basket capable of the one halfe there are iust two baskets-ful The Emperour Charles being present at a Bull-bayâ—ing with dartes a couple of Gallantes brauely mounted shewed themselues most forward in the game which the Emperour noting ask'd his Iester what hee thought of them who answered They shall euen perish both together as did S. Philip and S. Iames. And indeed it fell out so that the Bull ouerthrew them both from their horses and left them there for dead A couetous Earle came to salute the Emperour Charles and his Iester seeing him still pointed to him and saiâ— to the Emperour Este es conde Este es Conde viz. this is the Earle this is the Earle Esconde signifying also in Spanish to hide or to hoord vp The foresaid Iester was stab'd to death by a Courtier for his ouer insolent mis-demeanour towards him And as he was a carrying home to his lodging accompaned with a great multitude of people at last his wife espy'd him out at the window said Alas my deer husband what is it he Oh what a piteous sight doe I see The Iester ouer-hearing her answered Nay nay wife no great matter wife only they haue slaine your husband The said Iester being at the point of death another Iester came to see him and said Ah my deere Francisco and wilt thou needs bee gone Then sweet Francisco when thou commest to thy kingdome I pray thee pray for me That will I answered Francisco but to th' end I may the better remember thee hold heer tie a thred about my finger The wagges of the Court had curtayl'd a Iesters nagge and he in reuenge thereof cut off the vpper lippes of a maine Courtiers Sâ—eeds in the base Court who coÌ„ming downe from the Presence euerie one to take his horse and laughing to see the Iesters nag at the court-gate so disfigured Laugh on laugh on sirres said the Iester I dare warrant yee you shall see your horses laugh too anon and out-laugh ye all A little Noble-man wore a broad brim'd hat in the Court and a Iester seeing it said Giue my Lord but such another hat below and you may serue him vp to the Emperours boord as betweene two dishes A Iester seeing a poore Gent. at dinner time now and then conuey a Modicum of euerie dish into the cape of his cloake sayd vnto the companie Sirs I am now determined to make my last will Testament before you all And first I bequeath my soule to God and my body to be buried in the cape of yonder Gentlemans cloake and with that stepping to him snatch'd his cloake from him and all to shooke it before the companie Then out dropp'd heere a bird and there a bird and choice of much good cheere he still shaking it and saying I meane this cloak sirs this cloake I meane A Iester vs'd to say that as soone as euer he perceiued a fray toward he straight became a Launce-man Being ask'd how so he answered Marie I lanch foorthwith into the next house A Iester meeting the Duke of Infantasgo between two fantasticall gallants cry'd out aloud vnto him My Lord my Lord you goe in danger The Duke asking him wherof he answered of drowning were it not for those two bladders on either arme of you The Cardinall Siliceo being on a time merrily disposed sent for one Rauago a pleasant fellow to disport him withall Who after he had pleasantly jested before him a good while at last fell to begging and besought a good thing which the Cardinall graunted him Then he besought his Grace to put him in good security for the performance of his said grant With that the Cardinal naming a certain singingman of that church the Iester excepted vnto him and said Nay nay my Lord I le no such sureties as weare no buttons vpon their doublets for feare the aire cary them away A Iester seeing an old Gent. in the street homely attir'd and wearing an old fashion'd Tablet hanging downe his breast before said It is a good letter though enterlined A Iester being ask'd what time he would gladliest choose to die in he answered When Iohn a Nokes dies And why so said th'oâ—her Marie because quoth he hee is so errand an Vsuring Cuckold-maker that whensoere hee dies I am sure the deuilles wil be all so busie about his soule that mine may sneak along by them and nere be seene A Iester lying a dying sent for a shoo-maker and will'd him to make him a paire of shooes for his soule the soales all of Bell-mettle The Shoo-maker asking him why so he answered Marie to th' end my friends may know by my loud trampling in heauen after I am dead that there I am OF SERVING-MEN AND PAGES THe Duke of Infantasgo sent his Page with a Peacocke between two curious Venice-dishes to the Earle of Saldania and it chaunced that as the Page discouered the vpper dish to shew the Earle the present down it fell and broke all to peeces The Earle receiued the Peacocke and return'd one of his Gent. with the Page to excuse him to the Duke who hearing of the mischance all in anger ask'd the Page how he brake it with that he hauing the other dish in his hand let it fall to the ground and broke it and then said Euen thus and like your Grace I broke it A plaine Steward gaue in amongst other his accomptes to his Maister Item â—or scouring the Priuie and trimming your Worships beard ij shillings vj. pence Such an other Accomptant gaue vp in his accompts to his maister amongst other things Item for a peniworth of lace ij pence A Gent. Cooke forsooke him and went to serue another maister whom the Gent. meeting certaine moneths after attired all in greene said vnto him Me thinkes N. you looke verie greene now a daies True sir answered the Cooke for I am sow'd in a good ground A Nobleman of Spaine whose liuing was good but not excessiue had a vaine in placing and displacing his seruants especiallie his Bayliffes and Accomptants Wherupon his mother asking one of his men on a time what place hee had in his maisters seruice or what accompts he yeelded vp at the yeeres end he answered Actes and Monuments A Seruing-man was discoursing to his maister how bountifull Don Diego Desa Bishop of Ciuill was vnto his Seruants who answered He doth well for that all that he hath he hath it but during his life The Seruing-man reply'd Now I pray you sir for how many liues enioy you your goods One Gent. was a telling to an other that his Page was run away from him notwithstanding he had alwaies vs'd him wel both with good clothes to his back and spending money in his purse Wherunto the other answered And I for my part haue a poore knaue whom I still keep bare and pennilesse and yet he loues me well and will neuer forsake mee How can he forsake you repli'd th' other hauing no winges wherwith to flie away Certaine
gallant came to runne at the ring all clad in haire-collour veluet and ouer it a vayle of white Taffeta girt close to him ala Morâ—sco Whereupon the Emperour Charles asking his Iester what it was like he answered Like the bowels of a beast wrapt in their calle A Gent. came in a maske vested all in blacke ouer-figured with Deaths heads and one that saw it said Iesu what a number of Fooles faces haue we there The Gent. Page standing by answered Nay there lackes yours to make it seeme so OF OFFICERS A Spanish Earle retain'd an Vsher for his Ladie and bid his Steward set him down twentie-pounde wages The Steward for his Lords profit would not set him downe presently according as he was encharg'd but of a month after In which meane time the Earle asking the Vssher whether the Steward had yet set him downe in his booke or no he answered No and like your honour hee will haue mee stand on my legges one moneth to an end A Gent. of her Majesties priuie-chamber comming to a merrie Recorder of London about some state-affaire met him by chance in the street going to dinner to the Lord Maior and proffered to deliuer him his encharge But the dinnerly Officer was so hastie on his way that he refus'd to heare him posting him ouer to an other season The Gent. notwithstaÌ„ding stil vrged him to audieÌ„ce without discouering vnto him either who he was or what he would Wherupon the Recorder then merily turn'd backe to his horse and said Horse tell this man that I am going to dinner to my L. Major and that I cannot now intend his tittle tattle for well I wot he will not beleeue mee Wherunto the Gent. no lesse pleasently answered No horse not so I pray thee but thus Tell the Asse thy maister that I am G. of the priuy chamber one that is come to him about busines of state and will him to dispatch me presently as hee will answer the contrarie A Constable had direction to disarme al that passed through his quarter after ten a clocke at night and a merrie fellow chancing to passe that way sayd vnto him Are you the Gallant that must disarme all passengers this way too night Goe yee then to such a Cookes house and take froÌ„ him a Corslet of mine which lieth there in pawne for pies A Commendador of Spaine being discharged of his office vowed neuer to make his will vntil it had pleased the King to re-install him thereinto which the king shortly after daign'd to doe And then the first words of his will were these All that euer I haue the Kings Majesty gaue it me A Canallio signifies in Spanish a horse-backe and acaballio to end or dispatch any thing A Maior of a towne riding posse through the street to pacifie a tumult a Gent. of his acquaintaÌ„ce met him and ask'd him whether he went so a Cauallio that is so mounted The Maior answered acaballio Two Fellons were adjudg'd to die and yet at last through much entreatie it pleas'd the Iudge in fauour of life to ingalley them for seuen yeers The hangman seeing that straight stept in and besought the Iudge to rid him of his office and appoint some other in his place Being ask'd wherfore hee answered Because you barre me of my right One chaunced vpon the night watch and the Constable demaunded his weapon who straight discouered his cloake and shew'd him a bottle of wine and said Loe heere all my weapon The Constable took his said weapon from him he and his mates drunk vp all the wine and then deliuer'd him the emptie bottle saying Holde heer friend the sheath againe A Constable raising vp his parish by night to assist justice made his proclamation thus All you that doe not foorthwith rise and come to assist the Kings peace and Iustice shall forfeit vnto the Exchecker a 100. stripes Theeues were a rifling a Gent. house by night the watch came in with torches to attache them Now one of them to saue himselfe by dark strooke out one of their torches and ran away But being afterwardes apprehended the Constable said vnto him Belike friend you are next heire to the halter that you desir'd so much the torches death A Courtiers man came to Queene Isabels Harbinger and tolde him that the chamber which he assign'd his maister was much at a fault with that the Harbinger pointing him to a gibbet that stood before the Court gate answered If your masters chamber be at a fault see yonder where stands a gibbet One being condemn'd to be shot to death for a rape the maid in fauour of his life was content to beg him for her husband Which being condiscended vnto by the Iudge according to the law of Spaine in that behalfe in steps me the hangman all in a chafe and sayd vnto the Iudge Howe I pray you sir can that be seeing the stake is already in the ground the rope the arrrowes the Archers all in a readinesse and heere I am come for him In a prouinciall visitation in the territorie of Toledo enquirie was made for such kinde of women as did cure folke with charms and superstitions And among others a decrepit Beldam was brought before the Visitor who asking her what cures she did she answered Forsooth maister I wash to the Marchants masterships of Toledo A Souldiour comming about a sute to a merrie Recorder of London the Recorder seeing him out at the window ran hastilie into an inner roome there put on a Corslet and a head-peece then with a Launce in his hand came down vnto him and sayd How now Sirra are you the man that hath somwhat to say to mee Begin now when you dare for behold I trow I am sufficiently prouided for you A Maior of London died the verie same day that hee was elected vvhereupon one thus merrilie saide A vigilant Maior he was that neuer â—lept all the time of his Maioralty A merrie Recorder of London being to discide a brable between two Citizens the one called Dunscombe the other Cox vnderstanding what a paltrie matter it was hee thus jestinglie said vnto them Sirs I verie wel conceiue your case and thus I senteÌ„ce it Namely you Dunscombe deliuerye vp to Cox al your combe reseruing only Duns to your selfe so be you still a Duns and he a Coxcombe A Gent. riding through a countrey-parish and being destitute of money sold his horse to the Constable there who seeing that he had an easie peniwoorth straight arrested the Gent. vpon suspition of fellonie Namely that he had stolne the saide horse An Abbot had bespoken of a Gold-smith a dozen of rich Candlestickes and paid most of the money aforehand Shortly after the Gold-smith died and the Abbot came to demaund the Candlesticks of his widow which he knew were by that time all finished Wherunto she making denyal and refusing to take notice of any such matter th'Abbot was faine to get an Oâ—ficer to enter
fringe shee could weaue in one day The mayd answered ten yardes Then he reply'd By that accompt haue you wouen since I came to towne which is some fiue dayes or therupon a fiftie yardes Birladie a good huswife are ye well fare your heart A Gent. was a saying to a plain countrie-man Beleeue me father if this hot weather hold it is like to go hard with poore beasts this next winter The Countrie-man answered God preserue your Worship A countrie-swaine droue his Asse before the Court-gate and a Gent. or two of the Court seeing him all to beat misuse the poore beast bid him be more milde and patient and fauour the sillie Asse With that the Clowne straight dost his hat and made a low curt'sie to the Asse and said I beseech your good Worship M. Asse pardon my rudenes all this while for sure I neuer thought you had had kindred in the Court afore now A Gent. married a Farmers daughter of whom afterward he waxed wearie discontented and on a day in a sullen mood he ask'd her how many burthens of strawe her father vs'd to serue his beasts euery winter Shee answered Before you maried me 300. and since 350. by reason hee hath one beast now more then he had A Country-man entring into a Cittie stumbled and fell with his face into the kennell and all to bemyr'd himselfe therin At rising vp againe he turn'd round about vnto the people and said See see sirs I had almost had a fall A Gent. riding through a village ask'd a country-man what a clocke it was he answered Clocke sir we haue none but yet we haue a paire of Organs A country-man lying on his death-bed said Now thankes be to God that he takes me away before Aprill and Maie A Fellon that was hang'd was carted backe againe to the towne to be buried and a many boyes stood gazing vpon the coorse By chance a plaine fellow of the countery comming by and seeing them so gaze said vnto them Away away sirs for shame you are able to put the honest man besides his wits to gape and gaze so on him A widdowe Farmeresse in a plentifull yeere of corne had much in her barne and much in her garrets A creditor of hers came then to demaund a debt of her and shee answered Good faith neighbour for my sinnes it is come to passe that corne is this yeere so exceeding good cheap that the deu'll a penie can I take for anie A Preacher in his Good-fryday sermon said vnto the people Sirs which of you all wil not in honour of this day forgiue his enemie A plaine fellow then stept foorth from behinde a piller and answered Mary sir I doe The Preacher asking him whom he answered My father who drown'd himselfe yesterday in a pond A Traueiller being come to a ponde ask'd a country-man ther by whether it were passable or no who answered Yea sir you may verie well With that the Traueiller plunging thereinto stoocke fast and had much adoe to get out againe but at last getting out hee all to rated the poore Swaine and woulde haue beaten him who answered Trulie sir all my neighbour Baals Geese and mine passe ouer it euery day A plaine fellow tooke vp an Asse at trust of his neighbour for certaine moneths at sixe Crownes price It chanced that within that time the Asse died and he not being able to pay the debt embark'd for India Where hauing remain'd the space of 7. yeares at last home againe hee return'd woorth 2000. Crownes and landing at Ciuill wrote a letter from thence to his wife declaring both his returne his riches She in answer therof aduis'd him if hee meant to come to her in any case to do it verie priuilie for that the owner of the foresaid Asse was yet liuing An old woman of the country being suspected for a witch was highly offended thereat and on a time saide to one of her Gossips Now and pleas'd God Gossip would I were a witch indeed for their sakes for then should I soone be rid out of this wretched world and of all their slaunder A Gent. meeting on the way certaine Swaines driuing of Oxen on a Maie-morning said vnto them What meane you sirs to trauell this day being May-day If you care not to keep it holy day for S. Philip and S. Iacobs sake yet at leastwise doe it for the May-poales sake A rich Farmer comming to pay his Land-lord much rent by chance a neighbour of his meeting him at the doore and knowing his businesse said vnto him You enter in like your selfe but you shall come out like S. Fraences A Collier selling a sacke of coales to a Citizens wife by chance an old frying-pan lay by then she asking him whether his coals were Oaken coales or no he straight took vp the said frying-pan and gaue it her in her hand saying Frie some of them and you shall see A Country-man was lopping of a tree and downe he fell and broke his necke The clowne his man straight ranne home and tolde his Dame of it and telling her a long tale both how he aduis'd him to stand fast and how dangerouslie hee stood vpon the tree and how he fell down with the Axe in his hand at last hee concluded And I assure you Dame it was a faire grace of God that he cut not himselfe with the Axe A plain Countrey-fellow being to trauell home-ward from the Tearme passing along London-streets asked of the shop-men others whom he met which was the way to Wakefield A Country-maid comming to market her Mare stumbled in the market place and downe she fell ouer and ouer shewing all that euer God sent her and then at rising vp again she turn'd her round about vnto the people and said Gogs life sirs did you euer see the like before A Gent. asking a plaine fellow of the Countrie in a raynie morning whether he thought it would not prooue a faire day for all that Mary sir he answered that shall I shew you at night Iohn a Nokes was driuing his cart toward Croydon and by the way fel a sleep therin Mean time a good fellow came by stole away his two horses and went faire away with them In th' end he awaking and missing them said Either I am Iohn a Nokes or I am not Iohn a Nokes If I be Iohn a Nokes then haue I lost two horses and if I be not Iohn a Nokes then haue I found a cart A Gallant alighting at a Country-Inne tooke his horse to a Country-man to walke who seeing so braue a horse and so richlie trapped ask'd the Gallant whether and lik'd his worship it were one mans labour to walke so trim a horse as that Yea answered the Gallant I warrant thee one man alone may doe it Say you so sir reply'd the Pesant then holde heere you may euen walke him your selfe A miserlie Polititian being aduised by a friend of his to bee more bountifull in