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A27280 The city-heiress, or, Sir Timothy Treat-all a comedy : as it is acted at His Royal Highness his theatre / written by Mrs. A. Behn. Behn, Aphra, 1640-1689.; Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627. Mad world, my masters.; Massinger, Philip, 1583-1640. Guardian. 1682 (1682) Wing B1719; ESTC R19571 61,514 72

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CITY-HEIRESS OR Sir Timothy Treat-all A COMEDY As it is Acted At his Royal Highness his THEATRE Written by Mrs. A. Behn LONDON Printed for D. Brown at the Black Swan and Bible without Temple-bar and T. Benskin in St. Brides Church-yard and H. Rhodes next door to the Bear-Tavern neer Bride-lane in Fleetstreet 1682. To the Right Honourable Henry Earl of Arundel and Lord Mowbray MY LORD 'T Is long that I have with great impatience waited some opportunity to declare my infinite Respect to your Lordship coming I may say into the World with a Veneration for your Illustrious Family and being brought up with continual Praises of the Renowned Actions of your glorious Ancestors both in War and Peace so famous over the Christian World for their Vertue Piety and Learning their elevated Birth and greatness of Courage and of whom all our English History are full of the Wonders of their Lives A Family of so ancient Nobility and from whom so many Hero's have proceeded to bless and serve their King and Country that all Ages and all Nations mention 'em even with Adoration My self have been in this our Age an Eye and Ear-witness with what Transports of Joy with what unusual Respect and Ceremony above what we pay to Mankind the very Name of the Great Howards of Norfolk and Arundel have been celebrated on Forein Shores And when any one of your Illustrious Family have pass'd the Streets the People throng'd to praise and bless him as soon as his Name has been made known to the glad Croud This I have seen with a Joy that became a true English heart who truly venerate its brave Country-men and joyn'd my dutiful Respects and Praises with the most devout but never had the happiness yet of any opportunity to express particularly that Admiration I have and ever had for your Lordship and your Great Family Still I say I did admire you still I wisht and pray'd for you 't was all I cou'd or durst But as my Esteem for your Lordship dayly increas'd with my Judgment so nothing cou'd bring it to a more absolute height and perfection than to observe in these troublesome times this Age of Lying Peaching and Swearing with what noble Prudence what steadiness of Mind what Loyalty and Conduct you have evaded the Snare that 't was to be fear'd was laid for all the Good the Brave and Loyal for all that truly lov'd our best of Kings and this distracted Country A thousand times I have wept for fear that Impudence and Malice wou'd extend so far as to stain your Noble and ever-Loyal Family with its unavoidable Imputations and as often for joy to see how undauntedly both the Illustrious Duke your Father and your self stem'd the raging Torrent that threatned with yours the ruine of the King and Kingdom all which had not power to shake your Constancy or Loyalty for which may Heaven and Earth reward and bless you the noble Examples to thousands of failing hearts who from so great a President of Loyalty became confirm'd May Heaven and Earth bless you for your pious and resolute bravery of Mind and heroick Honesty when you cry'd Not guilty that you durst like your great self speak Conscientious Truths in a Juncto so vitious when Truth and Innocence was criminal and I doubt not but the Soul of that great Sufferer bows down from Heaven in gratitude for that noble service done it All these and a thousand marks you give of dayly growing Greatness every day produces to those like me curious to learn the Story of your Life and Actions something that even adds a Lustre to your great Name which one wou'd think cou'd be made no more splendid some new Goodness some new act of Loyalty or Courage comes out to cheer the World and those that admire you Nor wou'd I be the last of those that dayly congratulate and celebrate your rising Glory nor durst I any other way approach you with it but this humble one which carries some Excuse along with it Proud of the opportunity then I most humbly beg your Lordships Patronage of a Comedy which has nothing to defend it but the Honour it begs and nothing to deserve that Honour but its being in every part true Tory Loyal all-over except one Knave which I hope no body will take to himself or if he do I must e'en say with Hamlet Then let the strucken Deer go weep It has the luck to be well receiv'd in the Town which not from my Vanity pleases me but that thereby I find Honesty begins to come in fashion again when Loyalty is approv'd and Whigism becomes a Jest where'er 't is met with And no doubt on 't so long as the Royal Cause has such Patrons as your Lordship such vigorous and noble Supporters his Majesty will be great secure and quiet the Nation flourishing and happy and seditious Fools and Knaves that have so long disturb'd the Peace and Tranquility of the World will become the business and sport of Comedy and at last the scorn of that Rabble that fondly and blindly worshipt 'em and whom nothing can so well convince as plain Demonstration which is ever more powerful and prevailent than Precept or even Preaching it self If this have edifi'd effectual 't is all I wish and that your Lordship will be pleas'd to accept the humble Offering is all I beg and the greatest Glory I care shou'd be done MY LORD Your Lordships most Humble and most Obedient Servant A. BEHN THE PROLOGUE Written by Mr. Otway SPOKEN by Mrs. BARRY HOW vain have prov'd the Labours of the Stage In striving to reclaim a vitious Age Poets may write the Mischief to impeach You care as little what the Poets teach As you regard at Church what Parsons preach But where such Follies and such Vices reign What honest Pen has patience to refrain At Church in Pews ye most devoutly snore And here got dully drunk ye come to roar Ye go to Church to glout and Ogle there And come to meet more lewd convenient here With equal Zeal ye honour either place And run so very evenly your Race Y' improve in Wit just as you do in Grace It must be so some Daemon has possest Our Land and we have never since been blest Y' have seen it all or heard of its Renown In reverend shape it stalk'd about the Town Six Yeomen tall attending on its frown Sometimes with humble note and zealous lore ' Twou'd play the Apostolick Function o'er But Heav'n have mercy on us when it swore Whene'er it swore to prove the Oaths were true Out of its mouth at random Halters flew Round some unwary neck by Magick thrown Though still the cunning Devil sav'd its own For when the Inchantment could no longer last The subtile Pug most dexterously uncast Left awful form for one more seeming pious And in a moment vary'd to defie us From silken Doctor home-spun Ananias Left the lewd Court and did in City fix Where
When all my Languishments cou'd nought prevail Had made ye mine for ever Aloud Enter Sir Anthony pulling in Sir Timothy and Diana Sir Anth. ' Morrow Charles ' Morrow to your Ladyship Charles bid Sir Timothy welcome I met him luckily at the door and am resolv'd none of my Friends shall pass this joyful day without giving thee Joy Charles and drinking my Ladies Health Wild. Hah my Uncle here so early Aside Sir Tim. What has your Ladyship serv'd me so How finely I had been mumpt now if I had not took heart a grace and shew'd your Ladyship trick for trick for I have been this morning about some such business of Life too Gentlemen I am married to this fair Lady the Daughter and Heiress of Sir Nicholas Gettall Knight and Alderman Wild. Hah married to Diana How fickle is the Faith of common women Aside Sir Tim. Hum Who 's here my Lord What I see you Lordship has found the way already to the fair Ladies but I hope your Lordship will do my Wedding-dinner the honour to grace it with your presence Wild. I shall not fail Sir A Pox upon him he 'll discover all Aside L. Gall. I must own Sir Timothy you have made the better choice Sir Tim. I cou'd not hel● my destiny Marriages are made in Heaven you know Ent●r Charlot weeping and Clacket Charl. Stand off and let me loose as are my Griefs which can no more be bounded Oh let me face the perjur'd false forsworn L. Gall. Fair Creature who is 't that you seek with so much sorrow Charl. Thou thou fatally fair Inchantress Weeps Wild. Charlot Nay then I am discover'd L. Gall. Alas what wou'dst thou Charl. That which I cannot have thy faithless Husband Be judge ye everlasting Powers of Love Whether he more belongs to her or me Sir Anth. How my Nephew claim'd Why how now Sirrah have you been dabling here Sir Char. By Heaven I know her not Heark ye Widow this is some trick of yours and 't was well laid and Gad she 's so pretty I cou'd find in my heart to take her at her word L. Gall. Vile man this will not pass your falshood off Sure 't is some Art to make me jealous of him To find how much I value him Sir Char. Death I 'll have the forgery out Tell me thou pretty weeping Hypocrite who was it set thee on to lay 〈…〉 me Charl. To you Alas who are you for till this moment I never saw your 〈◊〉 L. Gall. Mad as the Seas when all the Winds are raging Sir Tim. Aye aye Madam stark mad Poor Soul Neighbour pray let her lie i' th' dark d' ye hear Sir Char. How came you pretty one to lose your Wits thus Charl. With loving Sir strongly with too much loving Will you not let me see the lovely false one To L. Gall. For I am told you have his heart in keeping L. Gall. Who is he pray describe him Charl. A thing just like a Man or rather Angel He speaks and looks and loves like any God! All fine and gay all manly and all sweet And when he swears he loves you wou'd swear too That all his Oaths were true Sir Anth. Who is she some one who knows her and is wiser speak you Mistriss To Clacket Mrs. Clack Since I must speak there comes the man of Mischief 'T is you I mean for all your learing Sir To Wild. Wild. So. Sir Tim. What my Lord Mrs. Clack I never knew your Nephew was a Lord Has his Honour made him forget his Honesty Charl. runs and catches him in her Arms. Charl. I have thee and I 'll die thus grasping thee Thou art my own no Power shall take thee from me Wild. Never thou truest of thy Sex and dearest Thou soft thou kind thou constant Sufferer This moment end thy fears for I am thine Charl. May I believe thou art not married then Wild. How can I when I 'm yours How cou'd I when I love thee more than Life Now Madam I 'm reveng'd on all your scorn To L. Gall. And Uncle all your cruelty Sir Tim. Why what are you indeed my Nephew Thomas Wild. I am Tom Wilding Sir that once bore some such Title till you discarded me and left me to live upon my Wits Sir Tim. What and are you no Polish Embassadour then incognito Wild. No Sir nor you no King Elect but must e'en remain as you were ever Sir a most seditious pestilent old Knave one that deludes the Rabble with your Politicks then leave 'em to be hang'd as they deserve for silly mutinous Rebels Sir Tim. I 'll peach the Rogue and then he 'll be hang'd in course because he 's a Tory. One comfort is I have couzen'd him of his rich Heiress for I am married Sir to Mrs. Charlot Wild. Rather Diana Sir I wish you Joy See here 's Charlot I was not such a Fool to trust such Blessings with the Wicked 〈◊〉 How Mrs. Dy Ladyfi'd This is an excellent way of disposing an old 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 How have I married a Strumpet then Dia● You give your Nephews Mistriss Sir too coarse a name 'T is true I lov'd him onely him and was true to him Sir Tim. Undone undone I shall ne'r make Guildhall-speech more but he shall hang for 't if there be ere a Witness to be had between this and Salamancha for Money Wild. Do your worst Sir Witnesses are out of fashion now Sir thanks to your Ignoramus Juries Sir Tim. Then I 'm resolv'd to dis-inherit him Wild. See Sir that 's past your skill too thanks to my last nights Ingenuity they 're shews him the Writings sign'd seal'd and deliver'd in the presence of c. Sir Tim. Bear Witness 't was he that robb'd me last night Sir Anth. We bear Witness Sir we know of no such matter we I thank you for that Sir wou'd you make Witnesses of Gentlemen Sir Tim. No matter for that I 'll have him hang'd nay drawn and quarter'd Wild. What for obeying your Commands and living on my Wits Sir Anth. Nay then 't is a cleer case you can neither hang him nor blame him Wild. I 'll propose fairly now if you 'll be generous and pardon all I 'll render your Estate back during Life and put the Writings in Sir Anthony Meriwill's and Sir Charles● his hands I have a Fortune here that will maintain me Without so much as wishing for your death All. This is but Reason Sir Char. With this Proviso that he makes not use on 't to promote any mischief to the King and Government All. Good and just Sir Tim. pauses Sir Tim. Hum I 'd as good quietly agree to 't as lose my Credit by making a noise Well Tom I pardon all and will be Friends Gives him his hand Sir Char. See my dear Creature even this hard old man is mollifi'd at last into good nature yet you 'll still be cruel L. Gall. No your unwearied Love at last has vanquisht me Here be as happy as a Wife can make ye One last look more and then be gone fond Love Sighing and looking on Wilding giving Sir Charles her hand Sir Char. Come Sir you must receive Diana too she is a cheerful witty Girl and handsome one that will be a Comfort to your Age and bring no scandal home Live peaceably and do not trouble your decrepid Age with business of State Let all things in their own due order move Let Caesar be the Kingdoms care and love Let the Hot-headed Mutineers petition And meddle in the Rights of Just Succession But may all honest hearts as one agree To bless the King and Royal Albanie THE END EPILOGUE Written by a Person of Quality SPOKEN by Mrs. BOTELER MY Part I fear will take with but a few A rich young Heiress to her first Love true 'T is damn'd unnatural and past enduring Against the fundamental Laws of Whoring Marrying's the Mask which Modesty assures Helps to get new and covers old Amours And Husband sounds so dull to a Town-Bride You now-a-days condemn him ere he 's try'd Ere in his Office he 's confirm'd Possessor Like Trincaloes you chuse him a Successor In the gay spring of Love when free from doubts With early shoots his Velvet Forehead sprouts Like a poor Parson bound to hard Indentures You make him pay his First-fruits ere he enters But for short Carnivals of stoln good Cheer You 're after forc'd to keep Lent all the Year Till brought at last to a starving Nuns condition You break into our Quarters for Provision Invade Fop-corner with your glaring Beauties And ●ice our Loyal Subjects from their Duties Pray Ladies ●ave that Province to our care A Fool is the Fee-simple of a Player In which we Women claim a double share 〈◊〉 things the Men are Rulers made 〈…〉 Woodcocks is our proper Trade If by Stage-Fops they a poor Living get We can grow rich thanks to our Mother Wit By the more natural Blockheads in the Pit Take then the Wits and all their useless Prattles But as for Fools they are our Goods and Chattels Return Ingrates to your first Haunt the Stage We taught your Youth and help'd your feeble Age. What is 't you see in Quality we want What can they give you which we cannot grant We have their Pride their Frolicks and their Paint We feel the same Youth dancing in our Blood Our dress as gay All underneath as good Most men have found us hitherto more true And if we 're not abus'd by some of you We●re full as fair perhaps as wholesome too But if at best our hopeful Sport and Trade is And nothing now will serve you but great Ladies May question'd Marriages your Fortune be And Lawyers drain your Pockets more than we May Iudges puzzle a clear Case with Laws And Musquetoon at last decide the Cause FINIS