us onely believing we must flee unto the hornes of the Althar And I have found when I have neglected prayer my heart hath been very dead and full of unbelief And again I have found it no comfort to rest upon duties for that is a dangerous evil to set up such an Idol in the heart but here in lay my comfort when I by faith could have communion vvith God and coming near to him could cast my burthen upon him and go avvay quiet in my mind that Christ vvould do all for mee and vvhen I vvas vvilling God shtould do vvhat he pleased vvith mee and my vvill vvas brought to his vvill then have I had the mercy I have asked and more also many times I have found retired places and vvatchings the best opportunities and greatest advantages unto prayer Also I have had many temptations against prayer but the best vvay to overcome them is to mind the command of Jesus Christ vvhich is that vve should vvatch unto prayer and pray alvvayes keep close to the duty in the strength of Christ and loose not the motions of the Spirit neither grieve the Spirit by sin but vvatch against all appearances of evil for I hahave found that the neglect of vvatchfulness against sin and being overcome by it doth greatly deaden the heart to duty keep your eyes upon the promises by faith look up unto Christ in prayer and let all take heed of setting up prayer or any other duty above or in the roome of Jesus Christ Iâ— God assist you to pray for a mercy though he give it not in presently yet hold on if your asking be according to his will and your end the glory of God and ye find enlargment from the Spirit of life you may be sure he will be answer you in that thing or else in some thing better for you in his ovvn season My self sought the Lord 20 years for one thing before I had an ansvver but at last being at prayer after I had done God gave mee in a most gracious ansvver and set dovvn the very time of deliverance and did accordingly accomplish it at the very time to him be the praise And many other things I have sought the Lord for and he hath been pleased to grant my desire especially vvhen he hath made me earnest and importunate and have assisted me to hold on and given me a spirit of faith to believe for the thing prayed for Another time I sought the Lord for a relation of mine who was thought to be near unto death and this vvas given in call upon mee in the day of trouble I vvil hâ—ar and deliver and thou shalt glorify mee and â—rom that time that person amended and life vvas continued Also I knew another young person that was by the word preached convinced of her sinsul state and set upon the performance of some duties but not being acquainted with the wiles and temptations of Satan afterward some deadness ceasing upon her spirit began to neglect her duty but one in the family perceiving of it advised her to present her self before the Lord and although she found her self dead yet to pray that she might pray whose conucel shee took and shee continuing diligent the Lord came in by the mighty witness of his spirit fully satisfying her soul in a very short time Further oh let all that fear God be encouraged to continue in and not neglect family duties for I have found by good experience many wrought upon by instructions and prayer when their lot have been cast into those families where reading praying and Catechising and such duties have been faithfully performed ô many young ones have been brought home to God by his blessing upon this meanes And amongst many more I remember one who was very strongly assalted with many temptariones to keep her from coming to and clossing with Jesus Christ and this tâ—mptation was most upon her that she was too young and it would be time enough afterward why should she expose her self to scorne and reproach by being called a Puritan and so become a luaghing stock to others but the Lord was pleased to overcome her and bring her to himself X Another also who set her self against them in the family that wished her soules good and used all meanes to gâ—t out of that family to which end also she raised some lyes which very evil the Lord set upon her heart and then she came to be convinced of her sad sinful state and was also brought home to God through his rich grace in Jesus Christ And another who by this meanes vvas vvrought upon that vvas a young maid a Ministers Daughter and had been vvell instructed and educated from a child vvhereby she vvas informed of the evils of scandalous sins and avoided them and vvas also very constant in the performance of duties and indeed so vvalked as none could see ought a mise in her conversation yet notvvithstanding the poor heart vvas ignorant of her self and of Jesus Christ but she being under a family Catechising and instruction vvas by the mighty povver of the eternal Spirits vvorking convinced of original sin and then she savv that for all her formality she vvas a sinner and had need of a Saviour and so vvas brought home to close with Jesus Christ This also I have found that a constant close secking of God hath been crowned with his presence for I my self was with some others desired to pray to the Lord for councel and direction for them but they would not tell mee in what it was that they sought direction yet notwithstanding I did not know the thing I set my self to seek God for them and he was pleased to shew me what it was this was Anno 1657. and I did pray God to let mee know his mind in that particular and the Lord put it upon my heart to go and read and the place of Scripture handed to mee was quite against their work at that time which they had upon their heart to do then I sought the Lord again and the second answer was go in and â—ead then I looked up to the Lord as I did before and said Lord shew me where I shall read and that Scripture also was flat against their work and just so I had a third answer also And the next day as I was at my work my heart and meditations were above and my secret desire still to God for the further teachings of his good Spirit and these following lines with much more came in as a further answer from the Lord As for the work of Babylon It is a mighty work and strong But yet my power shall it compleat For my wisdom it mighty great They must sit still behold my power VVhich worketh for them hour by hour And novv my dear Christian friends into vvhose hands this my poor mite shall come I desire you take notice of that great love and vvonderful grace of God vvhich he hath been pleased to manifest
book if any man shall adde unto these things God shall adde unto him the plagues that are written in this book and if any man shall take away from the words of the Book of this Prophesy God shall take away his part out of the Book of life and out of the holy Citty and from the things which are written in this book well still I was put upon it to continue seeking the Kingdom of God and the righteousness thereof and the promise that all other tâ—ingt should be added unto mee Then did I with some others seek the Lord by fasting and prayer for councel what we should do and wheter we should go to injoy communion with the Lord in the way of his pure worship and the Lord was pleased in love to answer my desirs in a wonderful manner for being then intangled with a house of which my Husband had a lease for some years and upon that account was unwilling to remove not knowing how to dispose of that house But yet the Lord was pleased in a short time to make him willing that I should remove if I could get of that lease and some goods I had which the Lord soon holp mee in by sending one unexpectedly the very next day after my Husband declared his willigness for my removal upon those conditions who took of the lease of the house of our hands with those goods and so I was made free So forth with I removed to a place where I did injoy the heating of a good man preach and had the sweet benefit of some private meetings which was much refreshing unto mee but yet two things I was very earnest with God for 1. One that I might be filled with the clear witness and full assurance of the eternal Spirit 2. And the other that I might injoy more full and close communion vvith God in all his blessed ordinances in both vvhich God vvas pleased to ansvver mee in some measure as to the first he did let mee see that I had sinned against him in that I again questioned that assurance vvhich before he had given mee in and then he brought vvith most vvonderful renevving povver those Scripturs vvhich many years before at several times under several ordinances vvere set vvith much povver and evidence upon my heart But first God vvas pleased to shevv mee that it vvas onely unbeief that had caused mee at the appearance of temptation and corruption to question his love and doubt about his kindness and so to conclude against my self But the Lord did shevv me that all this doubting vvas from my evil heart of unbelief the sence of vvhich one morning especially God did set upon my spirit to the breaking of my heart so that for three dayes together I vvas greatly afflicted in my spirit and continued crying unto God as one that could not be anij longer contented vvithout the Light of his countenance vvith a renevving seal of his Love long sought vvith sighes prayers and tears and in the third day morning he did send the comforther the Spirit vvhich vvith invvard light life and povver set upon my heart these follovving Scriptures 1 John 3 2. Now are wee the sons of God and it doth not yet appear what wee shall be But rather rejoyce because your names are written in heaven Luke 10 vers 20. And who soever will let him come and take of the watters of life freely Revel 22. 17. And my grace is sufficient for thee 2 Cor. 12 9. Oh! I cannot utter the joy that then was in my heart by the mighty operation of the spirit And then after that this word came upon my spirit and grieve not the holy Spirit whereby thou art sealed unto the day of redemption and then God did answer mee that there was sufficiency in his grace in Christ to pardon all my sins past present and to come Then as to my other desire which was aftet more communion with God in his ordinances After waiting the Lord was pleased to set it upon my heart to believe that my habitation should be removed and that I should injoy my desire by the time called Easter and so it was accordingly and I through mercy after I had gotten the renewigs of the seal and clear witness of the Spirit lived for about a quarter of a year as it were in Heaven upon earth but then began a cloud again to araise and I was under the buffetings of some sore temptations God with drawing in a great measure though not the witness of the Spirit yet the com forts of his Spirit which before I did injoy and I conceive this might be the cause of it which I wish all others may take heed of for it cost mee deare under that sweâ—t soul refreshing communion I had with our heavenly Father I gave way to some doubtings and questionnings whither there was not a delusion in the thing I then injoyed This temptation lasted some six dayes and I had no peace day nor night when I was awake to think that I should grieve so good a God and cause him to depart from mee And Satan not changing his weapons made mee think that there was something in mee that I did not so fully resist him for when our dear Lord Jesus was tempted he by his powerful resistance made him to change them So I lay mourning before the Lord but could not set to praying for the violence of this temptation Then mysleep dâ—puted and I grew sick then God gave mee to mind that Abrahams wâ—râ— lay before mee when he went to offer sacrifice he was to drive away the fowles Gen. 15. this work the Lord directed mee to do by laying hold upon Jesus Christ who had prayed for mee though I could not now pray for my self Jo. 15 v. 17 19. And so soon as my heart was brought to believe this I was presently delivered and in all this temptation the Lord hid not his face from mee blessed be his name And then as the Lord carried mee over the Sea where I did injoy further and fuller communion with himself in his ordinances he gave mee another occasion for the exercise of saith and Patience For whilst I was upon that voyage the vessel that I was in was pursued with enemies and troubled with contrary winds so that we were in great straits But God gave me to believe that he that delivered Paul out of his straits would also deliver us out of ours and so it was blessed be his name and so very safely was I carried unto that place that the Lord called mee unto But presently after I was there arrived the Lord was pleased to exercise mee with several afflictions First by taking away a child by death and then by laying upon my self such a distemper that my joynts and sinnews were by fits bound up that I could not stirre them nor take any rest while it lasted my pain was so great no Doctor could do mee any good though several physitians
found that a chearfull watchful diligent spirit in ones general and particular calling is a great help to prevent mispending time for of idleness comes no good therefore it hath been my practice that if I can do no good nor receive good not to stay in that place long Oh! let us be wary how we spend our precious time for it hat a lock before but none behind I am of a fearful timerous spirit naturally but I find it a great help to dash Babilons brats in the first rice I was about 14 years in the pangs of the new birth before I received the witness of the spirit in which time I was exceeding troubled with my unbelieving heart through entertaining false fears and indeed some thing of Jesus Christ was in mee all that while Althoug sometimes I could not with comfort be hold him through that thick cloud of my many Iniquities and I never found Satan more foyled and my own corruptions more subdued then when I by faith could look up unto Gods unchangeable love in Jesus Christ though I be a poor changeable creature and verily I have found great gain in true Godliness And now friends give me leave to tell you these are mine experiences and I fear it would be burthen some to you if I should be larger which I could be but give me leave to tell you the conclusion of all what I endeavour after which is to press after the mark of the high calling to deny my self and look up to him that is perfect and who presents all his perfect without spot or wrinkle Not to him that worketh onely but to him that believeth for he is holy I desire to observe all the Commands of Christ as my rule of life but I am not here by justified but alone by a righteousness out of my self there fore I say none but Christ not by workes of rightcousness that we do but by faith are we saved that not of our selves it is the guift of God for he that kindleth a fire and composeth himself about with the sparks thereof he shall lie down in sorrow Isa 50 11. for a man may do much in outward performances and yet not have a heart right with God the foolish virgins had lamps of profession as well as the wise but they had not oyle so the young man in the Gospel said to Christ he had observed all the Commandments from his youth what lacked he yet but to deny himself and to part with what he had for Christ to take up the cross and to follow him which he could not do except Christ had given him a righteous heart for all his outward seeming righteousness So the Scribes and Pharisees blamed Câ—rist for all his righteous actions but could not see the Idol in thâ—r own hearts for all their righteousness sprung not from a right root nor was done by a right rule nor to a right end 1. First they had not grace in their hearts 2. Secondly neither did they do what they did by the rule of the word of God but by their own rule 3. What they did was for their own glory to get them praise from men and not to the glory of God Amos 4 4 5 6. the which is an abomination to the Lord this sacrifice God is weary of it is as the â—ffering of Swines blood and the cutting of a Dogs neck before the Lord this made Cains sacrifice to be unacceptable in the sight of God mans righteousness is as monstruous cloathes and filthy raggs that comes â—ot not from a heart sanctified where Christ dwels al though it be garnished with never so much parts and guifts the Lord looks upon the inward righteousness of the heart Parts and guifts may cease but the least measure of true grace shall hold out to the end And what soever is parts and not grace bear not these following Characters upon them such have not the spirit now the spirit is Truth light and love 1. First the spirit of truth joynes with the vvord of truth if an Angel from heaven should bring any other doctrine we are not to receive it and them that believe and trust in the promise it leads into all truth wait for the accomplishment of the promise of the spirit to teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance which he hath promised shall remaine with us alwayes John 14 16. This is a good antidote against error this teaching for the most part abides and formes the soul into it self The more of this truth and light comes in the more a soul abhorres it self sees it's own emptiness and Christs fulness The more of this light comes into the soul the more it thirsteth after light The more knowledg it hath of God the more it loves God which conformes it into his image and the more it delights in God and loves them most that have most of God in them Ps 16. all my delight is in the Saints and them that are excellent in the earth The true spirit delights in all the commands of God which shews true love to God if you love me keep my Commandments Jo. 14 15 16. and I will pray the Father and he shall give you another Comforter that he may abide with you for ever It is a meek and a quiet spirit it hates pride and lifting up it sees enough in it self dayly to humble it It s full of love to all that God loves though differing from them by this shall all men knovv that you are my Disciples if you have love one to another Joh. 13 35 We know that vve are passed from death to life because we love the brethren 1. Joh. 3 14. Now the reason why we should cherish this grace of love to God his people and all men are these First because without love which is charity we are but as sounding brass or tinckeling Cymbals all we do without this is nothing 2 Cor. 13. Secondly because Christ hath said because Iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold in the last dayes Mat. 24. 12. Thirdly because it is one of Christs last and great Commandments John 13 34. 1. of Joh. 2. 7. 8. Fourthly it renders us much like unto our Master Christ Jesus Acts. 10 38. who went about doing good to all let us labour to follow his example shevv pitty to them that God hath not yet shewed so much pitty to as he hath done unto us do good to them that hate you and pray for them that dispitefully use you Mat. 5. 44 45. These were Gods teachings to mee in the absence of faithful Teachers when they were removed into corners Which was a sore affliction to mee but I look at what mercy God afoards mee in all afflictions seing I am unvvorthy of the least mercy for it vvere a righteous thing vvith God to cut us of and I marvailed at his patience and long suffering vvith mee and all others I find by experience that reading