Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wiues as Abraham was tenne yeeres elder then Sarah and if we narrowly marke the circumstances of the histories of Isaac and Iacob and their wiues we shall finde that the husbands were elder then their wiues To my remembrance an approued example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be giuen out of Scripture Contrary to this equalitie in yeeres is the practise of many men and women who being aged to satisfie their lust or for some other by-respect mary such as are but in the floure of their age wherein they doe many times much faile of their expectation for those young ones finding the societie of aged folkes to be burdensome and irksome vnto them soone begin to loath the same and thereby cause more griefe and vexation then euer they did giue comfort and contentment On the other side others there be who in the prime and strength of their age for wealth honour or such like respects mary those that with age begin to be decrepit and vnfit to be maried hoping that they will not long liue but that with a little trouble they shall purchase much dignitie or riches after a while be free againe But God oft meeteth with such in their kinde by prolonging the life of those aged persons and so making the burden to be much more grieuous and tedious then was imagined and by taking away those young ones sooner then they looked for whereby it commeth to passe that all their hopes perish The heathen obserued inequalitie in yeeres to be occasions of many mischiefes and thereupon prescribed rules against it §. 10. Of equalitie in estatâ— and condition betwixt those that are to be maried together 2. Some equalitie in outward estate and wealth is also befitting the parties that are to be maried together lest the disparitie therein especially if it be ouer-great make the one â—nsult ouer the other more then is meet for if a man of great wealth be maried to a poore woman he will thinke to make her as his maid-seruant and expect that she should carrie her selfe towards him so as beseemeth not a yoake-fellow and a bedfellow so as such an one may rather be said to be brought vnto bondage then mariage And if a rich woman mary a poore man she will looke to be the master and to rule him so as the order which God hath established will be cleane peruerted and the honour of mariage laid in the dust For where no order is there can be no honour 3. The like may be said of outward condition that therein also there be some equalitie that Princes Nobles and Gentlemen mary such as are of their owne ranke and the meaner sort such as are of their degree Note what sort of wiues Abraham Isaac and Iaacob maried and it will appeare that they had respect to this paritie Disparitie in condition as well as in estate is a meanes to make men and women swell and insult aboue that which is meet yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former estate and condition Contrary on the one side are the practises of such as affect to mary aboue their owne estate and degree thinking by such mariages to aduance themselues This is the only thing which many seeke after in seeking wiues and husbands whereby it commeth to passe that they oft meet with the worst matches and make their mariage a kinde of bondage vnto them Great portions make many women proud daintie lauish idle and carelesse a man were much better euen for helpe of his outward estate to mary a prudent sober thriftie carefull diligent wife though with a small portion then such an one A proud backe a daintie tooth and a lauish hand will soone consume a great portion but a wise woman buildeth her house and a vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband Many wiues also that are maried to very rich husbands are more stinted and pinched in their allowance then such as are maried to men of meaner estate It is not the meanes which a man hath but his minde and disposition that maketh him free and bountifull to his wife Contrarie are the mariages which men of great authoritie and abilitie make with meane women yea their owne maids many times and those of the lowest ranke their kitchinmaids parties part that is to be maried and then if that partie be vnder the gouernment of parents the matter must be moued to them before there be any further proceeding therein as Sampson who seeing and liking a daughter of the Philistims told his father and his mother thereof Yea though the partie be not vnder the gouernment of any yet it is very meet that counsell be taken of wise and vnderstanding friends that in a matter so weightie as mariage is there may be the aduice of more heads then one for the preuenting of such mischiefes as through rashnesse might fall out After a liking is thus taken by one partie of a meet mate that liking must be moued to the other partie so liked to know whether there be a reciprocall affection of one towards another Thus Sampson went and talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife If at first there be a good liking mutually and thorowly setled in both their hearts of one another loue is like to continue in them for euer as things which are well glued and setled before they be shaken vp and downe will neuer be seuered asunder but if they be ioyned together without glue or shaken while the glue is moist they cannot remaine firme Mutuall loue and good liking of each other is as glue Let the parties to be maried be herein well setled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation and that loue will not easily be loosened by any trials Contrarie is the adulterous and brutish practise of such as so soone as they cast their eie on any whom they like neuer aduise or consult about a right and due proceeding vnto mariage but instantly with all the eagernesse and speed they can like brute beasts seeke to haue their desire and lust satisfied Though to keepe themselues free from the penalty of the lawes vnder which they liue they procure meanes to be maried yet they declare a lustfull and adulterous minde And their practise is too like to the practise of the Beniamits who catcht wiues from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing or else to the practise of the old world which so grieued the Spirit of God that it repented him that he had made man and thereupon he was moued to bring a generall deluge on the whole world Their practise was this that they tooke them wiues of all that they chose that is they rashly and suddenly maried whomsoeuer they liked without any consideration of their condition §. 14. Of a contract what it is II. When both parties
name by enuying one at the good report that is made of the other and gainsaying the same as if the credit of the one must needs turne to the discredit of the other Thus as water quencheth hot iron so this enuious disposition is a meanes to extinguish the heat of fame and to put out the glorious light of a good name Whereby as they impaire the credit and honour of one another so they monstrously discredit and dishonour themselues The other generall vice in this kinde is a carelesse regard or plaine neglect of one anothers fame when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife nor the wife with any of the husband but as if they were meere strangers one to another they passe by all reports made of one another What mutuall loue can there be in such howsoeuer their hands haue beene ioyned together surely their hearts were neuer vnited so as it had beene better they had neuer knowne one another vnlesse the Lord doe afterwards knit their hearts and vnite their affections more neerely and firmely together §. 38. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence about the goods of the family Yet there remaineth one thing more whereabout husbands and wiues ought to manifest a mutuall prouident care each ouer other and that is about the goods of this world Howsoeuer the husband while he liueth with his wife hath the truest propertie in them and the greatest title vnto them yet I referre this to those mutuall duties which man and wife owe each to other in three respects First because in conscience they appertaine to the vse of the wife as well as of the husband Secondly because the wife is by Gods prouidence appointed a ioynt gouernour with the husband of the familie and in that respect ought to be an helpe in prouiding such a sufficiencie of the goods of this world as are needfull for that estate wherein God hath set them and for that charge which God hath committed to them Thirdly because the wife if she suruiue the husband ought to haue such a portion of those goods as are meet for her place and charge In these respects we see it requisite yea a bounden dutie that husband and wife euen in a mutuall regard one of another be as prouident as they can be with a good conscience in getting keeping and disposing competent goods and riches for the mutuall good one of another Concerning the husbands dutie in this respect no question is made the practise of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture the care of prouiding for their owne enioyned to them their place and office to be their wiues head with many other like arguments whereof we shall more distinctly speake when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands doe proue as much The greatest question is concerning the wife whether she be bound to take any care about the goods But if the Scripture be thoâ—owly searched we shall finde proofe enough to shew that euen â—he also is bound hereunto For first the generall end which God aimed at in making the woman namely to be helpeâ—o â—o man implieth as much for herein may she be a verie great helpe as we shall see by and by in sundry particulars 2. That generall property attributed to a wife to be a good thing confirmeth as much for that which is profitable is called good and it is one respect wherein a wife is termed a good thing that she may by her prouidence and diligence bring much profit to her husband and therefore in this among other respects the good wife which Salomon describeth is said to doe good to her husband all the daies of her life for by her industry and prouidence shee did so preserue and increase his goods that the heart of her husband trusted in her and he had no need of spoile If the particular actions whereby that good wife is described be well noted we may easily obserue that she was an especiall helpe vnto her husband euen in his outward estate From all which we may inferre these two points First that this prouident care about outward temporall goods is lawfull not vnbeseeming a Christian man or woman Secondly that it is a mutuall dutie appertaining both to husband and wife For the first how needfull the goods of this world are for preseruation of life and health estate of the family good of Church and Common-wealth releefe of the poore with the like vses no man can be ignorant God hath giuen them as blessings to his children and that often times in great abundance and his children haue accordingly beene thankfull for them so as a prouident care about them is not vnlawfull but very expedient and needfull For the second If there should not be a ioint care herein the care and paines of the one might be altogether in vaine For suppose an husband be industrious as Iaakob was and get much abroad if the wife either by her vnthriftinesse idlenesse negligence or the like vices suffer that which is brought home to be embeaseled and wasted or by her prodigalitie brauerie or loue of vaine companie consume it her selfe where will be the profit of the husbands paines Or on the other side if a wife should be as painfull and prosperous in getting as the good houswife before mentioned was and the husband by carding dicing drinking reuelling or other like meanes should waste all away what fruit would remaine of the wiues prouidence In this mutuall prouident care of husband and wife each of them must haue an eye to their owne place affaires abroad doe most appertaine to the man and are especially to be ordered by him that which the wife is especially to care for is the businesse of the house for the Apostle laieth it downe as a rule for wiues as we shall hereafter more particularly declare that they keepe at home and gouerne the house By this means may they be very profitable each to other §. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good prouidence of husband and wife about the goods of the family Contrary to that dutie are these vices following 1. Couetousnesse and ouermuch care for themselues as when an husband so raketh and scrapeth and hoordeth vp for himselfe as he neither affordeth vnto his wife so much as is meet for her place while he liueth with her nor thinketh of prouiding sufficient maintenance for her if shee ouer-liue him but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law casteth vpon her Or when a wife secretly hoordeth vp whatsoeuer she can get either by her owne industry or else by purloining from her husband sometimes selling corne wares houshold-stuffe or other like commodities so priuily as the husband shall neuer know it sometimes taking money out of his counter box bagge chest or the like so as either it shall not be missed or if it be it shall not be
variablenesse whose loue is ready to turne as a weather cocke with euery blast of a contrary winde now â—ender-hearted then againe hard-hearted now smiling then â—owring now giuing this and that fauour then denying euery thing euen such things as are needfull Many whose loue was as hot as fire while their wiues were â—oung or their friends liued or while they pleased them when â—hose occasions are taken away proue in their loue as cold â—s ice Againe others by some continuance in doing good to their wiues thinke it a burden and waxing weary cleane leaue off â—heir former good course which plainly sheweth that they neâ—er truly and intirely loued their wiues By this patterne of Christ here propounded to husbands â—e haue on the one side a good direction to teach vs how to â—â—ue our wiues as hath beene particularly declared and on the â—ther side matter of humiliation in that it sheweth vs how â—â—re short we come of our bounden duty Howsoeuer wiues â—ay most complaine of their burden because it is a Subiectionâ—hereunto â—hereunto by nature we are all loath to yeeld yet I am sure â—â—e heauiest burden is laid vpon the husbands shoulders and â—uch more easie it is to performe the part of a good wife then a good husband §. 74. Of husbands louing their wiues as themselues To the example of Christ the Apostle annexeth the patâ—â—ne of ones selfe in these words So ought men to loue their â—â—es as their owne bodies Quest Is not the former patterne sufficient Is this latter more excellent or more perfect Answ Christs example is a full compleat perfect and euery way sufficient patterne farre more excellent then this of a mans selfe this is not annexed to adde any thing to that or in regard of the excellency hereof but only in regard of our dulnesse to make the point somewhat more plaine and perspicuous For this patterne is more sensible and better discerned Euery one knoweth how he loueth his owne body but few or none know how Christ loueth his Church Besides that example of Christ may seeme too high and excellent for any to attaine vnto euen inimitable therefore to shew that he requireth no more then a man may performe if he will set himselfe with care and conscience to doe his duty he addeth the patterne of ones selfe that which one doth to his body if he will he may doe to his wife No direction can be taken from this latter patterne but might be referred to the former as most of the former though in a farre meaner manner may be referred to the latter For the loue which a man beareth to himselfe is true and intire without all dissimulation the most dissembling wretch in the world who in his dealings with other men doth nothing vprightly nor will nor can dissemble with himselfe though other men shall neuer know the depth of his heart yet the spirit which is in him euen himselfe knoweth it so as this patterne also presseth truth and sincerity on husbands in their affection towards their wiues of all other they may not dissemble and deale doubly with them but let them know the intirenesse of their affection towards them and see they neither faune oâ— them nor flatter them They which pretend great loue to their wiues in shew only offend against nature it selfe As the foresaid loue of a mans owne selfe is for manner intire and true so also free not forced and for measure as great as possibly iâ— can be and for continuance constant and so like to Christ loue But there are two points especially to be considered in the loue of ones selfe which aboue others are most sensibly discerned in this patterne 1. Tendernesse 2. Cheerefulnesse No other man will or can so tenderly handle a mans hand arme legge or any other part of his body as himselfe he is very sensible of his owne smart The metaphors which the Apostle vseth in these words He nourisheth and cherisheth it doe liuely set forth this tendernesse for they are taken from fowles and birds which very charily and tenderly houer ouer their young ones couering them all ouer with their wings and feathers but so bearing vp their bodies as no weight lieth vpon them Thus ought husbands with all tendernesse and mildnesse to deale with their wiues as we haue before noted in many particulars only this example of a mans selfe I thought good to set before husbands as a liuely patterne wherein they might behold a president without exception going before them and whereby they might receiue excellent direction for the better performing of the particulars before noted Againe no friend no parent no other party will or can so willingly and cheerefully doe any kindnesse for one as a man for himselfe This among other is one especiall point which the law aimeth at when it enioynes a man to loue his neighbour as himselfe namely as willingly and readily as himselfe Whatsoeuer a man doth for himselfe he doth much more cheerefully then for another There needeth no other proofe then experience Let men take notice of their owne minde and disposition when they doe things for themselues and this will be as cleere as the light when the Sunne shineth forth at â—oone day Such an affection ought husbands to haue to their wiues they ought more willingly and cheerefully to doe any thing â—or their wiues then for parents children friends or any other Though this cheerefulnesse be an inward disposition of the â—eart yet may it be manifested by a mans forwardnesse and â—â—adinesse to doe his wife good when his wife shall no sooner desire a kindnesse then he will be ready to grant it as â—ooz saith to Ruth I will doe to thee all that thou requirest yea by any meanes he may know that this or that will be beâ—oofull to her though she desire it not yet to effect it for her which was the minde of the said Booz to Ruth as the history â—â— many particulars sheweth Contrary is the disposition of those husbands who so grudgingly repiningly and discontentedly doe those things which they doe in their wiues behalfe as their wiues had rather they were not done at all The manner of doing them causeth more griefe to tender hearted wiues then the things themselues can doe good Hitherto of the manner which husbands ought to obserue in performing their duties The reasons to inforce the same remaine to be handled §. 75. Of Christs example a motiue to prouoke husbands to loue their wiues The forenamed examples of Christ and of our selues as they are patternes for our direction so generall motiues to prouoke and stirre vs vp the more to performe all the forenamed duties after the manner prescribed A greater and stronger motiue cannot be yeelded then the example of Christ Example in it selfe is of great force to prouoke vs to doe any thing especially if it be the example of some
of a wiues separation for her disease Leu. 15. 19. c. For what can be expected â—m such polluted copulation but a leprous and loathsome generation This kinde of intemperancie is expresly forbidden Leuit. 18. 19. and a capitall punishment inflicted on such as offended therein Leuit. 20. 18. Abstinence in this time is set in the catalogue of those notes which declare a man to be righteous Eccles 20. 7. and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of such abominations as prouoked God to spue out the Canaanits Leuit. 18. 28. and to forsake his owne inheritance Ezek. 22. 10. To this kinde of intemperancie some referre a mans knowing of his wife after she hath conceiued with childe But I finde no such matter condemned in Gods word neither dare I make that a sinne which is not there condemned Certaine Sectaries among the Iewes are branded for this error 1. Obiect No other creature will so doe so as it may seeme to be against nature Answ 1. I denie the argument though some forbeare yet all doe not 2. I denie the consequence for other creatures are not so tied one male to one female as an husband to his owne wife Besides that which beasts by nature are tied vnto must be left to mans discretion 2. Obiect After a woman hath once conceiued no more conceptions can be expected till she be deliuered Answ Conception is not the only end of this dutie for it is to be rendred to such as are barren Quest What if the wife giue sucke to her childe ought not her husband then to forbeare Answ Because giuing sucke is a mother dutie man ought to doe what he can to containe §. 10. Of mutuall loue betwixt man and wife Hitherto of those common mutuall duties which tend to the preseruation of the very being of mariage and are in that respect absolutely necessarie The other common mutuall duties though they be not of so absolute necessitie as the former are in their kinde necessary for the good estate of mariage and for the better preseruing of that knot so as if they be not performed the end and right vse of mariage will be peruerted that estate made vncomfortable very burdensome The first of these is Loue. A louing mutuall affection must passe betwixt husband and wife or else no dutie will be well performed this is the ground of all the rest In some respects Loue is proper and peculiar to an husband as I purpose to shew when I come to speake of an husbands particular duties But Loue is also required of wiues and they are commanded to be louers of their husbands as well as husbands to loue their wiues so as it is a common mutuall dutie belonging to husband and wife too and that is true wedlocke when man and wife are linked together by the bond of loue Vnder loue all other duties are comprised for without it no dutie can be well performed Loue is the fulfilling of the Law that is the very life of all those duties which the law requireth It is the bond of perfection which bindeth together all those duties that passe betwixt partie and partie Where loue aboundeth there all duties will readily and cheerefully be performed Where loue is wanting there euery duty will either be altogether neglected or so carelesly performed that as good not be performed at all in which respect the Apostle willeth that all things be done in loue Loue as it prouoketh the partie in whom it ruleth to doe all the good it can so it stirreth vp the partie loued to repay good for good It is like fire which is not only hot in it selfe but also conueigheth heat into that which is neere it whence ariseth a reflection of heat from one to another Note how admirably this is set forth betwixt Christ and his Spouse in the Song of Salomon and it is further manifested in the examples of all good husbands and wiues noted in the Scripture they did mutually beare a very louing affection one to another Though loue be a general duty which euery one oweth to another euen to his enemie yet the neerer that God hath linked any together the more are they bound to this dutie and the more must they abound therein But of all others are man and wife most neerely and firmly linked together Of all others therefore are they most bound hereunto that in the highest degree that may be euen like to Ionathans loue who loued Dauid as his owne soule Salomon saith He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth fauour of the Lord which by the rule of relation is also true of an husband Shee that findeth an husband findeth a good thing and obtaineth fauour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an especiall pledge of Gods fauour and in this respect aboue all others vnder God to be loued If this be the ground as it ought to be of their mutuall loue their loue will be feruent and constant Neither will the want or withering of any outward allurements as beautie personage parentage friends riches honours or the like with-hold or with-draw extinguish or extenuate their loue neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wiues draw their hearts from their owne to those other nor yet will the loue of a former yoake-fellow dead and gone any whit lessen the loue of the liuing mate This instance I haue the rather mentioned because in many who are farre from setting their affection on strange flesh their loue of a former husband or wife departed is so fast fixed in their heart as they can neuer againe so intirely loue any other They who are so minded are not fit to be ioined with another yoke-fellow after they are loosed from one If they mary againe and manifest such a minde they plainly shew that they respect this or that person more then Gods ordinance By Gods ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they liue together Death is an absolute diremption and maketh an vtter dissolution of the mariage bond If the man be dead the wife is deliuered from the law of the man so as shee may take another man Which liberty is also giuen to the man Being now free if they mary another that other being now a true husband or wife their loue must be as intire to that other as it was to the former yea and more intire if there were any defect in the former For as children maried out of their parents house must not retaine such a loue of their parents as shall swallow vp their loue of the partie to whom they are maried but must according to the law leaue father and mother and cleaue to their yoke-fellow so neither must the loue of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are maried to another This other must be as close cleaued
stocke or though he were her prentise or bondslaue which also holdeth in the case betwixt an aged woman and a youth for the Scripture hath made no exception in any of those cases 2. Obiect But what if a man of lewd and beastly conditions as a drunkard a glutton a profane swaggerer an impious swearer and blasphemer be maried to a wife sober religious Matron must she account him her superiour and worthy of an husbands honour Answ Surely she must For the euill qualitie and disposition of his heart and life doth not depriue a man of that ciuill honour which God hath giuen vnto him Though an husband in regard of euill qualities may carrie the Image of the deuill yet in regard of his place and office he beareth the â—mage of God so doe Magistrates in the common-wealth Ministers in the Church parents and masters in the familie Note for our present purpose the exhortation of S. Peter to Christian wiues which had infidell husbands Be in subiection to them let your conuersation be in feare If Infidels carrie â—ot the deuils Image and are not so long as they are Infidels â—assals of Satan who are yet wiues must be subiect to them and feare them §. 6. Of wiues denying honour to their owne husbands Contrary thereunto is a very peruerse disposition in some wiues who thinke they could better subiect themselues to any husband then their owne Though in generall they acknowledge that an husband is his wiues superiour yet when the application commeth to themselues they faile and cannot be brought to yeeld that they are their husbands inferiours This is a vice worse then the former For to acknowledge no husband to be superiour ouer his wife but to thinke man and wife in all things equall may proceed from ignorance of hinde and error of iudgement But for a wife who knoweth and acknowledgeth the generall that an husband is aboue his wife to imagine that she her selfe is not inferiour to her husband ariseth from monstrous selfe-conceit and intolerable â—rrogancy as if she her selfe were aboue her owne sex and â—ore then a woman Contrary also is the practise of such women as purposely â—ary men of farre lower ranke then themselues for this very end that they may rule ouer their owne husbands and of others who being aged for that end mary youths if not very boyes A minde and practise very vnseemely and cleaneth warting Gods ordinance But let them thinke of ruling what they list the truth is that they make themselues subiects both by Gods law and mans of which subiection such wiues doe oft feele the heauiest burden Salomon noteth this to be one of the things for which the earth is disquieted when a seruant reigneth Now when can a seruant more dominere then when he hath maried his mistresse As for aged women who are maried to youths I may say as in another case it was said woe to thee ô wife whose husband is a childe Vnmeet it is that an aged man should be maried to a young maid but much more vnmeet for an aged woman to be maried to a youth §. 7. Of a wiues inward feare of her husband Hitherto of a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands superioritie It followeth to speake of that answerable respect which she ought to beare towards him A wiue-like respect of her husband consisteth in two points 1. Reuerence 2. Obedience  The reuerence which she oweth to him is 1. Inward 2. Outward  Inward reuerence is an awfull respect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband esteeming him worthy of all honour for his place and office sake because he is her husband Doubtlesse Sarah had in her heart a reuerend respect and honourable esteeme of her husband when being alone and thinking of him in her very thought she gaue him this title Lord. This inward reuerence the Scripture compriseth vnder this word Feare as where our Apostle saith Let the wife see that she feare her husband and where S. Peter exhorteth wiues to haue their conuersation in Feare It is no slauish feare of her husband which ought to possesse the heart of a wife dreading blowes frownes spightfull words or the like but such an awfull respect of him as maketh her to vse the Apostles word care how she may please him This wiue-like Feare is manifested by two effects one is Ioy when she giueth contentment to her husband and obserueth him to be pleased with that which she doth the other is griefe when he is iustly offended and grieued especially with any thing that she her selfe hath done Vnlesse this inward reuerence and due respect of an husband be first placed in the heart of a wife either no outward reuerence and obedience will be performed at all or if it be performed it will be very vnsound only in shew hypocriticall and deceitfull so that as good neuer a whit as neuer the better For according to ones inward affection and disposition will the outward action and conuersation be framed Michal first despised Dauid in her heart and thence it followed that she vtteredmost vnreuerend and vile speeches of him euen to his face Wherefore after the iudgement of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands superioritie and her will perswaded to account her owne husband her head and guide it is very needfull that her heart and affection be accordingly seasoned with the salt of good respect and high esteeme which breedeth feare and that thus her heart may be seasoned she ought oft and seriously to meditate of his place and office and of that honour which the Lord by vertue thereof hath planted in him And if he haue gifts worthie his place as knowledge wisdome pietie temperance loue and the like she ought to take notice thereof and to thinke him worthie of double honour §. 8. Of a wiues base esteeme of her husband Contrary to this inward reuerence of the heart is a base and wile esteeme which many haue of their husbands thinking no better of them then of other men nay worse then of others despising their husbands in their heart like Michal of whom we heard before This as it is in it selfe a vile vice so is â—t a cause of many other vices as of presumption rebellion yea and of adultery it selfe many times and it is also a maine hinderance of all dutie It commonly riseth either from selfe-conceit whereby wiues ouerweene their owne gifts thinking them so excellent is they need no guide or head but are rather fit to guide and rule both their husband and all the houshold of which proud and presumptuous spirit Iezabel seemeth to be who with an audacious and impudent face said to Ahab her husband Dost thou now gouerne the kingdome of Israel Up I will giue thee the vineyard of Naboth So also all those wiues which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the
opprobrious and ignominious words Quest What if her fault be an heinous notorious sinne Answ In an extraordinary case some sharpnesse may be vsed as the reproofes of Iaakob Iob and Dauid doe shew for they were euery one of them sharpe but yet this sharpnesse must not be made bitter by any euill language A womans wickednesse may not moue an husband to be froward and outragious but rather to be the more watchfull ouer himselfe that he containe himselfe within the bounds of discretion and moderation For which end it is meete that husbands lay it downe for a rule neuer to rebuke their wiues when they are in passion Passion raiseth a darke mist before the eies of reason which while it remaineth keepeth reason from giuing any good direction Yea passion is as a fire and it so incenseth a man and distempereth him that in his disorder he can keepe no meane or measure Howsoeuer a man be not able to rule himselfe when passion is stirred vp yet if before hand while his eie is single and his whole body light while he is in tune as we speake and well tempered he resoluedly determine with himselfe not to doe such or such a thing in his passion that fore-going resolution will be an especiall means to make him forbeare doing that in passion which if he should doe he could not in passion well order and moderate For if once he begin to doe a thing in passion the least prouocation that can be will be as bellowes to blow vp that fire into a flame In regard of the violence of passion wherein women by reason of the weaknesse of their iudgement are for the most part most violent it is also the part of a wise man to forbeare this duty of reprouing his wife euen when she is in passion For as it is needfull that he should be in case well to giue a reproofe so as needfull it is that she should be in case well to take a rebuke Passion both filleth and festereth ones heart The heart then being full of passion what roome is left for good aduice will a man powre wine into a vessell full of water or stay till all the water be dreaned out The heart also being so festered as it sauoureth of nothing but passion what good can then good aduice doe It is therefore an especiall point of wisdome and sheweth a good respect that a man beareth to his wife yea it sauoureth of much meeknesse and moderation for an husband well to weigh both his owne and his wiues temper when he reproueth her and to forbeare doing it while either he or she be in passion §. 39. Of vndiscreet reproouing a wife Contrary is the indiscretion of husbands who regard nor place nor persons nor time nor temper of themselues or their wiues nor any other circumstance in reprouing but like Saul who at a table where a great feast was in presence of his Nobles and Captaines when he was inraged with anger with most virulent and bitter speeches not rebuked onely but reproached also his sonne and that with such words as he spared not his owne wife for in his passion he called his sonne sonne of the peruerse rebellious woman like this foolish and furious Saul I say they take the most open place of the family before children seruants and whole house to reproue their wiues and that with such bitter and disgracefull termes as either they prouoke their wiues to answer againe for maintaining as they thinke their owne credit and reputation thus Ionathan was prouoked to answer his father againe or else giue them of the house that behold her thus trampled vnder foot occasion to set their feet also vpon her Most husbands are forward enough to reproue but few doe it in meeknesse and moderation They cannot doe it but in company nor without bitter words Many in rebuking their wiues sticke not to vse all the euill termes that they can thinke of euen such as tend not only to their wiues dishonour but also to their owne and their childrens infamy The reason whereof is because they neuer rebuke but when they are in passion and so scarse know what they doe whereby also they stirre vp passion in their wiues and yet for all that refraine not any whit the more but rather grow more violent as when the heat of two fires meet together the flame must needs be the greater This being the preposterous practise of many husbands is it any maruell that ordinarily so little good and so much hurt is done by reprouing Nay would it not be a wonder if any good and no hurt should be done thereby This therefore though it be a duty yet a dutie rarely and with great moderation to be vsed Thus farre of an husbands mildnesse in his speeches to his wife §. 40. Of an husbands amiable countenance towards his wife An husbands cariage towards his wife must be answerable to his speech or else all the mildnesse thereof will seeme but complementall A mans cariage compriseth vnder it his Countenance Gesture Actions in all which must mildnesse be seated 1. His countenance in his wiues presence and towards his wife must be composed to an amiable pleasantnesse His authority ouer her and eminencie aboue her may not make him forget the neere coniunction and vnion betwixt them Vnder the face and countenance I comprise head brow eies lips and such other parts which are according as they are framed signes of amiablenesse or discontentednesse Now among and aboue other parts of the body the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart By Esaus pleasant countenance Iaakob perceiued that he was pacified in his heart towards him and thereupon said I haue seene thy face as though I had seene the face of God that is an amiable gracious countenance On this ground Dauid desired God to lift vp the light of his countenance vpon him that thereby he might know the fauour and loue of God towards him On the other side by a frowning and lowring face by hanging downe the head putting out the lips with the like anger malice griefe with other like affections of heart are manifested by Caines casting downe of his countenance God discerned anger and enuy to be in his heart by Labans countenance Iaakob obserued that his affection was turned from him A wife then beholding mildnesse and amiablenesse in her husbands face beholds it as the face of God and therein as in a looking glasse beholds the kindnesse and loue of his heart and so hath her heart thereby the more firmely knit vnto him and is moued the more to respect him §. 41. Of husbands too great austeritie Contrary is 1. A loftie proud countenance as of an imperious Lord ouer his vassals 2. A grim sterne countenance as of a iudge ouer poore prisoners 3. A lowring frowning countenance as of a discontented
spot he did therefore no way pollute or defile his Spouse and that his loue might the better appeare to be chaste loue cast only vpon one Spouse and not many he vnited all his Saints together by the bond of his Spirit and made them all one body Hereby husbands must learne so to be affected towards their wiues as may stand with holinesse and chastitie though much loue be required yet it may not ouer-flowe those banks Mariage is honourable and a bed vndefiled It must therefore be vsed as an vndefiled thing This indeed appertaineth to the wife as well as to the husband But because he is the head and guide of his wife and ought to be as a patterne and president before her as Christ is before him therefore is it more specially applied to him The puritie of an husbands loue here spoken of hath a double vse 1. It restraineth an husbands loue to his owne wife There is a generall Christian loue whereby all occasions of doing good are taken with which an husband may and ought to loue others and a particular matrimoniall loue whereby he is moued to preferre his wife before all and to haue his heart set and fixed on her and so proper and peculiar to her 2. It orders and moderates his loue so as it turneth not into sinfull lust whereby that estate which in it selfe by vertue of Gods ordinance is holy is polluted §. 68. Of husbands lightnesse Contrary is not only adulterie whereof we haue spoken before but also wantonnesse lightnesse and vncleannesse with his wife For many intemperate and vnchaste husbands giuing the raines to their headstrong lusts manifest as much vnseemlinesse and plaine filthinesse in their words gestures and actions to say nothing of their thoughts which are not seene to their wiues as other doe to strumpets and harlots which is a most shamelesse thing and I am euen ashamed â— mention but because it is mentioned let such know thâ— they shall be accounted among such whoremongers and adulâ—rers as God will iudge §. 69. Of husbands louing their wiues more then themselues The quantity of Christs loue cannot be expressed for the measure of it was aboue measure He gaue himselfe for his Church and in that respect he calleth himselfe that Good sheepheard that gaue his life for his sheepe Greater loue then this hath no man What will not he doe for his spouse that gaue his life for her This may seeme to be too high a straine and pitch of loue for an husband to attaine vnto a matter wherein he is to â—eaue his patterne and not to follow Christ but yet S. Iohn addeth euen this extent to the loue of our brethren We ought saith he to lay downe our liues for the brethren therefore by â—ust consequence for our wiues But that this extent be not stretched too farre and husbands cast into a pit of needlesse â—erill two cautions must be noted 1. That there be an absolute necessity to bring vs to this â—raite of parting with our life which is when the good we â—ime at in the behalfe of our wiues cannot any other way be â—ffected but by venturing our life There was no other way â—â— redeeme the Church but by the bloud of Christ 2. That the good we intend in this case to our wiues be of â—reater valew then our temporall life as is the good of her â—ule the sauing of it Thus the Apostle saith I will most gladly bestowed for your soules Which minde men must much more â—rie towards their wiues It was for our saluation that Christ â—ue himselfe §. 70. Of husbands vnkindnesse Contrary is their vnkindnesse that preferre euery trifle of â—â—eir owne before the good of their wiues their profit their â—easure their promotion cleane draw away their hearts and â—â—fections from their wiues If any extraordinary charge must â— laid out or pains taken for their wiues good little loue â—ll then appeare whereby it appeares that there was no true â—â—d sound loue setled in their hearts towards their wiues As â—ld and other like mettals are tryed by the fire so loue by â—â—ictions and crosses §. 71. Of combats in pretence of wiues honour Contrary in another extreme is the ouer-bold and ouer-heady pretended manhood of such husbands as vpon euery iealous surmize and sleight report are ready to make challenges of fight and to enter into single combats and duels on pretence of maintaining their wiues honour This being no warrantable course of righting a wrong no honour can redound to the wife thereby but much dishonour and danger to the husband If he preuaile ouer his aduersarie and kill he is made guilty of murther thereby and so reproach and shame must needs come to himselfe wife and whole family if he be ouercome and slaine she may be reputed more guilty then she was before And oft it falleth out that God in iust iudgement giueth ouer the challenger into his aduersaries hand because he hath vndertaken so indirect a course §. 72. Of husbands Constancy in loue VI. The continuance of Christs loue was without date Hauing loued his owne he loued them vnto the end His loue was constant not by fits now louing then hating and euerlasting neuer repenting thereof neuer changing or altering his minde no prouocations no transgressions could euer make him forget to loue and cease to doe that good which he intended for his Church note what he said to her euen when she reuoulted from him Thou hast played the harlot with many louers yet returne againe to me and againe My mercy shall not depart away For his loue resteth not on the desert of his Church but on the vnchangeablenesse of his owne will As this manifested Christs loue to be true sound loue so it made it profitable and beneficiall to the Church which notwithstanding her many frailties by virtue hereof is glorified This last branch must be added to all the former branches of an husbands loue or else they will be all in vaine and to no purpose This giueth the truest tryall of sound loue Such was the loue betwixt Dauid and Ionathan the soundest loue that euer was betwixt partie and partie This bringeth the greatest glory to the partie which loueth and the greatest benefit to the partie which is loued That a mans loue may thus remaine firme and inuiolable 1. He must be sure to lay a good foundation he must ground his loue on Gods ordinance and loue his wife in regard of the matrimoniall bond which knitteth them together and that neere vnion which thence ariseth and so it will last so long as that knot lasteth 2. He must further support and strengthen it with an inuiolable resolution to be changed and altered with no prouocation but rather to passe by all infirmities indeauouring in loue to redresse them if possibly he can if not to beare with them §. 73. Of husbands variablenesse Contrary is their
hereof as Abrahams Isaacks Rebekahs and others Great reason there is why this affection should be fast fixed in the heart of parents towards their children For great is that paine paines cost and care which parents must vndergoe for their children But if loue be in them no paine paines cost or care will seeme too much Herein appeareth the wise prouidence of God who by nature hath so fast fixed loue in the hearts of parents as if there be any in whom it aboundeth not he is counted vnnaturall If loue did not abound in parents many children would be neglected and lost For if parents look not to their children who will If none looke to them they must needs perish for they are not able to helpe themselues As God by nature hath planted loue in all parents so Christians ought euen for conscience sake to nourish increase and blow vp this fire of loue that they may thereby be made more forward to doe euery duty with cheerefulnesse The more feruent loue is the more readily will euery duty be performed Obiect As too much fire is dangerous so too much loue Answ True Wherefore as in other things so in this the golden meane must be kept No dutie so holy and necessarie â—ut may be peruerted Let the extremes be auoided and the meane will better be kept §. 3. Of the contraries to loue The extreme contrary to loue in the defect is want of naturall affection which is reckoned in the catalogue of notorious â—â—nnes Though loue of children be by nature engrauen in mans heart yet many cleane put it out through couetousnesse â—â—st vaine-glory superstition idolatry and other vices whereby it commeth to passe that in stead of the good which they â—ould doe for their children they bring much mischiefe vpon â—hem Some spare not the pretious life of their children Among these barbarous idolaters doe most exceed in this kinde of vnnaturall cruelty sacrificing their children and offering them vp to deuils To this the great bloud-sucker Satan of old brought not only the heathen who being ignorant of God did seruice to the diuell but also the Israelites to whom Iehouah the true God made himselfe knowne and expresly forbid this cruelty and that vnder paine of death Behold how superstition and idolatry blinde the eies of men They who haue beene among the Sauadges in Virginea Florida India and other like places testifie that such cruelty is vsed to this day And it is rendred as a maine reason why notwithstanding such spacious places as they haue they increase no more in multitude because many of their children from time to time are offered vp in sacrifice Reasonable men herein shew themselues more vnreasonable then vnreasonable beasts which doe what possibly they can to preserue their young ones Though not so high yet too high on this ladder of vnnaturalnesse doe they climbe who hate their children and that which maketh the sin to be out of measure sinful for piety and integrity as many Popish and profane parents who haue children truly religious and in that respect ought so much the more to be loued The extreme in the excesse is too much doting vpon children as they doe who so vnmeasurably loue them as they make reckoning of nothing in comparison of children Euen God himselfe is lightly esteemed his worship neglected his word transgressed all dutie to others omitted their owne soules forgotten thorow care of children Is not this meeâ—â— apish kindnesse for Apes kill their young ones with hugging This is no loue but plaine dotage But what may be said of those that are so hellishly enamoured with their children as to commit incest or buggery with them §. 4. Of Parents praying for their children The first and best streame which issueth out of the forenamed fountaine of loue is faithfull and feruent prayer This extendeth it selfe to all things at all times thorowout the whole course of the childes life It is the first and it is the last dutie which parents ought to performe to their children euen that which they must doe without intermission Pray without ceasing Though praier be a generall dutie which all Christians owe one to another yet after a peculiar manner doth it appertaine to parents and of all others they are most bound to it For the promise which God maketh to a parent is extended to his seed and children as these and such like Scriptures shew I will be thy God and the God of thy seed That it may be well with them and with their children The promise is vnto you and vnto your children Parents therefore with most assurance of faith may call vpon God for their children For Gods promise is the ground of faith so farre as Gods promise is extended so farre our faith may and ought to extend it selfe Hence hath arisen the commendable custome of childrens asking their parents blessing which intimateth a desire that parents would pray for Gods blessing on them This dutie of praier must be performed before parents haue children that they may haue some as Isaak Annah and others did and so soone as children are conceiued especially if they obserue them to be quicke in the wombe as Rebekah did and againe when they are borne as Zachariah did and thorowout the whole course of their life as Iob did and when they are going out of this world and leauing their children as Isaak did There is no one thing wherein and whereby parents may doe more good for their children then in and by true praier God hath sanctified praier as a meanes to receiue all needfull blessing from himselfe the fountaine of all blessing If therefore Gods blessing be of vse to children what Atheists are they that beleeue it not then also is praier by which it is obtained §. 5. Of vices contrary to parents praying for their children The very neglect of this dutie is a sinne contrary to the dutie it selfe and many parents there be that stand guilty of this sinne Some thinke it needlesse to pray for a childe before it be borne not considering that in sinne it is conceiued When it is borne they referre this dutie to the midwife whereas it properly appertaineth to the father After it is growne to any ripenesse they put it off to the childe to pray for it selfe And when they are on their death-bed they thinke it enough if they can pray for their owne soules Such parents shew little true loue to their children but lesse faith in God But what may we say or thinke of such impious parents as feare not to make fearefull imprecations against their children God oft in wrath and vengeance heareth such imprecations to the woe of parent and childe whereby he sheweth his great indignation against them for the same §. 6. Of parents endeauouring to be righteous that they may leaue Gods blessing to their
OF DOMESTICALL DVTIES Eight Treatises I. An Exposition of that part of Scripture out of which Domesticall Duties are raised II. 1. A right Coniunction of Man and Wife 2. Common-mutuall Duties betwixt Man and Wife III. Particular Duties of Wiues IV. Particular Duties of Husbands V. Duties of Children VI. Duties of Parents VII Duties of Seruants VIII Duties of Masters By WILLIAM GOVGE LONDON Printed by Iohn Haviland for William Bladen and are to be sold at the signe of the Bible neere the great North doore of Pauls 1622. TO THE RIGHT HONOVRABLE RIGHT VVorshipfull and other my beloued Parishioners Inhabitants of the Precinct of Black-friers LONDON such sufficiencie of Grace as may bring them to fulnesse of Glory IF noble Birth high Honour great Estate true Piety bountifull Charity good Esteeme of Gods word and Ministers and in particular intire loue of the Author be inducements to choose a Patron for his worke I for my part need not goe farre for a Patron In mine owne parish are all these To you therefore right Honourable right Worshipfull and other my beloued Parishioners most worthy of all due respect doe I dedicate these my poore paines about Domesticall Duties To testifie the equall dutie which I owe and the impartiall respect which I beare to you all I make you all as one Patron You were the first ouer whom I euer had any ministeriall charge To this charge by your free choice was I called Among you haue I spent almost two full prentiships You haue alwaies so accepted my paines and respected my person as I neuer had any cause to repent my acceptance of this place and calling but rather to thanke God for the same My desire is if so it may seeme good to the diuine prouidence to spend all my daies among you and while I am among you to helpe forward your spirituall edification This is the maine end of my calling and the marke which as in the ordinary course of my Ministry so in the publishing of these Eight Treatises of Domesticall Duties and dedicating them to you I haue aimed at As in testimony of Loue and Dutie I haue preached in your hearing and published in your name these Duties so doe you manifest your kinde acceptance of my former and latter paines by a conscionable obseruing of them so farre forth as they are agreeable to Gods word that all who know you may know by that euident demonstration how well you haue relished and approued them Thus shall you gaine much profit and my selfe much comfort by my paines Oh if the head and seuerall members of a family would be perswaded euery of them to be conscionable in performing their owne particular duties what a sweet society and happy harmony would there be in houses What excellent seminaries would families be to Church and Common-wealth Necessary it is that good order be first set in families for as they were before other polities so they are somewhat the more necessary and good members of a family are like to make good members of Church and common-wealth The subiect matter therefore of these Treatises is worth the handling if I were able according to the worth thereof to handle it I haue endeuoured to doe what I could therein though I haue not attained to what I would Be you like vnto God who if there be first a willing mind accepteth according to that a man hath and not according to that he hath not Though for such a matter as is handled in these Treatises the worke may seeme at first sight to be too copious yet I hope the obseruant Reader will not finde it too tedious It is the variety of many not the prolixity of few points which hath made this booke to swell to that bignesse which it hath The first Treatise which is a fourth part of the booke containeth a Commentary on that part of Scripture out of which Domesticall Duties are raised wherein the Apostle setting forth Christ and the Church as patternes to husbands and wiues liuely declareth the great loue of Christ to his Church and the neere vnion betwixt them together with other deepe mysteries the vnfolding whereof hath a little the longer detained me But as I haue a while insisted on maine matters of much moment so haue I very briefly passed ouer other points The other Treatises wherein the Duties themselues are handled are euery of them much shorter then the first In them I haue barely propounded and briefly proued the truth and equity of the seuerall duties except some choice points which are of especiall vse or at least through disuse much questioned and them I haue more largely handled And because contraries laid together doe much set forth each other in their liuely colours I haue to euery duty annexed the contrary fault and aberration from it For many that heare the duties thinke all well enough till they heare also the contrary vices whereby in their consciences they are most conuinced Concerning the many faults and vices of bad Husbands Wiues Parents Children Masters and Seruants taxed in these Treatises let me intreat you not to apply them too generally to all Husbands Wiues Parents Children Masters and Seruants Hath not wise Solomon much taxed the lightnesse shrewishnesse pride flattery and other vices of women And shall sober meeke humble honest women thinke themselues taxed thereby By like reason might vnchaste strumpets vntrusty gossips vnquiet shrewes and proud dames thinke themselues commended by those excellent commendations which be giueth of good women Let euery one as their conscience an impartiall Iudge shall beare them witnesse make a right application of euery thing to themselues Thus shall we Ministers be freed from many euill surmizes I remember that when these Domesticall Duties were first vttered out of the pulpit much exception was taken against the application of a wiues subiection to the restraining of her from disposing the common goods of the family without or against her husbands consent But surely they that made those exceptions did not well thinke of the Cautions and Lamitations which were then deliuered and are now againe expresly noted which are that the foresaid restraint be not extended to the proper goods of a wife no nor ouerstrictly to such goods as are set apart for the vse of the family nor to extraordinary cases nor alwaies to an expresse consent nor to the consent of such husbands as are impotent or farre and long absent If any other warrantable caution shall be shewed me I will be as willing to admit it as any of these Now that my meaning may not still be peruerted I pray you in reading the restraint of wiues power in disposing the goods of the family euer beare in minde those Cautions Other exceptions were made against some other particular duties of wiues For many that can patiently enough heare their duties declared in generall termes cannot endure to heare those generals exemplified in their particular branches
the Churches iustification 55 37 Of the Churches sanctification 56 38 Of the Churches purity before God and man 56 39 Of the order and dependance of iustification and sanctification one vpon another 58 40 Of Sacramentall washing of water 59 41 How Baptisme is a meanes of cleansing and sanctifying 60 42 Obiections against the efficacie of Baptisme answered 61 43 What kinde of meanes of grace baptisme is 62 44 Of the necessitie of baptisme 62 45 Of the contrarie extremes of Papists and Ana. baptists about the necessity and efficacie of baptisme 63 46 Of the inward washing by baptisme 65 47 Of ioyning the word with baptisme 66 48 Of the inference of glorification vpon instification and sanctification 68 49 Of the fruition of Christs presence in heauen 70 50 Of the glory of the Church in heauen 72 51 Of the Churches freedome from all deformity in heauen 73 52 Of the perfect puritie of the Church in heauen 74 53 Of the application of the things which Christ hath done for the the Church vnto husbands 75 54 Of the application of the loue which a man beareth to himselfe vnto an husband 76 55 Of the amplification of a mans loue of himselfe 78 56 Of mans naturall affection to himselfe 79 57 Of naturall self-selfe-loue 80 58 Of spirituall selfe-loue 82 59 Of euill self-loue 82 60 Of the error of Stoicks in condemning all passion 83 61 Of well vsing naturall affection 83 62 Of mans forbearing to wrong himselfe 84 63 Of vnnaturall practises against ones selfe 85 64 Of haters of others 86 65 Of mans care in prouiding and vsing things needfull for his body 87 66 Of them that neglect to cherish their bodies 88 67 Of contentment in that which is sufficient 89 68 Of Christs forbearing to hate the Church 90 69 Of Christs nourishing and cherishing his Church 91 70 Of the vnion betwixt Christ and the Saints 93 71 Of the priuiledges appertaining to the Saints euen in this life by reason of their vnion with Christ 98 72 Of the priuiledge of our vnion with Christ in the time of death 102 73 Of the priuiledge of our vnion with Christ after death 103 74 Of the duties which are required of the Saints by vertue of their vnion with Christ 104 75 Of their regeneration who are members of Christ 105 76 Of the author of our regeneration Christ 106 77 Of the matter of our regeneration Christ 108 78 Of the excellency of regeneration 109 79 Of the ancient law of mariage 110 80 Of preferring husband or wife before parents 112 81 Of the firmnesse of the matrimoniall bond 114. 82 Of two only to be ioyned together in mariage 114 83 Of polygamy and bigamy 115 84 Of the neere coniunction of man and wife together 115 85 Of the matrimoniall coniunction of Christ and the Church 117 86 Of Christs leauing his father and mother for his spouse 120 87 Of the indissoluble vnion betwixt Christ and the Church 121 88 Of the equall priuiledge of all the Saints 122 89 Of the neere vnion betwixt Christ and the Church 123 90 Of the mysterie of the vnion of Christ and the Church 124 91 Of the Popes vsurping to be spouse of the Church 125 92 Of the false sacrament of mariage 126 93 Of the summe of husbands and wiues duties 128 94 Of applying the word to our selues 129 95 Of euery ones looking to his owne duties especially 130 96 Of the meaning of the first verse of the sixt chapter 132 97 Of the meaning of the second verse 134 98 Of aiming at our owne in seeking the good of others 137 99 Of preferring honestie before commoditie 138 100 Of the meaning of the third verse 139 101 Of prosperity how far forth it may be a blessing 140 102 Of prosperity bestowed on the wicked how it proues a curse 141 103 How both hauing and wanting prosperity is a blessing to the Saints 142 104 Of long-life how farre forth it is a blessing 143 105 Of long life prouing a curse to the wicked 144 106 Of limiting the promises of temporall blessings 144 107 Of appropriating prosperity and long life to the obedience which children yeeld to their parents 145 108 Of Gods ordering his fauours so as they may appeare to be true blessings 147 109 Of Gods high account of dutifull children 148 110 Of childrens doing good to themselues by honouring their parents 148 111 Of parents doing good to their children by keeping them vnder obedience 149 112 Of the perpetuity of the substance of such things as in their circumstances respecting the Iewes are vanished 150 113 Of the determined period of mans life 151 114 Of reward promised to obedience that it implieth no merit 153 115 Of the connexion of parents dutie with childrens 153 116 Of the extent of these words fathers children 154 117 Of parents prouoking children 155 118 Of parents seeking the good of their children 156 119 Of parents nurturing their children 157 120 Of parents fixing precepts in their childrens mindes 158 121 Of adding information to discipline 158 122 Of parents teaching their children the feare of God 159 123 Of the subiection which beleeuing seruants owe. 159 124 Of the meaning of the fift verse 160 125 Of the meaning of the sixt verse 164 126 Of the meaning of the seuenth verse 168 127 Of the meaning of the eight verse 168 128 Of the connexion of masters duties with seruants 171 129 Of the meaning of this phrase doe the same things 172 130 Of masters forbearing threatning 174 131 Of masters subiection to a greater master 175 132 Of Gods being in heauen 175 133 Of Gods hauing no respect of persons 177 II. TREATISE PART I. Of husband and wife who are so to be accounted § 1. OF those who may seeke to be maried 179 2 Of ripenesse of yeares in them that are to be maried 180 3 Of impotent persons that ought not to seeke after mariage 181 4 Of barrennesse that it hindereth not mariage 182 5 Of that ineuitable danger which hindereth mariage 183 6 Of the lawfulnesse of mariage to all sorts of persons 183 7 Of the things which are absolutely necessary to make a person fit for mariage 185 8 Of the lawfulnesse of other mariages after one of the maried couple is dead 186 9 Of equality in yeares betwixt husband and wife 188 10 Of equality in estate and condition betwixt those that are to be maried together 189 11 Of equality in piety and religion betwixt those that are to be maried together 191 12 Of mariages betwixt persons of diuers professions 192 13 Of that mutuall liking which must passe betwixt mariageable persons before they be maried 196 14 Of a contract what it is 198 15 Of the grounds of a contract 198 16 Of the reasons which shew how requisite a contract is 200 17 Of abusing or neglecting a contract 202 18 Of the distance of time betwixt a contract and mariage 202 19 Of a religious consecrating of mariage
is ready to doe what good he can to another This is common to all Christians a dutie which euen superiours owe to inferiours according to the fore-named extent of this word one another in which respect euen the highest gouernour on earth is called a minister for the good of such as are vnder him Secondly we must put difference betwixt the worke it selfe and the manner of doing it That worke which in it selfe is a worke of superioritie and authoritie in the manner of doing it may be a worke of submission viz. if it be done in humilitie and meeknesse of minde The Magistrate by ruling with meeknesse and humilitie submitteth himselfe to his subiect In this respect the Apostle exhorteth that nothing no not the highest and greatest workes that can be be done in vaine-glory but in meeknesse Thirdly we must distinguish betwixt the seuerall places wherein men are for euen they who are superiours to some are inferiours to others as he that said I haue vnder me and am vnder authoritie The master that hath seruants vnder him may be vnder the authoritie of a Magistrate Yea God hath so disposed euery ones seuerall place as there is not any one but in some respect is vnder another The wife though a mother of children is vnder her husband The husband though head of a family is vnder publike Magistrates Publike Magistrates one vnder another and all vnder the King The King himselfe vnder God and his word deliuered by his Ambassadours whereunto the highest are to submit themselues And Ministers of the word as subiects are vnder their Kings and Gouernours He that saith Let euery soule be subiect to the higher powers excepteth not Ministers of the word and he that saith obey them that haue the ouersight of you and submit your selues excepteth not kings only the difference is in this that the authoritie of the king is in himselfe and in his owne name he may command obedience to be performed to himselfe but the authoritie of a Minister is in Christ and in Christs name only may he require obedience to be performed to Christ The reason why all are bound to submit themselues one to another is because euery one is set in his place by God not so much for himselfe as for the good of others whereupon the Apostle exhorteth that none seeke his owne but euery man anothers wealth Euen Gouernours are aduanced to places of dignitie and authoritie rather for the good of their subiects then for their owne honour Their callings are in truth offices of seruice yea burdens vnder which they must willingly put their shoulders being called of God and of which they are to giue an account concerning the good which they haue done to others for the effecting whereof it is needfull that they submit themselues Let euery one therefore high and low rich and poore superiour and inferiour Magistrate and subiect Minister and people husband and wife parent and childe master and seruant neighbours and fellowes all of all sorts in their seuerall places take notice of their dutie in this point of submission and make conscience to put it in practice Magistrates by procuring the wealth and peace of their people as Mordecai Ministers by making themselues seruants vnto their people not seeking their owne profit but the profit of many that they may be saued as Paul Fathers by well educating their children and taking heed that they prouoke them not to wrath as Dauid Husbands by dwelling with their wiues according to knowledge giuing honour to the wife as to the weaker vessell as Abraham Masters by doing that which is iust and equall to their seruants as the Centurion Euery one by being of like affection one towards another and by seruing one another in loue according to the Apostles rule Let this dutie of submission be first well learned and then all other duties will better be performed Be not high minded nor swell one against another Though in outward estate some may be higher than other yet in Christ all are one whether bond or free all members of one and the same body Now consider the mutuall affection as I may so speake of the members of a naturall body one towards another not any one of them will puffe it selfe vp and rise against the other the head which is the highest and of greatest honour will submit it selfe to the feet in performing the dutie of an head as well as the feet to the head in performing their dutie so all other parts Neither is it hereby implied that they which are in place of dignitie and authoritie should forget or relinquish their place dignitie or authoritie and become as inferiours vnder authoritie no more than the head doth for the head in submitting it selfe doth not goe vpon the ground and beare the body as the feet but it submitteth it selfe by directing and gouerning the other parts and that with all the humilitie meeknesse and gentlenesse that it can So must all superiours much more must equals and inferiours learne with humilitie and meeknesse without scorne or disdaine to performe their dutie this is that which was before by the Apostle expresly mentioned and is here againe intimated none are exempted and priuileged from it We know that it is vnnaturall and vnbeseeming the head to scorne the feet and to swell against them but more than monstrous for one hand to scorn another what shall we then say if the feet swel against the head Surely such scorne and disdaine among the members would cause not only great disturbance but also vtter ruine to the body And can it be otherwise in a politique body But on the contrarie when all of all sorts shall as hath beene before shewed willingly submit themselues one to another the whole body and euery member thereof will reape good thereby yea by this mutuall submission as we doe good so we shall receiue good §. 4. Of the feare of God Hitherto of the exhortation The direction followeth In the feare of the Lord. This clause is added to declare partly the meanes how men may be brought to submit themselues readily one to another and partly the manner how they ought to submit themselues The feare of the Lord is both the efficient cause that moueth a true Christian willingly to performe all dutie to man and also the end whereunto he referreth euery thing that he doth For the better conceiuing whereof I will briefly declare 1. What this feare of the Lord is 2. How the Lord is the proper obiect of it 3. What is the extent thereof 4. Why it is so much vrged First feare of God is an awfull respect of the diuine Maiestie Sometimes it ariseth from faith in the mercy and goodnesse of God for when the heart of man hath once felt a sweet taste of Gods goodnesse and found that in his fauour only all happinesse consisteth it is
man in his right wits for furious franticke mad desperate persons will cut their armes legs and other parts mangle their flesh hang drowne smother choake and stab themselues Euen so they are as men out of their wits who hate or any way hurt their wiues yea it is the part of a mad man to doubt of louing and doing good to himselfe These two words to nourish and cherish comprize vnder them a carefull prouiding of all things needfull for a mans bodie To nourish is properly to feed To cherish is to keepe warme The former is done by food the latter by apparell Vnder food and apparell the Apostle comprizeth all things needfull for this life where he saith Hauing food andraiment let vs therewith be content This applied to an husband sheweth that he ought to haue a prouident care for the good of his wife in all things needfull for her That he may yet further presse this point he returneth againe to the example of Christ euen as the Lord the Church The Apostle thought that this naile of loue had need be fast beaten into the heads and hearts of husbands and therefore addeth blow to blow to knocke it vp deepe euen to the head before he confirmed Christs example with the example of our selues here he confirmeth the example of our selues with the example of Christ againe This he doth for two especiall reasons 1. The more forcibly to vrge the point for two examples adde weight one to another especially this latter which is so farre more excellent as we heard out of vers 25 26 27. 2. To giue husbands a better direction for their prouidence towards their wiues whom they must nourish and cherish not only as their bodies but as Christ nourisheth and cherisheth his Church not only with things temporall but also with things spirituall and eternall §. 56. Of mans naturall affection to himselfe EPHES. 5. 28 29. So ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man euer yet hated his owne flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it euen as the Lord the Church HAuing briefly shewed the generall scope of the 28 and 29 verses I will proceed to a more distinct handling of them They setforth The naturall affection of a man to himselfe Two points are here to be noted 1. The generall proposition that a man is well affected to himselfe 2. The particular amplification and manifestation of that affection This is manifested two waies 1. Negatiuely No man hateth his owne flesh   2. Affirmatiuely and that in two branches 1. Nourisheth it 2. Cherisheth   Both these are iustified by the like affection of Christ to the Church which is his body Euen as the Lord the Church In that the Apostle propoundeth the naturall affection of a mans selfe to his body as a motiue and patterne to Christians to loue their wiues and also iustifieth the same by a like affection of Christ to his Church I obserue that Naturall affection is a thing lawfull and commendable it is an affection which may stand with a good conscience which Gods word is so farre from taking away as it doth establish it For such as are without naturall affection are directly condemned and we are commanded to be so kindly affectioned one to another as we are to our selues Yea the law in the strict rigour thereof laieth downe that naturall affection which is in a man to himselfe as a rule for the loue of his neighbour thou shalt loue thy neighbour as thy selfe Hence is it that the Prophets Apostles and Christ himselfe doe oft call vpon vs to haue an eie to that affection which we beare to our selues Of this patterne Christ saith This is the Law and the Prophets this is the briefe summe of them this is it which they doe much vrge and presse 1. Naturall affection was at first created of God by him planted in man so that as soule body the powers and parts of them are in their substance good things this affection also in it selfe is good 2. There are the same reasons to loue our selues as our brethren For we our selues are made after Gods image redeemed by Christs bloud members of the same mysticall bodie keepers of our selues to giue an account of the good or hurt we doe to our selues with the like In the Law vnder this word neighbour our selues are comprised and euery commandement of the second table is to be applied to our selues §. 57. Of naturall selfe-loue Obiect Louers of themselues are condemned in Gods word as 2 Tim. 3. 2. Phil. 2. 21. 1 Cor. 10. 24. Rom. 15. 1. Answ There is a double louing of a mans selfe One good and commendable The other euill and damnable Good and commendable louing of a mans selfe is 1. Naturall 2. Spirituall  That which is naturall is in all by the very instinct of nature and it was at first created and still is by Gods prouidence preserued in our nature and that for the preseruation of nature Were there not such a naturall loue of himselfe in euery one man would be as carelesse of himselfe as of others and as loth to take paines for himselfe as for others Wherefore that euery one might haue care at least of one euen of himselfe and so the world be better preserued God hath reserued in man this naturall affection notwithstanding his corruption by sin Yea further because euery one is not able to looke to himselfe at least when he is young sicke old or any other way impotent God by his wise prouidence hath extended this naturall affection towards otheralso as they are neerely linked vnto vs by the bonds of nature The next to a mans selfe are by bloud and bond of nature children Admirably much is that which parents doe for their children which they would neuer doe if there were not a naturall affection in them to their children From children againe this affection ariseth towards their parents that when parents grow old impotent or any way vnable to helpe themselues they might haue succour from their children And because parents and children are not alwaies together or not able to helpe one another or vnnaturall God hath yet further extended this naturall affection to brethren cousins and other kindred And for a further extent thereof hath instituted mariage betwixt such as are not of the same bloud and by vertue of that bond raised a naturall affection not only in husband and wife one to another but also in all the alliance that is made therby Moreouer this affection is wrought in neighbours friends fellowes and other by like bonds knit together that the bow of Gods prouidence might haue many strings and if one breake another might hold In all these kinds the neerer a man commeth to himselfe the more doth this affection shew it selfe according to the prouerbe Neare is my
coat but nearer is my skin God hauing wrought this naturall affection in the seuerall kindes thereof and there being good ends and vses thereof it is not to be condemned §. 58. Of spirituall self-selfe-loue Spirituall selfe-loue is that which is supernaturally wrought in man by Gods Spirit whereby he is both inlightned to discerne what is most excellent and best for him and also moued to choose the same so as this serueth to rectifie the former Hence it commeth to passe that their chiefest care is for their soules and for the eternall saluation thereof for the furthering whereof they can be content as need requireth to beat downe their body to denie them sometimes their ordinary refreshing by food rest and other like meanes yea and to suffer them to be imprisoned racked and otherwaies tortured and life it selfe to be taken from them This men doe and suffer not for want of naturall affection but by reason of spirituall affection which perswades them that it is good for them it should be so A man is not therefore to be said not to loue the health and safety of his body because he loueth something more For a couetous man though he loue his money yet he can be content to part with it for bread to nourish his body so a spirituall man though he loue his life yet he can be content to lose it for his soules saluation For he loueth himselfe sufficiently who doth his best to enioy the chiefest and truest good This spirituall affection extendeth it selfe as farre as naturall affection namely to wiues husbands children parents brethren cosins friends c. Much is this vrged and pressed in the Scriptures as Isa 55. 1 2 3. Mat. 6. 19 20 33. Ioh. 6. 27. 1 Tim. 6. 11 19. §. 59. Of euill selfe-loue The selfe-loue which is euill swerueth in the Obiect Measure  1. In the Obiect when it is cast vpon our corruptions our lusts our euill humors when we affect and loue them and for them pursue whatsoeuer may satisfie them as the ambitious lustfull riotous gluttonous and other like persons This is expresly forbidden Make not prouision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof 2. In the Measure when our loue is wholly and only cast vpon our selues so seeking our owne good as we regard no mans good but our owne nor care what dammage another receiueth so we may get aduantage thereby This is also forbidden for it is contrary to the property of true loue which seeketh not her owne namely to the preiudice of another This hath the title of Selfe-loue appropriated to it It sprang from the corruption of nature and is daily increased by the instigation of Satan for the destruction of mankinde It manifesteth it selfe by the many tricks of deceit which most men vse in their dealings with others by making aduantage of others necessities as in the case of vsurie of raising corne and other commodities in time of scarcity with the like by mens backwardnesse to helpe such as stand in need of their succour by want of compassion in other mens miseries and by many other like vnkindnesses all which verifie the prouerbe Euery man for himselfe But by distinguishing the forenamed points we may see that notwithstanding euill self-loue be a most detestable vice yet it is both lawfull and commendable to loue ones selfe aright §. 60. Of the error of Stoicks in condemning all passion The doatage of Stoicks who would haue all naturall affection rooted out of man is contrary to this patterne and vnworthy to finde any entertainment among Christians for what doe they aime at but to root that out of man which God hath planted in him and to take away the meanes which God hath vsed for the better preseruation of man That wise man whom they frame to themselues is worse then a brute beast he is a very stocke and blocke Not only the best and wisestmen that euer were in the world but also Christ himselfe had those passions and affections in him which they account vnbeseeming a wise man Their doatage hath long since beene hissed out of the schooles of Philosophers should it then finde place in Christs Church §. 61. Of well vsing naturall affection Let vs labour to cherish this naturall affection in vs and to turne it to the best things euen to such as are not only apparently but indeed good and among good things to such as are most excellent and the most necessary such as concerne our soules and eternall life For this end we must pray to haue our vnderstandings inlightned that we may discerne things that differ and approue that which is excellent and to haue our wills and affections sanctified that we embrace pursue and delight in that which we know to be the best Thus shall our naturall affection be turned into a spirituall affection Here we see how we may make nature a schoolemaster vnto vs for as Christ sendeth vs to the fowles of the aire and lillies of the field to learne of them so the Apostle here sendeth vs to our owne naturall instinct We cannot complaine that we haue no schoolemaster neere vs as many in the country whose children for want of one are rudely brought vp our selues are schoolemasters to our selues Wherfore as the Apostle hereby teacheth husbands to loue their wiues so let vs all more generally learne to loue one another for we are all mutuall members of one and the same body and our brother or neighbour is Our flesh §. 62. Of Mans forbearing to wrong himselfe EPHES. 5. 29. For no man euer yet hated his owne flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it THe first particle for sheweth that in this verse an euidence and manifestation of a mans loue of himselfe is giuen The first part thereof which is set downe negatiuely sheweth that It is against the common instinct of nature for a man to hate himselfe It is noted as an euidence that deuils were in the Gadarene in that he cut himselfe with stones had not the deuils forced him he would neuer haue done it Hatred is contrary to loue it being therefore before proued that euery man by nature loueth himselfe by necessary consequence it followeth that no man hateth his flesh for two contrary effects proceed not from the same cause no fountaine can yeeld both salt water and fresh Obiect Many doe macerate their bodies with fastings watchings labours trauels and the like others teare and gash their flesh with whips kniues swords yea and with their teeth also others lay such violent hands vpon themselues as they take away their owne liues Answ 1. None of these things are done by the instinct of nature which God hath set in man but through the corruption of nature which the deuill hath caused Now nature and corruption of nature are two contrarie causes no maruell then that contrarie effects come from them 2. They thinke they doe
shew kindnesse to their owne flesh No man may hide himselfe from his owne flesh at large that is no man may neglect any dutie of mercie or iustice to his neighbour who is of the same stocke that he is shall then an husband or wife hide themselues from one another who in the neerest respect that possibly can be are one flesh not because they come from one flesh but because they come into one flesh Hitherto of the literall sense of this verse The mysticall followeth §. 85. Of the matrimoniall coniunction of Christ and the Church The forenamed ancient mariage law is here applied mystically to Christ and the Church as is euident by the next verse where the Apostle hauing reference to this verse saith This is a great mysterie There is then a mysterie contained in it But of what or of whom is that mysterie The Apostle himselfe maketh answer in these words I speake concerning Christ and the Church The mysterie in generall is this Christ and the Church are to one another as husband and wife The particulars of this mysterie are these The matrimoniall coniunction betwixt Christ the Church is a most Preheminent coniunction Firme   Neere   First of the generall The many espousall and matrimoniall titles which in Scripture are giuen to Christ and the Church in mutuall relation of one to another euidently shew that they are ioyned together by the honourable inseparable and inuiolable bond of mariage He is stiled a Bridegroome she a Bride he Welbeloued she Loue he an Husband she a Wife he an Head she the Body both one flesh 2. All things requisite to ioyne man and wife together doe fitly concurre betwixt Christ and the Church 1. They are persons fit to be ioyned Though Christ be God yet for this end he became man and though the Church were impure yet for this end is she cleansed and sanctified 2. They haue their parents consent for God is the common father of both And God hath giuen Christ to the Church and the Church to Christ 3. They haue giuen their mutuall consent each to other 4. He beareth an husband like affection to her and she is willing to yeeld a wife-like subiection to him 5. He hath giuen her many fauours and gifts as pledges of his loue and she in testimony of her faithfulnesse was vnder the Law circumcised and is vnder the Gospell baptized and doth binde her selfe with all the sacred bonds and couenants which God to that purpose hath sanctified 6. He hath prepared places of habitation for them both together and she earnestly desireth to be with him Behold another euidence of Christs admirable loue to the Church and of the neere vnion betwixt Christ and her The former was that she was his body This that she is his wife well might the Church say as Abigaile did Behold let thine handmaid be a seruant to wash the feet of the seruants of my Lord and as the prodigall child Make me as one of thine hired seruants or as the Baptist I am not worthy to stoope downe to vnloose thy shoe-latchets What a fauour then is it to be made his spouse his wife his Queene Great was the fauour which Ahash-verosh shewed to Esther when he made her his wife he was a great Monarch reigning from India to Ethiopia ouer 127 prouinces but Esther was a poore orphane and captiue yet was not this fauour comparable to Christs for there was no such disparity and inequality betwixt Ahash-verosh and Esther as betwixt Christ and the Church neither is Esthers aduancement to be compared with the Churches and yet there was some cause in Esther to moue Ahash-verosh to doe what he did for she was very beautifull and louely and worthy to be loued but in the Church when Christ first cast his loue on her there was no such thing No patterne of loue can be giuen any way comparable to this Let the Church therefore and all that professe themselues to be of the Church take such notice hereof as they may endeuour to carry themselues worthy of this honour and aduancement not to wax proud and insolent thereupon but to despise all vaine and worldly toies to answer loue with loue as the Church is set forth in Salomons song to be subiect to her husband to reuerence and obey him and to performe all duties appertaining to such a wife seeking by all good meanes to maintaine the honour of her place The Church is made a patterne of dutie to all wiues if she should faile greater inconuenience would follow from thence then from Vashties disobedience This is the rather to be regarded because it is not only a matter of instruction but of triall also shewing both what they which are of the Church ought to doe and also what indeed they will doe Wherefore no prophane person that lightly esteemeth the Lord Iesus no Idolater that casteth his loue on other husbands no swearer or blasphemer that dishonoreth the great Name of Iesus none that any way are rebellious against him none that hate scorne scoffe or hurt any of his members can haue any comfort in this aduancement of the Church because they haue no part therein nor right thereunto But great is that comfort which the true Saints may receiue therein For by vertue of this matrimoniall bond 1. Christ is made a yoakefellow with his Church and her companion Vnder all the burdens which are laid vpon her he putteth his shoulder to make it the more easie yea the great burdens of Gods wrath the curse of the law and sinne the cause thereof hath he so taken on him as he hath cleane freed his Church from them because they would else haue crushed her downe to hell 2. Christ is as her champion to answer all challenges sent vnto her as her aduocate to plead and answer all the complaints that shall be made against her as her suretie to discharge all her debts the Church being couert-baron vnder Christ he is as her selfe all in all for her and to her 3. All his honours goods priuiledges are hers she hath a right to them and her part in them she is a coheire with him Rom. 8. 17. a Queene because he a King Psal 45. 9. and all glorious as was noted vers 27. 4. He will assuredly performe all the offices of an husband as to loue her beare with her prouide for her with the like Able he is to doe all for he is omnipotent willing also he must needs be because willingly he hath taken vpon him this place he hath made himselfe a patterne to other husbands will he not then doe that himselfe which herequireth of others If euer any wife might receiue comfort in a match the Church may receiue comfort in this match The benefit of this match will yet more liuely
appeare by a particular consideration of the three forenamed properties of this matrimoniall bond the preheminencie firmnesse and neerenesse thereof §. 86. Of Christs leauing his Father and mother for his spouse I. The preheminencie of the matrimoniall bond betwixt Christ and the Church herein appeareth that Christ left his Father and his mother for his spouse the Church As Christ is God God is his Father as man the Virgin Marie was his mother Now the leauing of his Father must be taken only by way of resemblance in that he came from the place of his Fathers habitation to the place where his Spouse was The Scripture saith that he was in the bosome of his Father by him as one brought vp with him his daily delight reioycing alway before him yet descended he into the lowest parts of the earth where his spouse was He came out from the Father and came into the world But truly and properly did he preferre his Spouse before his mother For when he was instructing his Spouse and his mother came to interrupt him he said to his mother who is my mother and to his Spouse behold my mother Of the same minde must the Church and all that are of the Church be vnto Christ she must forget her owne people and fathers house Seeing Christ hath gone before vs and giuen vs so good an example what an high point of ingratitude would it be for vs to preferre father mother or any other before Christ our husband Note what he saith in this case He that loueth father or mother more then me is not worthie of me And againe If any come vnto me and hate not his father and mother he cannot be mine To hate here is to be so farre from preferring father mother before Christ as rather then not to loue Christ to hate father and mother Or so intirely to loue Christ aboue all as our loue of parents in comparison thereof to be an hatted Thus Leui said vnto his father and mother I haue not seene him for they obserued the word and kept the couenant of Christ This then is our dutie that we suffer not any naturall affection and dotage on our parents to swallow vp that loue we owe to Christ as Pharaohs ill-fauourèd and leane-fleshed kine eat vp the seuen well-fauoured and fat kine How much lesse should any loue of this world of the profits promotions or pleasures of this world draw away our hearts from Christ should we not rather say and doe as the Apostles did Behold we haue for saken all and followed Christ §. 87. Of the indissoluble vnion betwixt Christ and the Church II. The firmnesse of that bond whereby Christ and the Church are said to be glued together is greater and more inuiolable then that whereby man and wife are ioyned together Death parteth man and wife but death cannot make a diremption betwixt Christ and the Church so as we may well from this metaphor inferre that Christ and the Church are inseparably knit together I will betroth thee vnto me for euer saith Christ vnto the Church The couenant which Christ maketh with his Church is an euerlasting couenant The mountaines shall depart and the hils be remoued before his kindnesse shall depart from the Church The stedfastnesse and vnchangeablenesse of his will is the only cause thereof Whom he loueth he loueth vnto the end His gifts and calling are without repentance He is not like the hard hearted Iewes who vpon euerie sleight occasion would put away their wiues The Lord hateth putting away Though therefore the Church through her weaknesse doe depart from him and play the harlot yet returne againe to me saith the Lord. Learne we by this patterne to cleaue close vnto the Lord which is a dutie most due to Christ who cleaueth so close to vs and therefore oft expressed in the Scripture Three vertues there are which are of speciall vse to this purpose Faith Hope Loue. Faith is the hand whereby we lay fast hold on Christ and as it were knit him to our selues as he by his Spirit knitteth vs to himselfe This maketh vs rest and repose our selues on him for all needfull things and not to leaue him for any thing Hope is the anchor which holdeth vs fast against all the stormes of Satan so as they can neuer driue vs out of our harbour which is the Lord Iesus Christ Loue is the glue and soader which maketh vs one with Christ for it is the propertie of loue to vnite those that loue one another in one Ionathans soule was knit with the soule of Dauid For why Ionathan loued him as his owne soule He that loueth is well pleased with him whom he loueth and seeketh also to please him that they may mutually delight one in another Were these three vertues well rooted in vs we would say who shall separate vs from the loue of Christ shall tribulation or distresse c. §. 88. Of the equall priuiledge of all the Saints III. Concerning the phrase whereby the neerenesse of man and wife is set forth they two shall be one flesh it may be demanded how this can be applied to Christ and the Saints who are more then two Answ Christ by one Spirit knitteth vs all into one bodie and so maketh all ioyntly considered together one Spouse The multitude of Saints doth no more imply many wiues then the multitude of members which the naturall bodie of a wife hath This point then teacheth vs that In the mysticall mariage betwixt Christ and the Church all and euerie of the Saints haue an equall priuiledge Some are not Concubines some wiues nor some more loued or preferred to another but all one wife All are one in Christ Iesus Neither the Father that gaue them all nor the Sonne who tooke them all saw any thing in one more then in another their meere grace moued them to doe what they did Well may euerie one apply all the forenamed priuiledges vnto themselues and not one emulate another This affordeth instruction to the more eminent in the Church that like proud dames they insult not ouer others as if they were their hand-maids and consolation to the meaner sort that they may vphold themselues and possesse their soules with patience and not enuie or grieue at the outward prosperitie and priuiledges of others In the greatest priuiledge they are equall to the greatest This of the parties coupled to Christ For these words they two shew that all the Saints are but one Christ is the other of the two The next words are one flesh shew how neere those Saints are to Christ §. 89. Of the neere vnion betwixt Christ and the Church The maine point here to be noted is that Christ and the Church are most neerely linked together What can be neerer then that two should come into one flesh This is
seruants looke for such priuiledges as they haue Another manner of subiection must be performed by seruants The clause annexed as to the Lord is in effect the same with that in the 5. verse as to Christ for by the Lord he here meaneth The Lord Christ But it is added to meet with a secret Obiection For if seruants should say You require us to serue our masters with good will but what if they be hard-hearted and regard not our good will but peruert our good minde The Apostle giueth them this answer Looke not so much to men and their reward as to God and his reward serue men in and for the Lord euen as if you serued God so shall not your seruice be in vaine The inference of the eighth verse vpon this sheweth that this is it which the Apostle here intendeth Learne therefore that An eie is to be cast vpon God euen in those duties which we performe to men and that both for approbation and reward from God The negatiue clause which followeth in these words and not to men is not simplie to be taken for then would it thwart the maine scope of the Apostle in this place but comparatiuely in relation to God and that in two respects 1. That seruice be not done only to men 2. That seruice be not done to men in and for themselues Seruice must be done to God as well as men yea In that seruice which we doe to men we must serue God Men must be serued for the Lords sake because the Lord hath commanded it because they beare the Lords image and stand in his stead in the Lord and vnder the Lord. From this large declaration of the manner of doing seruice to masters note the difference betwixt such seruants as are seruants of men and such as are seruants of Christ 1. They doe all to the eie These all from the heart 2. They seeke to please men These doe the will of God 3. They doe their seruice discontentedly These cheerefully 4. They doe all vpon self-selfe-loue These with good will §. 127. Of the meaning of the eight verse EPHES. 6. 8. Knowing that whatsoeuer good thing any man doth the same shall he receiue of the Lord whether he be bond or free GReat is the ingratitude of many masters they will exact all the seruice that a poore seruant possibly can doe but slenderly recompence his paines yea it may be very euilly reward the same not affording competent food clothing lodging but frownes checkes and blowes Now to vphold seruants in such straits and to incourage them to doe their dutie whether their masters regard it or no the Apostle in this verse laboureth to raise vp their mindes to God and to shew vnto them that he regardeth them and will sufficiently reward them so as Seruants labour shall not be in vaine in the Lord. To presse this incouragement the more vpon them he setteth it downe as a thing granted by all so cleere as none of them can be ignorant thereof Knowing as if he had said ye all well enough know that what I now say is most true hence note that Gods respect of faithfull seruants is so well knowne as none that haue any vnderstanding can be ignorant thereof The Apostles argument is drawne from the generall to a particular and the generality is noted in the thing done whatsoeuer and in the person that doth it any man But because the generalitie of the thing might be too farre stretched he addeth this limitation good and because the generalitie of the person might be too much restrained he addeth this explication whether bond or free This distinction is vsed because in those daies many seruants were bond-men and bond-women Now the Apostles argument may thus be framed Euery one of what estate and degree soeuer he be shall be rewarded of God for euery good thing he doth be it great or small Therefore euery seruant shall be rewarded of God for euery good seruice The recompence promised is set forth vnder a concise speech the same shall he receiue meaning that he shall receiue a reward for the same that phrase hath relation to the crop which an husbandman receiueth of the corne he sowed which is of the same kinde he sowed the seed being wheat the crop is of wheat the seed being plentifully sowed the crop will be plentifull to the same purpose saith this Apostle in another place whatsoeuer a man soweth that shall he also reape Now to applie this seruants that by their faithfull seruice bring honour and glory to God shall againe receiue honour and glorie If they aske of whom they shall receiue it the Apostle expresly answereth Of the Lord for it is the Lord that said Them that honour me will I honour God will not forget them though their masters may From this verse thus opened I gather these particular obseruations concerning seruants 1. Seruants may and ought to applie vnto themselues generall promises made to Christians Otherwise this generall argument of the Apostle is to little purpose in this place 2. A Christian may be a bond-slaue for the Apostle directeth this incouragement to Christians among whom he presupposeth some to be slaues opposing them to free-men who also were seruants 3. Faithfull seruice performed to men is a good thing for the good things which seruants especially doe is in their seruice 4. As God accepteth not men because they are free so neither reiecteth he them because they are bond It is not the person but the worke that he regardeth 5. The faithfull seruice of seruants is as good seed sowen it will bring forth a good crop The metaphor here intimated implieth as much 6. God is honoured by the faithfull seruice of seruants this is intimated by the application of Gods reward to them for God honoureth none but them which honour him §. 128. Of the connexion of masters duties with seruants EPHES. 6. 9. And ye masters doe the same things vnto them forbearing threatning knowing that your master also is in heauen neither is there respect of persons with him TO the duties of seruants the Apostle adioyneth the duties of masters saying AND ye masters whence learne that Masters are as well bound to dutie as seruants A like doctrine was noted from the connexion of parents duties with childrens there you may see this generall further amplified § 115. 1. Gods law requireth as much for it expresly inioyneth many duties to masters as in the eighth treatise following we shall see 2. So doth also the law of nature which hath tied master and seruant together by a mutuall and reciprocall bond of doing good as well as of receiuing good 3. The law of nations requireth also as much For in all nations where euer there was any good gouernment and where wise and good lawes were made particular lawes of the duties of
had many children they were exempted from watchings and other like burthensome functions Among vs if the younger sister be maried before the elder the preheminency and precedency â—s giuen to the younger The priuileges and honours which are giuen to maried persons were questionlesse the ground of that custome which Laban mentioneth of his country that the younger was not to be maried before the elder §. 26. Of the mysterie of Mariage IIII. Great is that mysterie which is set forth by mariage namely the sacred spirituall reall and inuiolable vnion betwixt Christ and his Church which is excellently decipheâ—ed in Salomons Song and in Psal 45. and expresly noted Eph. 5. 32. Hereby man and wife who intirely as they ought loue one another haue an euident demonstration of Christs loue to them For as parents by that affection which they beare to their children may better discerne the minde and meaning of God towards them then such as neuer had childe so may maried persons better know the disposition of Iesus Christ who is the spouse of euery faithfull soule then single persons §. 27. Of Mariage and single life compared together Let now the admirers and praisers of a single estate bring forth all their reasons and put them in the other scole against mariage If these two be duly poised and rightly weyed we shall finde single life too light to be compared with honest mariage All that can be said for the single estate is grounded vpon accidentall occasions Saint Paul who of all the pen-men of holy Scripture hath spoken most for it draweth all his commendations to the head of Expediency and restraineth all vnto present necessity Obiect He vseth these words good and better Answ Those words haue relation not to vertue but to expediencie neither are they spoken in opposition to vice and sinne for then would it follow that to marie which is Gods ordinance and honourable in all were euill and sinfull which is to reuiue that ancient heresie that mariage is of the deuill Of old they who haue called lawfull mariage a defilement haue beene said to haue the Apostate dragon dwelling in them But the Apostle stileth that good which is commodious and that better which is more expedient and yet not simply more expedient but to some persons at some times For if any haue not the gift of continency it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marie but also absolutely necessarie They are commanded so to doe 1 Cor. 7. 9. Yet on the other side if any haue the gift of continency they are not simply bound from mariage there be other occasions beside auoiding fornication to moue them to marie It is therefore truly said that Virginity is not commanded but aduised vnto We haue no precept for it but leaue it to the power of them that haue that power So farre forth as men and women see iust occasion of abstaining from mariage being at least able so to doe they are by the Apostle perswaded to vse their liberty and keepe themselues free But all the occasions which moue them to remaine single arise from the weaknesse and wickednesse of men Their wickednesse who raise troubles against others their weaknesse who suffer themselues to be disquieted and too much distracted with affaires of the family care for wife children and the like Were it not for the wickednesse of some and weaknesse of others to please an husband or a wife would be no hiderance to pleasing of the Lord. If therefore man had stood in his intire and innocent estate no such wickednesse or weaknesse had seized vpon him and then in no respect could the single estate haue beene preferred before the maried But since the fall Virginity where it is giuen may be of good vse and therefore the Church doth giue due honour both to virginity and mariage §. 28. Of celebrating mariage with sorrow Contrary to the forenamed ioyfull celebrating of mariage are all those indirect courses which bring much griefe trouble and vexation thereunto as forced stolne vnequall or any other way vnlawfull mariages mariages without parents or other gouernours and friends consent or hudled vp to auoid the danger of law for former vncleannesse committed with the like Many by their preposterous and vndue performing of so weightie a matter doe not only cause great trouble and disquietnesse on the mariage day but also much sorrow all the daies of their life If such finde no ioy comfort or helpe in mariage but rather the contrary let them not blame Gods ordinance but their owne folly and peruersnesse The second Treatise PART II. Of common-mutuall duties betwixt Man and Wife §. 1. Of the heads of those common-mutuall duties IN the first part of this Treatise concerning Man and Wife hath beene declared who are so to be accounted in this second part their common-mutuall duties are to be laid forth These are either absolutely necessary for the being and abiding of mariage or needfull and requisite for the well being and well abiding of it that is for the good estate of mariage and for a commendable and comfortable liuing together There are two kindes of the former 1. Matrimoniall Vnity 2. Matrimoniall Chastity  The latter also may be drawne to two heads for they are either such as the maried couple are mutually to performe each to other or such as both of them are ioyntly to performe to others Those mutuall duties are 1. A louing affection of one to another 2. A prouident care of one for another  Vnder that prouident care I comprise both the Meanes whereby it may be the better effected which is Cohabitation and the Matter wherein it consisteth And this respecteth 1. The Soule 3. The Good-name of each other 2. The Body 4. The Goods   The ioynt duties which are to be performed to others respect 1. Those who are in the house 2. Those who are out of the house  They who are in the house are 1. Members of the familie 2. Guests which come to the familie  Many more particulars are comprised vnder these generall heads which I purpose distinctly to deliuer as I come to them in their seuerall proper places §. 2. Of Matrimoniall vnitie The first highest chiefest and most absolutely necessarie common-mutuall dutie betwixt Man and Wife is Matrimoniall Vnitie whereby husband and wife doe account one another to be one flesh and accordingly preserue the inuiolable vnion whereby they are knit together This is that dutie which the Apostle inioyneth to husbands and wiues in these words Let not the wife depart from her husband Let not the husband put away his wife He there speaketh of renouncing each other and making the matrimoniall bond frustrate and of no effect which bond he would haue to be kept firme and inuiolable and they two who are thereby made one constantly to remaine one and not to make themselues two againe This
occasions of discord are offered say Let there be no strife betwixt thee and me for we are man and wife no more two but one flesh §. 14. Of husbands and wiues dwelling together From a mutuall affection of loue proceedeth a mutuall prouident care in husband and wife one for another In handling whereof we will first note the meanes whereby their mutuall prouidence may be the better effected and manifested and then the matter whereabout it must be conuersant The meanes in one word is cohabitation For a dutie it is that man and wife dwell together The phrase vsed in setting out the womans creation he built a woman whereby the erecting of a family is intimated implieth as much so doth the law of mariage whereby man is enioyned to leaue father and mother and to cleaue vnto his wife that is to goe out of his fathers house and to dwell with his wife and so doth this phrase forget thy fathers house taken from the dutie of a wife and mystically applied to the Church Saint Peter expresly chargeth husbands to dwell with their wiues and Saint Paul layeth it to the charge both of husbands and wiues not to leaue one another but to dwell together yea though the one be an infidell Surely it was conscience of this dutie which made the Leuite to goe after his wife that went away from him to bring her home againe and which made Iaakobs wiues to leaue their fathers house and goe with their husband The word vnder which Saint Peter compriseth this dutie is a title appropriated to an husband and an answerable title is appropriated to a wife from which the notation of our two vsuall English words husband housewife doth not much differ The power which the one hath of the others body and the aduantage which by liuing asunder they giue vnto Satan both of which are expresly noted 1 Cor. 7. 4 5. doe shew the necessity of this dutie and the many benefits arising from thence doe further presse the equity of it By husbands and wiues dwelling together all mariage duties are better performed mutuall loue is better bred preserued and increased the good gifts of either of them are better obserued by the other better helpe and succour is mutually by each afforded to the other and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another and of receiuing good one from another Why then should they haue any minde of liuing asunder vnlesse they be forced by extraordinary occasions as captiuity close imprisonment contagious sicknesse and such like which are no faults of theirs but crosses to be borne with griefe and instant praier together with all other good meanes to be vsed to bring them together againe Yea if the imprisonment banishment or other like kinde of absence be such as one may if they will come at the other the partie that is free ought to come to the other if at least that other require it §. 15. Of the respects for which man and wife may for a time liue asunder Quest May there be any iust causes for man and wife willingly to liue asunder Answ There can nor ought to be any cause of vtter relinquishing one another which is a kinde of desertion but for liuing asunder for a time there may be iust causes as 1. Weighty and vrgent affaires which concerne the good of the Church or commonwealth as when a man is sent forth to warre or on an ambassage in which case though he may take his wife with him yet is he not necessarily bound there to especially if the place whither he is sent be farre off the passage thereto difficult and dangerous and his abode there not long When Reuben Gad and halfe the tribe of Manassch passed ouer Iorden to helpe their brethren in their battels against the Canaanites they left their wiues behinde them in their families when Vriah went to warre he left his wife at home and when Moses was to bring Israel out of Egypt his wife remained at her fathers house 2. Maine duties of their particular calling as of Mariners who are oft to be on the sea Merchants who trade in other countries Lawyers who attend publike places of iustice Courtiers who in their months or quarters attend their Prince Keepers of women in child-bed and sicke persons and other nurses Prouided alwaies that in these and other like cases there be a ioynt and mutuall consent of both parties for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to giue themselues to fasting and praier without consent much lesse may they for lighter occasions liue any time asunder without consent Prouided also that they take no delight to liue asunder but rather be grieued that they are forced so to doe and in testimony thereof to take all occasions that they can to manifest their longing desire one after another by letters messages tokens and other like kindnesses and to returne with all the speed they can No distance or absence ought any whit to diminish their mutuall loue §. 16. Of the errour of Papists about man and wifes separation Contrarie to the dutie of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papists whereby they teach that Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many causes from bed or cohabitation for a certaine or vncertaine time The Councell of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema against such as say the Church erreth therein If the many causes which they alledge besides adulterie be well weighed we shall finde them without all warrant of Gods word They draw them to two heads 1. Mutuall consent 2. Demerit By consent say they of both parties maried to attaine a greater and perfecter estate mariage consummate may be loosed from bed and cohabitation Answ 1. In mariage there is a couenant of God Prou. 2. 17. as well as of the two parties the consent therefore of parties is not sufficient to breake it 2. No estate in this world can be greater or perfecter then is meet for maried persons Adam and Eue in their best estate were maried and now is mariage honourable in all 3. The estates which they count more perfect are either such as are not in mans power as perpetuall continencie or such as may be as well performed by maried persons as by single persons as Ecclesiasticall functions if at least they be such as are warranted by Gods word High Priests and other Priests all sorts of Leuites extraordinarie Prophets and Apostles were maried What greater functions then these The causes which for demerit they say make a separation â—re 1. Adulterie 2. Departing from the Catholike faith 3. Soliâ—iting or impelling vnto sinne Concerning Adulterie we denie not but that it giueth â—ust cause of diuorce but withall we say as we haue good warrant from Christs words that it is the only cause of iust diâ—orce For to make a separation for
they can That which Salomon said of a friend and a brother may fitly be applied in this case to husband and wife a friend loueth at all times and a brother is borne for aduersity that is a trusty and faithfull friend is constant in his good-will and ready to performe all duties of kindnesse at any time whether it be prosperity or aduersity the change of outward estate maketh no alteration in his louing affection and friendly cariage yea he seemeth to be as it were borne and brought forth against the time of trouble and affliction because then is his prouident care and tender affection most manifested Of all friends none ought to be more carefull none more faithfull one to another then man and wife How then ought they to loue at all times and if any triall come to either of them the other so to carrie himselfe as it may be truly said they were ioyned together for aduersity Thus shall they verifie the truth of that whereby God was moued to creare of mankinde male and female namely that it was not good for man to be alone but that it was rather good that is needfull profitable and comfortable for man and woman to be together In which respect the wise-man saith he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and by the rule of relation we may inferre she that findeth an husband findeth a good thing §. 30. Of husbands and wiues backwandnesse to helpe one another in time of need Contrary to this duty is a certaine vnnaturall affection in sundry husbands and wiues who much grudge to prouide the things that are needfull for one another The man commonly thinkes the charge too great the woman thinkes the paines too much they are affected one to another as if they were meere strangers nay many strangers will be more ready to performe and more cheerefull in performing needfull duties as occasion is offered then such vnnaturall husbands and wiues If a little sicknesse or other like crosse fall on one of them the other thinkes neuer any had such a burden and by their discontent make the burden much more heauy then otherwise it would be euen as when two oxen are in one yoke and the one holdeth backe the draught is made much harder to the other Thus doe they peruert one of the principall ends of mariage which is to be a continuall comfort and helpe each to other and to ease the burdens of one another in which respect they are made yoke-fellowes Iobs wife by her vnnaturall cariage towards him in his affliction did much aggrauate his misery when he stood in most need of her helpe she afforded least vnto him it appeares by Iobs complaint of her in these words my breath is strange to my wife that she altogether neglected him in his misery The common speech of many after their husband or wife hauing long lien sicke is departed bewrayeth their vnnaturall affection their speech is this if my husband or wife had died so much sooner I had saued so much mony What doth this intimate but that they could haue beene contented their husband or wife should haue died sooner that they might haue spared the more §. 31. Of Husbands and Wiues mutuall respect of one anothers good name The prouident care of husbands and wiues ought further to extend it selfe to the credit and good name of one another As deare ought the good name of the wife be vnto the husband and of the husband to the wife as their owne The great regard that Ioseph had of the credit of Marie his espoused wife made him thinke of putting her away priuily when â—e obserued her to be with childe and knew not of whom â—or he was not willing to make her a publike example The â—ame respect moued Bethsheba to send secretly to Dauid and â—ell him that she was with childe The commendation which he good husband noted by Salomon giueth of his wife being approued by the holy Ghost sheweth how man and wife â—â—aght in that respect to honour each other and that on good â—ounds For 1. A good name is a most pretious thing better then preâ—ious ointment which giueth a sweet sauour and to be chosen â—oue great riches 2. So neerely are husbands and wiues ioyned together the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour and credit of the other so that herein they seeke their owne honour also §. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others discredit For direction herein consider we how this dutie may be performed and how it may be manifested For the better performing of it care must be had both to preuent and redresse an ill name and also to procure and preserue a goodname To preuent an ill name respect must be had of these three things following 1. What one relateth of another and how 2. What eare they giue to things related by others 3. What censure they giue of one another For the first husbands and wiues may in no case delight to discouer vnto others and spread abroad the infirmities and imperfections of one another or any thing that may tend to the discredit of either of them but rather couer and conceale them as much as they may with a good conscience It is expressed that Ioseph being a iust man laboured to conceale that blemish which he imagined to be in his wife so as this may stand with iustice yea also it is a part of Ioue for loue couereth a multitude of sinnes For the second husbands and wiues must not haue their eares wide opened to heare euery tale and report that shall be brought to one against the other but rather shew themselues displeased and offended with them that are ready to relate things of euill report If an husband or wife manifest a willingnesse to hearken after tales and reports of one another the deuill will stirre vp instruments enow to fill their heads with tales and those for the most part both friuolous and forged not only strangers but children seruants and they which are of the same family will euer be telling some tale or other to currie fauour as we speake But an vtter dislike of such flattering tale-bearers will take away occasion from them of telling vntrue or slight reports For the third the iudgement and censure which husbands and wiues giue one of another must either be very charitable or verie sparing If one heare reported any notorious crime of the other they may not be ouer-headie or hastie to iudge and condemne no though they thinke they see some euidence thereof but rather suspend their iudgement This seemeth to be the minde of Ioseph though he obserued Marie to be with childe yet would he not presently iudge her to be a notorious adulteresse or condemne her for an hypocrite vnworthie to liue and therefore would not make her a publike example In briefe that husbands
wife though neuer so wicked may by the power of her husband be kept vnder and restrained from outrage Wherefore to goe on in order in laying downe the husbands duties as we haue the wiues we are to consider 1. The Duties themselues 2. The reasons to inforce them In setting downe the duties we must note 1. The matter wherein they consist 2. The manner how they are to be performed The Apostle compriseth the whole matter of them all vnder Loue which is the summe and head of all This we will first handle and then proceed to other particulars §. 2. Of that loue which husbands owe their wiues This head of all the rest Loue is expresly set downe and alone mentioned in this and in many other places of Scripture whereby it is euident that all other duties are comprised vnder it To omit other places where this dutie is vrged in this place Loue is foure times by name expressed beside that it is intimated vnder many other termes and phrases Whosoeuer therefore taketh a wife must in this respect that she is his wife loue her as it is noted of Isaak the best patterne of husbands noted in the Scripture he tooke Rebekah she was his wife ana he loued her Many good reasons hereof may be rendred 1. Because no dutie on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be seasoned with loue The Apostle exhorteth all Christians to doe all their things in loue much more ought husbands though in place they be aboue their wiues yet loue may not be forgotten 2. Because of all persons on earth a wife is the most proper obiect of loue nor friend nor childe nor parent ought so to be loued as a wife she is termed the wife of his bosome to shew that she ought to be as his heart in his bosome 3. Because his place of eminency and power of authority may soone puffe him vp and make him insult ouer his wife and trample her vnder his feet if a intire loue of her be not planted in his heart To keepe him from abusing his authority is loue so much pressed vpon him 4. Because wiues through the weaknesse of their sex for they are the weaker vessels are much prone to prouoke their husbands So as if there be not loue predominant in the husband there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife Loue couereth a multitude of imperfections 5. Because as Christ by his loue first manifested prouoketh the Church to loue him so an husband by louing his wife should prouoke her to loue him againe shewing himselfe like the Sunne which is the fountaine of light and from which the Moone receiueth what light she hath so he should be the fountaine of loue to his wife Obiect Loue was before laid downe as a common dutie appertaining both to man and wife how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar dutie of an husband Answ In regard of the generall extent of loue it is indeed a common dutie belonging to the one as well as to the other yea belonging to all Christians to all men for it is the very nature of loue and an especiall property thereof to seeke not her owne things but the good of others which all are bound to doe by vertue of the bond of nature more then others Christians by vertue of the bond of the spirit among Christians especially wiues and husbands by vertue of the matrimoniall bond of maried couples most of all husbands by vertue of their place and charge Their place is a place of authoritie which without loue will soone turne into tyrannie Their charge is especially and aboue all to seeke the good of their wiues as wiues are the chiefest and greatest charge of husbands so their chiefest and greatest care must be for them the parents and friends of wiues as they giue ouer all their authority to their husbands so they cast all care vpon them wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wiues and the better seeke their good they ought after a peculiar manner to loue them Husbands are most of all bound to loue and bound to loue their wiues most of all Thus this affection of loue is a distinct dutie in it selfe peculiarly appertaining to an husband and also a common condition which must be annexed to euery other dutie of an husband to season and sweeten the same His looke his speech his carriage and all his actions wherein he hath to doe with his wife must be seasoned with loue loue must shew it selfe in his commandements in his reproofes in his instructions in his admonitions in his authoritie in his familiaritie when they are alone together when they are in company before others in ciuill affaires in religious matters at all times in all things as salt must be first and last vpon the table and eaten with euery bit of meate so must loue be first in an husbands heart and last out of it and mixed with euery thing wherein he hath to doe with his wife §. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of loue Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart which vice as it is very odious and detestable in it selfe so much more when the wife is made the obiect thereof As loue prouoketh an husband to doe his wife what good he can so hatred to doe her what mischiefe he can Moses noteth a mans hatred of his wife to be a cause of much mischiefe for the neerer and dearer any persons be the more violent will that hatred be which is fastened on them Hence was it that a diuorce was suffered to be made betwixt a man and his wife in case he hated her which law questionlesse was made for releefe of the wife lest the hatred which her husband conceiued against her should worke her some mischiefe if he were forced to keepe her as his wife which Christ seemeth to imply in these words Moses because of the hardnesse of your hearts suffered you to put away your wines This therefore being so pestilent a poison let husbands take heed how they suffer it to soake into them Neither is it sufficient for an husband not to hate his wife for euen the want of loue though it be only a priuation yet is it a great vice and contrary also to the forenamed dutie of loue Where this want of loue is there can be no duty wel performed euen as when the great wheele of a clocke the first mouer of all the rest is out of frame neuer a wheele can be in good order They that thinke lightly hereof plainly discouer that there is little or no loue of God in them at all for if the Apostles inference be good taken from a mans neighbour or brother whom he hath seene it will much more be good hauing relation to a wife for how can he who loueth not his wife whom God hath giuen to
she be accounted the best wife Answ 1. It may be she was good enough when first she was brought to thee but thou by thine euill example or negligent gouernment or hard vsage hast made her so bad as she is Which if it be so then is she to be considered not as thou hast marr'd her but as thou diddest marie her 2. Though she be not in relation to other wiues the best in condition yet in relation to thee she may be the best in euent if not for thine ease and quiet yet for triall of thy wisdome and patience and so as a schoole of vertue she may be vnto thee As a skilfull pilots sufficiency is tried and knowne by tempestuous seas so a mans wisdome by a troublesome wife Yea she may be giuen thee as a punishment of some former sinnes as seeking after a beautifull honourable rich proper wife rather then a religious and honest one or seeking her without any direction or helpe first sought of God or otherwise then thou hast warrant from God as by stealth and without parents consent or some other sinnes in another kinde to bring thee to repentance or as a meanes to restraine and weane thee from some future sinnes whereunto thou are subiect and so proue a blessed crosse to keepe thee from a fearefull curse §. 10. Of husbands preposterous opinion of their owne wiues Contrary is a corrupt and peruerse opinion which many haue of their owne wiues thinking them of all other the worst and vnfittest yea though they be such as euery way both in gifts and qualities of minde and also in grace and comelinesse of body deserue all good respect and esteeme Whereas others which looke with a single eye commend their good parts they Misinterpret and misiudge all if their wiues be religious they thinke them hypocrites if graue sober and modest melancholicke if cheerefull wanton if they keepe at home idle drones if they take occasion though neuer so iust of going abroad gadders and lightfooted This bad opinion of their wiues is a cause that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne and set vpon strange flesh whereby the deuill gaineth what he desireth that is to put asunder such as God hath ioyned together and to ioyne those whom God hath put asunder §. 11. Of husbands intire affection to their wiues An husbands affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her he ought therefore to delight in his wife intirely that is so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her In this respect the Prophets wife is called the desire or delight or pleasure of his eyes that wherein he most of all delighted and therefore by a propriety so called Such delight did Isaak take in his wife as it droue out a contrary strong passion namely the griefe which he tooke for the departure of his mother for it is noted that he loued her and was comforted after his mothers death This kinde of affection the wise-man doth elegantly set forth in these words Reioyce with the wife of thy youth Let her be as the louing Hinde and pleasant Roe and be thou rauisht alwaies with her loue Here note both the metaphors and also the hyperbole which are vsed to set forth an husbands delight in his wife In the metaphors againe note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled and also the attributes giuen to them The creatures are two an Hind and a Roe which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Bucke now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Bucke that of all other beasts they are most inamored as I may so speake with their mates and euen mad againe in their heat and desire after them These metaphors hath Salomon vsed to set forth that vnfained and earnest intire and ardent affection which an husband ought to beare vnto his wife which being taken in a good sense and rightly applied so as they exceed not the bonds of christian modesty and decency are very fit and pertinent to the purpose if we stretch them beyond modesty we wrong the pen-man of them or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him and propound a pernicious patterne vnto husbands The attributes giuen to the forenamed creatures much amplifie the point the former is termed a louing Hind the latter a pleasant Roe word for word an Hind of Loues a Roe of fauour that is exceedingly loued and fauoured for to set forth the extent of Gods loue vnto his Sonne Christ is called the sonne of his loue These comparisons applied to a wife doe liuely set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole vsed in this phrase be thou rauisht with her loue word for word erre thou in her loue by which no sinfull error or dotage is meant but a lawfull earnest affection implying two things especially First so far to exceed as to make a man ouersee some such blemishes in his wife as others would soone espie and mislike or else to count them no blemishes delighting in her neuer a whit the lesse for them For example if a man haue a wife not very beautifull or proper but hauing some deformity in her body some imperfection in her speech sight gesture or any part of her body yet so to affect her and delight in her as if she were the fairest and euery way most compleat woman in the world Secondly so highly to esteeme so ardently to affect so tenderly to respect her as others may thinke him euen to doat on her An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honesty sobriety and comelinesse The wiues affection ought to be as great to her husband yet because of the husbands place of authority he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection Read the Song of Songs and in it you shall obserue such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse as would make one thinke he did with reuerence in an holy manner to vse the phrase euen erre in his loue and doat on her A good patterne and president for husbands For nothing is more louely them a good wife §. 12. Of the Stoicall disposition of husbands to their wiues Contrary is the disposition of such husbands as haue no heat or heart of affection in them but Stoick-like delight no more in their owne wiues then in any other women nor account them any dearer then others A disposition no way warranted by the word The faithfull Saints of God before mentioned as also many other like to them were no Stoicks without all affection nor did they thinke it a matter vnbeseeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wiues witnesse Isaacks sporting with his wife for this is a priuiledge which appertaineth to the estate of mariage But that I be not mistaken herein let it be noted that the
God which she maketh the ground of her scruple Answ He must first labour to resolue her conscience by a plaine discouery of her error which is a true and a great token of loue if notwithstanding all that he can doe in that kinde she cannot be brought to yeeld to that which he would haue then he must carefully obserue these two things 1. Whether her refusing to yeeld be an obstinacy or weakenesse 2. Whether it be about a sleight or weighty matter By the reasons which she rendreth and her manner of pressing them he may discerne whether weakenesse or obstinacy make her stand out against him if the reason which she resteth on taken from Gods word be doubtfull and to one that hath not a good sound iudgement and a sharpe discerning wit it may appeare to make something for her it is to be presupposed that there is more weakenesse then stoutnesse in her But if she can render no good reason but only take euery shew that any way seemeth to incline to her words and peremptorily holdeth the conclusion and stifly standeth on her owne resolution though the vanity of her pretences be euidently discouered to her so as she hath not any thing further to obiect or if she render no reason at all but her owne thought conceit and will and yet refuseth to yeeld surely obstinacy possesseth her heart In case of obstinacy it is very expedient that an husband stand vpon his power to maintaine his authority and by the best wisdome he can vsing only such meanes as are lawfull bring her to yeeld from her stoutnesse to that which he requireth especially if the matter be weighty as in case a religious man haue been maried to a Popish wife and she by no reason will be moued to forbeare going to Masse or yeeld to goe to the preaching of the Gospell But if through weakenesse she cannot be perswaded of the lawfulnesse of that her husband requireth and the matter required be of no great consequence nor the weakenesse of her conscience cause any great error an husband ought so farre to manifest his mildnesse as to forbeare to presse her conscience §. 28. Of an husbands forbearing to presse things vnbeseeming a wiues place 3. Things vnbeseeming the place of a wife are dishonourable vnto her for an husband to vrge his wife by strict charge to doe them implieth more rigorousnesse then mildnesse Had the spirit of that stout Monarch Ahashuerosh beene more milde towards his wife he would not haue so farre pressed his wife vnto so vnseemly a thing as he did namely to come before all his Princes and people to make shew of her beautie It is true indeed as we shewed before that she offended in refusing to yeeld thereunto he peremptorily requiring it but that offence on her part doth not justifie his fact and free him from all blame it is noted that he was merry with wine when he gaue that commandement whereby is intimated that his practise was more beseeming a drunken then a sober man such is their practise who exact of their wiues to doe such businesses as beseeme maid-seruants rather then wiues or strumpets rather then honest women as to goe to tauernes ale-houses play-houses and such places where light companions be §. 29. Of an husbands pressing his authoritie in weighty matters 4. To vse a mans authoritie about weightie matters matters of moment maketh it to haue such weight in it as it will much better be regarded for thus a wife will either be brought to yeeld vnto that which is commanded or to condemne her selfe for not yeelding yea thus a wife may see that it is not his owne will so much which maketh him to vse his authoritie in commanding as the necessitie of the thing it selfe which redoundeth especially to her good that doth it for the performance of a dutie is for the most part most aduantageable to the partie that performeth it so as hereby an husband sheweth loue to his wife in pressing that which he presseth This token of loue that it may the better appeare it is behouefull that an husband adde to his commandement iust weightie reasons that thereby his wife may the better discerne the meetnesse lawfulnesse expediencie and necessitie of the things commanded We know that all the things which God commandeth are weightie and necessarie yea his will being the very rule and ground of all goodnesse maketh things absolutely necessarie yet vnto his commandements he vseth to adde weightie reasons shewing on the one side the benefit and blessednesse that will come to such as obey his commandements and on the other side the mischiefe and miserie that will fall on their pates who refuse to obey whereby he sheweth the great good respect which he beareth to vs and the earnest desire he hath of our good Thus may an husband euen in his commandements shew much loue and kindnesse §. 30. Of husbands too great pride in commanding Contrary is the peremptorie pride of husbands when they will haue their owne will done it booteth not whether the thing commanded be lawfull or vnlawfull whether their wiues consciences can yeeld vnto it or no whether it stand with the honour of their places or no and whether it be weightie or light their will it is it should be done and done it shall be there is all the reason they will giue Some thinke it a glory to command what they list and thinke that there is no proofe of their authoritie and of their wiues subiection but in such things as vpon their own will without any further ground or reason they command If such husbands meet with confronts if though they command much they finde not answerable performance they may thanke themselues who runne the ready course to haue their authoritie contemned and euen troden vnder foot §. 31. Of husbands rare and milde vsing their commanding power Respect must be had by husbands to the manner of vsing their authoritie in commanding as well as to the matter In regard of the manner his commandements must be 1. Rare not too frequent 2. By way of intreating not too peremptorie Authoritie is like a sword which with ouer much vsing will be blunted and so faile to doe that seruice which otherwise it might when there is most need A wise graue peaceable man may alwayes haue his sword in readinesse and that also very bright keene and sharpe but he will not be very ready to plucke it out of his scabberd he rather keepeth it for a time of need when it should stand him in most steed Such husbands therefore as are too frequent in their commands shew themselues nor graue nor wise nor louers of peace As the vse of an husbands authoritie in commanding must be rare so when there is occasion to vse it it must be with such mildnesse and moderation tempered so as according to Saint Pauls example though he haue power to command that which is
the bodie the eye is most tenderly handled Now what things what persons are more deare and pretious then a wife yet withall she is a weake vessell therefore she is much to be borne withall For an husbands better direction herein difference must be made betwixt infirmities for some are naturall imperfections other are actuall transgressions Naturall imperfections are inward as slownesse in conceit dulnesse in apprehension shortnesse of memorie hastinesse in passion c. or outward as lamenesse blindnesse deafnesse or any other defect and deformitie of bodie These infirmities should breed pitie compassion commiseration yea and greater tendernesse and respect but no offence Note Abrahams example in this case his wife was barren yet he despised her not for it nor vpbraided her with any such thing Actuall transgressions are breaches of Gods law whereof such are here ment as are most directly tending to his owne disquiet and disaduantage as shrewishnesse waiwardnesse nicenesse stubbornnesse c. In the bearing of these must an husband especially shew his wisdome and that sundry wayes 1. By vsing the best and mildest meanes he can to redresse them as meeke admonition seasonable aduice gentle intreatie and compassionate affection Elkanah supposing that his wife offended in her passion thus dealt with her and supported her 2. By remouing the stone whereat she stumbleth by taking away the occasion so far as conueniently he can which maketh her offend Thus Abram and that by Gods aduice put Hagar and her sonne out of the house because they were an offence to Sarah 3. By turning his eyes away if the matter be not great but such as may be tolerated and taking no notice of the offence but rather passing by it as if he perceiued it not Solomon saith that it is a mans glory to passe ouer a transgression and he exhorteth a man not to giue his heart to all the words that men speake 4. By forgiuing and forgetting it if notice be taken thereof Iaakob tooke notice of Rachels rash and froward demand for he rebuked her for it yet in that he readily yeelded to that which afterwards she moued him vnto it appeareth that he forgaue the offence if not forgat it The best triall of a mans affection to his wife and of his wisdome in ordering the same is in this point of bearing with offences Not to be offended with a wife that giueth no offence is not praise-worthy heathen men may goe so farre Note what Christ saith of this case If yee loue them which loue you and doe good to them that doe good to you what thanks and reward haue ye for publicans and sinners doe the same but gently to forbeare and wisely to passe ouer offences when they are giuen not to be prouoked when there is cause of prouocation ministred is a true Christian vertue a vertue beseeming husbands better then any other kinde of men §. 46. Of husbands testinesse Contrary is testinesse and peeuishnesse when husbands are moued with the least prouocation like tinder catching fire at the least sparke that falleth vpon it yea many are like gunpowder which not only taketh fire but also breaketh out into a violent flame vpon the least touch of fire as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an house so such husbands to be ioyned so neerely to wiues as mariage ioyneth them If it be said that as gunpowder doth no hurt if fire come not at it so they are good and kinde if they be not prouoked and displeased I answer that we haue a prouerbe that saith The deuill is good while he is pleased yet it is not safe to haue the deuill too neere It is as impossible considering mans weaknesse that he should liue and conuerse with any and not giue offence as for flint stones long to beat and dash against one another no sparke of fire to come from them How then may it be thought possible for a wife who is so continually conuersant with her husband and the weaker vessell to liue without giuing him offence It is no very kinde speech which husbands vse especially if they be told of their vnkindnesse Let my wife deserue fauour and she shall haue it How little fauour would such husbands haue of Christ their husband if he should be of that minde towards them Thus farre hath beene handled the first part of an husbands well managing his authoritie by a tender respect of his wife The second is a prouident care for her §. 46. Of an husbands prouident care for his wife An husband that tenderly respecteth his wife but prouidently careth not for her sheweth more affection then discretion he may haue a kinde heart but he wants a wise head How then can he be a good head vnto his wife Some present contentment she may haue by him but small profit and benefit can she reape from him Those duties therefore which haue beene deliuered must be done but these that follow must by no meanes be left vndone An husbands prouident care is noted in that office of Christ wherein an husband resembleth him namely to be a Sauiour of the bodie as hath beene before declared It consisteth 1. In prouiding things needfull for his wife 2. In protecting her from things hurtfull 1. A carefull prouiding of things needfull is a principall part of that honour which husbands are to giue vnto their wiues For where the Apostle saith that Elders are worthy of double honour he meaneth maintenance as well as reuerence The Apostle counteth him worse then an Infidell that prouideth not for his owne and specially for those of his owne house Who are of an husbands house if not his wife in his house who more properly his owne then his wife If then an husband prouide not for his wife what is he to be accounted Great reason he should prouide for her because he hath taken her from her parents and friends and hath receiued that portion which they allotted her and hath authoritie committed vnto him ouer her and she is put in subiection vnder him her friends hauing giuen away her portion and their power ouer her and committed all to him will take no further care for her she being in subiection vnder him cannot without him prouide for her selfe Who then shall prouide for her if he doe not whose wholy and only she is Contrary is their minde who take a wife only for their owne content or delight or gaine and neuer thinke of that charge which together with a wife they take vpon them According to their minde is their practise for when they haue a wife they neglect her in euery thing but what may stand with their owne ends Much haue they to answer for and so much the more because a wife is an especiall pledge of Gods fauour §. 47. Of an husbands prouiding meanes of spirituall edisication for his wife In this prouident care which an husband ought to haue of Â
to hate his wife nor any vice seeme to him intolerable with goodnes he â—â—ught to ouercome euill If notorious sins seemed intolerable to Christ or that he thought any occasion iust to cause hatred many â—hat are of his Church would oft draw his hatred vpon them but Christ hateth neuer a member of his Church 4. There is no hope that euer I shall receiue any helpe of my wife or benefit from her Ans There is little charitie in such as can conceiue no hope for â—ue hopeth all things but yet the case so standeth with Christ The Church is so vtterly vnable to help or benefit him as he may iustly â—y he cannot hope to receiue any thing froÌ„ her Christ loueth the â—hurch for her own good not for his so ought husbands Thus if Christs example be well weighed obserued of husbands it will â—ford matter enough to remoue euery doubt or scruple raised to â—enate their affections from their wiues Fitly therefore hath the Apostle set it before husbands both to direct them how to loue their wiues and also to moue them so to doe §. 76. Of a mans loue to himselfe a motiue to prouoke him to loue his wife To the same purpose that Christs example tendeth tendeth also the patterne of a mans selfe Great is the affection that a man beareth to himselfe to his owne flesh his owne bodie he neuer hateth but euer loueth himselfe no sore no disease no paine no stinch that the flesh bringeth to a man can make him hate it but rather all manner of infirmities doe make him the more to pitty tender and cherish it This is a worke of nature the most heathenish and barbarous that euer were doe it Now a wife being to a man as his bodie and his flesh for they two are one flesh and God hauing commanded men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies these conclusions will necessarily follow from this motiue 1. He that loueth not his wife is more caried with the instinct of nature then with the expresse charge of the God of nature Natures instinct moueth him to loue his bodie But Gods expresse charge moueth him not to loue his wife 2. He that loueth not his wife is worse then an infidell and a barbarian yea then a very beast for all these loue their owne bodies and their owne flesh but a wife by Gods ordinance is as ones bodie and his flesh 3. He that loueth his wife loueth himselfe the Apostle himselfe in these very words layeth downe this conclusion from whence by the rule of contraries this also will follow He that loueth not his wife loueth not himselfe 4. He that loueth not his wife cannot but bring woe and mischiefe vpon himselfe For the damage and mischiefe which followeth on a wife through any neglect of dutie on her husband part followeth also on him as the mischiefe which followeth on the bodie through any negligence of the head lighteth also on the head If these be not motiues sufficient to prouoke an husband to loue his wife I know not what can be sufficient The fifth Treatise Duties of Children §. 1. Of the generall Heads of Childrens duties EPHES. 6. 1. Children obey your Parents in the Lord for this is right 2. Honour thy father and mother which is the first commandement with promise 3. That it may be well with thee and thou maist liue long on the earth THe second couple in a familie are Parents Children In laying downe their duties the Apostle beginneth with children his direction and instigation vnto them is laid downe in the three first verses of the sixt chapter wherein 1. He declareth their dutie 2. He addeth reasons to inforce the same In laying downe their dutie he noteth three points 1. Wherein it consisteth obey honour 2. To whom it is to be performed your parents 3. After what manner it is to be done in the Lord. The reasons vsed by the Apostle are foure 1. The place of parents in the Lord. 2. The aequitie of the thing this is right 3. The charge of God Honour thy father c. 4. The reward promised That it may goe well c. Vnder this word obey which the Apostle vseth and that word honour which the law vseth are all those duties comprised which any where thorowout the whole Scripture are inioyned to children We will therefore set them downe in some order and handle them distinctly one after another 1. The Fountaine of childrens duties is to be searched out 2. The Streames that flow from thence are to be obserued The Fountaine is an inward disposition of the heart compounded of loue and feare The Streames issuing from thence extend vnto parents both while they are liuing and also when they are dead Childrens duties which are to be performed to their parents while they liue haue respect to their Authoritie Necessitie  The Authoritie of parents requireth of children Reuerence Obedience  Their Necessitie requireth Recompence The duties which children owe to their parents deceased respect their Body Credit  Their Body with decency must be buried Their Credit with honour must be maintained §. 2. Of Childrens loue to their Parents I make the fountaine of childrens duties to be a mixed and compound disposition in respect of that authoritie and affection which is mixed together in parents The authoritie of parents requireth feare in children and their affection loue So intire and so ardent is parents affection towards their children as it would make children too bold and insolent if there were not authoritie mixed therewith to worke feare and so supreme and absolute is their authoritie ouer them as it would make children like slaues to dread their parents if a fatherly affection were not tempered therewith to breed loue But both these ioyned together make a very good composition loue like sugar sweetneth feare and feare like salt seasoneth loue and thus to ioyne them both together it is a louing-feare or a fearingloue which is the ground of childrens duties Where Christ forbiddeth an excessiue loue in children to their parents he implieth that parents are a fit obiect for children to loue so as their loue be wel moderated yea he implieth that it is an affection euen by nature ingraffed in children to loue their parents Ioseph is commended vnto children as a worthy patterne in louing his father and that from his youth till the decease of his father in testimony whereof in his younger yeeres he brought to his father the euill report of his brethren whereby he incurred their enuie and hatred which he would neuer haue done if he had not loued his father and hauing beene long absent from his father when by Gods prouidence there was offered an occasion for him to meet with his brethren one of his first questions to them was about their father and hearing that he was liuing he thought it not enough to send him food for his need but must also needs see his
face and haue him dwell with him and while his father was in the way he went out to meet him and at first sight fell on his neck and wept a good while a token of great affection That loue which naturally parents beare to their children ought in equitie to breed in children a loue to their parents For loue deserueth loue and most vnworthy are they to be loued who cannot loue againe The loue of parents aboue all others is to be answered with loue on childrens part to the vttermost of their power because it is free great and constant Besides there is a necessitie of loue in children to their parents lest for want thereof their subiection which of all others ought to be most free should turne into slauish seruitude This ought children the rather to labour after because by nature they are nothing so prone to loue their parents as their parents are to loue them Loue is weightie and as weighty things it descendeth Children therefore with conscience of dutie must labour to make supply of this defect and helpe nature by grace I denie not but naturally there is in children a greater loue to their parents then to others yet in comparison of the heat of parents loue to them their loue to their parents is but cold Wherfore as the heat of the Sun shining much and long on a stone wall draweth a reflection of heat from that wall so the hot beames of parents loue which with feruency and constancy is cast on children ought to prouoke and stirre vp children to send forth a reflection of loue on their parents Two extreames are contrary to this affection of loue One is want of naturall affection which is a vice most odious and abominable in all but most of all in children The Apostle reckoneth this among the most heighnous vices that be The other is hatred and despight of parents a vice more then monstrous and vnnaturall From thence commeth mocking and cursing of parents whereof we shall afterwards heare §. 3. Of a childes feare of his parent To the forenamed dutie of loue must feare be added which is a childes awfull respect of his parent This awfull respect ariseth from an honourable esteeme which a childe in his iudgement and opinion hath of his parent as he is his parent and from it proceedeth on the one side a desire and indeauour in all things to please the parent and on the other side a loathnesse to offend him In this respect the feare of a childe is opposed to the feare of a slaue For a childes feare being mixed with loue hath respect to the offence which a parent may take but a slaues feare which is ordinarily mixed with hatred hath respect to nothing but the punishment which his master may inflict vpon him The forenamed feare is so proper to children as that awfull respect which the Saints beare to God is called a siliall or child-like feare This feare in a childe is an especiall branch of that honour which the law requireth of children to their parents and it is in expresse termes inioyned to children by the law That phrase which God vseth of Miriam If her father had but spit in her face should she not be ashamed seuen daies sheweth that there ought to be such a feare of the parent in a childes heart as should worke shame in it when the parent is offended A worthy patterne we haue hereof in Iaakob who was loath to gaine the blessing with offence of his father This feare keepeth loue in compasse and restraineth a childe from ouermuch saucinesse and malipartnesse And it is a cause of a childes reuerend and dutifull carriage to his parent For as the heart is affected the carriage will be ordered Contrary hereunto is that light or which is more abomiâ—nable that base and vile esteeme of parents which is in the heart of many children especially if parents be poore of low degree vnlearned ignorant or subiect to any infirmities It cannot be but that Cham had too light if not a base esteeme of his father when he derided him A true filiall feare would haue restrained him from that extreme Wherefore to breed and cherish this feare and to preuent â—r redresse the contrary extreme let children well informe themselues of their parents place and authoritie how they are in Gods stead and a meanes vnder God of their childrens being children haue receiued their very substance from the subâ—tance of their parents In which respect though they should â—eeme contemptible to others yet not to their children Thus much of a childes inward disposition towards his parent The manifestation thereof must be by his outward carriage and that in two things Reuerence and Obedience both which respect a parents authoritie §. 4. Of a childes Reuerence in refraining speech before his parent and in hearkening to his parent The outward reuerence which children owe to their paâ—â—nts consisteth partly in their speech partly in their carriage Their speech both to and of their parents must sauour reuerence To their parents in presence OF their parents in absence In presence by refraining their speech well framing   For refraining speech two vertues are requisite Silence Patience  Silence in forbearing to speake breaking of speech  Patience in hearkening to their parents The two branches of silence in forbearing to speake espeâ—â—â—lly when parents are speaking or till parents giue leaue to their children to speake and in breaking off speech when parents come into the place where children are speaking are tokens of great reuerence Thus children testifie that there are some in place whom they much respect and honour Iob doth thus set forth the respect which Princes and others did beare to him in his prosperitie The Princes saith he refrained talking and laid their hand vpon their mouth the Nobles held their peace c. Namely while he was in presence or while he spake The like may be said of childrens patience in induring their parents speech which Iob also noteth in these words Vnto me men gaue eare and waited and kept silence Though parents in their speech seeme to be long and tedious yet must children indure it And it is very needfull that patience be added to silence because many parents in tender loue of their children and earnest desire of their good thinke they can neuer speake enough in instructing and admonishing them The many exhortations giuen in Scripture vnto children to heare hearken giue eare giue heed marke and obserue the words of their parents doe imply the forenamed silence and patience for they who ought to be swift to heare must be slow to speake I denie not but much more is intended vnder those phrases namely obedience yet must these also be presupposed for he that will not in silence patiently hearken to his parents while they speake will much lesse obey what they say
that fathers can endure therein Their fault therefore must needs be the greater if any way they be an occasion of their childes putting forth to nurse which I haue the rather noted because husbands for the most part are the cause that their wiues nurse not their owne children and that partly by suffering and partly by egging them on to put out their children If husbands were willing that their wiues should performe this dutie and would perswade and incourage them thereto and afford them what helpes they could where one mother now nurseth her childe twenty would doe it §. 17. Of parents ioynt care about their childrens Baptisme There is a further dutie to be performed of parents to their children euen in their infancy and that is in regard of their spirituall good which is this Parents ought to procure that their children be rightly baptized in due season This is indeed a common dutie appertaining to both parents but most principally to the father and that for two reasons 1. The father is the chiefe and principall Gouernour and hath the greatest charge accordingly he ought to haue the greatest care euen in such matters as are common to both 2. The mother at that time by reason of her trauell and deliuery is weake and not in case to haue her head much troubled with many cares much lesse able her selfe to take order for such weighty matters Only the husband is to make knowne to his wife if she be not extraordinarily weake what his purpose is concerning the place time manner and other like circumstances of baptizing the childe and to aduise with her about the name witnesses and such like points And if the husband be too backward and negligent the wife ought so farre as she is able to put him in minde of his dutie therein and to stirre him vp by her selfe or some other to performe it §. 18. Of the reasons to moue parents to see their children baptized That parents are bound to procure Baptisme for their children these reasons declare 1. The commandement of God concerning circumcising â—hildren in the roome whereof Baptisme succeedeth now â—nder the Gospell Col. 2. 11 12. Gods commandement to â—his dutie was first giuen to Abraham and that for himselfe â—nd all his posterity to obserue Gen. 17. 10. After this it was â—n the law laid downe as a positiue statute Leu. 12. 3. 2. The practise of the Iewes in a faithfull and constant obâ—â—ruance of this ordinance as of Abraham of Zachary and â—lizabeth of Ioseph and Mary and many others Obiect The children which were borne in the wildernesse were not circumcised Answ They had no abiding place in the wildernesse but were euer and anon remouing so as it would haue beene dangerous for the children to haue beene circumcised in that extraordinary case this rule tooke place I will haue mercy and not sacrifice 3. The practise of Christians who beleeuing were themselues and their whole houshold baptized Vnder whole houshold children must needs be comprised 4. Christs embracing and blessing such children as were brought to him and rebuking those that would haue kept them from him 5. The promise of God made to them for seeing God is so gratious as to extend his promise to our children our care must be to procure the seale which God offereth for the confirmation of that promise 6. The right they haue to Gods Kingdome Baptisme is an euidence of that their right It is parents duty to get them that euidence If children haue iust title to any lands and reuenues or to any earthly honours and dignities parents will doe what they can to make that title sure vnto them euen in their infancy much more carefull should they be to make that rich and glorious inheritance which is in heauen reserued for them as sure vnto them as they can now no better meanes for the effecting of this then Baptisme 7. Their conception and birth in sinne Children drew contagion from their parents therefore great reason it is that their parents should see them washed with the water of regeneration 8. The comfort which from the performance of this dutie will arise to Christian parents yea and to the children also themselues when they come to the age of vnderstanding When parents behold the couenant of God surely sealed and confirmed to their children they cannot if at least they beare any loue to their children but much reioyce therein And it must needs also much comfort the childe when being of vnderstanding he shall know that from his infancy he hath caried the seale and pledge of his regeneration 9. The constant continued custome of the true catholicke Church which euer since the Apostles time hath afforded the sacrament of baptisme to children §. 19. Of Parents procuring their children to be rightly baptized There being such forceable motiues to stirre vp parents to performe the dutie which motiues shew it to be a weightie dutie I will further shew how this dutie ought to be performed Two things in childrens baptisme ought to be obserued 1. That it be rightly done 2. That it be seasonably done In the right performance thereof some things are necessarie and some expedient Things of necessitie are these especially 1. That the childe be baptized by a Minister of the word 2. That it be baptized with the element of water the only element sanctified to this purpose 3. That the forme prescribed by Christ Matth. 28. 19. be vsed In the name of the Father and of the Sonne and of the Holy Ghost whereby the vnitie of the Godhead and trinitie of Persons is plainly set forth 4. That the proper rite be vsed of applying the water to the bodie of the childe so as at least the face of the childe may be sprinkled therewith Things of expediencie are 1. That the childe be baptized in a publike place where Gods people ordinarily meet together being set apart for the worship and seruice of God 2. That such a time be chosen out as an assembly of Saints may be there present These two circumstances are the rather to be obserued because Baptisme is one of the solemne parts of Gods publike worship a pledge of our incorporation into the bodie of Christ and communion of his Saints and therefore with the more solemnitie as a matter of great moment before many witnesses with the assistance of the faithfull prayers of an assembly of Saints to be performed §. 20. Of Parents care to giue a fit name to their childe at his Baptisme A third matter of great expediencie about a childs baptisme is that Parents be carefull in giuing a fit name It belongeth to Parents to giue the name to their childe for so holy parents whose patterne in Scripture is in this respect commended vnto vs haue done from time to time and for their warrant to doe it it is worthy to be noted that when God was pleased to appoint a name to a
Chastitie one end of mariage 1 Cor. 7. 2. Ibid. vers 9. 2. By chastitie a godly seed preserued Mal. 2. 16. 3. Chastitie the honour of mariage Heb. 13. 4. a Matth. 5. 32. b Matth. 19. 9. Christus ab adultera vero separari permittit Greg. Naz. Orat. 36. Vir post fornicationem non est vir Chrys hom 19. in 1 Cor. 7. c 1 Cor. 6. 16. d Postquam Christus ait adulterae nec ego te damnabo vade deinceps noli peccare quis non intelligat debere maritum ignoscere quod videt ignouisse Dominum ambor um nec iam se debere adulteram dicere cuius poenitentis crimen diuina credit miseratione deletam Aug. de adult Coniug lib. 2. cap. 6. Adultery as great a sinne in a man as in his wife Lex Jul. de Adult l. 1. Orif Codic in l. Illust Greg. Sayr Clau. reg l. 9. c. 16. More inconueniences of a womans adultery then a mans a Mat. 19. 5. b 1 Cor. 7. 3 4. c Vers 5. d Vers 15. Tanto grauius viros puniri oportet quanto magis ad eos pertinet virtute vincere exemplo regere soeminas Aug. de adult Coning l. 2. c. 8. a 7. Commandement b Prou. 2. 17. c 1 Cor. 6. 16. d 1 Cor. 6. 19. e Gen. 34. 31. f Prou. 6. 35. g Gen. 21. 10. Iudg. 11. 2. Deut. 23. 2. h Leuit. 21. 9. Gen. 34. 7. 2 Sam. 13. 22. i Iob 31. 12. 2 Sam. 12. 10. k Gen. 34. 27. Iudg. 20. 10. Hos 4. 3. l Mal. 2. 15. m Prou. 6. 32. n 1 Cor. 6. 18. o Prou. 6. 33. p Prou. 6. 26. The bitter fruits of Adulterie Gods iudgements against adulterie q Prou. 22. 14. r Hos 4. 2 3. Å¿ Reu. 21. 8. t Gen. 6. 2 c. u Ezek. 16. 50. * Leuit. 18. 28. x Num. 25. 9. y Ier. 5. 7 8 9. z Heb. 13. 4. * Heb. 10. 31. a Pro. 6. 25. b Iob 31. 1. c Pro. 7. 21. d Ephes 5. 4. e Pro. 7. 13. f Pro. 6. 29. g Pro. 7. 25. h Ephes 5. 7. i Gen. 19. 33. k Ezek. 23. 6 15 40. l Gen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16. l Gen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16. m 1 Cor. 7. 2 3 5 9. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 n 1 Cor. 7. 4. o 1 Cor. 7. 2 3. p Vers 5. * Dum solitudinis me deserta vallarent ardorem naturae ferre non poteram quem cùm crebris ieiunijs frangerem mens cogitationibus aestuabat Hier. ad Rust Mon. Lege eundem ad Eustoc de custod virgin * Hebraei inquiunt perinde vt homicidam reum esse qui temerè semen profundit Merc. in Gen. 38. 9. q Ioâ—l 2. 6. r 1 Cor. 7. 5. Å¿ Quo tempore si vir coierit cuÌ„ muliere dicuntur concepti foetus vitium seminis tral ere ita vt leprosi elephantiaci ex hac conceptione nascantur Hier in Lam. 1. * Aug. de bon coniug ca. 6. Amb. in 1 Cor. 7. t Nemo Essenorum cuÌ„ praegnante concumbit Ioseph de bel Iud. li. 2. c. 7. * Quod in bestijs ipso naturae iure praescriptuÌ„ est vt praegnantes ad partum vsque non coeant hoc in hominibus sciant arbitrio relictum Hier. in Eph. 5. Sanchez de Matr. lib. 9. disp 21 22. agit de petendo reddendo debito quando menstruum est tempore praegnationis duÌ„ infans lactatur * Treat 4. §. 2. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Tit. 2. 4. Col. 3. 19. Hoc verum est coniugium quando vinculo charitatis sunt concatenati Chrys hom 45. in Gen. a Rom. 13. 10. b Col. 3. 14. 1 Cor. 16. 14. Matth. 5. 44. * Treat 1. §. 79 80. 1 Sam. 18. 1. Prou. 18. 22. That which in Treat 4. §. 2. 9. 11. is spoken of an husbands loue and intire affection may also be applied in some respects to a wife and so serue to amplifie this common mutuall dutie of loue Loue of after venters to be as intire as of former Rom. 7. 2 3. Prou. 10. 7. * See Treat 3. § 8. Treat 4. §. 10. Ephes 4. 3. Heb. 12. 14. * §. 14. Prou. 21. 9. Portus est mulier maximuÌ„ securitatis remedium Si ventis fluctibus portum liberaueris ex foro reuersus tranquillè viues Chrys hom 26. in 1 Cor. 11. Directions for maintaining peace betwixt Man and Wife 1. Auoid offence 2. Take not offence 3. Offer reconciliation Eph. 4. 26. Mat. 5. 9. 4. Take no part with others 5. Make not comparisons 6. Be not iealous Pro. 6. 34 35. 7. Please one another 1 Cor. 7. 33 34. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Cùm vir vxor domi dissentiunt nihilo melius naui iactata domus illa disponitur cùm gubernator aduersus prorae directo rem dissentiat Chrys loc citat Gen. 13. 8. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Vide Musc in Gen. 2. 22. See Treat 1. §. 79. Psal 45. 10. 1 Pet. 3 7. 1 Cor. 7. 12 13. e Iudg. 19. 3. f Gen. 31. 14. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 coniux 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 vxor Reasons for cohabitation Benefits of cohabitation D. Fulke against Rhem. on 1 Cor. 7. §. 6. * §. 3. b Numb 32. 26 27. c 2 Sam. 11. 3 6. d Exo. 18. 2. Absence 1. not without consent 1 Cor. 7. 5. 2. Not with delight Si vir ad peregrina contenderit nulla longin quitas nulla absentia complacitam minuat charitatem Ambr. Hexaem l. 5. c. 7. Si quis dixerit Ecclesiam errore cùm ob multas causas separationem inter coniuges quoad thorum sen cohabitationem ad certum incertumue tempus fieri posse decernit Anathema sit Concil Trid. §. 24. can 8. * Bellarm. de Matrim l. 1. c. 14. Heb. 13. 4. * See §. 5. a Matth. 5. 32. Fidei gratia vxorem ne eijcias Chrys hom 19. in 1 Cor. 7. Si ferus moribus fit coniux perferat illum vxor nec vllam ob causam societatem vinculumque dissoluere patiatur Basil Hexaem bom 7. Matth. 5. 29. Matth. 5. 32. Hos 4. 15. Man and wifes fault in parting roomes and beds in the same house Prou. 31. 12. Prayer a mutuall dutie 1 Pet 3. 7. Gen. 25. 21. Matth. 7. 7. I am 5. 16. Gen. 25. 21. a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Luke 18. 1. b 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Thess 5. 17. Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud nisi quidam adulter vxoris est Aug. ex Ambr. contr Iulian. lib. 2. Quam chara sint carendo intelligunt Cic. in Orator Amicitiae quid haberent voluptatis carendo magis intellexi quà m sruendo Idem in oration post red Admonendi sunt coniuges vt exhortantes inuicem saluent Greg. in Past part 3. Adm. 28. a 1 Cor. 7. 16. b 1 Pet. 3. 1. c Epb. 5. 25. Of the particular dutie of husbands in this respect See Treat 4. §. 47. 1