Madam how happy are we in so pure and undefil'd a Love by which Souls mingle e'ery minute in the highest extafie of Union without the impeding help if I may use that seeming contradiction of our Bodies Immortal must our Flame be since the immortal part of us is only interested in it The cause of Inconstancy in Common Love is the Body which being of so changeable a nature 't is impossible it should retain any thing long which has the least dependance upon it But the Soul that is still the same must still persevere in the affection it has once made choice of Wonder not at the Expression Madam for our Loves are the effects of Choice not Fancy Virtue and Wit engage us but Beauty and Vice them both frail and fading as the Joys they bring But ours Madam is the Love of Angels sacred Sympathy unites our Souls and mutual Virtues cement our holy Vows not only till Death but even to the next Life of Glory for it being a Native of Heav'n it cannot lose its Being by returning thither but rather improve it to a greater degree than it could attain here oppos'd by the cloggs of gross material bodies for like Fruits transplanted from a warm to a colder Climate 't is less perfect here tho it still retain its form tast and other Excellencies of its Heav'â—â—â— Nature tho not in so exalted a degree Uninterrupted Joy is the Product of our Passion if it merit so gross a Name without any mixture of Paâ—n 't is like the Vestal Fire burning without material Fuel whereas the other dyes and is soon extinguish'd if depriv'd of its Fuel Beauty and the auxiliary Bellows of Strifes and petty Squabbles so small and so unhappy is their Pleasure that they can't arrive at or relish it unless they first and often tast of Pain Satiety attends their Success and Quarrels serve for Exercise to gain them a fresh Appetite 'T would be endless to run through all the Advantages we have above them and impertinent to you who are so sensible of them Nor need I caution you how to preserve the Empire you have obtain'd over your Body since you know the Body is a true Coward where it has the mastery being a Tyrant but where 't is overpower'd easily kept in servâ—le awe I shall therefore only now subscribe my self Madam Your Admirer and zealous Lover A. James My Life on 't said Chappel this is some antiquated Batchelor whose Sins of his Youth have made him abominate Matrimony Or rather interrupted Brook disabled him from Matrimonial Performances and therefore prudently pursu'd Temple hides his bodily defect under the Mask of Platonic Love And she some super animated Matron said River that has been neglected in a carnal way even by her own Coachman Right assum'd Grave a Woman never forgets the Flesh till her Skin 's turn'd into Buckram by Age. Nor then neither added Winter if she can â—ake it subtile and smooth to some younger Brother by her Fortune This Lady therefore said Summer must be poor as well as old she would never else take up with empty Alms of Passion meer words 'T is well said I she can make a Virtue of Necessity and fly to the Spirit when she can't make use of the Flesh. Platonic Love said Church if we may judge by the Founder's words is not without its secret Heautâ—â—ust of the Flesh I 'm sure Plato seems to relish the Kiss of Agatho with all the fire of the most amorous Debauchee Right concluded Fountain 't is only a demure Bawd to secret whoring they being the greatest Friends to the Flesh in a Corner who espouse the Spirit so much in the face of the World LETTER LXIV From one beyond Sea expressing his desire of returning to his own native Country 'T was directed to Mr. Gregory at his House in Charles-street Westminster London Honour'd Master Hague June 1692. THE Obligations I have to you engage me to return my Thanks as often as I may without being too chargeable or too troublesome to you I am asham'd to let you know on how ill-deserviâ—â— a Subject you have plac'd all your Favours for must confess I had rather be confin'd to my natiâ—â— low condition in my own Country than have thâ— Place of Preferment you were so generously pleaâ—â— to obtain for me The Splendor of the Court wheâ— 't is here nor the Civilities of the Natives or mâ— own Countrymen nay scarce the Advantages â— Interest can make amends for the loss of old Eâ—gland the hopes of seeing which after the Camâ—â—pagn is over keeps me alive With my Respectâ— and Duty to my Mistriss and your self I subscribâ— my self SIR Your ever oblig'd humble and faithful Servant John Robinson Here 's one said Grave eaten up with the Epidemic Distemper of Mankind The doting addeâ— Brook on ones own Country Which is better reply'd Temple in my mind than that Contempt 〈◊〉 men shew for the place of their birth The love of one native Country pursu'd Riverâ— has such a swâ—â— ascendant over us that it will not let us forget it 〈◊〉 the greatest plenty nor in the remotest parts of the World True continu'd Fountain and we measure the fulness of our Happiness by the distance or nearâ—ness it sets us in from thence The Pleasures an Grandeur of old Rome were scarce Bribes enough saiâ—â— Church to win the Captives from a desire of theâ— own barren Country There 's no greater Proof of thiâ— added Summer than the Inhabitants of some of thâ— most Northern parts of Norway where one would woâ—◠〈◊〉 any of human race should endure to live the insoâ—â—nce of the winds being there so great that it blows way the tops of Houses and Trees up by the Roots at the People chuse rather to live there in Caves like â—easts than to seek some more Hospitable abode Espeâ—â—ally said Chappel since the World is so wide and â— much of the finest Country in the World uninhabited â— some parts of America But pursu'd I this is â—ot so terrible as to live near the Mountains Vesaâ—ius or Aetna the very reading of the account Pliny 〈◊〉 younger gives of the fiery Inundation in his twenâ—â—eth Letter of his sixth Book to Cornelius Tacitus â—ould make a man have a care of coming within some â—agues of it But this â—ondness of the Country we are â—orn in concluded Winter seems to me a piece of â—igottry since it goes so far beyond what Reasin reâ—uires and since the whole World is the Country of a â—ise man LETTER LXV From a Coward to his intimate Friend to assist him to gain the Reputation of a man of Courage by parting him in a Duel be must be engag'd in 'T was directed to Mr. at Mr. Herd's near Tunbridge-wells in Kent With care and Speed Dear NED London June 1692. THE confidence I put in you when you read this Letter which is to desire your immediate return to London for I happen'd to be in company last night
me you swore a thousand Oaths 't was for love of my Person and not my Mony but you have not only broke all them but your Marriage Vow too I receiv'd a hypocritical Letter from you t'other day but I found it seal'd with another Body's Seal In short Mr Smith either reform or I protest I 'll not live with you and if you return not quickly I 'll come to Town and rout you out of your holes What tho' I am a little older than you I am amiable enough in other Eyes and if I were so minded I could revenge my self in another way but I scorn the thought on 't and only wish you could be as constant and vertuous as my self who am your faithful tho' injur'd Wife Mar. Smith This Gentleman said Winter is Wiv'd or I 'm mistaken He had his choice answer'd Brook you find by this Letter True said I Mony and Age. 'T is fit therefore pursu'd River he have his punishment for perverting the end of Matrimony that is added Summer a scold and jealous She that 's jealous said Fountain must be a scold But said Chappel I cannot understand why one of our Poets calls Iealousie the Iaâ—ndice of the Soul that Distemper holding no Analogy with it that renders the Body heavy weak and drousie Right but Iealousie pursu'd Temple makes the mind active stirring and perpetually in motion He scarce deserves pitty said Church since he cou'd expect no other when he marry'd and he that sees a Danger and will not avoid it deserves to perish in it and truly concluded Grave the speady way to ruine is such a Wife who affords no ease at home but condems her Husband torments there or the Fate of the Jews abroad rambling But here is another has a mind to venture into the Noose Here 's Love in abundance whatever there is of Wit LETTER XXII From a Dwarf to a tall Lady with whom he was in Love 'T was directed to Madam Carew at Mr. Barral's in the Pall-Mall London Madam Oxford June 1692. 'T IS not Absence which your Cruelty has commanded that can efface that lovely Image your Eyes have form'd in my faithful Bosom I have 't is true but to no purpose retir'd to Oxford to see if Books and learned men would bring me any Relief but I find Philosophy is of no power to root out a Passion that is once admitted whatever it may to defend us from an Invasion I tell you Madam Love in my Breast is with greater difficulty remov'd than Foreign Aids out of the distressed Kingdom they are call'd in to assist Love has subdued me all and I am entirely a Slave Despise not my Stature Madam for tho' my Body be dwarsish my Soul is greater than that of the six-foot-high Lover it actuates this little World with more free Agility and my Perceptions and Operations of Mind are less confin'd and clogg'd there is a â—earer correspondence betwixt my Heart the Seat of Life and Love and the other subservient parts of my Body In short I can imagine no advantage the big men have over me unless it be the damming up the nobler part of Man the Soul with a greater quantity of heavy and lumpish Clay which renders its Passions and Vertues less perfect Wit Courage and Love being all more languid in them than us Big men are very often Cowards and very seldom witty and ingenious I confine these Observations Madam to the Men since the composition and matter of a Woman is of a finer and more delicate Mould nearer a-kin to the Essence of her Soul and I venerate that quality in your self Madam it rendring you more like to Heaven since I lift up my longing Eyes to both tho' my Prayers soar no higher than your self the glorious Image of the bright Empyreal besides the difference of your Stature would demonstrate your Authority and Rule over me for I desire to be eternally your Slave Oh that your Compassion and Justice would let me sacrifice my person on the fair Altar of your lovely Bosom as I have already my Heart on those of your Eyes If Love be Merit none deserves you more and sure whatever we may the other the heav'n of Woman is gain'd by Merit Your Rigour makes me bold and vain it forces me to boast that as I deserve you better than any man so that none shall bear you from me whilst there is a Soul within the despised Body of your Faithful Slave Rob. Petite The little Gentleman said Chappel seems to be extreamly in Love tho' his descant upon tall men methinks is not so proper a Topic to a Lady that lyes under the same circumstance left she should turn it to her self But he has taken care of that answered Temple by a handsom applying the Defect in Man to a Perfection in Woman The truth on 't is said Summer his little Body seems to be well fill'd with Spirit And by his Indignation one would think pursued Brook that he had the character Statius gives of Tydeus in hismind Major in exiguo regnabat corpore virtus that is The greater Soul the lesser Body fill'd I can never blame that Assurance he expresses said I since it is not the effect of Vanity but Necessity for a Woman that slights a Lover for his Modesty is generally won by the contrary quality Right continued Winter and a man that is too sensible of his own Defects will never gain the Lady he pretends to He may well pretend said Grave to merit her when the depraved Appetite of Woman is such that she will not â—ilk the variety and extravagance of her Pleasure if an Hobgoblin were the Object had 〈◊〉 but some imperfect shape of Man or the most deform'd disguise of Body to hide the Terror of the Spirit You have always a good word for the fair Sex said Church but I can't think your Reflection just since without doubt it reaches not all that soft Comfort of Mankind That 's granted answer'd Fountain but still the merits of Form or Fancy prevails with the Sex more than those of Wit and Parts But concluded River we labouring under the same Error can't condemn them without including our selves However I wish the Merits of the Mind of this little Gentleman may prevail tho' I confess a little Husband seems to have been taken out of the side of a tall Wife and not she out of his LETTER XXIII From a young Lady that had been betray'd by Love to the Embraces of a young Gallant who had got her with Child to whom she sends this Letter to desire him to save her Honour and by some means help her to something that may cause Abortion 'T was directed to Mr. Richards at his Chamber in the Temple London My dear False one â—omfret 1692. WHY did you betray me by so many Vowâ— and Sighs to believe you lov'd me Oâ— why did you pursue my Ruin because I lov'd you â—s Mankind so strange a Creature that we cannot love
I could never obtain She came out of her Father's House to me with her trusty Maid after Ten at night when all the orderly Family was a-bed and by the help of a Canonical man we were joyn'd at an uncanonical hour We revel'd in each others Arms most part of the night before day she left me blesâ— with the sweetest Joys in Nature and return'd to her own Bed And thus by stealth she comes each night to her longing Arms more beautiful gay and loving by Enjoyment I wanton in my Happiness all night and borrow of the day for Rest. Two months are already past in these lawful Thefts of Love and now she begins to find her self with Child she 's infinitely fonder than ever Her Father will therefore suddenly be acquainted with it by some common Friends to both and that with success I hope at least it will not be in his power to hinder me from being one of the happiest men alive in a Wife which Blessing I confess I deserved not having so often condemn'd and ridicul'd a married life but to attone by imparting the Pleasures of it I 'll make a thousand Converts of such as thee dear Sam. I am in hast it being now near Ten Thy fortunate Friend Jo. Man A happy Man said Grave content with his preâ—â—t Fortune And yet perhaps before the revolving year comes about pursu'd Winter he may sing another Tune True added Church for now it bears so much the Face of Whoring that it makes him pleas'd with it as if 't would always be so They had 〈◊〉 yet said Fountain known the Contradictions of 〈◊〉 anothers Humors Nor had he yet added Temple known the insipidness of one Object continually day and night to dwell on We are all violent in the first Transports said Summer of a new-married life But after a little time Satiety comes on added Chappel and then you find no relish of your best pleasures No Novelty pursu'd Brook in her 〈◊〉 no new Charms in her Face all familiar and 〈◊〉 But it discovers want of Iudgment said I to 〈◊〉 changeable in our Affections And concluded River to imagin the absent Pleasure greater than the present LETTER LXXII From an Hermaphrodite to a Female Lover 'T was directed to Mrs. Kates at her Lodging at the white Posts in Panton-street near Leicester-fields London My lovely Amoret CErtainly Jealousie is the Child of Love for I 'm sure I love thee with all the extravagance in Nature and yet I 'm afraid lest in my absence some deluding man should alienate thy dear Affections but have a care my Amoret for that Sex is false and entirely compos'd of Ingratitude Men seek nothing at the expence of a thousand Perjuries and the ruin of the fair ones they swear they love 〈◊〉 a minute's satisfaction to their Curiosity not Lust or Love they only aim at the vanity of bâ—agging they have lain with this or that Lady without any farther regard to them Believe me my Amoret to whom Nature has given a share in both Sexes for I can best judge of their faults that part of me that is divine Woman softens and improves the other which would else engage me in a thousand Villanies but I have the Love and Fondness of a Woman and the Vigor of a Man by which I bring thee the pleasure of Love and Enjoyment without any hazard to thy Reputation tho an hundred should see me in bed with thee but the coâ—â—agion of a man's Embrace brings certain Ruin and Pain to her that yields You have a Happiness in me that is not common Nature has made us scarce like all extraordinary Beings intended only for a Blessing for such of her Darlings as thee art my Dear my Amoret my Angel my Goddess for so thou'lt be till polluted by the infamous touch of Man which I 'll cease to fear lest that Fear should make me cease to be happy as to subscribe my self thy faithful loving doting More I can't conceive said Chappel the nature of these â—mphibious Creatures Nor before now pursu'd Temple 〈◊〉 I believe there were any such They are not the effect of Nature answer'd Winter but Accident Right added Grave for they are not born so according to the account Montaigu gives us True pursued Church for I never heard of any of them that were so much men as to get a Child I must confess my Ignorance in the matter said I but if I may believe those that have better Skill they are distinctly Man and Woman All that I can say of the business said Fountain is That if all are like this 't is an Animal of a very amorous nature It ought answer'd Brook since it has both Sexes to have the Lust of â—â—th True added Summer and therefore Nature has furnish'd it with the means of satisfying both 'T is the Emblem of the Hypocritical World concluded River the visible appearance of Woman deceives the Eye and makes one imagin the Petticoat hides no more than it does for the rest of that Sex which renders its dalliances indeed very secure and unsuspected LETTER LXXXIII From a Lady to know the meaning of a Prophecy she had found in old Parchment Directed to Dr. Wet n of Chri near Foster-lane London Reverend Sir RAking out a secret hole in my House t'other day I found an old Worm-eaten tatter'd piece of Parchment which upon my Son's perusal prov'd to be a Catalogue of Prophecies but none of them legible but this The number 8 is wondrous in all its parts and wondrous Events shall happen when 't is doubled Changes of Kingdoms Ruins of Families Power broken and Woes and Desolations shall reign but Peaâ—e and Plenty â—ollow when the Wolf 's caught in the Coâ—k's Ginn and the Lion trembles 〈◊〉 more at the neighbouring Cock's Crow I desire Sir your Judgment of this which will oblige Your humble Servant E. Wausel Now by my Soul said Grave I could never attribute the silencing of Oracles to the Excellence of our Religion because assum'd Summer in the place of that of Delphos and two or three more e'ery Nation is now fill'd with them E'ery Almanac-maker said Winter with his Prognostics usurps the Office of the Devil of Delphos Nay and e'ery zealous Enthusiast pursu'd I sets 〈◊〉 the Ravings of his distemper'd Brain for Prophecies And all the old Matrons and ignorant Plebeians have more Faith in 'em said Church than in the Word of God Ay and have a greater Veneration for 'em added Brook than for the Bible Particularly those of Nostradamus pursu'd Fountain which have the Honour to be plac'd in the Studies of some that ought to have more wit They are continu'd River the plague of a Common-wealth They put the People in mind said Chappel of Novelties And tho they have no other ground concluded Temple but fancy set them a madding after them LETTER LXXXIV From a Baud to a Iustice's Clerk Directed to Mr. Thomas Jacques to be left at the Barber's-Shop at Epsom
'T is Boleau calls a man of Quality Fam'd for Great Soul and Liberality Who late deny it he that can By a strange chance turn'd Gentleman Fortune no more we 'll blame thy blindness Since thou hast shown him so much kindness Thou and that blest that lovely Creature That Miracle of Art and Nature Who last of the long-winded dozen * * A 〈◊〉 number 〈◊〉 it'â— no matter for beiâ—â— very exact Dy'd to oblige so kind a Cozen For which he vows in deathless Verse Which nothing costs t' adorn her Herse Ah! who alas without Anxiety Can think o' th fall of so much Piety Beauteous as Bolean's self or Sary As my Emiâ—ia wise and wary Grave and resolv'd and action slow of As is the Great young man you know of And what among 'em all 's the best lye Full as good-natur'd as Jack Wheatly Iudge if her worth were not uncommon But Man is mortal so is Woman Ah! had not Death with Gall mixt Hony And try'd to bribe our Grief with Mony â—rought cheerful Gold to gild sad Sable 〈◊〉 had been intol * * Here sigh and take breath intolerable But t is that wise consideration Claps a Curb-Bridle on our Passion And makes us with some patience bear This Gain and Loss this heavy Cross Of Five good hundred pounds a year Vouz avez Monsieur Boleau Mayn't you clearly see by this what an awe your â—ew Gentility strikes one with for I cannot for my Life towre above doggrel when I think of you However I 'll try to forget the Gent. Boleau and â—emember one honest Smugle a poor trudging Worm of a Bookseller my Acquaintance and see â—hat I can do for him An Elegy upon the Death of M rs Susannah Boleau HAS powerful Beauty then forgot her Charms Have Piety and Innocence no Arms Is Heaven unjust Are all the Stars unkind Or is Death grown as well as Fortune blind That nothing excellent must long remain But all our Vows and all our Prayers in vain This lovely Virgin by thy Loss we know And little less with Grief than Marble grow Thy Piety while here was so refin'd We hardly thought thee less than perfect Mind And yet thy outward form so made for Love We wonder why the Soul would thence remove Thee all who knew deplore Thee all lament But most Tom Boleau's Mind to Grief is bent With real Grief does his own Gaâ—n coâ—dole Heavy â—t sits upon his mighty Soul Take all the Dross he cries that Fortune gave And Heaven so you 'll restore her fromâ—the Grave Then thinks he sees agen her much-lov'd Face And starting runs from her desir'd Embrace O give me Rest he cries then on the Bed Distract with Cares he leans his aking Head But even in Dreams her lovely Face appears He wakes and finds his Cheeks all drownd witâ— Tearâ— What shall he do his eating Griefs to shun Shall he to Deaths cold Arms for Succourâ—run But lazy Death doth its kind Aid deny Nor ah must he have so much Ease to dye Yet he 'll not live but like sad Biblis stand And deluge with his Tears his native Land While Sighs like Earthquakes heave his troubled Breast Till down he sinks to find eternal Rest. This is an elymosinary Essay said I of an Author for his Bookseller There 's Humour in the first pursu'd Grave and the Sadness of Elegy in the last There 's enough of all Conscience added Brook for Love Right continued Chappel Mony might have made the Poet enlarge That inspires the Author said Winter in his double Capacity as Poet as well as Priest So indeed added Summer his Letter declares him I fear the Bookseller said Temple was more beholden to Death than to his she-Relaâ—ion He would not else added River have grudg'd the paying for her Elegy Oh had he paid his Author said Fountain for it the Joy of the Reward had depriv'd him of the melancholy and sorrowful Thoughts his Subject required Booksellers Pay concluded Church is never so prodigal as to raise an Author above a doleful Ditty LETTER XCVIII From a Lover to his Mistriss in absence 'T was directed to Madam Winton at Mr. Glassrock's in St. Mary-Ax London Oh my Dear 'T IS now almost four days since I saw thy Face tho not so many nights for no sooner has sweet Sleep hush'd my projecting Soul to peaceful Slumbers but thy lovely Image presents its self to the Embraces of my Fancy as a superabundant Reward of all my anxious waking hours But oh 't is not Ideas alone and empty shâ—dows of a distant bliss can satisfie my longings who have so violent a Passion for the Real Substance But why alas should I seek or desire to involve thy sweet Content and Tranquility in my Misfortunes Why should I hinder what I cannot make that is your Happiness 'T is true Reason and Justice require that I should rather perish than see you any more But Love comes in and disdains their tyrannous Impositions and will have me perish at your Feet and I hope without violence I send thee ten thousand Kisses Adieu Poor Charles Absence in Love said Temple is like the death of 〈◊〉 Body the Object of Love being â— like the Soul ravish'd from the Lover I 'm not of your mind replied Grave Absence attones for the thousand Impertineâ—â—â—s the presence of her I love betrays me to And that which is more conducing to our satisfaction pursu'd Winter it gives a greater relish to our Ioys when we meet It keeps those Pleasures alive continu'd Church which fruition and continual presence would destroy For as the incomparable Mr. Dryden says All Objects lose by too familiar view certainly said Chappel Absence to him that truly loves must be the greatest of Torments as Love is the most violent of Passions As 't is excellently describ'd by old Chaucer pursu'd I in his Knights Tale His Sheep his Meat his Drink is him bereft That lean he waxeth and dry as a Shaft His Eyes hollow and grisly to behold His New pale and Ashen to unfold And solitary he was ever alone And waking all the night makin â—moan Here indeed said Brook are all the effects of a desperate â—â—ssion natural and beautiful tho' dreft in so antiâ—â—ated a phrase Spencer pursu'd Summer is of your mind Chappel when he says Nought under Heav'n so strongly doth al'ure The Sense of Man and all his Mind possess As Beautys loveliest Bait that doth procuâ—e Great Warriouâ—s Rest their Rigor to suppress And mighty Hands forget their Manliness These Poets said River drew their Picture from Nature since 't is evident Love triumphs over our other passions Ambition it self being forc'd to submit when once Love opposes it Our modern Volture concluded Fountain views Nature then through another Glass for he makes it the meanest and most indifferent of passions and by consequence Absence no great pain urging that Pastorals because the lowest of Verse are the fittest for the expression of Love LETTER
Women understood who lookt upon the most precious Ornament which they could wear upon their Heads to be a Dressing in the Shape of a Man's Foot to signifie that a Woman being without Brains and void of Wit has no greater thing to glory in then her Subjection to Man With the Ensigns and Marks of this Subjection as if they had been trampl'd under feet they honour'd the most noble Part of themselves not such Fools as others that trick up their empty Sculls with the Treasures of a robb'd Sepulcher laid out in Commodes and Top-knots or else load 'em with Chains of Pearl all sparkling with Diamonds and Rubies But notwithstanding all this Ingrateful and Tyrannesses as they are if they cannot obtain the Government over Man by any other means they â—ound a haughty Command upon the Empire of Fleeâ—ing Beauty to subdue him under the Yoak of their indiscreet Commands Fickle and Inconstant they drag at the Tails of their imperious Wills those Hearts which by some malignant Influence are oblig'd to be subject to their despiteful Rigor 'T is not easie to set bounds to those Reproaches which Female wickedness deserves so much the more wicked by how much more being vail'd under Flattering lies and hypocritical Sincerity they betray the most Faithful Affections From your Conversation Madam I have learnt to confess what a scarcity there is of Accusations Chidings Reproaches Brandings and â—pbraiding in the greatest Plenty that a just Provocation can invent when a Woman is to be condemn'd But I shall enlarge my self no farther not that I have sufficiently satisfy'd my Anger but because I am uâ—willing to keep my thoughts any longer in that Tumult and Hubbub with which the Remembrance of thy Treacheries disturbs and ruines all my Quiet I have set down the Reasons why thy Sex ought to be abhorr'd that thou mayst be assur'd of my real Intentions to hate thee Since with that peace in thy Mind which thy Ingratitude has left me and may the pains be perpetual with which my Torments tho' but short are able to upbraid thee At length said Chappel we are come to the end of this long Bill of your Orator humbly complaining sheweth full of as many Truths as there are Accusations against the Women All Men said River accuse the Women but I meet with no body that condemns 'em they may be all well enough included in the Parable of the Adultress in the Gospel The Reason's at hand quoth I for the Women have an easie way to bribe the Men so that like corrupt Iudges they are willingly perswaded to salsifie the Sentence These Men reply'd Grave are like Cats that hide their Excrements in the Coles They that are the greatest Lovers of Women hide the Miscarriages of their Amours under the Sembâ—ance of Wrath. Hence it comes to pass reply'd Chappel that some great Men in Italy that boast of more Authority and Wisdom then others to avoid the being oblig'd to a rigorous Repentance for the same Error place their Affections upon the other Sex Go too quoth River let us not enter Rome that is not into a Discourse of Arsey Versey Love At the â—ame instant he cast his Eyes upon a Letter directed to Sir William in San Marino LETTER CX Every one believeâ— their Curiosity would receive here that Satisfaction which was expected So they read on To the Illustrious Here 's a Mistake at the beginning quoth Chappel he should have wrote to the Right Worshipful What then reply'd River you believe this Republic to be as proud as the Republic of Genoâ—a These plain Gentlemen that are more concern'd in Good Husbandâ—y then in Ambition and are more desirous of Rain then Serenity Never deride these Gentlemen quoth I who in their Badges equal the Roman Dictators the one had Axes carry'd before 'em and these carry Axes themselves to cut their Wood and lop their Trees as occasion offers And don't you remember reply'd Grave certain Kings of Babylon that carry'd a Plough at the top of their Scepters So that every one of these Gentlemen ought to be a King for you may see 'em holding Plough-tails every day in the Field I cannot forget in advancement of their Grandeur reply'd Chappel that some of the Ancient Emperors rose from the Spade to the Scepter from Agriculture to Sovereign Command And therefore all the Ministers of this Republic ought to be acknowledg'd for Emperors seeing 't is a usual thing among them to go from the Plough to the Council-Chamber They would have enlarg'd their Iokes upon this Republic of Farmers but finding it a Letter that requir'd great hast they fall to reading of it in the following Words Illustrious Sir I Understand by a Friend of yours that you are about to provide your self with a Pacing-Mare for the Recreation of your Youth I therefore thought it a Debt of Friendship to write you some Instructions concerning this matter approv'd by Experience and dictated by Affection always desirous to assist you I suppose that this desire arises in you from the Seemliness of your Legs which inclines ye to ride in Boots and walk arm'd with good sharp Spurs If you have not a Leg so handsomly shap'd lay aside those thoughts for that otherwise your riding will be but a shame or a trouble to ye You must never be tyr'd and to run leaping into the Saddle is an evident Countersign that you have learnt the Tricks of a good Horse-man To make use of a young Colâ— resembles the more graceful Exercise of a young Fantastick and has some signs of Grandeur as being in imitation of several Persons of great worth But the danger of being thrown and least the Horse should get the mastery of ye as being untamable and high-metal'd will not suffer me to perswade ye to take that course perpetual restlesness continual neighing lofty prancing and an high Trot I number among those Qualities in riding that pay a greater tribute to Ambition than Pleasure Chuse a Race Nagg of which you may make use after several manners to all your Content A good ordinary Pace is much to be valu'd for that if at any time for the change of motion you desire a wracking pace 't is easily brought about Have a care that your Horse be not one of those that are wont to run away with their Riders in regard that by riding such sort of Beasts a man hazards the breaking of his Neck You must never make use of him in a Tilt-yard nor to run at the Ring in regard that the prolonging a Journey of Pleasure is to make happy by the privation of Inconvenience those Delights which never by their good will would be at their Journeys end The Qualities of a good Courser I shall not recommend to you as not being so well skill'd because it would require a large description and therefore you ought to have no other aim but only to chuse a good Crupper and a Horse that ambles neatly which makes it a Pleasure
by comparing me with other Women you judge me a Dissembler in my Affection toward ye which denies me the Felicity of that mutual Exchange from your self which the Ardor of my Love requires Good God! Preserve me Heav'n from so great Misfortune I will sooner not only to be a Woman but to be at all then prejudice my desire of being belov'd If I cannot separate from the Degree of Woman the Imagination of Frauds and Treachery I will deprive my self Life for ever to abandon those Conditions by which being made an unfortunate Lover I shall become more miserable then the Damned Beware my only Joy of giving way to Ingratitude or Cruelty under pretence of such a Belief otherwise unjust while in the Purity of a faithful Mind common Failings may easily be discover'd to be quite abolish'd Your Countenance may convince you that Treacheries are far remote from her that adores ye to sacrilegious when they shall offend the Divinity of that fair Person for whose sake that Woman must be without a Soul that presumes to live and yet despise you By how much the less frequent by so much the more valuable is the Love of a Woman proportionable to the Objects that enhaunce the Price for want of Number Whoever loves can never fancy a Beauty which cannot be belov'd I deem you unapt to conceive the Vehemency of my Passions which by labouring in the Contemplation of your Countenance turn about my Soul to admire the Perfection of all substantial Beings Assure your self this Love cannot be Female that is to say inconstant which has for the Basis of it a Firmament of Stars such as are your Coelestial Beauties The Affection cannot be corrupted or consum'd which has for the Seat of it the Heaven of your Face and for the Sphere wherein it moves the Light of your Vertue Resolve then not to make me despair of my Contentments while you have reason to hope for all the Satisfaction you can desire for imploying the Ornaments of your Mind in loving me To which I would oblige ye under the pretence of a Debt with which the Fervency of my Soul engages ye to a mutual Correspondence while it destroys itself in adoring ye But I know a divine Object cannot be obliged nor the greatness of your Merit be bound but with a Duty of Charity agreeable to my Torments From that it is that I beg the Cure of my Wounds which as they were inflicted by the Rays of your Beauty so must they be heal'd by the Excess of your Generosity This Letter said Chappel requires an Authentic Testimony to confirm the Truth of what the Lady writes Otherwise it is hard to believe so much Love in a Woman As if the Vice of an unbridl'd Passion reply'd River were not usual in a Woman as well as any other Failing that is proper to the Sex Whoever condemns Love reply'd I gives us marks of more irregular Affections those îdle Notes wherewith our Minds compose the restlesness of our various Thoughts and Wills not better concerting in any other sort of Harmony I understand ye said Grave smiling and I am well aware that while you call Love Harmony you have an Eye upon the Spheres whose Harmony in Heav'n is the most perfect of any other upon Earth But Chappel interrupted their Discourse by opening and reading the following Letter LETTER CXVI Of a Mother that gives Documents to her Daughter 'T was directed to Mrs. T at the Crown Coffee-house near the Blew-Cross in Venice Dear Daughter London Iune 1692. â— Have endur'd your absence since you departed from 〈◊〉 this City in the Company of the Gentleman your â—ervant with a Reinforcement of lucky Hope from â—hence I promis'd my self a great Advancement of â—our Fortunes I assur'd my self that the place where â—ou are is a very good place to vend those Wares â—hich you have to put off The great number of â—raders of your Sex avails not now to bring down â—he price of the Commodity but by the multitude 〈◊〉 Examples to teach the best Rules which 〈◊〉 well observ'd you can never go amiss And â—herefore I cannot but wonder to hear the Affairs 〈◊〉 your Shop go ill knowing you upon other ocâ—asions to be a Woman of Judgment so well-bred â—nd so well-condition'd that I could not fear but 〈◊〉 all your Imployments would meet with good â—ortune I also lookt upon it as a farther good 〈◊〉 that you were come of a hopeful Stock 〈◊〉 whence your two Sisters and I your Mother 〈◊〉 descended have acquir'd great Reputation 〈◊〉 Applause for deserving in our Profession 〈◊〉 whence I could never suspect that your proâ—esses would in the least degenerate I fear me these Prejudices arise from your not observing the Precepts of the Art which ought to be so much the more accurately taken notice of in regard the Conditions of this Trade are variously regulated by several others The Wares which you sell are always the same and therefore it behoves ye to be Industrious to supply the want of that Variety which is the only attractive of humane Content The Methods also which you are to make use of 〈◊〉 your advantage are likewise still the same without any alteration And therefore 't is a difficult thing to satisfie all People while various humours covet some more some less Let it be your care not to be so reserv'd that others may have reason to complain of their Bargaining with you nor so prodigal as to traffic to your loss A moderate Post will be more successful for you it not being convenient for you to be defective in that rigorous strictness with which you would have encounter'd a Man upon your first setting up The making good measure is no Precept for your Trade wherein the more pinching you are the more you will encrease your Gains Be sure to lay open always two Bundles the one of which being publickly laid upon the Stall may serve for ordinary Persons that have but little Money to spend The other you are not to produce but after many Intreaties which assuring you of a covetous and imperuous desire may secure you your own price To great Persons who know the value of the Ware and have where-withal to pay present your Bundle freely for 〈◊〉 the profit will be greater and the Risco less To vulgar People or such as have no Judgment and know not the Price of such Counterband Goods offer such Cloth as uses to lie upon the Stall for shew However let both the one and the other be well kept so that whoever Trafficks with you may not be offended with the sight of nothing but Moths and Worms And therefore you must always keep your Shop clean and neat not so much as suffering a Spider's Web in the Room to accuse ye of Slutâ— corners Let no Fools or Simpletons scape ye if you find they have Money in their Pockets for they are easily drawn in and coax'd with good words so that you may
and are not deluded with a shadow instead of a reality like the Antifeasts of the Romans 't is to your money she Sacrifices the enjoyment of her Person which cannot purchase her real Affection But suppose which I can never graâ—t you were possessed of the Love as well as Person of a Whore how can you imagine to secure them When all her acquaintance is with such whose Interests and Employment it is to alienate her Affections and persuade her to prostitution Fair words are no proof of fidelity and she that protests the most to your Face as soon 〈◊〉 your back is turn'd shall laugh at you in the Arms of another for a credâ—lous Coxcomb 'T is true as you are a slave to her so is she to your Money but what Man of sense would buy that satisfaction at the Price of being known to be a Fool. But perhaps you Fancy you may debauch so secretly that you may avoid the Scandal It must be then in a Cabalistical Way with some Aerial Demon for 't is impossible with a Woman her own vanity and antipathy to Secrecy shall soon divulge your Disgrace Forsake therefore the false Hypocritical Sex which if you give your self to hard Study you will not very much require Poets by the usual Hyperboles of their Art have to an extravagance beyond reality magnifi'd the pleasures of Love you must not therefore read them for they will not extinguish but add Fuel to that fire which finds but too much Matter within us Philosophy both Natural and Moral will afford you more substantial satisfaction which if you stick close to will banish all these Chymera's which now disturb your repose and make you laugh with your Friend at the Fool that next falls into your Jilting Sylvii's Snare I am yours to command THEO PHIL. This Leter said Winter shews us That the cunning Jade had some reason to wheedle her Cully since it inform'd her his Love for her was still alive and strugling in his Bosom and in short only wanted her Letter to gain the field for if we once admit a Parley in such a case 't is only to yield upon the first appearance of Recruits on the enemies side Nay pursu'd Chappel her Letter convinces she 's no Novice in her Trade but understands the Art of Wheedling as well as any of them But cou'd one imagine interrupted Temple this man so well read in the Folly and who can so well advise shou'd not be able to save his own stake So much easier 't is to be wise in the Theory than the Practice I know the man pursu'd Summer and he has the reputation of a Cinic and Woman hater which makes me apt to think this some sham upon him That 's not at all likely returned Grave for how should a Whore forge his Hand so well as to deceive him who doubtless is well acquainted with it without a â—amiliarity with him which still gains the point The World may more easily be deceiv'd than this proof continued Fountain For that Judges by appearances and therefore most commonly erroneously But he added Church that builds his Wit Honesty or Courage on the opinion of the World may really be a Fool Knave or Coward True said Brook for 't is not the opinion of the World that can make that Lady a Whore because she has a free Conversation or that Whore an honest Woman because she borrows the face of one to enjoy the pleasure of Sin without the Infamy Nor can the opinion of the World make this man Rich because he makes a splendid Figure at the expence of his Credit and other mens Purses nor that Usurer poor because all the Cloaths on his back are not worth a Guinny Right pursued I nor can the opinion of the World make this man a Coward because he is not for flinging away his life as often as any of his company wants either sense or manners Nor that Bully a man of Courage because he 'll Damn and Tilt on e'ry word that 's misunderstood The first may be brave in the Field in his Countreys Cause in the visible face of Death and Destruction whilst the other skulks behind a hedge for fear of a Cannon Ball or stays at home to gain the Reputation of a Stout Man upon easier terms since his skill in his weapon affords him a greater security than in the proof of his Body against a Bullet To come a little nearer our purpose concluded Rivâ—r the opinion of the World can't make this man a Philosopher or Lover of Wisdom who has only the Language but not the Life of one or at least I can say this that Philosophers are like Physitians Giants for relief of others but Pigmies in their own distress And so much for the Philosopher And now let 's call a New Cause LETTER XI From one that design'd to supplanâ— his Relation to his Friend and Confident 'T was directed thus To Mr. Jawl at his Chambers iâ— Clifford's-Inn London with care and speed Dear DICK Surry Iune 1692. MY Nephew designs for Town very suddenly he seems to stagger in his resolutions as if he suspected my intentions The writings I hope are ready and drawn as I directed unless he seals part with never a a Farthing get what you can of him that you may be the easier to thy faithful Friend OB. SWEEPSTAKES A short and pithy piece of Villany this said Brook nature and honesty made truckle to Interest without much formality 'T is the sum of the general practice answered Chappel Mony being Health Beauty Courage Vertue and every thing else nothing being a Crime that fills the Purse and nothing a Vertue that empâ—ies it Yet ev'n Villany is alleviated reply'd River by circumstances for to break the Laws of just and right for a trivial matter is unpardonable and discovers a love evâ—n of the guilt but a mighty prospect of advantage might be suppos'd to make us only forget it True pursued Temple we hear Caesar with pleasure rather than anger repeating the Verse of Eâ—ripides which was to this sense If Right may be violated it may for Empire But in all things else be a lover of Vertue For at that time the Roman Empire presented a Noble Motive to his Ambition but to see such contendings for it when torn to pieces by the inundations of Barbarians in the time of Valentinian raises our indignation when we read ' em Right added Church for whatever the Antient might deserve I 'm sure those wretched Remains of the Majesty of Rome cou'd not merit so many Treasons and Murders to purchase them Less still said Fountain does such a trifle as a poor Country Estate deserve Damnation both here and hereafter And this Estate pursued Winter perhaps is not above forty or fifty pound a year which costs so many Bribes Lyes Forgeries and Perjuries 'T is not the Quantity but the Quality said I that allures us we naturally covet what is not our due the Fool is pleas'd to
be call'd a Witt the Knave affects the Title of an honest Fellow the Upstart is fond of Deference and Respect the Coward fain wou'd be fear'd and the Ugly lov'd the precise wou'd be thought Saints and the ignorant Learn'd But 't is strange return'd Grave that sordid interest shou'd have so Universal a Charm as to engage most men to forget those Bonds of Nature which the irrational Animals are most obedient to But since 't is not so strange as true concluded Summer e'ry man should stand on his guard never trust a Relation or any other any farther than reason and his own apparent interest allow LETTER XII From a Marryed Man to a Young Lady to persuade her to yield her self up to his Embraces 'T was directed under a false Cover To Mr. Fisted an Apothecary at his House in near Dowgate London The Inclos'd to the fair hands of the Charming Mistress Diana Easyt These Charming CYNTHIA Exeter Iune 1692. I Never thought Absence a cure for a true Passion but I have found it adds to the violence of my Wishes and sooner shou'd all business be neglected and all things else the inferiour Concerns of my Life forgot than the least of that Flame suppressed which has so desirable a cause I sigh and languish each moment for you and the busy Fools I deal with take an ill omen from these dubious Symptoms fancying them the effect of some losses in Trade which weakens my Credit with them and makes them very cautious in their Barâ—ains never reflecting that ev'n in this Age a man may be in love to distraction with one so beautiful as you Ah! my adorable Cynthia How long will you suffer me to be thus wretched when you have it in your power to make me the happiest man alive You sometimes flatter me with hope but still your Actions bid me Despair for if you lov'd how cou'd you be so cautious Because my mistaken Friends marry'd me to one I was born to hate must that deprive me of her I was created and destin'd to love with an immortal and inviolable Faith You tell me indeed you pity me from your Soul and that you wish Fortune had left any way to my Happiness without trampling on your Honour Ah Cynthia let not empty words and senseless custom betray you to Ingratitude Honour and Gratitude are inseparable and 't is a vulgar Error to think you can inâ—â—re the first by complying with the sacred Dictates of the latter But to secure your Reputation in the Eye of the World that always mis-judging Censurer that shall equally be my care since our mutual happiness depends on it Secrecy will enhance our Joys which are still the greatest when they are stole from the view of the world Ambition indeed loves Noise and Spectators but the Philosopher's Love is never more gay and taking than in sweet retreat Ah! too charming Cynthia why do you confess the sincerity and violence of my Passion Merits a return unless you wou'd indulge that thought till it had master'd that prejudice against my happiness begot by hated nay a heathenish Custom for this confinement to one Wise my Cynthia is grounded not on the Law of God or Reason but Old Roâ—â— which with other Idolatrous Superstitions crept into those Christians which lived under the awe of that Empire those of Ethipia and Africa to this day preserve their Christian Liberty of Plurality of Wives which indeed is more agreeable to Reason Try my lovely Charmer how much stronger the Bonds of Love are than 〈◊〉 of Wedlock the first are too strong to 〈◊〉 dissolv'd by Ages the last too weak to hold a day or hour But Oh! I am too much in Love to study Arguments to remove thy trifling Doubts my Love makes all things evident to me and if you cou'd but love you wou'd have no more Scruples I have writ to thee my dear Cynthia e'ry post and will continue to do so till I return to London which will be in ten days at farthest when I hope to find thee more indulgent to my Love Ah! give a loose to that sweet compassion thy soft and â—â—â—der Nature abounds with for thou art an â—â—gel within as well as without which will â—â—en permit me to breath out my languishing Soul into thy beauteous Bosom who am your faithful Love W. L. R. How powerful is the Corruption of Humane Nature said Grave which can pervertâ— Reason its only Guide and make it plead so much against its duty Or rather return'd Chappel what a Proteus and Cameleoâ— is Reason that thanges it's Shape and Colour almost in every man True continued Brook for there 〈◊〉 no 〈◊〉 but the Actor of it will set out a thousand Reasons in its justifications if sucâ—â—essful Nor is there any Folly pursued Temple that may not have as many produc'd to advance it into the Class of Wisdom There 's no Impiety added Summer that Reason will not sanctify and no Opinion it will not render absurd and the contrary as Interest and Power persuades and indeed the last Reason of Kings is the general Guide and Director of Reason that is force and success The Passion confess said Church that prevails ranges all the Forces of Reason on it's side so that Reason seems rather the Mercenary Servant of the Passions than their Guide Here is another proof interrupted Winter of the truth of what you all seem to assert 't is a Letter from an Old Man to a young marry'd Lady to persuade her to love him He questions not her Age I hope pursued River that is none of the best Arguments to prevail with a young Lurman I 'm sure That you shall see answered Fountain upon the perusal of the Letter for you know Cicero says There 's nothing so ridiculous and absurd but may be rendered probable by Argument or Reason But words concluded I are but very inefficacious Proofs here your remote Arguments of Witnesses Tryal c. are more home in this point than those drawn from the Topics LETTER XIII 'T was directed to Madam Justed at her House in Bishopsgate-street near the Sign of London Dear Madam Salisbury June 1692. I Got safe to Salisbury where I have been drunk already with drinking nothing but your Health Adad I wish thy naughty Husband who I hear is going for Holland may be drowned in a Bowl of Punch or dismember'd at Snicker-snee for I am desperately in love with thee as I have often told thee Oh those pretty black languishing dying Eyes by my Faith you little chit you are in the wrong to despise me for my old Age for an old man can be silent when a young Coxcomb will be prating of your Favours in e'ery Coffeehouse and Tavern You may play the wag with an old man with safety but a young one will ten to one give you an ugly Disease for all your kindness A young man will pick your Husband's Pocket but I 'll rather drain my own Lewdness and Interest provoke
of the mind of the Council of Chalcedon held under the Emperor Martian which decreed no Priests should have two Benefices There are two great Oversights methinks in that Author said Summer one where he says That because there are a greater number of Inhabitants in a London-Parish than in four or five in the Country that therefore a Country Incumbent might have more Benefices than one Whereas he should have shewn that the Cases were alike which are very different these Numbers being together and near the Church where the Minister is present to teach 'em all together but those in the Country so divided that it can't be so I don't think one quarter in the year sufficient to apply himself to their Instruction And next he should have shew'dâ— that Five hundred Souls were not enough to employ the time of one man to conduct them well to Heaven The other Oversight is That he will not allow Sixscorâ— pound a year enough to furnish Books to a Minister to qualifie him sufficiently for his Office when there 's scarce an Hundred Curates in England that have 〈◊〉 so much for maintaining their Families and all and yet he says great part of them arâ—-better qualified that the Incumbents Well Gentlemen concluded Grave I must profesâ— my value is such for learned men that I think the Author of that Book has maintain'd a good Cause with excellent Wit and Reason the Authority of which all you have said has not at all shook with 〈◊〉 and therefore let us adjourn our Discourse to the â—â—xt Cause LETTER XV. From a young Lady to her She-Friend disclosing her whole Breast as to Marriage Cloaths and Characters of such and such pretty Gentlemen who have discover'd some tender Affection for her Directed to Madam Isabella Bright at Maidston in Kent My Dear Lond. June 1962. I Have been so fatigu'd with the impertinent Ad-Addresses of the Men that I could not find time to write to thee my Love last Post. I wonder whether thee art of the same mind thee wert â—hen thee wrote thy last Letter my Dear such a â—â—ghty Friend to Marriage 'T is true I would â—â—rry my self but not yet 't is time enough when I come to be a stale Maid here to retire into the â—ountry and there take up with some grave Counâ—â—y Justice where I may rule the Family and the 〈◊〉 too I shall grow weary of the Town I fanâ—y in five or six years time but as yet the Gaieâ—y 〈◊〉 Gallantries of Love are my Dear very taking You counsel me against the danger of losing my Reputation by those Freedoms I grant but you are mistaken my Love for the only way to lose that is to be too sollicitous about it Scandals in the Country are pieces of innocent Divertisement here and one may as well pretend to live without Fine Cloaths as without an Intrigue I have half a score on my hands at this time and I love 'em all alike keep 'em in suspence and daâ—ly and play with them give one a favourable Look and another a Smile a third my Hand to kiss but then to keep them at their due distance the next time I see them I frown on the first rail at the next and wonder at the Sawciness of the third if he presume to attempt the same Freedom again Ah my Dear â—ou know not how pleasant a sight 't is to see this Beau cringe and screw his Body into an hundred forms in hopes to appear amiable to you that Spark look with a languishing dying Air In hopes to make you sigh by simpathy that Wit cracking his Brain to write taking Billet Deux to you or Anagrams on your Name beside Elegies after the new mode of Sir Courtly Voiture but Wits are the most dangerous company a Woman can keep they are commonly vain-glorious and bragg of more than they obtain That that vexes me most my Mother is so covetous she will let me have 〈◊〉 Cloaths but twice a year so that I am plagu'd to turn and twine them that I may not be known by them Fine cloaths have a wonderful charm with the Men and one had as good â—e ugly as ill dress'd But my Dear I 'll give you a Catalogue of my â—overs I have a young Doctor of Physick that make honourable Addresses to me for Matrimony but â— think not that an equal Maâ—ch unless I could poâ—â—son him as easily as he can me On the same pretence I have a young Counsellor of the Temple furnished with more Law than Sence and would I believe make a good Cuckold but I 'm not dispos'd that way as yet besides he may have Quirks enough in Law to chouse me out of my Jointure I have also a young Doctor of Divinity that seems to have a months mind to me and tells me he thinks me fairer than a new System or a good Benefice but I had rather have the whole Bible Apocryphal than that he should explain the Text so as to make me a spiritual Madam I have a young Merchant too new set up for himself finer than a Covent-Garden Beau and more demure than your Chamber maid he courts me not by Billet Deux but Bills of Exchange and Custom-house but I have no mind to venture my self on Bottom aree So much for my Matrimonial Pretenders I have of another sort who are all for Love and abominate the Pagan Confinement of Wedlock as a device of the Priests to get Money and destroy the free-born Joys of Love Among these is a young Lord newly arriv'd to his Honour and Estate and wants another Qualification of keeping a Mistriss with greater Grandeur than ever he will his Wise I receive his Lordship with the Air of Quality seem pleas'd with his No-Jest and blush at his Addresses but never give him any encouragement of a favourable reception on so scandalous a motion but he 's obstinate and to say Truth he is not better â—â—ock'd with Estate and Folly than with Beauty â—e's very handsom dresses well dances with an â—dmirable Grace and I should like his company at 〈◊〉 Ball in a Box in the Playhouse in the Mall or Hide Park if it were not for fear of being taâ—en for his Miss for he really makes a good figure But after all my Dear my Lord is really my Aversion he 's not at all fit for an Intrigue Next I have a Beau of Tom Vrwin's Coffeehouse a man of War he swears much fights little prays less and is an irreconcileable Enemy to Sence and Matrimony I never admit him unless when I have no other company he 's a very nauseous Fop. Next I have a Courtier fully as finical but he 's monstrously in love and protests if 't were not for the Scandal he loves me so much he could marry me he 's damn'd a thousand fathom if there be any one of the Maids of Honour comparable to me Among the rest I have an ingenious younger Brother to a certain Knight of your
Surrey Mr. Thomas St. Gile's Iune 1692. I Wonder how it comes to pass that because I gave you not my Quarteridge just at the time I had my House disturb'd last Night by a Warrant from your Master where an impudent Quean of a Wife found her Husband a Bed with an honest Girl who is sent to Bride-well upâ—n it and I my self was feign to make an escape with the loss of all my Houshold-Goods and for all't I know of my honest livelihood You 'll get nothing by 't I 'm sure for there 'll never come a civiller Person in my place But if you would secure me better â— don 't know but I may make Friends among my good Customers to furnish me up another House within your Preciâ—ct I hope your self will contribute to setting up old Mother Forby Here 's another Mystery of Iniquity said Winter reveal'd the near Relation continu'd Chappel betwixt the Breakers and the Preservers of the 〈◊〉 'T is a Policy said Temple our Iustices of 〈◊〉 Peace or their Clerks learn of the Venetians that is added Brook to squeeze out Subsidies out of the dealers in Fâ—rnication Iâ— this replied Fountain they do their Duty still in keeping the King's 〈◊〉 People in security in their several Occupations 〈◊〉 continu'd Church for the careful Bawd need 〈◊〉 fear disturbing as long as the Iustice denies his Warrant But you find said Summer the unfaithful 〈◊〉 upon the first default of payment leaves her to 〈◊〉 Mercy of the Multitude That is replied Grave because the Bawd was poor Else added River her Castle had not been demolish'd 'T is with 〈◊〉 concluded I as Seneca observes of Thieves the little Robbers of private Men are hang'd whilst the Robbers of the Public live in Purple So had 〈◊〉 Bawd been a dealer in greater Matters she had thriv'd by her Sin and not been ruined LETTER LXXXV To the Maid that was to manage the Intrigue with the Mistress Directed to Mrs. Bridget Dod to be left at Mr. Dod's a Ioyner in Thieving-Lane near Westminster-Abby London Prety Mrs. Bridget Cornwal Iune 1692. I Have directed this Letter to your Brothers in whom you say you can confide Be careful of my Affair and you shall find me faithful to my Promise Five hundred Pounds Mrs. Bridget will marry thee to a substantial Country Gentleman nay what 's more I 'll engage to get thee a good Husband into the Bargain if thou wilt but first provide me a Wife Mind exactly my Directions to time your speaking to thy Mistress and mine of me and Love Take her in a Morning when she has all the remembrance of pleasing Dreams with their Impressions on her before ill-humour and moroseness are awake or else when she 's newly got to Bed her severer Thoughts being long since gone to rest tir'd out with the hard Duty of the Day Watch her softest hours when her Soul 's in Tune to join with the Harmony of Love After her Mind has been employ'd in Romances Plays and Novels then nought but sweet ideas fill her Soul and Love can't be denied admittance those having so well prepar'd its way Send me exact Advice of what Progreâ—s you make I 'll be in Town as soon as I have dispatch'd my business here When I return you must so contrive it that I may once more have a private Interview with her but so as if it were not design'd by you the last was extreamly well order'd But we 'll better consult of that when I see you in the meaâ—time dear Mrs. Bridget be not forgetful of Thy humble Servant P. Wexford The Spark said Summer is learn'd in Woman-kind and gives not better rules continu'd Temple to steal upon the Affections of the Mistress 〈◊〉 he takes added Brook to win the Maid to his Interest A good Portion said Grave and a 〈◊〉 Husband with the Appendix assum'd Chappel 〈◊〉 Gentility too is enough pursu'd Winter to make 〈◊〉 waiting Maid in Christendom sell a hundred â—â—stresses Nay almost said Fountain her own Soul if she haâ— any Tho' this Gentleman said Church seem to deserve her for his Ingenuity He seems â—â—deed very well qualify'd pursu'd River for a happy marry'd Man that is so well skill'd in the Nature of Woman that he can't be at a loss to manage it to his own content That is concluded I if he know himself as well LETTER LXXXVI From a poor Scholar in answer to one that invited him to London complaining of the small Regard that 's had to Learning there 'T was directed to Mr. Jackson to be left for him at Man's Coffee-house near White-hall London Honour'd Sir Cambridge Iune 1692. YOU press me in your Letter to forsake this sacred retreat of Learning and come to London again I confess your Conversation is a mighty 〈◊〉 to draw me to that hive of Noise and Nonsense Ignorance and Villany But your command for so is your request to me I should not be proof against had I not too fresh an Experience of the servile Condition a Man of my little Circumstances must be in there whereas my small Fellowship affords me ease and content here in conversing with Men of Learning Wit and Honesty who for many a year have not forsook this blessed abode of the Muses for all the Baits of Interest and Preferment but content sate down with â—â—envy'd Arts and Sciences whilst the rest of the mad World were scrambling for Riches and Dominion 'T is true they are not very learn'd in the Practice of the World nor desire to be so having no other insight into Man but what their Books afford them and chiefly for that reason I covet their Company that I might forget what I know of Humane mane kind and return to the first Innocent tho' false Idea I had of it before I was made sensible of my Error at so dear a rate as Experience The practical Knowledge of Man may be curlous indeed but I 'm sure 't is a filthy curiosity that obliges us perpetually to pore in Excrement and corruption with little or no advantage For what am I the better for knowing that a Fool in a gay Coat shall be set at the upper end of the Master's Table whilst a Man of Sense shall be put off with a scrap at the lower end of the Servants Or that a bold tatling Ignorant shall pass among the greatest part for a Scholar whilst a modest Scholar shall be censur'd for a Dunce Or what advantage have I by knowing that this young Spark that owes the little Embelleshments of his Mind which 〈◊〉 has to my care and industry at the Universityâ— shall be asham'd to be seen in my Company because I 've not a daub'd lac'd Coat or Wastcoat for fear of scandal to his Fops and Beaux's that now pervert with ease what I with such pains had been so long establishing I can't sit spunging at a Tavern with a paâ—â— of Knights and Squires and for my Club 〈◊〉 oblig'd to laugh at and praise
some great Personagâ— And why not in their own Cabinets reply'd River It seems you have but little Experience of the Manners of these sort of Cattel especially of their usual Qualities of rather coveting the Privacy with Princes then Familiarity with Christ. They stick close to that Saying Non erubesco Evangelium and to that other Lâ—tera non Erubescâ—â— whiâ—e not only as People in Holy Orders but Pretenders to Learning with Brâ—ken Foreheads they thrust themselves into all Places Most dear Brother in Christ I Am inform'd by your last Letter that there is no Body that offers to relieve our Tottering Congregation unless the Almighty Hand of God afford us Aid Where the Conflagration overspread it self whole Deluges of Tears become least prevalent and the Threatning Ship-wrack can hardly be repaid with the pleasure of the Harbour Behold Nebâ—chadnizzar's miserable Statue whose golden Head in the Emulation of Superior Man denoted Coelestial Original Nor were the Progresses of our Vertue less set forth in Silver Purity then in the Strength of Brass and Iron But at length our sublimity declining to the Feet meets with the frail and brittle Substance and that becomes the occasion of our Ruine from which we expected our Establishment Behold our Passions and Affections which wallowing in the Mud of worldly Affairs not plac'd in Heaven as they ought to be bring forth those Plants which being eradicated together with our Vertue our whole Felicity is ne're quite levell'd with the Ground Our over-greedy Desire of Gain which makes us so sedulous to creep into the Courts of Princes demonstrates an insatiable Appetite no way resembling the Poverty of Christ. Now it appears that we are the Superiors of great Men not the Seâ—vants of Christ. And hence it is that we depress our selves the higher we endeavour to soar Our extraordinory Diligence dazles the World in Rearing magnificent Structures whose marble Beauty and glittering Splendor of Riches exalt the Trophies of prostrate Humility to Heaven Woe be to us who glorying in our magnificient Piles confine Vertue within narrow Limits So much the more poor in Spirit by how much the more we delate our worldly Pomp. We envy secular Persons their Honours usurp their Estates and rumiâ—ating still greater Advantages we decay more and more every day In vain is that Hypocrisie which with a 〈◊〉 Neck down cast Eyes and a set Countenance always muttering Scraps of Prayers still shows our Hands fast grasping Crowns while our works abolish Holiness but advance Affections quite contrary to Vertue Hence it is my dear Brother that we are become contemptible in general not by Apostolic Will but by compulsion of our own Vices This is not the way of the Saints nor did they who left us our Precepts leave us these Footsteps to follow And how can we expect a Society to last for many Ages if wandring from the Truth before one Age be at an end we hasten to the Brinks of Precipices In Spain where we were first brought forth took root and blossom'd first our Vigour is dry'd up and all our Glories wasted in the Womb whence we first deriv'd our first Original threaten us with the Sepulcher where we must lie wrapt up in the Shrouds of Oblivion The Dominican Order is there preferr'd before ours and deservedly we who contemn all other Religious Societies are by all our selves despis'd In France we have restor'd our Fortune not recover'd it Iâ— Germany if we do not go backward 't is certain we make no Progresses forward And those same pious Frauds are all to no purpose with which our audacious Brethren abus'd the Favour of the Emperor deceas'd In Italy banish'd out of the Vâ—netian State In other parts ejected rejected and of little Esteem but that we enjoy the Benefiâ—s of our Contempt And even here in England are we despis'd What remains but only that we set up the Trophies of our Glories in the Indies and among Chineses where they flourish in those Desarts that wither in the Gardens of Europe Yet there they also â—ade and lose the Pomp of their ancient Verdure In the midst of a Flood of Tears I soretell our Funeral Obsequiâ—s For what can we expect but Death at hand when the whole Body is in such a languishing Condition before the Expiration of one Age. Heaven avert those wickednesses which call down the Judgments of Heaven upon us and repel those Calamities that the Thunder-showers which are justly to be fear'd may be in Mercy remov'd Look ye quoth Chappel Hert's the Confâ—ssion of the good Father who with an extraordinary Sincerity has laid open the common Faults of his Order He would have done ill reply'd Grave not to have made a true Confession who teaches others to be exact As if reply'd River they did not by their Precepts daily exhort others to Piety and Godliness and live as vertuously and piously themselves Some do not believe otherwise Certainly reply'd I these good Fathers can never be said to live otherwise then well who are no less luxarious in their eating and drinking then Princes and in other particulars enjoy all the Pleasures and Delights of Cardinals I understand ye said Grave but we have enough of 'em for this time LETTER III. Against the Nuns 'T was directed to Mr. Gebeâ— at his House in Finch-Lane London Dear Friend Rome Iunâ— 24. AT our last parting I remain'd besoâ—â—ed with the Love of that Nun with whom you are well acquainted I was quite entangl'd in Complements but at length I threw off my Shacklâ—â— with so much difficulty that I may well affirm this odd Affection to be a sort of Bird-lime 'T is a kind of slimy Defilement that 〈◊〉 intrâ—gues and with every the least Sparkle kindles a Flame not to be extinguish'd Let him that 〈◊〉 describe the Windings and Turnings of the most Artificial Labyrinths wherein at every step you meet unwarily with some Springe or Net he must of necessity acknowledge the Mazes more intricate wherein the Affections are intangled if once you set your Foot within those Iron Gateâ— Consider the Condition and Quality of â—hat Love which must be imprison'd as soon as born and let him hope that can for fortunate Progresses in it while he can only boast the first beginnings of it in a Prison Those Grates resemble very nere the Enclosure of a Cage wherein however there is much of Folly which locks up the Freedom of the Heart to be made the Companion of an indiscreet Beast whose only Entertainment it is both to delight and rorment fond Lovers Whilst these Nuns are shut up in Holy Places there seems to be in 'em a Soul of Vertue but we must believe 'em to be dead Carcasses so that in associating with 'em we feel the most cruel Torments that the most spiteful Fury of the most barbarous Tyrants ever could invent I assure ye my dear Friend that whoever would put the Hang-men under Cupid's Discipline should assign 'em the Cloysters of the Nuns for
a Point of great Felicity that your Amours are begun and ended at the same time without any long Cares embitter'd with the Hardships of a tedious Servitude The great number of Curtesans is the reason that Women as they deserve are treated like Beasts while among many she is only made choice of that most pleases 'T is a Content not a little to be valu'd that a Man may find of a suddain when his Appetite serves a Bank to stop the Fury of his Desires The Price has its bounds a Condition which greatly facilitates the putting forward the Key of the Work There are Wares of all Prizes and every one may proportion his expences as he pleases himself then only greatest when a Man lays out for a piece of Cloth that is a like on both sides and may be turn'd every way without any prejudice to the Nap. The Graces the Dalliances the Caresses of these Women are not imitated in any other place They are Mistresses of the true Art of framing amorous Sweetnesses having all the Rules of Motion as well streight as oblique enough to make their Lovers believe themselves in Heaven where Motion occasions the delightful Harmony of the Spheres They suffer no part of their Bodies to lie idle roiling all their principal Members to multiply Pleasures You never meet here with the least Hair of the Beard it being their care to take away all roughness that may offend the Delicacy of such a Pleasure And their curiosity is admirable in cleansing the Streets to the end they may not be â—oul'd and worn out by frequent Concourse In a word he that loves sport let him study to advantage his desires where his lascivious Itch may transport him and never complain of his want of Satisfaction which exceeds as much as can be desir'd On the other â—ide you must be well inform'd of the Frauds Treacheries Diseases which in great abundance overload with continual Vexation those that suffer themselves to be too far hamper'd in their Intreagues The Pestilence is Health in respect of their Blains and Bubo's which they present as the Tokens of their Love and for Fairings to those that enjoy ' em They have a Custom to â—aint and let that suffice to inform ye what delusive appearances they are when they willingly transform themselves into Pictures Take notice also how like rotten Sepulchers within side they whiten and varnish over the outside to make themselves appear like Mausoleums to the end that being betray'd by the outward appearance you may not behold the Terror of that Horridness within There is no voraciousness comparable to their rav'nous Avarice and they pick your Bones with such a Softness of Caresses that fools after they have nothing left 'em but their Bones resign their Marrow to 'em also They have the true Touchstone to know at first sight a credulous Gull or a Giddy-headed Fool and they lose no opportunity to get the Coxcombs into the Cage whom become the sport of any that will riot at their cost Presently they empty their Chests pull down the Hangings hide their Money bury their fine Cloaths to introduce the Face of a Counterfeit Poverty on purpose to move Widgions to Compassion This is the Custom of the fairest or most fantastical who knowing their power to bind a Man believe they can make a good prize of him when they have him in their Nets Others quite of another humour make a general Sack of the Iews Trippery to cloath themselves and furnish their Houses for which they pay the Interest of greater Miseries By that means they set a value upon the defect of those Talents which make a Woman to be esteem'd in hopes to exact a greater price upon the Advantages of their Gaudery Nor do they faâ—l to make use of Liberality by way of Traffic for greater gain casting a golden Hook to catch a more considerable Prey tho' many times they are deceiv'd like the Country-man who let his Spade fall in the Water that so it might be turn'd into Gold Then let the Tribute of Praise be given to them that deserve it since it cannot be deny'd but that there is an excess of graceful Manners genteel Carriage and noble Converse in such as maintain a principal Post in this Science They have those Qualities which may be desirable in a Lady of far greater worth and a fit March for a Prince Their Pride is Majestic but not Superior their genteel Demeanor ravishes and obliges to give tho many times they have no intention to receive In short Love may be said to have been born at Venice strengthen'd by the Multitude of most beautiful Venus's that nourish him in that City For my part I know not where a Man can better fix his Scepter to take possession of pleasing Contentments He may extend the Dominion of his amorous Joys for that the Vassalage of Love is there very great where tho' not in many yet in one successively good Qualities may be enjoy'd in heaps such as may give our Appetites sufficient cause of Triumph Excuse the Vehemence of my Affection which has permitted my Pen perhaps to take too long a flight This Information may serve you to make choice of any pleasure when you resolve to visit that delicious Paradise where the Darts of Love make a Nest of Tenderness but never pierce the Breast to 〈◊〉 it A Hand full of Gold is a remedy for every wound with which those Coelestial Beauties can afflict the Heart If you want any other Advertisements to direct ye to your pleasures as I am covetous of your Felicity I shall not fail in my Duty to serve ye in Conformity to which I most earnestly wait for the Opportunity The Inditer of this Letter said Grave has not practis'd the Delights of Rome For then he would have retracted the high Encomiums which he gives to the Enjoyments of Venice His simplicity said River will not admit into the Roll of true Delights those unbeseeming Pleasures which are there made use of In good Faith reply'd Chappel they play with the same Cards in both Cities tho' the Game be more honourable in Rome by reason of the Quality of the Persons that play at it This is a Subject said I worn too thread-bare and too obnoxious to the vulgar Proverb the more you rake in a Dunghill and so saying he broke open the following Letter LETTER CXIV Of Impertinences to the Purpose 'T was directed to Mr. Kaford Merchant in London Honour'd Sir Padua Iune 92. A Snaâ—l coming Post t'other day from the King of Transilvania gave an Occasion for several Discourses He brought along with him a great Pormanteau full of Shadows and Chimera's a present usually sent to him who having an empty Scull builds Castles of imaginary Grandeur in the Air. He had a Box full of smoaky Thoughts which drew tears from the Eyes of him that held his Nose over ' em And this was said to be part of the Mind of some
Sister of Parmenia they are nearer ally'd in Wit than Blood Right pursu'd Fountain they are so much the same Beauty and Wit are seldom 〈◊〉 said River but in these Sisters inseparable Nay that which is more added Summer Nature spreads her Favours through the whole Sisterhood 'T is pity concluded Church such Excellence should stamp so fair a mark on Complements where she 's so much for Reality her self LETTER LX. From a Friend proffering his Service 'T was directed to Mr. Kâ—ash to be left for him at Man's Coffee-house near Whitehall London SIR Darby June 1692. HEre is a Discourse that you have a Design to make your address to Sir Roger's Daughter If you have any such Thoughts I desire you would lay your Commanâ— upon me who by my intimacy with him can make an easie access to her My Kindness for you and the memory of the Obligations I have had to your Father makes me take hold of the first opportunity of desiring thus to satisfie you of the Gratitude and Friendship of SIR Your humble Servant J. Green I find said Temple there is still some Gratitude in the World Few remember a past Benefit said I or depend much upon the future the present Advantage is the most charming to the major part of Mankind ' Tiâ— rare indeed said Winter we meet with a Return when we desire it But here assum'd Church 't is offer'd before ask'd But that which should render it the more acceptable in Reason pursu'd Brook will perhaps make it neglected The singularity of it added River will make one suspect the Sincerity of the Proffer As 't is Imprudence said Grave blindly to follow Advice without bringing it to the test of our Reason So assum'd Summer 't is not Wisdom presently to accept of a proffer'd Kindnâ—ss Because pursu'd Fountain Self-interest is generally so predominant that there are few in their Advice and Service have not regard to it But perhaps coâ—cluded Chappel this Gentleman like Sir Jolly Jumble has so particular a delight in bringing Couples together that he makes his Gratitude but the Pimp to his Leaâ—hery of procuring We generally choosing our Virtues aâ— they agree with our over-ruling Vices LETTER LXI To a false Friend 'T was directed to Mr. Jones to be left for him at the Rose Tavern near Templeâ—Bar SIR Monmouth June 1692. AS I did not expect so much foul-dealing from you so it the more surpriz'd me when I understood how much you had oppos'd my Interest in the very Affair you pretended to negotiate for me your Obligations your Oaths and Protestations I find are soon forgot which shall learn me for the future to confide in no man that makes such wondrous Professions since I have had such a dear Error in paying for the knowledge of your perfidiousness R. Morgan This Gentleman's Wisdom said Temple like that of most young men is bought at his own expence Young or old return'd Winter we often by our Vnskilfulness in Men cherish a Snake in our Bosom And pour our Favours on those added Church who on the first opportunity to serve their own separate Interest turn the Benefit against the Benefactor This said Grave is too often the Fate of Princes who make Favourites rather by Fancy than the Merits of the Person Or added I the Dictates of their own Reason We ought certainly said Summer if we would not repent of our Actions to no purpose never to let it be in any man's power to betray our Interest At least assum'd Chappel by our over-confidence in him Then you would said Fountain destroy all Friendship No reply'd River the Practise of the World now renders that you call Friendship a meeâ— Notion and Theory Right concluded Brook for Interest is the Cement of Friendship and since 't is possible that may divide the dearest 't is Prudence to secure ones self by a cautious distrust LETTER LXII From an Author to his Bookseller haggling for more Copy-mony 'T was directed to Mr. at the Golden Ball in Cornhil London SIR Richmond June 1692. YOU were so hard with me that tho I undertook this first part at your rate because I both wanted business and Mony yet I must needs tell you that I cannot go on with the Undertaking unless you are a little more generous for this will scarce find me Bread whilst I am writing it but I leave it to your own Reason to think whether a little more Copy-mony would not turn for your own advantage for the greater Encouragement I have the more Paâ—ns I shall take and the more cause I shall have to do so I therefore leave it to your consideration who am Your Friend and Servant J. S. This Author said I is not well vers'd in his Profession since he thinks to get any thing from the generosity of a Bookseller He might as well have left it pursu'd Chappel to the generosity of an Vsurer Right added River a Bargain is a Bargain with them And tho Necessity oblige the Author continu'd Winter to comply with their hard Agreement yet they 'l ne'r have regard to that tho he live upon a clovâ— of Garlick like a Spanish Don. They make no distinction said Brook betwixt a man of Parts and Learning and one that in spight of Education and Nature assumes the Name of Author And will continued Temple murder a good subject like a Bravo of Sence for a George Apostates added Church from the honest Mechanics to be a plague to Mâ—n of Sence Both Authors and Readers plague pursu'd Fountain and the Bookseller's Tool Who had rather stâ—rveat the foot of Parâ—assus said Summer than get Mony in their natural station I find concluded Grave that all a Man's Study at School and at the Vniversity and all the Gifts of Nature besides only qualifies him for a Slave to the Booksellers if Fortune be wanting LETTER LXIII From an Admirer of Platonic Love 'T was directed to Madam Field to be left at Mr. Williams's House near Deal in Kent Honour'd Madam London June 1692. 'T IS with a great deal of regret I have been thus long kept in this busie sensless Town so 〈◊〉 from the happy conversation of a Lady of your Perfections but Madam as our Souls I 'm confident meet when we sleep and enjoy each other so when we wake methinks we should employ our Thoughts about each other when we are not contemplating Virtue which I envy you for the hurry and noise of this place deprives me of those sedate Thoughts your agreeable Converse and the calm of a Country Retreat us'd to inspire The mistaken World condemns your Sex for want of Judgment and of being govern'd by the blind Dictamens of your unruly and criminal Passions but I that have the honour to know you dear Lady find their ill-natur'd Error in fixing the Crime of a few on the whole Sex but let these Self-esteemers shew me two of the Philosophers regular as You in their Affections and Lives except the divine Plato Ah