his son Alexander to be greeued at it wherevpon he said vnto certain Gentlemen there present The Hystories record that Alexander the Great being a child did weepe when he heard that Philip his father had obtained the victory of a battell and besides had conquered a kingdome all at once And being demanded wherefore hee wept answered that hee feared that his father would winne so many realms and countries that hee should leaue him none for to conquer And quite contrarie quoth the lord Gonsalues is it with my sonne Alexander now readie to weepe for my crosse lucke and great losses because hee feareth that I shall loose so much that I shall leaue him nothing for to loose A pretty quippe giuen vnto two Cardinals by a Painter RAphell Vrbin being a very excellent and skilfull Painter vpon a time hearing two Cardinals with whome hee was very familiar to reprooue and find fault only for to anger him with a certaine picture of S. Peter and S. Paule which hee had very artificially painted and finished saying that the pictures faces were too high coloured and too red without further studying gaue them this answere My lords maruaile not hereat for I haue purposely so painted them as they are now in heauen and not as they were here vpon earth for this rednesse commeth vnto them blushing euen for very shame to see the church so ill gouerned by such and such like as your lordships The answere which the great Turke gaue to the Embassadours of the King of Hungarie BAiazet Emperor of the Turkes inuading with a great army Bulgary a part of Hungary The king Sigismondus sent his embassadors vnto him to desire him not to molest trouble his subiects and countrie wherevnto by no law he had not any right claime or title Baiazet to answere herevpon caused great store of armours and other warlike instruments to be brought into a certaine hall appointed for that purpose and hauing sent for the Kings Embassadors said vnto them Loe here my lords pointing with his finger vpon the armours the titles whereby I doe claime and am to possesse the crowne and kingdome of Hungarie Right and equitie haue no place in the court of a Tyrant A pleasant reproouing of the Marques of Mantua FRederick Marquesse of Mantua as he did sit at dinner among many Gentlemen one of them hauing almost made an end of his porrige supt vp the rest and to excuse his inciuilitie craued pardon of the companie The Marquesse in presence of them all gaue him this ready answere sir aske pardon of the Swine for vnto vs you haue done no offence or iniury A worthy deed of an Italian knight AN Italian knight as hee was sitting at dinner saw two Gentlemen that had alwaies behaued themselues most valiantly in the warres and had done good seruice to their countrie to stand as abiects of the cōpanie because all places were taken before wherevpon he did rise and so caused all the rest to rise with him for to make place vnto these two Gentlemen saying Giue place vnto these two Gentlemen for to eat their meat for if they had not beene with vs in such a fight naming the place wee should at this time haue had nothing for to eat The tyrannicall sentence of Prospero Colonna PRospero Colonna Collonell of the Italian infanterie within the Garrison of Milan a Cittizen of the twon came vnto him complaining against the exactions spoiles and forceable robberies of his souldiours vnto whom hee gaue this answere Mylan is like vnto a Goose for the more he is pulled the fairer will be his feathers Of Pope Sixtus the fourth and a Frier POpe Sixtus the fourth hauing beene a Frier of S. Francis order and being aduanced to the Papall dignitie was visited vpon a certaine time by a Frier of his Order who had been one of his chiefest friends and familiars the Pope willing to shew him some priuate fauour brought him into his cabinet wherein he had a very rich treasure and smiling said vnto the poor Frier Now Frater I cannot say that which S. Peter my predecessor said Aurum nec argentum habeo I haue neither gold nor siluer It is most true quoth the Frier but holy Father you cannot say likewise as he said to the impotent creple and lame Surgite ambulate Arise and walke The wise saying of Charles the fift Emperour NEwes being brought vnto the Emperor as he sat in counsell that the Marques of Guassa was with all his forces discōfited by the Frenchmen Cardinall Grandelle his Chancellor fearing that the affaires of the Realme should succeed the worse for it said to the Emperour Sacred Maiestie this ill reencountre is to be kept secret Wherevpon the Emperour answered It is not possible to keepe things close done before so manie witnesses but that which is yet to bee done and attempted is not to be reuealed It is very daungerous to a Realme when the enemie knoweth the secrets as soone as they are determined Of the humilitie of Godefrey Duke of Buillon VVHen the Duke Godefrey of Buillon with consent of all the Christian Princes was chosen king of Ierusalem and therevpon the royall crowne was offered and presented vnto him he did refuse it saying It is not meet for mee a Christian Prince to weare a crowne of gold whereas Christ King of Kings did weare but one of thornes The last will of Saladin King of Asia SAladin King of Asia Syria and Aegypt declared vpon his death bed how miserable hee knew the nature and state of man to bee and therefore commanded that being dead they should cause his shert to bee carried vpon a launce through all his camp and insight of all the lords captaines and souldiors of his army and hee that should carrie it should crie with a lowd voice Saladin subduer and vanquisher of all Asia amongst all his riches which hee hath gotten and conquered carrieth nothing with him but this only linnen The greatest triumphs of man in parting out of this world are the workes of charitie and godlinesse The wise answeres of Antonius Panormus to King Alphonsus ANtonius Panormus being demaunded of the King what was most necessary and requisit vnto them that would liue together peaceablie in the state of marriage because that most commonly as the Poet sayth Semper habet lites alternaque surgia lectus Inqua nupta iacet that is With quietnesse is seldome blest The bed wherein a wife doth rest Answered that there were two thinges most requisite The first that the husband were deaffe for not to heare all the follies scolding wordes and ill reports of his wiues disordered life The second that the wife were blind for not to see the great enormitie and excessiue intemperance of her husband Of King Lewys of Fraunce and a souldiour KIng Lewys in his wars against the Emperor being on a time in one of his battels somewhat far from any of his companies a certaine Germane knight thinking to make himselfe rich by
as were mad and lunaticke and allowing euery man a large and ample portion to their mainteinance willed that vpon both the gates of the hospitall this poesie should be ingraued in golden letters Of mad men I got it to mad men I leaue it The counsell which Cosme de medicis gaue to a certaine officer A Certaine man as hee had gotten an office not far from Florence by the mean of Cosme de medicis demaunded and asked counsell of the said Lord how he were best to behaue himselfe in his place for to keepe himselfe in authoritie The lord Cosme gaue him this answere Apparrell thy selfe richly and speake little He that speaketh little cannot be reproued of folly and braue attire encreaseth reputation A bold answer which a captain gaue to king Charles the seuenth A Certaine Captaine being sent from the campe to Charles the seuenth King of France for to shew vnto him the whole estate of the Army and that for want of victuals money and other necessaries of warre the Frenchmen had lost some holds townes and battels against the Englishmen The king willing to vse some priuate familiarity with him shewed him all his daintie fare delicious prouisions and furniture all his pastimes his ladies and sumptuous banquets and all other such like things wherein he tooke his cheefest recreation and felicity And as hee demaunded how it did like him the Captaine boldly without feare gaue him this bold and resolute answere My soueraigne quoth hee I neuer saw Prince that lost his owne more pleasanter then your Maiestie He is very blind that sporteth when the roofe of his house is on fire The saying of Pope Vrban the fift of that name CHarles king of Fraunce willing to void his Realme of all outlandish and forrain souldiors who after the contract of peace did straggle and range abroad and liued vpon the spoile of the poore Farmers and husbandmen The lord Bartrand obtained a commission of the king for to lead them into the kingdome of Granada against the Turkes and Sarrazins And as Pope Vrban had excommunicated all this desperat crue of souldiors for their violence and robberies by them committed vnder the name and title of the Great companies The lord Bartrand being Generall of the Army brought them through Auingnon where Pope Vrban was resident who immediately here vpon sent one of his Cardinals vnto them for to know what was their demand Vnto whoÌ„ the lord Bartrand said Tel our Holy father that these men demaund a full pardon De culpa poena of all their sinnes and cheefly for them which they are now excommunicated for And besides fiue thousand crowns for their conduct money vpon this voyage and iourney which is to the establishment and enlargement of the Christian faith and religion The Cardinall hauing done this message to the Pope hee gaue him this answere and said These are a strange kind of people that desire both mony and absolution whereas we are alwaies wont to receiue mony for our pardons and obsolutions A worthy sentence of Solyman the great Turke to Villiars maister of Rhodes VVHen Villiars grand-maister of Rhodes was forced to yeeld the cittie and Iland of Rhodes vnto Sultan Solyman and as hee came to the said Prince to compound and agree with him vpon the taking of his leaue for his returne into Christendome the Turke spake a word vnto him answereable vnto his greatnesse calling The losse of citties principalities and kingdomes is a thing so common amongst men that it onely might suffice to testifie that wee are all subiect to infinite myseries Of Pope Boniface POpe Boniface ere he was chosen to bee Pope of Rome vsed a very strict kind of life for his ordinary dyet was for the most part nothing els but a crust of dry bread with a cup of cold water and in steed of a linnen cloth caused alwaies his table to be couered with a net And being demaunded of his friends why he vsed so sober diet answered that Panis aqua was Vita beata But as hee was now come to the papall dignitie and as his seruants were ready to serue him according to his former order away quoth he vnto theÌ„ with this kind of diet for know you not that Aqua panis est vita canis And further said he seeue me with a napkin in steed of a net for now the pray is taken It is said of this Pope that he entered as a Foxe raigned as a lyon and died as a dogge for by hypocrisie hee came to that place behaued himselfe in his gouernement most cruelly and at last was hanged out of a window and so these three sayings were verified King Alphonsus answere to a prodigall Gentleman A Certain Gentleman hauing wasted and spent all his stock and patrimony vpon the pleasure of his bodie and moreouer being greatly indebted to his creditors who did sue him by law and imprisonment for to come by their owne his friends came to the king humbly requesting his highnesse that it would please him to commaund that the Gentleman might not bee molested with imprisonment vnto whome the king made this answere 〈…〉 had spent his 〈…〉 entertainâ—◠〈…〉 â—â—nce of hi◠〈…〉 her 〈…〉 I 〈…〉 onely it is great reason that his body also smart for it An act of the Dutchesse of Bourbon THe Dutchesse of Bourbon hauing in her court a certaine waighting maid who for loue had forgotten her selfe and so was gotten with child as shee was chidden and reprooued for her fault said to excuse it and to saue her honesty that a Gentleman of the house had forced and defloured her against her will The Gentleman hereupon being called for to appeare and cleare himselfe before the duchesse shee finding him 〈…〉 should neuer haue fallen into this inconuenience where you are in at this present by your owne fault and folly Of King Francis and a Frier FRancis the first of that name King of Fraunce as hee was playing at Tennis with a Frier for whome purposely hee had sent because his Maiestie knew him to be a very good and skilfull plaier as they had plaied together a pretty while at last the Frier tooke a Ball with so great a dexterity and so good a nimblenesse of body that it was not done without great wondring of all the beholders The king himselfe seeing it by my truth quoth hee most brauely done of a Frier It shal be of an Abbot replied the Frier vpon it wheÌ„soeuer it shal seeme good to your grace The king being thus twice at one time surprised by a Frier and the Abbey of Bergomoy being vacant at that present made him for them words so wel and readily spoken Abbot of it The ready wit of a Venetian Gentleman A Young Lawyer comming before the Senate of Venice for to debate a cause and matter in law partly with fear and partly with shame his tongue vpon the suddaine failed him Many of the assistants herevpon began to laugh at
more with any of her kind but keepeth a perpetuall chastity Herevpon the Empresse answered If you counsell me to imitate and follow the conditions and nature of the birds in whom there is no reason why doe you not as wel alledge vnto mee the example of the Pigeons and Sparrowes which are birds in their kind as well as of the Turtledoue Euen as the Turtledoue after the death of her mate doth couple no more with any other of her kind euen so the Pigeon and the Sparrow are alwaies in loue indifferently with the birds of their nature and feather The auncient ceremony which was vsed in the creation and annointing of Kings VVHen any King was crowned in times past which was commonlie in that place where his predecessours were buried the Bishop that should annoint and install him carried before him in his left hand a small bundle of tow and in his right hand a burning torch or waxen candle and as he was putting the fire vnto the flaxe turned his face towards the king and said vnto him with a loud voice Sic transit gloria mundi So the pompe glory of the world doth vanish away which he repeated three times It was for to ioine humilitie to authoritie The answere which the Earle Lazaram gaue to the Tartarian Embassadors THe king of Tartary willing to inuade with a great power the kingdome of Hungarie sent his embassadors to the court of Lazaram with a Mule laden with a sacke full of corne to demand of him free and quiet passage through his countrie so to enter into the kingdome of Hungary The embassadors performing their commission found the Earle vpon one of his castels called Archforme and being well informed of their charge demaunded of him free passage for their lord and his army with such due and faithful obedience as it became vnto him their lord and king was else determined to send into his territories more Souldiours then there were grains of corne within the sacke that was vpon the Mules backe and therewith they scattered the corn ouer all the court of the castle The Earle hauing heard them with patience gaue them likewise a most bountifull entertainement and appointing to giue them answere the third day caused in the meane time to be gathered a great store of Cockes Hens and Chickins and to bee shut vp for his purpose three daies without meat which being immediatly executed by his seruants at the time expired the Duke caused all these foules to bee brought into the court of his castell in presence of the said Embassadors which in lesse then half an houre had pickt vp all the corn thus scattered by the Tartarians Herevpon the said Earle said to the Embassadours Tel to your lord in my name that notwithstanding the great number of his men yet shall hee nor bee able to set out so manie as shall suffice to ouercome and conquer vs as you haue seene by the similitude of my Chickins God also gaue to the Earle the victorie The answere which Erasmus of Roterdam sent to king Francis KIng Francis hauing earnestly sollicited by some of his embassadors that worthy and renowned personage Erasmus of Roterdam that it would please him to come into France and receiue of him the best entertainement which he were able to giue him for this king did account it one of his cheefest felicities to haue diuers learned men about him Erasmus sent his Maiestie this answere Learned men my soueraine resemble faire tapistries which the further they stand remooued from the eie the fairer and perfecter they seeme to bee but if they are viewed and regarded neer by they loose much of their former grace beauty perfection And therfore my soueraign pardon me if I had rather to remain your humble seruant in these parts where I am in such reputation with your maiestie as I am already then neerer vnto your highnesse in lesse fauour and estimation A most Christian act done by the Earle of Anion FOokes the fift of that name Earle of Anion as hee had wonne a great battell against his enemies neere the towne of Sees his Souldiours had taken a great number of prisoners whom they had bound chained and had lodged them within the church The Earle in the morning willing to hear seruice and seeing so many prisoners within the church wonderfully displeased with it turned his face towards his souldiors saying vnto them My fellow-souldiors and friends what haue you done do ye not know that the church is the house of God and a place of praiers of liberty And you haue made it a prison and a den of thraldome wherein you haue beene very much ouerseene and herevpon caused all the prisoners to bee loosed and set at libertie and hauing giuen them meate and drinke sent them all away without paying any ransome A Pasquill of Leo the tenth PAsquil is an old piller of stone standing in the market place of Rome wherevpon euery first day of the year called New-years day euery man fasteneth closely notwithstanding many scrols libels and writings in praise and dispraise of Princes great potentates It happened that in Pope Leos daies the tenth of that name there was set vpon this piller a white paper wherein these seuen letters stood written M. C. C. C. C. L. X. THe Pope being very desirous to vnderstand the signification hereof and knowing that euery man would interprete them by vertue of the letters numerable 1460 being the date of a time past already and knowing that these letters should haue some other signification and intelligence caused a diligent inquiry to bee made for to find him out that had set vp this scrol and with much adoe the partie being found out at last and brought before the Pope earnestly demaunded and examined vpon the interpretation of those letters did promise to declare expound them vpon condition that his holinesse would vouchsafe to pardon him and neuer to trouble or molest him for it This being promised hee said vnto the Pope Holy Father these seuen letters will be thus interpreted Multi Cardinales Caeci Creauerunt Caecū Leonem Decimum A worthy act of Galatius Duke of Milan IT was told to Galatius that there was in Milan a very craftie and subtill Lawier for inuenting of means to prolong causes and to make them neuer ended whensoeuer he had vndertaken to doe it either for fauour or els for money The Duke desirous to trie his skill inquired of one of his stewards if there were nothing due to any that furnished his house with prouision and necessaries The books of account being perused there was found a hundreth pounds to be due to the Baker Hereupon the Duke caused the poore man to repare before the Senate and addressing himselfe to this aduocate demanded counsell of him for delaying the payment of this money The Lawyer promised the Duke that he would find meanes and law that the Baker should finger no part of that mony in a
What men are those that backwards gaine Their small liuing not without paine Solution Gardeners and Ropemakers Question Old I am ere I am borne And when I am hatched take heed of mee Or els thou maiest soone be forlorne If thou doest nothing looke to thee Solution The grudge of a secret enemie long conceiued in mind ere it is put in execution Question What is it that God cōmanded to be done was not done and yet God was well pleased Solution The sacrificing of Isaac Question My belly to thy side I lay And the hole is a sporting when we play Solution It is a Bagpipe Question Hitty pitty within the wall And hitty pitty without the wall If you touch hitty pitty my ioy Hitty pitty will bite the boy Solution It is a nettle Question Clincke clancke vnder a bancke Tenne aboue foure and neere the flancke Solution A maid milking of a Cow Question Trip trap in a gap As many feet as a hundred sheepe Solution It is the haile when it fals Question Red within and red without It is as ruffe as a Beares snout Solution A strawbery Question A wicked father did beget A daughter fit vnto his hand But such good children she did get That are the props of euery land Solution The deuill begot sinne and sin procured good lawes which are the staies of all gouernements Question God speed faire ladies by one and by one I am sent I cannot tell to whom And I doe bring I cannot tell what I count her wise that tels me that Solution A louer sent to his loue a messenger to put her in mind of her promise as to come vnto him and she sent backe this answer vnto him Tell thy maister in my name Wheen trees are turnd and wels be dry And dead vpon quicke then come will I. Meaning at midnight when the fire brands should be turned vpwards and the pots should bee empty and the fire raked vp with the cold ashes thē she would come Question I went and I could not tell whether I met and I wot not with whom He gaue me that I shall neuer forget And yet I came a maiden home Solution A child that went to christening Question I haue a smith without a hand He workes the worke that no man can He serues our God and doth man ease Without any fire in his furnace Solution It is a Bee that makes honny and waxe Question Foule is my fault that feeds me full To gorge on mothers bowels still I went abroad to seeke my fire And my wiues sonne I doe desire Such a one the man must be As is the sonne of wife to me Solution Ioseph went to seeke Christ when hee found in the Temple Preachers amongst those of the Synagogue Question What is it that in the morning vpon foure legs doth goe And about noone it standeth fast vpon two and no moe I make all blind as did delight Question I am cald by the name of man yet am as little as the mouse When Winter comes I loue to be with my red gorget neere the house Solution A Bird called Robin red brest Question Although my bodie little is yet I doe please the hearers eare If I were tame it were not amisse Then I should liue in lesser feare Solution The Nightingale Question What is it that more eies doth weare then fortie men within the land Which glister as the christall cleare against the sunne when they doe stand Solution A Peacockes taile Question When I goe to the water side at home my heart I leaue behind Tell me what I am without pride if it by any meanes you find Solution It is a pillowbeare Question My head is round my bodie small And I hold that that sauours all Solution A Salt seller and Salt Question Head and eie I am only What I may be now tell to me Solution A button of copper or of any mettall Question A Bird vpon a house I saw sixe legs it had yet but one taile Two heads besides more then a daw name me this Bird and win the ale Solution A hearnshaw had taken a frog brought it to her yong ones in the nest made vpon the top of a house Question All my body belly is And lesser then it my mouth is not I doe containe that makes men mad What I am sir now tell me that Solution A malt sack full of malt wherwith strong drinke is brued Question My belly is bigger then all the rest Wherein men vse to put the best Broad is my foot short is my necke If ill ye vse me then feare a checke Solution A bottle of glasse Question My coat is greene and I can prate Of diuers things about my grate In such a prison I am set That hath more loopholes then a net Solution A Parret in a cage of wyar Question I doe assemble many wight Yet I keepe me out of their sight And doe not come once where they be Yet euery day they may see me Solution A bell touling to a sermon Question What mill is it that hath two wings which flie about without the wind A greasie miller lookes to all things whiles it doth turne and doth not grind Solution It is a iacke and the greasie miller is the cooke Worthy sayings and readie answeres compyled into one booke out of sundrie Chronicles by A. P. A very fit and fine comparison made by a Gentleman of Genua LOdowicks force willing to exact a great and an extraordinary sum of money vpon the inhabitants of the city of Genua His embassadour was bid by one of the cheefest of the citty to dinner and a little before dinner as they were walking in the garden together and the Cittizen espying the hearbe Basil said vnto the Embassador Runne softly my Lord with your hand ouer this hearbe and then smell vnto it which hee did confessing it to haue a most sweet and comfortable sauor Now my lord quoth the Cittizen straine and bruse this hearbe in your hand and then smell vnto it which hee did affirming it to haue a noisome and foule smell Wherevpon the Cittizen said vnto him my lord if the Duke Lodowick runneth softly with the hand of his power and authoritie ouer this citty without either force or violence he shall find her of a good smell and wonderfull obedient but if hee doth oppose himselfe against her and dooth straine and force her shee will yeeld him a sower and a hard tast and sauour by disobedience and rebellion The humanitie of Princes maketh obedient and tractable Cittizens The answere of Iouian Pontanus IOuian Pontanus a very excellent Poet Philosopher being demaunded vpon a time wherefore he did eat but of one dish at meales and of that yet very soberly answered To the end I should haue no need of the Phisition All Phisitions affirme that the diuersity of meats hindereth digestion and breedeth diseases A comparison made by a Spaniard THe lord Gonsalues playing at dice and being a great looser perceiued