when he taught his Disciples that Prayer Could I but pray this Prayer in the Latitude of it I should think my foot within the threshold of Heaven The main Gospel-killing work lies The blessedness of a mortified Vnderstanding and mortified Will. in mortifying the Understanding and the Will into the Wisdom and Dominion of the Spirit and in regard my present Controversie is against my own Carnal Will I would deal with that first did not my unmortified Understanding stand in the way My unmortified Understanding can easily dally with all the Notions about the Trinity Law and Gospel Promises and Covenant Faith and every Grace of the Spirit and every Duty of Godliness and yet but trifle all the while The renewed Understanding sucks in the lively Evidence of the Mind of God in all those things and is called the Demonstration of Spirit and Power 1 Cor. 2. 4. and the very Mind of Christ 1 Cor. 2. 16. This Mind of Jesus Christ represents to Faith the infinite God wrapped up in every Particle of his Word and is the Spirit of every revealed Truth Hence comes that Expression You have not so learned Christ Ephes 4. 20. A renewed Understanding is not taught by Words and Sentences be they what they will and though never so good but by the Mind of God and Christ in them Ephes 4. 21. The whole Volumne of the Scriptures is but as it were a small hint of the unmeasurable Will of God And this is the reason why the Scriptures though the words are the same and not altered yet do they by the Spirit speak variety of Instructions in the Unity of the same Truth as the Spirit pleaseth to reveal it self therein which doth not at all argue defect in the Scriptures but infiniteness in the Mind of Christ therein contained This Fulness of the Mind of Christ in the Word is that which makes it divide between the Soul and the Spirit the Joynts and the Marrow and is a Discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart Heb. 4. 12. A renewed Understanding makes use of the Word and all the Expressions therein but as the Door by which to enter into the whole Vision of God in Jesus Christ and the Revelation of his Will and so takes up the Truth truly in the method in which the infinite God is pleased to condescend A renewed Understanding sees the Mystery of Truth to be Substance and Life through that report of it which words do speak It converseth with Life through the Conduit of Words Phrases and Terms It gives way to the Truth as it is in Jesus by believing and not mangle it with carnal Reason and so makes way for the renewed Will to give Obedience by believing doing and suffering the Pleasure and Will of God The renewed Will is one with God's Will in a way of Submission thereto It lies down broken heartedly in the pleasure of God 'T is zealous in Obedience secure in believing quiet in suffering because the Will of God reigneth and cannot be disappointed It makes the Soul in all things give thanks and rejoyce evermore It grieves where the Holy Spirit is grieved and it delights where God delights If God say to Abraham Offer up Isaac he doth it with joy Reluctancy is gone because the Will of God dwells in the renewed Will and the Consultations of Flesh and Blood are mortified It grieves for Sin because it crosseth the revealed Will of God and yet rejoyceth in Hope because all things shall work together for good to them that love him The renewed Will is always renewing it self by Faith in Christ and looking into the Law of Liberty It thanks God heartily for Life Death Health Sickness Success or Disappointment in High Degree or Low Degree because 't is baptized into his Will And that the nature of this new Creation in the Will may provoke my heart to withdraw from the Servitude of my corrupt Will I would ponder the nature of it a little further The first Parent of the Grace of Adoption by Jesus Christ was the good pleasure of the Will of God in his Decree Ephes 1. 5. and actual Conversion by the Word is the Operation also of the Will of God Jam. 1. 18. which bringeth forth a Birth in the new Man of the same likeness Psal 110. 3. Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power and by this the truth of all Obedience is measured Isa 1. 19. It is also the first thing the Spirit of God hath in its eye and which doth in a way of Acceptation fill up the defect of all other Service 2 Cor. 8. 12. The State of Death in Sin is Captivity to the Will of Satan and the Flesh and Subjection to the Will of God is the First-born from the Dead it first appears and so goes on as the living Token of true Christianity and never ceaseth till 't is filled with the Fulness of God who brought it forth and so it is the undoing Principle to Flesh and Blood and captivates Fear Care and Bondage into the Liberty of Jesus Christ the Eternal Son of God and makes Christ and a Believer no longer twain but one in the Union and Operation of the Spirit whereby the Dominion and sure Protection of God secures the Soul as the Waters cover the Sea Here I stick and here I groan Alas alas for this day of the Lord Oh for this day spring from on high to reveal this light and breath in the Life of this renewed Understanding and Will from the rolling bowels of his own Grace and Spirit I am sick yea I am sick my Pen shakes my heart quivers with desire after this renewing Work Give way O Carnal Mind of Unbelief Darkness Sin and Vanity that my heart may faint away into the bosom of this changing Power of the Spirit of Christ who has redeemed it This glorius Work of renewing The use of the Scriptures the Mind is carried on by the eternal Word of God by which he made the World All Creating Work is effected through the eternal Word the Son of God by the eternal Spirit from the everlasting Father in which God is all in all This eternal Word hath declared himself by a word of Faith Reconciliation and Comfort contained and expressed in a way suitable to the Capacity of Humane Sense Reason and Understanding in the Scriptures that so the incomprehensible Will of God might look into the heart of Man through the inlets of natural Sense and the faculties of a natural Mind making them subservient in this renewing Change Therefore is it made visible to the eye and receivable by the ear retainable by the memory and meditable by the heart in the use of the Scriptures and so doth in a rational way by Reproofs Instructions Convincements and Comforts bring forth the new Creature and hold it in a Spiritual Union and Fellowship with the Father Son and Spirit through a daily Increase tending to the
terrible to me nor to any of the Race thou hast redeemed from Death Let the Agonies of Death be pleasing to me in Christ Oh the Dolour the unspeakable Anger of God we have not drank of it O the intollerable Wrath of God born by that Man meaning Jesus Christ O the woful Travel of Christ we have took up but a little of it and that hath made Repentance slight and holy Care trivial And now O Lord thou reckonest with me for undervaluing of that bloody Agony Lord forgive me my Guilt in this thing I have not been a Christian in earnest as I ought Oh he that made himself the bottom of all sorrow he suffered infinitely Oh such a Redeemer Oh such a Redeemer alas how unsuitable have I been to him Lord pardon my unsuitableness I have been as a Beast before thee I have not come up to answer the Call of that unutterable Grace And now O Lord I cannot stand in the Battel I cannot now the Arrows of Death stick in my Flesh and I cannot bear it without great Concussions of Soul within me But O! O! O thou who art the God of all Grace who art got upon the Kingdom of Grace and art the Head of that Kingdom wilt thou now shew thy Glory Make Death sweet make the Tendencies to Death sweet make every step to Deliverance a pleasing step O my God Save thy Worm save thy Worm O my God according to thy Promises made to Jacob I hearken what the Lord will say he will speak Peace in the Blood of Jesus Sustain me O Lord sustain me Thou art my Friend as thou spakest to Abraham thou art my Friend Dost thou love me Dost thou at this time love me with thy whole heart and with thy whole Soul Dost thou love me more than my nearest and dearest Friends Than those intimate Relations here that continue with me in my Tribulation With a more inward intense Love with an Infiniteness beyond all these Lord let me know that thou lovest me in very Deed let me know that thou knowest me by Name let me know that thou hast an eye upon me more than Doctors and Friends let me know that every Act of thine towards me is the effect of thy Love Love me Oh now with thy whole heart Oh make me to believe it Help me to apprehend that thou dost take notice of me and art with me every Moment with me as to my present Case and Concernment 'T is dead Friendship when Friends cannot hear nor see one another but sure there is another Friendship between thee and thine and thou standest in Relations to them Art not thou my Father Hath not the Church said so Lord thou art our Father Thou art my Husband my Brother my Friend and art not ashamed to be called my Brother Oh wonderful Thou begattest me I am born of thee Lord what shall I do with the great things of the Gospel if thou dost not give forth the Spirit of Faith O Lord wilt thou who art Truth who art Life who art certain wilt thou take the great work of my practical Religion upon thee Thou canst make it to be in Power and Truth unto me as may answer the very design thou aimest at I have been praying through the days of thy drawing me after thee O Lord I would come to that kind of praying while I am here in the World as might be a lovely Copy of that praying of that Converse that will be with thee in Heaven Will Prayer altogether cease in Heaven No surely Lord glorifie thy self glorifie thy self glorified be God Oh Oh that the very Life and Soul of that state then may now be begun Oh that I might hasten to that state Thou detainest me here in thy Wisdom I would go unto thee and into that Life which will most glorifie thee eternally I would go where Life is and no Death I would go where the fullest expressions of the power of Grace overcoming Sinners may be patent and manifest in me even in me who am a poor Mortal There be many things that I have found here that are Likenesses to pure Likeness to thee and here I have lost wofully my way Lord open it The heart is deceitful above all things and it will have its working one way or other but Lord I would go where there is Purity I would go where there is Purity without Impurity I would be with thee Lord for then I can speak to thee in thine own Language better At about Two of the Clock that day in the Afternoon he further extended his Speech as followeth The old World will be the old World still it will remain to Eternity it will be only translated from hence where it received its Curse to Hell to be in Chains of Darkness for ever but all the redeemed number shall be instated in their Palaces of Glory I am in the very Period of Wonders I am in the very Period of viewing Death and Life I am under some Sufferings and they shall be sweet And speaking to himself said Thou shalt lie down in thy Bed And then speaking to God Thou wilt not throw me into the Grave in Anger thou wilt put me into the Grave Thou wilt not say Sleep there in Death thou wilt say Sleep there a little till the Indignation be over-past till that is inflicted on thee for Sin which was pronounced and that that passed away from Christ shall pass from me Lord thou wilt not be unfaithful to thy Word God cannot lie God cannot forget to be gracious he cannot forget his own Work This is that God I desire to believe in and resolve eternally to cling upon with the Truth of my whole heart I have sinned and thou hast pardoned me and saved me with a high hand Help me in this hour take away my fears The last stroak that will be given will be by the Devil himself because it is his last Battel and thou wilt permit him but thou wilt bind him and when thou hast unclinch'd his hands he shall never clinch again He is that last Enemy from Conversion to Salvation Lord wilt thou who hast been destroying this Enmity all along now cause his Enmity to appear to be destroyed and turned into Powder and Rottenness O Have at it have at it I pray thee The strength the might the power of the Life of Sin and Darkness Lord thou didst promise to plague Antichrist for all the Plagues that he hath plagued thine O Lord do thou pour out thy Plagues upon him whilst thou dost sustain him to be fighting his last Battel Let him fight his Battel but let him O God drink of the Rivers of thy Wrath along with it Let the Weak overcome the Strong let thy People be Lyons but let the Devil be an enfeebled Enemy Serve thy self of all thy Instruments whatever they are Lord let them do thee the utmost Service of their Capacity Thy proper Instruments Oh make them glorious make them
kept up a rare thirst through his goodness after him and a delight in the ways of his communications But I would not it is not for me to speak these things you should be vain in your own conceit But go on I see the Foundation laid he will never leave you be at rest And now study the great mystery of the Gospel of which you have a large notion but I would have you turn every notion into a practical work a practical acting into a practical use I would have you turn it all and labour to do it every day that what you believe may be so to you as substance and not Air and the Lord will visit you and help you Your Nature is timorous and fearful but God coming in to fill your Soul with Faith and fill Faith with powerful workings you will have a great Friend at every turn to be for you to be with you for you will be able to trust God when you see not why nor wherefore to trust to his promise c. His Speech and Charge to his only Child was as followeth MARY I and you must part I and you must part I leave you behind me in the World and my Prayer to God is to keep my child to teach my child to keep you and to make your heart to be full of love to spiritual things that you may not be befooled of your Soul that you may not be befooled of Heaven that you may not perish like a Fool. And I charge you I charge you I charge you in the name of God who is your Judge that you hearken attentively to all the Counsel of your Dear Mother and do not play it away bable and trifle it away see you do it for your everlasting good and concernment and be obedient to her and do not only be fondling but hearken seriously to her Counsel and take it in MARY come to me that I may give you one Kiss I am about to kiss you and this Kiss must be a witness of my true desire of your good I Kiss you in love and my very Kiss will be a witness against my Child if you do not tread in the steps of your PARENTS such as you have observed to be good O my dear Child be not careless therein I leave you now to the conduct of him who is my conducter To a Christian Friend who said we must be willing to part with you you have a Pisga-sight of Canaan he replied I think I am at the very end and yet I do not go out all the day long I am thirsting O blessed be my God I am perswaded he will perform all that concerneth me To another Christian Friend at his taking leave of him he said thus I expect again to see you and an innumerable company more of Saints c. He further spake with respect to his languishing Body If I could have something or other to refresh my Body if the Lord saw it fit but the whole Earth I think is insufficient for it April 25. This day being Wednesday which proved the day of his Death in the Morning he spake to a dear Friend a Minister saying The blessing of the everlasting Gospel be upon you the Lord be with you And about Eleven of the Clock he began to Change having several Agonies and between them he desired to be prayed for saying Lift up a Prayer for me and speak that I may hear you For whatsoever ye shall ask on Earth shall be granted in Heaven let then the Earth be full of Prayer And coming out of another fit said Hitherto hath the Lord helped me I am in the hand of God I am in his hand and under his promise the end of this affliction is in the hand of my God the Lord enable me to abide his Will And the 5th Fit or Agony which was ' twixt four and five of the Clock in the Afternoon he in that Breathed out his Soul into the Arms and Embraces of his dear Lord and Redeemer retaining his senses to the last for even a little before his Decease his Wife asking him how he did he answered with great composure I am almost Dead and desired to be lifted up a little higher which were the last words he spake and a few moments preceding his Departure he opened wide his Eyes and immediately closed them again and so Expired FINIS ERRATA PAge 7. line 16. read see for let p. 10. l. 26. dele and p. 29. l. 32. r. person for perso p. 35. l. 8. del word of the p. 61. l. 8. r. Vail for Vale p. 62. l. 9. r. therein for thereon p. 63. l. 15. r. very for ve p. 70. l. 3. r. converse for dally p. 100. l. 5. r. expatiating for expiating p. 104. l. 34. del he p. 124. l. 28. add him p. 143. l. 15. r. hast for has p. 160. l. 18. add he p. 188. l. 1. r. means for mens p. 203. l. 19. r. floweth for followeth p. 213. l. 14. r. clouds for glouds p. 306. l. 11. r. heart for heat p. 313. l. 5. r. omnipotent for omnipent p. 328. l. 23. r. the for lhe p. 327. l. 3. add not And for any other literal Errors or false Pointings which are very few and inconsiderable the Reader is desired to Correct
of Body or Mind as are suitable to such work 3. Let not the Thoughts be inrodinately devoured in it and to that end 4. Force the heart to read and meditate the Scriptures with more seriousness and labour for an inward value thereof above any other labour or study 5. Judge not any useful Labour Work or Study to be materially evil because your inordinate Affection about it is sinful but rather regulate your desires to Moderation and a right end in what you do 6. Be contented in the measure of your Attainment 7. View the excellency of God in Christ appearing in all created Skill Excellency and Worth Strive to wind up your heart by Creature-Excellencies instantly to a more actual Enjoyment of them as his Gift only and so to himself as the Fountain of Perfection Thus have I been wrestling with a Monster bred in my own Bowels but O Captain of my Salvation breath Truth Faith Vertue and Blessing upon these Meditations or else all my labour is lost and my enquiry into my disease spent in vain Every good and perfect Gift comes down from above and therefore my eyes are to the Hills from whence comes my help Let not the Poor return ashamed of his Hope I leave my Success upon thy hands who hast redeemed me O Lord God of Truth And seeing a gracious God hath favoured me thus far to drill me along sometimes wooing sometimes reproving sometimes comforting and confirming me in the various roulings of my heart in these Meditations from time to time I would now lean upon him to make good all the movings of his Spirit in my heart and issue forth from himself through Christ by his Spirit a suitable Supply according as my daily need and proneness to decay doth require that it may be evidenced to my Soul that these Meditations how much frailty soever I have been laden with under them were not meer Humane Labour and Invention but that the Breath of the Holy Spirit hath been in some true measure present And therefore O thou who art the God of all my Hope be pleased to cause all that love to and desire after pure Union and Fellowship with thee in Christ which hath been at any time working towards thee in any of these Meditations and at any other time to be purged from my personal Guilt that cleaves to the best thing which I do And vouchsafe a Return of my desires from the Throne of Grace as far as any exercise of Spirit in me hath been acceptable in thy sight through my dear Redeemer That whether I sleep or wake the groanings of thy Spirit may be acceptable before thee day and night and though my heart be vile yet let it still be as a Garden watered by thy hand a Soul which the Lord careth for Bring me through the great Waters that one day I may be utterly and eternally delivered from every evil work inward and outward and purely serve love and glorifie thee being presented spotless through Christ among that glorious Host of the Spirits of just Men made perfect LETTERS 1638. To D. B. N o 1. YOur Letter I very gladly received and 't is no small delight to me to see that your eyes are towards Heaven and your desires to the fear of your Maker Before I was hopeful but now I am confident And being the beautiful Light of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ hath enlightned your Soul and purified your Conscience from dead works to serve the living God seeing 't is thus fear not only be strong Be thrifty of your time exact in your course spiritual in your aim bearing about an undaunted Triumph in believing One thing among the rest not unneedful I must advise you that you set your self to pluck up your Spirits and be of a lively heart getting what necessary insight into the World you can that you may the better get within the humours of all people to understand the better how to carry your self in what condition of life soever you shall be in to your own comfort and the shunning of unnecessary Reproach or Contempt but contrarily Credit and Esteem of all even of them that are without The Exercise of Worldly Wisdom Policy Skill and utmost Endeavour must be used albeit not depended on nor the Corruptions of the World practised Something I do the rather write this way as conceiving some other Course of Life will befall you ere long than at present you are in yet still keep close to Almighty God and whereas others in their Course on Earth and creditable Conversation here do sacrifice to their Wits Boldness Contrivance and the like do you endeavour and pray that you may sacrifice to the Will Wisdom and Assistance of God in Heaven made over to you in the Merits of Christ undoubtedly The Lord be with us and grant us unearthly Hearts and Conversations whatever may hereafter betide us There is no Rock like our Rock no God like our God to him I commit my self and you for an everlasting Support 1639. To D. B. N o 2. HAving such an opportunity I could not but write you a few Lines and all that I have to say is Cast your self upon God in Jesus Christ Eat his Flesh and drink his Bloud Be with him upon the Cross be with him ascended into Heaven by the one to be discharged from the Clamours of the Law and the Guiltiness of Conscience by the other to triumph in Assurance of Victory over Sin and Sorrow This Implanting into the Son is by Faith this Life of Faith is fed by Meditation of the Mystery with Prayer and attentive Reading and Hearing with good Conference with experienced Believers and Use of the Sacraments These things I believe your heart doth ponder but we are bound to put one another in mind And next seek and strive in your Service to be laborious faithful discreet separate not the Service of Christ from the Service of your Master serve one in the other strive mightily to temper them well one with the other and then what you put your hand unto do it with all your might c. 1646. To B. J. D N o 3. I Know you are under great Suffering and what word of Comfort or Counsel to write to you I know not only this that it is of the Lord as Jonah was not to be angry you are not to be tortured with Grief That one that two Gourds are withered together Morality and Reason do plead for Patience and Content but your interest in the Maker and Heir of all things may truly argue it much more He that gave you them at first has now called them away The Giver lives though the Gift be withdrawn The Comforter is the same and the substance though the Comfort be removed and the Leaves fallen Haply your thoughts are Where are they Whither gone At rest or not Consider whose eye saw them before they were formed in the Womb the everlasting Decree had disposed of them
give me a fit measure of suitable Grace and that he would preserve and continue it I earnestly desire you to pray that I may be preserved so as to do nothing unbecoming my dear Lord. Then he proceeded further to say Christ will lose none of his he will ransack Heaven and Earth rather than any one of his shall miscarry yea it will pain him to lose any part of his Flesh I have been like Jonah in the Whales Belly now for many days Again he said Christians are never more like themselves as Christians than when they are in Converse about spiritual things things above and there are no Relations to be compared with spiritual Relations After that he said The Lord hath postured my Body unfit for the Means applied for its Cure To one speaking to him Sir you are going to a blessed Eternity and what would you have us to do in this wicked World He replied Get into a holy God April 5. He expressed himself thus I shall have liberty I shall have liberty Good good good is the Lord These things will have an end they will have an end After that he would have Joh. 4. ch read to him which when read said The Lord help me to ponder it After which he would have Joh. 5. ch read For said he all is good News which when read he desired in like manner the 6th Chapter following to be read over after which he spake thus Here we see what a great deal of work our Lord did in a little time and take him for your Example Be nimble in your actings in getting him to be yours You see the Case of a dying Friend I have endeavoured to live Jesus Christ and to be found in him both in Life and in Death I desire that you speaking to Friends standing about him will make it your Request that I may never be ashamed of my Hope and that I may have an abundant Entrance given me into the everlasting Kingdom and the like I pray for all the new born of God April 11. He spake to a Friend near him thus There wil be huge doings shortly God will be known as he is Pray look up to God that I may have some distinct thoughts in Consideration such as may be profitable April 13. He said I have none but thy self O Lord How long how long April 14. In the Afternoon he groaned something much in his Sleep and awaking said I have had some trouble in my Spirit This dogged Enemy meaning Satan would make me very wretched and so I am Upon which one by him replied 'T is recorded in Scripture My Covenant will I not break c. And he said I know he will not but this Enemy is so dogged that when I begin to fix my thoughts on any good thing he endeavours to disturb me that I cannot maintain my Communion with God as I would To D. P. his Physician telling him that God seemed now to be taking of him away he presently replied Blessed be his holy Name he leaves me not and he will never leave me And he further said to him I thank you for all your great kindness the Lord return it you giving you in his very heart After that said I have heard and read much of Death and the Attendants of it and now I come to experience the very thing it self even what that great Change is To another dear Friend he spake thus It would be a great sight to see two mighty Angels make a bustle together having equal Assistance on the one side and on the other But what will it be to see the God of Angels setting all his glorious Retinue in Battel Array This ere long will be seen and the Gospel will not be handled only in Pulpits as now but the Glory of it will shine far and near filling the whole World with its Lustre April 15. In the Morning he uttered himself thus I lie at ease and my Soul shall dwell at ease If the Lord would have me to be the last Man that should suffer in this World I would through his divine Grace and Help willingly submit to his Will therein However if it might be I have an earnest longing to have now a Cast given me into the other World In the Afternoon of that day about two of the Clock he began as was observed to speak more distinctly and with such an even audible Voice that it was noted down verbatim as he spoke viz. Oh how good is it to get into God How good is it to have all the terms of the Covenant of Grace ratified between God and the Soul Lord let thy Righteousness be my Lodging my Delight my Joy let me have sweet and intimate Communion with thee Thou hast called me O Lord I come to thee O Lord I come to thee let all the Grace promised to thy People in this passage be given to me Temptations are many Vanities are many away with them because Christ came to remove all Vanity to remove all Sin Oh let thy Truth let the Sealing of thy Word be to my Soul as refreshing Waters of Life Oh for solid Acquaintance with thee intimate Communion with thee as between Father and Son as between thee and one that is thy Child begotten of thee now at the end of all things Oh shine forth Temptations will be working whatsoever they can Now Lord glorifie thy abounding Grace Now O Lord let the Grace of Christ shine like a burning Lamp Now let me be as one climbing up to the top of the Mount Be with me and with them I leave behind and let them be found in thee in the day of Christ And Oh let the Majesty Greatness and Solemnity of spiritual things be kept up in the World and let Christ reign and be very conspicuous and his People also and let him save his Church and redeem it Be with all thine I cannot pray as I should But wilt thou who openest the mouth and fillest the heart wilt thou who knowest thine own Mind and Will wilt thou accomplish all the designs of thy Grace to thy own Glory and fulfil the desires of all that fear thee and all in Christ My own God my own God and may I have no other God but thee My graciosu God now be with me Lord what thou dost mean reveal it to me in thy good time and let me be significant for thee some way Here I am even bound up having no strength no capacity If I be for another World reveeal thy Mind Now I am incapacitated I cannot think thoughts consistent one with another I am as one in a great part dead all the while I live But Lord let me be a living Server of thee who wilt have living Service from all thine O Lord be the Conductor the near Conductor of them I leave behind me Carry my Yoak-fellow in thine own Arms and our Off-spring with her and be with my gracious Friends thou hast made to tender me and
be able to speak to the hearing of the ends of the whole Heavens O the Melody of that great day when Saints and Angels innumerable shall be the Pronouncers Oh never such Melody Melody that may be heard Millions of Years Millions of Miles O Lord keep me in my present work till thou callest me to future work and prepare me for the glorifying of thee for ever Help me in this instant help me leave me not now help me through this Thicket graciously Lord graciously deal with me at my Dissolution that nothing but Actings of Love and Grace may be shining upon Me. I leave me with thee I desire to do it perfectly April 19. He spake to one that had watched with him the foregoing Night You see how it is with me You are young the Lord affect your heart with a true sense of your eternal State that you may not be befooled of your immortal Soul by a tempting Devil and a tempting World Some space after he took occasion to say It makes my Soul ashamed within me sometimes that I have had the whole Book of all God's Promises and Covenant before me and do believe that there is mine Inheritance and yet to be in such a posture as I am Alas to be made the Children of the Most High and to live like Fools it should make the Soul long to have the utmost of the Grace promised I expect every night and every day and every piece of a day to be gone that when-ever any Qualm comes upon me I am ready to think this is the time and yet I find in my self a natural Reluctancy against Death that I would and I would not but where-ever my Damp my Black my Disquiet is it ariseth from some Tardiness in my Soul to my God I have a great desire to be freed from my Burthens and to be in that State I greatly long for but yet I would willingly that God should pitch my Stakes and determine the matter God's Wisdom and his Goodness goes together for God's Attributes do not cross one another I ought to have a Manly Walk with God it is not a crouching crimbling childish foolish unexpert Walk By Manly I mean to weigh things as they are in the grave Discovery of Scripture Surely I long to be in the Fountain to see it and be for ever in it To one asking him how he did he said It is a great Mercy that my Mind abides in any Conjuncture and that the Wheels of the Clock do not fall all out of order I cannot now converse but I think the Trade meaning the Heavenly Trade goes on and the Lord make it a smart Trade Lord teach me how frail I am all things are best known by Experience as Learning is obtained by Observation Rules and Precepts April 20. Finding himself exceeding faint and weak said I could now lie down and say This is my last if the Lord saw it fit having much ado to retain Life To a Christian Friend that came to visit him he said Blessed be the Lord for the Covenant of Grace and the Surety of that Covenant where our stay is All Goodness all Mercy all Peace c. The way and method God takes he himself hath cut out but what his scope is in this my present Case I do not know Afterward it being told him of the death of an aged Relation who lived to above fourscore Years he spake to this effect Is he dead with whom I never had the opportunity seriously to converse with in the things of a spiritual World Surely this is the time to do any thing for God and to be helpful to others The Lord bless the Providence to that poor Woman his Wife To another Friend taking leave and saying The Lord be with you I hope he will carry you to your Journeys end he replied I hope he will I believe he will never leave me nor forsake me To another poor Christian he gave this Counsel Cling upon Christ and he will never leave you I cannot say much but be sure of that follow hard after Christ and he will never leave you That is all my Experience all that I have been a learning of the Truth and Faithfulness of God these scores of Years Only love him only obey him entirely seek him pray to him much for that is the only likeliest way and I never heard of any that did it faithfully and was lost Then he prayed O my God be near me suffer nothing to miscarry through the All-sufficiency of thy infinitely great Grace To a dear Friend that came to visit him telling him that he was very much upon the hearts of the People of God who prayed for him he replied these words That one heart of Christ sets other hearts awork He farther said I am glad to see you upon account of former Intimacy but I chiefly rejoyce that you have found the same God in Prayer that I have done and that you are hankering after the same Fountain and Spring and cannot live without it as God hath given me also an unwearied Reach after and upon these Grounds I am glad to see you My dear Friend fare you well the Lord be with you To a Relation he spake thus Spring to Heaven though for your springing you spring out of the Body and leave it behind you Let us look to it lest you and I fall short of our Hope Multitudes of Professors standing aloof off have lost their way they have lost their work they have lost their end Our opportunity is as clear in our hand now as ever it was in the hand of David or Paul or any of the Saints of God that lived before us Oh how do I love to see Grace grow in Friends in Relations c. The Lord be with you and carry you and make your Affliction to be a sanctified Affliction that in a little while you may not have any burthen but may see your Salvation and have it April 21. To another Visitant he spake thus I may not stand wondering meaning in reference to his long Sickness but yet I may wonder indeed that ever God made me a Man that ever he made me a rational Creature that ever he brought me forth into the World where the Gospel was and that he hath told me that he will save me for ever Oh that I could wonder admire and adore it You duggle up and down and so I have done heretofore and here we walk over but a little Ground and if we obtain little or much it is but a little got in a little Ground and we have therein trouble But Oh what is it to flee over the whole Heavens and to be every where in God and in Christ In all other good things relating only to this Life all the pleasure we have in seeking them is to think how pleasurable they will be to us when obtained But the delight and pleasure of spiritual things lie much in the very seeking of them
glorious both in Qualification and Action and those that are improper Instruments that are not Instruments of thy delight cause them to do thy Will for all that work that is proper for them and proper to be used upon thy People for the intents of thy Glory towards them so that the Work of God may thrive in the World and thy Glory be mightily exalted O thy Majesty thy Kingdom thy Greatness and Excellency Oh that thou wouldst be wonderfully glorious in thy Actings Thy Nature is so and thy Actings do proceed from infinite Excellency and Glory Oh let God be glorified Oh let God be glorified And now thou hast brought me and others forth at the Close of the World we lay asleep in silence we were not formed in the Womb till of late and much of the great Volume of the World thou hadst past away before we saw it and now we come at the Close into the World a while that we may stand in our Lots and appear to be the Tokens of thy Remembrance of us before the Volumes of many Generations Now thou hast me upon the Stage and hast had me long and now thou seemest to be taking me hence O Lord thousands of Kindnesses I have had from thee and thou hast not had from me any suitable Thanks O Lord take me out of this Body send me into the Land of Truth where there is nothing but Purity Holiness and Righteousness Sometimes I begin a little to be amazed at my unsuitable Actings towards thee in the day of Grace But Lord thou wouldst carry things so that I might know my Case saved indeed The best of all good things thou hast given me and thou hast preserved me whole but alas I must travel all the way with a dead Carcase and be within the scent the stench of it Ah woful Savour And this hath made grievous Spoil Thou savest me and yet I carry that along with me that is my constant Destruction as a continual Combatant till I see thy Salvation Thou lovest me all over and hatest the least Sin that is in me all over And now Lord thou comest to shew me what the Issue of these things are Little thou shewest me yet that little is glorious Oh for the Son of God to come into the World to be joyned to me in the nearest Conjunction to assume the same Nature and to unite me to himself that he might display the insuperable Power of his own Righteousness for my Righteousness for my Justification We have reason to think the Heavens will declare it even this to an Eternity and this is past upon me I can hardly endure a little at a Dissolution But O the power the strength the greatness of this great Glory things out of my sight and but a little before me Oh what are they and where are they that have the whole Shine of the Grace of the Gospel upon them Where they are thou knowest and every one of thy number shall know they are not lost they are treasured up Lord help me throughout this little Period of Suffering Here I am seeming to me to be just taking leave of this poor Body that hath been wandring up and down some Years Dear God wilt thou be pleased to help me Thou helpedst me all along now help me that I may have such thoughts as becomes an Heir of Life that my Faith may not fail that my Soul may not be desolate that my Mind may not be dark Lord save me from the wonted Assaults of Satan now I know not for how many days or how many nights thou hast designed me Dear Lord let me have thy special Presence with me and a heart formed to thy Contrivance and let me not contrive for my self I know not the effects of this night If I shall period my days this night let it be in Divine Rest I have no other Period but to be in God to be in Christ There is no Issue of this Conflict but to overcome by the Blood of the Lamb. Now I leave my self with thee be with me and be with all thy dear Zion Be with that beloved Spouze whom thou hast redeemed from the Earth and this by means of the Contrivance of thy Grace in Christ who lives and will live and is the beginning of the Creation of God and was ever so There is a Promise of Truth fulfil it O true God My People shall be all holy verifie it O God verifie thine own Truth thy Word hath said it My People shall be all holy Lord thou hast a People thou hast sure a People and thy People thou hast said shall be known or else there would be no discovery of thy Truth in Promises of thy Truth in Threatnings And O Lord this thou hast said that there is the greatest difference between thy People and their Concerns and others that ever was Thou wilt be known in Jacob Now Lord be thou pleased to make it known that we are thine and let it be made known to all We were tricked and beguiled away from thee at first but now we are grafted into Life by that that was not a Slight but a Reallity the mightiest Reality that ever Sun Moon and Stars saw that ever Angels saw that is the thing I yearn towards I rest me in God here a little while I am in the Spirit waiting minutely momently when he will say Come and retire to be with me eternally Oh that I should see the Door a little aslope a little ajar he hath promised it no where as I know but in a way of opening yea wide open to give Deliverance because his very heart is in it With him are no half-opened Doors nor half-hearted Entertainment Yet a little while and we shall say that Fulness is come and the Compleatment of all All Israel shall be saved and that will come on creeping apace now now it is coming to me Oh now let there be no blind Child of God Oh now no lazy Child of God Oh now for winged Saints Oh for those that mount and soar that may answer what hath been promised in the Book of the Revelation The Spirit will have a time to do it when Sloth shall be by the Spirit of Life turned into Industry when the Love of God shall be seven times more when the Glory of Christ's Image shall be as when the Sun shineth seven times brighter Will God always be scarcely known in the Earth Will the God of all that Grace that shines in Men be himself obscured No no. How kind is he to poor Sinners in this dim state He longs to be glorified and to glorifie himself and his Children shall be like their high Calling And Oh that this might make my Soul insatiably longing for this Purity in its fulness I adore him for any little Thirst O the good time when the Heavens shall shrill with the Voices of all the Redeemed Hearts and Tongues O the Melody when every redeemed Tongue shall