this and your Reuerence will expresse it better and will vnfold all that which you may find obscure and I not know how to deliuer It seemed to me indeed in some respects that it was an Image or distinct representation which I saw but in manie other no but rather that it was Christ our Lord himself considering the excessiue kind of claritie wherewith he vouchsafed to impart himself to me And yet sometimes it was after so vndistinct a manner that me thought it was a Representation or Image but yet still not like those designes and draughts or Pictures of things which are made heer how perfect soeuer they may be for I haue seen both very manie and very good ones of this kind But it is a very great impertinencie to conceiue that anie one of them comes home to the life but how well soeuer they be drawne they will neuer yet ariue to reach the Naturall in all respects for in fine the one is aliue and the other is dead But let vs lay this aside though yet the relation of one to the other hold very well And still I say not that I frame a Comparison between Christ our Lord himself and that which I sayd I saw for Comparisons neuer agree so perfectly and entirely as these two things did But the truth is that there is the same difference in what I saw from anie Image which there is between a thing that liues and a thing which is painted And if you will needs haue this to haue been an Image I am sure it was a liuing Image and not a dead man but Christ aliue and it giues me also to vnderstand that he is both God Man and that not so as he was layd in the Sepulcher but as he was afterwards in the Resurrection And sometimes he comes with such an immense kind of Maiestie that no Creature can be able to doubt but that it is our verie Lord himself and especially after my receauing the Blessed Sacrament for then we know well that he is there since we vnderstand it by Faith and this seemes to be the same Lord with that An he shewes himself then for so true and entire a Lord of that little house that the whole Soule sees her self to be euen dissolued consumed and annihilated in Christ our Lord. Deare IESVS and how should one be able to giue the heigth of that Maiestie to be vnderstood wherewith thou comest to shew thy self in these occasions and how absolutly doth the Soule resolue that thou art the Lord of the whole world and of the Heauens and of a thousand worlds and of innumerable Heauens and worlds which thou caust create considering that high Maiestie with which thou representest thy self to her For then she knowes that all this world is iust nothing in respect of that whereof thou deseruest to haue dominion Heer O my IESVS doth the Soule see very clearly that it is but a beggarlie kind of power which the Diuels haue in comparison of thine and how he who is so happie as to please thee may tread all the power of Hell vnder his feet Heer the Soule findes the reason which the Diuels had to tremble when thou didst descend to Limbus Patrum and how they would haue wished to haue been rather in thousands of other and lower Hells then to haue endured the sight of so high a Maiestie as thine But I perceiue that thou art heer disposed to let our Soules see how potent thou art and how great the power of thy most Sacred Humanitie is when it is accompanied by thy Diuinitie Heer is it well represented what kind of thing the Day of Iudgement will be where we shall see the mightie Maiestie of this King and behold his great rigour towards the wicked Heer is true Humilitie layd vp and left in the Soule by seeing her owne miserie whereof now she can be ignorant no longer Heer that confusion and true repentance for Sinne where euen when she is seeing how greatly our Lord shewes her his loue yet knowes she not where to dispose of her self but is as it were euen annihilated outright I say this kind of Vision is of so excessiue power and strength when our Lord is pleased to shew a Soule so eminent a portion of his Maiestie and greatnes by it that I hold it for an impossible thing vnlesse our Lord should be pleased to assist her by making her remaine in Rapt and Extasis and so to loose the Vision of that Diuine presence by the act of enioying that anie mortall Creature should be able to endure it at the present though yet afterward it is no impossible thing to forget it And yet still this can not be wholy forgotten in regard that that Maiestie and Beautie is so very deeply imprinted there but only when our Lord is pleased that the Soule shall suffer some such great kind of drynes and solitude as I will declare afterward for then it seemes that euen one forgets Almightie God himself But howsoeuer the Soule is growne now to be clearly another kind of thing then what she was before and is alwaies as it were euen steeped and bathed in Almightie God and there seemes in my opinion to be a new and more liuelie kind of Loue communicated to her in a very high degree For though that kind of Vision aforesayd which I declared to represent Almightie God without anie Image be a thing more sublime and high in it self yet for the making it continue long in our memorie and to entertaine and keep our thoughts well employed so great is the weaknes of our condition that it makes very much to our purpose when so Diuine a Presence as that of our Blessed Lord is represented and lodged in the Imaginatiue part of our Minde And therefore these two kinds of Visions are wont to come alwaies togeather And indeed it is thus that they come For the excellencie and beautie and glorie of the most Holie Humanitie of Christ our Lord is beheld with the eyes of the Soule And by that other way which is now declared we grow to be giuen to vnderstand that he is God and powerfull yea and omnipotent and that he commands and gouernes all things and that his loue doth euen replenish them all This kind of Vision is to be valued at a very high rate and it is also in my opinion without danger for in fine it is discerned by the effects that the Diuel hath no power at all heerin And yet it is true that three or foure seuerall times he hath had a minde to represent our Lord himself to me after this manner that is to say by way of such a false kind of representation For he takes the forme of Flesh but it comes not within the compasse of his power to counterfeit it with anie such kind of glorie as when it is indeed of Almightie God The Diuel is wont to make certaine representations for the destroying of some true
Teresa and of those happie Daughters of hers vvho already beganne to liue vnder her Rule And these are his verie vvords I neuer saw nor knew the Blessed Mother Teresa of Iesus vvhilst yet she vvas in this world but now vvhen she liues in Heauen I know her and doe in effect continually see her in two liuing Images or Pictures of her self which she left amongst vs and those are her Daughters her Bookes vvhich serue also in my opinion for very faithfull witnesses and superiour to all kind of exception concerning the proofe of her great vertue For if I had but seen the figure and features of her face they vvould haue informed me but of that part of her Bodie And if I had heard her speake and discourse that might also haue declared some part of the vvorth of her Minde But the first vvould haue been common to others the second might haue been subiect to errour to vvhich these other are not subiect in vvhich I see her now For as Salomon saith A man may be knovvne by his children And the fruits vvhich anie one leaues behind him vvhen he goes out of the vvorld are the true testimonies of the life vvhich he led vvhen he vvas heer And so we see that Christ our Lord himself vvhen he was pleased in the holie Ghospel to put a difference between the Good and the Bad addresses men to consider their Fruits for By their Fruits saith he you shall knovv them So that the Vertue and Sanctitie of Mother Teresa vvhich might perhaps haue seemed questionable doubtfull to me vvhen I should haue seen her heer the same I hold to be both very euident and very certaine whilst now I see her not by the view vvhich I haue of her both in her Daughters in those Bookes vvhich she hath left behind her For by the vertue vvhich shines so brightly in all those Daughters of hers vve come to know vvithout anie errour at all the great abundance of grace vvhich it pleased Almightie God to vouchsafe to her whome he would ordaine to be the Mother of this new Miracle And really that deserues to be held for no lesse then a Miracle vvhich vve see our Blessed Lord to be doing daily both in them and others by their meanes Nay if that must goe for a Miracle vvhich happens beyond the naturall course order of things there are in this particular so manie of them vvhich are both new and extraordinarie as that to call them but a Miracle vvere to say little for they are rather an assemblie and heape of Miracles For it is one Miracle that a single Woeman alone should haue reduced an Order both of Men Woemen to Perfection And a second that the Perfection to vvhich she brought them vvas so great and high And a third to find to vvhat a huge encrease it is growne in so very few yeares from so small beginnings And now euerie one of these three is a thing vvhich deserues particular consideration For if it belong not to Woemen to teach but to be taught as S. Paul affirmes it growes instantly to be a kind of Miracle that a weake sicklie Woeman should be so full of courage as euen to vndertake so great a vvorke as that and vvithall should be so full of vvisdome and efficacie as finally to preuaile therein and should be also able to steale the verie harts out of the bodies of them with who me she treated that so the might be able to giue them to Almighty God and carrie such multitudes of people after her towards the embracing of all such things as are apprehended and abhorred most by flesh and bloud Whereby me thinkes it appeares that in a time vvhen the Diuel pretends to triumph in the multitude of those Infidels vvho follow him and in the obstinacie of diuerse Hereticall Nations vvhich take part vvith him amongst the manie vices of loose Catholiques who range themselues also on his side the Maiestie of Almightie God vvould be pleased for the greater contempt and scorne of the Diuel to aduance and set before him not a Man who should be valiant learned but a poore single Woemā vvho should raise-vp and plant a Banner of Defiance against him and should publiquely draw people togeather vvho might conquer him and trample vpon him and euen turne him in fine out of doores And certainly he vvas also resolued that it should serue for a demonstration to the vvorld and that in a time vvhen so manie thousands of men vvere seeking to venture vpon the spoile of his Kingdome some by their erroneous vnderstandings and others by their depraued life and manners to proue how Mightie and Omnipotent he was by his introducing enabling a Woeman vvho should both illuminate the mindes and compose the affections and reforme the actions of manie and that her Children should daily grow-vp into greater numbers towards the reparation of those ruines Now in this as it vvere old age of his Church he hath been also pleased to shew vs that his Grace is not growne old and vveake and that the strength and vertue of his Holie Spirit is not lesse powerfull at this day then it was formerly in those happie times of the Primitiue Church Since now by certaine meanes vvhich are of an inferiour and vveaker kind then before he doth either the same or in effect the verie same vvhich he did then For to passe from the first Miracle to the second the Life vvhich your Reuerences lead and the Perfection vvherein your Holie Mother hath placed you vvhat is it but a picture of the Sanctitie of the Holie Primitiue Church For really that of vvhich vve read in the Histories of those times the self same thing doe vve see now vvith our verie eyes in your conuersation and proceeding And your Life demonstrates that by your actions and vvorkes vvhich hath lately through the little practise thereof seemed to be only found in papers and vvords And that vvhich being read makes men wonder yea and euen flesh and bloud doth hardly know how to beleiue we see to be all accomplished and performed by your Reuerence and your holie Communitie For how absolutly are you all vntyed and freed from vvhatsoeuer in fine is not God And how haue you offred your selues vp into the armes of your Celestiall Spouse in vvhome you howerly embrace one another vvith mindes of valiant men though in the bodies but of weake and delicate Woemen And how doe you put in execution the most high and generous kind of Christian Philosophie vvhich euer vvas so much as thought of by men and so ariue by your actions in order to a perfect life to the exercise of all Heroicall Vertue vvhere euen the witts of men haue scarce ariued with their Imagination For you make litter of all the riches of this world you haue Libertie in hatred Honour in contempt and you loue Humilitie and Mortification and all your attention and studie seemes euer
great preparation is also vsed and prouision made for euerie one of them who shall desire to enioy their Spouse Iesus-Christ our Lord hand to hand by liuing chearfully and euerlastingly in the sayd Rule For this is that verie thing which they are alwaies to resolue They alone with him alone and they are to be no more then thirteen for I see by the opinion of manie that this is fitt and I haue found it also to be true by experience That to preserue that Spirit which they haue and to liue of Almes without asking anie thing of anie Creature there will not be meanes for more And euer let them be beleiued best who with manie troubles of their owne and by meanes of the manie prayers of others procured that that might be done which was best And so also by the consideration of the great contentment and ioy and the very little care and trouble which we see euerie bodie to haue in this House as also by the much better health which now they haue then formerly they were wont to enioy it may be held and hoped that this course will fall-out to be most conueniēr And whosoeuer shall still conceaue that the way of life heer is too seuere and sharpe let him rather apply the fault to his owne want of Spirit then cast it vpon that Discipline which is obserued heer since persons who are of delicate constitution and haue no health of which to brag doe yet so easily obserue this Rule because they haue Spirit And let those others goe in God's name to some other Monasterie where they also may be saued according to the Spirit which they shall haue THE SEAVEN AND THIR TIETH CHAPTER She treates of the Effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her anie Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vve are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glorie more and hovv vve must not for anie trouble or paines forsake those benefits and blessings vvhich are euerlasting I Am loath to recount anie more of those Fauours which our Lord hath done me then such as I haue related already yea and euen they are more I doubt then need to be thought to haue been shewed to so miserable a Creature as my self but yet to obey our Lord who hath commanded it and your Reuerence also who expect it I will declare some things heer to his glorie And I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that it may serue for the profit of some Soule to see that our Blessed Lord would vouchsafe so highly to fauour so wretched a thing as I am for then what will he not doe for such others as shall procure to serue his Diuine Maiestie in good earnest And euerie bodie will so be encouraged heerby to giue our Lord contentment and gust since euen in this mortall life of ours he vouchsafes to impart to vs such assurances and euen pawnes of his loue But first it is heer to be vnderstood that in all these Fauours which Almightie God is pleased to doe to a Soule there is euer more glorie or lesse as he himself is pleased to impart it more or lesse For the glorie and gust and comfort which he imparts is so much more in some Visions then in other as that I was euen amazed to find so great difference of enioying euen in this life For it happens that there is so great an excellencie belonging to some one Regalo or gust which our Lord imparts in some one Vision or in some one Rapt that it seemes an impossible thing to be able so much as to desire anie thing beyond it in this life nor doth the Soule indeed desire more nor would euen wish for more ioy and gust though yet since our Blessed Lord hath been pleased to giue me to vnderstand how great the difference is in Heauen between the glory which is enioyed by some that which is enioyed by others I am come to see very clearly that euen heer also there are no set limits in giuing when our Lord pleases And so could I also wish that there were no limits set in my doing Seruice to his Diuine Maiestie but that I would employ my whole strength and health and life vpon it that so I might not loose the least imaginable proportion of my enioying anie Celestiall blessing through anie fault of mine And heerin I declare my self thus farre That if this choice should be offered me Whether I would be subiect to all afflictions of the world euen till the end of the same world and then ascend by that meanes to the enioying of neuer so little more glorie or els without anie affliction at all to enioy a little lesse glorie I would most willingly accept of all those troubles and afflictions for a little more enioying that so I might also vnderstand more of the greatnes of Almightie God because I see that he who vnderstands more of him doth both praise him and loue him so much the more I say not but that I should be fully contented and should esteem my self very happie to be in Heauen though it were but in the most inferiour place thereof for our Blessed Lord would shew an abundance of mercie thereby to such an one as had been designed to Hell-Fire as I was and I humbly pray his Diuine Maiestie that he will not cast his eye vpon my great Sinnes but that in fine I may goe to Heauen But that which I say is this That if our Lord would giue me grace to labour much for him and if I were able to doe it I would not vpon anie tearmes how much paine soeuer it might cost me forgoe the gaine of anie thing in the way of Celestiall glorie by my fault miserable Creature that I am who had once lost it all through mine owne great Sinnes But heer it is also to be noted that in euerie Fauour or Vision or Reuelation which our Lord allowed me my Soule did still remaine with some great aduantage or gaine and sometimes with a gaine which was very extraordinarily great by meanes of some of my Visions For by my seing Christ our Lord his admirable and excessiue beautie remained imprinted in me and I haue it euen to this day for in such a case as this one onlie time serues the turne and therefore how much more when it happens so very often as our Lord hath vouchsafed to impart it to me In particular I remained with one which was extreamly considerable and it was this I was subiect to a very great fault by which much hurt came vpon me whensoeuer I beganne to obserue that anie one had a good inclination to me For if I liked him well I grew to carrie so much affection to him as that my memorie would bind me after a sort to be still thinking of him though yet it were not at all with anie intention to offend Almightie God
the Rectour of the Societie of IESVS whome I mentioned before I haue seen some things concerning great Fauours which our Lord did him but I will not insert them heer for feare of being too long There hapned a great trouble to him once for he was persecuted and found himself greatly afflicted and I hearing Masse one day saw Christ our Lord vpon the Crosse iust then when the Preist eleuated the Sacred Hoast and he spoke certaine words to me wherewith I was to acquaint him for his comfort and others also he spoke by way of preuention of some future inconuenience which might ariue and he represented also to him how much himself had suffered for his sake and that therefore he should prepare himself to suffer And this gaue him both much comfort and much courage and all hapned to him iust so as our Blessed Lord had foretold Of the Religious of a certaine Order yea and of that whole Order togeather I haue seen great things For I haue seen them sometimes in Heauen with white Banners in their hands I haue seen as I was saying other things of great admiration And accordingly I haue this Order in much veneration for I haue treated and communicated with them much and I see that their life is agreable to that which our Blessed Lord hath giuen me to vnderstand concerning them I being one night in Prayer our Lord beganne to vtter some words to me which brought me to remember how wicked my life had been and they gaue me confusion and paine enough for although they imported not anie rigour yet they endued me with such a tender kind of feeling and greif that the Soule was euen dissolued by it And we vse in such cases to find more benefit in the way of knowing out selues by some one such word as these then we are able to acquire in manie dayes by our owne consideration of our miserie for it brings such a truth to be euē ingrauē in our Soule as we cannot possibly denye He represented to me also those inclinations of mine which I had formerly entertained towards Creatures with so much vanitie and told me that I was to put a great value vpon the desire which he had that I would lodge all my affectiō vpon him which formerly I had employed so ill since he would accept thereof At other times he bad me remember that formerly I had sometimes esteemed it for a point of honour in me to goe against his Honour And yet at other times that I should remember how much I owed him for that I vsed to commit the greatest offences against him whilst he vsed to be doing me Fauours If I haue anie faults which are not few our Lord giues them so to be vnderstood by me at those times that it makes me euen as it were annihilate my self and because I haue manie faults he vses me so manie times It hapned to me once that a Ghostile Father reprehended me and when I thought to comfort my self in Prayer it was there that I found indeed my true reprehension But now to returne to that which I was saying when our Lord beganne to bring my wicked life to my remembrance which cost me a world of teares and when I also considered that I had done no good thing lately which might euen in my opinion deserue his Fauour I beganne to consider a while whether he might not perhaps intend some new expression of goodnes to me because whensoeuer I find my self receaue anie particular Fauour from our Lord it is ordinarily after I haue euen defeated and annihilated my self And I conceaue that our Lord proceeds thus with me to the end that I may see the more clearly how farre I am out of the way of deserueing his Fauours Shortly after this my Spirit was so absorpt and snatcht away that in effect it seemed to be absolutly out of my Bodie at least it was not vnderstood that it liued in it And then I saw the most Sacred Humanitie of our Blessed Lord in much more excessiue glorie then euer I had discerned before Now this was represented to me by a certaine admirable and cleare notice of his being placed in the verie bosome of his Father Nor yet doe I know what to say of how this was for it seemed to me that I saw my self present before that verie Diuinitie and yet without seing my self and I remained so amazed and euerie way indeed in such sort that I thinke there passed some dayes before I was able to returne to my self For still I was conceauing that I had the Maiestie of the Sonne of God present with me though it were not yet like the former for this I vnderstood well enough But how soeuer it remained so engrauen in my Imagination that I cannot be ridd of it how short soeuer the time were wherein it was represented to me and this is matter both of great comfort and of great benefit to my Soule Now I haue seen this verie Vision at three other times and this in my opinion is absolutly the most sublime Vision which euer our Blessed Lord gaue me and it brings the greatest improuement and profit with it For it seemes that the Soule is greatly purifyed by it and that it doth vtterly take away all strength from the sensualitie of our Self-Loue It is a vehement flame which seems to burne vp and euen annihilate all the desires of this life And since God be blessed for it I had already no inclination to idle and impertinent things it was heer declared to me in distinct manner that all was vanitie and in particular how vaine all the Superiorities and Signories of this world be And it falls out also to be of mightie instruction for the raising-vp of our desires to be lodged vpon the puritie of Truth and there remaines a high kind of adoration and reuerence of God imprinted after a certaine manner which I know not how to describe but it is of a very different kind from whatsoeuer we can acquire in this world It creates also a huge amazement in the Soule to consider how she euer durst or how anie creature can presume so farre as to thinke of offending such a Supreame Maiestie of Almighty God I haue declared sometimes heertofore the effects of Visions and such other things but I haue also sayd already that a Soule receaues more or lesse profit according to the proportion and manner of the Vision as the same may be either more or lesse But in this it was extraordinarily great when I came to receaue the Blessed Sacrament and I did then record to my self that incomparable Maiestie which I had seen and vnderstood to be the verie same which is in this most Holie Sacrament And manie times our Lord is pleased to let me see him in the Sacred Hoast where vpon the verie haire of my head would stand on end and me thought I was euen annihilated outtight O my deare Lord and if thou didst
honour which is allowed to others I considered the goodnes of Almightie God in not permitting the Soule euen of that man to be defamed but that it might be concealed that he was an Enemie of his For my part I was euen turned halfe foole by what I had seen yet during all the performance of the Office of the Dead there was no more Diuel to be seen but when afterward they put the Bodie into the Graue there was such a multitude of them readie to receaue the Bodie that I was euen out of my self with beholding it and it was no little courage which I needed for enabling me to dissemble the seeing it And I considered how those Diuels were likelie to treat that Soule when they exercised such an absolute dominion euen ouer that woefull Bodie And I would to Christ that what I saw had also been seen by such as are in Mortall Sinne for me thinkes it must haue been of much effect and force towards a making them mend their liues Now all this obliged mee to know more and more what I owed to Almightie God and from what he had deliuered my Soule But yet I went on with feare enough till I had imparted these particulars to my Ghostlie Father as conceauing that perhaps it might haue been some Illusion of the Diuel whereby to defame that Soule though yet the man had not been held to be of very good life But yet it is verie true that whether it were an Illusion or no I am sure I neuer remember it but it makes me afrayd And now since I haue begunne to speake of Visions which haue relation to some such persons as are dead I will also declare some things concerning some other kind of Soules which our Lord hath been pleased that I should see But I will speake only of few both to be the shorter and because it will not be necessarie to say much in order to the receauing of benefit thereby They told me once that a certaine man was dead who had been Prouinciall of his Order but when he dyed he was Prouinciall of another Prouince Now I had communicated much with this man and had been obliged to him for some good offices which he had done me This man was of much many vertues but yet when I came to know that he was dead I was greatly troubled at it because I was in feare and doubt of his Saluation in regard that he had been a Prelate or Superiour twentie yeares which really is a thing that I am apt to feare as holding it to be a matter of much danger to haue charge of Soules And so I went with trouble enough to an Oratorie and gaue him all that little good which I had euer done in my whole life which yet was little enough and I humbly besought out Blessed Lord that he would supply out of his infinit merits for as much as that Soule might wat towards the freeing it self out of Purgatorie And whilst I was begging this Boone of our Blessed Lord in the best manner I could me thought he rose as from some deep part out of the earth on my right side and so I saw him mount-vp to Heauen with very great ioy The man was very old before he dyed but yet now he seemed to me to be but of thirtie yeares old or rather somewhat lesse but with much brightnes in his face This Vision passed away very speedily but yet I was so extreamly comforted by it that the death of that man did put mee now to no more paine though I had troubled manie others about him for he was very well beloued And thus also the comfort of my Soule being so great I could not possibly doubt but that the Vision was true and no illusion This hapned but fifteen dayes after his death but still I was not slack in procuring that he might be recommended to Almightie God saue that I could not doe it so hartily as before I saw this Vision For when our Lord shewes me such things and that yet I will pray for them afterward I cannot choose but conceaue that it is as if I gaue an Almes to a rich man But now I came to vnderstand afterward for the man dyed very farre off that the death which our Lord granted him was of so great comfort to him by the knowledge of himself and by the humilitie which he expressed that it was of very great edification Now a certaine Religious Woeman dyed at home with vs about a day and a halfe before that occurred whereof I am going to speake but she had been a good Seruant of Almightie God And another Religious Woeman reading one of those Lessons which belong to the Office of the Dead which was recited in the Quire for her Soule it was my turne to stand by and assist in repeating the Versiâ—â—e but in the midst of the Lesson me thought I saw the Soule rise vp as the other did and so went to Heauen Now this was no Imaginarie Vision like the last but like others which I recounted before Yet these be no lesse certaine then those others are There was also another Religious Woeman of between eighteen and twentie yeares old who dyed at home in our House Now she had been alwaies sicklie and a great Seruant of God and very diligent in the Quire and in fine a very vertuous woeman and really I was apt to thinke that she should not haue gone to Purgatorie at all but rather that there would haue been supernumerarie merits in regard of the manie sicknesses which she had endured But yet when we were reciting the Office before she was buryed and some foure howers after she dyed I vnderstood that her Soule sprung vp out of the same place and went to Heauen Being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS with those great afflictions and troubles which I haue declared my selfe sometimes to haue had and still haue both in Bodie and Soule I found my self to be in such condition that me thought I was not able so much as to entertaine one good thought There dyed that night a Brother of the Societie of that House and I recommending him the best I could to Almightie God and being at the Masse of another Father of the Societie for his Soule I was seazed by a very great Recollection and I saw him goe-vp to Heauen with much glorie yea and I vnderstood that our Blessed Lord himself did accompanie him by way of particular fauour A Religious man of our Order who was a very good man was falne very dangerously sick And I being then at Masse grew to be in very great Recollection and saw that the man was dead and that he went instantly to Heauen without touching vpon Purgatorie at all and he dyed in that verie hower as I was told afterward Now I wondred that he had neuer entred into Purgatorie but I vnderstood that he hauing been a Religious man and hauing well obserued the
different kindes was round about me which circled me in And it seemed to me that cuerie one had offensiue weapons in his hands wherewith to hurt me as Lances Swords and Daggers and others had also long Staues In a word I could not get from thence by anie way or meanes without danger of death especially being alone and not hauing anie one Creature to helpe me And being thus in so great affliction of Spirit that I knew not what to doe I lifted-vp mine eyes towards Heauen and saw Christ our Lord not then in Heauen but yet very high and farre off from me in the ayre who reachtforth his hand towards me and fauoured me from thence in such sort that I feared neither all that other people nor yet these who all were vnable to doe me hurt how much soeuer they should desire it This Vision seemes at the first sight to be without anie fruit or good effect at all but it hath yet done me a great deale of good because I haue vnderstood what it signifyed For I saw my self in that encounter shortly after and knew that it was nothing els but this Vision and I also came to know it to be a verie picture or rather Mappe of the world For as manie as are in it abstracting euer from those few who apply themselues to doe our Lord particular Seruice seemed to carrie Armes against this wretched Soule of ours as namely Honours Estates Delights and the like For it is euident that the Soule is all ouercast with a Nett before it be aware at least all these things doe the best they can to endanger and wrapp vs vp fast enough as namely Freinds Kindred and which amazes me more euen such as are vertuous people For I found my self afterward to be extreamly pressed and euen oppressed by them they conceauing in the meane time that they carried themselues very well but the while I knew not at all either how to defend my self or what to doe O my deare God! and if now I should stand to relate the kindes and differences of those troubles which set vpon me at that time euen after all those others whereof I spake before how well might this be able to serue for a meanes to make a man wholy abhorre all things It was me thinkes the verie greatest persecution of all that euer I had endured For I felt my self at some times so straightly set vpon on all sides that I only found remedie by lifting-vp mine eyes to Heauen and crying vpon Almightie God And I remembred very well what I had seen in this last Vision of mine and it did me a great deale of good towards a not putting confidence in anie Creature for there is no one of them firme and stable but only God alone is entirely and truly so But in these great afflictions our Lord hath euer vsed to send me some person or other who in his name might lend me his hand as he signifyed to me that he would and as he did also let me see in this last Vision and so I tyed not my self to anie thing but only to please our Blessed Lord and this hath serued to sustaine this poore little vertue which I had in desiring to serue him And let him be Blessed for euer But finding my self once very vnquiet and in great disorder yea and in skirmish or rather in a verie battaile without being able to recollect my self yea and my thoughts being scattered and dispersed vpon things which were not very perfect and withall not seeming to be so vtterly vntyed from all things as I vsed and being still so wicked as I was I grew afrayd that the Fauours which our Blessed Lord had done me might fall-out to be Illusions and in fine I then remained with a very great obscuritic of minde But now whilst I was in this paine our Lord beganne to speake to me and told me that I must not be thus afflicted but that finding my self in that case I might well vnderstand euen thereby in how great miserie I must remaine if once he should depart from me and that there was to be no securitie at all as long as we should continue in this world I was also giuen to vnderstand how well our labour was employed in this strife and warre since it would not faile to be followed with so high a reward And me thought our Blessed Lord had compassion of them who liue in this world but that I must not thinke that he had forgotten me yea and that he would neuer leaue me but yet so as that still I must also doe my part in helping my self And this did our Blessed Lord declare to me with a kind of tender compassion and Regalo accompanied with certaine words whereby so high Fauour was done me as I need not stand heer to relate And these others which follow heer now his Diuine Maiestie saith also often to me with demonstration of most particular loue Thou art novv grovvne to be mine and I am thine And those words which I am euer wont to say and to my thinking I say them with much truth are these which follow VVhat care I O my Lord for my self but only for thee But I confesse those words of his to me are of great Regalo to my hart though yet withall they be of excessiue confusion when I remember what kind of Creature I am But it seemes that I haue need of more courage for the receauing of those high Fauours then euen for the enduring of vnspeakable afflictions But now when these things are in motion all the poore good actions of my life are vtterly forgotten by me and then it is only represented to my minde how wicked I am and that without anie discourse at all of my vnderstanding so that euen this also doth seem at certaine times to haue somewhat of the Supernaturall in it Sometimes there come also vpon me so earnest and euen eager appetites of receauing the Blessed Sacrament that I know not whether it can be possible for me to expresse them to the full It hapned to me one morning that it rayned so extreamly as to seem no way fitt for me to goe out of doores But yet being once gotten abroad I was already growne also to be so farre out of my self through that desire of Communicating that although they had set Lances euen pointed and held fast against my verie Breast me thought I could haue passed euen through them all and how much more then through water And as soone as I ariued at Church I was taken with a very great Rapt For me thought the verie Heauen was open and not by one ouerture only as I had seen it at other times and I saw another also aboue that vpon which I vnderstood by way of a certaine notice which I am not able to expresse the Diuinitie it self to be though yet I saw not the Diuinitie And me thought it was vpheld by certaine Mysterious Beasts and I was
my Parents but by the way of Vertue My Father was a man of much charitie towards poore people and of compassion towards the sick yea and he had so much pittie euen of his seruants that he could neuer resolue to keepe anie slaues for the tendernes which he had towards them And there being once a slaue in his house who belonged to a Brother of his he caused him to be treated and fed as if he had been one of his owne Children and sayd through his great compassion that he could not endure to see such as he was vnless they might be made free He was a man of much truth nor did euer anie creature heare him either detract or sweare He was exeedingly honest and chast My Mother also was enriched with manie Vertues and she passed through this life of hers with grieuous sicknesses Her chastitie and puritie was great in the verie highest degree and though she had an abundance of Beautie yet was it neuer so much as heard that she gaue occasion for the world to conceaue that she made anie account of it at all For comming afterwards to dye when she was but three and thirtie yeares old the order of her attire had yet been such as might haue well become a person of Age. She was of a most sweet disposition and yet vvithall of a very solid vnderstanding The afflictions vvhich she sustained in this life vvere great and she made a most Christian end when she dyed VVe vvere three Sisters and nine Brothers and all through the goodnes of Almightie God vvere like our Parents in being vertuous except myself though yet I vvas the most beloued of them all by my Father and truly till I beganne to offend Almightie God he might seeme to haue had some reason For it goes to my verie hart to remember and consider those good inclinations vvhich our Lord had giuen me and the very little I knew how to serue myself thereof My Brothers also vvere such in their proceeding and vvay of life as that they did not by anie meanes dis-assist me from seruing Almightie God One of them vvas almost of my yeares and I loued him best of them all though yet I loued them all very much as they also did me But vve tvvo ioyned much togeather in reading the Liues of Saints and when I saw the Martyrdomes through vvhich some of them had passed for the loue of our Lord me thought they had bought Heauen vvhere they vvere to see and enioy his Diuine Maiestie very good cheape And myself also desired much to dye so though not yet for the loue vvhich I found and felt my self to beare him but rather that I might come by so compendious a vvay to enioy those great felicities which I had read to be imparted in Heauen I associated my self therefore to this Brother of mine to consider vvhat meanes there might be for our obtaining this end And so vve grevv to resolue that vve vvould goe into Barbarie amongst the Mores and begg by the vvay as vve vvent that so vve might come by degrees to loose our liues there for our Lord. And it seemed that he gaue vs courage enough for this purpose euen in that tender age of ours if vve could haue found anie meanes to sett it on foot but our euen hauing of Parents seemed to be the greatest hindrance vve had We found our selues much amazed to perceaue in those things vvhich vve read that both the Paine and Glorie of the next life vvas to last for euer and vve chanced to speake often of this particular and vve tooke pleasure in repeating these vvords many times For euer For euer For euer and by continuing to pronounce them long and often our Lord vvas pleased to imprint the way of Truth vpon my hart in that verie infancie of mine But novv vvhen I savv it vvas impossible for me to goe where they might put me to death for the loue of our Lord my Brother and I proiected how to become Heremits at home and so in a certaine Garden vvhich belonged to the house vve procured to set vp some little Oratoryes or Chappels after the manner of Heremitages the best we could and vve assembled little stones for that purpose vvhich vvould instantly be falling downe againe and so vve met vvith no meanes to put out good desires in execution But in the meane time I am not vvithout some feeling of deuotion to consider hovv soone it pleased Almightie God to giue me this kinde of tendernes towards him vvhich aftervvards I grevv to loose through mine ovvne fault I gaue Almes as vvel as I could though it vvere but little I procured to be much alone for the better doing my deuotions vvhich vvere manie and especially that of the Rosarie to which my Mother vvas much affected and she endeauoured also to make vs so I tooke particular contentment vvhilst I vvas playing vvith other Children like myself to frame certaine little things like Monasteries as if vve had been Religious woemen and me thought I desired to be one though yet not vvith such vehemencie of affection as I did those other things vvhereof I spake I remember that vvhen my Mother dyed she left me a little less then tvvelue yeares old and as soone as I beganne to vnderstand hovv great a losse I had sustained by loosing her I vvas very much afflicted and so I vvent besore an Image of our Blessed Ladie and I humbly besought her vvith manie teares that she vvould vouchsafe to be my Mother And though I performed this little action but in a plaine and simple manner yet me thinkes I may vvel conceaue that it hath serued me to verie good purpose for I haue most euidently found the fauour of this Soueraigne Virgin concerning all things vvherein I haue recommended myself to her care and in fine she hath brought me about to her self It afflictes me to the very hart to see and consider hovv poore those impediments vvere vvhich kept me from remaining entire and constant in those good desires vvhich I beganne to haue But O my deare Lord since it seemes thou vvilt vouchsafe to saue me and I beseech thy Diuine Maiestie that it my be so and to shevv me so great fauours as thou hast donne me might it not please thee not for my interest and profit but for that high reuerence vvhich is due to thy self to take order that this house of my hart vvherein thou shouldst for euer remaine might be no more defiled Nay it goes O Lord to my verie soule euen to say thus much because I knovv and feele that the fault therof vvas vvholy mine for as for thee I finde clearly enough that there wanted nothing at all on thy part to secure me for being totally thine ovvne euen from that tender age of mine And if I vvould be content to seeke some colour to complaine of my Parents vvith as little reason also can I doe that since I could neuer discouer any thing in
I still desired to recouer my health though yet I endured my sicknes with great alacritie And I would be thinking and considering sometimes that if by enioying my health I might chance be damned it would be better for me to remaine still as sick as I was but howsoeuer I conceiued that I should be able to serue Almightie God much better if I could enioy my health Now this is the abuse and errour which deceaues vs not to resigne ourselues entirely to the disposition and good pleasure of our Lord who knowes best what is fitt for vs. But in the meane time I got manie Masses sayd for this purpose and I resorted also to the vse of other solid and approued Prayers for I was neuer a friend of certaine odd deuotiōs which are vsed by diuers persons and especially by woemen with some odd Ceremonies which I could neuer endure since I vnderstood that they sauoured of Superstition howsoeuer other folkes were moued by them And so I tooke for my Aduocate and Lord the Glorious S. Ioseph and I recommended my self much to him and I haue seen clearly that this Father and Lord of mine hath drawne me as well out of this necessitie as out of other greater when there was question of Honour and Losse of the Soule and that with more benefit and aduantage then euen my self could tell how to desire Nay I cannot remember that hitherto I euer desired anie thing by his meanes which he hath failed to obtaine for me and it is able euen to amaze me when I consider the great Fauours which Almightie God hath donne me by meanes of this Blessed Saint and the dangers both of Bodie and Soule out of which he hath deliuered me In such sort as that it seemes our Lord hath giuen the grace and power to other Saints to succour men in some one kinde of necessitie of theirs but I finde by good experience that this glorious Saint succours vs in them all and that our Lord will make vs vnderstand that as he would be subiect to S. Ioseph vpon earth and that by enioying the name of his Father and by being as it were his Directour and Tutour he might command him so also he would now in Heauen grant whatsoeuer this Saint should desire This truth hath also been seen by the experience of others whome I haue desired to recommend themselues to this Saint and now manie are growne to be deuoted to him and my self also haue fresh experience of this truth For my part I procured to celebrate his Festiuitie with all the solemnitie I was able to vse but yet with more vanitie then true spirit desiring that it might be performed with much curiositie and exactnes though yet still with good intention But I euer had this of ill That if our Lord enabled me at anie time to doe anie thing which was good it would be full of imperfections and faults whereas towards the doing anie thing amiss and for the exercising of curiositie and vanitie I vsed much diligence and dexteritie and cunning our Lord pardon me for it And now I would faine perswade all the world to be deuoted to this glorious Saint for the great experience which I haue had of the blessings that he obtaines for vs of Almightie God nay I haue neuer knowne anie one who is seriously deuoted to him and performes him particular seruices whome I finde not also to goe proceeding on in vertue for really he assists those soules much which recommend themselues to him And to my best remembrance there are diuers yeares wherein I haue desired somewhat of him vpon his Festiuall Day and I haue euer found it granted and if peraduenture my petition had some little of the indirect belonging to it he redressed it and set it streight for my greater good If I were anie such person as had authoritie to write I would gladly enlarge my self heer to make particular relation of the Fauours which this glorious Saint hath obtained both for me and others but to the end that I may doe no more then I am commanded I must be shorter in manie things then I would and more large in others then is needfull like one in fine who hath little discretion for the doing of anie thing which is good Only I begg for the loue of Almightie God that whosoeuer can belieue me will try the truth of what I say for he shall find by experience how greatly a good thing it is to recommend himself to this glorious Patriarch and to be deuoted to him Especially such as giue themselues to Prayer should alwaies be affectionate to this Saint for I know not how one can thinke of the Queen of the Angells at those times when she suffered so much during the Infancie of our Lord Iesus and not giue thankes to S. Ioseph for the great assistance which he gaue them at that time Whosoeuer wants a Maister who might instruct him to pray let him take this glorious Saint for his guide and he shall neuer loose his way I beseech our Lord that I may haue committed no errour in presuming to speake of this Saint for though I thus professe and publish my self to be deuoted to him yet haue I been euer faultie in the not doing him reall seruices and in not imitating his vertues But now he did like himself by procuring that I might be able to rise and walke and be no longer a Cripple and so I did also like my self in making so ill vse of this fauour But now who would euer haue imagined that I could so soone fall back againe after my receiuing so manie regalo's at the hands of Almightie God and after his Diuine Maiestie had vouchsafed to giue me some Vertues which euen as it were of themselues did awake and stirr me vp to his seruice and after I had seen my self euen as it were dead and in so imminent danger to be condemned to Hell and after he had raised me againe both in Bodie and Soule in such sort that all they who saw me were euen amazed to finde that I could so long be aliue But what is this O my Lord and my God Is this life to be still so dangerous which we are to liue Euen now whilst I am writing this me thinkes that by this fauour and mercie I might be able to say with S. Paul though yet not with such perfection as he sayd it that now It is not I vvho liue but thou O my Creatour vvho liuest in me according to the experience which I haue had some yeares by that little which I am able to vnderstand of my self and still thou holdest and keepest thy hand ouer me and I find my self full of desires and good purposes and in some sort I haue proued also euen by experience of manie things in these late yeares that I would by no meanes doe anie thing which should contradict or cross thy will how little soeuer it might be though yet I well belieue that I
whome we know we are beloued And as for you if you loue him not yet for to the end that it may be a true loue and that your friendship may last the conditions must be reciprocall and we know there can be no want on our Lord's behalf and that our nature is vitious sensuall and vngratefull and so we cannot perhaps obtaine fully at our owne hands to loue him so much because he is not of the same condition with vs yet considering how much it imports vs to hold friendship with him and how much he loues vs we must passe on and passe ouer this paine of being much in his companie who is of so different a condition from ours O infinite goodnes of my God! how true it is that me thinkes I see both thee and my self in this verie manner O thou who art the verie Regalo of the Angels in Heauen how faine would I euen defeat and dissolue my self totally in louing thee when I see and consider these things And how certaine a thing it is that thou art on the suffering hand in regard of such as will not suffer thee to remaine with them O how good a friend dost thou make thy self to thy friend O my Lord and how dost thou goe enduring him and regaling him And thou expectest till he make himself grow to be of thy condition and inclination and in the meane time thou endurest and permittest him to continue to be a while of his owne and thou takest O my deare Lord by way of good payment those fitts of time which he can be content to bestow vpon thee and vpon a minute of true sorrow and repentance thou forgettest all those sinnes whereby he hath offended thee All this haue I perceaued clearly in order to my self and for my part I cannot see O my Creatour how the whole world can forbeare to procure to draw neer to thy Diuine Maiestie that so it may be able to obtaine this particular kind of friendship with thee Such as are wicked and are not hitherto come to haue the like inclinations and dispositions to thine should yet come towards thee to the end that so thou mightst make them good and that they might endure thee to be with them though it were but for some two howers in the day yea euen though they would not the while stay in thy companie without a thousand distractions and tumblings vp and downe in wordlie cares and thoughts as I was wont to doe And for recompence of this violence which they vse to make against themselues by continuing in so good companie as thine for neither in those verie beginnings no nor euen afterwards also for a while can they tell how to doe better thou forcest O Lord the Diuels of Hell to forbeare a setting fiercely vpon them and permittest them to haue daily lesse power then other against them yea and thou puttest them into mens hands that they may ouercome them So that thou O thou Life of all liues dost neuer kill anie one of those Creatures who puts his confidence in thee nor of them who desire thee for a Freind but thou sustainest both the life of their Bodies with encrease of health and thou also dost impart it to the Soule For my part I cannot possibly vnderstand why men should feare as they doe to beginne to vse Mentall Prayer nor of what it is in fine that they are afrayd The Diuel indeed doth not ill in order to his owne wicked ends to procure to doe me hurt if by pretence and meanes of I know not what feares he can procure to make me forbeare a considering how much and how highly I haue offended Almightie God and how much I am obliged to him for his great mercies and benefits and to thinke vpon this truth that there is such a thing as glorie in Heauen and torments in Hell and vpon those great afflictions and sorrowes which our Lord endured for me in this life For this was still my Prayer when I was continuing in all those dangers and vpon this did I thinke whensoeuer I was able And very often yea and for some yeares togeather I was busier about desiring that the Hower might come quickly to an end still listning when the Clock would strike then vpon better things Yea and it hapned to me manie times that I knew not what Pennance could be set before me so very great as that I would not more willingly vndergoe it then recollect my self to Mentall Prayer And it is certaine that either the Diuel did set vpon me with such an vn-resistable force or els mine owne vvicked custome did it that I might not goe make Mentall Prayer and the sadnes of my hart vvas such euen vvhen I entred into my Oratorie for that purpose that I vvas faine to help and serue my self of all the strength and courage I had vvhich they say is not very little and it hath been seen that God hath giuen me more then is vsually possessed by vvoemen but that I haue employed it ill to force my self to make my Prayer and in fine it pleased our Lord to assist me But afterward vvhen I had vsed these violences to my hart I found my self vvith more quiet delight so that sometimes I grew to haue an expresse desire to pray Now therefore since it chanced that our Lord did suffer and endure so vvicked a Creature as my self and if it appeare plainly that all my miseries vvere redressed by this meanes vvhat person how vvicked soeuer he may be can find anie thing to be afrayd of heer For how wicked soeuer anie other bodie may haue been he vvill neuer be so yet after the enioying of so great Fauours from our B. Lord as I had receaued And vvho can euer come to dis-confide in his Diuine Maiestie vvho had patience vvith me so long vpon this onlie reason Because I desired and procured some meanes for time and place wherein he might be with me And euen this little thing I did often without anie inclination of mine owne but only by the great violence which either I offered to my self or els was offered to me by our Lord. Since therefore the vse of Mentall Prayer is so fitt yea and so very necessarie euen for such as serue not God but offend him and since no bodie can truly find anie such hurt which it can possibly doe as would not be much greater without Prayer at least how can such forbeare it as serue Almightie God and desire to serue him Most certainly vnlesse a man haue a minde to passe through the troubles miseries of this life with an addition of more miserie and to shut vp the verie gate against God himself for feare least he should giue him comfort by this meanes I cannot possibly vnderstand this proceeding of his I haue really great compassion and sorrow for those poore Soules who will needs serue Almightie God vpon their owne cost for as for them who vse Mentall Prayer
our Lord will seeme to haue brought them so vpon vs as that we were not able to resist them Now it seems that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to pay vs heer for the little poore care we tooke to serue him with so high a guift as that comfort is which he bestowes vpon a Soule who sees her self able to lament weep for hauing offended so great a Lord. And I wonder not a whitt at this for me thinkes she hath reason enough and to spare for receauing ioy and comfort vpon this occasion There doth the Soule reioyce there doth she regale her self I like that Cōparison well which offers it self to me now That these ioyes of Prayer should be somewhat like those others which are in Heauen For as they see no more there then God is pleased that they shall see according to their deserts they acknowledging how small those deserts are euerie one of them is highly well content with the place wherein he is though yet there be an excessiue differēce betweē the ioyes of some and of others in Heauen yea much more then there is between some spirituall ioyes and others heer on earth which yet is very great And really a Soule when God doth her this Fauour at first is very apt to thinke that there remaines no more then to be desired and she esteems her self then to be abundantly satisfyed for all the seruice which euer she was able to pay Almightie God and I finde that she hath at least reason enough to thinke so For euen one of those single teares which yet we may after a sort procure in some part euen of our selues though still without the assistance and fauour of God we can doe absolutly nothing at all cannot be payd for and purchased in my opinion with all the labours and troubles of the world For a Soule gaines much by them and indeed what greater gaine can possibly anie Creature acquire then to haue some kinde of testimonie that she is pleasing to Almightie God So that let whosoeuer shall arriue to this point praise God very much and acknowledge himself to be mightily in his Debt for already there is good apparance that his Diuine Maiestie designes such a person for his seruice in his owne House and hath chosen him for his Kingdome without intētion that he shall turne his back from him anie more And let vs not care for certaine odd Humilities which be in the world whereof I intend to treat For some will needs esteem it to be Humilitie not to vnderstand those Guifts which our Lord is bestowing vpon them But as for vs let vs well and very well know how the Case stands with vs Namely that Almightie God bestowes them vpon vs without anie merit at all of ours and let vs be thankfull to his Diuine Maiestie for them For if we know not what fauour we receaue we shall not stirre our selues vp to loue him for them as we ought For it is a most certaine truth that the better we finde that we are rich knowing first that of our selues we are poore we grow to profit so much the more yea and euen our very Humilitie will proue to be more entire and sincere That other course serues but to accowardize the minde and to make it hold it self vncapable of receauing great benefits if our Lord beginning once to bestow them it shall also beginne to fright it self by a feare of Vaine-Glorie But let vs rather belieue that he who doth vs so great Fauours will giue vs also grace that if the Diuel tempt vs vpon these occasions we shall haue knowledge how to vnderstand him and strength from God how to resist him I meane if we goe on with plainenes and sinceritie as in the sight of Almightie God pretending euer to content him only without respect to men For it is a very euident and certaine truth that we loue a person the better when we remember very freshly what benefits we haue receaued at his hands And if it be both lawfull and meritorious for vs to be euer keeping in memorie that we haue our verie Being from Almightie God and that he created vs of nothing and that he vpholds vs still togeather with all those other benefits of his Passion and Death which he endured for euerie one of vs who are now aliue long before we were borne why should it not be also lawfull for me who was wont to treat of nothing but vanities to vnderstand and see and consider these things often especially when now our Lord allowes me so great a blessing as that I would not willingly euen so much as speake of anie thing but of him And now behold heer a rich Iewel which remembring that it is bestowed vpon vs and that already we are in possession thereof inuites and euen obliges vs to loue our Blessed Lord And this in fine is the totall good of that Prayer which is grounded vpon Humilitie But what will then occurr when they shall finde that other more precious Iewels are come into their power and possession which our Lord imparts to some of his seruants as namely a profund contempt both of the whole world yea and of themselues It is cleare that in this case we must hold our selues for deeper debtours and more obliged to serue him and to vnderstand that of our selues we had no part of this Treasure at all and to know the great bountie of our Blessed Lord who to a Soule so wicked and so absolutly without all merit as mine for which the first of those Iewels aforesayd was not only sufficient but by much too great would yet needs load mee still with greater treasures then I could euen tell how to desire We must in such cases as these procure to get new strength wherewith to serue him and by no meanes to be vngratefull for our Lord giues them euer vpon this condition that if we vse not well that treasure and high place wherein he puts vs he will stripp vs of them againe and as for our parts we shall come to be more poore then euer we were so his Diuine Maiestie will dispense his Treasures to such others as he shall thinke fitt who may benefit both themselues and others by the good vse thereof But now how shall that man improue his owne Stock and spend thereof with latitude of hart vpon others whilst yet he is not come so farr as to know that himself is rich It is in my opinion an impossible kinde of thing considering the grounds of Humane Nature for one to doe great and goodlie things if he vnderstand not himself to be fauoured by Almightie God for we are so miserable Creatures and so inclined to delight in things of this world that we can hardly abhorre effectually all that which heer we enioy and especially to doe it with great libertie of Spirit if we vnderstand not out selues to haue some kind of tast or pawne concerning Heauenlie
by those beames you will find it to be all full of moates This Comparison is very literally true for before the Soule is in this Extasis she conceiues her self to haue been very carefull not to offend Almightie God that she performed it according to the vttermost of her power but yet being come once so farre as that this Sunne of Iustice shines vpon her which makes her open her eyes she then sees so many moates therin that she would be glad if she could tell how to shut them againe for she is not yet become so true an Eaglet of this swift and strong Eagle which bred her as that she can be able to looke earnestly vpon this Sunne But how little soeuer she chance to hold them open she sees her self all impure and calls that Verse to minde which saith VVho shall euer be iust in thy presence When once she beholds this Diuine Sunne her sight is dazled by the brightnes of it but when she lookes in vpon her self her eyes are stopped vp with clay and so this poore Doue is blind yea and it happens manie times that she also remaines blind for good and all as being absorpt amazed and as it were out of her witts with so manie mightie greatnesses as she is then growne to see Heer finally is true Humilitie acquired not careing anie way at all either to speake well of her self or yet that others should doe it And our Lord deuides and disposes of the Fruit of this Garden not she and so there sticks nothing of it to her fingars All the good which she hath goes on as still addressed to Almightie God and if she be drawne to say anie thing of her self it is also directed to his glorie for she knowes that she hath no interest therin and cannot be ignorant therof euen though she would as discerning it by the verie sight of her eyes which are shut towards the things of this world but which are still kept open for the vnderstanding of Truths almost whether she will or no. THE ONE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule finds therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the Light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine I Will therefore now finish that which I was saying That namely there is heer no more now anie need that the Soule should giue anie new consent since already she hath giuen it all and knowes that she hath voluntarily deliuered her self wholy vp into his hands and that she cannot deceiue him who is the knower of all things for it is not as things passe heer in this world where all this life of ours is full of nothing but duplicities and deceipts and when you thinke you haue fully gotten the good will of anie Creature by the shew he makes you quickly come to vnderstand that all is tricks and lyes and that no bodie can tell how to liue in a world of so much odd busines especially if there be anie little interest of the Parties But blessed is that Soule which our Lord comes once to draw to the knowledge of such things as are reall Truths O what a condition and fortune were this for Kings and how much would it import them more to gaine this great aduantage then to get large Dominions and States What rectitude would there be foūd in the Kingdome How manie mischiefs would haue been forborne already would also be forborne heerafter For heer there is no feare of loosing life or honour for the loue of Almightie God but rather such losses as these would goe for a great blessing amōgst such as find thēfelues carrie another māner of respect to the honour of our Lord then to all them to whome they are lesse obliged For Kings are the men whome those others follow and in this case these Kings would loose a thousand Kingdomes and they would haue great reason to be glad to doe so rather thē to loose the meanes of making one stepp further towards the augmentation of the Holie Catholick Faith or the procuting some light for Hereticks for it is another manner of busines to purchase and get such a kind of Kingdome as will neuer end And what Soule soeuer shall come to tast but one single dropp of this water all the rest of this whole world will be but fitt euen to turne the stomack But now if the Soule of such a person should fall out to be once ingulfed into this water what strange effects would it produce Deare Lord if thou shouldst draw me to such a condition as that I might be able to publish this truth with a lowd voice they would yet beleiue mee no more then they doe others who know how to publish the same after a much better manner But yet at least I should giue satisfaction to my self and me thinkes I should esteem euen my verie life but at a little rate vpon condition that I might be able to giue but some one of these single Truths to be well vnderstood And yet I know not what I should be able to doe with my self afterward for there is no trust at all to be had in me I being that miserable creature which I am Yet still I haue so great impulses to vtter and declare these things to such as be in authoritie and command that me thinkes they doe euen annihilate and consume me And yet now since I can doe no more I returne O my Lord towards thee to seeke remedie for all inconueniences for thou O my Lord knowest well how highly glad I would be to dispossesse my self euen of all these verie Fauours which of thy goodnes thou hast vouchsafed to doe me prouided alwayes that I might still remaine in condition neuer to offend thee more and to resigne them vp to Kings and Princes for then it is very certaine that it would be wholy impossible for them either to permit that those things should be done which are permitted or yet that they should faile to receiue extraordinarie blessings at thy hand O make them my God vnderstand to how much they are obliged since thou wert pleased by what I haue heard to honour them in such sort vpon earth as that when thou takest anie of them away there is some kind of signification therof euen in the Heauens And when I thinke of this it breeds a kind of deuotion in me that thou O my King maist be pleased to make them euen heerby vnderstand that they ought to imitate thee in their life since there grow in some sort to be certaine apparances and signes in Heauen at their death as there was when euen thy self camest to dye I see well that I am presuming very farre but I beseech your Reuerence teare it if you mislike it and beleiue that I would be glad to speake it better if I were present
Lord through his goodnes made me see it and shewed it me in a certaine Rapt of mine So also should it be heer in this world and that so Almightie God and the Soule might be able to vnderstand one another and that vpon this sole cause and reason in regard that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased that they shall doe so without anie other artifice or meanes that so the mutuall loue which these two deare freinds carrie to one another may be giuen by them to be mutually vnderstood Iust so as in this world when two persons loue one another very dearly and be endued with a good vnderstanding and witt they seem able to vnderstand themselues together euen without so much as signes and by only looking well vpon one another Thus ought it to be in our case since without our knowing expresly how these two Louers looke earnestly vpon one another in the face as the Spouse saith to his Beloued in the Canticles for so I thinke I haue heard that it is expressed there O admirable benignitie of thee O Lord who permittest thy self to be looked vpon by those eyes which haue abused their sight so much as these of my Soule haue done At least O my deare Lord let them now be accustomed after this sight of thee to looke no more vpon anie inferiour and base Obiects nor let anie thing be able to please them out of thee O great ingratitude of mortall Creatures how farre wilt thou be able to atiue For now I know euen by experience that this is litterally true which I am saying That whatsoeuer is possibly able to be expressed by me is no more then the verie least part of that Fauour which thou impartest to anie such Soule as thou vouchsafest to bring to such a State as this O Soules which haue begunne to vse Prayer and you who haue really Faith and firme Beleif what blessings and benefits are you possibly able to seeke and get which may anie way be compared euen to the least of those which are obtained by the Seruants of Almightie God euen in this mortall life of ours And consider for it is most certainly true that Almightie God imparts himself thus euen heer to such as forsake all things for loue of him For he is no accepter of persons and he loues all men nor hath anie one of them anie excuse how wicked soeuer he may haue been since our Lord hath proceeded after this manner euen with me and aduanced me to such a condition as you see Consider also that this which I am saying now is not so much as a little Cipher of that which were to be sayd but only so much is heer deliuered as is necessarie for the giuing this manner of Vision and Fauour which Almightie God is pleased to doe to a Soule to be in some sort vnderstood But now it is in no power of mine to declare that which she findes and feeles when our Lord is pleased to impart those secrets and greatnesses of his togeather with that delight which is so highly superiour to all those others which can possibly be imparted by this world and that they doe with a mightie deale of reason make them who possesse the same euen abhorre all the pleasures of the earth which when they be all clapt togeather are no better then meer dung and durt nay it is after a sort euen to giue one a Vomit to bring these into anie comparison at all with those others euen though they should be able to last for euer And yet of these Celestiall ioyes what kind of poore proportion of them is that which he is pleased to impart in this world No more then as it were one slight single drop of water of that huge full flowing Riuer which is prepared for vs in Heauen It is a verie shame scorne and really I employ it all against my self and if it were possible for Soules to be affronted euen in Heauen I should haue cause to find my self ashamed when I were there more then anie Creature to thinke that we should expect to enioy so great benedictions and delights and glorie as is to be infinit in that next Life and all at the onlie cost of our deare Lord IESVS And shall we not weep perhaps at least with the Daughters of Ierusalem since we will hot helpe him to carrie the Crosse as Simon Cyreneus did Or can we euer thinke of coming to enioy that by the way and meanes of pleasures and passe-times which he vouchsafed to get and gaine for vs vpon the price of his owne most pretious Bloud This is absolutly impossible And can we thinke by our aspiring to vaine Honour that we may be able to remedie and redresse that huge contempt and scorne which he endured for vs There is no manner of sense in anie such cōceipt No no the course is vtterly mistaken and we shall neuer be able to ariue at that iourneys end by anie such erroneous way as this Your Reuerence must cry-out alowd to make these truths be heard and beleiued by the world And since it hath pleased Almightie God to take this power and libertie from me I would alwaies be crying them out to my self but both he heard me and I came also to vnderstand him so very late as may be seen by what I haue written heer and it is no lesse then matter of extreame confusion to me to speake of it and therefore I will now hold my peace and for the present will only say that which I haue been considering sometimes which is that I humbly beseech Almightie God to bring me once to such tearmes as that I may enioy this immense Good O what an accidentall glorie and gust will it be for the Blessed Saints of Heauen who enioy this felicitie when they shall find that although it were late yet at length they left nothing vnperformed which it was possible for them to doe for the loue of Almightie God Nor did they faile to present him with the verie vttermost of whatsoeuer they could offer in all kindes according to the power which they had and to the condition wherein they were placed he giuing them still more who had more How rich will he then find himself to be who left all the riches he had for Christ our Lord How full of honour who reiected all honour and tooke no pleasure in anie other thing then to find himself abased and despised for the loue of him How wise will he see himself then who reioyced to see the world hold him for a foole since they called Wisdome it self by that name But how few of such as these are there now in the world by reason of our great Sinnes Alas it seemes that all they are spent and gone long agoe whome the world was wont to esteē for madd fooles when they saw them performe those heroicall acts of true Louers of Christ our Lord. O world O world How dost thou goe gaining Honour
of the Minde and not suffer it to passe on and out so farre like some Pott which doth first so boile vp and then so boile-ouer as that the broth or water is quite spent and lost because no discretion was vsed in the quantitie of wood or coales which was put vnder it And thus let them procure to appease and slake the flame which is fed by that vehement fire with sweet and gentle teares but not with such as are forced or painefull as they are wont to be which proceed from such a vehement kind of sense as I haue formerly expressed for such are wont to be of very great inconuenience to the Partie My self vsed to haue such as these in my beginnings and they would euer leaué my head in such disorder and my Spirit in such a wearines and weaknes that I was not able sometimes for a day yea and sometimes for more dayes then one to returne to the exercise of Prayer So that we are to vse great discretion in those beginnings of ours to the end that all may goe on with much sweetnes and that the Spirit may be taught the way of operating and exercising it self inwardly and we must diligently procure that the exteriour may be auoided as much as we can But now these other impetuosities and impulses are of a most different kind and condition for heer it is not we who bring-in the wood but the fire seemes to be made already to our hands and instantly we are readie to cast our selues into it that so we may be wholy consumed The Soule doth not heer procure to make her self feele the wound which growes to be made in her by the absence of our Lord but they driue sometimes a sharp Arrow into the verie liueliest part of the hart in such sort as that the Soule her self is not able to tell distinctly either what she ayles or euen what she desires only she knowes very well that she desires and loues our Lord and that the sayd Arrow seemes to be toucht and rubbed-ouer with some bitter hearbe or other to make her euen hate her self through the loue of this Lord and to wish with all her hart that she might loose her verie life for his sake It is not in our power to expresse and much lesse to relate with aduantage the manner how God approaches and ariues to such a Soule as this or the excessiue paine that he giues which makes her not to know euen what to doe with her self But yet this verie paine is such a sauourie kind of thing withall that there is no delight in this whole world which is able to giue her more gust For the Soule as I was saying would alwaies be very glad if she might be euer dying of this Disease This paine and glorie togeather did carrie my Vnderstanding into such such distraction and disorder that I knew not how they both could possibly consist togeather O what a thing it is to see a Soule so wounded for it is iust in such sort as that one may very well affirme it to be wounded and that for a most excellent cause for now she sees very clearly that she her self did contribute no part of the reason why this Loue should grow but only it seemes that some little Sparke fell downe vpon her from that immense Loue of our Lord which set her so totally on fire O how often doe I remember that Verse of Dauid whensoeuer I find my self in this case Quem admodum desider at ceruus ad fontes aquarum ita desiderat anima mea ad te Deus meus As the Hart desires to plunge himself into the Springs of vvater so doth my Soule desire thee O my God For really me thinkes that this is euen litterally fulfilled then vpon my self Whensoeuer this comes not vpon me with great violence me thinkes I can a little appease my Soule and at least she is prouing to find some remedie For as for the performing of certaine Pennances she findes not almost in that case for what they serue for they all are felt by her no more nor puts it her to anie more paine to shed her bloud then it would if she were directly dead But in that case she is in earnest search after the finding-out some new wayes or meanes how she may be able to suffer much for the loue of our Lord but so great is that other former greif of minde that I know not what Corporall torment can possibly be able to drowne it for the remedie thereof consists not in such things as these since these medecines are of too inferiour a kind for the perfect cure of so deeply-rooted a Disease We receaue indeed some little ease and the affliction passes away to some small proportion by this meanes and by begging also the remedie of her miserie at the hands of our Blessed Lord though yet for her part she knowes not how to find anie at all but only in death for by that meanes she hopes entirely to enioy her Soueraigne Good At other times this paine falls vpon a Soule so feircely that neither this nor anie thing els can be done for it peirces the whole bodie through and through and neither can the hands or feet be stirred nay if we chance to be on foot and may happen sometimes to sit downe we doe it like a kind of transported Creatures Nor can the Soule so much as breath but only vtter certaine profound lamenting sighes which yet are not great in shew because she is not able to expresse them though yet they be very great in themselues It pleased our Blessed Lord that I should haue sometimes this following Vision I saw an Angell very neer me towards my left side and he appeared to me in a Corporeall forme though yet I am not wont to see anie thing of that kind but very rarely For though Angells be represented often to me it is yet without my seeing them but only according to that other kind of Vision whereof I spake before But in this Vision our Lord was pleased that I should see this Angell after this other manner He was not great but rather little yet withall he was of very much beautie His face was so inflamed that he appeared to be of those most Superiour Angells who seem to be all in a fire and he well might be of them whome we call Seraphins but as for me they neuer tell me their names or rankes yet howsoeuer I see thereby that there is so great a difference in Heauen between one Angell and another as I am no way able to expresse I saw that he had a long Dart of gold in his hand and at the end of the iron below me thought there was a little fire and I conceaued that he thrust it some seuerall times through my verie Hart after such a manner as that it passed the verie inwards of my Bowells and when he drew it back me thought it carried
for I confesse I vnderstand not this kind of language but because I haue been thinking that our Saints had antiently affirmed and taught that a Monasterie should be a kind of Court to instruct such persons as had a minde to make themselues Courtiers in the Kingdome of Heauen But now things are vnderstood in the direct contrarie way because they who should be continually employed in pleasing Almightie God and in procuring to abhorre the world must now forsooth be obliged to all attention and care in stead of pleasing God to please such as liue in the world yea and that in certaine things which are euerie day so subiect to change that I know not how our performances could passe vn-reproued yea though it were possible that all might be learned in one Lesson without anie losse at all of more time Yea and euen for the Titles which are expected vpon the Superscription of Letters it were now it seemes not to be vnfitt that there were some Doctours-Chaire erected as one may say where they might instruct and teach how such and such Titles were to be vsed For sometimes men leaue the Paper emptie on one side of the page of the Letter and sometimes on the other And now he who was not wont to be VVorshipfull must be called Honourable and I know not in fine where things will rest For I am not yet fiftie yeares old and yet I haue seen such changes in my time that I cannot tell now how to liue But then how will they who are now borne know how to carrie themselues if they chance to liue long I haue really great compassion of Spirituall persons who are obliged to liue in the world for certaine holie ends for I hold it to be a kind of terrible Crosse which they are faine to carrie euen in this respect If they could all come to agree in a tale and professe themselues to be ignorant and be content to be held for such in this kind of art or science they might free themselues from a great deale of trouble But now into what kind of fooleties haue I cast my self For by treating of the greatnesses of Almightie God I am growne by degrees to speake of the basenesses of the world And since our Lord hath done me the Fauour to make me able to leaue it I am resolued to goe out of it now at length Let them fitt themselues to it as they list who sustaine and hold-vp these toyes with so much trouble to themselues and I pray God that we may not pay dearly for them in the other world where there is no change to be found Amen THE EIGHT AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giuing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefits vvhich she obtained by them BEing so very ill at ease one night that I thought fitt to excuse my self from Prayer I tooke a Paire of Beades or Rosarie into my hand to employ my self Vocally by that meanes And I procured not to recollect my Vnderstanding in anie very serious manner though yet forasmuch as concerned my exteriour I was sufficiently recollected and in my Oratorie But when our Blessed Lord hath a minde to anie thing these diligences of ours to the contrarie are not wont to serue to anie great purpose For I remaining a while after this manner there came a Rapt of Spirit vpon me with such an excessiue impulse or impetuositie that there was no power in me to resist it It seemed to me that I was carried vp and placed in Heauen yea and the first persons whome I saw there were my Father and my Mother and I also saw some things besides so very great and all in so very short a space of time as wherein an Aue Maria might be sayd that I was amazed as conceauing that it was too very great a Fauour for me In this circumstance of the times haueing been so short I may perhaps be deceaued for it may haue been a little longer but at least it ranne speedily away and seemed short enough For my part I was in some feare of an Illusion but yet supposing that it should proue none I found my self in an extreame deale of shame with considering how I could euer be able to declare anie such thing as that to my Ghostlie Father Not yet in my opinion that I was to receaue trouble by it in respect of anie such thing as Humilitie in me but because I thought it likelie enough that he would make some ieast at it and say Lord what a kind of S. Paul or S. Ierome is this woeman growne that she forsooth must see things of Heauen yea and besides in regard that these Glorious Saints had participated and been admitted to such things as these I grew to be in so much the more feare of my self and really I did nothing but weepe bitterly in regard that in my opinion there was no apparance of reason at all that these things were to passe after this manner But yet howsoeuer in fine I resolued that I would goe to my Ghostlie Father notwithstanding all the auersion which I had and that I would acquaint him with all things for I neuer durst conceale anie thing from him through the very great feare wherein I was of being abused and deceiued Yet when he found me to be so greatly afflicted he did procure to comfort me much and told me of manie good things to free me from the paine wherein I was But afterward that which followes hapned to me and the same occurrs to me often For our Lord went shewing me yet greater Secrets I say he went shewing them to me for that a Soule should euer be able to see anie one iott more then is represented to her by our Lord is absolutly an impossible thing and for my part I neuer saw more then meerly what he was pleased to shew me at euerie seuerall time But that was so very much that the least part thereof sufficed to make me remaine all amazed and my Soule to be very much improued towards the vndervalue and dis-esteem of whatsoeuer thing might be in this world I would be extreamly glad if I could tell how to giue some little part of the least of that which I knew to be vnderstood but I find that it is wholy impossible For though this Light which we see heer and that Light which is represented there be all of it Light yet still there is so great a difference withall as that there is no manner of comparison For the claritie and brightnes euen of the verie Sunne it self is a thing of meane and poore apparance in respect of this In fine the verie Imagination of man how subtile and refined soeuer it may be is yet vnable to reach to the describing anie thing of
considering whether they were not those of the Euangelists But yet I neither saw how the Throne was seated nor who was sitting in it but only a great multitude of Angells about it which seemed to me of much more beautie beyond comparison then those others which I had seen in Heauen before And I haue been thinking whether they might not haue been Seraphins or Cherubins for they are very different in point of glorie and they seemed to be mightily inflamed And as for the glorie which then I felt in my self it can neither be written nor spoken nor is anie one able euen to thinke it but such as had been made partakers of it by seeing it But I vnderstood that absolutly all that which possibly can be desired was there and that all togeather I there saw nothing at all distinctly but they told me yet I know not euen who they were that the thing which I might there be able to doe was to vnderstand that I could vnderstand nothing but that I might see from thence the direct Nothingnes of all things in comparison of that And really it is very true that my Soule from that time forward hath found it self as if it were extreamly affronted and confounded to obserue that it was able to pause at all vpon anie thing created and how much more then to be affected either by it or to it For all things seem to me euer since to be neither better nor more then the verie nest of an Ant. But I Communicated and was at Masse though yet I knew not how I could be so I conceiued that the time had been very short and wondered when the Clock struck and so found that it was two howers wherein I had remained in Rapt and glorie I was amazed after this to know how by approaching so neer to this Fire which seemed to come from aboue out of the true loue of Almightie God it was yet in no power of mine at all to get the least sparke thereof but only when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to impart it For how much soeuer I desire it and how earnestly soeuer I procure it and would defeate and euen destroy my self for it there is yet no meanes at all to obtaine it But now this Rapt of mine seemes euen to haue consumed the faults and lukewarmnesse and miseries of the old man as the Phenix is sayd to doe her self out of whose ashes when she is burnt springs another Phenix For iust so doth a Soule become absolutly an other kind of thing with desires wholy different and with a courage so encreased that now she seemes not to be what she was before but now beginnes to walke with a new kind of puritie in the way of our Lord. And I iust then beseeching his Diuine Maiestie that it might proue to be so in my case and that I might now at least beginne as vpon a new account to doe him seruice he spake these words to me Thou hast made a good Comparison and see that thou forget it not that so thou maist euer procure to improue thy self And being once in the self-same doubt whereof I spake euen now whether these Visions were of God or no our Lord appeared and spake these words to me with some rigour Hovv long O yee Sonnes of men vvill yee continue to be hard of hart And he also willed me then to examine my self well vpon this one Interrogatorie VVhether I vvere entirely giuen to him for his or no and that if I vvere giuen so and vvas so I should beleiue that he vvould not suffer me to be lost And whereas I afflicted my self much vpon his vttering that exclamation aforesayd he returned with great tendernes and Regalo and told me that he would not haue me afflict my self and that he knew already that I for my part would not faile to apply my self wholy to that which might be for his Seruice and that so he would also doe all that which I desired of him against Illusions and so he was pleased to doe that thing in particular which then I humbly begged at his hands For he willed me to looke in vpon the Loue which went encreasing daily in me for thereby I might best vnderstand that the Diuel had no part in it and that I must not thinke Almightie God would consent that the Diuel should haue so much power ouer the Soules of his Seruants as to be able to giue me such a claritie of vnderstanding togeather with such a depth of repose of minde as I possessed And he gaue me also further to vnderstand that such and so manie men hauing told me that these Visitations were of Almightie God I should doe ill if I did not beleiue them Being also another time in Prayer vpon S. Athanasius's Creed of Quicumque vult c I was giuen to vnderstand the manner how there was one onlie God and three Persons and this in so perspicuous and cleare a kind that I was no lesse comforted by it then amazed at it This also did me very much good towards the giuing me encrease of knowledge concerning the greatnes of Almightie God and of his wonders and for all such occasions also as wherein I thinke of the Blessed Trinitie or heare speech thereof And now me thinkes I conceaue how all that Mysterie stands very well and it contents me much One day vpon the Assumption of our B. Ladie the Queen of the Angells our Lord was pleased to doe me the Fauour in a certaine Rapt that her rising vp into Heauen was represented to me togeather with the solemnitie and ioy of that Celestiall Court wherewith she was receiued as also the place which she held To tell what kind of thing this was I am no way able The glorie which euen my Spirit had to see that hers is so great was euen extreame and I remained with great effects and improuements by it towards a wish of vndergoing yet greater afflictions for the loue of our Lord. And so it also gaue me encrease of desires to serue our B. Ladie since both her dignitie and merit was so great And being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS and the Brothers of that House being then in act of receauing the B. Sacrament I saw a very rich Canopie ouer their heads and this at two seuerall times but yet when others Communicated there I saw it not THE FOVRTIETH CHAPTER She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life BEing once in Prayer the delight and gust which I felt within my self was so great and I found my self so vnworthie of so high a Fauour that I beganne vpon that occasion to consider how much better I had deserued to possesse that place in Hell which was prepared for me for I could neuer forget in what manner I had seen my self
resolutly affirme him to be that person as if I had seen him But yet now in this other case I could for heer there is imprinted so cleare a notice of him in the Minde without seeing him that it seemes a kind of impossibilitie to doubt it for our Lord will haue it so engrauen vpon the Vnderstanding that it can no more be questioned then euen that which we see no nor yet so much for in things which we see there remaines sometimes a suspicion whether we might not haue fancied such a thing and so mistaken it But heer though vpon the suddaine and as it were by way of surprise one may beginne to fall vpon a kind of suspicion or doubt yet still vpon the whole matter we remaine in so great a certaintie as that the doubt continues not to haue place And so also doth it fall out though yet in a different manner that God instructs the Soule speakes to it but yet without speaking at all in such sort as I haue already declared This is a certaine kind of language which hath so much of the Celestiall in it that it cannot well be giuen to be vnderstood by vs heer how much soeuer we may desire it vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to teach it by experience For our Blessed Lord conueyes and places that in the most interiour part of the Soule which he is pleased that the same Soule shall vnderstand and know and there doth he represent it without either anie image of his person or anie forme of words but only after the way of that kind of Vision which I haue already touched And now let this manner of Almightie God's making the Soule vnderstād what he will in the way of great Truths and mysteries be much obserued For manie times that which I vnderstand when our Lord declares anie Vision which his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to represent to me is after this manner and me thinkes it is in such occasions as where the Diuel is least able to intermeddle or intrude himself for these reasons and if they be not found I am likelie enough to be deceiued Now this kind of Vision and language is so inwardly a thing of Spirit that heer there is no kind of springing or euen stirring in anie of the Powers of the Minde nor yet in anie of the Senses of the Bodie in my opinion by which meanes the Diuel may be able to make himself the gainer Thus I say it happens sometimes as namely when it lasts but a very little while For at some other times me thinkes that neither the Powers of the Minde are suspended nor yet the Senses of the Bodie disabled but that they are all at home and in vse The other happens not alwayes in this degree of Contemplation but rather very seldome I say that when they are so lost we neither operate anie thing nor doe anie thing but all seemes to be the worke of our Lord. It is as when a food is already conueyd into the stomack without either our hauing eaten it or so much as knowing who layd it there but only we vnderstand well that there it is though in that case it be neither knowne what the food is nor who carried it thither But heer it is very differet for here the food is knowne though yet how it got thither I cannot tell for neither did I see it nor vnderstand it nor was I euer moued to desire it nor had it euer come to my knowledge before that such a thing could possibly be In the Speech vpon which I touched before Almightie God makes the Vnderstanding obserue and reflect vpon that which is sayd whether it desire to vnderstand or no. For there it seemes that the Soule hath some other kind of eates wherewith to heare that he makes her harken and not the while to thinke of somewhat els as if one who could heare well were not suffered to stopp his eares and that they cryed out alowd to him who would therefore be faine to heare them whether he would or no but somewhat in fine he doth since he is attentiue to vnderstand what they say But heer the Soule doth inst nothing for euen that little which was done in the former way and which was only to harken is taken from her now for now she findes all dressed to her hand yea and all eaten by her too So that now there is nothing to be done by her but to enioy Iust so as anie one who without euer hauing learnt or so much as endeauoured to read and much more without anie studying at all should find that whole Science already possessed by himself and that without knowing at all either how or whence it came since he had neuer procured to acquire it with so much as learning his A. B. C. And this last Comparison me thinkes declares some part of this Celestiall guift for the Soule findes her self heer to be growne wise vpon a suddaine and that the Mysterie of the most Holie Trinitie and other most sublime Articles are so exactly declared to her that there is not anie Theologue or Diuine in the world with whome she might not aduenture to dispute concerning the truth of those high points The Soule remaines heer in such an amazement that some one such Fauour as this suffices to worke a totall change in her and to make her loue nothing but only him who without anie labour at all of hers hath made her capable of so vnspeakable blessings and to whome he communicates his secrets and whome he treats with arguments of so great and deare friendship and loue that they endure not so much as to be written For he doth some such kinds of Fauour as might euen bespeake a kind of suspicion and doubt in the hearer in regard that they are of so great admiration and haue been imparted to a person who hath deserued them so very ill And in fine if we bring not a very Liuelie and euen lusty Faith with vs they cannot be beleiued and therefore I resolue to speake of few of those which our Lord hath been pleased to vouchsafe me vnlesse I be expresly commanded and vnlesse it be of some few Visions which perhaps may ferue to doe good in some kind To the end that anie such persons as to whome our Lord may be pleased to impart the like may not wonder and thinke it impossible as I did or els that so I may declare the manner and way by which it hath pleased our Lord to conduct my Soule that being the verie thing which they haue commanded me to write Returning therefore now to this manner of vnderstanding these kinds of things me thinkes our Lord is pleased that by all meanes this Soule of ours should haue some notice heer euen of that which passes in Heauen and that as Soules doe there vnderstand one another really without speaking which for my part I neuer knew before and this is most certainly true till our