was Matth. 11.28 Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest and therefore I now seeing my self weary with my own duties and heavy laden with my own Righteousness as well as with my sins which before I could not so clearly say oh how sweet how sweet how incomparably sweet was this word Come and so upon these accounts the Lord was pleased to enable me to see how then even then he was pleased to call as it were to my poor soul in particular to come unto him and submit to his grace and so with great hungrings and thirstings after Christ to cover my poor soul from the eye of a just and holy God through some fear and as I hope with great humiliation although not so great as I would have had it with some hope that the Lord would meet me and bless me I approached to the solemn banquet where I did not only taste and sip a little but obeyed as the Lord enabled me that great command when he said drink yea drink abundantly oh my beloved then oh then I did earnestly endeavour to make the eye of my soul so see him and my heart so embrace him that from thenceforth I might fully satisfie my soul with the enjoyment of him and him alone and not from any thing that self or the World presented to me and now me-thought I was much comforted and did endeavour from that time to this to own nothing for a comfort or cause of rejoycing but as it lead me to Christ who alone is the Author and I hope the finisher of my Faith and the Horn of my Salvation and with this Caution I will conclude this tedious discourse as I fear it may be to you although to me through Grace very pleasant not that hereby I mean to neglect any duty whatsoever I know to be my duty or think them indifferent whether they be performed or no oh no I say again God forbid but this I desire to do through grace but not self and the Lord of his infinite grace inable me that I may so far honour and respect them as I find them a means to carry me to Christ for which cause I think they were appointed with respect to the glorifying of God and such like and now if I know my own heart and for fear it should deceive me I will begg of the Lord that whenever I hear I may hear for Christ and whenever I pray I may more and more make clear my interest in Christ and whenever I perform any duty whatsoever I may more and more get into Christ and more out of my self And now you have heard all that the Lord hath out of his abundant grace enabled me from what I have found as I hope in great measure wrought in my own heart to declare unto you and for fear I should in this weighty matter be guilty of a lye and so delude my own soul I will with great humility acknowledge that every particular in this latter clause I mean in the Lords dealings with me since I first received the Sacrament I cannot so fully clear as I would I could but I hope I need not to fear but that I have felt all that I have spoken of working more or less upon my heart but whether just in order as I have declared them I cannot punctually say but do earnestly begg that the Lord Jesus Christ would be so pleased as to sprinkle what I have said with his own blood and that whatever sins of failings there may be in it through the pride or ignorance of my own heart oh I do earnestly again beg of God that for Christs sake he would look upon what I have done so as to pardon all that is amiss and that he would in his due time open my eyes to see my errours and to amend them and now I do earnestly beg your advice concerning these things for as I said before my heart doth mourn within me by reason of that interest self got in me and I now find it so very hard to be overcome but I have already told you my earnest desires concerning this and oh that I could prevail with you this once to allow me an interest in your Prayers and for what doubtless you will know better than I can tell you but especially for this that he who is the searcher of hearts and knows the state of every soul better than it doth it self would be pleased that if I be deceived for Christs sake to undeceive me and grant that if I have not true grace I may not think I have and so be in a Fools Paradice and that the Lord who is my heart maker would be my heart searcher and my heart discoverer and my heart reformer and that the Lord may so do I shall not cease to be an earnest suitor at the Throne of grace so long as I am on this side the grave But what because all is not so clear as I could wish they were shall I be cast 〈◊〉 and my soul disquieted within 〈…〉 if I was sorry that God hath been 〈…〉 at work in my soul or as if 〈…〉 Jehoâ—â—h was not able to finish 〈◊〉 he hath begun and so rob God 〈◊〉 glory 〈◊〉 my poor soul of comâ—â—◠〈…〉 my 〈◊〉 these things ought not so to be I fear-there is much of self in this who is somewhat troubled to see the glory of its Temple so much defaced and its treachery so much found out and so much out of Favour as never more to be embraced again And is it so is God indeed become my God and can I indeed say with Thomas My Lord and my God my Christ and my Saviour Oh I cannot forbear to say Lord who is a God like unto thee Oh God there is no God besides thee and oh what is man that God should be mindfull of him and what am I surely the worst of men that God should so regard me Oh that I could now even now this once from the bottom of my heart bless and admire him but oh what a dead and barren heart have I that cannot worthily praise him Oh my soul bless the Lord and all that is within me bless his holy name bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all nay not one of his benefits oh if I had the tongue of an Angel and all the Angels in Heaven to assist me in this great work yet I say we could never sufficiently utter my dear fathers praises and now shall my faith triumph and my heart be glad and my glory rejoyce but not in self or in any thing of my own but in him and him alone who is the God of my Salvation Wonder oh Heavens and be moved oh earth at this great thing which the Lord hath wought in my soul be astonished and even ravished with wonder for the infinite breach is in a way to be made up the offender to be appeased and God
Death Unstung A SERMON Preached at the Funeral of THOMAS MOWSLEY An Apothecary who died July 1669. With a Brief Narrative of his Life and Death Also the manner of Gods dealings with him before and after his Conversion Drawn up by his own hand and Published By James Janeway Minister of the Gospel O Death where is thy sting Come and hear all ye that fear God and I will declare what he hath done for my soul Psal 66. v. 16. LONDON Printed for Dorman Newman and are to be sold at his shop near the Lame-Hospital in Little-Brittain at the Chyrugions Arms. 1669. TO My Beloved HEARERS Especially Those of the Younger sort Grace and Peace Men Brethren and Fathers GOD that made your souls sets a very high value upon them and Christ that bought them though they cost his heart-blood thought them worth his purchase and that eternal glory or misery that is prepared for souls speaks them not to be inconsiderable Vpon this account it 's impossible that you and I should use too much diligence in the securing these souls for this cause the Ministers of Christ can easily over-look prisons banishment and faggots so that they may but be instrumental for the saving of souls and delivering them from the wrath to come This I hope is the ground that I am carrying on in this ensuing Discourse This may speak when I may not when I cannot I might give many reasons of my appearing thus in print I might tell the world of the desires of many that by reason of the multitude could only see but not hear I might speak of the want of time to deliver the fourth Part of what is here presented to you I might tell you of the importunity of some of the young men that would gladly write after this Coppy But I must profess all this would have signified little with me did I not find by that account which some give of the work of grace upon their hearts that the Lord hath owned my poor papers formerly Among others that poor penitent Murtherer Thomas Savage which makes me not without hope that the same Spirit which breathed life into my other Writings may please also to give a blessing to these I will not stand now to answer the Objections that may be made against the Publication of this Sermon I never met with this that it is impossible that it should be subservient to the salvation of a soul and therefore I think the cost answerable I must confess had it not been for a necessary Caution or two I should have eased you of the trouble of reading and my self of writing this Epistle The first is this Be not offended if you find in the Young Mans Evidences some expressions that may sound somewhat harsh and some tautologies remember that they are word for word from his own papers as he wrote them hastily consider also that he was but young and a servant too so that it seems almost incredible that one that had so much business should be able to redeem so much time as to do what he did of this nature Secondly I would it might be a little considered what a hurry I was in when this task was laid upon me and how little time to peruse my own Coppy I beg you therefore candidly to over-look many mistakes As for you my dear friends I suppose a pardon is easily granted As for others scorn not holiness contemn not the future blessedness and make sure of happiness in the life to come and then I can easily bear your slighting of me Young Men I may be bold with you I charge you as you value the comforts of another life forget not what an excellent example this precious Brother of yours gave you Read this ensuing Discourse with seriousnesness and let it be read again in your lives Brethren you are my Joy and Crown and if you stand fast I live O make not my boasting void How can I bear to think that any of you should perish For Gods sake and for your souls sake falsifie that Proverb A Young Saint and an Old Devil Brethren my hearts desire is that I may see you all with that blessed Saint at the right hand of Christ Remember your sands run apace and you are hasting into Eternity O make sure of that which will stand you in some stead when you die O secure somewhat to live comfortably upon in another world let your lives bespeak you persons resolved for Christ and Heaven upon any terms Let your loyns be alwaies girt and your lamps be burning Whatch ye be strong quit you like men Remember Christ Heaven and Glory are before you Sit not still till you are safe in the bosom of Christ Consider that many set out fair and look as if they were bound for Zion and yet founder in the way I say again make sure Sirs I expect ere long to pass upon Eternity let me beg of you as you hope for our good meeting in another world that you make Religion your business and labour to get every day nearer Heaven Endeavour not only to be Christians but solid experienced and examplary Christians that so you may prove the glory of your generation the credit of Religion and the Joy of gray-headed Saints Sirs you are now my hope your-love zeal and union my comfort go but on at this rate and you are made for ever Know this now the eyes of the world will be upon you nay that which is more the eye of God is upon you and will take notice how you improve such a Providence as this I beseech you look about and let the world understand that you are not nominal Christians but real Saints Will any of you send me sorrowing into the grave shall I lose my hopes and comforts and you your souls can you easily forget what was the practice of this Young Man do you remember what was the usual subject of his discourse did you not observe how holily meekly and diligently he served his great Master is there no weight in a Crown of Glory is there no desireableness in happiness is it a small thing to live in the society of God Saints and Angels I am perswaded you think these things considerable Well then act as persons that long for possession which that all of you may enjoy is and shall be the prayer of one that desires not to count his life dear so he may but finish his course with joy and meet you with comfort hereafter James Janeway July 28. 1669. Death Vnstung A Funeral SERMON Rev. 14.13 And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me write blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence-forth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their Labours and their Works do follow them IT is none of the least works of a Minister of Christ to disparage sin and incourage holiness to set Life and death before our People and to present as much as in us lies
Heaven and Hell to their view and to perswade them to a wise and speedy choice that when these Houses of Clay shall be laid in the dust they may be secured of an Habitation not made with hands that is Eternal with God in the Heavens The Apostle in this Chapter doth both in the 10. Verse he tells us what a Draught is prepared for the implacable Enemies of Christ they shall drink off the Wine of the wrath of God which is poured out without mixture into the Cup of his Indignation and they shall be tormented with Fire and Brimstone in the presence of the Holy Angels and in the presence of the Lamb. The wicked may drink roar and swagger they may persecute the Members of Christ because they dare not so madly venture upon the Eternal displeasure of God as they do and sell their precious Souls for a moments joy and make light of damnation but let them know that for all these things God will bring them to Judgment an Eternity of intolerable sorrowes must pay for their short pleasures And hence it is the serious Christian that makes it his business to avoid this dreadful misery is satisfied that he doth not act irrationally and madly if the scorn and contempt of the wicked World doth not frighten him upon this account he patiently submits to any punishment rather than he will hazard the loss of his Soul and be miserable for ever that word for ever sticks much in his mind let the wicked laugh and be merry let them please themselves in his sorrows he knows 't is but a little while and all will be mended and their minds changed he is willing to stay for his happiness and joyes till he comes to another World and he doth not envy the wicked what they do enjoy let them make the best of it as long as they can and boast of their pleasures when they see themselves wrapt up in Flames The unseen world which most forget is always in the Saints eye and if he may but live happily there he passeth not if he run thorow reproaches injuries and a thousand Deaths to that glorious and endless life Here is the reason of the Saints patience this makes him judge it no folly to keep the Commandements of God and the faith of Jesus In the 13. Verse the Apostle comes to speak a word of encouragement not only to the suffering Saints of that Age but for the support of all that should be honoured with such service as to seal the truths of Christ with their blood And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me write blâ—ssed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hâ—nceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their labours and their works follow them In the words you may take notice of two parts 1. A Proposition 2. The Confirmation of that Proposition 1. The Proposition in which we may observe 1. The Predicate blessed 2. The Subject the dead 3. The restriction and limitation of the Subject which dye in the Lord. 2. The Confirmation of this Proposition 1. They rest from their labours 2. Their works follow them 3. The Person affirming this the Spirit which is further cleared 1. By the manner of this Delaration it was by a voice from Heaven 2. By the specification of the Person to whom it was spoken saying unto me 3. By the particular note of Observation Write The Doctrine which I shall take notice of from these words is this Doct. That whatever miseries a Saint may meet with in this Life at Death he shall be happy or in the words of the Text That they are blessed which dye in the Lord. In the Prosecution of this Observation I shall 1. Enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 2. I shall prove that such are blessed 3. I shall shew wherein their happiness doth consist 4. I shall make some Application 1. I shall enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 1. Neg. They which make it their business to do what they can against God while they live are not like to be blessed when they dye They which live like Devils are not like to dye like Saints Are there not a Generation in the World who act for the Devil with all their might and count all that time lost which is not spent in his service which make a jest of Damning and are as merry within a step of these devouring flames as if Hell and a Tavern were alike Do they not carry themselves as if they could not make hast enough to misery and make sure enough of Damnation How do they wound and stab their own Souls and let flye against the Almighty How contemptible a thing is Heaven and how ridiculous is the very name of Holiness to them They are of the same mind of those which Job speaks of Job 21.14 They say unto God depart from us for we desire not the knowledge of thy ways And who is the Lord that I should hearken to him And if a compassionate Minister of Christ beseech them with all the tendernesse that he can for his Soul to bethink themselves a little what these things may end in at last and to consider what a dreadful thing it is to fall into the hands of a living God how are his perswasions rejected with contempt and his pitty recompensed with scorn And may I not say of most wicked Men they do flye in the Faces of them that would tell them of their danger and do what they can to deliver them from it And yet for all this how well are they contented with their own condition and laugh at the godly as if it were a dangerous and mad thing to strive to go to Heaven and the truest happiness to be miserable for ever O who would imagine that any living should be thus lamentably besotted Tell them of Hell 't is as much as their life is worth they had rather hazard the feeling of it hereafter than bear the hearing of it here They fear a little disgrace among Men more than the contempt of God They choose rather to be under the weight of God's wrath than the least affront from a Man Talk to them of Glory Heaven and a Kingdom they are light and trivial things with them they had rather hear of a Whore a Tavern or Play and yet these Monsters must be Sainted and do more confidently expect a blessed Eternity after a life of wickedness than some of the dear Children of God do but if such as these ever come to Heaven without Repentance then the Word of God is false Doth not that say That the wicked shall be turned into Hell Tribulation and anguish upon every one that doth evil and there is no peace saith my God to the wicked The Devil himself may as well expect to shake off his Chains and be restored to his lost Glory as they O be not deceived as you Sow so you must Reap do not hope that
crazâ— Bodies that needed to be propped up by Aâ—â— have now no need of such helps the lame shaâ—â— leap the blinde see the weak shall be strong thâ— crooked strait they which were in deaths oft shaâ—â— be never in danger O happy alteration thâ— Grave will refine and alter our Bodies and theâ— shall there bury all imperfections and this mortâ— shall put on immortality and this corruptible incorruption There the weary shall be at rest Esa 61.3 33.24 60.18 Job 3.17 5. The blessedness of the deceased Saints consisteâ—h in their perfect freedome from all wants and fear of want Here they have their daily want and in the sweat of their brows they must eat their Bread The World in its best estate is made up of vanities and troubles How much need have we of the help of our fellow-creatures we can't live without the use of their bodies and lives we want their service to till our Grounds and to carry our weak Bodyes that can sometimes scarce go under their own burden What shift could we make if the influences of the Sun Moon and Stars were suspended what lamentable complaint should we make if God should seal up the Fountains of Water how soon should we faint if he should make the Heavens as Iron and the Earth as brass What Element can we want what Creature could we well spare But the time is coming that Day will shortly begin whose brightness will make the Sun dark and the Moon to disappear and all the Stars to leave their Spheres as useless O unbelief how miserably dost thou rob us of the comforts which the very fore-thoughts of that hour might bring in Dwell O my trembling Soul upon the Meditation of these things Is there no truth nor weight in â—hose Scriptures Es 60.19 Es 21.29 Give in thy Answer Why then art thou cast down O my soul and why art thou disquieted within me Wait upon the Lord and be of good courage wait I say upon the Lord. 6. This happy Man shall be quite freed of whatsoever may argue an imperfect state Some of those very graces that are now so useful and necessary when their work is done shall be laid aside as useless I mean Faith Hope Patience desire all which speak something of imperfection shall then be swallowed up of love They now help to lead the Soul out of Egypt conduct thorow the red Sea and Wilderness and send Spices into Canaan and bring good tidings out of that Land they see Sihon Og and Amaleck discomfitted and their Power broken they go to the Borders of the promised Land nay they get up to Pisga and upon Mount Nebo there they bid the Soul farewell Faith like a skilful Pilot keeps close to the Ship till it see it out of danger Faith like loyal Barzillai brings in abundant provisions for the Soul in all its streights and comes with it to the banks of Jordan to the brink oâ— eternity but there there it takes its final leave and sends over young Chimham to wait upon the King at Jerusalem it sends love over into Heaven tâ— dwell there with the Lord for ever O blessed state when faith shall be swallowed up of sight Here we live by faith and not by sense or sight in glory we shall live by sense and sight and not by faith The shaddow shall vanish when the substance is come hope patience desire and fear shall all pass away and be swallowed up with an eternal fruition possession and security Happy are the People that are in such a case their clouds are quite blown over they need neither Wind or Sails now they are safe landed What think you now of a Child of God is it worth the while to be religious is holiness a folly now and yet this is not all come a little further and I will shew you greater things still All this is buâ— the privative part of their happiness I come now to touch a little upon the positive part but what an Ocean am I now lanching into who can tell all the priviledges of a Citizen of Zion what Pen can describe the honour and dignities of the Sons of God But that I may heighten your spirits and a little antedate your comforts I shall in the next place shew something of the positive part 2. The blessedness of those which dye in the Lord consists positively First in this that they shall enter into the Society of the Angels they shall leave any longer conversing with mortals and instead of weeping friends see themselves compassed with singing Angels How do you think that Lazarus was affected who instead of Beggars Crippels and Dogs had a Guard of Angels waiting upon him What an extasy of joy was he surprized vvith Luk. 16.22 This honour have all the Saints We think the sight of a King the look of a Prince the company of a Lord a great matter what are they it compared with the least of the Captains of the Lord's Host How vast is the difference between Flesh and Spirit and yet this favour the Lord is pleased to confer upon the least of his Children And how glad are the Angels themselves of the society of the poorest Saint they are glad even here to be doing offices of love for them many a danger they delivered them from many a mercy they conveyed from their Father to them but these earthly Bodyes were scarce capable of communications with such noble and spiritual Creatures but at Death they shall know their old friends and fellow-servants and bless God with them and for them for ever Heb. 12.22 And these Chariots and Horsemen of Israel shall carry up Joseph to his Fathers House and there the Sons of God shall shout for joy Time was the sight of an Angel would make a Saint tremble but then it shall make them to Triumph and what stories will they tell them of the providences of God toward them and joyn with them in the high praises of his goodness and love But all this is but little to what follows 2. At Death the souls of believers are made perfect in holiness How will they in a moment see themselves as white as Snow how glorious shall the Kings Daughter be when her beauty is perfect how lovelily will she look when she 's clad with innocent purity how excellent when her royal Husband the Lord Christ shall be infinitely taken with her Will he not then say thou art all fair my love there is no spot in thee Come with me from Lebanon my Spouse with me from Lebanon from the top of Amana from the top of Shenir and Hermon from the Lyons Dens from the Mountains of Leopards Thou hast ravished my heart my Sister my Spouse thou with one Chain of thy Neck How fair is thy love my Sister my Spouse c. Cant. 4.7 8 9 10. If the Lord see so much beauty here in his Church what will he do hereafter when he shall have wash'd away all her
command the affections of all that hear of thee that nothing but thy love may serve their turns Pardon me that this admirable one hath dravvn out my thoughts so largely If you can but love after all this and see him when you dye with comfort you will say I were too short in his praises and too superficial in his commendations and that the half was not told you 4. The blessedness of departed Saints lies in this that they shall meet with all the Children of God and have communion with the spirits of the just made perfect Thou shalt then meet thy best friends whose company was so warming whose words were so incouraging whose lives did so much command Religion their Faces did then shine their conversation was in Heaven but O what an alteration is there in them for the better their Souls are now like Christ nothing but grace love and praise no difference in judgment no pride or passion nothing that offends And how vvill they vvelcome you to their Fathers House you that took sweet counsel together that went to the House of God that talk'd of that glory how glad will you be when you meet in it Nay Death will bring you acquainted with all these famous Worthies of whom the World was not worthy the noble Champions of Christ which thought not their lives dear to them so they might but finish their course with joy this Porter opens the Door and lets the Saints Soul into that Palace where all the Favourites of that great Prince reside and thou shalt stand also with them upon Mount Zion in the presence of that Mighty King and shalt behold and live in his glory for ever And is all this inconsiderable What would I give to see Enoch that walked with God How glad should I be to be acquainted with Elias how joyful if I might have some discourse with Paul Would it not make one couragious in the cause of God if one could hear Daniel or the Three Children tell the story of their deliverance How should one be pleased to have it from the Mouth of Moses Joshuah and Caleb what God did for Israel in the Fields of Ham the Red-Sea and the Wilderness and how he brought them into the Land of Canaan hovv do you think you should be affected at such things as these vvhy as formidable as Death looks it 's he that brings us to the speech of all these How loath are we novv to part when a knot of us have got together to talk about the things of another World are not the Saints the excellent ones in whom is our delight is not the empty discourse of the unexperienced World tedious and their Company a burden Why Heaven hath in it none but Saints and Angels and the blessed God Is not that Company indeed and all their work will be to admire praise and love God and to take infinite delight and complacency in him to all Eternity O what acclamations of joy vvill there be vvhen all the Children of God shall meet together vvithout fear of being disturbed by the Antichristian and Cainish brood when they meet and never part but joyn in Hallelujahs for ever That that 's the melody vvhen a Quire of ten thousand times ten thousand of Angels shall sing an Eternal Song and the hundred and forty and four thousand and that innumerable Company out of all Nations Tongues and Kindreds shall ansvver saying Blessing honour glory and power be unto Him that sits upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Rev. 5.13 Luk. 13.28 29. Heb. 11.22 Eph. 2.19 5. An other thing wherein the blessedness of the Saints departed consists is that then all their Prayers shall be sully answered their desires satisfied and hopes enjoyed They now oft with sorrow hear the reproaches of the wicked who are ready to ask them vvhere is their God vvhat is become of their sasts tears and groans to vvhat purpose do they afflict themselves what profit is it for them to call upon God what benefit is there in serving the Almighty The wicked boast of their hearts desire and are ready to sleight Religion as a useless and contemptible thing But is there not a time a coming vvhen the godly may ask them vvhat profit they have novv in their pleasures vvhat comfort in their greatness what fruit of all their labours and with unspeakable satisfaction produce their Crown and say This this was the prize that we contended for this was the reward that vve had in our Eye this was the glory and honour which we so highly valued This is our God in whom we have trusted Es 25.9 The Saints shall then see that it was not in vain to seek knock and wait then they shall understand that nothing was lost which was spent for their Souls and Heaven they shall shortly know that the poorest hearty groan was heard the quickest ejaculations were not unobserved and that the vveakest sincere Prayers were able to pierce the Heavens O who would not serve such a Master who can't forget any of his nay the Lord will infinitely out-do their requests and give them more than their Tongue could ask and mindes conceive This is the portion of them that seek thee that seek thy face O Jacob. 6. At Death the Believer shall be possessed of God and know what the beatifical Vision means and if you would be better satisfied what this is my request is that you would live holily and go and see And if after a sight and sense of this incomprehensible glory you finde that I have deceived you by making you to over-value it I am contented to bear the blame of an Impostor I am here but brief because I must confess my Meditations are now at a loss and silence and astonishment must speak the rest 7. That which is no small addition to a Saints happiness is this that there is no fear of losing of it his Enemies can't rob him for they are all safe enough and his Treasure is locked up there where neither Moth nor Rust can corrupt nor Thieves break thorow and steal the Christian may then rejoyce over his Enemy and say vvho shall separate me from the love of God they that are safe in Heaven need not to entertain any fears of losing their Inheritance If God that made Heaven and brought them to it can secure them if Christ that bought it for them can make good his purchase if all challenges are laid aside they are vvell enough thy house shall not be shaken thy comforts are durable and the lease of thy Inheritance runs parallel with the life of God and must not expire till Eternity be spent Rom. 8.33 Heb. 13.5 If. 54 10. Is 35. last 8. The last thing that I shall mention wherein the happiness of the Dead that dye in the Lord consists is in the full and joyful assurance of a glorious Resurrection and acquaittance at the day of Judgment Their Bodies are the sacred Temples
you that for a little time about a month or two I was little satisfied no longer than I was engaged in such work as Reading Hearing deep Meditation but especially Prayer and these oh these were the Physitians that I look upon so much to work so great a cure upon my soul that none but Christ that great Physitian could do and truly the best of the Physitians were so full of ill humours themselves as pride self-confidence c. that without the Physick of Christs blood to purge and purifie them they would have stunke in the Nostrills of a holy and pure God as I am afraid they often did Min. Now you have given in an account about sin I would gladly hear what account you can give about the wayes of holiness and of grace and how you began to make your progress in this road Conv. I must be but very brief here for I have much to say about other things but I shall as the Lord shall enable me satisfie you in this as I told you before when the burthen of my sin first came upon me that then and likewise in the six years of my convictions I was fully convinced of the necessity of living a holy life and of the Beauty of Holiness and that without it there would be no salvation for without Holiness none shall see the Lord And upon this account I also earnestly besought the Lord by Prayer and Hearing and reading good Books which the Lord did mightily incline my heart to do and so every day I did more and more desire Holiness and did earnestly thirst after the image of God to be renewed upon my heart so that in short I found no rest any way but what I got by living holily and abstaining from sin and as my weak Physitians I mean my Prayers Hearing Reading Meditation Vows Resolutions c. I say as these was able to apply comfort to me so I had it and no longer being ignorant of the life of Faith in Christ and truly they proved very bad comforters and as I told you they wanted Christs blood to procure acceptation in the eyes of a pure and holy God which will regard them with favour no otherwise than as they are presented to him sprinkled with the blood of his Son Min. Methinks you seem to speak much against these duties and against holiness as if they were not altogether necessary to be imbraced do you not Conv. Oh no God forbid I hope I shall never so far speak against them as to neglect them in the least but this I have said that I may not look upon them any further than as they lead me to Christ for truly I have found nothing in the world so much hindered me of comfort wilfull sin only excepted as in laying so great a stress upon duties for certainly had I laid my foundation sure upon the Rock of Christ and not all upon my own righteousness I should never have been so much shaken and as I may say almost overturned with the assaults of sin and Satan but he would have upheld me with his everlasting armes that I should have been able long agoe to have triumphed in his merits over all the assaults that Satan and my own heart made against me Min. How long did you live upon the stock of your duties before the Lord was pleased to let you see your errour and how was your condition all this while as you thought your self Conv. I lived so about three years or more and in that time I had some sad declinings indeed every day almost I lost my God and the evidences of his love so as I thought my self happy longer than when I could perform duties with great zeal and with strong affections and then oftentimes I could have been willing to have dyed as I thought my heart did so rejoyce in them but when my heart was somewhat dead and flat then I was at a great loss and could find out no rest for the sole of my foot Min. This which you have said seems to me to be a little strange why where was your faith all this while you told me before that you durst not look to God but through Christ and you seemed then as you went along to make Christ your hope and Saviour and then how do you mean you did not rest in him Conv. This is somewhat hard to answer but I hope you will pardon my weakness and I will tell you as plain as I can and that only as my heart and Conscience witnesseth and not to take the help of any book to open it to me that so I may with more humble confidence say that these things I have seâ— down no otherwise but as my own spiriâ— by the assistance of Gods Spirit dictated to me and now I will tell you what I mean by what I have said I hope I looked upon Christ to be a compleat Saviour in every respect and I saw my great need of his blood to procure my pardon for my sins and I knew that it was only from his grace that I was in any measure sanctified and by this I hope I laid all my sins upon him and durst not in the least think of Answering for them my self before God and seemed to give him the glory in respect to any work of Holiness in my heart and so I did highly prize him and greatly delight in him and earnestly desired to love him and more and more to serve him and so I acted faith for three years but all this while I was not throughly convinced of the insufficiency of my own righteousness so as to lay that at Christs feet neither could I suppose it that one might be â—â—â—â—â—bâ—d by anothers righteousness but 〈…〉 that because I was not altogether 〈…〉 as others as I thought there 〈…〉 â—â—ould fare better than others and 〈…〉 mixed my own merits with Christs 〈◊〉 never came â—o far out of my self as to cast my righteousness as well as my sins at his seet and now what abundant cause have I to be humbled and to lye very low before God and still more and more to admire the infinite mercy and patience of God Oh that I who after I was much enlightened and had abundantly tasted and seen how good and gracious the Lord was I say that after all his unspeakable mercies to me how he brought me out of my Aegyptian bondage of sin and loosened me from many strong holds of Satan and brought me so near to his Fathers bosome that I was wont to be many times almost ravished with the fore-thoughts of that joy I did hope for in Heaven Oh that after he had passed me over the red Sea and when many of mine enemies were dead and beaten back and that after he had tryed me a little in the Wilderness of this World then he would have brought me safe into Canaan Oh that I should be so disingenious as to set up a Calf I mean my own Righteousness