that person can say somewhat more or less concerning the nature of it and how it was wrought in his soul if the Lord hath in any measure revealed himself to you in this way let me intreat you both for your own souls good and perhaps other souls good but chiefly that the Lord may thereby be glorified to let me know the time and manner of his drawing you to himself by his unspeakable love and mercy Conv. Oh Blessed be God that he hath opened the heart of his faithful Minister to demand such a matter of such a poor wretch as I am oh what am I that I should be examined instructed and confirmed about the matters of my eternal pretious and never dying soul Oh that the Lord would so enable me in this great work that I may not be found to lye against the holy Ghost by adding to or diminishing from what I have found but that I may have my heart and conscience witnessing within me that these following things are so indeed Min. I am glad to hear what you have said and the Lord bring all things concerning our present work into your remembrance that his name may be glorified and your soul much comforted and to this end it will be requisite to demand of you What condition are you in by nature Conv. O Sir A rebel to my God a slave to my lust a prodigal to my Father an alien from the Common-Wealth of Israel in short had I dyed in my natural state I had been eternally miserable John 3.3 except c. Min. How long did you continue in that deplorable condition Conv. Oh too too long but yet blessed be God and admired be free Grace that it was no longer it was as neer as I can guess eighteen years and a few dayes when the Lord did incline my heart in good earnest to seek the things of its everlasting peace Min. Well and how then did the Lord begin with you were your eyes never opened to see your lost undone condition before that time Conv. Oh yes when I was twelve or thirteen years of age the Lord discovered my condition so much to me that I did then firmly believe all that did serve the Lord were in a very blessed and happy estate let what come as could come they were happy and likewise that if I should then have dyed I should have been eternally miserable having no hopes in Christ neither did I in that condition expect any benefit by him and as I very well remember the Lord made the thoughts of death so terrible that I could not endure to think of it but yet it came so much in my mind and did so terrifie me that I cannot express how I did dread to think of it but this worked nothing in me but oh with horrour and amazement be it spoken I was willing then to go to hell and did rejoyce in that I could quell my gripes of conscience by thinking that I should be as well able to endure the flames of hell and the frowns of an angry God as any of them all and that I should have company enough there and so did rejoyce because I was willing to be damned willing to be damned how what did I say but surely I was not oh my soul how can it be make ' answer was it so yes and was I oh was I indeed willing to be damned oh the height and length and breadth and depth of the love and goodness and long suffering patience of an offended and highly provoked God that I was not then thrown into hell indeed but that he should suffer such stubble as I was to be in his sight and that the fire of his Jealousie had not consumed me as in a moment but still I went on in sin as if I would not have let God alone till he had damned me Min. By what you have said I perceive then you were throughly convinced of the necessity of holiness and of leaving your sins and serving the Lord and that there must be Regeneration wrought in you before Glorification could be hoped for by you but surely being convinced of the blessed condition of the godly you could not but sometimes wish your self in their condition how did you carry your self under this did you resolve that you would never be as they were Conv. Truly many times I would have been glad to have been in their condition but I was so glued to the world and my sins that I could not endure to think of leaving them yet to my best remembrance I never resolved that if I should live never so long I would not repent but that after I had gotten a great estate in the world and was grown old and were as it were uncapable of taking any more delight in these things below that then I would have set out towards Heaven and oh I cannot but think and I desire with fear and trembling to think what a loathsome Sacrifice I should then have been even stunk in Gods nostrils when I had given the marrow and fatness and strength of my body to the devil then I should have had just cause to fear the Lord would have buryed me out of his sight Oh I say I staid in the devils service so long that I smelt so of fire and brimstone I mean of sin that had not the body of a Crucified Advocate Jesus Christ as a Vail stood between the Justice of God and my guilty soul certainly he would soon have drawn out a bill of indictment against me and have sent me away with a Go ye Cursed Min. By what you have said I perceive you lay under Convictions for about 6 years with very little grief or sorrow for sin but although you knew what you were to do yet you did not do what you did know I will ask you but one ' question more before I come to the chief point in hand and that is this What duties you engaged in in this time and how you carryed your self under them Conv. Now even now I begin to revelâ— from my promise but that I might if poâ—sible debase my self below the vilest crâ—â—ture in the world I will declare somethiâ—â— and enough to make your very hair to staâ—â— an end and oh that the Lord would 〈◊〉 make me so reflect upon my self th◠〈◊〉 may abhor my wretched self in dâ—st 〈◊〉 ashes for oh Lord if this wâ—â—◠〈◊〉 what will for the greater part of 〈…〉 06 years I lived without Prayer and 〈…〉 the Scripture but seldom misseâ—◠〈…〉 â—y reason of my civil education and as to Prayer but why should I call it so scarce ever did I desire that the Lord should hear me nay I did often in my heart desire to the contrary nay more when I have been upon my knees and my conscience hath constrained me to say prayer I have suddenly received an inward motion to this effect that God at that time was a minding other affairs and that then I might
my heart at that time was so desperately wicked that doubtless had not an Almighty Power pittied me I should even have pawned my soul for the obtaining of what I then desired then in a passion I made a presumptuous vow that I would leave off that sport for one year this was about November or December which for a little time I kept and now observe the great subtilty of the Devil in this particular for no sooner was it the first day of January but presently I was told that my vow was out of date and that it signified nothing and they being my carnal friends that told me I was willing to make my conscience submit so that I soon embraced my old sport again and did plainly lay my self open to the wrath of God for such a great sin yet I could not so much charm my conscience but it would often accuse me for it but it was not many weeks after but I engaged as deeply in the same sin of gaming as before and now hear and admire for even now will appear such love as never any was ever sensible of but such as have felt it having been at the losing hand the season of the night calling me away I left off but much troubled and about five in the morning I awakened and then there was a pleasant lightness upon my spirit as if it had been refreshed after great trouble what this meant I could not tell yet could not but take special notice of it that I who went to bed much dissatisfied and perplexed should when I awaked seem to be so much comforted and my sleep for a little time departed from me and certainly I had some deep thoughts which now I cannot remember but the result of them came to this I did then engage my self by a fresh vow that the next morning I would play so as to venture about two shillings and if I lost that then not to play any more for such a certain time and to my best remembrance for as I would not add so I would not diminish and so rob God of his glory and my poor soul of comfort I did at that time lift up my heart to God but with what affections I cannot tell I hope not without great shame to crave his aid that I might be enabled to keep my great vow and so when the time came that I was to venture my mony which I thought very long with great chearfulness I went to play being very willing and I think desirous to lose which was soon accomplished according to my hopes which when it was ended I cannot say what I thought or how my heart worked but as I think that very day my heart was somewhat troubled by what follows for I having lost a great part of that in which my heart so much delighted and idolized as its God and rested in as its ultimate end I could not find rest in it as formerly and so being much troubled I went to peruse some toyes that I had by me and amongst them there was one Jewel which the Lord was pleased to put into my hand which was a Book intituled The Crumbs of Comfort the which when I felt my heart somewhat inclined to peruse I was much perplexed within my self and could not but wonder what manner of salutation this should be and now I hope I have great cause to acknowledge that the hand of God was in all this but I will not on this account any waies turn aside but go on as my own heart and conscience now witnesseth to me and I hope the Spirit of God likewise and so very desirous I was to know the meaning of this dark providence as then it appeared to me to be that more or less for two daies together I often perused more of the Book but my heart was little affected to any particular thing and yet I was troubled more and more within me and could find no rest for my poor soul and in less than a weeks time I think about the end of two or three daies the more I read I began to have more deep thoughts and heart amazing considerations which began to make me exceedingly troubled and much cast down about the state and condition of my poor captive soul which as I told you before was almost sunk into the bottom of the bottomless Sea of Gods wrath from which there is no redemption with the weight of its insupportable sins And now what the chief actings of my soul were I cannot tell but sure I am that my trouble did increase yet more and more and I hope it was for my sins for I do well remember that within very few dayes or rather hours after the sence of my sins came into my mind and the sight of them was so clear and the number of them so numberless and their aggravations so weighty and the nature of them so detestable that what I then felt I cannot now possibly declare Oh where was I certainly had I been surprized with the greatest enemies in the world and my life in the greatest danger I could not have been more troubled and had I been afflicted with all the tortures that man could have devised I should not have been more tormented nay I think if my deceitful heart did not deceive me that had I been in hell amongst those infernal fiends and had heard the yellings and howlings of those damned wretches I think I could not have been much more affrighted for then I did look upon my soul to be within a hairs breadth of Eternal misery and oh the condition I saw my self then in is unutterable had there not been an everlasting arm of power and mercy underneath I should undoubtedly have followed the steps of Cain or Judas but O Blessed and admired be Free Grace and why Me Lord why Me Oh Love Love Love even Love unspeakable yea Love unutterable and further in this my trouble the Lord was so far pleased to pitty and shew mercy to my poor soul that my soul had not very long laboured under this insupportable burthen of her great and mighty sins but I perceived a door of hope as it were unlatched and somewhat open and that if I would but in good earnest turn to God that yet it was not too late and that there was hope in Israel concerning this thing which consideration did not a little comfort my poor soul and then further it pleased the Lord to open my heart to visit one who I thought might do me much good and I judged him fit to be acquainted with my condition in that I hoped he feared the Lord and by the way let me tell you that I did at that time unspeakably love all such even more than my own relations with humility let it be spoken and when I was with him he joyfully received me and declared unto me many comfortable things which through grace did not a little raise my dejected spirit and he then lent me
the latter end of my Book of Acquaintance with God which is now reprinted at present my advice shall be that you would follow them who thorow faith and patience are the inheriters of the promise and propose to your selves the examples of the most eminent Christians such as this precious young mans whose Funeral Rites we are now solemnizing and because examples are very cogent and affect most more than precepts I shall present you with an account of some of this holy young mans practices and experiences Take them therefore as I have gathered them by my own experience and intimate knowledge of him and as I have collected them out of many sheets of his own writings But let it not be thought I beseech you that out of custom or flattery I speak such Funeral Commendations were he but a Common Christian I would have sorbâ—rn speaking any thing of this nature for sear of hardening sinners I must deal plainly I abho that cursed flattery in commending all that are buried as if to die and to go to Heaven were all one I know many rotten posts are guilded many Sepulchres that are full of bones and putrified flesh are painted and many Professors are extolled at their death who did no good whâ—le they lived except it were the giving some pitâ—ful pittance to the poor when they could keep it no longer I question not but that thousands are praised upon earth that are condemned in Heaven and many applauded for Saints that will be found among the Devils and damned Expect it not therefore as a thing like to be usual with me to commend dead persons As I would judge none so I dare commend but few This only by way of Apology I shall come to the thing promised to propose some imitable passages of the life of T. M. 1. First He began to â—ook Heaven ward betimes he was made to remember his Creatour in the daies of his youth his first convâ—ctions were at about twelve years old but they had no abiding impression upon him the great work was begun to purpose between sevenâ—een and eighteen I shall be the more brief here because you have the account more full from his own hand The change that was wrought upon him did express more of the power of God and the riches of his grace than ordinary The Lord made his work upon him very clear and distinct for he broke in upon his soul like an armed man and shook him terribly â—veâ— Hell and the â—â—rrâ—urs of God set themselves â—n array against him and the poison of his arrows drank up his spirits sin did appear in its colour to him â—s ugly as the devil and as dreadful as Hell it self so that the foundation was laid in very deep huâ—â—â—lity O then how frightful a thing was sin yea his beloved sin the sin of gaming was made most loathsome and abominable so that for that he loathed himself in dust ashes and looked upon himself as unworthy to tread upon Gods ground and had not God ordered it so as that the first Sermon he heard after this great conviction was upon that Scripture 1 Tim. 1.15 he had even fallen into despair but the thoughts of Gods having mercy upon the chiefest of sinners did a little support his soul and gave him hopes of a possibility of being saved 2. This put him upon strong groans and prayers that the Lord would pitty him as ever he would pitty any poor creature in the World O that he would pitty him hast thou not a blessing for me O God even for me what shall I do now I am without God Christ or Grace my condition is such I cannot bear it who can be contented to be damned O pitty me pitty me dear Lord I cannot tell what in the world to do mercy mercy mercy or I am lost mercy speedily or I am lost for ever And so he continued in a way of duty reading and praying and inquiring and resolving thus to do all his dayes and now farewell wicked company farewell sports and vanity and idleness the great business of minding his soul now swallows him up and after a while he hath a little more peace than he had but upon further enquiry and waiting upon the means he was convinced thaâ— all this would not do without the Righteousness oâ— Christ And this brings me to the next thing 3. He was deeply convinced of the absolute necessity and excellency of Christ and brought oâ— from his own righteousness to high prizingâ— and admirings of Christ take his own words And is it true indeed hath Christ done and suffered such things for thee O my poor sinful vile odious polluted soul and what wilt not thou love him now Oh think a little what put him upon aâ— this was it any self interest is he any gainer by thee he got nothing but grief pain and death O my soul it was free pure and undeniable love that caused him to do and suffer what he did consider again O my soul what cause was there that he should make thee a partaker of the benefit of his blood what wast thou Oh a motâ— loathsome sinner and what wilt thou not yet love him O Lord I am ashamed of my own heart that I cannot raise it to the highest pitch oâ— admiration of that infinite boundless love Oâ— love love love O that I could love thee O Lord I would fain be sick of love O that I could dyâ— sick of love to thee O that I could feel thee warming my heart with that quickning blood which thou sheddedst upon the Cross O what love is like to that O my soul it was shed for thee who was an enemy a rebel a despiser of Christ awake O blessed spirit and blow upon my soul and kindle a fire which may burn with love to Christ to all Eternity Amen Amen 4. He did upon this in a serious and solemn manner give up himself to the Lord in a Covenant I shall not repeat the words of this Covenant because they are taken verbatim out of my book of Acquaintance with God and he subâ—cribed his name to it and kept it as a witness before the Lord and to quicken his own soul to a â—ore close walking with God according to the Arâ—â—cles of that Covenant 5. After he was gone thus far his bowels began â—o yern over his Christless friends some of which I perceive by his letters began to abuse him for his seriousness and to deride his strictness and jeer at his holiness shall I give you a taste of his spirit I cannot do it in warmer words than his own which are as followeth Yours I received but whether I dare to thank you for it I know not for truly I cannot express the trouble that hath since seised upon my spirit Oh poor soul what shall I say unto thee Oh my bowels my bowels they yern towards thee I am pained yea I am pained while I think upon thy condition what shall I
to bed and he not mind me at which motion I did and so left off for that time and at all times performed them against my will Oh horrible Blasphemy what not God see Oh it was a wonder of wonders that God should then have endured to see me any longer out of Hell oh infinite patience as for reading I got little good by it and desired to get less and as for hearing I must confess that those arrows shot at a venture God did cause them so many times to hit yea and peirce too that it busied both me and the devil to get them out again and to heal the wound but usually I fixed my mind upon somewhat else so that I seldome let any sentence sink too deep into my heart yea once the Devil and my own wicked heart did so sar prevail that I was fully resolved and in plain but damnable terms I did even curse God and as it were bid defiance to all his Ordinances and did rejoyce that I had my tongue and conscience so much at command oh and how can I hold my pen to write this wherefore do I not fall down and become nothing before the Lord of Glory against whom thus I have blasphemed but truly I would not have revealed this had I not such a place as the 12. of Matthew and the 31. verse to make to for a refuge After this I was wont to put that solemn Ordinance of Prayer to do the saddest service in the world and that frequently O pitty pitty it had such a cruel Master and that was I used it not to help me to destroy sin but made it a greater cause and means of my sinning for I had got the damnable Art as they say the Papists have at this day only I did not get so much by it as their Father Confessors doth that if I had said but two or three short ejaculations not with half the devotion that a Pater noster is said yea I say I had got that cursed Art to resist all gripes of conscience and to sin freely for a month or more and when conscience would let me alone no longer then to prayer again Oh Adamantine heart or rather stone that canst hold out to write these things and not to quake and tremble And now de his quid dicam these are the peccata peccatorum but what is that soul still alive that hath done these things what shall a poor worm curse God and not die what blaspheme the Ordinances of the Almighty and still live sure the Jealousie of a holy God will not suffer such a wretch to be in his sight But tell me is this man alive or hath the earth swallowed him up or the flames of hell caught hold of him certainly had he thus offended his fellow-worms they could not have born it and can I think that God will suffer such a man nay rather Devil incarnated to live in his sight Oh my soul make answer what alive yes yes but how is he hath he not his conscience seared and is not his condemnation sealed within himself and what doth he not look with horrour and amazement for the great day of the Lord No my hopes are to the contrary Nay I hope and not without cause that him hath the Lord set apart for himself and to his poor soul hath he shewed such mercies that it will make all that hear of it to admire and to say What is man that thou shouldest be mindfull of him but that the Lord should pitty such a loathsome creature as this and should say to such a vile brat then wallowing in its blood live Oh come come unto me all ye that fear the Lord Oh come unto me and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul he that is mighty hath done for me great things yea almost incredible things and holy is his Name Min. Well poor soul I will no longer detain thee concerning these things but now you having given me a very doleful account of your long convictions yet still lying bound with the chains of sin and under the command of Satan which doubtless had it gone no further but you had ended your life before the Lord had turned your convictions into conversion it would have proved such a worm that would to all eternity have gnawed thy conscience so that the pains would have been intollerable but blessed be God I am in great hopes to hear that from you which will put me out of fear and give me cause to admire the goodness and power of God Be very careful to keep your heart from pride and not to attribute any thing to your own goodness but to admire the grace of God and give glory to him and him alone Conv. Oh dear friend for so I will call you and all that gives me counsel about the good of my never dying soul I am glad that the Lord hath put this into yourheart and I do beg your prayers to God that he would still humble me more and more for I am sure pride is a weed that will grow in the best garden much more in mine which is a barren yet weedy soil but I have not done with all my soul-abasing considerations for when you have heard all which I through the grace of God am to declare unto you you will then say I have more cause to be humbled than ever therefore pride being such an enemy I will earnestly request you that when you hear me say any thing which doth savour of my own good and not purely of Gods Glory that you would reprove me and make me clear my meaning to you Min. I have still more cause to bless God for you in that you do so much suspect your own heart which is desperately wicked and deceitful And now to our present purpose what reason have you to think that your conversion was more effectually begun to be wrought upon you when you was about eighteen years of age Conv. Oh I have great cause to think so for then the Lord was pleased to work such a work in me that had it been told me before I could not in any wise have believed it Min. And now what do you think to be the first cause that moved you to set your face Sion-ward Conv. About two months before I saw the sinfulness of sin even then when I was to every good word and work a Reprobate and did deny no sin because it was sin although I might out of some self ends as to deny theft whoredom drunkenness and such like not that these in themselves were so detestable to me but for fear of outward trouble I did not practise them but being engaged in a great sin which was gaming which some may scruple whether it may be a sin or no but to me I am sure it was the occasion of many great sins as to cause me to swear and forswear and to lye and cheat in great measure and truly I think
a book which the Lord at that time opened my heart to ask for which was Drex d. Eternit and truly upon the perusal of that Treatise I think nay I am sure the burden of my sins seemed to be renewed and I cannot express that unspeakable sorrow which I then had in my poor soul by reason of all its mighty sins and truly I hope the mercy of God was not a little cause of my trouble to think that I should have none to offend and kick against but those bowels yea those tender bowels of pitty and compassion which had so long yearned over my poor soul and had so long shielded off the stroak of Justice which was so long hanging over my provoking head and then oh then I did unspeakably desire the pardon of my sins and then did feel the burden of them so unsupportable that I did earnestly beg of the Lord that they might be laid upon the Lord Jesus who was able to bear them and did endeavour by earnest Prayers to obtain a smile from God in and through Jesus Christ for out of Christ he was a terrible God and a consuming fire and so I forthwith resolved to take up with all outward duties as Prayer Reading Hearing Conferring with good Christians and I cannot but let you know that the first Sermon I heard in this condition was out of 1 Tim. 1.15 where it is said that Christ came into the world to save sinners of whom I not Paul only but I even I am chief and so I went on through fear and trembling and not without some joy and hopes that the Lord who had begun a good work in me would finish it in his good time which God grant for Christ his sake Min. And is this which you have spoken from your own experience is it indeed as I hope it is then I can no longer for bear but say with good Zacharias Blessed be the Lord God of Israel who hath visited and redeemed his people and amongst them thy poor soul and now I say again take heed of spiritual pride think very lowly of thy self and give glory to God And now Dear Heart give me leave for the good of thy eternal welfare to examine thee of some things which thou hast touched upon in the last Discourse that so I may be assured that that work which the Lord hath begun in thee may prove as a Tree planted and rooted in thy renewed heart by the Spirit of God and not of thine own seting And for the accomplishing of which weighty work it will be convenient to enquire what fruit it hath since born for the tree may be known by its fruit Therefore in brief what hast thou found in thy heart concerning sin Conv. Sin Truly I am not able now to express that unspeakable bitterness I then found in it oh how did I hate it and pursue it with the greatest zeal and detestation possible oh how did my heart rise at the very appearance of it and truly if it did not very greatly deceive me I think I hated it more than death it self and should have chosen death rather than wilfully committed the least known sin and if there had been no hell yet as I have often said sin should have been my hell and holiness my Heaven Min. I am glad to hear what thou hast said but what sins were they thou so hatedst it may be they were great and dreadful fins as Blasphemy and Murder c. but what didst thou think of heart sins and evil motions which I am sure would much beset thee Conv. Oh of I knew my own heart these were the greatest enemies that I had to encounter these were they that like unto so many Goliahs bid defiance to what Christ had wrought in my poor soul and did endeavour to retake the Fort-Royal of my heart which the Lord was about to make a Temple for his glorious Image to dwell in and oh Blessed be Free Grace and let all that hear of this stand and admire and give glory to God Min. The Lord preserve this blessed enmity still more and more in thy heart and now tell me which way thou wentest about to engage against and so to overcome these great Goliahs though commonly known by the name of peccadilloes Conv. Oh now now you come very neer me and this even pierces between the bone and marrow and the Lord who is the searcher of hearts and knoweth the thoughts and actings of every soul give me understanding in this point that I may say nothing but what I really found in my own soul Oh then I did presume too much upon my own strength and did not lay them at the feet of Christ whom then I hoped I took for my Lord and King and did not as I fear wholly depend upon his Kingly power which is to overcome and subdue all those enemies which rise up in the hearts of his Children and make war against him and would not that he should rule over them for surely had I thus done he would not have suffered them so often to assault me and even sometimes overcome me as I shall God willing make clear to you by and by Min. Still I have great cause to admire the goodness of God to thy poor soul in that he hath been pleased now to open thy eyes to see this thy great mistake which doubtless had not the Lord in time revealed it to thee it would have proved a sore evil and it may be thou mightest not have seen it before it had been too late and now tell me which way thou wentest about to destroy thy sins seeing thou wast ignorant in great measure in applying the death of Christ to kill them Conv. The chiefest instruments that I used in this work was Prayer and sometimes Fasting which I found very powerfull to batter down the strong holds of Satan in my poor soul for which doubtless I was not to be blamed if so be that I had used them only as a means to have raised up my heart to Christ and so as they were appointed of God to be the way and means whereby I might have recourse to him who alone is able for so great a work but woe to my ignorant and proud heart that would not totally submit to God but idolized Prayer and Repentance and Fasting as if these had been the Captains of the souls Salvation whereas they are but empty in themselves and nothing worth no more than as they lead me to Christ who alone is the Captain and horn of my Salvation Min. And now I think it will not be amiss to let me hear how you carryed your self in the great duty of Prayer and how soon you entred upon the duty Conv. The Lord was pleased within two or three dayes after my first trouble to incline my heart to seek him by Prayer which I used constantly twice a day besides some private ejaculations and sighes between whiles and I will now tell
but I doubt not but the hand of God was in it although I saw it not at that present but since I have and in short it was thus a little while after my last discourse as I think my heart was drawn after the vanities of this world more than ordinary and at the time I likened the estate of my soul to the condition of a fair Virgin that had many Suitors but one she would love and choose above the rest but she being not yet marryed they all make out for her love which is no small trouble to her and doth somewhat make her doubt which she shall have but so soon as she is marryed to one of them then she dares not think of entertaining the others upon that account even so I looked upon my poor soul and that if she was but solemnly marryed to Christ I mean in the Sacrament then she durst not so much as think of embracing either sin or the World or the Devil but still righteous self lay all this while secure Upon these and such like considerations I went to a faithful Divine to ask advice of him concerning this great duty and when I was with him he examined me why and how I came to embrace Religion and when I had given him the heads only of the first account concerning compunction he asked me who I might thank for all this but I being somewhat slow of answer he told me Christ and him alone and gave me some short but sweet advice inviting me to be a guest at his Masters table which was the intention of my going which was more than he then knew on and so dismissed me and oh how did I then rejoyce that I was found worthy to be invited to so great a banquet and now how did I think my condition unquestionable and nothing troubled me but want of assurance to persevere and although the Doctor gave me a great caution to lay all upon Christ and not any thing upon self as I now consider but yet my eyes were so blind and my heart so deceitful that I soon forgot it and so I prepared my heart as well as I could and so addressed my self to the Lords Table and was so far as I can understand made more welcome I am sure than I deserved and then I did feel the Lord with his cords of love drawing hard at my poor soul and so I exercised my love upon Christ and so far as I know enjoyed sweet communion with him but this lasted no longer than my heart was enlarged in secret duties but when they departed then my soul mourned and could not be satisfied with a naked Christ whilest my enlargements returned again to me and by this I perceive I rested in duties and not in Christ and now once more as short as I can and then I will conclude with this but I cannot be so short but I must a little stand and admire at the unspeakable long-suffering patience of God and oh that you would help me in this matter for I profess I am much ashamed and desire to be more of my own heart that it should be barren of praises to that God that hath done sure as much or more for my poor soul as to any since the Creation of the World Oh that Christ who could have raised a Child out of the very stones that would have done far more for him than I have or can do Oh I say that he who could with one look have looked me into Hell should so long stand at the door of my heart and knock till his head was filled with dew and his Locks with the drops of the night Oh that he should stand weeping knocking begging and waiting and crying Open to me Oh that his tears should begg and his groans knock and that his patience should tarry and wait and all should so long cry Oh open to me open to me Oh that sin and self should lodge in my heart and Christ wait so long at the door Oh that I should carry damnation within and let salvation waite without and now I should go about to offer praises to God for this Oh I wish that I could but truly I cannot as I would Oh I cannot and I humbly desire to acknowledge the barrenness of my heart in this and am silent and now pray lend me your patience but a very little and I fear your heart will be straightened with praises to God as well as mine for now the Lord was pleased to encline my heart to read part of two books one of the two was that which I above two years before rejected I will name them viz. the sincere Convert and sound Believer both by one Author T. S. and when I was Reading concerning the souls resting in duties and how hard a thing it was to forsake all its own good and wholly to throw it self upon a naked Christ and then concerning the nature of true humiliation I was much troubled and my thoughts were much perplexed in so much that I thought to open my case to some Divine but to this trouble another was added which was that at that time the Lord was pleased to let me see my own nakedness so much and that which I took to be a covering to it made it seem to be much more naked than I could have imagined it to be that then I thought the more I prayed the more I sinned and the more I Confessed and Repented and Bewailed my own wretched heart especially in the time of duty the more I had cause to do so still and now I looked upon my self in a most sad and destitute condition for how could I choose when I saw my own goodness departing from me which I idolized as the rock of my Salvation and when I saw such a numberless number of sins come afresh into my mind especially in the time of duty that it seemed to me as if the Devil had conjured up all those sins that I thought was long before slain and he himself had been their Captain and had unawares assaulted me and had taken my duty which I made then the Captain of my Salvation prisoner and I alone left to encounter with them without the least weapon to defend my poor soul and oh had these and the pangs of death met together Oh what horrour and amazement would there have been but blessed be God it was before now to say how long I was in this case I cannot well tell but I saw my idol God so accused and condemned and my hatred to him was so great that I hope I did desire never to cease my earnest Prayers to the true God that he would 01 have this usurper executed and likewise I did as I was able earnestly begg of the Lord that he would give me strength to resist him so that he might never sit upon his Throne more and then I did see through admiring Grace the want of Christ more than ever not only to cover
my sins but my righteousness too then oh then I began to prize Christ more than ever oh then I did desire to say from my heart none but Christ none but Christ oh all the whole world for Christ yea ten thousand Worlds for a Christ and then I did desire to say with Luther that if I was able to keep the whole Moral Law I would not trust to this for Justification I would vail and stoop to Christs merits and now I did find it a more hard thing by far to get out of my self and from trusting to duty and wholly by faith to rely upon Christs merits than ever I found it to leave sin and then me-thoughts I found it a very hard thing to be a Christian and that I was passive all along and was not able to move a step further than the Lord upheld and led me and oh that I could make the result of this great mercy plain unto you truly I bless God I can say a little but under this very trouble my soul ever since hath groaned within me and I do desire that it may still groan more and more and never leave groaning till its groans pierce the very clouds and found through Christ so loud into the ears of the Almighty that for Christ his sake he would have pitty and compassion upon me and would not suffer that Tyrant Self any longer in the least to bear sway in me and that he would be pleased so to shew me my own unworthiness and the insufficiency of all inherent goodness to stand me in the least stead in matters of Justification that so I might prize Christ and Christ alone and rely wholly upon his merits for pardon life and salvation Now I will declare to you how the Lord was pleased to deal with me soon after I saw this my condition in resting in my own supposed goodness Sacrament day being again near at hand the Lord was pleased to incline my heart to ingage in that solemn and most Sacred duty now having lost my supposed wedding garment in which I supposed my self to be very comely and much to be delighted in by Christ and seeing my own nakedness and deformity so much that I could not imagine how I should possibly be accepted of by Christ that so my trouble and burden was so great that I found it almost insupportable and fearing lest Gods frowns and my awakened Conscience should more and more seise upon me especially at that sacred ordinance I say in this point I was more than I can think of amazed and could not tell what to do And now my dear Heavenly Father who was alwayes more ready to help than I to crave did then doubtless wait to be gracious to my poor soul and did abundantly magnifie his grace to me for now he was pleased to strike one Scripture very deep into my heart which was as comfortable and as sure an Anchor as my poor laden soul could be held by and it was this Oh Israel thou hast destroyed thy self but in me is thy help Hosea 13.9 which soul-cordial Scripture seemed to me as if I had heard the Lord speaking to me after this manner oh thou afflicted tosted with tempest and not comforted although thou hast so long grieved me and provoked me to destroy thee yet now even now if thou wilt endeavour to know I say even now in this thy day the things of thy peace peradventure they may be found but never look more for peace from any thing in thy self but wholly look up to him who tells thee although thou hast destroyed thy self yet in me if in any is thy help found and then further the Lord was pleased to put it into my heart to examine my humiliation more strictly which when I did I supposed my heart never heretofore to have been truly humbled as it ought to have been yet I hoped the Lord was about this great work now by what I have before related and my reason was because I never so far as I knew experimentally understood the meaning of some Scriptures as then were opened more plainly to me and they were such as these And truly this was it that inclined my heart to partake afresh of the Lords Supper The whole need not a Physitian but they that are sick and That Christ came not to call the Righteous but Sinners to Repentance and the concerning the Publican and Pharisee and such like and in short although I had been sick of sin yet never before than of self-righteousness now seeing my self sick as much of the one as of the other therefore I hoped Christ would be my Physitian and that in him my help should soon be found and thus I did endeavour to humble my self and to see my own vileness and sickness more and more and did in this much begg of the Lord that he would still humble me more and more with a clear sence of my own deformitie and nakedness that so I might seeing my great need of Christ more and more hunger and thirst after him and so laying my soul prostrated at Christs feet and as I hope did really see my great want of him and so would not depart any way from him but resolved that if I dyed I would dye there and thus I argued with him Whither should I go but unto thee thou hast the words of eternal life and although I be a dog yet thou hast crumbs oh let not my hungry soul famish for want of food Oh I dare not oh I will not depart oh Lord although I have destroyed my self yet Lord hast not thou told me that in thee is my help found oh make good thy word unto thy servant in which thou hast caused me to hope and truly the Lord was not very long in making good his word to my poor soul for then I wonderfully felt him drawing me up with the Cords of love pitty and compassion and at the ends of which cords for me to take the better hold or I rather think that he might take the better hold of me he was pleased to fasten such Scriptures as these I will name but three for each cord one and a threefold cord is not easily broken the one was the 55th of Isaiah and the first verse Hoe every one that thirsteth come ye to the waters and drink and he that hath no money yea that was it I waited for for I bless God at that time I hope I had none come ye buy and eat yea come buy Wine and Milk oh Bread and Water was too good for me and more than I deserved without money and without price Oh these was sweet to such a poor soul as mine was and then another was this Revel 22.17 And whosoever will let him take of the water of life freely hearken soul Freely Oh Christ will not be bought with any thing the Creature can give oh no all is grace and then the other which worked the most powerfully upon my heart
was Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest and therefore I now seeing my self weary with my own duties and heavy laden with my own Righteousness as well as with my sins which before I could not so clearly say oh how sweet how sweet how incomparably sweet was this word Come and so upon these accounts the Lord was pleased to enable me to see how then even then he was pleased to call as it were to my poor soul in particular to come unto him and submit to his grace and so with great hungrings and thirstings after Christ to cover my poor soul from the eye of a just and holy God through some fear and as I hope with great humiliation although not so great as I would have had it with some hope that the Lord would meet me and bless me I approached to the solemn banquet where I did not only taste and sip a little but obeyed as the Lord enabled me that great command when he said drink yea drink abundantly oh my beloved then oh then I did earnestly endeavour to make the eye of my soul so see him and my heart so embrace him that from thenceforth I might fully satisfie my soul with the enjoyment of him and him alone and not from any thing that self or the World presented to me and now me-thought I was much comforted and did endeavour from that time to this to own nothing for a comfort or cause of rejoycing but as it lead me to Christ who alone is the Author and I hope the finisher of my Faith and the Horn of my Salvation and with this Caution I will conclude this tedious discourse as I fear it may be to you although to me through Grace very pleasant not that hereby I mean to neglect any duty whatsoever I know to be my duty or think them indifferent whether they be performed or no oh no I say again God forbid but this I desire to do through grace but not self and the Lord of his infinite grace inable me that I may so far honour and respect them as I find them a means to carry me to Christ for which cause I think they were appointed with respect to the glorifying of God and such like and now if I know my own heart and for fear it should deceive me I will begg of the Lord that whenever I hear I may hear for Christ and whenever I pray I may more and more make clear my interest in Christ and whenever I perform any duty whatsoever I may more and more get into Christ and more out of my self And now you have heard all that the Lord hath out of his abundant grace enabled me from what I have found as I hope in great measure wrought in my own heart to declare unto you and for fear I should in this weighty matter be guilty of a lye and so delude my own soul I will with great humility acknowledge that every particular in this latter clause I mean in the Lords dealings with me since I first received the Sacrament I cannot so fully clear as I would I could but I hope I need not to fear but that I have felt all that I have spoken of working more or less upon my heart but whether just in order as I have declared them I cannot punctually say but do earnestly begg that the Lord Jesus Christ would be so pleased as to sprinkle what I have said with his own blood and that whatever sins of failings there may be in it through the pride or ignorance of my own heart oh I do earnestly again beg of God that for Christs sake he would look upon what I have done so as to pardon all that is amiss and that he would in his due time open my eyes to see my errours and to amend them and now I do earnestly beg your advice concerning these things for as I said before my heart doth mourn within me by reason of that interest self got in me and I now find it so very hard to be overcome but I have already told you my earnest desires concerning this and oh that I could prevail with you this once to allow me an interest in your Prayers and for what doubtless you will know better than I can tell you but especially for this that he who is the searcher of hearts and knows the state of every soul better than it doth it self would be pleased that if I be deceived for Christs sake to undeceive me and grant that if I have not true grace I may not think I have and so be in a Fools Paradice and that the Lord who is my heart maker would be my heart searcher and my heart discoverer and my heart reformer and that the Lord may so do I shall not cease to be an earnest suitor at the Throne of grace so long as I am on this side the grave But what because all is not so clear as I could wish they were shall I be cast 〈◊〉 and my soul disquieted within 〈…〉 if I was sorry that God hath been 〈…〉 at work in my soul or as if 〈…〉 Jehoâ—â—h was not able to finish 〈◊〉 he hath begun and so rob God 〈◊〉 glory 〈◊〉 my poor soul of comâ—â—◠〈…〉 my 〈◊〉 these things ought not so to be I fear-there is much of self in this who is somewhat troubled to see the glory of its Temple so much defaced and its treachery so much found out and so much out of Favour as never more to be embraced again And is it so is God indeed become my God and can I indeed say with Thomas My Lord and my God my Christ and my Saviour Oh I cannot forbear to say Lord who is a God like unto thee Oh God there is no God besides thee and oh what is man that God should be mindfull of him and what am I surely the worst of men that God should so regard me Oh that I could now even now this once from the bottom of my heart bless and admire him but oh what a dead and barren heart have I that cannot worthily praise him Oh my soul bless the Lord and all that is within me bless his holy name bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all nay not one of his benefits oh if I had the tongue of an Angel and all the Angels in Heaven to assist me in this great work yet I say we could never sufficiently utter my dear fathers praises and now shall my faith triumph and my heart be glad and my glory rejoyce but not in self or in any thing of my own but in him and him alone who is the God of my Salvation Wonder oh Heavens and be moved oh earth at this great thing which the Lord hath wought in my soul be astonished and even ravished with wonder for the infinite breach is in a way to be made up the offender to be appeased and God
and my poor soul to be reconciled and oh my soul what if these be so already or what if one had told thee of these things some five years agone certainly they would then have been too great for thy belief but what shall they now be so small as not to be worth thy praise oh disingenious soul Oh Lord pardon my unthankfulness oh that all the Angels in Heaven should rejoyce and bless God for what he hath done for thee even for thee for my poor soul And what canst not thou find in heart to endeavour to set forth his praises as much as thou art able that so it may be known that at least thou desirest to give all the glory to God and not to dare to take any to thy self oh my soul what sayest thou What say I oh I say again not unto me not unto me but unto the great and glorious Jehovah be all the glory given And because I hope thy desires are greater than thy expressions therefore fail not my soul to shew forth thy love and praises by giving up thy self wholly to serve and love fear and admire that God who hath done such great and wonderful things for thy soul that passeth thy understanding My Beloved is mine and I am his oh how art thou sure of that What is the peace concluded oh happy Conclusion oh blessed Conjunction shall the Stars dwell with the dust or the wide distant Poles be brought to mutual embraces and co-habitation but oh my soul here the distance is infinitely greater And now Rejoyce O Angels shout O Seraphims and all the friends of the Bridegroom prepare an Epithalamium be ready with the Marriage Song loe here is the wonder of wonders For Jehovah hath or is about to betroth himself for ever to his poor Captive my poor soul And is he so indeed as I hope he is then he owns the Marriage before all the World and is become one with me and I with him And now O my Lord and my God cauâ—â— thy face to shine on the soul of thy â—â—â—vant and shew him more and more 〈◊〉 vileness that he may lye very low even in the Dust and be humbled at thy feet and let the work which thou hast begun in the heart of thy poor Servant be established for ever and do more for me than I can require that thy name may be Magnified for ever and that all that hear of this may say The Lord of Hosts is the God of Israel Amen Hallelujah FINIS These Books with several others are Printed for and to be sold by Dorman Newman at the Chirurgions Arms in Little-Brittain near the Hospital-Gate Folio A Relation in form of a Journal of the Voyage and Residence of Charles the Second King of Great Brittain c. in Holland By Sir William Lower Knight Memoires of the Lives Actions Sufferings and Deaths of those noble Reverend Personages that suffered by Death Sequestration Decimation or otherwise for the Protestant Religion and the Great Principle thereof By David Lloyd A. M. sometime of Oriel Colledge in Oxon. Mr. Knox his History of the Reformation of the Church of Scotland A Treatise of Justification By George Downam Doctor of Divinity Spencers History of Ireland Brathwaits English Gentleman and Gentlewoman Austins Meditations Review of the Council of Trent Babingtons Works Jermin on the Proverbs and Ecclesiastes Quarto THat Excellent Piece of Mr. George Swinnocks Christian-mans Calling in three Volumns Directing the Christian how to make Religion his Business in all Relations Conditions and Occurrences that may fall out in his whole life Faiths Universal Usefulness with the Excellency of a Spiritual Life By that famous man of God Master Matthew Lawrence of Ipswich Mr. Elborough's Sermon on the Fire There is now extant that much expected Book of Mr. Jeremiah Burroughs Entituled Gospel Remission Wherein is discovered First the many and great Gospel-Mysteries therein contained Secondly the glorious effects proceeding from it Thirdly the mistakes that are made about it Fourthly the true Signs and Symptomes of it Fifthly the way and means how to obtain it The Virtue and Value of Baptism Catechetically propounded as Antidote against all Baptism-despising Dicrates By Mr. Zach. Crofâ—on That much expected Piece of Mr. Durham Minister in Scotland his Exposition upon the whole Book of Canticles or Song of solomon is now Printed with Dr. Owens Preface and Mr. Durhams Epistle Dr. Hamptons Sermon before King James Lesley's Sermon tending to Unity Hampton's Three-fold State of man A Sermon before King James History of the Gentle Craft Dod and Clever on the Commandments Souls Sentinels Spicers Elogie on Sir Arthur Chester A Discourse upon Prodigious Abstinence Occasioned by the Twelve Moneths Fasting of Martha Taylor the Famed Derbyshire Damosel Proving that without any Miracle the Texture of Humane Bodies may be so altered that Life may be long Continued without the supplies of Meat and Drink With an Account of the Heart and how far it is interessed in the Business of Fermentation Humbly offered to the Royal Society By John Reynolds The Quakers Spiritual Court Proclaim'd Being an exact Narrative of two several Tryals had before that New-High-Court of Justice at the Pcele in St. John's Street Together with the Names of the Judges that sate in Judgement and of the Parties concerned in the said Tryals Also sundry Errors and Corruptions in Principle and Practice among the Quakers which were never till now made known to the World Also a Direction to attain to be a Quaker and Profit by it All which with many new matters and things of Remark among those Men are faithfully declared and testified By Nathaniel Smith Student in Physick who was himself a Quaker and conversant among them for the space of about XIV Years Octavo THe Life of Cardinal Woolsey that famous Lord Chancellour of England c. With the Remarks upon those Times not unworthy the perusal of ours The Excellency of the Pen and Pensil exemplifying the Uses of them in the most Exquisite and Mysterious Arts of Drawing Etching Engraving Limbning Painting in Oyl washing Maps and Pictures Also the way to cleanse any old Painting and preserve the Colours Furnished with divers Copper Cuts A guide to Ladies Gentlewomen and Maids how to behave themselves in all Estates Relations and Conditions By Hannah Wolley A guide to the True Religion Directing how to make a wise Choice of the Religion men Venture their Salvation upon By J. Clapham M.A. The Christians great Interest or a short Treatise divided into two Parts The first whereof containeth the Tryal of a Saving Interest in Christ The second pointeth forth plainly the way how to obtain it wherein somewhat is likewise spoken to the manner of Express Covenanting with God By W. Guthry late Minister of the Gospel in Scotland The Fifth Impression Justification only upon a Satisfaction or the Necessity and Verity of the Satisfaction of Christ as the alone ground of Remission of sin asserted and opened against the Socinians By Robert Fergirson Minister of the Gospel in London The Pastors Love to a Loving People By Mr. William Thompson Minister of the Gospel in London A Synopsis of Quakarisme or a Collection of the Fundamental Errors of the Quakers With a brief Refutation of their most Material Arguments and particularly W. Pen's in his late Sandy Foundation shaken and an Essay toward the Establishment of private Christians in the Truth opposed by those Errors By Thomas Danson sometime Minister of the Gospel in Sandwich in Kent The Laws and Canons drawn up and agreed upon by the General Assembly or Meeting of the Head of the Quakers from all parts of the Kingdom Phanatick Primer for the Instruction of Little Ones in order to perfect reading By H. Adis Rebukes for sin by Gods Burning Anger by the burning of the City the burning of World and the burning of the Wicked with a Discourse of Heart-fixedness By Thomas Doolittel Minister of the Gospel The Life of Dr. James Usher late Arch-Bishop of Armagh and Primate of all Ireland A most Comfortable and Christian Dialogue By Mr. William Cooper Spare Minutes Or Resolved Meditations and premeditated Resolutions By Arthur Warwick Clarissimi Viri Adriani Heerchoordi Philosophiae professoris Ordinarii Disputationum de Concursu Examen a Johanne Stearne M.D. Institutum ad Amicum suum Johannem Rawlineum An Excellent Oration of that late famously Learned John Raynolds D. D. and Lecturer of the Greek Tongue in Oxford very useful for all such as affect the Studies of Logick and Philosophy and admire Profane Learning Archers Jests Heaths Transubstantiation Sejanus Owen's Epigrams King James meditations None but Christ Four Select Sermons upon several Texts of Scripture wherein the Idolatry and Will-worship of the Church of Rome is laid open and confuted By Mr. Will. Fennar of Rochsord never before published Mr. James Maltons twenty Sermons preached on several Texts viz. Mans Petition and Gods Compassion shewed on Psalm 138.3 Mercy despised and God provoked thereby on Psalm 106.24 Christs Pretiousness on 1 Pet. 2.7 The necessity of Humiliation on Acts 16.29 30. Christ the Bread of Life on John 6.35 Christs two Disciples doers of Gods will on John 7.17 Fear of losing Salvation and the way to obtain it on Heb. 4.1 The Persevering Saint shall be crowned Saint on Rev. 3.11 Walking in Christ a sign of our right receiving of Christ on Col. 2.6 Light Discovered and Man Recovered on 1 Tim. 1.10 Christs Temptation the Saints Supportation on Heb. 2. and the last Verse Christs provision for mans Direction on Isa 40.11 Heaven upon Earth or the Best Friend in the Worst Times By James Janeway Unhappy Prosperity expressed in the History of Aâ—lius Sejanus and Philippa the Catamian The Practice of Quietness directing a Christian how to live quietly in this troublesome World The CHURCH MILITANT Historically continued from the Year 33. to the Year 1640. By Sir William Vaughan Knight A most Comfortable and Christian DIALOGUE between the Lord and the Soul By William Cooper Lord Bishop of Galloway The Vertue Vigour and Efficacy of the Promises Displayed in their Strength and Glory Duly methodised and fitly applyed to every Christians particular Case and Condition In a Soliloquy wholly Scriptural between the Soul and the Comforter With a Divine Rapture of the Soul now resting satisfied by the Spirit of the Holy Promise By Thâ— Henderson Hollingworths Justification In Duodecimo FINIS
Heaven and Hell to their view and to perswade them to a wise and speedy choice that when these Houses of Clay shall be laid in the dust they may be secured of an Habitation not made with hands that is Eternal with God in the Heavens The Apostle in this Chapter doth both in the 10. Verse he tells us what a Draught is prepared for the implacable Enemies of Christ they shall drink off the Wine of the wrath of God which is poured out without mixture into the Cup of his Indignation and they shall be tormented with Fire and Brimstone in the presence of the Holy Angels and in the presence of the Lamb. The wicked may drink roar and swagger they may persecute the Members of Christ because they dare not so madly venture upon the Eternal displeasure of God as they do and sell their precious Souls for a moments joy and make light of damnation but let them know that for all these things God will bring them to Judgment an Eternity of intolerable sorrowes must pay for their short pleasures And hence it is the serious Christian that makes it his business to avoid this dreadful misery is satisfied that he doth not act irrationally and madly if the scorn and contempt of the wicked World doth not frighten him upon this account he patiently submits to any punishment rather than he will hazard the loss of his Soul and be miserable for ever that word for ever sticks much in his mind let the wicked laugh and be merry let them please themselves in his sorrows he knows 't is but a little while and all will be mended and their minds changed he is willing to stay for his happiness and joyes till he comes to another World and he doth not envy the wicked what they do enjoy let them make the best of it as long as they can and boast of their pleasures when they see themselves wrapt up in Flames The unseen world which most forget is always in the Saints eye and if he may but live happily there he passeth not if he run thorow reproaches injuries and a thousand Deaths to that glorious and endless life Here is the reason of the Saints patience this makes him judge it no folly to keep the Commandements of God and the faith of Jesus In the 13. Verse the Apostle comes to speak a word of encouragement not only to the suffering Saints of that Age but for the support of all that should be honoured with such service as to seal the truths of Christ with their blood And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me write blâ—ssed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hâ—nceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their labours and their works follow them In the words you may take notice of two parts 1. A Proposition 2. The Confirmation of that Proposition 1. The Proposition in which we may observe 1. The Predicate blessed 2. The Subject the dead 3. The restriction and limitation of the Subject which dye in the Lord. 2. The Confirmation of this Proposition 1. They rest from their labours 2. Their works follow them 3. The Person affirming this the Spirit which is further cleared 1. By the manner of this Delaration it was by a voice from Heaven 2. By the specification of the Person to whom it was spoken saying unto me 3. By the particular note of Observation Write The Doctrine which I shall take notice of from these words is this Doct. That whatever miseries a Saint may meet with in this Life at Death he shall be happy or in the words of the Text That they are blessed which dye in the Lord. In the Prosecution of this Observation I shall 1. Enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 2. I shall prove that such are blessed 3. I shall shew wherein their happiness doth consist 4. I shall make some Application 1. I shall enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 1. Neg. They which make it their business to do what they can against God while they live are not like to be blessed when they dye They which live like Devils are not like to dye like Saints Are there not a Generation in the World who act for the Devil with all their might and count all that time lost which is not spent in his service which make a jest of Damning and are as merry within a step of these devouring flames as if Hell and a Tavern were alike Do they not carry themselves as if they could not make hast enough to misery and make sure enough of Damnation How do they wound and stab their own Souls and let flye against the Almighty How contemptible a thing is Heaven and how ridiculous is the very name of Holiness to them They are of the same mind of those which Job speaks of Job 21.14 They say unto God depart from us for we desire not the knowledge of thy ways And who is the Lord that I should hearken to him And if a compassionate Minister of Christ beseech them with all the tendernesse that he can for his Soul to bethink themselves a little what these things may end in at last and to consider what a dreadful thing it is to fall into the hands of a living God how are his perswasions rejected with contempt and his pitty recompensed with scorn And may I not say of most wicked Men they do flye in the Faces of them that would tell them of their danger and do what they can to deliver them from it And yet for all this how well are they contented with their own condition and laugh at the godly as if it were a dangerous and mad thing to strive to go to Heaven and the truest happiness to be miserable for ever O who would imagine that any living should be thus lamentably besotted Tell them of Hell 't is as much as their life is worth they had rather hazard the feeling of it hereafter than bear the hearing of it here They fear a little disgrace among Men more than the contempt of God They choose rather to be under the weight of God's wrath than the least affront from a Man Talk to them of Glory Heaven and a Kingdom they are light and trivial things with them they had rather hear of a Whore a Tavern or Play and yet these Monsters must be Sainted and do more confidently expect a blessed Eternity after a life of wickedness than some of the dear Children of God do but if such as these ever come to Heaven without Repentance then the Word of God is false Doth not that say That the wicked shall be turned into Hell Tribulation and anguish upon every one that doth evil and there is no peace saith my God to the wicked The Devil himself may as well expect to shake off his Chains and be restored to his lost Glory as they O be not deceived as you Sow so you must Reap do not hope that
you may do the Devils work as long as you can and that then God should reward you with Salvation no such matter You may more rationally expect that God should for your sake pull the Sun out of the Firmament than that he should remove holiness out of Heaven and bring Hell in its place If wicked Men will please themselves with their own Delusions and look for Glory still they must thank themselves when they see how infinitely they are disappointed but I leave these as despairing to convince them of their folly till Judgment and Flames make them to understand it 2. All that live upon the goodness of God here are not like to be blessed after Death There is a vast difference between common and special mercies many partake richly of God's common bounty that have not the least interesâ— in his love God gives this World often times to his greatest Enemies he gives Glory in an other World to none but his Friends and Children Nay let me speak it freely I am sure I have Christ and Scripture to warrant what I say That they which gain this World with their neglect of Heaven shall at their Death lose both Many receive temporal mercies that shall never enjoy Eternal Job 21.9 Luk. 16.25 O how greatly are they mistaken who think that Earl Lord Knight c. are words of any significancy after Death that hope that their honours here will procure them any real respect hereafter that reckon Gold and Silver will go currant in that Country Many that would be counted Persons of some depth and wisdome make a World of stir about trifles that drive a great Trade for that which is next to nothing and that lay in no better Provisions than Gravel Clay or Dung when they are bound for Eternity and yet how do they bless themselves and say I am rich and increased in Goods and have need of nothing Soul take thine ease eat drink and be merry They think they make a very wise bargain when they sell their Conscience God and Heaven for a little of that which some call Riches not considering that a few Hours experience may make them know though it may be not cure this mistake O that I could but bring my hearers out of this Delusion O that their apprehensions were but rectified and that they might know the real worth of things and Persons O that I could but bring down the price of sublunary things and raise the things of that other World to their true worth Consider that that holiness as meanly as you think of it is the most excellent thing that that is the greatest Riches and Man's highest dignity God knows no difference between a Lord and a Beggar a Prince and a Subject He is no respecter of Persons If there be any difference it lies here that God hath more wrath in store for them that had greater ingagements and better advantages to serve him than other had I pitty the poor Lords of the World and I am confident he that knows the worth of Christ and the nature of his own Soul can't much envy them they swell like Bladders upon Water for a Moment and God blowes and where are they Now indeed they reckon themselves very secure and their houses are free from fear neither is the Rod of God upon them they take the Timbrel and Harp and rejoyce at the sound of the Organ Job 21. They think them Fools that can spare their Riches and want their greatness so they may but have an estate in invisibles and secure an Inheritance that will last for ever These are the Men that hate seriousness and holiness which is the beauty of Earth and Heaven too is undervalued by them And how can they expect sanctity should be delightful to them hereafter when it is abhorred now how can they look for Heaven when they dye when they thought it not worth their minding while they lived No no verily they have their reward they have now their good things and much good may they do them O let me rather gain Christ at Death though I loose all besides than possess Ten Worlds here and after all lose my Soul Could the mighty ones of the World have but one Hours discourse with one of their Brethren in Hell I believe their Judgments would be hugely altered and they would soon tell them that Riches and Honours and whatsoever else most Men do pursue let it be what it will below Christ will yield them but little happiness and comfort in another world Riches profit not in the Day of wrath Do but read Luk. 16.19 25. I am the larger that if possible I might prevent mistakes in matters of Eternal consequence Thirdly There are Thousands that seem to have a far better title to this blessedness that will fall short of it and they are Professors that call themselves by the Name of the Lord. Not all that are called yea and esteemed Christians are like to have any great benefit by Death To be Christned and to be Christians are two things not every one that weareth Christ's Livery shall have his Wages O how many Millions are there that have no better shelter than a meer Name to themselves from the wrath of God! Is it not more than possible to hear read pray and to be esteemed a Saint and yet to miscarry everlastingly How many seeming Saints shall gain nothing at Death but a thorow knowledge of their own folly And if to know what God's anger is be an advantage when there is no escaping of it and if to have their hearts wounded when there is no Cure to be had be any profit and if to be quite freed of Conscience searching Ministers be a happiness when they are out of the reach of their help or pitty then such may be esteemed blessed but if all this will but make the Flame hotter then I leave any serious Person to judg whether it doth not concern Men and Women to look after better security than this amounts to Did you ever well study Mat. 7.21 I hope you will believe Christ though you will not me read that Scripture and what saith Christ O consider seriously that to be an Heir of Glory is no such light matter as most judge it to be To be born to a Crown and a Kingdome and to have a good title to it is a dignity indeed but a Mad-man in Chains and Rags may say he is a King or a Lord. O please not your selves with fansies Sickness and Death is coming and then you will know better whether I had not some reason to be earnest with you in this matter I am most afraid of the confident Pharisee that trusts in his poor sorry Prayers and his own righteousness O that I could but shake him and his hopes before Death and Judgment doth it O that I could but perswade him to maintain a jealousie over himself and to search and try his Heart and to bring himself to the
do for thee what shall I say unto thee I could be contented that these lines were writ with my very heart blood so that they might affect thee O I had rather dye than receive another such letter from you I could not relish it it was bitter I could not see the name of dear Jesus in it how can I think of your blind superstition and not mourn and lament over a dead soul you say you are sorry and you are troubled What is the matter are you sorry that I should concern my self about my soul and about yours you would not trouble your self about these things now if not now I pray when will you at the hour of death at the day oâ— Judgement O then it will be too late O now oâ— never delayes are dangerous O Eternity Eternity O where shall yours and my soul dwell tâ— all Eternity Oh either in heaven or in hell either with Christ or devils the soul that siâ— shall dye your debt is great the justice of God must be satisfied and nothing can do it but thâ— blood of Jesus O for this precious Jesus make not light of Christ he is precious he is altogether lovely I would not for ten thousand world quit my share in him and in that which is the matter of your fear you complain that I have leâ—â— the wayes of our fore-fathers I seâ—â— you take the shadow for the substance what 〈◊〉 the Cross in Baptism without the Baptisme 〈◊〉 the spirit what good will the bowing at thâ— name of Jesus do them which persecute him iâ— his members and have him not formed in their hearts O that God would cut asunder your false hopes if Christ were in you yoâ— would rejoyce to think that he hath been aâ— work in my soul was I born with these principles which you read in my last Letters I am surâ— I was once of an other mind than now I am but blessed yea admired be free grace which hath made me to differ from my self and others 〈◊〉 am afraid you understand not my meaning wheâ— I speak of love to God and Regeneration as long as I only concerned my self about the World anâ— not my soul you kindly entertained my letters but no sooner did I speak of repentance and thâ— affairs of our poor never-dying souls but then you are troubled and cannot bear it I tell you I lay dead almost eighteen years and then I had a gracious wound from my dear God which made me cry out where am I I am undone I am undone my sin will damn me O what shall I do for a Christ And at this rate he goes on writing many letters which did all breath a divine spirit 6. He was very spiritual in his discourse and by that he put life into most of them that conversed with him how helpful was he to young Christians how ready to hearten them up in the wayes of God and how able to discover to them the policies of Satan he was scarce in his element but when he was doing or receiving of good he studied Mr. Herbert Palmer's little Book about making Religion ones business and he did in a great measure put it into practice To use his own expressions I did saith he labour to spiritualize common action and to serve God in serving my master with diligence cheerfulness and faithfulness O what resort was there of young ones to him for direction and advice in things which they did not think it so fit to trouble their Pastor with and how did he endeavour to season his fellow servants with grace When he went to any of his Masters Patients how diligent in using of means for their recovery and how careful to drop something that might tend to the health of their souls and as he had opportunity amongst the weaker and poorer sort he would pray with them and O with what vehemency of spirit with what fluency of expression and with what mighty affections would he do it I need not tell some of you how helpfull he hath been to the bodies and souls of the sick and upon this account he looked upon it as a great mercy that the Lord had called him to such an employment wherein he had such singular advantages to deal with poor souls about the affairs of Eternity I question noâ— but there are some standing here that have cause to bless God that ever they saw his face and I believe that some of you that are young and poor will quickly dearly miss him 7. He was exceedingly raised in duty and one that injoyed rare communion intimacy and acquaintance with God and for about five moneths as his own papers shew together he rarely came into the presence of God but he went away with some special tokens of his love so that he said he could have been contented to have left the world at a quarter of an hours warning Hear how his Papers speak My soul continued if my heart do not mightily deceive me in a thriving condition for five moneths O the comforts that I then had they are unspeakable I seldome went to duty but carryed my dear Saviour and brought him away with me every Ordinance was a visit of love my love to Jesus Christ and his members whereever I saw them was not to be expressed what hatred to sin what zeal for Gods glory what yerning of bowels towards poor souls in the state of nature how beautiful were the feet of the Embassadors of peace what a fulness and sweetness did I then see and feel in Christ ever hungring after him and ever satisfied with him and him alone what affections God-ward what despising of visibles what deep apprehensions of the Majesty and Attributes of God how did I walk unweariedly with him how did I rejoyce before him with fear and trust filially in him with trembling O what watchfulness over my thoughts words and actions Indeed I was often assaulted but I had a faithful Centinel which would give warning and admit of none but such as were friends to the Lord Jesus what low thoughts had I of my self and high prizings of a naked Christ Oh Sir in one word I made Religion my business and was taken up with that which concerned the glory of God every grace was at strife which should excell other in its actings I could never go to market but I could experience returns of Grace and Mercy In this I have not varied two words from his own writings in a letter that he gave me wherein he did grievously bewail the least departures of his heart from God as you shall hear in the next 8. He took special notice of his own heart and did mightily bewail any declinings from that vigour that sometimes he had and here I shall again use his words as they follow But this did not continue long it was as a calm before a storm for soon after my time being almost out I began to have some thoughts of my setting up and
Touchstone and not to be satisfied till he findes that he hath got more than ever any Hypocrite yet had or can have The best of God's Children are most suspicious of themselves and afraid of their own deceitful hearts Do but see how David carrieth it in Psal 139. What is his great request that he must have granted or he can't be satisfied Is it not that God would deliver him from mistakes in matters of everlasting consequence so Psal 119.80 Pardon this tediousness upon these things if most of the Professors of the World did not split upon these Rocks I should pass these things over with silence Fourthly All that dye quietly are not happy after Death It 's no unusual thing for the wicked to carry their false peace with them to the Grave I have heard indeed many poor People boasting of their deceased Friends and pleasing themselves to think how happy they were Because they dyed like Lambs to use their own expression Alas alas how many thousands are there that dye like Lambs that are but Swine and have the Devil 's Brand upon their Foreheads It 's dangerous arguing from peoples carriage upon a Death-bed what their state is in another World such is the hardness of Mens hearts so dreadful the searedness of their Consciences and so great the subtilty of Satan that many are carried very quietly to Hell and fear nothing till they feel and are not brought to their senses till unspeakable horror and anguish doth it And on the other side how many of the precious Sons of Zion have seat in a Cloud how many of the dear Children of God may go out of the World thorow a painful Death are not their intellectuals sometimes impaired their reason Clouded and their Bodyes upon the Rack and yet in a moment they feel themselves swallowed up of that Glory and the doleful antecedents of their happiness did but make their rest more sweet and welcome and put an accent upon their bliss The truth of it is it hath not a little puzled some as well as David to construe God's dispensations to see the wicked dye quietly Psal 73.4 and the godly to have a strange Death but God will shortly resolve this Riddle and I think it were no very difficult thing for a serious understanding Man to give himself considerable satisfaction in this business May not the wicked dye quietly because his Conscience is quite seared and he may perswade himself that he hath made an agreement with Death and Hell may he not hope that there is no such place as Hell or if there is that it is tolerable may he not make himself believe that the Word of God is not true and invisibles are all but fansies or that God is so merciful as that he will not damn him and many such things the Devil helps his Servants with that so his service may not be disparaged and that he may have the better advantage to tempt others There is much also in the nature of the Disease and it may be God may try his own Children with acute pains and let Sathan buffer them to manifest the excellency of his Power and their Grace to try others of his Children whether for all this they will serve him and some Persons of admirable attainments and great experiences while in health may have some considerable Tryals upon a Death-bed that poor Christians which were ready to fear because they had not their enjoyments that therefore they had nothing at all might see that great Saints have their Tryals as well as they but I shall be far briefer in other things I come now to shew you who they are that are blessed at their Death and to give them a brief Description of those which dye in the Lord. First They are such who are made thorowly to understand that they were sometimes quite dead in sins and trespasses that they were Aliens from the Common-wealth of Israel and strangers to the Covenant of Grace Secondly They are Persons which are convinced of that misery of such a state and made to know that if they dye in their sins they must be buried in Flames Thirdly Vpon this they are out of love with their most beloved sins and count that which was their life joy and pleasure to be a very Death misery and Hell whereupon they set themselves in good earnest against sin as the greatest evil in the World they believe now That if they live after the Flesh they shall dye but if through the Spirit they mortifie the deeds of the Flesh they shall live Upon this account they use all the means that they can to get their corruptions weakned an inward principle Divine Life Now he begins to act them which is as contrary to Sin as Heaven to Hell a Spirit of ingenuity restrains them How shall they do this and sin against God They now see sin in its colours as it is contrary to the best good God they can see its killing and damning Nature in the Agonies and Sufferings of Christ and they feel the doleful effects of sin in their Soul and body both and upon this account they can say what have I to do with Vanity any more Shall I still hug this Serpent shall I still Sail with this Jonah in my Vessel and shall I after all this keep this Dalilah in my Bosom No but O that I could hate it Ten Thousand times more than I do There is an enmity raised in the Soul against sin which can't be satisfied till it see the Death of Sin now this is a Person that is fit for Death and Death it will as you shall hear afterwards do him a World of kindness in shewing him the Heads of all his Enemies 4. An other quality of this Person which is like to make such a blessed end is this he is one that is dead to the World Faith hath discovered a better Country to him it hath spyed that new Jerusalem and those blessed Regions and now the Soul thinks the World scarce worthy of a serious thought or look he takes himself to be a kind of Prisoner here and the whole World but a Dungeon if compared with that state of liberty and glory he now joyns with David and says Whom have I in Heaven but thee and there is none upon Earth that I can desire beside thee This is the Man that is like to be a gainer by Death he who contemns Earth and makes Heaven his choice shall never finde himself a loser 5. Another property of the Man which shall be blessed at Death is this he is one that takes Christ for life and happiness Time was indeed he was of an other mind sin was his delight and none so despicable in his Eye as Christ but God in free and rich grace hath taken away the Scales from his Eyes and healed him of his miserable blindness and let him see such a loveliness in the Lord Christ as that now he is able to say
none but Christ none but Christ He is altogether lovely He is now quite out of love with himself neither his righteousness nor any thing is lovely now but Christ and will not that Soul be blessed when it comes to have its desires accomplished he that counts nothing worth the having except Christ and for Christ can't be miserable when he is lodged safe in his imbraces 6. He that makes it his business to live to Christ to him to dye shall be gain God is often times better but never worse than his word And hath he not made many promises to them that diligently seek him Hath he not said that their labours shall not be in vain in the Lord The Christian is running and he shall at last obtain the Prize the Crown he fights for he shall have fear not Christian quit thy self bravely win it and wear it what though it be wrapped up in Cypress its beauty shall not be Vailed long What though Death with his cold and dirty hand set it upon thy head it will sit as neat and as fast as an Almighty hand can make it What though the Vessel be tost and broke it shall come safe with its Rich Lading to the desired Haâ—bâ—ur Condemn not O you foolish World these spiritual Merchants till you know what their returns are when their burden is deliver'd but imitate them till you can finde a more glorious Prize than Heaven a better happiness than God can give and a Kingdom that will last longer than Eternity Psal 63.8 Psal 90.14 7. They which are willing if called to it to do or suffer any thing for Christ shall inherit this blessedness He that is willing to dye for Christ shall live as long as Christ lives in happiness and rest 't is not for nothing that Paul makes no great matter of bonds scorns at threatnings and triumpheth in danger the finishing his course with joy makes all go down sweetly Acts 20.24 The Primitive Christians were no Stoicks and yet with what patience gratitude and joy did they suffer what the malice and wit of Men and Devils could inflict and now they enjoy the fruit of their labours the salvation of their Souls and that is not all but they receive their Palms Robes and Crowns ye more peculiar badges of God's Champions Loe thus shall it be done to the Persons whom the Lord delighteth to honour This 't is to be imprisoned banished or dye for Christ Rejoyce O ye suffering Saints and be exceeding glad for great is your reward in Heaven to you it is given not only to believe but also to suffer this Fire is but to purifie and to make you Vessels more fit for your Masters use this dirt cast upon you is but to scower and make you more clean this knocking rubbing and hewing is but to furbish and polish you that you may be more stately Pillars in the Temple of your God Fear not Men nor Devils the greatest hurt that they do you is to fill your Sailes and to bring you more speedily to your Port. 8. They which long for the coming of Christ and their being with him that can say I have waited for thy salvation O God now let thy Servant depart in peace In a word that can bear their absence from Christ only upon those terms that they may bring honour to him in this life and perswade Souls to be in love with him and may be instrumental for the setting up his Kingdom shaking the Kingdom of Sathan and weakning the interest of Hell in the World These O these are your brave Souls that are out of Gun-shot Death can neyer surprize them they stand always with their Loines girt and their Lamps burning And if the Bridegroom should make the Mountains to quake with the ratling of his Charriots and the Hills to tremble at the presence of his Majesty and the Heavens themselves to shrivel into nothing by the glory of his coming yet they O blessed Souls and they only would break forth into a Song of Triumph and Eternal Hallelujâ—hs Who would not be a Saint sure none but a mad-man or a fool Do the World understand what these things mean Do they indeed believe how much the highest of them all are below the meanest and lowest Childe of God Thus I have shown you who are the Subjects of this blessedness I know I forget time but it goes well may you and I get but this blessedness secured and spend a happy Eternity The second thing that I proposed to speak to was to prove that such as these are in spight of Hell shall be blessed and because in the fore going discourse this hath been touched upon I shall but very briefly run over these things First God saith they shall be blessed and therefore they shall when the great Persecutors have been hunting for their prey and hope to roast what they have got and seed themselves with the hopes of the content and pleasure that they shall enjoy nay when they shall beg with tears for the blessing they shall be frustrated denyed cursed and hear that heart-rending reply they have gotten the blessing before you came 't is now too late yea and they shall be blessed Might I not heap up a World of promises the least of which clear a Saints title to this blessed inheritance time would fail me if I should but read one in Forty what is the meaning of that Es 57.2 Phil. 1.21 2 Cor. 5.1 Job 3.17 2. They feel somewhat of this happiness in this World therefore they shall have it compleated in another How oft do the Saints feel their Souls transported with the sense of divine pleasures How many earnests do they receive of the purchased possessions How many warm refreshing Raies of Divine love break in upon their Soul so that they would not exchange one Hours comfort for all the joys that ever the wicked enjoyed could they all be united in one and their duration be Eternal Have I not with much comfort seen some of those triumphing Saints rejoycing when others would have mourned Have I not heard them talk of their sweet experiences the very mention of which is more reviving to a spiritual hearer than the highest pleasures that the sensualist is capable of Sometimes in prayer their souls even get into the bosom of God and the great God and Man have a blessed intercourse the Soul lets out it self to God and God lets out his love to the Soul Sometimes in a meditation the Heart is glowing and the Fire burns and ere it is aware it is lifted above the World yea and above it self too What else is this but the clear demonstration of the reality of invisibles Can meer fancies thus transport Men Must they not believe their own experiences Can that joy which is the result of faith and love and comes in from the promises and that in a way of duty and close walking with God Can that be a delusion Will the spirit of truth
crazâ— Bodies that needed to be propped up by Aâ—â— have now no need of such helps the lame shaâ—â— leap the blinde see the weak shall be strong thâ— crooked strait they which were in deaths oft shaâ—â— be never in danger O happy alteration thâ— Grave will refine and alter our Bodies and theâ— shall there bury all imperfections and this mortâ— shall put on immortality and this corruptible incorruption There the weary shall be at rest Esa 61.3 33.24 60.18 Job 3.17 5. The blessedness of the deceased Saints consisteâ—h in their perfect freedome from all wants and fear of want Here they have their daily want and in the sweat of their brows they must eat their Bread The World in its best estate is made up of vanities and troubles How much need have we of the help of our fellow-creatures we can't live without the use of their bodies and lives we want their service to till our Grounds and to carry our weak Bodyes that can sometimes scarce go under their own burden What shift could we make if the influences of the Sun Moon and Stars were suspended what lamentable complaint should we make if God should seal up the Fountains of Water how soon should we faint if he should make the Heavens as Iron and the Earth as brass What Element can we want what Creature could we well spare But the time is coming that Day will shortly begin whose brightness will make the Sun dark and the Moon to disappear and all the Stars to leave their Spheres as useless O unbelief how miserably dost thou rob us of the comforts which the very fore-thoughts of that hour might bring in Dwell O my trembling Soul upon the Meditation of these things Is there no truth nor weight in â—hose Scriptures Es 60.19 Es 21.29 Give in thy Answer Why then art thou cast down O my soul and why art thou disquieted within me Wait upon the Lord and be of good courage wait I say upon the Lord. 6. This happy Man shall be quite freed of whatsoever may argue an imperfect state Some of those very graces that are now so useful and necessary when their work is done shall be laid aside as useless I mean Faith Hope Patience desire all which speak something of imperfection shall then be swallowed up of love They now help to lead the Soul out of Egypt conduct thorow the red Sea and Wilderness and send Spices into Canaan and bring good tidings out of that Land they see Sihon Og and Amaleck discomfitted and their Power broken they go to the Borders of the promised Land nay they get up to Pisga and upon Mount Nebo there they bid the Soul farewell Faith like a skilful Pilot keeps close to the Ship till it see it out of danger Faith like loyal Barzillai brings in abundant provisions for the Soul in all its streights and comes with it to the banks of Jordan to the brink oâ— eternity but there there it takes its final leave and sends over young Chimham to wait upon the King at Jerusalem it sends love over into Heaven tâ— dwell there with the Lord for ever O blessed state when faith shall be swallowed up of sight Here we live by faith and not by sense or sight in glory we shall live by sense and sight and not by faith The shaddow shall vanish when the substance is come hope patience desire and fear shall all pass away and be swallowed up with an eternal fruition possession and security Happy are the People that are in such a case their clouds are quite blown over they need neither Wind or Sails now they are safe landed What think you now of a Child of God is it worth the while to be religious is holiness a folly now and yet this is not all come a little further and I will shew you greater things still All this is buâ— the privative part of their happiness I come now to touch a little upon the positive part but what an Ocean am I now lanching into who can tell all the priviledges of a Citizen of Zion what Pen can describe the honour and dignities of the Sons of God But that I may heighten your spirits and a little antedate your comforts I shall in the next place shew something of the positive part 2. The blessedness of those which dye in the Lord consists positively First in this that they shall enter into the Society of the Angels they shall leave any longer conversing with mortals and instead of weeping friends see themselves compassed with singing Angels How do you think that Lazarus was affected who instead of Beggars Crippels and Dogs had a Guard of Angels waiting upon him What an extasy of joy was he surprized vvith Luk. 16.22 This honour have all the Saints We think the sight of a King the look of a Prince the company of a Lord a great matter what are they it compared with the least of the Captains of the Lord's Host How vast is the difference between Flesh and Spirit and yet this favour the Lord is pleased to confer upon the least of his Children And how glad are the Angels themselves of the society of the poorest Saint they are glad even here to be doing offices of love for them many a danger they delivered them from many a mercy they conveyed from their Father to them but these earthly Bodyes were scarce capable of communications with such noble and spiritual Creatures but at Death they shall know their old friends and fellow-servants and bless God with them and for them for ever Heb. 12.22 And these Chariots and Horsemen of Israel shall carry up Joseph to his Fathers House and there the Sons of God shall shout for joy Time was the sight of an Angel would make a Saint tremble but then it shall make them to Triumph and what stories will they tell them of the providences of God toward them and joyn with them in the high praises of his goodness and love But all this is but little to what follows 2. At Death the souls of believers are made perfect in holiness How will they in a moment see themselves as white as Snow how glorious shall the Kings Daughter be when her beauty is perfect how lovelily will she look when she 's clad with innocent purity how excellent when her royal Husband the Lord Christ shall be infinitely taken with her Will he not then say thou art all fair my love there is no spot in thee Come with me from Lebanon my Spouse with me from Lebanon from the top of Amana from the top of Shenir and Hermon from the Lyons Dens from the Mountains of Leopards Thou hast ravished my heart my Sister my Spouse thou with one Chain of thy Neck How fair is thy love my Sister my Spouse c. Cant. 4.7 8 9 10. If the Lord see so much beauty here in his Church what will he do hereafter when he shall have wash'd away all her
defilements and taken out her stains and have decked her with his Jewels and put on her Wedding Garment That Day is coming O my soul when will the shaddows flee away when will Days and Nights be all at an end when will time be spent when shall the Curtain be drawn O that that 's the place thou shalt then love that precious Jesus with a Seraphick and Angel-like love thou wilt then as much delight and rejoyce in him as Abraham David and Paul did Thy drowsie Soul shall be as nimble and active in the service of thy great Maker as Enoch and Elias thou shalt praise him Day and Night and be no more weary than the Angels themselves thou shalt perfectly understand the vvill of God and readily obey it thou shalt be holy as God is holy And what vvould you now give for such a frame hovv glad vvould you be to feel a connaturality to divine imployments hovv happy vvould you think your selves if your heart vvere alvvayes as God vvould have it Is it not for this that you fast and pray Is it not for this that you hear read and meditate Is not this the end of Sacraments Well be of good cheer in Mount Zion there shall be deliverance and holiness Obed. 17. And is all this nothing seemeth it still a small priviledge to be a Child of God and like our Father vvho that understands this vvould not bid Death vvelcome and say novv Grave do thy vvorst Ask Paul and he vvill tell you that upon this account he groans enquire of David and he vvill let you understand that he never expects satisfaction till he avvake vvith God's likeness Psal 17. 3. Another thing vvherein the blessedness of a Christian at Death lyes is this the sight of Christ What can be more desired by a Child of God than to behold and enjoy him by vvhom all the mercies we have and all that we expect slow in to us Eph. 1.11 That good old Saint Luk. 2.30 thought it a Heaven upon Earth to see him though his Majesty was vailed and the brightness of his glory wrapped up and covered by his humanity he doth sing a Requiem to his Soul and say Now let thy Servant depart in peace for mine Eyes have seen thy Salvation How were Peter James and John affected at his transfiguration Mat. 17 2. What an admirable frame doth the Spouse seem to be in when she saw only the shadow and back-parts of this beloved one Cant. 5.16 She can't tell when to have done commending of him But all this is but a small thing compared to the sight which they shall see when their graces shall be compleat and their Soul like him and then shall they behold the King in his beauty no longer the contempt and scorn of the World no longer in poverty and want no longer crucified and rejected but Jesus the express Image of his Father and the brightness of his glory accompanyed with Millions of Angels all at his command and yet for all this casting a gracious Eye upon them then shall the Soul behold him face to face who did and suffered such wonderful things for it 't was he that came out of his Fathers bosome 't was he that stept out of his Throne and put off his Robes that came leaping over the Mountains and skipping over the Hills running thorow a thousand difficulties that he might pluck thee out of thy misery and deliver thee out of the paw of the Lyon and the Bear that he might redeem thee from the power of Sin Death and Hell How will the Heavens eccho with Songs of joy when the Bride the Lamb's Wife shall come to dwell with her Husband for ever Isay 33.17 Christ is the desire of Nations the joy of Angels the delight of the Father and he in whom he is well pleased What solace then must that Soul be filled with that hath the possession of him to all Eternity Is not his love better than wine and a look of his countenance to be preferred before Corn and Oyl Is not his kindness to be valued above life it self What meanest thou then O my Soul that thou dost so dread his coming Why art thou so loath to be with him Why art thou afraid of the enjoyment of him Will thy Redeemer make thee a slave hath Heaven changed his Nature and made him less desirable Will thy Saviour make thee miserable Awake then O ye Saints and stand a tip-toe wait watch and long till thou see him who alone can fill thy Soul fight strive and run till you enjoy One smile of his one look of his love is worth the pleasures of ten Worlds where is thy heart where are thy desires what 's become of thy love if Christ doth not affect draw and fire thee what will but when thou shalt see Christ indeed his very looks will so warm thy Soul that thou shalt in a moment feel a divine flame which shall never be extinguished as long as Christ the object of thy love shall live the sight of Christ will put new life into thy Soul and make thy love and joy fresh for ever this is he O my Soul that was wounded that thou mightest be healed this is he who was Crowned vvith Thorns that thou mightest be Crovvned vvith Glory this this is he that dyed that thou mightest live Is not all the Glory of Heaven vvrapped up in him Are not the Treasures of divine kindness which vvere sometimes hid in him novv opened Tell me now O my soul is there any in tvvo Worlds comparable to him Was not that he that sheltered thee from the storms of God's vvrath Was not that precious Body the Shield vvhich blunted the Svvord of Justice and kept the Arrovves of the Almighty from doing dreadful execution upon thee an Enemy Traytor and Rebel Was it not he that laid dovvn the price that bought thy pardon that purchased this Inheritance vvas it not he that fed thee vvith his Body that broached his heart blood to quench the thirst of thy Soul the lusts of thy heart and the flames of God's indignation Look upon him is he not made up of love I see now it is not for nothing that the Virgins did love him it was not vvithout good reason that the Spouse vvas sick it vvas not vvithout very good cause that the Saints did so long to be vvith him to be with him did I say vvho that hears of him can choose but vvish to see him vvho that sees him can live without him who that lives vvith him can leave him What mean the World Sure they are dead blind or mad but vvhere am I now This is a subject so svveet that I can't tell hovv to make an end O that I might see knovv and enjoy look dear Jesus upon me and let me go and tell the World thy beauties let me every day have a little sight of thee that I may commend thee a thousand times more feelingly and that I may
entring into the world but I had no sooner imbraced the motion but that very day I felt a change in my poor soul viz. a too too much letting out my thoughts upon it which I most perceived in duty and the devil who long waited his opportunity did then I am afraid not only parley but get entrance through the treachery and deceitfulness of my wretched heart and he told me that I might lawfully settle my mind upon this it being a business of great concernment and that it would be but a little while and then I should return to my former temper in spiritual matters upon those delusions my silly heart gave way and I found too much willingness of soul to place its concerns in that matter and so I laying down my watch soon lost my former experiences and every day I found my comforts on the ebbing hand I secretly departed from God and darkened the light of his countenance that did shine sometimes upon my soul and had not infinite grace put a seasonable word into your mouth to prevent me how had I fallen and whither had I gone I could not have thought it possible that ever my heart should decline so strangely as it did I that formerly could serve my Master faithfully cheerfully and comfortably did it grutchingly and not out of love though I never fell so far through grace as to neglect any thing of his businesses yet 〈◊〉 lost the right principles of action and the art of spiritualizing of civil affairs and this lasted for about three moneths It is scarce to be thought what perplexities I brought my self into by my back-sliding from God I have not time to declare things and had I it would be very unwelcome to you true I hope I did enjoy some communion with God when I was engaged in duties especially in that to be admired Ordinance of the Sacrament and Prayer but yet my comforts and duty usually ended together I hope the experience that I have had of the treachery of my own heart will make me carry a fence of my weakness and folly so as 〈◊〉 throw my self wholly upon the wisdom of God I have thus opened my soul to you O that the Lord who first for his own name sake shewed mercy to me when I deserved none would now look upon me in my low estate and consult the same bowels of pitty and compassion which are infinite past the sins of finite creatures O that he would heal my back-slidings and love me freely God is the same and changeth not and my hopes are that he will again return and visit my soul in mercy After this the Lord was pleased to come in again and he found his former comforts in some measure returning after a great deal of pains with his own heart and wrestling with God Hear what language he begins to speak again Blessed be God for what I do enjoy it is ten thousand times more than I deserve I hope the dew of the sanctuary doth oft refresh me and the blood of Jesus is my cordial when I sit at his Table he visits me and his banner over me is love I may speak it to the glory of rich grace that my heart is in a better frame than it was and I am more free from distractions in duty but yet I am far from that frame that I was once in my distemper it lyeth in want of those strong affections to God and that which hath made me so silent to you is the fear of hypocrisie lest my tongue should at any time out-reach my heart I might be far larger and yet speak none but his words this I think may prove that he was a very curious observer of his own soul and took notice of the least departures of his heart from God or Gods absenting of himself from him I might tell you what pains he took to prepare for the Sacrament and what exactness he used afterwards in taking notice how his soul was affected when it was not raised what care did he use till he found a fresh wâ—râ—nth heat and life animating of him I might tell you how frequent he was in that rare duty of meditation I speak not this without book many sheets of his meditations which I have by me shew that he was no stranger to those spiritual duties which few understand and fewer practise 9. He was greatly desirous to be reproved and watched over that of the Psalmist was oft in his mouth and written in his Letter Let the Righteous smite me and it shall be a kindness and let him reprove me and it shall be excellent Oyl which shall not break my head 10. He was much exercised in acts of mortification and self denyal he laboured to keep under his body to have the command of his passions and affections very temperate drinking water c. 11. He was frequently praising of God and speaking well of his wayes indeed his deportment was such that he credited Religion and commended the service of his great Master and made people to believe that Religion was an excellent thing and he justified wisdom and was able to say her wayes were pleasantness and her paths peace 12. He was a very good Husband of time one would wonder how one could roll over such a deal of business as he did not in the least neglecting his Masters affairs and yet that he should write such packets of letters and pen so many Meditations and be so very helpful to his brethren the young men How many Books did he read over and read them to the purpose so as to make them his own some of them five or six times over and if he had no company to dicourse with when he went abroad he lookt oft into his Pocket Book which was called Making Religion ones business 13. He had a strong affection for the faithful Ministers of Christ and was concerned when the Cloud began to threaten them that he ingaged all the Prayers he could for them that the Lord would blow over this storm and I am ready to think that this might hasten his end 14. He was greatly afraid of spiritual pride to this end he desired me to keep a watch over him and beseeched me to discover it to him when I did at any time discern the actings of it but though he had great parts and gifts above his age yet the fence of former sins and his curious observance of his heart and the fence of free grace kept him very low 15. He seemed to be possessed with the thoughts of death and Eternity He had a strong impression upon his spirit of the neerness of his end for about half a year before he dyed And 16. He was much above the fears of death and from a deep fence of the reallity of invisibles and his propriety in them he thought long for possession and he could say I desire to be dissolved and to be with Jesus On the Lords Day before he dyed he
was in an extasie of comfort and felt what those joyes unspeakable in believing meant in former times he had great manifestations of Gods love but never any broke into his soul with such power and clear evidence as then he had as it were a prospect of glory and some foretastes of that happiness that was prepared for him before the foundations of the world and O how did his heart even leap within him to think that within a little while he should fully and eternally enjoy what he now had a little glympse of Upon Munday I went to visit him and found him in a very sweet frame so taken up with Heaven that he did even wonder at himself I am saith he so overcome with the love of Christ and the glory of Heaven that all manner of fear is hid from mine eyes and I cannot so much as think of Hell or if I do it is with joy that there is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus but what do you think of these things is it possible that they should be delusions O Sir I beseech you be faithfull to my soul and tell me as you will answer it at the barr of God what you judge of my state I would not for a World be now in a fools Paradice and then he told me his experiences and intreated me to search and try him and again and again he expressed his great joy under the apprehensions of death and that glorious Eternity that he was passing into I desired earnestly to discourse with you said he because I expect to lose the use of my reason and am not like to be capable of speaking my mind to you hereafter and then he intreated me to give him a Funeral Sermon And all this he spoke with as much cheerfulness as can well be imagined speaking of death as the most desirable thing O saith he that I were but ten times sicker I long to dye I am ill but I would be ill to purpose O dear Jesus I long to be with thee Upon Tuesday his distemper grew much upon him and began a little at times to impair his intellectuals and yet by fits he would speak excellently of the things of God being asked whether he was willing to dye he answered That Eternity was too little for him to praise God in for his rich mercy to such a poor creature as he was that the Lord should prepare such an inheritance amongst the Saints in glory for him and that his life was hid with Christ and that when Christ who was his life should appear he also should appear with him in glory This morning he prayed for an exhorted those that were in the family to prepare to meet him in glory Upon Wednesday when he had any intermissions he broke out into such expressions as these Dear Jesus what art thou doing preparing Mansions for me I am coming sweet Jesus I am coming It is but a little while a little thread and when that is cut I shall be safe in glory Being very ill he said What if I should live two hours or two dayes what is that to a glorious Eternity Death what is it but a Porter to open Heaven-gate for me What is all the World compared to that Crown which I shall receive Being asked how he did he answered very well one standing by said no you are very ill he replyed I know I am very sick but I say I am well because I am as God would have me be When I came to him in the afternoon I found him exceeding ill and betraying some weakness in his intellectuals and his discourse being very impertinent I said to him your language was wont to be spiritual but now you forget your self It is true Sir said he but you know what the condition of my body now is blessed be God the root of matter is in me After this he was very still and quiet whilest I read to him and seemed to be much pleased at the reading of the fifty fourth and fifty fifth of Isaiah and gave a very rational account of any spiritual question that was put to him and very desirous that I should pray with him Upon Thursday because of extraordinary business of my own I could not be present with him Upon Friday he was taken speechless for many hours together but according to our Prayers at last he recovered the use of his reason more than before and could speak that we might well understand him then I asked him how he did he answered me Still alive After a considerable pause he cryed out Gracious Father thy Will be done Then I opened several Scriptures to him which speak the blessed state of Saints in another World and when I asked him whether he did understand me He answered Yes Yes and wept several times for joy Now the Symptomes of death approaching come upon him scarce any pulse and a dying sweat and the last words that I heard him speak were Glory Glory After that he continued in very great Agonies and his pangs were strong till about 11 of the Clock then he slept in Jesus being exceedingly lamented by the young men of his Society many of which were about him FINIS An Accompt of Gods Dealings with this Young man before and at his Conversion with some Remarks upon the same as it was Delivered to me under his own hand after I had Discoursed with him by way of Dialogue between a Minister and himself Minister WHat ought to be the great care and duty of every professing Christian in these our dayes Convert Pray What may be the reason of this your Question Min. I have very many reasons but one is this Because it is daily seen that very many who have made great profession of Reâ—igion and are accounted amongst the wise Virgins fall away which is very sad to conâ—ider and I fear that the reason is because there is not that care taken about the state of their souls which there ought to be now I pray you answer me my Question viz. What ought c. Conv. With respect to the former It ought to be every Christians great care to examine himself whether he be in the state of grace or no and which way the Lord was pleased to bring him into that blessed condition sith it is to be feared the want of this is the great and chief cause of mans apostasie from Religion for had he ever been truly wrought upon by the spirit of God had his convictions which more or less all have had turned to a true conversion and had his pangs of sorrow for sin but brought forth regeneration then surely he would have been in such an estate from which all the malice of the powers of darkness could not have drawn him Min. The Answer doth somewhat savour of goodness and that you understand with your heart what you express with the tongue conversion or regeneration is a mighty work and on whomsoever it is truly wrought