to take him then were my thoughts fixed upon Christ though they had been wandring two days before and I had lost my beloved yet nothing could give me peace till I here found Him and Sweet communion with Him wherein I heard him say to my Soul thy sins smal and great are pardoned and thy pardon is sealed I saw as it were his precious blood spurting out of his sides into my heart Oh my Soul ever for ever love this Lovely Lord admire and adore him who hath sealed thy pardon Never sin more but walk suitably to all this c. The Fourth Sacrament was November 6. 1681 whereof he saith thus I have longed for this ordinance because I had more than ordinary sins such as pride that I had long groaned under which made me long for the sprinkling of my Dear Redeemers blood to wash them away I was also pestered with passion as well as pride with unbelief with wandring thoughts and some times with Blasphemy O cursed cursed sin and O wicked wicked heart once to think whether God was or no when thou hast had such clear evidences of a Diety these were my five deadly odious sins which I begg'd might be purged from me O that I may never see nor feel them more At this Ordinance I found relief and feeling the Wine falling down lower and lower I desired it might carry of all my filth so as to leave none remaining and there did I resolve through grace to leave those five sins and never have any thing to do with them c. The Fifth Sacrament was December 4. 1681. wherein saith he I did again lay my sins before the Lord fearing their return upon me did desire a meek and humble heart against my pride and passion I did again resign my self to God having broken Covenant with Him and begging with the Syrophaenician Woman to touch the Hem of Christs garments that I might be cleansed from my issue of sin but could not at that instant get so nigh him but afterwards had I a clear representation of Christs sufferings in the Garden where he bore the wrath of God sweating drops of blood through his cloths in a cold season so that he came as from Bozra with died garments then I saw the crown of thorns upon his head and his head beaten with the Soldiers iron-gloves which made the thorns wound his Holy Head in 72. places so that the blood ran down upon his body I saw also the heavy weight of the cross laid upon Him and how he was spit upon reviled and derided this blessed sight prevented wandring thoughts till the last prayer though I did not deserve the least crumb of comfort for unpreparedness to so great a work which had God dealt out my desert would have been no less than Hell c. The Sixth Sacrament he did partake of was January the first 1681 2. upon which he makes these remarks I had been some days before more than ordinary in my preparation and prayer for a profitable receiving and when I came to it I was sore afraid that I should lay stress upon preparatory actings therfore begged I of God that he would not deal with me accordingly I laboured to act my requisite graces As 1. Repentance laying open before the Lord all my old year sins to that New-years day and laboured to mourn for them more than formerly especially for my deadly deadly sins Spiritual pride Passionateness Wandring Thoughts in Holy Duties unbeleif worldliness c. and I hope God gave there both pardon of them and power against them 2. My thankfulness I actuated as well as I could for so rich a mercy begging for it both hard and always 3. My love though I had much too little experiencing the sweet Kisses of Christs mouth and Embraces of his love I saw Christ on the Cross Embracing me as vvell as I him and saying to God I have paid a Ransom for him this man is he c. This was so sweet that I could embrace the stake or even go into hell so I might thus enjoy him whom my Soul loved and when I heard the Minister say mourn for your sins that murdred your Lord I answered within my self How can the Children of the Bride mourn while the Bridegroom is with them Twice did wandring thoughts offer themselves but were by grace suppressed at the first rising having now obliged my understanding will memory affections conscience yea all to attend Gods service While thus fill'd with this enjoyment I longed to be in Heaven and desired that welcom welcom friend death that I might sing with the Holy Saints and Angels Hallelujahs to to the Lord then said I O my Soul let nothing draw thy love from thy Lord For the World Friends Relations Pleasures Profits all things put together can never give such joy to thee as thou hast found from lovely lovely Jesus in this blessed ordinance therefore lay not out thy love upon any thing besides Him who hath done and is doing great things yea and will do greater for thee Such was my warming warming loves at this Supper The Seventh Sacrament was February the 3. 1681 2. Upon which he remarks thus when I found my heart not fully fixed by my New years Day Sacrament but notwithstanding all my striving I was yet troubled with distraction in duty I longed for this ordinance very much and thought it long till it came that accounts might be made even between God and my poor Soul I was dull for 2. or 3. Duties before and could not get my heart raised whereby I saw that I deserved nothing though wandring thoughts pressed upon me yet were they cut short 2 or 3 times I found relief from those sins I had laid open before the Lord in the foregoing Sacrament I bewailed my breaking covenant my distraction my deadness and coldness in duty c. And at this Sacrament my Dear Redeemer met me said to me I have pardoned those thy sins at thy request this much affected and inlivened me in love to him seeing him then as it were coming from Heaven to the Earth and from Earth to the Cross shedding his precious blood for me and from the Cross into Glory and methought Christ said to me go sin these your sins no more which obliged me to a close walking and to be more watchful than before all this month the Lord kept me from pride but alas my other sins returned to foil me The Eighth Sacrament was March 5. 1681 2. Upon this he saith thus I had more than ordinary communion with God before it and have not had a sweeter season for a long time which made me long till it came in this ordinance I saw my dear Redeemer as it were dead with a company of Holy Angels holding of Him and a great darkness over all the place this was grief to my Soul but presently he that was dead I saw him alive again and comming into the midst of us to see
fold 1. â—o let go sin not only in action but â—n affection also and 2. to lay hold on Christ as one undone without Him Thus came this blessed Soul to be broken off from the Wild Olive Rom. 11.24 In his letting go and â—aying down of sin as the greatest evil and by Grace became grafted â—nto that Blessed and Bleeding Vine â—he Lord Jesus John 15.1 2. who ever after his happy grafting time became a fruit bearing branch haveâ—ng juice and nourishment administred abundantly to him from the â—ree of Life Jesus Christ as the sequel will manifest in almost unparalâ—eld instances Thus far in short for his experiences in his first Conversion now come we to treat more largely of his whole Conversation some parts whereoâ— shall be reduced to the three following Heads His Exercises His Exâ—minations of Himself and his Evidences for Heaven which he attainâ—â— unto c. CHAP. II. NOW after his thorough aâ—â— sound Conversion follows 〈◊〉 holy Conversation which appearâ—â— to be much in Heaven by his conveâ—sing so much with God and with 〈◊〉 own heart in his due preparatioâ— for and true participation of thâ—â— greatest of ordinances the Lords Sâ—â—per as is manifest by those experiences writ with his own hand upon that subject which with no small trouble yet with great delight are here transcribed Now that he was bred and made a new creature by his effectual calling he found and felt a necessity that he must also be fed so asks councel about the concern of his Soul and learnt those Divine Lessons which He recorded As 1. the Lords Supper is so called because our Lord ordained it at his last Supper instead of the Passover 2. 't is the duty of Beleivers to receive it else they do slight his Love and disobey his Command 3. And to receive it often according to Christs command and the Apostles practice 4. That being dull and doubting under my Spiritual wants saith he I must give all dilligence toprepare my Heart for so great a work All are naturally unfit God will come and veiw his guests I have to do with the Son of God c. 5. This preparation must be made by a narrow search of my own Heart concerning my Sins my wants and my Graces and by fervent and solemn prayer 6. The Graces I must go to God and get from him are Knowledge Faith Love Repentance and New Obedience 7. I must have Knowledg for without it the heart cannot be good nor can I know my self nor discern the Lords Body I must know how man was created and how he fell and I in him how we are recovered by Christ how renewed after the image of God in knowledg c. till then my understanding is dark and ignorant my conscience benummed my affections out of order and set upon wrong objects my memory brittle my eyes full of adultry and my whole Frame out of Frame the knowledg of those things will help to break my heart that such a filthy lump of Sin as I am should see and feel the arms of Christ imbracing me 8. I must have Faith whereby I may hartily receive him as my Lord and Redeemer and rely upon him alone both for safety and salvation Without faith 't is not possible to please God and I may not displease him at his own Table when I go thither for the food of my Soul 9. I must have repentance because I must judg my self that I be not judged I must both mourn for sin and turn from sin when I come to the Lords Table c. 10. I must have Love too because the Apostle saith without Love all is nothing 't is uncomfortable to sit down at the table of an enemy whom we love not and who loves not us but 't is dreadfull and dangerous to sit down in our Enmity 11. I must have new Obedience also else I come in my rebellion and for Some Sinister end not out of obedience I must here renew my covenant with God and be as serious as if I were to dye Both in begging to be rid of that Sin which most disturbs the peace of my Soul and to have that mercy which would do me most good in a Dying Hour c. 12. I must quicken and draw forth into act all these forenamed Habits of Grace when I come to the Lords Table there meditating upon the great work of mans redemption Gods severity against sin in the death of my Surety Savior the preciousness of my Soul that cost such a price and the priviledges purchased for me thereby for which I must be thankful c. Having thus solemnly prepared his Soul for this great and tremendous ordinance from July 22. 1681. to August the 7h before he was yet twenty years old he sat down the first time upon that day at the Lords Table Upon this first Sacrament he received August the seventh thus he writes Before I sat down and at my first approach to the Table something of Fear and Trembling seized upon me but soon after I had some Sweet Sights of my Dear Redeemer I saw him by Faith how he stood with his Arms wide open to receive me and how he was Pierced that the Blood came out of his Blessed and Bleeding Sides I had then a clearer Sight of my God through my Redeemer and of his blessed Angels This was ravishing and Oh how refreshing but could not get my heart Inflamed enough with Love to Christ I laid open my Sins and beg'd the Pardon of them might be Sealed I promised to live up to this Obligation c. Concerning the Second Sacrament he Received Sept. 4. 1681. He gives this account I had not duely prepared my Heart for so great a work and Ordinanance but blessed for ever blessed be the Lord who did not deal with me according to my unpreparedness which if he had done I had not been here but been banished from his presence and so been under the Death of Deaths But he was pleased to give me a Sight of himself which I esteem above life and likewise a Sight of God and Christs conferring about mans Redemption I saw the Lord as it were saying Come ye Holy Angels behold man is fallen see if ye can find a way for his recovery which they could not but Christ took upon him mans salvation And I saw my self as it were in Hell where I had for ever laid but Christ came and drew me out then I embraced him as my Prophet Priest and King and became willing to forsake the World and all for Christ O that I may do it more and more and never have this frame worn off but that while I am below with my Body my Soul may be above with my God c. The Third Sacrament was October 2d 1681. on which he writes thus as the minister in administring was saying So that you are unfeignedly willing to receive Christ and whom nothing will satisfy but him I bid come and welcome
A Spiritual Legacy Being a PATTERN OF PIETY FOR ALL Young Persons Practice in a faithful Relation of the Holy LIFE and Happy DEATH OF Mr John Draper REPRESENTED Out of his own and other Manuscripts containing his Experiences Exercises Self-Examinations and Evidences for Heaven Together with his Funeral SERMON Published by CHR. NESS Minister of the Gospel LONDON Printed by H. Clark for the Author and are to be sold by L. Curtis at Sr. Edmundbury Godfrey's Head near Fleet Bridge 1684. THE Epistle Dedicatory TO YOUNG MEN THE Bosom and best Beloved Disciple saith I write to you Young Men because ye have overcome the wicked One because ye are strong and the Word of God abideth in you c. 1 Joh. 2.13 14. And poor I the least of Saints and greatest of Sinners write accordingly unto you that it may be so with you in this present Time as it was with those Young Men in the Primitive and Apostolical Times What they through Grace did and Had the honour of the same ye ought to do and have the like Ambition both for Valour and for Victory Solomon saith also That the Glory of Young Men is their Strength Prov. 20.29 The Hebrew word there for Young Men signifeth Choice men to wit for Military Employments which may be understood in a Mystical as well as in a Literal Sense seeing there is a Spiritual as well as a Temporal Warfare Isa 40.2 1 Cor 9.7 2 Cor. 10.4 1 Tim. 1.18 There is the Figurative Fighting the good Fight of Internal Faith 1 Tim. 6.12 2 Tim. 4.7 Heb. 10.32 As well as that which is Corporal by External Force Nor can Young men be reputed more truly Valorous in any Heroick Exploits than in Vanquishing the Prince of Darkness O ye Young men your Strength is indeed your Glory and you are prone to Glory in your Strength as your peculiar Priviledge above all other Ages but forget not that word of Wisdom which tells you Let not the mighty man Glory in his might c. but let him that glorieth Glory in the Lord Jerem. 9.23 1 Cor. 1.31 And remember to use your strength well not in Quarrelling and Duelling as those Youngsters at Helketh-Hazzurim did who sheathed their Swords in each others Bowels for a Play and Pastime 2 Sam. 2.14.16 Not in Vanity or Villany c. but in following your particular Callings as well as in fighting for your native Countries as those Young men of the Princes of the Provinces did 1 Kings 20.20 from ver 13 14 c. As you are Strong Young men more especially in pursuing your General Calling as you are Strong Young Christians Thus Young Timothy became a good Souldier of Jesus Christ 2 Tim. 2.3 not dreaming of any Carnal Delicacy but Enduring Hardship and living so abstemiously among the luxrious Ephesians that the Apostle was constrained to prescribe him Physick 1 Tim. 5.23 As Godly Timothy 's daily Task was to war a good marfare so it ought to be yours DIRECTIONS First Make Religion your business not a By-business let it be jour Alpha and your Omega that must be in the Beginning and in the Ending yea and in the Middle also of all your Actings Inure your selves so to it as to make it your familiar Exercise or Recreation Acts 24.16 Yea bestirr your selves lustily in it as your business of greatest Importance 1 Tim. 4.7 Secondly Arm your selves with the whole Armour of God both that part which is Defensive as the Girdle of Truth the Helmet of Hope the Shield of Faith the Breast-Plate of Righteousness and the Shoes of Peace and Patience And that also which is Offensive as the Sword of the Spirit and Darts of Prayer Eph. 6.12 13 to 19. Thirdly In this Armour fight ye the good Fight of Faith 1 Tim. 6.12 Be men of God ver 11. and Quit your selves like men 1 Cor. 16.13 Be more than men be strong 2 Tim. 2.1 in the Grace which is by Je sus Christ Be Strong Young Men Resist the Devil and he will flee from you James 4.7 1 Pet. 5.9 Satan is therefore but a Coward who like the Crocodile when you follow him he fleeth you but if you flee from him he followeth you Fourthly In this Armour also do ye war a good warfare 1 Tim. 16.18 against those Fleshly Lusts which war against your Souls 1 Pet. 2.11 That like the Syrians are commanded by their Master to war with neither Small nor Great but with the King of Israel 1 Kings 22.31 All their Spite is against the Soul to destroy it and its Grace and Peace If such a Chast and Chastened peice as Mortified young Timothy was bid to Flee youthful Lusts 2 Tim. 2.22 How much more you in these debauching daies and in your slippery Age as slippery as Glass Fifthly Tremble to turn This Celestial Armour into Carnal and Effeminate Amours If you embrace Vice in your Youth 't is a thousand to one but you will refuse Vertue in your Old Age Trees that blossom not in the Spring will hardly bear fruit in Autumn Besides is this fair dealing to give God the Devils leavings How can God like to be Gleaning at last where the Devil hath been reapimg all your Time to say nothing of the Strains and Cramps of Conscience which you will carry with you to your dying Day as possibly you may do some strains and cramps while young and presumptuous in your body Sixthly But to be short consider what Solomon in his sapiential Sermon concerning the most soveraign good saith by his most emphatical Irony for deterring all youngsters from persuing sensual pleasures rejoyce O Young-Man in thy youth Eccles. 11.9 That is Do if thou darest As God said to Balaam Go since thou wilt go Numb 22.20 But know that thou goest upon thy death Thus this Ironical Concession intimates that Young-Men have strongest Inclinations to and the stoutest Abilities for all kind of sensuallity and they are most impatient both of reproof and restraint therefore do they indulge their own jolly and frolick humours in takeing their full of delights In eating drinking being madly merry c. Let them do so saith Solomon but at their peril But know c. O this stinging But c. marrs all their mirth and is a Cooler to the Youngsters courage one thought of an after reckoning spoils all his sport For all these things which are accounted but Triffles and Tricks of Youth God will bring you to judgment either in this life as he did Young Absolom and Adonijah Hophni and Phineas Nadab and Abihu and other Young Men or however in the next life Your Death Day shall unavoidably become your Dooms Day then God will force you to appear before his dreadful tribunal though never so much against the hair and against the heart thereto receive the direful sentence of go ye cursed c. Young-Men of all men are aptest to put the evil day of death and judgment far from them But this avails
comforted Isa 54.11 till God brought him to the Haven◠Man's Life as a Ship before the Wind passeth on without any stay until it come to Shore Whether the Marriners in the Ship be sleeping or wakeing working or eating she runs on her course So doth Man's Life run on however he spends his time whether he sleeps or wakes serves God or serves the Devil the Wind of Divine Power and Providence is carrying our Ship of Life nearer its Port while I am thus Speaking and you Hearing God grant it may be the Cape of Good Hope Heaven to wit the best landing place Secondly As Man's Life is likened to a Pilgrimage by Land so this likewise declares it to be a Perilous Passage and Path-way We must not take the Word Pilgrimage in the Text either strictly or Superstitiously in the sence of the Popish Votaries Jacob was not to be looked upon no not by Pharoah himself to be a Popish Pilgrim nor any of the Holy Patriarchs his Predecessors The Popish Pilgrimage to Jerusalem is a Ridiculous as well as a Superstitious Practice for no one place can bring a Man nigher God than another all parts of the Earth have an equal distance from Heaven though the Romanists plead that Father Cyril went thither yet he himself professeth that he went not upon the account of any private Pilgrimage to Jerusalem but as he was ordered by Publick Authority to visit the Eastern Churches and to establish them in the Truth But we must understand Pilgrimage here largely for a Path-way a Thorough-Fare a Course Race or Journey from one place to another Thus a Pilgrim in Scripture-Sence is all one with a Traveller a Stranger and a Sojourner Man's Life is but his walk and way There be many Congruities betwixt them which I shall reserve to discourse upon in handling the Sixth Observation as being their proper place adding only here that there is a Two-fold Pilgrimage First A Natural Pilgrimage Secondly A Moral Pilgrimage First The Natural Pilgrimage is the course that a Man rides the Race that he runs even the whole Passage and Progress of his Life of Nature ab Vtero ad Vrnam from his Birth to his Burial for till then he comes not to his Journeys end or to the Period or full Point of his Pilgrimage There be two Terms in this former to wit the Grave of the Womb is the Terminus a quo or starting place Man begins this Pilgrimage as soon as he is Born of a Woman and comes out of the Womb into the World and he never rests from his Travel but is a poor Pilgrim sleeping and waking until he come to rest in the Womb of the Grave There the weary be at Rest Job 3.17 that is His Terminus ad Quem There is Secondly a Moral Pilgrimage wherein likewise there are two the like Terms This is a walking from our selves and from our Sins up unto God and unto Godliness The beginning of this Pilgrimage Morally taken is the privative part a ceasing from Sin or departing from Evil and the Accomplishment of it is the positive part a Learning to do well and not only a pursuing but also an overtaking of that which is Good Isa 1.16 17. and Psal 34.14 and Amos 5.15 And this is a Metaphorical Walk non Pedibus sed Affectibns as saith the Father with our Affections Those Feet of the Soul whereby it goes forth after Objects more than with those of the Body I. VSE Seeing your Life is but a Pilgrimage a coming and a going as David's Phrase is and of Joshuah before him Behold I am going the way of all the Earth 1 King 2.2 and Josh 23.14 that is The way of all the Men upon Earth who are all doom'd to go that way Hebr. 9.27 Oh consider both you young and you old your Life is a Path-way either to a Prison or to a Pallace it is a Thorough-Fare either to Heaven or to Hell Bethink your selves in time Be Men and Women of Consideration for that is it which distinguishes Men from Beasts c. II USE Then Agree with your Adversary an angry God for your Sins while you are in the way of your Life Matth. 5.25 While you are going your Pilgrimage before you come to the Judges House who will certainly send you if unreconciled into an Everlasting Prison If you walk in the broad way being all for Elbow-room to Sin and leading loose and Licentious Lives you are hastening down to the Chambers of Eternal Death Matth. 7 13. but if in the Narrow-way of a strict Conversation Then are you going to a Pallace not to a Prison ver 14. a good Life always bespeaks a good Death and all Persons are passing either to Heaven or Hell while they live and when they Die their Death is but a flitting to the one place or to the other c. Having thus far discovered the Nature of Humane Life defined or described in the Text to be not any Royal Progress which is constantly carry'd on and manag'd after a Splendid manner every way adapted to the Grandeur of Majesty No the Life of Man hath no such stately Prospect in this Holy Patriarchs eye but 't is a poor Pilgrimage twice inculcated here and as oft aggravated with contemptible Circumstances relating to both the Quantity and the Quality of this poor Pilgrimage From tke former of these two to wit the Quantity ariseth my Fift Observation Doctr. 5. The Pilgrimage of Man's Life is but a short Pilgrimage Thus this Blessed Patriarch computed his own Life in the Text to be but a short Life consisting only of a few Days though he had now attained to the Age of an Hundred and Thirty years Few and evil c. To speak distinctly of the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that it is so of the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 why it is so and of the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the manner how it is so cannot be expected in this short Discourse save only some promiscuous Intimations of them all I. REASON The shortness of this Pilgrimage is Demonstrable three ways First In as much as Man's Life is measured by Days one of the least Computations of time not by Weeks or by Months much less by Years Thus Jacob computeth his own Life by Days in the Text twice over as he doth also the Lives of the foregoing Patriarchs Thus Job likewise numbereth his Life by Days over and over again as Job 7.1.6 and 14.1.5 and many more places too long to enumerate So David 1 Kings 2.1.4 and Psal 103.3.11 c. yea and all the most Mortified Men in Scripture do unanimously concur in the same Computation of their Lives by Days II. REASON The Second Demonstration that Man's Life is short as it is measured so it is numbered by his Days yea to be but as one day Because it consists only of a few Days This Epithet is expressed in the Text Few are my Days c. Man's appointed Time is but a few
till she reach her desired Harbour or Haven Mark also the Congruity in sundry Particulars betwixt Man's Passage through this Life and a Ships passing through the Sea The First Congruity is as a Ships Bulk being built just after the manner of Man's Body in a Supine posture the Bottom-Tree answering our Back-Bone which hath many Ribs rising up on both sides c. is made for Motion not Rest Hence the Ignorant Indians call'd the first ships they beheld Moving Islands All ships are made for launching out into the Deep Waters Psal 107.23 24. And when heaved from off the Stocks where they are built in order to their passing down into the Deep have a peculiar Name as the Good-Speed the Adventure c. put upon them Even so it is with the poor Isle of Man so called he upon his first Launching forth from his Mothers Womb into a Sea of misery hath some significant Name put upon him with many hearty wishes from Parents and Relations sent after him both for his Safety and Success Secondly No sooner is the Ship Launched out into the Main Ocean but she meets with contarry Winds raging Waves dreadful Storms c. as before so that she is never safe or quiet till she reach her Rest in her desired Haven Psal 107.30 Thus it is with Man while in this lower World the place of Pyracy Job 7.1 ut supra He is assaulted with many Pyrates who hang out false Colours to decoy him within the Command of their Cannons He is Afflicted tossed with Tempests and not Comforted Isa 54.11 This present evil World is a very Shop fully furnished with All Tempting Tools and the life of man is but as one Temptation continued from First to Last 'T is a life made up all of Temptation Man is ever under either Visible or Invisible Dangers He passeth through Perils in Perils often as Paul 2 Cor. 11.26 every moment untill he Reach to that Everlasting Rest in a Desired Haven Heb. 4.9 Revel 14.13 The Third Congruity is A Ship is not only made for Motion but for Swift Motion Hence Job phraseth it My days pass away as the Swift Ships Hebr. Ships of Ebeck which may be read Ships of desire whether they be Ships of Pleasure or Yatches which are Built Frigat-wise for Sayling Swiftly Or they be Ships of Pyracy as Mendoza reads it saying Naves Piraticae mercibus Vacuae quam velocissime Rapiuntur Plundering and Pilfering Privateers being empty of Burdens make the most speedy way in Plowing through the Waters especially when they have both Wind and Tide with them to promote their Progress Thus it is with poor mortal Man who is a rowling tumbling thing like a Ship hopping from Hill to Mountain and meeting with no Resting Place Jer. 50.6 He reels to and fro as if drunk like the Marriners in a tossed Ship Psal 107.26 27. Yea and many mens motions to Hell are as swift Ships making great haste thither Prov. 1.16 Isa 59.7 Rom. 3.15 mans life is swift of it self but it runs most swiftly when the wind of Temptation and the tide of Corruption concurr to carry it forward c. Oh would to God the motions of your minds made as much expedition towards Heaven as wicked men do towards Hell All men are Ships of Desire both good and bad All are Home-bound to one of those ports and never do the winds so much fill the Sails of such and such a Ship as Desires do fill the minds of the Mariners to be at such and such a Desired Haven 'T is true the worst of wicked men do not Desire Hell yet though they do not desire that end they have strong desires towards the way to that end how ought every gracious soul to pray for the fresh gales of Gods Spirit John 3.8 and to cry with the Spouse in the Song Awake O Northwind and come thou Southwind blow upon me c. Cant. 4.16 a Godly Person hath with Paul his Cupio Dissollvi a desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Phil. 1.23 O how should we all with the penitent prodigal Hasten home to our Fathers House c. Luke 15.17 18 20. Heaven is our home 2 Cor. 5. from 1. to 7. 't is our Desired Haven Psal 107.30 even everlasting happiness Fourthly the Fourth paraphrase upon Jobs phrase that mans life is like a Ship followeth that as a Ship leaves no visible tract behind her so life passeth unto death and the memory of it is forgotten Solomon saith the way of a Ship in the midst of the Sea cannot be tracked Prov. 30.19 for though she make deep furrows in her passage all along ye◠do they immediately close up again and the same Solomon saith of men yea of great men that carry a great figure in their place and be of a Ruffling grandeur in the world when once Dead the memory of them wears out of the mind Eccles. 8.10 and 9.5 Thus Aegypt forgat Joseph Exod. 1.18 and Israel Gideon Judg. 8.34 35. Yea men Friends and Familiars remember the dead no more Thus likewise some understand that phrase in Dan. 8.5 The he goat toucheth not the ground in this sence that it imports not only the speed and expedition of Alexanders prodigious conquests but also that in ā short time no man would know what was become either of that great conqueror or of any of his vast Conquests there would be no print of any their footsteps left behind they would no more be found than the way of a ship in the midst of the Sea Yet O how good it is to be a godly person for the Righteous shall be had in Everlasting Remembrance Psal 112.6 the memory of the just full be blessed Prov. 10.7 they shall be mentioned with much veneration after death even by those that spared not to Reproach them in their life their very name shall be honourable and acceptable to God and men whereas the name of the wicked rotteth and stinks above ground Prov. 10.7 Fifthly and lastly a Ship never rests till she come into her desired Heaven so mans life stays no where till it comes to its long rest and that is a blessed rest to those that dye in the Lord Revel 14.13 that fall asleep in Jesus 1 Thes 4.14 God takes a way their Souls out of their bodies as it were by a Kiss thus Rabins read that phrase Gnal pi Jehovah Deut. 34.5 at the mouth of the Lord Moses dyed not as we according to the words of the Lord As if God had taken away his Soul with a kiss of his mouth such a kiss of love as the Spouse prayed for from the mouth of Christ Cant 1.2 when this is done what follows after but rest from labours 1 from Labours of necessity 2 from labours of Infirmity and 3 from labours of Iniquity 1. They Rest from the first to wit the Necessary yet toilsom◠Labours of this Life they take no more thought Propoter Victum Amictum what they
what we came for I went to him and told him methought that my Soul loved him and I was come to meet him for strength against corruption and by his help I could forsake the world and sin which I hated to enjoy him c. then he told me my pride should not prevail against me this month nor my other sins but by own neglect This was sweet and refreshing to my Soul and this was the occasion of the Devils great rage against me as appears by my Diary March 14. yet could he not prevail but Christ kept his promise in keeping me from pride c. Oh what cause have I to love the Lord Jesus whom I saw here again coming from Heaven to Earth to the Cross to the Grave and to Heaven again and all this to save my Soul here sin was made more odious Christ more dear and here I renewed my Covenant with God c. The Ninth Sacrament was April the 2d 1682. upon which he says thus Some Time before this I was in a dull frame by the hurries of our Trade at this time as may be seen by my diary little life could I find till the noon before that day then had I the presence of my Dear Lord in a lively manner and measure after this wandring thoughts dulness and coldness unsuitable to so sweet a supper seized upon me but by running over again the same circumstances of my Saviours sufferings especially his Agony in the Garden and all for such a wretch as me I found relief got hatred of my sins begged pardon of them And not only so but got power against them yet wandring thoughts 4 or 5 times did trouble me but by Christs strengthening me I overcame them and hoped to have my pardon sealed and to have power for the future for watching better against them and against my deadness and breaking my Covenant c. which made me long to quit the World whereupon it was answered me I should shortly be freed from all sin yet in this Sacrament I had the least communion with God than in any before but still much more infinitely more than I deserved who sure I am deserves not the least mercy The Tenth Sacrament was May 7. 1682. upon which he writes thus I had not longing desires after this Blessed Ordinance having lost much of my life I had in duty before through much hurries of our worldly affairs This morning I wrestled with God but had not the light of his countenance which made me think of not going yet considering that was not the way to be better I ventured but found no life at first yet a little after I felt some reaching after my Dear Redemer this made me resolve to walk more closely for the future after this it pleased God to come in out of his free love and to give me a clear sight of my sweet Saviours going to his Cross and I following him and laying my self down at his feet when I could do nothing Then had I plain visions of my lovely Lords ascensions and his Angels looking upon him whereat I found much goings out of my Soul after him yet wandring thoughts did trouble me for I had not brought my breaking Covenant my Dulness and Deadness before the Lord so as to be deeply humbled for them The Eleventh Sacrament was June 4 1682. Vpon which he He remarks thus I having no time was very bad in my preparations for this blessed Sacrament so doubted whether I should go to it but fearing it might be the last I should injoy in peace I then went yet it prov'd the worst I ever yet had I hardly felt any movings of affections only a little mourning for my breach of Covenant my coldness and deadness c. Had a little sight of my Dearest Redeemer but O my misery for not keeping my ingagement made in the foregoing Ordinance whereby I feared the Holy Spirit was greived and sinned away O sad sad lamentable deplorable was my state when I had sinned my God from me My condition was wretched now and without more care it may yet be much worse The Twelfth Sacrament was on July 2d 1682. whereupon he notes thus I was but little in preparation in order to my participation of this Holy Ordinance yet much more than on the last on Fryday morning before I had much of Gods presence but because I had not taken a Catalogue of my sins and had broke my vows with God 't is just with him to hide his face from me and O my deadly sin got again too much advantage against me yet praised be the free Grace of my God I had his presence in this Ordinance and saw my Dear Redeemer going along bearing his heavy Cross and his suffering thereupon and when his side was pierced methought I stood under and his precious blood did drop down upon me but still I was too little grieved for sin and had 3. times wandrings which through Grace passed away as the Wine went down I desired my sins might be purged away and renewed my resolve of walking better both before and in this Sacrament designing to shelter my Soul in the holes of his blessed Side that was â—ierced as the Dove doth in the holes of the Rock The Thirteenth Sacrament was August 6. 1682. On which he records thus The hurries of the World had made menegligent before it yet did I try my self by my catalogue of sins drawn up in February before such as pride whereof I had a great deal breach of Covenant whereof I was greatly guilty Wandrings Dullness in Duty c. and then another great one the neglect of self tryal after my vows renewed Covenant to do it after Sacraments wherein I had found much sweetness I could not still call my self to a strict account nor actuate my repentance as becomes a worthy receiver though my sins were many and great At my first sitting down I had but little sense of sin but after God showed me something of himself then had I some sorrow of Soul and something of my dear Lord but once God seemed to come out in fury towards me yet methought I saw my Dear Redeemer stop it Here again I lay under the Cross to be washed from my sins and did see as before Christ coming from Heaven to Earth to hiâ— Cross and to his Grave and from thence into Glory this I viewed with a little oh too little life then the Devil tempted me to make no new engagement of reformation but the Lord helped me and I harkned not to the Tempter About 4. times wandrings came but through grace they continued not yet had I smal actings of love and out-goings of Soul after my God and my Dear Redeemer The Fourteenth Sacrament was September 3. 1682. On which he observes thus I had but little of God some time before this till Saturday night Though I had been much in preparation yet my God came not in till then and indeed I
to the unconverted which through grace shewed me the necessity of my conversion yet all this time never consulted with any man about my sins but only confessed them to God till I met with Mr. Hookers Soul preparation for Christ which convinced me to advise with some Godly minister hereupon I did address to one though a stranger to him saying Sir I cannot I dare not any longer refrain having ask'd my self what fitness I had to dye was answered I was unfit till I had eas'd my heart to you as followeth 1. When I was 7. years old I tore my Bible and cast away my Catechism 2. I have broke the Sabbath by rambling abroad playing at farthings with naughty boys and washing my self in the fields when I should have been at the Church c. 3. By excusing my sins with a lye so added one sin to another for covering it 4. Nor have I been free from Youthful Lusts which young Timothy was bid to flee but my corrupt Heart hath had workings after the Act several times yet hath been wonderfully prevented by the advice of my Godly Sister who laid before me Christs words Mat. 5.28 whoever looks on a woman to lust after her c. however I am guilty of Heart-Adultry yea 5. I have erred and laughed when I have heard the word preached with power c. Hereupon the Good Minister gave me grave council and comfort suitable to my penitent case and condition yet notwithstaning all this I was not effectually called nor througly converted and made a new creature until afterwards I heard that Sermon upon Mat. 5.25 26. as the account above mentioned specifieth But alas in my Apprentiship through the hurries of the World in our way of trading especially in May and June c. I became negligent of my close walking with God not minding as I might to continue in his love when God my adversary was reconciled to me I neglected Dayly Self-examination or did it only to halfe part being dull and sleepy through weariness with worldly work at night then my old corruptions got head again upon me I broke my Covenant made at the agreement with my adversary and I Apostatized from these sweet thoughts I formerly had upon my God and Dear Redeemer for which had he not been gracious I had been damned and rotting in Hell for ever This consideration made me exclaim against my self saying O silly Soul to heed a perishing dying world before Heaven such sadness and darkness seized on me at this time when the things of the world I found had been the substance of my thoughts and discourse that I knew not what to do nor whither to go at last I turned to the Lord and begged of him that he would not take the forfeiture nor suffer me to run this ready way to utter destruction I cryed Lord 't is just with thee to hurle mein to hell and into the hottest place thereof and never wait longer upon such a cumber-ground as I am but to thee my Dear Redeemer do I run for refuge as one that am hungry and hardly bestead poor blind naked wretched and miserable a loathsom wretch unworthy to be called a servant much less a Son having so wickedly departed from my God yet through thee will I venter again to my God and by thy strength I will better mind my future walkings O my dearest Redeemer I die without thee O come in once again and let me feel once more what it is to have Christ dwelling in my Soul O find a time of love wherein to disperse those dark clouds and shine upon my Dead and Darkned Soul O hath my night no day 't is an hell to me to be thrust away from God I know the cause is all at home my sin my sin O let it be done away then should I recover the light of thy countenance as formerly and in so doing I do ingage to amend my manners depending on thy help my hand is witness John Draper now to bind his Soul and Slippery heart to God the better in observing this new ingagement he wrote down many profitable rules in his pocket book As 1. In a day of humiliation I must lay all my sins before the Lord and resolve to forsake them 2. I must look upon my sin of Passion as a feaver in my mind of Lust as fire in my bones of Pride as a fatal tympany in my Soul of covetousness as an insatiable and unsufferable thirst and the sin of Envy or Malice as rank poyson in the heart 3. If I would run so as to obtain I must cast off all those weights or sins that do so easily beset me 4. I must resolve to begin betimes the running of this race 5. Nor must I loyter in the way 6. Nor must I cumber my self with the needless incumbrances of the World 7. I must look to every part of my way with equal care and observation 8. Nor must I ever think I have gone far enough till I have obtained the prize 9. And the further I have run in this race the more eager should be to obtain the end 10. I must alway think that I am upon the brink of eternity and therefore should give all diligence to make my calling and election sure working out my Salvation and making sure work for a better world before I go hence to be seen no more 11. I must ever come to God as to a Soul-pittying a Sin-pardoning and a Prayer-hearing God 12. I must be fervent in prayer yet submit to Gods Soveraignâ—y 13. Occasions of being too â—ong alone are to be avoided so â—s Strong Drink and too full a Dyet 14. I must be thinking oft Death Judgment Hell and Heaâ—en those four last things 15. I must not stretch my Christian liberty too far for he that dare go so far as he thinks he may goes sometime farther than he should c. 16. I must bridle my Tongue and not be too apt to speak of things whereof I am not certain And much more to the same purpose both for particular and general instruction too long to insert here This Holy Young-Man put down in his pocket book also how he had been Exercised with Temptations to Sin as to Theft Adultry Playing at Cards and prophaning the Sabbath c. as also with tryals to prevent temptations instancing that in a lash upon his eye with a Coach-whip whereby the Lord healed him of hie lustful Eye which had been too ful of Adultry 2. Pet. 2.14 CHAP. IV. NOw come we to the Third Head his Examinations of himself in the workings of his heart relating to his Communion with God It was not enough to this good Soul to examine himself only when he was approaching to the Lords Table on the Lords Day as is before specified but he look'd upon it as his duty to do it every day both every Sabbath-day when there was no Sacrament and every week day also making it his continual daily
in duty 17th had like to have fallen into passion but God disappointed it yet not much in Holy Ejaculations c. eighteenth not up early had my former omissions and commissions the ninteenth twentyeth and twenty first yea to the end of April he arraigns himself as guilty of all those aforesaid Crimes then May 1 2 3 4 5 6. Complains of all those evils adding that hurreys of his trade at this time did provoke him more to passion but sometime God helped him to subdue it c. the 7. being Sabbath Day sin set too light did not mourn for the sins of the land not enough in holy ejaculations nor in looking into my own heart nor seriously minding the Word of God 8 9 10 11 12 13. the same little life much dullness being wearyed with the hurries of the World 14 frothy discourse with some delight O sin sin lay too light both mine own and the lands sin 15 16 17 18 19. the same Complaint 20. neglecting to read Gods Word 21 22 23. so on to the end of May he cryes out I have done nothing for my self nor the Church I have not been my self hardly knowing what I did through the hurryes of the World O the World the World is a saâ— impediment to my Soul God hath not been in my mind Heaven out of my sight I have not mourned for my own sins nor those of the land nor had holy ejaculations c. thus he saith particularly upon every day adding thus I continued till the fourth of June being always wearyed with work and unfit for any good O it hath been a sad time for my Soul thus likewise I neglected till the 17 of June on which I renewed my covenant with God yet 18 19. the same neglects prevailed only on the 20. I had some holy Ejaculations but 21 22. the same and 23. I prayed not over the Sermon as I should have done and omitted all as before 24 still pestred with former neglects O sad sad that I should be thus carryed under Grace thus he moans on 25 26. and so on to the end of June on every day I have done little for the Church or for my Soul have not read Gods word sin sits too light not mourn'd for my own sin nor for the sins of the land Heaven hath been out of sight and God out of mind too little have I been in holy ejaculations with wandrings not oft looking into my own heart c. July 1682. from 1 to 10. he complains particularly upon each Day in the same word 's too much wandrings in Holy Duties too little sense of sin upon my heart I have not mourned enough for my own sins nor for the sins of the Land not much in ejaculations Heaven too much out of sight c. sometimes adding I neglected reading Gods Word have done little for Gods Church have not minded my Soul nor Gods praise c. Then concludes these ten days with this divine rapture O this deadly thing sin hath not duely affected my heart into what a sad state is my Soul fallen O my God I beseech thee leave me not This same complaint concerning those several omissions he carryeth on against himself quite through July to the last day August 1682. He makes the same moans of the same neglects all along the month upon the head of every day of the four weeks distinctly yet sometimes adding God helped me on the 2 of August against my deadly sin on the 6 day being the Sabbath I was less troubled with wandrings than I was the day after on the 8 day I arose from Supper without dropping any savory word at the Table on the 11. God kept me much from my sin this day On the 13. I had much of God in my night prayer though the Devil told me I had not begged Gods presence My dear Lord helped me to repulse him with ease On the 16 out of order all the day but at night God shone upon my Soul more than a long time before but lost all the two following days being hurryed with casting up our shop going backward not forward On 19. I felt my deadly sin crawl apace towards my heart which put me upon examination the 20. day and found it not in vain to cast my burden upon the Lord for I had thereby relief against my Pride c. for which I have cryed mightily to the Lord my God after which I had sweet communion with God then the Tempter strongly tempted me to neglect hearing and reading the Word but putting up an ejaculation I had strength to overcome him again after hearing a Sermon I went down into the Cellar to pray where the Devil would affright me that something would appear which through the help of my Dear Redeemer I stoutly resisted and bid Satan defiance then he objected against me my deadly sin which I could not but own yet could he not make me think so long upon it as to distract me in duty which was the Devils design but Osubtil Serpent my Lords goodness strengthned me to triumph over thee and I had a comfortable season upon the 21 of August 1682. all my old neglects prevailed and wandrings in my night prayer but God heard my ejaculation I got up early in the morning which sweet way I had much neglected through weariness with worldly work to pray wherein I found much of God O my Soul love that lovely lovely one thy Lord who hath heard thee hath done is doing great things for thee and will do greater On the 26. I neglected reading the Word been too much about Worldly affairs which took me off from God and I lost my time in Duty nor could I get up my thoughts to my God in my hurryes yet on the Saturday following I recovered a blessed frame O my Soul love and praise the Lord for ever September the 2. I was at a fast for the fire of London where I was not free of my aforesaid omissions yet waiting there all the day at length had the sweet presence of God On the 4. I had Heaven in my sight and but little troubled with wandrings yet too little looked I into my own heart I sat up late for Duty and God made it sweet to me On the seventh he makes his old moan against himself saying I feat my own self righteousness the 10. God discovered my deadly sin which caused his withdrawment from me and that wishing to die to avoid misery by God withdrawings is but a pang of passion The 15. old wandrings c. returned I think my murmuring was the cause I first read Isa 65.22 23 24. from whence upon my ejaculation God spake comfort to me so had after delight in duty The 19 God discovered another sin my seeking the praises of men that darkned his face from me The 23. but little sensible how I had grieved away Gods good Spirit in morning prayer The 25. had little sense of Gods putting a vail
c. Tenthly So observant was he 〈◊〉 all the workings of his own heart that he sets down how that when he was praying once in the dark Cellar without any light the Tempter possessed him with fears that something would appear to affright him but God graciously stepped in and said to him fear not thou Son of Abraham c. Gen. 15.1 Eleventhly He records the very Days wherein he missed his taking an account of his own daily task of self examination and when he omitted the scattering of some savory discourse becoming table-talk at meat-times Twelfthly He computes the very times First When mourning for sin was made sweet to his Soul Second When he enjoyed Gods presence in prayer both by himself and with others Third How often God came to him when disturbed in Duty or disappointed of it being constrained thereby sometimes to pour out his heart to God in the shop by day and upon his bed by Night in both which places he had sweet warmings of Spirit Fourthly How oft he made resignation of his Soul to God which was very frequent as also how oft he renewed his Covenant with God especially upon Sacrament Days which are the most Material Remarks whereof I would not omit one out of choice I could collect out of the many sheets I had to peruse in my oft reading them over And had not the same matter so oft upon distinct occasion repeated been reduced by this method to those few several Heads this tract might have swollen into a volume CHAP. V. THE last subject of this Discourse is twofold First The Evidences He had for Heaven Second The Characters that were given him by gracious and judicious witnessings of others As to the First I find several Evidences writ with his own hand and which gave sweet encouragement to his Soul that he was a chosen vessel of mercy and one to be filled as with Grace Here so with Glory Hereafter First I know my Repentance saith he because my sense under sin as a burden is heavier to my Soul than all my afflictions are to my Body I am ashamed of my secret sins which no man seeth or knoweth before the Lord who seeth and knoweth them and all other things and I desire to leave my darling sin and to leave all love to it yea to loath it through my love I bear to my Lord and Dear Redeemer whom I account dearer to me than any sin yea than all the World c. Secondly I know saith he that to have true faith by Christ is more precious to me than all things in the World I am willing to receive him into my heart as my Lord and King to Rule me and my Faith works by Love so that I am grieved for his absence and rejoyce at his presence and I am willing to part with all for him that he may be my all and in all Thirdly I find a delight to do Gods Will sometimes in praying to him sometimes in praising of him sometimes in hearing from him and sometimes in meditating upon him and upon that Work of mans Redemption Fourthly I feel my heart mourning most for that sin which most disturbeth my peace and most separateth betwixt God and my Soul and longing most for that mercy that will do me most good in a dying hour to wit not general but special mercy even mercy in Christ Fifthly I can say that I love the Lord for I hate that which grieves him and that because it grieves him and I love those that are most like him yea the places and duties wherein I have found the Lord warming my heart and cannot be content without him in any Sixthly I can say I have a principle of life spiritual for I find hungrings and thirstings after an enjoyment of Christ and find my Soul grieved when he is dishonoured either by my self or by others and I love long and look for his last appearing and coming Seventhly I highly value the Gospel that Word of Christ and Truth which bringeth good tidings even Reconciliation and the Dispensation of the Grace of God which hath been hid some Thousand of Years and now is forfeited yet graciously continued to us though withdrawn from many Nations I am thankful for it labour to live like it and to adorn it with my life daily Eightly I know that matters are agreed with God so that he is now no adversary because I find an oneness with him 1. In mind which is made correspondent with the mind of God by this agreement I can think the reproaches of Christ to be greater riches than the Treasures of Aegrpt Heb. 11.26 2. Oneness of Will I can say whether for life or Death the will of the Lord be done Acts. 21.14 Though there hath been much ado to bring my will into an agreement with God and when I find not sometimes an actual agreement yet have I always an habitual agreement of my will with the will of God 3. Oneness of Affection I love what God loves and hate what God hates Psal 119.70 Jer. 44.4 I hate sin which God hates so I love holiness which God loves 4. Oneness of way Can two walk together unless they be agreed Amos 3.3 Psal 119.30 and 25 5. and Isa 56.4 5. 5. Oneness of interest Gods Interest is mine and my interest is Gods I can say in the Witnessings of the Holy Ghost Rom. 9.1 that there is this five-fold Oneness betwixt God and me so are agreed The Ninth Evidence for his Interest in Heaven was his Holy Jealousy over his own heart in all his holy undertakings ever fearing that some by respect and not Gods glory was the motive that led him to holy duties this he oft prayed against and particularly cautions a gracious Young-Man with whom he had agreed to carry on a Christian Correspondency either in absence by Letter or in presence by Conference that herein they did not bring hurt instead of good to themselves by seeking our selves and not him whose we are c. We are not our own but Christs who pay'd dear for us far more than we are worth and we have covenanted to glorify him not our selves c. this Holy Jealousy is a blessed frame of Spirit Tenthly His prizing an Union and Communion with God above the Confluence of all worldly comforts This point he in another letter to the Young-Man aforesaid when in the Country by sickness much insists upon saying while we enjoy Gods presence we have the Hidden Manna and that joy which strangers to God intermeddle not not with all is nothing and worse than nothing without it 't is Heaven upon Earth and 't is Heaven in the way to Heaven thus David reckon'd One Day with God better than a thousand without him c. Eleventhly O What carefulness do I find in all his Manuscripts as well as in his letters expressed to keep his accounts even betwixt God and his Soul that right reckoning might keep them long friends in his
I have learnt no more from so eminent a Patern of Piety through hopes of enjoying him longer and oftner This made me neglect observing and remembring many sweet expressions which now I wish I had not done c. The Third and most Perfect Character I have from his own Gracious Sister who writes thus of him My Dear Brother Mr. John Draper was born March 26.1663 of Godly Parents though he was much bereaved of the benefit of their Education of him they dying before he was 12. Years old yet had they done their duty for him till then putting up many earnest prayers to God in his behalf which the Lord graciously answered in taking care of the fatherless after in the Year 1675. he was put to a School-Master who was as careful for his Soul as for his Body c. In the Year 1678. He became an apprentice where he served his Master faithfully being effectually called in the first Year of his time and then reflecting upon himself for his former mispending of time and neglecting seasons of grace He now begins to make a better improvement of the Assemblies Catechism which he had got by heart before he was 11. Year old at home and the Sermons he had writ abroad at School now became he more sweet to us all I never saw him out of an Heavenly frame but if he was not hearing something of God he would be speaking something from God if at any time we desired him to stay with us he would answer my time is not my own I must not neglect my Masters business much less Gods to whom I must give an account of all my Thoutghs Words and deeds I have much Work to do and but little time to do it in this should aw our hearts from sin and make us earnest for pardoning preventing mercy O what need we have to stir up one another in ways of Godliness for Heart-work is hard work and we love the World more than God He would oft bewail with tears to behold how the Youth generally prophaned the name of God and were unwearied in doing the Devils drudgery whereas we call'd Christians are soon weary with doing our Masters will whose Yoke is easy and his Burden light adding 't is free grace that makes the difference betwixt us and those Vain Youths He expressed his fear of setting up for himself often observing how many were Zealous while Apprentices yet declined when became Masters who being asked why they had lost their first love answered it was for want of time to which he replyed it was more for want of love than of time this he feared might be his own case if God prevented it not Being asked if he were willing to suffer for God he answered if God call me to it he will quallifie me for it but he thought God would not put that honour upon him The time that others take for recreation he spent in holy Duties and the money others spend idelly he laid out either profitably or charitably His sickness began Jan. 23. 1682. which he bore with wonderful patience all along Ever desiring God would compleat his work in and upon him O how would he bless God that it fared well with his Soul how ever it fared with his Body and that God was never wanting to us when we are not wanting to our selves though some blamed him for being too bookish during his weakness he answered should reading impair my health I am sure it refreshes my Soul and I wish you all to prize Communion with God and to make your peace with God before the night come had I now that work to do I might expect frowns where through my Dear Redemer I have smiles upon me which I cannot express When in the greatest extremity He would say what is all this to that which Christ suffered for me crying out O the gentleness of God to me compared with Crhists sorrows calling to hear the 14 15 16 and 17. Chapters of John read to him when weakest he would lay smiling with his eyes and his hands lift up to Heaven and a few days before he dyed he said thus to me Sister I know you wish me well I cannot be well here therefore be willing to let me go 't is not long since God made you willing to leave me in a troublesome World and now will not you be willing to give me up to God if a tast of Heaven be so sweet here what is the full injoyment let me go first 't is but a little time and we shall meet again c. I have forborn to mention my death to the loss of my self and others because your spirit cannot bear it O how am I comforted in the stock of prayers going for me when I cannot now pray for my self especially that Christ is interceding for me in Heaven After this his speech was scarce intelligible yet understood he said Lord thou knowest what I have done and what I have left undone oft over and all night spake with such earnestness as thinking he was understood the next morning friends perswaded me to withdraw as being no more useful to him but hurtfull to my self and if he became more sensible it would grieve him to see me grieve But after some hours absence returning to him he took me by the hand to comfort me saying with Arms spread my God hath chained up Satan which was an answer to that very request put up for him a little before Thus when death That King of terrours and terrour of Kings was unstung he submitted to its stroke and changed his life for a better Aug. 3. 1682. He appointed the Text for his funeral Sermon to be Gen. 47.9 as is related before in the time of his Health yet finding the sentence of Death upon himself c. He was born 1663. began his last sickness on Jan. 23. and dyed when August was but 3. days old Thus This Blessed Soul passed from Three to Three Handed by Three in one the Trinity From Womb to Tomb. Three threes compleats his race Turns all his griefs to everlasting Peace The Next Character is that of a Minister who writes thus to him in his last sickness c. Shall I be sorry to hear of your sickness I am as it is an evil to Nature but I rejoyce in hope that it will increase your Grace not doubting but to such a serious Christian and Religious person as you have been this Affliction will be the taking away of sin and this rod with Aarons will blossom with the Peaceable fruits of Righteousness your great knowledge in the mystery of Salvation and eminent proficiency in the School of Christ may well put a Supersedeas to any instructions from me yet give me leave as a faithful Monitor to mind you of your duty of Patience that you may be as eminent in that Grace in the time of your sickness as you were in other Graces in the time of your health I know 't
is impossible for Nature to endure without murmuring the loss of such a mercy as health but Grace can weigh these Considerations First Consider who is the Author of your affliction it springs not out of die dust nor comes by chance but 't is my Fathers hand that appoints the time place measure and manner so must not murmur Second Consider though you be a Son of God yet your sin has deserved Hell and thither had you been cast had not your Dear Redeemer dyed for you But seeing you are Delivered from wrath to come and this is all your Hell you are like to have to wit this present chastisement therefore you may not murmur c. Third Consider God never Afflicts willingly but when need is and for gracious ends to subdue sin and to strengthen Grace to wean from the World and to make Heaven more desirable c. his bowels still yearning while his rod is on our backs if this be so should you not be patient Fourth Meditate much on the joys of Heaven and the happy rest there prepared for you which transcends our apprehensions while we tabernacle in houses of clay O the Rivers of pleasure the Mansions of bliss the Regions of happiness the Crowns of life the scepters of power the Robes of Glory and the thrones of honour that are there prepared for the Lambs followers no sinning is there to provoke God no suffering to molest us no weeping eyes sighing breasts or complaining tongues are found there No crying there O my Head my Head and O my bowels be pained c. But all rest in the arms of love and in the Bosom of Christ O happy Souls that are now got thither and since you will shortly be there should you not be submissive to and rejoyce in the will of God That he give you both an Happy and a Comfortable departure out of time into eternity is the prayer of c. The last Character is that of mine own from my own personal knowledg of him which though it was not so much as was that of many others who were more conversant with him yet was enough to give me a prospect of his almost unparallel'd piety I never conversed with a more mortifyed Young-Man from youthful vanitys so serious in his deportments so savoury in his discourses with so grave an aspect and and so composed a countenance as I seldom law in this our English Israel He had so faithfully followed these following rules First Let not God find me in my bed when he looks for me on my knees Second Nor wandring thoughts eat out the life of my Duty Third Nor be slight in reading Gods Word or hearing it preached which I should digest in my heart and repeat in my life Fourth I must redeem time Fifth Deny my self Sixth Do more than others Seventh Be careful of my company Eighth Leave the Savour of Grace behind me in all companies Ninth Be Holy in all my relations as a servant c. Tenth No sin must sit light Eleventh Nor may I live in that which I know or fear to be a sin Twelfth 'T is my duty to mourn for sin my own and others Thirteenth To be much in Holy Ejaculations having God oft in my mind and Heaven oft in my sight Fourteenth To be oft looking into my own heart Fifteenth To resist the first risings of sin Sixteenth To bridle my tongue Seventeenth To feed in Gods fear at my meal times Eighteenth To do all my secular and sacred affairs for Gods glory the good of others as well as my self c. That he familliarizing his Soul with these and the like helps and duely and daily weighing himself in the ballance of the Sanctuary soon became a None such in Christian attainments so that the way of this Godly-wise Young-Man was above as Prov. 15.24 Raising the feet of his Soul to walk in a higher Region and above the heads of most other young-men Sure I am his Conversasion was in Heaven as Phil. 3.20 while his commoration was on Earth the Rabbins say that Cain's sin was not dividing aright for God for which fault they suppose God brought that brand of going about eversighing and trembling c. but I may without vanity affirm that if any young man learned to divide aright betwixt his General and particular calling this Holy Young-man did who seldom or never would suffer them to justle out one the other As he would not give his Masters-time to Gods worship so nor Gods time to his Masters service I wish all apprentices would learn to write after so fair a copy and to dress themselves by so lovely a looking-glass I know also how the Spirit of God rested upon him in most eminent actings and emanations and I stand admiring not only at his most Evangelical Experiences Exercises Examinations and Evidences above mentioned but also at his most sensible and savoury letters not only writ with his own Mortal hand but with a most Gracious Heart In one of which I find how he obliged his Correspondent a Godly Young man to Holiness with these arguments First We have covenanted not to allow our selves in any known sin but to use all means for the death and destruction thereof Second To forsake all that is dear to us in this world rather than forsake God and his Gospel Third To watch over our own hearts against the temptations both of prosperity and adversity least we be drawn from God Fourth To take the Laws of God for the rule of our thoughts words and actions squaring our whole life thereby Fifth To neglect nothing we know to be our duty Sixth To resign up our selves to God and avouch him for our Lord. Seventh To own Jehovah as our portion promising to serve him all our days Eight To improve Christ as he is the new and living way for access to the Father Ninth To be marryed to Christ accepting him for our Head and Husband in all states and times taking our lot as it falls though sufferings and death do accrue we must renounce our own will and wisdom c. In another I find the Saints pedigree First What Christ is to us He is Our Lord 1. Cor. 1 2. Our Friend Cant. 5.16 Our flesh and blood Heb. 2.14 Our Brother Ver. 17. Our Father Isa 63.16 Our Husband Rom. 7.4 what we are to Christ His Servants Rom. 6.22 His Friends John 15.14 His Kinsmen Mark 3.21.35 His Brethren John 7.3 His Sons Gal. 3.26 His Spouse Sister Love and Dove Cant. 4.9 The Church is one Vine John 15. 1. One Seed Gal. 3.16 One Temple Eph. 2.16 One Body Rom. 12.5 One Spirit 1. Cor. 6.16 and one Christ 1. Cor. 12.12 and upon the survey of this Pedigree he Cryeth out Lord what is man thou art thus mindful of him making him in some respects Higher than Angels Thou hast crowned him with Glory and Honour c. Psal 8. In another letter to his elder Sister writ about three a clock in
the morning he gives an high encomium of Godliness to strengthen her in love to the good ways of God saying 't is the great work we have to mind in this lower World therefore need we to meet helps to forward one another therein 't is not a small thing or a by-business to be forgotten c. 't is the best riches that cannot be taken from us as there are all good things in it so there is no danger to loose it yet find I a proneness to be triffling and tampering with transitory vanities while the true riches are neglected O this Heart-work is Hard-work and the way to Heaven is up the hill but our Captain if we follow him close will make it easy helping us to hold on and to hold out to the end not only as living but also as lively Christians not loitering in the way of sin but lustily running our race seating our selves under Gods eye All lower persons and things be changeable Relations may be our friends to Day and they may be dead to morrow or they may live yet their love may die and our delights to day may be our sorrow and our horror to morrow c. but still in Godliness we have an unchangable God our thoughts of this must be bellows to blow up the flame of our desires and the spur to our dull affections In another Letter to his younger Sister which came also to my hand O what a travelling spirit was upon him that Christ may beformed in her saying to her My hearts desire and prayer 〈◊〉 that you may be saved conâ—â—der your sad estate by nature you are a slave of Satan a stranger to God and if you dye in that estate you are undone for ever O that you may see in this your day the things that belong to your everlasting peace least they be for ever hid from your eyes For judgment will certainly find you where death doth leave you if you die in an unregenerate slate you will be banished from the presence of God and an eternity of horror and terrour is to be endured c. But if you make your calling and election sure then may you expect nay you will have everlasting bliss O think much on these things you have now time to make your peace put it not off if you love your Soul no not till to morrow as too many young persons do thinking it soon enough yet and yet but know you may be dead before the morrow pray therefore for conveâ—â—ing Grace and for power to cast off sin especially that which lays nearest your heart for if the heart-sin be loved better than Christ 't will undo you for ever let but your Lord have your chiefest love and you will soon find more pleasure in ways of holiness than in all the ways of sin In another letter to his kinswoman I find him very warm in his exhortations saying Now is the time of stirring up one another to prepare for approaching evils seeing the Cloud thickens and looks black over our head we have need to have our rock ready to fly to and to have our evidences for Heaven cleared to have our loins girt and our lamps burning and to sit loose from those lower things that seem now to be leaving us O that sweet word Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to us for the end of this dispensation is to drive uâ— further off from sin and nearer God And O sweet word In the world ye shall have tribulation but in Christ peace who would not travel through a world of trouble to find that peace in Christ This kinswoman was so touched with his lines that she cast in this character of him after his death saying God took him from me because I was unworthy of him he told me 't was better to want time than to want an heart for doing good he cryed oft hearing the clock strike O Time Time I am so much nearer eternity and O the Love of Christ that purchased an eternity of weal for me is there any Love like Christs c. In another I find these short rules comprized in Verse very useful to him when time would not permit him to make any use of larger helps Let not soft sleep thy weary eyes invade Before the same confine with the nights shade Thy thoughts retire and make it their last task Of the days deeds three questions thus to ask Wherein Have I transgressed this day what good deed have I wrought And what have I forborn to do which to have done I ought Or Thus. What have I done amiss this day What well What Good have I omitted Conscience tell This Distich as his who sent him them intimates comprehends all our thoughts words and deeds and by pondering and improving them duely and daily they both reaped great â—â—nifit c. In another I find that the method of correspodency betwixt his Friend a gracious young man and himself was carryed on by a communication of Experiences or practical and profitable discourses upon the joys of Heaven the love of God in Christ the second coming of our Lord the evil of sin c. As to the first of those points the joys of Heaven their intercourse maketh this mention The Glory which we ought to have our Faith fixed on for our comfort is called in Scripture comparisons A Crown of life of Righteousness and of Glory an incorruptible inheritance a rest for the People of God the recompence of reward an House not made with hands an excellent place which the eye hath not seen c. The City of the Living God the Heavenly Jerusalem the Holy kingdom the Blessed hope and end of our holy race the City whose builder and maker is God the house not made with hands the heavenly Country the strait Gate c. The contemplation of all these divne comparisons afforded strong consolation to Both their Souls c. No less comfortable was their interchange of communion about the other point of Christs second coming which is likewise called in Scripture a Day of consolation and of corronation an harvest day a marriage day and a day of admiration wherein Christ will be admired of all his Saints at his Glorious appearance though now we be dispised by the world as our dear Redeemer himself was yet this is our joy our redemption day draweth nigh c. In another letter he hath this passage I suppose to some Minister saying Sir though I be a stranger to you yet cannot nay dare not hoâ—â— any longer from speaking to you for asking my own heart whether I were fit to dye it was answered that could not be till accounts were cleared concerning the sins I groaned under between God and my Soul about this Sir my present address is for your profitable advice Therefore I beseech you search me throughly to the very inwards of my heart c. Many more such savoury lines all seasoned with the salt of sincerity and sanctity I might add out of several other of his Letters which must be omitted to avoid prolixity To Conclude upon the View of the whole I must only add this though we have not his picture drawnin paint by some skilful limner for refreshing the memory of Relations and to prefix before this Book yet it is limned to the life in black and white both by private Christians and publick Ministers He was without flattery a mirror of piety especially in making so strict a scrutiny over all his own steps and taking so serious a prospect over all his own works both upon Sabbath days and upon every week-day between them that He might keep his heart with all diligence Prov. 4.23 O how exact was he in Self-Examination as well in civil and secular as in sacred affairs I have been young and now am old yet never in all my acquaintance found I so much faithful Self-tryal which is indeed a most necessary but alas a much neglected duty and I am confident most Christians are at a great lost in their inner man by the omission hereof as to my own part I am utterly ashamed to behold my self now an old Minister of Forty Yeâ—rs standing in the Ministry so far out stripped by so Young a Man not attaining the third part of my age and so private a Christian as an Apprentice would to God we could all young and old Ministers and People imitate this Pattern of piety calling our faithless hearts to a faithfull account daily and ever keeping upon our Watch-Tower c. This would be a blessed means to keep in the fear of God all the day Prov. 23.17 to live much more in a little time as he did from 1678. to 1683. to be neither ashamed to live nor afraid to dye like him who lived his little short life with Christ in this lower world and now reigneth with Christ in the upper and better world FINIS Thâ— I did dilligently correct every Sheet yet for want of some Revises these faults with some others have escaped ERRATA In the Epistle page 5. line 18. dele 6 p. 6. l. 24. read got p. 36. l. 18. to wit trans p. 49. l. 9. for third r. threefold p. 63. l. 20. for Heaven r. haven P. 77. 1. 21. for soul r. seal p. 79. 1. 17. r. than p. 108. 1. 6. r. get p. 116. 1. 21. r. jeered and 1. 24. r. that p. 150. 1. 12. for to r. I. for by r. because p. 170. 1. 9. for 82. r. 83.