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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A84910 The French rogue: or, The life of Monsieur Ragoue de Versailles Containing his parentage; monstrous birth, early rogueries, pleasant and witty pranks, not only in France, but in divers other countries. With the strange and wonderful plots, projects, policies and stratagems, by which he contrived, managed, and brought about his villanies, and escaped many dangers; and more particularly the prank he played with the French king, &c. All very comical and delightful. Done from the original by J.S. 1694 (1694) Wing F2196C; ESTC R226224 68,321 202

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and my Lady payed Visits to divers Persons of Honour without any long stay till at last coming to a great Countess's House very pleasant and delightful in its curious Situation and Gardens resembling the Primitive Paradise she resolv'd not only to dine there but spend a part of the Heat of the Day under the Umbrage of those cool and spreading Shades of which I was not a little glad for my Belly grumbl'd for an Antidote against Emptiness Our Entertainment was very sumptuous and various Discourses pass'd of State Affairs and sometimes of Amorous Intreagues I though I Waited and a Stranger not being minded by way of Scruple by reason of my Nonnage yet as little as I seemed to regard it I could perceive my Lady smile with her dazling Eyes on a florid brisk young Caveliero and many interchangeable Glances pass'd between them and having heard him nam'd I concluded by what had been reported of my Mother upon my so sudden coming into the World for whose sake it was that she kindly entertain'd me for this Gallant upon a more strict Enquiry in which I was not wanting among the Servants proved to be the very Man that Fame had whisper'd abroad for my True Father The Conceit of which did not a little swell my Pride for I was naturally Ambitious and methoughts had a Mind that soar'd at things above my reach Once or twice I thought to take an opportunity to lay Claim to him before we parted from that House but then Fear and Shame check'd my Resolves and something within me commanded me to wave it lest being mistaken I repented my sawcy Presumption so that leaving him and my Lady as I was commanded for the more privacy of Discourse in the Walks after Dinner I went to take a View of the Apartments rambling up and down by my self admiring now the curious Pictures on the Stair-cases and in the Galleries then the curious Fret-work and gilded Cielings by and by the curious Painted Glass in the Windows till passing many stately Rooms I at last came into the Dormitory or Sleeping-Apartment for the Servants and what should my Eyes fix on as the first Object but a huge Two-handed Fat Fryer of the Order as I perceived by his Habit of St. Francis lying on a Couch on the Ground fast asleep and snoaring like a Rattle-Snake and whatever pleasant Dream of the Confession of some pretty wanton Wench had come into his Head I know not but his Label of Mortality he decumbing on his Back had broke Prison and May-Pole like disdain'd its Stateliness should be hid I was upon this once or twice about to call the Maids to take Measure of it but being in a strange Place I knew not whether it might be taken for a Jest or an Affront and therefore thought it better to leave him in such a Rampant Posture than to expose his Vigour to the Longing Appetites of buxom Lasses But to further my mischievous Design and compell Father Shaveling to sing Ave-Maria backward to the Tune of The Millers Gelding the Devil in a little House hard by I heard a Calf blating as bemoaning the Absence of his Dam whereupon lifting up the Latch I loosed him from his Stall and brought him to the Priest to make his Confession of being an Hungry and guided him so near that he soon espied what I directed him to which he taking for his Mammy's Teat greedily seiz'd it and fell to tugging frisking his Tail and soft blating till he had lugg'd Sir Domine off the Couch In the mean while having softly tied his Legs and Hands to prevent his disengaging himself I writ upon a Board over-against him with a Phosphoros Woe be to you Whoremongers which immediately as it 's nature is fell into a Blue Flame burning in large Characters plain and legible which the Darkness of the Place render'd more dreadful Upon which I vanish'd to listen at a distance undiscover'd what might be the Event This Babe of a Cow as I suppose finding no Milk come suck'd and nibbl'd so hard that he wak'd the drousie Priest who seeing himself thus surpriz'd and the dreadful Hand-Writing on the Wall betwixt Pain and Fear made him roar out like Perillus in Phalarus's Brazen Bull. Which alarming the Maids in the Pantry they came running to see what the Matter was But seeing their ghostly Father so entangl'd and seiz'd on by a Cloven-sooted Creature and the harmless Flame still burning its nature being so to continue about a Quarter of an Hour they run out skreaming whilst he in a lamentable Tone cry'd after them to bring his Pot of Holy-Water to douse the supposed Daemon and send him packing to the Red Sea The Noise these Wenches made brought several young Ladies and the rest of the Servants who understanding the Cause of the Out cry and Disturbance peep'd in at the Door but durst adventure no further till with much struggling the good Father got loose and came running out among them Crossing himself the Calf still following at his Breech pushing him forward and nuzling in search of the mistaken Teat which now depriv'd of its Vigour hung dangling out which caus'd the Females to scamper and squeek but one of the Men-Servants more bold than the rest perceiving the Priest's Errour laid hold on the Four-footed Animal which undeceiving the Assembly turn'd their Panick Fear into loud Laughter The Priest upon this bit his Thumbs raged stampt and fretted drawing his Knife to take bloody Revenge upon his Affronter but was hinder'd and the Matter excus'd as happening by Accident through the Innocency and Mistake of the Beast but how the strange flaming Hand-Writing came they were at a loss to define some of them concluding this happen'd as a Judgment to discover the Secret Sins of the Confessor However it made a great Noise in the Family so that the Priest through Shame and Anger shut him up in his Chamber and appear'd no more that day in publick though he was often sent for to Prayers My Lady upon our going Home perceiving me laughing heartily at what had pass'd and knowing how I was enclin'd to Archness and Waggery charg'd me to tell her if I had any hand in the Matter When not being able to conceal any thing from her I told her plainly how I had manag'd the Intreague with all the Circumstances that attended the Adventure At which she could not forbear smiling and blushing and when we come to our Mansion it served for Table-Talk at Supper and so tickled my Old Lord's Fancy that with straining too much in an excessive Fit of Laughter he bepist himself and was forc'd to hasten into the Laundry for a dry Clout which proved a new Subject for Merriment Thus my small Rogueries crept up by degrees Till grown to Monsters frightfuller than these No Conjuring Monk such Magick Mischief wrought As I by Roguish Wit on the World's Stage have brought CHAP. V. How undertaking to Travel with a young Lord he viewed