shall not be strangers one to another you have a friendly converse together it brings down Heaven to thee it lifts thee up to Heaven It is the key that unlocks all Gods treasures It is the Columbus which discovers and brings home to thee that Terra incognita and more then Indian treasure It makes Heaven and Earth all one It makes thee see and enjoy God himself without thy dissolution The weak-sighted Owles and Bats of this world see not God except he expresse his goodnesse to them in giving them Riches and Honour and Wives and Children and such outward blessings and more or lesse as they receive of these they judge of God accordingly But thou shalt when God hath taken away thy Children and all other outward things thou shalt see them really in him and with more comfort then when thou hadst them here For here thou enjoyedst them with a mixture of ill in him thou enjoyest them pure and all other happinesses beside Thou hast the Fountaine Head and Body of the Sunne from whence all these Rivulets and Beames proceed This Elixar and Soveraigne balme a wise Christian will not lose I have found it the sole medicine for all my afflictions and as I ever have so I ever will make use of it The Apostles advice to the Thessalonians Pray continually is excellent and I wish all Christians to follow it But I pray Paul let us reason it a little Pray continually must we pray when we enjoy Prayer implyes want and want causeth sorrow and mourning And can the children of the Bridechamber mourne while the Bridegroome is with them and canst thou want any thing who enjoyest thy God Thou injoyest not him if thou wantest or desirest any thing besides himselfe And if thou injoyest him what hast thou to pray for thou hast already the fruition of what thou canst pray for or desire Sure then thou art to rejoyce and solace thy selfe in thy God Thou art already arrived at this Harbour and Haven of happinesse Thou needest then no more Windes no fresh Gales of Prayer to fill thy Sayles and carry thee to thy Port. Thou art come to it thou maist now strike Sayle and be at rest thou hast no farther to goe then to thy God Whither wouldst thou sayle what goe from thy God againe wilt not thou rest thy selfe now thou art come to him what wouldst thou have Oh but poore Soule thou canst not alwayes injoy these feast dayes The Sunne of righteousnesse will not alwayes shine so clear upon thee There are Mists and Clouds that doe and will daily arise from thy owne Corruptions which will obscure and darken that Sunne and keep his cheerfull light from thy Soule and cause him to hide his face from thee There will be times when the Bridegroom shall be taken away as our Saviour sayes when thou shalt have lost him whom thy Soule loveth What wilt thou do then that will be a sad time indeed and then thou hadst need Fast and Mourne and Pray and night and day seek after him thou hadst need Hoyse all thy Sayles to follow him and run about the streets and call to the Watchmen to help them and use all meanes both by thy selfe and others to finde him out and when thou hast found him be sure to bold him fast and not let him goe But poore Soule thou canst hardly hold him so fast here but thy corruptions will quickly loose him from thee againe I Paul thou knewest that too well and that made thee cry out I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ While thou art in this vaile of flesh thou canst not fully and without intermission injoy thy Saviour God said to Moses no man should see his face and live Here we must be content to see his back parts till we put off these raggs and clogs of corruption When we come to Heaven and not till then we shall see him face to face and be blest with an everlasting fruition of him Oh then pray continually pray here without ceasing To the Charge of the Education of my Children Now for the Education of my Children this I say In their younger yeares they were tender and weake and when I had buried many other and had onely them two I confesse I was more fond and indulgent and gave more way to them then otherwise I should have done Yet I doe not know that I omitted any thing that was fitting for them As soon as they were of yeares convenient I put them out to very good and carefull Schools Brumly and Wye where I was often my selfe with them to see that their Masters educated them well both for Religion and Learning and was ever carefull to have them accommodated with all other Masters to learne from them such things as their ages were capable of From School I carryed them to Cambridge where I made choyce of an able and godly Tutor and placed them in Sidney College When they had been there two or three years I brought them to London intending to send my Eldest abroad into France and my Youngest to the Inns of Court because he had no disposition to travell I went with my Eldest once or twice to Dover for that end but France being at that time in much garboile I durst not venture him After that some overtures of Matches stayed him and the Eldest not going abroad the Youngest would not be perswaded to goe to the Inns of Court though I much prest him to it but would keep with his Brother I desired nothing more then putting him upon some imployment and gave him his choyce to take to what he would but never could get him to take to any Whilst they were in London I had severall Masters who came to my lodgings to instruct them Their Singing Dauncing and Fenceing-Masters and one who read the Mathematicks Thrice a week they went to the Mues to ride the great Horse These Exercises they had constantly and their Masters who were accounted the best in town cost me about six pound a week Every night I caused them to reade a Chapter or two and then prayed with them and willed them to use also their own private Devotions On the Sabbath dayes I carryed them to hear as I thought the best Preachers and discoursed with them of what they heard On the week dayes they often went to Lectures and I took the best care I could to keep them from idle company and not fitting sports though Youth will have its vanities By my owne example and best counsell I disswaded them from debauchery For I thanke Heaven no man can taxe me for Swearing Drinking Whoring or Gaming I never to my knowledge swore an Oath but before a Magistrate nor ever drank so much as might unman me and make my selfe a Beast I ever abhorred it Though I must confesse that I have sometimes yet but seldome for company sake drank more then enough or did me good I never was in Whore-house or used Whore
CHARGE Next say they we understand that you were Executor or Administrator to the Will of Alderman Freeman and that he gave great summes of money to many charitable uses and great Legacies to his friends and kindred which you have not satisfied THE ANSWER It is true upon my Cousin Freemans renouncing the Executorship I and my Wife she being his onely child did take out Letters of Administration and to my best ability did indeavour to get in all his Estate and did as it came in pay his debts and Funerall Charges and all the petty Legacies to divers friends and the Legacies to his poore kindred and Servants and was in hope there would have come in enough to pay all but till the debt of ten thousand pounds which the Alderman made his kindred certaine Merchants to owe him and the returne of the Muscovy stock wherein the Alderman accounted he had twenty five thousand pounds adventure till these considerable summes were ascertained it was dubious how the Estate would prove I therefore treated with those Merchants his kindred Sir Thomas Soams and Mr. Flyer to pay the debt they refus'd it and referr'd it to account and so much time was spent about it Then I put it in suit and it was referr'd to Merchants to certifie who when they had examined all Books in fine made the Alderman indebted to them two hundred and odde pounds and so decreed for that ten thousand pounds And for the five and twenty thousand pounds in the Muscovia stock there never came of it to the Aldermans estate above eight thousand pounds These two great sums falling thus short stopt my hand from paying any more Legacies and thereupon followed divers suits from the kindred and others for their Legacies in Chancery where I delivered in an account upon Oath in which is set down the ful of all the receipts and disbursements of the Estate and proved it by the oath of him that managed the Estate who was a Servant of the Aldermans and chosen by consent of all parties to doe the same And I am confident there is not in that account any thing omitted that ought to be put in nor any thing charged that was not truly paid and disbursed And in that account there is more disbursed by me than received eight thousand pounds or thereabout I am so much a gainer by it At last the whole businesse upon Suit being referr'd to a Master of Chancery and from him to Merchants and from them to Accomptants to see what the Estate would produce after long time spent they certified striking off my owne Legacie of seven thousand pounds and almost all other allowing onely just debts and other necessary payments that the Estate would produce toward payment of Legacies but foure shillings and a penny in the pound the Legatees giving security to repay proportionably if more be recovered out of the Aldermans estate there being six thousand pound debt still in demand And thus stands the condition of the Estate and therefore I conceive there can be no blame in me for not paying every man his full Legacy I protest that I was so willing to doe it that if a thousand pounds or two would have done it I would have disbursed it out of my owne purse The reason of the falling short of the Estate was from these particulars following which was not in my power to remedy First the losse of ten thousand pounds by his kindred which the Alderman accounted a sure debt but it could not be recovered Next the falling short of the Muscovia stock at least fifteene thousand pounds of what he accounted it and this could be no fault of mine being managed by the Company I but received the mony as they paid it in and so put it to account Then the losse of his two Ships in the Straits taken by the Turks that Summer before he dyed Those Ships were the Hector and the William and Ralph which if they had come home he computed would have been worth him eight thousand pound Then he bought the Fee simple of his house which cost him two thousand pounds and the building and fitting of it against his Mayoralty cost him two thousand pounds more His Cash-keeper Rowland ranne him out of cash fifteen hundred pounds and his expences in the time of his Mayoralty and his entertainment of the King and Queen just before his death cost him at least foure thousand pounds more All these losses and expences hapned since the making of his Will and the disposing of his Estate And besides all this his Debts came to almost four thousand pounds more than he accounted them which must be and are paid All which summes amount to forty six thousand and five hundred pounds Enough to sink a good estate And therefore the world need not wonder that his Estate which remaines will pay but foure shillings and a peny in the pound I am so much a gainer by the Administration that let me be but satisfied what I can prove I have truly payd out for him I shall willingly quit mine and my Wifes Legacy which is seven thousand pounds and demand nothing for it and I am sure my Childs part would have come to twenty thousand pounds at least All my paines and attendance about it for these twenty yeares I will rate at nothing a great deale of money shall not hire me to doe so much Many think foure shillings and a peny a small proportion let me be free and quiet I will be content to lose all And I professe to Heaven not a farthing that I have any wayes got by it that I know of but onely a world of care and trouble No man shall be content with a lesse share than my selfe I desire nothing and others may have what proportion the Estate will produce and I think no man in conscience can demand more The Cloath workers of late since the time of this sad accident sent a Letter to me for their Legacie thinking now to hit the bird in the eye They had formerly with a long and chargeable Suit kept me in the Chancery about it and being able to doe no good with me there then they had me to Guild-Hall before the Commissioners for Charitable Uses and being cast out thence cunningly under colour for reliefe of poore Prisoners they got me into Salters-Hall and there such was the wisdome of that Court they got a Decree for the Legacy with treble damages such being their power in some cases though not in mine This blind Decree was made when neither I my self nor any Counsell for me was there that could say any thing to the businesse and so peremptory they were that upon my coming to town I was served with the Order to pay the money and with much difficulty I got leave for me and my Counsell to be heard and upon the Hearing they reversed the Order and referred the businesse to M. Wilde and M. Fountaine authorising them to take two
went with them so long as it was for King and Parliament and I think did them as faithfull service as any But when it came to Parliament and no King and Parliament against King then I bogled I knew not what to doe I was contented to fit still and not do against my Conscience I could not nor would not doe And though I have suffered enough yet I never acted any thing against the State never was in any Plot or Petition against them No so great a Royallist then For my Religion I am what I ever professed and I hope better then ever I was for I know that non progredi est regredi I ever loved solidities Formalities and outward shewes of a leafy Religion never took with me I ever suspected those who to seem more holy and Religious to the world had their Congregations apart crying stand off to their Brethren I am holier then thou and talke like the proud Pharisee God I thank thee I am not as other men and brag of new Lights sprung from old Heresies and will not be contented with those antient Apostolicall and holy practices of the Church but will have the Sacraments after a new way and time too and are angry if the Scripture be not taken in their sense when God knowes they understand not one word of the Originall to expound it by That care not how foule their heart be within so they can but with their eyes and hands make a shew of holinesse and seem to be very strict in keeping the Sabbath though they break all the other Commandements as if he that said thou shalt keep holy the Sabbath day had not likewise said thou shalt not kill thou shalt not steale I remember it is written that God was not in the fire or the boystrous winde but in the soft and gentle voyce And Christ sayes Learne of me for I am lowly and meek These boysterous and fiery spirited men I much doubt whether the Spirit of God be in them or no I am and ever was farre from deriding or scoffing at any of them I onely wish that they were what they seem to be I meddle not with them but leave them to stand or fall to their owne Master The way that I profess and propose to my self to walk in is quite different but I thinke a sure one 't is short but full Christ his owne way and this it is To love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy Soule and thy neighbour as thy selfe I thank heaven I have indeavoured these things in the whole course of my life I never feared any thing in the world more than sin because it offended my God nor ever was much troubled with any outward losses and crosses so long as I found I had peace within my selfe and with my God And I praise God in the midst of this deluge of troubles which might have sunk an ordinary ship I have hardly taken in any water but that of tears of repentance and tears of naturall love and affection which could not but be aboundant in my condition yet I have not been overwhelmed with them The good hand of God still susteined me and his comforts ever refreshed my soule so that thorow the thickest darknesse of this black and fearfull cloud I could see the Sun of comfort I knew my God was all-sufficient and that he both could and would in his good time totally dispell it and restore me the like comforts again For that other branch of Love to my Neighbour this I can say That to the poor I have ever been charitable and relieved their necessities as occasion was offered and so shall doe as long as I live and at my death not forget to doe them good as the members of my Saviour Christ My other neighbours of what quality soever I have treated as Brethren I never to my knowledge or with my good will wronged or defrauded any In all my dealings with them I have still made that my rule to doe as I would be done by To my best remembrance I never did that to another but I was contented should be done to me in the same case And he that walkes by that rule cannot erre it is our Saviours and as himselfe sayes it is the fulfilling of all righteousnesse THE LAST CHARGE Some are of opinion that I can hardly forget or forgive an injury done to me THE ANSWER I desire no more to be forgiven of Heaven then I am ready to forgive all the world Heaven it selfe doth not promise pardon and forgivenesse but to the penitent sinner You must acknowledge your offence you must be sorry for your sinne you must promise and indeavour amendment before you can expect forgivenesse of God I have been as foulely injur'd and as deeply wounded and that by those of neer relation from whom I have highly deserved as possibly could be Yet let them performe to me the condition God himselfe requires and I both can and will forgive them More then this I conceive God requires not Our daily prayer is Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespasse against us Otherwise then thus to forgive is to seem as though you slighted or did not understand the injury And what would the effect of this be but an incouraging the same parties or others to doe the like againe or worse We all offend God and our Neighbour And our Saviours rule is to forgive not to seven times but to seventy times seven times that is to a numberlesse number If the injuries and affronts done to me be not too notorious and wilfull I can and doe daily forgive them undesired I never minde them But if they be great and speak loud even then if the party will but acknowledge them and professe hearty sorrow for them be the offence never so foule and great I have a charity to forgive them More than this I think is not required of man or begged of God Now that I can and have thus forgiven is evident by that short Prayer I composed and was used in my Family for my Son Morning and Evening so long as he lived and recommended to the Churches about me I am sure a greater injury could not be done to me than he did The Prayer LOrd we beseech thee look down in mercy on that most miserable and unhappy creature of thine if thou be not the more mercifull Freeman Sondes Lord soften his hard and stubborn heart and give him a true sight of his most hainous and bloody sinne and an hearty sorrow for the same Lord give him grace to turn to thee by true and unfeigned repentance that so thou mayst have mercy on his poor soule Thou art the fountain of mercy and all flowes from thee His Father upon his earnest desire though he killed oh foulely killed his dear Son and ruin'd him in all his hopes hath pardoned him Oh! doe thou then oh Father of mercies in that sad hour of
his death receive him into thy armes of mercy that his mournfull Father may yet have this comfort that though thou hast made him Childlesse and left him not one Son alive on earth yet which is much better they may live with thee in Eternal blisse in Heaven Dear Father grant us this our request and that onely for thy beloved Son JESVS CHRIST his sake our Lord and onely Saviour Amen In his Examination at Maidstone before the Justices when he was asked what provoked him to commit so foule an act 't is strange to see how he seems to make my hard using of him to be the motive and provocation whereas it is well known to all that never Son was treated more tenderly by a Father I will set down the effect of his Examination and my Answer to himself by a Letter when I came to the knowledge of it and the true story of the Doublet he so much complained of attested by divers who were then by And when at last he asked forgivenesse of me and desired to hear from me you shall see my bowels toward him in my last Letter The effect of his Examination The fact of murthering his Brother he freely confessed before the Justices It is already in print and it is my grief to repeat it But being asked why he did it He answered It was because upon a difference between him and his Brother about a week before May day last concerning a Doublet his Father threatned that he would ruine him never look on him more keep him short while he lived and at his death make him a Servant to his Brother that whereas it was said by some that he had a thousand pounds a year I would not leave him a thousand groats and that I would make him as poor as his Unkle Nicholas and that for the space of four yeares last past he hath not had of his Father forty pounds he believeth not twenty and that his Fathers displeasure against him still continued These if truths might have been ground of discontent but no provocations to so wicked an act But he who is the father of murthers is also the father of lyes and taught man this lesson from the beginning We are all apt to lay our faults on others our Father Adam did it in Paradise The Woman whom thou gavest me said he she gave me of the fruit and I did eat As if he had said if thou hadst not given her to me I had never eaten of the forbidden fruit Oh ingratefull Adam to upbraid thy Maker who gave thee a Woman the best of Creatures for an help and not for thy ruine O wicked Son so to pervert thy Fathers words which were spoken to thee for thy amendment but not for thy hurt My Letter to him will declare the truth and in what manner the words were spoken to him Can it be imagined if any thing had past that had troubled him about that Doublet that it should provoke him to commit that foule fact a quarter of a yeare after especially since he had the same if not greater opportunity all along and all manner of respect and kindness both from his Brother me passing still to him to the very night before and all former quarrels quite forgot I had been from them seven weeks a Prisoner in Upnor Castle and did not see them but as they came sometimes to me passing between London and my house I came not home many dayes before and the very day before I and both my Sons were at Feversham to see a Match at Running a sport they delighted in wee were as pleasant as ever and so went to our Chambers Bed without the least shew of any discontent But I will shew you my Sons Letter to me and my Answer to him which will discover the truth of these things Freeman's Letter Most dear and loving Father ALthough through the heinousnesse of my offence I am become unworthy to see your face more in this world yet I hope such is your Fatherly goodnesse that you will vouchsafe to accept and reade these few and last lines of your dead Son Dead to your selfe dead to all this world and I hope through Gods grace dead to sin but alive to God through Jesus Christ our Lord Sir I praise God I am come to a sight and sense of my sin I begin to feel the weight of my burden but I hope the Lord Iesus will very shortly ease me in full assurance whereof I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ Sir I desire you may have comfort in my death although you have had little in my life For I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am no more worthy to be called thy son The Lord make me worthy to be one of his Sir all I beg at your hands is your pardon your blessing your prayers which I doubt not to obtain I am now neer my journeys end and I hope in a very short time to rest in Abrahams bosome whither my Brother is gone before me Is gone hinc illae lachrymae and you my dear Father shall in Gods good time follow after Comfort your selfe with these words Sir I hope through the strength of Gods grace to look death in the face couragiously and depart this world penitently not doubting but that when I shall petition Lord remember me now thou art in thy Kingdome I shall to my unspeakable comfort receive that gracious answer from the mouth of my triumphant Saviour This day shalt thou be with me in paradise In prayer for which and assurance whereof through faith in the Lord Iesus with my humble thanks for your tender love and Fatherly care from my very cradle to this day although undeserved my humble duty presented to your self praying to God to make you happier without us than you were with us I humbly take leave Your Son for a few daies But I hope the Son of God for ever FREEMAN SONDES To his Letter I returned this Answer Son Freeman I Have received your Letter and like well of the words and desires you use therein and wish with all my soul you were as that speaks you That you were heartily sorry for that most high and crying sinne committed against your heavenly and earthly Father in so foulely murthering your most innocent brother Upon these hopes though never greater injury was done to man I doe really and fully forgive you And doe and have and shall as long as you have being here most heartily and earnestly every moment of time beg of God that he would give you a true sight of this and of all other your sinnes and receive you to his mercy and forgivenesse But let me tell you that will never be but upon a true repentance of all your sins and an acknowledgment of them and that let me be plain with you I yet see not in you For this most detestable fact you confesse indeed you did it but as much as in