his son Alexander to be greeued at it wherevpon he said vnto certain Gentlemen there present The Hystories record that Alexander the Great being a child did weepe when he heard that Philip his father had obtained the victory of a battell and besides had conquered a kingdome all at once And being demanded wherefore hee wept answered that hee feared that his father would winne so many realms and countries that hee should leaue him none for to conquer And quite contrarie quoth the lord Gonsalues is it with my sonne Alexander now readie to weepe for my crosse lucke and great losses because hee feareth that I shall loose so much that I shall leaue him nothing for to loose A pretty quippe giuen vnto two Cardinals by a Painter RAphell Vrbin being a very excellent and skilfull Painter vpon a time hearing two Cardinals with whome hee was very familiar to reprooue and find fault only for to anger him with a certaine picture of S. Peter and S. Paule which hee had very artificially painted and finished saying that the pictures faces were too high coloured and too red without further studying gaue them this answere My lords maruaile not hereat for I haue purposely so painted them as they are now in heauen and not as they were here vpon earth for this rednesse commeth vnto them blushing euen for very shame to see the church so ill gouerned by such and such like as your lordships The answere which the great Turke gaue to the Embassadours of the King of Hungarie BAiazet Emperor of the Turkes inuading with a great army Bulgary a part of Hungary The king Sigismondus sent his embassadors vnto him to desire him not to molest trouble his subiects and countrie wherevnto by no law he had not any right claime or title Baiazet to answere herevpon caused great store of armours and other warlike instruments to be brought into a certaine hall appointed for that purpose and hauing sent for the Kings Embassadors said vnto them Loe here my lords pointing with his finger vpon the armours the titles whereby I doe claime and am to possesse the crowne and kingdome of Hungarie Right and equitie haue no place in the court of a Tyrant A pleasant reproouing of the Marques of Mantua FRederick Marquesse of Mantua as he did sit at dinner among many Gentlemen one of them hauing almost made an end of his porrige supt vp the rest and to excuse his inciuilitie craued pardon of the companie The Marquesse in presence of them all gaue him this ready answere sir aske pardon of the Swine for vnto vs you haue done no offence or iniury A worthy deed of an Italian knight AN Italian knight as hee was sitting at dinner saw two Gentlemen that had alwaies behaued themselues most valiantly in the warres and had done good seruice to their countrie to stand as abiects of the cōpanie because all places were taken before wherevpon he did rise and so caused all the rest to rise with him for to make place vnto these two Gentlemen saying Giue place vnto these two Gentlemen for to eat their meat for if they had not beene with vs in such a fight naming the place wee should at this time haue had nothing for to eat The tyrannicall sentence of Prospero Colonna PRospero Colonna Collonell of the Italian infanterie within the Garrison of Milan a Cittizen of the twon came vnto him complaining against the exactions spoiles and forceable robberies of his souldiours vnto whom hee gaue this answere Mylan is like vnto a Goose for the more he is pulled the fairer will be his feathers Of Pope Sixtus the fourth and a Frier POpe Sixtus the fourth hauing beene a Frier of S. Francis order and being aduanced to the Papall dignitie was visited vpon a certaine time by a Frier of his Order who had been one of his chiefest friends and familiars the Pope willing to shew him some priuate fauour brought him into his cabinet wherein he had a very rich treasure and smiling said vnto the poor Frier Now Frater I cannot say that which S. Peter my predecessor said Aurum nec argentum habeo I haue neither gold nor siluer It is most true quoth the Frier but holy Father you cannot say likewise as he said to the impotent creple and lame Surgite ambulate Arise and walke The wise saying of Charles the fift Emperour NEwes being brought vnto the Emperor as he sat in counsell that the Marques of Guassa was with all his forces discōfited by the Frenchmen Cardinall Grandelle his Chancellor fearing that the affaires of the Realme should succeed the worse for it said to the Emperour Sacred Maiestie this ill reencountre is to be kept secret Wherevpon the Emperour answered It is not possible to keepe things close done before so manie witnesses but that which is yet to bee done and attempted is not to be reuealed It is very daungerous to a Realme when the enemie knoweth the secrets as soone as they are determined Of the humilitie of Godefrey Duke of Buillon VVHen the Duke Godefrey of Buillon with consent of all the Christian Princes was chosen king of Ierusalem and therevpon the royall crowne was offered and presented vnto him he did refuse it saying It is not meet for mee a Christian Prince to weare a crowne of gold whereas Christ King of Kings did weare but one of thornes The last will of Saladin King of Asia SAladin King of Asia Syria and Aegypt declared vpon his death bed how miserable hee knew the nature and state of man to bee and therefore commanded that being dead they should cause his shert to bee carried vpon a launce through all his camp and insight of all the lords captaines and souldiors of his army and hee that should carrie it should crie with a lowd voice Saladin subduer and vanquisher of all Asia amongst all his riches which hee hath gotten and conquered carrieth nothing with him but this only linnen The greatest triumphs of man in parting out of this world are the workes of charitie and godlinesse The wise answeres of Antonius Panormus to King Alphonsus ANtonius Panormus being demaunded of the King what was most necessary and requisit vnto them that would liue together peaceablie in the state of marriage because that most commonly as the Poet sayth Semper habet lites alternaque surgia lectus Inqua nupta iacet that is With quietnesse is seldome blest The bed wherein a wife doth rest Answered that there were two thinges most requisite The first that the husband were deaffe for not to heare all the follies scolding wordes and ill reports of his wiues disordered life The second that the wife were blind for not to see the great enormitie and excessiue intemperance of her husband Of King Lewys of Fraunce and a souldiour KIng Lewys in his wars against the Emperor being on a time in one of his battels somewhat far from any of his companies a certaine Germane knight thinking to make himselfe rich by
it and by foresight to resist forraine inuasion Quest. Who are onely to be called resolute souldiours Answ Those that are determined either to die or els to obtaine the victory Quest What is a cheefe fault in warre Answ Feare of death Quest. How did antiquitie represent vnto vs the issue of good things Answ They made an image holding in the right hand a cup and in the left hand an eare of corne with a sprig of Poppy signifying therby that he easily is brought asleepe that is contented with the fruits of the earth Quest What seruice is most in request and being performed is least considered and most hated Answ Treason Quest What time is most desired and obtained is most accused Answ Age. Quest. What men are cheeflie deceiued Answ Those that looke for two contrarie thinges at one time namelie for pleasure and the reward of vertue Quest. What is that in the morning goeth vpon foure legges at noone vpon two and in the euening vpon three legges Answ Man for in his infancie hee creepeth vpon hands and feet in his youth hee goeth straight without any helpe or stay and in his age vseth besides his legges the aid of a staffe to support his body Quest. What thing is in the day time as round as a hoope and at night long as a Answ A girdle about a man or womans body Quest How many waies is violence cheefly committed Answ Two waies either by deceit or by force the one is the practise of the Foxe and the other of the Lyon and both of them are most farre from humanitie Quest. Why is vertue had in so small account Answ Because shee is plaine and cannot dissemble Quest Why dooth vertue reiect all glosings Answ Because truth needes no shaddowes Quest What men are most ingratefull to themselues and least hurtfull to other men Answ Those that are couetous and enuious for as these pine away at other mens welfare and prosperitie so the other endanger their soules to leaue rich perhaps vnthankfull heires behind them Quest. Why is heauen said to haue a low gate Answ Because those that shall enter into it must first stoope low and learne humilitie Quest Why did Antiquitie in their churches place a crosse vpon the entrance of the quire Answ Because the body of the church did represent the church militant vpon earth and the quire the church triumphant in heauen to teach vs hereby that no man would come from the one into the other vnlesse hee did suffer first crosses and persecutions Quest. What is a friend Answ Another selfesame Quest What is commonly the end of a dissolute life Answ A desperate death Quest. What is a cheefe signe of a Princes clemencie and a token of his great courage and magnanimitie Answ To despise the whisperings of vnthankfull men and patiently to suffer the rage of enuy Quest Which are the cheefest ornaments of women Answ Shamefastnesse Quest. How might a foole resemble a wise man Answ In hiding of his folly by silence Quest. What three things doe men most couet Answ Riches Pleasure and Honor. Riches bee the nurses of sinne and iniquity Pleasures the guides to calamitie And Honor the pompe of worldly vanities Quest. Why are pleasures so much to bee abandoned Answ Because their first entring is counterfeit and deceitfull and their departure is griefe and repentance Quest What thing in this world is alwaies without rest Answ A guilty conscience Quest What is it that men most doe hunt after and oftentimes prooueth most deceitfull Answ Womens fauor Quest. What is it that women most feare yet of it do most desire the occasion Answ To be with child they most desire and fear most the hour of their deliuery Quest What doe children most hate and yet is most profitable vnto them Answ Correction Quest. What is lesser then a Mouse and hath more windowes then a house Answ A Thymble Quest. What vice is most likest to the apples of Tantalus Answ Hypocrisie For as the Apples of Tantalus seemed in sight most beautiful and yet prooued but shadowes so this vice although it beareth a glorious shew of perfectiō yet is nothing els but a meer and a deceitfull illusion Quest Why is it amongst men now adaies so much practised Answ Because it is the highest degree of dissembling and therefore is accounted a sure step to promotion Quest. What men transforme themselues into angels of light and are nothing but Diuels incarnate Answ Hypocrites Quest What men promise thēselues many vaine things Answ Courtiers and such as liue in continuall hope Quest What thing in the latter minute of his age waxeth yong againe Answ The Moone Quest Who is the mother of all mankind Answ The earth euen by the Oracle of Apollo for this Oracle being demanded by certaine Princes that were in controuersie for the kindome of Aegypt who should succeed the late King deceased answered that he should not only be installed King of the kingdome of Aegypt that first should kisse his mother but should likewise become monarch of all Asia This answer being reported by the Priest vnto the Princes that were then attending without vpō the Oracle Darius hauing heard it stept suddainly from his horse and kist the ground saying that the earth was the mother of al mankind The princes that could not deny it made and created him King who afterward conquered all Asia and became quiet monarch of many kingdomes Quest What is it that taketh least pleasure in company Answ Pride for it hateth his betters enuieth his equals and despiseth his inferiors Quest What is it that being aliue is altogether dumbe and being dead yeeldeth a most sweet harmonie Answ A Lute or any kind of instrument made of wood Quest Which is the best remedy for things that are not to be recouered Answ Obliuion or forgetfulnesse Quest. What is chiefly to be commended in a warrior Answ To be in fight terrible and in conquest mild Quest. What surfeit is most dangerous and least auoided Answ The surfeit of sinne Quest. Who kill their mother ere they be borne in the reuenge of their father that begot them Answ Vipers for as the male and femall ingender by the mouth so the damme being kindled with lust in the art of Venery bites of the males head and the yong ones ere they be borne gnaw their mothers belly open to come forth and so doe kill her Quest What is it that soonest waxeth old Answ A benefite for nothing is sooner forgotten then a good turne and nothing longer remembred then an iniury Quest What are Vsurers Answ The Horseleeches and Caterpillers of the Commonwealth Quest. What is the least and yet the profitablest thing in a Garden Answ A Bee Quest. What wind bloweth no way to profite and is noysome to all the neighbours Answ The foisting of a dogge the smell whereof is noysome to all the companie that are neere it Quest Vpon what men are almes deedes worst bestowed Answ Vpon blind men
more with any of her kind but keepeth a perpetuall chastity Herevpon the Empresse answered If you counsell me to imitate and follow the conditions and nature of the birds in whom there is no reason why doe you not as wel alledge vnto mee the example of the Pigeons and Sparrowes which are birds in their kind as well as of the Turtledoue Euen as the Turtledoue after the death of her mate doth couple no more with any other of her kind euen so the Pigeon and the Sparrow are alwaies in loue indifferently with the birds of their nature and feather The auncient ceremony which was vsed in the creation and annointing of Kings VVHen any King was crowned in times past which was commonlie in that place where his predecessours were buried the Bishop that should annoint and install him carried before him in his left hand a small bundle of tow and in his right hand a burning torch or waxen candle and as he was putting the fire vnto the flaxe turned his face towards the king and said vnto him with a loud voice Sic transit gloria mundi So the pompe glory of the world doth vanish away which he repeated three times It was for to ioine humilitie to authoritie The answere which the Earle Lazaram gaue to the Tartarian Embassadors THe king of Tartary willing to inuade with a great power the kingdome of Hungarie sent his embassadors to the court of Lazaram with a Mule laden with a sacke full of corne to demand of him free and quiet passage through his countrie so to enter into the kingdome of Hungary The embassadors performing their commission found the Earle vpon one of his castels called Archforme and being well informed of their charge demaunded of him free passage for their lord and his army with such due and faithful obedience as it became vnto him their lord and king was else determined to send into his territories more Souldiours then there were grains of corne within the sacke that was vpon the Mules backe and therewith they scattered the corn ouer all the court of the castle The Earle hauing heard them with patience gaue them likewise a most bountifull entertainement and appointing to giue them answere the third day caused in the meane time to be gathered a great store of Cockes Hens and Chickins and to bee shut vp for his purpose three daies without meat which being immediatly executed by his seruants at the time expired the Duke caused all these foules to bee brought into the court of his castell in presence of the said Embassadors which in lesse then half an houre had pickt vp all the corn thus scattered by the Tartarians Herevpon the said Earle said to the Embassadours Tel to your lord in my name that notwithstanding the great number of his men yet shall hee nor bee able to set out so manie as shall suffice to ouercome and conquer vs as you haue seene by the similitude of my Chickins God also gaue to the Earle the victorie The answere which Erasmus of Roterdam sent to king Francis KIng Francis hauing earnestly sollicited by some of his embassadors that worthy and renowned personage Erasmus of Roterdam that it would please him to come into France and receiue of him the best entertainement which he were able to giue him for this king did account it one of his cheefest felicities to haue diuers learned men about him Erasmus sent his Maiestie this answere Learned men my soueraine resemble faire tapistries which the further they stand remooued from the eie the fairer and perfecter they seeme to bee but if they are viewed and regarded neer by they loose much of their former grace beauty perfection And therfore my soueraign pardon me if I had rather to remain your humble seruant in these parts where I am in such reputation with your maiestie as I am already then neerer vnto your highnesse in lesse fauour and estimation A most Christian act done by the Earle of Anion FOokes the fift of that name Earle of Anion as hee had wonne a great battell against his enemies neere the towne of Sees his Souldiours had taken a great number of prisoners whom they had bound chained and had lodged them within the church The Earle in the morning willing to hear seruice and seeing so many prisoners within the church wonderfully displeased with it turned his face towards his souldiors saying vnto them My fellow-souldiors and friends what haue you done do ye not know that the church is the house of God and a place of praiers of liberty And you haue made it a prison and a den of thraldome wherein you haue beene very much ouerseene and herevpon caused all the prisoners to bee loosed and set at libertie and hauing giuen them meate and drinke sent them all away without paying any ransome A Pasquill of Leo the tenth PAsquil is an old piller of stone standing in the market place of Rome wherevpon euery first day of the year called New-years day euery man fasteneth closely notwithstanding many scrols libels and writings in praise and dispraise of Princes great potentates It happened that in Pope Leos daies the tenth of that name there was set vpon this piller a white paper wherein these seuen letters stood written M. C. C. C. C. L. X. THe Pope being very desirous to vnderstand the signification hereof and knowing that euery man would interprete them by vertue of the letters numerable 1460 being the date of a time past already and knowing that these letters should haue some other signification and intelligence caused a diligent inquiry to bee made for to find him out that had set vp this scrol and with much adoe the partie being found out at last and brought before the Pope earnestly demaunded and examined vpon the interpretation of those letters did promise to declare expound them vpon condition that his holinesse would vouchsafe to pardon him and neuer to trouble or molest him for it This being promised hee said vnto the Pope Holy Father these seuen letters will be thus interpreted Multi Cardinales Caeci Creauerunt Caecū Leonem Decimum A worthy act of Galatius Duke of Milan IT was told to Galatius that there was in Milan a very craftie and subtill Lawier for inuenting of means to prolong causes and to make them neuer ended whensoeuer he had vndertaken to doe it either for fauour or els for money The Duke desirous to trie his skill inquired of one of his stewards if there were nothing due to any that furnished his house with prouision and necessaries The books of account being perused there was found a hundreth pounds to be due to the Baker Hereupon the Duke caused the poore man to repare before the Senate and addressing himselfe to this aduocate demanded counsell of him for delaying the payment of this money The Lawyer promised the Duke that he would find meanes and law that the Baker should finger no part of that mony in a
What men are those that backwards gaine Their small liuing not without paine Solution Gardeners and Ropemakers Question Old I am ere I am borne And when I am hatched take heed of mee Or els thou maiest soone be forlorne If thou doest nothing looke to thee Solution The grudge of a secret enemie long conceiued in mind ere it is put in execution Question What is it that God cōmanded to be done was not done and yet God was well pleased Solution The sacrificing of Isaac Question My belly to thy side I lay And the hole is a sporting when we play Solution It is a Bagpipe Question Hitty pitty within the wall And hitty pitty without the wall If you touch hitty pitty my ioy Hitty pitty will bite the boy Solution It is a nettle Question Clincke clancke vnder a bancke Tenne aboue foure and neere the flancke Solution A maid milking of a Cow Question Trip trap in a gap As many feet as a hundred sheepe Solution It is the haile when it fals Question Red within and red without It is as ruffe as a Beares snout Solution A strawbery Question A wicked father did beget A daughter fit vnto his hand But such good children she did get That are the props of euery land Solution The deuill begot sinne and sin procured good lawes which are the staies of all gouernements Question God speed faire ladies by one and by one I am sent I cannot tell to whom And I doe bring I cannot tell what I count her wise that tels me that Solution A louer sent to his loue a messenger to put her in mind of her promise as to come vnto him and she sent backe this answer vnto him Tell thy maister in my name Wheen trees are turnd and wels be dry And dead vpon quicke then come will I. Meaning at midnight when the fire brands should be turned vpwards and the pots should bee empty and the fire raked vp with the cold ashes thē she would come Question I went and I could not tell whether I met and I wot not with whom He gaue me that I shall neuer forget And yet I came a maiden home Solution A child that went to christening Question I haue a smith without a hand He workes the worke that no man can He serues our God and doth man ease Without any fire in his furnace Solution It is a Bee that makes honny and waxe Question Foule is my fault that feeds me full To gorge on mothers bowels still I went abroad to seeke my fire And my wiues sonne I doe desire Such a one the man must be As is the sonne of wife to me Solution Ioseph went to seeke Christ when hee found in the Temple Preachers amongst those of the Synagogue Question What is it that in the morning vpon foure legs doth goe And about noone it standeth fast vpon two and no moe I make all blind as did delight Question I am cald by the name of man yet am as little as the mouse When Winter comes I loue to be with my red gorget neere the house Solution A Bird called Robin red brest Question Although my bodie little is yet I doe please the hearers eare If I were tame it were not amisse Then I should liue in lesser feare Solution The Nightingale Question What is it that more eies doth weare then fortie men within the land Which glister as the christall cleare against the sunne when they doe stand Solution A Peacockes taile Question When I goe to the water side at home my heart I leaue behind Tell me what I am without pride if it by any meanes you find Solution It is a pillowbeare Question My head is round my bodie small And I hold that that sauours all Solution A Salt seller and Salt Question Head and eie I am only What I may be now tell to me Solution A button of copper or of any mettall Question A Bird vpon a house I saw sixe legs it had yet but one taile Two heads besides more then a daw name me this Bird and win the ale Solution A hearnshaw had taken a frog brought it to her yong ones in the nest made vpon the top of a house Question All my body belly is And lesser then it my mouth is not I doe containe that makes men mad What I am sir now tell me that Solution A malt sack full of malt wherwith strong drinke is brued Question My belly is bigger then all the rest Wherein men vse to put the best Broad is my foot short is my necke If ill ye vse me then feare a checke Solution A bottle of glasse Question My coat is greene and I can prate Of diuers things about my grate In such a prison I am set That hath more loopholes then a net Solution A Parret in a cage of wyar Question I doe assemble many wight Yet I keepe me out of their sight And doe not come once where they be Yet euery day they may see me Solution A bell touling to a sermon Question What mill is it that hath two wings which flie about without the wind A greasie miller lookes to all things whiles it doth turne and doth not grind Solution It is a iacke and the greasie miller is the cooke Worthy sayings and readie answeres compyled into one booke out of sundrie Chronicles by A. P. A very fit and fine comparison made by a Gentleman of Genua LOdowicks force willing to exact a great and an extraordinary sum of money vpon the inhabitants of the city of Genua His embassadour was bid by one of the cheefest of the citty to dinner and a little before dinner as they were walking in the garden together and the Cittizen espying the hearbe Basil said vnto the Embassador Runne softly my Lord with your hand ouer this hearbe and then smell vnto it which hee did confessing it to haue a most sweet and comfortable sauor Now my lord quoth the Cittizen straine and bruse this hearbe in your hand and then smell vnto it which hee did affirming it to haue a noisome and foule smell Wherevpon the Cittizen said vnto him my lord if the Duke Lodowick runneth softly with the hand of his power and authoritie ouer this citty without either force or violence he shall find her of a good smell and wonderfull obedient but if hee doth oppose himselfe against her and dooth straine and force her shee will yeeld him a sower and a hard tast and sauour by disobedience and rebellion The humanitie of Princes maketh obedient and tractable Cittizens The answere of Iouian Pontanus IOuian Pontanus a very excellent Poet Philosopher being demaunded vpon a time wherefore he did eat but of one dish at meales and of that yet very soberly answered To the end I should haue no need of the Phisition All Phisitions affirme that the diuersity of meats hindereth digestion and breedeth diseases A comparison made by a Spaniard THe lord Gonsalues playing at dice and being a great looser perceiued