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A51187 Don Juan Lamberto: or, a comical history of the late times. The first part. By Montelion Knight of the Oracle, &c. Flatman, Thomas, 1637-1688.; Phillips, John, 1631-1706, attributed name.; Flatman, Thomas, 1637-1688. Don Juan Lamberto: or, a comical history of the late times. The second and last part. aut 1661 (1661) Wing M2492; ESTC R216348 64,603 122

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and more if you would set your selves thereunto why should you then part with such a considerable share of the swe●t of your browes and that upon so triviall a score When the people examin●d these things they seemed very plausible at first whereupon some of them deny'd to pay the Priest his due others drew away the people from their Priests and instructed them in the Fields and their private Houses having the Temples in great contempt and derision which when the Priests perceived they were greatly displeased and cursed the people then the people cursed them so that in a short while their private animosities brake forth into publick rage one against the other When the Elders of the Land saw the confusion which was likely to happen they resolved to remove the cause of their mischief therfore they went to Sir Vane and sharply rebuking him bid him prepare to be gone out of their Countrey for that they had provided a ship a Coach to carry him to the sea Sir Vane who was an errant Coward durst not deny them so they plac'd him in a Cart causing him to sit down on an old Trunck on that part which is over the Horse after this said the Elders unto the people this is he that hath caused all this mischiefe among us Then the people follow'd him hooping and hollowing not ceasing to throw dirt and stones at him till he was got into the Ship The Seer Cotton seeing him departed said unto the people let us now return with joy that this Uiper hath left us for he is the bane of Nations nor can any greater unhappiness befall a Land than for him to set his foot there When with tears in his eyes he cryed out Oh England England better is it that that Ship should perish with the Master and all the Marriners then that that young Man whom thou didst breed should return unto thee again CHAP. VII How Sir Vane was honoured by the Priest of the Temple of Blind Zeal and how he was by the said Priest anointed Knight of the Order of the most misterious Allegories AFter this it came to passe that when the Priest of the Temple of Blind Zeal heard of the great fame of Sir Vane and of the opinions which he held he thought the time long till he could come to interparley with him For said he to himself our Religion is built upon the bases of anarchy and confusion to the establishing of which all the imaginations of this Mans brains do tend Wherefore the Priest sent unto him two fellows that were shabby whose Shooes were tyed with packthread and in whose eyes Cuffs were as the abominations of the Heathen who calling for the Man of the House presented him with this Epistle The Priest of the Order of Blind Zeal to the most mischievous of men Sir Vane high in his imaginations low in his deserts and most imperious in his Councel My Son HAving lately heard of thy great virtues so agreeable with the Heresies which I professe according to the dictates of that powerful Goddesse whose chief Priest I am I could not choose but send unto thee these two slovenly fellows partly to confirme thee and partly to scrape acquaintance with thee I do find that thou dost imitate Mahomet very well and dost indeavour to root up one Religion by letting in another to overpower it Stay ye● but a little while and I will be with thee and help thee with my exhortations in the mean time be kind unto those two whom I have sent unto thee for the one is a Tinker the other a Currier but both great Deceivers Farewell When Sir Vane had read this Epistle he was then also covetous of the acquaintance of the High Priest and immediately sent for him when he was come they discoursed together and when they had so done they were filled with joy at the sight of each other For he talked unto the High Priest in most high and misterious Allegories saying unto him that Magistracy was the Throne and Seat of the Beast That the Rulers of the Earth must be brought at last to serve him and his faction That his people are not to be subject to the Iudicials of Mo●es That the new Creature is faith which translates a Man out of the naturall into the spirituall body and is called his new Creature state That all Ministers that have the Father and the Son need not run to the Majestrate for maintenance That all Ministers that upheld Stéeple Houses were the relicts of Popery That the fal● of Adam was only a type of the instability of fortune That the Devill is the universall worldly spirit exercising dominion and rule under various formes and administrations of government That learning and Universities are of dangerous consequences in a well order'd government When the High Priest heard him speak these things he marvelled very much and greatly praised him for that quoth he if these things were well taught and well beleiv'd they would doubtlesse destroy the religion of the Christians who are our most mortall enemies Then did the High Priest bow unto Sir Vane saying to him Thou art in power and as thou endeavourest to doe our work so is it fit that thou shouldst receive honour from us 'T is true quoth he thou art a Knight after the order of the Christians but throw it off for it will be very injurious unto thee and take from me a title which shall be more beneficiall and comfort thy self in this that then thou shalt be a better Knight then any in the World Then did the High Priest aske him whether he could fight or no. To which Sir Vane reply'd that he never could nor never would fight The High Priest was right glad of this for that he could now performe the office himself by anointing whereas otherwise he must have been forc'd to have sent for a Warriour on purpose to have dub'd him Thus the High Priest took leave for the time telling him that in thrée days he would returne desiring him in that space to prepare himselfe for the honour he was to receive He was to eate nothing but emblematicall dyet as round cabbages which seeme to resemble the Earth and its destruction by fire in that they are to be boyl'd before they can be eaten He was likewise to feed upon Swines flesh because a Hog was the embleme of ingratitude he might likewise feed upon Horse flesh because the Bible spake much of them and that eating them out of the way was the only means to keep Men from not putting their trust in them He might drink botled Claret by reason of its emblematicall life and quickness and he might likewise take Tobacco if his Pipe had this motto on it Evanescit ut su nus but he was forbid to drink Greek Wine because that the Christians us'd it at their Communions In the mean while the High Priest being loath to defile so great a solemnity with any oyle that had
dear to him Fathers complaine the Master fumes the Mistress rants the Husband vexes in a word all things are so much out of order that Sir Pedagogue preferring his present peace before his future advancement resolves to carry back this primum mobile of mischiefe for such he soon discovered him to be to his own Parent not being able him else longer to endure the trouble of his vexatious contrivances When the ancient Seer beheld his Son so soon return'd unto him he said unto the Pedagogue What are the seven years expir'd already Then said the Pedagogue I well know Sir Knight that the seven years are not yet expired but so great do I find the capacity of your Son that should I keep him as my poor gymnasyolum I should both wrong you and injure the Youth Therefore have I restor'd him to you again that you may provide for him according to his wonderful and most forward genius The crasty Fox his Father too well knew the disposition of his young Cub therefore said he unto the Pedagogue O no! This is not the cause of my Sons so soon return I fear something worse and therefore I conjure thee to tell me the truth Was hee not wont to set thee and thy Boys together by the eares Did she not cause much strife and contention between thee and thy Wife so that neither thou nor they nor she could rest in quiet for him To which the Pedagogue made answer that since he must confess the truth 't was even as he had said and no otherwise At which words of the Pedagogue the old man shook his head as if he would have shaken his teeth out of his mouth for he was very sorrowful to hear of the evil courses which his yong Son p●oceeded in CHAP. V. How Sir Vane sent his Son to the King's School and of the tumults which he raised there by his Sorceries how he plotted with the other Boys to breake the Preceptor's neck and of his Allegory SIR Vane having had so ill success with his Son in one place resolves to send him to another where he might be more severely look'd after He had not thought long but he thought of the Kings Schoole Now it so came to pass that at that time there lived there a Gyant who was a very cruel and imperious Dominator over the buttocks of youth one that spared none but very grievously and sorely lashed all alike he was hight Sir O beston whose School was liks Kalybs Rock where you heard nothing all day long but the screeks and ruful groans of children and boyes elaborately corrected Hither the little Fox came his Father intending that he should be in this place terrified out of all his designs But what mortal is able to stop the course of the splendiferous Son who can quell the raging Boreas or change the wilde nature of the roaring Lion Even so impossible was it to drive back the ill nature of this Youth though it were with Pitch-forks wherefore he went on in his old trade putting in practise his wonted spells and magical words the effects whereof did presently appear for in a little while the Schollars were all in an uproar some would only study on holy dayes and play upon working dayes others would begin at the end of their Books and read toward the beginning saying it was the best way and that the Preceptor was a Dunce Then because that one of the Preceptors knowing the dangerous consequence of these innovations st●ove to oppose them young Sir Vane contrives with them how to break his neck and so ordered the matter that they should follow the Preceptor to the top of the stairs and throw him down headlong But the plot being discovered he was called to a very strict account Sirrha quoth the Gyant of the Kings School what fury hath possessed thy overwhelmed mind proud princock thus to adventure thy feeble contrivances against the violence of my strong arm The Youth though confounded with the threatning words of the Gyant durst not deny what he knew was so well known and therefore he sought to put it off with an Allegory for he was full sore afraid of the Gyant who had then in his hand a great Tree which he mannaged with as much dexterity as if it had been a Ferula Sir Gyant quoth he I do deny that ere I advised any Person to break the Preceptors neck How quoth the Gyant can you deny what is already proved to your face Then answer'd the youn Sorcerer I am not rightly understood for I perswaded them not to break the substantial neck of the Preceptor but the invisible neck of his pride Then quoth the Gyant Oh Uarlet hast thou such fine excuses so early for thy mischief but the shall stand thee in little stead Then the Gyant caused his breeches to be taken down and his shixt to be taken up and with his Tree so nimbly bestirred himself and laid such vehement blows upon his flesh that they seemed to shake the Earth There quoth the Gyant take the deserved reward of thy treasons and be gone from hence thou wicked and destructive vermine for I will no more endure thee since I have now broken thy charms wherewith thou didst intend to have enchanted my Castle CHAP. VI. How he was sent into Nova Anglia and how he prevailed there also by his Sorceries how he was thrust out again by the people of that place and what the Seer Cotton said to him at his departure AFter that the Gyant of the Kings School had thus expelled him he betook himself to the Court but because he could be pleas'd with nothing he also took very great distast at the government of the king who then reigned in Britain Wherfore he began to give his inchanted Cup about and many drank thereof and were poysoned so that there appeared great signs of future contentions and confusions among those of the Court who were the Kings subjects by reason of his coming thither which when his father saw he greatly feared the inconveniencies which might arise from the sorceries of his Son wherefore he contrived how he might send him out of the Land Therefore he devised with the King that he might be sent away unto Nova Anglia as Governour of that place Now so it was that at that time the people of that Countrey as most people that are but newly seized in their possessions lived in great peace and quiet and served the God of their Country with exceeding unity but no sooner was Sir Vane come thither but he caused a wonderfull alteration of affaires among the people He had delivered into his hands all the chief Castles of the Countrey so that he commanded with a very great controuls Then said Sir Vane unto the people of the Land is it fit that yee should maintain a company of idle persons here only for talking unto you in your Temples once a week are not yee your selves able to do as much yea
Uirgin flower What signifieth thy flower or thy Uirgin-flower to me we Gyants never consider them at all When the Damosel heard him speak so terribly the blood forsook her pale chéeks and though her feet were so sore as we told you before yet she assay'd to run away but the Gyant catching her about the waste laid his great paw upon her corral lipps and stopp'd her mouth beginning to deal with her as men deal with Curtezans at Venice The Damosel finding her mouth stopp'd made a noise like a Pig that is grasp'd about the Snout Now you m●st know that the Knight of the Lyons being as we said awakened out of his sléep heard the noise which came out of the Damosels Nose her mouth being stopt at which he greatly marvelled for he wondered what it should be Peeping therefore through the bushes he saw the Gyant and the Damosel together and how the Gyant tumbled the Damosel as Children tumble great Snow-balls in the streets Ah quoth the Knight of the Lyons certes this fair Damosel must needs be in a peck of troubles but how to relieve her I cannot tell for if I should assay to strappe his Iacket and he should c●rry my Coat than were the Damosel and I both in a worse condition than before However great pity it is that she should suffer and great shame for me to let her And having said these words he rushed in upon the Gyant and ere that he could be aware of him and as the story saith while he was at rem●in●re he gave him such a remembrance upon the small of the b●ck that had he not been a Gyant most certainly he had broken his chine The Gyant was hereupon in great wroth Could you blame him but finding himself so weak by reason of the stroak that he could not go he spatt at the Knight of the Lyons and spatt so violently in his face that he had almost beaten the Knight of the Lyons backward But the Knight of the Lyons recovering himself saw how that his Tassel gentle lay like a bridge between his belly and the fair Damosel wherefore without delay with a courage Monsieur he smote thereon so hardily that he cut it in twain as it had been a silken thread and the sword glancing along took away also one half of his Testicles as you would slit a Walnut in twain the pain thereof made the Gyant Thomabedlamus to roar like any Lyon Ay me quoth he hard hearted Girl now by all the Gods I do curse thee from the bottom of my heart to the bottomless pit of the infernal shades When the Knight of the Lyons had performed this adventure he departed toward the Land of Assyria but because he was hard pursu'd by the Loyal Knight he changed his upper garments to Palmers grey the best means to passe without molestation CHAP. VI. How Sir Ludlojus Knight of the green Powdring Tub was hid under a Tree and so escaped his enemies because of a Bird. ANd it fell on a day how that Sir Ludlojus Knight of the green Powdring Tub was riding all alone toward the Land of Assyria which being heard at the Court of the King of Brittain several Knights were sent to pursue him and take him and certes they pursued him right ●orely for he was much hated by them but when the Knight of the green Powdring Tub saw them coming his heart was almost drowned in fear and his lungs had e'ne forgot to what purpose they were made Alas quoth he unfortunate Knight what wilt thou do If thou runnest for it thou wilt certainly be overtaken and wilt only give thy enemies the mirth of a pleasant Chase. And why should'st thou hazard thy life by staying which kind Fortune may save Then seeing no other remedy he cast himself from his Horse and peeping about he espy'd a Bush and crept thereinto for the Wood was very thick there Now when his enemies came to seek him there they could not find him but they saw a Bird sit on a Tree the which Bird men call an Owl and then said they that there was no man for the Bird sate there and so they went away So when sable night had curtain'd the world in darknesse he proceeded on his journey and from that time unto this day it is said that Sir Ludlojus hath that Bird in great reverence and worships it above all other Birds in the world CHAP. VII How the Gyant Okey wandered up and down the world in great terrour and how he was afterwards found in a Wood by the Soldan of Britain's Daughter in whose presence he slew himself with other accidents that after happened YOu do well remember that when the Christian Champions had discomfited the H●st of the meek Knight as also of the forty Tyrants that the disloyal Gyant Okey secretly fled partly out of anger for the loss partly for the preservation of his life So in great grief and terrour of Conscience he wandered like a fugitive up and ●own the world sometimes remembring of his past prosperity and sometimes thinking upon the Rapes that he had committed and how he had sorely afflicted several Knights who were thrown into his power by the Necromancer Hugo Petros Sometime his guilty mind imagined that the bleeding Ghost of the good King of Britain whom he had mudered followed him up and down haunting him with fearful exclamations and filling each corner of the earth with clamors of revengement Such fear and terrour raged in his soul that he thought all places where he travelled were filled with multitudes of Knights and that the strength of Countries pursued him to heap vengeance upon his guilty head for those wrongs that he had wrought whereby he cursed the hour of his birth and blamed the cause of his creation wishing the Fates to consume his body with a flash of fire In this manner he travelled up and down filling all places with ecchoes of his grief which brought him into such that many times he would have slain himself But it happened that one morning very early by the first light of Titans burning Torch he entered into a narrow and streight passage which conducted him into a very thick and solitary Forrest wherein he travelled till such time as glistering Phoebus had pass'd the half part of his journey And being weary with the long way and the great weight of his Armour he sate him down and began anew to have in remembrance his former committed cruelty and complaining of Fortune he thus published his grief for seeing himself without remedy he resolved like the Swan to sing a while before his death and so thinking to give ease to his tormented heart he warbled forth these verses following MOurnful Melpomene approach with speed And shew thy sacred face with tears bespent Let all thy Sisters hearts with sorrow bleed To hear my plaints and rueful discontent And with your moans sweet Muses all assist My mournful Song that doth on woe consist Time wears out life