which way to turn he hath made my Path plaine Under sinking Disapointments he hath commanded Succour and been a present Help in the time of Trouble In Great Perplexities his Eye hath been my Guide and his own Arm hath brought Salvation it may be by the Ministry of his H. Angels obeing his order and giving unusual Intimations of very great and otherwise unsuspected Dangers or sending Relief and Deliverance by such small unlikely and unexpected Means as carried the name of God visibly ingraven on them Innumerable Calamities he saves me from which Others groan under and as many Blessings am I favor'd with whereof they are destitute He Spreads my Table and fills my Cup and gives me All Things richly to enjoy when many Excellent Persons of whom the World is not worthy are fed with the bread of Affliction and the Water of Affliction Others have only Necessaries or but few Conveniencies in Comparison with the Plentifull Provisions God hath made for my Chearfull Obedience to Him. And shall I not Praise Him for the precious Things of Heaven the blessings of the Earth the dew and the deep and more especially for the Goodwill of Him who dwelt in the Bush to sanctifie and sweeten All Wherby Common Mercies become the pledge and fore-runner of better Things as the fruit of his Special kindness the witness of his Truth and the seed of Peace and Joy and Righteousness and Praise by reason of his Blessing on all that I possess which otherwise would prove a snare and a Temptation and be intermixt with a Curse And besides the ordinary and Continued Bounty of every Day in the midst of how may Difficulties and Dangers Deut. 33. v. 13.14 have I felt the dear obligations of his Preserving Mercy abroad and at home in forreign Countries as well as my own in the midst of Enimies and among Friends in all Places and at all Times He hath prolonged my Health or made my Bed in Sickness He hath often granted the Desires of my Heart when ever it was for his Glory and contradicted my wishes and disapointed my Endeavors in other Instances when it was more to my Advantage From how many Mischiefs hath he sav'd me by such Things as I deprecated and would have hinder'd How many Evills hath he turn'd for Good He hath heard my Cry in the day Adversity and set my feet in a large Place He hath Chasten'd me for my Profit His Rod and his Staff have comforted me He hath spoken comfortably to me in the Wilderness Affliction hath been usefull and necessary Physick made an Instrument of Vertue and so a token of his Love. Therfore I will sing of the Mercy of the Lord for ever and with the voice of Thanksgiving will make known his Faithfullnes He hath all along conducted me by his Wisdom guided me by his Providence and the Angel of his Presence hath directed my Path and ordered all my Goings He hath been a Cloud to me by Day and a Pillar of Fire by night he hath helped me in my Straits and suppli'd my wants and comforted me in all my sadnesses His powerfull and gracious Presence hath been my constant Guard and his Soveraign never-failing Goodness hath compast me about with Mercy on every side For which O most Mercifull Father my Soul and all that is within me desires to speak thy Praise Ps 89. v. 1. The advantagious Circumstances of many divine Favors do raise their value and deserve to be particularly observ'd and and acknowledged How suitably how seasonably how wisely hath he conser'd his Benefits with what Tenderness and Kindness with what Freedom and Readiness Of his own bounty and goodwill without any Necessity or Obligation on his Part without any desert and Sometimes without so much as a Prayer on mine And what is more notwithstanding my Ingratitude and Forgetfullness of Him and great Provocations heigthned by the abuse of so much Mercy demanding nothing after all in requital of so much Kindness but my Acceptance of his Love and gratefull sense of his Goodness and the sweetest and most reasonable Expressions of it by Thankfull Obedience More especially would I Bless the Lord for Inlightening my mind in the Great Mysteries of Religion disposing in wonderfull Wisdom the several means and methods wherby he brought me to the Knowledg of the Truth by Parents Ministers Friends Acquaintance Books Afflictions c. Beginning with me in Childhood awakening and cultivating the inbred notions of God and natural Religion of Good and Evil Rewards and Punishments by the carefull Instructions of Parents or others concern'd in my Education giving me the advantage of Good Examples Counsels and Encouragements to know and do well with more assistance and less hindrances and diversions then to many Others Particularly for the Excellent Priviledge and inestimable Blessing of his H. Word and Sacraments the liberty of the Christian Religion in the Purity of it in most of those Places where God hath been pleas'd to cast my Lot. Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by J. Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these advantages and helps thy H. Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc't of Sin and brought to Repentance showing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my Peace with Thee the All sufficiency of his Grace the fullness of his merit the freeness of his Love and his readines to receive me to mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his Compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerfull and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy message on the gracious terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord J. Christ who thro his abundant mercy hath begotten me againe to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perversness of my Stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire Subjection to himself Who took pitty on me when he saw me in my Bloud spread his skirt over me cast a mantle upon my nakedness washed me from my Sins and put his own Comeliness upon me by sanctification who open'd my Eyes when I was leaping blinfold into the pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was fick unto Death who rescue'd and recover'd me from the slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will. Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankfull to his Deliverer shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is receiv'd to mercy be thankfull for a
devotion to God is therby extinguisht all the restraints of vice removed the floud gates of Impiety opened the encouragements of vertue the rewards of Holiness the foundation of Patience in Tribulation and suffering for Righteousness sake all at once taken away Lord confirm my belief of the invisible future state of Rewards and Punishments and let not Sadduceism and Infidelity damp my zeal in thy service or rob me of the comforts of this Life which if I have any solid ones must suppose the hopes of a Better Let others therefore o my Soul who expect not an Everlasting Heaven beyond the Grave place their affections on Earthly things and mind this world as if there were no better no other Let them who doubt or disbelieve the promised rewards of Eternity take up with what they must shortly leave and labor for the Bread that perisheth But since I profess to believe and seek the Life Everlasting let me dayly intertaine my self with the hopes of it and let all the flattering dreams of what is desireable upon Earth give place to nobler and better Thoughts Let me derive my principal Joy from the promise and expectation of that future felicity and indeavor nothing more then a meetness to pertake of it O my God my God! thou art my Life and Joy and Portion in thee and in thy love all my desires and hopes are answered and all my wants supplied How ever Evill this world is made by sin yet thou art the infinite and supreme Good. How mutable how uncertaine how perishing soever are all sublunary things yet thou art the rock of Ages the fountaine of Everlasting Life and hast apointed another world and another Life when this is ended wherein thou wilt be better known and loved and served and honored and communicate thy self more abundantly then now to those the desire of whose souls is towards thee that believe and love thee that partake of thine image and are devoted to thy fear The assurance of this and nothing els will answer the objection of the present vanity and misery we are subject to XII The consideration of the Death of others especially of Relations Friends and Acquaintance how to be improved What instructions we may learn by the sight of a Dead Carcass or a Deaths-head and the usual Motto on it and what by the Death of Holy Persons to quicken our desires to be as they HAth divine Patience added one year more to the number of my Days when so many others were removed by Death the last year Others whom a few moneths since I knew in vigorous health wiser stronger more likely to live and to answer the ends of Life then me some of them my near Relations and usefull Friends in whose converse I took delight and promised my self advantage by their Company and Exemples But they are taken and I am left Thy Holy will o Lord is done and they who were prepared are infinite Gainers by this my loss Quicken my preparations by following their piety to meet them in thy Heavenly Kingdom Let thy long suffering lead me to Repentance and suffer me not to slight thy warning by the death of others to expect my own Lord cure my Earthly mindedness and practical unbelief and by all such admonitions of thy Providence teach me to possess and use this world as knowing I must shortly leave it and let not the thoughts of my mortality wear off assoon as the funeral of my Friends is over Every year some or other of our Acquaintance drop into the Grave we attend them thither and lament it may be for a few days their departure and removal but consider not that others will ere long do the same for us it may before this year is ended Oh how soon do we forget our deceased Friends and our selvs who are likewise dying and count upon a long life which we cannot reasonably expect and hug the injoyments of this transitory world as if our present state would last for ever Will nothing but our own dissolution effectually convince us of our mistake and folly in this perticular Tho the arrows of Death flye continually round about us sometimes over our heads when Superiors are taken away sometimes fall at our feet when Children and Servants and inferiors dye sometimes on our left hand when an Enemy is cut off and while I am pleased with that in that very hour it may be another arrow on our right hand strikes the Friend of our bosome and delight and can we see all this that great and smal high and low friends and foes are all vanity and drop down dead round about us and shall we not consider that we are as vaine as they and must shortly follow shall we not by a Christian Chymistry extract Spirits out of thes dead Bones and by thes Examples learn the End of all Men and lay it to heart When ever I see the funeral of another let me think thus with my self why might not I have been that man or woman that is now carried to the Grave If we had been compared a few days since 't is probable I should have been thought as likely to have been his monitor by dying first as he mine By such an improvement of thes warnings the request of Dives to Abraham were in great measure granted for 't is a call from the dead that speaks loudly to us to consider our selvs and prepare in time for so great a change and say as the Prophet to Hezekiah Set thine house in order for thou shalt dye Can we look upon a Deaths-head and not remember what we shall shortly be may not much be learnt from its common motto Sum quod Eris Fueramque quod Es. I am that which thou shalt shortly be and have been that which thou art now that is I have been as gay and jocund as brisk and merry as proud and vaine as rich and great as careless and secure as honourable and as much esteemed as beautifull and as well beloved as witty and as learned as thou art or canst be now I valued my self as much upon my estate and trade and health and beauty upon my education profession imployments parts friends family c. as thou hast ever done or canst doe I lived in ease and pleasure in mirth and jollity I minded the world as much and indulged my self as much in sensuality and was as carefull of my body and pampered and pleased my flesh as much as thou and thought as little of a sudden death and prepared as little for such a change as thou dost but now my dry Bones are lookt upon with contempt and scorn but thou shalt shortly return to dust and be as vile as I am It cannot but affect us did we consider it to see Divers snatcht away in their Youth and outward Prosperity and in the midst of their sin and folly without any visible signs of true Repentance or in terrible anguish and horror for their past crimes
and yet how few do take the warning carefully to prevent the like unhappiness O Lord preserve those strong Convictions those serious thoughts those holy Resolutions those lively apprehensions of the Life to come of the Evill of sin and the Terrors of thy wrath which the Sight of dying persons hath at any time awakened in my soul O the Eloquence of a dying sinner to persuade to Repentance even when he hath lost his speech and lays gasping and trembling on a bed of sickness breathing out his last faint breath and passing into the other world to answer for the crimes and follies of a wicked Life Lord revive thes thoughts upon my soul and let me feel the power and influence of them in the hour of Temptation and in every time of need And let the consideration of the death of Believers the Blessedness they are thereby entred into and the Holiness they are to posses'd of quicken my desires and diligence to prepare to follow When I think where they are and what they are doing what is their work and what their state what their continual imployment and what their Injoyments and how different from ours I cannot but wish to be with them to be as they are and do as they do to know and love and praise God as they They are not hindred by such a clog as this body is to us or tempted by their senses appetite and fancy to sin against him they complaine not of a seducing flesh unruly passions low and disordered thoughts of Temporal afflictions spiritual desertions the snares of the world and the malice and subtility of the Devil we who are Pilgrims and Travellers are exposed to these difficulties and storms which they are freed from They are now rejoycing in the light of God's countenance and shall never question his love more while we are in Tears and sorrows groaning to be delivered But think o my soul that they were lately such as we are now They were members of the militant Church before they entred into joy and Triumph They had their conflicts and difficulties their hour of Temptation and time of trial as we have ours They were slandered and persecuted and sadned and disapointed as their Followers are They went to Heaven the same way and got the victory after the same manner by Repentance and Faith and humble persevering Obedience They were once imperfect as we are now and complained of the Body of Sin and Death and struglings of unmortified lust as we doe and were sometimes in the dark about their intrest in the promise and walkt heavily by the hiding of God's face and indured Temptation even as we And as we have nothing to doe or suffer but what they met with we have the same encouragement that administred to their support the same God and Saviour the same way and rule the same assistance by the aids of his H. Spirit offred us the same promises and the same rewards proposed which they injoyed first in faith and hope and afterwards in fruition Yea they pass'd thro the dark valley and so must we their Earthly Tabernacle was dissolved and so must ours be We must expect to goe the same way to Rest and Glory and wait God's Time for our admission We must finish first the work which God hath for us to doe and suffer and then all Tears shall be wipt from our eyes we shall grieve no more we shall sin no more but be as the Angels in Heaven or as the Spirits of the Just made Perfect XIII What Influence the consideration of Eternity would have upon our Hearts and Lives if soundly believed and considered Especially if the supposition of Dying this year be annexed to it WIth what Humility mortification and self denial what seriousness watchfulness and resolved constancy would every Christian live on Earth did he act allways under the influence and power of a confirmed Faith concerning the Life to come We should not then grudge at a little labor or boggle at a few difficulties in our way What tho I meet with injuries and affronts hardships and inconveniencies being now in a forreign country and every day I live one days journey nearer my Eternal Home Shall I not patiently bear momentany sorrows while I believe I am hastening to Eternal Joys Did I look more to the Everlasting World should I not make the pleasing of God in order to my Eternal welfare the great Business of my Life Should I not serve the Lord with more fervency of Spirit and be better fortified against the Fears of man who can but hurt and kill the Body nor that neither without the permission of God Should I not order all my affaires answer all Temptations mortifie in ward Lusts live in the Exercize of Grace and in circumspect persevering Obedience in order to it Should I not watch more over my Heart and Lips and Ways be more diligent to trim my Lamps more dead to this world more carefull to call my self frequently to an account to renew my Repentance Would not my converse be more usefull and edifying my discourses more savory and full of Religion my Prayers to God more humble and earnest my charity to men more unfeigned and extensive and my preparations every way more suitable to such a Faith and to such apprehensions of an Everlasting State Could we carry the thoughts of Eternity about with us every day and often admit them in our civil and secular affaires did we repeat it frequently to our selvs at least every morning as soon as we are awake that we are near Eternity this graine of Incense would perfume the whole Temple and be an Antidote against inward Lust and impure thoughts against the Infection and defilement of bad Company and the snares of worldly Business and do much to prevent vaine and sensual actions and to cure vaine affections Did we believe it and believe it near should we not take as much pains to secure Eternal life as we see men doe to get Riches Should we not use the same diligence care and circumspection the same prudent foresight watchfulness and perseverance to prevent Everlasting destruction as others doe to provide against Poverty and to live in Plenty a little while on Earth Should we not rejoyce as much in the promise and hopes of it as others do in the prospect and expectation of some Earthly Advantage Lord I confess and bewail the weakness of my faith How often have I concluded and said that Heaven alone is the place of Happiness and yet my carnal Heart is too much affected with Earthly ThÃngs How often have I resolved upon the conviction of the certainty of the Eternal world to mind this less and to affect and seek it no more as I have done and yet my foolish Heart is hankering after it still O crucifie my affections to things below and let the believing Thoughts of the next Life render me victorious over all the Temptations of this Pardon and
in a world of sin and suffering absent from the Lord Shall I not thereby escape a multitude of Temptations sins and sorrows which others by living longer are exposed to If my Peace be made with God what should make me willing to live at this distance from him what shoul render this world so desireable where God is so dishonored where I am so often tempted to displeas him and so often yeild to such Temptations and may I not fear least I should fall into such scandalous and greivous sins that may bring a publick reproach on the Gospell of Christ and sadden the Hearts of all my Aquaintance who love the Lord Jesus in sincerity And tho I should maintaine my Integrity yet in this world my highest love and obedience to God and my sweetest communion with him is but imperfect How many Impediments and Diversions do I dayly meet with that deaden my Heart to Heavenly contemplations and affections what disapointments and sorrow full disasters to convince me this is not the place of Rest and Happiness what smart Afflictions may some of my Relations prove what dangerous snares may attend me in the remaining Portion of my Time what opposition and hatred from men may the stedfast professing of the Truth and fidelity to God expose me to what publick national calamities may I have my share in c. But if I consider old Age it self which we doe desire to reach what and how many are the Infirmities and Griefs and troublesome Circumstances which attend that state which dying young will prevent are not most men who reach a very great old Age helpless objects of Pitty a Burden to themselvs and to all about them And which commonly happens may I not then be as unwilling to dye as at present as loath then to leave the world as now tho in a manner it will have left me for how many old men past the relish of sensual Pleasures are yet inordinately fond of a longer Life Have I not been told by Heathens as well as Christians that 't is not the length of Time but its improvement that doth really make a Long Life If I have anfwered the ends for which I were born 't is not too soon to dye No man ever miscarried as to his Everlasting Intrest because his Life was short but Evill He that is prepared for Death hath lived long enough and should thank God for a speedy call to the possession of that Felicity which the Holiest Saints on Earth desire and breath after Gideon lost nothing by returning from victory while the Sun was yet high If I have wrought but a few hours in the vineyard and done but a little service for my Lord and Master and yet am dismist and rewarded before the Rest of my Fellow Laborers shall I repine and think my Lord doth not be friend me If he hath any farther Service for me he will prolong my days and make me diligent I hope and contended Otherwise I pray he would make me ready to dye and make me willing and desirous to depart this Life For to be only content to dye that I may be perfectly Holy and fully Blessed is me thinks too low for a Christian who acts like himself believing the Certainty of his anowed Principles and Hopes and knowing that while we are present in the Body we are absent from the Lord. XVI The contemplation of our approaching change may assist us to mortifie the Lusts of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life to cure Ambition and promote Contentment AL that is in the World saith the Apostle is the Lust of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life The dust and ashes of our own mortality duely considered and applied will help to dead and extinguish each of thes By Pride of Life we lift up our selvs against Heaven and despise our Maker by the lust of the Flesh we overlove and indulge the body and study to gratifie the sensual Appetite by the lust of the Eyes our Desires are immoderate after Temporal and External Goods The thought of our approaching End hath a tendency to oppose and mortifie these Lusts to humble us before God to take us off from the inordinate love of the Body and to moderate our passions to Earthly Things It may help us against Pride by showing us the infinite distance between the Eternal self-sufficient God and such poor Dust as we who are but of yesterday and if he uphold us not and maintaine our souls in life shall be laid in the dust to morrow It will mind us of his Justice against Sin the Parent of Death and of all the miseries of our mortal state and convince us of our weakness to resist his will or avoid his wrath As to our fond affection to the Body it may instruct us that it deserves not to be so much accounted of it will open our eyes to discern the preference of our Immortall souls and what concerns them to the interest of a perishing Body It may convince us that we are cruel and unkind to our very bodies by overloving them because we thereby contribute to their Eternal sufferings and so teach us to love and use our bodies as Servants to our Souls in this world and as expecting to share in Glory with them after the Resurrection It may also help to moderate our desires after Earthly Good and so cure the Lust of the Eyes by letting us see the vanity uncertainty and short duration of these things and their insufficiency to make us Happy and give us true Content The Thoughts of an approaching change may if any thing will do it damp the mirth of the Luxurious Epicure and strike him into a fit of trembling as did Belshazzar's handwriting on the wall It may discover the distraction of living in pleasure and of care to please the senses and the fleshly appetite when the End is so near If may likewise check the folly of Ambitious Designs that men should make so much a doe to get into slippery places from whence they may so easily fall Where being puft up with vaine applause they forget themselvs and their latter end till their Life and Glory expire together Where are now the Great and Mighty and Honorable who have made such a noise in the world what is now the difference between the dust of an Alexander or Caesar and that of their meanest slaves or Captives Could their dignities and earthly Glory preserve any of them from the stroke of Death or the Judgment of God or without Repentance from his condemning Sentence Think o my Soul how little it will shortly signifie wither I have been known and honoured among men or no any farther then God may be glorified by it How should it suppress vaine Glory to think of being one day esteemed and worshipt reverenced and applauded by dying men and laid in the Grave the next Let me rather seek that Glory and Honour
slip have I not made it more my business to seem Religious then really to be so how much of the Patience of God have I abus'd refusing his calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the grace of God into wantonness In stead of returning gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am Asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebell and a Traitor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justice even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O Spare me for thy mercies sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justifi'd if Thou lay Judgment to the line and equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted againe Bring me to the Bloud of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowleg my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned o Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin. I am unworthy to lift up my hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy son or thy servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in thine For this I am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physitian of Souls from thy Pitty alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy mercifull hand doe not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devill and my Lusts and without thy Succor can never hope to get free O Lord for give my Sin and heal my Soul deliver and save me for thy mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy mercy thou hast mercyfully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhorr my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy H. Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon then we can be to Repent T is thy Delight and Glory agreable to thy nature and declared Name as a God gracious and mercifull slow to Anger and of great Kindness fergiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy thro the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowfull Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer erre from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will o God and write thy Law upon my heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evill of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which thro the power of Temptation and the deceitfullness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and robb'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider wither it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more then ordinary kindness of his Providence c. and impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your watchfullness the neglect of serious closet devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vaine Company venturing too far in lawfull or indifferent Things too much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuell incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinfull least by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return againe with seven worse then himself and so your latter end be worse then your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out againe when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhorr the Sin and resolve to quitt it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therfore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfullness and every morning implore divine succors against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amaleck will prevail againe assoon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strengh and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gaine by your loss stand the faster by your
me O most Blessed and Glorious TRINITY Father Son and H. Spirit Thy favor is my Life and thy Loving kindness is better then Life Thy Will should have been my Rule thy word my Law thy Glory my end to please thee my principal Business and to injoy thy Love and Presence my ultimate Felicity But I am one of thy revolted Creatures who have lost thine Image and rebell'd against thy Law slighted thy Authority and rejected thy Grace and deserve to be cast out of thy sight and banisht from thy Presence for ever Nevertheless O most mercifull God and Father upon thy gracious invitation and call I now return to thee my rightfull Lord acknowledging thee as my Allmighty Wise and Bountifull Creator my absolute Owner my Righteous Governour my End my Happiness and Chief Good. I now accept thine offer'd Mercy I now submit to the Scepter of thy Grace and give up my self to Thee as my King and my God to rule and sanctifie me now and be my Everlasting Portion I desire to be no longer my own but Thine to whom of right I belong and ought to be devoted I yeild my self to Thee O my Lord Accept and possess that which is thine own I lay my self at thy Foot at all Times and in all Conditions to be at thy dispose and in every thing to acquiesce in thy Good Pleasure Deliberately resolving with unfeigned and free consent of my Will to walk before Thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the days of my Life Hereby I consecrate and devote my self to be thy perpetual avowed Servant Lord I am thy servant I am thy servant the Son of thine Hand maid Tho other Lords have had dominion over me I will now make mention of thy Name and of thy Righteousness only by Jesus Christ O Blessed Jesus my All sufficient Saviour Thy dying Love infinite Condescention and matchless Grace hath at last overcome me and constrain'd me to resolve to be wholly Thine who hast redeem'd and bought me with thy most precious Bloud I now acknowledge and own Thee as my Lord and my Jesus my Prophet Priest and King my Sacrifice Surety and Ransom to satisfie for my sins and reconcile me unto God to instruct me in his will and teach me the Mysteries of his Kingdom and the way to the Father How often hast thou open'd thine arms and called me yea beseecht me to come unto thee and accept of Life but I refused to come I adore thy mercifull Condescention that yet thou wilt receive me on such easy Terms O thou Lord of life and glory now accept of an unworthy helpless Sinner who flies to Thee as his only Refuge and Hope who is convinc't that None but Christ None but Christ can make his Peace with God and save from wrath come I acknowledge thy Title to me and my obedience and to all I have by dying for me I desire to take thy yoke upon me for it is Easy and thy Burden which is Light. I desire to be intirely and for ever thine in an Everlasting Covenant never to be broken to take up the Crosse and follow thee whither so ever thou shalt lead me thro the straight Gate and the narrow way I will reserve no Lust refuse no Labor grudge at no suffering stick at no difficulty so I may please and honour thee and continue in thy Love. Os hed abroad more of thy Love in my Heart to make all Things easy for his sake who hath loved me and washed me from my Sins in his own Bloud O God the Holy Ghost I acknowledg Thee as my Great Teacher and Sanctifier and give up my self to Thee as the Author of all saving Knowledg and Holiness By Thee I have been convinc't of my Sin against the Law of God and the Gospel of Christ and of my necessity of his merit satisfaction and Righteousness to Justifie my guilty Soul by procuring the Forgiveness of Sin and my acceptance with God and of the freeness of his Love the Riches and all sufficiency of his Grace towards all who come unto God by Him. I adore Thee O most Blessed Spirit as proceeding and sent from the Father and the Son to renew all the Powers of my Soul and restore the divine Image there to enlighten my mind to know and receive the Truth as it is in Jesus and purifie my Heart and to sanctifie all the Members of my Body and make them Instruments of Righteousness unto Holiness which before were servants unto Sin and gradually to deliver me from the power the defilement and abode of Sin as from the Guilt and Punishment by the bloud of Jesus And as the Witness of God to the Truth of the H. Scriptures and as the Great Paraclete to comfort and establish the Hearts of Belivers sealing them up to the day of Redemption and giving them the Earnest of the Heavenly Inheritance O Blessed Spirit be thou my witness that tho I have violated the Law of God and defac't his Image and formerly undervalu'd the Love of Christ and the Grace of the Gospell yet by thine aid I now accept what I have so long neglected and thankfully devote my self hence forward to be the Lords in a Covenant Relation But fearing and distrusting my self I give up my self entirely to the conduct of thy Grace depending upon it for my establishment and perseverance O form my Heart into an obediential Frame that in every thing I may endeavor to answer the Ends and Obligations of this Devoted State. To this One God I have once againe dedicated and resign'd my self to serve and please and honour Thee in Thought Word and Act to the last moment of my Life in the Performance of all Duties even those whic I have been most averse from in the mortification of every Lust and the forsaking of every Sin even those which I was once most addicted to Resolving deliberately to allow my self in nothing great or little secret or open which I shall know or believe to be contrary to thy holy will making it my business to be fruitfull in good works to the praise of my Redeemer waiting in the use of all his apointed means for higher measures of Grace and Holiness to be more victorious over inward Lusts and outward temptations still pressing towards the mark for the prize of my high and holy Calling even eternal Life I call Heaven and Earth O Lord to witness this day that I own and avow this to be my Mind and the setled Prevailing Purpose of my Soul. This I againe ratifie and confirm with out any Clauses or Exceptions So help me O my God. Glory be to God the Father God the Son and God the H. Spirit XXIX Prastical and Consolatory Reflexions on the preceding Self-dedication or Covenant with God. I Have this day solemnly avouched the Lord to be my God Deut. 6. c. 17.18 to walk in his ways therby to fortifie my Resolutions that I and my House and All that I can
of this Substance which is it self but a Shadow His Life is but a vapor on which they all depend then how much less are they to how speedy an alteration are they subject what numberless Instances of this doth one years experience furnish what sadning Disapointments and unexpected Calamities have befallen many since this Day Twelve moneth and multitudes who are now at ease and think their mountaine too strong to be removed shall meet with sharper Trials before the end of this year Alas how few consider or believe it till they find it so All men should count upon trouble and Disapointment suffering and sorrow in this world and he that hath the least share is reckon'd the most Prosperous man and yet he knows not how soon his Portion may be doubled We reckon our Joys by the absence of some degrees of sorrow and Calamity that others meet with and before the end of this year our condition may be as disconsolate as theirs O my soul tho I know this to be true tho I cannot I dare not deny it yet how difficult is it to conquer the Love of this world and of this Body to that degree I ought to undervalue the intrest of a short a mutable uncertaine and troublesome Life in comparison of the permanent possession of an Everlasting Good tho I know that what is earthly and temporal must needs be thus changeable and fading and that it is as true of Man himself as of any thing under the sun yet how do I forget what Man is how do I live as if all this were as certainly fals as it is unquestionably true admire love fear trust in Man as if he were the direct-contrary to what he is and seek for immortality upon earth act as if I were assured of it were not liable to any change tho I acknowledgd and know the contrary Tho the last years experience and the observation of every day doth convince me of it tho all history and all the records of the Grave attest it tho all mankind in every Age have found it so tho it be a manifest notorious truth legible in the various changes and calamities but especially in the Dust and ashes of all who have lived before us our Graves being often made of our Predecessors Dust and the Earth we bury in having once been living yet how little is it believed how seldom considered The Confirmation of it which one year gives us hath little Influence on our Hearts of lives with respect to the next We ought therefore to accustom our selves to these thoughts before such changes Happen to which our Final change shall ere long succeed They will be less efficacious if never admitted till our minds are opprest and feebled by the weight of Affliction We shall then want that vigor of Reason which should cooperate with the remedy and which if used before hand would help to support and stay our minds under all subsequent revolutions For those Considerations may be able to fix and stay our minds under changes that may not be sufficient to recover and raise our spirits after they are dejected and fallen II. Of the change in mens Inclinations Opinions and Actions which one year shows How observable it is in Others how much more discernible in our selves Honor and Reputation c. how uncertainly preserved and how easily blasted WHat a discovery doth one year make of the mutability of Man not only of his outward Condition but of the Man himself his temper his Practise his Inclinations his Aversions c. He abideth not at one stay every breath of wind turns him to another shape We despise to day that which we admired yesterday and to morrow hate the object of our present Love. We begin friendships and cancell them on slight occasions and a mortal enmity often succeeds to a tender affection the very Persons who are in one year our darling Friends and possibly deserved to be so may yet be open Enemies the next and seek our Ruine Lord what is man How deceitfull and mutable the Heart of man we know not what other men are or will prove to be till a trial and we are equally Ignorant concerning our selves till an hour of temptation How patiently do we think we could bear Afflictions till we feel them how Partial and mistaken a Judgment do we make of our wisdom and strengh in reference to the future we counsel others to submission and resignation in the most difficult trials and wonder they complaine so loud when we our selves despond and sink under half their Burden and send up our more impatient murmurs to Heaven when God thinks fit to prove us by a lighter Stroke We censure and condemn others who are in an higher Station and are called to more difficult work then we when by a little Advancement and the like Temptations we discover that we are as bad as they They who were reputed Humble Temperate and Religious when they have been exalted higher become Proud sensual and ungodly Had some been told a twelve moneth since what now they are and speak and act they would have made Hazael's answer Am I a Dog that I should do this A change in the publick affaires of the State and by that means of particular Intrests or some alteration of our own more private Circumstances calling us to new Duties and exposing us to new Temptations discovers us more to our selvs and to other men then was expected and proves us to be very different from what we appeared to be Such a change for Instance as from Poverty to Riches from Sickness to Health from obscurity to Honor from Privacy to a Publick charge c. or on the contrary May we not fear that some who a year since dared not live a day in the neglect of Closet and family Devotion do now omit it for many Days and weeks together And that some who once were careful to improve the whole Sabbath to religious purposes now place the whole of their Religion in attending the publick worship and think it enough not for that Day only but for the whole week Under the afflicting hand of God or some apprehensions of an proaching change or sens of Guilt upon Great Transgressions the convictions of sin are lively Conscience is sensible and awake affections warm Resolutions strong c. but alas how soon doth the case alter our Spirits cool our zeal abates our good Purposes untwist and dye and come to nothing By degrees we return to Folly and boldly venture on that sin we lately trembled at Thro the want of continued smart afflictions or of a serious awakening Ministry and friendly faithfull admonition or thro the Temptations of vaine Company and the remaining power of fleshly Lusts So that we falsifie our most sacred Promises and Resolutions violate our holy vows cancell the bonds of God upon us suffer the Devil to reenter and prevail again to take possession of our hearts and
find every year that the Day dies into night the summer into winter and herbs and plants lose their beauty and verdure and shed their blossoms may I not hence learn to consider and prepare for my own approaching Change In prosperity health and ease and life to expect and make provision for trouble sickness paine and Death as every wise man in summer would do for winter and work with all my might while it is called to day while the Light continues because the night of darkness is at hand when none can work VIII Of Evills to be Expected in this Year the wisdom and mercy of God in concealing from us the knowledg of Future Events NOt only few and uncertaine but Evill likewise are the days of the years of my Life may every one say with the Patriarch Jacob. A sufficient portion of evil for every year may well be expected when our Lord tells us there is a certaine measure alloted for every day Sufficient to the day is the evil of it Not only is our Life short but troublesome full of vexatious mixtures We can not sing a Requiem to our souls when one Great Calamity is past for we know not in this Region of Changes but another a greater may be at hand one messenger of ill news may succeed and out doe another as it was with Job We come weeping into the world in a most helpless forloen state and if we escape the dangers of Infancy and the casualties of childhood and after that out live the snares follies of youth we are tost upon the Pikes of Time and Chance and sadden and disquiet our selvs with a thousand griefs and sorrows by inevitable and unexpected occasions tho we increas the number of needless Cares and Fears and discontents till at length a sudden stroke arrests us we fetch a groan and dye Who can give a Catalogue of the Afflictions and Calamities Perplexities and Disapointments incumbrances crosses and Evill accidents of Humane Life by means whereof millions are disconsolate and sad mourn and complaine weep and sigh and from day to day are fed with the Bread of Affliction and the water of Adversity Not to mention mens fluctuating restless thoughts of Heart importunate desires bafled projects defeated Purposes which suppose or bring vexation A good share of these is not to be auoided and yet very few can be particularly fore seen who could prognosticate a year agoe the Evills which have happened since publick and private personal and relative to the Countries Citties Families and persons we are concerned for and who can certainly foretell the Events of this insueing year God hath intermixt Good and Evill in the Life of Man he hath set Prosperity against Adversity saith Solomon to the end that man should find nothing after him 7. Eccles 14. that he may not know what shall come next wither a Prosperous or a Calamitous Event What a change may be made in a year by the meer Casualty of humane Events by the Treachery of friends or the malice of Enemies or the more immediate hand of God We know not what shall be on the morrow much less what a twelve moneth may produce Because what ever may be disposed to happen from natural causes or Civil counsels may be altered by a perticular decree of Providence Prepare me Lord and every of those in whose Felicity I more especially take part for all the Calamities and Sorrows thine Infinite Wisdom shall think fit to exercize us with this following year and by thy mercifull Providence and gracious Conduct cause them to work for Good Furnishing us with suitable strength and wisdom to acquiesce in thy good pleasure and obey they Will. I thank thee O Heavenly Father that thou hast reserved the knowledg of future Times and Seasons to thy self and hid Events from men Least by considering them certaine we should presume in case they are Good or should despairingly afflict our selves by foreseeing the Evill we know to be inevitable Did we certainly foreknow the Good that would befall us we should not Trust in thee to bring it to pass or heartily implore thy Care and conduct Did we forsee the Evills we shall suffer before they overtake us we should be overwhelmed with diffidence and Despair Many a Mother who rejoiceth at the Birth of a son would mourn to foresee what a man what a Son he will prove Such an increas of knowledg would increas our sorrow such a Prescience would transport and discompose us by unseasonable Joys and Sorrows born out of Time make us Remiss in our Duty to thee and weaken our Dependance on thine unerring Wisdom Truth and Power IX The Supposition of dying this Year should be improved the consequence of redeeming time and providing for Eternity farther prest The Folly of Elder persons is condemned and checkt from the Example of Children 'T is adviseable to familiarize the thoughts of Death and to imagine before hand what apprehensions of things we shall then have THe longest Life is but a day multiplied and who can certifie or assure me which will be my last He only who was God as well as man could say Mine Hour is not yet come Is all my Life given me to resolue this Question Whither I shall be in Heaven or Hell for ever And have I any time to lose and squander away as superfluous have I any more then needs 'T is no impossible or unreasonable supposition to make that I may dye this year Let me admit that thought and imagine my self on a bed of sickness wearied with paine and ready to leave this world the Physitians gone despairing of my recovery my friends about me weeping and all things in a doleful melancholy posture suited to such a state feeling within my self the presages of Death expecting the final stroke in an hour or two more What is then the value of sensual Pleasures can I then relish or savor them what then is Honour to me who shall never goe abroad more to receive it till carried to my grave will it then comfort me to have lived in Reputation and Applause if my Heart was not humble under it and the Honour of God promoted by it can Riches and a great estate support me when I am just packing up for a removal to the other world in that hour will it be any satisfaction to have made a stir and noise for a few years upon Earth to be talkt of for a while longer then other men are thes the things my dying thoughts will be most concerned to reflect on Thes dignities pleasures and possessions offerd to a dying man would rather opraid then tempt him they come too late as a Princes pardon to a man whose head is off Dye I must and appear before my Judge to answer for all that I have received and done in the body Fool that I was shall I then too justly say to my self not to have considered this much sooner not to have provided for
and the Prophets Christ and his Apostles neither should we believe tho one came from the Dead XX. The Eternal Blessedness of HEAVEN considered as the Perfection of Holiness to quicken our desires and endeavors after greater Meetness to possess it DOth one year after another hasten me to the end of Time and doth the Blessedness of Eternity depend on the Communications I now receive from God on the preparations I now make and the meetness I can now attaine for Eternal Felicity in the presence of my God and Saviour O with what Intenseness of mind should I now prosecute that glorious object with what unwearied diligence should I run the race that is set before me Least I fall short of the Incorruptible Crown of Life how should every thing be undervalued and rejected that would divert retard or hinder me from pursuing this end Lord be not a stranger to my soul in this distant Wilderness state Let me see more of thy light be transform'd more into thine Image experience more of thy Love feel more of thy vital Presence and quickening Spirit let the divine life in my soul be more powerfull and the characters of thy Likeness be more legibly stampt upon it by the dayly exercise of Faith and Hope and holy Affections carry me thro this World till my Pilgrim state be over and thou hast brought me to perfect Everlasting Holiness And let the believing fore-thoughts of it fill all the powers of my soul with Joy and wonder Desire and Love Give me Lord to think aright of the Heavenly Glory as a confirmed State of positive perfect holiness of heavenly Light Love Liberty and Joy with the satisfying vision of God in the face of Christ and his impressed Likeness dwelling forever in the direct and steady view of his transforming Glory with compleat conformity of the soul to Eternal Goodness Truth and Love as its perfection esteeming nothing desiring nothing but that God and Christ may be glorified with an intire subjection to his will adherence to him Rest and Confidence in him swallowed up in the love admiration and praise of God and our Lord Jesus living in joyfull repeated Acts of Subjection Adoration and acknowledg'd Dependance ravisht to behold the Glory of God in the Face of Christ see his blessed Image perfect in every one of the Saints c. When all the present Blindness of our minds the errors of our Judgment the Perversness of our Will the disorder and rebellion of our Passions the remaining Aversation from God and disaffection to him which in this world we complaine of shall all be done away The Flesh shall no more lust against the Spirit or the Law in our Members against the Law of our Minds but an Everlasting Tranquillity and holy Peace take place a Peace which passeth all understanding without any outward Molestation or inward cause of disquiet Our corrupted Nature shall no more cast forth mire and dirt as now we shall have no more vaine or wicked Thoughts no more sinfull Fears or foolish Hopes unbecoming Heats unruly Desires sensual Inclinations Earthly Affections feeble slothfull Spiritless Duties dead and heartless Prayers cold Thanks givings c. but as we shall then know God without Error and see our Lord Jesus face to face so we shall love him without reserve more then now we can think and serve him without dullness and distraction and praise him without weariness the spiritual actings of our souls shall have no allay of drosse And thus shall we be with him and admire and injoy him without end Thus when Death is swallowed up in victory and what was imperfect is done away and what was corruptible and mortal hath put on Immortality God in Christ shall be All in All And when it is truly and perfectly so Then it is Heaven A Word tho commonly used as little understood as Holiness which is one of the greatest Mysteries in the World. But will hereafter be fully and delightfully understood by the Blessed Saints as the Malignity and intrinsick Evill of Sin shall be by the Damned Spirits Oh that I might now feel more of this Heavenly Life begun and carried on in my soul by a farther participation of his holy Image and conformity to his will by more vital effects of his indwelling Spirit in my soul forming it to be a Temple to himself for his own delightfull residence that forgetting that which I have received I may still be Covetous and desirous of more forgetting what I have attain'd I may press on with an holy Eagerness and Fervency towards the mark When I seriously examine my own heart had I nothing els to prove the weakness of my Grace the sinfull remainders of unbelief but the low desires and few confortable Thoughts the seldom joyfull prospect of this Blessed State how sad an Evidence were it that I breath with no more Impatience after that Blessed holy Rest in the injoyment of God and Christ and labor no more in preparing for it when all the Desires of our Souls shall be fix't on Him and filled with him as our Infinite and supreme Good and all the Expectations of Faith and Hope swallowed up in endless admiration gratitude and Joy being fully satisfied and at Rest in the Presence and vision of God without the least Inclination or Desire of change And by consequence There will be no need of Novelty as now to give a relish to our Happiness All Happiness in this world is by comparing a man's present Condition with his past or with that of some Inferiors But the Intrinsick Good Felicity and Joy of Heaven will need no such foile to set it off no such comparison to make it prized The Blessed Spirits will never lose the lively sense of that low and miserable Condition from which they were raised to so great a Glory and so will ever equally rejoyce in the Happiness of their Translation and wonderfull change And what was at first delightfull will for ever be so and not be disdain'd or lessen'd by a continuance as it happens in this world from the Emptiness shallowness and vanity of the Creature An Affectation of variety and desire of change proceeding allways from a sense of want But Holy Souls shall never be weary of seeing loving and injoying God his blessed presence will afford us undecaying and endless satisfaction Pleasures never to be interrupted or abated and never to ceas The blessed object is absolutely Infinite and so will be allways new to a finite understanding and continual fresh Communications from his infinite fullness must needs make our subjective Happiness to be allways new Eternally So. Let me by such Thoughts quicken and excite my diligent endeavors after a greater meetness to injoy so Great a Bliss And to that end consider whither any of those happy souls who have finisht their course and obtained the Prize do now regret their utmost diligence patience and perseverance during their short abode here to secure
the Blessedness of an Endless Life No no they are far from repenting the Time they spent the trouble they were at the care they used the difficulties they met with the sufferings they indured to conflict with the world and the flesh to resist temptation to watch over their Hearts and words and ways to work out their Salvation to please God and be faithfull to him c. They find to their unspeakable comfort and Everlasting Joy that Heaven makes amends for all they could do or suffer in order to their coming thither Yea they find that they were not diligent and humble and patient and circumspect enough That they did not love God and seek his glory redeem their Time and improve all their Talents and opportunities of doing and receiving good and give up themselves intirely to prepare for Heaven to that degree they should have done They find by the transcendency of the Blessed Recompence that it deserved infinitely more then the most active zealous Christian upon earth did ever do in order to it Lord quicken my Resolutions and Endeavors by such thoughts as these inspire my sluggish carnal Heart with holy Light and Life and Zeal and fervor that looking to the things which are not seen which are Eternal I may lay up a good Foundation 1 Tim. 6. c. 19. against the Time to come and so lay hold of Eternal Life But alas how much have I neglected the great Duty of Holy meditation how little skill and experience have I in it how tastless and insipid oftentimes are my Thoughts of God! how confused and unsteady how little Pleasure or advantage have I by contemplaing his Highest Excellencies Yet methinks could I but retaine the same awakened lively thoughts of Heaven and Eternal Life which sometimes I have had might I continually feel the sweet and sacred Influence as for a little season I have sometimes felt it how little how very a Nothing would all this world be to me how comparatively weak its strongest and most alluring snares to draw me off from God! with what an unshaken mind could I refuse and resist'em with what an unconcerned indifference could I look upon all its most charming Glory Could I maintaine such a frame of Spirit as I have sometimes had for a little while in the serious contemplation of divine mysteries in fervent Prayer and other solemn duties of Religion when the acts of Faith were strong and lively my heart set on fire with love to God and holy breathings after him admiring his matchless Grace to fallen Sinners and to my Soul in partilar when he brought me to the very suburbs of Heaven tho alas how seldom by the delightfull Thought of what the Blessed Spirits above injoy in being where Christ is and beholding his Glory when I was ready to say within my self 'T is good to be Here this is no other then the gate of Heaven Oh when shall Mortality be swallowed up of Life But when I thought at any time to fix and settle in such sweet Contemplations how quickly did my lazy backward Heart flye off how soon did the flame decay and dye away how soon did I find my self fallen down to Earth againe sunk down from the bosome of my Lord presently forgot my self and Heaven to dwell among the Pots and imbrace a dunghill 'T was not on my own wings o Lord that I soared so high but I hope by the breathings of that H. Spirit of Light and Love who bloweth when and where and how long he listeth Who gave me at any time any such first fruits of the Spirit who convinc't me of the Certainty of the Heavenly Inheritance by a lively believing foresight of it who made me earnestly desire the wings of a Dove to be gone and appear before God in Sion made me pant and groan to be delivered and to be with God and Christ with inexpressible desire and joy unconceivably mixt together with sighs and Groans O my God! let not this experience be only such a Taste of the Powers of the world to come as is consistent with final Apostacy only the seeming zeal of the stony ground the rapturous Joy of an hypocrite from the power of Imagination and an heated Fancy from the workings of meer natural self love upon mistaken apprehensions of God and a fals Opinion of Heaven but by the holy effects let me be assured of the cause and Principle that it was of God! Teach me from the sweetness of a Spiritual Communion with God now in any of his apointed Ordinances to argue to my self what that most ravishing satisfaction will be that the Enjoyment of God in Heaven will afford the soul Our Holiness is now imperfect to what it shall be and therefore our Consolation Peace and Joy is but in part and incomparably less then we are assured it will be when we shall be admitted to behold the Glory of the Lord. 'T is now at most but as the Break of Day to the lustre of the. Meridian Sun. But if in this low imperfect State we can sometimes obtaine so near a view of his Glory and feel such sweet communications of his Grace how much more of this consolation and Joy is reserved to Heaven If in this Pilgrim state the gifts and graces and comforts of the H. Spirit are so refreshing O what hath God prepared beyond the Grave for those who love him If now he sometimes shed abroad his love in our Hearts after such a manner how much better shall I love him and feel the influence and evidence of his Love to me when I shall be with him and see him face to face If the apprehensions of this future Blessedness do now encourage raise and animate my drooping soul O what shall I know and see and how shall I rejoyce when the vail is removed If a Sacramental Communion with God and J. Christ be sometimes so sweet and so affecting what will the Blessed Communion with God and all his Saints above amount to when I shall sit down with all the Children of God in the Presence of the Bridegroom at the last Great Supper of the Lamb in Glory If the earnest of our Inheritance be so reviving what will be the ful Possession of it If the Hopes of that glorious day by holy meditation be so transporting what will be the end of our Faith and Hope If a Grape or two in the Wilderness be such a cordiall what will be the whole vintage in the Land of Promise Shall I after all this forget my own Experience and run from God and Heaven to imbrace or seek a perishing Toy Shall I hide my self with Saul among the stuff and lumber of this world when God is calling me to a Glorious Crown Art thou o my Soul a Kings Son an Heir of Heaven an expectant of such Great Felicity and yet stoop so low Hope for Heaven and yet grasp this Earth and hugg the vaine Appearances of Earthly Good Hope to be like
art able to be and do and give In whom or what shall I Rejoyce but in Thee o Lord shall I solace my self in transitory Goods that slip between my fingers and perish in the using or relish carnal Joys which pollute and debase the soul when I may and ought to rejoyce in Thee at all Times as the only Source of perfect Everlasting Joy. Let me then stirr up my drooping desponding unbelieving Heart to rejoyce in God who takes pleasure in the chearfull service and obedience of his children who delighteth in those who delight in him Vid. Mr. Howe of Delighting in God. Is not Delighting in God a most essential vital part of Religion should it not be my constant Frame hath not God sufficiently provided that it may be so Can I say and believe that God is the Portion of my Soul that he is my God and I hope to live with him for ever and not rejoyce or can I consider the grace of the New Covenant the matchless Love of Christ and the precious promises of the Gospel and not see reason to rejoyce yea doth my soul love God and endeavor to please him And is not the very act and exercise of holy Love mixt with unspeakable sweetness Whom is there in Heaven or in Earth or Hell that I ought to Fear but Thee who hast a negative voice in all the designs men and Devils an hook in their nostrils a bridle in their mouths to make them fullfill thy pleasure and in every thing accomplish thy Soveraign Decree Is there any Other in whom I may repose my Trust but in Thee o Lord the Rock of Ages the might of thy Power the unsearchableness of thy wisdom the Righteousness of thy Nature the stability of thy Truth the riches of thy Grace and the immutability of thy promise are a sure foundation for my soul to trust to and rely upon Thy word stands firm for ever and the Truth of thine ability and readiness to help in every Time of need endures the same thro out all Generations At all times and in all places my soul may trust in thee and find relief And they who know thy name will do so for in the Lord Jehovah is Everlasting Kindness and Strength To answer all my doubts to supply all my wants to fill all my desires May not God take it unkindly that I trust him no more And is it not a criminal unkindness that I give him not the glory of all these Excellent Attributes which are the grounds of Trust by a constant steady intire dependance on him for all that I need I have none in Heaven but Thee o Lord as the object of my Invocation and Worship Let other Christians have recourse to new Mediators and call upon other Gods I will-make mention of thy name and of thy Righteousness only And ask of thee whatsoever I need for the sake of thy Christ my only adorable Mediator Him thou hearest allway with him thou art allways well pleased I honour the holy Angells as glorious Attendants about thy throne and bless thee for them as Ministring Spirits for the good of thy Servants but I dare not invoke or worship 'em because they are Fellow Servants On the same account I honour the memory of Departed Saints but neither invoke them or pay them religious worship That Glory thou will not give unto another I have no precept in H. Scripture to direct no promise to encourage no Example to authorize the invocation of any other but Thee in whom I believe and Trust 10. Rom. 14. Having such a God in Heaven what can I need on Earth His eyes behold me his wing is over me his hand can supply me his Grace provide for me I can want nothing that is Good unless I should need somewhat which God the infinitely Blessed and Allsufficient God cannot bestow If thou art the Portion of my Soul all mine Enemies cannot make me miserable unless they can void Heaven of the presence of God hinder his care bind up his hand or obstruct his Love. But tho my Enemies cannot I fear my Sins may They alone can separate between God and my Soul. And considering the multitude and aggravations of them and thine unspotted Holiness and Justice I should have too much reason to fear and tremble yea and utterly despair if I had none in Heaven but Thee But thy word assures me that I have a Mediator there a faithfull and a compassionate High Priest Jesus Christ the Righteous whom thou hast exalted to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins Who lives for ever in Heaven to make Intercession till he hath brought me there to behold his Glory and pertake of it That Glory o Lord thou hast reserved for Heaven in this world we only desire believe and hope to injoy it Whom have I in Heaven that is the place of Fruition What can I desire upon Earth This world is the place of Desires as the other of full Injoyment most of that which men call Injoyment in this Life consists but in desire Desire or Lust is all that is in the wicked world 1 John. 2. c. 13. the Riches of a Covetous worldling makes him desire more and the great mystery of Intemperance is to create and increase desires Desires of another kind are the portion of good men in this world O that I could breath after a state of perfect Fruition in Heaven with more importunate desires Who will give me to be in Heaven with Thee On Earth I desire nothing So one version Let me o my Soul think of Heaven as such a place or state of blessed Injoyment speak of it seek it long for it prepare for it as such And let J. Christ who is the desire of all Nations thro whom all divine communications are made to fallen Sinners be the great object of my present desires and love Let me desire nothing but as in him and for him that believing his word obeing his Law adoring his person imitating his Example trusting his promise constrained by his love pertaking of his Image filled with his grace and comforted by his Spirit my meditations of him may be sweeter and my love stronger and I may have nothing more left to desire for my self but that God who hath raised and exalted him would keep alive my faith and hope and holy desires till he hath made me meet to be with him and after having guided me by his Grace and Spirit and councells here on Earth would receive me to his most blessed and Glorious Presence in Heaven Amen Amen XXII The Glorious Appearance of Christ to Judgment considered as Certaine the Terror and Astonishment Confusion and Despair of the Wicked to behold their Judge and hear his condemning Sentence to EVERLASTING Destruction WHen our Blessed Saviour shall appear to judge the world I read that it shall be in his own Glory the Glory of his Father and of the Holy Angels If
Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin againe by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Luke 23. c. 30 17. â—â— 2. Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier then a Millstone then the weight of a Mountaine Who have tasted how evill and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye then commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cryed out under the sence of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows surrounding them wherever they went from the weight of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is another Thing then most imagine it When their aggravated Sins shall besett them behind and before be placed in order before their eyes and set in array against them 'T is allways a work of Difficulty as well as Importance to crucifie corrupt affections to tear a beloved Lust from the Heart with self-indignation to abhorr and cast away what before you lou'd and delighted in How did David's sin stare him in the Face it is continually with me it is ever before me saith He. It haunted him like a Spectre or like Belshazar's handwriting on the wall it still appear'd before him in some horrid shape How ever Sin may smile in its first address and bespeak us in flattering language and promise Pleasure and Profit and great Advantages and Satisfaction These are but fair Appearances This is but the outside of the Cup and the colour of the Liquor it will prove Gall and Wormwood and a mixture of deadly Poison if ever God set it home upon the Conscience and awaken us to a true sence of it And the Continuance of dayly Repentance for Sin Which all Christians are called to is no such easy matter neither Constant self-abasement and Humiliation before God from a sence of his Majesty and Holiness and of our many Sins and pollution therby the imperfection of our best duties continually to be bewailed inordinate affections to be still mortified always resisting and opposing Sin in its Root and branches conflicting against the whole Intrest of the Flesh the world and the Devil seeking after more Holiness to be deriv'd unto us by the Grace of Christ to be wrought in us by his Spirit and maintain'd by his power and making dayly applications to the Fountaine of all Grace for spiritual strength to continue our warfare against Sin in all Instances of outward duty and inward Actings of Grace even as long as we live all this is included in it Due Apprehensions concerning Repentance would teach us to beware of Sin. XXVII The necessity of Christian Resolution to Vpright Persevering Obedience how Full and extensive it ought to be and yet Humble By what means we may be assisted to perform that which we Resolve HAving acknowledg'd my Transgressions unto God and beg'd forgiveness and experimentally learnt the Evil of Sin by the bitterness of Repentance I resolve for the future to watch against it more narowly and against every thing that leads to it endeavoring to please and honour my God and Saviour by an upright obedient Heart and Life And for the Remission of my former contracted Guilt I trust to J. Christ according to the Revelation made in the Gospell of what he is hath done and suffer'd and continues to do in Heaven for the salvation of Repenting Sinners who desire to come unto God by Him. But how often o my Soul have I mockt God and deceiv'd my self with formal and faint Purposes of amendment my good Resolutions have been all of them as the morning cloud and the Early dew which quickly passed away One fresh assault of Temptation hath swept away all my good Purposes as a spiders web I have falsified so many and broke my word so often that I dare not trust to any thing I now resolve or rely on any promise I should farther make Succor me therfore o Lord by thy Powerfull Grace that what was defective in my former fruitless Resolutions may be now rectified Let me be more Humble in the sense of my weakness more dependant on thy Grace and more heartily seek it from time to time Strengthen me with Strength in my Soul with might and power in my inward man that I may so resolve and purpose as to perform that I may not be one day hot and the next cold zealous in the Beginning but faint and lukewarm in the Progress fervent and serious only in Resolving but weak and impotent in the Execution Having chang ' my Master my End and my Hopes by returning unto God from whom I had gone astray I firmly resolve thro the assistance of his Grace to change my course of Life That old things being done away all things may become new that being made free from Sin by pardoning Mercy Rom. 6. c. 22. and become the servant of Christ I may have my fruit unto Holiness that my End may be Eternal Life In the interim wither I live or dye let it be unto the Lord resolving both in Life and Death to be absolutely His. And to that purpose O my Soul let me seek for continual supplies of Grace from Christ my Head to inable me to yeild ready obedience in the most difficult hazardous painfull and humbling duties In vaine do I resolue it without the assistance of his mighty Power to strengthen my Heart and hands when ever I am called to such a Trial of my sincerity Without it I shall never recover my Liberty or break a sunder those bonds and cords wherwith I have formerly been held Captive as the Servant of Sin and Satan such is the weakness and treachery of of my own Heart the influence of ill Examples and the subtlety and cunning of the Tempter that otherwise I shall quickly change my mind and return to Folly as the Dog to his vomit The Spirit is so weak and the Flesh so frail the snares of the World so many the power of remaining Corruption so strong and of my self I am so unsetled and wavering fickle and unsteady and prone to Backsliding that all my strongest Purposes will not be sufficient without dayly
persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to violate the Faith I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable all was abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult duties greater Watchfullness and self denial c. I would hope hereby to ingage the presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affaires on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual State to put the matter out of doubt by againe accepting the offered mercy and Grace of the Gospell and heartily consenting to the new Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But because Articles are sooner consented to then made Good tho I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavor to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I againe implore the succor of divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reverst I have given up my name to be Thine O put thy Fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable 〈◊〉 so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraâ—â—est not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptatien but deliver me from Evill Stand by and strengthen me in the Hour of Trial least I forget my vows and deny Thee O that my Soul may never draw back least Thine have no Pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine house as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Priviliedge and Honour I am convin'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Well-fare and All depends upon it that thou shouldst be my God for ever O conduct me by thy H. Spirit of Grace that I may walk and Act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithfull keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a Good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shamefull Falls thou mayst make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed least I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there o my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to goe back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior living in Ease and Honour and outward Prosperity for a little while the saving my Body from suffering or my Life from violence or what ever els be the Motive of my ufaithfullness to God and Apostacy from Him Is Any is All of these any way considerable compared with the Blessedness of having God to be my God. For therby I have the forgiveness of all my Sins and the Assurance of his Favor the certainty of present Protection and Provision all Creatures reconciled to me and to be imployed for my Good as the Friend of God All things to work together for my Advantage and by the evidence of my Adoption a well grounded hope of Eternal Life God as my Sun and Shield will give Grace and Glory and with hold no Good Thing So unspeakably Comprehensive are the Priviliedges of so near a Relation to God in Christ O happy are the People who are in such a case Blessed are the Persons whose God is the Lord. Doe I resolve to abide by my Choice and to trust in Christ for persevering Grace and shall I not ought I not to take Comfort in it Shall I not give God the Glory of his infinite Goodness by adhering to him and rejoycing in him notwithstanding all Temptations to the Contrary Casting all my care upon him and quieting my self in the All-sufficiency of my Heavenly Father having a God in Covenant who will supply all my wants and take care of me as his Own. Shall I not give him the glory of his Truth and Power by trusting him in every Condition by confidence in his Promise Dependance on his Word Faithfullness to his Interest and Constancy in his Service to the end Is it not a most encouraging Thought that God doth never Abandon any who do not first forsake him And after such strict Engagements as I have laid upon my self shall I ever strike the fatal stroke with my own Hand shall I be off and on say and unsay promise and retract and after I have proceeded thus far shall I forsake the Fountaine of Living Waters and turn againe to broken Cisterns After I have examin'd my self considerd my ways confest my Sins and upon serious Deliberation am come to a Resolve and in pursuance of it have devoted my self with such solemnity to be the Lords shall I ever after this forsake Him my own Mercies and lightly esteem the Rock of my Salvation Now I have learn'd in some mensure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discoverd so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan wherby I have formerly been betraid now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerfull influence and Infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdoms Paths the Peace and satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of divine Grace and
who loveth Righteousness will clear my Integrity if it may best subserve his own Great and holy ends at least he will stand by and help me when all forsake me and if he speak Peace and give inward Consolation who can speak Trouble and his final Judgment which is near at hand will distribute rewards and punishments to all according to their works Suppose farther that I should want a sepulcher after Death There is nothing I could better be without If God receive my Soul and will raise my Body at the last day wither it putrifie and consume under ground or above it is no great matter They who are alive will be more concern'd in that then I shall be Graves are for the sake of the Living rather then the Dead The Sun the Raine the Air Birds Beasts Worms will all contribute to give me Burial if men deny it The only difference is that it will be a little longer ere I am buried If my soul rest in the Bosome of my Saviour and by persevering in the love and practise of the Truth I have secured my Reputation with wise and Good men I need not be sollicituos what become of my Body My Almighty Judge will raise me a glorious Body like his own and reunite it to my soul As easily as certainly as for any of those whose Bodies were preserved in Caves and Vaults in Proud Sepulchers and under stately Monuments I may dye this year and shall not then have the satisfaction to see my Children or nearest Kindred educated provided for setled and disposed of But is not the Everliving God the same cannot he as well take care of them when I am gone as now answer all my prayers after my deceas and exercise that Fatherly care wisdom and love which shall dispose of their conditions save them from Temptations and supply all their wants and exceed all my desires in reference to them and fullfill his Covenant promise from generation to generation to the Childrens of them that fear him O how weak is my Faith that cannot trust God in so common and plaine a case Lastly I may dye this year and not live to see the Ruine of the Antichristian Kingdom and Interest and the accomplishment of many Excellent Promises which concern the Rest and Peace and Purity and Glory of the Churches of Christ on earth in the latter days But have I not deserved by my provoking unbelief Ingratitude and Disobedience to dye in the Wilderness and not behold the promised land or see the Peace of Jerusalem and will not the strugglings of Satan to support Babilon infer a dismal night of darkness and distress before the expected morning of deliverance so that it may now if ever be truly said Henceforth Blessed are the Dead who dye in the Lord. And if God will take me to himself in the other world I cannot possibly be a looser tho I should not see the Beginnings of a New Heaven and a New Earth in this However I rejoice in Hope and pray incessantly for the Resurrection of the Witnesses and the rebuilding of Sion and the more plentifull Effusion of see the H. Spirit the great comprehensive promise of the Latter Times to effect a glorious Kingdom for Christ on earth and my Faith assures me I shall hereafter the Son of God revealed from Heaven clothed with Majesty sitting on a cloud leading the Heavenly Host raising the Dead by his powerfull voice summoning all the World to appear to Judgment gathering his Elect and finally destroying death and him that had the power of it the Devil condemning the wicked to Everlasting Destruction but acquitting honouring and rewarding his poor members with infinite and Eternal Blisse XV. Of Dying in a Forreign Country and of Dying Young. Considerations proper to Reconcile the mind to both I May not live to the end of this year God in his Providence having called me abroad I may never see my Native Country more Let me still remember o my Soul that wherever I am I am travelling towards the Grave and passing to another world that I may live in all Places as a Pilgrim and Stranger here on Earth with Affections suited to my condition becoming one who is travelling in a Strange Land. Let me bear the Inconveniencies I may meet with in this world as Strangers in their Travells are wont to doe Let me not repine at the ill accommodations of an Inne where I am to lodge but a night or two but encourage my self with the assurance of better Entertainment at home when my Pilgrimage is ended and my Journey over One of my dearest holy Friends Mr. Thomas Bent who dyed at Geneva May 10. 1683. and Fellow Travellers whose memory will be ever precious with those who knew him quickly arrived to his Journeys end and is entred into Rest betimes Which of his Companions shall next follow we know not or how soon Lord make me apprehend the nearness of my change in every place and if I am prepared for dying no matter where it be There is no one Country farther from the Presence of God then another The whole world may be considered as one Great House and the several Kingdoms and Countries of it but as different Apartments in the same house and they who tarry at home are no more exempt from Death then they who Travell abroad The Presence of my Gracious Father is every where the same in some measure Blessed be my God I have hitherto found it so And may I not rejoyce in God in a desart in a Wilderness tho all the World should forsake me tho all the world should be against me Should I have no other Friend or Helper is not God an infinite God Enough and without his favor and Presence what can all this world do for me If I am sick and in danger of Death among my Relations and Friends if the comforts of the Allmighty do not refresh and delight my soul they cannot and if I want not these in my last agonies no matter in what part or corner of the Earth I breath my last If the word and promise of God be my Foundation an holy Hope my anchor Christ my Pilot and Heaven my Country I shall not fail of being landed there at last Suffer me not to forsake thee o Heavenly Father while I live and do not thou forsake me in my last Hour and let it come when and where thou wilt If my Blessed Saviour will receive my departing soul at death I am not sollicitous in what Country or part of the Earth it be And that I may not be unwilling in the flower of my Age and Time in Youth and Strength to leave this world let me think often that no one age or part of Life is more privileged against the stroke of Death then another If I have done my work betimes as my deceased Fellow Traveller had is it not better to receive the Blessed Recompence then to tarry longer