does all the drudgerye in your House Mi. Pur. Th art born to 't why boy I can show thy Indentures thou giu'st no other milke wee know how to vse all i'theyr kinde Club. Y are my better in Barke and Rhyne but in pith and substance I may compare with you y' are aboue fish or flesh mistrisse and ther 's your boast but in my tother part we are all one before God Enter Dryfat Mi. Pur. All one with me dost thou sweare too why then vp and ride Dry. VVhither away mistrisse Purge Mi. Pur, To the Family master Dryfat to our exercise Dry. VVhat by night Mi. Pur. O Lord I sir with the candles out too we fructifie best i' th darke the glance of the Eie is a great matter it leads vs to other obiects besides the right Dry. Indeede I thinke we performe those functions best when we are not thrall to the fetters of the body Mi. Pur. The fetters of the body what call you them Dry. The Organes of the body as some terme them Mi. Pur. Organes fy fy they haue a most abominable squeking sound in mine eares they edifie not a whit I detest hem I hope my body has no Organes Dry. To speake more familiarly Mistris Purge they are the senses the sight hearing smelling tast and feeling Mist. Pur. I mary Mary said J Lord what a words that in my mouth you speake now Master Dryfat but yet let me tell you where you erre too this feeling I will proue to be neither Organe nor fetter it is a thing a sence did you call it Dry. I a sence Mist. Pur. VVhy then a sense let it be I say it is that we cannot be without for as I take it it is a part belonging to vnderstanding vnderstanding you know lifteth vp the mind from earth if the mind be lift vp you know the body goes with it also it descends into the conscience and there tickles vs with our workes and doings so that we make singular vse of feeling Dry. And not of the rest Mi. Pur. Not at that time therefore we hold it not amisse to put out the candles for the soule sees best it 'h darke Dry. You come to me now Mistris Purge M. Pu. Nay J will come to you else Mayster Dryfat those senses as you terme them are of much efficacy in carnal mixtures that is when we crowde and thrust a man and a woman together Enter Purge and ouer heares them Pur. What so close at it I thought this was one end of your exercise Byrlady I think there is smal profite in this I le winck no more for I am now tickled with a conceit that it is a scuruy thing to be a Cuckold Dry. I commend this zeal in you Mistris Purge J desire much to be of your society M. Pu. Do you indeede blessing on your heart are you vpright in your dealings Dry. Yes J do loue to stand to any thing I do though J lose by it in truth J deale but too truely for this worlde You shall heare how farre I am enter'd in the right way already Firste I liue in Charity and giue small Almes to such as bee not of the right Sect J take vnder twenty i' th hunderd nor no forfeiture of Bonds vnlesse the law tell my conscience I may doo 't I set no pot on a sundaies but feede on cold meate drest a Satterdayes I keepe no holy daies nor fasts but eate most flesh o'frydayes of all dayes i' the week J do vse to say inspir'd graces able to starue a wicked man with length I haue Aminadabs and Abrams to my god sonnes and I chide them when they aske me blessing and I doe hate the red letter more then J follow the written verity Purge Heer 's Clergy Mi. Pu. These are the Rudiments indeed Master Dryfat Dry. Nay I can tell you I am or will be of the right stampe Pur. A pox o' your Stampe Mi. Pu. Then learne the word for your admittaunce and you will be much made on by the Congregation Dry. I the worde good Mistresse Purge Mi. Pu. A Brother in the Family Dry. Ynough J haue my lesson Pu. So haue I myne A Brother in the family I must be a familist to day I le follow this geare while t is on foote yfayth Mi. Pu. Then shoare vp your eyes and lead the way to the goodliest people that euer turnd vp the white o' th eye giue me my booke Club put out thy Linke and come behind vs They knocke Answer within Who 's there Dry. Two brothers and a Sister in the Family Let in Purge knocks Within Who 's there Purge A Familiar brother Within Heer 's no roome for you nor your familiarity Pur. How no roome for me nor my familiarity why what 's the difference between a familiar brother and a brother in the Family O I know J made eclipses of in in this place where it should haue bin exprest so that the want of in put me cleane out or let me see may it not be some mysterie drawne from Arithmetick For my life these Familists loue no substraction take nothing away but put in and ad as much as you will and after addition followes multiplication of a most Pharasithipocriticall crue VVell for my part I like not this family nor indeed some kind of priuate lecturing that weomen vse looke too t you that haue such gadders to your wiues self willd they are as children and yfaith capable of not much more then they peeuish by custome naturally fooles J remember a prety wodden sentence in a preamble to an exercise where the Reader prayed that men of his Coate might grow vp like Cedars to make good waynscot in the house of sincerity would not this waynscot phrase be writ in Brasse to publish him that spake it for an Animall why such wodden pellets out of earthen Trunks doe strike these females into admiration hits 'hem home sometimes perhaps in at one eare and out at tother and then they depart in opinion wiser then their neighbours fraught with matter able to take down and mortifie their husbands VVell I le home now and bring the true word next time I shall expect my wife anon red hot with zeale and big with melting teares and this night do I expect as her manner is she will weepe me a whole Chamberpot full Loquor Lapides do J cast pills abroad t is no matter what I say J talke like a Pothicary as I am I haue onely purgd my selfe of a little choller and passion and am now armd with a patient resolucion but how to put my Hornes in my Pocket no VVhat wise men beare is not for me to scorne T is a hornorable thing to weare the horne Exit Enter Lipsalue with his whip Lip Fortune deuills turd i' thy teeth I le turne no more o' thy wheele Art is aboue thy might what though my proiect with Mistrisse Maria fayld more waies to the wood then one ther 's variety
owne father looke in the posye of my Ringe does it not tell you that we two are one flesh and hath not fellow feeling taught vs to know one another as wel by night as by day husband husband will you do as the blind Iade breake your neck downe a hill because you see it not ha you no light of nature in that flesh of yours Now as true as I liue maister Doctor I had a secret operation and J knew him then to be my husband eene by very instinct Purge Impudence dost not blush art not asham'd to lie so abhominable Mi. Pur. No husband rather be you ashamed of your owne weaknesse for for my part J neither feare nor shame what man can doe vnto me Ger. Master Purge J see you haue spent your pith therefore best make a full point at the ring and attend our pleasure maister Exigent proceed to the rest Dri. Crier call Doctor Glister Club. Doctor Glister alias suppositar doctor of physicke appeare vpon thy purgation vpon the bellie paine that may ensue therein Doct. Here master Doctor Ger. VVho is his accuser Dry. His clamorous wife who seems to enforce a separation about a Bastard in the Countrie which should be his only father'd vpon him Ger. VVhat proofe of that Mist. Gli. Proofe vnaunswerable master Doctor the Nurses Letter let it be red but first obserue his countenance it may be his blushing will bewray his guilt Ger. Now by this light I thought it had indeed but I see t is but the reflexion of his beard Reade the Letter Master Exigent Club. After my harty commendations remembred vnto your worshipfull doctorship trusting in god that you are aswell as I was at the making heereof thanks be to him therefore The cause of my writing vnto you at this time is to let you vnderstand that your litle sonne is turned a ragged colt a verie stripling for beeing now stript of all his cloathing his backside wants a tayle-peece commendes it selfe to your fatherly Consideratiō Wo worth the time that euer I gaue suck to a child that came in at the window god knowes how Yet if you did but see how like the peart little read headed knaue is to his Father and how like a Cock sparrow he mouses and touses my little Besse already you would take him for your owne and pay me my hier I write not of the want of one thing for I want all things wherfore take some speedy order or else as naked as he came from the mother will I send him to the father From Pis the xxii of Your poore nurse Thomasiue Tweed es Doctor Maister doctor Truth needes not the foyle of Rhetorick I will onely in Monosillaba aunswere for my selfe as sometimes a wise man did such and such things are laide to my charge which J deny you may thinke of mee what you please but I am as innocent in this as the child new borne Ger. VVhy ther 's partly a confession the child wee know is innocent and not new borne neyther for it should seeme by the letter he is able to call his dad knaue Doct. You take me wrong master Proctor Dry. Vnder correction thus much can I say for my clients Justification Indeed hee hath trauel'd well in the beating of pulses and hath been much conuersant in womens Iordanes but he had euer a care to raise his patient beeing before cast downe his charitable disposition hath beene such to poore folke that he neuer tooke aboue foure pence for the casting of a water which good custome was so well knowne among all his patients that if sixpence were at any time offered him they might be bold to aske and haue two pence againe Hee hath been so skilfull and painfull withall in the cure of the greene sicknes that of my knowledge hee hath risen at all houres in the night to pleasure maides that haue had it And for that foule mouth'd disease tearm'd by a fine phrase a pox on 't what d ee cal 't ô the Grincomes at that he hath plaid his doctors prize and writes Nil vltra to all Bountibāckes So that the wise woman in Pissing alley nor she in Do-little lane are more famous for good deeds thē he Then maister Doctor out of these presumptions besides his flatte denyall a more infallible ground you may gather his innocence and let him haue his purgation Gerardine No Maister Exigent it is not so to be foysted off Mi. Gl. Nay mayster Doctor what saye you to his own Neece that looks big vpon him an arrow that sticks for the vpshot against al commers which by his restraint of her from master Gerardine an honest Gentleman that lou'd her and vpon that Colour from the sight and enter-course of other men must by all presumptions be his owne Act Gerar. O monstrous this is a foule Blot in your Tables indeede Doct. VVife thou hast no shame nor womanhood in thee thy conscience knowes mee Mi. Gli. True of thy flesh who knowes not that thy bearde speakes for thee I J thou liest by me like a Stone but abroade th' art like a stone horse you old Timelifter Dri. Cease your clamour and attend my speach most Worshipfull reuerend and iudiciall Doctor for the quickning of your memory I will giue you a Breuiat of all that hath beene spoken Master Doctor Glister hath a cradlefull and a bellie full you see thrust vpon him and master Purge a head foole Your wife is an angry honilesse waspe whose sting I hope you need not feare and yours carries honny in her mouth but her sting makes your forehead swell your wife makes you deafe with the shrill treble of her tong and yours makes you horne mad with the tenor of her Taile In fine mayster Doctors refuge is his conscience and Master Purge runnes at his wiues Ring Ger. Summa totalis a good Audit ha you made master Exigent now attend my Arbitterment For you Gallants though you haue incurd the daunger of the Law by vsing counterfet keyes and putting your hands into the wrong pocket yet because I see you punisht and purgd already my aduise is that you learne the A.B.C. of better manners goe backe and tell how you haue beene vs'd in the Citty and beeing thus scour'd keepe your selues cleane and the bedd vndefiled For you Master Purge because I see your Euidence insufficient and indeed too weake to foyle your wiues vprightnesse and seeing Iealousy and vnkindnesse hath onely made her a stranger in your land of Ham my counsell is that you readuance your Standard giue her new presse mony Purge You may enioyne me sir but Ger. But not at mee man I will inioyne you and conioyne you and briefly thus you haue your Ring that has made this combustion and vproare that keepe still weare it and here by my edict bee it proclaymed to all that are iealous to weare theyr wiues Ring still on their fingers as best for their securitie and the only charme against Cuckoldry Purge Then wife at master Doctors enioyntment so thou wilt promise me to come no more at the Familie I receiue thee into the lists of my fauor Mistr. Purge Truelie Husband my loue must be free still to Gods creatures yea neuerthelesse preseruing you still as the head of my bodie I will doe as the Spirite shall inable me Ger. Go too thou hast a good wife and there an end vpon you master Doctor beeing solicited by so apparant proofe J can doe no lesse then pronounce a seuere sentence and yet yfaith the reuerence of your calling and profession doth somewhat checke my austeritie what if master Gerardine by my perswasion would yet be induced to take your Neece and father the child would you launch with a thousand pound besides her fathers portion Doct. Master Doctor I would were it but to redeeme her lost good name Ger. Then foreknowing what would happen I thought good in master Gerardines name to haue this bond ready which if you seale to he shall take her with all faults Doct. That will I instantly So this is done which together with my Neece doe I deliuer by these presents to the vse of master Gerardine Ger. He thanks you hartily and lets you know they discouer themselues That Indian mines and Tagus glistering oare To this bequest were vnto me but poore Doct. Gli. What! Gerardine Dryfat and Club Dry. The very same your are welcome to our Club Lawe Club. The very same your are welcome to our Club Lawe Ger. Cease admiration here what doubt remaynes I le satisfie at full now ioyne with me For approbation of our Famylie EPILOGVS Gentles whose fauor haue or'spread this place And shed the reall influence of grace On harmlesse myrth we thanke you for our hope Atracts such vigor and vnmeasur'd scope From the reflecting splendor of your eyes That grace presumd feare in obliuion dies Your iudgement as it is the Touch and Tryer Of good from bad so from your harts comes fier That giues both ardor to the wit refin'd And sweetnesse th' Incense of each willing mind O may that fier nere dye nor let your sauors Depart from vs giue countnance to their labors Propos'd a Sacrifice which may no lesse Their strong desires then our true zeales expresse FINIS