conicatch men of their soules or the world of reputatioÌ„ Beleeue me quoth I you are a desperate Iugler but since it is my fortune to fall thus foule vpon your beggarly Knightshippe I pray thee let vs leaue all former discourses and tell mee how thy maister accepted poore Pierces Supplication truely replied he at first hee was very angrie as wel for troubling him in those busie times when he had great affaires of estate in handling as also for so plainely laying open the politique stratagemes and secret deâ—ises which he himselfe and his seuen Counsellers had of so long time beene in compiling for spéedy meanes to bring the world into his subiection yet in the ende being infinitely solicited by my importunicie after the fashion of the worlde rather to ease himselfe of vexation then for any good he entended to Pierces sute gaue me by word of mouth this answere which I abruptly after writing downe you may heare reade in this paper following The aunswere of the high and mighty Prince of darkenes Donsel Del Lucifer King of Acheron Stix Phlegeton Duke of Tartarie Marquesse of Cocytus and L. high Regent of Limbo to the Supplication of Pierce Pennilesse THe tenor Pierce of thy supplication comming into our all confounding fingers wee coulde not chuse but out of our damnable inclination take bie displeasure both at the vnreasonablenes of thy demaÌ„d and at thy too plain vnfolding of those sinnes by which we aduance the power of our kingdome yet to satisfie in some part the earnestnes of thy solicitor we haue out of our inferuall sinfulnes returnd thee this answere For the rent thou challengest due to thine vnhallowed purse wherein I haue kept reuels so longe a season I tell thee there is none due from me as neuer hauing taken possession of the tenement nor at any time delighted in such vast vnfurnished places for I tell thee how euer blindnes by my suggestion hath perswaded yet is there not any place wherin I am better entertained or bestowe my malediction in greater aboundance then amongst the infinite he apes of idolatrous Crosses therefore I may not suffer my seruaunt Auarice to disfurnishe my Treasurie till bringing a certificat from my publique notarie dispaire he witnes thee apt for villanye and then I will not onely take the aduantage of those vsurping Cormorants which without letters pattentes take vpon them my highest offices but by a secret way which leades vnto damnation bring thee to heare the conference of Gold my all preuailing orator I know there be a great sorte of good fellowes that would swimme through ale and blood and many needy lawyers that mourne in thryed-bace gowns that would forsweare speaking either true latine or true law so they might com to be Goldes acquaintance But I tell thee Pierce it may not be least hauing what they desire they being glutted leaue to desire what I would haue them or gold being too generally made the slaue â—â— slaues leaue his power of inchanting great persons therefore I thinke it fitte to straiten some parte of his former libertie by the extremitie of his absence make men run mad for his presence so that the very hope of him shal be prized aboue a soules-fafetie for which purpose I haue sent new directions to my seruant Greedines and to his assistants Famine Lent Desolation that they shal be more seuere in their gouernmeÌ„t and lesse prodigal of the libertie of gold then formerly they haue beene I will haue them teach the world as Courtiers do FaÌ„tastiques that the only fashion beutie of this age is to be immoderately miserable and to make Bountie and Hospitality of vilder reputation then a great bellid dublet or a payre of vnbombasted venetians I wil haue them teach Generalls of armies y t it is better to forsake there charges then to endure the losse of a plow share or a horse teame I wil haue them teach consuls that it is better to sell their horses then prouide prouender that to trauell a foote showes strength to ryde sloth that a gowne of freeze is warmer then a robe of scarlet I will haue them teach Emperours that small traines are great treasures and that honourable and full courtes are but hordes of enuie and nests of ambition I wil keepe learning poor and vnrespected least if he be aduanced my kingdom be consumed generallie I will haue them ere the dissolutioÌ„ of the world make euery thing worse then it was in the time of the old sages for recompence where of I will cloath my seruant Greedines in Monopoles Morgages the lands of Orphans and the liuings of Churches yet I tell thee my poor Pennilesse supplicator I wil not be so infinit in my tyrannie but that gold my prisoner shall haue some recreation and at great feastes and pageant-playes lighten out the glorie of his beutie nor will I keepe him so vtterlye without the comfort of society but that he shall euer haue one of the seauen pillars of my throne to be his play-mate and sometimes attendant euen Pride which as thou sayest raigneth in the heart of the Courte and peruerteth all vertue shall not onely assist Gréedinesse in this designe but shall so farre exceede in all inhumane and incomprehensible ostentation that her former monumentes and her former vnnaturall ambitions shal bee rekoned as types and shadowes of great humilitie alas thy sillie chothier shall bee but the cypher of an vpstart who beeing nurst in Tauernes taught in Brothelles confirmde in Theaters shall so quickly be discouered by the eye of the iâ—dicious that brought into contempt by the weakenes of his owne demeanâ—r he shall be able to enrich my Kingdome with nothing more then his owne hanging There must bee in this decrepednes of the worlds age vpstartes of an other condition those on whome Nature hath bestowed excellent benefites as a comely forme a rype witte and a ciuill or an vnambitious disposition whome Education hath made learned roÌ„merce beloued and obseruation full of perfect iudgement Upon these shall Pride showe the power of her Internall Dâ—â—tie Into these shall shee iâ—spue such a â—enome of selfe affection that beeing hood winkt with the follye of imaginarie greatenes they shall transport all their actions beyond the lymits of Pietie or reason accusing and condemning all present thinges as eyther gouerment or fortunes and onely fixe and amuse their cogitations vpon future actions Hope Feare and Desire drawing into their mindes this Position that to doubt of what is to came is to be acâ—rtainde of present sorrow Hence shall it proceede that they shall raze out of their remembrances this Philosophie Know thy selfe and follow thy businesse which comprehenâ—ing all dutie makes men leaue other mens businesse to thinke of their owne actions and not to correct but to bee well chastisde but they giuing loose raynes vnto Folly shall liue vnsatisfied with all thinges till the world impouerisht can boast of
THE RETVRNE OF the Knight of the Poste from Hell with the Diuels aunswere to the Supplication of PIERCE PENILESSE with some Relation of the last Treasons Omnia praeclara rara LONDON Printed by Iohn VVindet for Nathaniel Butter 1606. To all Fauourers of Learning or the Learned ABout some tenne yeares agone when the Supplication of Pierce Pennilesse was published the Gentleman who was the author thereof being mine intimate and neare companion as one with whome I communicated both my loue mine estate and my studies and found euer out of his disposition an equall or if postible a more feruent sympathie of loke community and affection so as I can not chuse but still take much delight in his memory would many times in his priuate conference with me vnfolde his determination touching the concluding and finishing vppe of that moral and w 〈…〉 Treatise which for as much as it coulde beare no second parte by the same title as heepublikelie did protest in an Epistle to the Printer ioynde to the same treatise his resolution was to accomplish his desire by writing the returne of the Knight of the Poste therin did many times at large discourse the maine plot and drift wherein hee meant to bestow great arte witte and laborious studie Now death who many times by an yn charitable or cruell Anticipation preuenteth those deseignes which might administer much matter of regarde and commoditie by taking him too earelie froÌ„ the world who had he liued woulde haue enricht it with much wittinesse left that vneffected which had it beene by him taken in hand would doubtlesse haue satisfied many learned expectations Now my selfe who euer challenged most interest in his loue and nearest allyance to his counsailes seeing the turbulencie of this last age and the frantike madnesse where with the Deuil infecteth the minds of most trayterous and wicked persons I tooke in hand albeit as vnfit as Patrocles for Achilles armor to finish vp what hee in former times had intended wherein if I haue neither the wittie pleasantnes of his conceites nor the gaulye bitternes of his pens sharpenes to the first imagine me of a more solide and dull composition lesse affected to delight and variation of humors and to the latter think it is a boÌ„d whereto I haue bound my selfe euer since my first natiuitie rather to wish my selfe dumbe then by foule speech vncomely parables or fantasticall taxations to win either publique note or else brutish commendations and ifin this I haue either pre uented or vnwittingly taken in hand that which peraduenture some far better Genius may think fit to bestow vpon some of their wel labored howers let mine inacquaintance ignorance and the reasons before repeated be mine excuses let theÌ„ follow on their learned determinations with this encouragement that mine as a foile hath no ambition but to giue lusture to their more pure Diamondes THE RETVRNE of the Knight of the Poste from Hel with the Diuels aunswere to Pierce Penilesse Supplication HAuing consumed the beginning of my youth with vanitie and the latter ende with hope finding in the first the error of nature in the latter the weakenes of mine owne iudgement willing to recouer past losses with present thriâ—tfulnes I betooke my self to a more setled and constant course of 〈◊〉 which being sutable to mine vnambitious spirit as not promising any unweeldie aduancement yet did it show me assured grounds how I might attaine to a certaine compâ—tencie which euer was thâ— greatest height of my naturall couetousnes this to effect with such substantiall and sound workemanshippe as might both withstand the fury of present stormes and the rutuating of after consuming Time I beganne and stained the buâ—â—ding of my fortunes vpon the fayrest the goodliest and once the strongest colombe of this Kingdome by whose support I risse to all that I desired for my desire was no more then by it I enioyed but behold whilest my blind contentment seducing my more blind affections made me forget this Philosophie that vnder the Sunne there is nothing immortaâ—l and that Times workes like Penelopes webbe are done and vndone made to day and to morrow defaced I know not whether they were blinde Moales or fearefull Conyes politique Foâ—es or flattering Badgers but surely all or some of them enuying the beautie of so goodly a Pyramedde whose plaine luster defaced others counterfeite brightâ—esse and whose well fashioned strength might haue supported the Counsell Chamber of Princes by a tedious and long labored vndermining at length ouerthrew him into the foule muddy lake of most detested Lethe with whose fall my selfe was vndone and many others perished blame me not if I toare my hayre beate my breast curst my birth talktâ— to the ayre and like a mad man forswore all mediocrisie in my moanes when I saw the expence of a double Prentishippe rewarded with this altogether vndone Fortune my passion augmented my frenzie and my frenzie though confusedly and without proportion calde vp into my remeÌ„brance all the accountes of mine owne stupiditie and blockishnes as hauing not formerly eyther armde my selfe against these generall euils of mankind or else by a dayly expectation haue beheld no more then for what I continually waited but when the wearinesse of my troubled thoughtes began to take some rest through better consideration and that I beheld my selfe like an orphan left to the world hopeles and comfortles building new castles in the aire and strange Eutopian common-wealthes in my fantasticall braine found at length both by mine owne experience and others iudgements such crosses such calamities and such vnresistable miseries in all the courses of life to which man can any way eyther dispose himselfe or his meditatioÌ„s that like the ofspring of â—iobe I became a weeping stone hauing no sence in me but insensible coldnes whereupon willing to impart some part of my cogitations I beganne in verse to write after this manner Say gentle Muse what course of life is best Enuie woundes Courts a countrie life wantes rest Trauell's vncertaine and where ther 's no stay There griefe begets as long a wearie day The marchants losse makes loathsome his delight And pouerty despised breedeth spight Toile makes the Plowmans sorrowes to surmount And shipwracke makes the sea of no account The single life is chainde to forraine paines Yet marriage of more greater cares complaines And hardly keepes his chaste bed in chaste plight But feares the day and wakes the iealous night The worke of vsurie is base and ill It gaules the rich and doth the poore man kill To euery age there doth one care belong And no man likes the life he leadeth long The sucking babe wants sence of good or ill And children take instruction gainst their will Wild youth with rashnes ouerthroweth all Wisemen by fortune warre or sea do fall Whilst wrath deceit and labour linkt together Transform themselues to pains more great theÌ„ either Old age long wisht
sharpest tooles to digge downe the immortall seate of royall maiestie but wheâ— their strokes shall rebound backe into their owne bosomes they shall in the furye of their prides like windie bladders swell till they burst and become vnprofitable for the meanest vses Another sorte shall denie the reading of holy writ the forme of meditation the vse and number of sacraments the function of the elect the congregation of the belieuing and heape such infinite authoritie vppon a sinful mans iurisdiction that casting faith into that ende of the wallet which euer hangs behinde them they shall rob the great almighty both of his true homage and alleagance and in the ende when their batterie shal be able not to moue one stone 〈◊〉 christianitie they shall like true souldiours of hels kingdome practise to make such mines and vndermininges as may blowe vp all truth and religion with vnmerciful gunpowder adding vnto Cattelins conspiracye and all other treasons how vilde soeuer great showes of charitie in comparison of their inhumanitie After these shall followe Herillus and his legions who being selfe conceited and ouer weening in their own learnings shallhould no heauen no religion nor no felicitie but the rarenes of their owne knowledges affirming it to haue sufficient authoritie to make men wise happie and vertuous binding grace and truth within limites of their studies as if arte being the mother of vertue and ignoraÌ„ce the nurse of viciousnes the one coulde not erre nor the other attaine any perfection forgetting this principle that God oweth his extraordinary assistance vnto faith and religion and not to our passions these are they which haue iustice in their mouthes not in their heartes making religion but a show to show their other knowledges lending nothing to deuotion but the offices that flatter their passions making their zeale worke wonders when it assisteth their dispositions towardes hatred crueltie ambition couetousnes defamation and rebellion but towardes piety be nignitie and temperance it goes like the sâ—mmer tropique retrograde and backward so that religion which was made to roote out vices shall by these proselites be made to shrowde foster and prouoke them Next these shal rise vp publique Atheists who although they shal haue in euery afflictioÌ„ danger som feeling of the great deity yet shal the infinite pride of their prophanes disavow the acknowledgement and loath to be repentant because their faâ—thes are planted but by the cowardlines of their heartes and established by the weakenes of their apprehensions beléeuing onely that which they beléeue because they want courage not to vnbeléeue and faine vnto themselues that Hell and after tormentes are onely but shadowes and fictions till summoned eyther by old age sicknesse or authority to giue an ende to their breathing they then féele that horror which bringes them vnto hell with their onely Companion Desperation These Pierce are the Factors that make rich Sathans Common-wealth who neither by compulsion nor reason being brought to acknowledge their Maker only confirme themselues in Atheisme which is a Position as moÌ„strous and vnnaturall as it is hard and vneasie to be established in the mind of any reasonable Creature Next learning thou peticionest against the Pride of Artificers where the needie Taylor will imitate the neate Nobilitie Alas a small faulte if there were none proud but Taylors who being the impers of Peacockes plumes may best borrow some of their broken feathers but doe but cast thine eye aside in after ages and thou shalt see a Water-bearer as braue as a Sea Captaine and a Cobler as curious in his acoutermentes as on Candlemas day at night an Innes of Court Reueller why hée shall not be accounted worthie of a trade if hee will not aduenture more then halfe his cleare profites to adorne his bodie beyond eyther his degree or vocation and some like the Duke of Florence foole weare all their wealth on their baâ—kes onelie but this excesse béeing Male and Female shall bring foorth into the world millions of prodegies so that streetes shall be pestered Theaters burdened conuenticles â—lled and Churches thronged with gaâ—dymen and painted women who like the kings of Mexico shall haue more seuerall shifts of cloathes to adborne their bodies then vertues to imbellish their minds their almes being god help you and their bribes a cast sute or an once worne Rebaâ—o these are they which shall metamorphize seruingmen to lackeyes the loue of their neighbors to the lusts of their fond thoughts great houses to a citie chamber and good hospitalitie to â— penurious miserie till bringing pearles from America Iewels from India silkes from Arabia perfumes from Cataya furs from Muscouia Monkies from Barbaria Tobacco from Trinidada â— Fashions from Italia Fooles from the I le Cithaera and lying knaâ—es from Creta they as lauishly spend as they vnconscionably gott till shaking handes with beggery they make their last wills and Testaments in the bottom of some dungeon whilest those vnworthy creatures that rise by their downfalles start vp into their promotions and make a scoff of them by whom they were formerly advanced these and a thousand more such transuersions must be wrought before the worldes dissolution euery nation is full of the worldes faultes nor shall they be clensed til the al-confuming fire of heauen purge and restore againe the olde Chaos Therefore Pierce content thy selfe with this that the world cannot be amended till it be quite ended for as yeares grow euils grow men alwayes estéeme that best which is of the latest fashion Now to conclude that Pride may be compleate in all his proceedinges there is sent into the worlde certaine Furies of Hell who in the habites of Petty-foggers or vnlawfull Lawyers runne aboute to disturbe Peace and ouerthrow friendship to breake the bonde of nature and the chaine of allegance by ringing in mens â—ares the properties of mine and thine the beuty of commandement and the glory of large possessions that it is fit eyther to be none or else alone That to imitate Princes is to be without Competitors and hence it springes that Enuie being an Assistant with Auarice sets all the world together by the eares These Ministers of the infernall Kingdome abusing Law with Law and misconstruing the iudgements of most learned Sages with the base corruptions of their muddie consciences these are they which haue double tongs and two folde solutions one for priuate discourse and an other for publique profite like the Athenian who hauing giuen two contrary resolutions of one question and being taskt therefore replyed He had giuen the first at the Table where was no profite The second at the Barre where was both gaine and glory Thus doe they despise mens ouerthrowes and make a scoff of their own wickednes These are they that make as many rightes as men haue powers to put chase and as many wrongs as there be emulous thoughts fit for contradictions These are they that maintaine beggers to contend with the wealthie
shall haue the head of an Asse the body of a Toade the feete of an Asprea and the minde of a Serpent which forme when he hath taken vppon him he shall wholy giue himselfe ouer to detraction and falling in hate with al things and al creatures dispise whatsoeuer in the world is held comely or decent the ministrie of the word shall not escape his reproofe but tasking their charitable labours and despising their Doctrin show the prophanes of his poysonous rancor Learning which onely plucks the vizard from his ougly face shal be spotted with his reproches yet cleÌ„sed againe by her own vertues and he that shines the fairest in the eye of the best iudgements shal the most be assailed with his lies and defamatioÌ„s nay the arts shall not escape his fury saying Grammar is but an introduction to corruption Lodgick a defence of vntruthes Rethoricke the beautie of sinne Musicke the â—awde to loosenes Arithmeticke an index for grosse rememberances historie the store-house of treasons and Philosopie the mother of cowardise with a thousand such like chimeras fit to issue from a hellish study but of all and of all poor Poetry yet is it not poor that is beloued of y â— muses shal be a mighty block in the way of his malice as wel because his guard is but nine woemen whose armes are not vsed to weapons as also for that some illiterat intruderes who neuer hauing beene acquainted with any high contemplation shall administer to the world matter of much scoffe and foolery To conclude there is nothing how ingenious how comly how fit soeuer to be preserued for after ages but this monster shall detract maligne and slaunder and thinkst thou then it is fit to call such agents out of the world the multiplication of whose seed shall make hell an invincible monarchy no they are predestinate to gouern til the last day at what time they shall come laden home with rich spoiles and great tryumphes in the meane space there shall go to consort with those furies the fury Gluttony with whom albeit thou seemest to be mightely offended yet so it is thou maiest see an increase but no waneing of his mischiefes for euen as promotions rise so shall this mischiefe grow bigger and bigger he that with toile studies in the vniuer sitie shall with good cheare sleepe in a rich personage and he that is painfull in inâ—eriour places shall ofte proue idle in the hyer offices so that gluttonye being made a coherent with Avarice they shall suffocate the world with the smoake of surfeit and disorder what talkst thou of the Emperours of Rome or of their vitious and excessiue disorders in their too â—urious diets descend thine eies into â—ower times of thine owne rememberance and see if the triple â—round monarke of that fatall Cittie do not make them temperate and well dyetted princes in comparison of his superaboundant fare and intollerable magnificence placing Peeters chaire at the vpper end of feasts and preaching abstinence with a full gorgde stomacke whom one of his Disciples imitating vpoÌ„ a vigil eue at night hauing eaten for his own share a box of Marmalad a pound of Eringoes besides preserued Cherries Abricotts â—ride Peares and Poumcitherous fel into an infinit and vnchaâ—it able rayling against the protestants whom he tearmed flesh eaters and vnhallowed thanking God that he had that night as well satisfied him selfe with that â—lender repast as with all the flesh and grosse meates in a Princes kitchin this was a fast fit for such a Saint and thus doth gluttony riot euen with him that cals himselfe Gods vicar from his example came the abstinence of Cloysters who fast all Aduent and eate nothing but chines of porke tripes and puddinges a thinne dyet for a lazy deuotion and from them I thinke the Citty tooke their obseruations who beholding their teachers stray soe farre from teÌ„perance armed with their institutions gaue themselues â—â—er to all ryot all effeminacie and all voluptuous and immoderate eating making all the feastes that eyther were instituted or inuented by Solon or Numa not comparable in the meanest degree with the weddinge of two beggers or the supper of one of the Bandetty vpon his punke or Curtyzan It is purposlesse for me to tell thée the excesse that shall arise in merchaunts in gouernors and in hyer people when euen Theaters shall bee turned to Pulpits to inuay and giue example of their much riotousnes and the super fluitie of their banquets shall exceede the immoderate feast wherein Alexander was poysoned at the Cittie of Babilon there shall not be an Alphonso heard of that will liue a whole day with one Apple nor a Diogenes that will sustaine Nature with a Carret roote or a Parsenippe There shal be no more Molynes that will exchaunge the State of Princes to become Capuchine Fryers For gluttony shall alter all those Lectures and write Ne quid nimis on euery great Mans Table so that surfeites sooner then swordes shall bring â—oules in heapes into the infernall kingdome nor shall Gluttony there rest satisfied but sending his Handmaide Drunkennes forth of Spruceland Danske Belgia shal ouerthrow more and worke greater disorder then all the feastes that eyther hath or hereafter shall be inuented that she doth the shall do with so good a grace with so amiable and facile a dexteritie like a venetian fire-maker or a refined traueller there shal nothing â—e held commendable that is not grac'd with her fashions Truth shal be held doubtfull if not deliuered from a drunken vtterance freindship shall not be embraced iâ— it be not bound with a drunken obligation nor shall seruice haue his meritt if drinke be not a witnes to the protestation To be briefe to drinke drunke shal be as vsuall as good morrow in a morning good euen after noone and God saue you at a high way incounter for there shal be no health no service noâ— no good wish which shall passe cum priuilegio if it come not so ofte from the bottome of a full boule that in the end the well wisher for want of sence drop vnder the Table this is a notable proiect for helles enriching when the folly of blind men will attribute false titles of glory to the â—ugliest sinne that is preserued in the kingdom of darknes and to repute themselues then the best men when they are worse then the basest that euer was created Thou â—elst me of the lawes of King Edgar for repressing this vice and keeping men within the compasse of moderation I tell thee there shal be edicts publishst of greeter power and from a better wisedome from a King of all compleat perfection and full of infinite detestation of these loathed abuses yet these sâ—ie insinuating Furies shall haue so many laboryâ—â—hes and Fore holes to couer their maskte vildenes that they shall neuer be quite banisht whilest there hanges a Garland before a Tauerne or a wispe at an Ale-house The lawes of Drunkardes