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A56891 Hell reformed or A glasse for favorits Their falls and complaints also the complaints of princes against their favorits. With the dangerous mischiefes of state politicks, flatterers, suborners, secret accusers, false witnesses, &c. Also the reasons of a devill, why he had rather continue in hell; then returne and live againe on earth. With the acclamations of a testator, for making his will before hee dyed: and his advice to others therein. Also the decree of Lucifer, for reformation. With many other notable passages, worthy observation. Discovered in a vision, by D:F:Q:V: A Spanish knight, of the Order of Saint Iames, and Lord of Ivan-Abad. Published by E:M: gent.; Infierno enmendado. English. Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.; Messervy, Edward. 1641 (1641) Wing Q189; ESTC R220636 37,547 137

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HELL REFORMED OR A GLASSE FOR FAVORITS Their Falls and complaints Also the Complaints of Princes against their Favorits With the dangerous mischiefes of State Politicks Flatterers Suborners Secret Accusers False witnesses c. Also the Reasons of a Devill why he had rather continue in hell then returne and live againe on earth With the acclamations of a Testator for making his will before hee dyed And his advice to others therein Also the decree of Lucifer for Reformation With many other notable passages worthy observation Discovered in a vision By D F Q V A Spanish Knight of the Order of Saint Iames and Lord of Ivan-Abad Published by E M Gent. LONDON Printed by E Griffin for Simon Burton and are to be sold at his Shop next the Miter Taverne within Algate 1641. TO THE MOST NOBLE HENRY JERMYN Esquire Master of the Horse to the QVEENES Most Excellent Majesty SIR I Hold it no Sacriledge after the Example of our Fore-Fathers of the Old Testament whom the Law enjoyned to offer their First-borne unto the LORD to present you as my Rightfull Lord with the Premisses and First-Fruits of the spare Houres J lately spent in the Translation of the ensuing Discourse For J know none after the King and the Right Honourable Your Father unto whom I owe this due but Your Selfe Since His Majesty hath set so great a Value on Your Merit Vertue and Birth as to designe You to the Government of that Isle where J tooke my first Breath and where the Right Honourable Your Father makes the Inhabitants to live in a Golden Age whereby they are bound to lift up their joynt Votes unto Heaven for His Majesties Long and Flourishing Raigne in Health and Happinesse who doth afford them so Good Wise Governours and those continued in a most Noble Line so as I acknowledge myselfe divers waies obliged to dedicate unto You this small Labour First as to my Rightfull Lord being confident that in imitation of the Right Honourable Your Father You will cause the said Jnhabitants to enjoy the like Peace and Plenty under Your Government next as Holding my small Patrimony and Fee immediately from You whilst You represent the Kings Majesty there whereunto may also be added the infinite Obligations J owe You in particular whereby J reape this further advantage that slaunderers cannot justly say that J have any further end herein but onely to render You most humble thankes for the benefits have already received from Your Generosity Besides I am confident that Your Name appearing in the Frontispice of this Booke will serve to Protect it from the malice of those who would disallow the Authour for being a Spaniard which J assure my selfe will be no lesse acceptable in this Court in the English habit being countenanced by You who seeme to be the Moecenas of Strangers then he hath beene in France clad according to the fashion there where he hath passed the Presse without other then Vniversall Patronage For seeing his chiefe aime is to suppresse Vice and to open a path to Vertue though in a Satyricall way his designe and mine cannot but take effect Since detesting Vice You possesse Vertue it selfe and are no way like unto those Courtiers of whom he speakes in this Treatise otherwise that Great Queene whose Life may much rather be Admired then Imitated had not elected You for the discharge of one of the Most Honourable Places in Her Service Finally as You are borne to bee Happy on Earth that You may likewise bee so in Heaven shall bee the constant Prayer of him who is SIR Yours most obliged most obedient and most honouring Servant EDVVARD MESSERVY A PREFACE FROM THE TRANSLATOR TO THE JUDICIOUS READER GEntle Reader It followes of necessity that you will have something to say against me because I put to light this seventh Vision making no mention of the six first that ought to precede to the end that the order and intention of that Noble Knight DonFrancisco de Quevedo Author of the Visions should not be perverted who is held amongst men of judgement one of the ripest wits of this age his writings being filled w th rich conceptions and a thousand good conceits whereof you shall see a delectable paterne in this Vision which Ieaves much satisfaction and content to the Iudicious Reader besides his intention which is to be esteemed since it tends to a good and holy reformation of life representing Vice unto us to the end we should abhorre it also he doth not speake to the vertuous but to the wicked who are past correction doubtlesse there will be none but the last that will disprove it and by that meanes they will make it appeare that they have a mind I should be their Harbinger to appoint their lodgings in the Empire of Pluto destined to the vitious and obstinate I have also exactly translated in our Tongue the said six first Visions and have clad this Spanish Knight after this Countrey fashion at the request of my friends and for the Publike good which may be moved to a good holy reformation rather then for my owne satisfaction And for some reasons best knowne to my selfe I have made a demurre of presenting them unto you untill you have seene this hoping that you will make the esteeme of it that the reputation of this Author merits who hath beene admired in all Tongues and Countries where he hath beene received with great applause also amongst Nations more grosse and every way inferiour unto us I also desire you most deere Reader to passe by the faults of this Booke in case there be any and to correct them your selfe Assuring you if there be any 't is against my will and shall be a meere defect in the impression Also know that I am not in the humour to in sert an Errata because I hold it not decent and am sure that those who shall read my Booke if they are men of understanding finding of them will have charity enough to correct them but if they are others care not Farewell THE TABLE OF HELL REFORMED A ABdolominus p. 19 Accusation Against the Merchants evill Angell p. 52 Against the Thiefes ●vill Angell p. 86 Secret Accusers p. 2 6 52 Achillas p. 13 Adonis p. 63 Advocats p. 3 Alexanders contestation against Clitus his Favorite p. 16 Aminta p. 20 Generals of Armies p. 16 Armes p. 37 Augustus p. 41 B Belizarus Iustinians Favorite p. 34 Brutus p. 9 Busy-body p. 4 C I. Caesar p. 9 Calisthenes p. 20 Cassius p. 9 Clitus p. 16 Complaint Of Caesar against Brutus and Cassius p. 9 Of Belizarius Justinians Favorite p. 34 Of Plantianus against Severus p. 32 of Sejanus against Tiberius p. 28 of Seneca against Nero. p. 21 of Solon against Tyrants p. 39 of Suetonius p. 51 The evill Angell of Consequence p. 95 The evill Angell of Cuckolds p. 97 D Darius p. 19 Decree of Lucifer p. 103 Decrepitude and its misery p. 66 The devills
not discontented The Secret accuser disliking their carriage fayled not but accused them presently in that their mirth accompanied them even in Hell which was reputed to be a very Criminall trespasse At the instant they were questioned why they were so merry seeing they were of the number of the Damned who have for their portion nothing but Weeping and gnashing of Teeth And then one of the company which resembled Death mounted upon Pattins of halfe an Ell high according to the fashion of the little Ladies and Dames of this age who speaking in the name of all the rest advanced her selfe saying Lord Lucifer comming hither we were very sad and melancholy as much as Old damned Women may bee and so Old and worne out that there is nought else remaining on us but the Markes and the Excrement of yeeres over the Bones but as we saw this inscription which is upon the Gate of this Habitation Here is the abode where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth wee have all beene comforted thinking that if there was no other torments to suffer we should be quit at an easie rate seeing that we are so dry that there is no moisture in us which can produce any teares and besides that we are all toothlesse There may be yet some moisture in your Eyes and some Stumps in your mouthes said the Flatterer therefore your Jolity may bee vaine and of little durance They were visited and found so dry that they were put in Hells Tinder-boxes to serve for Tinder and Matches After them Pernicious obstinate arrived many people of all Conditions Qualities and Offices who began to cry out Gentlemen Gentlemen said they unto the first which they perceived which of you is it who keepes the Register of Recompences shew him unto us before we come in any further Why said then one of the company I thought wee had beene in Hell but since there are here Recompences to be hoped for I see that wee are not there Good good good answered all the multitude A short Ioy a short Ioy replies the Flatterer Good Hell Good Hell therefore 't is to no end to thinke that there are here Registers kept for Recompences where liberality consists nought but in Paines and Torments Neverthelesse wee hoped for them very much said hee who had spoken first How could that bee said the Flatterer I will tell you said the other Certaine people being informed of our Thesis moved with Charity have often endeavoured by Holy Remonstrances to make us alter the course of our Life but being Naturallized unto it we answered them with these reasons What can wee doe lesse Should wee stay that those things which every one keepes so carefully should bee brought unto us And how would you have a Vagabond live who hath neither Master nor Office and who loves to passe away his time with Curtezans at Play and Tavernes if he had not some subtile industry And then hee that gave us those wholsome Counsels seeing our Obstinacy told us The recompence then will be given you in the other World As also when any one of us Courted a Friends Wife abusing of his Confidence and Dishonoring his House and if any shewed them the Enormity and Basenesse of their fact they excused themselves thus What will you have us doe shall we rather goe into houses where wee are watched with a Poignard behind a doore or with a Pistoll then in those where the Entry is so Free easie where I am invited and feasted and where I am trusted and then the party who rebuked us seeing our hardnesse of Heart left us with these words The recompence thereof shall be given you in the other World And because we thought wee had beene arrived in that other World we aske for those recompences which the Vertuous have promised unto us Abominable Rascals said then an Officer of the Soveraigne Iustice how many wicked men are there amongst you who have often abandoned their house and family to the discommodities of want and necessity and to spend and bring to naught all their goods to debaush and corrupt Chastity and to commit a thousand Whoredomes and Adulteries and when they were admonished to take compassion of their Wives and Children they insolently answered Wee have recommended them unto God who will have care of them aswell as of Yong Ravens and other Birds And Infamous Villaines were not you then told that you should receive the recompence in the other World 'T is at this time and in this place that you shall receive Your Recompence Up Cursed come in 't is time Saying that a multitude of Divels tooke Firebrands and began to give them the Recompence promised hoped for which was a liberall ample distribution of Blowes and whilst they complained vomiting forth horrible oathes a voyce was heard which said The Recompence shall be given you in the other World After this tempest many Evill Spirits were seene to approach together with Serjeants Baylifs and Petti-foggers who hauled and dragged bound hand and foot the Thiefs Evill Angell Accusation against the Thieses evill Angell accusing him of a trepasse very Criminall The Lucifer with a fell and cruell looke sitting himselfe in a Chaire of flaming fire with all his Officers about him at the instant a Reporter that 's to say he that hath the Office of rehearsing and informing of a businesse began to say Prince Lucifer her 's a Devill which wee bring unto you accused to be ignorant in the exercise of Devillishnes it is a shame that he should be honoured with the Title and Quality of Devill for he trades in a Function contrary to his Profession seeing that all his worke tends to no other end but to cause men to be saved All the Tribunall started at this word SAVE as being awfull in that place they did all bite their lippes to the very bloud testifying the horror they had thereof and then the Supreme Cursed turning towards his Attorney Generall Is it possible said he that amongst my Vassalls there should be such a perfidious Traitor Lord Lucifer answered the Patriarch It is true that this Devill hath no other profession then to induce men to steale and robbe their Neighbour when they are discovered they are imprisoned and then hanged but before they are led to the execution they are instructed admonished and exhorted unto Repentance and by that meanes they are saved and your Devill who is none of the craftiest in the World thinking to have gained those Soules when he hath caused them to commit those Crimes he leaves them whereas he should tempt them to fall in Despaire and kill themselves insomuch that being in the hands of a good Confessour he makes them have an earnest remorce in their consciences of their offences and by that meanes they save themselves against your Devills beliefe who hath not yet perceaved that one may go to Heaven by the Gallowes or Flames Thus your torments have beene frustrate of their
due which ought to have befallen unto them There needs no other accusation against him but that said the President And the poore Devil seeing that his sentence was going to be given began to cry out My Lord hearken unto me for though it is said that the Divell is Deafe that 's not to be understood of your Greatnesse Every one was silent and he said My Lord The Divels Instification I grant you that most of those who are hanged do scape me but if you will make an estimate of those which I cause to be damned condemning others I am sure I shall be found quit on that side how many Officers of all sorts do I send you whom I cause to take Bribes to let some of them loose how many False Witnesses do I send you who depose according to the rate of the money which is given them How many Clarkes who give unto a Proces What forme the interessed desire so that they have wherewith to pay for the making How many Iailors gives the flight unto the Pigeons of their Dove-house in case they fill their purse and how many Attorneys who neglect or forward th● proceedings according to the stipend which is given them And amongst all these Briberies and Pillage if it happens that they cause Iustice to be made of some Thiefe it is not to destroy Theeves but to the end there should be no others then they and that they should remayne alone in the CommonWealth Insomuch that when they punish a Theft they do often commit many others which are worse then the Theeve's whom they send to the Gallowes for they are not inquired after and though they were they know the necessary Cavillations and Crafts to take away the knowledge thereof so that all being well wayed considered it happens as unto him who to drive the Rats out of his House brought in Cats for if the Rats did gnaw some peece of Bread some rine of Bacon some Candles ends or Parchmin the Cats doe overthrow to day his Pot to morrow eate his supper then his Partridges so that at last he is constrained to wish for his Rats and detest his Cats I have made use of that craft I willingly trucke one Thiefe for two hundred who Hang him and to three thousand Old Witches who go to the Gallowes to looke out for some Ropes ends and great Teeth to worke some mischiefe But whatsoever I doe for the advancement of your Empire I am very ill recompenced therefore I desire to rest my selfe and I beseech you to give my place to another as for my part I intend to spend the rest of my old age by a Pretender He had all the content which he could desire and a strict inhibition and defence unto the Evill Spirits who had abused him to take heed that they should not mistake in time to come upon paine of Corporall and Spirituall punishment Neverthelesse he was intreated not to resigne yet his Office considering that he was of reasonable yeeres to execute it and to do good Service therein besides that to wait upon a Pretender 't was an insupportable trouble labour and not an ease I will do all what you please said he but I believe that with a Pretender a Devill remaines his legs armes crosse his eares open learning Devillishnesse of him I imagine that there will be but passe-time and recreation for me 't will be as if I went to the Devills schoole for those kind of people teach the Devills Alphabet by that meanes ther 's nothing to bee done about them but to learne to be Silent Thereupon The Tobaccos Evill Angel the Tobacco's Evill Angell arrived I was much astonished with that Vision I had alwayes imagined that it was a Devill who possess'd many but I did not alltogether beleeve it I have said he avenged the Indies of the outrages which the Spaniards had done there for I have done more harme unto the Spaniards by introducting Tobacco amongst them then the King of Spaine did unto the Indians when he sent them Colon Cortes Alemyro and Pizarro because 't is farre more Glorious to die amongst Shot Swords and Lances then amongst the Snot Sneezings Belching Giddinesse and sometimes the contagious Purples which the stinking use of Tobacco ingenders These takers of Tobacco meerely resemble the Possessed when they are exercised there goes forth from them Vapors and Foames at least as infections but they alwaies remaine Possessed with the Evill Spirit for they are Idolators of this Tobacco they make a Deity of it which ravishes them in an Extasis they praise and extoll it above all things they tempt and persecute every one to make them use it If they take it in Smoake they make in this World their Novitiat for Hell where they must be hardned to endure Smoke and if they take it in Snuffe by their Nostrils they accustome themselves unto the discommodities of Old age whose Noses are alwaies Snotty and Dropping and Flegmes in their mouthes After this The Suborners Evill Angell came the Divell of Subornation hee was Faire and well proportioned whereat I was much astonied having yet seene no Divels except hee but such as were fearefully Ugly his visage was so familiar that I thought I had seene him in a thousand other places sometimes Vaild and sometimes his Face Uncovered sometimes calling himselfe Childrens Play and sometimes Courtship sometimes tooke the name of * It also signisies gift Don and of Present and sometimes of Almes here of Payment and there of Restitution however I never saw him called by his owne name I also remember to have seene him named Inheritance Profit Good cheape Retrimony Reward and Nothing as also to have knowne him in some other place Doctor and in another Licentiat amongst all Women he was a Batchellor amongst the Attorneyes Clarkes and Advocates he was reputed and called Law and Equity This Divell was well accompanied The Evill Angell of Consequence he pretended to the Title of Satans Lientenant But the Divell of the Consequence opposed himselfe mightily to his designe saying I am the Imbroiler the State Politicke and he that Coggs Princes the Pretext of the Unworthy and the excuse of Tyrants I am an excellent Dyer of evill actions I give them what colour one will Besides my strength is able to turne all the World upside down and to put it in a generall Confusion I banish Reason I convert the Importunity into Merit the example in necessity I can give a forme of Law unto Successes Authority to Infamy and Credit to Insolence I can Shut and sometimes Open the mouth unto Counsellors according to my minde In a word I do that which amongst others is esteemed Impossible and as long as I shall bee in the World there will be nothing to be feared of Vertue Iustice nor of good Government And also this Devill of Subornation who pretends to the Lieutenancy what had he done without me If I did