in one moment frustrates all our hopes Gudgin Vppon my life we are bewitcht the greasie Rascall that first seazed Mistrisse Purge by the last reflection of the light appeared to my sight not much vnlike her husband Lipsalue The Courtes gall the Citties plague and Europaes Sea forme be his perpetuall Crest what ere a was To loose Mistrisse Purge for lacke of dexterity is a disgrace insalueable The like oportunity will neuer present it selfe Gudg. T was an egregious greefe I must confesse to see a knaue slip betwixt vs both and take occasion by the foretop but since these proiects haue had so star crosse euents le ts lay some plot how to reuenge our late disgrace on the Doctor by making him Cuckold Enter Purge Lipsalue Agreed but what melancholie sir with acrostick armes now comes from the Family Gug. Purge the potecarie J prethee le ts step aside and heare the issue of this discontent Purge O the miserie of married mens estate Lip A begins very pittifully Pur. O women what are many of you Lipsalue VVhy disease to batchelers and plagues to maried men Pur. O marriage the rage of all our miseries my wife is a desembling strumpet Gudgin So is manie a mans besides yours and what of that Purge I would haue a law that all such which pray little should instantly be married for then would they pray continually if it were but to be rid of their wiues Lip This is a charitable request and surely would passe the lower House Purge Surely if affliction can bring a man to heauen I cannot see how any married man can bee damn'd J haue made my selfe a plaine Cuckold A pile on yee want you had you not been soe manable here are some would haue saued you that labor Purge VVhat shall I doe in this extremity had I but witnesse of the fact I woulde make her answere it before authority This is my wedding Ringe T is hit I knowe it by the posy This I tooke from her finger in the dark and she was therewith very well pleased were not this tro a sufficient testimony She knowes not that it was my selfe got so neare her J will take councell well litle know Batchelers the miseries they vndergo when they prostrate themselues to women Lip O most true Master Purge little knows a man what Elements a is to passe when a puts his head vnder a womans girdle your passion Master Purge is ouer heard and plaine tale to tell we were eye witnesses of your wiues trechery and if need be will be ready to depose as much Purge What master Lipsalue and master Guggin are you disguised testimonies nay then Reuenge looke big Elphe and Phayrie Helpe to reuenge the wronged Poticary Gud. Why now a speakes like himselfe get me a Parritor for her straite Lip Conceale the Ring my little Purge let not thy wife know thou hast it vntill she comes to her triall Enter Drifat and Gerardine Pur. Your aduices are very pithy therefore in priuate let me disclose my intent Gud. Off boyes Shrimpe what dost thou thinke of thy Master is a not a rare gull Per. J thinke a will swallow and pocket more disgraces then large consenst Lawyer Fees in a Michaelmasse Terme Thy master my honest Periwincle comes not much shorte of a foole to but that a is a Courtier Shrim. Draw somewhat neere and ouer-heare their conference Ger. This shape of the Crier must Club to morrow assume Are you fitted for Popin the Proctor Dri. Excellent and haue spent some study in the mysticall cases of Venery J can describe how often a man may lye
to Ger. I would most lou'd Maria Ma. I knew it he that to get vp to a fair woman will stick to vow and swear may be accounted no man but tell me why hast thou chose this hower to visite me which nor the day nor night can clayme but both or neyther why in this twylight camst thou Ger. T' auoyd suspitious eies I come deare loue To take my last farewell fitting this hower which nor bright day will clame nor pitchy night An hower sit to part conioyned soules Since that my natiue soyle will not affoord My wisht and best content I will forsake it And proue more strange to it then it to me In times swift course all things shall find euent Bee it good or ill destenies do graunt That most preposterous courses often gaine What labor and direct proceedings misse Mar. VVo't thou forsake me then Ger. Let first blest life forsake me be constant My absence may procure thy more enlarge and then Ma. Desires conceit is quick I apprehend thee Be thou as loyal as I constant proue And time shall knit our mutuall knot of loue VVear this my loues true pledge I need not wish I know thou wo't returne or will I say Thou mayst conceale thy selfe being return'd till I may make escape and visite thee I prethe loue attempt not to ascend my Chamber window by a lathered rope th' entrance is to narrow except this post VVhich may with ease yet that is dangerous I pre thee do it not I heere some call Farwell my constant loue let after actions tel Exit Maria Ger. O perfection of women A plague of such perfectiō How she woes by negatiues shows Gug. Thee what to do vnder colour of disswation Ger. Shee s truely vertuous Lip Tut man outward apparance is no authentick instance of the inward desires women haue sharp faulcons eyes and can soare aloft but keepe them like Faulcons from flesh and they soone stoope to a gawdy lure Gera. Why then Hugonot women are admirable Angells Gugg. But Angels make them admirable diuels Gera. My loues chast smile to all the world doth speake hir spotles innocence Lipsalue Womens smiles are more of custome then of curtesy women are creatures their hearts and they are full of holes apte to receiue but not retaine affection Thou wilt to morrow thou saist be gone if thou wilt know the worst of a Cuntries marrie before thou goest for if thou canst indure a curst wife neuer care what company thou comest in Gerar. Come merry gallants will you associate me to my Cousin Purges the Potticaries and take part of my parting feasts to night Gug. O his wife is of the family of Loue I le thither perhaps I may proue of the Fraternity in time wee le thither that 's flat Exeunt omnes Act. 1. Sena 3. Enter Mistrisse Purge Sola What Club Club is Club within there Enter Club. Club. Mistrisse Mist. Purge J pray what said Master Doctor Glister will a come Club. A sent word a would for a was but to carry a diet to one of his pacients what call you hir she that paints a day times and lookes faire and freshe on the outside but in the night time is filthier then the inside of Bocardo and is indeed far more vnsauory that know her forsooth Mist. Pur. Went a to hir Club. A had a receipt for the Grincomes in his hand and a said a would take that in his way Mist. Pur. T is well and what guest besides him his wife will be here at supper Club. The first in my Account is Master Gerarine your cousin Master Doctor Glister and his wife Master Drifat the Marchant Master Lipsalue the Courtier Master Guggin the gallant and their pages These J take will be your full number Mi. Pur. Then belike my roome shall be stuft with Courtiers and gallants to night of all men I loue not these gallants they 'le prate much but do little they are people most vncertaine They vse great words but little sence great Beards but little wit Great breeches but no mony Club. That was the last thing they swore away Mi. Pur. Belike they cannot fetch it againe with swearing for if they could ther 's not a page of theirs but wod be as rich as a monarch Club. Ther 's nothing mistrisse that is sworne out of date that returnes their first oath in times past was by the Masse And that they haue sworne quite away Then came they to their Fayth as by my Faith t' is so That in a short tyme was sworn away too For no man beleeues now more then a sees Then they swore by their honesties and that Mistrisse you know is sworne quite away After their honestyes was gone then came they to their Gentilitie and swore as they were Gentlemen and their Gentilitie they swore awaye so fast that they had almost sworne away all the Auncient Gentrie out of the Land which indeede are scarce mist for that Yeomen and Farmars Sonnes with the helpe of a few welchmen haue vndertooke to supplie their places That at the last they came to Siluer and their Oath was by the Crosse of this siluer and swore so fast vppon that that now they haue scarce left them a Crosse for to Sweare by Mist. Purge And what do they sweare by now their mony is gone Club. VVhy by and God refuse them Mist. Pur. And can they not as well say men refuse them as God refuse them Club. No mistrisse for men especially Cittizens and riche men haue refused them their bonds and protestations allready Enter Master Purge Mistrisse Pur. T is well see how supper goes forward and that my shooes be very well blackt against J goe to the Familye Exit Club. Now sweet Chick where hast thou beene in troth law I am not well J had thought to haue spent the morning at the Family but now I am resolued to take pills and therefore I prey thee desire Doctor Glister that a wud minister to me in the morning Mast. Pur. Thy will is known and this for answer say T is fit that wisemen should their wiues obay And now sweete duck know I haue beene for my cousin Gerardines Will and haue it a has giuen thee a legacy but the totall is Marias Enter Master Glister Master Dryfatt and Mistrisse Glister Master Doctour your wife and master Dryfat are most welcome now were my cousin Gerardine Master Lipsalue here our number were complete Do. Glist. Is this franticke Will done will master Gerardine to sea let me tell you I am no whit sorry let such as will be headstrong bite on the bridle Ma. Purge T is here master Doctor all his worth is Marias and lockt in a trunke which by to morrow Sun shall be deliuered to your custody Dry. Me thinks t' were a reasonable match to bestow your Neece on master Gerardine A is a most hopefull gentleman and his reuenue such that hauing your Neeces portion to clere it of all incombraunces t' will
in loue It is beleeud I am out of towne my dore is open the houre is at hand all things squard by the Doctors rule and now I looke for the Spirit to bring me warme comfort to cloath my nakednesse and that is Mistris Purge the cordiall of a Familist and come quickly good Spirit or else my teeth will chatter for thee Enter Gudgin with his whips Gud. O the naked pastymes of loue the scourge of dulnesse the purifier of vncleannesse and the hot house of humanity I haue taken phisick of master Purge any time this twelue months to purge my humor vpon 's wife J haue euer found her so fugitiue from exercise to exercise and from family to Familie that I could neuer yet open the close stoole of my mind to her so that I may well say with Ouid Hei mihi quod nullus amor est medicabilis herbis now am J driuen to proue the violent vertue coniuration if it hit and that I yearke my familist out of the Spirit I le hang vp my Scourge-sticke for a Trophee and emparadize my thoughts though the Doctor goe to the diuell t is no matter ha let me see Lipsalues doore open and himselfe out of towne excellēt Doctor soothsaying Doctor oraculous Doctor Enter Doctor Glister aboue Doct. I haue taken vp this standing to see my Gallants play at Barriers with Scourge-sticks for the honour of my Punke and in good time I see my braue Spirits shining in bright Armour nakedly burning in the Hell fire of Lechery and ready for the hot encounter sound Trumpets the Combatants are mounted Gud. The apparition Mistris Purge peeres through him I see her Lip The spirit appeares but he might haue come sooner I am num'd with colde a shiuering ague hath taken away my Courage Do. They are afrayde one of another looke how they tremble the flesh and the diuell strengthen 'hem ha ha ha Gud. Has a no clouen feete what a laxatiue feuer shakes me Lip Will a not carry me with him to Hell well I must venter Clogmathos Gud. My Cue Clogmathathos Lip My Cue Garrazin Gud. Garragas Lip Garrazinos Gud. Ton tetuphon Lip Tes tetuphes Ambo With a Whirley Twinos they lash one another Ambo Hold hold hold gogs nownes Gogs blude a pox a plague the Diuell take you truce truce J smart J smart Doctor Ha ha ha O for one of the hoopes of my Cornelius Tub I must needs be gone I shall burst my selfe with laughing else Magicke hath no such Rule men can not find Lust euer better handled in his kind Exit Doctor Gud. What art thou with the name of Ioue I coniure thee Lip With any name sauing the whip I le no more of that coniuration a plague on 't Gudg. Speake art not a Spirit in the likenesse of my friend Lipsalue that should transforme thy selfe to mistris Purge Lip How a Spirit I hope Spirits haue no flesh and bloud I am sure thou hast drawn bloud out of my flesh with the spirit of thy whip Then shall we proue to be honest Gulls and the Doctour an errant knaue Lip A plague vpon him for a Glister he has giuen our loues a suppositar with a Recombentibus I le tell thee sirra Gud. Tell not me let me preuent thee the winde shall not take the breath of our grosse abuse we feele the gullery Therfore let vs sweare by our naked truths by the hilts of these our blades our flesh-tamers to be reueng'd vpon that Paraperopandenticall Doctor that pocky Doctor Lip Agreed wee 'l Cuckold him that hee shall not be able to put his head in at 's dores and make his precise puritanicall peculiar Punke his Pothicaries drug there a knowne Cockatrice to the world Gud. Jf report catch this knauery we haue lost our reputations for euer Wherefore le ts be secret Ill tax we weomen of Credulity VVhen men are gulld with such grosse foppery Lip Come let vs in and couer both our shames This Coniuration to the world 's a nouelty Gallants turnd Spirits and whipt for Lechery Exeunt Act. 3. Scen. 4. Enter Maria and Gerardine out of the Trunke Maria Gerardine come forth Maria calls Those Ribs shall not infoulde thy buxom Limbs One minute longer the cincture of myne armes Shall more securely keepe thy soule from harmes Ger. VVhat heauenly breath of Phitonessaes powre That raysd the dead corpes of her friend to life Preuayles no lesse on me for euen this vrne The figure of my sadder Requiem Giues vp my bones my loue my life and all To her that giues me freedome in my thrall Ma. Be briefe sweet friend salute and part in one For niggard time now threats with imminent danger Our late ioyd scope Thy earnest then of loue Ere Sol haue compast halfe the signes I feare VVill shew a blushing fault but t' was thy plot thyne ayme T' inforce consent in him that bars thy claime Ger. Loue salues that fault let time our guilt reueale I le neare deny my Deed my hand and Seale The Elements shall loose their auncient force VVater and earth suppresse the fire and Ayre Nature in all vse a preposterous course Each kind forget his likenes to repaire Before I le falsifie my faith to thee Ma. The humorous bodies elementall kind Shall sooner lose th' innated heate of loue The Soule in natures bounds shal be confind Heauens course shall retragrade leaue to moue Ere I surcease to cherish mutuall fire With thoughts refind in flames of true desire Ger. These words are odours in the sacred shrine Of Loues best deity the mariage God Longs to performe these ceremonious rites Which terminate our hopes till mine grow full I le vse that entercourse amongst my friends That earst I did then in the hight of ioy I le come to challenge interest in my boy Till then farewell Ma. You le come vpon your Cue Ger. Doubt not of that Ma. Then twenty times adieu Exeunt Finis Actus Tertij ACTVS QVARTVS Actus Quartus scena prima Enter Lypsalue and Guggin Shrimp and Periwincle Gud. COme Boyes our clothes boyes and what is the most currant newes Periwincle Peri. Faith sir Fortune hath fauoured vs with no newes but what the Pedlar brought from Norfolke Lyp. Is there nothing stirring at Court Shrimpe Shrim. Faith there is sir but nothing new Lip Good wag fayth thou smellst somwhat of a Courtier though thy Mother was a Citizens wife Off with that filthy great Band nay quick on with your robe of sanctity nay suddenly man Gug. And why must we shift our selues into this demure habite if impossible to be of the Family and keepe our owne fashion Lip Tut man the name of a gallant is more hatefull to them then the sight of a Corner Cap hadst thou heard the protestations the wife of a bellowsmender made but yesternight against Gallants thou hadst for euer abiured Crimson breeches She swore that all Gallants were persons inferiour to bellowsmenders for the trade of
the death of melancholy wherein thou and I must call a grand Jury of iests together and passe vpon them with the Club Law Club. Now as I am O the Crier yet but a yong Club J haue not yet practizd that Law you haue a whole dryfat on 't I pray you instruct me Dri. Why t is a Law inacted by the common counsell of Statute Caps to qualify the rage of the Time to follow to call back and sometimes to encounter gentlemen when they run in arrerages I tell thee ther 's no auerment against our Booke Cases T is the Law call'd make peace it makes them euen when they are at ods it shews 'hem a flat case as plaine as a pack staffe that is knocks 'hem downe without circumstance Club. I marry I like that law well t is studyed with the turning of a hand ther 's no quiddits nor pedlers French in 't there needs no book for th' exposition o' th tearmes t is as easily learned as the felling of wood and getting of Children all is but laying on loade the downe right blow Dry. I and by the way of exhortation it prints this morall Sentence on their Costards in Capitall Letters Agree for the Law is costly Club. Good good but al this while ther 's no Doctor thought on we must haue one to arbitrate Dry. VVhy maister Gerardine man has his name for the purpose he shall be call'd Doctor Stickler Lupus est in Fabula heere hee comes Enter Gerardine Ger. How now lads do's our Conceit cotten ha you summond your wits from wool gathering Are you frought with matter for this merryment Dry. Full full wee are in labor man and we shall die without midwiferie Club. We are rauisht with delight like the wench that was got with child against her stomach O but if we could wrest this smock law now in hand to our Club law it were excellent Dry. Easily easily all shall be called the Club law Ger. As how Dry. VVhy thus Club is the Crier I am Poppin the Proctor and you Stickler the Doctor he calls them to appeare I must be of their counsel you must attone them put 'hem together we may know their cases and be in their Elements mark you me but they cannot be in ours Tut none knowes our secrets we can speak fustian aboue their vnderstāding make Asses eares attentiue I le play Ambodexter tell 'hem t is a playn Case and put 'hem downe with the club law so that as Club saide well ee' now our knauery is as neere allied as felling of wood and getting of children Gera. Excellent excellent by this they are at hand le ts bear these things like our selues I le withdraw and put on my habiliments and then enter for the Doctor Exit Enter Doctor Glister and Purge Dry. Do so they come they come welcome Master Doctor Glister and maister Purge ther 's a commission to be sat vpon this day to open a passage for imprisoned trueth concerning Acts yet in tenebris Do. Gl. True I am brought hither by the malice of my wife Pur. And I haue a iust Appeal against my wife D. Gli. Maister Exigent so I think you are call'd I vnderstand you haue the Law at your fingers ends Dri. I can box Cases and scould scratch it out amōgst them Do. Glist. Indeed fame reports you to be a good Trumpeter of causes I must retaine you sir to sound mine Dryfat My Sagbut shall do it most pathetically tell me in briefe the nature of your Case Doc. Faith sir a scandalous Letter deuisd to wrong my reputation about a Bastard in the Country which should be mine Dri. About a Bastard in the Country which should be yours hum t is very like you then it should seeme Doct. O no sir vnderstand me only father'd vpon me Dri. Only father'd vpon you cum nemini obtrudi potest I vnderstand you and like you wel to you do not flatter your selfe in your own Case no t is not good wel what more Do. And about my Neece got with child in my own house Dri. Byrlady burthens of some weight which you make light of you deny Doct. What else sir I haue reason Dry. I know it well I take you for no beast beleue me master Doctor denyall and reason are two maine grounds stand vpon them and you cannot erre Your case master Purge Purg First take your fee master Exigent that you may haue the more feeling and vrge it home when you come too t mine is a discouery of my wyues Iniquity at the Family of loue Dri. Otherwise call'd the house of Venery where they hunger and thurst for 't Pur. True sir you haue heard of the hole in the wall where they assemble together in the day time like so many Bees vnder a hyue Dry. Come home Crura Thimo plena and lodge among hornets is 't not so Pur. J cannot tell sir but for my part I am much noted as I go Dry. No doubt of that sir your wife can furnish you with notes out of her Cotations Club. I and giue him a two tag'd point to tie 'hem together Dry. But how came you to detect her Pu. Why thus sir getting the word I dogd her to the Family where closing with her I whispered so pleasing a tale in her ear that J got from her her wedding Ring heer t is Dri. Well out of that ring we wil wring matter that shal carry meat i th mouth But what witnesse or proofe can you produce to make good your wiues iniquity and your own Cuccoldry Pur. Master Lipsalue and Maister Gudgin who were her cōpanions at that same time Dry. Very good are they cited in the quorum nomina Club. they will be heere sir D. Gli. If they be they will beray all Dry. So much the better t will sauor well for Master Purge Pu. You vnderstand my case now D. Gl And mine too sir Dri, I do J do they are as different as a Doctor a Dunce a man and a beast heer 's the Compēdium yours master Doctor stands vpon the negatiue yours master Purge vpon the affirmatiue Pauca sapienti J ha 't J ha 't Pur. Myne is very currant sir J can shew you good gilt Dry. I marry there spoke an Angell guilt's currant indeed let me feel 't let me fee lt Pur. I meane my wiues guilt Doct. Master Poppin you shall haue Innocence to speak for me Dry. Tut Innocence is a foole I care not for 's company I can speake ynough without him Doct. Then J hope you will be as good to vs as the fiue-finger at Maw Dry. No rather as Hercules to lip labor 'hem with the Club Law tut let me alone Enter Mistrisse Glister Mistrisse Purge and Maria Mi. Glist. O are you here sir I haue brought you a full barne to glut your greedy appetite if you haue any maw feede here till you choak againe Now shall J see the whole Carkas of your
to true desire Ma. What wouldst thou more then our minds firm contract Ger. Tut words are wind thought vnreduct to Art Is but an Embrion in the truest sence Ma. I am beleagued I had need of sence You make me blush play faire yet aboue boord Ger. Here me exemplify loues Latine word Together with thy selfe As thus harts ioynd Amore take A from thence Then more is the perfect morall sence Plurall in manners which in thee doe shine Saintlike immortall spotles and diuine Take m away ore in beauties name Craues an eternall Trophee to thy fame Lastly take o in re stands all my rest which I in Chaucer stile do tearm a iest Ma. You breake all modest bounds away away Ger. So when men come behind do women say Ma. Come come I say Ger. I that 's the word indeed Men that come bold before are like to speed Enter Lipsalue and Shrimp his Page But who comes here monstrum horrendum my nostrills haue the ranke sent of knauery Maria le ts remoue our selues to the window and obserue this piece of mans flesh Exeunt Lip Now mistris Maria ward your selfe if my strong hope fayle not I shall be with you to bring Shr. To bring what sir some more o' your kind Lip Faith boy that 's mine ayme Shr. I le be sworne sir you haue a good loose you let fly at chem a pace Lip I haue shot fayre and far off but now I hope to hit the mark indeed Shrim. God saue it Lip But wher 's the Signe Shr. VVhy there Lip That 's a speciall thing to be obseru'd Shr. I haue heard talke of the Gemini me thinks that should be a Star fauourable to your proceeding Lip The Gemini O I apprehend thee that 's because J am so like Gerardine ha is 't not so boy Shr. As if you were spit out on s mouth sir you must needs be like him for you are both cut out of a peece but Lord sir how you hunt this chase of loue are you not weary Lipsalue Jndefatigable boy indefatigable Shr. Fattigable quoth you you may call it leaneable well ynough for J am sure it is able to make a man leane Lip T is my vocation boy we must neuer be weary of well doing loue 's as proper to a Courtier as precisenesse to a Puritane Enter Gerardine and Maria aboue Shr. Loue subbandy lust a Punke in this place subintelligitur Lypsalue Boy I haue spyd my Saint Shr. Then downe on your knees Lip Fly of least she take thee for my familiar Saue thee sweet Maria Nay wonder not for thou thy selfe art wonder To see this vnexpected gratulaion Maria VVhom do I see O how my sences wander Am not I Hero art not thou Leander Gerar. Thar' t in the right sweet wench more of that vayne Lip Her passion ouercomes her t is the kindest soule O excellent deuise it works it works boy Shr. Jt dos in deed sir like the suds of an Alefat or a washing Bole Lip Ioy not too much extreames are perillous Ma. O weather beaten loue Cisley go make a fire Go fetch my ladder of Ropes Leander's come Lip Marke how pretily in her rapture she harpes vpon Gerardines trauell let th extasie haue end for I am Gerardine Gerar. The diuell you are Ma. Ha let me see my loue so soone returnd Lyp. I neuer trauelld farther then thine eyes My bruted iourney was a happy proiect To cast a myst before thy iealouse gardyan Who now suspectles giues some hope t' attaine My wisht delight before pursu'd in vaine Ger. Aske if he straynd not hard for that same proiect Ma. Has not that proiect ouerrackt thy braine And spent more wit then thou hast left behind Shrimp By this light she flowts him Lip No wit is infinite I spent some brayne Thy loue did stretch my wit vpon the Tenters Ger. Then is 't like to shrinke in the wetting Mar. It cottens well it cannot choose but beare A prety napp I tender thy capacity A comfortable Caudle cherish it But wher 's my fauour that I bid thee weare As pledge of loue Ger. Now dost thou put him too t More Tenters for his wit hee 's Nonplus quite Lip I weare it sweet Maria but on hy dayes Preserue it from the taynting of the ayre What should J say t is in my tother hose Ma. How in your tother hose he that J loue Shall weare my fauor in those hose he has on Lip Fiends and furies block that I am Shrim. In your tother hose she talkt of a ladder of Ropes if she would let it downe for my life he would hang himselfe in 't Jn your tother hose why those hose are in Lauender besides they haue neuer a Codpeece but indeed there needs no Iuy where the wine is good In your tother hose Ma. I said you were too prodigall of wit Lyp. Expostulate no more grant me accesse Or else I le trauell to the wildernesse Maria Your onely way go trauell till you tyer Be rid and let a gull discharge the hyer Shr. Master the Doctor the Doctor Lip Where which way Shrim. This way that way some way I heard him comming Lip O boy J am abusd gulld disgrac't my credit 's crackt Shr. You know that 's nothing for a new Courtier Lip O I shall run beside my selfe Shr. No sir that 's my office I le run by your side Lip My braine is out of temper what shall J do Shr. Take her councell sir get a cullis to your capacity a restoratiue to your reason and a warming pan to your wit he comes he comes Lip Follow close boy let him not see vs Exeunt Enter Doctor Glister Doct. Glist. VVhat more flatterers about my carrion more battery to my walls shall I neuer be rid of these Petronell Flashes As for my friend Gerardine the wind of my rage has blown him to discouer countries and let the sea purge his loue away and him together I care not yong wenches now are all o' the hoigh we that are gardyans must respect more besides Titles gold lace person or parts we must haue Lordships and mannors elsewhere as well as in the man wealth commands all and wealth I le haue or else my mynion shall leade Apes in hell J must after this gallant too I le know his randiuous and what company he keeps Exit Ma: Now must we be abrupt retyre sweet friend To thy small ease what more remaines to do VVee 'l consumate at our next enteruiew Ger. So shall J beare my prisonment with pleasure Looke thou but big or cruell foe will yeeld And giue to Hymen the honor of the field Exeunt Enter Mistrisse Purge and Club before her with a Linke Mist. Purge Fy fy Club goe a tother side the way thou collowst me my ruffe thou wilt make me an vnclean member i' the congregation Club. Jf you be vncleane mistris you may pure your selfe you haue my masters ware at your commaundement but what am I then that