under_o this_o beam_n but_o step_v aside_o and_o so_o pass_v away_o lay_v my_o hand_n thereon_o as_o i_o step_v by_o the_o side_n of_o it_o when_o sudden_o i_o think_v the_o house_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n at_o which_o i_o be_v something_o trouble_v pass_v on_o the_o way_n and_o wonder_v in_o myself_o what_o this_o shall_v be_v till_o i_o be_v overtake_v by_o some_o rude_a malicious_a man_n who_o accuse_v i_o for_o set_v this_o house_n on_o fire_n and_o will_v not_o hear_v i_o speak_v but_o be_v violent_o haul_v i_o away_o to_o prison_n with_o which_o be_v sufficient_o affright_v and_o my_o stesh_n set_v a_o tremble_v i_o awake_v and_o be_v offend_v with_o myself_o for_o be_v so_o much_o concern_v at_o a_o foolish_a dream_n and_o fancy_n so_o it_o be_v yet_o dark_a i_o lay_v i_o down_o and_o fall_v asleep_o again_o and_o waste_v cast_v into_o the_o same_o dream_n again_o exact_o and_o at_o my_o right_a hand_n i_o think_v there_o be_v a_o grave_a ancient_a man_n full_a of_o white_a hair_n like_o wool_n and_o a_o long_a white_a beard_n who_o stand_v by_o i_o and_o say_v cheer_v up_o fear_v not_o for_o the_o lord_n have_v send_v i_o to_o comfort_v thou_o and_o to_o tell_v thou_o that_o he_o have_v choose_v thou_o to_o preach_v his_o word_n and_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n which_o be_v the_o staff_n thou_o have_v in_o thy_o hand_n and_o wiâ—…_n this_o staff_n which_o be_v the_o word_n of_o god_n thou_o shall_v walk_v home_o to_o thy_o father_n house_n in_o heaven_n where_o be_v fullness_n of_o joy_n but_o after_o a_o time_n thou_o will_v be_v trouble_v with_o the_o different_a opinion_n and_o way_n of_o man_n and_o seem_v at_o first_o to_o be_v at_o a_o loss_n yet_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v thy_o guide_n go_v on_o and_o as_o thou_o go_v forward_a the_o way_n of_o the_o lord_n will_v still_o appear_v plain_a before_o thy_o eye_n the_o footstep_n thou_o see_v be_v the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n that_o have_v go_v before_o you_o which_o will_v be_v a_o great_a help_n to_o you_o and_o you_o shall_v walk_v cheerful_o on_o in_o the_o way_n which_o be_v clear_a to_o you_o and_o shall_v see_v no_o other_o but_o yet_o you_o must_v meet_v with_o the_o fair_a house_n on_o the_o left_a hand_n that_o be_v the_o glory_n and_o great_a one_o of_o the_o world_n who_o make_v a_o great_a and_o fair_a show_n to_o man_n as_o if_o build_v high_a but_o they_o must_v fall_v and_o be_v only_o on_o the_o left_a hand_n of_o you_o whilst_o you_o will_v despise_v and_o preach_v against_o they_o and_o turn_v your_o eye_n forward_o to_o go_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n without_o turn_v about_o by_o the_o beam_n that_o come_v out_o of_o this_o house_n be_v mean_v the_o power_n and_o opinion_n of_o these_o who_o when_o you_o shall_v cross_v or_o step_v aside_o or_o will_v not_o stoop_v under_o they_o they_o be_v set_v on_o fire_n and_o inflame_v on_o a_o sudden_a but_o be_v not_o trouble_v go_v forward_o although_o they_o send_v after_o you_o say_v you_o have_v bring_v this_o fire_n upon_o they_o and_o though_o they_o false_o accuse_v you_o and_o seek_v to_o hawl_v you_o to_o prison_n for_o this_o fact_n whereof_o you_o be_v altogether_o innocent_a at_o which_o i_o awake_v again_o it_o be_v about_o daybreak_n wonder_v with_o myself_o what_o it_o shall_v mean_v and_o very_o believe_v it_o to_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_a anâ—_n be_v fill_v with_o confidence_n and_o comfort_n i_o rofe_n up_o and_z writit_fw-la down_o present_o next_o day_n i_o go_v away_o towards_o huntingtonshire_n where_o i_o be_v accept_v and_o entertain_v and_o have_v a_o comfortable_a maintenance_n for_o several_a year_n but_o after_o all_o these_o deliverance_n i_o multiply_v abundant_o in_o gift_n and_o grace_n either_o to_o pray_v expound_v read_v sing_v hymn_n and_o spiritual_a song_n with_o the_o spirit_n and_o understanding_n and_o as_o israel_n exod._n 1._o the_o more_o he_o be_v afflict_a he_o multiply_v the_o more_o so_o bless_a be_v the_o lord_n i_o be_v the_o more_o fill_v with_o the_o spirit_n endue_v with_o strength_n and_o grace_n and_o refresh_v with_o peace_n and_o joy_n the_o more_o i_o have_v suffer_v so_o that_o all_o my_o trouble_n be_v through_o grace_n but_o as_o joseph_n step_n to_o high_a enjoynment_n and_o find_v the_o lord_n so_o abundant_o to_o endue_v i_o from_o above_o and_o to_o qualify_v i_o for_o the_o call_v that_o i_o have_v before_o in_o the_o night_n for_o the_o ministry_n which_o â—ittle_a thought_n or_o imagine_v can_v have_v come_v to_o pass_v my_o friend_n have_v often_o resolve_v on_o the_o contrary_a and_o all_o thing_n so_o fair_o concur_v i_o be_v much_o confirm_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v design_v i_o thereunto_o and_o not_o long_o after_o i_o be_v by_o a_o godly_a people_n earnest_o importune_v and_o at_o length_n grevail_v with_o to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n and_o be_v soon_o know_v about_o the_o country_n so_o although_o i_o have_v ever_o since_o meet_v with_o several_a affliction_n opposition_n and_o trouble_n yet_o many_o have_v give_v testimony_n to_o the_o word_n i_o have_v preach_v in_o divers_a place_n the_o lord_n be_v praise_v to_o the_o great_a refresh_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o towards_o the_o fill_n up_o of_o my_o joy_n when_o i_o shall_v give_v a_o account_n to_o their_o comfort_n at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v forth_o as_o a_o pastor_n and_o public_a teacher_n by_o the_o church_n and_o i_o know_v my_o ministerial_a commission_n and_o authority_n to_o be_v from_o god_n and_o notwithstanding_o the_o divers_a temptation_n i_o still_o meet_v with_o find_v my_o heart_n full_a of_o corruption_n and_o my_o life_n a_o continual_a warfare_n yet_o i_o bless_v god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o in_o divers_a way_n which_o i_o have_v not_o here_o declare_v from_o the_o fraudulent_a gin_n and_o snare_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o who_o have_v call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o light_n that_o his_o power_n be_v strong_a in_o i_o than_o any_o that_o have_v be_v against_o i_o and_o i_o be_o the_o better_o provide_v against_o satan_n because_o i_o now_o live_v by_o faith_n in_o the_o son_n of_o god_n above_o the_o letter_n in_o the_o life_n above_o the_o form_n in_o the_o power_n above_o self_n in_o a_o high_a self_n where_o i_o have_v my_o abode_n so_o that_o i_o be_o not_o 〈◊〉_d but_o by_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n it_o be_v that_o i_o be_o what_o i_o be_o i_o have_v provision_n within_o see_v christ_n in_o i_o be_v the_o hope_n of_o glory_n and_o i_o do_v certain_o expect_v salvation_n in_o christ_n jesus_n my_o head_n my_o lord_n my_o elder_a brother_n and_o the_o first_o fruit_n of_o they_o that_o rise_v again_o and_o although_o i_o meet_v with_o daily_a trial_n at_o home_n and_o abroad_o within_o and_o without_o yet_o i_o be_o all_o the_o time_n ascend_v to_o heaven_n the_o same_o way_n that_o christ_n my_o redeemet_n go_v who_o have_v through_o the_o veil_n consecrate_a a_o new_a and_o live_a way_n for_o i_o into_o the_o holy_a of_o holies_n i_o can_v comfortable_o drink_v after_o my_o saviour_n out_o of_o his_o own_o cup_n and_o in_o eat_v his_o meat_n and_o drink_v his_o drink_n i_o can_v take_v gall_n and_o vinegar_n as_o well_o as_o milk_n and_o honey_n and_o i_o account_v the_o enjoyment_n of_o christ_n to_o be_v the_o enjoyment_n of_o all_o the_o excellency_n and_o happiness_n in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n nesther_o do_v i_o doubt_v butâ—_n shall_v appear_v perfect_a in_o his_o righteousness_n be_v pardon_v by_o his_o death_n purge_v by_o his_o blood_n sanctify_v by_o his_o spirit_n and_o save_v by_o his_o power_n and_o to_o be_v glorify_v as_o he_o be_v glorify_v and_o see_v he_o as_o he_o be_v and_o whilst_o i_o live_v and_o breath_n i_o hope_v and_o resolve_v to_o live_v to_o he_o and_o for_o he_o as_o well_o as_o by_o he_o and_o i_o shall_v not_o desire_v to_o live_v one_o minute_n long_o than_o it_o may_v be_v for_o his_o honour_n glory_n and_o service_n which_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n of_o heaven_n to_o make_v i_o fit_a for_o and_o faithful_a in_o and_o to_o prepare_v my_o soul_n for_o that_o glory_n which_o be_v to_o be_v reveal_v j._n r._n ii_o experience_n of_o r._n w._n i_o will_v declare_v what_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v for_o i_o first_o in_o my_o youth_n my_o father_n be_v a_o godly_a man_n in_o dublin_n in_o ireland_n bring_v up_o his_o child_n very_o religious_o but_o for_o my_o part_n though_o i_o be_v well_o educate_v and_o instruct_v yet_o i_o be_v very_o disobedient_a be_v young_a and_o headstrong_a and_o refuse_v to_o hearken_v to_o my_o father_n advice_n which_o he_o often_o give_v
be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o foundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a but_o for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a master-builder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a sight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v he_o the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o have_v love_v jesus_n christ_n then_o i_o be_v afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n with_o fear_n because_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v
of_o the_o gate_n from_o one_o post_n to_o the_o other_o with_o a_o broad_a blade_n most_o keen_a and_o cruel_a at_o which_o sad_a sight_n be_v almost_o distract_v with_o fear_n i_o shriek_v out_o yet_o have_v not_o the_o least_o power_n to_o stop_v but_o be_v forcible_o carry_v towards_o it_o so_o that_o the_o edge_n of_o the_o threaten_a blade_n meet_v with_o my_o body_n it_o seem_v to_o â—e_v impossible_a that_o i_o shall_v escape_v death_n and_o i_o make_v no_o other_o account_n but_o to_o be_v quite_o off_o and_o part_v asunder_o but_o afterward_o be_v hurry_v through_o with_o that_o irresistible_a force_n i_o have_v strength_n to_o stay_v a_o little_a beyond_o it_o and_o to_o contemplate_v the_o desperate_a peril_n that_o i_o be_v in_o i_o stand_v as_o one_o amaze_v and_o scarce_o know_v whether_o i_o be_v alive_a or_o dead_a yea_o i_o can_v hardly_o believe_v myself_o to_o be_v any_o thing_n but_o a_o dead_a man_n or_o at_o least_o mortal_o and_o deadly_o wound_v if_o not_o woeful_o and_o deplorable_o cut_v in_o twain_o oh_o how_o i_o stand_v tremble_v and_o turmoil_v in_o my_o thought_n until_o after_o some_o time_n the_o vital_a blood_n which_o be_v retire_v for_o the_o heart_n defence_n begin_v to_o disperse_v and_o circulate_v in_o its_o former_a course_n and_o then_o i_o look_v about_o and_o turn_v to_o the_o gate_n way_n but_o the_o appearance_n be_v pass_v away_o the_o sword_n go_v and_o vanishâ—_n whilst_o i_o be_v leave_v alone_o the_o rest_n run_v away_o in_o a_o labarynth_n of_o fear_n grief_n and_o doubt_n free_a from_o any_o wound_n without_o but_o deep_o and_o woeful_o wound_v within_o and_o never_o since_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n grace_n as_o i_o know_v of_o have_v i_o make_v such_o vain_a and_o irreverent_a meâ—ntion_n of_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n but_o good_a god_n what_o be_v thy_o will_n herein_o thou_o who_o be_v not_o tie_v to_o mean_n or_o order_n best_o ordere_v and_o dispose_v of_o all_o thing_n for_o thy_o own_o design_n and_o glory_n and_o so_o this_o be_v i_o be_o sure_a but_o what_o it_o be_v i_o know_v not_o yet_o it_o leave_v a_o last_a impression_n upon_o i_o and_o the_o sear_n be_v still_o to_o be_v be_v see_v in_o my_o heart_n though_o the_o wound_n be_v heal_v but_o alas_o how_o long_o and_o lamentable_o do_v i_o lie_v afflict_v and_o in_o continual_a fear_n after_o this_o every_o thunder_n and_o lightning_n i_o look_v upon_o as_o fatal_a to_o i_o and_o send_v to_o destroy_v i_o and_o then_o i_o will_v fall_v to_o my_o prayer_n and_o say_v my_o creed_n and_o commandment_n and_o to_o my_o sermon_n as_o fast_o as_o i_o can_v that_o i_o may_v be_v find_v well_o do_v at_o least_o if_o not_o as_o a_o charm_n to_o preserve_v i_o or_o a_o challenge_v to_o god_n by_o virtue_n of_o they_o to_o keep_v and_o defend_v i_o and_o i_o remember_v it_o be_v a_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o to_o confider_v that_o other_o do_v not_o do_v as_o i_o do_v but_o that_o they_o altogether_o flight_v holiness_n prayer_n etc._n etc._n and_o live_v wicked_o and_o carnal_o in_o drunkeness_n disobedience_n sabbath-breaking_a and_o other_o sin_n every_o day_n this_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o grieve_v at_o and_o weep_v over_o that_o i_o in_o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o it_o as_o have_v more_o hope_n and_o fancy_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o a_o better_a condition_n than_o they_o and_o therefore_o shall_v have_v more_o favour_n from_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n but_o all_o this_o while_n like_o a_o israelite_n in_o egypt_n i_o work_v for_o life_n and_o my_o service_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o i_o will_v often_o take_v occasion_n to_o discourse_n with_o my_o brother_n sister_n and_o schoolfellow_n about_o heaven_n and_o hell_n and_o what_o a_o hard_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o be_v save_v be_v at_o malden_n in_o essex_n some_o time_n after_o i_o have_v a_o certain_a dream_n which_o seem_v afterward_o fulfy_v it_o be_v about_o the_o time_n when_o the_o spaniard_n and_o hollander_n have_v a_o sea_n fight_v in_o the_o down_n which_o i_o hear_v some_o talk_n of_o it_o fill_v i_o with_o fear_n and_o the_o follow_a night_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v fire_n rain_v or_o rather_o pour_v down_o round_o about_o and_o look_v where_o i_o be_v i_o think_v myself_o to_o be_v without_o the_o coach_n yard_n gate_n of_o my_o father_n house_n i_o be_v much_o affright_v to_o see_v nothing_o out_o fire_n on_o every_o side_n of_o i_o and_o look_v upward_o and_o about_o i_o pray_v earnest_o for_o deliverance_n none_o come_v nigh_o i_o by_o a_o good_a space_n though_o flame_v in_o all_o place_n else_o so_o that_o i_o can_v see_v none_o exempt_v wherefore_o be_v afflict_v for_o my_o father_n and_o our_o family_n i_o fall_v on_o my_o knee_n to_o ask_v mercy_n for_o they_o and_o continue_v pray_v a_o long_a while_n before_o i_o can_v be_v hear_v but_o at_o last_o i_o think_v i_o be_v bid_v to_o arise_v and_o look_v and_o then_o the_o fire_n seem_v not_o to_o fall_v so_o fast_o on_o my_o father_n house_n as_o before_o but_o abate_v by_o little_a and_o little_a till_o i_o awake_v now_o though_o this_o dream_n seize_v much_o upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o the_o present_a yet_o i_o account_v it_o only_o a_o fancy_n till_o about_o six_o year_n after_o meeting_n with_o dr._n draiton_n in_o the_o isle_n of_o ely_n and_o repeat_v it_o to_o he_o he_o declare_v to_o i_o that_o for_o several_a reason_n which_o he_o give_v this_o must_v be_v more_o than_o a_o mere_a dream_n or_o work_n of_o fancy_n and_o that_o something_o will_v happen_v which_o this_o do_v presignisie_n instance_v in_o some_o of_o the_o like_a kind_n which_o himself_o his_o wife_n and_o other_o have_v meet_v with_o as_o warning_n and_o prediction_n and_o therefore_o he_o wish_v i_o by_o no_o mean_n to_o slight_v or_o contemn_v it_o because_o he_o be_v confident_a it_o do_v presage_v some_o fiery_a and_o angry_a dispensation_n upon_o our_o family_n and_o that_o my_o father_n and_o the_o rest_n will_v fall_v undersome_a trouble_n by_o the_o time_n or_o otherwise_o and_o myself_o shall_v be_v free_a and_o at_o liberty_n to_o pray_v for_o they_o and_o that_o by_o degree_n they_o shall_v be_v bring_v out_o and_o the_o fire_n abate_v this_o interpretation_n which_o he_o give_v more_o full_o be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n verify_v some_o year_n after_o but_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v labour_v for_o heaven_n in_o a_o exceed_a formal_a way_n and_o do_v much_o covet_v to_o know_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o therefore_o often_o wish_v that_o i_o be_v a_o minister_n such_o a_o one_o as_o mr._n fenner_n mr._n martial_n mr._n hooker_n my_o father_n or_o some_o other_o eminent_a preacher_n that_o so_o i_o may_v attain_v to_o their_o knowledge_n and_o then_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v do_v more_o abundant_a service_n for_o god_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n be_v behold_v to_o i_o for_o my_o obedience_n and_o shall_v the_o more_o easy_o and_o sure_o obtain_v salvation_n thus_o i_o poor_a creature_n continue_v for_o several_a year_n together_o keep_v many_o fast_a day_n by_o myself_o hear_v read_v sing_v psalm_n meditate_a use_v soliloquy_n and_o pray_v many_o time_n a_o day_n and_o what_o not_o and_o yet_o at_o last_o sink_v into_o the_o depth_n of_o despair_n what_o by_o the_o often_o thought_n of_o hell_n in_o read_v drexelius_n upon_o eternity_n and_o then_o think_v of_o the_o endless_a easeless_a and_o remediless_a torment_n of_o the_o damn_a what_o by_o frequent_a fright_v as_o before_o and_o what_o by_o my_o father_n once_o preach_v on_o the_o parallel_n of_o the_o fool_n in_o the_o gospel_n luke_n 10.20_o thou_o fool_n this_o night_n will_v i_o take_v away_o thy_o soul_n than_o who_o shall_v these_o thing_n be_v that_o thou_o have_v provide_v from_o whence_o he_o discover_v the_o unaccountable_a folly_n of_o man_n to_o lay_v up_o the_o trifle_n of_o this_o world_n and_o forget_v heaven_n that_o eternal_a happiness_n be_v not_o to_o be_v obtain_v upon_o a_o down_o bed_n nor_o without_o much_o pain_n and_o care_n since_o our_o bless_a lord_n tell_v we_o that_o many_o strive_v hard_a to_o enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n and_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a and_o that_o except_o our_o righteousness_n exceed_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n we_o shall_v in_o no_o case_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n matth._n 5.20_o what_o with_o these_o and_o other_o thing_n i_o be_v almost_o throw_v into_o the_o bottomless_a abyss_n of_o desperation_n i_o take_v the_o bible_n to_o look_v these_o scripture_n and_o read_v they_o over_o and_o over_o again_o but_o the_o more_o i_o read_v the_o more_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o horror_n
i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a inâ—…tructions_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n which_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v into_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o persect_n upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o senfible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_v but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgnession_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o ander_fw-mi the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o refreshment_n and_o from_o a_o sermon_n preach_v by_o dr._n usher_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v the_o shield_n and_o defence_n of_o
let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperâ—_n fection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n 〈◊〉_d though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n souchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o enjoyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v â—nto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v drawn-forth_a my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o meriâ—s_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a
not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scriptureâ—_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o for_o you_o be_v noâ—_n under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_z rest_z oâ—_n he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o other_o wise_a to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o donbting_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o aftermany_a comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5,6_o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16,17_o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o pierce_v into_o my_o heart_n as_o i_o desire_v 4._o i_o have_v sometime_o such_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o enlargement_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o find_v much_o peace_n with_o god_n thereby_o which_o i_o