message from me Then Gabriel coming to her said Aue gratia plena Dominus tecum Ab A quod est sine Ve culpa immunis à triplici Ve. De quibus Apoc. 12. Ve ve ve habitantibus in terra Gratia plena Hieronymus Benè Gratia plena quod caeteris per partes c. At these words of the Angell she was sore troubled Now she had three gentlewomen with her Prudence Virginitie and Humilitie And first she went to Prudence to haue her counsell saying O my loue tell me your opinion what I were best to do Prudence answered Mary I consider that which is written in the 29. chap. of Ecclesiasticus He that is hasty to giue credit is light minded And therefore it is well said in the Gospell that Mary mused in her selfe what maner of salutation that might be Ecclesiasticus 32. Audi tacens pro reuerentia accedit tibi bona gratia Giue eare and be still and for thy good behauiour thou shalt be loued The Angell seeing her thus troubled said vnto her Feare not Mary why art thou afraid After this she asked counsell of her second gentlewoman Virginitie who said vnto her Mary aske the Angell how thou shalt conceiue if he answer and say By the seed of man beate him away with a cudgell O iuuenculae quando vestri amatores nominant impudica c. How can this be seeing I neuer knew man The Angell answered The holy Ghost shall come vpon thee and the power of the most high shall ouershadow thee and therefore c. And a little after There was a disputation who should worke this redemption whether the Father the Sonne or the holy Ghost and it was agreed that the Sonne should be the Redeemer And the reason c. 7 And if it were possible for thee gentle Reader to haue so much patience I would further desire thee to reade this other discourse of the same Preacher that thou mayst see how he is like himselfe in all things and how one blasphemy draweth on another For fol. 168. col 4. he saith Altercatio facta est quis debebat ire ad matrem nuntiare hanc resurrectionem Adam dixit mihi incumbit c. The meaning of which words as also of the rest which ensue touching the same argumēt is this It was debated amongst them who should go to the blessed virgin Christs mother to signifie her sonnes resurrection Adam said that it was his dutie to go For said he I was the cause of the euill and therfore I ought to be the cause of the contrary good But Christ answered him Thou wouldst haply tarry by the way to eate figs. Abel said that that office belonged to him Christ answered No verily for thou mayst perhaps meet thy brother Cain by the way who wil kil thee Noah also offered himselfe saying that that honour was due to him to whom Christ answered Surely thou shalt not go for thou louest drinke too well Iohn Baptist said I will go Nay said Christ thou of all other shalt not go for thy garment is but of haire The theefe said that that office belōged to him but Christ reiected him For said he thy legs are broken In the end an Angell was sent who began to chant it out in this sort Regina coeli laetare Alleluiah Resurrexit sicut dixit Alleluiah And straight after came Christ with al the Saints and the Virgin c. There are also sundry other blasphemous speeches as wel in this as in the rest of their iolly Preachers though principally in this but because those which now come to my remembrance are more tollerable and for that I am not at leisure to seeke after others I will content my selfe for this present with these aboue mentioned The texts of Scripture I haue here alleadged as they are to be found in the vulgar Latin Bible But with what brazen-faced impudency they were wont to abuse them shall be shewed hereafter 8 And now I proceed to those who baspheme God indeed which vice I said was proper to Church-men where I aduertised the Reader that I tooke the word blasphemy in a more generall acception then it is commonly taken hauing respect to the Greeke Etymology For as he that vsurpes the Kings crowne being but his vassall or sets himselfe in the throne of the kingdome or chaire of estate doth commit no lesse treason against the maiesty of the Prince then he that vttereth some contemptible speech derogating from his soueraignety crowne and dignity so doubtles he that arrogateth to himself diuine power in word or deed may as properly be called a blasphemer of God But forasmuch as the signification of the word hath not bin vsually stretched so farre I wil not greatly stand to argue the case whether it be lawful to vse it so or no it shal suffice that I haue shewed vpō what ground I thus vsed it But if any man shall think that it may more fitly be called high treason against the highest Maiestie I will not greatly contend with him Now I would here instance this with examples but that they are so obuious and ordinary highwayes so plaine that a guide were needlesse For to say nothing of that man of sinne who calling himselfe God on earth causeth as much as in him lieth as great homage to be done vnto him as vnto God are not they I beseech you vsurpers of the honour proper onely to God who take vpon them to consecrate blesse and absolue nay to open heauen to some and shut it against others Notwithstanding the world we see swarmeth with such vermine in all places where the Church of Rome hath lost nothing of her credite And albeit this kind of blasphemy be peculiar to Church-men as hath bin said yet I am not ignorant that Princes also who of their humane would make a diuine maiestie may wel be inrolled in this register But to shew how many wayes they offend in this kind would be an argument no lesse odious then tedious and chiefly for me who by all meanes labour to make speedy dispatch of this present treatise CHAP. XXVI How that as there are stranger sinnes committed at this day then euer before so God inflicts stranger punishments vpon the authors and inuentors of them SAint Augustine among many his memorable sayings hath one very notable and worthy so excellent an author viz. that if God should openly punish euery sinne and transgression in this life it would be thought he reserued no punishment for the last iudgement On the other side if he should not inflict open and exemplary punishment vpon some offenders men wold not beleeue that there were a diuine prouidence Therefore when we see any breake forth into hainous enormities and yet to scape scot-free at leastwise for aught we know we should call not onely our religion but our wits also into question if we should hereupon inferre that wicked men escape the heauy hand of God and that their sinnes remaine vnpunished And
trauaile and that at sundrie times as first at Heidelbergh after that at Strasburgh and last of all at Vienna in Austria and curteously accepted the two books which he dedicated vnto him the one coming out of his presse the other onely from his pen so you who forerunne all as farre in curtesie as in pedegree will as kindly entertaine this his poore Orphane newly come into a strange country and hauing lately learned the language of the place And were it but onely that your renowned Vnkle I can neuer name him too often whom I can neuer sufficiently honor and your honourable Mother the vertuous Ladie and thrise renowned Countesse of Pembroke haue trauailed in this kind in translating some of the workes of that Phoenix of France the Lord du Plessis into our English tongue I perswade my selfe it would not be vngratefull to your Lordships especially being dedicated by him who hath dedicated and deuoted himselfe to employ his pen and paines and what seruice he can else performe for the honour of your house In confidence therefore of your accustomed clemencie as the Author dedicated his VVORLD OF VVORDS I meane his treasury of the Greek tongue to the greatest Princes of Europe that vnder their names it might passe with greater applause to their Vniuersities So I do here humbly commend this his VVORLD OF VVONDERS a work of farre lesse volume but no lesse value to your honorable protection that vnder your patronage it may passe to the vniuerse of our Brittish natioÌ„ And verily among those many radiant Diamonds which do so beautifie his Highnesse Crowne Diademe I could see none more resplendent and consequently fitter to be placed in the Frontispice of this worke like two great lights to shine in the heauen of this new world then your two Lordships For who more fit to patronage so conceited a worke then they who for their sufficiencie are best able to iudge of conceits and by their excellent discourse as it is said of ASHER to affoord pleasures for a King And to whom should students haue recourse but to those who are amici studiorum studiosorum both louers of learning and of learned men whose recompence in this barren Age were it not for such bountiful benefactors would be but small their bed might be vpon the straw at the signe of the Star and they get nothing but their labour for their paines And if it be a true saying Temples are to be dedicated to the Gods and bookes to good men to whoÌ„ may I better dedicate this Apologie then to your good Lordships in whom those eminent parts and almost heroicall vertues of your dearest Vnkle whose vntimely death hath bene so infinitely regretted are now as out of the ashes of the Phoenix quickned and reuiued again and in whom the blossoms of many rare vertues putting forth so timely in this Aprill of your age do promise more then ordinary fruite of great good in time to come But lest I should seeme to guild gold and for that you are not wont to feed vpon the wind of mens words I cease to be further troublesome though neuer ceasing in my best wishes and desires to pray to the highest Maiestie that great God of heauen and earth who is great without quantitie good without qualitie infinite without place eternall without time whose prouidence reacheth from the Center to the Circumference from the silliest Scyniph to the highest Sâ—raphin to blesse your Lordships with health of body peace of conscience increase of honour and length of daies that his most excellent Maiestie may long enioy such faithfull ACHATESES and learning such bountifull MECAENATES and that in the end of mortalitie after the reuolution of many happy yeares you may attaine to that happinesse that neuer shall haue end Your Lordships most humbly deuoted in all dutie and seruice R. C. THE TRANSLATOR to the Reader THere offer to thy view and censure gentle Reader the Translation of Stephens Apologie written in defence of Herodotus his strongly conceited but falsly supposed fabulous History which I present vnto thee vnder the name of A World of Wonders When I call it a World of Wonders thinke not that I go about to gull thee with an happelourde some counterfait worke hauing onely a glorious title and performing nothing lesse then that which the title doth promise and pretend like Lucians Verae historiae or our pedling pamphlets which haue plus salis quà m sumptûs More conceit then cost cosening the world with copper for gold with glasse for pearle and seeming for substance And when I say Stephens Apologie imagine not that thou hast either Palaephatus his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in hand or Goularts Admiranda or Wolfius his Memorabilia or Torquemeda's Mandeuile of miracles or any such rhapsodie of an indigested history whose authors are at cost to print vs new Almanacks of the last yeare but a learned pithy and pleasant Apologie whose title doth neither bely the text nor the text shame the title For as it is called A World of Wonders so it containeth a world of matter and that beyond all maruel So that if Poets do rightly call IrideÌ„ Thaumantis filiaÌ„ the rain-bow the daughter of wonder we may well call this Apologie A World of wonders considering the raine-bow hath not halfe the varietie of colours that this Apologie of strange and pleasant histories And though a wonder last but nine daies as the common saying is yet a World of wonders wil last to all posteritie And verily if we may coniecture of future euents by former presidents I see not but that it will remaine more durable then the seuen wonders of the world euen to many generations sith it hath already passed the presse if I haue counted right wel neare fourteene times within these fortie yeares And now this Mart if the Catalogue deceiue vs not we are to receiue a new impression So that if it haue but halfe that kind entertainment here that it hath had and stil hath in it owne countrey the Printer will be no loser by the bargaine But it is not my purpose gentle Reader to detaine thee with impertinent discourse about tearmes and titles nor yet to abuse thy patience with a second Apologie for Herodotus for that were but to defloure the time and to write Iliada post Homerum considering it hath bene sufficiently performed by Manutius Camerarius and this our Author Howbeit something of necessitie must be spoken in way of Apologie for this Apologie to cleare it of those many imputations and aspersions that are cast vpon it as well vpon the matter of the book as the manner of writing the truth of the history as the modestie of the historian And first to begin with crimen falsi Our good Catholicks abroade and corner-creepers at home stick not to cast out such speeches as these That it is an easie matter to make the tale run which way shal please the teller that as vnder the
Now it would be tedious to giue but a light touch to those manifold fables which they haue broched of their lying Saints as of Saint Christopher Saint George Saint Catherine which neuer saw the light nor euer had being saue onely in picture and imagination And which they shame not to tell vs in their lying Traditions as namely of the bodily assumption of the virgin Mary into heauē c. In their lying reuelations as of the deliuerance of Traians soule out of hell c. And which they dayly broach in their lying reports as that Ignatius Loiola was rapt vp into heauen and saw the holy Trinitie in three persons and one essence and that God shewed him the patterne which he layd before him when he made the world And lastly in their lying letters of the miracles done by the holy Fathers of their societie in the West Indies as that a burning taper of a cubit length being set before Xauiers tombe burnt aboue three weekes day and night without wasting That a man who neuer saw further then the length of his nose opening Xauiers tombe and rubbing his eyes with his hand recouered his sight That a peece of his whip and girdle cured all sorts of diseases and a thousand such like which our holy Mother calleth Pias fraudes godly cosinages and the milke which Saint Paul gaue the Corinthians to drinke being vnable to digest stronger meate as a Frier at Gaunt was wont to say And no maruel they should send vs ouer so many Legends or rather legions of lies and such a fardle of fooleries out of forraine countries when they are not ashamed to feed vs at home with as fine fables and that not onely in print but also in picture as namely that some for the Catholick cause haue bin here in England put into Beares skins and baited with mastiues That others haue had bootes full of boyling grease pulled on their legs And that others haue bin shod with hot iron shoes c. That Luther was begotten by an Incubus and strangled by the diuel That Caluin was a stigmatick and banished for a Sodomite That Bucer renounced Christian religion at his death and died a Iew. That Beza reconciled himselfe to the Church of Rome and died a Catholicke That Iewell after his challenge at Pauls Crosse being requested by a Catholicke to shew his opinions out of the Fathers should answer that he spake not as he thought but ad faciendum populum as they say That Doctor Sands Archbishop of Yorke should entice his hostesse to vnlawful lust when as the world knowes she was brought to his bed as Lais the famous strumpet was to Xenocrates That Queene Elizabeth had a blacke beard That when Campion was drawne to the place of execution the water in Thames stood still That a Preacher in London speaking against the holy virgin Hallensis was suddenly twicht out of the pulpit and caried away by the diuell These few examples I haue here alleadged out of their old Legends and late worthy writers as Cochlaeus Staphylus Bolsec Surius Coster Puteanus and such like the Popes parasites partly to shew their diffidence in defence of a bad cause that as foule gamesters when they cannot make their part good by faire play begin to quarrell with their fellowes or to cog with a di◠so they not able to maintaine their Catholick cause by plaine dealing are driuen to defend it with a tricke of a false finger namely with one of these three figures of Roman Rhetoricke to which they are so much beholding Auxesis in aduancing their fauourites Meiosis in debasing their opposites and Pseudologia which in Latin is termed mendacium we Englishmen call it a lie Partly to shew that they haue small reason to lay lies in other mens dishes seeing all the packe of them from the proudest Pope to the poorest hedge-priests are but a lying generation For as lying wonders are his part as the Apostle saith so wondrous lies are theirs as the former examples do sufficiently declare And lastly to let the Reader see what a spirit of giddinesse what strong delusions what efficacy of error God in his iust iudgement sends vpon them to beleeue lies because they receiue not the loue of the truth We were in good hope they would at the last haue bene ashamed of these Legendary lies when as their owne writers began to distast them For Petrus de Alliaco exclameth against them in his booke de Reformatione Ecclesiae And it was one of the hundred grieuances which the Germans cōplained of that their Friers fed the people with fables and told them nothing but tales out of the pulpit And Viues writing of the Lombardica historia saith that it is not fit to be read by any Christian and that he cannot imagine why it should be called the Golden Legend considering it was written by a man ferrei oris plumbei cordis And Bristow himselfe reiects certaine of their miracles which saith he we reade in I know not what Legenda aurea And as for that execrable booke of Conformities written by Bartlemew de Pisis for that of Iohannes Capella one of Saint Francis his schollers and that other of Ieremie Bucchius are not altogether so notorious euen the Friers themselues after the light of the Gospel began to dispell the darknesse of Popery were so ashamed of it that they called it in again and laboured to suppresse it by buying vp all the copies they could heare of that the world might neuer for shame know how shamefully they had abused our forefathers But behold the malice of the diuel who of late is growne farre more impudent as he who knowing his time to be but short meanes to vse it to the full proofe For that which our good Catholickes in former ages were ashamed once to heare of his impes at this day sticke not to defend For now if a man do but once call the counterfait history of Saint George Saint Christopher or Saint Catherine into question he shall straight with Virgerius be suspected of heresie and expelled their societie And it is no longer since then the other Mart that we receiued an Apologie in defence of this worthy worke of Conformities written by one Henrie Sedulius a Minorite Frier against the Alcoran of the Franciscans yet so performed as that it doth not onely call his modesty but his wits also into question Therefore seeing they are not ashamed to thrust vpon vs such rotten wares and to rake vp such rusty stuffe out of the dead dust and darknesse wherein time and shame haue suffered them to rest Necessary it is we should 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 cast some of their filth in their faces againe and answer fooles according to their follies that so they may haue a qui pro quo a Rowland for an Oliuer at leastwise oyle for their vineger But lest
so descending as it were by steps and degeees may note and obserue the examples of alterations which haue happened in this age or somewhat before as an Introduction to the Preparatiue treatise of the Apology for Herodotus And first I will begin with the description of the first Age not as it is recorded in Canonicall Scripture which cannot lie but in the Apocryphall writings of Poets who cannot speake the truth being as false fond and fabulous as it is true certaine and vnfallible And I beginne with Poets the rather because most men haue euer bene addicted to the reading of Poemes being thereunto allured by their pleasant fictions which insinuating themselues by little and little into their eares haue in processe of time so setled in their minds that they haue taken deepe rooting therein Whereby we perceiue how men in old time by entertaining of fables and suffering them to lodge and harbour in their minds haue bene brought to beleeue many fond fooleries which haue bene conueyed from hand to hand and deliuered by tradition from father to sonne Whereas the Scripture hath bene locked vp as it were in an vnknowne tongue as well from these great admirers and scorners of antiquitie as from those of whom I am about to speake Nay many who haue had some smattering knowledge therein haue reiected them as more fabulous then meere deuised fables For some poeticall fictions taken originally from the sacred fountaine of veritie as a true storie may be disguised sundry waies seeme more probable in some mens corrupt iudgement then the truth it selfe as shall be exemplified in the Chapter following CHAP. I. A description of the first Age of the world called by Poets Saturnes and the golden Age and how they haue depraued it with their foolish fictions as they haue done other histories in the Bible IF we will giue any credite to Greeke and Latin Poets we must confesse that the first age called by them the golden age was as happy as a man could wish For the ground without tilling or manuring plentifully affoorded all commodities for the life of man which were common to all seeing no man knew what mine and thine meant and consequently were not acquainted with hatred enuie and stealth much lesse with warre and therefore needed not to beare armes against any saue onely as some are of opinion against wilde beasts which they were not greatly to feare neither considering their walles were so high that they could not spring them and so strong that they could not demolish them I say as some are of opinion for others make no exception at all but affirme that wilde beasts were then more gentle and tractable then tame ones are at this day and that those which are now poisonfull and venimous as experience shewes were then nothing dangerous But to leaue this dispute and to prosecute my former description touching the particular wherein all generally accord we shall further beleeue I say that as there were then no lawes so neither was there need of any seeing no man wished the hurt or hinderance of his neighbour neither was sollicited thereto by any meanes Besides they knew not what sicknesse meant and as they were of a strong and sound constitution so did they abound with all things necessary for the sustentation of mans life albeit they knew not of what colour gold siluer copper or other mettals were For men were not then so curious to dig the earth to know what nature had hid in the bowels thereof Besides they minded not the sea neither tooke they triall in what sort the windes did tosse the waues for euery man abode at his owne home like the snaile in her shel or the Monk in his cell nothing curious nor carefull to know what his next neighbours did no more then the old man in Claudian who though he dwelt within a quarter of a mile of Verona or thereabout yet neuer went thither in all his life nor then the Venetian gentleman who being almost foure score and ten yeares old neuer desired to go out of Venice vntill he was confined therein as in a prison This to omit the hony and milken riuers with such like toyes is the summe of that which Poets haue deliuered touching the felicity of that age and of that plaine honest and vpright dealing which was then in vse notwithstanding the great plentie and abundance of all things contrary to the old Greeke prouerb which hath bene found too true of other ages A good land a bad people Now that this Poeticall description of the felicitie of the first age is true in generall if we consider the state of man before the fall we may not denie except we will call the Scripture into question I say in generall not insisting vpon particulars though Poets like wire-drawers extend it further then they are warranted by holy writ which shewes how that immediatly after the fall of our first parents man did eate his bread in the sweâ—te of his browes of which Poets also speake though turkishing the storie or to speake more properly turning it into a meere fable affirming that the great God Iupiter created the world of a huge confused masse which they call Chaos wherein the elements were mingled pel-mell and that Prometheus afterwards formed men of earth tempered with water in the likenesse and similitude of the Gods They adde moreouer that he stole fire from heauen and conueyed it downe to the earth whereaâ— this great God was so highly offended in that men by this meanes found out mechanical arts and sciences that for a punishment he sent them a yong damsell framed by all the Gods each of them hauing bestowed something vpon her some to perfect her in beautie others to make her wanton subtill craftie and full of alluring freights Vulcan hauing formerly framed the body of clay and after infused the soule into it and directed her first to Prometheus who being wary and wise would not receiue her mistrusting some trechery but his vnwise brother Epimetheus willingly accepted of her gaue her entertainment Howbeit he felt the smart of it shortly after and not he onely but all his posteritie after him For this Minion forthwith opened a box whereout issued all manner of euils mischiefes and miseries which haue euer since harboured in the world Now vnder these fables and fictions lay the true story of the creation of our first parents and of their Apostasie as it were masked and disguised For by the first man framed by Prometheus we are to vnderstand Adam and by the yong damsell called Pandora Eue who being brought to Adam was the cause of his fall and by the fire which was stolne from heauen by meanes whereof men came to the knowledge of mechanicall arts the forbidden fruite whereby they had experimentall knowledge of good and euill True it is all Poets stay not here but as it is the custome to amplifie and enlarge mens reports adde that Prometheus fashioning the first man of
digest it considering there are many things there ript vp farre worse without comparison then any of the former consider with me good Reader a little how the diuell hath openly mocked and plaied as it were with the nose of Christendome in publishing this booke blindfolding in the meane time the eies of the world For he vsed him as his instrument in the compiling and publishing thereof who laboured tooth and naile by word and writing to make a hotch-potch of these two religions if they may be called religions viz. Mahometizme and Iudaizme with Christian religion him I say he vsed as his Amanuensis who publikely preached and stifly maintained sundry grosse heresies not onely full of blasphemie but euen repugnant to ciuill honesty I meane that worshipfull writer master William Postell But how may some say was it euer possible that this booke being composed by such a vile monster was not suspected as it should haue bene had it bene deliuered by an Angell from heauen For answer whereunto we are to know that the diuell as I said hath exposed Christendome as a laughing-stocke and wonderment to the world and hath as it were with Mercuries pipe lulled our Argosses asleepe whose office is to stand Sentinel ouer the State True it is I confesse the villanies of these varlets were not so well detected in those dayes as they haue bene since notwithstanding so much was then discouered as was sufficient to giue warning thereof which I will leaue as being now God be thanked sufficiently well knowne and will come to the phrase and style of the booke I say then and will iustifie it to any skilfull Hebrician that he hath coyned sundry Hebraismes and fained them of his very fingers and foisted them among those which are vsuall and ordinary in the Scripture As for the phrase it is so affected that it doth plainely bewray it self The matter also of the booke was forged by such a spirite as Postels was if he were not the author thereof in scorne of Christian religion where the author to make a faire florish and colour the matter with some probabilitie hath inserted certaine sentences of the Euangelists in manner of a rhapsodie and shuffled in others to which he supposed he could giue some lustre by certaine texts of the old Testament as namely that of the water of Iealousie c. Thus thou seest gentle Reader to what impudencie some diuellish spirits are grown at this day But if any curious Athenian desire to heare more of this stuffe I meane of such counterfaite bookes foisted in by the craft and subtilty of Sathan he shall find a great lurry of them in a booke called Orthodoxographa Theologiae sacrosanctae and garnished with sundry other flanting titles which seemes to haue bene written of purpose in scorne and derision of Christian religion For if the doctrine therein contained be orthodoxall doubtlesse the doctrine of the Bible must needs be hereticall Necessary therefore it is we should haue a speciall regard to what writings we giue such glorious titles seeing that in giuing it to one we take it from another they being as coÌ„trary as day and darkenesse If any shall here say that some of them are translated out of Hebrew and others out of Greeke yet when he hath proued the point he may put the gaine in his eye For it is easily answered that the diuell can shew him selfe a diuell as well in Hebrew and Greeke as in any other language Now this Protoeuangelium I haue encountered rather then any of the rest for that it is fathered vpon Saint Iames cosingerman and brother to Christ as the title purporteth For in the first impression which is in a smal volume with the annotations it hath this title Proteuangelion siue de natalibus Iesu Christi ipsius matris virginis Mariâ— sermo historicus diui Iacobi minoris consobrini fratris Domini Iesu Apostoli primarij Episcopi Christianorum primi Hierosolymis Howbeit in the second impression where it is made a part of the foresaid booke intituled Orthodoxographa S. Iames is not called cosingerman but onely brother of Christ. I haue I say encountred this booke rather then any of that rable to the end the Reader by this may take a tast of the rest For if they durst publish such stuffe vnder the name of S. Iames what would they not dare to do vnder the name of Nicodemus and a number of such worshipfull writers as are there to be seene And thus much for a tast for the whole tunne is of the same liquor colour and tang There was likewise another damnable booke published since that time vnder the name of S. Iames. The Acts also of the Apostles haue bin dispensed abroad into many hands composed by one Abdias whose writings though altogether impious and prophane some haue not bin ashamed to glosse in sundry places as well in the preface as in the body of the booke and to affirme that he either tooke it out of S. Luke or S. Luke out of him Besides all these the Ecclesiasticall history it selfe hath bin published by a diuellish Monke called Nicephorus Calistus whom I call a cloister diuell not without cause For besides that he was a cloisterer by his profession he sheweth himselfe as ignorant as a Monk as impudent as a Monk as wicked and prophane as a Monk so ignorant that euen yong children may teach him his lesson so impudent that he is not ashamed to tell most shamefull lies and so prophane that he sticketh not to iest and gibe at God himselfe and his holy truth All which particulars shall one day God willing be manifested and layd open to the world 4 Now albeit the foresaid Preachers might finde in these and such like classicke writers prety store of trim tales euer ready at hand when they meant to step into the pulpit to giue their quarter blowes yet they were not negligent to furnish themselues with other maner of ware which they might mingle with the old and not euer cloy their auditory with stale stuffe Or if haply they alleadged any author they alleadged such as were â—picke and span new comming newly smoking from the presse Which puts me in mind of that which I once heard deliuered by one Bonauenture a Franciscan in a Sermon which he made at Ipre in Flanders where he affirmed that when Christ was growne a prety tall stripling able to take paines and to follow his occupation Ioseph employed him in his trade commaunding him to saw a peece of wood where he missing the marke which he had made him to saw by sawed it ouer short whereupon Ioseph being very angry would haue beaten him and he had lamskinned him indeed if he had not stept aside and taken vp a cudgell to defend himselfe which made Ioseph take vp another either of them weilding their weapon and keeping their standing And whence trow we said the Frier learned he this Out of S. Annes Gospell I warrant you And
himself speaking on this wise O heart harder then steele ô heart harder then the adamant The steele is softened with fire the adamant is dissolued with goates bloud but do I what I can yet can I not make thee shed one teare And not content to haue spoken it once or twice he repeated it againe and againe raising his voice louder and louder so that at the last the man that had layd the wager with him could forbeare weeping no more then his fellowes Which when the Franciscan espied he stretched out his hand and said I haue won These words his auditors tooke as spoken in the person of God as if he should haue said I haue preuailed as hauing obtained that which I desired viz. the mollifying and softening of their hearts 3 The same Robert kept a sweet heart by the dispensation of his S. Francis who told him on a time that she liked him well in all points were it not for his habit I pray thee then quoth he tell me in what habit thou likest me best In the habit of a souldier quoth she Go to said the Frier faile not to come to my Sermon to morrow Now the next morning he went into the pulpit with his sword by his side armed souldier-like at all points vnder his gowne And beginning his Sermon with an exhortation to Princes to wage warre against the Saracens Turks and other enemies of Christendome in the end he brake forth into these words Is it not a lamentable thing that no man will offer himselfe to be Chieftaine of so laudable an enterprise If that be the matter behold I am here ready to pul off this habit of S. Francis and to serue as a captain or common souldier At which words he cast off his gowne and preached halfe an houre in the habit of a captaine Not long after being sent for by certaine Cardinals his friends and demaunded the cause of this his new kinde of preaching he answered that he did it to please his sweet heart as hath bin said 4 The same Robert being to preach before the Pope and his Cardinals when he had well considered all their pompe and how they reuerenced and adored the Pope said neuer a word but Fie Saint Peter Fie Saint Paul which when he had diuers times repeated spitting first on the one side and then on the other as those whose stomacks are ouercharged he went out of the pulpit leauing all his auditors much amazed some thinking he had bene bereft of his wits others that he had bene tainted with some heresie And as they were ready to imprison him a Cardinal who knew his humor better then the rest and bare him some good wil made meanes to the Pope that he might be sent for to giue a reason before him and the Cardinals there present of those words Whereupon being demaunded what he meant by such horrible blasphemy he answered that his purpose was to haue spoken of another argument which he expounded vnto them summarily but considering quoth he that you so enioy your pleasures in this world and that there is no pompe nor magnificence like to yours and on the other side considering in what great pouertie anguish and misery the Apostles liued I thought with my selfe doubtlesse either the Apostles were great fooles to take such a tedious and troublesome way to go to heauen or these men are in the ready way to hell But as for you Sirs which keepe the keyes of the kingdome of heauen I cannot conceiue amisse of you as for the Apostles I cannot but scorne them as the veriest fooles in the world in that liuing as you do they might haue gone to heauen yet chose rather to leade such a strict and painfull life 5 I now proceed to the inuentions of other Popish Preachers recorded by the same author out of whom I had all my former stories namely by Erasmus A certaine Preacher hauing a long time cried out against such as addicted and deuoted themselues to the seruice of the diuell represented to them vpon the sodaine a man with a vizard on his face hauing eyes like flaming fire a great crooked beak teeth like a wild Boare and crooked nailes holding a forke of a strange fashion in his hand casting out a hideous voice who whilest they all looked stedfastly vpon him said See what a maister you serue setting Christ aside Which story I will here parallele with another very fit for this purpose which was payed me or rather giuen me in exchange for the former by a gentlewoman of Lorraine my very friend of one that preached in a village in Lorraine who after he had shewed his auditors that they should all go to hell except they did amend And what quoth he do you thinke hell is Do you see that hole I tell you it stinkes ill but hell stinkes farre worse Where note that the hole which he shewed them was the Sextons posteriorums who agreed with him to play this pageant 6 I returne to Erasmus who reports that he had seene certaine Monkes who passing through the throng to go to the pulpit couered their faces with their couls and when they kneeled downe to pray to the fountaine of grace and said their Aue Maria knocked their knees so hard against the bottome of the pulpit that all the Church might heare the noise He saith also that he heard report of an Italian preacher who going into the pulpit couered his head with a cloake that he neuer preached in Churches but in the open aire that he would not admit any man to come and talke with him for he denied that fauour to Princes that he lay vpon the hard boords contenting himselfe with bread and water that he had a pale and leane face as if it had bin the very picture of death that he spake by an Interpreter and vsed strange gestures and outcries by which he did affright the people somtimes thrusting his head into an halter counterfaiting with his eyes those that are strangled and then better aduised and as it were coming to himselfe againe vncouering himselfe and striking his breast with his fist cryed in his Italian Misericordia Misericordia that he vsed bitterly to inueigh against dice cards and tabers as also against such as wore feathers so that he pulled on a time a feather out of a gentâ—â—â—ans hat who sate neare the pulpit rent it in a thousand peeces casting it here and there among the people making horrible outcryes He also reports of another who hauing made a long and vehement inuectiue against the wickednesse of the people in crucifying Christ afresh shewed them a crucifixe whereunto were tied bladders full of bloud which sprang forth when he touched them and thereof â—e tooke and sprinkled among the people 7 But let vs now listen to the actions and speeches of these gentle Sir Iohns of some of which my self am witnesse others I haue heard and others I haue read some in the newes of the Queene of
world and returne to their vpholders and abbettors vsing in this behalfe the authority of the good preacher Barelete who mentioneth the prouerb which was current in his daies had bene long before to wit That three things are insatiable Priests Monkes and the Sea And from whence arose this Prouerbe may we thinke Certen it is that common experience brought it in vse For when the world sawe that Churchmen made gain of the very parings of their nails they vsed that in coÌ„moÌ„ speech which they saw daily practised before their eyes For they did not only take of the liuing and of the dead as it is in the French Prouerb but hauing pilled the parents both liuing and dead they polled their children to the third and fourth yea euen to the last generation But what great meanes had they to effect this Surely the fine fetches which they vsed were the readiest way in the world for this purpose The number of which we know is infinite and therfore no maruell if their wealth and riches were infinite Amongst others this was most strange that they should vse the dead as a meanes to pill and polle both the liuing and the dead of which onely my purpose is to intreate at this present Now this meanes hath two parts as there are two sorts of dead men the first is by the dead which are canonized the second by those which are not And with these latter I will begin this present discourse I say then that wheras heretofore they made their kitchins hot by vsing or rather abusing the bodies and soules of the canonized Saints now of late time they haue holpen their market onely by the goods and soules of such as they brought out of Purgatorie to menace and affright those that would not come off roundly in paying their pence For the best sleight we know which single soled Priests and Monks had in their budgets was taken in former time and is at this day from their Requiem Witnesse that forme and phrase of speech which is common amongst theÌ„ Allons boire sur le premier cuir qui vieÌ„dra Let vs make good cheare at the cost of the first soule that goes to Purgatory Witnesse also the Curate which complayned to his parishioners in this sort Alas what would you haue me to do ô my parishioners you bring me no offerings and I see none of you die how shall I liue then thinke ye But if after they had lustily chanted their requiem they had not something giuen them according to their desire that they might sing Gaudeamus they were hornemad as if the diuel had bene among them and then the soules of those poore Purgatorians for whose sake they had song such a short and silly requiem returned backe to be reuenged of their children kinsmen and friends which gaue not the priests occasion to sing so lustily for them that they might not be so cruelâ—y tormented in Purgatorie as we see in ancient Poets both Greeke and Latin now the soules of the dead returne backe to curse and reuile those which haue not done their best endeauor as they shold in performing such rites as to their funerals appertained Whereof we haue a very memorable example in the ghost or spirit which the Franciscans of Eureux counterfeited and another after that in the spirit of Orleans that is in a Franciscan nouice named Halecourt who being hid vnder the vault of the Church counterfeited the ghost of the Prouost Marshals wife And why so Because forsooth he gaue but sixe crownes to the Franciscans of the place for interring of her as also for that hauing asked of him a little wood he would giue them none And here we are to remember the Franciscan of Burdeaux whom I mentioned before concerning the soules of Purgatorie which laughed as often as any offerings were made for the dead But because the readers may haply be cloyed with such a rablement of reports and tales of spirits walking by night and of the ratling noyses which they make especially about those that are in bed and of other fooleries which ensue thereupon I will speake no more thereof but proceed to prosecute another point 3 And that is touching canonized Saints by whom the Cleargy reapes a double commoditie partly by their bodies and partly by their soules by their bodies in making relikes of them by their soules in vsing them for diuers offices and functions out of which they sucke no small aduantage And first concerning relikes they were not content to make men worship the carcasses of such as were thought to haue led a more holy and religious life then their fellowes as hauing some diuine vertue in them but further caused them to adore the relikes of the very damned themselues witnesse an auncient Doctor who saith Multorum corpora adorantur in terris quorum animae cruciantur in inferis that is The bodies of many men are worshipped on earth whose soules are tormented in hell Which is manifest by the Legend of S. Martin where we reade that a damned soule was worshipped with high deuotion as being thought to haue bin a Saint in heauen I omit two other cosening knaueries which were ordinary in this case The one in making some poore Saint who God knowes meant simply and thought no hurt beleeue that when he was liuing he had halfe a dozen heads two or three dozen of eares as many hands and as many armes and legs which imposture was sufficiently discouered aboue fifteene yeares ago in a booke containing the Inuentory of sundry relikes of diuers countries The other when the body or at leastwise some member or bone of him that was called a Saint could be kept no longer in stead of it they put the first faire one that came to their hands though of a malefactor that had bene hanged yea sometime the bone of an Asse dog or such like As at Geneua the relike which was worshipped a long time for Saint Anthonies arme was found in the end to be the bone of a Stag. And though they had not vsed these sleights yet to attribute the nature and propertie of the Godhead to carions was a point of notorious wickednesse in the highest degree For though it were true that they had bene indeed the bodies or the bones of certaine men or women which had liued in greater deuotion towards God then the vulgar sort yet they were but dead carcasses for all that Neuerthelesse considering we haue already seene how vilely they abused the word of God applying it to wicked and abominable writings no maruell if they abused the Godhead also attributing it to whatsoeuer themselues thought good For not content to cause men to worship the bodies of the Saints departed or some part and member thereof they made their garments also their moueables their tooles â— partakerâ— of the same worship As it is reported that at Triers in the Abbey of S. 〈◊〉 â— Ioseph pantofles haue bene in request a long time
saints as well as of men saints and of goddesses as well as of gods But the Popes creatures not content to giue but this halfe worship to their saints as well in this as in that they beare men in hand that they can skill but of one trade are come to this passe to do them the greatest dishonour in the world in assigning vnto â—â—em so vile and abiect yea so filthy and sordide occupations that it would make a man sicke at the heart to name them as when they make some shoomakers others coblers others swine-heards c. For though the Pagans ranged Pan in the ranke of the inferiour gods and of the meanest sort of those which were companions of the gods yet they would haue bene ashamed to haue made him a swine-heard And as for saints which are handicrafts men to make armor as Vulcan did is a cleanlier occupation then to make shoes True it is that the Popish Preachers at leastwise those that had any wit haue so cunningly contriued their knauery and caried the matter so in a mystery that the simple people haue not desisted to giue them as good and as great offerings as if they had bene of a higher ranke for they made this an argument of their greater praise and coÌ„mendation Witnesse the preacher who discoursing of the life of S. Crepin affirmed that this glorious saint might haue bene Pope that he might haue bene King yea king of France that he might haue bene Emperor but that he chose rather to be a shoomaker And yet my maisters and dames said he consider I beseech you what a roguish trade it is and how filthy and sordide an occupation If there were nothing else but this that they must euer be handling the shoomakers waxe and tugging at these stinking skins with their bare teeth By which you may perceiue how great the humilitie of this glorious saint was Howbeit he was no sooner come out of the pulpit but the company of the most noble shoomakers and coblers of the place layd hold of him and curried him so well that they caused him to make a pitifull construction of his sermon from beginning to end But leauing others to iudge of this fact I meane whether the striker or he that was strucke had the wrong I thinke this Preacher had reason to say thus much of S. Crepin to saue his credit But one thing he affirmed which is almost incredible and which I perswade my selfe is proper to this saint viz. that he made choise of this occupation whilest he was here vpon earth which he meant to follow when he came into heauen 14 But some may haply reply against that which I haue said concerning the Popes creatures that they giue lesse honor to their Saints then the heathen do to their gods when they affirme that euery saint hath not power ouer more then one onely disease and knowes but one onely trade And they may obiect that they make their Saints patrons and protectors of cities and countries as the heathen made their gods And that as the Babilonians for example had Bell for their Patron the Aegyptians Isis and Osiris the Rhodians the Sunne the Samians Iuno the Paphians Venus the Delphians Apollo the Athenians Minerua the Ephesians Diana So the Spaniards haue Saint Iames for their Patron the French Saint Denis they of Limosin Saint Martiall aboue the rest all the Germans in generall Saint George they of Ausburgh Saint Vlrich they of Colen the three Kings they of Milan Saint Ambrose the Venetians Saint Marke the Romanists of these times Saint Peter and Saint Paul together with their Lieutenant I omit the Saints who haue giueÌ„ their names to cities as Saint Quintin Saint Diâ—ier Saint Denis Saint Agnan Saint Paul Saint Omer which may be called in Latine as the rest aboue mentioned Tutelares sancti as they were wont to call them Tutelares Dij But what inference can hereupon be inforced Surely this that the Popes creatures putting their Saints in the roome and place of the heathen gods haue giuen sufficient testimony that they had as reuerent an opinion of their sufficiency as the heathen had of the sufficiency of their gods in commanding all sorts of maladies either by sending them or remouing them and in knowing all manner of occupations For albeit the heathen do not affirme that their gods do excercise trades yet this they hold as a most certen truth that they know them and are well seene in them But this is no good consequent for many men take workes in hand which they afterwards put ouer to others because they cannot effect or finish theÌ„ themselues as those who are called in latine redemptores who though they take in hand to build an house and to finish it yet doth it not by by follow they should be Carpenters or hewers of stones or Masons or Tylers but agreeing with sundry sorts of workemen in that which appertaines to euery mans trade and trusting to their workemanship tooke vpon them the charge of the whole And I make no question but that these great tutelary Saints protectors and patrons of cities did the like in trafficking with other petty Saints of lesse account touching the worke which was proper to their trade or office which was belonging vnto them and so hauing the furtherance of many tooke vpon them the gouernment of the whole 15 But now whereas I thought I had bene come to the end of this discourse I find that there is yet more worke behind for I am aware of a legion of our Ladies from whence the greatest part of the Clergies reuenue doth arise And verily the thing which made me forget them for I will confesse the truth was in that speaking of men and women Saints I was affraid I should haue committed an absurditie if I should haue ranged them in that ranke and afterwards the variety of matter made me forget them And if any man shall haply thinke it a greater absurditie to place them at the taile of the Saints I haue what to answer for my selfe for I can alleadge that which one holpe himselfe withall in the like case that he which goeth last in procession hath the first and most honorable place Neuerthelesse if the Popes creatures will not take this reason for good payment but will needs moue my patience they shall find peraduenture that they haue to deale with another manner of man then they take me for For I will neuer let them rest till they haue answered me categorically whether so many of our Ladies be so many virgin Maries mothers of our Sauiour Christ If they shall answer that they are they will runne into grosse absurdities If they shall answer that they are not they will fall into greater But because I am so perswaded of their curtesies that they wil easily pardon and excuse this incongruity in my last speech if it were so I wil not vexe them with such a violent question being such a one as might
which all of them labour to vphold with one accord imploying all their happie and glorious miracle-mungering to keepe them hot and so maintaine them that our holy mother doth not enuy the kitchins of Kings and Emperours True it is that she doth also keepe them pretie and warme with the reuenues of the Saints as hath bene said which though it be exceeding great as may appeare by the accouÌ„t that hath bene cast onely in grosse yet if we consider how much the gaine which she getteth by the soules of the saints departed doth surpasse that which she hath by their bodies it will appeare that the reuenue which ariseth from the foresaid corps compared with that which accreweth by the soules will not buy sugar to the wine 20 And now I come to the other point which I promised to handle in this Chapter viz. how intollerable the couetousnesse of the Cleargie was But what may some say May we not discouer this impudent couetous dealing by sundry places of this booke as namely by that which hath bene already spoken in this Chapter It is true I confesse But now my purpose is to detect monstrous impudencie or if I may so speake the very quintessence of impudencie yea of impudency accompanied with most abhominable impietie And the example which I will produce for this purpose is so authenticall that they cannot possibly deny it except they will deny their owne hand-writing For see here their owne words which they haue engraued in Gothian letters in a table of stone which is at least was wont to be not long since fastened to a pillar of S. Steuens Church at Bourges neare to the Altar where the high Masse was sung Hîc des deuotè coelestibus associo te Mentes aegrota per munera sunt ibi lotae Ergo venitote gentes à sorde remotae Qui datis estote certi de diuite dote Te precor accelera spergas hîc dum potes aera Et sic reuera securè caelica spera O si tu scires quantum data prosit ibi res Tu iuxta vires donares quod dare quires Te miser à poena dum tempus habes aliena Huc dare te poena veniae sit aperta crumena Consors coelestis fabricae qui porrigit est is Ex hoc sum tâ—stis hîc vos mundare potestis Fratres haurite de trunco pocula vitae Hîc aliquid sinite veri velut Israëlitae Crede mihi crede coeli dominaberis aede Nam pro mercede Christo dices mihi cede Hâ—c datur exponi Paradisus venditioni Currant ergo boni rapientes culmina thrâ—ni Vis retinere forum mihi tradas pauca bonorum Pro summa quorum reserabitur aula polorum Hîc si largè des in coelo sit tua sedes Qui serit hîc parcè parcè comprendet in arce Cur tardas tantum nummi mihi des aliquantum Pro solo nummo gaudebis in aethere summo Denos sume quater vnum semel haec sacra mater Annos condonat sanctus Pater ista coronat Tot quadragenas dat abluit hic tibi poenas Mil missis decies socius si des ibi fies The subiect or matter of these verses which I speake for their sakes who vnderstand not Latin not hauing translated them because their grace consisteth in the rime is nothing but this that he which giueth to the boxe goeth straight to heauen and the more he giueth the higher shall his place be and he that giueth nothing shall neuer come there For Hîc datur exponi Paradisus venditioni which is thus much in good English Here Paradise is set to open sale But that the Reader who vnderstandeth not Latin may iudge whether I had reason to censure these verses as I did I will expound vnto him these two Crede mihi crede coeli dominaberis â—de Nam pro mercede Christo dices mihi cede That is For meede beleeue me thou shalt gaine a crowne Yea rule in heauen and say to Christ Come downe Now if any man desire to haue the sence of them word for word see here what a fine lesson they teach vs Assure thy selfe thou shalt be Lord great maister of heauen for in lieu of the money which thou hast giuen thou shalt say to Christ Stand backe giue place CHAP. XXXIX How our Ancestors were nuzzeled in ignorance of Christian religion and how the Popish Cleargie alwaies maintained themselues notwithstanding their wicked liues were notoriously knowne to the world and that many of their iugling trickes and false miracles had bene discouered PVrposing to shew in this chapter how some euen from the dayes of our forefathers began to open their eies and to espy the packing and conueyance of Church-men I thought it requisite in the first place to consider how great the darknesse and ignorance as also the abuses of those times were I am therefore to intreate the Reader to call to mind sundry examples to this purpose dispersed here and there in diuers places of this booke besides which if neede were infinite more might be added howbeit three or foure shall suffice First then is it not a strange fopperie to thinke that those men or women which their Church Calender hath marked with red letters are men and women Saints that is gods and goddesses or at leastwise petty gods and as I may say subordinate gods For if they had not iudged them such questionlesse they wold neuer haue ascribed vnto them diuine power which God reserues as proper to himselfe alone So that here we may see not onely their simplicitie single and alone by it selfe but accompanied with horrible impietie But this is yet far more hideous and horrible in that they dare affirme that if the holy Ghost were bit by a mad dog it is necessarie he should go to Saint Hubert if he would be healed which was auerred by a pedler of the reliques of the foresaid Hubert And considering the great account and reuerent opinion which they had of the Pope as well as of the Saints was it not meere madnesse to thinke that as soone as a man became Pope he became also god That he had the keyes of heauen and of hell to let those into heauen that would giue some thing to him or his and to send them packing to hell that would giue nothing That it was a lesse sinne to kill a man then to eate flesh vpon a friday or to violate any such commandement enioyned by this earthly god But if we consider the sacrifice of the Masse and the abuses therein committed what else can be said but that many haue bene and are at this day strangely bewitched in beleeuing that there are certaine soules in Purgatorie which cannot be deliuered thence but by the meanes of many Masses That a sir Iohn hauing pronounced certaine Sacramentall words ouer all the bread in the market makes so many loaues to become â—o many gods That men eate their maker and afterward cause him to