kept this Trouble to her half a Year only her Sister knew it and oft see her sit and Weep most bitterly but I humbly hope God gave her strength against the Temptation and quieted her Mind After she revealed this Affliction and better understood the nature of these Troubles which as God enabled me I informed her and strove to Comfort her In the time of this last Sickness she oft asked me to Pray with her which when I performed I was too absolute with God for her Life all the time of her Sickness without express Submission to his Will The Lord pardon the Extremity of my Affection In this Sickness she was very tender-hearted expressed herself very Understandingly and Piously in Prayer with other sweet and gracious Requests to God she begged of the Lord that the Infection of her Disease might spread no farther in the Family which Desires of hers the Lord heard and granted For which Preservation I do desire to be thankfull to the God of our Mercies which in the midst of his just Judgments for my Sins in this heavy stroak shewed us much Compassion in preventing our farther Calamity in that Disease The dear sweet Child oft said She should die yet saying If the Lord pleased to spare her she would labour with watchfulness to serve him better and to amend all she had found amiss desiring me to be her faithfull remembrancer She was troubled that sometimes she had lain in bed too long in the morning especially for being straitened for time on the Sabbath Day which caused her to slubber over those Duties which should have been better performed bewail'd her unprofitableness and promised if she recovered this sickness better to observe the Lord's Day To the Physician that attended her in her sickness she said That he had many opportunities in going to sick and death Beds to mind him of Mortality and though none should be excusable before God yet they should be most inexcusable that had such frequent warnings Said That in health was the fittest time to prepare for death for in sickness she could do little more than consult her ease Dear Child she one Morning desired to see her Father and that she might see his Face saying She had now taken her leave of her dear Father's Face But the Lord spared her a little longer and she did see him again and now I humbly hope she sees the face of her Father in Heaven Dear Child she desired her Father and my self to forgive her in what she had at any time offended us saying If the Lord saw it good to spare her she hoped she should double her Diligence in her Care that she should never grieve us in any thing But this testimony I bless God I can give of her Few Children exceeded her in dutiful loving Obedience to her Parents She express'd her self very affectionately and honourably of her Sister and that she was sorry she had sometimes diverted her by staying in her Closet when she would have been better employed Sweet Child she was very tender spirited and was troubled for several little things which were very small or no Offence and if she had done any thing amiss would ask forgiveness She would sometimes say to me my dear Mother you cannot conceive what passes through my poor head nor what your poor Child endures And then she would bless God that what she suffered was not Hell where the Damned had not a drop of water to cool their Tongue And said What is that I feel compared to the sufferings of my Saviour who under-went such torments to save Sinners Dear Lamb she desired that what Money she had might be given in the Parish to some poor people whom she named and that her dear Father would extend his Charity out of what he would have bestowed at her Burial Which was performed In the whole time of her sickness I was not from her but one night not being well the last night but one before she departed this Life neither was I from her at any time but when the pressing necessities of my frail Nature urged it for a little rest and she was very glad when she saw me again and would express her loving Affections and Thankfulness to me for my Care of her I had many sweet endearing expressions from her of her Love and Duty She said If the Lord spare me I hope I shall do thus as I have promised But if I die my dear Mother you will remember what I now said to you and I could be content to be a little Child again that I might lie at your Breast and Bosom I have transcribed this long account hoping it may be usefull to some young Gentlewomen Daughters of my dear Wife's Christian Friends or others into whose hands their kindness or God's Providence may put it Now follows her exemplary Submission and Improvement She was exceeding desirable to us for the loveliness of her Person sweetness of her Disposition readiness of her Obedience quickness of her Parts serious Inclination to the ways of God and many sweet and winning Qualities which rendered her exceeding amiable and very pleasant to all that knew her But it was the Lord the sovereign Lord of us and her and all the world whose she was much more than ours God doth all things well wisely righteously gratiously and most faithfully The Lord was pleased to stir up great sympathy and tender Compassion in his People with many Prayers for her in her sickness and for us since and though it pleased God to deny them for her longer continuance in this World yet blessed be God we have great cause to hope in his Mercies that those Prayers are not lost but for the Sake Merits and Mediation of her Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ are granted to an higher end in eternal Bliss Good Lord sanctifie all our Afflictions to us that we may bear them with meekness and submission that they may not only be the Effects of thy Displeasure but of thy adopting Love Good Lord sanctifie this heavy Affliction to us and shew me in particular why thou contendest with me Therefore besides thy Holy Righteous and Wise Providence and Immutable Decree which had determined her time and the measure of her Days which I desire humbly and with all Submission to Adore and Acquisce in Good Lord give me to know and lay to heart the forfeiting Cause on my part which mov'd thee to smite with so severe a stroke in bereaving us of so desirable a Child and so great a peace of the comfort of my Life in this World Lord pardon my Ingratitude for Mercies injoyed that I have not so improved them to thy glory by a more carefull circumspect exemplary holy Life I beseech thee forgive my slackness in seasonable reproofs admonitions advice and counsels to my Children or others Although thou seest good to cut short my opportunities yet help me better to improve what thou wilt still intrust me with and forgive me
other Blessed be my gracious God for his great Kindness to me in them both After Three Years continuance in that Family upon the Death of Dr. Read my Lord presented my Dear to Fyfield in Essex a competent good Living and Subsistence blessed be God for it Good Lord crown his Ministry there with the Success of the Conversion and Bringing in their Souls to the Obedience and Knowledge of Jesus Christ Give him abundance of the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and store his Heart with the Treasuries of thy heavenly Truths and continue my Dear Husband a faithfull painfull able Labourer in thy Vineyard If what I have thus far touch'd may savour of any Vanity the modesty of what I have past over may excuse the Errour at least to them who may see the Original Manuscript Now to return to her of whom I write she proceeds I was Born at London in Bucklersbury on Thursday the 12th of July in the Year of our Lord 1623 and Baptized the 20th Day of the same Month. The Lord vouchsafing me a reception into the visible Church of Jesus Christ when he most justly might have suffered no Eye to pity me but have cast me out to the loathing of my Person in my original Defilement and Stains of my sinfull Nature But to my first admittance good Lord enable me to ascend that being a Member of thy Church militant here on Earth I may attain to be one of thy Church triumphant in Heaven My Dear Father was Mr. John Sadler a very Eminent Citizen and of a most generous loving and charitable Disposition and a most tender Father to me and a kind Father-in-Law to my Husband He was born at Stratford upon Avon in Warwickshire where his Ancestors lived My Grandfather had a good Estate in and about the Town He was of a free and noble Spirit which somewhat out-reach'd his Estate but not given to any Debauchery I ever heard of My Father's Mother was a very wise pious and a good Woman and lived and died a good Christian My Father had no Brother but three Sisters who were all eminently Wise and good Women especially his youngest Sister who married my Father's Partner in Trade a religious good Man In process of time my Father was desired to change his single estate accordingly a Match was provided for him but he by God's Providence approved not of it His Father then provided him good Clothes good Horse and Money in his Purse and sent him to make his Addresses to a Gentlewoman in that Country But he considering well how difficult a married Condition was like to prove his Father having reduced his Estate from about 400 l. a Year to 80. His own Prudence but especially God's good Providence over-ruling his mind instead of going a Wooing he join'd himself to the Carrier and came to London where he had never been before and sold his Horse in Smithfield and having no Acquaintance in London to recommend him or assist him he went from Street to Street and House to House asking if they wanted an Apprentice and though he met with many discouraging Scorns and a thousand denials he went on till he light on Mr. Brokes bank a Grocer in Bucklersbury who though he long denied him for want of Sureties for his Fidelity and because the Money he had but Ten Pounds was so disproportionable to what he used to receive with Apprentices yet upon his discreet account he gave of himself and the Motives which put him upon that Course and promise to compensate with diligent and faithfull Service what ever else was short of his Expectation he ventured to receive him upon Trial in which he so well approved himself that he accepted him into his Service to which he bound him for Eight Years to which he willingly submitted though he was then full Twenty-one Years old and there he served a faithfull and laborious Apprenticeship but much liked of his Master and Mistress And after served him Five Years Journey-man they not being willing to part with him In which time he had his Master's leave to Trade for himself in Drugs and Tabacco by which he left Grocery and was by Trade a Druggist in London And by that Profession God bless'd my dear Father with a very plentifull and good Estate with which God gave him a bountifull Mind and liberal Heart to doe much good to his Relations and others My Dear Mother Mrs. Elizabeth Sadler was the Daughter of Mr. Dackum sometimes Minister of Portsmouth Also my Grandmother Dackum was a very wise and prudent Woman In my Infancy I was very sickly and of a weakly Constitution Blessed be God for the Love and Care of Parents and Friends in my Childhood Estate She was her Parents first Born after Five Years Marriage and despair of having Children which rendred them exceeding tender of her and yet was she well nigh starved at Nurse at Lusam in Kent For though her Parents sent so bountifully besides the Nurses Wages as might near maintain the Family yet have they found the Meat they sent ready to stink for want of dressing In my fuller Age I was of a pensive Nature God saw it good that I should bear the yoak in my Youth but I did not consider the hand that put it on When I was Young the Lord was pleased to deliver me from many Casualties After naming them she always concludes with Praises Blessed be his preventing Mercy Blessed be God that preserved me in that danger And such like If St. Augustin's confessing of his robbing an Orchard be so much approved why may not I touch so small a thing as I meet with here which shews the tenderness of her Spirit When I was a Child my Mother would send me where she less trusted my Sisters In what I might fail I cannot call to mind but I remember she sent me where she kept her Apples they suited my childish Appetite I took one I could not keep it but thought I had stole it I went back unlock'd the Door but with some regret laid down the Apple Blessed be restraining Grace But I must pass over a great many things for brevity which might be usefull unto others and are very pleasant to my self in reading for the savory sense of pious Gratitude which all along breaths in them yet I will not hide the greatest fault I ever knew her guilty of in my own observation or find her charge her self with either in her Book or Diary Having written many things which I pass by and last concerning the burning of her Father's House she thus proceeds About half a year after the Fire which was when she was about Thirteen or Fourteen years old my Father had a great fit of sickness which held him a quarter of a year and in great danger of Death In which time of his sickness I poor wretched Creature through a sudden surprise and provocation spoke a wicked word to a superior of which my Father was informed and most
that Nature indicated thereby what must relieve and rising up in my Bed I stretched out my left Arm and humbly committing my self and the Success to God said I would Bleed again The Physicians then consented and proceeded to the Operation and opening a Vein in my Left Arm the Blood sprang out so abundantly that they drew at least ten Ounces After the closing the Orifice being laid down again My Dearest Dear who had been all my Sickness my tenderest Nurse my wakefull Watcher and all yea more than could be wished or expected or possibly performed without a spring of so strong and endearing Affection to give and guide the Motion became my Chaplain if I may have leave to use such an Expression and before the Symptoms she hath mentioned arrived at their height kneeled down by my Bed-side and wrestled with God in Prayer with such spiritual Fervency and expressed herself so appositely so pertinently so suitably and with such holy Ardour poured out her Soul to God as I never knew exceeded if equalled by the ablest Christian or Minister in all my Life Surely if ever the promise of pouring out a Spirit of Grace and Supplication was signally made good it was then made good to her and the effects of it to me for as she was a true Daughter of Abraham an Israelitess indeed she rose from her Knees a Female Israel she prevailed with God I fell into so great a Sweat as was scarce ever known and though the Night was full of the Symptoms she names which so afflicted and affrighted her yet she retained her Presence of Mind to assist me with holiest Words and kindest Deeds In the Morning Symptoms abated and when Dr. Needham came and had felt my Pulse He told me he came directly from Dr. Willis who dyed that day at Eleven a Clock of my Disease but added with a Smile he would not have told me so but that my danger was past and said That under God my last night's Bleeding and Sweating saved my Life without which humanely speaking I could not have escaped blessed be God who put that Resolution into my Mind and heard her earnest Prayers Now to return to her Pious gratefull Words I desire to bless God for every Circumstance of his Mercy in my Dear Husband's Sickness The helps and love of Friends the use of Physick with other means the constant and frequent Visits of Neighbour-Ministers their Prayers for us and of many other Friends and good People in our behalf to which I ascribe a great share of indulgent Mercy in sparing to me a little longer my Dear Husband God did not cast out the Prayer of the Afflicted but in my Distress when I cryed unto him he graciously inclined his Ear unto me and helped me Good Lord enable me with my yet continued Mercy mutually to acknowledge thy Kindness and by an exemplary holy Life to declare thy great Goodness to us Building up each other in our most Holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life And this Mercy wherewith thou yet intrusts me Lord help me more to improve to my Spiritual Advantage and continue him to length of Days with the abundant Gifts and Graces of thy Holy Spirit a choice and signal Instrument of thy Glory I bless thee for thy supporting Mercy in my Relative Duty in my many sorrowfull Nights and Watchings that when my Sleep departed from me I still might make my Addresses to thee who never slumberest nor sleepest for thou always seest the afflictions of thy People and knowest their Sorrows and wilt not despise them that seek thee thou hast restored Comfort to me and to my Mourners praised be thy Mercy 'T is hard to pass-by her tenderness to me of so recent Date as my last Year's Visitation which held me so many Months and brought me so low and at length settled in my Right-hand with such swelling and lameness as took away its use and under God I owe the recovery of it to her Skill and Pains and Kindness by her frequent bathing fomenting and annointing of it and preparing other both inward and outward Medicines so far to use my Pen to pay this small tribute to her happy Memory SECT X. Of her Lyings-Inn in Child-bearing GOD was pleased to give her strength to go out her full time of eleven Children six Sons and five Daughters besides some abortive or untimely Births And if ever Children were Baptized in their Mothers Belly excuse the Expression doubtless hers were so I mean solemnly Consecrated to God with fervent frequent Prayers and wash'd in a Jordan of her Tears who bore them as truly in her Heart as Womb. I find all their Births recorded with most savory and devout Reflections tho' some with more Enlargement as attended with more signal Circumstances I might transcribe them all that the sweet Spirit of Praise which breaths so fragrantly in every of them might kindle and excite the like Temper in others no Incense being more gratefull to the Nostrils of that God who saith He that offereth Praise glorifieth me but I must contract The twelfth of July 1651 God mercifully Deliver'd me of my first Child In 1652 I being big with-Child had an high Fever and was after a great and very hot fit delivered of a Daughter Aug. 29. Being Lord's Day between four and five in the Morning my Fever turned to an Ague and held me ten Weeks and brought me very low yet God in his Mercy graciously spared me and restored my Health I bless him for it Feb. 5. 54. God delivered me of a third Child our first Son God gave me a fourth Deliverance of a Daughter still-born Dec. 23. 55. I went my full time and might have been ever big Blessed be God that spared his unworthy Creature God gave me a gracious Deliverance of a fifth a Son May 15. 57. God gave me a Mercifull Deliverance of a sixth Child a Daughter June 8. 58. After a long and hard Labour continued three days and three nights in great Extremity all about me despairing of Life God mercifully Delivered me of a seventh Child a Son October 22. 59. which Mercy much affected my Dear Husband and for which my Deliverance I most humbly Bless God I confess I never knew to what degree I loved her till that time and never experienced such Raptures of Joy and Thankfullness for any worldly Matter as on that occasion the Impression of which was so deep that the remembrance of it hath a pleasing relish even to this Day God gave me a gracious Deliverance of an eighth Child a Son still-born after an hard Labour December the 11. 1660. In this Lying-in I fell into Melancholy which much disturbed me with Vapours and was very ill It pleased God to suffer my old Enemy very impetuously to assault me c. But more of this when I touch the return of her Temptation God gave me Deliverance of a ninth Child a Son October 9. 1662. God graciously gave me a
speedy and safe Deliverance of a tenth Child a Daughter November 14. 63. Of this Child more hereafter God gave me a mercifull Deliverance in a difficult and hard Labour my eleventh and last Child a Son still-born May the first 1665. Lord I bless thee for my manifold Deliverances in these and all my straits I beseech thee inable me to render unto thee suitable returns of Praises and Thanksgivings Three of my Children were still-born which with the rest the Lord hath been pleased to take out of this Life I humbly hope and do believe are now happy in Heaven enjoying God to all Eternity SECT XI Of the Baptizing our Children THose of my Children whom God waâ— pleased to admit by Baptism into his visible Church on Earth I can truly declare and that without Hypocrisie whatever may be my censure that notwithstanding my present weakness in Childbed I made it my Practice to importune God for a Blessing upon his own Ordinance fitting my self for those Addresses as I thought most suitable to Prayer by getting up out of my Bed which I made haste to doe as soon as the Company which went to Church with my Child had quitted my Chamber which was always and most to my Satisfaction on the Lord's Day Lord this is for my Comfort and for which Practice I humbly bless thee and for the liberty of all thy Holy Ordinances and Priviledges by them And blessed be that God who styles himself a God hearing Prayer that he suffered not his Face to be sought in vain for all the Children who lived to any years of Knowledge gave very comfortable Evidences of their living up to their Baptismal Covenant as shall be accounted for when their Deaths are spoken of And upon this occasion of speaking of Baptism it brings to my mind what I hope I may without Prejudice relate to shew how impartially I write of her what I have heard her argue concerning the use of the Cross very modestly and prudently she had indeed no Bigotry for the outward appendages of Religious Worship yea was fearfull many lost much of the Substance by being over-fond of the Shadow Yet would she not run into the contrary Extream and she would say she wondred so many good People took offence at the sign of the Cross for said she though I know the Papists superstitiously abuse it and I fear some put more stress on it than they should or is designed or required by our Church yet their abuse of it should not prejudice the use of it as rightly understood which said she I take not to be intended as any part of the Sacrament nor to effect or produce any thing in the Child which it would want without it but to be a Memorial of our Saviour's Passion and the Shame and Pains he bore for us and whatever may put us in mind of these methinks should not be hardly thought on I should be partial here should I forbear to add her declared dissatisfaction at the imposing the whole charge in the Administration of Baptism on the Susceptors without including jointly at least one of the Parents for which with other Reasons she would rarely undertake the office of a God-mother and when she did own'd it as a Bond upon her Conscience to be strictly discharged SECT XII Her Care of the Education of her Children NExt to their Baptism properly follows her Prudent Pious Care in the Education of her Children that they might want no Accomplishments in this World she could assist their attainment of but especially to train them up in the true and early knowledge of Religion and Nurture and Fear of God And here I might write a Treatise larger than the whole Book without borrowing from any but only her Pen and Practice She considered Children as the nursery of Families the Church and Nation and that Errors in their Education were hardly Corrected ever after therefore she improved her utmost Diligence and Wisdom to teach them whilst young the way in which they should walk that when they were old they might not depart from it She accounted it not only an Indispensable Duty to be done but an high Honour to be intrusted by God with the care of bringing up a Child for him and she did not more truly travail in pain of them to bring them forth than she did to bring them up that Christ might be formed in them Without Vanity she was as compleatly qualified for this Performance as was possible to be desired or wished she was Mistress of her Needle to that degree that she would blame herself that she had spent so much time and industry to attain it in Worsted Silk and finest Thread for Poynt none exceeded her though they earned their Living by it And for Houshould-Imployment all that knew her wondred she could so soon attain such universal Dexterity and accomplished Skill in Country Affairs being bred and living most of her time in the City but she being of very quick natural Parts and close application of Mind to Business soon made herself Mistress of whatever she set herself to not only in what strictly concerned her Family-Inspection to direct and instruct her Maids in Cookery Brewing Baking Dairy ordering Linen in which her neatness was curious even to Excess and the like But in Physick Chirurgery to assist the Neighbours of the Parish and some Miles about which she performed Skillfully Readily and with great Success as they acknowledge by their grief for her loss and the Furniture of her Closet still will witness which she left furnished better than many Country Shops and also in Preserving making all sorts of English Wines Gooseberry Curran Cowslip Quince c. and whatever else was curious to entertain and please her Friends of higher Rank to whole Testimony I appeal whether this is not less than might be truly said and yet her Wisdom the true Wisdom of preferring Religion above all these remained with her and all she knew she was ambitious to infuse and to transmit unto her Daughters who did not abuse her Hopes nor shame their Teacher I shall not insist on her Prudent Methods to accomplish them in the affairs of this Life my Business being to make good Christians not good House-wives by her Example Her first Care was to keep their Minds uncorrupted by Vanity or Pride therefore kept them at home not to save Charges but avoid Inconveniences and therefore that they might not want what she could not perform entertained a French Dancing-Master in the House and had a Writing and Singing-Master come to them at fit Seasons How much and how well they performed by their Needles by the help of a well qualified Servant but chiefly by their Mothers guidance who taught both them and her I wave the recounting of because if it seemed not incredible I own it would be Impertinent and it may be censured as Vanity But all this was by-Business comparatively her Work and Business was to cultivate their Minds
sometimes two by the Glass She would be attentive at the reading the Scriptures in the Family and ask her Sister the meaning of some Passages she understood not She would constantly goe alone to Prayer She told one of the Maids the Devil tempted her to Play at Prayers but she had pray'd against him and that he did not trouble her so much since She desired one of her Sisters to grant her a Request and said that she must not deny her Which was Not to refuse any good Counsel when ever it was given her but to accept of it from whom soever it came Another time being with her Sisters as they sate at Work she told them all those things would be dirt in Heaven And it most concerned them to get their Sins Pardoned and an Interest in Jesus Christ Discoursing of the Vanity of this World and Happiness of being Good and fit for Heaven As she had opportunity she would frequently be giving good Counsel with much Sweetness and Gravity If she were ill she would strive to hide it for fear of Grief to her Father and my self saying when we ask'd her how she did Pretty well I thank God Four Days before she died when the Maid went to help her up in the Morning she told her she was very Sick but God would doe her good by that Sickness and she should love him the better for it In this last and short sickness she had very serious apprehensions of Death Said she should die but was not afraid of Death And desired she might die quietly and without disturbance The Physician desiring to give her a little Wine ask'd her if she loved Sack she answered No. He desired her to take a little She said she would if he pleased but she did not love it to fuddle with A few hours before she died she desired to go to Bed out of which she had been taken by reason of the Flegm that troubled her and I being unwilling she said she would now go to Bed for adieu and for all Where she fell a sleep in Jesus enfolded in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies She resigned up her Soul with these and the like Expressions Lord let me come to thee my Lord and my God And Lord Jesus receive my Spirit I acknowledge the Words were given her but she readily received them and oft repeated though she could not speak but with difficulty she had been so affable and winning to all Rich and Poor that many shed more Tears for her than at the departure of their own Children she was much desired in Life and of all who knew her much lamented at Death How partial soever this Relation may seem to any and as from bribed Affection yet I assert the Truth to God's Goodness who hath ordained Praises in the Mouths of Babes and Sucklings and hath I humbly hope now perfected the same in the Consummation of her Eternal Bliss in the Fruition of himself to his Everlasting Praises I have hitherto in this Account left out many remarkable Passages for Brevity let me obtain liberty to transcribe the rest of the Paragraph verbatim word for word as her Pen left it Lord I bless thee that of Eleven for whom I Praise thee thou hast yet spared me two I beseech thee if it may consist with thy good Pleasure continue them in this World keeping them from the Evil of it to a good Old-Age choice Instruments of thy Glory God Lord Sanctifie them with thy Grace and Holy-Spirit and with an Indelible Character and Inscription stamp thy own Image on them that they may be thine by Grace and Adoption Lord be thou their God and Portion I beseech thee put them not off with any thing less than thy self Good Lord I beg that thou wilt take a through and full Possession of their Souls and give them to retrieve my Errors by a more early knowing serving and loving of thee and punish none of mine Iniquities with their Sins but keep them blameless to thy Everlasting Kingdom and bind up their Souls in the bundle of Eternal Life Amen Amen January 23. 1669. Was a day of Mercy to me in the midst of my Affliction being Lord's Day my sweet Mary lying then Dead with us in the House the extremity of my Affection forced me into the Chamber where she then lay a cold piece of Clay I there poured out my Soul to God in Prayer and from thence returned into to the Chamber of my signal Mercies I have received from God who comforteth those who are cast down Though he denied my vehement Desires and wrestlings with him in the time of her Sickness for her longer continuance with me in this World the Lord abundantly made up and compensated my Loss I took my Bible and my Intention was to Read in the New-Testament to allay my own Grief with the dolorous Sufferings of my Saviour but my Bible suddenly fell open in my Lap and my Eye presently fixed upon Habbak 1.12 which was powerfully set home upon my Heart with great Comfort and Refreshment with full Measure running over streams of Mercy and Loving Kindness yeaâ— of tenderest Mercies flowing into my Soul an Eternal God in exchange of a transient Comfort The Lord tendered me himself who is from Everlasting with this Propriety the Lord my God opposing his all-sufficient Righteousness against all my Unrighteousness My Holy One I should not Dye but Live Lord how hast thou silenced my inordinate Passions and Affections in superabundantly out-bidding all Creature-Comforts and Relations I beseech thee enable me so to live here that I may ever live with thee where I shall sin no more and Grief Sorrow and Sighing shall flee away The same Lord's Day in the Afternoon my Daughter Elizabeth whom God gave me June 8. 1658. to our great Satisfaction and Comfort suddenly broke out into a Flood of Tears and most Pathetical Vehement Desires after God and his Grace with Confession and bewailing of her Sins with such sensible and suitable Expressions as shewed it came from her very Soul which drew plenty of Tears of Love and Admiration from us all O my God how shall I love thee how shall I Praise thee for this Grace which I trust was the Work of thy Blessed Spirit Good Lord confirm and establish the Thoughts of her Heart before thee for Ever This day was a Tragi-Comedy if I may so speak Bitterness turn'd into surprizing Sweetness Weeping had continued for a Night but Joy came in before the succeeding Morning even Joy unspeakable and full of Glory I never remembred my Dear under such transports of Spiritual Peace and Satisfaction as from the Consolations of God from the Manifestations of his Love which flowed into her Soul from that Scripture above-named and I may truly say the Impressions of it never wore wholly off but even at many Years distance the naming of those Words would renew the Spiritual Relish she tasted in them and the briny Tears for the natural
Advantage her much bewailed Death to prepare for which had been her daily work for many Years which happened February the 23d this present Year 1690. Her Sickness was short but blessed be God her great Work was not then to do She began to complain Wednesday Noon but dined with me took her Bed that Afternoon with design to sweat with a Dose of the Lady Kent's Powder but could not sweat I sent for Dr. Yardly early Thursday Morning a Vein was opened other Administrations ordered which seemed to succeed so well that we had scarce any apprehensions of Danger She sate up four hours Saturday till seven at Night and thought herself and so did we refreshed and better by it but a complicated Disease a Rheumatism Erysipelas and Peripneumonia by God's Wise and Holy Righteous Ordering prevailed against her Strength and our Hopes And on the Lord's Day she passed to her dearest Lord and the well-beloved Bridegroom of her Soul to begin that Eternal Sabbath which shall never be interrupted nor cease She spake not much in her Sickness hindred by the shortness of her Breath and swelling of her Face What she did was suitable to her Holy Life and I believe God hid from her as well as us the near approach of her Death in Mercy to us all One of the last Words she spake to me was before my going to Church A short Prayer my Dear before thou goest She was Buried February the 27th following with that decency which is fitter for others to relate than my self and now she sleeps in Jesus who by his Burial perfumed and warmed that Bed of the Grave for all his Members where we leave her in hopes of a Glorious Resurrection when her Dust shall rise to praise him AN APPENDIX Containing some few of the Directions she wrote for her Childrens Instruction mentioned Sect. 12. And some few Letters written by her I Desire it may be remembred she wrote these not for grown and experienced Christians who might be fitter to instruct her than be assisted by her much less with the least Prospect they should ever be published or seen by many Eyes my own never saw them till hers were closed but I hope may be useful for young ones and Beginners and as such I recommend them to her Friends to communicate to their Children if they think good and have not given them better of their own and therefore it is not just to measure her Abilities by the scantling of this Performance but to consider the End to which it was designed to suit the Capacities and assist the tender Minds of those for whom they were written when I guess they might be about twelve or fourteen years of Age for one of them died at sixteen and with this equitable Allowance I hope they may be very passable if not commendable and usefull For my Dear Children Mrs. Margaret and Elizabeth Walker IT is the duty of Christians to Pray fervently and frequently with Faith with Humility with Sincerity with Constancy with watchfulness in the Spirit with Warmth and Life Prayer is a means whereby we give Worship to God giving him the Glory of all his adorable Perfections Prayer is the Soul's Motion to God Desire and Expectation are the Soul of Prayer Prayer is a knocking at the Door of God's Grace and Mercy in Christ for all manner of Supplies you stand in need of Prayer is a Wrestling with God the Lord is willing to forgive ready to hear and help yet he delighteth to have his Strength tryed Gen. 32.24 25. The work of Prayer is not so much to lift up the Hands and Eyes and Voice as to lift up the Heart and Soul In Prayer is required extensiveness and intensiveness of Mind and Heart with Importunity which consisteth in a frequent renewing of our Suits to God notwithstanding all discouragements with a patient waiting for returns of Grace Prayer must be a Premeditated Work as to the Sins to be confessed the Wants expressed the Mercies acknowledged but especially to have right apprehensions of the Purity Majesty Immensity All-sufficiency Fidelity and Bounty of the Lord to whom you Pray with Faith in his Promises and Providences and his Almightiness to supply your Wants in the things of this Life and the Life to come Be much with God in Secret Prayer and let not the fire of the Spirit and Holy Zeal be wanting in any Duty which in the Hearts of God's People send out Holy Vapours of fragrant spiritual Desires and Requests to God Vials full of Odours which are the Prayers of the Saints Rev. 5.8 compared to sweet Incense Mal. 1.11 How near are the Saints thus exercised to Jesus Christ There is but a step as it were between them and Heaven What precious answers of Grace receive they oftentimes from the Oracle of God You will do well to observe the fittest Season for Secret Prayer though a Christian is to Pray at all times yet at sometimes more especially when we meet with any new Occurrence of Providence every fresh dispensation of Providence is a prompt to Prayer as when any Affliction befalls us Jam. 5.13 So when any fresh Mercy is received it is a fit season to go aside and to acknowledge God's Goodness and our own Vnworthiness 2 Sam. 7.18 When you find the Spirit of God moving upon your Soul exciting you to the Duty Cant. 2.10 your Hearts should answer again Thy Face Lord will I seek Psal 27.5 When you find your Heart in a settled and composed Frame then also is a fit season for secret Prayer When as David's your Heart is fixed not disturbed with any Secular Business The Morning also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer the Mind is most composed and troubled with fewest Diversions See her Practise Sect. 5. pag. 33. It were well to be with God as soon as you awake to offer up to him the first-Fruits of every Day this was with others David's manner Psal 5.3.139.3 The Evening also is a fit Season for Secret Prayer Psal 55.17 not only to begin but to conclude the Day with God Sleep not till you have begged his Pardon for your Sins committed and Praised him for the Mercies received that Day When you go about any Holy Duty set by all Worldly Occasions say to them as Abraham did to his Young-men Stay you here while I go aside and Worship God Gen. 22.5 Do not ordinarily go to Prayer when your Anger is stirred and your Mind full of Perturbation 1 Tim. 2.8 lest you offer up the Sacrifice of a Fool 1 Kings 19.11 12. and speak unadvisedly with your Lips Do not actually engage in Prayer when you are inclined to Sleep and Drowsiness you must be wakefull when you Pray if you would watch unto Prayer Also allot and set out a due Proportion of Time for the Duty of Prayer a slighty huddled Prayer is a blind Sacrifice carlessness in Prayer breedeth and feedeth Inconstancy and Instability in Prayer Slightiness in Prayer is an
inlet to delusive Fancies and is a fore-runner of Apostacy if not seasonably reduced Such Religious Performances go out like the Snuff of a Candle It is not enough to chuse a fit time but you must allow sufficient time to Pray If you are straitned in your Time you will be straitned in your Prayer Also a great help in the well-performance of the Duty of Secret Prayer is to take Pains with your Heart by Meditation As the offering of sweet Incense was prepared and compounded of many costly Materials Exod. 30.34 so is a Spiritual Prayer not rudely and confusedly but deliberately advisedly preparedly and very particularly presented before the Lord. It is usually from want of preparation you find such deadness and indisposedness in Prayer a heedfull and deliberate reading of the Holy Scriptures before Prayer is also a great help for the well-performing of the Duty A farther help in the duty of Prayer is to have right conceptions of God conceive of him as he is and as he hath revealed himself in his Word to be an Omnipresent God Psal 139. that he is really though not visibly present in all Places and in that Place where you are Praying that he sees your Heart Whenever you set about this or any Holy Duty set God before your Eyes and represent him under the Notion of an Omnipresent all-seeing God Conceive of God as one full of Majesty and Greatness infinitely above any of his Creatures This Apprehension may much both quicken us and awe us in Prayer Conceive of God as one that is exceeding Gracious and Plenteous in Mercy to all that call upon him To apprehend God in his Greatness doth stir up Fear and Godly Reverence to apprehend God in his Goodness doth stir up Faith and Holy Boldness Conceive of God in Prayer as one God not divided in Essence yet distinguished into three Persons the Father the Son and Spirit all concurring to the Prayers of Believers and have a different office about them there is the Father Hearing the Son Interceeding the Spirit helping our Infirmities Conceive of God not absolutely but in Christ God in himself is a consuming Fire Heb. 12. But in Christ he is a Mercifull Father there is no coming unto God but by Jesus Christ Heb. 7.25 Entertain and maintain very honourable Thoughts of the Duty of Prayer it self this will both move you to the Duty and much quicken you in the Duty What the Psalmist says of the City of God Psal 87.3 that may be said of the duty of Prayer Great and Glorious things are spoken of it You may read of wonderfull effects of Faith the effects and fruits of Prayer are as many and great Heb. 11. It hath obtained Promises subdued Kingdoms turned away Enemies it hath raised the Dead stopp'd the Sun's Course yea made it go back it hath opened Prison-Doors and unlocked Secrets it hath opened Heaven and shut it again with much Reverence be it spoken it hath laid hold upon God himself and put him to a mercifull Retreat when he hath been marching in Anger against Persons or People God speaks as if his Hands were held and tied up by Prayer Let me go saith he to Jacob and Let me alone saith he to Moses as if the Lord would indent with Moses and offer him a Composition to hold his Peace Exod. 32.10 Wonderfull is that passage Isa 45.11 if read right God says Concerning the Works of my Hands command ye me The prevalency of fervent Prayer is very great it prevails much with God Jam. 5.15 16. Keep your Hearts close to the duty and suffer them not to stray or wander a straying Heart must needs be a straitned Heart in Prayer If you would have your Heart enlivened and enlarged in Prayer remember to repell every vain Thought that comes in to your disturbance resist it and call in help from Heaven against it Let the guilt of no one Sin lie upon your Conscience that will clog disquiet and check your Spirit in Prayer It is not amiss to observe a method in Prayer especially when you Pray with others as she would sometimes do when both my self and Curate were absent rather than Family-Worship should be wholly omitted though not tyed to Words but confused Repetitions and disorderly Digressions dis-affect those that join with you Though some prophane Scorners may mock and snear at this what real Evil scorn-worthy is there in it for a serious holy Mother to instruct her Daughters aforehand to Pray with their Maids and Children if God had spared them and given them those Relations I wish no Mothers would give their Children Counsels or Examples more liable to Exception Chuse such a Place to Pray in as is most convenient where you may not be disturbed by noise in your Ears nor be diverted by any Object before your Eyes shut also the Door lest the Wind of Vain-glory get in thereat Mat. 6.5 6. Be much in the use of Ejaculatory Prayer which is a short yet serious lifting up the Soul in desires to God Gen. 43.14 49.18 Neh. 2.4 2 Sam. 15.31 Luk. 23.42 John 12.27 Ejaculatory Prayer is a special means to keep our Hearts very Spiritual and Savoury when often in Heaven it is a special means to fit them for more solemn and continued Prayer You may find this way of Praying very famâ—â—â—â—r with the best of Men yea with Christ himself Also remember to set their Examples before your Eyes who have performed the Duty of Prayer with life-enlargement and importunity See Gen. 32.24 Matth. 26.26.39 Heb. 5.7 Hos 12.3 Examples sway us sometimes more than any Rules or Precepts For farther Encouragement to this Duty of Prayer consult with many other Promises That of our Saviour's where he saith Matth. 21.22 Whatever you ask in prayer believing you shall receive And in John 14.13 14. Whatsoever you shall ask in my Name I will doe it If ye shall ask any thing in my Name I will doe it And Matth. 7.7 8. Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened unto you For every one that asketh receiveth and he that seeketh findeth and to him that knocketh it shall be opened Call upon me and I will answer thee and shew thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not Jer. 33.3 Jam. 5.15 The prayer of faith shall save the sick and the Lord shall raise him up and if he hath committed sins they shall be forgiven him The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much Whosoever shall call upon the Name of the Lord shall be saved Rom. 10.3 If any man want Wisdom let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him But let him ask in faith nothing wavering for he that wavereth is like a wave of the Sea driven with the Wind and tossed Thus she concludes it may seem somewhat abruptly I can give no reason and will not guess only the
Sheep and his Lambs You have put your hand to God's Plough good Mr. Ph. let not the flattery or fear of Men make you warp from the streight Rule of God's Word You know the most and worst that they can doe and with the same resolution make the Apostles choice Acts 20.24 He that will put the evil day from him may soonest fall by the evil of the day and instead of finding may loose this and eternal Life The evil of Sin will produce much worse than present Sufferings If God call you forth as he did the Martyrs with their Flood to give testimony to the Truth even those Sufferings they esteemed light for the Hope set before them an Eternal Weight of Glory at the greatest length our Lives are not long in this Word Death spares none not the greatest Monarchs a great Man is fallen in our Israel our late Sovereign I have very valuable Thoughts of you you will not despise small things which gives me this Presumption I know you have greater Motives from God's Exiting Grace in you to quicken you to and assist you in your Master's Work than my narrow Scantling can afford happy they that so do they shall neither be ashamed nor affraid when their reckoning-Reckoning-day comes of which happy number Lord grant you to be I am good Mr. Ph. Your Assured Well-wishing Friend Elizabeth Walker March 15. 84. I publish the following Letter because I intend to give the Book to my plain Parishoners most of whom stand upon the same Level with him to whom it was written Persons of higher Rank may pass it by or give it to their plain Country Tenants I thought to have given an account how one of her Sister's Daughters came to be in so low a Condition whose Father might have given every Child more than a Thousand Pound had he continued the Diligence which he used for several Years after his Marriage with her Sister and the fair Portion he had with her but as she was not ashamed of her Condition no more am I and as things were 't is well she had an Aunt to assist her to match with a sober industrious Man and their joint Stock enable them to manage a Farm of about Fifty Pounds a Year on which they hitherto have and I hope will continue to live comfortably and contentedly Cousin Robert Glassock YOU have not a Friend that more truly desires your Welfare than my self and shall be most affectionately glad of your well-being in this present World but I hope I should much more rejoyce in your certain and assured Interest in a better Life I desire you may obtain both of God who is the giver of all good I beseech you that you may to apply your self to that direct Rule and guidance of God's Word which counsels you to seek the Kingdom of God with his Righteousness in the first place and then you have the Promise of him that is both faithfull and able to perform his Word That the things of this life shall be added unto you as an additional to your future Happiness to which if you could gain the Wealth of the whole World 't would be but like picking up of Straws and Pebbles compared to that Blessed Estate for any thing in Exchange he will make a bad Bargain that ventures the loss of his Soul It was the saying of a good Man that gave a right Judgment That the whole Turkish Empire was but a Crust the Master of the House threw to the Dog How then shall not God the Lord of the whole Universe provide for them of his own Family that are Heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven I request you let it appear to whom you belong shew it by your Christian Profession in the whole Course of your Life to which your Baptism hath engaged you with the Inscription of God's Law which get writ with an indelible Character by the Finger of his Spirit upon your Heart by the use of God's Word you may acquaint your self in your Bible There God gave his Commandments in few and plain words that the meanest Capacity might understand and remember them A great part of the Bible is an Exposition of them You can read it is your Mercy improve that Talent to your Master's use You cannot doe his Will except you know it Therefore as God's Word directs you so observe to doe his Will that you may have regard unto all his Commandments in keeping of them there is great reward Therefore mind the Precepts and put them into practice heed the threatnings against whom and for what that they may deterr and affright you from the way of Sin that you may avoid the end of Punishment Take notice of the Promises and value them as they are worth make them yours by fervent and frequent Prayer and fulfilling the Conditions of them This I do earnestly request of you and the same of your Wife and that you will Pray together and a-part that you may be Heirs together of eternal Life Set up religious Worship in your little Family the smalness of your Family will not excuse the neglect God as he doth require it he will regard where there is but Two or Three he hath promised to be with them I beseech you do not deferr in any known Duty least disuse give you more difficulty to future performance Habitual Customs are most prevalent But to quicken you to this Duty consider for the default of it God's threatning Jeremiah 10. the last I pray you take that Counsel 1 Chron. 28.9 Not to be so bad as others is a step to a good Life But he that goes no farther will fall short of eternal Life I have so good thoughts of you your disposition is not to the Debaucheries and Vices of some but negative Righteousness is not enough With other religious Duties I have already mentioned I most earnestly press you to a strict Observation of the Lord's Day Sanctifie God's Seventh Day and he will Bless your Six Days Labour It will also be a good Hedge not onely to secure your eternal State but all that God may bless you with in this World See the two last Verses of the 58. Isa Read the whole Chapter it may be very profitable to excite you but I beseech you do not violate that Holy Rest by unnecessary Employments in worldly Affairs nor spend that Day in Idleness or Sleeping more than you would in the other Six Days Do not sacrilegiously rob God of his Worship in any part of his Day do not divert by vain talk but give every proportion of time the Duties it requires Be not like those that were weary of the Sabboth Amos 8.5 See likewise Malachi 1st and 3d. Mark the extent of the Fourth Commandment it doth not only require Masters of Families but reacheth all under their Charge their care is required as well for their Souls as their Bodies or else there is no difference made of them from their Cattle therefore you must
Introduction pag. 3 SECT I. Of her Birth and Parentage pag. 5 An Account of her Book out of which most is transcribed concerning our selves and Children Time and Place of her Birth pag. 9 Her Parents Her Father 's early Prudence and a strange over-ruling Providence which brought him to be a Citizen which was the spring and occasion of many consequent Mercies to her and others pag. 10 The tenderness of her Spirit when a Child pag. 13 A great fault she was guilty of when young which was turned to her benefit in future Caution pag. 14 Her Father 's great Care of her and Confidence in her pag. 15 SECT II. How she was first awakened to a deep Sense of Religion by Temptation pag. 17 The first Onset by a blasphemous suggestion pag. 18 How she overcame the Temptation to Atheism pag. 19 Her long struggling with Temptation and the first glimpse of Comfort pag. 20 Kept half a Year by it without sleep or very little pag. 22 Means of her Recovery and some gradual Relief of which she hath an excellent Passage pag. 24 Yet she suffered renewed Onsets pag. 25 SECT III. Of our Marriage remarkable Passages concerning it pag. 27 SECT IV. Her Life in concise Epitome pag. 30 SECT V. How she spent a Day pag. 32 Rose constantly at Four of the Clock Spent two hours with God in secret An account of the rest till bed-time pag. 41 SECT VII For the number Six is omitted by the Printer How she spent a Week ibid. Her exact circumspection in sanctifying the Lord's Day Her whole method in it to Page 44 Monday Mornings Prayers for the Church of God which she constantly observed with great Zeal and Charity both for all the Foreign Churches and our own for many years ever after she had been informed of that commendable Custom set up in so many Families quite through the Nation ibid. Constantly spent Friday the Passion-day in Fasting and Prayer or if she foresaw Diversion unavoidable on that day chose one before it pag. 48 SECT VIII How she spent a Year Where are set down the Heads of the following Sections pag. 49 SECT IX Her Character as a Wife pag. 51 In time of Health to Page 55 In times of being Sick to Page 61 SECT X. Of her Lyings-in in Child-bearing ibid. SECT XI Of the Baptising our Children Her very commendable Practice on that occasion pag. 64 SECT XII Her Care of the Education of her Children pag. 66 to pag. 82 I give no touch at the Particulars of this long Section because I arnestly recommend the reading of the whole often over as being very Exemplary and usefull SECT XIII Of monthly Sacraments Her constant Communicating and serious Preparation pag. 82 SECT XIV Of her Writings pag. 84 SECT XV. Discreet management of her Family pag. 86 SECT XVI Visitations by Sickness on our selves or some of our Children pag. 92 to pag. 115 This is so large and hath so many exemplary passages of indefatigable Watchings fervent Prayers gratious Answers humble Submission to God that I leave them to the Reader 's own Observation SECT XVII Renewed Assaults of her Enemy by Temptation pag. 115 The usual Seasons of which were Indispositions of Mind by Sorrow or of Body by Sickness pag. 116 Her Methods of Resisting 1. Conference with Experienced Christians 2. Reading suitable Books 3. Entring her solemn protest against them under her hand in appeal to God which you find Page 119. with this Title In time of Temptation writ by me Elizabeth Walker followed with a most devout pathetick Prayer SECT XVIII Friends she used to pray for by name and the form of Prayer in which pag. 123 I name those in the Body of the Prayer but omit to name them in the Margin above Thirty Heads of Families not being set down in order according to their Qualities SECT XIX Some trying Calamities on the Nation on Friends or Family and signal Deliverance from Dangers pag. 126 The great Plague and the number that died ibid. The Fire the number of Churches and Houses burnt pag. 127 Other Afflictions on particular Friends pag. 12â— On our selves pag. 129 to pag. 13â— SECT XX. Of our going to Tunbridge-Wells ibid My reasons of writing on it How she made that placâ— of Divertisment and Hurry a place of Retirement anâ— Vacancy to Devotion to pag. 14â— SECT XXI Of keeping our Wedding-day and Enteâ—tainment of our Friends ibid SECT XXII Of the Marriage of our only Daughter and her Death in Child-birth the same Year yet leaving a Son pag. 148. 'T is no wonder she wrote so much of heâ— own who used not to pass by what concerned others 〈◊〉 the Lady Mary Rich and the Lady Essex Rich theâ—â— Marriages with a devout Prayer for each pag. 149. Thâ—â— is a large Section most transcribed from her own Papers full of most excellent Devotion and humble Submission to God's smarty blow to pag. 161. And then 〈◊〉 most pathetick tenderness to the Dear Child pag. 16â— SECT XXIII Acts and Kinds of her great Charity ibid An account how it might be call'd her Charity though she were a Wife and great Charity by which shâ— gave though all she had to give were in truth but little I allowed her what my small Estate would afford all she gave of that was properly her own Charity and mine also in several respects might properly be called her's to pag. 171. She gave considerably more every Year out of her allowance than she spent upon herself She would buy Cloath from London by the whole piece to Clothe the Poor cause strong Linsey-woolsey to be made to give away imploy the Poor who wanted Work never buy any thing too cheap of the Poor People c. was bountifull to her poor Relations pag. 175 Yet never reproached her self or me by a sordid garb but secured her own decency with great Prudence while she relieved the Poor with great Charity pag. 176 Her Charity in Pains was next to that of her Purse in getting and using her skill in Physick and Chirurgery and Women labouring with Child pag. 180 Her forgiving Charity pag. 181 Her Moderation towards them who were not of the same Communion pag. 182 to pag. 185 SECT XXIV Of her care to promote God's Glory and the Salvation of Souls pag. 185 SECT XXV Several Graces in which she was most Eminent pag. 188. Knowledge Faith Charity Patience Sympathy with others pity to the Poor Repentance Reverential Fear of God Love Obedience Sincerity Modesty Courage Meekness Contentedness Thankfulness Tenderness of Conscience Improvement of Time Zeal Humility from pag. 188 to pag. 209 Her Sickness and Death pag. 210 The APPENDIX pag. 232 Directions to her Children concerning Prayer pag. 214 to pag. 223 Some Heads of Prayer formed according to those Directions pag. 224 Marks of a Regenerate Estate pag. 229 to pag. 233 A Consolatory Letter written to the Right Honourable Isabella Countess of Radnor upon the surprizing Death of her dearly-beloved Daughter the
hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one lord's-Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
yet more occurred in every one well worth observing To begin with the first day of the Week or the Lord's Day the Queen of days the first-born of all the Children of time in her esteem to which she accounted a double Portion to be due of religious observance and most raised Devotion and always paid it She was scrupulously sollicitous both of the Negative and Positive Duties she judged to be required on that day both to prevent the violation of that holy Rest and to sanctifie it I might subjoin a short Treatise of that Subject if I should collect and put together what I meet with from her own Pen concerning it in several places For the first as she gave it the full dimensions in early rising so she would not suffer it to be intrench'd upon by any works but of absolute Necessity and Mercy ordered things so that her Maids must never make a Cheese that day and would seldom use the Coach to carry her to Church except in extremity of way and weather and though none gave freer welcome on other days would forbear inviting any on that day to prevent diversions and if Friends sometimes came in would as soon as it was possible without uncivil rudeness withdraw into her Chamber After Dinner at which she especially eat sparingly on that day to prevent drowsiness at Church She constantly called all the Family together to hear them read the Scriptures and if any Neighbour were sick within such distance as would not hinder her timely attending publick Worship would not fail to visit them and all the day she practised her self what she oft advised others Isa 58.13 She turned away her foot from the Sabbath from doing her pleasure on God's Holy Day and called the Sabbath her delight the holy of the Lord honourable and honoured him not doing her own ways nor finding her own pleasure nor speaking her own words but delighted herself in the Lord and in his Service For the positive Duties Being early up she spent as much time in dressing her Soul to meet God and as little as was possible in adorning her Body to the Eyes of Men though always with a grave and decent neatness She always retained a profound Reverence for the Name and Presence of God so that she was always attentively devout at Prayers and Sermons to which she brought all her Servants with her that they might not stay loitering idly at home or by the way and her Eye and Example would awe the ruder youth into becoming Carriage for which end she would sometimes rise up and look about her with good effect After publick Worship finished she would retire for a considerable time to recollect and pray over the Sermons and after finishing what was her custom on other days to doe Besides the Servants reading every one a Chapter when my weariness would not allow me to repeat the Sermons she would desire my Curate to read some good Book and oft would she do it her self She read in the Family the Lord's Day the seven night before she died good part of Dr. Sherlock's Treatise of Death and I must say I remember not I ever heard Man or Woman exceed her in this kind I confess with shame I could not doe it so well for tho' she altered not a Syllable of the Author's words her Reading might be called a Reading and giving of the Sense for tho' she read quick she did it so smoothly and distinctly and would place the Emphasis upon some word in every Sentence so intelligently without any affected tone or vehement alteration of her Voice that the change was scarce perceptible not so much as betwixt what we call flat and sharp in Musick and yet would strangely facilitate the understanding of the Sense to low Capacities an infallible evidence of her clear understanding it herself After Family Prayer spending some little time more than on other nights in committing her self to God she went to Bed and adding to her usual Ejaculations Praises for the liberty of another Sabbath Prayers for acceptance of the days Services and pardon for the Iniquities of her holy things she went to rest and such were every Week's First-fruits On Monday Morning awaking with God and having blown off the Ashes which veil'd the Embers kindled by the ardent Fervour of the preceding days Devotions she kindled them into an holy Flame with which having offered up the daily Morning-Sacrifice she next brought her Peace-offerings for the whole House of Israel She had a very publick Spirit and enlarged Heart on which she always bore the concerns of Zion and preferred Jerusalem above her chief Joy She stretched out her craving hands over the World as you 'll find her express her self that the mighty God who calleth the Earth from the rising of the Sun to the going down thereof would shine out of Zion the perfection of Beauty that he would pity them who sit in darkness and the region and shadow of Death that he would destroy Satan's Kingdom and set free those who are in bondage to it that he would exalt the Kingdom of his dear Son till the little Stone cut out of the Mountain without Hands might become a great Mountain and fill the whole World and all the corners of it might see the Salvation of God that he would effectually call out of Babylon his captivated People that yet are detained in it that he would water abundantly with the fruitful Showers of his Grace all the Churches which his own Right-hand hath planted and that he with whom is plenty of Spirit would pour it out abundantly and furnish himself with fit Instruments to carry on the work of his own Glory and Salvation of Souls that he would give Pastors after his own Heart who might feed his People with Knowledge and Vnderstanding that they may be delivered from Ignorance Error Heresie and all Ungodliness that they may adorn the Gospel with such a Conversation as becomes it that all over whom the Name of Christ is called might depart from Iniquity Beseeching the Lord to pour out abundantly the true Spirit of the Gospel on all who made profession of it with all its Operations and Graces as a Spirit of Wisdom Knowledge and the Fear of God of Faith and Holiness Repentance and universal unreserved new Obedience especially as an healing Spirit of Unity and Peace mutual Forbearance true Christian Charity and Brotherly-Love and as a mighty Spirit of Grace and Supplication to obtain these Blessings for themselves and one another for the Churches of the neighbouring Nations round about by name that God would give them one Heart and one way that the nick-names of Lutherans and Calvinists might be forgotten and Ephraim and Judah might be one Stick in the Lord's Hand especially for the distressed Protestants of France that God would turn his Anger from them cause them to be pitied by their Brethren and effectually relieved that God would shew them why he contended with them help
them to repent of whatever had provoked him to so heavy displeasure that their dross being consumed in the furnace of Affliction he would chuse them to himself break the Iron Yoak from off their Necks bound on so close by the hand of proud and cruel persecuting Tyranny that being fitted for it they might once more be intrusted with their Civil and Religious Liberties and be gathered home from all the Countries into which they are scatter'd to their own Land in Peace and Safety and never forfeit it again But with more ardent Zeal if more be possible did she pray for the Peace of our own Jerusalem and wrestle with God to render these Nations fit for Mercy for though she had a grateful sense of vouchsafed Deliverances yet when hopes were gayest and affairs most promising she was full of Fears and Expectations of impending and approaching Judgments and would often yea very often say for out of the abundance of her Heart her Mouth spake That if we traced God's footsteps in the Scriptures he must change his usual methods if he took not Vengeance of so provoking a Nation which would not be healed but in the midst of so many changes would not be changed from open Profaneness mutual Hatreds and scorning and opposing serious Holiness and solid Religion and the power of Godliness Good Lord avert from her survivors what she so reasonably feared and thou hast freed her from the feeling of The Righteous are taken away from the Evil to come The rest of this Day she spent as others are described and so the rest till Friday the Weekly memorial of our Saviour's Passion On this after some necessary Family Affairs dispatch'd she constantly retired and spent it alone in religious Fasting The House of Levy apart and their Wives apart Zach. xij 13. And remembring who had blamed exacting all their labours on a fasting Day Isa lviij 3. she gave her Maids that day to work for themselves to read or spend more time in Prayer if they had hearts to doe it And if she foresaw any unavoidable diversion as being from home or Strangers to come to us she would prudently prevent the loss of that Day by chusing one before which might afford her the best vacancy And though I confess she usually set but one day in a week apart when I was at home I have been since her death informed both by those in my Family and by her Diary that in my absence she spent two three yea and more days in a week so I add no more concerning her Week but her awakened remembring on the last day of it the approaching Sabbath and solemn preparing to meet the Lord of the Day on that day of our Lord whose presence I comfortably believe she now enjoys in a continual Sabbath everlasting Rest And this is the second Edition of her Life's Epitome how she spent every Week SECT VIII How she spent a Year I Next proceed to give account how she us'd to spend a Year in the larger Revolution whereof there occurred many things which fell not within the narrower compass of a Day or Week nor all precisely into that circle taken strictly and with rigour yet are fairly reducible to that Head Many of her Years which consisted of such Days and Weeks as above described being fill'd up with her prudent holy submissive Deportment under and godly Improvement she made of such Circumstances and Conditions of Life as these that follow many yearly at least often 1. Her most endearing Affections and obliging Observance as a Wife to my self 2. Her Lyings-in in Child-bearing 3. The Baptizing of our Children 4. Care and Methods of their Education 5. Monthly Sacraments 6. Of her Writings 7. Discreet Management of Family 8. Visitations by Sickness on our selves or Children and some of their Deaths 9. Renewed assaults of her Enemy by Temptation 10. A Catalogue of her Friends she used to pray for 11 Some trying troubles on the Nation on Friends or Family Signal Deliverances from Dangers 12. Going to Tunbridge-Wells 13. Keeping our Wedding-Day Entertainments of Friends 14. Marriage of our onely Daughter Her death in Child-bed the same Year yet leaving a Son 15. Acts and kinds of her great Charity 16. Care to advance God's Glory and Salvation of others 17. Several Graces in which she was most eminent 18. Her Character All which If I should pursue not in an historical Narrative of them that 's neither my design nor business but in her glorifying God in them and making a spiritual Improvement and Advantage of them and to teach others how to doe the like I might write a Volume of them from the wise pertinent and holy Memoirs her Pen hath left me and my own observation and memory would supply me with My greatest labour therefore here will be to contract and I must leave out much of that which my own Judgment tells me if my Affection do not greatly bribe and flatter me might not only be passable but very exemplary and usefull I might have added more particulars and set them in better order and not blended so promicuously together Heavenly and Earthly Spiritual and Secular Concerns But it matters not they both come within the compass of my design to shew how good she was in all relations and conditions she was Mary and Martha both unto perfection and acted Martha's part with Mary's Spirit SECT IX Her Character as a Wife I Should be too ungratefull to her Memory should I not begin with the endearing Affections and obliging Observance she always paid me as an Husband on which Subject it is impossible to exceed or Hyperbolize though Love should render so dull a Pen Eloquent if that be not an impossible supposition Our mutual compellation was always my Dear not a word of coarse or empty Compliment but the sincere interpretation of the Language of our Hearts All my concerns were nearer to her than those which were immediately her own were I in any sort afflicted she would with Passion wish she could exempt me from it by bearing it her self Whatever toucht my Reputation Peace or Saftety toucht her in the most sensible and tender part I could give two most trying Instances of Envy and Malice but I lay my Finger on both those Sores that it may appear blessed be God's Grace I am guided by a better Spirit than to revive the memory of what we both so heartily forgave and so oft and earnestly jointly and severally have begged of God both to forget and pardon unto those who by their present Passions were hurried so far as to afford us the tryal and exercise of Christian Fortitude and Patience and so meek yea generous a Charity as I would not stand in need of from any Man for all the World On both these occasions how did she comfort me how did she counsel me to commit my innocent Cause to God assuring me he would not fail to plead and defend it and bring forth my Innocence as
Husband but she that maketh ashamed is as Rottenness to his Bones Prov. 31.17 She looketh well to the ways of her Houshold and cateth not the Bread of Idleness She stretcheth forth her Hands to the Poor yea she reacheth forth her Hands to the needy She riseth also while it is yet Night and giveth Meat to her Houshold Col. 3.18 Wives Submit your selves to your own Husbands as is fit in the Lord. Eph. 5.22 Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as unto the Lord and the Wife see that she Reverence her Husband 1 Pet. 3.1 6. and ver 3 4 Likewise ye Wives be in Subjection to your own Husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord. Let not your adorning be platting of the Hair wearing of Gold or putting on of Apparel But let it be the hidden Man of the Heart in that which is not corruptible even the Ornament of a meek and quiet Spirit which in the Sight of God is of great Price Good Lord grant me this with all the other Graces of thy Holy Spirit Amen Amen Amen This last named Scripture was the Glass which she always drest herself by with exemplary modest Decency as became a grave and holy Matron and a Minister's Wife as she would often urge as one reason of the plainness of her garb which was never sordid or negligent though always in Black never appeared abroad in any other Colour so much as to a Knot or Ribbon I with great Thankfulness acknowledge she was my Crown and Glory and thâ— Heart of her Husband did safely trust in her The fourth Head which she Collected out oâ— the Scriptures for her Childrens use is Thâ— Threatnings in God's Word he hath denounc'â— against Sinners to keep your Hearts in aâ— awfull Fear that you neglect not God remembring that as he has and was so he stiâ—â— is and will be Just in the Punishment of thâ— Breach of his most Holy and Righteous Commands in observing of which there is greâ—â— Rewards If his Wrath be kindled but a little who can abide it but who knows the Power oâ— it How then shall we be able to dwell witâ— Everlasting Burnings and devouring Fire Stand in Awe therefore and Sin not Then follow no less than forty nine Pageâ— closely written of God's severe Threatningâ— against Sin and Sinners in general and the particular kinds of Sin all exactly cited as to thâ— Book Chapter and Verse Oh how richly diâ— the Word of God dwell in her How did shâ— Meditate in it Day and Night That she coulâ— so readily turn to almost any place only by heâ— own Memory and Observation for she woulâ— sometimes though seldom come to me intâ— my Study and say Pray My Dear tell me wherâ— are such Words repeating them for I know noâ— how to find them by a Concordance never having used one The fifth Head The Promises for the Pardon of Sin the faithful Sayings of God worthy of all Acceptation Jesus Christ came into the World to Save Sinners yea the chief of Sinners in him all the Promises are yea and in him Amen Then she begins with Gen. 3.15 He shall â—ruise thy Head a very comfortable Word to â—er who had so many Conflicts with the Old â—erpent her Enemy as she always called him Then follows a choice Collection in ten Pages which she concludes with Rom. 10. For the â—cripture saith Whosoever believeth in him shall â—ot be ashamed The Sixth Head The Promises to Perseverance in Grace God which begins a good Work in the Hearts of his People will perfect it for he works all our Works in us and for us and to him be the Glory who is the Author and Finisher for we are kept by the Power of God through Faith unto Salvation Then follow twenty nine Pages of such Promises The seventh Head The Promises in Affliction for Support and Comfort God doth not willingly grieve the Children of Men there has no Temptation overtaken you but such as is common But God in his Faithfulness will not suffer it to be above Strength but will with the Temptation also make a way to escape for he knows our Frame whereof we are made and will not contend for Ever Then folloâ— twenty one Pages of these Promises upoâ— Habak 1.12 Art not thou from Everlasting O Lord my God my Holy one we shall not dyâ— She adds Blessed be God for these Words anâ— all his blessed Promises for which a Reasoâ— will appear afterwards when she shews whaâ— support they yielded her in an hour of Temptation in the close she directs her Words 〈◊〉 her Children for whose use chiefly she haâ— taken this Pains Having these great and precious Promiseâ— cleanse your selves from all filthiness of Flesh anâ— Spirit perfecting Holiness in the Fear of God For Godliness hath the Promises of this Lifâ— and of the Life to come therefore seek first tâ—â— Kingdom of Heaven and its Righteousnesâ— and all these things shall be added unto you Theâ— concludes thus I intend not by this Collection of Promiseâ— and Threatnings transcrib'd out of Scripture 〈◊〉 take you off from the Historical and preceptâ—ry part of God's word to which as nothing 〈◊〉 to be added so nothing is to be diminish'd froâ— it but only to get Wine and Oil near-hand these precious Cordials not far off when mosâ— need of them therefore I request and chargâ— your Conscientious Reading all the Truths oâ— God revealed in your Bible the Holy Scriptures The eighth Head An abbreviation of Faith and Christian Principles which saith she I have collected out of divers Authors with some things of my own conceptions as God helped my understanding This contains eleven Pages and is a very judicious and usefull and methodicall discourse but because she distinguisheth not between what was her own and what she collected from others I transcribe nothing out of it She concludes it thus These Truths I do with the best of my judgment assent to and beseech God to establish my heart in the firm belief of his Word Good Lord let my Faith be sound and saving also The ninth Head I may call a Body of Divinity which she gives no intimation whether it were collected from others or of her own Composure as she did in what went before and therefore I have reason to think it was her own It begins with a description of God as to his Essence Persons and Attributes then proceeds to his works of Creation and Providence c. and proves by apposite Scriptures all she sets down 'T is very methodical and clear in 44 Pages If I have any judgment an able Divine need not be ashamed to own it and I think it would be no reproach to wish That all could exceed it When she hath spoken of Death and the Resurrection she adds Good Lord fit me for a dying hour Bring me to it In thy infinite Mercy be with me in it and carry me through it And after three Pages in which she describes
wisely and gravely admonish them of the Evil telling them that Modesty was a Womans Ornament and Guard of Chastity which would seldom or never be attempted did not some lightness or unwary Carriage embolden those who did assault it and the Flames which scorched the Female-Honour were mostly kindled by Sparks of their own striking SECT XVI Visitations by Sicknesses on our selves or Children and Death of some of them THough there was not one of these which she hath not Recorded yet I shall touch but few of them she being always the same under the like Dispensations all of a Piece I am very sensible how little others are concerned to be acquainted with God's particular Dealings towards so private and obscure Persons yet her affectionate Tenderness her devout Addresses to God her Faith in dependance upon him her meek Submission to him her silent Acquiescence under them and the Supports God vouchsafed her in such Tryals I think may be useful to other Women Wives and Mothers in like Tryals which is the end for which I write the whole I have given one Instance of her Behaviour in one of my Sicknesses and could add many more in all which she manifested no less endearing Love to me nor less fervent Addresses to God in time of my Danger or Pious and enlarged Praises upon my Recovery December 1660. After Lying-in she had a long and sore Sickness of which she thus writes I acknowledge to the Praise of God that in this Sickness I had many Manifestations of the Love of God in his People besides the very great Care and most endearing Love of my Husband so exceedingly exprest to me Most were much concerned for me and were great Sollicitors at the Throne of Grace in my behalf I bless God that did not suffer my strong Enemy to Triumph over me though he impetuously assaulted me for greater is he that is for me than he that is against me I remember that in this Sickness which held me long and brought me very low that almost a quarter of a Year I had one or two to watch with me every Night in which as in other long Sicknesses I was never unprovided but had the continued readiness of Friends to me or mine in their Attendance and Help for which I bless God A plain Neighbour a poor Woman came to see me and with much Joy seeing me out of my Bed told me she never awaked in the Night but she Prayed for me and according to her plain Expression said that I had as many Prayers as if I were a Queen Good Lord shower down the Blessing of Prayer upon my Soul God's good Providence has been such to me that with other signal Mercies I cannot chuse but express his kindness to me in restraining the Smoaking of a Chimney in a Chamber which was most convenient for me at my Lyings-in and in times of Sickness which at other times when I have had little use of it hath been very subject to Smoak but then it never annoyed me how fantastick this may seem to any yet I bless God for it who compasseth me about with loving Kindness and tender Mercies My Daughter Margaret had a long Quartane Ague about the Year 1663. which held her three Quarters of a Year We used several Medicines but they proved ineffectual but by God's Providence a very holy good Man my very choice good Friend a great support to me in my Afflictions came to see us and advised me to the use of Matthews's Pill My good Friend help'd me to weigh out twenty Grains for twice taking which had so good effect that after the first she took she had not the least Symptom of a Fit which before was very afflictive I bless God for the Mercy and verily believe the benefit was more from the Prayers of the good Man than from the Medicine which hath been used oft by others and not had the like success In the Year 1667. my Daughter Margaret had a most dangerous Fit which exceedingly surprized me with great Fear The more because my Husband was a Mile or two from home She was suddenly taken with most violent Vomitting viscous green and black Matter and so sick withal as if she would have died presently She Vomited tough Flegm like Grissels with which I thought I saw digested Worms which Matter I believe was contracted by her long Quartane We could not tell the certain occasion of her ilness but feared it might be the giving her some Mercurius Dulcis which having been kept long was grown Crude again But whatever it was we hope it contributed much to her future health through the over-ruling Goodness of God for the abundance of corrupt Matter which came away must needs have been very prejudicial to her if it had been retained O Lord I bless thee who can'st and dost bring Good out of those Evils which are most affrighting and disquieting to us I beseech thee with this and all other thy providential Dispensations to her quicken and excite her to a thankfull Acknowledment of thy Mercies in an Holy Life and her future dependance and trust in thee Such devout and gratefull Improvements did this holy Woman constantly make on all God's Providences towards her self and others Which I humbly and heartily pray they may kindle in all who read them in the like circumstances to themselves and theirs which is the only reason of my transcribing them The next afflictive Providence I shall take notice of having past by many is the Sickness and Death of her Daughter Mary which she sets down more largely than usually with the circumstances which attended it I shall shorten it what I can retaining the substance because it may be usefull to provoke Children of the same Age to an early sense of Piety My sweet Child and dearly beloved Daughter Mary a sweet tender hearted obedient Child of great Prudence and early Piety and exemplary Inclination to the knowledge of God and concerns of a better Life she fell suddenly ill of a Sore Throat Jan. 17. 1669. and after four Days ilness sweetly fell asleep in Jesus Christ Jan. 21. She was Six Years and a quarter old when she departed this Life She was of a quick apprehension an even temper chearfull but serious of a pretty presence not bold but of an innocent confidence a sweet composure of Love and Humility of such Generosity she would not lye I do not know that ever she spake an untruth she was Religious she coveted the best things much loved her Books and when she read got most of it by heart Psalms and divers Scriptures which when rehearsed to others she would repeat so sententiously that thereby might be discovered the affections of her Heart and Soul in the love of God's Word Half a Year before she dyed she would scarce give her self the liberty of her meals but would be taken down from Table if she might to get to her Book and would by Candle-light sit reading by me an hour
all my neglects of my relative Duty I desire to own thy Righteousness and that thou hast punished me less than my Iniquities deserve I bless thee that thou hast spared to me my dear Husband I beseech thee mightily to furnish him with the Gifts and Graces of thy Spirit and give him a long continuance in this Life very instrumental to thy glory the benefit and great advantage of thy Church and People and at last full fruition of thy self in eternal Glory Lord I bless thee that thou still intrusts us Parents to a Child I beseech thee bless this onely one and inable us with much Wisdom and Diligence to exhort instruct and train up for thee her thou hast yet spared to us Good Lord bless her and she shall be blessed Bless her in Soul with the plentifull Effusions of thy Holy Spirit and all the Graces of it Bless her Body with an healthfull Constitution and Honour her with long Life in the ways of Righteousness Suffer not her heart to be set on the gilded Vanities of this World but grant her of the things of this Life what thou thinkest good for her and be thou her God and Portion and when thou shalt conclude her days on Earth I beseech thee receive her to thy heavenly Kingdom Amen Amen I am sensible of the length of the preceding Section and will not make it longer by a needless and useless Apology needless to those who are acquainted with the actings of that sweet Spirit that breathed so fragrantly in her on such occasions and useless to those who are not only Strangers but Enemies to such a temper of Mind and had it contained but twenty lines would have esteemed it too long by fifteen of them I shall endeavour brevity in those which follow SECT XVII Renewed Assaults of her Enemy by Temptation THis was her almost constant trouble for many Years which she used to call emphatically Her Affliction For 't was with her one of his living Members as with our Blessed Lord her and our Head of whom I noted above When the Devil had finished all his present Temptations he departed from him for a season which clearly intimates his returning to renew his Assaults She sometimes had a breathing time vouchsafed her by the gratious Restraints God laid upon her Enemy but usually not very long for using to afford her the best Assistance that I could I sometimes for some Weeks or Months have refrained to mention them that I might not awaken the sleeping Lion and she taking no notice of them I have often said I hope my Dear thou hast been now some good space free from thy Affliction Alas my Dear would she reply with a deep sigh I have kept silence because I would not weary thee with my continual complaints And other whiles would gratefully acknowledge God's goodness in yielding her some Respite some Calms and quiet Intervals Yet after the Day God so strongly comforted her by Habakkuk i. 12. though I cannot say she was wholly free I do not remember she ever complained of her Temptations being either too fierce or frequent as they had been before nor did she once mention them in her last Sickness Blessed be God's goodness to her This cruel but cowardly Enemy usually made his fiercest Onsets when she was exercised with Indisposition of Mind or Body I will give one Instance of each First Under Indisposition of Mind with great Sorrow In the beginning of May 1680. an Affliction befel me my former Troubles returned upon me A wound not healed brake forth with deep Trouble of Mind much Afflicted with blasphemous Suggestions The good Lord rebuke them and with his All-sufficient Grace cast out of my Soul whatever may offend and provoke him to so severe a Scourge which in my own strength I am not able to stand under so unsupportable is the burthen But the good Lord give me to see that by the supporting Grace of his former Compassions I am preserved from the poisonous infection of them Satan taking advantage of my melancholy Disposition growing upon me after the Death of my dearly beloved Child Mrs. Margaret Cox renewed these Assaults And as in such Cases the subtile malitious Enemy will follow his blow home as far as he is suffered and multiply every Molehill into a Mountain as we speak Proverbially so he endeavoured to increase her disquiet by another very small Circumstance For she proceeds in her Complaint I had also a great damp and check on my earnest Endeavours to teach my little Boy his Book He at little more than three Years old would read well in his Primmer on a sudden he forsook it not through any evil Disposition in him I am not able to give an acccount of it but it occasioned me much grief and trouble But I bless God for his Mercy to me Half a Year after I began a-new with him and he hath with greater readiness to it and love of it learned much better than before So indulgently condescending was the divine Goodness to relieve her suitably and prevent the occasions her Enemy catch'd at to disturb her by Secondly Under Indisposition of Body by a long Sickness It pleased God to suffer my old Enemy impetuously to assault me This Visitation was very cloudy which then I could not see through nor apprehend God's Goodness though he vouchsafed many discoveries of his Favour to me I shall not multiply Passages of the same import nor pursue all the Methods her Christian Prudence made use of for her support as frequent Conference with my self and some few choice Christian Friends whom she much esteemed for their great Piety experience in spiritual Matters and prevalence with God in Prayer She made no noise with her Troubles revealed them but to few and to those whom she judged fittest to counsel and comfort her and sympathize with her in her Temptations as having had Experience of the like or been oft consulted by them who had But her best Defence was to take to her self the whole Armour of God and her chief Refuge was to the Throne of Grace to appeal to God who comforteth them who are cast down and to wrestle with God for help in time of need whom she used to importune to teach her hands to war and her fingers to fight in her spiritual Warfare and to carry on the War at his own Charge because the Quarrel was his and managed against the grand Enemy of his Glory as much as of her Peace I shall transcribe a Paper which I find Endorsed thus In time of Temptation writ by me Elizabeth Walker O Most holy wise powerfull gratious faithfull unchangeable and eternal God I thy poor afflicted Creature tossed on Waves and Billows of Sin and Temptation fly unto thee for Refuge in this Storm begging of thee thy supporting Grace helping me against the Assaults of my spiritual Enemies by what wile soever they invade my Soul with abhorr'd impure Motions vile and detestable Suggestions which
through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
Affections that should continue Mutual Love Good Lord let that dear Chid she hath left behind her cement and joyn our Hearts in joynt Thankfulness unto thee and unite us one to another Lord give them thy choice Favours in Jesus Christ pardon of Sin with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and order and dispose for the best whatever may concern them and theirs as to a happy tendency to their well-being in this World and attaining of thy self in endless Glory I beseech thee be very gracious unto him whom thou hadst united so nearly to her in a sweet Conjugal Relation Lord I have sinned and he also suffered Good Lord let all Grace abound to him in all concerns in this Life and for a better and let her gain be his great Advantage joyning his Heart more closely to thy self Good Lord bless that single Posterity of his and ours left of her who was his dear Wife and our dearly Beloved Child I beseech thee be his God in Covenant with him and Lord give him the Efficacy of his Baptism that he may be thine by Grace and Adoption I beseech thee take full and early Possession of his Heart Good Lord keep out the Vanities and Follies of Childhood and Youth that while he is Young he may be a Beloved Disciple of Jesus Christ If thou seest it good to continue him in this Life I beseech thee grant that he may in his dear Mothers room Honour God in this World with an exemplary holy Life a choice Instrument of thy Glory Good Lord charge thy Providence with him in the whole course of his Life and make up all Relations to him in thy self Graciously support him in and through this World Good Lord preserve him from the Soul-ruining Evils of it and when thou wilt take him hence I beseech thee receive him to thy self in thy Everlasting Kingdom in the full Fruition of God in Glory Lord though thou was pleased to clip off so great a piece of the Comfort of my Life in this World denying my Vehement Desires and Requests with the many Prayers of thy People and our Christian Friends for the longer stay of our Dear Child with us in this World yet thou art not the less a God hearing Prayer but hast heard and granted to an higher End not here on Earth with us but in Heaven with thee received in the Arms of Everlasting Mercies to which Blessed Estate I beseech thee bring me and those Relatives very dear to me Good Lord sanctifie to us this Chastening Hand and though thou cuttest off the Streams my Comforts of this Life let not my Soul be as a parched Heath that receives no good but draw me to thy self the Fountain of durable Mercies give me those Living Waters from the Wells of thy Salvation the Light of thy Countenance with thy reconciled Face and Favour those Rivers that make glad the City of God Good Lord vouchsafe me the sweet refreshing gales and incomes of thy Spirit and with thy Grace conduct me off these ruff Seas of Sins and Sorrows to my desired Haven and Port in those Eternal Mansions of Glory where all in thee shall meet with full Enjoyments of God and one another with sweet acclamations of Thankfulness and Praises to thee our God for Ever for Ever Amen Amen Amen I have transcribed this long Paragraph without altering or changing the order of a Word if some may account it tedious who either have not been exercised with such Tryals or have other shorter and cheaper ways to relieve themselves against them let them use their own Methods without censuring or despising hers This was her Heart's Ease when she was overwhelmed pouring out her Complaints to God in secret was her best Anodine but I hope it will need no Apology with most and if it doth with any I 'll not run the risque of losing my Labour by attempting it where the Success is so doubtfull and unpromising I shall venture to enlarge this Section a little farther for three Reasons First To shew the ardour of her Zeal for the Spiritual good of this Child so exceeding dear to her which may be an Instructive Example to some Mothers or Grand-mothers to stir up the like towards their Descendants as nearly Related to them as this Child to her Secondly Because I foresee I shall not in the Body of this Book have much farther occasion to trouble the Reader with any long transcripts out of her Writings what remains being designed for the Appendix which will be entirely her own Lastly To imprint upon the Child due Sentiments of Gratitude to God and her I meet with many Expressions of most Pathetick Tenderness towards this dear Child who now next to my self was the Center in which all the lines of her strong Affections terminated July 14. 1679. Our dear sweet Child went to Coggshall to his Father's House the Lord preserve him from all Evil and Bless him and comfortably restore him to us again About a quarter of a Year after he returned well to us again Blessed be God for it We went four Miles from Home to visit a Friend our dear Child was preserved in an apparent Danger The hinder Wheel of the Coach was very like to have borne him down and gone over him as he was going into the Coach the Horses being disturbed by a strange Horse went away but through God's preventing Goodness I had a quick apprehension of the danger I suddenly pulled him away Blessed be our good God for this Deliverance of our dear Child he had no harm the Wheel durtied his Hat and Coat good Lord help me to live thy Praises who art the God of our Mercies Some may say these are small Matters but I say they are no small Evidences of a very thankfull sense of God's Mercies and will leave them inexcusable who are not thankfull for greater In the Year 1682. God was pleased to put me in fear of the speedy dissolution of our dearly beloved Grand-child He was in a languishing consumptive condition with other symptoms of the Disease His Breath was very short had lost his Appetite he looked very Pale was very Lean which imprest on my Thoughts that God would take him from me To his Righteous Will I laboured to submit but God was pleased to reverse the Sentence with a Blessing on means used the Prescriptions of Dr. H. whom we sent for from London to him and with my own great Care of him he recovered Strength to God's Blessing I ascribe the Praise who did not cast out my Petition Good Lord let this pledge of thy compassionating Mercy to me strengthen my Faith in the grant of my more Earnest Request that I may assure my self agreeable to thy Will of his Sanctification I beseech thee season his tender Mind with the savoury Knowledge of thy Blessed self Lord I do not ask of thee the Excesses and great things of this World not Earth but Heaven thy Blessed self I beseech thee put
put forth her utmost Ability and Strength in assisting the Sick and Infirm not the meanest Neighbour whom she would not visit and help in such Circumstances administer to them what in her Judgment she thought most proper for them and not only direct how to use what she brought them but stay with them or come again to see the Operation or Success and she confined not this Kindness to the limits of the Parish but would extend it to some distance I will take the freedom to give one Instance because the Reverend Person for and to whom she performed it in thankfull Acknowledgment ever after used both while she lived and since she dyed to call her his Nurse A Neigbouring Minister having a long and dangerous Sickness when upon a Visit made him she took notice that as she feared he wanted Persons of Experience about him having before lost his Wife and his Physicians by reason of distance could not be long or often with him she daily went to him for many days at near two Miles distance and staid with him most part of the Days I affirm not that she watched with him any Night but I am sure she hath done so elsewhere and perfectly remember when and where because it hath slipped my Memory and though she was so modest as not to assume much to herself I have heard her say She thought God made her Instrumental not only to the speedier recovery of his Health but preservation of his Life Another object of her Painfull Charity which I the rather name because our Litany expresly reckons it amongst the objects of our devoutest Prayers was Women Labouring with Child whom she would rise at any hour of the Night to go too and carry with her what might be usefull to them having good Skill and store of Medicines always ready by her for such occasions and there was scarcely ever any difficulty in that case round about but recourse was made to her both for Advice and Medicines and if might be with Convenience for her Presence which was always very acceptable and comfortable to the distressed Women when the distance was such that she could afford it I might write well near as much of her forgiving as her giving Charity for though the objects and occasions of exercising this Grace were not so many and so frequent as those of the other yet what they wanted in number was made up abundantly in Weight and Measure under which pressures and provocations she behaved herself as became the Daughter of him who was Dumb before the Shearers and opened not his Mouth She would not recompence Evil for Evil nor answer reviling with reviling but committed her Cause to him who Judgeth Righteously knowing it was for his sake she was so despitefully used and thought it not strange that seeing the Master of the House was called Beelzebub those of his Houshold should â—e called so too She had well studied our Saviour's Sermon on the Mount and considered that Passage especially for she reckons the Practice of that Lesson amongst the signs of a Regenerate State St. Matth. 5.44 I say to you Love your Enemies Bless them that Curse you Do good to them that hate you Pray for them that despitefully use you and Persecute you that â—e may be the Children of your Father which is in Heaven And to confess her Weakness I am perswaded she thought it as true a sign of a sincere Christian to love an Enemy though a bad Man for the natural Image of God remaining in him as some do to hate a Friend though a good Man for the renewed Image of God which appears in him If her Opinion be an Errour I hope it is on the Right-hand and so may escape being reputed an Heresie But I remember I am writing of Forgiving Charity and I would not give occasion to start such a Question as I once heard started by a Gentleman after a lashing Sermon Preached on a Text of Mercy He said in Droll 'T was a Sermon of Mercy but the question is whether it were a Mercifull Sermon Sed motos praestat componere fluctus Peace and be still unruly Passions What hath added to her Crown oâ— Glory as I am confident her Carriage in such rancounters did should be taken by thâ— better Handle esteemed favours for the Issueâ— rather than injuries for the Design When Beeâ— fight the throwing dust upon them it is said will puiet them She is dead and her Dusâ— shall for ever extinguish all Resentments and let them be buried in an Eternal Amnestry Had she lived or I wrote of her in another Age one thing more might have been added to the List of or brought up the Rear of her Charity that is the temper of her Mind and Carriage towards those who were not altogether of her Size and Dimensions nor cast exactly in her Mould I confess she was one of the old-fashion'd Christians who thought her Heavenly Father's Example an Authentick Warrant for her Imitation of whom whosoever feareth God and working Righteousness is accepted And though Vertues and Vices change their names and grow unmodish and obsolete like Garbs and Words yet old Wine relished best to her Pallate which so many spit out as soon as taste and cry it is vapid or eager Some perhaps may wonder that so wise a Man as St. Paul should not only allow Moderation to be commendable but enjoyn it as a Duty and press it by the Medium of the Day of the Lord drawing near Let you Moderation be known unto all Men the Lord is at hand When now his coming is sixteen hundred Years nearer most Men are as many Miles more distant from Moderation than when he wrote But I must acknowledge how much soever it may lessen her in the Esteem of any that she had a Latitude not in her Conversation for she always walked in the Narrow Way in her Judgment about little indifferent Matters Oh how Diametrically opposite are some in both She observed there were Men of all Complexions and Blacks and Tawnys as well as Whites were Descendants of the first Adam and so she hoped those of different Perswasions might be ingrafted into the Second Adam and therefore thought Job's Words Canonical to this Day Why Persecute we him seeing the Root of the Matter is found in him She did not think all that in a few things dissented from the Communion in which she lived such rank Heathens that if she heard a Man name them without setting a stigmatizing Brand upon them like the bigotted Jews of St. Paul upon the meer naming of the Gentiles Acts 22.22 She should cry out Away with such a Fellow from the Earth for it is not fit that he should Live It is a true and weighty Saying worthy our Remembrance and Imitation That the prime Object of God's Love is his Dear Son and next to that the Image of his Son where-ever he finds it And she wrote after this Copy she loved the Lord
which nothing can be hid and as easily will detect it as earnestly detest it and severely avenge it Her Modesty which you heard before she called the Womans Ornament was so undeflowred that she loathed in others what had the slightest appearance of staining or tarnishing that orient Beauty and adorning Comeliness and which she strove to plant in her Daughters as the fairest Flower in that Garden which she cultivated with her best Industry and for herself I can and do give her this true Testimony I never heard a Word proceed from her Mouth of unpure defiling Sound or Sence or of least tendency to either Her Garb and Dress her Carriage and Gestures and her whole Conversation were all of a Piece with her Communication which was always Savoury Seasoned with Salt that it might Minister Grace to them who heard it I confess I reckon neither a slattering fordidness in Dress nor Pusillanimity to speak out in reproving Sin or Sinners as occasion required any branches of Modesty as I fear some do in respect of Garb or Words for I have shewed before both how exact her Neatness and how great her Courage was to make and keep her Faithfull to the Interest of God and Souls The Righteous is bold as a Lyon and so was she But this hindred not her Meekness she was as meek as a Lamb in her own Cause though bold as a Lion in the Cause of God no true Vertues interferre or are inconsistent I could prove this by Instance She indeed was quick and prone to be hasty this was if any the Sin of her Constitution but aware of it she doubled her Guards to prevent a Breach upon her weak Side She had gathered more than five Pages of apposite Scriptures which exhort to meekness of Spirit as I touched before page 74. The third of which is Psal 18.23 I was also upright before him and kept my self from mine eniquity Which I conclude she did upon that account because she found herself liable to be surprized by that Infirmity of her Natural Temper Hastiness the contrary to Meekness those Sins being most properly called our own which proceed from our Constitution Callings and prevailing Custom And the next is Job 13.31 If I did despise the cause of my Man-Servant or my Maid-Servant when they contended with me Which she set down to keep her from being angry without hearing their Excuses if they had any to extenuate a Fault or not beyond Proportion to it if they had none and many or her Servants as well as my self can witness if she had exceeded in her Reproofs or Chiding she would chide herself more than she had done them and pray them to forgive her so much more willing was she to bear Shame than Guilt She proceeds Cease from anger and forsake wrath fret not thy self in any wise to do evil Psal 37.18 And next A froward heart shall depart from me But I shut the Book or I should with transcribing and remarking fill a Sheet and weary my Reader She was a very discreet wise and prudent Woman and of a good Judgment she was indeed sometimes pretty positive stiff tenacions and adhesive to her Sentiments which I have gently reproved as being a little over-weaning and too well conceited of her own Wisdom which I remember with great regret but clear her and confess my own Errour without any regretting what I now do therein for I must acknowledge that the Event for the most part proved she was in the right and persisted not out of Humour but because her Opinion was well grounded and fixed upon good Reason She was an excellent Proficient in satisfied Acquiescence and had learned the Art of Contentment to Perfection she had attained to a Ne plus ultra in the things of this Life she did not only not desire but was afraid of being greater or richer in this World than God had vouchsafed to make us she chose to follow not to lead or dictate to the Motions of Divine Providence and she knew my Mind so well she needed not to do it when we were alone but she hath often said before many Witnesses what I am about to relate When many Friends who knew her Humour would be saying I would be shortly so or so preferred I suppose in Merriment rather than that they really thought so she would reply and intreat them to hold their Peace saying Such Discourse was very unacceptable to her and lest their vain Breath should Infect me though I thank God whose Sacred Name I would not use in vain I never found my self susceptive of that Infection she would drop such preventing Physick What can we desire that we want What have they who have so many Preferments more than we but a greater Account to give at the Day of Judgment We have enough to answer all the ends of Necessity and Decency and somewhat to spare for Charity we know not what it is to be in straits and often lend when others who have so much more are forced to borrow It is a low and easie thing in our Circumstances to be content it is too cheap a Return for our Enjoyments it concerns us to be highly thankfull the Good Lord make us so And therefore I pray find some other Discourse and leave this idle and unwelcome Twattle So freely would she speak when they had teazed and warmed her not to say vexed her with their impertinent Harrangs And indeed she was very thankfull what a sweet Spirit of Praise breaths in all I have transcribed from her Papers and she did truly abound in this Grace She had well learned the Apostle's Lesson In all things to give thanks she blessed the Lord at all times his Praise was continually in her Mouth She seldom enterprized any thing without Prayer and as seldom finished it without Praise comparatively she esteemed Praise much more excellent than Prayer not only as it is more like the Imployment of the Holy Angels and the Spirits of Just Men made perfect but as it is less selfish and hath a more immediate aspect upon God our own Necessities constrain us to cry to God for Relief and the worst Men will Pray yea and make Vows when they are in fear but only good Men will return to pay their acknowledgments when their turn is served all the ten Lepers cryed for Mercy but where are the nine there was but one of them found to render Thanks St. Gregory the Great gives this Reason why of all the holy Men of God mentioned in the Sacred Oracles David only is called the Man after God's own Heart Because he wrote the Book of Psalms those Divine Praises Praise is so agreeable to the Heart of God he that offereth Praise glorifieth me that the Man of Praise is the Man after God's own Heart and this good Woman hath left this comfortable Evidence and ground of hope behind her that she is gone to the place where Eternity will be spent in endless Hallelujahs
and Songs of Thanksgivings who did so anticipate that State and Work whilst here below She hath left sixteen whole Pages of one form of Thanksgiving which she begins thus Lord what shall I render to thee for all thy unspeakable Benefits in thy Mercies to me I beseech thee in the remembrance of them let thy Holy Spirit excite and stir up in my Heart a thankfull Acknowledgment Lord I bless thee for thy self in whom all Perfection is Eternal and Unchangeable an Everliving and Immortal God filled with all adorable Excellency the Author and Original of all things the first Principle of all good who art most amiable to an Intellectual Eye most adequate and proportionable most suitable to Immortal Beings Thou Lord art the Felicity and Bliss of Souls c. And so she proceeds sixteen whole Pages without any vain Tautologies only beginning the several Paragraphs with Lord I bless thee or the like this is written the most curiously of any thing I yet have found of hers and continues to the End with most raised Fervours of Holy Praises I can scarce forbear to say with flowing streams of sweet and Pious Eloquence I will venture my Reader 's Candour to excuse my adding the last Lines I bless thee for the hopes I have of a glorious Resurrection when thou wilt be glorified in thy Saints thou wilt say to the North give up and to the South keep not back that thy Sons may be brought from far and thy Daughters from the ends of the Earth and all as Faithfull Depositories shall restore to thee at that universal Jubilee then shall my Dust arise and Praise thee I bless thee for thy Kingdom afree Donation and Inheritance of thy Saints there shall be no pricking Briar or grieving Thorn when I shall neither fin nor sorrow any more but for ever be in the Exaltation of Eternal Bliss where thy Angels Cherubims and Seraphims adore and worship thee with the highest fervour of Zeal and Love and where my Soul shall shine in its full Strength in thy Everlasting Praises Amen Amen Amen And there is not one Line less warm and savoury in all the other than are this Beginning and Conclusion of it The time would fail me to recount and reckon up all the other Graces in which she was Eminent and to blazon their Lustre and reflect their Brightness The tenderness of her Conscience which was very remarkable as I could Evidence in many Particulars this Pulse of her Soul beat very quick but withall was very even and uniform she used not to strain at Gnats and swallow Cammels Her Rule was in dubious Cases always to chuse the safest to the best of her Judgment not to consult with Flesh and Blood and be swayed by the Advice they suggested to do nothing rashly but with due and prudent Deliberation She was affraid of Sin as Sin and therefore of all Sin and would abstain from all appearance of Evil. Though she was not such a Stoick as to esteem all Sins equal yet she esteemed none in it self little because there is no little God to sin against no little Law to be despised no little Heaven to be lost no little Hell to be endured But an Almighty God a Royal Law an Heaven of unconceivable Glory and an Hell of endless and easeless Torments were concerned in all and it renders the least Sin in its own Nature a very great one to venture on it boldly against the light and dictates of Conscience Her Care to improve that Inch of precious Time on which so vast an Eternity depends was very signal She squandered not an Hour scarce suffered a Moment to run waste she used she knew no Games nor needed other to relax or recreate her Spirits but vicissitude and variety of commendable Imployment the change of Business sufficiently relieved her when she was weary of one she counted it a Refreshment to set upon another As a Traveller who sometimes Rides and sometimes Walks but still proceeds continues his Journey changes his Posture but not his Design and few ever made Religion their Business more intently and with fewer Interruptions Her publick Spiritedness should not be forgotten the concerns of the Nation especially of the Church lay very near her Heart She preferred Jerusalem before her chief Joy I will wrap up this Section with two which were diffused and spread over all the rest Her Zeal and her Humility Zeal is not so properly a distinct peculiar Grace as the Cream and Flower of them all the Oil which swims upon the waters of the Sanctuary the Varnish which both preserves them from fading and gives a shining advantageous Lustre to all the Colours with which the lively Picture of the new Creature is drawn not a distinct piece of the Divine Armour but the Edge and Keenness the Furbishing and Brightness both of offensive and defensive Arms. Her Zeal was very vigorous and lively she knew not what it was to be dull and sluggish Whatever her Hand found to do she did it with all her Might and Nature which too often is the remora of Grace in her was a nimble and useful Hand-maid to it She had an agile active Body Spare and Lean feared to be Fat saying She hated to be clogged with a foggy bulk of Flesh and of a vivacious sprightly Soul and these streams being in the right Channel Whafted her as Wind and Tide to her desired Port and Harbour that she was never becalmed or Wind-bound but Sailed amain and kept on her Course with swiftest Expedition till she had finished it with Safety and with Joy not that I ascribe it solely or chiefly to these but principally to the Divine Gales of the Holy Spirit of God so freely and plenteously vouchsafed to her that Wind which Bloweth where it listeth And for ever Blessed be his Goodness which so often filled her Sails Lastly She was cloathed with Humility as the Apostle counsels this I might call her Dust-gown for the aptness of the Allusion but it hung not so loose about her but was girded on with the Girdle of Truth about her Loins she wore it constantly no dress was more becoming herself or others in her Account she studied to bring it into Fashion by her Example and Advice she bought several of Mr. W. A's Treatises of that Subject to give to Friends those who received them will attest it and I hinted before she had made preparations to write a Tractate of it Amongst other things she had to say of it she had prepared this Encomium That it is the Foundation that gives Stability the Strength which gives Security the Ornament that reflects Beauty and the Completion which gives the finishing stroaks to all other Graces I shall not after all this need to draw her Character distinctly if I do any thing in that it shall be added in the close of all I am now arrived at my Mournfull Heavy Loss and her much waited for and desired Gain and great
Defence God is called a Refuge a hiding-place a strong Tower but for whom the Righteous they run unto it and are safe great Peace have they that love God's Law and nothing shall offend them the direction of God's Word will not only be your safety in troublesome times but your Counsellor also in common Calamities and you may as Luther used read the 46 Psalm and bid your Enemies doe their worst if God give them leave to kill the Body it is the most they can doe no more if you are not on Earth you may be in Heaven be not affraid of a Man that shall dye but take our Saviour's Counsel fear him that can cast Soul and Body into Hell seek Righteousness it may be you shall be hid in the Day of the Lord 's fierce Anger which we have cause to fear is hastning to this sinfull Nation God's Law writ on your Heart and Life may be as the Scarlet Thread that was bound in the Window of Rahab's House which preserved her from Destruction or as the Blood of the Paschal Lamb which marked the Houses of the Children of Israel that the destroying Angel touched not their Dwellings with any of the Plagues of Egypt however for your greatest safety take heed and avoid any indirect or unlawfull means to obtain or preserve a Momentary Life which is as uncertain as short and so provoke God to lead you forth with the workers of Iniquity and so your Redemption may cease for ever and then a great Ransome cannot recover you therefore at any rate purchase the Truth and fell it not to which choice the Lord grant you Wisdom and Preserve you both by his Grace under his Protection unto his Heavenly Kingdom giving you the Blessings of this Life also and prepare you both for that good Life to come that when this shall be no more he may receive you with that happy Saying Well done and reward you with Eternal Glory I am sensible of the length of my Letter but hope it will not be tedious to you something more I would say though of a much less Concern but as a true Friend I would not omit any thing that might render me so but would caution you with better Arguments than mine you may have from undeniable Wisdom which is not to be despised and warn you of what some have smarted for being Sureties for other Men. I would sooner pay a Debt than be bound for any See Prov. 6.1 2. Also Chap. 11.15 the same Author tells you That he that hateth Suretyship is sure on these Considerations I request you you will not be in Bonds to any but to me by Promise that you will never be bound for any Man In all I have requested of you if you have not from your self or some other Friend better Advice let this Letter be my Substitute review it sometimes and afford it a kind Reception of Friendship from me who am your well-wishing Friend ready in any Kindness to express my self Your truly Loving Aunt Elizabeth Walker 1685. A Letter of prudent pious Counsels written to her dear Grand-child then at Felsted-School about two Months before she Dyed which I publish to preserve it for his use and because I hope it may be also usefull to some other Youths of the like Age and Quality This was the last large Letter she ever wrote Dear Johnny I Have some time since received a Letter from Mrs. Bribrist much to my Satisfaction and I hope is thy due Commendation she hath been pleased to give me of thee do not forfeit the same by neglect to perform in thy commendable good Behaviour as hitherto but always render suitable to any good thoughts of thee from herself or others and as helps thereto be guided by the advice and counsel of thy Friends Never forget thy Dear Grandfather's oft Counsels when thou wast at home and since in several good Letters with them make good use of this also Dear Johnny I would not be wanting to thee as far as I am able to express I advise in these following Counsels Be modest humble and obedient to thy Governours and Superiours in that Place be always advised by them that are able and wish thee well it is better more ease and safety to be governed than to govern Lean not to thine own Vnderstanding The Wise Man saith Seest thou a Man Wise in his own Eyes there is more hope of a Fool than of him Dear Johnny Thou art not destitute of good Friends where thou art ready to shew thee Kindness thy Master Glascock of whom be very respective and observant performing all Exercises he gives thee as may be Praise-worthy also Mrs. Woodroof Mrs. Boteler they are thine and our kind Friends I do not exclude Mrs. Robarts Dear Johnny Let none have cause with shame for or of thee to retract their Commendations of thee make the Word of God the Rule of thy Life let it be thy chief Counsellor let thy Reputation have a good Bottom an honest Heart free from guile and hypocrisie being founded on the Scriptures fixed on the the Rock of Ages Christ Jesus that by the winds of Worldly Prosperity Honour or Applause it may never overturn neither by Adversity Affliction or any trouble thou mayest fall into Dear Johnny All things but God are mutable and full of change there is the day of Adversity as well as Prosperity God hath set the one over against the other make sure thy best and unalterable Estate in which will be no change nor alteration but happy once and for ever to that higher End make thy Learning and all other things subservient Improve all opportunities for thy well-being in this World but most for thy Spiritual best Advantage give all dilligence attend at Wisdom's Posts Wisdom is the principal thing its Price is far above Rubies fine Gold cannot equal it nothing can be compared to it search for it as for hid Treasure in the holy Scriptures there thou mayest find the Pearl of so great Price that the World cannot purchase it and it is worth the selling all to have it Let not this Price be put into thy Hand and thou have no Heart to it but let it be said of thee as St. Paul said of Timothy That from a Child he had known the Holy Scriptures they will make thee Wise unto Salvation and will help thee in all Relative Duties in well discharging of which consists much of the Power and Honour of Religion Mind the Precepts let them be the guide of all thy Thoughts and Words and Actions doe all God's Commandments in keeping of them there is great Reward Take notice of all the Threatnings that thou mayest avoid the evil of Sin and the Punishment due to the Commission of it Heed the Promises they are full of the Love of God in Christ let them constrain thee to a circumspect watchfull holy Life in performing the conditions of them Dear Johnny get God's Just and Righteous Law
reading the Life of holy Mr. Robert Bolton more than forty years ago and oh that these Papers might be blest to induce any to follow an Example set to me and them by so famous and so good a Man To conclude and shut up this I will transcribe and allusively apply the words wherewith devout Bishop Hall concludes his Art of Divine Meditation Give me leave to complain with just Sorrow and Shame that if there be any Christian Duty whose omission is notoriously shameful and prejudicial to the Souls of Professors it is this of Meditation This is the end God hath given us our Souls for we mispend them if we use them not thus How lamentable is it that we so imploy them as if our faculty of discourse served for nothing but our Earthly Provision as if our reasonable and Christian Minds were appointed for the slaves and drudges of this Body only to be the Caterers and Cooks of our Appetite The World filleth us yea cloyeth us we find our selves work enough to think What have I got What may I get more What must I lay out What must I leave for Posterity How may I prevent the wrong of my Adversary How may I return it What answers shall I make to such Allegations What entertainment shall I give to such Friends What courses shall I take in such Suits In what Pastime shall I spâ—nd this Day In what the next What advantage shall I reap by this Practice what loss What was said answered replied done followed Goodly thoughts and fit for spiritual Minds Say there were no other World how could we spend our Cares otherwise Unto this only Neglect let me ascribe the commonness of that Laodicean temper of Men or if that be worse of the dead coldness which hath stricken the hearts of many having left them nothing but the Bodies of Men and Visors of Christians to this only they have not Meditated It is not more impossible to live without an Heart than to be devout without Meditation Would God therefore my words could be in this as the wise Man saith the words of the wise are like unto Goads in the sides of every Reader to quicken him up out of this dull and lazy Security to a chearful practice of this Divine Meditation Let him curse me upon his Death-bed if looking back to the bestowing of his former times he acknowledg not these Hours placed the most happily in his whole Life if he then wish not he had worn out more days in so profitable a Work Let me have leave without offence to draw a Parallel and make a short Application of this Passage though 't is hard not to write a Satyr and inlarge on such an occasion What is the reason why the Married state which a Gracious God appointed that Man and Wife might be meet helps to one another not only in Sickness and in Health and the joint concerns of this present life but also yea chiefly to help each other to Heaven by building up each other in their most holy Faith as Heirs together of the Grace of Life as St. Peter speaks and training their Children up in the nurture and fear of God as both the Scripture and our Liturgy direct we should What I say is the reason that this holy State so oft falls short of attaining this designed Blessing and rather proves a Cross yea a Curse Is it not from the neglect of the fore intimated Practice and Duty Whence comes uneasiness in mutual Society Discontents Jealousies Brawlings Weariness of one another to name no worse Come they not hence from the neglect of God and each others Souls and Spiritual Good And because Men enterprize and take in hand that honourable State unadvisedly wantonly and lightly to satisfie their carnal Lusts and Appetites as brute Beasts that have no understanding not soberly advisedly and in the Fear of God against which our Liturgy so gravely and Piously gives warning and continue in it as bad or worse than they entred upon it or at most respecting their secular concerns void of any serious Care of promoting God's Glory in the Eternal Salvation of each others Souls If hundreds censure me for this I am content to bear it if but one couple in every Hundred will vouchsafe to imitate our Custom intimated above And if upon performing it with Sincerity and Seriousness themselves repent it or God impute it to them as mispending time let it be charged against me for seducing them from using it better at the Day of Judgment She always allowed her Maids time to Pray alone and would mind them of it till they were accustomed to it But to proceed to the finishing the Day She would then eat a small piece of white Bread with a draught of houshold Beer and because we had long dis-used set Suppers when we were alone she would always herself bring me up some small matter and would not be intreated to send it by a Servant because she would not lose the Pleasure and Satisfaction of expressing her tender and endear'd Affection the kind and thankful remembrance of which is the only cause of my mentioning so small a matter Then for an hour before Family Duty she would Catechize the ignorant Servants and teach them to read which could not for often hiring Servants out of places where there wanted opportunity to teach the poor Children and Catechize them 't is scarce to be believed how Ignorant many came and yet I remember not any who stayed any time with us who could not read competently well and say both a Catechism which I find amongst her Papers with this Title A short and easie Catechism which I used to teach my Children when they were very Young suited to their Capacity And also the Church Catechism which she taught them when they had learnt the former and she used to hire them to their own good giving them Sixpence to accomplish the first Task then a Shilling and so on promising them a Bible when they could use it of which she gave many and always new and good ones of double the Price she might have bought for After Family Prayers when she went up into her Chamber whilst she undrest herself one of her Maids and if one read not so well as the other she that needed most to be perfected read a Chapter after which committing her self to God she went to Bed and after short Ejaculatory Prayers for the Mercies of the Day and Petitions for Protection from the Sins Temptations and Dangers of the Night she betook herself to rest And this is the shortest Epitome of her Life which at the lowest size was a constant revolution of days thus spent with the fewest idle vacant spaces that humane frailty can keep free from not to say none at all SECT VII How she spent a Week THE next abbreviation of her Life is to give an account how she improved a Week for though every Week contained seven so well managed Days