for Thomasio whom Age had brought to the downfal of his mellow Years being as most Old Men are very Tuchy and Cholerick could not forbear to give out threatning Words what he would do unto them before he had gotten his prey into his hand Wherefore Ricardo having notice of his intent was minded to frustrate his expectation and giving his Master Billy notice thereof he speedily packed him away himself staying behind to see what would be the event thereof not doubting when the worst came to come off well enough by the help of his Invisible-Ring And indeed he quickly found himself to have need of such help for Thomasio finding his Son Billy to have escaped his hands resolved Ricardo should pay for all and so by vertue of his Warrant seized upon him threatning him with so many punishments and such diversity of Torments that if words would have done it Ricardo had dyed a Thousand Deaths In this passion he was hurried before the Sage Freston who as we told you before was Justice of those parts to whom Thomasio made a grievous complaint how that Ricardo was both a Thief and a Conjurer that he had stolen his Horses and intic'd away his Son and for ought he knew made him away and therefore desired he might be severely punished But Sir said he if you have not a care he will escape your hands for he hath learned Hocus pocus tricks during his Knight Rascality by which he can make himself and Bottles of Wine to become Invisible as he served our Justice not long ago and therefore I do accuse him for a Witch and that as a Witch he may be burnt to death at a stake To this Ricardo answered that he had done nothing but what was warrantable by the Laws of Knight-Errantry according as his Master had informed him for said he did you ever read in any Books of Chevalry that Knights-Errant and their Squires went about to seek out Adventures on Foot and therefore since his Master must have Horses who could furnish him better than his Father Nor are we said he to be troubled or molested for whatsoever we do since Knights Errant are Lawless and if the Knights be Lawless by consequence the Squires are Lawless too Ricardo's words made the whole Company to laugh when in the very nick of time came the Justice of Billerecay from whom Ricardo had taken the Bottle of Wine invited thither by the Fame of Sir Billy's Challenge Ricardo seeing him come thought it was time to be gone thinking he would disclose the Trick he had shown him which indeed he quickly did in all its circumstances but the strangeness of the thing could gain no Credence with the Sage Freston who said he would try if he could serve him such a Trick and thereupon commanded three or four Bottles of Sack to be fetched and set on the Table Ricardo seeing and hearing all what was done thought it now high time to act his part and thereupon slipping on his Ring he seizes upon two of the Bottles and clapping them under his Coat marched cleverly away with them to the Astonishment of all there present especially to the Sage Freston who now began to think that Ricardo and his Master instead of two simple Fellows were a couple of crafty Knaves But notwithstanding Ricardo went away laughing with his Booty yet was his heart sorrowful as dreading what would be the effects of that which they had done for though he put great confidence in his Invisible-Ring as a sure protection for him in all his extremities yet hearing how vehemently Old Thomasio had accused him for Witchcraft and that if he should be taken unawares before he could put the Ring on his Finger it might be taken from him and all his forepassed actions laid to his Charge which last he had committed he thought would be none of the least in abusing him by whom they had been so kindly entertained for now he perceived that notwithstanding all his Masters brags of Conquering Castles and Islands the purchase they were likeliest to get was only a Jayle He therefore resolved not to expose himself to any danger more than needs must and to that purpose kept the Ring on his Finger until he travelled many Miles whereby he prevented his being taken by those which the Sage Freston had sent after him For these two Justices after his departure seeing how they were deluded had sent both Horse and Man to take him some of which Ricardo saw pass by him enquiring of every one they met after such a person When a new project came into Ricardo's Head to make them leave off their pursuit which was this He gets behind an Oak and making an hideous noise as it were the croaking of Ravens bellowing of Bulls and braying of Asses mixt together which made them all stand still as amaz'd at what they heard and having gotten them so together with a loud bellowing voice thus he said I am the Oak which the ancients of Old Consecrated to Jupiter in whose Name I straitly charge ye to persue no further after Ricardo Squire to the Invincible Knight at Arms Sir Billy of Billerecay seeing he is one whom we have taken into our safe Protection and whosoever shall offer him the least Injury we shall be severely revenged on him The messengers hearing such a hideous Voice and seeing no person notwithstanding they rounded the Oak Tree twice or thrice about were wonderfully amazed not knowing what to do and there being never a Knight-Errant amongst them which fear no danger but are fool-hardy in all attempts they thereupon concluded to return home as being sufficiently warranted by the voice which they heard which when Ricardo saw he laughed heartily to himself at those Sons of fear as men who were afraid of the Swords which themselves wore and affrighted at the clashing of their own Armor The messengers thus returning homewards with a sleeveless excuse of a fruitless Arrand Ricardo passed on his way but still diversity of thoughts perplexed his mind what Course of Life to take whether to seek out his Master Billy and pursue Squire Errantry or to live by the shifts of his Invisible-Ring at last he resolved with himself to go to his Master knowing his Necessities to be so great that without his help he was not able to support them having left behind him both his Horse and Armor by which he appeared at least in show not like a Knight Errant and therefore neither he nor his Squire acceptable to those places whether they should come Now as he travelled along often taking a sup of the Bottle to cheer his heart he overtook a Fidler who was going to play at a Wedding at the next Village with whom Ricardo consorted and to endear his Company the more as they went sitting down under an aged Oak whose spreading boughs sheltered them from the heat of Sols burning rayes which with his orient tresses cast a radient lustre over the World there
The ESSEX Champion OR The Famous History of Sir Billy of Billerecay and his Squire Ricardo Chap. 1. The Birth of Sir Billy of Billerecay His bringing up at School And Resolution to pursue Knightly Adventures 2. How Sir Billy and his Squire went forth to seth Adventures Their Encounter with a Scare-crow and how he came to a Castle to be Dubbed Knight 3. Sir Billy watcheth his Armor and is made Knight by the Lord of the Castle his ill success in running at the Quinten with other things which happened 4. Sir Billy being dubbed Knight Marcheth forth to seek Adventures his Encounter with Poppet-Grants his Imprisonment in a wooden Inchanted Castle and Entertainment by the Sage Preston 5 Ricardo is sent with a Letter to Dulcina in the mean time Sir Billy encountereth with a monstrous Gyant in defence of the Tantabilan Princess whom he Manfully overthrows 6. How Ricardo in his Journey towards Billerecay met with an Aged Palmer who gave him an Invisible-Ring with which he cheats an Inn-keeper as also what a Trick he served a Bedlam and a Tinker 7. How Ricardo delivered his Letter to Jone Grumball with her Answer to it And several exploits performed by Ricardo with his Invisible-Ring 8. How Ricardo delivered his message to his Master and of the Challenge made by Sir Billy against all enners in Honour of his Mistress Dulcina 9. How Sir Billy was forced to run from his Challenge Tee Mirth Ricardo had at a Wedding What a Trick he served an Old Fornicator and how he went in pursuit of his Master 10. Sir Billy's encounter with a Dancer on the Ropes how he was carried before a Justice of the Peace and set free by Ricardo by the help of his Invisible-Ring 11. Ricardo going to recover his Masters Horse and Armor acteth a very pleasant Adventure in an Inn with other things which happened 12. Sir Billy's ill success in his adventure against the Pedlars How he was rescued by Ricardo by the help of his Invisible-Ring With other things that happened 13. The Woful story of a Taylor and his Sweet-Heart how they were Hanged in a Barn and how the Murtherers were taken by the means of Sir Billy and a Constable 14. Sir Billy's entertainment at the Justices House his Oration in praise of the Golden Ane with his challenging the Coroner to sight in defence of Knight-Errantry 15. Sir Billy's Encounter with the Coroner How he was relieved by Ricardo His admirable description of his Mistress With Ricardo's Counterbuff thereto London Printed for J. Blare at the Looking-Glass on London-Bridge The Famous History of Sir Billy of Billerecay and his Squire Ricardo CHAP. 1. The Birth of Sir Billy of Billerecay His bringing up at School And Resolution to pursue Knightly Adventures IN the East part of England as in respect of the Metropolis thereof London in that County formerly inhabited by the Trinobantes afterwards possessed by the East-Saxons from whom it derived to East-sex since by Corruption or rather for the more easier Pronunciation Essex In a Town thereof called Billerecay not many years ago there lived a Farmer named Thomasio one whose Means as they were too low to make him envied so were they too high to cause Scorn enjoying a Mediocrity betwixt Riches and Poverty that as he was no Gentleman to live on his Lands yet adding Industry to his small Stock he had most commonly Mony in his Pocket when others who made a braver show were without In his younger Years he married the Sexton of Bursted's Daughter a Man of such Strength that according to the Records of that place he would Thresh as much Wheat in one day as another Man could do in two and which is further remembred of him that at a Match of Foot-ball plaid betwixt that Village and the neighbouring Hamlet by his alone Manhood and Prowess the Victory was clearly obtain'd of his side We are the willinger to mention these things because the Reader may understand that the Person of whom we intend to treat of was descended from couragious adventurous Persons Now four times had Hiem's Frosts bereav'd the Farth of her Summers Livery and as many times had Lady Flora bestowed on Tellus a Suit of curious embroyder'd Tapistry since the Nuptials were celebrated betwixt Thomasio and his loving Consort during which time he had by his Industry much increased that little Stock he began with nothing now so much perplex'd him as the want of an Heir on whom to bestow this parsel of Estate if Death should Summon him to his Grave At last to his exceeding Joy his Wife prov'd to be with Child and in process of time was deliver'd of a goodly Boy who was Christen'd by the Name of William This Child as he was long in coming so was he the more welcome unto them and so much the rather because that Lucy so was his Wife named was now so stricken in Years that he had little hopes of having another wherefore he resolved to bestow some Cost on the bringing up of his Son Billy his ambitious Thoughts soared so high that he swore by his Plow-share if his Son lived he would make him a Schollard not only to write and read ordinarily but if need were to make a Bill or a Bond and to write a Letter that he might not be beholding to the Vicar of the Parish upon every occasion Accordingly no sooner had his Son come to some Maturity of Knowledge but he bought him a Horn-book and put him to School to an Old Woman that lived in an Alms-house who so indoctrinated him that in a short time he had learned the Criss-cross-row which made Thomasio think his Penny a Week well bestow'd on him so that he told his Son If he proved a good Boy when he had learn'd his Horn-book he would buy him a Golden Primmer nay that he should likewise have a Plum-cake into the bargain which so encourag'd young Billy that in a short time he claimed his Father's Promise for he was now in the last line of that Folio book Whereupon Thomasio going to the Market after diligent enquiry for such a Volume he at last did light on one according to his hearts desire on the cover whereof was pictur'd St. George a conquering the Dragon the sight whereof did no doubt implant in young Billy's Heart the Seeds of Valour and Heroick Thoughts and prognosticated to the World what a Champion this would prove whose valorous Acts should afterwards be proclaim'd by Fames golden Trumpet and fill each corner of the habitable Earth with the Report of his deserved Praises Billy now plyed his Book with might and main having gotten to the end of the same before others who began with him had attained half way and now to encourage him the more his Father bought him several Ballads as of Fair Rosamond The Blind Beggar of Bednal Green King Edward the Fourth and the Tanner c. but amongst them all none of them pleased Billy so well as the
them to the retreat when at last came the Constable attended with 〈◊〉 or eight rusty Bill-men who commanded him in the Kings Name to keep the Peace Thou wicked Negromancer said Sir Billy I defy thee and all the Gyants in the World And with that fell upon the Constable with might and main dealing such blows as Hector when he hew'd down the Greeks But alass what can single valour do against a multitude Hercules himself may be overmacht by number One of the watchmen coming behind him Cowardly knock'd him down with his Halbert and now there lay sprawling on the Ground our young Bevis our Amadis Palmendos or what you will please to call him In the mean time the people abroad had seiz'd on Ricardo demanding of him what mad-man that was he came withal and for what reason they went so clad in Armor That Magnanimous Hero said Ricardo which you saw is the Victorious Knight at Arms Sir Billy of Billerecay and I his Squire Don Ricardo Born to be the Governour of an Island when my Master can conquer it the reason why we go in Armor is because it is the Custom of Knight Errants and Squire Errants so to do These words made the people to think they were a couple of mad-men and therefore securing their Horses they put both the Knight and his Squire in the Cage Billy inclosed in this wooden Tenement began to rage exceedingly Vile miscreants said he the off-spring of Vipers and Poysonous Toads Enemies to Magnanimity and Foes to true Chevalry think not although by your damned spells you have Captivated my Body yet I question not but by the help of the Sage Freston I shall be delivered from your Inchantments Then will I work my revenge upon you laying the lofty Battlements of your buildings which seem to vye with the Pyramids of Egypt equal with the dust like to that glorious Phrigian City of King Priamus now overspread with stinking weeds and loathsome Puddles your Wives and Children I will send into banishment and bring you into such intolerable Thraldom that the Torments of Sisiphus Tantalus nor Oedipus shall be comparable to those I will inflict upon you These his raging words made the Boys to hoot at him whilst Ricardo sat sighing to see his hopes of an Island come to a Cage which yet his Master would needs perswade him was done by Inchantment Have you not read said he how the seven Champions of Christendom having killed the Gyants which belonged to Leoger the Knight of the black Castle yet by a Magician they were cast upon a Bed from whence they could not stir until they were delivered by St. Georges three Sons But said Ricardo I cannot Imagine that he was a Magician that put us into this Cage but such another man of Office as we have at Billerecay which they call a Constable because he had in his hand a painted Staff which shewed him to be a Man in Authority That said Billy proceeds from your Ignorance not knowing that a Magician can transform himself into what shape he pleases does not the Devil sometimes take upon him the likeness of a Broker sometimes of a Horse Courser sometimes of a Bum-Bayliff under which Shapes he acts so many Roguries for no Man of himself can do such wickednesses but only the Devil that assumes their Shapes Whilst the Knight and his Squire were thus discoursing the Constable came to fetch them before a Justice at which news Ricardo wept bitterly but Billy was so firm in his determination that you might as soon have removed the Earth from its Center or stopped the Sun in his diurnal Course as to have caused him to alter his mind or think that those Books of Knight Errantry were not undoubted verity and as true as the voice of Jove it self The Justice though grave and solid in his office yet was one who much delighted in mirth and harmless Sport who being informed of all what had pass'd much admired at the ones boundless extravagancy and the others harmless simplicity The Master of the Show made a grievous complaint against him of the wrong he had sustained Never said he after a Battel did you behold the dismembred Limbs of slaughtered Carcases lie so Scattered about as in this Skirmish here lay an Arm there a Leg especially my Gyant Goliah was so bemangled that his ruinated Carcase was not fit for a Scare-Crow At that word Scare-Crow Ricardo stepping forth said My Master never has so ill Fortune as when he encounters with Scare-Crow Gyants And thereupon told the Justice of the blows they had received by encountring with the Scare-Crow Gyant as is related in the Second Chapter The Justice was so highly pleased with this discourse that he resolved with himself to further the humor and so giving the Master of the Show ten pound for damage he discharged the Constable of him and invited the Knight and his Squire home to his House where he feasted them Royally which made Ricardo begin afresh to have a good opinion of Knight Errantry for feeding was more agreeable to his Nature by far than Fighting And now Sir Billy began a little to be more reconciled to reason and to discourse without rageing whereupon the Justice desired him to honour him so much as to give him an account of his forepassed Life that by that means posterity might be informed of his Heroick Acts and by reading his Life leave an Example for posterity to imitate Sir said Billy Courtesy is one of the vertues inherent to Knight Errantry and I having received so many Favours from you for my self and my Squire cannot in gratitude do less than to give you an impartial account of what you desire which yet howsoever is but only the beginning of what I intend shall be performed by my Victorious Arm. Know then said he most worthy Governour of this Famous City that the place which will be for ever Honoured by my Birth is the Town of Billerecay in the County of Essex my Parents happy in producing a Son of such Magnanimity as the Gods have endued me with to be the preserver of Innocence and avenger of wrongs in my blooming youth it was my Fortune as other Knights Errant have been to be Captivated by the beautyfull looks of the fair Dulcina the Mine the Magazine the Common-Wealth of Beauty one upon whom Nature and curious Art have done their best to sum that rare perfection which transcends the power of belief For the Love of this peerless Parragon this Phaenix of perfection have I took upon me this order of Knight Errantry not doubting but by my Victorious Arm to make her Name as Famous as was that of Cloryana the beloved Mistress of the renowned Knight Cleocreton Prince of Hungary The Justice commended him highly for his resolution But said he most valiant Knight I wonder that in all this time you do not acquaint the divine Lady of your Affections with your proceedings who no doubt must needs
think long to hear of your Atchievements Besides it was always the Custom of Knights Errant to imploy their Squires on such Embassies therefore you having such a peerless Non-parelia to your Lady cannot in Civility to her omit such a thing Now by the Honour of my Knighthood said Sir Billy next Morning no sooner shall Phoebus guild the Mountain tops with his refulgent beams but I shall send my Squire Ricardo with a Letter to that Queen of Love the beauteous Dulcina And thereupon borrowing Pen Ink and paper of the Justice because Knights Errant never carry any thing about them but only Mouths to Eat and Swords to fight he writ to her in these Words Sir Billy's Letter to Dulcina MOST Beauteous Dulcina the joy of my Heart and Goddess of my Affections by whose influence my Arm becomes Irresistable so that Gyants fall down at the first stroak of my Valour I make no question but the fame of my deeds will arrive to your knowledge before this my Letter by which thou maist understand how victoriously I proceed And all by the power of your incomparable Beauty which I have and will maintain to be unmatchable As for the Particulars of my Adventures I leave them to be related by my trusty Squire Ricardo as also how for thy sake I suffered Imprisonment by a wicked Negromancer with an Inchanted staff and how I was delivered from his damned Spells by the help of the Sage Freston in whose Castle I now remain till I receive an answer from thee which I shall expect with all Impatience till then farewell thou Elixar of all Peauty the first and best original of all fair Copies thine ever constant Knight Sir Billy of Billerecay Having finished his Letter he shewed it to the Justice whom with Sir Billy we must now call the Sage Freston who applauded it exceedingly as the highest piece of ingenuity that Art ever contrived telling him that that Ladies heart must be more obdurate than Marble whom such language could not molify Billy was mightily pleased with his expressions and calling his Squire Ricardo unto him he thus exprest himself My trusty Squire I must now imploy thee upon a weighty affair which I am the more willing to do knowing thy abilities answerable to thy good intentions hereupon I have deputed thee my Ambassador Nuncio or Messenger to deliver this Letter into the hands of that abstract of true Beauty whose radient look strikes every gazing eye stark blind and keeps the amazed beholder under the stupid tyranny of Love and wonder I mean the Beautyful Dulcina the Mistress of my Affections and Sole Commandress of my undertakings and see thou do it in a garb and posture worthy the Servant of so illustrious a Knight that afterwards it may be Inroled by him that shall Write my History with Commendations to thy Eternal Fame Ricardo was much surpriz'd at his Masters superabundant Rhetorick but loath to lose a place of so good entertainment where instead of fighting was full feeding and no gashing nor slashing but only of Loins of Beef Shoulders of Mutton and good fat Capons all which suited extraordinary well with his Stomach But what most of all troubled him was that he was to go he knew not whether to deliver a message to he knew not who and therefore grumbling told his Master that he Commanded him impossibilities to find out a Lady of which there was none such but only in Imagination O thou lump of Ignorance said Sir Billy knowest thou not Joan Grumball whose form is such as might call the World to Wars and make it hazard all its Valour for her Beauty she it is that is the Dulcina thou art to go unto and offer up my Service at the shrine of her Beauty Jone Grumball said Ricardo why she is the lustiest Lass in all our Town either to fill Dung-Cart drive a Wheel-Barrow or carry grains to serve the Hogs but for Beauty in my opinion shee 's no more to be compar'd to Betty our Parsons Maid than is Mr Offly's white Hinde unto your Fathers brindled Cow however I will carry the Letter to her and doubt not but I will Complement with her as well as the best Squire that ever Served Knight Errant since Knight Errantry was in Fashion CHAP. 5. Ricardo is sent with a Letter to Dulcina in the mean time Sir Billy encountreth with a monstrous Gyant in defence of the Tantabilan Princess whom he Manfully overthrows NExt Morning no sooner had Aurora arose from Aged Tithonas Bed and scattered the light from off her Saffron Wheeles but the nimble Knight Ricardo shaking off sleep from those silken Fumes that do bind the Senses arose from his Bed and having taken a lusty Breakfast he then told his Master he was ready to perform his Commandment in delivering his Letter to the fair hands of his beautiful Lady Dulcina alias Joan Grumball and question not but to bring you an Answer according to your desires Nor shall I arrogate any of the Honour of your Atchievements to my self though in many of the Encounters I bore equal blows with you but whatsoever is due to your praise therefore it shall be wholly and solely yours Had not Sir Billy's mind been wholly taken up on thoughts of Knight Errantry he might easily have perceived how grosly his Squire had abus'd him but he impuring it all to duty and respect which he bore to his Valour was contented with praise though never so rediculous And therefore delivering him the Letter with many Commendations reiterated to the Mistress of his Affections he took his leave of him who mounting on Pugnoto his trusty Steed leaving his Armor behind him to the care of his Master who promised to stay till his return he took his Journey towards Billerecay where weleave him for a time the whilst our Pen shall wait upon his Master The Justices Servants minding to put a trick upon this our Knight Errant dressed up the Foot-Boy in Womans Apparel adorning him with Rings Bracelets and other Jewels so that he seemed to be a compleat Princess which part he was to act attended on by two youths who went to School in the Town and were to personate her Brothers These being accoutred in this manner were by the Steward of the House conducted to Sir Billy who was walking in a Garden Contemplating of the perfections of his Dulcina Being come before his Princess Nicosia for so was she called kneeling upon her knees thus spake to him Most Renowned Knight whose Valiant Acts the World both admires and dread who were 't born for the comfort of all in distress and for the Terror and punishment of presuptuous Offenders If ever pitty that poor comfort of Calamity creep into your Heart I beseech you take Compassion of a distressed Princess whom unjust Tyranny hath banish't from my Native Habitation Having proceeded so far Sir Billy who was as courteous as he was valiant would not permit her any longer to kneel but raising her from
nimbly slipt the Ring from off his Finger and as nimbly put it on his own whereby the Tinker again became visible but Ricardo was no where to be seen The Hostess seeing such Juggling tricks began to call out for her Money with such a loud voice as waked also the Bedlam who asking for his Master I think said she your Master is the Devil for the Tinker and he are in Dock out Nettle sometimes seen and sometimes not and here is Seven Shillings and six pence to pay and now the Young Devil is fled which I much marvel at for I think none of you both have any Crosses about ye to scare him away Whilst they were thus arguing the case Ricardo slipt away from them taking his course directly towards Billerecay where how he sped we shall declare in the next Chapter CHAP. 7. Hap Ricardo delivered his Letter to Jone Grumball with her Answer to it And several exploits performed by Ricardo with his Invisible Ring IT was at such time of the day when the Curl pate Waggoner of Heaven had well near finisht his Diurnal Course and was driving his panting Steeds down towards the Western Hill when the Renowned Squire Errant Ricardo entred into the Town of Billerecay bending his course directly towards the House of Jone Grumball to whom he delivered Sir Billy's Letter with much obsequiousness telling her such Stories of his Master's Valour his Honour of Knight-Hood and of the great affection he bore to her that her heart began to melt towards him even as a pound of Butter melts before the Sun But being she could not read her self she sent for a Journey-man Shoomaker to the further end of the Town to read it one who bore good will unto her and was at that present inditing a Letter to make her know the affection he bore her Crispin having read it over and understanding he had a Knight to his Rival was very much troubled but Jone Grumball was so well pleased with the Sugar-Candy Words he sent unto her that she vowed her self unto him both Body and Breeches asking Ricardo many questions concerning him all which he answered in such lofty Language amplifying his prowess the respects all people shewed unto him with the faithful Love he bare unto her that she was more and more entangled in the Lime-Twigs of Love vowing and protesting her self his for ever Crispin by these presages finding his Suit like to have but a cold reception to avenge himself on Ricardo by whose speeches he thought Jone's Heart was estranged from him he therefore ran to old Thomasio telling him his Son's partner in stealing away his Horses was at that instant at Jone Grumball's whom he might easily take and by that means know what was become of his Son as also of his Horses Thomasio quick as lightning taking a Constable along with him went to Jone Grumballâ— and seizing upon Ricardo threatned him with all the punishments he could reckon up as Hanging Burning Drowning Killing Stabbing and twenty other kinds of Death besides if he told him not where his Son and Horses were Ricardo nothing daunted at his Domineering but intending to put a trick upon him told him that his Son was become one of the greatest Lord in the World that Kings and Queens craved his Assistance and Lords and Ladies implored his help that he commonly kill'd half a dozen Gyants for his Breakfast and bathed his Sword in the Blood of Monsters and Dragons every day That his Master was at that present in the Sage Freston's Castle where the most excellent Princess Tantabilus courted his Love but that he had vowed himself only to the Service of his Beautiful Dulcina In sum that his Master was a Knight and he was his Squire and that therefore by the Laws of Knight Errantry they were not to be troubled nor molested wheresoever they came But Thomasio being minded not to be put off with such Noninoes charged the Constable to carry him before a Justice of Peace to which Ricardo willingly consented whether they immediately address'd themselves The Justice having heard the Allegations on both sides perswaded Thomasio to go along with Ricardo and see by fair means to bring his Son home again and if he were so obstinate he would not return to take away their Horses which would be a means to spoil their Knight-Errantry and that they might go the more lovingly together he called for a Bottle of Sack to drink them into Unity The Bottle was no sooner set on the Table but Ricardo vowed himself Master thereof and thereupon slipping on his Invisible-Ring he boldly steps to the Table and clapping the Bottle of Sack under his Coat marched away with it not being descerned by any The Justice and Thomasio were stricken into a wonderful Amazement to see the Bottle go away without hands as they thought but much more when they missed Ricardo And now remembring what strange stories he had told of Billy they concluded that both the Master and the Man were turned Conjurers and therefore dreaded what further mischief might by â—is means be shewed unto them In the mean time Ricardo was walked to Jone Grumballs with his Bottle of Sack never pulling off his Ring till he came within the House that not any one might take any Notice of him Here did he tell her what a trick he served the Justice and that therefore he must make all the hast he could to his Master Jone was very well pleased with the Jest but much more with her part she had in the Sack and having drank a Health to Billy she desired Ricardo to stay so long till she got a Letter in answer to his Master which by the School-Master of the Town was performed for her in these words My dearest Knight WIth what Joy I Jone Grumball the Lady of thy affections received your Letter may better be exprest by Imagination than words for hearing of the ardent Love that you beare unto me set forth in such Rhetorical Elocution it fared with me as with a Beggar who on a sudden finding a rich Treasure can scarce believe his own Eyes but fears it is a Dream or some fond Illusion Even so my dearest Knight did it happen unto me hardly could I believe my one Ears much less imagine that so Heroick Renowned a Champion as thou art wouldest become the Loadstone of my Affections But know that I am as much over Head and Ears in Love as thou Nor do not think me light for yielding so soon for what Heart can hold out at the Battery of thy Eloquence thou being a Conqueror of Affections as well as Gyants I shall think the time long till I hear from thee again much more till such time I see thee till when I subscribe my self Thine in indeared Friendship Jone Grumball Ricardo having received the Letter of her promised to be very careful in the delivery of it and she for her part promised him that when she came to be his Knights
succeeding Ages when they have once read the History that shall be written of my Life And therefore Ricardo let it be your Care to provide for our sudden departure since Knights Errant were not born to sleep out their time in the Beds of Ease but to be still seeking out for Adventures as Men made all of Fire of such undaunted high erected Spirits as to make the Dead quake in their Graves to think of them Ricardo who was always more addicted to feeding than fighting as one who had indented with the Grave to bring all his Limbs thither and not to lose one Joynt of them by Quarrelling liked not at all of this proposal having found better Entertainment from the Gentleman than he could expect from his Master yet trusting to the vertue of his Invisible Ring by which he questioned not but to help himself in all his extremities he freely condescended unto it But the Sage Freston desirous to see what was contained in Jone Grumball's Letter thus spake to Sir Billy I make no question most Heroick Knight but the Lady of your affections who is so much Honour'd in having such 〈◊〉 Servant has so pleased your expectation in her most gracious Answer as hath given you satisfaction in her Love and Loyalty unto you and were it not an high presumption in me to beg such a boon I should think my self happy in the perusal os such lines as must needs fall from such a mellifluous Pen. I were very unworthy said Sir Billy of such transcendent Favours I have received from you should I deny you such a small request and thereupon he shewed him her Letter which when the Sage Freston had read as it were in admiration he brake forth into these expressions O the excellency of Natural Wit the Magazine of Eloquence rich Soul of Language a tenth Muse whom all the Muses Court the whole Monopoly of Wit a branch of Minerva's Olive well worthy the Affections of the most Heroick Knight in the whole World How happy art thou Sir Billy in the Choice of such a Mistress whose parts are so transcendent she may well be stiled the epitomy of all Perfections Sir Billy was not a little proud of his Ladies praises verily conceiting her to be such a one as the Sage Freston had painted her forth the Wonder of Nature and Quintessence of perfection saying he would have a Solemn Justs proclaimed in the next Prince's Court he came at wherein by the strength of his Invincible Arm he would maintain his Lady Dulcina to be the Phaenix of Beauty and the Non-parelia of this Age and accordingly gave order to be gone the next Morning but that Ricardo stayed his Journey by a new devised Trick which he brought to pass in this manner Sir Billy used every Evening to walk in the Garden with his hands indented one with another as melancholy as a Gyb'd Cat his Thoughts of Chevalry being made so habitual to him as it was now become part of his Nature In this posture as he was walking his trusty Squire slipping on his Invisible-Ring saluted him with a Crab-Tree Cudgel overthwart his shoulders laying it on so lustily that Sir Billy thought himself engaged in one of those imaginary fights which he had read in his Books of Knight-Errantry and drawing his Sword began to strike but knew not at what at last he heard a Voice which spake to him in this manner Sir Knight before thou dost depart From forth the place whereas thou art Thou must maintain thy Ladies Fame ' Gainst any shall oppose the same Which if thou dost refuse then know Thou shalt receive full many a blow Sir Billy hearing a voice but seeing no Body might have thought it an illusion but that the blows which he felt assured him the contrary wherefore to avoid receiving any more he thus said whosoever thou art that thus speakest unto me know thy mind shall be fulfilled But let me desire to know from whence this message came that when I have finished the Adventure I may know by whose appointment I undertook it To whom the voice answered I am a Spirit sent from the wise Urganda the Lady of the Woods to warn thee not to stir whilst thou hast performed my Command else shall I haunt thee with revenge whethersoever thou goest And having thus said he withdrew himself without the Garden Gate and slipping off his Invisible-Ring came walking towards his Master who with great earnestness told him of this Adventure and so both of them together went to the Sage Freston and acquainted him with it wherefore it was agreed on all sides that a Challenge should be written and Messengers sent abroad into all parts to publish the same which Challenge Sir Billy himself would needs endite which he did in these words Whereas the renowned Knight at Arms Sir Billy of Billerecay hath by the Command of the wise Urganda the Lady of the Woods taken upon him to Justifie and Maintain his Lady Dulcina to be the Paragon of Beauty above all others These are to certifie that the said Sir Billy is ready by force of Arms to maintain the same at the Castle of the Sage Freston against any that shall oppose it either by Justs Turnament or any other Martial Exercise belonging to Knight Errantry Signed Sir Billy Eight days after was the time appointed when those Martial Exercises should be performed in the mean time Messengers were sent abroad to publish the same in all the Towns thereabouts which caused much Wondring amongst many people who this Sage Freston should be and of Justs and Turnaments which few could remember ever to have heard of but the Messengers soon resolved the Riddle informing them of the mad Whimzies of Sir Billy and how all was intended by their Master for sport and divertisement whereupon many Gentlemen thereabouts promised to come and to bring some of their Servants accoutred like Knights Errant to Encounter with Sir Billy but how they sped in their enterprize you shall hear in the next Chapter CHAP. 9. How Sir Billy was forced to run from his Challenge the Mirth Ricardo had at a Wedding what a Trick he served an Old Fornicator and how he went in persuit of his Master AMongst other places whether the Fame of this Challenge did spread was the Town of Billerecay wherein dwelt Thomasio the Father of Sir Billy who hearing of his Sons challenge resolved to encounter him with a Justices Warrant for the recovery of his two Horses and if it were possible to change his Son from a Knight Errant to a Plough-Man again and withal threatning to have Ricardo severely punished to which purpose he easily obtained a Warrant of the same Justice from whom Ricardo before had taken away the Bottle of Wine And being thus armed with better Authority than his Son had for his Knight-Errantry he took his way directly to the Sage Frestons where he had taken Sir Billy Napping had not Ricardo by chance heard of his coming
or Mad-brain'd Fool what whimzey possest thy Idle Coxcomb to make such a disturbance amongst the People Thinkest thou Proud Princocks to encounter with a Company and art not able to grapple with a single Person If you know not how to use your Liberty but in playing such freaks I shall bestow you in such a place where your whole employment shall be to pick straws And so would have had him the next way to the Cage but understanding there was a Justice of the Peace in the Town he thought it more Convenient to have his advice in the matter and therefore was dragging Sir Billy thither when in the intrim his Squire Ricardo who as we told you before went in pursuit of his Master coming that way soon espyed them and having understood by one of the Fellows the occasion of his so handling he resolved to succor him out of their hands and to that purpose putting on his Invisible-Ring he followed them to the Justices to whom the Constable the Dancing-Master and especially Jack-Pudding made a grievous complaint aggravating his offence in several circumstances as that he had not only hindred him the taking much Money but disabled both himself and his Man from further performances the one by his fall the other by the Wound which he had given him besides the affrightment of the people and breach of the King's Peace in drawing his Naked Sword and doing what in him lay to have mischief'd others Ricardo all this while stood by unperceiv'd but diligently marked what was done and seeing the Constable to lay his Masters Sword on the Table he snatched it up and drawing it out of the Sheath flourished it about his Head which the Company seeing it struck them into a sudden amazement to see a Sword so flaunt it about without ever a hand to guide it so that fear adding Wings to their Feet they ran as if Old Nick were behind them Sir Billy was as much amazed as any of them but that it might not be thought that Knights Errant were daunted for any thing he stirred not a jot And now the Coast being clear Ricardo Counterfeiting his Voice said to Sir Billy I am an Invisible Spirit sent from thè wise Urgunda the Lady of the Woods to deliver thee out of the hands of thy Enemies therefore follow me and thou shalt be safe And with those words passed away still flourishing the Sword about his Head whom Sir Billy followed directly step by step verily imagining he was Succord by some divine power according as he had read in his Books of Knight Errantry many of the people saw him as he went along but durst not come near him their fear was so great so that they paâ—â—â—d clear away none being so hardy to follow after them CHAP. 11. Rieardo going to recover his Masters Horse and Armor acteth a very pleasant Adventure in an Inn with other things which happened RIcardo having brought his Master quite out of danger let fall his Sword for Sir Billy to take up and conveyed himself away by a Compass to meet him with his Invisible-Ring off because his Master should not know by what means he was set free nor yet the vertue of his Ring which he was always resolved to keep secret to himself Sir Billy wondred as much to see his Sword laid on the Ground before him without hands and was at first in a quandary whether he should take it up or no but being verily perswaded it was the will of the wise Vrganda that he should shift for himself he took it up and went his way but he had not gone far when Ricardo met him who seeming to wonder much at their so accidental meeting fell to embracing him with many expressions of Joy for this their so happy rencounter desiring his Master to tell him what Successes he had met with since their last parting My trusty Squire said Sir Billy I were not worthy to be thy Master should I deny thee so small a request Know then that after such time I parted from thee occasioned by the unfortunate pursuit of my Father by the malign influence of some Cross-grain'd Planet or rather the hatred of wicked Spirits and Negromancers which they bear to Knights Errant wandring whether Fortune was pleas'd to guide me I came to a certain Castle where I heard of an Adventure of a flying Negromancer And so related all had befallen him as you heard before only imputing his Misfortunes to the Malice of Magicians and Inchanters and how he was rescued from them by Vrganda Lady of the Woods with the Miraculous Brandishing of his Sword and dropping before him Ricardo heard all with great seeming attention and now began to counsel his Master that seeing that Knight Errantry was attended with so many troubles and dangers to leave it off but Sir Billy would by no means condescend thereunto saying That the immortal Honour attained by Arms could not be purchased without much hazard and danger the rugged Paths leading thereunto being altogether Paved with Perils an Ounce of Honour costing a Pound of Blood And therefore said Ricardo since the purchase is so dear far better it is to let it alone what avails Honour in the Grave nor will it without Money purchase the Belly full of Victuals Sir Billy was so incensed against Ricardo for these as he thought Cowardly expressions that in a great rage he burst forth into this exclamation O thou Dasterdly Son of Fear thou off spring of Clinias and Dametas that wouldest sooner creep into a Scabbard than draw a Sword that at the approach of danger art ready to run away from thy self like the Satyr that ran away at the Noise of the Horn which he himself blew being ready to Sink at the very Name of Wounds and Scars as if thou hadst indented with the Grave to bring all thy Limbs thither Thinkest thou such a Cowardly passion and fear shall ever take possession of the least Limb about me No know that I am of such undaunted high erected Spirit as may make the Dead Quake in their Grave to think of me who if I should not live to enjoy the Honour purchased with my Blood yet will I leave the World my Executor to whom I will bequeath the rich inheritance of my Memory These thundring words made Ricardo to quake with astonishment so that fearing to exasperate his Master any further he condescended to accompany him in the pursuance of his Knightly adventures But now their chiefest care was for the Recovery of their Old Horses or else to be furnished with new Sir Billy was of opinion that Knight Errantry would warrant them to take Horses in any place where they could find them but Ricardo who valued his Life more than Sir Billy did his and who of all Death 's dreaded that most of being Hang'd up in the Air like a Dog was altogether against it He therefore trusting to the vertue of his Invisible Ring told his Master that if
ye Sir Billy hearing his Knighthood so vilified and degraded was in a great rage and drawing his Sword he bid the Constable defend himself for he should dearly abide the Blasphemy he had uttered against so Honourable an Order and thereupon began to fall upon him with all his might Ricardo and old Gerion seeing the madness of Sir Billy stepped to him to have staid his hands but the more they strived to hinder him the more he laid on The messenger that should have gone to the Lady Dulcina seeing them thus to bestir themselves betook himself unto his heels which the Taylor perceiving cryed out to follow him whereupon they left off fighting and ran after him all but Sir Billy who now was an absolute Conqueror at least in conceit The Smith who had all this while lain in a swound his Soul now seemed to re-enter his Body and he freed from this Counterfeit of death rose up and stood upright on his Feet and seeing Sir Billy with a wrathful countenance and a Sword in his hand he fell on his knees and humbly implored his Mercy I grant you Life said Sir Billy but upon Condition that as your fellow before you has engaged you also present your self on your knees to my Lady Dulcina as conquered by my Victorious Arm. By this time was the Constable returned bringing the fellow along with him with his hands tyed behind him and to prevent further mischief no sooner was he in the Barn but closing with Sir Billy struck up his heels and disarmed him of his Sword whilst the others seized on the Smith The Constastable would also have tyed Sir Billy's hands had not Ricardo and old Gerion interceded for him However Sir Billy rav'd like a mad Man for the Loss of his Sword threatning the Constable whom he branded with the Name of Magician Sorcerer Negromancer and a hundred such other names as he had read in Books of Knight Errantry The Constable taking him for one whose brains were crazed gave little regaad unto his words but told him he should have his Sword Only in the mean time he must go before one of his profession a righter of wrongs a reliever of the oppressed and who by vertue of a piece of Paper can send a Man to an Inchanted Castle kept by furious Gyants so strong and unpregnable that none can deliver him out of it but he that is armed with the Sword of Justice Shew me one of those Inchanted Castles said Sir Billy and if I do not take it by my Valour and the strength of my unconquered Arm Then let my Name be for ever razed out of the Honourable Bead-role of Knights Errant and I esteemed for a Carpet Knight a meer Toast and Butter afraid of my own Sword and affrighted with the clashing of my own Armor The Constable hearing Sir Billy's resolution could not chuse but smile telling him he would help him to the fight of this Inchanted Castle and now all parties being ready laying the two dead Bodies upon Sir Billy's and Ricardo's Horses and the two Prisoners pinioned and guarded by the Constables attendants they set forwards towards a Justice of the Peace his House where how they sped you shall hear in the Chapter following CHAP. 14. Sir Billy's entertainment at the Justices House his Oration in praise of the Golden Age with his challenging the Coroner to fight in defence of Knight-Errantry THIS Justice that they were going to was a very merry conceited Gentleman which made the Constable the more willing to have Sir Billy to him and by the way to sooth him up in his Fancies he told him that the Lord of the Castle whether they were going was descended in a direct Line by the Fathers side from the Famous Montelion Knight of the Oracle and by the Mothers side from the Renowned Amadis de Gaul That all the brave Heroes mentioned in the Mirror of Knighthood were near of Kin to his Ancestors as also that Don Belianis of Greece Parismus and Pheander the Maiden Knight were his great Grandfathers first Couzens Ricardo heard all their discourse with great attention and hearing him nominate only foreign kindred he asked the Constable how it came to pass that his Ancestors marched into such remote parts and not rather into their own Country and if they did what Kin this Lord of the Castle was to Guy Earl of Warwick or Bevis of Southampton I have heard said the Constable by Tradition and they say it is recorded in the Chronicles of Miconicon that Earl Terry who was sisters Son to Guy was Nephew to Euphrosina this Lord of the Castle 's great Grandfathers Aunt and that Sabere Sir Bevis his Uncle was Nephew in two descents to Earl Terry Thou speakest said Sir Billy as one well versed in the study of Knight Errantry and indeed it hath been often in my own thoughts that I am descended from Valentine or Orson Don Flores of Greece Palmerin of England or some of those renowned Champions whose Names flourish in the Book of Fame because I feel in my self those sparks of Fire kindled in my breast which do stir up noble minds to valiant performances By this time they were come to the Justices House where before they were examined the Constable acquainted him with the humor of Sir Billy and what discourse he had had with him which pleased his Fancy extraordinarily but having a great respect to Justice he first sifted out the Business concerning the two dead Corps which were brought before him and upon examination sent the Smith and his partner to Prison retaining Sir Billy still with him and using such respect to him as he thought was most correspondent to a Knight Errant Sir Billy whilst the Justice was examining the Prisoners busied himself with viewing some old Helmets Corslets and Launces which were hanged up in the Hall being to 〈…〉 â—â—angingâ— than the best Tapistry that could adorn it And now the Company being gone Sir Billy was invited to a Banquet of several dishes suitable to the season but e'er he would sit down to participate of it he began a long Oration in praise of Frugality to usher in the great need of Knight Errantry which with an audible voice he delivered in these words Thrice happy was that time which men do call the Golden Age not because Gold was then plenty but for the Innocent and harmless lives of those that lived in it being contented with those things which Nature produced of it self Their Meat was the Roots of the Earth Nuts and Acorns dainty Fare and for Liquors they had recourse to the Christal Spring the Earth brought forth Roses and flowers of it self without the Midwifry of Gardeners and the common wealth of Bees instead of stings carried Honey in their Tails Those contentious words of Meum and Tuum were not known in the World Men contented themselves with Cloaths made of the Fleece as it came from the Sheep which they wore only for Warmth for Pride
and thereupon they began to lay on at each other Sir Billy with much strength and fury the Coroner with Courage Joyned with skill by which he so much o're-matched our young Knight Errant that notwithstanding he earnestly invocated his Lady Dulcina and implored the assistance of the whole Mirror of Knighthood the Coroner so bestirred him that putting by the thrust of his Sword he closed within him and strikeing up his heels took his Sword from him telling him he was not fitting to wear any such Weapon without he knew how to handle it better This Combat gave more cause of laughter than admiration Sir Billy having promised so much and performed so little In the mean time Ricardo and the Coroners Man began a more mirthful Combat between them for Ricardo by vertue of his Invisible-Ring feared not any danger he should be exposed unto which made him so forward to challenge the other With much Courage and resolution these two Petty-Toes of Mars did fight it out for a while but when Ricardo saw his Master lie at the mercy of the Conqueror and himself hard bested he thought it was high time for him to fly to his old shifts and therefore skipping about in antick manner to make the people laugh and counterfeiting a flight he slipped on his Invisible-Ring and then returning with great confidence laid on load upon the Coroner who feeling the blows and not seeing the hand that gave him them was struck into such a Panick fear that he ran away as swift as the Eastern wind or shafts shot from a Russian Bow Ricardo seeing his flight too swift for him to overtake turned to the other and as one that had all his thoughts bound up in Choller he laid on load with might and main The young man seeing how his Master had run for it before thought it was in vain for him to stay behind especially when blows came so thick and fast and therefore betook himself to his heels Ricardo following him sometimes strikeing him on the Back and sometimes tripping up his heels making him tumble over and over which caused a great laughter in the people to see the Master and Man after they had obtained the Victory to run away as they thought from their own Shadows Sir Billy who lay fretting vexed with this disgrace seeing them both run away presently an imagination came into his head how the Sage Freston had sent him relief and therefore rising and taking up his Sword which the Coroner for hast had dropped as he ran he flourished it about his Head saying Come all ye Miscreants Foes to Knight Errantry come I say and see how the Fates Favours those who are followers of this noble Order against whom no strength of Arms nor Magical Charms is able to prevail having always some to succour them in their greatest distress And thou Sage Freston how am I bound to thee for thy special aid in all my necessities how would this Vile Monster have Domineer'd had he prevailed over me how would the Honour of Knight Errantry have been deprest had I miscarried in this Action How will after-Ages read the History that shall be written of me with admiration what perils I have endured for the Honour of Knight Errantry Whilst he was thus Vaunting the Coroner who had by this time run himself out of breath feeling no more blows nor seeing any one ashamed of himself for this Cowardise he returned back again towards Sir Billy with more fury and indignation than before and laying about him as furiously as Achilles on the flying Trojans he had given Sir Billy a total overthrow had not Ricardo seeing his Master in such danger left following the young Man and come to his rescue and seeing it was no time to delay he laid upon the Coroner giving blows as thick and fast as when he threshed Corn before he turned Squire Errant The Coroner feeling the smart of the blows and seeing nothing by which he received them was struck with a deep amazement like a Man gone a far Journey from himself or like unto Prisoners when they felt themselves turned into Beasts so that instead of running from his Enemy he was ready to run away from himself Sir Billy who was always more valiant of his Tongue than his hands seeing the Coroner stand struck with astonishment as if he had lookt on the Gorgons Face began to brustle up himself speaking such Gigantick words that if his deeds were to be measured by them each one that heard him would have taken him for a Man of Valour But Sir Billy was one of them who could speak much and do but little for the Coroner exasperated at his words ran upon him and by main strength overthrew him and doubtless had kill'd him on the place had not Ricardo also run upon him and tumbling him over Sir Billy by that means gave his Master leave to rise again The Company seeing them thus in earnest fearing it would grow to more mischief than was intended resolved to part them which Ricardo perceiving he left the two Combatants and getting out of sight pulled off his Invisible-Ring and returned back limping all the way as one wounded in the encounter This bred more wonder in the Company than any thing that had passed before how Ricardo should come to be hurt seeing to their thinking he ran away before he received any Wound or the least matter that should cause him to hault Ricardo e're he came at them began to exclaim on this manner Accursed place that ever valorous Knight Errant or faithful Squire should come into it surely the Stygian Prince that general Adversary of human Nature haunts this place who by his wicked Emissaries hath so belaboured me as if he intended to make Mummy of my flesh but could I but see this black Prince of Acheron or any of those his infernal Messengers which thus carried me out of the fight he should see I would not fear to encounter with him but thus to beat and misuse Men unseen is both Cowardly and base and quite contrary to the Rules of Knight Errantry The Coroner and his Man hearing Ricardo's discourse declared how they were also served shewing several Cuts and gashes of a Sword on their Clothes with some slight hurts on their Bodies protesting it could be no other than a Spirit This made them all amazed but only Sir Billy who would needs perswade them it was a punishment inflicted on them by the Sage Freston 〈◊〉 was an Enemy to all those who opposed Knight Errantry and a special Friend in all times of distress 〈◊〉 them who practised the Rules of that noble Order But replied the old Justice how comes it to pass that Ricardo who is at least a retainer to Knight Errantry should also be punished by him as well as these who are professed Enemies of that Order That is deservedly inflicted on him replied Sir Billy because not many days before I came hither his foolish Tongue was
that delivered by Sir Billy That Ricardo said she perhaps may be the reason that your Master doth not carry the picture of his Mistress along with him as formerly Knights Errant were wont to do by which they used to Vindicate their Beauties in Justs and Tournaments against all opposers It would not said Ricardo be worth a painters time to bestow so much cost on so ill-favoured a piece And I suppose my Master Fancies her more by imagination than any thing really what she is Whilst they were thus discoursing old Thomasio Sir Billy's Father having heard of the encounter his Son was to perform with the Coroner to whose Town Fame had trumpetted the report he resolved now to be even with him and to take such a course as should for ever spoil his Knight-Errantry He therefore being Armed with the Authority of a Justice of the Peace and attended by three or four lusty fellows seized upon Sir Billy unawares and with an angry countenance scattered in ruddy flakes of Wrath like to a chafed Boar whom eager Hounds have at a Bay he thus spake to him Thou impudent â—ascâ—â— which without restraint of shame or Modesty dost wander about under the notion of a Knight Vagrant nor will I take that Course with thee as we do with our Horses 〈…〉 will shackle thee and if that will not do but that thou wilt still run at random then will I have theâ— put in such a pound where Old Men end Young Men are much alike for neither go far I mean Sirrah a Prison which is a place where a doublet with buttons is more out of Fashion than Trunk Breeches where people wear out their Lives like an old Suit the faster the better a house of meager looks and ill smells so cursed a piece of Land that the Son is ashamed to be his Fathers Heir in it And thither Sirrah shalt thou go if thou wilt not be ruled maugre all the Witchcraft of thy doubry Squire Ricardo who by his wicked spells stole away my Horses from the Inn whom I will cause to be punished in a more exemplary manner than thy self Ricardo heard all these words but trusting to the vertue of his Ring he feared not what Thomasio could do unto him But Sir Billy was struck with such a deep amazement at this sudden surprizal as if he had stared on the Gorgons Face and lookt like Circes Prisoners when they found themselves Metamorphised into Beasts at last recovering the use of his speech he thus spake to old Thomasio Unhappy Father destructive to thy Country and envious to posterity that is to come who by thy obstinacy wilt deprive after Ages of the benefit they might have received by my unconquerable Valour But the Justice seeing him to run into his former extravagancies and being now wearied with his impertinencies he resolved to send him by force home with his Father and therefore bid him prepare to go and that willingly or else he would take such a course with him as should for ever spoil his Knight Errantry But Sir Billy pleaded it was against the Law of Arms to deal Injuriously with Knights Errant who ought to be hospitably received where-ever they come as Men who had denoted themselves for the good of their Country and that they were above any Law of Justices nor under the Cognisance of any Magistrate as being fellows to Kings and Princes many of which had been of that profession themselves But the Justice would not suffer him any longer to run on in his wild extravagancies but commanded his Servants to lay hold of him and also to fetch in Ricardo that they might be both pack't away together but this was easier commanded than performed for Ricardo slipping on his Invisible-Ring was no where to be seen yet considering the Justice was now about to order them sower sauce to their sweet Meat he was resolved to have one bout with them before he went and therefore whilst old Thomasio was making his complaint to the Justice Ricardo standing behind clapt his hand on his Mouth so often on and off that the old Man could say nothing but fa si sum whereupon the Justice taking him to be an old doating Fool and that his Son was the more excusable as taking his folly originally from his Parents he therefore bid him hie him Home again and both of them ply their Business better or else instead of being pittyed for their folly they might be soundly lasht for their Knavery Ricardo listned very attentively to the Justices discourse and seeing he was so liberal of his Whipping chear he was resolved to bestow a cast of his office upon him so stepping unto him he so pulled and tweaged the Justice by the Nose that he roared and bellowed like a Colâ—hester-Bull Now was the whole House in a great Consternation hearing the Justice so to take on Old ThomasioÌ„ all the while crying out upon Ricardo calling him Witch Wizard Negromancer Sorcerer Soothsayer Charmer Devil and all the other opprobrious names he could reckon up The Justice herewith was in a terrible Scare and commanded Ricardo should be immediately laid hold on but being search't for in every place he could no where be found Sir said Thomasio this Ricardo is the left hand of the Devil a right Lancashire Witch who can change himself into what shape he pleases and who knows but that he may turn himself into a Flea and so skip into your Daughters Bed I tell you it is a dangerous thing and if she should prove with Child a Man might easily guess who was the Father The whole Company could not forbear laughing at Thomasio's discourse but the Justice was more exasperated against him than before thinking their whole design to be more out of Knavery than simplicity and therefore commanded that both Thomasio and Sir Billy should be set in the Stocks whilst Ricardo was looking up to accompany them and then he would take such order with them as he thought fitting But the Stocks happening to be broken at that time the Constable to secure them put them both in the Cage which so exasperated our Knight Errant that he swore by the fiery Falshion of bloody Mars he would either free himself from that captivity or lose his Life in the Adventure And so having all his thoughts bound up in Choller like mad Orestes in a great fury he ran with all his might against the Bars of the Cage and like another Bajazet beat out his Own Brains Old Thomasio seeing what had happened was struck into a marvellous astonishment so transformed with Wonder that he stood like to a breathing Stone The Justice hearing what had happened went likewise thither as also his Daughter and the rest 〈…〉 who â—â—â—â—ding this 〈…〉 also marvelously astonished The Coronet being not yet 〈◊〉 a Jury was Impâ—â—â—el'd who foâ—â—d him guilty of self-Murther whereupon he should have beed buried in the High-way with a stake driven thorough him But for the honour of Knight-Krraâ—ury and being the last and like to be the last of that Order he was buried in the Church-yard of that Parish accompanied with 〈◊〉 extraordinary multitude of People and upon his Tomb were these Verses â—uscâ—ibed Vnder this Clod of Clay Alas and well-a-days Lies Billy of Billâ—recay He Gyants did subdue And Monsters overthrew Now death our Knight hath slew Here let him rest in Peace Who living did not cease Fresh troubles to increase FINIS
joyn'd together yet would I not fear to encounter with them both since it was never known that a Gyant did kill a Knight Errant but always the Knight did beat the Gyant With such manner of discourse they came to the place were the Mock-Gyant was Then Sir Billy alighting from his Horse gave him to one of the Servants to hold and drawing his Sword marched directly towards the Gyant but before he came to the place were the Trap Door was laid the Fellow that was placed behind the Gyant thorough his Trunk delivered these words unto him For bear proud Knight to advance any further unless it be upon thy Knees to beg pardon for thy Life for if thou doest mark what I say I shall cut off thy head and fix it on a pole to scare Birds thy Body will I slice into thin pieces for Cooks to make Pies withall to cheat their hungry Customers thy Arms and legs will I throw into the fields to be devoured by Ravens and Vulters and thy Guts and Garbage to the Swine to fill therewith their hungry Paunches But Sir Billy nothing daunted at those proud speeches kept on still his pace until he came upon the trap door which giving up down he slipt into the pit all the way as he was falling calling upon the Sage Freston for help The Servants seeing him fall gave a shout like to the roar of a whole Herd of Lyons or such as the Artillery of Heaven discharged along the cleaving sky and running with hasty steps to the place one more forwarder than the rest was caught in his own device and slipped in after Sir Billy who louder than he shouted before cryed out for help help Sir Billy was no sooner down but he recovered his legs and hearing the other come thundering after him he imagined it verily to be the Gyant who all the while Sir Billy was belabouring him cryed out with might and main Murther Murther The old Justice hearing this out cry caused the Trap-Door to be removed when by the light Sir Billy could see his adversary at his feet to whom he said yield thy self vile Miscreant and acknowledge the wrong thou hast done to the Tantabilan Princess and I will save thy Life else look to be served in the same manner thou threatnest to use me for most just it is to render to every one according to his deservings The Justice hearing the danger his man was in called to Sir Billy desiring him to hold his hand and he would engage for the Gyant and knowing delay dangerous he let down a rope into the pit desiring Sir Billy to take hold of it that they might draw him up and let the Gyant remain there and starve and rot in the Dungeon Sir Billy willingly embraced the proffer as accounting the Gyant quite vanished and so taking hold of the rope was drawn up to his double Joy one of having conquered the Gyant and the other for his deliverance from that dark Dungeon The Sage Freston congratulated his Victory with great expressions of Joy whilst in the mean time the Servants had conveyed the mock Gyant away But most of all the Tantabilan Princess extolled his valour unto the skies saying what he had done in her defence was far beyond what ever was performed by Amadis de Gaule Huon of Bourdeaux Palmerin of England Falmerin de Oliva or Don Belianis of Greece or any other Knight Errant whatsoever who had fought in desence of wronged Ladies Sir Billy tickled with these praises strutted like a Crow in a Gutter saying Most excellent Princess what ever hath been performed by my valour comes infinitely far short of your deservings and as for your Enemy the Magician Diabolo if he refuse to surrender the Crown again to your Father let me but know of it and I shall take such sharp revenge on him and his that Tygers and Panthers shall be accounted merciful in respect of the Cruelty I will shew upon them Sir said the Tantabilan Princess I am so far beneath the Riches of your Merits it can be no honour to your Name to rank me in the Number of your humblest Servants Sir Billy thought all these Complements spoken to his Commendation and therefore was as proud of this Victory over the Gyant as the Macedonian Monarch for the conquest of Darius saying if that the Gods prolonged his Life he would free the world from all such Gyants and hateful Monsters All their discourse tending thus highly to the applauding of Sir Billy's Valour they mounted their Horses to return to the Sage Freston's all the way they rid nothing sounding forth but Panegyricks of Billy's praise which were so welcome to him that who so viewed his looks might perceive thereby how inwardly his heart was contented But having continued there a day or two and hearing no News at all of Ricardo he fell into a deep Malancholy and as is the use of Lovers frequented Solitary places and being doubtful what Answer he should receive from his beloved Dulcina betwixt Hope and Despair he breathed forth this Sonnet 'Twixt chearfull Hope and comfortless Despair Strangely perplex't full sore amaz'd I stand Hope seems to shew the Weather will be Fair And dark Despair says Tempests are at hand Venture says Hope Despair doth bid me slack Hope pricks me on Despair doth pull me back Have well says Hope Despair doth bid me doubt Trust me says Hope Despair says Hope is vain Shrink not says Hope Despair cries not so stout Labour says Hope Despair doth shew no gain Good hap says Hope Despair says contrary Hope bids me live Despair would have me die Thus 'twixt these two at point of Death I live In hope of good yet fearing froward chance In you it lyes a happy hap to give To bring me out of this despairing Trance Oh help me then that thus on knees do cry Assure my Hope or in Despair I die In these Meditations we will leave Sir Billy for a while to tell you how his Squire Ricardo sped in his Journey to Dulcina CHAP. 6. How Ricardo in his Journey towards Billerecay met with an Aged Palmer who gave him an invisible Ring with which he cheats an Inn-keeper as also what a Trick he served a Bedlam and a Tinken RIcardo as you heard in the former Chapter being sent on an arrand to the Lady Dulcina bethought himself by the way that if he returned back to Billerecay old Thomasio would apprehend him for stealing of his Horse and therefore began to doubt whether Squire Errantry would protect him from the Gallows To prevent which disgrace he resolved upon the first opportunity to sell his Horse and with the Mony to maintain himself until he could get into a more safer Service than that of Knight Errantry Wandring therefore through by-paths as his most ready way at such time as the days bright burning eye cast scorching Rayes upon the parched Earth he sat him down under the Covert of a broad spreading Oak and being
they emptied the remainder of the two Bottles and now having their Spirits heightned with the generous Wine they went Merrily on 〈…〉 came to the House where the Wedding was kept Here the Bridegroom and Bride entertained 〈◊〉 do right heartily and a great Company being met together there was Fidding Dancing Siâ—ging Kissing and Playing which so delighted the Heart of Ricardo that now he forgot both the affrightment of the Justice Freston and also the necessity which his Master Billy might be in for the Amorous smiles and Odoriferous Kisses of those Country Wenches were such inticing Châ—rms 〈◊〉 Ricardo that he thought himself in Elizium being in their Company And now the Nuptial Couple were goâ—ng to Chuâ—â—◠〈…〉 with their Tongues which afterwards 〈◊〉 could not â—â—tye 〈…〉 having the 〈◊〉 playing before 〈◊〉 and all the way thither 〈◊〉 with 〈◊〉 though â—â—â—â—wards Netâ—les 〈◊〉 â—ore properly serve the 〈◊〉 Now inmost parts of Essex where this 〈◊〉 was kept it is a common Custom when Poor People Marry to make 〈◊〉 of a Dog-Hanging or Mony-gathering which 〈…〉 a Wedding-Dinner â—o which they invite Tag and Rag all that will come â—here after Dinner upon Summonâ— of the Fiddler who setteth forth his voice like a Town â—â—â—yer a Table being set forth and the Bride set simpering at the upper and of it the Bridegroom â—â—anding by with a White Sheet overthwart his shoulders as if he did 〈…〉 Folly he had committed that day 〈◊〉 the people invited to it like the Soldiers of a Country Train-Banâ— Maâ—â—h up to the Bride â—â—â—sent their Mony and Wheel about After this offerâ—â—â—â— over that is a pair of Gloves â—â—ld on the Table most monstrously bedaubed about with Ribben which by way of Auction is set to Sale at who gives most and he whose hap is for to have them shall withal have a Kiss of the Brâ—â—â— which many â—â—â—es is not much worth because her breath is not so sweet-scented as her Gloves Ricardo who had some Mony still left of that which 〈◊〉 had taken from the Usurer was very liberal at this Wedding and very bounâ—ful amongst the Maids of his Kisses two things which inâ—eared him very much to 〈◊〉 Company And now the juice of the Malt began to work in 〈…〉 and every Coridon had selected his Lass to conferr with Amongst 〈…〉 Batchellor whose Head was covered with an Hoary Fleece 〈…〉 one would have thought to have had nothing but â—ce in his veins and earth in his Vissage had gotten in his Arms a brisk 〈◊〉 as youthful as the early 〈…〉 and Kissing her as if he meant to maâ—â—e a perpetual feast of her â—ips 〈…〉 beheld this with an envious Eye and thinking it unequal that January and â—ay should so twine together he resolved to hinder their Conjunction and to that end having put on his Invisible-Ring sat down close by them to hear their discourse where unperceiv'd he could here the Old Letcher make great 〈◊〉 of his affection to her colouring all under the notion of Love although his thoughts were as lustful and as libidinous as a Goat The Wench a crafty Baggage one well skill'd in Veâ—â—â— School seem'd with some Coy words to push him away from her and then with a flattering smile to allure him again He seeing his words not prevalent enough to batter the Fort of her supposed Chastity gave her Golden promises remembring what he had read in the Poet. Nor less may Jupiter to Goâ—â—â—scribe For when he turâ—d himself into a Bribe Who can blame Danaae or the Brazen Tower That they withstood not the Almighty Shower Never till then did Love make Jove put on A form more bright and noble than his own O the powerful oratory of a Golden Tongue his gifts prevails with the Damosel she consents so it may be done privately Si câ—ste non caute a fit place they agree upon and he being hot upon the spur will admit of no delay Ricardo heard all their discourse and followed them as close as the shadow doth the Sun until they came to the place appointed And now a new parley began betwixt them for the Wench belike having had false dealings before would do nothing without Mony in hand with that the old Letcher told her out twenty Shillings being the price agreed on betwixt them which the Wench very wary in her bargaining would likewise tell over if it were right which whilst she was doing Ricardo laid hold of it and snatching it out of her hands bellowed forth these Words Thou Rogue and VVhore must go with me Away to Limbo presently These words struck them into a panick fear so that instead of an Amorous heat a chilling sweat over-run their trembling Joynts and a sudden amazement made their Hair to stand an end whereupon they betook them to their Heels and fear adding VVings to their Feet in an instâ—nt they were out of sight Ricardo was well pleased with their flight he leaving behind him his Cloak and she her Scarf besides the Mony he had gotten before so that now he thought himself well satisfied for what he had spent at the Wedding besides the pleasure he had in spending his Mony whereupon he resolved to proceed on in his Journey where how he found his Master and what besel Sir Billy after his parting from him shall be declared in the next Chapter CHAP. 10. Sir Billy's encounter with a Dancer on the Ropes how he was carried before a Justice of the Peace and set free by Richardo by the help of his Invisible-Ring SIR Billy after he had parted from Ricardo was in a very bad condition for Mony he had none without which it is but bad Travelling either amongst Friends or Foes and though he had read that Knights Errant never carried any Mony about them but that they were to be entertained Gratis where-ever they came yet it troubled him not a little that he was equipped neither like a Knight nor Squire having left both his Horse and Armor behind him at the Sage Frestons yet had he still his trusty Sword Rosero which sword he prized at a very high rate as that wherewith he was to obtain all his future Conquests In this disconsolate posture he marched along both weary and hungry until such time as night with his black shade began to shut in the day and Phoebus with his Golden locks went to rest himself upon the pillow of fair Thetis Bed when to his comfort he came to a sumptuous Inn adorned 〈…〉 which he according to the Fantasies of Knight Errantry that always 〈…〉 took to be a Castle for the relief of those of his 〈◊〉 into which he â—â—â—dly entred and meeting with the Host who 〈…〉 was big 〈◊〉 to 〈…〉 an Host of men encounter'd him in this manâ—â—â— Most worthy Governour of this â—â—mous Castle know that I am one who for the good of my Country have devâ—ted 〈…〉 to the exercise of Armâ— for the relief of distressed Knights and 〈…〉 which Honourable intentions
that Rosaro was to go to an Aunt of hers that liveth 〈…〉 â—â—d thâ—â— was to accompany her way laid us and having seized on us brought us to this Barn where 〈…〉 our weak resistance and having brought cords with them for the Execution of 〈◊〉 damn â—â—â—â—tents they in conclusion hanged us up as you saw Sir Billy lisâ—â—â—ed very â—â—â—entively to this discourse and being exceedingly moved at it he swore by the bloody Fashion of 〈◊〉 that e'er Don Phoebus had run his diurnal Course three time about our Hemisphire be would like such exemplary punishment 〈…〉 his perfidious Mates that Babes unborn shall tremble at 〈◊〉 â—arration of it Whilst he 〈…〉 speaking the Smith whose guilty Conscience feared a discovâ—â—y â—aving found out his Companions returned again with an intent to murther Sir Billy Ricardo and old â—erion to pâ—â—â—ent their giving any knowledge of him But having entred the Barn and seeing the 〈◊〉 aâ—â—e 〈◊〉 they supposed to be dead they immediately set upon him and were as quickly set upon by Sir Billy and this being the justest cause he fought in his success was answerable thereunto for at the second stroak he 〈◊〉 the Smith so deep a gash on the Wrist as made him to drop his Club and quite disarm 〈◊〉 of any further resistance which being by the Taylor espyed he snatches up the Smiths Club and seconded by Ricardo they Jointly set upon the other two and now were many blows given and received on â—â—ch side when old Gerion whose courage was still good though his strength infirm not loving to be Idle when so necessary a work was to be done being armed with a great walking staff as commonly Beggars go so guarded he gave one of the Rogues such a rap on the pate as made him to stagger and seconding it with another laid him at his Feet streaking his heels the Third party seeing this would have run for it but being surrounded by them all four he was forced to abide his fate and whilst he was defending himself against old Gerion and Ricardo who faced him with their Weapons Sir Billy being behind him gave him such a wound on the head as felled him to the earth and sent his Soul to dwell in the lower Regions there to inhabit with the damned in burning Beds of Steel Roasted in Sulpher and washt in deep vast gulphs of Liquid Fire The Smith in the mean time through the loss of so much Blood as issued from his Wound was fallen into a deep swound so that he seemed for the present to be inroled in the Regiment of Death but his Companion who had been knockt down by old Gerion being of a strong robustious Nature reviving again began for to bustle as if he would again try for the Victory which being perceived by Sir Billy he ran to him and with his Sword gave him such a Blow on the head as made him once more to measure his full length on the Earth and then setting his Foot on his breast and the point of his Sword to his Throat he said to him Vile Miscreant or rather Devil in Hose and Doublet the impostume of all corruptions and abstract of all wickedness Now will I send thy Soul to be an inhabitant in the glooming dwellings of Damned Spirits there to bathe it self in pools of Scalding Oyl and Sulpher which thou hast worthily deserved by contracting such a Load of Guilt that lies heavy on thy blood-thirsty Conscience The Murthering Villain hearing such thundring Words roared out like a Town Bull craving and crying out for Mercy when a new crotchet coming into Sir Billy's noddle he said unto him I yield thee Mercy though unworthy of it but upon condition that thou go and present thy self upon thy knees as vanquished by my Victorious Arm unto the Lady of my Affections the most renowned Dulcina of Billerecay and this you shall Swear to do upon my Sword I willingly yield to your conditions said the dissembling Villain and shall swear Faithfully to perform it Whereupon Sir Billy let him rise and was about to give him his Oath which the young Man perceiving and that he intended to let him go Sir said he It is not safe nor convenient so to do for this Man being a Murtherer ought according to the Law to be had before a Justice of the Peace to be by him examined and secured that he may receive the reward of his deserts Sir Billy having heard what he said with a vehement indignation replyed Thou speakest said he like one altogether ignorant of the Laws of Knight Errantry ought not the Conquerer to dispose of the Conquered as he pleases was not he subdued by the Force of my invincible Arm and therefore to be by me disposed of according to my own will and pleasure now since my valour whereby I conquered him came by the inspiration of my Lady Dulcina ought not she in retribution thereof to have the honour of this submission as being magnetically performed by her But this said the Taylor is so notorious a villain and his crime so Capital that being once got free he will never come near her nor ever make any submission unless he be forced to do it to the Gallows Why said Sir Billy have I not his Oath to perform it His Oath quoth the Taylor is not to be regarded for he who fears not to commit Murther will make no Conscience to forswear himself Whilst they were thus arguing the Case the Constable of the Parish who had a Warrant for the pressing of some Soldiers being guarded with Four lusty men came to that place it being a Common receptacle for sturdy loytering Beggars and Vagabonds when beholding the floor imbrued with Blood and strowed with dead Carcases he demanded the cause of this so sad a Spectacle to whom Sir Billy being about to reply he was interrupted by the Taylor who declared all the whole business in manner as you heard it before and withal adding that Sir Billy being a Knight-Errant was resolved to send that murdering Rogue that was alive to a certain Lady named Dulcina but earnestly desired his Journey might be staid that the Hangman might not be disappointed of his due Yea said Sir Billy I am by profession a Knight Errant my Trade is to kill Gyants and Dragons and to relieve oppressed Ladies and distressed Damosels to release captivated Knights from their Imprisonment and to bring to confusion the Hellish brood of Negromancers and Inchanters Sir said the Constable if you are so good for fighting you will be the fitter to serve the King and therefore I press you for his Majesty's service I understand said Sir Billy that thou art a Constable but altogether ignorant in thy Office for if thou hadst read Books of Chevalry thou wilt find that Knights Errant are subject to no King nor to no Laws Sir said the Constable if you are subject neither to King nor Laws then you are a Vagabond and as a Vagabond I must apprehend
was then a stranger on the Earth The Lambs fed securely by the Lyons side and Warm Zephyrus breathed forth a continual Spring In those days there was no bandying of War Nation against Nation nor did men dare in a thin ribb'd Bark to cross the Ocean for uncertain gain There was no need of threatning Laws to be prescribed in Brass for men knew not what it was to offend Justice was then blind indeed and could not see to take any bribes There was no need of Italian Padlocks for Lust then was a vice unknown But after corruptions began to increase that bribes and Rapes were ripe in every place when the stronger sought to oppress the weaker and great Thieves sat on the Bench to condemn the little ones when Ladies innocency could not defend their chastity from the assaults of wicked and viceous Men when vice came thus to predominate then was this Valiant and chast order of Knight Errantry invented whose office it is to relieve the oppressed vindicate Ladies help Orphans rescue those who are in Prison and pull the pride of Tyrants down and of this noble order am I which howsoever maligned and opposed by wicked Magicians and Sorcerers yet is there no Order Calling nor profession in the World so necessary to humane kind as this And though I desire not to be the Trumpeter of my own praise what I have performed herein besides the witness of my Squire Ricardo the Author of my History for every Knight Errant hath an Historian to declare his Acts will in after-ages make known the Noble performances which have been atchieved by me The whole Company applauded Sir Billy's speech and said it was great pitty so necessary an Order of Knighthood should remain dormant so long and how happy the succeeding age would be that should read with wonder the noble Atchievements performed by his Victorious Arm. Which words puffed up Sir Billy with such a timpany of pride that like the Bladder he was ready to burst with the Wind of vain Glory And now being tickled with the undeserved praise he willing to sit down with them at the Banquet where he could scarcely feed himself for feeding the Ears of his Auditors with discourses of his Adventures in the mean time the Justice sent for the Coroner to come with all the speed he could for sear Sir Billy who was a main witness in the business might have a magget in his Head to be gone and therefore the better to retain him he spake to him in these words Most Renowned Knight who though but young in Years yet art Old in Fame and experience of Arms whose desert out-strips all praise I can bestow upon thee Had the divine Homer one of the Muses first Priests been Contemporary with thee how proud he would have been of so sublime a subject to heighten his Fancy a subject adequate to Apollo himself and his whole Quire of Daughters How benign must I esteem those Stars whose influence directed thy Foot-steps to my Habitation hoping that as Ulysses communicated his Travels and Adventures to Queen Dido so from his own mouth they should receive a relation of those noble Atchievements performed by him whereof Fame had been so liberal in publishing of them Sir Billy needed no spur to be put forward in such matters his Tongue was ever ready to run Post in any thing which he thought tended to his own praise and therefore without any more intreaty he began a long discourse of his entrance into Knight Errantry how he became enamour'd on a most Beautiful Lady named Dulcina his entertaining Ricardo to be his Squire and of their first encounter with a tall Gyant in a Corn-Field whom he overthrew by main strength of Arms how he was Knighted by the Lord of a Castle and how in relieving of a certain Queen he encountered with another mighty Gyant in which by the envy of certain wicked Magicians he fell into a deep Cave from which he was delivered by the Sage Freston and so ran on in a rambling narration of all his Adventures as you heard in the foregoing History but still imputing all his misfortunes to the malice of Megromancers and Inchanters who are always enemies to Knights Errant Yet shall not their malice said he deter me from prosecuting my revengs against those wicked Miscreants Gyants and Sorcerers till I have rooted out the whole Generation of them from off the face of the Earth Scarcely had Sir Billy finished his discourse when there came to the Door a fellow cunning in showing 〈…〉 or Hictius Doctius who knowing the Justice to be a merry Man thought by showing his Art he might get some Mony there the Justice understanding his employment was very glad of the occasion to divert Sir Billy and keep him till the Coroner came He therefore brought the Fellow to the Company and bid him for to show his skill Sir Billy had never seen any of these Legerdemain Tricks before and therefore his Spirits were struck into admiration and his Soul intrance't with wonder Ricardo all this while stood by and seeing his Master struck into such an astonishment thought to make some sport as well as the Jugler and slipping on his Invisible Ring when Hocus had laid his Tin Boxes and Balls on the Table and was feeling in his pocket for some other Instruments of activity he takes them up and puts them in his pocket Hocus seeing his Boxes and Balls Hi Presto to be gone was more amazed than Sir Billy was at his Tricks but thinking some of the Company might do it to make themselves merry and loth to challenge any in particular he thought to catch them by craft and therefore pulling out a Jack in a Box some Counters and Dice to do more feats withall he lays them as it were carelesly upon the Table yet still had a special eye who took them Ricardo thought what was his drift yet dreading not his policy boldly steps to the Table and quickly made them Invisible The Jugler seeing the rest of his things to be gone thus without hands stood like one that was stupified or like Stags at a gaze as if his understanding were in an extasie At last he swore there was some Conjurer amongst them whose art was far transcendent above his for he did but play the Devil in Jest but they had plaid the Devil with him in Earnest At this the whole Company burst out into such a laughter as if they had for ever banisht all melancholly from their Society This exceeding mirth made Hocus more vext then before so that he began to swear like a Culter for having now lost his Tools he might even shut up Shop for any thing he could do And now a new project of mirth came into the noddle of one of the Company who perswaded the Jugler that Sir Billy had taken away his things and that to get them again there was no way but using him roughly which he should not need fear to
do because Sir Billy what ever he bragged himself to be was but a meer Hony-sop a dish of skim'd Milk whose Feet was his best defence and his Tongue his best Weapon The Jugler animated herewith steps to Sir Billy and said Sir I understand you have gotten my things and therefore pray give me them again without any more Fooling which if you refuse to do I shall make you such an Example of my wroth and Indignation as shall make you curse the time that ever you saw me Sir Billy hearing such threatning words from one he thought so much beneath him in great anger replyed Thou wicked Inchanter unworthy to live upon the Face of the Earth who hast made a league with Hell and a Covenant with the Devil to be his Servant Think not by thy wicked Charms to escape my fury for if thou hadst as many hands as Briareus and in every hand there were a Sword yet would I encounter with thee my Valour being such as to know no fear in my self yet to teach it others that have to do with me And thereupon drawing his Sword began to lay on load upon Hocus who seeing Sir Billy was in earnest thought his best refuge to be his Heels running with such hasty steps as if his feet scarce toucht the Ground being more swift in his flight than Daphne when she fled from the imbraces of Apollo whereupon the Company gave such a shout as made the House to Ring their loud exclamations cleaving the yielding Air like the roaring of a whole Herd of Lyons or if it could be greater than the Noise of Ten Irish Funerals Sir Billy seeing his flight so swift thought it in vain to pursue him any further and thereupon returned in as great State as the Macedonian Victor from the Conquest of Darius The Justice meeting him congratulated his success giving him as much praise as if it had been the thirteenth labour of Alcides the other persons also each one in proper words sought to magnifie this his enterprize although an attempt so inconsiderable that had the Jugler had but as much valour as an Hamble-Bee with a dozen of dangerous words in his mouth he might have resisted him with a Bull-Rush By this time the Coroner was come to the House and a Jury impannelled to enquire about the two dead Persons The first witness that was examined was Sir Billy who being requested to tell his knowledge in the particulars spake as followeth You shall know Courteous Gentleman that by profession I am a Knight Errant an Order of all others the most beneficial to mankind which were it highly cherished as it is deserving it would encourage many noble Spirits to the profession thereof by whose manly prowess all Tyrants and oppressors of the Poor being suppressed we should have no need of Lawyers Attorneys nor Soliciters who pretending to right people in their causes do them more wrong by their extortions and Fees than they received by the parties against whom they sued In the prosecution of these Knightly adventures it was my Fortune or rather lucky Chance to come to an old ruinated Castle attended only by my Squire Ricardo and an Old Gentleman one of the Knights of Industry Into this solitary Receptacle being entered to sharde us from the burning beams of the refulgent Sun we espyed there a most sad and dolorn◠〈…〉 Woman hanged and a Man hanging with little hopes of Life in either which we had scarce leisure to view when a lusty stout robustious fellow rushed from forth the place and winged with hast ran away as swift as the sweeping stream or winged Arrow He being gone we cut the young Man down who was near entred into the territories of Death yet by helps that was used he was brought again to the possession of Life as you see there standing before ye but the Woman who was the Lady of his Affections notwithstading all endeavours which we used we could never perswade her sullen Soul for to re-enter into her Body but Lifes Candle was quite extinct in her Whilst we were thus fruitlesly employed in the recovery of the Maid the murdering Villain who had ran from us before now returned again with two others who had been partners with him in his Butcherly design and setting upon us thought to have made us a morsel for the Jaws of Death and with their Clubs have signed our Passport into another World but I perceiving what was their intentions drawing my Sword and invocating the Lady Dulcina for aid set upon the Villains and in an instant brought two of them to the Ground of which Death the Graves Purveyor took possession of one the othes soon after recovered whom we brought unto you as also the third who though he ran away from me yet was brought back again by my Squire Ricardo and the Knight of Industry with some others who came into our assistance although had I been alone the strength of my Victorious Arm had been enough to have Conquered them all The whole Company highly applauded Sir Billy's valour as a true Son of Mars that derides Death and meets with Triumph in a Tomb. Afterwards was the Taylor examined as also old Gerion and Ricardo who agreeing all in one Tale the Jury found the Maids to be wilful Murther and the killing of the Fellow done in their own defence The Justice being a bountiful Housekeeper invited the Coroner and Jury as also Sir Billy Ricardo and old Gerion to Dinner which he had caused to be provided for them against they had done After Dinner the Justice and Coroner fell into a deep discourse the Coroner being of Opinion that the Order of Knights Errant was a needless Idle unnecessary imployment for that the Laws being so open wrongs might be redressed and the oppressed eased far better by the Law than by their Swords which oftentimes for want of due knowledge of the case did far greater wrong than right And as for Books of Chevalry he Judged them to be very prejudicial to a well-governed Common-Wealth wherein Men might bestow their time better than in reading Figments impossibilities and in many of them incitements rather to looseness and Vanity than any instructions to vertuous Living To this the Justice replyed that Knights Errant have in former Ages been applauded by learned Persons for such was Hercules whose going about and destroying Gyants and Monsters was no other than Knight-Errantry and for which they honoured him as a God and then for reading Books of Chevalry what prejudice could come by reading them for the subjects of them being known to be fabulous and figments no man's faith is beguiled nor any perswaded to believe them as a truth rather on the contrary where the minds of the vulgar are not busied in some such pleasant arguments they fall upon matters which less concerns them and become troublesome Judges of the State and Church wherein they live and therefore it hath been accounted great Policy to divert Men's Fancies by
reading such Romances Many other ways might be invented said the Coroner to divert Mens Fancies than this destructive one of rending such Books which the better they are Writ the more dangerous they are for some young people are so intentive upon them that they imagine themselves to be such as they read of And such a one I suppose this young man to be who by reading Books of Knight Errantry would Fool himself into a conceit that he is a Knight Errant But such people so conceired ought not to be soothed up in their Follies but rather sharply reproved and if that will not mend them then either let them be sent to Bedlam or Whipped at a Carts-Tayle until this foolish humour be Whipped out of them Sir Billy was in such a rage to hear these words that the Icy Current of his frozen blood kindled up in agonies as hot as flames of burning Sulphur fretting and suming like a piece of Gumm'd Velvet Monster of all wicked Men said he whom I cannot name without spitting after it for fear of being poysoned could thy malice vent it self in nothing but speaking against the most noble Order of Knight-Errantry nor know I whether thy envy or arrogancy be greatest in it nor what punishment is equivalent to such high presumption yet shall not thy malapertness escape unpunished if my trusty Sword fail me not and therefore if thou art as valiant of thy hands as thou hast been prodigal of thy Tongue I challenge thee out into the field to fight with me which if thou shalt deny to do I shall proclaim thee the most Cowardly Carpet Knight that ever wore Sword only valiant in Voice but at the sight of an Enemy ready to run away from thy self The Coroner who was a man well skill'd at his Weapon and with Courage answerable to his skill scorning to be out-braved by such a Princocks was resolved to chastise his folly and therefore told him that though it were beneath him to answer one so Inconsiderable yet least his rashness should take that to be fear which was only contempt he would answer him at any time place or weapon he should appoint bidding him be sure in making his words good of what he had promised or else he would be a shame unto the Order he did profess And I quoth Ricardo Squire unto the renowned Knight Sir Billy of Billerecay do challenge the Squire that belongeth to the Knight which is to fight with my master at any Weapon he shall propose to fight withal so it be such a Weapon as former Squires to Knights-Errant used for to fight withal This unexpected Challenge of Ricardo put all the Company into a merry kind of amazement endeavouring by all means to have the humor go forward There was at that time attending on the Coroner a young Man much about the Age and stature of Ricardo who hearing this Challenge desired his Master he might accept of it which being granted him he told Ricardo he should be answered at his own Weapon at the time and place when their Masters did fight All things being thus agreed they next consult of the time and place when and where it should be done Sir Billy would have had a sortnights space and that in the mean time Messengers should be sent abroad to declare by sound of Trumpet in all Market-Towns and general assemblies of this their fight But the Justice and Coroner not willing to have a private divertisement made so publick would not agree to it so at last it was concluded to be the second day after in a large Meadow behind the Justices House during which time the four Combatants prepared themselves for the encounter which how it was performed on both sides we shall in the next Chapter the sacred nine assisting in our endeavours in full and ample manner declare unto you CHAP. 15. Sir Billy's Encounter with the Coroner How he was relieved by Ricardo His admirable description of his Mistress With Ricardo's Counterbuff thereto SOON had wide-mouth'd Tatling Fame dispersed the News of the combat betwixt Sir Billy and the Coroner so that at the day appointed there was a great concourse of people to behold the same The Old Justice had the day before highly caressed Sir Billy and his Daughter a Virgin of about sixteen years of Age gave him all the encouragement she could bestowing a Ribbon upon him to wear on his Hat telling hiâ— that if he overcame him he should be her Knight and that she should account her self the most happy Woman in the World to have such a Servant I think my self extraordinarily engaged to you for your goodness said Sir Billy and doubt not Madam of my success it being in the vindication of those noble Knights Amadis de Gaule Sir Huon of Bourdeaux Don Belianis of Greece Palmerin of England Orlando Furioso Don Flores of Greece Sir Guy of Warwick Bevis of Southampton and abundance of other noble Heroes who spending their time in Arms dyed in the Bed of Honour whose memory this foul Miscreant seeks to deprave and that with such opprobrious words enough to raise the Ghost of those deceased Worthies out of their Graves to vindicate their own Honour had not the Fates allotted me in this latter Age to be a Brother of that noble Society for the punishment of all those who shall offer to villifie such a noble profitable Honourable Order You have reason in what you say replyed the Damosel for should such noble Orders fall into contempt it would be a great discouragement to vertuous enterprizes and then for want of such persons how would the World be pester'd with Tyrants Oppressors and merciless persons Dragons and Monsters would abound in every place and Gyants so increase that the habitable World would be turned into a meer Desart Whilst they were thus discoursing there came a Messenger to Sir Billy to bid him make ready for the encounter for his Antagonist was upon entering the Lists whereupon Sir Billy buckled on his Armor which was something difficult for him to do each piece being so ill proportioned to the other and now thus Armed as he thought Cap-pe he marched into the field against his Enemy who was attending him clad in a Buff Coat with no other Armor but his Sword Ricardo and the other young man came into the field habited for to fight and with a resolution answerable to the Courage of their Masters And now a general expectation was fixed in the minds of the Spectuors each promising to themselves an assured Victory but the Eyes of most there present were fully fixed on Sir Billy who marched in as great state towards the Coroner as Hector the Trojan Prince before the Walls of Ilium and being come near to him he said yield thy self Prisoner to my conquering Arm else shall thy Life pay for thy Tongues presumption I crave no favour said the Coroner but look to thy self else will the Honour of Knight Errantry lie in the dust
venting some speeches derogatory to that noble profession Nay so far did his folly prevail with him that he would have perswaded me to have left off pursuing of Knightly Adventures and to have spent the remainder of my days in Ease and Idleness had I not been endowed with a heart betwixt whom and fear there 's an antipathy my known disposition being such as to scorn those dangers which would make a Coward tremble to think on Ricardo had much a do to forbear laughing out-right to hear his Master talk so rediculously as also to think how he had possest the Coroner and his Man with a firm belief that they were beaten by Spirits but by this means all thoughts of fighting any more being quite laid aside the Justice invited them all unto his House and that there might be a thorough reconciliation betwixt them the Coroner led Sir Billy by the hand and his Man the Squire Ricardo Here did the Justice express his bountiful nature by the great entertainment he gave them which was such as if Ceres and Baochus had taken up his House for their habitation The Justices Daughter who had before so graced Sir Billy being extreamly taken with his extravagancies to follow on the humour entertained him in these Words Most noble Knight whose prowess is far above my expressions blind Fortunes Mincion in Valorous attempts having a Spirit of greater confidence than can give admittance to any thoughts of Cowardise more welcome is thy presence to me than that of Vlysses to the chast Penelope after his Ten Years absence at the Seige of Troy How happy is that Lady which hath so renowned a Champion to her Servant more Fortunate is she in her Choice than was Sabra the King of Egypt's Daughter in St. George the Beautiful Rosalinde in St. Dennis of France or the renowned Philotheta in that of Montelion Knight of the Oracle Indeed said Sir Billy the Goddess of my affections is such a one that should I go about to describe her I must use the help of the most precious things and invocate the learnedest of the Nine Muses for my assistance Her Hair that Amorous Cordage like to a rich and artful Coronet shews like to Curtains for Beauties Chamber Her Forehead Beauties Sphear shews like to a Mount of bleached Snow built upon two Ivory Arches Her Eyes those starry Jewels such as might Captivate Love and her Eye-brows enough to Work miracles with their Magick Circles Her Cheeks like two banks of fairest Flowers enrich't with sweetness like mingled Baths of Milk and Roses Her Ears those watchful Sentinels need no Jewels to Adorn them her Ears themselves being all Jewels Her Nose such where Zephyrus delights to sport Her Lips are melting Rubies where Love plants and gathers Kisses Her Teeth like Ivory pales which inclose a Tongue made up of sweetest Hony Her Breath comes stealingly from her as if it seemed loth to come forth from so delicious a Mansion but that it hoped to be drawn in again to that well closed Paradise Her Neck shews like a Silver Pillar more white than Towers of pollisht Ivory Her Breasts those Twins of Miracle are like two Hillocks betwixt 〈◊〉 a Thousand Cupids lie A Wast as strait and clean as Hermes Rod or Circes Wand Her Belly Natures Kitchen â—â—und soft and Plump more tempting than Gold to a greedy Usures Her Thighs like soft Ivory pillars â—â—â—â—oâ—â—ers of that goodly frame I have already described Her Knees so well compacted that Nature therein observed her choicest Symmetry Her Legs Câ—pid's Columns more 〈…〉 thighs of Jove Her Feet such as with their pace do move a band of Beauties In brief 〈…〉 one as may serve for a foyl to Cupid's Mother whose very looks can turn the saddest Night to day the first and best original of all fair Copies This description of his Mistress struck the Justice's Daughter into amazement as taking her to be a piece whom Nature in the Composing had taken the choicest excellencies from divers others to make one every ways compleat but knowing Lovers are partial in the description of their Mistresses excellencies that she might be the better informed finding Ricardo alone and in a merry humor she desired him to inform her fully in the accomplishments of his Masters so celebrated Lady Ricardo who was almost weary of his Squire Errantry and perceiving that his hopes of being Governour of an Island would not amount to be Monarch of a Mole Hill and that all his Masters projects and designs were but meer Chymera's and Idle imaginations was resolved therefore to leave off this kind of Vagabonding Life and if his Master would not be perswaded to go home to leave him in pursuance of his folly being therefore fearless of his displeasure he thought to give the Gentlewoman a more Comical but truer description of this Lady of perfections which he performed in this manner To begin with her upper parts Her hair said he hangs down her neck like crawling Snakes curiously pleated into Elf-Locks Her Forehead like a piece of new-furrowed Land or like the parched Earth in the heat of Dog-days Her Eyes like two Mill-pits continually running over on either side of which hangs two Souses or Ears of such a prodigious greatness that were they cut off and Tann'd would serve a Cobler a Month for Clouting Leather Her Cheeks are like two shrimpled skins of parchment and her Nose comparable to that in the picture of Mother Shipton Her Mouth opens and shuts like a Carriers Pouch and her Teeth are like to an old Park-Pale Her Lips resemble those of the Hogs-Fac'd Gentlewoman and her Tongue sounds as loud as Bow-Bell As for her breath I must crave the help of the Poet to describe it But for her Breath Spectators come not nigh It lays about God bless the Company One Kiss and eighteen Words of her alone Put down the Spanish Inquisition Thrice blessed we quoth I when I think on The former days of persecution For were it free to kill this griesely Elf Would Martyrs make in compass of her self And were she not prevented by our Prayer By this time she corrupted had the Air The Man in the Bears-skin baited to Death Would choose the Dogs much rather than her Breath Then for her Neck it is like a pair of Stairs up to a Belfry and her shoulders able to bear the biggest Jest that can be put upon them Her Dugs are like two ore-worn Foot-Balls and her sides resembling the planks of a Cheese-press Her Wast would waste half an hours time to go about it being tall and slender as a Windmill-Post Her Belly is like to the Tun at Heidleburge and her Buttocks and Thighs correspondent thereunto In brief she is one made up of Natures most deformities a natural Vizard like a Winters Apple shrunk up together and half rotten The young Gentlewoman laughed very heartily at Ricardo's description of this Lady Errant and thought it might be more Consonant to the truth than