before the Elders made his Confession as followeth UNto this day I do understand but little of the English Language the Word of God came not first unto my heart by the English Language I did not know what state I was in at my first birth and my sin by birth I knew not When I was young I knew not what I was as now I do know for now I know that I am a sinful man Since I prayed to God I know more of my self but afore I cared not for such things nor what they said If I heard any thing I took no heed to it if any asked me whether I knew God I did not regard it yea I hated the knowledg of God nor did I regard any word of God but other kinde of praying which we used I did love to pray to the Devil this I loved But afterward I began to think it may be they say true that speak of God it may be it is true that God is in heaven and should any teach me in my language I might know God but if I should pray it may be it is in vain to pray in my language could I speak English I might learn to pray And I see the English love us and therefore it is like that is true which they say of God and I desire to live for ever where they do When I first heard the Word it said God is good a little I believed it but I did more doubt Mr Iackson asked me if I did pray to God I asked him whether God understood our language if I prayed to him Hee said yea all things God doth know and all languages Then my heart said It may be I may attain to pray But my heart was hard and therefore I could not pray afterwards it may be I may Sometime I thought if we did not pray the English might kill us but if I prayed I thought I did not pray right When I saw and considered that all men in the world dyed I knew not how I might come to live for ever how my soul might live and therefore I desired I might pray to God aright because they that so pray are all one as if they dyed not but live for ever I wish't I could pray aright but could not tell how to do it I did in my heart love wandering about and our wilde courses alwaies and when I did pray it was but out-side praying for in my heart I understood not right praying to God I understood not how to pray and I regarded not my weariness of that which was good many things hindred my heart I was ashamed because my heart was full of evil Sometimes I thought of my sins but it was but a little and I was soon weary of any good I did not think God was not mercifull but I saw my heart was naught and very little did I know the evils of my heart No humility was in my heart and to this day my heart is evil and hard is my heart When you taught us the Word of God my heart did not believe but went contrary to the Word of God I saw my mourning for sin was not good I do confess my heart did not submit to God only I hoped I might might learn the Word of God which you taught us My heart did afore love praying to the Devil but I do not finde that I so love praying to God therefore I did pray Lord break my heart that I may pray to God aright My heart was weary of praying quickly and therefore my heart said Surely my heart is nought and I am like a dead man and therefore I prayed Lord help me now to pray aright to God Now I knew that God knoweth all the thoughts of my heart and my many sins and contrary doings and how little I know of God Surely I am a great sinner and this I do throughly know that great are my sins and that my heart is contrary to praying to God and my heart desired wilde courses and I see that my heart loveth not praying to God Yet now my heart began to desire to pray and to love those things which are according to right praying but I knew not what to do Then I asked what I should do then I heard this answer I should desire Christ to break my heart by his spirit none else in the world could do it no man could work faith in me but the Word which I heard doth it I could not my self repent of sin or be ashamed but this I know that the Word of God saith Those that believe in Christ shall not perish but have eternal life Then my heart said Oh Lord let it be so to me and let not my heart say contrary Again I heard If any be foolish let him ask wisedom of God who giveth freely Then my heart said I am foolish Oh Lord teach me Then I feared that my heart in vain seeketh and then I desired humility and that I might not pray in vain and that I might not pray only outwardly But my heart had contrary and misbelieving thoughts dayly and my heart did not dayly desire after God and but a little could I remember of God Sometime my heart desired not to be like to such as prayed aright unto God therefore I desired the Image of God upon me and that I might be like to them wch prayed to God aright alwaies I thought that what God said in his Word was right I heard this word The Foxes have holes and the Birds have nests but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head Then my heart said Truth Lord the riches of this world are of no value and therefore I desire not this worlds goods but only heavenly blessings and grace I desire the way to the Heavenly Kingdom And always my heart saith touching my poverty and misery I give myself and my soul to God and to Christ because that is right Again I learn in the Catechize Q. What hath Christ done for us A. He dyed for us hee was buried he rose again for us and by his resurrection hee raiseth our souls unto grace and also at the last day And my heart said Oh let it be so in me Again it is said What else hath Christ done for us A. He ascended to heaven to raise our hearts first to heaven and then to carry us to heaven also to be with him for ever My heart saith Oh God I am not able to save my self I cannot save my own soul this is only thy work Oh God and my heart believeth it and with God is mercy and goodness but in this world is nothing but weariness and I know my weakness therefore I am ashamed and Oh let God put grace into my heart and my heart saith Oh let me not say in vain that I believe Oh Lord help that I may truly believe not by my works but by thy Word Oh God Again it is said in Catechism Why is
my heart did desire Christ and to pray as long as I live and my heart was stirred up thereunto by Luke 18. Christ spake a parable that we should pray and not be weary because the Widdow tyred the unjust Judge and made him help her how much more shall God the righteous Judge hear and help his children that cry night and day therefore I desired to pray unto God as long as I lived Then my heart said What shall I do for I am weak and I fear I shall perish then I heard that word Ioh. 3. God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Eternal Life And again it is said that God loved his Son and gave all things into his hand I am weak and though I pray yet I am weak therefore I desired to be in Christs hand as in a Fort in a Fort we are safe from exercise they cannot easily catch us out of a Fort we are open to them So I desire Church-Estate the Seals of Baptisme and the Lords Supper and all Church-Ordinances as a Fort unto my Soul I heard that Word of Christ Mat. 16. Thou art Peter and on this Rock I will build my Church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it Oh I desire to be there kept Again I heard Mat. 3. God is able of these stones to raise â—p seed to Abraham therefore raise up me O Lord And again Christ came to Iohn to be baptized Iohn refused but Christ said Suffer it to be so It is necessary to fulfill all unrighteousness therefore so I desire to do all that is right and I desire to be baptized Again I confess I fear I shall sin again and defile my self after I am washed and baptized even as the dog returneth to his vomit therefore I cry O God help me for thy free mercies sake Again I heard that in Mat. 18. where two or three are met together in my Name Christ is in the midst of them Therefore I desiâ—â— to have the Ordinances of Christ to be with Christ but my heart saith if I be bound by Ordinances then I shall be imprisoned but yet I desire to be there in prâ—â—on with Christ if my heart say I shall be as dead but yet I desire to be so with Christ Again I heard in Iohn Christ saith Who ever cometh to me I cast him not away but he shall have life But Ioh. 5. Christ doth say Ye will not come unto me that you might have life Therefore my heart did greatly fear and pray Oh that I might come to Christ and Christ is the everlasting Son of God therefore my Soul desireth to be with him And this I confess that though I believe in Christ yet I am still weak and therefore I desire to be made strong by the Seals but I fear I am unworthy because of that word Mat. 7. Cast not Pearls before Swine nor holy things to dogs yet my heart saith O Lord remember me and yet let me a dog come under thy Table to get a crum and I cry to God because of all my weakness I confess I cannot deliver or help or save my self only Christ Jesus can do it and let Free-grace pardon me and save me O God have mercy on me Again Mat. 18. Whatever ye bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatever ye loose on earth is loosed in heaven therefore I desire to be loosed both in earth and in heaven and to be sealed with Gods Seal When I had read this Confession of his I said because the Lord hath said that in the mouth of two or three Witnesses every Truth shall be established therefore I desired that the rest of the Interpreters might attest unto this which I had read FIrst Mr. Peirson said so far as I discern I doubt not of the truth of what Mr. Eliot hath delivered and for that which he hath now uttered though some things the Indian hath added more then he spake in private and some things left out and some things otherwise placed yet for the substance of his present Confession it is the same with that which he delivered in private where we did carefully try all things that we might be sure that we understood him right Then Bro. Fouldyer was desired to speak who saith That he did not expect to have understood so much of his speech and so plainly as he did and his Interpreter did perfectly understand all and to his best understanding that which Mr. Eliot had delivered was the very same which he spake I said unto the Assembly In that he spake so plain to his understanding it is because I had advised him and so all the rest to express themselves in the most plain and familiar words and expressions they could for my more easie and perfect understanding Again for that my Bro. Peirson observed that they left out something and added other and varied in sundry expressions It is true I observed the same and it may well be so for they have not any writing or like helps only their memory and the help of Gods Spirit to read in their own hearts what they utter Then the two Sons of Thom. Stanton were called to testifie the Schollar spoke first and said that he did understand perfectly all that the Indian said and he did not observe any difference in what Mr. Eliot had delivered but it was the same which the Indian spake The other spake and said he did not perfectly understand all that the Indian said but so far as he did understand Mr. Eliot had delivered the truth My Son was called to speak who said I did for the most part well understand the Indian and to my best understanding my Father hath given a true interpretation thereof Antony He was next called who thus spake I Confess my sins before the Lord and all these people and godly men for ye throughly know that we are great sinners not only before God but before man also I confess that in my Mothers Womb I was conceived in sin and that I was born in iniquity my Father and Mother were sinners and lived in fin they prayed to many Gods the Sun Heavens Beasts Trees and every thing in the world they made them their Gods and throughly we followed these sins When I was born I was in the Image of Satan I knew not that God made all this world I was only wise to sin and I did all those things which I liked to do even all lusts from my youth up and now I confess my sins before God and all men for God and men do know them I did all my delights When I was a youth the English came but I regarded them not Afterward I heard that the Indians prayed but my heart-said I will not pray so long as I live for they be vain words to pray unto God my Parents taught me to pray unto many Gods Sometime I came to
English Towns on the Sabbath day and I played for I did not regard that sin I thought it vain to keep one day yet I feared that the English should see me play least they should be angry but not because I offended God Afterwards I heard that my Brothers prayed and therefore I disliked them and I thought I will forsake my Brothers because they do a vain work and I did run away into the Country but they soon found me and asked me to pray and they pitied me and loved me and therefore I returned not because I loved God but because I loved my brothers My brother said Go dwell with the English and learn their manners I yeilded because I loved my brother I dwelt here at Roxbury and came to this meeting house but in vain I prayed not one word and my heart did misbelieve I heard the Minister preach that there is one God and he made the World and all things in it but my heart thought it was a vain word I thought my Father made me and not God Again I returned from this Town but yet I did not pray I heard the Commandements Thou shalt not murder Thou shalt not commit adultery Thou shalt not steal Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour Thou shalt not covet c. and other sins and punishments I heard of and I feared to sin because of man and because of punishment but not for fear of God therefore vain were all my wayes When I came back to Noonantam I did the same sins again especially I loved lust yea after my praying and being among them I loved it more then before When the Minister came and taught I went to the meeting but in vain I learned nothing but I still loved all our sins and lusts Afterward hearing the Catechism Who made you God Who redeemed you Jesus Christ c. my heart misbelieved and said I will not believe I will go away into the Country Again I heard that God made all the world and then a little I believed and thought I will pray to God but weak it was Again I heard Mat. 7. Ask and ye shall have seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened to you Then I prayed a little and then I thought there was a God who made the whole world I thought man could not make the world but only God and therefore I did pray unto him Afterward my Brothers were sick and others also I remembred that word Ask and ye shall have then I prayed to try if that word was true but they dyed then I thought that was a vain word and that God heareth not our prayers and that God is not therefore I thought I will cast off praying and run away I did not believe in God my heart said I shall die whether I pray or not pray all is one Then I heard that praying was the way to Everlasting Life but yet I regarded not praying I thought of running away and yet I thought whether I go or stay I shall die and therefore I was troubled but I did not pray Afterward I was at work and my head was broken in the Saw-pit and then I knew God was angry with me because I prayed not and then I did much know my sins I thought surely God is angry I remembred that I had heard that Word preached Watch for ye know not the hour that the Son of Man cometh this I remembred when my head was broken I heard that God made all the world and Adam and set Adam in Paradise and bid him eat of all the Trees saving of the Tree in the midst of the Garden if he eat thereof he should die but Adam did eat thereof and died then my heart believed surely God is and he made the world and man and me I heard Gen. 1. God said Let us make man in our own Image and let him have dominion over all the creatures Then my heart believed sure God is good to man and man is a sinner against God and therefore God is angry with me for my sins I heard that God formed man of the dust of the earth and breathed into him the breath of Life and then my heart said surely God made the world and man and me and all things and my heart believed And now I know God is angry with me now I will pray to God as long as I live and no more return to sin but I will do Gods Word all my daies Again I heard that God made Adam sleep and took out of him a rib made it a woman and brought her to man then I thought sure God made us and the world and these great works shew that there is a God Again I heard that God called her the Mother of all living and by that means we have life and then I believed that God made us and therefore I will pray to God as long as I live and no more cast it off Again I heard Gen. 6. that God saw the sin of man that it was great and that all the thoughts and imaginations of his heart are only evil continually and therefore God was angry and repented that he had made man and therefore drowned the world and every living creature he caused it to rain fourty dayes on the earth then my heart said sure there is a God and he will perform all his threatnings he is God and therefore he will do it Again I heard that God found Noah righteous and he found favour in his sight he believed in God and did obey his Word and God saved him Then my heart desired to believe that God is and to pray unto him Again I heard Gen. 19. that the Angels of God came to Lot in Sodom and delivered just Lot but did burn up with the wicked Sodomites with fire from heaven who had cast off praying to God and did commit great sins against God therefore I saw that I had deserved to be burnt because I had done their sins And when God sent his Angels and did deliver just Lot and then the rest were burnt then I saw in my heart sure God is merciful to them that love him and therefore my heart said I will no more return to sin but I will follow God but yet sometimes I doubted but I believed the mercy of God according to that I heard Mat. 1. she called his Name Jesus for he saveth his people from their sins Then my heart thought surely it is true that Christ is the Son of God and was made man and is merciful but yet I still did doubt whether Christ was the Son of God Again I heard Mat. 3. Repent for the Kingdome of Heaven is at hand And again The voice of one crying in the Wilderness prepare ye the way of the Lord and make his paths straight My heart said I desire to repent and to make ready my heart for God that I may have mercy and pardon in Christ Jesus Again the word
with them only I still feared man after I heard the same word again to perswade us to pray to God and I did so but not for Gods sake only it was before man I remembred the Sabbath and I heard Mr Mathews also preach of it and therefore I thought I would keep the Sabbath but still I feared man Upon a Sabbath they wished me to teach what I remembred that the Minister had taught I did so and we had talk about what I said and we fell out Thereupon I went away and left praying to God I went into the Countrey but I remembred my wife and children and quickly returned but not for Gods sake Again the Minister preached on 1 Chron. 28. 9. And thou Solomon my son know the God of thy Fathers and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind for the Lord searcheth all hearts and understandeth all the imagination of the thoughts if thou seek him he will be found of thee but if thou forsake him he will cast thee off for ever This greatly troubled me because I had left praying to God and I had deserved eternall wrath Then I desired to pray I begged mercy but I knew not what to do for my sins were many my heart was full of originall sin and my heart was often full of anger but then I was angry at my self for I found my heart quickly carried after sin Afterward through the free mercy of God I heard that word He that penitently believeth in Christ shall be pardoned and saved then my heart did beg earnestly for pardon and mercy I heard Ioh. 15. Whatever ye ask the Father in my name he will give it you therefore my heart did now greatly beg for mercy in Christ and pardon Afterward I heard Mat. 5. 28. Who ever looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery in his heart Then my heart was troubled because many were my sins in my eies and heart and actions too My heart did love the having of two wives and other lusts of that kind Then Satan said to me You are a great sinner and God will not pardon you therefore cast off praying and run away it is a vain thing for you to pray Here you want land but in the Countrey there is land enough and riches abundance therefore pray no more My heart did almost like it but I heard that word Mat 4. Satan tempted Christ and shewed him the Kingdoms of the world and the glory thereof and promised to give them to him if he would worship him Then my heart said that even thus Satan tempteth me to cast off praying to God and therefore my heart desired to believe that word of Christ Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God and him only shalt thou serve Then I prayed again but still I was full of sin and very weak I was and I loved sin Again I heard Ioh. 14. I am the Way the Truth and the Life no man cometh unto the Father but by me Then I fully saw that Christ only is our Redeemer and Saviour and I desire to believe in Christ and my heart said that nothing that I can do can save me only Christ therefore I beg for Christ and a part in him Then said my heart I give my heart and my self to Christ and my wife and children let him do with us what he will Then my mother and two children died and my heart said What Christ will do so be it I have given them to him and I begged pardon and mercy if God will please to pardon me a poor sinner blessed be his name When I had read this Confession in the Assembly we called upon the witnesses as before we did whose answer was like as before it was John Speen Hee was next called forth and thus spake I Confess my sins this day before the Lord and not only before God but before all these people Before I prayed verily I was a great sinner yea in my mothers womb I was a sinner my sins are such as not only God knows but people also know them Before our praying I did thorowly sin and did commit all sins and now I confess these my sins before God After I prayed I did alos live in sin At first when I prayed I did not worship God nor believe in Christ but I did therefore pray because my brothers and friends and Waban and the rest did pray for their sakes I prayed And again I therefore prayed because many English knew me that I might please them and because I saw the English took much ground and I thought if I prayed the English would not take away my ground for these causes I prayed When I prayed it was but with my mouth yet I thought I do well enough in that I pray thus and I thought that for it God will pardon all my sins and I thought that my praying was good enough But yet again I sinned and did the like sins as before only I did outwardly pray but I mourned not for my sins I thought if we pray and leave Pauwauing who shall make us well when we are sick But again I thought man could not make us well because he must die himself and therefore Pauwauing is a vain thing and they die though they Pauwau But still my heart did not believe praying to God then I heard that word Repent and believe and if we repent and believe God will pardon all our sins Then sometimes I repented yet again quickly I committed sin and sometimes I thought I am throughly a sinner I heard that God made the world and all things in it and lastly man and that God formed him of the dust of the earth and breathed into him the breath of life and he became a living soul and that God made a Covenant with Adam that he should eat of all the Trees of the Garden save one in the midst of the Garden and if he eat of that Tree he should die Then I understood that Adam sinned fell and thereby I uneerstood that I became a sinner born in sin my heart full of sin and God will not pardon sinners and yet again I sinned and therefore I feared that God will not pardon me because more and more I sinned and thus I sinned after praying as well as before praying When they chose Rulers and chose my brother and not me my heart was in an evil frame and then I thought sure I am a great sinner and yet still I was more and more a sinner After my brothers loved me still and then I repented of my sins but not for Gods sake but for my brothers sake then I desired to pray as long as I live My brother died which troubled me the people said Be you in your brothers place then my heart thought I will no more do as I had done but sure I was weak my praying was but words I was a great sinner After this a while since I heard that
to understand more I began to doubt but I desired not Conversion from sin Afterward when the English taught me I would sit still because they would give me good victuals then I sometimes thought certainly God is in heaven then my thoughts said It may be I have sinned Again I thought if I prayed God could not understand mee then I found it hard to believe and love God because I was almost an old man because I thought if any could read the book he would love God I asked Mr Iackson Whether God knew our language Hee answered Yea God knoweth all languages in the world and therefore now pray unto God then I first thought I will pray unto God a little I thought of praying sometimes I would a little pray when I eat about that time you came to teach us then I remembred the Word Glad tidings was sent us from Heaven then my heart said Now I will pray because the Minister is come to my house now I heard the Word of God Then you called the Children to Catechism and one question is Who redeemed you then you taught that Christ died for our sinnes Then my heart thought that Christ is a very great life-giving God Then I feared not Pauwaus nor loved them and the Minister taught that we must take heed of all these sins Then my heart said I will leave off my sins and again my heart said I will pray to God as long as I live Further you taught that Christ died for sin was buryed rose again ascended then my heart hoped and desired Oh that it might be so that I might have eternall life by Christ because Christ is a great life-giving God But then I found that I did not understand right words and therefore I walked not in the right way when the Word of God said Six daies shalt thou labour then I was strong yet I did not labour and I was soon weary of praying to God and therefore I saw I found not the right way unto righteousness therefore now I verily see that I am a sinner and did not believe my heart feared because of my great sins and my heart feareth that I do not yet much know the Word of God Sometime my heart saith I believe I am a believer but my heart wandereth away and the deceits of my heart I sometime know and my poverty I know but my heart careth not for that I reject riches but my heart saith strongly I will pray to God so long as I live I do not throughly know the vanity of my mind I have heard the Word but believed it not I remember that Word of Christ the Pharisees said Why doth you Master eat with Publicans and sinners Christ said Those that are not sick need not the Physitian but they that are sick My heart said sure I do not need the Physitian but my desire is now that I may need him and spirituall life by him Again I heard that Word of Christ A leper came to Christ and worshiped him saying Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane and Christ touched him and he was perfectly healed Then my heart said that outward healing which he had my soul desireth that I may have it in my soul for Christ healeth the outward diseases of the body but especially the inward filth of the soul this I desire may be healed Again I heard that Word go learn what that meaneth I desire mercy and not sacrifice I came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance Then my heart said my own righteousness cannot obtain mercy for me then my heart said Oh I fear that Christ the truest righteousness is not in my heart I am almost ready to die and now I desire to know Christ WHen Mr Peirson had done reading these two last Confessions Mr Wilson spake to this purpose though they have all spoken well of Jesus Christ in their Confessions and especially the last viz Monotunkaniâ— yet he desired further to heare how they were instructed in the knowledge of Christ This question touching Christ I called Piumbathou to answer and his answer was to satisfaction and then many other Catecheticall questions were propounded which would be too long to rehearse as touching Grace Ordinances Sacraments Baptisme and the Lords Supper about Repentance and Faith all which they readily answered so as that there was no reply Nishâ—hkoâ— answered the question what Faith is Mr Allin asked him whether he had that Faith in his heart which he now spake off to which after a pause he answered to this purpose that he feared himself about it and if he spake he must say no! but he hoped in the Lords mercy that he would work it in him and help him to believe Then Mr Danforth said I ask you Nishohkou this question and answer me in English whether the same lusts which you have so much confessed do not follow you still and what you do to resist them I said that a question to the like purpose was asked him when he made Confession in private to which he answered in broken English if the Assembly pleased I would read that but he was desired to answer now and his answer was to this purpose that the Word of God is all one like a sword and he did with that resist his temptations He was asked further if he did diligently watch against his sins he answered he did not well know what a diligent watch is but he hoped that Jesus Christ would keep him Then Mr Danforth called Anthony and asked him whether he believed that it was the duty of men to labour six daies in the week After a pause he answered he believed it was Gods command but he confessed he did not obey it so much as he ought to do and saith Mr Danforth that I would have asked you next whether you obey it for you ought to do so and follow labour and cloath your selfe and family better and you ought to give towards the maintenance of Gods Ordinances After this I remember no more questions Then I declared to the Congregation that they having heard their Confessions if they thought meet they might hear what testimonies we have to produce touching their Conversation but it went not forward and so we ceased the work and Reverend Mr Wilson concluded with prayer After the publick meeting the messengers of the Churches met together and considered what answer to give to our Church and the vote among them all was that as touching their Confessions which was the work of the day they were satisfactory and they appeared in that respect to be fit matter for Church estate The End THese are to testify to all men whom it may concern That two of five Indian youths viz. Cales and Ioel that are instructed and educated in the Grammer School at Cambridge were publiquely examined at the Commencement in Cambridge mon. 6. 9. 59. concerning their progress in the learning of the Latine Tongue out of Buchanans Translation of Davids Psalmes and they gave good satisfaction unto our selves and also to the Honorable Magistrates and Reverend Elders that were present and others that were judicious as we have had opportunity to inquire off and we conceive that the other three Indian Youths that are trained up in the same School have made some competent proficiency for the short time that they have been with us In witness whereof we have subscribed our hands Camb. Sept. 6. 1659. Charles Chauncy Praesident of Haward Colledge in Cambridge Elijah Corlet Londinensis olim jam Ludimagister Cantabrigiensis Note here that God hath so blessed this youth that hee is one of our School-masters and an hopefull young man
you shall have pardon and be saved and therefore sometime I believe and sometimes I doubt again Afterward I had temptation to drinking and to vain courses nigh half a year yet when Sabbath came my heart would turn to God when the Soldiers came upon us on the Sabbath while wee were at meeting and made us bring our guns hither then my heart said Sure God hath not said Keep the Sabbath day holy and then my heart cast off God yet it was only in my heart When wee came to the Magistrates and Cutshamoquin asked Why they came on the Sabbath day my heart was troubled and I did believe when wee went from the Magistrates I was thirsty and I drank a great deal and I was drunk and was carried before the Magistrates and then I was ashamed Then I came to the Ministers house and I was greatly ashamed and my heart said Sure I have now cast off praying to God but I repented and cryed to God Oh God pardon all my sins and this my sin for my sins are great I had other temptations to drinking and I found my heart weak and doubting but my heart was troubled and I was ready to stumble like a little weak childe After this I heard that word of God Mat. 12. Do yee not remember what David did on the Sabbath day and was blamelesse Then I thought the Souldiers did not sin but then I saw that I was a great sinner and that I had broken the Sabbath Again I heard that word Mat. 3. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewen down and cast into the fire and this troubled mee because I had evil fruits Again Mat. 6. Christ saith Be ye not like hypocrites which seem to pray before men I thought this was my case I did only pray before men but I doubted of Christ and his Grace Again Mat. 5. Who ever breaks the least of Gods Commandements and teach men so to do shall be least in the Kingdom of heaven Then I was troubled because I had been an active sinner in lust and other sins and I was worse then a beast in my sins Then I cryed to God Oh Christ pardon all my great sins Oh Christ have mercy on mee Oh God remember mee to pardon all my sins Thus I cryed and desired pardon but I was weak in believing But then about two years after I was greatly troubled about my weakness I desired to do well but I was weak Then I cryed to God Oh God help mee by thy spirit in mee and send thy spirit into my heart Sometimes I read and taught on the Sabbath day but weakly Then I heard Mat. 23. Christ bid the people do what the Scribes and Pharisees said but not do as they do I said Lord that is my case I teach better then I do and therefore I desired repentance for my sin and to forsake my sin Then Mat. 7. Christ saith Thou hypocrite first cast the beam out of thy own eye and then thou mayst see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brothers eye My heart said Truly it is so I teach others but I do not well my self I reprove sin and yet I do it Then was my heart weary and I desired again to do well and amend but I found my self very weak Sometime my heart hated praying to God and meeting on the Sabbath dayes and therefore I see I deserve hell torments and then I cryed Oh Christ pardon all these my sins Then afterward my heart desired strongly to pray unto God but I saw I deserved misery and punishment and I was weak Then I desired my heart might be made strong by Church-covenant Baptism and the Lords Supper which might be as a Fort to keep me from enemies as a Fort keepeth us from our outward enemies Yet my heart was sometime backward and said No matter do it not but still do what thy heart would have thee And I saw Satan did thus follow mee with these temptations to misbelief and doubting But now I see Satan tempteth mee because hee desireth I should be ever tormented with him Then I learned that in Iohn 6. I am the true bread and hee that eateth mee shall live for ever and hee that drinketh my blood shall have life but hee that doth not eat my flesh and drink my blood shall not have life Then my heart saith Truth Lord that is my case Again I learnt Iohn 3. Hee that believeth shall not perish but have eternal life And my heart said Yea Lord let it be so Again Mat. 16. Christ saith Thou art Peter a Rock and on this Rock I will build my Church and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it Therefore my heart said I desire this because Christ dwells in the Church and is in the midst of them where two or three are met together in my name Oh! I do therefore desire Church Ordinances that I might be with Christ and that I might have the Seals Mat. 3. Christ sayes Let it be for it is necessary that I should fulfill all righteousness My heart said Oh that I might also so do O Lord now my heart desireth and thirsteth Oh God have mercy on mee and pity my weakness that I may have pardon in Christ and strength from Christ in all his Ordinances and that I might leave all my sins and Oh God pardon all my sins for thy mercies sake I know not what to do I am so weak Oh God help and have mercy on mee And the same I desire of you before whom I am in this house help mee for Mat. 16. whom yee binde on earth are bound in heaven and whom yee loose on earth are loosed in heaven and my desire is that Christ would pardon all my sins and that I may be helped Elder Heath propounded this Question which hee answered in broken English Question Whether doth Satan still tempt you with former lusts and temptations and what do you when you are tempted Answer to the first part Yes alwaies to this day To the second part When Devil comes I sometime too much believe him but sometime I remember to do Gods Word because Gods Word is all one a sword and breaks the Devils temptations Deacon Park propounded this Question What is it in sin why hee hateth it now more then before Answ. his answer in broken English I did love sin but now not all one so because I hear Gods Word and that shewes mee that which I loved is evil and will bring mee to hell therefore I love it not now Deacon Park urged Doth hee hate sin because it is against God Answ. That chiefly Anthony FIrst I make confession in the presence of God and of all these Elders and this I confesse that I am not able to speak before the Lord yet I do it according as God requireth I should Assuredly I am a sinner but now I hope Christ hath taught mee his Word Oh let him my Lord help mee to
did not rightly pray though I came on the Sabbath day Then about the time that my Son who was at School was born the Minister taught on 1 Chron. 28. 9. Thou Solomon my son know the God of thy fathers c. if thou seek him hee will be found of thee if thou forsake him hee will cast thee off for ever Then I feared for I said This already I have done I have cast off God and therefore he will cast off me for every such one God will cast off I know not what to do It repented me for my sin I feared Gods wrath and damnation Then I prayed and call'd upon God yet only sometimes I repented and after I found my heart full of sin again But then I was angry at my self and knew not what to do alwayes I did fear God hath cast me off for all my many sins which I have done Hereby I was troubled and angry at my self Then I heard that word Who ever repent and believe shall be saved I l'e pardon them Then my heart cryed Oh Christ let it be so that my sins may be pardoned and that I may pray alwaies Then I begged Lord give me repentance and faith and I did pray to God much Then I did beg that I might give up my self wife and children to God as long as we live and then I prayed Then I heard that word Mat. 5. Hee that looks on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery in his heart I then remembred my sins that though I had promised to pray yet I had thus sinned and my heart was now troubled about this My heart said Cast off praying because you are filthy in lust your heart and eyes still commit adultery therefore run away from these that pray to God and go to Qunniticot or some other place and if you be in other places you may do what you will and my heart almost inclined to this sin But after that this merciful word of God I heard That Satan led Christ into the wilderness to tempt him and so I thought hee would do me Then I desired God to be merciful to me then I turned to God and cryed but knew not what to do for I feared God had cast me off and I shall perish for ever God has cast me off and I have deserved hell fire Then I heard that word Joh. 14. 6. None come to the Father but by me I did pray Oh Christ let it be so that by thee I may come to God and I pray Christ Jesus pardon all my sins this mercy I beg Then I repented my casting off praying to God then I promised I would not return again to sin and if Christ help me I and children shall serve God Then that Spring my mother and two children dyed and I was troubled and knew not what to do my heart said Lay by prayer but that I did not but I saw Christ came to give eternal life and therefore what Christ will do for me so let it be Therefore I believe only in Christ for eternal life and what Christ will do with my soul so let it be and my soul desireth that I may receive the Seals to make strong my heart Piumbuhhou ASsuredly I have nothing that I should confesse as I ought for my heart is full of foolishness and darkness stopt up is my heart and deaf are my ears I know not by what way I can get life I was born in sin into this world and therefore I am in folly and I know my heart is full of foolishness and ignorance I am a great sinner ever since I saw light in this world my foolishness appeareth in every thing I do in this life I know not what God hath given me but now I hear of the mercy of God who hath made the world and all things in it by this great work of his I know there is a God and because my heart checketh mee for sin and I fear the punishment of God And the Word of God now sheweth me that there is a God therefore my heart sayes I desire to pray to God and because God is angry with me for all my sins I know nothing by my self but that which is evil I heard that word Mat. 5. Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven Then my heart said So be it Oh Lord to me and I love thee as long as I live Then said my heart I am a poor man and desire to pray to God Again God said Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled Then when I heard that word my heart rejoyced and yet again I doubted and my heart misbelieved and feared Then that word came that Christ saith Be ye mercifull as your heavenly father is merciful And again Hee maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust When I heard it my heart rejoyced to hear of the mercy of God yet I doubted and my heart was hard again Now I confess before God because God is a great God and a mercifull God and I pray to him I heard of Gods great mercy to give us his only Son to dye for us therefore I loved God and I begged Oh God pardon all my sins and I give up my self to Jesus Christ Monotunkquanit BEfore I prayed to God I lived at Nipmuk I did not know that there was a God only I lived for nothing for no end or purpose but I alwaies did wilde actions I kept no Sabbath nor Lecture nor any work of Prayer nor did I remember my works I now know that all my words and works are naught my eyes and ears are stopped and mad works I dayly did After I went to Dorchester Indians the praying Indians and they that were my friends did say it was good to pray to God and said Tomorrow is our Lecture and the Minister cometh to teach us then my heart desired to see the Minister and hear what he said next day he came and taught the Indians I went and desired to see when I came my son Sam. came with mee the Minister call'd my son and set him afore and asked him Who made him and he was taught to answer God Then he commended my son and asked whose son he was they said Mine The Minister gave him two apples then the Minister said to me Do you pray to God you see your childe saith God made him and therefore it is your duty to pray to God Then I considered what he said I could not sleep that night I considered whether I should pray to God my heart did much doubt that night Shall I pray my heart said No yet I doubted Then Waban came to my house to Nipmuk and perswaded me to pray to God I said I know not how to pray Hee said God will teach you God is a great God and made all the world I
as other youths did at all these things because thereby did original sin grow in me and hard it was to root it out and hard to believe After this I heard still and more I understood I heard Gen. 16. that the people were full of sin lust and all other sin and therefore the Lord destroyed them and I knew that I had the same sins and therefore I was afraid but I feared only this bodily life and not for my Soul After this my heart did a little desire to pray to God because God found Noah righteous and did save him therefore I desired to pray but again I laid it by and I said it is vain to pray for if I pray and should commit sin I shall be punished or imprisoned but if I pray not I may commit what sin I will and have no punishment for it About a year after I heard the Minister teach another word that the Death of Christ is precious and our death is nothing worth therefore God promiseth pardon of all sins for Christ his sake he bid us remember this against next time When he came again he asked me and I did remember it and do to this day but I confess I did not believe only I did remember it and answered when I was asked And then again I desired to pray to God and would not go away but it was because I loved our place and dwelling I prayed but I believed not I considered not Eternal Life but only this worldly life And thus I went on till they chose Rulers at Natik they chose me and I refused because I believed not After that my Wife and Child died and I was sick to death but lived again and being well I thought I could not pray I was a Child and therefore could not I put off praying to God my Relations died and why should I pray but then I considered why does God thus punish me yea the Minister spake to me about it and said it may be it was because I refused to do Gods work as Moses when he first refused God was patient but when he persisted in his refusal God was angry and then my heart saw my sin and then my heart almost believed I desired to do right and to keep the Sabbath for I further heard in the 4th Commandment Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy and Psa. 101. I will walk wisely in a perfect way Also in Isay 58. If thou turn away thy foot from the Sabbath and do not thy own works nor find thy own pleasure nor speak thy own words therefore my Soul desired to keep the Sabbath then the Souldiers came upon us on the Sabbath day while we were at meeting and took away our Guns and caused us to bring them as far as Roxbury that night my heart was broken off my heart said God is not the Sabbath is not it is not the Lords Day for were it so the Souldiers would not have then come then my heart cast off praying then we came before the Magistrates and Cutshamoquin asked Why they came on the Sabbath-day It was answered that it was lawful but I did not understand it That day I being very thirsty did drink too much and was brought before the Magistrates and was ashamed I came to Roxbury to the Minister and there I was ashamed also because I had greatly sinned then I cried to God for Free-mercy because precious is the Death of Christ oh pardon this my sin Yet again I had temptations to drinking and then I considered what a great sinner I was even like a beast before God Then I heard that word Mat. 5. He that breaketh the beast of Gods Commands and teacheth others so to do shall be the least in the Kingdome of Heaven My heart said Lord such an one have I been for I have been an active sinner yet I cried again for mercy O Lord freely pardon my great sins Again I confess I am very weak even like a very child and I so walk and know not what to do if I die I fear I shall die in my sin yet I cried again O God pardon me for Christ his sake Again further I confess that when I was troubled about our wants poverty and nakedness I considered that text Foxes have holes and Birds have nests but the Son of man hath not whereon to lay his head And again Mat. 6. The Birds plough not and the flowers spin not and yet God doth both feed and cloath them and therefore be not over-much troubled about these things yet I desire to follow labour with my hands because Gen 1. God gave Adam dominion over the creatures and commanded him to Till the ground And Gen. 2. He set him in the Garden and commanded him to dress it and keep it Also Gen. 3. he said Thou shalt eat thy bread in the sweat of thy face all thy dayes till thou returnest to thy dust When I remember these things my heart doth bow to labour also I heard that riches were the root of all evil and Dives with his fine apparel and dainty fare was in hell and poor Lazarus was in heaven When my heart is troubled about our Land â—nd about riches I quiet my heart with these meditations Also I further heard when my heart was troubled about Salvation and doubted I heard that there is no means of Salvation but Christ not any thing in the world can carry us to heaven only Christ which I did believe by Gen. 28. where Iacob dreamed a dream and he saw a Ladder which stood on earth and the top reached up to heaven and that Ladder is Christ who is Man and so toucheth the earth and God and so is in heaven and by believing in him we ascend to heaven as by a ladder This helped me almost to believe and I cried Oh Christ be thou my Ladder to heaven Again Ioh. 14. Christ saith None cometh to the Father but by me therefore I believe nothing can carry me to God but only Christ if I penitently believe in him Again I confess I do still find my self very weak to resist sin for if I read and teach on the Sabbath I teach indeed but I do not as I ought and therefore that Word of Christ doth rebuke me Mat. 23. Hear and do what they say but do not as they do When I do among others reprove sinners that Word of Christ reproveth me Thou hypocrite first cast the beam out of thine own eye and then thou mayest see clearly so cast the moat out of thy brothers eye Again when I pray I find hypocrisie in my heart to do it to be seen of men and that Word of Christ reproveth me Mat. 6. They pray to be sâ—en of men verily they have their reward and then I cryed mightily to God O Lord help me pardon me what shall I do Again I heard Mat. 9. The Son of Man hath power to pardon sin on earth and therefore me O Lord then