Thirdly that they patiently take c Pro. 15.5.32 correction at their hands 4. Fourthly that they make continuall and heartie prayers to God for them 1. Tim. 5.4 Matth. 15.4 5 6. Genes 47.12 5. And lastly that they do relieue maintaine and nourish their parents in case they shall fall into pouertie or decay The summe and effect of all which is as followeth Fathers and Mothers are to their children in Gods stead Exod. 20.12 Deut. 5.13 By honour is meantal kinde of duty which children owe to their Parents As the Lord our God hath made and created children through their parents so hath he cast and made them subiect vnder the power and authoritie of their parents to obey and serue them in his stead saying Honour thy father and mother whâ—ch honour consisteth not in bowing the knee or putting off the cap or giuing to their parents the vpper hand onely but that they must loue them with all their hearts feare and dread them and that they cheerefully doe their commandements will and pleasure and that they seeke their worship credit profit and preferment in all things lawfull and if need require that they should giue their liues for them remembring that they are their parents goods and possessions and they owe to them euen their owne selues and al that they are able to doe yea and more then they are able By this word Honor is also signified the loue reuerence dutie obedience subiection entertainment and necessarie assistance that childreÌ„ owe to their parents As concerning the loue the summarie of the second Table comprehended in these words Thou shalt loue thy neighbour as thy selfe doth manifestly confirme it Matth. 22.39 For who can be a neerer neighbour for the children to loue then their parents Besides that they are not to bee loued onely as neighbours proceeding of Adam and Eue but also as fathers and mothers And therefore what ingratitude is it not to loue those of whoÌ„ next after God they haue their life and being together with many great and continual benefits towards them Also the loue that parents doe beare to their children besides so many their labours sorowes troubles and vexations should binde them reciprocally to loue them The Sunne shining a while vpon the cold stones doth so heare theÌ„ thay they yeeld some warmth so albeit that children bee as hard and colde as stones yet the experience and the daily feeling of the loue of their parents towards them ought mightily to inflame their hearts to loue them againe Take away the beame from the Sunne and it will not shine the springs from the riuer and it will drie vp the bough from the tree and it will wither the member from the body and it will rot And so take from children their dutie to their parents and they are no longer children but brethren and companions with those vnto whom Iesus Christ said Ye are the children of the diuell Ioh. 8.44 This band of the loue of children towards their parents should take such place not onely toward such parents as are louing and gentle but also as Saint Peter saith of the duties of seruants to their masters euen toward such as bee rigorous For if we ought to loue all the childreÌ„ of Adam euen those whom wee know not or our enemies and persecutors how much rather our parents albeit they shuld intreate vs roughly and with rigour either in word or deede and verily the principal cause stil abideth namely that they be our father and mother This ought children well to note to the end that patiently bearing their reprehensions reproofes and in generall whatsoeuer their troublesome and sharpe affections they may still continue and declare their childlike affection and loue And to that purpose children must remember the labour griefe anguish weeping sorow and other troublesome cares that their parents do abide and indure for them This loue must bee accompanied with reuerence and respect to say the truth Matth. 23.9 albeit the name of father belongeth properly vnto God as Iesus Christ saith You haue but one father euen him that is in heauen Yet doth he so impart it to those that haue begotten vs that they being called fathers do beare the title image of God And this is it that bindeth children to respect and honour them and to testifie the same by their outward reuerence Of this reuerence we haue a notable example in Salomon hee vnderstanding that his mother Berthsheba was comming to speake with him 1. King 2.19 arose from his seate came to meete her bowed before her and set her vpon his right hand Neither could his greatnes neither his royall estate priuiledge him from this respect honour due to his mother But when the sonne doth execute his magistracie or publike office he is greater then his father and must beare himselfe as a Magistrate not as a sonne but when hee is out of place or execution of office he must how highly soeuer he be aduanced haue a respect and yeeld reuerence to his parents But many times it falleth out otherwise for many children when they come to honour or wealth do despise their parents if they bee of meaner calling then themselues that hardly they will acknowledge or call them father as if they were ashamed of theÌ„ So that that man putteth off the affection of a childe to his father who by the eminencie of an office ouer him quencheth the name of a son But Salomon forgat not himselfe in this kind of dutie for he did not onely bow before his mother as is aforesaid but also called her mother saying 1. King 2.10 Mother aske and J will not denie thee And this doe we the rather note also vpon another consideration namely that his example coÌ„demneth the custome of these daies wherein this name of father and mother is accounted so base contemptible that the childreÌ„ of kings princes yea euen of mean gentlemen speaking to their parents must not say father mother but Sir my Lord my Ladie Madam c. But the due honour to parents that we here speake of implieth not onely this outward reuerence but also that wee should so esteeme of them as that neither our selues should despise them neither should wee suffer others to haue them in contempt And this are wee to vnderstand in the saying of Iesus Christ Iohn 8.49 I honour my father but you dishonor me He there defendeth the honour of his father against the false opinions and slanders of the Iewes But some there are so vnnaturall and peruerse that forgetting all due reuerence and respect to their parents they will not onely despise them in their owne hearts and suffer others to speake hardly of theÌ„ but also will themselues so farre exceede as euen to lay them open to the scorne of others Ham the sonne of Noah seeing his father lie vncouered Gen. 9.22 called his brethren to shew them his fatherâ— shame But so odious was
Step-father and Step-mother admonish and put them in minde of their dutie towards the children of the one and the others for Step-father and Step-mother doth signifie a sted-father and a sted-mother that is one father or one mother dieth and another succeedeth and commeth in their stead and roome Therfore to the end that both their loues may be setled towards the children of the one and the other they must remember that they are stead-stead-father and stead-mother that is in stead of their owne father and mother and therefore they ought to loue them to tender them and to cherish them as their owne father or mother did They must not look vpon them like Rehoboam who told his people 1. King 12.13 to 21. that he would bee worse vnto them then his predecessor for then the children will dislike of you and turne from you as his subiects did from him but ye must come to theÌ„ as Dauid came to the people after Sauls death who sayd 2. Sam. 2.7 Though your master Saul bee dead yet I will raigne ouer you so ye must say to them though your father be dead or though your mother be dead yet I will be a father or I will be a mother vnto you so the children wil loue you as much as their dead father or dead mother did For that man and that woman that are led with discretion reason and consideration will reckon himselfe and his wife all one and likewise she will account herselfe and her husband as one And therefore they ought to account both the children of the one and of the other as common to them both for if friendship make all things common among friends insomuch that many haue loued fauoured their friends children as their owne how much more effectually and perfectly ought mariage to cause the same which is the highest degree not only of friendships but also of al blood and kindred But Step-mothers doe more often offend and faile in this dutie then men by reason that their affections bee stronger then mens and many times ouer rule them and therefore they are earnestly to bee admonished and warned that they shew themselues to those motherles children no step-mothers friendship but a right motherly kindnes Let the step-mother aduisedly consider that God hath ordained and appointed her in stead of their owne mother to bee to them a right true mother and not onely to regard them as children but as orphane children and requireth her to loue them and to do them good as to her owne What a griefe would it be to her hart if she should know now that her owne children whom she hath borne in her owne bodie should after her death haue a stepmother that would be rigorous churlish and vnkinde vnto them doubtles those childrens mother that dead is had vpon her death-bed no lesse care for her children Let her therfore alwaies haue in minde this saying of our Sauiour Christ As you measure vnto other Matth. 7.2 so it shall be measured to you againe That is as the step-mother doth intreate the children of her predecessor so another wife may come after her and intreate her children for he that tooke away the first mother and sent her can take away the second mother and send a third which will not bee like a stead-mother to hers vnlesse she bee like a stead-mother to these Verely a good woman will bee vnto her husbands children that which she may heare them call her so often that is Mother For what christian woman is so farre from all humanitie and naturall affection that will not be moued and mittigated with this word Mother of whom soeuer it be spoken And chiefly of children which cannot flatter but speake euen so from their heart like as they would to their owne mother of whom they were borne How sweete is the name of friendship how many iniuries hatreds and displeasures doth it hide and put away Then how much more effectuall ought the sweet name of mother to be which is full of incredible loue Therefore euery religious and louing wife will be mollified and moued in her heart and minde when she shall heare her selfe named mother by any of her husbands childreÌ„ Otherwise she shall shew her selfe to be more vnnaturall and vnkinde then the wilde sauage beast for there is no beast so outragious and cruell but if any other yong beast of her owne kinde fawne vpon her she will by and by shew kindnes and mildnes vnto it And shall not her husbands children make her kinde and louing vnto them when they call and speake vnto her by the louing and sweete name of mother As wiues ought to goe comely cleanly and handsomely in their apparrell so they must in any wise beware of pride riot or excesse therein 3. The third and last point that appertaineth to the dutie of wiues is that they doe not weare gorgeous and sumptuous apparell or broidered haire trimmed with golde but that after the example of holie women which trusted in God they bee sober in outward apparell and ought to bee garnished and decked inwardly with vertues of their minds as with gentlenes meeknes quietnes and chastitie which indeed are most precious things in the sight of God This point is so plainly spoken of by the Apostle to Timothie chap. 2. vers 9.10 in which place he so flatly condemneth both the excesse and pride of apparell as also the pompe curiositie and wantonnesse which women vse in trimming their heads by plating crisping broyding curling curiously laying out that no man can say more against it in so few words as hee hath spoken to the vtter dislike therof For if a maÌ„ should occupie himselfe and giue libertie to his penne to write of the horrible abuse and excessiue pride Pride is hatefull before God and man Be not therefore proude for thou art but dâ—ff and ashes that many women commit in this behalfe hee should rather want time to write then matter to speake Therefore such women as will not reforme themselues herein we leaue them to the Lord who no doubt will in his appointed time not onely seuerely punish theÌ„ but also their husbands for suffering this great wickednesse and dissolutenesse in their wiues as he did the Iewes for the same sinne as plainly may bee seene in Esay 3.16 c. For so it falleth out according to the common prouerbe Prou. 16.18 That pride goeth before and shame and destruction commeth after And on the contrarie part we hope that such women as be true professors of Christ his religion will both attire and dresse their heads so decently and also content themselues with such comely apparel as best beseemeth their calling and degree so as by their good example Titus 2.3 they may draw on other women to reforme themselues in this behalfe so rather to come short of that which their abilitie and place would serue to maintaine then any waies to exceede herein to the
or mistaking ouersight and desire to please in one thing maketh inferiours to offend in others Except there bee contempt or willing negligence or retchlesse ouersight a gentle admonition may serue And indeede Superiours must take heede of comming to the greatest remedies of correctiō too soone for so they may soone marre the partie by ouer-sharpe dealing which by a wise proceeding by degrees might haue been gained Furthermore Gouernours must know yet more expresly what to correct Some neuer correct but for their owne matters neuer regarding the faults committed against God But the godly Gouernour that aimeth at Gods glorie and seeketh the Lord and not himselfe he is most grieued for disorders in his familie that tend to Gods dishonour and such he correcteth most carefully And as for defaults of his familie that are against himselfe he looketh more to Gods dishonour by them then to his owne hurt or losse in zeale of God is drawne to correct and not of self-selfe-loue He therefore counteth these things worthie of correction if any delight in the ignorance of God bee careles to approue himselfe as one that wholly dependeth on him loueth him feareth him reuerenceth him laboureth to approue al his waies before him If any be giuen to Idolatrie and superstition and careth not in euery part for the worship of God to follow his reuealed wil or if in the parts commanded he appeare negligent and colde or to put them to any other vse then is commanded or to be giuen to images superstitious monuments customes occasions or such like if any dishonor the name of God either in the vnreuerent vsing or abusing or peruerting and not vsing with that preparatiō before feeling at the present time and fruit after which is prescribed his titles word Sacraments workes And if any prophane his Sabboth by vaine pastimes and gaming as Cards Dice dancing c. going to playes or giue not himselfe to the exercises appointed on that day out of the word If any neglect speciall duties towards their equals superiour or inferiour in yeares gifts authoritie as Magistrates Ministers Masters Parents seruants children or people If any declare not a conscience to flie euill anger malice contētion quarelling fighting or any hurting of the person of man either in soule or bodie not being carefull to succour the same according to his calling If any bee found vnchaste in bodie words countenance or gesture vntemperate in diet in apparell dissolute not caring to maintaine the contrarie holinesse in himselfe and others If any care not for the goods of another man but by falsehood flatterie and oppression diminish the same If he bee negligent in increasing of his owne by honest and lawful meanes If he mispend it in Cards Dice gaming c. If any care not to maintaine the good names of others but be giuen to vnnecessarie blasing of other mens infirmities by lying slaundering backbyting taunting If any shew himselfe carelesse to restraine the motions and entisements vnto sin and the lusts of the same then they shall vse the meanes following to redresse them The maner of correcting must likewise bee looked vnto for to faile in that maketh correction hurtfull oftentimes but alwaies vnauaileable For this point then wee must know that correction must be Ministred in Wisedome Ministred in Patience fit Ephe. 5.15.16.17 Wisedome is that by which wee obserue comelinesse in euery action that is to say by which we obserue what we doe how in what place at what time before whom that al things may be done in a conuenient place time and maner Wisedome will 1. Finde out the right partie that committed the fault that he that is innocent be not vniustly burthened 2. Consider of what sorte and nature the fault is 3. Weigh circumstances of ages discretion occasions that moued the party whether it be customarie or a slip by ouersight 4. Looke to the mind of the doer whether negligēce frowardnes or simplicitie and want of wisedom brought him to it And according to these things wisedome wil teach a man to measure out correction or to be sparing in it Besides wisedome will not correct before the fault be euident or that she be able to winde the offender out of all shifting holes For when the offender is not throughly cōuinced he shifteth off the shame of the fault and of the correction which is a part of the purgation to cure his disease and besides he will bee bold to open his mouth against his Ruler and seek to bring him into hatred or contempt with the rest of the inferiours for correcting vniustly Wisedome therefore will winke at a fault a while make as though she saw it not that she may haue a fitter oportunitie to correct yea towards some of a good nature wisedome will shew that she seeth a fault but yet for loue of the partie and desire to haue him amend of his owne accord she will passe ouer the euill Moreouer wisedome will neuer reproach the offender by reuiling or taūting him with the fault but minister correction in loue and desire to haue his sore cured and his credit salued For the casting of faults in their teeth and disgracing them especially before others which is common in the world maketh them lay off shame of offending by little and little whereas if they saw thee carefull of their credit they would haue more regard to it themselues Lastly wisedome will auoide partialitie and deale with all in the same case after the same maner Patience is also needfull that through anger or hastines a man do not fight nor chide Patience is a stedfastnesse in suffering the euils that come to vs by any worke so that they can not discourage vs. Phil. 4.5 before hee hath made the fault manifest to the offender that if it may be his conscience may be touched for it Againe by patience one must heare what the offender can say in his defence and not disdaine to heare him modestly alleadging for himselfe and when his defence is made by equity to allow or disallow the same So did Iob chap. 13. verse 13. and Balaam did not disdaine to heare the defence of his beast Numb 22.30 c. This patience also will keepe a man from bitternesse which might sooner make the partie angry then draw him to amendmēt which thing the Apostle would haue auoyded in superiours Coloss 2.21 Ephes 6.4.9 towards those that bee vnder them For want of this many are at a word and a blow many first correct and then tell the fault many lay on loade or raile and reuile braule and scolde without measure Lastly this patience will keepe thee from anger a needfull thing in a correcter for hee that commeth to reforme with anger shall hardlie keepe a measure in rebuking or chastising Now for the seuerall kinds of correction the first is Rebuking which is a sharpe reproofe for a fault committed measured according to the nature of the fault as Iacob Genesis 30.2
alwaies watch to doe thee hurt Pro. 20.22.24.25 3. Sometime to seeke reuenge of a wrong breedeth greater malice in the author of the wrong and maketh him double it as a man spurreth his horse for kicking when hee was spurred Say not I will recompence euill but wait vpon the Lord and he will saue thee 4. Oft haunting of another mans house may bring thee into mislike wherefore the Wiseman saith Prou. 25.17 Withdraw thy foote from thy neighbours house least he bee wearie of thee and hate thee If by carefull auoyding of all iust occasions thou canst not auoid ill will as the world loueth none but her owne neuer seeke to win fauour by departing from dutie But commit thy selfe to God and turne thy minde to make vse of thine enemie Let enmitie which is alwaies prying and seeking occasions to hurt by word or deede make thee to walke not more closely but more vprightly and then mayst thou defie thine enemie Prou. 10.9 For he that walketh vprightly walketh boldly Another enemie to thrift which is also a breaker of peace and good will among men is much borrowing He that is to borrow doth spend much time and let slip many occasions of doing his businesse in the due season hee must repay in better measure theÌ„ he borrowed or else ill words or ill will will follow If it bee a matter of any value which is borrowed then as Salomon saith Prou. 22.7 The borrower is seruant to the lender that is beholding to him and in his danger The thriftiest men loue least to bee beholden to others and therefore seldome seek and often refuse euen when they bee offered to receiue benefits at other mens hands He that goeth a borrowing goeth a sorrowing And euery deniall he receiueth where he thinketh he should speed is the seede of grudge in the mind of the denier and of him who is denied But of all borrowing to borrow vpon vsurie is the deerest buying and the rankest poyson to thrift When Dauid would wish a sore plague to his enemie he prayeth that he may be giuen into the vsurers hands Let the vsurer eate him vp If the vsurer be a deuourer woe be to them that come in his hands To auoide borrowing a good husband must cut off all vnnecessarie expences that hee may haue all necessaries in his house To auoide borrowing of money take heede of suertiship of dealing in bargaines which you are not fully able to compasse of dealing in many things and hauing too many yrons in the fire at once Looke how you can compasse matters before you enterprise them Prouide long before against any day of payment and haue not monie to seeke vpon the suddâ—n for that driues a man to borrowing yea to vsurie or to Robin Hoods penyworths Besides he must keepe none in his house idle or halfe set to worke none more then needes must Let euery one haue his charge that will throughly occupie him also looke that they doe their tasks euery one in his place and haue an often eie vnto them whether they haue done as they should doe The masters eye maketh a fat horse so also the mistris eye makes a friendly dairie Except you haue rare seruants and such as truly feare God and haue good consciences trust them not further then you see them except necessitie driue you Hitherto of the duties that be belonging to the chiefe ruler of the familie that is the husband The wiues dutie touching the things of this life touching honest prouision for it Now seeing that God hath ioyned the wife to her husband as an helper she must helpe him in the prouision for her familie so much as lieth in her power and is meete for her to doe And indeed her industrie and wisedome may doe so much herein that though her husband should bee much wanting in his dutie yet shee might holde in the goale Thus many haue done and so Salomon saith the wise woman will do A wise woman buildeth her house But it is not euery womans case Prou. 14.1 because that all are not wise as she that Salomon speaketh of This wise woman is elsewhere called a gracious woman Prouerbs 11.16 And a vertuous wâ—man Prou. 12.4 because many graces and vertues meete together in her For she is to her Husband dutifull Dutifulnesse or dutifull wil is that which doth shine in the declaration and performance of duties faithfull and louing Those of her familie wise and prudent In her busines diligent and painfull To her neighbours modest humble kinde and quiet First if she be not subiect to her husband to let him rule all househoâ—d especially outward affaires if she will make head against him and seeke to haue her owne waies there will bâ— doing and vndoing Things will goe backward the house will come to ruine for God wil not blesse where his ordinance is not obeyed This is allowable that she may in modest sort shew her minde and a wise husband will not disdaine to heare her aduise and follow it also if it bee good But when her way is not liked of though it bee the best way she may not therevpon set all at sixe and seuen with what should I labour and trauaile I see my husband taketh such waies that hee will bring all to nothing This were nothing els but when she seeeth the house falling to helpe to pull it downe faster Salomon saith The wise woman buildeth her house much more then doth she vnderprop it and holde it vp that by her husbands vndiscreet dealing it be not pulled downe She must not thinke her selfe freed from dutie because he walketh not in his dutie but holde her place and labour for her part to vpholde all and so God will either blesse the worke of her hands to the maintenance of the house or giue her husband more wisedome and care or else giue her a contented minde with a low estate which is great riches One point of subiection is to be content with such apparell and outward port as her husbands estate can allow her They faile in this who by importunitie and disquietnesse wring from their husbands more then hee can well cut out of his reuenues or gettings It is a part of vnfaithfulnesse 2. Faithfull secretly to purloyne and powle from him for to pranke vp her children or her selfe her house and chambers in brauerie and besides it is a close vndermining of her house Loue and peaceablenesse in the wife towards the husband 3. Louing Loue is a naturall affection of the minde inflaming all the powers of the Louer with willing dutie towards the beloued is auaileable for the weale of the familie for where they agree louingly there they counting the good of the one the benefit of the other doe ioyntly watch against all such things in their familie as might endammage it There the seruants knowing that in pleasing one they shall please both and contrariwise be carefull in all things to
willeth the matrimoniall imbracements to be chast the bed to be vndefiled and their progeny vnspotted it is after the mind of S. Paul Ephes 5.25.26 27. a signe of the great mystery wherewith Christ doth indissolubly vnite himselfe vnto his Church Therefore thou oughtest so much as shall lie in thee to lift vp thy mind and to remember how great and worthy an image thou doest represent and that thy wife shall be vnto thee as the Church and thou vnto her as Christ therfore thou shouldest shew thy selfe vnto her as Christ shewed himselfe vnto his church The loue of Christ vnto his church is incredible and thy loue also to thy wife ought to be most effectuall Societie and to liue togither is the most surest and strongest knot to knit ioyne amitie loue among men al other beasts There can be no greater societie or companie then is between a man his wife whose house whose goods whose chamber c. is common their children are common they themselues partakers of all good euill successe of prosperity and aduersity the which societie and fellowship were sufficient to stir prouoke him that loueth not his wife to loue and beneuolence And what company or loue shall a man looke to haue of him that loueth not his wife There are that in loue and amitie looke for gaine as the vile Epicures do vnworthy to be beloued men which loue themselues not their friends And if we haue a regard vnto commoditie and profit there is nothing that giueth so much as doth a good wife no not horses oxen seruants or farmers for a mans wife is the fellowe and comforter of all cares and thoughts and doth more faithfull and true seruice vnto him then either maid-seruant or man-seruant the which doe serue men for feare or else for wages but thy wife will be ledde onely by loue and therefore shee doth euery thing better then all other And this doth God declare saying Let vs make Adam a helper like vnto himselfe By the Helper is signified the vtilitie and profit of the seruice and by the similitude and likenesse is signified loue For a seruant and hee that is hired are farre vnlike the master and are taken well nigh for no men A seruaunt in the stead and place of an horse or of an oxe the which must bee beaten and inforced to their worke doth serue his master A hired seruant is in the place of an hired horse for whē the hire is paid the societie fellowship dissolueth The child is part of the father and through a naturall pitie they loue each other but yet the wife is more annexed and ioyned to her husband The father doth labour and taketh paine for his children but the childten seldome labour or take paynes for their fathers and oftentimes are sent to inhabite and dwell in other mens houses whereby in a manner it appeareth that their straight and fast societie doth dissolue and breake But the wife cleane contrary doth continually take paines for her husband who may neither as long as she liueth change house nor bed If commoditie and profit be looked for no commoditie excelleth this if thou shalt loue thy wife thou shalt liue most pleasantly if not thy life will be most miserable wretched For there is nothing so sharpe nor so bitter as to hate the thing that doth fauour and loue thee nor nothing more happy as to loue him that hateth thee Therefore loue that thou mayest be loued Now we will in few words shew the occasions of wedlocke why and wherefore it was ordeyned and for what purpose it should bee contracted that euery man and woman may the better vnderstand to what thing they consent when eyther of them graunteth to marrie the other Doubtlesse it cannot otherwise be but that marriage which was ordeined of such an excellent author as of GOD himselfe in such a worthy place as Paradise and of such an auncient time as in the state of Adams and Eues innocencie and after such a notable order but that it must likewise haue speciall causes for the ordinance of it Therefore the holy Scripture doth declare chiefely three causes thereof The first is the procreation begetting Three causes of marriage bringing vp of children Gen. 1.27 28. 9.1 For in the children do the parents liue after a sort euen after death And if they be well and vertuously brought vp God is greatly honoured by them the common wealth is aduanced yea their parents and all other fare the better for them For they are their parents comfort next vnto God their ioy staffe and vpholding of their age and therefore Parents ought to beginne betimes to plant vertue in their childrens breastes for late sowing bringeth a late or neuer an apt haruest young branches will bow as a man will haue them But olde trees will sooner breake then bow c. But more of this shall be said after in the dutie of parents Although mariage be a holy and sanctified ordinance yet none may vse the benefite of it Psal 51.5 without some acknowledgement of originall sinne in that adulterie and whoredome are wrought by this meanes albeit this is not imputed to the children of God who vse this meanes with as much chastitie as may be and so long as the husband and wife do keepe themselues togither in the feare of God and in all modestie and sobrietie If then in mariage it selfe there is such mischiefes what hellish mischiefe is there in those lustes which are not sanctified without these considerations So that marriage is not a mad and dissolute estate neither are husbandes to turne their wiues into whores or wiues their husbands into whoremasters by immoderate intemperate or excessiue lust Many thinke they cannot sinne in this behalfe if they passe not their owne wiues but they may make their marriage polluted defiled if they vse it without prayer and sobernesse c. 1. Thess 4.4.5 Therefore the husband is to forbeare the company of his wife when it is with her as it is common to women c. Ezechiel 18.6 Leuiticus 18.19.24.27.29 and 29.18 This was one of the sinnes for which the Lord rooted out the Cananites out of their land The 1. cause The second occasion why Marriage was ordeined was that the wife might bee a lawfull remedie to auoid whoredome Wedlocke lawfull for such as haue not the gift of chastitie fornication and all filthie vncleane lusts 1. Cor. 7.2.3 c. Touching this point I will say no more for it is handled at large by others alreadie and I haue elsewhere sufficiently discoursed of it The 3 cause The third and last cause was for mans commoditie to the end to auoid the inconuenience of solitarinesse that the one may helpe comfort the other Gen. 2.18 in sicknesse in affliction and in all household cares and troubles as education of children and keeping the familie in order
by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherein notwithstanding they must consider what is expedient least by this long breaking off as it were from mariage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point which is that the husband should not bee bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is prooued by the sayd Apostle Collos 3.19 Anger in a husband is a vice saying Husbands loue your wiues and bee not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must bee circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternes betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnes betwixt them The roote of bitternesse to be weeded out with the spade of patience as it is vnpossible alwaies to bee free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenes and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure How when the husband ought to reproue Ephes 4.26 And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharply and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of other but let him keepe hiâ— words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meeknesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults Faults sometimes must be couered with loue and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischance shall happen vnto him let him take it patiently and beare it cheerfully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yet let it rather bee a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause of sorrow for that which is past and can not be holpen Euery wise man by his owne experience knoweth Not to take vnkindenesse for euery trifle that he is in this life subiect to manie inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle specially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that hee ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it that he might sanctifie it Fphes 5.25 26 27 28 29. and clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinckle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blame So ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies hee that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said The husband is to the wife in Gods stead The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ toward his Church is a liuely paterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what maner of Church Christ gaue when he ioyned it to himselfe and how he doth not onely not lothe all her filth and vncleannesse but ceaseth not to wipe the same away with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen or nature therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if hee loue not his wife which hee proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church togither and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided Husbands may not be rigorous towards their wiues especially when they be new married Prou. 20.3 The husband is alwaies to remember that hee bee not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience otherwise it shall rather bee the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome tâ— gouerne and the wife patience to suffer they shal be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to bee iarring and brauling The Wife is not to be vsed or intreated as a Handmaide or seruan◠〈◊〉 as a fellow Pro. 8.7 and 14 9. and 15.5 and 18.2 27.22 Pro. 9.1 9. and 19.25 Genes 16.6 Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discreet word is sufficient because that if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discreetly sayd she will neuer amend by that which is threatned VVhen the wife shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likelie that there will often follow braulings and quarels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun braulings and quarellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoide the same when they shall bee newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will â—â—e returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their mariage the wise and discreet husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truly setled one toward the other The falling out of louers is the renewing of loue although afterwards they come to some household words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnes not of old rooted hatred therfore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred bee mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the daies of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet neuer forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of mariage doe take the heart to lothe and abhorre her husband then a miserable life will follow to them both For although
the husband shall haue power to his wife to feare and obey him yet hee shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands doe boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeede liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeuour by all good meanes to labour to bee in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husbanâ— ought to feare to bee in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she doe once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to bee satisfied that he hath robd his wife of her virginitie but in that he hath possession and vse of her will for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well maâ—ried and liue christianly together and very well contented And therfore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credit in ballance and also sometime his life in perill because it is easie to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnes or displeasure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and his wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they bee such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they bee such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizard a foole That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman a babler light of behauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c. it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and wayward mildly to suffer her to the ende that shee waxe not worse But some husbands bee of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly bee loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their companie so currish that they seeme angrie euen when they bee best pleased they can not speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences Rom. 12.17 1. Tim. 5.8 But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure This is also a dutie not to bee forgotten namely that husbands be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to clothe their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants dulie because that in voluntarie matters men may bee negligent but the necessities of their house doe neither suffer negligence or forgetfulnes The dutie of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The dutie of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keep the house The dutie of the husband is to get monie and prouision and of the wiues not vainly to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wiues to talk with few The dutie of the husband is to be entermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The dutie of the man is to bee skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The dutie of the husband is to be a giuer Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse and of the wife to bee a sauer The dutie of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without doore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnes the house wherein these are neglected wee may terme it a hell It is to bee noted and noted againe that as the prouision of household dependeth onelie on the husband The honor of the Husband dependeth of the Wife euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman 1. Cor. 11.7 The glorie of the man But here it must be noted and â—emembred that wee doe not intitle honourable to such as bee onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely of her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last poynt is that the husband loue The third poynt cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne bodie and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for to sanctifie it And this point is plainly proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whores yea among brute beasts Cant. 4 9.10 1. Cor. 9.5 1. Pet. 3.7 But a christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the profession of the sound and christian religion and so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnes temperance secrecie obedience such like christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauored and of poorâ— parentage But as wee would that the man when he loueth should remeÌ„ber his maiestie so we would that when he ruleth he forget not his loue nor to temper it with maiestie And when he doth thinke himselfe to bee the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the bodie
hee ought in like maner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children bee common betweene them bone of bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall bee in wedlocke a certaine sweete and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no mariage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the minde So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly doe the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth â—se to ride and to pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenes that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paine A sharpe and shrewd wife must bee pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with maiestie and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt finde her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to bee honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and of his wife and that he is set as it were in a Station to watch and diligently to take heede what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in 1. Cor. 11.3 Ephes 5.23 For although the husband by Gods ordinance bee the head ouer his wife yet hee may not abuse or despise her but must louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne bodie For like as the head seeth and heareth for the whole bodie ruleth and guideth the bodie and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband bee head vnto his wife in like maner to shew her like kindnes and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her witâ— discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreate her but to bee her defender instructor teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth trulie and hartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Philosophers Hee ought therefore to indeuour and more force himself that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him hee may not hate her or quarell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her Ephes 5.18.29 For no man yet euer hated saith the Apostle his owne bodie but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby hee enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies hee sayth Leuit. 10.10 Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much more are they bound to loue their wiues as themselues which are their next neighbours 1. Sam. 1.8 As Elkanah did not loue his wife lesse for her barrennesse â—ut sayd Am not I better vnto thee then ten sonnes As though he fauoured her more for that which she thought her selfe despised So a good husband will not take occasion to loue his wife lesse for her infirmities but comfort her more for them as this man did that shee may beare with his infirmities too Gal. 6.2 And so the one to helpe to beare the others burthen and so they shall the better fulfil the law of Christ For as in a citie there is nothing more vnequall theÌ„ that euery man should bee like equall so it is not conuenient that in one house euery man shuld be like and equall together There is no equality in that citie where the priuate man is equal with the Magistrate the people with the Senate or the seruants with the master but rather a confusion of all offices and authoritie The husband and the wife are Lords of the house Genes 1.28 Genes 2.18 vnto whom the Lord said Be ye Lords ouer the fish of the sea and ouer the fowle of the heauen and ouer euery beast that moueth vpon the earth And the selfe same Creator said that the woman should bee a helpe vnto the man Therefore the husband without any exception is master ouer all the house and hath as touching his familie more authoritie then a king in his kingdome The wife is ruler of all other things but yet vnder her husband There are certaine things in the house that onely doe appertaine to the authoritie of the husband wherwith it were a reproach for the wife withoâ—â— the consent of her husband to meddle withall as to receiue strangers or to marry their daughter But there are other things in the which the husband giueth ouer his right vnto his wife as to rule and gouerne her maidens to see to those things that belong vnto the kitchin and to huswiferie and to their household stuffe other meane things as to buy and sell certaine necessarie things may be ordered after the wit wisedome and fidelitie of the woman It cannot wel be rehearsed how many vtilities and profites the mutual concord and loue of man and wife doth bring to great things both at home and abroade nor how many losses and incommodities doo growe of the dissention and discorde betweene them For the housholde when their maister and their mistresse or dame are at debate can no otherwise bee in quiet and at rest then a cittie whose Rulers agree not but when it seeth them in concord and quietnesse then it reioyceth trusting that they wil be euen so vnto them as it perceiueth then to be among themselues wherein surely they are not deceiued for if the man and his wife doo louingly and gently support and intreate one an other they learne not to disdaine or for euerie light fault to be angrie with their seruants or yet for any household words to bee vexed or
angrie one with the other but to set aside all hastie and â—â—â—ell words and correction with all other thinges that issue and proceed of a disdainfull and a furious mind And the seruants are not onely merrie therefore but also they doo their seruice the more obediently and cheerefully shewing reuerence vnto the maiestie that proceedeth and increaseth of quietnesse and concord For the husband doth defend his wiues maiestie with loue and beneuolence and the wife her husbands with honour and obedience So that vnitie and concord causeth them to be esteemed wise honest and vertuous and they must needs bee good seeing they haue loued so long togither But there can bee no long amitie or friendship but betweene those that are good the which doo suffer and deuoure vp those things for the which other men leaue and forsake amitie and breake off charitie Neither doth there growe of any other thing so great reuerence and maiestie as of the opinion and estimation of another mans goodnesse and wisedome the which reuerence is not onely honoured within the doores but also shineth and extendeth it selfe into the cittie so that he is taken for an honest man and accounted to be louing and gentle seeing that hee loueth his wife so constantly and also he is reputed for a wise man considering that he can so moderately handle so difficult and hard matters and he is reckoned worthie to rule a common wealth that with such wisedome discretion and iudgâ—ment doth rule and gouerne his owne house and that he may easilie conserue and keepe his Citizens in peace and concord that hath so wel established the same in his owne house and familie And on the other side none will thinke or beleeue that he is able to be ruler or to keep peace and quietnesse in the towne or Cittie who cannot liue peaceably in his owne house where hee is not onely a ruler but a King and Lord of all And in matrimoniall debate and discord the man is more to bee blamed then is the woman because that hee being the chiefe Ruler and head doth not purge and remedie her of that vice the which ingendred that discord or else patiently beare suffer the same for the blame of al discord is commonly laid on him that is chiefe because he would not moderate nor stay the thing to come to such a strife â—nd discord or else because he was not able to do it In the first there appeareth manifest maâ—ice in the second impatience weaknesse the which ought to be far froÌ„ him that is esteemed â—o be most worthy appointed to rule gouerne others And thus he coÌ„meth into hatred â—or as much as he hath left off to do his duty and â—ffice wheÌ„ necessitie required it That husband â—hat loueth not his wife after that he hath enioiâ—d her for a season but doth wax feeble cold which is a thing most meet and conuenient for â—hose that are kindled with bodily lust lecheâ—ie who are very beasts and no men hauing no â—easoÌ„ but are drawn to those deeds through the â—otion of their sences the which after the heat â—e a little past will clean change their opinion Also there are other occasions The causes why the husband should loue his wife that should mooue the husband to extend this loue to his wife in case he be not duller then a stone As for â—â—at his wife hath suffered so great trauel and laâ—our that she hath borne and brought him forth children the heires of his name and substance and the vpholders of his familie and that shee hath forsaken her fathers goods and riches to follow him and to suffer with him both good and euill and that she setting her whole mind now vpon him knoweth no other father nor yet any of all her kinne What one thing shall suffice if these and others cannot do it who so will then obey nature humanitie and wisedome shall euery day loue his wife more and more And the better he knoweth her the more he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought thus to loue his wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes The husband must loue his wiues kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly theâ— cousin doth aide and helpe them and that shee in like maner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her frends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsmen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any and thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties themselues which are ro bee performed of the husband and wife are eyther pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues for pietie and godlinesse 1. The first common dutie is praier that they pray together by theÌ„selues for as they are to pray with others in their families for thinges which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posteritie and that in the birth the children be comely and not monstrous in comming foorth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well carriage and good behauour as likewise for their household and for diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike families As Isaack and Rebecca besides the praiers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams familie did also pray together priuately as in Genes 25.21 it is saide Isaack praied before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another as the husband is to admonish the wife so also to teach her and the wife to admonish the husband and in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the Maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5.13.14 heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Jorden according to the saying of the Prophet So in like maner the husbands dutie is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet
labours into a bottomlesse sacke and the wife that is matched with such a husbaÌ„d draweth a Carte heauie loden through a sandy way without a horse Such a husband especially if idlenesse drawe him to loue and haunt Ale-houses and tauernes is cruel to his wife and children and such a wife confoundeth her husband bringeth reproch and pouertie to her whole familie The remedie for the husband that hath such a wife is patience with discreet admonition and praier to God as also the helpe for the wife that hath such a husband is tolleration gentle exhortation and chearfull and louing entertainment of her husband whereby to induce him willingly to keepe home They are also to be mutual helpers each to other in matters concerning their own saluation and the seruice of God First if one of them as saith the Apostle bee an vnbeleeuer the other must labour to drawe his partie to the knowledge of the trueth Saint Paul exhorting the husband and wife of contrary religions not to part but to dwel together addeth a notable reason saying What knowest thou ô man whether thou shalt saue thy wife 1. Cor. 7.16 or thou ô woman whether thou shalt saue thy husband Therein declaring that the faithfull person in dutie is to labour and indeuour to winne his partie to the knowledge of the trueth and so to saue her Saint Peter exhorteth wiues to bee subiect to their husbands albeit vnbeleeuers and such as not obey the word that so without speech By their holy and vertuous conuersation 1. Pet. 3.1 they may winne them Secondly if both be beleeuers their dutie is to confirme and strengthen each other in the time of persecution that they constantly follow Iesus Christ They are also each to helpe and comfort other if eyther of them happen to fall into any fault or sinne They ought also each to perswade other to charitie to relieue the poore diligently to frequent sermons to vse praiers and supplications and praise and thanksgiuings to the Lorde to comfort each other in the time of afflictions to be short either to exhort other to walke in the feare of God and in all duties and exercises beseeming the children of God 2. King 4.10 In this manner did that holy woman Elizeus Hostesse exhort her husband to prepare a chamber for the Pâ—ophet to lodge in Saint Paul also saith 1. Cor. 14.35 that women desirous to learne should question with their husbands at home Whereby he sheweth that the husband ought to bee so instructed as hee may be ready to instruct his wife at home And therefore the husband after the example of the Bee should euerie where gather euerie good instruction that he might bee able to impart it to his wife and by hauing communication acquaint her therewith There are other duties which bee common both to the husband and the wife as among the rest such as proceed of the vnion and coniunction of marriage whereof it is said They are one flesh Genes 2.24 Math. 19.5 And of this vnion proceedeth the mutual loue betwixt them For no man saith the Apostle hateth his owne flesh but loueth and cherisheth it Ephes. 5.15 Titus 24. But for as much as the foundation of this mutuall loue is the vnitie of marriage wherby the husband and the wife are made one flesh the husband as the head the wife as the body It followeth that this loue must be stedfast not variable and that the vnion of marriage continue notwithstanding whatsoeuer befall either the husband or the wife Notwithstanding whatsoeuer complexions wee say natures and infirmities may appeare whatsoeuer sicknesse losse of goods iniuries griefes or other inconueniences that may arise yet so long as the foundation of loue that is the vnion of marriage doth continue so long must loue and affection remaine Math. 5.44 God commandeth vs to loue our neighbours as our selues because they be of our flesh Albeit therefore that he contemne hate offend or wrong vs albeit he be our enemie and in respect of himselfe deserueth not that wee should loue him yet because hee is of our flesh the foundation of loue remaineth we must loue him How much rather ought they to put this in practise who by the bond of marriage are made one flesh The rather because the vnion betweene man and wife is without comparison more straight bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction wehreby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alterarion and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to bee among the causes of the flood Genes 6.2 The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is mony that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our daies Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beautie riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile groundes is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintayned with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned and therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish and continue the loue that thereof proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy As contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradice of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the household They that will auoide such strife must therfore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For a vessell made of two peeces and glewed togither may at the first bee easilie broken but in time groweth strong so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned togither by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and dutie each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another frendly each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ Let the husband thinke that he hath married a daughter of Adam with all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not maried an Angell but a childe of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soone amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion
and complaine that they can finde no loue in their wiues whose loue and amitie through their own crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they glorying and cracking thus cruelly to bee their wiues masters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come seeing now that all loue and pleasure is cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holie Scripture doe witnesse bee the head ouer his wife and God their father there ought to bee betweene them such societie and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and his sonne and not such as is betweene the master and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may bee vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and christianly this is not the least namely that for as much as neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together and then the partie that ouerliueth purposing to marrie againe and hauing been churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband which their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceably and dutifully in their first mariage What the dutie of a wife is towards her husband THis dutie is comprehended in these three points First that shee reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit her selfe and bee obedient vnto him And lastly that she doo not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but her attire must bee comely and sober according to her calling The first point is prooued by the Apostles Peter and Paule 1. Pet. 3.1 Ephes 5.22 Col. 3.18 1. Cor. 7.3 whereby they set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to bee obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious and that they ought to doe so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might win them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more they should shew themselues thankful to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in mariage with godlie wise discreete learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thriftie husbands Wiues must be seruiceable and obedient vnto their husbands stand in a reuerend awe of them Ephes 5.33 And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them yea rather to bee carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she hath pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shal chance to blame her without a cause for that which she could not helpe or remedie which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkinde words for it but euermore look vpon him with a louing and cheerfull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her Chearefull in countenance then seeme to be displeased Let her be alway merie and cheerfull in his companie but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it bee in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not bee sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but alwaies to be careful that nothing be spilt or go to waste through her negligence In any wise Genes 27.9 see that she bee quicke and cleanly about her husbands meate and drinke and to prepare him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deede wise humble courteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it bee for her husbands sake Genes 2.23 24 Matth. 19.5 1. Cor. 6.16 Ephes 5.31 Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that shee ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe How the Wife ought to behaue her selfe vnto her Husband for this is the greatest vertue of a maried woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commaundeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and mother Mine owne deare husband and well beloued brother And if it be true that men doe say that friendship maketh one heart of two much more trulie and effectuallie ought wedlocke to doe the same which farre passeth al maner both friendship and kindred Therefore it is not sayd that mariage doth make one man or one minde or one bodie of two but cleerely one person wherefore matrimonie requireth a greater dutie of the husband towards his wife and the wife towards her husband then otherwise they are bound to shew to their parents The Apostle biddeth Rom. 12.15 to reioyce with them that reioyce and weepe with them that weepe With whom should the wife reioice rather then with her louing husband Or with whom should she weepe and mourne rather then with her owne flesh I will not leaue thee 2. King 21.5 saith Elisha to Eliah so she should say Gal. 6.2 I will neuer leaue him till death Beare one anothers burthen saith Paul Who shall beare one anothers burthen if the wife do not beare the husbands burthen Wicked Iezabel comforted her husband in his sicknesse 1. King 21.5 1. King 14.4 Genes 12.1 and Ieroboams wife sought for his health though she was as bad as he God did not bid Sarah leaue her father and countrie as he did bid her husband yet because he bad Abraham leaue his she left hers too shewing that she was content not onely to bee his play-fellow Genes 2.18 but his yoke-fellow too Beside a yoke-fellow she is called a Helper to helpe him in his labours to helpe him in his troubles to help him in his sicknesse like a woman phisition sometime with her strength sometime with her counsell 1. Cor. 1.27 for sometime
the life to come as for their bodies and this present life Parents that either cannot write and reade or will not or haue not time to teach their children will yet send theÌ„ to schoole and such as would haue them learne some Art or Occupation or traffique if themselues professe not the same wherein they like to employ their children they will yet put them to dwell with those that doe professe the same to the ende they may learne How therefore can parents excuse themselues when their children remaine vntaught in those things that concerne the glorie of GOD and life euerlasting But howsoeuer it bee if they be neither able of themselues nor doe prouide to haue theÌ„ taught by others they shall bee inexcusable in the sight of God and the ignorance of the children ingendring contempt of God loue of the world and neglect of heauenly felicitie will crie out for euerlasting vengeance against their parents so that if they account not their children as beasts without soule or if they loue them with the due loue belonging to parents let them declare their loue especially to the soule the christian instruction whereof surmounteth all worldly treasure Some say it would bee a great comfort for them in heauen to know their neere kindred and consequently their children and this commeth of naturall affection But might it not bee a greater discomfort for them euen in their life time to see them goe to hell for want of instruction Some charge their children to be dull witted and hard to be bowed or brought to any goodnesse or vertue Albeit naturall inclination bee a great helpe or profiting yet exercise and custome to do well is a mightie meanes to bend and shape them that way yea euen such that by experience we finde this olde prouerbe true Vse ouer commeth nature As the wheele-wright doth by strength bow his timber letting it lie long in that bent it abideth crooked Barren ground well tilled soyled and sowen with good feed groweth fruitfull and yeeldeth good increase Iron weareth with handling The water by continuall dropping weareth the stone Wilde beasts may be tamed and wilde colts by custome be brought to the saddle and are content to be led by the bridle euen so the dullest capacities may by instruction and custome be fashioned to vertue As contrariwise the wit most inclined by nature to vertue may by bad instruction and the conuersation of the wicked be peruerted and grow vicious Parents therefore are herein to respect two points first to begin to frame and bend their children in their tender youth to vertue remeÌ„bring that a seale entereth deepest into softest waxe They must be carefull that they do not speake or tell any foolish tales bawdie rimes or vngodly speeches before their children least they infect their tender wits with follie and astonishment Experience sheweth that children will sooner learne any language by conuersation then elder folks Also that the yonger the twig is the sooner it is bent or made straight Secondly it is the parents dutie to restraine their children from haunting and conuersing with such as be vicious peruerse and wicked And vndoubtedly we see that they do soone learne villanous vnseemely speeches and malicious lewd actions with their corruptions and as the old prouerbe saith Halting with the lame they shall learne to halt A child that naturally speaketh wel by conuersing with such as corrupt their speech shall degenerate and speake as badly Tie a yong twig that is crooked with a straight one that is stronger then it and in growing it will become straight and so continue when it is vndone And contrariwise a straight one tyed to that which is crooked and stronger then it selfe will grow and continue crooked Moreouer parents when they meane to put forth their children to any trade or occupation eyther to learning they then ought carefully to see and enquire whether such as they thinke to place them withall bee râ—ligious and vertuous and endued with the feare of God Many men in the admittance of a seruant the feare of some temporall or carnall inconuenience causeth them to enquire of his or her trueth honestie or other qualities Therefore if parents shall commit their child to the ordering and instruction of a master before they make inquirie of his honestie christian conuersation they plainely shew that they haue lesse care of the corrupting or infecting of their child with vice then of some smal inconuenience that might happen by an vnhonest and vnthriftie seruant When they buy an earthen pot they sound vpon it to see whether it be broken least they should be deceiued in a small piece of money yet doe they not sound whether the master to whom they commit their child bee vicious or vertuous albeit by putting and placing him with one that is vicious and irreligious they put him in danger of losse both of body and soule Some doe respect their friendship with some masters rather then their vertue and so doe commit to theÌ„ their children least they should be angrie for putting them to another These men doe resemble and bee like him who being dangerously sicke vseth the aduise of an ignorant Physition that is his kinsman or familiar friend for feare he should take offence if he should call another albeit without comparison more learned and skilfull If thou shouldest haue any waightie matter in law wouldest thou rather commit thy cause to an ignorant negligent atturney because he is thy friend then to him that were both diligent and learned Making a Voyage through some dangerous Sea wouldest thou in a tempest commit thy Ship to a young Pilot vnskilfull or drunke because hee is thy Friend What a foole art thou that wilt not take the like care of the profite honour safetie and saluation of thy child Others commit their children either to him that is best cheape or by whom they may grow into greatest aduauncement in the world but neuer respect the hazard of their child so they may eyther spare or get worldly goods Let them also bee carefull to restraine their children from vice and to inure accustome them to vertue As indeed the fathers that instruct or cause their children to be instructed doe farre excell such as onely doe beget them for of these they receiue life onely of the other good and vertuous life Yet parents ought not so much to relie and rest vpon the diligence of their childrens masters as neuer to care to vnderstand how they profite and goe forward in learning and vertue for the regard of such diligence would make the masters more carefully to discharge their duties And thereof came the Prouerbe The masters eye fatteth the horse and this The masters eye is the fruitfulnesse of the garden Vpon these sinnes ensue many punishments both ghostly and bodily as well in the parents as in the children yea and in all the posteritie The holy Scripture giueth great commendarion to sundrie men women for
be partaker of the inheritance of the Saints in light and hath deliuered thee frō the power of darknes and hath translated thee into the kingdome of his deare sonne 2. Cor. ◠1 Rom. 13.12 Receiue not this grace in vaine but cast away the works of darknesse and put on the armour of light Be renued in thy heart and in thy spirit that it may appeare I haue bin carefull for thee Thus a carefull father seeketh to traine vp his sonne and to nurture him Now there bee some necessarie meanes and helpes whereby godly parents may the more effectually and vertuously bring vp their children according to the directions before spoken of as these First not to suffer their children and youth to haue their owne will For Salomon saith Prou. 11.20 They that are of a froward heart are abomination vnto the Lord. And againe in the 29. chapter vers 15. A childe set at libertie maketh his mother ashamed But what will some be readie to answere in this case Oh hee may be broken of that time enough afterwards But what saith the Wiseman Eccles 25.27 Giue no passage to the waters no not a little The heart of a childe is as the violent waters And as those which haue experience in keeping and repairing the sea bankes can easily tell vs that if the raging waues should be suffered to break ouer but one tide they should hardly in many daies recouer it againe so if thou sufferest thy childes affections to haue the full swinge and course yea but a small season thou shalt hardly or neuer againe winne this breach 2. The second meanes is moderation in diet not to pamper children with too much meate or that which is delicate but to giue thē that which is holesome and sufficient and no more For excesse breedeth diseases both in bodie and minde maketh them gluttons and drunkards consumers of patrimonie and this vice draweth a thousand more with it and euen as the fattest soyle bringeth foorth the rankest weedes so pampered children brought vp without due gouernment and discipline thrust forth the greatest and most ouergrowne vices 3. The third helpe is not to clothe them with costly apparell or to attire them with new fashions For this againe is contray to the nature of paines and labour and stirreth vp pride For euen as the soft flaxe soone catcheth holde on the fire so youthfull nature will soone bee inflamed with this vice as lamentable experience too much teacheth at this day For from whence commeth this disguised monstrous apparell but from wanton and dissolute education of youth This is the speciall sinne of England and if any thing bee the ouerthrow of it which God for his mercie turne away it will be this the land is too heauie of this sinne For the pride of al nations and the follies of al countries are vpon vs how should wee long beare them How art thou fallen from heauen Esa 14.12 Zeph. 1.8 ô Lucifer sonne of the morning And it shall be in the day of the Lords sacrifice that J wil visit the Princes and the Kings children and all such as are clothed with strange apparell 4. The fourth helpe is reprehension or chiding And this is taught Prou. 29.15 The rod and correction giue wisedome Where by the rod is vnderstood chastisement and by corrections is vnderstood chiding or reprehension The want of this helpe was the vtter spoile and vndoing of Adonijah as may be seene 1. King 1. 2. chapters And here we cannot but iustly finde fault with most parents who though they be somewhat carefull for their children while they be tender yet when they be come to some yeares of discretion as to fifteene or sixteene which time is most fit for reprehension because then by al reason it should soonest enter and which time againe is most dangerous because then our affections are most strong in vs oh then they be growne to mens and womens estate they may not be reprehended they may not be disgraced But know thou oh wise parent that so long as thou hast a childe so long thou art a parent and so long as thou art a father so long thou must carrie a fatherly authoritie and power ouer him 5. The fift helpe is chastisement and it may well be called a helpe because where reprehension will not serue that must helpe and this must bee vsed in order and method as the skilfull Phisition will not giue his strong and bitter pill before his preparatiue least the working of it should be hindered by the stubborne and indurate obstructions so the wise parent in curing his sonnes vices must not strike before he hath reprehended or preadmonished least either he bee too much cast downe and discouraged or waxe obstinate This kinde of phisicke as it is more strong then the former so it hath a more forcible and excellent working For great is the godlinesse in that seueritie by which the power of sinning is taken away And againe Salomon in the 22. of the Prouerbs vers 15. saith more worthily Foolishnes is bound in the hart of a childe but the rod of correction shall driue it away And againe in the 13. chapter vers 24. He which spareth the rod hateth his sonne that is he is an enemie vnto him Wherefore know thou this O thou father that when thou seest thy sonne dangerously sicke with the disease of sinne and doest not vse this helpe and remedie which God in his holie word hath prescribed vnto thee thou art accessarie to thy childes death as an enemie and his blood shall be required at thy hands because that where thou mightest haue saued him thou hast wilfullie cast him away For Gods loue good parents looke to your children Oh that parents had lesse naturall affection or more wisedome for euery parent is blind in his owne children Oh is it not a pittifull thing that parents should themselues make graues for their owne children and burie them quicke without all compassion and thinke they doe well in it And is it not a follie aboue al follies that while the parent layeth his hand vpon his childs mouth to keepe away the colde winde hee presseth it down so hard that he strangleth him therwith Thus many a father and mother in the world haue killed their deare ones by their inordinate loue and cockering of them and thus manie poore infants must still be murthered because parents will not be warned Parents are bound by the law of nature to loue their children for what a crueltie were it not to loue them that they haue gotten and borne But yet wisedome requireth that they somewhat dissemble and hide their loue especially to those children that bee of some reasonable discretion least they should take boldnes thereupon to doe what they list Genes 6.5 and 8.21 Matth. 15.19 For if we well consider of mans nature that it is euill euen from his birth we shall then finde the young childe which lieth in the cradle to
be both wayward and full of affections which though his bodie bee but small yet he hath a great heart and is altogether inclined to euill and the more hee waxeth in reason by yeares the more he groweth proude froward wilfull vnruly and disobedient If this sparkle bee suffered to increase it will rage ouer and burne down the whole house For we are changed and become good not by birth but by education For like as planting and carefulnesse hath great power in all growing things euen so hath Education greater vertue and strength yea and better fruit in the diligent bringing vp of children Therefore parents must bee warie and circumspect that they neuer smile or laugh at any words or deedes of their children done lewdly vnhonestly naughtily wantonly or shamefully nor to kisse or commend them for so doing For children will commonly accustome themselues vnto such things as they shal see and perceiue to bee pleasing and delightfull to their father and mother Therefore they must correct and sharply reproue their children for saying or doing ill and make it knowne vnto them that they be neither wel pleased nor contented with their so doing but that it greatlie disliketh them And againe on the other side let them kisse and make much of them whensoeuer they shal see or heare them do any thing that is a signe of goodnesse But such is the fond and too much cockering affection of some parents towards their children that there is more neede in these daies to teach and admonish them not to loue them too much then to perswade them to loue them For Dauids darling was Dauids traytor 2. Sam. 15. all and 18.33 And this is the maner of God and his iust iudgemēt that when any father or mother begins as it were to set their childe or any thing els in the roome of God and so loue the same aboue him which gaue it either to take away the child or the thing or els to take away the parents before they prouoke him too much For as the Ape doth with too much embracings well neere kill her young whelpes so likewise some vndiscreet parents through immoderate loue and ouer-much pampering and cherishing do vtterly spoyle and marre their children Therefore if parents would haue their children liue they must take heede that they loue them not too much for the giuer is displeased when the gift is more esteemed then he Ill bringing vp is a cause of marring many which are of a good towardnesse and wit We may see by experience how that many children of good wit and towardnesse are marred and spoyled for want of good education and so get those vices from their tender yeares which all their life after doe for the most part accompanie them For when parents doe either too much cocker their children or by their lewd example allure them to naughtinesse or neglect due instruction what other thing I pray you can come to passe then which wee see in trees which from the beginning being neglected become crooked and vnfruitfull Contrariwise they that are pruned erected ordered and watered with the hand and cunning of the Husbandman are made straight fertile and fruitfull So that the manner of life education and custome are of great importance to moue to vertue What a great follie is it in parents to toyle themselues and bee occupied in getting riches and to bee nothing carefull for their children for whose sake riches are gotten Assuredly there can none more precious and better heritage bee left vnto children then if they bee well and vertuously brought vp from their tender age and be rightly instructed vnto vertue from their infancie This patrimonie remaineth with them continually nothing at all subiect to the stormes and troubles of fortune But wee see two speciall causes Two things which much hinder good education why some parents doe more negligently prouide that their children be instructed to wit too much cockering and niggardship In cockering mothers do more often offend and especially those which haue but few children These doe like as if some Husband man should refuse to till his field because hee hath but one onely Who could suffer this mans follie and peruersenesse of iudgement Is it not much more to be tilled because it is onely one Yes verely that so the profit and increase of one may recompence the want of many euen so after the same sort wee iudge it to bee the dutie of mothers so much more diligently to bring vp their children by how much they are fewer But wee see what doth let mothers The fewer the children the more diligently to be cared for that they bewel brought vp that they loue their children more dearely then that they can suffer them to be an houre out of their sight but this is cruel loue so to loue their children that they should bee as it were giuen ouer of their mothers vnto all naughtinesse of which peruerse and cruell loue not a fewe shall suffer the iust punishment which with great griefe of minde and with teares shall be compelled to see the vnbrideled wantonnesse and vngratiousnesse of their children vnto which they doe now all too late goe about to prouide a remedie The second cause which hindereth good education On the other side niggardship is oftentimes greater then that parents will bestow the cost Whatsoeuer is spent vpon horse-keepers or horse-breakers fooles minstrels dogs hawkes c. that some thinke well bestowed but if they see any thing to be spēt about instructing their children they thinke all that ill bestowed and are much more carefull that an horse bee well framed to vauting and leaping then that their childe bee well instructed to vertue This inconuenience commeth to the minds of children if they bee not well brought vp that they become seruile and open to all sin and naughtines For if a man leaue his field vntilled hee shall finde it to haue brought forth fearne and thistles and such vnprofitable weedes after the same sort if he shall leaue the wittes of his children vnlooked vnto and vnexercised hee shall be sure to reape most aboundant fruite of wantonnes and vngratiousnes The holie Ghost speaking in the Scriptures of foolish sonnes as that he that begetteth such a one getteth himselfe sorrow and that the father of a foole hath no ioy Prou. 17.21 meaneth it not so much of naturall fooles or idiots and such as are destitute of common reason although it is true that is a lamentable iudgemēt of God and a heauinesse to the parents of such a childe as of wicked children such as either are ignorant in the word or not knowing how to order one right steppe to the kingdome of God or els hauing some knowledge abuse it to maintaine their carnall lusts and appetite For this cause as it would griue parents to haue naturall fooles to their children or such as either in some imperfection of nature are dismembred or deformed and misfigured in the
obedience in the hearts of their children as he framed the heart of Isaac with entire affection to embrace Rebeccah whom his father Abraham had by his steward prouided for him Gen. 22.7 c. The third poynt that appertaineth to pareÌ„ts The third poynt Examples doe much more perswade then words yet we must liue by precepts and not by examples is to be themselues examples of al godlinesse vertuousnesse to their childreÌ„ So that they must remember that they theÌ„selues do not say or do anything that is euil or offensiue in the presence of their children For it is certaine that children follow learne nothing so much and so soone as that which they see their father mother do or say For the vertue thriuing and prosperitie of children are for the most part wrought by the fathers and mothers good example and instructions and so contrariwise For that which is done by example the inferiours will think they may lawfully doe the like As good examples doe edifie and vphold so ill examples doe destroy and confound For humanitie is taught by the law of Nature If therefore Parents by their example should teach the contrary what do they else but indeuour to transforme meÌ„ into beasts beginning first to performe it in their own children They must be circumspect that their children do not fight and iniurie one another and if they sweare curse lye or speake any bawdie or ribaldous words or sing any filthie rymes or vnchristian songs theÌ„ to reprooue them sharply for it And let Parents alway labour that their children may rather feare them for loue and reuerence then for feare of punishment For children that obey their Parents for feare of correction such commonly feare them no longer then the stripes endureth As the father beginneth so it is like the sonne wil proceed Before all things it is needfull that Parents should shew themselues vnto their children as a manifest patterne or example not only by not sinning and offending God any waies but also by liuing godly and by doing all things honestly that so their children may looke into their liues peruse themselues as in a glasse And therefore if Parents do giue good examples Gal. 6.7 they shall reape the fruit thereof on the life behauiour manners and prosperitie of their children For children loue and delight to do as their Parents did before them All christian fathers ought to be very careful in nourishing and maintaining naturall loue and concord amongst the children and familie and in no wise to suffer any sparke of hatred to enter into their harts Math. 18.7 least it kindle a fire in their breast much lesse ought they themselues to cast in coales of discord among them by vnkinde or iniurious examples of dealing For the state of a familie if it be in due order is like to a frame of ioyning worke or building whereof if some one peece be out of his place it tendeth to a disordering of all the rest and one disorder following another all bee commeth out of ioynt and falleth vnto confusion very dispraisable So that Parents therefore ought to be carefull to maintaine their children in peace concord and amitie For if discord and contention be daungerous and pernitious among al men how much rather betweene brethren and sisters Likewise if it be hard quenching of stomacke and debate betweene those that are not conioyned in kindred it is farre more difficult to reunite bretheren because enmitie among theÌ„ is mightie and strong like Iron barres to keepe them asunder Neyther is there any thing more slipperie or of greater efficacie to subuert a familie then dissention among brethren It is an olde saying by concord small things do growe but by discord great things come to nought Againe how daungerous it is for Parents to shew more loue and affection to one childe theÌ„ to another except vppon iust and great cause the example of Iacobs children doth testifie For what was the originall of their enuie and crueltie executed against their brother Ioseph Genes 37.3 Moses there saith that Iacob louing Ioseph better then his brethren made him a partie coloured coate and thereof they tooke occasion to take him and to speake roughlie vnto him Parents therefore to the end to preuent like inconueniences are to vse equalitie among their children so neere as may bee whether in their ordinarie vsage or in the diuision of their goods For all men naturally are inclined but too much to the loue of earthly goods so the vnequall sharing and diuiding of the same doth oftentimes breed great braules pernitious debate betweene brethren and sisters Therefore all fathers and mothers are with great diligence to take heed what they say or do in their houses and that they doe not commit any lewde or wicked deed whereby their children may bee moued to imitate and follow the same neither that they vtter or speake any bawdy or ribaldous words or vse to sweare or lye in their presence for euill speakings or coÌ„munication saith the Apostle corrupteth good maners 1. Cor. 15.33 Seruants also are to be looked vnto and sharply rebuked if they doe commit or shew any lewd tricke or vnhonest behauiour in the presence of children eyther in word deed or gesture For iustly bee they called murtherers that kill their children being new borne and kill but the bodie How great wickednesse is it then to kill the mindes of children through euill examples Deserue not such seruants seuerely to bee punished by law thinke you that bewitch young children or hurt their weake bodies with poisons What then do they deserue which corrupt the chiefe parts of Infants with most vngratious venome we meane by filthie talke and lewâ—e conuersation of life yet it is a lighter matter to kill the body then the minde and soule Further Parents ought to bee circumspect and warie that their children doe not haunt or vse euill company or vse any vnhonest pastime For if it bee so that a father will not suffer his childe to come into a place where he may be in daunger to take hurt of his body eyther by infection of the plague or otherwise how much more is hee bound to with holde and keepe his childe from comming there where hee should hurt and poyson his soule The last poynt Gen. 3.19 Ezech. 16.49 Pro. 12 11. and 18.9 1. Tim. 5.13 2. Thes 3.10.11 The fourth and last poynt is that all Parents doe with all care and diligence keepe their children from lazie Idlenesse a vice no doubt out of which doe spring many inconueniences And is condemned by the holy Ghost in many places of scripture whereby God declareth that hee created no man in vaine or to no purpose neither is there any man vnto whoÌ„ he hath not alotted as it were a certaine standing roome and a lawful calling to walke in Wherupon it followeth that the order which God hath appoynted is troubled by such as liue idely yea
this impietie in the sight of God that Noah by the conduct and direction of the holy Ghost cursed both him and all his posteritie And therefore we well and truly may say that those children who in stead of defending the honour of their parents doe lay them open to shame and reproofe and come of the cursed seed of Ham. This dutie of honoring parents The honour due to parents is performed and paied when they doe worshipfully and reuerently esteeme of them as to thinke that â—hey are giuen to them of God Childrens duty is from their beginning to their ending to be subiect obedient and helpfull to their Parents to the end that they should reuerence loue and alwaies haue a care of them if for nothing els yet for the Lord sake who is and doth thinke himselfe despised so long as children contemne their parents and either think or little regard them So then children honour their parents when with their help and counsell they ayde them in their olde age and vnweildie crookednesse when they ease and helpe them in the time of their neede Matth. 15.4 5 6 or succour them otherwise in any case else and do wholly bestow themselues and all that they haue Exod. 21.15.17 Leuit. 20.9 Pro. 20.20 and 30.17 Deut. 27.16 to do them good withall yea they ought not to giue them a rough or stubborne answer or once so much as to mumble or mutter an answere against their parents neither to smite or curse or speake euill of their father and mother vnlesse they will procure the vengeance of God to light vpon them for the same What children do to their parents they doe to God so that they may not purloyne or diminish any of their substance Pro. 28.24 Children haue alwaies to remember that whatsoeuer they doe to their fathers and mothers bee it good or euill they doe it to God when they please them they please God and when they disobey them they disobey God when their parents are iustly angrie with them God is angrie with them neither can it be that they may come to haue the fauour of God againe no although all the Saints in heauen should intreat for them vntill they haue submitted themselues to their father and mother If children and seruants would alwaies keep in minde this saying so to doe and behaue themselues to their parents Matth. 7.12 masters dames as they would haue their children and seruants to doe and behaue themselues to them when God shall vouchsafe to make them parents masters or dames then no doubt they would obey and reuerence their parents masters and dames more dutifully and faithfully then now they doe Matth. 7.2 Luke 6.3.8 For let them assure themselues that such measure as they now meat to their pareÌ„ts masters and dames such will bee measured to them againe by their children and seruants Also children must bee carefull to follow the good examples of their fathers mothers and to suffer themselues to bee gouerned by them and to bee mindfull to bestow all paine and diligence to discharge their dutie towards them and herewithall they must know that they are not at their owne libertie to doe as they list so long as they haue a father and mother to rule them and not to fall out among themselues Psal 133.1 but mutually to loue and helpe one another And yet children haue alwaies to remember that they may not in any case obey their parents when they shall commaund them to doe or say any thing that is contrarie to the word of God And yet they are to bee thought well of For example Ionathan who with others obeyed not his father Sauls commaundement 1. Sam. 20.28 c. 22.17 Dan. 3.18 Acts 4.19 who charged him to persecute Dauid therfore hee is worthily commended in the holie Scriptures For the duties of the first table are alwaies to be preferred before the duties of the second table This subiection therefore that children owe vnto their fathers ought in verie deede to bee vnto them as a ladder or staier Matth. 23.9 to leade them to the reuerence and obedience of God who is our chiefe father As children receiue of their parents three things to wit life maintenance instruction so for these three they owe other three namely for life they owe loue for maintenance they owe obedience for instruction they owe reuerence For their life they must feruently loue their parents for their maintenance they must dutifully obey their parents as masters and for their instruction they must cheerefully reuerence their parents as their Tutors And further children must remember that the Lord hath giuen to them their parents to take of them their beginning of life and that they might nourish and bring them vp and of rude and almost brutish things they might make them able to helpe liue of themselues yea and such mothers as are godly and vertuous doe suffer and endure more paine griefe in the bearing bringing vp and nourishing of their children then the fathers do So that greater are the pleasures and good turnes that christian parents do for their children greater is the cost and labour that they bestow on them and greater is the care griefe and trouble which they take for them then any man how learned so euer he be is able to expresse And therefore if there were no other reasons or causes to moue children greatly to loue to esteeme well to obey to be kinde faithfull and dutifull and to reuerence their parents and that with such a reuerence as commeth from the hart yet these were sufficient Maides and young women are to be put in minde and alwaies to remember that the best portion the greatest inheritance and the most precious iewell that they can bring them on their mariage day is Shamefastnesse the want whereof is most hurtfull in all women And therefore they must carefully shunne and auoide all idle and wanton talke nice lookes dalliance and light countenance when they walke abroad or bee in companie A man needeth many things as wisedome eloquence knowledge of things remembrance skill in some trade or craft to liue by iustice courage and other things and qualities moe which were too long to rehearse and though some of these be lacking yet he is not to be disliked so that he haue many of them But in a maide no man will looke for eloquence great wit ordering of the Common-wealth prudence c. Finally no man wil looke for any other thing of a woman When a woman loseth her honestie then hath she lost her chiefe treasure but her Honestie the which onely if it be lacking she is like a man that wanteth all that hee should haue For in a maide the honestie and chastitie is in stead of all She verily may trulie be said to bee an euill keeper that cannot keepe one thing well committed to her keeping and put in trust to her with