done to keepe the peace for if the Plaintiffe should be in one line and the Defendant in the next line the lines being too neare together they might perhaps fall together by the eares 223 One said hee was so tender hearted that he could not find in his heart to kill a Louse another answered that it proceeded only from faint heartednesse because he had not the heart to see his owne blood 224 One said a rich Widdow was like the rubbish of the World that helpes onely to stop the breaches of decayed houses 225 A Master spoke in a straine his Servant understood not whereupon the Servant desired his Master rather to give him blows then such hard words 226 Those that say gallants put all upon their backes abuse them for they spend a great deale more upon their bellies 227 One said it was a strange fashion that wee had in England to receive money with wives and give money for Wenches It was answered that in ancient time women were good and than men gave money for their Wives but now like light gold they would not passe without allowance 228. One perswaded another to marry a Whore because she was rich telling him that perhaps she might turne turne said the other shee hath beene so much worne that she is past turning 229 One put a jest upon his friend O said his friend that I could but see your braines I would even hugge them for this jâ—st 230 One asked why Sextons did use to weare blacke it was answered that in regard of their office thee were to meddle with grave-matters and did therefore weare blacke 231 One seeing another weare a thred-bare Cloake asked him whether his cloake was not sleepy or no why doe you aske said the other because said hee J thinke it hath not had a nap this seven yeares 232 One asked what was the usuall food of Citizens wives it was answered though they loved flesh better then fish yet for temperance sake they would so dyet themselves that at Noone they fed onely upon carp at night on Cods-head and when they went abroad a little place would content them better then any other thing 233 One wondred much what great Scholler this same Finis was because his name was almost to every Booke 234 One asked what he was that had a fine wit in jest it was answered a foole in earnest 235 One hearing a Usurer say hee had beene on the pike of Teneriff which is supposed to be one of the highest Hils in the World asked him why he had not staid there for he was perswaded hee would never come so neere heaven againe 236 A Citizen begins a health to all the Cuckolds in the World the Gentleman to whom the health was presented seeing him with his cap in his hand said what doe you meane Sir pray remember your selfe 237 One asked a foot-boy why hee was so affected with linnen stockings hee answered because hee was troubled with running legges 238 One said to another that his face was like a popish Almanack all holydayes because it was full of pimples 239 One said it was a good fashion that was worne now a dayes because the Taylers had so contrived it that there was little or no waste in a whole suit 240 One said a jealous wife was like an Irish trouze alwayes close to a mans tayle 241 One said an Apothecaries house must needs be healthful because the windowes benches boxes and almost all the things in the house tooke physicke 242 One said a Physitian was naturall brother to the wormes because hee was ingendered out of mans corruption 243 One gave a fellow a box on the eare the fellow gave him another what doe you mean said he that gave the first box I did not lend you a boxe I freely gave it you the other answered he was a gamster and had beene alwayes used to pay the boxe 244 A Gentleman that bore a spleene to another meets him in the street gives him a box on the eare the other not willing to strike again puts it off with a jest asking him whether it was in jest or in earnest the other answers it was in earnest I am glad of that said he for if it had been in jest I should have beene very angry for I doe not like such jesting and so past away from him 245 One that was justly Jealous of his Wife said prethee leave these courses for if thou dost not they will ere it belong make me horne-mad 246 One said to a Gentleman that was too full of complement pray you Sir doe not spend so much wit if you be so prodigall of it you will ere it belong have none left for your selfe 247 There is nothing sayes one more revengfull then hemp for if a man once beat it especially in Bridewell 't is a hundred to one but it will bee the death of him shortly after 248 He that sweares when he loseth his money at gaming may challenge Hell by way of purchase 249 One asked which were supposed to be the two fruitfullest Acres of ground in the whole Kingdome It was answered Westminster-Hall and the old Exchange 250 It was asked why fat men did love their ease so much because said one the soule in a fat body lyes soft and is therefore loath to rise 251 One asked why young Barristers used to sticke their Chamber windowes with letters because said another it was the first thing that gave the world notice of their worships 252 One having dranke a Cup of dead beere swore that the beere was more then foxed another demanding his reason quoth he because it is dead drunke 253 Usurers live sayes one by the fall of heires like Swine by the dropping of Acornes 254 One said a prodigall was like a brush that spent it self to make others goe handsome in their cloathes 255 One wondred what pleasant kind of oratory the Pillory had in him that men loved to have their eares nail'd to it 256 One said suppose all the women in the world were like patient Grizell then said another we might make Christmas-blocks of the Cucking-stooles 257 An Antiquary sayes one loves every thing as Dutch-men doe Cheese for being mouldy and wormeaten 258 One said a Player had an idle imployment of it O you are mistaken said another for his whole life is nothing else but action 259 One asked his friend how he should use Tobacco so that it might doe him good he answered you must keepe a Tobacco shop and sell it for certainly there is none else find good in it 260 A simple fellow in gay cloths sayes one is like a Cinnamon tree the barke is of more worth then the body 261 If a man be Cornelius sayes one he must be Tacitus too otherwise he shall never live quietly 262 One entreated a prisoner to doe him a courtesie telling him that hitherto he had found him a fast friend and hee hoped hee should find him so still 263 A Gentleman riding
you this seven yeeres and yet you are not perfect ô sir quoth she that was because I had a foole to my tutor 24 A Gentlewoman walking the streets with eleven silver laces on her petticoat one that stood by with his friend mistaking the number said looke there goes a woman with a jury of laces at her tayle she overhearing him answered sir you are mistaken I have but eleven if your nose were there it would make a full jury 25 A Gentlewoman playing at post and paire with a Gentleman chanced to win a stake with a paire of knaves quoth the Gentleman what are you but a paire no sir quoth she but if you had had them there had been pair-royall 26 A merry fellow taking oares at Westminster desir'd to be landed at Temple staires whither being come and the water being very low they were forc'd to land him in the mud who went away and would not pay them their fare because he bad them land him at Temple staires and they had landed him at Puddle wharfe 27 One said that silence and peace were both necessary and commendable in all games I deny that quoth another for at Tennis 't is necessary to keep a racket 28 One being committed to Newgate upon a Christmas eve told the Justice his dream was come to passe for said he I dreamed I should keep a great house all this Christmas 29 One said that of all men in the world he would not have a glutton to speake for him because he was meale-mouth'd meaning a man whose mouth was good for nothing but his meales 30 A Gentlewoman standing in her Belcony to see and be seen perceiving a fellow gazing at her began to withdraw he cryed out to her saying what does the sun offend you Lady yes said she the sonne of thy mother does 31 One that had had a long time a sore nose was met by a friend and asked how his nose did who answered it had been very ill but now was current the other replyed that to his thinking it was alwayes current for he never saw it but it was running 32 One that was troubled with sore eyes was jeer'd by another for being cleere-eyed who answered they were not so sore but he could see a knave with them the other replied it may be but you must look in a glasse then 33 A Gentleman presenting a complement to his friend desired he would be pleas'd to admit his heart into his service who answered he would if he would first let him see it that he might know his servant from another 34 One said he thought the wind had been a Cryer of a Court for when he made an oyes both men and houses stood uncovered 35 One telling a story of a fearfull dream that he had lately had which was that he had been in Hell and had been there grievously tormented one standing by asked him how he came to awake out of such a fearfull dreame who answered there was such rapping and knocking at Hell-gates by reason of the often comming that he could not sleep any longer 36 One asking why women were so desirous to make them selves show vgly by wearing of black bags was answered that while they did weare hats and feathers which was a fine comely fashion men did then but only love them but they did now weare black bags to make men live in feare of them 37 One said he wondred much being there was Newgate for theeves Bridewell for whores and Bedlam for mad people that there was not some such house provided for fooles another overhearing him said Sir I would faine heare you once motion a thing that were for the common good but you alwayes speake for your selfe which is not well 38 One being asked whether such a man was wise or no answered he was wise with a distinction that was other-wise 39 One being asked what part of speech a whore was answered she was a verb-common and required a dative case and a Roarer was an adverb of swearing which was commonly joyned to that verb. 40 A woman swore she was as chaste as the moon one standing by objected as the moon sweet heart why that is no chastity at all for she hath alwaies a man in the midst of her 41 One speaking of an extraordinary great wind which had done a great deal of hurt wondred from whence it should come or what might be the reason of it was answered that the Spaniards had lately sowen a world of pepper which made the earth so extreamly to break wind 42 One receiving a blow upon his head while he was eating rost beefe said if a peece of beef had not stickt in his throat that blow had kill'd him but that sticking there his soule could find no passage out and so return'd in again 43 One said his knife spoke french because it had no point 44 A serving man comming to be entertainâ—d into a Gentlewomans service was asked by the Gentlewoman what wages he would have who answered three pound a yeere if she pleased the Gentlewoman replied nay if I give wages I will looke you shall please me 45 A Justice of peace threatning a fellow that was brought before him for stealing saying sirra I 'le teach you to steale he repli'd I thank your worship for if I had been well taught I had stolne with more discretion then to have been apprehended by the manour 46 One that had been a great usurer had learned to dye scarlet and was resolved to set up the trade but was diswaded by a frind who told him he would never thrive by it saying he that had lived ill could never dye well 47 A poore Scholler walking London streets in the night who was going to a rich vncle of his to receive a sum of money a boy with a linke asked if he would have a light no said the Scholar I feare no theeves for I am not going to pay but to receive money ô said the boy you cannot find the way thither without a light yes said the Scholar the lightnes of my purse will show me the way thither 48 One seeing a fellow ride along London streets extreamly fast called after him and asked him what play was that day to be playd at the red Bull who stopping his horse told him he was an asse to aske him such a question being it was a question every post could tell him the other cry'd him mercy telling him he took him for a post because he rid so fast 49 A great glutton said he had lost his stomack and could not eat any meat whatsoever one that knew him overhearing him said pray heavens no poor man find it for if he doe it will undoe him 50 A fellow that was conceived to be a cuckold being in a tavern with an old cook and sitting at a table one on the one side of the table and the other on the other side he that was conceived to be the cuckold minding to put a trick upon
on the way would needs turne back to kisse his wife that was behind him he was therefore commended for a kind husband in regard hee was before to kisse his wife behind 264 One asked whether such a man were twise or no it was answered that he was otherwise 265 One perswaded a Scholler that was much given to going abroad that he would put away his cushion and it would bee a meanes to make him sit harder to his study 266 One said poetry and plaine dealing were a couple of hansome wenches another answered yes but hee that weds himselfe to either of them shall dye a begger 267 One said hee had heard the story of St. George how he kil'd the Draggon that would else have devoured the maid a did wonder that men would devise such lyes for saith hee it is held by most men that there was never such a man as St. George nor ever such a creature as a Draggon another answers for Saint George 't is no great matter neither for the Draggon whether there were sueh or no pray heaven there be a maid and then it is no matter 268 A Scholler and a Courtier meeting in the street seemed to contest for the wall sayes the Courtier I doe not use to give every coxcombe the wall the Scholler answered but I doe sir and so passed by him 269 One asked the reason why women were so crooked and perverse in their conditions another answered because the first woman was made of a crooked thing 270 A rich Lawyer that had got a great estate by the Law upon his death bed was desirous to give twenty pound per annum to the House of Beallam being demanded why he would give it to that House rather then another he answered that he had got it of mad men and to them he would give it againe 271 One said Women were like quicke Sands seemed sirme but if a man came upon them he fell in over head and shoulders 272 Another said a Woman was like a piece of old Grogram alwayes fretting 273 One asked why men should thinke there was a world in the Moone It was answered because they were lunatique 274 One asked why Ladies called their husbands Master such a one and master such a one and not by their Titles of Knighthood as Sir Thomas Sir Richard Sir William c. It was answered that though others called them by their right titles as Sir William Sir Thomas c. yet it was fit their Wives should master them 275 One asked what was the first commodity a yong shopkeeper put off it was answered his honestie 276 One asked why Icarus would undertake to flye in the ayre it was answered because he was a Buzzard 277 Two Gentlemen talking in Latin in the presence of a woman she grew Jealous that they spake of her and desired them to speake English that she might answer them for she said she was perswaded when men spake Latin although they spake but two words that still one of them was nought whereupon one of the Gentlemen said presently Bonae Mulier she replyed I know Bona is good but I 'le warrant ye the other word meanes something that 's nought 278 A simple fellow being too bold with one that was his superior was told he might say what he would for that day because it was Innocents day it being so indeed 279 One said a Barber had need be honest and trusty because whosoever employed him though it was but for a haire matter he put his life into his hands 280 A suit in Law being referred to a Gentleman the plaintiffe who had the equity of the cause on his side presâ—â—ed him with a new Coach the Defendant with a couple of Horses he liking the Horses better then the Coach gave sentence on the Defendants side the Plaintiffe cals to him and asketh him how it came to passe the Coach went out of the right way he answers that he could not help it for the horses had drawne it so 281 One perswaded his friend to marry a little woman because of evils the least was to be chosen 282 One asked how it came to passe that Hosts had usually red Noses it was answered that it was given to them by nature to show to the world an experiment of the vertue of what he sold 283 A vaine-glorious man was bragging that his Father and his Uncle had founded such an Hospitall one answered 't is true but yet know that your Father and your Uncle were the meere confounders of that Hospitall you speake of 284 One said a Tooth drawer was a kind of an unconscionable trade because his Trade was nothing else but to take away those things whereby every man gets his living 285 One asked why he that drew Beere was not called a drawer aswell as he that drew Wine it was answered that Beere made a man to pisse but it was Wine made him draw 286 One said he wondred that Lether was not dearer then any other thing being demanded a reason because saith he it is more stood upon then any other thing in the world 287 One said a Hangman had a contemplative profession because he never was at worke but he was put in mind of his owne end 288 One called another Rogue he answered durst I trust thee with a looking glasse you would quit me and condemne your selfe 289 A fellow that had no money in his pocket was in a great rage with another who told him pray Sir doe not put your selfe into too much heat unlesse you had more money in your pocket whereby to quench it 290 One being asked what Countryman he was he answered a Middlesex man the other told him being he was neither of the Male sex nor of the Female sex but of a Middlesex he must then be a Hermaphrodit 291 One said Corne was a quarrelsome creature because it rose by the blade and fell by the ears with those that cut it 292 Why doe Ladies so affect slender wastes said one 't is replyed another because their expences may not be too great 293 One commending a Tayler for his dexterity in his profession another standing by ratified his opinion saying Tailors had their businesse at their fingers ends 294 One being demanded the reason why he thought the greatest drinkers quickest of apprehension made this answer Qui super naculum bibit ad unguem sapit 295 A Poet sayes one is a man of great priviledge because if hee transgresse it is by a rule viz. Licentiâ poeticâ 296 The severest stoicks said one are the greatest Students because their contracted browes are alwayes bent to study 297 Colliers and Mine-workers should be well acquainted with all the Philosophicall secrets of the Earth because they have deeper knowledge in it then any others 298 Tapsters said one should be men of esteem because they are men not onely of a high calling but also of great reckoning 299 'T is impossible that Saylers should be rich men because