which maketh so smal account of those men who not only instruct vs in learning but in life also which are the two greatest goods that can be desired in this world And therfore it is so far of that they should be dispised that they ought to be reuerenced as much as our owne fathers But for that there are many maisters excellent in learning and yet lewd in life the father must be very wary in the choise of them least what his sonne getteth one way he looseth another way for hee must haue as greate care to make hym vertuous as learned and hee muste haue more care to make hym good then to leane hym goodes for as one sayd If thy sonne bee wise honest thou shalt leaue him goodes ynough but if he be a foole thou shalt leaue him to much For fooles are not fit to possesse riches Now if the childe be not giuen to learning the father must not fayle continually to imploy hym some other way for there is nothing more dangerous then an idle young manne And as that tree which blossometh not in spring tyme bringeth foorth no fruite in haruest so hee shall neuer come to liue honestly when he is a man who is not vertuously exercised while he is a childe but amongest other occasiones of the ill successe of children this is one when the father is carelesse to make them in tyme raise themselues from the ground Guaz. What meane you by that Annib. That the father being carefull of his sonnes aduauncement is many times so curious to see him thorowly instructed in worldly matters that forgetting how the beginning of wisdom is the feare of god he taketh no care at all to instructe hym in the Christian Faith whereof it commeth that this vnhappy chylde trayned vp altogether in worldly affayres and depriued of the true lyghte can not see the righte waye but runneth into perdition Guaz. Nowe you hit the marke right for the wisedome of the world is folly with God And it is a thing impossible for him to liue well who knoweth not God Annib. To this Christian admonition agreeth that which the diuine Philosopher Plato saith where he 〈…〉 against fathers which shew them solues ignorant what theyr ought to do trotting vp downe this way and that way casting all their care to heape vp much wealth taking so litle care for the children who must possesse it that they exercise them neither in the vertue of iustice nor of liberalitie wherby they may be able to distribute â—se bestow their goods as they ought to doe Which doing it may be sayde that they prouide for thinges superfluous and neglecte thinges necessarie Whiche the Persians knewe well who though they were ignoraunt of the true worship of God yet they were carefull aboue al things to haue their children instructed in iustice and vertue I would then haue parentes take care both for the minde and the body of their children But for that the minde is more excellent it is reason to cast our chiefest care vpon it And for that the minde in infantes is like a payre of tables wherein nothing is written and like tender twig which may be bowed euery way it is cleare that vertue or vice may easily be planted in it And for that it is knowen by proofe that those things are kept best in memorie which are learned in youth fathers ought to instruct their children in the best thinges that is in the feare and loue of God Holding it for a generall rule that he whiche knoweth euery thing and knoweth not God knoweth nothing Guaz. For that the fathers eyther will not or cannot be alwayes with their chyldren to keepe them in the right way they ought to prouide maysters for them no lesse godly then learned who euery day at conuenient times mayâ— teache them some deuout prayers and instruct them in the feare of God not ceassing in their ordinary lectures to mingle alwayes some diuine preceptes For imprinting in their tender hartes deuocion and religion it wil while they liue continue them in godlinesse and after their death it wil vnite them to Christ. Annib. You say very well And if the father bee diligent to instructe his children in the law of God hee shall get this also by it that his children thereby will do hym the more honour and reuerence knowing that it is Gods commaundement they shoulde do so To the former occasion of the ill successe of chyldren may bee added this when the father setteth before them a stained and spotted glasse to looke in that is when he himself giueth them il example Which the Romanes were very circumspect in whose modesty discretion was so great that the father would neuer hath himselfe in the companye of his sonne and it was counted a greate faulte in the father to suffer himselfe to bee seene naked by his sonne no marueyle then though Cato the Censor put Manlius out of the Senate onelye for kissing his Wife in the presence of his Daughter whereby wee maye see that it is not ynough for the Father to appoynte good Maysters ouer his Chyldren and to see them well instructed if aboue all thinges hee bee not cyrcumspecte to shewe himselfe suche before them as hee wisheth to haue them to bee for the Mayster doeth them not so muche good by his good instructions as the Father doeth them harme by his euill Example for that they are by nature lead rather to followe his steppes then the maysters preceptes for it is so naturall a thing for the sonne to resemble the Father in gamening in swearing and in other vices that if by chaunce some childe doe not followe his Father in them but liueth vertuouslye and honestlye yet the worlde wyll scarse beleeue that hee doeth so by reason of the euill opinyon they haue conceyued of the Father but will rather thinke that the Chylde is heyre to his vyces as well as to his Landes And when they canne fynde no faulte with hym anye waye some or other will not sticke to hitte hym in the teeth that hee was the sonne of the naughtiest man in the worlde Likewise if the Father bee honest and the sonne lewde the Fathers good name is called in questyon and men thinke it in a manner impossible that the sonne shoulde treade awrye vnlesse hee were by his Father lead awyre And therevppon it is thoughte that if some Romane Gentlemen vsed too extreame seueritye towards their Chyldren they didde it not so muche vppon the displeasure whiche they conceyued agaynste them as for the care they hadde of their owne renowne and the desyre to mayntayne their credite and reputation I woulde therefore haue the Father to frame hymselfe to lyue well and orderlye as well for hys owne sake as for the honoure and benefite of his Chyldren who seeing the Uertue which shyneth in their Fathers deedes feele themselues mooued with desyre to immitate hym and seeing those of the house which stande quietlye
effectâ— but let vs here only consider the greife of Kyng Dauid who at the death of his sonne Absolon was vanquished of his affections whiche in all other accidentes he vsed to maister that shedding teares aboundantly by the greife which he felt he was driuen to breake out into these complaintes My sonne Absolon Absolon my sonne who wil giue me leaue to dy for thee Thus sorowfull was he for the death of his sonne notwithstanding this his sonne had before slaine his other sonne Amon and had done hym a thousand outrages yea finally conspired against him and his Realme but for y e children haue no such regard to this tender loue of their parents as they ought to haue doing as you would haue me I say briefly that they ought to know that the first law of nature is to honour the father the mother that the Spartanes vsed to do reuereÌ„ce to their elders to the ende y t being accustomed to reuerence those whom they had nothing to do withal they might haue their parents in the more honour reuereÌ„ce If the Panims obserued y e law so inuiolably much more ought Christians to keepe it who haue receiued it out of Gods owne mouth who giueth his blessing promiseth the reward of long life to those y t honour their father mother that no child should be so graceles grateles amoÌ„gste infinit other to forget these three 〈◊〉 receiued of y e father to wit his being his nourishing and his instructing for euery one of those is sufficient to perswade them that next vnto God there is nothing more to bee honoured then the Father and mother If the father bee churlish and curst vnto them let the manifold benefites receyued of him counteruayle that crueltye and continue them in their duetye by the example of the young manâ— who as one cast in his teeth that his Father spake ill of him aunswered That he would not do it if he had not cause Lette them take heede of molesting their parentes any waye or contending with them but to ouercome them with patience for they shall be sure neuer to fynde surer friende then their father and they must alwayes carry in their mindes that he which stubbornly striueth with his father prouoketh the wrath of God against him so y t hee shall neither passe away his life quietly nor yet make his end honestly let them so behaue themselues y t their father haue no cause to curse them wish ill of them as Oedipus did to his Children for it is a thing most certayne that God heareth the prayers of the Father against his children let them not think by any deede or seruice to be able to require their Fathers goodnesse towards them neither feare to be found flatterers for any praise they can giue him or for any kindnesse they can shew him for when they haue done their duetye to the vttermost they can yet shall they not haue done al which they should Lastly let them stick to their parentes in all troubles and aduersitye assuring theÌ„selues that they which shall abandon their parentes shall be forsaken of God that is the greatest offence that may be committed Guaz. A man may gather by your most godly admonitioÌ„s that y e wise Salomon was not to be found fault withal who being demaunded why he made no law against murtherers of their parentes answered That he thought no man how wicked so euer he were would ouer commit any suche monstrous impiety Haue you any more to say touching the conuersation betweene the Father and the sonne Annib. Nothing else but that he shall haue the same measure made him by his children as he shall meate to his Father like as there was a Father who was driuen out of his owne house by his sonne and was fayne to take vp his lodging in the spittle house and seeing his sonne one day go by the doore prayed him for charitie sake at leaste to sende him a payre of sheetes to lye in The sonne mooued with his Fathers request was no sooner come home but he coÌ„maunded one of his sonnes to carry a payre of sheetes to the Hospitall to his Grandfather but the childe deliuered but one of them which his Father blaming him for at his returne he aunswered I will keepe the other for you when in your olde age you shall go to the Hospitall as my Graundfather now doth Whereby we maye learne that our Children will deale with vs as we deale with our parents And this shall serue to cloase vp our discourse touching this conuersation Guaz. I shall thinke your discourse more perfect if it shal please you to make some perticuler mention of Daughters for that the father is to vse himself otherwise towards them then toward his sonnes Annib. I feare me I cannot satisfie you in that point for that at this day the manner of bringing them vp is so different I say not of one countrey froÌ„ another but of one Countye yea and of one Citie that a man canne set downe no certaine determinate rule of it for some fathers will not suffer their Daughters to set their foote foorth of doores not past once or twise in the yeere at some solemne feasts some will allow them not only to keepe company with their friendes and kinsfolke at home in the house but also to visite their friendes abrode and to be present at banquets meeting of friends some will haue them taught to write and reade and to haue skill in Poetry musicke and painting others will haue them learne nothing but to spinne with the disâ—affe and gouerne the house do you now thinke it possible to set down one law which shall be agreeable to all these diuersities Guaz. I remember I haue read of a good wise Paynter who hauing to draw the singuler bewties of Hellene assembled together a company of the fayrest women he coulde get and taking of euery one of them y t parte which was most excellent in them he reduced al those bewties into the shape of Hellen so I would haue you if euerye one of those fashions by you rehearsed like you not of it selfe by the pensil of your iudgement to draw foorth those partes out of euery of those customes whiche like you best and thereof to compose the fourme and manners of a perfect virgine Annib. I had rather you would perswade me to flie rather then follow the example of the painter for whereas hee drew Helene I thinke I should doe better to represent Lucrece or Virginia Guaz. You haue taken me at a vauntage but I woulde haue you aunswere me according to the simple meaning of my wordes Annib. Though I doe so I must not follow the painter for that his painting tended only to one ende but Fathers doe not so in the bringing vp of their Daughters and yet perchaunce euery one of those diuersittes is commendable if it be well vnderstoode Guaz. I see not how those extremities can
discourse consist Guaz. I thinke this deuision ought to haue bene more large for seing in families there are the Uncle and the Nephew the Father in law and the Sonne in law the step Mother and the steppe Daughter the Coosins and Allies me thinkes that diuision is not great ynough Annib. As vnder the name of Father and Sonne I haue comprehended Mother and Daughter vnder the name of Brothers Sisters and of Maysters and man Mistreis and mayde so I include the Uncle the Father in Law and the Tutour in the name of Father and the Sonne in law the Daughter in law and the Pupill in the name of Sonnes and the Coosins Allies in the name of Brothers so that in my opinion the deuision before made is not defectuous neyther requireth any addition of thinges superfluous And for so much as the cheefe conuersation commeth by meane of mariage for that Cities cannot be without families nor families without Husband and Wife let vs enter into the fielde and begin with the conuersation of the maried seeing the cheefest honour is due vnto it not onely for that it is first in order but also for that there is no conuersation more agreeable to nature then that of the male and female Guaz. Though our cheefe purpose be to speake of the conuersation betweene the husband and the wife yet I think it were not amisse that you should first giue some good instructions to him that meaneth to marry Annib. Your aduise liketh me well and it may be that that speeche shall haue force to stir vp in our hartes a desire to marry Guaz. I haue heard say that there commeth some time vpon vs by chaunce a desyre or appetite which you Phisitions call disordinate to which you forbid meate if then that appetite of marying a wife shall chaunce to come vppon me for my part I meane to satisfie it by no other meane then by abstinence calling to my remembraunce the great commendation a Philosopher gaue to those that had a great desyre to sayle and yet would neuer hazard themselues on the sea to gouerne common wealthes and yet woulde neuer meddle with it to marry a wife yet would neuer marry any * Or I thinke it good to doe in that point as one did who being earnestly solicited by his mother to take a wife aunswered her that it was not yet time and being a few months after importuned by her in the same matter he aunswered that now the time was past * Annib. There are some men so daintie and delicate that they know not what they will themselues but mislike of euery state of life but you know that a wise and stayde man frameth himselfe cherefully many kinde of life and specially forgetteth not this senteÌ„ce That it is an execrable thing wilfully to depriue ones self of immortalitie which he doth who seeketh not to haue wife and children mary I say not for all that that it behoueth euery man to haue a wife by his syde but rather I forbid it to manye persons for I say vnto you that manye occasions offer themselues whereby the diuell enimy to our quiet putteth himselfe betweene the husband and the wife and not only maketh the maryage to haue vnhappy successe but besides therby bringeth many houses and families to ruine and decay Guaz. I would gladly heare what those occasions are Annib. He that would make narrow search for them might find inow of them but I remember three of the cheifest which are not to be concealed in this discourse The first is inequality betweene the maried couple eyther in yeeres or in calling whereof arise so many quarrels inconuenieÌ„ces y t I thinke it most necessary that the parties be equall Guaz. Touching the difference in yeeres me thinks it is an vnseemely thing to see a yong woman matched with a man that carryeth the countenaunce rather to be her father than her husband and I am perswaded that yong dainty damsels go as willinglye to such husbandes as they woulde doe to their graues For they are sure to become wydowes in their husbandes lyfe tyme besydes that they which haue been so matcht know how troublesome an olde husbande is to a yong wife yea and which is worst of al the poore soules are in this hard plight that what honesty so euer be in them or what modesty so euer be in their behauiour yet men will not stick to mutter that they are lewde and light only by reson of their husbandes white bearde And I know not which I may count greater of the ielousie which is entred into the husband or of the suspicion which is giuen by the wife Annib. Consider I pray you on the other side the goodlye name whiche wrinkled and toothlesse women gette in taking to husbandes young and beardlesse boyes and tel me whether the rage of those women be not greater then the hard fortune of the other but to make short there can be no agreemente betweene suche contrarieties And as Venus and Saturne are at continual warre the one with the other so the old coupled with the yong neuer agree together The like happeneth in mariages which are not equall in calling and condition for so long as the one shall be nobly minded and the other basely giuen there can be no consent of minds nor agreement in good will but continuall stryfe and debate Now to the former occasion of vnhappinesse in mariage I wil ad the second which is wheÌ„ the mariage is made against the will and liking of the parties whereof I haue seene great inconuenience to grow to the shame reproche to late repentaunce of the makers of such mariages but this disliking is for the most part on the womans syde withoute whose knowledge the mariages are talked of and concluded and the dowry tolde and payde yea they are often conueyed to their husbands into straÌ„ge countreys amoÌ„g barbarous people before they haue any inkeling of the matter by meanes whereof the miserable wretches fearing the commandement and rigour of their parents are many times inforced to doe agaynst their mynde and to accepte with their mouth that which they refuse with their hart Guaz. In Fraunce there happen no such disorders where the maydes as well as the men haue free liberty to say yea or nay as their fancy serueth them Annib. But let vs come to the third occasyon which perchaunce is that which importeth more and which alwayes bringeth forth euill effectes which is when a man taketh a wife without dowry Guaz. You haue reason for when these husbaâ—â— y t marry for loue only consider with themselues how their wiues haue brought nothing vnto them their loue beginneth to waxe colde and repenting their folly they begin to vse them not like wiues but like kitchinstuffes whereas those that marry riche wiues are sure stil to haue somewhat to bee in loue withall you see how now adayes fayre women without riches fynde more Louers then Husbandes and there
and reuerently wayting vpon him to be ready at the holding vp of his fynger to execute his commaundementes they thereby take example to doe their duetye lykewyse and not to bee inferioure in obedyence to Seruauntes and Straungers and besides indeuour to be like in deedes to their Father that they maye in tyme to come receiue the lyke reuerence of their Seruauntes as they see their father doeth of his for the Father which giueth an ill example to the chylde in tyme shall be had in contempte by the Chylde and abandoned of him so that he shall neyther receyue succoure of him in his latter dayes nor in his last day that last duty to cloase vp his eyes Besides the father by liuing disorderly and dishonestly manye tymes make a hande of those goods whiche the children shoulde liue by Guaz. That agreeth with this Children many tymes are made for to weepe By reason of the ill rule their fathers did keepe Annib. Yea there are some cases wherein the seelye Infantes which haue not offended are punished for their Fathers faulte And thinking to my selfe that lawe to be too rigorous I asked one daye Mayster Frauncis Beccio the occasion whiche mooued the Emperour Iustinian to sette downe any such seuere lawe and amongest a greate manye reasons which hee aleaged vnto mee this was the cheefe That the Father naturallye fearing the ill of his Children more then of himselfe will the better keepe himself from cōmitting suche offences whereof his children shall beare the punishment whereby we may know that the ill life of the father bringeth to the Children both loffe and shame and that he must not perswade him that it is ynough to giue his children good counsayle vnlesse his deedes bee agreeable thereto for the children respecte not so muche that which the father sayth as that which he doth like as the Crauish somtime did Who his mother telling him that it was very vnseemely for him to go arsewarde as hee die aunswered Doe you leade mee the waye otherwyse and you shall see I will followe you And therefore hee that desyreth to amende his Children muste fyrst amende hymself and by the example of piety charity iustice other vertues make them charitable iust and vertuous and when he shall walke vpright by himselfe hee maye boldlye take vp others for haulting lyke as Dionisius sometyme didde who taking his sonne in a faulte sayde vnto him Haste thou euer seene mee commit the lyke faulte No sayth his Sonne you had no king to your father whereto he replyed Neyther shalt thou haue a king to thy sonne as it fell out in deede for in the ende for his crueltye and Tyranny he was driuen out of his kingdome and was constrayned by necessitie to go rouing vp and downe vntill hee founde meanes to teache children and keepe a schoole Let vs nowe passe to the other occasions of the infortunate conuersation betweene the father and the chylde whereof there are two which now come in my mynd the one is when the father is more then a mother the other when he is more then a father Guaz. Howe meane you that he should be more then a mother Annib. When he is so blinded that he seeth not the imperfections of his childe or if hee see them yet is readye to commende them or to excuse them in such sorte that if his sonne be haughty or harebrained he termeth him couragious if he be base minded he counteth him modest if a prating boye hee will haue him on Gods name to be an Orator and in flattering thus himselfe hee frameth in his imagination the best childe in the worlde with the whiche blindnesse the fathers of one onlye childe are for the moste part stroken I must needes in this place mention vnto you a youth of fyfteene or sixteene yeares of age of a readye witte but otherwise vicious dissolute and lewde of life by the fault of the father and mother who are so farre from correcting him that they dare not so muche as threaten him nor saye anye worde to him whiche maye displease him And I remember when he was fyue or sixe yeres olde if anye tolde them that they muste rebuke him for some faulte whiche he hadde done they would excuse him by and by saying hee was not yet of age to knowe his fault And beeing seuen or eyghte yeeres olde they woulde neuer beate hym nor threaten him doubting leaste through great feare and perturbation of the spirites his blood shoulde bee chaufed and inflamed whereby hee mighte bee cast into an ague No at tenne yeeres old they thought not good to trouble or molest him aleaging that strypes and threates mighte pull downe his courage too muche and take from hym his Noble stomache And though nowe for his naughtye conditions hee bee hated of the whole Towne yet they leaue not to excuse hym styll saying hee must fyrst growe and then after bee wyse and that within these fewe dayes they will sende hym to Schoole where hee shall learne witte I looke nowe when hee shall bee of age to bee hanged on the Gallowes to heare him before the people to laye the fault on his Father and mother and iustlye to curse their foolishe loue and shamefull cockering and sufferaunce attempting as once one didde to teare their Noase or their eares of with his teeth Guaz. Thereby it is seene that a chylde though of neuer so good a witte yet beeing ill broughte vp prooueth too bad but I looked you woulde haue tolde that in the ende hee hadde beaten his Father to make him amendes or that hee had driuen him out of the house as the Serpent was by the Irchin for to giue a childe so greate libertye is to putte weapons into his hand whiche often tymes hee vseth agaynste his parentes but this greate cockering and compassion is proper to the mother who commonlye bringeth vp her chyldren with more tender affection then discretion And there are few to bee seene at this daye whiche by the example of the Spartane women haue the heartes to saye to theire children in deliuering them a Tergate Come no more in my sighte but eyther with this retourning victoryous from the field or vppon this being brought dead out of the fielde but rather goe about to withstand the honourable thoughtes and enterprises of their children and woulde haue them both in countenaunce and conditions like to women Annib. It is a hard matter for a mother to be fond of her children and wise both together Guaz. But the right loue is to beate and correcte them when they shall deserue it and as the Poet sayth The rod doth not make lesse the mothers loue Annib. If the excesse of loue be to be blamed in the mother much more is it to be reproued in the father whose part it is to examine and correct his childrens faultes assuring himselfe that the only way to spyll them is to bee too fond and tender ouer them Guaz. But whiche are those fathers
you call more than fathers Annib. Those which are too cruell to their children and beate them continually like slaues for the least fault in the world Guaz. Truly those fathers are mislyked of all men for that withoute discretion they measure theyr children by themselues and requyre at their handes a matter impossible which is to haue them be old in their youth not suffering them to inioy in any sort that liberty whiche is alowed to their age And in my mynde they deserue no other name then of Schoolemaisters for that they cannot manner their children well vnles they haue a rod in their hande for if they were right fathers they would be content that their children should learne of them to know that the whole drift of humane lawes is nothing else but to refraine from doing ill to vse to do that which is good and honest which a childe is brought to rather by loue than by force but the authoritie which some ignorant fathers take vppon them is so great that without respecting age place time degree fashion or any thing they wyll keepe their children vnder by force and make them do euery thing contrary to their owne myndes yea euen to weare their apparell after the fashion of the good men of the time past Annib. It is most certayne that they do amisse in that whereby they make their children not to loue them so hartely and to obay them rather for feare then affection besides they consider not that the beating without measure and the keeping them in continuall feare is the cause that a manne cannot iudge to what manner of life they are naturally inclined Moreouer it dulleth their wittes and represseth their naturall vigour in such sort that there is no mettall left in them and by fearing alwayes to fayle in their doinges they neuer but faile in them and comming in any company they know neyther which way to looke nor what to do Therefore they ought to leaue their butchery beating and consider rather that for the lacke of yeeres their chidren cannot haue perfect vnderstanding and experience in things wherby they are to be borne withal when they do amisse Guaz. I like those fathers well who can keepe their children in awe only with shaking their head at them or vsing some such like signe and can only with a word correct them and make them ashamed of their faulte But I am perswaded that there are few fathers that know how to keepe the meane but that they will eyther bee to rough or to gentle to their children whereof as the one driueth them to desperatnesse so the other bringeth them to dissolutenesse Annib. We must thinke that a childe hath giuen vnt◠him a father and a mother to y e end that of the wisdom of the one and the loue of the other that Meane which you meane may be made and that the seueritie of the father may bee somwhat mitigated by the lenitie of the mother Guaz. You may in my opinyon yet adde one occasion more of the disagreement between the father and the childe which is the partiall loue of the father towardes his chyldren Annib. Do you take that to be a fault Guaz. Do you thinke it reasonable that hee should imbrace and loue one more than an other and that all being of his fleshe and blood he shoulde cast a merry countenaunce vppon some of them and a seuere looke vppon other some Annib. Of the sonnets other cōpositions which you haue made is it well done of you to like some better then other some yea and perchaunce those which are worst best And be you assured also that your father loueth not all his children alike and yet he of you whom he loueth least cannot iustly complayne of him Guaz. I giue my father no occasion to vse me worse then the rest and therefore if he should doe it I should haue iuste cause to complayne of him while I liued Annib. You haue reason if he vse you yll mary not though he loue you lesse then he doth some other for inequalitie of loue is permitted to the father but not yll vsage Guaz. How meane you that Annib. A father that is a merchant hath one sonne that is a scholar another a souldiour and an other a merchaunt of those three it is a great chaunce but he will loue the merchaunt best for that he seeth him like to him selfe in life and manners Where in his other sonnes are to beare with him for that by nature we are ledde to like those thinges which resemble vs most mary if he shall not giue them as good alowance for their dyet apparel and other necessaries as he doth to the merchant they shall haue occasion to complayne of him as vniust Guaz. O how hard a thing is it for the father after that partiall passion is once entred into his hart to minister iustice indifferently Annib. The greater is the wisdome of the father who preferring the merites of his children before his owne partiall affection maketh his senses yeelde to reason and sheweth him in deedes alike towardes all I will not denye but that the father by his authoritie ought to distribute his fauoures as he seeth good to one more to another lesse according to the demeanor and doinges of his children for as by gentle vsage he incourageth a childe that is well giuen to doe well so by harde handling hee may bring one that is vntoward to goodnesse yea if he haue any child which is quite past grace without any hope of recouery he may lawfullye not only loue him lesse then the rest but quite cast him out of his fauour like as Aristippus did by a lewde sonne of his and being reproued for it by a friende of his who willed him to consider that his sonne was a collup of his own flesh and came from his Loynes he aunswered That lice and a great many superfluities come from a mans body yet being il they are to be cast away But those fathers are gretly to be blamed who with vniust partialitie and without any reasonable consideration vse one childe as legitimate and the other as a Bastard whereof it followeth that he which is so coursely accounted of doth not only fayle in affection towardes his father but beginneth to fall to secrete warre with his other brother whereby the father whose chiefe office is to establish quiet and concorde amongest his children shall by his vndiscrete and vniust partialitie plante amongst them a roote of continuall discorde * And therefore the Father ought to be well aduised how he preferreth in good wil one childe before another and not to doe it vpon euery light occasion As there are some which will doe it not for anye fault which is in them but for some naturall defect wherein in my iudgement they do much amisse in making their innocent childe beare the punishment of their own imperfections who at the time they did beget him were no doubt possest with
hath béen no such enemie to good company but that these wordes haue escaped forth of his mouth Had I beene with her But that he hath frequented Courts and entred into amitie with many Princes and Gentlemen I speake not of Hierosme Vida for that not so much in respect of the workes hée hath written being gotten alone by himselfe as for the learning hee shewed by word of mouth in publike counsaile and for that hée had long time vsed the Court of Rome and by his déedes giuen other good example to doe well he hath gotten not onely the myter vnder which hée hath a great while gouerned the flocke committed vnto him but besides hath wonne the credite of a Prelate worthy of a higher degrée Moreouer that hée exalteth the solitary life to the intent to shewe his great wit in debasing it afterwards with diuers and inuincible reasons amongst the which he affirmeth that all beasts so soone as they are deliuered from their damme get vpon their féet and are able to stand a high alon which nature woulde not graunt to man who so soone as hée is borne néedeth the assistance and support of others If that reason bée not sufficient hée addeth that the same nature hath giuen speeche to man not to the ende to speake to himselfe which were to no purpose but to the ende it might stande in steede towardes other And you sée that the tongue serueth vs to teache to demaunde to conferre to traffike to counsaile to correct to dispute to iudge and to expresse the affection of our hearte meanes whereby men come to loue one another and to linke themselues together And hée concludeth at the end that a man can not attaine to any science if it bée not taught him by some other You sée then Gentleman that conuersation is not onely profitable but moreouer necessary to the perfection of man who must confesse that hee is lyke the Bée which cannot liue alone And therefore according to the graue opinion of the Stoikes we must thinke that as all thinges vppon the earth are made for the vse of man so man is created for the vse of man to the intent that following nature as their guide and Mistres they haue to succour one another to communicate together common profites in giuing and receiuing vniting and binding themselues together by artes occupations and faculties so that hee may repute himselfe an vnfortunate man which hath not the meanes by conuersation to purchase his owne profite and other mens a punishement inflicted by the lawes on some offendors for a kinde of torment For there is no greater affliction then to liue amongst men and to bée depriued of the ayde and companie of men And to ende my talke there is héere on earth no pleasure to bee receiued without companie which made Architas Tarentinus to say that if any might by Gods permission ascend to heauen and there beholde the nature of the world and the beautie of the starres that sight woulde bée no great delight vnto him if hee had not some or other to whom he might impart it and tel what he sawe * You may perceiue then heereby that neither aire fire nor water affoorde vs more aide in al our néeds then conuersation doth But if perchaunce al these things be not sufficient to prooue this matter vnto you I am redy to bring you touching this many other reasons so substantiall as these already rehearsed Guaz. I am forced to say with the Poet. Neither yea neither nay can I resolue flatly to say For notwithstanding I féele my selfe greafly comforted with your gentle discourse yet there sticke in my stomacke some doubts which make me say vnto you that as the stepmother by extreeme hatred discerneth not the vertues of her sonne in law the mother by excessiue loue on the contrary side knoweth not the imperfections of her own sonne so you likewise shew your selfe to be surprised with the same passions to find fault with solitarinesse commend conuersatioÌ„ for so much as you haue not told the good which 〈◊〉 of y e solitary life nor the euill which commeth of conuersation Wherefore to manifest and discouer that which you kéepe secret I say vnto you that my meaning was not to defende and commend those persons who moued either by some sodaine toy which taketh them in the head or of some melancholy humor rather then of any good minde doe altogether withdrawe themselues into solitary places and take no keepe to knowe what wée doe in the worlde but I amount them for dead or at least for men which are good neither for themselues nor other and being not willing to put in practise their vertue to their owne profite nor to teache it to others which stande in nâ—ede of it I vse to compare them to the Foxe who had rather 〈◊〉 and breake his tayle against the ground to 〈◊〉 profit then to giue a little of it to the Ape to couer his priuy parts Likewise I neuer meant to deny but that in haunting the companie of men a man may doe woorkes acceptable to GOD my opinion was and is yet that to the perfection of man which if I bée not deceiued consisteth chiefly in knowledge solitarinesse is more auayleable then conuersation And for proofe thereof you sée howe those which busie themselues in the affaires of the worlde are for the most parte without learning and contrariwise those which couet to get learning seeke it not in publike places amongest a multitude of men but in their studies priuie Chambers Neither is it to purpose to say that some learned waxe sots and fooles in company for that this foolishnesse is estéemed to bée so onely by the vulgar sorte who séeing them vnskilful howe to make courtesie after the newe fashion howe to set the cappe aside howe to daunce in measure and kéepe time with the musike and howe to stoute another finely according to the common fashion laugheth them to scorne and maketh small reckoning of them But for all that they are fauoured and honoured amongst other learned men who take for plainnesse of manners and gentlenesse of minde that which the common soâ—te calleth foolishnesse Nowe let vs turne the leafe I pray you and set one of these scoffers in the middest of a compaâ—â— of learned men and you shall sée him straightway either to bée stroke dumbe to his shame or else to speake to his dishonour like as hee who being by chaunce amongest certaine learned men which reasoned of the excellency of Poets pricked forwarde by his owne ambitious ignorance interrupted their talke saying that without any more contention Horace was to bée preferred before all other Poets for that Petrarch was of that opinion and had already preferred him before Homer and Virgil and beeing required to bring foorth that opinion of Petrarch hée answered foorthwith If Virgil and Homer had seene Horace alone gainst all Tuscane Wherevpon they fell to laughing more hartily then the schollers
opynions of husbandes are and how diuerse the customes of countryes are wee shall staye too long about yt for some are so kynde harted that they wyshe their wyues in any wise to gyue their freindes entertainement being in their house thinking themselues happy to haue wyues that knowe howe to behaue themselues well in that poynte and they are very gladde that the worlde may knowe there shineth in their house so rare and precious a pearle and iâ—well now some on the other side are of this humour that they thincke it a dyshonour that their wiues should bee skilfull in any thing else but in spinning and sowing and if any strangers come to their houses they either runne quickly themselues or send some of their meÌ„ to giue their wiues warning to withdrawe themselues which they do no otherwise then the chicken doth seing the kyte comming Compare the people of Siennna and of the Romanes together consider how the Seneses to do the greater honour to straungers in their houses make their wiues present themselues as y e most deere thing they haue in the world contrariwyse the Romanes inioyne their wyues to so stricte a life that they seeme to bee cloistred Nunnes In this diuersity of dealing I will not giue any determinate iudgment for y e custome of each countrey is to be obeyed which is to be obsâ—rued as inuiolably as a law neither would I y t we shoulde dispute which of y e husbandes do best eyther they which shew their wiues or they which shut them vp when their freinds come to their houses mary I wil say this that all y e honour all the blame which may arise either way falleth not vpon y e wiues but vpon the husbandes for y t they do no otherwise then they are coÌ„maunded to do But returning to the first point I reply that a very young wife is easy to be framed to the pleasure of her husbande And thoughe for some tyme her busbande muste bee fayne to bee her maister as you sayd to direct her yet it doth hym good to see his preceptes redily followed and he is proude that he hath framed her as they say with his owne hand and to his owne heart And I thinke it be for nothing else that it is counted a double payne to marry a wyddowe but for that shee muste be firste made to forget the qualityes of her first husband and then made to daunce after the pipe of the second Guaz. Me thinkes these seconde mariages haue the taste of Colewortes twise sodden being so much the more hurtefull if both the parties haue been twise maryed And therevpon it is reported that the husband and the wife falling out as they sate at dinner togither the wife in spight of the husbande gaue halfe the meate that was vpon the Table to a poore body that stoode by saying I giue it thee for my first husbandes sake nowe the husbande tooke the other halfe and gaue it him saying I giue thee this for my firste Wyues sake and so they were fayne to dyne with drye bread Annib. There is a worse inconuenience then this for that this seconde mariage is very preiudiciall to the children of the first mariage which are put to trie the stepmothers crueltye who receiuing any blow or iniury of their husbandes so soone as their backes are turned reuenge themselues vpon their children and beate them most pitiously that cannot doe withall Guaz. He was pretily euen with his stepmother agaynst his will who throwing a stone at a dog hit her saying it was not flung altogither in vayne Annib. I will say vnto you also that as it is better for a man to chuse a yong wife then one in yeares so he ought to marry while he himselfe is yong and not to stay til his hayre waxe hoare for being both young they are the likelier to haue children and the likelyer to liue to see the bringing vp of them and in their age to inioy their seruice and comfort what tyme the children may doe as much for their parentes as their parentes did before for them Guaz. If I be not deceiued all this talke is besides the matter for we haue hitherto spent the time in a discourse which tendeth to no other end but to teache a man to chuse a wife that is yong well borne well broughte vp reasonable riche indifferent bewtifull of a sound and good constitution and of a good wit and capacitie but we haue not yet spoken a word â—f the manner of conuersation betweene the husband and the wife as our purpose was to doe Annib. I presuppose that to conuerse kindly w t ones wife it is necessary first that he bee well framed to loue her but for that a man cannot perfectly loue y t which he thoroughlye knoweth not it is needefull first to learne to knowe as we haue done the good qualities and conditions of ones wife and which are the good parts in a woman whereby men are induced to loue them likewise it is requisite for the father whiche loueth his daughter before he marrye her to sifte thoroughly the qualities behauiour and life of his sonne in lawe for it is a true saying that hee whiche lyghteth vppon a good sonne in lawe getteth a good sonne and he that meeteth with an ill one casteth away his daughter now the husbande knowing the goodnesse of his wyfe being to liue with her hee must aboue all thinges loue her moste hartelye and vnfaignedlye for so the law of God commandeth That is the strong foundation whiche surely vpholdeth the mariage and that neglected by the husbande breedeth hym greate shame and infamye for not louing that which he hath with care and diligence gotten and once iudged worthy his loue he manifestly bewrayeth himselfe to be vnconstant and fantasticall and that he were fitter to bee matcht with Megaera or some other of the furyes then with a louing wife Guaz. Wherein doth that loue cheifly consist Annib. In this that he be iealous of her loue Guaz. I thinke you mistake for a woman had rather haue her husbande without loue then with iealousy Annib. I speake not of that iealousy which maketh the husband doubt of some false measures in his wife but of that which maketh him afearde to offende any way on his part which you shal y e better vnderstand if you bethinke you of y e iealousy whereby you keepe inclosed in your hart y e secrets of your prince fearing continually least by your fault they should bee discouered In like manner the husbande ought to accompany his loue with a continuall iealousie feare to loose by his owne fault the fauour and good wil of his wife assuring himselfe that that is the only preseruing remedy agaynst that iealousie which maketh the husbande looke awrye and which you ment in the beginning Neither can he any way giue his wife a more assured signe of this honest iealousie then in behauing him selfe towards her in
am sure I haue seene the role of more then a thousande who haue been excellently seene in Diuinitie in Philosophy in Phisick in Musick in painting and in all Sciences Guaz. I sawe about the Frenche Queene certayn meane Gentlewomen enter into such credit onely by some one of those good partes by you rehearsed that they are now come to be maryed to the cheefe Gentlemen in Fraunce without any peny giuen them in dowrye by their father but a priuate Gentleman hath no neede in his house of singing or daunsing Annib. You say well and therefore if the Father bee not like to bestowe his daughter 〈◊〉 some man of great calling hee ought to practise her rather in spinning on the wheele then in playing on instruments Guaz. And how thinke you of the daughters not onlye of Gentlemen but of Merchants and artificers which learn to write and reade Annib. Seing these things are at the least commodious if they be not altogether necessary I do not mislike them so that they be well imployed Guaz. I would thinke you had reason if the women of Italy did follow sutes in law and frequented the houses of Iudges and Aduocates to make them priuye to their case or in Merchandise kept the bookes of account as diuerse women in Fraunce doe but in teaching our women to write and reade we doe but giue them occasion to turne ouer the hundred Nouelles of Boccace and to write amorous and lasciuious letters Annib. We giue them also occasion to reade the liues of Saints to keepe the accountes of the house to write their minds to their absent husbands without disclosing their secretes to anye Secretary besydes you maye assure your selfe that those women whiche cannot write nor make loue by Letters will doe it if they bee disposed by wordes yea and if their tongue shoulde fayle them they woulde fall to it by signes but to ende this matter I conclude touching Daughters that in such diuersities as are vsed at this day in their education I canne giue no fitter aduertisemente then this that the Fathers bestow all their studye and industrye to bring them vp chaste as well in bodye as in mynde for a man wayeth it not much to haue the flesh vnspotted if the thought bee defyled And therefore it is needefull to put into their hartes Godlye imaginations that from their inwarde puritye there may shine outwardlye in their face and countenaunce the brighte beames of modestye And for that bewtye is a frayle and daungerous thing those whiche are bewtifull haue so muche the more neede of that vertue to keepe their bewtye vnblemished for bewtye in an vnchaste woman serueth to no more purpose then a Golde Ring in a Swines Snoute and to make it shorte they muste vnderstande that as the Poet sayth A woman voyd of honesty can make no brags of bewty Guaz. Before you passe to the conuersation betweene Brothers I woulde gladlye haue you sette downe the difference which ought to be betweene sonnes and Daughters in conuersation Annib. I know not whether in tossing ouer your bookes you haue lighte vppon that place where Cicero giueth a nippe to his Daughter and his sonne in Lawe both at once Guaz. I doe not know that I haue read it and if I haue I haue forgotten it Annib. His sonne in law was so delicate of nature that in his gate he vsed a slowe and mincing pace like a woman his Daughter on the other syde â—iryd out lustilye like a man whiche her Father seeing fayde merrilye vnto her Daughter goe as your Husbande doth which is to be vnderstoode not only of going but of all other doinges wherein it is an vndecent thing for a woman to resemble a man or a man a woman And therefore a Mayde oughte to frame â—er behauyour in such sorte that aboue all thinges shee shewe both inwardlye and outwardly that maydenlye modestye which is proper to maydes for it is a monstrous and naughtye thing to see a young Gyrle vse suche libertye and boldenesse in her Gesture lookes and talke as is proper to men and therefore lette maydes learne in all their behauioure to expresse that modesty which is so seemely for their estate assuring themselues that though they be furnished with al other bewties graces and vertues of the world yet if that bright sun shine not in theÌ„ all the other as starres borrowing light of that will make no shewe at all And as Goldesmiths sometime couer their ware and iewels with a Glasse to make them shewe the better so a mayde vnder the vayle of modesty ought to incloase all her other perfections to increase the brightnesse of them and the more forcibly to drawe the eyes and the hartes of others to haue her in admiration On the other side it is the worst sighte that may bee to see sonnes who by their womanly gestures and countenaunce make men doubt whether they are males or Females which maketh mee returne to say that the father vnderstandeth it ill who with too greate rigour maketh his sonne as fearefull as a Cony whereby comming before his betters he sheweth that he hath no tongue in his mouth or else he speaketh and aunswereth so foolishly that he maketh himselfe to be laughed at by reason whereof hee will not willingly come in any company but hideth himselfe and according to the saying of the Poet In thickets he him shrowds as deere pursued with houÌ„ds Guaz. In my iudgement the Frenche men in that poynt vse great discretion who in their childrens infancye begin to embolden them before their betters and to make theÌ„ talk with them whereby they come to haue a good audacitie and to be resolute in their behauiour neyther are they any more abashed at the presence of the King himselfe then of their equals Annib. That boldnesse is not too be found in many Italians for I haue knowen of them many excellent and worthy men who comming before princes haue been so astonishâ—â— and so timerous that their coolour hath chaunged the 〈◊〉 hath runne downe their face their voice hath trembled their body hath quiuered and their wordes haue come out so foolishly that they haue playnely shewed in what troublesome taking they haue been in And though wise men like well of it and take it for a token of a good nature yea and in respect therof beare them the greater affection yet oftentimes such perturbations hinder a man much and are mockt at as vnmeete for men And thereof we may gather the great wrong that fathers mothers and nurces doe to yong children wheÌ„ they will make it a sport to put their children in feare with tales of Robin good fellow and such like whereby they offende God and make their children fearefull and dastardlye It behooueth vs therefore to make our children bolde and to vse them at the beginning to withstande those things which breed any such fearfulnesse in them otherwise the prouerbe will be verified in them That the wolfe is