them to repent of whatever had provoked him to so heavy displeasure that their dross being consumed in the furnace of Affliction he would chuse them to himself break the Iron Yoak from off their Necks bound on so close by the hand of proud and cruel persecuting Tyranny that being fitted for it they might once more be intrusted with their Civil and Religious Liberties and be gathered home from all the Countries into which they are scatter'd to their own Land in Peace and Safety and never forfeit it again But with more ardent Zeal if more be possible did she pray for the Peace of our own Jerusalem and wrestle with God to render these Nations fit for Mercy for though she had a grateful sense of vouchsafed Deliverances yet when hopes were gayest and affairs most promising she was full of Fears and Expectations of impending and approaching Judgments and would often yea very often say for out of the abundance of her Heart her Mouth spake That if we traced God's footsteps in the Scriptures he must change his usual methods if he took not Vengeance of so provoking a Nation which would not be healed but in the midst of so many changes would not be changed from open Profaneness mutual Hatreds and scorning and opposing serious Holiness and solid Religion and the power of Godliness Good Lord avert from her survivors what she so reasonably feared and thou hast freed her from the feeling of The Righteous are taken away from the Evil to come The rest of this Day she spent as others are described and so the rest till Friday the Weekly memorial of our Saviour's Passion On this after some necessary Family Affairs dispatch'd she constantly retired and spent it alone in religious Fasting The House of Levy apart and their Wives apart Zach. xij 13. And remembring who had blamed exacting all their labours on a fasting Day Isa lviij 3. she gave her Maids that day to work for themselves to read or spend more time in Prayer if they had hearts to doe it And if she foresaw any unavoidable diversion as being from home or Strangers to come to us she would prudently prevent the loss of that Day by chusing one before which might afford her the best vacancy And though I confess she usually set but one day in a week apart when I was at home I have been since her death informed both by those in my Family and by her Diary that in my absence she spent two three yea and more days in a week so I add no more concerning her Week but her awakened remembring on the last day of it the approaching Sabbath and solemn preparing to meet the Lord of the Day on that day of our Lord whose presence I comfortably believe she now enjoys in a continual Sabbath everlasting Rest And this is the second Edition of her Life's Epitome how she spent every Week SECT VIII How she spent a Year I Next proceed to give account how she us'd to spend a Year in the larger Revolution whereof there occurred many things which fell not within the narrower compass of a Day or Week nor all precisely into that circle taken strictly and with rigour yet are fairly reducible to that Head Many of her Years which consisted of such Days and Weeks as above described being fill'd up with her prudent holy submissive Deportment under and godly Improvement she made of such Circumstances and Conditions of Life as these that follow many yearly at least often 1. Her most endearing Affections and obliging Observance as a Wife to my self 2. Her Lyings-in in Child-bearing 3. The Baptizing of our Children 4. Care and Methods of their Education 5. Monthly Sacraments 6. Of her Writings 7. Discreet Management of Family 8. Visitations by Sickness on our selves or Children and some of their Deaths 9. Renewed assaults of her Enemy by Temptation 10. A Catalogue of her Friends she used to pray for 11 Some trying troubles on the Nation on Friends or Family Signal Deliverances from Dangers 12. Going to Tunbridge-Wells 13. Keeping our Wedding-Day Entertainments of Friends 14. Marriage of our onely Daughter Her death in Child-bed the same Year yet leaving a Son 15. Acts and kinds of her great Charity 16. Care to advance God's Glory and Salvation of others 17. Several Graces in which she was most eminent 18. Her Character All which If I should pursue not in an historical Narrative of them that 's neither my design nor business but in her glorifying God in them and making a spiritual Improvement and Advantage of them and to teach others how to doe the like I might write a Volume of them from the wise pertinent and holy Memoirs her Pen hath left me and my own observation and memory would supply me with My greatest labour therefore here will be to contract and I must leave out much of that which my own Judgment tells me if my Affection do not greatly bribe and flatter me might not only be passable but very exemplary and usefull I might have added more particulars and set them in better order and not blended so promicuously together Heavenly and Earthly Spiritual and Secular Concerns But it matters not they both come within the compass of my design to shew how good she was in all relations and conditions she was Mary and Martha both unto perfection and acted Martha's part with Mary's Spirit SECT IX Her Character as a Wife I Should be too ungratefull to her Memory should I not begin with the endearing Affections and obliging Observance she always paid me as an Husband on which Subject it is impossible to exceed or Hyperbolize though Love should render so dull a Pen Eloquent if that be not an impossible supposition Our mutual compellation was always my Dear not a word of coarse or empty Compliment but the sincere interpretation of the Language of our Hearts All my concerns were nearer to her than those which were immediately her own were I in any sort afflicted she would with Passion wish she could exempt me from it by bearing it her self Whatever toucht my Reputation Peace or Saftety toucht her in the most sensible and tender part I could give two most trying Instances of Envy and Malice but I lay my Finger on both those Sores that it may appear blessed be God's Grace I am guided by a better Spirit than to revive the memory of what we both so heartily forgave and so oft and earnestly jointly and severally have begged of God both to forget and pardon unto those who by their present Passions were hurried so far as to afford us the tryal and exercise of Christian Fortitude and Patience and so meek yea generous a Charity as I would not stand in need of from any Man for all the World On both these occasions how did she comfort me how did she counsel me to commit my innocent Cause to God assuring me he would not fail to plead and defend it and bring forth my Innocence as
enquired he of them the Hour when he began to amend And they said unto him Yesterday at the seventh Hour the Fever left him so the Father knew it was the same Hour in which Jesus said unto him Thy Son Liveth and himself Believed and his whole House She intimates that and when she powred out her Requests to God in my behalf and that her Heart was much quieted and she went to her Rest and God gave her the Repose of the Night and I know it was the same Hour in which I was delivered from those violent Men and I do believe God heard her Prayer and Bless him for it And O that others would believe him to be a God hearing Prayer and would be encouraged to call earnestly upon him There follow after this more than twenty eminent Dangers by afflictive trying Providences and very signal Deliverances from them I 'll touch but one of all these before I reach one at about thirty Years distance from what I last mentioned though all attended with Devout Reflections July 4. 1676. My Dear Husband was under some Indisposition of Health he was Feverish I feared he would have had a Fit of Sickness which had very sorrowful oppressive Impressions on me My Dear Husband then made his Will that is a new one for I had made one many Years before and read it to me exprest his much Endearing Affections to me in his great Love and Care of me with so great a part of his Estate he gave to me for my Plentifull Susistence after his Decease This Kindness I desire to acknowledge with Thankfulness to God and my Dear Husband Lord I Bless thee for thy sparing Mercy in the reparation of my Dear Husband's Health which I beseech thee continue to length of Days in this Life and when this shall be no more Lord crown with thy exceeding Weight of Eternal Glory Amen Amen Since which making another Will I gave her my whole Estate Personal and Real what designed for Charity and a few Legacies excepted with power to sell any or all my Lands lest any un-foreseen Emergency should need extraordinary Supplies but she earnestly intreated me to alter that Power of Selling being abundantly satisfied to confine herself to the Personal Estate and Revenue of the Land which I gave her liberty to raise Money upon to be repayed in some Years after her Death to make as sure as I could she should never want any thing which I was able to supply her with which I mention to encourage Wives to deserve as well and Husbands to compensate so well-deserving Wives What should have been immediately subjoyned to my Escape from violent Men in 1660 because of the too great similitude between them is my deliverance in 1685. I will not say from more unrighteous yet I must say from those which are more inexcusable for God himself seems to extenuate the Fault of them who in Necessity take from others to satisfie their own Hunger and pressing Wants but I never read that either God or any Man except those like them excused those who sin of Malicious Wickedness and gain nothing besides the filling up the Measure of their Iniquities but the satisfaction of their own spightful Malice in troubling and afflicting others I will not transcribe what her Pen so largely so truly so piously sets down on this occasion only the number of the Days which I confess she calls the short Triumph of the being exactly Ten puts me in mind of Rev. 2.10 and if this fall into the Hands of any who made themselves Accessories and guilty post factum by a snearing Pleasure they took in the wicked Oppression of the Innocent I pray God give them Repentance And I think it is no harder to forgive them than it was for Tertullian to glory in the Christians behalf that Nero was their first Persecutor whom he speaking in their Name calls Damnationis nostrae Dedicatorem It must needs be good which Nero persecutes And we have a surer word St. John 15.18 19. A great many more afflictive Dispensations the Divine Wisdom and Faithfulness saw good to exercise us with to enforce us often to the Throne of Grace to obtain Mercy to help in time of need and many most signal and surprizing Deliverances from them did his Goodness and Loving-kindness seasonably vouchsafe us from them and most gracious Supports did his tender Compassions afford us under them frequently bringing Meat out of the Eater good out of evil filling thereby our Hearts with his Love and our Mouths with Songs of Praise and Thanksgivings to him the Rock of our Salvation and our Refuge in times of Trouble and repeated Experiences of his readiness to pity and to succour us raising up those hopes which make not ashamed All which she records with so savoury a sense of God's Mercy and such lively Expressions of most humble and holy Hallelujahs as might inspire most serious Sentiments into the Reader but I shall slide over them in silence because as I hope many do not need those Sparks to kindle their gratitude into Flames so many are of so prejudiced a frame of Spirit that to use so base a word as fitted to so base a temper of Mind they would rather put them out than suffer them to kindle into a blaze of Devotion on so damp an Hearth as are the Hearts steep'd in impure noisome Lusts not only destitute of all Sense of the Power of Godliness but implacable Enemies to it in all who own and love it SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells THough it be known to many that we most frequently went to Tunbridge-Wells from 1661 and after some Intermissions almost every Year till 1689. yet more may wonder why I write a Section of it here to which this short Account might serve for answer I doe it because I find so much concerning it under her Pen who is the Subject and occasion of the whole But that 's not all it is to shew how she behaved her self there as well as with what Christian Frame of Spirit she attended God's Providence in expectation of a Blessing from him who made the Fountains of Waters and gave to them their usefull Properties and rendred them very beneficial to her Many 't is true go thither solely or chiefly to drink these Waters for their Health but it is as true many go thither for Pleasure and Diversion only as many for a mixed reason including both and to this last Rank belongs her going thither But lest any should be surprized by this I must Interpret my self She went thither to drink the Waters which oft proved very advantageous to her and that End was common to her with many others and she went for Divertisement and Pleasure as many more and this also was common to her with Hundreds in Sound but not in Sense or Meaning and it may be was peculiar to her and it is possible few if any ever went so many years to Tunbridge-Wells
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
Light and my Righteousness in those particulars as the Noon-day telling me nothing could ever make her shrink or quail but guilt of which blessed be God we comfortably knew there was not the least Spark to raise that Blasting Smoak How did she pray to God! for she knew the Case would bear Appeals to him How did she write to and sollicite Men How did she walk and ride and repeat long Journeys beyond her Strength Had not her Affections been both more strong and swift than Legs or Horse or Coach and when a Gentleman had treated her less obligingly than by a messuage sent from himself he had incouraged her to hope for by her meekness of Wisdom by her calm Replies and by a convincing prudent Letter which she wrote him she obtained this acknowledgment from him That she was a very good yea excellent Christian but no more of these matters let them be buried in her Grave they 'll not disturb her Rest and I heartily pray that when she shall rise to Glory they may rise to no Man's Shame Amen Amen Next to the things of God my Company was the delight and satisfaction of her Life and when I went from home she would importune my speediest return and if she had any Friend to visit she would take the opportunity of my absence that she might not be from me when at home and if any Family affairs gave more trouble and bustle she would not fail to have them finished whilst I was abroad that there might be no molesting puther or noise in my Sight and Hearing and as she often told me next to the pleasing God her greatest Care was that I might never be displeased If passing the love of Women be a superlative Expression hers was more than so passing the love of most Women that there was not a Man on Earth I had cause to envy as happier than my self in that respect She was a Wife according to my own Heart and even exceeded the Character of such an one as with most earnest Prayers I begged of God to vouchsafe to me when I was inclined to enter on the Marriage State In this God did abundantly for me beyond what I could ask or think and as a good Friend who came to comfort me since I lost her was pleased to phrase it alluding to the Expression Ezek. 20.6 Of God's giving the Land of Canaan to his People God had spied out a Wife for me and as we have some hundred times blest God for singling us out from all other Persons in the World to be joined in that most near Relation so I repeat those Praises with profoundest Gratitude from the bottom of a most humble Heart She would often come into my Study to me and when I have asked her what she would have she would reply Nothing My Dear but to ask thee how thou dost and see if thou wantest any thing and then with an endearing Smile would say Dost thou love me to which when I replied Most dearly I know it abundantly would she answer to my Comfort but I love to hear thee tell me so And once when I was adding the reasons of my Love and began first for Conscience she stopt me e'er I could proceed as she was very quick Ah my Dear I allow Conscience to be an excellent Principle in all we doe but like it worst in Conjugal Affection I would have thee love me not because thou must but because thou wilt not as a duty but delight we are prone to reluctate against what 's imposed but take Pleasure in what we chuse so innocently witty would she be They that have such Wives will easily pardon my fondness in this short Paragraph and that all may doe it I wish that no Man living had a worse but I 'll not offend the most sowre or most squeemish in like kind for the future As she was all the best of Wives could be in time of Health so if God sent Sickness more than is credible to any but Eye-witnesses It once pleased God to visit us with Sickness both together she was taken first my self in few days after and both so ill our death was expected by our selves and others but God was pleased to spare us longer I recovered first and when I could leave my Bed and creep into her Chamber the sight of me was like Life from the Dead She hath oft told me she could not express what alteration it made in her the joy so revived her Spirits it helped to cure her There 's not a Sickness nor imminent danger I escaped all the time we lived together which she hath not recorded with most ardent Prayers and signal Instances of God's gracious Answers of them and most lively Praises which might thaw a Heart of Ice into streams of devoutest Thankfulness which even the fear of being prolix can scarce restrain me from transcribing but I will confine my self to one out of very many November 30. 1675. being Saturday my Dear Husband came from London and not well with a Cold. The Lord's Day following he Preached both parts of the Day Monday he took Ruffi's Pills he grew very ill with his Cold which was accompanied with a Fever and a Pleurisie Tuesday Morning very early I sent for Dr. Yardly and Dr. Godfrey On the Wednesday I sent to London for Dr. Walter Needham My Dear Husband having Pains in his Side was by the appointment of his Physicians let-Blood three times After his third Bleeding he had a very sick Night but not sensible of his Illness for when I asked him how he did he said pretty well though to my apprehension he was very ill He groan'd all Night and very restless when I raised him in his Bed to take something to refresh him he had tremblings and a fumbling in his Speech and sometimes speak incoherently which made me fear he was a little delirous these bad Symptoms gave me the fear of the sudden approach of Death I again sent for Dr. Needham who lovingly came again to us These Colds with Fevers were then the Epidemical Disease both of City and Country of which many died by which distemper my Dear Husband was brought even to the Mouth of the Grave from which God mercifully retrieved and gave me him again Thus far the History of my Sickness by her Pen to which before I transcribe the Devotial Part I must add from my own Memory to the Praise of God's Grace and Patience The third time of my Bleeding was by my own peremptory Resolution which I hardly obtained the other Physicians consent to it being the night before Dr. Needham came the second time but God whose Mercy put it into my Mind inclined them to consent to the Arguments I used for it which were these I told them my Pain continued in my Side my Water as high and thick as ever my Heat also and dryness of my Mouth I raised purulent and bloody Matter and I bled at Nose and urged
the happy estate of the Saints in Heaven and ends with these words It is an eternal Happiness which is the crown of our crown She concludes the whole with Prayer Dear and blessed Lord how unsearchable is thy Wisdom Goodness and unspeakable loving-kindness to poor Sinners I beseech thee take off my affections to the transient things of this World and wean my Heart from the Love of this present Life for at thy right hand are rivers of Pleasures and in thy Presence fullness of Joy which no mortal Eye hath seen nor Ear heard neither can it enter into the Heart of Man what thou hast prepared for those that love thee for which blessed estate and rest good Lord fit and prepare me thy poor and most unworthy creature even so come Lord Jesus Amen Amen The Tenth Head is marks of a regenerate Estate by way of Question or Examination Dost thou c. which she shuts up with this Prayer after three Pages Blessed Lord thou art good and continually dost good unto thy People I beseech thee deliver me from a fluctuating and hesitating Mind and help me that I may with full resolution and fixation of Soul cleave unto thee that no lord besides thee may have Dominion or Rule over me but that I may with full purpose of Heart chuse thy Service which may obviate all the Temptations of this World either in the good things or bad things of it or any thing which would stand in competition with thee to allure me or deterr and scare me from thee Thy Service is perfect freedom Lord help me to make that good choice Amen The last Head is a very large and devout Form of Prayer and Thanksgiving that as she had before in the Theory described Prayer and given Directions how to render it acceptable to God and prevalent with him so she might exemplifie those Rules that her dear Children might be taught both by Rule and Example how to make their Addresses to the Throne of Grace to honour God and obtain Mercy to help in time of need I am sensible how long this Section concerning her Care of her Childrens Education is yet I might have easily made it twice as long yea 't was hard to avoid so doing I wish it may be exciting and usefull to any Women to stir them up to and assist them in the like diligence that a Duty the neglect of which is of so bad consequence both to Parents and Children yea to the Church and Kingdom may be more laid to heart and wisely and conscientiously practised Amen SECT XIII Of Monthly Sacraments I Take the Liberty to call them so because that was the designed stated return of them though I confess they were sometimes deferred to five or six Weeks Revolution because our plain Country People in some more busie times had not the Vacancy from their urgent pressing Employments as Harvest for Serious Preparation She was a frequent yea constant Communicant I remember but one Sacrament in all the Years we lived together from which she was absent and that was one of the Easter-Sacraments when she had Received the Lord's Day before She was always very Devout at the Celebration and had an high Esteem of that Office in the Liturgy and her Preparation was always very Serious before never omitted to spend one Day at least in Ritirement to Fast and Pray and examine herself and humble her Soul before God and most of the Week would be much alone Reading the best Books of that Subject of which she had many or Reading them in the Family to prepare the Servants and would often prompt and exhort others not to turn their Backs upon that Holy Feast to which God himself so lovingly Invited them and yet withal caution them not to run to it Rashly and without Consideration that they might neither Starve themselves by neglecting that Food of their Souls nor Surfeit on it for the want of those Graces upon the Exercise of which depends the Digestion of it into wholsome and strengthening Nourishment and when she came Home she would give Solemn Thanks and beg of God to make her constant in the Covenant she had so signally renewed with him SECT XIV Of her Writings I Know not whether most to wonder at the quantity or quality of her Writings I find so many and they all so wise and good and the rather because her Pen was the only thing at which she was slow and the time spent in Devotion and Family-Affairs was so much that either of them might have exhausted all had she not improved every Moment and let none run to waste She was exceeding Expeditious in whatever she took in Hand and would dispatch a Business while another would be going about it yet which she would bewail but could not conquer she was slow at Writing beyond what was ordinary She had been used from a Child to a kind of Set-Hand and took off her Pen almost at every Letter which put a great stop to her speed She writ very streight fair and legibly for such a kind of Hand yet was long about it which notwithstanding besides the large Book of which so much before she hath left many both Books and Papers Copies of good Letters Meditations and the like There is one endorsed thus Contemplations on the 104 Psalm 10th Verse In which besides a large Ingenious and Pious Introduction shewing what led her to the following Thoughts which was chiefly the consideration of God's unlimited Goodness to all the Works of his Hands as the great Benefactor of the whole Creation which she handsomly illustrates in four Pages contains 190 Pages of the largest Paper of Twelve-pence a Quire Having set down the Words He sendeth the Springs into the Valleys which run among the Hills she thus begins This Scripture hath a large Extent it hath a double Blessing in it Temporal and Spiritual Enjoyments the one may be extracted or drawn from the other it affords the upper by the nether Springs The Valleys and Hills represent two sorts of Men the fruitful Valleys are the Character of good Men the barren Hills are the Character of bad Men both Temporal and Spiritual Blessings are given at least tendered to both good and bad but they are differently received and so she proceeds to so great Enlargement and by many more Allegories Piously to fill up near thirty Sheets close written but I refrain giving a farther Taste There is also a large Meditation of a Bee caught in a Spider's Web and assaulted by three Spiders successively after she had been dis-entangled once and again to which she compares a Christian hamper'd in the Snares of Satan and after some Freedom yet again and again molested by him and very Piously and Ingeniously runs the Parallel in many Particulars in near two Sheets which she concludes with a very devout Prayer which respects her own afflicted and vexatious Tryals by renewed Temptations which may be suitably touched when I come to that
wisely and gravely admonish them of the Evil telling them that Modesty was a Womans Ornament and Guard of Chastity which would seldom or never be attempted did not some lightness or unwary Carriage embolden those who did assault it and the Flames which scorched the Female-Honour were mostly kindled by Sparks of their own striking SECT XVI Visitations by Sicknesses on our selves or Children and Death of some of them THough there was not one of these which she hath not Recorded yet I shall touch but few of them she being always the same under the like Dispensations all of a Piece I am very sensible how little others are concerned to be acquainted with God's particular Dealings towards so private and obscure Persons yet her affectionate Tenderness her devout Addresses to God her Faith in dependance upon him her meek Submission to him her silent Acquiescence under them and the Supports God vouchsafed her in such Tryals I think may be useful to other Women Wives and Mothers in like Tryals which is the end for which I write the whole I have given one Instance of her Behaviour in one of my Sicknesses and could add many more in all which she manifested no less endearing Love to me nor less fervent Addresses to God in time of my Danger or Pious and enlarged Praises upon my Recovery December 1660. After Lying-in she had a long and sore Sickness of which she thus writes I acknowledge to the Praise of God that in this Sickness I had many Manifestations of the Love of God in his People besides the very great Care and most endearing Love of my Husband so exceedingly exprest to me Most were much concerned for me and were great Sollicitors at the Throne of Grace in my behalf I bless God that did not suffer my strong Enemy to Triumph over me though he impetuously assaulted me for greater is he that is for me than he that is against me I remember that in this Sickness which held me long and brought me very low that almost a quarter of a Year I had one or two to watch with me every Night in which as in other long Sicknesses I was never unprovided but had the continued readiness of Friends to me or mine in their Attendance and Help for which I bless God A plain Neighbour a poor Woman came to see me and with much Joy seeing me out of my Bed told me she never awaked in the Night but she Prayed for me and according to her plain Expression said that I had as many Prayers as if I were a Queen Good Lord shower down the Blessing of Prayer upon my Soul God's good Providence has been such to me that with other signal Mercies I cannot chuse but express his kindness to me in restraining the Smoaking of a Chimney in a Chamber which was most convenient for me at my Lyings-in and in times of Sickness which at other times when I have had little use of it hath been very subject to Smoak but then it never annoyed me how fantastick this may seem to any yet I bless God for it who compasseth me about with loving Kindness and tender Mercies My Daughter Margaret had a long Quartane Ague about the Year 1663. which held her three Quarters of a Year We used several Medicines but they proved ineffectual but by God's Providence a very holy good Man my very choice good Friend a great support to me in my Afflictions came to see us and advised me to the use of Matthews's Pill My good Friend help'd me to weigh out twenty Grains for twice taking which had so good effect that after the first she took she had not the least Symptom of a Fit which before was very afflictive I bless God for the Mercy and verily believe the benefit was more from the Prayers of the good Man than from the Medicine which hath been used oft by others and not had the like success In the Year 1667. my Daughter Margaret had a most dangerous Fit which exceedingly surprized me with great Fear The more because my Husband was a Mile or two from home She was suddenly taken with most violent Vomitting viscous green and black Matter and so sick withal as if she would have died presently She Vomited tough Flegm like Grissels with which I thought I saw digested Worms which Matter I believe was contracted by her long Quartane We could not tell the certain occasion of her ilness but feared it might be the giving her some Mercurius Dulcis which having been kept long was grown Crude again But whatever it was we hope it contributed much to her future health through the over-ruling Goodness of God for the abundance of corrupt Matter which came away must needs have been very prejudicial to her if it had been retained O Lord I bless thee who can'st and dost bring Good out of those Evils which are most affrighting and disquieting to us I beseech thee with this and all other thy providential Dispensations to her quicken and excite her to a thankfull Acknowledment of thy Mercies in an Holy Life and her future dependance and trust in thee Such devout and gratefull Improvements did this holy Woman constantly make on all God's Providences towards her self and others Which I humbly and heartily pray they may kindle in all who read them in the like circumstances to themselves and theirs which is the only reason of my transcribing them The next afflictive Providence I shall take notice of having past by many is the Sickness and Death of her Daughter Mary which she sets down more largely than usually with the circumstances which attended it I shall shorten it what I can retaining the substance because it may be usefull to provoke Children of the same Age to an early sense of Piety My sweet Child and dearly beloved Daughter Mary a sweet tender hearted obedient Child of great Prudence and early Piety and exemplary Inclination to the knowledge of God and concerns of a better Life she fell suddenly ill of a Sore Throat Jan. 17. 1669. and after four Days ilness sweetly fell asleep in Jesus Christ Jan. 21. She was Six Years and a quarter old when she departed this Life She was of a quick apprehension an even temper chearfull but serious of a pretty presence not bold but of an innocent confidence a sweet composure of Love and Humility of such Generosity she would not lye I do not know that ever she spake an untruth she was Religious she coveted the best things much loved her Books and when she read got most of it by heart Psalms and divers Scriptures which when rehearsed to others she would repeat so sententiously that thereby might be discovered the affections of her Heart and Soul in the love of God's Word Half a Year before she dyed she would scarce give her self the liberty of her meals but would be taken down from Table if she might to get to her Book and would by Candle-light sit reading by me an hour
kept this Trouble to her half a Year only her Sister knew it and oft see her sit and Weep most bitterly but I humbly hope God gave her strength against the Temptation and quieted her Mind After she revealed this Affliction and better understood the nature of these Troubles which as God enabled me I informed her and strove to Comfort her In the time of this last Sickness she oft asked me to Pray with her which when I performed I was too absolute with God for her Life all the time of her Sickness without express Submission to his Will The Lord pardon the Extremity of my Affection In this Sickness she was very tender-hearted expressed herself very Understandingly and Piously in Prayer with other sweet and gracious Requests to God she begged of the Lord that the Infection of her Disease might spread no farther in the Family which Desires of hers the Lord heard and granted For which Preservation I do desire to be thankfull to the God of our Mercies which in the midst of his just Judgments for my Sins in this heavy stroak shewed us much Compassion in preventing our farther Calamity in that Disease The dear sweet Child oft said She should die yet saying If the Lord pleased to spare her she would labour with watchfulness to serve him better and to amend all she had found amiss desiring me to be her faithfull remembrancer She was troubled that sometimes she had lain in bed too long in the morning especially for being straitened for time on the Sabbath Day which caused her to slubber over those Duties which should have been better performed bewail'd her unprofitableness and promised if she recovered this sickness better to observe the Lord's Day To the Physician that attended her in her sickness she said That he had many opportunities in going to sick and death Beds to mind him of Mortality and though none should be excusable before God yet they should be most inexcusable that had such frequent warnings Said That in health was the fittest time to prepare for death for in sickness she could do little more than consult her ease Dear Child she one Morning desired to see her Father and that she might see his Face saying She had now taken her leave of her dear Father's Face But the Lord spared her a little longer and she did see him again and now I humbly hope she sees the face of her Father in Heaven Dear Child she desired her Father and my self to forgive her in what she had at any time offended us saying If the Lord saw it good to spare her she hoped she should double her Diligence in her Care that she should never grieve us in any thing But this testimony I bless God I can give of her Few Children exceeded her in dutiful loving Obedience to her Parents She express'd her self very affectionately and honourably of her Sister and that she was sorry she had sometimes diverted her by staying in her Closet when she would have been better employed Sweet Child she was very tender spirited and was troubled for several little things which were very small or no Offence and if she had done any thing amiss would ask forgiveness She would sometimes say to me my dear Mother you cannot conceive what passes through my poor head nor what your poor Child endures And then she would bless God that what she suffered was not Hell where the Damned had not a drop of water to cool their Tongue And said What is that I feel compared to the sufferings of my Saviour who under-went such torments to save Sinners Dear Lamb she desired that what Money she had might be given in the Parish to some poor people whom she named and that her dear Father would extend his Charity out of what he would have bestowed at her Burial Which was performed In the whole time of her sickness I was not from her but one night not being well the last night but one before she departed this Life neither was I from her at any time but when the pressing necessities of my frail Nature urged it for a little rest and she was very glad when she saw me again and would express her loving Affections and Thankfulness to me for my Care of her I had many sweet endearing expressions from her of her Love and Duty She said If the Lord spare me I hope I shall do thus as I have promised But if I die my dear Mother you will remember what I now said to you and I could be content to be a little Child again that I might lie at your Breast and Bosom I have transcribed this long account hoping it may be usefull to some young Gentlewomen Daughters of my dear Wife's Christian Friends or others into whose hands their kindness or God's Providence may put it Now follows her exemplary Submission and Improvement She was exceeding desirable to us for the loveliness of her Person sweetness of her Disposition readiness of her Obedience quickness of her Parts serious Inclination to the ways of God and many sweet and winning Qualities which rendered her exceeding amiable and very pleasant to all that knew her But it was the Lord the sovereign Lord of us and her and all the world whose she was much more than ours God doth all things well wisely righteously gratiously and most faithfully The Lord was pleased to stir up great sympathy and tender Compassion in his People with many Prayers for her in her sickness and for us since and though it pleased God to deny them for her longer continuance in this World yet blessed be God we have great cause to hope in his Mercies that those Prayers are not lost but for the Sake Merits and Mediation of her Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ are granted to an higher end in eternal Bliss Good Lord sanctifie all our Afflictions to us that we may bear them with meekness and submission that they may not only be the Effects of thy Displeasure but of thy adopting Love Good Lord sanctifie this heavy Affliction to us and shew me in particular why thou contendest with me Therefore besides thy Holy Righteous and Wise Providence and Immutable Decree which had determined her time and the measure of her Days which I desire humbly and with all Submission to Adore and Acquisce in Good Lord give me to know and lay to heart the forfeiting Cause on my part which mov'd thee to smite with so severe a stroke in bereaving us of so desirable a Child and so great a peace of the comfort of my Life in this World Lord pardon my Ingratitude for Mercies injoyed that I have not so improved them to thy glory by a more carefull circumspect exemplary holy Life I beseech thee forgive my slackness in seasonable reproofs admonitions advice and counsels to my Children or others Although thou seest good to cut short my opportunities yet help me better to improve what thou wilt still intrust me with and forgive me
Affections that should continue Mutual Love Good Lord let that dear Chid she hath left behind her cement and joyn our Hearts in joynt Thankfulness unto thee and unite us one to another Lord give them thy choice Favours in Jesus Christ pardon of Sin with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and order and dispose for the best whatever may concern them and theirs as to a happy tendency to their well-being in this World and attaining of thy self in endless Glory I beseech thee be very gracious unto him whom thou hadst united so nearly to her in a sweet Conjugal Relation Lord I have sinned and he also suffered Good Lord let all Grace abound to him in all concerns in this Life and for a better and let her gain be his great Advantage joyning his Heart more closely to thy self Good Lord bless that single Posterity of his and ours left of her who was his dear Wife and our dearly Beloved Child I beseech thee be his God in Covenant with him and Lord give him the Efficacy of his Baptism that he may be thine by Grace and Adoption I beseech thee take full and early Possession of his Heart Good Lord keep out the Vanities and Follies of Childhood and Youth that while he is Young he may be a Beloved Disciple of Jesus Christ If thou seest it good to continue him in this Life I beseech thee grant that he may in his dear Mothers room Honour God in this World with an exemplary holy Life a choice Instrument of thy Glory Good Lord charge thy Providence with him in the whole course of his Life and make up all Relations to him in thy self Graciously support him in and through this World Good Lord preserve him from the Soul-ruining Evils of it and when thou wilt take him hence I beseech thee receive him to thy self in thy Everlasting Kingdom in the full Fruition of God in Glory Lord though thou was pleased to clip off so great a piece of the Comfort of my Life in this World denying my Vehement Desires and Requests with the many Prayers of thy People and our Christian Friends for the longer stay of our Dear Child with us in this World yet thou art not the less a God hearing Prayer but hast heard and granted to an higher End not here on Earth with us but in Heaven with thee received in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies to which Blessed Estate I beseech thee bring me and those Relatives very dear to me Good Lord sanctifie to us this Chastening Hand and though thou cuttest off the Streams my Comforts of this Life let not my Soul be as a parched Heath that receives no good but draw me to thy self the Fountain of durable Mercies give me those Living Waters from the Wells of thy Salvation the Light of thy Countenance with thy reconciled Face and Favour those Rivers that make glad the City of God Good Lord vouchsafe me the sweet refreshing gales and incomes of thy Spirit and with thy Grace conduct me off these ruff Seas of Sins and Sorrows to my desired Haven and Port in those Eternal Mansions of Glory where all in thee shall meet with full Enjoyments of God and one another with sweet acclamations of Thankfulness and Praises to thee our God for Ever for Ever Amen Amen Amen I have transcribed this long Paragraph without altering or changing the order of a Word if some may account it tedious who either have not been exercised with such Tryals or have other shorter and cheaper ways to relieve themselves against them let them use their own Methods without censuring or despising hers This was her Heart's Ease when she was overwhelmed pouring out her Complaints to God in secret was her best Anodine but I hope it will need no Apology with most and if it doth with any I 'll not run the risque of losing my Labour by attempting it where the Success is so doubtfull and unpromising I shall venture to enlarge this Section a little farther for three Reasons First To shew the ardour of her Zeal for the Spiritual good of this Child so exceeding dear to her which may be an Instructive Example to some Mothers or Grand-mothers to stir up the like towards their Descendants as nearly Related to them as this Child to her Secondly Because I foresee I shall not in the Body of this Book have much farther occasion to trouble the Reader with any long transcripts out of her Writings what remains being designed for the Appendix which will be entirely her own Lastly To imprint upon the Child due Sentiments of Gratitude to God and her I meet with many Expressions of most Pathetick Tenderness towards this dear Child who now next to my self was the Center in which all the lines of her strong Affections terminated July 14. 1679. Our dear sweet Child went to Coggshall to his Father's House the Lord preserve him from all Evil and Bless him and comfortably restore him to us again About a quarter of a Year after he returned well to us again Blessed be God for it We went four Miles from Home to visit a Friend our dear Child was preserved in an apparent Danger The hinder Wheel of the Coach was very like to have borne him down and gone over him as he was going into the Coach the Horses being disturbed by a strange Horse went away but through God's preventing Goodness I had a quick apprehension of the danger I suddenly pulled him away Blessed be our good God for this Deliverance of our dear Child he had no harm the Wheel durtied his Hat and Coat good Lord help me to live thy Praises who art the God of our Mercies Some may say these are small Matters but I say they are no small Evidences of a very thankfull sense of God's Mercies and will leave them inexcusable who are not thankfull for greater In the Year 1682. God was pleased to put me in fear of the speedy dissolution of our dearly beloved Grand-child He was in a languishing consumptive condition with other symptoms of the Disease His Breath was very short had lost his Appetite he looked very Pale was very Lean which imprest on my Thoughts that God would take him from me To his Righteous Will I laboured to submit but God was pleased to reverse the Sentence with a Blessing on means used the Prescriptions of Dr. H. whom we sent for from London to him and with my own great Care of him he recovered Strength to God's Blessing I ascribe the Praise who did not cast out my Petition Good Lord let this pledge of thy compassionating Mercy to me strengthen my Faith in the grant of my more Earnest Request that I may assure my self agreeable to thy Will of his Sanctification I beseech thee season his tender Mind with the savoury Knowledge of thy Blessed self Lord I do not ask of thee the Excesses and great things of this World not Earth but Heaven thy Blessed self I beseech thee put
Instrumental yet it was the Lord the Sovereign Lord of her and us who doth all things well Good Madam What you cannot see now you may know hereafter if not in this Life of all in it you shall have clear Manifestations in Heaven that all Dispensations in this World were for the best for you the most I can do is to pity your Ladiship with my poor worthless Prayers in themselves they are so But I would beg of God to uphold you in the Arms of his Mercy that you may not sink under any Tryal and that your Affliction which at present may be grievous may appear not to be the Wound of an Enemy but the Chastisement of a loving Father who deals with you as with his Children in his adopting Love to you in Faithfulness God corrects his People in his distinguishing Love from those which shall never see his Face with comfort Good Madam I know you do desire to be in subjection to the Father of Spirits The Lord will be King let the People be never so impatient God will not grieve nor correct for his own pleasure but for his Childrens profit that they may live God's own Vineyard needs pruning as well as manuring that the Branches thereof may not waste too much of the Life and Spirits and Affections in worldly Satisfactions Good Madam God hath taken away a Branch dear Lady Essex she is not withered but transplanted for his own pleasure and delight that the Fruits of your Love to God may more appear in your willing Resignation of her who was so dear to you not offering unto God that which costs you nought Good Madam You shall sustain no loss God will reimburse and this Breach his Hand hath made he will fill up and repair at his own Charge He will in exchange for a Daughter bestow on you his only Son and build you a House better than Leah and Rachel did Jacob's God will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters and make you one of his First-born in Heaven God took it exceeding well that Abraham did not with-hold his beloved Isaac from him and for his ready compliance in what God required of him he had God's Promise That in blessing he would bless him Good Madam God hath more Blessings than one when God proved Abraham he gave him back again his Isaac whom he loved and promised that in him all the Nations of the Earth should be blessed of which Promise Good Madam you do partake with an additional Favour God having ransomed dear Lady Essex out of a troublesome World with a better Sacrifice than that he then provided for Isaac a Ram caught in a Thicket with which Isaac was redeemed unto a transient Life Dear Lady Essex she is redeemed by Jesus Christ unto eternal Life Good Madam What cause of complaint Dear Lady Essex is freed from the many temptations she might have met with in this World Isaac's prolonged Life found it so in his unsetled Condition he met with Affliction in his Posterity with other Troubles of this Life the World is unquiet like the tumbling Ocean dear Lady Essex she hath found a resting Place got off the rough Seas of Sins and Sorrows God hath placed her in the serene Region above God knew what Sail she was able to bear in worldly Prosperity or Adversity he hath taken her from the boisterous Winds that might have disturbed the Coast of her even walking with God God hath steer'd her Course dear Lady Essex she is got safe to Harbour from the windy Storms and Tempests of this World God took Enoch in the midst of his days as they then lived in that Age he walked with God therefore God took him I do humbly hope so did she God bestowed on her a very sweet disposition which I hope God made susceptive of the best impression The best people want their grains of allowance Good Madam Do not drive your Comforters far from you God preserved dear Lady Essex from the great Soul-wasting Sins from all gross Enormities God kept her from ever falling into any scandalous Sins she is gone unspotted out of the World Good Madam better is a good Child dead than a wicked Child living Good Madam I am more than content God hath disposed of all mine I hope through Grace they are safe but I have found much affection much affliction Though Mary had chose the best part assured and confirmed to her by Christ's own Word should never be taken from her yet her Eyes were so filled with tears at the Death of her Lord that she could not see Christ. The two Angels that sate in Christ's Sepulchre could not pacifie her grief nor slue her tears till Christ dried her Eyes with that loving Rebuke Why weepest thou Then she said Raboni and made him Master of her Passion God hath placed all the affections of humane Nature for great advantage if kept in the right Chanel bounded with his Grace that of Grief though for Sin which hath the greatest use of it and needs the highest and fullest Tides God would not have it swell beyond the Bank of his Mercy If God would have his People easie to be entreated himself will not be inexorable or hard to be intreated as good People are prone to think in time of Affliction neither should they be unjust to God and themselves denying the Grace God hath bestowed on them It is best to judge our selves but not unjustly Good Madam Do not misconstrue God in his Dispensations to you Afflictions are oft more for Trial than Correction but how ready is God to receive repenting returning Sinners the Arms of his Mercy are open to embrace them and to cover their Imperfections with his best Robe sent by his Son from the great Wardrobe of Heaven Christ's Righteousness imputed to them and inherent in them adorning of them with the Graces of his Spirit rendring them acceptable to their spiritual Spouse Christ Jesus He is the good Shepherd which laid down his life for his sheep If he send Afflictions they are not to worry but to bring his People nearer to himself If God put his People into the Fornace it is to purifie them not to consume them Good Madam when you are tried that you may come forth as Gold a meet Vessel for God's own use in the fuller Measures of Heaven Though God hath taken from you the Delight of your Eye Dear Lady Essex he will not take away himself but dissipate and scatter your grief with the Light of his Countenance which is better than Life God knows our Frame and will debate in Measure He will not stir up all his Displeasure but will stay his rough Wind in the day of his East-Wind that no Temptation may be above your Strength Good Madam fain would I comfort you but I know your own Thoughts can better suggest to you than I where you may find Grace to help in a time of need God's Promises are supports for the
by your inspection over them and example excite them to their Duty to God and their Salvation as well as your Service giving them Instruction Catechising endeavouring their Reformation by restraints reproofs and encouragements for these neglects many Masters and Parents will have a sad account to give to God Therefore I beseech you resolve as you find for your Example Joshua 24.15 For your encouragement to so good a work read the last of Daniel the 3d. verse So to doe to your great comfort will be a good Evidence you have chose that good part that shall never be taken from you It is the whole Duty of Man to love God and keep his Commandments it was that Test by which Christ would try his Disciples and Followers He also saith Why call you me Lord Lord and do not things I command you On that Question asked our Saviour Which was the great Commandment of the Law you may find a brief Exposition and Account given Matth. 22. from the 36 to the 40 verse From thence observe how dependant the Second Table of the Commandments is on the First Table in few words to help our forgetfulness you are to have both sincere Love to God and to Love your Neighbour as your self the neglect of the first occasions a breach of the second If you break one Link of that golden Chain you will violate the whole Chain Mens Actions would be more just and regular would they do as they would Men should do unto them I have no bad Opinion of you caution is no unkindness To keep a good Conscience will afford you a continual Feast a Feast affords more than bare necessity needs for no good thing will God with-hold from them that walk uprightly The Just Man walks in his Integrity by which he entails a Blessing on his Posterity but by Unrighteousness Men gain to themselves and leave a Curse to Succession Our Saviour tells such If they are not faithfull in the things of this World they shall not have the true Riches To be Just affords great Serenity of Mind it gives not only a good but a quiet Conscience also and what you have of this World you shall have it with God's Love as well as his leave all this I press you to cannot be understood to take you off from your Praise-worthy Industry in your secular Calling nor to slacken your Hand from Labour I would not bring you under that prohibition of the Apostle you may find 2 Thes the 3d. and the 10th I know God hath said it That in the sweat of the Brow Man shall eat Bread Many Scriptures I could cite you for this purpose but I know you need no prompt I am satisfied and need not urge your diligent Care for a comfortable subsistence in this World of which if you have not the most you have not the least however it is the Blessing of God that maketh Rich therefore when your Hand is on your Plough let your Eye be up to Heaven and if God should afford you that Blessing wherewith to give rather than to receive be willing to relieve them that are in want by which Charity you may gain Treasure in Heaven and the greater Encrease on Earth Read the 3d. verse of the 37th Psalm also 25. Matth. from the 32d to the last verse of that Chapter it is a very profitable excitation Our Saviour in that Chapter quickens to a watchfull care and diligence for a Departure out of this World by the Parable of the ten Virgins from which we have a caution from the foolish Virgins not to deferr our preparations for another World lest through sloath we be surprized as they were and the Door of everlasting Life shut against us to our irrecoverable loss Time is precious that which is gone cannot be brought back that which is to come cannot be assured ours only that that is present which quickly slips from us is ours for our greatest work the Salvation of our Souls to which all other is but by-Business for which purpose God hath intrusted us with several Gifts and opportunities as so many Talents to occupy with to our Master's use till he come and call to a reckoning then none shall be excusable He that had but one was call'd to an account with a heavy Doom for not improving that God hath with other Blessings bestowed on you a good Understanding in your allowable worldly Affairs and he will expect from you by the same measure of which I think you have not the least given unto you your Understanding your Will your Memory your Affections all the Faculties of your Soul and Body your Time all that God intrusts you with are so many Talents or Instruments allowed you for to work with which will be your own gain God will reward your Labour of Love He hath with his own Glory twisted your Interest and to which also he will afford you his gracious assistance if you seek it as it may be had in those ways I have already hinted unto you God is not like the Aegyptian Task-masters to the Children of Israel who required the full Tale of Brick but would afford no Straw God is not extream to mark what unwillingly is done amiss you cannot go about your Indispensable Work too soon many have too late as the foolish Virgins did Hell is paved with good purposes In the Law the first ripe Fruits were required and the Young without blemish must be brought to God in Sacrifice do not give the World and its Vanity the prime of your Strength and Time and put off God with the dregs of decrepid feeble Age remember the youngest Disciple was the Beloved Disciple be not ashamed to own your Master wear his Livery in a Christian Profession and Practice of an unblameable Life that you may not either be a shame to or ashamed of Religion lest he be ashamed of you when you would give all the World if it were in your purchase to be owned by him he is great as well as good and will not be mocked with a defective Sacrifice See Malachi the first Chapter and the eighth Verse Do not care if wicked Men should scorn and reproach you how inconsiderable will it be to you if you consider the recompence of Reward see Matth. 5. the eleventh and twelfth Verses and do not take up Religion as an uneasie Task you have not only a good Master but his Work is so Christ's Yoak is easie it will not gaul as Sin will the Conscience I request you read with good observation the 119th Psalm and see there what vallue the Psalmist had for God's Commandments his Word his Precepts his Statutes his Testimonies his Laws which you may find frequently mentioned in that Psalm He saith That the Law of God's Mouth was better unto him than thousands of Gold and Silver and that he counted it in all things to be right therefore he took God's Testimonies as an Heritage for ever and a place of
afforded her both for the Health of her Body and Satisfaction of her Mind Only she would appear once or at the most twice in the whole Season on the Greens on a Dancing Night not so much by Inclination as to avoid the Imputation of Moroseness and Affectation Her Charity was also always very considerable at Tunbridge-Wells where she obtained signal Mercy from God she shewed Mercy for his sake to those she judged fit Objects of it though she had but a shallow Purse she had deep Compassions and I find above twenty Shillings in Money given in a Water-Season besides Bibles and other good Books which she carried down with her sent for to London or bought there to give away to poor People as often as she went The commodious Privacy of our Lodgings which we never changed after we found the conveniency of them for many Years contributed much to her undisturbed Retirement for the House standing alone out of the noise of Ranting Neighbours and of no great Receipt that we could usually fill it with our Friends and so chuse our Company we had little Molestation by noise or hurry or disagreeable Conversation which is not the least troublesome Grievance of that Place I know we were censured for the reputed meanness of our Lodgings but though we had no obligation to please any but our selves in that Particular yet for the Reasons mentioned and many more we would not have changed them for any we knew of thrice the Weekly Rent though they had been offered us on equal terms we paid for ours and therefore we used to send before-hand to secure them my Dear using to say She had rather not go than be disappointed of them when she came thither So dear was the advantage of so calm a Privacy to her in the midst of so great a Noise and Hurry as usually attends that Place and Season SECT XXI Of the keeping our Wedding-Day and Entertainment of Friends SO deep a Sense of the Divine Goodness which singled us out from all other Persons in the World to be joyned together in that nearest Relation had the mutual Satisfaction and constant well-pleasedness with each others Society imprest upon us that our humblest and most hearty Praises for it were not only as a Drink-Offering poured out upon every daily Sacrifice but upon every annual Revolution of the 23d of July we doubled our solemn Thank-Offering to God and rejoiced before him with I 'll for once step beyond the usual modesty of my Pen a generous and noble Festival Entertainment of our Right Honourable and other much Honoured Friends who oft vouchsafed us the Favour to rejoice with us and I have had near thirty Bucks from Leez on that occasion so well was our Day and Custom known and approved of And I have had many pleasant things said at my Table in our Innocent Mirth of the fewness of those who could keep their Wedding-Day with so chearful and so serious thankfulness the very last three Coroneted Heads and others of best Quality next to Nobility honoured us with their Company and numbered thirty nine Pyes in one Dish made by the Hands which received a Wedding-Ring so many Years before and seemed well pleased with the neatness and plenty of their Entertainment but especially with the grateful acknowledgments we made to God and one another that his Mercies and our Contentments had much exceeded the number of our Years At other Feasts in which we often Entertained our Worthy Friends and Loving Neighbours though it was our joint Charge yet it was usually her sole Care and Trouble and when I have asked her what she would have though sometimes she would tell me yet other whiles she would reply I pray thee let me alone trouble not thy self let me but know whom thou Invitest and leave the rest to me I 'll be thy Warrant there shall not want what is sufficient and convenient But some may say to what purpose was this waste Why was not this rather given to the Poor But rememember it was Judas Iscariot who asked that like Question And others may object St. Luke 14.12 13. When thou makest a Dinner or Supper call not thy Friends nor thy Brethren nor thy Kinsmen nor thy Rich Neighbours lest they also bid the again and a Recompence be made thee But when thou makest a Feast call the Poor the Maimed the Lame the Blind and thou shalt be Blessed c. To which let me make this modest and true Reply She did all this in Effect For she provided so liberally and for that very End that there was more left when all our Guests and their Attendents and our own Servants and Labourers about the House who were all called in were satisfied than was Spent and Eat And usually more than in a stingy Niggard's Hand would have maintained a bigger Family than ours at least a Fortnight All or most of which she distributed so liberally the following Days that she feasted more poor Families with the Remainders than Persons at the first furnishing the Table And the next Morning after a Feast she had always store of Patients for the forwardest would disguise their Errand and send a big Girl with a Glass or Gally-Pot to pray her to send her somewhat for a Pain of the Stomach or some such like Infirmity to whom she would merrily answer I know her Disease keep your Glass and would cause her Maid to bring a good Platter full of Victuals and bid the Messenger tell her Mother She would have her take that and it would not fail to cure the Pain at her Stomach And those who came not of their own accord she would send for or send them their Dose of the like Physick having before distributed it into as many Heaps as she designed to feast Families and I never saw her more pleasant upon any occasion for she fed the Poor with more delight than she Eat her own meals So true is that Saying of that great Advocate for Charity the Reverend Doctor Hamand No Sensuality is so great as this to give And this was not the only Feasting them but every Christmass all were Invited Rich and Poor and she would encourage them to bring all their Children and provided a Table for them by themselves and when their Parents would excuse their bringing them she would say Trouble not your selves I love to see this little Fry they are as welcome as your selves though you be very welcome I write not this as if it was fit for the Great ones to tarnish and stain their Husband's Dignity by condescending to like Familiarity with them of low Degree but to be a Pattern to such mean Folks as we who stand on the same low and humble Level who I dare secure them will lose neither Love nor Honour by it I shall conclude this Section with a few Words to shew how Providence prevented that this kind Custom dyed not before her Last Christmass not to spare my Purse
but my Dear Wife's Pains and Trouble I told her we had now continued this Custom a great while and that I thought it too burthensome to her a Dinner signified not much to the Rich and for the Poor I would take Care they should be no losers She at present seem'd well pleased with what I said and acquiesced in it But upon second Thoughts she said My Dear I thank thee for thy Tenderness to me to prevent my Trouble but I am rather willing to undergo it were it greater than to discontinue a Practice so long used constantly and thereby occasion any mis-interpretation as if it proceeded from Parsimony or abatement of Kindness therefore I intreat thee let us continue to doe as we have hitherto done Yearly only let us try to have all in two Days we used to have in three and if our House will not contain them all at twice to some of the poorest I will send double as much as they could have eaten here And so it was agreed and performed and so her last Christmass was as kind and Charitable as those of former Years SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our onely Daughter and her Death in Childbirth the same Year yet leaving a Son IT is not to be wondred at that she should write so many Pages of this Come-Tragedy as I called another Providence mentioned before a Trage-Comedy whose Pious Kindness was so mindful in Holy Prayers and Praises not of her self alone but of her Honoured Friends I shall touch but one or two for Instance and I cannot single out any more suitable than of those Right Honourable Ladies whose sweet Condescension not only vouchsafed to give this our Dear Daughter frequently their kindest and familiar Conversation but borrowed and desired hers almost whole Summers divers Years Concerning these young Ladies thus her Pen speaks The Lady Ann the Lady Mary and the Lady Essex Rich had a Pious Education under â—he tender Care of the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick their Aunt whose great Care of them and Kindness and Love to them supplied and over-shot the measures of what could be expressed to them by the tenderest Mother Of two of their Marriages she writes thus December the 11th 1673. The Vertuous and Right Honourable the Lady Mary Rich was Married to Mr. Henry St. John the Eldest Son of Sir Walter St. John a Pious good Family and an ancient Barronet and great Estate Blessed Lord thou hast abundantly enriched them with the Blessings of the Nether Springs full streams in the good things of this Life let it not be their all but turn these Waters into Wine give them the Blessings of the Vpper Springs the plentifull Effusions of thy Spirit flowing into their Hearts and Souls that they may build up each other in their most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life June 16. 1674. The Honourable Lady Essex Rich was Married to Mr. Daniel Finch Eldest Son to his Father then Lord Keeper of the Great Seal of England Good Lord give them the Blessings of thy Right-hand and continue to them the Blessings of thy Left-hand also But let not their Portion be only in this Life let thine own Prerogative have the Supremacy in their Hearts and accelerate and quicken them to thy Service that Glorifying thee on Earth they may be in Everlasting Glory with thee in Heaven Amen Amen I will mention no more like Instances and humbly beg Pardon if I have been too bold in touching these I now come to the Title of this Section and shall add nothing of my own only transcribe and that with Abbreviation what her Pious Pen hath left me not that one Word need to be retrenched upon other accounts but only to avoid Prolixity January 17. 1675. My Dear Husband and my Dear Child Margaret Walker went to London in reference to our great Concern her Marriage our onely one so dear to us She was Married February the 1st 1675. to Mr. John Cox Barrister of Grays-Inn His Father lived at Coggshall his Relations very honest good People and very well to live in the World God hath graciously provided for her a loving Husband a sober Person and I hope a good Man God consummated their Choice by Mr. Gifford a worthy good Man Minister of St. Dunstan's in the East in London whither she was accompanied by the Right Honourable the Countess of Warwick with the chief of the Family from Warwick-House and with many other manifestations of Kindness God shined upon her and in all respects gave her a comfortable Day I draw the Curtain of a modest c. over the rest lest the Thankfulness of her who was so truly humble should incurr the unkind censure or suspicion of Vanity and concluding what I have omitted with these Words And with many other Favours God hath honoured them She proceeds Lord I desire to own thy Goodness as the Fountain Head from whence flows all Good to be enjoyed in the things of this Life and concerns of a better and more endurable Estate for their Souls advantage For which I beseech thee give them a capacious Heart to know love serve and enjoy thy self and vouchsafe them of the good things of this World what thou seest convenient for them and help them to be contented to be without what in mercy thou deniest them Good Lord keep both them and theirs inoffensive in this World and when they shall go hence and be no more in this Life Lord grant that where thou art they may be also in Eternal Glory Amen Amen Thus far the pleasant and more lightsome part Now follows what 's more dark and dolefull I have now a very smarty afflictive Dispensation from God to record very pressing by his afflictive Hand on us I acknowledge very deservedly for my Sins the Lord hath taken from us out of this Life our onely One the most dearly Beloved Daughter and Child of my choice Aâ—fections Mrs. Margaret Cox she was mâ—â—ried February the first 1675. The 19th 〈◊〉 November following she was Delivered of a Son Lord's Day seven a Clock in the Morning She continued pretty well two or three Days Tuesday following sickned of a Fever and dyed December the 5th 1675. But God in the midst of his just Judgments remembred his Mercy to us hath spared the little one to us Blessed be God for it and received the Motherless Babe into Covenant with himself by Baptism I Bless God he is the Son of good Parents his Father a very sober and a good Man his dear deceased Mother was a fine lovely handsome well accomplished Woman both in Nature and Grace to God's Praise I do make my Acknowledgments let it have no other Censure She was of a quick Apprehension modest humble discreet and of a good Judgment and well fitted for Family-Government and Imployment She had a sweet amicable Deportment and gracefull Behaviour these Endowments through God's Kindness to her rendred her very desirable to all that knew