this thou findest thou hast more Desires after Grace that is more Grace Art thou not only thankful for a little Grace but art reaching after more Dost thou grow more weary of thy Sin and more earnest after Christ I hope in the Lord it is thus with me that I am more weary of Sin and desire more Grace Now Growth is a Sign of Life Again Put this Question to thy self Do I hunger and thirst after Christ This is an Evidence of Spiritual Life Dead Men do not hunger and thirst after Christ Now I hope in the Lord I do hunger and thirst after Christ and nothing but himself will content me Again Ask thy Soul Do I love God and Christ or do I not These Marks he gives of Love to Christ Lord I love thee for I am grieved at thy Absence and am rejoiced at thy Presence Lord I love thee for I love those that are like Thee O my Lord I love thee for I love the Place and Duties where thou art wont to meet thy People and warm their Hearts but if thou art not there I cannot take up contentedly with them Lord I humbly say I love thee for I dare not deny but I am grieved when thou art dishonoured by my self or others tho' I grieve for this less than I should because I love thee less than I ought Lord I love thee for I desire to have an Heart that should be willing to part with all for thee things sinful in themselves at all times and things lawful when thou callest me to it Once more I humbly say I love thee for I would have an Heart to love and long and look for thy Coming and Appearance in Glory Mr. Ambrose directing to try our Title to Heaven adviseth First To write down the Scripture-Marks or Grace or Glory and mentions these several Scriptures following 1 Joh. 2. 3. Hereby we know that we know him if we keep his Commandments 2 Cor. 1. 12. For our rejoicing is this the Testimony of our Conscience that in Godly Simplicity and Sincerity we have had our Conversation in the World 1 Joh. 3. 9 10. Whosoever is born of God sinneth not because his Seed abideth in him neither can he sin because he is born of God In this the Children of God are manifest c. 1 Joh. 4. 13. Hereby we know that we dwell in him and he in us because he hath given us of his Spirit 1 Joh. 3. 14. We know that we have passed from Death to Life because we love the Brethren James 1. 12. There is a Crown of Life the Lord hath promised to them that love him But above all observe these Texts following as containing the special Gospel-Conditions to which we find so often annexed the Promise of Justification and Glorification Joh. 3. 16. God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Joh. 5. 24. He that believeth hath Everlasting Life and shall not come into Condemnation but is passed from Death unto Life Joh. 6. 40. And this is the Will of him that sent me that every one that seeth the Son and believeth in him may have Everlasting Life Joh. 20. 31. These things are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God and that believing ye might have Life through his Name Acts 16. 31. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved Rom. 10. 9 10. If thou shalt confess with thy Mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thy Heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved Heb. 10. 39. We are not of them who draw back unto Perdition but of them that believe to the saving of the Soul 1 Joh. 5. 13. These things have I written unto you that believe in the Name of the Son of God that ye may know that ye have Eternal Life From the first Text we gather the Scripture mark of universal Obedience from the second Sincerity from the third Opposition against and Abstinence from Sin from the fourth Spiritual Performance of holy Duties from the fifth a Love of the Brethren from the sixth a Love of Christ from all the rest Faith in Christ the Root and Spring of all other Graces and necessary Conditions of Pardon and Eternal Life Proceed we now to put the Question to our selves but be sure to state it aright Let it not be Whether there be any Good in us at all For so we shall err on the one hand nor yet Whether we have such and such a degree and measure of Grace For so we shall err on the other hand But Whether according to the fore-mentioned Scriptures such and such a saving Grace be in us or not Now I having begged of God his Help to try the State of my Soul by what follows this 17th of August 1676. and I do hope I find the true Marks of saving Grace in my Soul and desire here to enter them down that I may have recourse to it in time of need and the Lord grant I be sincere 1. O my Soul hast thou respect to and dost observe all God's Commandments Dost thou keep the Law in Truth and Sincerity tho' not in gradual Perfection Dost thou know God in part and love God truly by a sincere Obedience Dost thou keep the Commandments in an Evangelical Sense And wherein thou failest dost thou acknowledge thy Failings and rely upon Christ for Pardon Is thy universal Obedience internal and spiritual as well as external Is thy Delight in the Law of God after the Inward Man Is thy Obedience to the Duties of both Tables Dost thou make Conscience of particular Duties in every Relation 2. O my Soul hast thou Sincerity and Uprightness of Heart Is there a powerful Change of the whole Man by the Grace of God Dost thou do what is good upon this account because God commands it not because it will agree with thy Ends and Advantage but because God hath required it Art thou diligent and conscientious in secret Duties to perform them and in Spiritual or Heart Sins and secret Lusts to avoid them Dost thou serve God in Spirit Dost thou eye God whether in private or publick Dost thou set thy self zealously against those Sins thou art most inclined unto Dost thou hate Sin most in thy self and in those that are nearest unto thee Hast thou respect to all God's Commandments but yet to the Duties of the first Table before the second to the Commands of greater Duties before those of lesser Duties Or if in all these Particulars thou findest not such an Uprightness as hath no Deceit or Falshood or carnal Respects at all joined with it for as all other Graces are but in part so are we sincere and upright but in part art thou humbled under thy Hypocrisie and spiritual Guile And dost thou trust only to Christ And dost thou cry as David did for Truth in the
SOME ACCOUNT OF THE Holy Life and Death OF Mr. HENRY GEARING Late Citizen of London Who departed this Life January the 4th 1693-4 Aged 61. By JOHN SHOWER The Second Edition With the Trial and Character of a Real Christian collected out of his Papers for the Examination of himself From which several other Particulars are added for the Instruction Encouragement and Imitation of Christians LONDON Printed for John Lawrence at the Angel in the Poultrey 1699. To my Respected Friends Mrs. HANNAH GEARING The Widow AND Mrs. Mary Fisher Mrs. Eliz. Billinghurst Mrs. Ann Roberts The Children of Mr. HENRY GEARING WHen God hath taken any of our holy Relations from us who were ready for the Heavenly Mansions made meet for the Rest Peace and Joy of the upper better World we should rejoice in the Grace of God towards them with Thankfulness owning our Mercy that they lived so long to glorifie God here and be useful to us and others It would be very unreasonable to lament their Departure out of any Pretence of our Affection to them and no less unkind to wish that for our sakes they should not have died or should return from Paradise to our sinful troublesome World But we know they shall not come to us the only way therefore to meet them with Comfort is to remember their Instructions follow their Counsels and imitate their Faith and Holiness their Integrity and Self-denial and resolved persevering Obedience to God The Prayers and Pattern of such an Husband and of such a Father as yours is a Blessing for which God expects your Praises Tho' in the former Relation it was enjoyed but a little while long enough however to make you Madam bless God for him and unfeignedly to value and honour his Memory while you live May his Grace supply and help you to improve this Breach To you his Children I most earnestly recommend the following Papers God and Man will expect your profiting by them more than others You know how much you were upon his Heart You know his Example and manner of Life and how you ought to walk and please God You have seen the Beauty of Practical Godliness exemplified you know how fervently he was wont to wrestle with God in Prayer for you You know with what daily Pains and Care Wisdom Faithfulness and Love he endeavoured your Salvation rejoicing in any good Success thereof but hardly able to support under the Burden of the contrary Fears as to Any of those whom God had given him O dread to think that either of You or any of Yours should meet him at the Day of Judgment and be rejected of Christ among the Workers of Iniquity when both your Parents shall be own'd honour'd and rewarded among the Faithful An ordinary Hell will not be Punishment enough for the Children of such Parents if you miscarry and fall short of Heaven But if you seek after God with your whole Heart desiring to please and serve him who was the God of your Fathers for many Generations if you are humble and prayerful and prize the Blessing of the Covenant keep within the Bond of it and mind the Duty of it your Way is prepared your Acceptance is assured there is a Prospect of more Grace and Consolation for you and yours as a double Blessing promised to the Childrens Children of such as fear the Lord. That you may experience this and in order to it resolve that your Father's God shall be your God for ever and ever is the hearty Prayer of Your Affectionate Friend and Servant in the Gospel JOHN SHOWER London Feb. 16. 1693-4 A SHORT ACCOUNT Of the Holy LIFE of Mr. Henry Gearing c. IF there be Joy in Heaven among the Angels and the blessed Inhabitants Above upon the Conversion of a Sinner we may reckon there is so from time to time upon the Addition to their Number of any such who by the Grace of God are made meet for the Heavenly State and Life Among many others of late deceased Mr. H. G. was doubtless a very welcome Person The too frequent Flattery of Funeral Orations I know is a common Objection against speaking or writing any thing of the Dead because many are commended whose Names are written in the Dust and deserve to perish with their own Dung But the Memory of the Just shall however be blessed their Death is precious and their Examples useful to all who knew them and may be so to many others It is not I confess of every good Man or Woman that dieth that we can speak such things as we may to the just Commendation of some Neither is it fit to publish all the Good we can of every Body because it may be they had some Blemishes that will make the other incredible or lessen its Use But Persons of eminent Grace and Holiness are the choicest Works of God the richest Ornaments the most precious Jewels that can be shown For the meanest Saint is incomparably more noble and honourable than the greatest Personages in the World that are Slaves of Sin and Enemies to God But as one Star differs from another in Glory there are some more lively Images of God and who better imitate the Pattern of Christ some Vessels of Mercy filled with Grace above their Fellows Of such as these we ought to speak to the Glory of Divine Grace There is an attractive Influence in their Pattern some good Savour and Impression may be left by the serious Perusal of their Lives and Character Divers have dated their first Conversion from reading or hearing such Relations But as many an upright Christian whose Funeral Sermon I may be call'd to preach will come far short of the Spirit and Practice of Mr. G. so I resolve to speak more sparingly of the Dead in such Discourses lest I raise the Expectation of the like where I cannot conscionably perform it And on the same Account I forbear the mention of some things which He desired of me and I complied with because I would not encourage others to desire the like I hope the publishing of such Examples may be one means to confute or silence the Atheism of the present Age as if there were no Reality in Religion that it is meer Notion and Talk or a Cover for Hypocrisie An exemplary visible Piety is proper to confute such Cavils baffle such Prejudices and convince the Minds of Men and bring them secretly to wish that they themselves were such It is certain the unsutable Lives of those who profess Religion hath greatly stumbled and hardened many in their Profaneness Some of no ordinary Parts or Education under Convictions of Sin and Fears of Hell upon a Death-bed have told me that the wicked Lives of such as pretended to Religion had more hindered their Seriousness than all the Quirks and Subtilties or bold Attempts of such as would overthrow the Principles of Christianity Besides serious well-disposed Christians will be encouraged by the Example and Commendation
of such after whose Copy they desire to write Thanks be to God they are not a few even in this Age of whose Exemplary Lives there are divers Passages fit to be published And tho' it would be endless to write all their Lives yet now and then to set forth a bright Example may be of singular Advantage Such as knew this or the other Person in particular and were themselves Witnesses of the Truth of several things related will be more apt to be influenced by such an Account than by the like or greater things related of others who have been dead many Years ago or their Lives written by such who never personally were acquainted with them And by such Examples we see that strict and serious Religion is possible and that if your Hearts are set to please God it is not to be despaired of If I can by the following Narrative excite any to value and improve their Time better whereof he was so very choice and careful If I can blow up any Coal of that Divine Fervor and Zeal to God that warm'd his Heart if I can but provoke any to mend their Pace by considering how short they come of what he was and did I shall think I did well to publish it However as the Word of God delivered in the Holy Scriptures and dispensed in the Ministry thereof hath divers and contrary Effects upon different Subjects from which God will raise his own Glory so will it be with this Relation But if the Reader gain no Advantage by the perusing of it he must blame himself for not considering and applying it with sutable Reflections For he may here find the Description of a Real Christian a true Nathaniel an Israelite indeed I am not very solicitous to avow my Integrity as to the Truth of every thing related because besides what I have asserted of him from my own Knowledge all that have lived in his Family and many others of his Acquaintance in this City will readily subscribe to the Truth of the rest Tho' the best Discovery of him is what is transcribed from his own Papers For who can know the inward State and Frame of another Man's Soul but by his own Declaration of it some way or other It must be opened some way or other by himself or it cannot be published and made known to others The inmost Secrets of a Man's Heart towards God cannot be so well known by the strictest Observation of other Men. What I have gathered out of his own Manuscripts is published without altering any thing material in the Expressions unless here and there on Word where the Phrase was dark or subject to Ambiguity If in some things there seems not that Exactness which some Readers would desire it ought to be considered that there are other Readers to whom they may be more sutable who are not to be neglected And as to his manner of expressing himself you must remember he was a plain Citizen and one who had no need of a polish'd Stile or any Advantages to gain it Besides what he wrote was only for the Comfort of his own Soul and if he had any farther Eye for the use of those of his own Family whose Love and Regard to him might imprint deeper on their Minds and Hearts what was done by him tho' with less Accuracy than by another Hand After all I here pretend not to lessen the Honour and Commendation of any other holy Persons lately deceased or of any such yet living For in substance the Character of one will sute the Hearts and Lives of all the rest But all upright Christians do not walk with God in their daily Course as did this holy Man I may call him so tho' I do not say he was perfect For a greater than he Elias was subject to like Passions and Infirmities with us The best Saints on Earth are but imperfectly sanctified their Knowledge is imperfect their Love imperfect their Self-denial imperfect they have Remainders of Corruption and according to the different Temperament of their Bodies Circumstances and Conditions of Life they are subject to many Weaknesses and are sensible of them But the Grace they receive by constant Prayer and Dependance and the Care and Watchfulness they are enabled to use over their Hearts and Words and Senses and against the Occasions of Sin preserves them from any great Transgressions and quickly recovers them from lesser ones I therefore hope I shall not be blamed for not mentioning his Infirmities and Failings because I know not how the Reader 's Benefit and Advantage would be thereby promoted It hath been observed to this purpose that the Vertues the Graces the Perfections of our Brethren set before our View may be proper to nourish our Humility suppress our Pride and invite our Imitation But to divulge their Faults would rather further our Security and advance our Self-conceit And as to this Excellent Person his Watchfulness and Temperance his Devotion and Diligence his Mortification and Zeal for doing good argued a very great Purity of Mind and Heart and his careful Improvement of his Time left little Vacancy for Temptation to fill up No very great Faults be sure could dwell with such strict Examination of himself every Day as he continued to use till within four Days of his Death But that being all written in Short-Hand what might have been from thence added to his Character or transcribed for the Imitation or Instruction of others is wholly lost This in the general will be owned by those who were best acquainted with him that human Infirmities and Imperfections excepted his Life was one even Thread of serious Godliness from Morning to Night from the beginning of the Week and Month and Year to the end in all Relations in all Companies and in all Affairs He was born at Leachlad in Glocestershire and baptized there March the 5th An. 1632. His Father Mr. Henry Gearing was a Shop-keeper or Mercer in that Town and for his extraordinary Prudence and Piety respected honoured and loved by Persons of all Perswasions There are not wanting those now living who can say of the Father's House what several know to be true of the Son 's That it was a Nursery of Religion a little Temple of God and they thank God they were ever cast under that Roof It was the Experience of one whose hoary Head in the way of Righteousness is a Crown of Glory with whom our Mr. Gearing served his Apprenticeship He in his younger Years boarded in his Father's House at Leachlad and reckons the Example of his holy Life to have been a singular Blessing to him in his Youth His pious Father died of a Consumption when this Son was about the Age of Thirteen As did his Unkle Mr. Simon Gearing his Father 's elder Brother about six Years after His Mother Mrs. Ann Gearing was likewise an eminent Christian and died at Ramsberry in Wiltshire January the 8th 1669 and was there buried But to
of it the Devil Thanks be to God who hath given him and assured us of the Victory through our Lord Jesus Christ To him be Glory throughout all the Churches for ever Amen THE Character and Trial OF A REAL CHRISTIAN Now follows out of his own Papers the manner of his examining his Heart and Life State and Frame and the Result thereof recorded and written for his Support in After-Difficulties Some may be excited by it to an Imitation and others find Encouragement by what reliev'd him against his Doubts and Fears and enabled him to persevere even without full Assurance HENRY GEARING THO' I have been under much Hardness and Deadness for many Years yet I thought good for my Encouragement here to record God's Goodness to me sometimes By looking over my Books in which I have wrote down in Short-hand every Night how it was with me in the Day I find that I have sometimes been quickned and affected in Prayer often in Family-Prayer at Night on the Lord's Day Tho' I began very much indisposed yet it pleased God to draw out my Heart in Earnest Desires and I have had some Meltings more than usual At other times in Family-Prayer at Night I have been more than ordinarily affected And sometimes under the Word preach'd Once at the Morning Lecture when I heard a Sermon of buying the Pearl of Price At other times I find I was affected greatly in Family Prayer so as scarce to be able to speak for weeping At another time I have recorded how I was quickened by hearing a Sermon of Mr. Swinnock on that Text He will not break the bruised Reed At several other times have had lively Affections in secret Prayer Often in my Walk to Clapham I have had my Heart drawn out in earnest fervent Desires after God Once repeating on a Lord's Day Evening a Sermon on that Text Behold I stand at the Door and knock and whosoever opens to me I will come in and sup with him I was so affected I could not go on for Tears but was fain to lay down my Book At another time the like in repeating a Sermon of the Redemption of Time At other times I find recorded that on the Lord's Day I went to Family-Prayer very sad but God did greatly assist me and my Soul was melted so that I could not proceed or speak for Tears At other times in Prayer and sometimes in singing of Psalms But for the most part I have been a great Stranger to Joy and Comfort ever since the Days of my Youth These Things I wrote March 18. 1689 being Remarks in general of near Twenty Years past As to what I have written in this little Book it was first in Short-Hand and never intended to be transcribed But afterwards I considered that many things in it might be of use to me by another's reading of it if it should please God to lay his Hand upon me that I could not my self read my Short-Hand And I know not but something in it may be useful to others I hope and pray it may be so unto many if the like serious Spirit accompany every Reader in the Perusal of the following Papers as he had in writing them Beg it of God and then begin to read Anno 1676 March 28. HAving had in my Thoughts sometimes to keep a secret â—ast in my Closet chiefly to search and try the State of my Soul this Day I did it and hope I did set about it in the Integrity of my Heart My chief Design was to examine how the Case stood between God and my Soul whether I had indeed a Work of saving Grace wrought in me And that I might get Corruption that is strong more mortified especially the Sin I most inclined unto and that I might be enabled from God to carry it better in my Christian Course both in my Family and in secret Retirements to the Glory of God After Prayer that God would help me to try my self I went to the Work of Self-Examination by the Characters that Mr. Ambrose hath given and by some Characters my Cousin Calamy laid down and others of Mr. Allen Mr. Nalion and Mr. Swinnock I spent a good deal of time herein and hope I desired to deal impartially with my self and did beg of God heartily that I might make a right Judgment of my self I endeavoured to keep my Heart close to the Work and tho' I could not meet with great Comfort yet upon serious Search I cannot find but that God hath wrought true Grace in me blessed be his Name I hope I may have recourse to this Day while I live for Support in any Case I did also read over the Covenant I entred into with the Lord about nine Years since and renewed my Covenant and gave up my self afresh to the Lord and took him for my God and Portion I hope in the Lord that I was sincere and upright I found some Ease and Quiet in my Mind afterwards O that I may not now grow careless but live answerably and remember I have renewed my Covenant with the Lord and if he hath in any wise spoke Peace to my Soul let me not again return to Folly for the Lord Jesus Christ's sake An. 1676 July 27. Looking over my Book where I enter at Night how it is with me every Day I find I have been out of order many times in Duty since the Trial of my self mentioned here but hope I did desire to have my Heart with God And the Lord was pleased sometimes in Duty to draw out my Soul in earnest and hearty Desires after him My Heart through Mercy hath been sometimes tho' too seldom in a good Frame the Lord have Mercy on me and grant I may be sincere and upright with him He is pleased still as for many Years past to withdraw from me and I do not meet with much Comfort in his Ordinances But I remember what Mr. N. used to say that Grace is better than Comfort God grant that I may make sure of Grace and act and exercise Grace and wait upon him for Comfort It is worth waiting for all the Days of my Life The Lord help me tho' I sit in Darkness and see no Light to trust in the Lord and stay my self on my God The Lord help me to keep up Faith and Hope in him through Christ to wait and trust and hope and believe still against Hope of Sense to believe in Hope of a Promise The Lord make me careful to mind his Glory and doing my Duty in the Place in which he hath set me for I am apt to be troubled lest I should fail of my Duty towards those committed to my Charge The Lord in Mercy grant I may set to his Work with all my Might and get my Work done before my Day of Life be ended and that my Heart may be throughly taken off from this World and I may prepare for publick Calamities which are much feared by reason of the
abounding of all Sin and Wickedness more and more The Lord enable me to do and suffer his Will and let me have his Presence and his Promise made good not to suffer me to be tempted above what he will inable me to bear 1 Cor. 10. 13. and that I may readily let all go for Christ if I am called to it The Lord grant I may be made meet to be Partaker of the Inheritance of the Saints in Light and get my Evidences for Heaven ready which through the Assistance and Help of God I desire to go about The Lord grant I may not be deceived but may gather such Evidences as will hold out and bear me up in the midst of Troubles and Trials yea in the Hour of Death and the Day of Judgment The Lord in infinite Mercy sanctifie to me the Death of others God hath of late taken away many of my Neighbours Acquaintance Friends and Relations Ministers as well as others a little while since Mr. Pledger and Mr. Wells in one Day O that all may be sanctified and especially the Death of my Wife that I may yet make such use of that Providence as the Lord would expect and be ready and prepared for my own Departure hence whensoever it shall please my dear God and Father to call me home Being now about to enter here what I have to shew for a Work of Grace in my Heart and a Right and Title to Heaven I desire of the Lord to help me in this great Affair that I may not be deceived but that what I here enter may be the true State of my Soul and that which will hold out and yield me Comfort in an Hour of Distress It hath been in my Thoughts several times to enquire what I had to shew for my Hope of Heaven that which ran most in my Mind was Faith and Repentance which upon diligent Search of my Heart I hope I have First For Faith If I have true Faith I shall certainly be saved so saith the holy Scriptures He that believes shall be saved Joh. 3. 16. For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoeever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Now Faith in Christ is described in the Assemblies Catechism to be a saving Grace whereby we receive and rest upon Christ alone for Salvation as he is offered to us in the Gospel which I hope I desire to do I hope I do most heartily desire to take Christ on his own Terms as King Priest and Prophet in all his Offices and am willing to be ruled by him as well as saved by him I hope I desire to rest upon Jesus Christ alone for Salvation and own no other Saviour but him I hope I have the Faith of Reliance to rest and center in Christ I hope I can with all my Soul throw my self upon the Mercy of God in Christ and if I perish to perish there trusting in him that I shall not perish Blessed be God! I am often lifting up my Heart to Christ O my dear Jesus Blessed Jesus on thee on thee alone I rest when I am in Fears and Doubts and Troubles I hope I desire to say with the Church In the Lord have I Righteousness and Strength Righteousness for Justification and Strength for Sanctification and the subduing of Sin I hope I desire to renounce any Trust in my own Righteousness and Duties and wholly to rely and rest upon Jesus Christ When I have performed any Duty I desire to own that I deserve Hell for the sinful Imperfections of it yea for the best Duty I can perform And to have my Trust only in the Death and Merits Satisfaction and Intercession of Christ Tho' Spiritual Pride is very apt to rise in me yet I hope I do not allow it the Lord set my Heart more against it I hope I desire with the Apostle Phil. 3. 9. to be found in him not having my own Righteousness which is of the Law but that which is through the Faith of Christ the Righteousness which is of God by Faith I hope Christ is precious to me now that is an Evidence of Faith 1 Pet. 2. 7. To you that believe he is precious I hope I desire to prize Christ above all the World and if I know my Heart I would not part with the Hopes I have by Christ of Heaven for ten thousand Worlds I hope I desire to prize Jesus Christ as the Chiefest of ten thousand altogether lovely The Lord make me upright in this Matter that I may see the Worth and Excellency that is in him so as to be in love with him Secondly For Repentance If I have that Grace I am sure to be saved Acts 3. 19. Repent ye therefore and be converted that your Sins may be blotted out when the Times of refreshing shall come from the Presence of the Lord. Luke 13. 3. Except ye repent ye shall all likewise perish therefore if we do repent we shall not perish Now Repentance is described to be a saving Grace whereby a Sinner out of the true sense of his Sin and apprehension of the Mercy of God in Christ doth with grief and hatred of his Sin turn from it unto God with full purpose of and endeavours after new Obedience I hope the Lord hath wrought this Repentance in me I hope he hath given me a true Sight and Sense of Sin and that I am convinced of the Evil and Danger of it I hope I have an apprehension also of the Mercy of God in Christ I do not at all doubt but there is Mercy enough in God through Christ to forgive and pardon the greatest Sins if they are repented of The Lord hath declared himself to be the Lord God gracious and merciful pardoning Iniquity Transgression and Sin Exod 34. 6. I hope I desire to be truly sorry for all my Sins to grieve and mourn for them tho' my Heart be hard yet I hope I could be glad if it were broken that I could mourn more for my Sins Surely it hath been a Trouble to me many times in Confession of Sin that I could not mourn and weep and was not affected as I desired I hope I desire to hate Sin also the Lord work a true Hatred of all Sin more and more in me I hope I desire to turn from all Sin unto God with full purpose of Heart to cleave to him I hope the Bent of my Soul is right for God tho' I have many Failings and Miscarriages I hope the full Purpose and Resolution of my Heart is for God and his Ways It being upon my Mind what I had further to note that might be an Evidence of Grace I hope these things following which it pleased God to bring to my Thoughts may be some ground to believe God hath wrought savingly upon me Surely I do confess my Sins often to the Lord in secret and desire to have my Heart penitently affected with them and
or Falshood therein thou wouldst discover it to me and help me to do it aright And now Glory be to thee O God the Father whom I shall be bold from this Day forward to look upon as my God and Father that ever thou shouldst find out such a Way for the Recovery of undone Sinners Glory be to thee O God the Son who hast loved me and washed me from my Sins in thy own Blood and art now become my Saviour and Redeemer Glory be to thee O God the Holy Ghost who by the Finger of thine Almighty Power hast turned about my Heart from Sin to God O Dreadful Jehovah the Lord God Omnipotent Father Son and Holy Ghost thou art now become my Covenant-Friend and I through thine Infinite Grace am become thy Covenant-Servant Amen So be it And the Covenant which I have made on Earth let it be ratified in Heaven April 11. 1667. HENRY GEARING A Pathetical Meditation on the Passion of Christ taken out of Mr. Wadsworth's Remains 8vo abridged and transcribed for his own Vse upon Sacramental Occasions A Way all trifling Worldly Business I must go see my bleeding Lord Come now my Soul look yonder thou wilt soon arrive at bloody Golgotha where thou shalt see thy bleeding dying Saviour to sigh and linger out a dying Life on the Cross in Love for thee This this might O my Soul have been thy Day in which thou might'st have drunk the bitter Cup of the fierce Anger of God! But look yonder there he goes that must drink up the Dregs and all for thee But come my Soul draw up a little nearer stand here and thou wilt see him passing Look there he goes with a Train of Virgins following But see how cruelly these barbarous Jews do use him they make him bear his Cross himself See how they laugh and scoff and wag their Heads as if he were their May-game Look see my Soul come tell me what thou seest O I cannot Sorrow ties my Tongue I cannot speak I see a Troop of Virgins following him their weeping Eyes their blubbering Lips their Sighs and Throbbings speak them Mourners I see my Lord looks towards them and kindly 〈◊〉 their loving Sorrow Weep not for me Ah could they do less than weep to see thine innocent Self among a Herd of Tygers But whither O whither O ye blinded Jews are ye dragging this my Lord My Spirit begins to faint I now can look no longer my Heart now begins to swell with Grief it must now break or I must vent it at my Eyes in Streams Look see the Hammer and Nails the Hammer lift up to strike Bloody Man thou durst not strike sure Surely thou dost not know whose Hands and Feet thou art now piercing it is the Prince and Saviour of the World But look see it is done The Nails are driven to the Head see how the Blood runs trickling down his Hands and Feet and see how hardned Hearts are laughing at it O silly foolish blinded Men what laugh yet See this very Christ you now mock shall be your Judge But come again look and see my Soul what is become of thy nailed and crucified Lord Ah me he is not quite dead look how he gasps and pants for Life O how pale and wan do I see his Cheeks methinks he should be dead for see how weak his Neck is grown that it is not able to support his Head that lies a dying on his bleeding Breast What yet not dead See how he shakes and stirs his dying Limbs What Gasps and Groans do I hear him fetch Hark hark he speaks O let me catch the last Breath of my dying Saviour What saith my Lord What My God my God why hast thou forsaken me He hath been all this while a drinking up the Cup his Father gave him the bitter sowr Cup of his Father's Wrath which I and all the World had else drank But must he endure all this Must he be crowned with Thorns and sweat and bleed and die and all for me This I stand amazed at But there was Necessity for all this either he must be thus dealt with or else my Sins could not be pardoned He must drink up this bitter Cup with all its Dregs or else I must have drunk it up my self It was I that sinned and must have suffered This cursed proud and earthly Heart of mine rebelled and broke the Laws and should have suffered and born the Punishment Had not he stept in and born the Stroak off from me I had been now burning in everlasting Flames and been lingring out this Time in Torments which I am now spending in the sweet Thoughts of my Escape Hath not the Prophet said all this in Isa 53. these Wounds Stripes Bruises he bore for thee O amazing Love and Grace the Son of God loved me better than his Life Was ever Love like to his Love He was a Stranger to me Why did he not let me die But he loved me I was a polluted Sinner methinks he should have loathed me but he did wash me and make me clean again But why did he love an Enemy Or how could he do it I know not why O inexpressible Love O Love past Thoughts He Loves because he will love What ails my Heart I cannot find it stir What! dead under the reviving Thoughts of thy dearest Redeemer Arise shake up thy self and look about thee thou dost not sure see thy Mercy Come away O come away lift up thy drowsie Head I will make thee look and love and e'er I leave thee confess thou lovest him Suppose now for thy Sins the Vengeance of God was just seizing upon thee turning thee into Hell and Christ comes and reveals himself to thee Sinner I love thee I say thou shalt not die Come feel my Heart how it beats towards thee Dost thou not see I have left my Throne and am come down to the Bar where thou standest condemned But why dost thou weep Come let me wipe thine Eyes and bind up thy bleeding and despairing Heart I tell thee thou shalt not die If Heaven will have Blood it shall have mine so it will but spare thine Now the Soul hath not a Word to speak against this Love Thy Son O God hath offered Satisfaction and thou hast accepted it Thou O my Saviour hast laid down thy Life for mine and thy Father and my Father is well pleased with it Blood is paid Justice is satisfied Heaven's Doors are widened thine Arms opened to receive me nothing is wanting but my Heart make it such as thou wilt have it and then take it to thy self Come my Soul the Father thou seest is willing and the Son is willing give but thy Consent and he is thine for ever Fear not thy Hardness Deadness Blindness Loathsomness all these cannot hinder if thou be but willing What stickest thou at What do'st ail Half of this ado would fetch a Heart for the World a little Mire and Dirt and is not
had certainly been foiled if God by his Omnipotent Grace had not supported and delivered me When Satan saw me first set my Face towards Heaven he employ'd all his Skill and Diligence to hinder it Formerly he had told me I needed not Repent because I was not guilty of gross Sins but now he saw that I was sensible of my Vileness and Sinfulness by Nature and Life he saw that Sin was my Burden and that I was convinced that I must repent or perish he left off this Temptation and told me it was too soon to repent yet that I was young and might live many Years and take my Pleasure that I might repent when I was old or upon a sick Bed To that end he suggested to me that the Life of a Christian was a sad uncomfortable Life that if I entered upon this Course I must bid Farewel to all Mirth and Pleasure and spend my Days in Sorrow But then I began to think with my self that it was better to do so than lie down in Hell-Torments to all Eternity When Satan saw that he could not prevail in this Temptation he found out another he went about to perswade me That if I began to walk in the Ways of God and did hold out a little way it was a thousand to one if I held out to the end I should certainly fall away and turn Apostate And this was the worst Condition of all to return with the Dog to the Vomit c. He brings that Scripture to my Mind If after we have escaped the Pollutions of the World we are again entangled therein the latter end is worse than the beginning For it had been better not to have known the Way of Righteousness than after we have known it to turn from it He followed me with this Temptation but it pleased God by his Spirit to enable me in some measure to resist it and repel it for I was perswaded If God had begun a good Work of Grace in me he was able to carry it on and to keep me from falling away tho' at that time I was not acquainted with those Scriptures that prove the Perseverance of the Saints Thus was I troubled and tossed with various Temptations and no sooner rid of one but another came I heard a Sermon upon Matth. 13. 45. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a Merchant-man seeking goodly Pearl Who when he had found one of great Price went and sold all that he had to buy it I received much Light and Comfort from this Sermon and saw more of the transcendent Excellency of Jesus Christ who was the Pearl of Price and I thought I could most willingly part with all even Life it self for him Then he tempted me to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and I was put upon it to prove them to be the Word of God This I was not able to do therefore this Temptation was the longer upon me and I was much perplexed about it And had the Devil prevailed with this he needed not have followed me with any other Temptation When this was a little over he came like a roaring Lion ready to devour me not as an Angel of Light but shewing himself in his own Colours like a Devil he assaulted me with the most Horrid Atheistical and Blasphemous Temptations that were possible for him to invent He struck deep and went about to destroy the Foundation of all Religion He tempted me to that which I am ashamed to think of and even tremble to mention even to believe there was no God nor Devil Heaven nor Hell Tho' I did not believe his Temptation nor willingly entertain it yet could I by no means be rid of it it came very strong upon me followed me from Bed to Board and tho' I was terrified with the Thoughts of it I could not put it out of my Mind and I was in great Perplexity of Spirit But the Lord was pleased secretly to preserve me and support me under these grievous Assaults and in some measure to repel them But behold the Policy of Satan tho' this Temptation did not prevail it made way for Another which presently followed For he who had tempted me to have such horrid Atheistical Thoughts now began to terrifie me for them he set Sin before me in its Aggravations and told me that now I was worse than the very Devils for they believe that there is a God and tremble therefore I then thought I should certainly be damned that I was past all Hopes of Salvation I looked upon my self as ripe for Damnation and ready for Hell-Torments He had often told me it was too soon to repent now he told me it was too late Many Scripture Threatnings were brought to my Mind that did exceedingly terrifie me as that in Isaiah There is no Peace saith my God to the Wicked And that the Wicked shall be turned into Hell and all the Nations that forget God as I knew I had done of a long time Likewise Psal 50. 22. and Prov. 1. 24. to the end When I went about to read the Scripture then that Place came to my Mind What hast thou to do to declare my Statutes or to take my Covenant into thy Mouth Psal 50. 16. When I had Thoughts of praying to the Lord for Grace that Scripture came fresh into my Mind The Prayer of the Wicked is an Abomination These with many other Scriptures did affright and terrifie me I knew not what to do I saw my self utterly undone without an Interest in Christ and yet I durst not lay hold on him for Salvation I cannot express the Sorrows of my Mind under these strong Convictions and various Temptations My Heart was filled with Horror and Terror Day and Night for some Weeks together O the Depth of Satan's Wiles He that had led me along all my Days in Presumption now he went about to drive me to Despair How hard a thing is it to keep between these two Extreams Had not God upheld me by his Power and Mercy I had certainly been dashed in pieces between these two Rocks Satan has tempted me to think I had committed the Sin against the Holy Ghost by my atheistical and blasphemous Thoughts and because I sinned against so much Light This was a great and sore Trouble to me and an heavy Burden upon my Conscience This Scripture did much terrifie me Repentance is hid from thine Eyes and another He that believeth not is condemned already and the Wrath of God abideth on him I looked upon all the Threatnings as spoken to me every thing added to my Sorrow When I read the Promises they administred no Comfort to me but rather Terror because I thought I had no right to them or to those things they assured us of When I heard of the Joys of Heaven and of the Glory of it it increased my Trouble to think there should be so much Happiness and I have no share in it but must be banished from God and
thankful it is not Grace that is denied thee but only Comfort She that mourned that her Beloved was gone and had withdrawn himself was a Spouse still she had an Interest in the Bridegroom tho' she saw him not Diseases felt in the Soul seldom prove mortal Desire after Christ and Sanctification is a sign of no utter Rejection The Soul that can truly desire Mercy is not totally excluded Mercy O let tempted troubled Souls then be comforted The blessed God hath a compassionate open Ear to all sensible self-bemoaning Sinners Jer. 31. 18. I have surely heard Ephraim be moaning himself there are none such but shall be heard of God They shall be loved of God that loath themselves They shall be acquitted of God that condemn themselves his merciful Ear is still open to Self-bemoaning Sinners When once a Sinner comes to himself he is not far from God Isa 40. 27. Why sayest thou O Jacob and speakest O Israel my way is hid from the Lord and my Judgment is passed over from my God The inward Thought of many sensible Sinners is that God hath cast them off and shut his Door of Mercy upon them and will never concern himself more in their Salvation Such unkind thoughts we are apt to have of a good God when Conscience brings our Sins to a bitter remembrance Well now saith God Why say'st thou O Jacob the words are a Reproof for Distrust of God Why dost thou think and speak so unkindly of me as that I should cast thee out of my care and thoughts My way is hid from the Lord. What is the meaning of that Why God takes no notice of my Wretchedness to commiserate my Condition and relieve me he cares not what becomes of me or my ways And my way is hid that he cannot help me and my judgment is passed from my God That is there is a Sentence of Death past on me there is no escaping but see how compassionate the Lord speaks Why dost thou say so poor Soul I am not thoughtless and regardless of thee as thou say'st v. 28 29. Hast thou not known and heard the everlasting God gives power to the faint and to them that have no might increases strength Such as are desponding and hopeless in themselves God raises them up They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength God in his time will refresh every weary Soul III. The Covenant of Grace is God's free Offer and Promise of Life and Salvation by Christ to all Sinners that shall believe in him It is a gracious and firm Obligation in which God doth make over himself and all his Goodness in Christ to all Believers It is a great matter for God to be our God in special Covenant when he saith I will be your God it is as if he should have said I will bestow my self upon you What I am I am for thee my Spirit my Comforts my Son my Love my Goodness my Assistance my Happiness it is thine my Holiness shall make you holy my Wisdom shall make you wise my Righteousness shall make you righteous Whatsoever a God can do for his People I will do for you you shall have all things needful for you all things desirable All that you can expect from a God expect it from me I will be gracious to pass by thy Unworthiness I will be merciful to pardon thy Sins I will be Holiness to change thy Nature I will be Assistance to thee in Duty I will be Comfort to thee in Trouble I will be Wisdom to cure thy Folly I will be Plenty to thy Wants i will be Strength to thy Weakness I will give a Blessing to your Estates I will be Providence as to your Dangers I will be Preservation as to your Persons I will be Salvation to your Souls I will be your Sun and Shield I will be your Recompence and exceeding great Reward I will be a God unto you I will be your God and Guide unto Death and your Portion for ever This is for God to be our God in special Covenant IV. There may be Faith where there is no Assurance Remember it O my Soul for thy Comfort and make a right use of it Thou may'st be a true Believer tho' thou art but a weak Believer nay tho' thou art ready to think thy self no Believer It is one thing to have an Interest in Christ and Salvation and another to know it It is possible for many a good Christian to trust in God and believe in Jesus Christ and yet in time of Desertion and Temptation he may not know it A Soul under the Eclipse of God's Countenance may think himself in a lost Condition as David did I said I am cut off from before thine Eyes Psal 31. 22. but it was not so for God then heard the Voice of his Supplication A man may truly fear the Lord and obey the Voice of his Servants and yet may walk in Darkness and see no Light Isa 50. 10. Sion said the Lord hath forsaken me my God hath forgotten me Isa 49. 14. but it was not so There may be Faith of Adherence where there is not Faith of Evidence The Soul may cleave fast to Christ and say If I perish I will perish at thy Foot hoping waiting trusting tho' thou killest me yet I will trust in thee tho' I know not whether thou lovest me yet I will endeavour to love thee There may be Faith without Assurance otherways true justifying Faith may be lost for Assurance is with some quite lost at least for a time but true Faith cannot be lost it may decay but not fail I have prayed for thee that thy Faith fail not saith Christ to Peter This Prayer he makes for all Believers They also that have some Assurance of their Salvation have it not in the same measure There may be a good measure of Assurance tho' not full Assurance There is a probable Assurance I mean when a Christian comparing his Heart and Life with the Example of Christ and Rule of the Word finds that tho' he hath some reason to fear lest he should be an Hypocrite yet he sees more cause to hope than to fear When after he hath searched himself made an impartial Trial of himself he comes to this Conclusion Tho' I am not as confident I shall go to Heaven as I am that there is a Heaven yet I bless God I see more ground to hope that my Sins are pardoned and that I am in a state of Salvation than to fear it is otherwise When I reason the case with my Soul I have more Arguments for me than against me and can say if I die this moment it is not only possible but probable that I should be saved this I call a probable Assurance There may be Doubts and Fears where there is this Assurance because Doubts and Fears do not always proceed from the Weakness of Grace but sometimes from the Strength of Temptation A Man that hath