Father would have him To which his Father thinking it might convince or refresh him consented and he was taken up in warm Blankets and sate by his Father on Pillows upright well nigh two hours in which time he had very gracious converse and with chearfulness said Father the Lord is my strength of whom should I be afraid Indeed you are my dear Father but I have a dearer Father in Heaven How great mercy have I that I should have such a tender Father in Earth and in Heaven also And seeing his little Sister by him of five years old which the rest used to call Mother he said to her affectionately Nancy the Lord make you a Mother in Israel O how do I long to see Christ formed in you And looking to his Father he said Why indeed Father she had many very good expressions in the Country and would say to the Maid in a morning What mercy is it that we are alive and so many thousands taken away at London and so many little Children Then speaking of the Adversaries to the People of God he said their time is but short And being asked how he knew that said the Word of God sayes it mentioning that Scripture Rev. 12. The Devil is come down with great wrath because he knoweth he hath but a short time Two Larks being roasted for Supper whereof he used to eat but a leg and a wing at the most He did then very fervently give thanks unto God with highest praise for that meat that endureth to eternal life and humble thanks for his daily support and mercies of every sort with great enlargement both for his work before him and in praise for what had been wrought for him and in him and when he found he had sat up to his full strength went to his bed blessing the Lord depending upon his Father to come the next day to some conclusion about his further obedience On the fifteenth day his Father went into the Country and meeting with some Christian Friends improved that opportunity for their earnest advice with prayer setting forth his great strait in the case and taking their answer one by one upon what they had heard both for and against it they unanimously advised the answering his desire therein leaving the issue unto the Lord whose Wisdom they judged had engaged the Child herein beyond any reasonable objection that could be brought to oppose it only one of them desired that if he could be taken off by the perswasion of his Father he might but the most of them as his father had done having used all Arguments they could to him before declared they durst not further object His Father observing he had had nothing of it from man but the contrary and not expecting his life ordinarily a day observing the Childs oppression also through delay herein and chief revivings were alwayes in the hopes of obedience without vanity counting of the worst and exploding any thought of righteousness or expectation of certain healing by it yet expressing he could not dye so comfortably in the neglect of it and often saying he would do what he could and was perswaded God would enable him that he should not be the worse for it His Father after many dayes revolving it in his mind the Child being but too dear unto him did yeeld his judgment also to trust God with the issue And then imployed one to search diligently for an House near a River where it might most conveniently the next day be performed but as he returned home calling on a Christian Friend whose imployment in Physick was to be respected and finding him of opinion he could not be carried thither alive and sensible of the great reproach that would follow if he dyed in the attempt it so far renewed his thoughtfulness as to entreat that Friend to try if he could perswade the Child to defer it and his Father then going before unto him found he had been weaker that day yet still more impatient to perform this as his duty before he dyed having much longed for his Fathers return saying often O that I might see my dear Father When will my Father come And upon the coming of any up stairs Me-thinks I hear the feet of my Father which was much his frame in his absence at any time but now much more by expecting resolution herein His Father coming he soon sollicitously enquired for his consent and acquainting him with the concurrence of some friends to countenance it he rejoyced greatly and smiling upon his Mother he said with great ardency and strength Mother to morrow I shall go abroad now to the glory of God and I know he will strengthen me But his Father telling him that a worthy Friend yet dissented who would come presently to confer with him he abated his rejoycing but readily consented he should come and was impatient till he came The Friend being come exprest his joy in his faith but gave the very reasons he had often heard from his Father and others why one so weak should be satisfied to forbear and added that it was said all Iudea went out to be baptized but he never heard that any were carried out Caleb replyed That Christ bid his Disciples go and teach all Nations baptizing them but never said if they be sick and weak do not baptize them And persisted in his perswasion of Gods assistance although a good Gentlewoman then also sought to diswade him but after several speeches to him which seemed to weary him he looked about him upon the Company and seemed to suspect they spake but the mind of his father and others there silent on which he lay down as weary and discouraged and said even weeping Well if my Father would not have me I will not explaining himself if he was not thought a fit subject The friend seeing his countenance so changed and supposing he grew weak beyond capacity of performing it the present day also being tempestuous and like to be so the day following said unto him Well I see I trouble you I shal say no more to discourage you but rest upon it and see to morrow if it be such weather and you finde you have no strength to go you will be satisfied To which he replyed Yes if I have not strength but I know God will give me strength His Father observing his great dejection added It may be Child you think he spake in our name and you may think we design to put thee off but he only speaks his own mind in true love to thee and the Lord as we did and it is now left to a good issue as you shall find your strength and the season to morrow therefore if thou wilt in a few words commit it unto God The Friend said It may be he is too much spent but he accepted of the motion of his Father and sitting up again prayed very pertinently to
me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest And afterwards he laid hold on that word He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out Also two other words that had been of use to him for the confirmation of his hope in God One was in Isaiah I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for my name sake I will not remember thy sins And that in the 73 Psal. My heart and my flesh faileth but the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever And another in the 119 Psal. This is my comfort in my affliction for thy word hath quickned me Then he was asked how or to what extent he had received Christ He answered as King Priest and Prophet Then it was asked what he had and expected by Christ as a Priest He said he had been an acceptable Sacrifice for him and interceded for him Then it was asked what he expected from him as King he said to rule him and defend him Then it was asked if he would be subject to him in all things He answered Yes he desired to be so for he was sure it was his reasonable service He was asked what he expected as a Prophet He answered That he should instruct and guide him and none else Then it was asked to what end he tendred his Faith to the Brethren He answered that he might be baptized and joyned to Christs fold Then he was asked what light he had in Baptism He answered that that Scripture had been of use to him He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved Besides Christs example as a pattern to us â—nd Philip and the Eunuch instancing that in particular If thou believest with all thy heart thou mayest Besides he mentioned the case of the Jayler Then he was asked how he could adventure on such a work in such a condition He said he would trust God and do what he could Then it was said it may be he might diâ— in the water what if he should die He chearfully then said Why Death is mine if I die in it and it is the work of God and then it will be known that Christ hath some that will follow him in difficulties But his Father replied though Child it be so easie to you it will be a trouble to us we cannot so easily part with you Why Father said he If I should die God can make it up to you and I shall go to Heaven His Father then told him the Lord would accept a man according to what he hath and not according to what he hath not He said he was sure he had strengtâ— to be baptized and God would give hiâ— more His Father told him that the samâ— Promise that was made to them that prayed in the Temple when God gave theâ— ability to be there was made to them thâ—â— had respect thereto when his hand hindred And that which might justifie Timothy being a member to be absent Miletum when he was sick might excusâ— one from coming in being sick and unable to do what he would wherein God would accept the will for the deed To which he readily answered But indeed Father I know I have strength and could have come down to day if any one would have taken me up and God will give me more strength It was asked him what he proposed by Baptism He answered I would obey all the Commandments of Christ repeating that Scripture Repent and be baptized every one of you in the Name of Iesus Christ for the remission of sins Then it was asked him do you expect righteousness by Baptism O no said he Then it was queried what he intended by his being baptized He said to put on Christ and be obedient to him in all things He spake also of being buried with Christ in Baptism as dying to sin and his own righteousness c. Then was inquiry made into his conversation and he had not been known ever to be addicted to any sort of vice and seldom to play being ever delighted in Learning and Knowledge and on idle dayes pleased greatly to be imployed under his Father onely the Maid thought that at Newington when he was at School freed from his troubles at Ewel about the time he complains of himself he was one time apt to be frothy in play and somtimes to speak rashly but never knew any intention to lie or that he purposly made a lye at any time but she was grieved more at his lightness for a little time there than ever before or since his coming from thence and that he had often lamented it to her himself Satisfaction being then declared by all that heard in the point of his Faith it was agreed to spread the difficult case of his Baptism before the Lord in solemn Prayer The next day being the 13th day of the ninth month in the morning he said he was something better and God had more strengthened him in order to doing his duty and once said God bid him go forward and though he seemed very weak yet he desired to be taken and laid in the bed where prayer was to be made all that day and he attended with great reverence bearing his fit with great patience then and usually indeed when he was sickest in body he would forget the sence of it by remembring how well he was made in his soul admiring much that God was his God Before the end of the day he was carried back to his own Bed for repose and his Father going to him at night he said Father pray you have you come to any conclusion to day about my being baptized which put his Father being yet doubtful and thinking his weakness would quiet him therein to some strait what to answer seeing his earnest expectation having omitted that day to debate it after Prayer but fearing to discourage him instantly replyed Child we have not been nor are not without serious thoughts of it and some do more encline to it and we shall yet consult it seriously if you cannot be satisfied to defer it I pray you Father do saith he for indeed I cannot be satisfied and I would fain be in Christs Fold The next day being the fourteenth he seemed much weaker but still minded this as his duty with great desire to be doing it but having not been up in many dayes before but as aforesaid from one Bed into another his Father asked him how he could thiuk to go about such a work seeing he was not able to be got up out of his bed for a moment his thigh being then not full four inches about and he not being able to endure so much as a Doubâ—et or Gown upon him his bones were so bare He answered very chearfully He did believe God would help him to rise to do that his work and give him strength and he had some already so that he was able to rise now if his
them saw of their Children through grace walking in the Truth then which a great Apostle had no greater joy His Father went to attend the Lord in his Courts on that day intending to revive the Lords afflicted Remnant with the account of this gracious addition to their causes of Joy but his Mother stayed with him on which day it pleased God for the humbling of them and his people who might else perhaps have been subject to have been lifted up to renew a fresh sentence of death upon him by general indisposedness and subjectness to fainting so that his Mother feared his dissolution that day she thought â—e appeared weak in the morning after his Father was risen and asked whether he â—hould stay with him he said No Mother I had rather he should go about the work of the Lord and he desired his Father that he might be prayed for that as he had put on Christ so he might grow up in him among his People But after his Father was gone he lay in the forenoon as if he had â—een dying and the Friend Mr. B. aforeâ—aid coming in told his Mother he thought he was drawing on and that there would be little alteration seen in him till he died She desired to know what she should give him He said if he were his own he should give him nothing more but about noon he was again suddenly revived to the great admiration and refreshment of his Mother to whom he said he was now pretty well but troubled with shortness of breath and desired to dine with her and his sisters and then did eat more with them with chearfulness then he had done at once many days before He took then occasion to say to her He had resigned himself to the Lord and Life or Death was alike to him but my greatest trouble if I should die now said he is the scandal that I am afraid will be cast upon my Father and Mother by the world which he said did lie in wickedness who would say they had killed me by suffering me to be Baptized whereas I am not the worse and I know if I dy now I should have died if I had not been Baptized and afterwards he said I am willing to live if it please the Lord that I might serve him among his people But had afterward several faintings that day and spake little but towards the Evening enquired for his Father who had occasion to stay later than he intended hearing he was better than when he left him by a Messenger he sent who received the account of his chearful condition about noon but not the alteration But calling upon the Friend aforesaid who had seen him in the Morning was acquainted with his opinion he was drawing near his end when at he hasted to him and found him very low indeed and cold and understanding his Mother had omitted upon the advice of the friend to use any thing being tender of disturbing him his Father a little grieved thereat applied to his Lips and palms of his Hands the refreshing he used to be relieved with and inwardly a little of his usual inoffensive revivers in a small quantity and caused cherishing fumes to simper on coals in his Chamber which with the Lords blessing together with the content of his Fathers company greatly restored him and he was cheerful and disposed to converse His Father asked him then whether he was not sorry he had been baptized now He answered no he would not but have been baptized for all this world and said he was sure he had got no hurt by it but told his Father he had been very ill that day And when he could scarce speak he was so weak he heard his Sister Nancy say Who shall have Calebs Bird when he is dead But said he Father I shall not think of dying yet but if I do I will give it to my Sister Betty who hath none for Nancy hath one already His Father asked him whether he thought he should live then I know not Father said he for I have resigned my self to God but he is able to recover me His Father having prayed once with him before he desired him again at parting to recommend him to the Lord and he left him chearful He had but little rest 〈…〉 and in the morning said to his Mother I have been dying twicc this night and to his Sister Tell my Father I live still who when he came to him found him in a sweet composed frame and disposed to converse saying Father how doth the World lie in wickedness And now Wisdom calls to her Children How long ye simple ones will you love simplicity and fools hate knowledge And speaking another time of the joy of the Wicked he said there will be shameful spuing upon all their glory His Father having occasion to write in the room did not presently entertain discourse with him but after some time of silence he said Father will it not disturb you to talk with me He said No Child I will come to thee Then he said Father I find my self greatly comforted in God I was once without him and now see what it was if God should have cut the thread of my life and now I wish I might warn others and do good whilest I live His Father breakfasting with him he did in a very lively sort enlarge upon the sure mercies of God to his soul praising him much for his goodness in enabling him to do his Will and for his Parents tenderness to him begging the Lord would not suffer it to go unrewarded and that if it might please him to spare his life he might be helped to acknowledge it and praised God that he should have a tender Father in Heaven and tender Parents on Earth too in such a condition That day he gave all his toyes to his little Sisters saying if he should live he hoped he should never mind such things His Father told him the Congregation had condescended to appoint a Church-meeting with him that evening that he might have the priviledge of the Lord's Supper wherein to the eye of Faith Christ would be evidently set forth crucified before him for his consolation which he accepted thankfully and said he would lye still to preserve his strength thereunto and when the time came his father spake briefly from Iohn 10. I am the door by me if any man enter in he shall be saved He attended with very great diligence and partook with great reverence sitting up in his bed to attend and afterwards humbly desired thanks might be returned to the Congregation for their love and care herein The next day being the first day of the week his Father tarried at home with him and enlarged upon the latter part of these words viz. And shall go in and out and find pasture setting forth in more variety what a soul entring in by Christ as the door and going out of himself
and fervency he uttered to them and then being weary he lay down to rest and said Oh Mother slighty Convictions are dangerous temptations lead to sin and sin bereaves of all good And to the Maid who had kept him from his Cradle and instructed him till he came to his Latine tongue HONOUR I hope God will work a work of Grace in you and make you that you shall not be ashamed to confess him and then blessed the Lord for his own mercy in his Parents with many endeared expressions especially for their care of his soul afterwards said unto them all The Lord keep you I desire that the Lord may keep you all And his Mother staying by him he said Mother I love your company dearly and so speedily fell asleep and slept comfortably the greatest part of that night The two and twentieth day he brakefast with his Father and as their manner was of late one of them began and the other ended with blessing the Lord wherein he very thankfully owned his great supports from God and ardently desired if it pleased the Lord to spare him it might be to serve him faithfully in his Generation That day he was perswaded to rise a little in Blankets whilst his Bed was made when be said I feel to my self like a peice of earth I am as nothing and admired greatly the power of God keeping him alive Being laid again in his bed he said I feel my self very weak but I am kept alive by the mighty power of God saying Father God is very good to me indeed the Lord loves me I am sure And to his Mother Oh how am I refreshed but if God were not my God what should I do now His Mother asking him how he had done to day he said Indeed Mother I have been supported very much to day Oh this is a troublesome world a vain world nothing the eye beholds can stand us in stead I can now triumph over death God hath enabled me I would not now be without what now I enjoy for all the world Mentioning that Scripture Greater love can no man shew than for a man to lay down his Life for his Friend c. And that blessed are the dead that die in the Lord they rest from their labours c. And expressing his affection to his Parents which he did often he asked his Father affectionately the meaning of that Scripture But for a good man one would even dare to die and so applied to sleep in much peace and joy The twenty third day he complained of some weakness in his body but said He was strong in God but desired some living creature might stand on the bed by him to prevent Melancholly thoughts when he could not rest being asked what He said a young Lamb Pigeon Rabbit or any thing but a Squerril being named hoping it might easily be procured he was earnest for that having he said never seen any but once in the field Some were immediately imployed to procure one at any rate but all failed and his mind seemed to run so much that day and the next upon it that his Father said why dost thou so much desire it He said I find my self inclining to melancholy and I think such a thing would be pretty company for me and therein I may see the workmanship of God but I trust nothing shall evermore take off my heart from God At breakfast with his Father he had savoury discourse some of which his Father set down when he went out from him in his own words whilst they were in memory viz. Oh Father God greatly supports me I would not be without the love of God now for all this world if I die now I hope I shall meet with you in Heaven which is best of all His Father said Dost thou think thou shalt die He answered I cannot tell Father but I expect it for I have resigned my self to God His eldest Sister coming to him he said God hath done for us what man could not do with his eyes lifted up with holy admiration saying also Oh how said is it with those that have not God That day being taken up a little to have his bed made and finding it troublesome all his bones being sharp as if they would pierce his skin having no flesh to interpose in any part he uttered a word savouring of more weariness and impatience than any before namely It is better for me now to dye than to live His Father said nay Child be not weary of â—he Lords hand who hath done so great â—hings for you He accepted the Exhorâ—ation so as to be presently abased for it and did then upon occasion of taking refreshment solemnly pray for pardon oâ— the rash word he had spoken as he called it humbly begging more patience that hâ— might be kept from repining and owning the great goodness of the Lord to him his pooâ— unworthy servant Being laid in Bed and asked how he did he said His Bones were sore and he wâ—â— weak in his outward man but strong in God and indeed he very seldom complained oâ— sighed And when at any time his Father did remember him what God haâ— done for his soul he presently forgot hiâ— pain and was refreshed with very sensible acknowledgement of the favour oâ— God so that sometimes when he would say his Bones were sore his Father would reply I Child but your soul is not tâ— which he would say No Father God â—â— very good to me and dwelt so thereon as tâ— forget pain And speaking of the Lovâ— of God would say often chearfully now â—â— experience it He had a pretty good night The 24th day in the morning he waâ— pretty chearful and breakefast with his Father but eating little he said I do nâ—â— live by bread only His Mother asking hiâ— consent to go abroad he was very desirous of her stay with him but when â—â— heard it was for prayer he did more freely part with her His Father sitting in the Room he said Father God hath setled my mind greatly this day and I have nothing â—ow to hinder my joy in Christ Iesus But Father said he Though God hath sweetned death to them that he loves yet do not you think that death is troublesome His Father replied Yes Child a little to the flesh to which he answered cheerfully Yea Father and was no more solicitous He was willing in the Evening some Christians might meet in his Room and finding himself weak desired them to pray for him being asked what he desired he said That he might live in Gods sight His Father asked him if he did still freeâ—y resign up himself to the Lords dispose â—or Life or Death he answered chearfully Yea Father His Father further asked him if he had met with any assault against â—â—t he answered No he had not But shortly after he had a faint fit in which he called to his Father to come quickly to